#ELODIE AND PORTHOS MY BELOVEDS

[hellokafkiana]

His child (or ”It Won’t Happen Again” p4)

WARNING : Violence

Almost two days after Athos’s drunk breakdown, Elodie finally found Anne. She had been worried about her for a time now, even before when Porthos had told her what had happened, or what had been keeping happening between Anne and Athos.

Not that she hadn’t noticed that something was going on.

Anne, her super reflective and objective friend, the Milady De Winter that worked for the Queen, the woman that was known for being capable of killing a dozen of man on her own without reporting the slight damage on her skin, had been… distracted, incapable of keeping her eyes of the man that used to be her husband. She should have known, she should have asked, but Anne’s eyes always sadden when he was concerned, hurt impregnated in her eyes. He was her weak spot, her pressure point, her infinite unfinished business.

Elodie snorted. Yes, she should have understood that whatever had been bothering Anne in those last months had something to do with Athos. And yet she hadn’t, and now she was looking at her friend who was moving among the crowd with the evident intention to pass unobserved, the hood hiding her face.

“Anne!” Elodie called her “Anne!” “Hi…” her friend replied shocked, biting her lips “What are you doing here?” “I just went to the market and then…” Elodie hesitated some seconds, weighing her following words “I was looking for you, I wanted to know if you were…” “…ok? I am, don’t worry, just leave me alone” Anne said holding some tears back   “Anne…” Elodie whispered meeting her friend’s eyes “Sweetie don’t do this” she continued reaching for her arm “You are not alone, let me help you.” At that moment Anne snorted, rolling her eyes. She seemed so tired, exasperated, overwhelmed “You want to know why I am here? You know where the doctor lives, right?” “Oh Anne…” she hissed, afraid to ask the following question “…is it about Athos?” “How do you…?” Anne started, but then she shook her head “Porthos, obviously” “Yes” her friend confirmed before continuing “So is it about Athos?” “Isn’t it always?” Anne said with a small smirk, laughing hysterically. “Anne…” “Stop saying that name” the green eyed replied annoyed “It doesn’t belong to me. Not anymore.” she said bitterly “He hurt me. He always hurt me, Elodie.” she finished looking away “Always.” “I know” Elodie agreed “We shouldn’t talk about this, I mean… we don’t have to.” “We don’t” Anne confirmed; then she stayed silent for some seconds. Elodie could almost see the flow of her thoughts running through her mind; she could almost feel Anne’s pain as she was reliving their story, then she whispered “You know when he hurt me the most? Do you?” the tears trapped in her eyes fought to escape, but she breathed in and out, trying to calm herself, then she continued “Not when he hung me, or when he tried to kill me, or…” Anne felt she was out breath and she closed her eyes with the need to isolate that pain “It was when I found out how he named his son” she concluded separating from her friend. There was a long silence, and then Elodie simply whispered “That was… gross”   “It was” Anne agreed turning and disappearing into the crowd.

Twenty minutes later she was finally home, once again throwing up.

“Screw you, Athos” she whispered with a single tear finally falling from her eyes “Screw you.”

Then she closed her eyes and remembered the time he had hurt her the most, the time she had felt her heart burning, the time she had found out his child’s name.

They had been sleeping together for a while, even if sleeping was a far too gentle word, but there had been something between them. There was the sex, obviously, that was good but after that? They could barley talk, both ashamed, or confused, or angry. And yet it kept happening, despite his promises, despite her anger, it just kept happening, they couldn’t help it. Their bodies always found each other, their hands unravelling of their clothes, their fingers tasting each other’s flesh.

And yet he still had Sylvie, the woman he had chosen over her, and their lovechild.  

The thought of the happy family was disturbing enough, but the day she had found out about the child’s name… that had actually been awful. She was at the garrison, eager to talk to the Captain about some urgent issue of the Crown and well… to see Athos as well. But she had to face reality soon, when a few moments after her arrival, Sylvie had reached the Garrison as well.  

She had seen everything. The good, perfect, fertile woman, with her son, the child that soon run towards Athos calling him Papa.

That was alone enough to break Anne. She would have given everything to be the one that had given him a child, their child. They had dreamed about that for a time when they were married and even after… the few times she had considered to settle down with him, to leave the past behind, to try again, to live happily ever after.

But that had never happened, and he had found her, the good, perfect girl that had managed to give him everything he had ever wanted. Peace, stability, affection. And a loving family. All things she had failed to provide, all things that she hadn’t been able to give him because despite his kind deceiving words she was just his whore. She would have always just been his whore. And just that.

Then she had heard Sylvie’s voice “I thought you would have been happy to see Tommy once in a while, Athos.” Tommy. Thomas. He had called his son… Thomas. And at that moment Anne felt the urge to… just leave that place as soon as possible.

What she hadn’t expected was for him to follow her, but he did. Before she knew Anne heard his hesitant voice, hissing behind her with his most worried tone “Anne…” She knew that tone, and yet she had no intention to be manipulated from that “Tommy” she whispering calmly, letting all her pain shine through “His name is…” “Thomas, yes” he answered reaching for her shoulder with the intention of calming her “Anne, please…”

But Anne couldn’t calm down, not in a thousand year. Instead, she turned “YOU” she screamed “WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?!?!” she asked him with her eyes, her beautiful green eyes full of rage “YOU!” she continued pushing him away “YOU CALLED YOUR CHILD AFTER MY RAPIST” Athos lowered his eyes for a couple of seconds before whispering “I called my child after my beloved brother, a man YOU MURDERED or have you forgotten that, Anne?” he finished with a slight anger in his voice “Have you?” “After all this time, after…” she said almost speechless “How can you…” “There was no evidence to support your thesis Anne” he hissed “No way to demonstrate that you were saying the truth, no…” But she stopped him before he could go further “So is that what you have been told yourself? All these years? That there were no proofs?” “There weren’t.” he confirmed, “He was dead and you a cheater, a liar, a…” “A common slut?” “That’s not what I…” Athos said shaking her head, but even this time Anne had no intention of letting him finish “Wasn’t it?” she asked angrily, then after a second she continued “Catherine fed you with so many lies, Oliver and you believed HER. And not me, your wife, that’s…” “My wife who I barely knew.” “Barley?” “Versus my brother and Catherine, who I had known all my life. How could I…” At that moment a blink of fury hit her “What do you needed to know?” she screamed “What do you need to know now? How he tried to force himself on me?” A tear streamed down her face “Would that help, Oliver?” she screamed one last time, and he stayed silent, looking at her.

Anne signed before continuing “He said he had found out the truth, all the truth. He said I was trash; he said I was dishonouring your family, his family. He called me a witch, claiming that your love for me was nothing more than me bewitching you if I recall correctly.” She stopped for a moment, biting her lips, trying to stop that unbearable pain. Then she continued “I told him I loved you, regardless of my past and lies… I told him I did love you but before I knew his viscid hands were on my neck, gripping tightly” and in a moment of anger she put his hands on her neck too, in that same position Thomas had. After that, she continued “He tried to choke me, he wanted to kill me, right there, for daring to love you, when I was nothing, and you were everything, but then…” Anne hesitated for some seconds, remembering that awful moment “He realised he could… have fun in the way. He wanted to punish me. And you. And he did.”

After that Anne pushed him down with her, his body against hers, his weight on hers, their breaths far too close “He pushed me on the floor and unknotted his breeches. Then…” she stopped once again, forcing him to follow his brother’s steps “Then he grasped me with one hand and wrapped me with one long, muscular arm. He was holding me close, and I knew exactly what was happening, and all I could think about was you. I couldn’t have done something like this to you, Athos.” Tears started falling on her cheek and on his too; then she continued “I struggled, kicked, scratched, but I couldn’t speak. Then he changed position, his hand reached my shirt and lifted it. It was happening, I was… I felt like I was cheating on you. I felt I was cheating on you. He was pushing me down on my back, his hand… and I felt I was cheating, how young and foolish was I?” Anne asked desperate “Then he pressed his thigh across my legs to stop my kicking. I was about to cry, Athos. And then, I don’t know how, I saw a knife, his knife and…” her words stopped again at that moment, and her hands pushed him away once again “You know what I did” she continued, covering her face.

“You killed him” “I defended myself because no-one else had”

There was a moment of silence where he stared at her, while she was trying to avoid his insistent gaze. Then he spoke.

“Anne… you did not scream.” “I was paralysed, Oliver” she explained herself “Shocked! Terrified, I…” “Are you telling me that you…?” Athos began, but Anne infuriated before he could finish his question “Yes. I had been raped before if that’s what you’re so kindly asking.” “No…” he replied, but this time Anne had no intention of letting him speaking “Yes, you know where I come from, right?” “Stop it, just…” “Why? Does it hurt?” she asked with a smirk, finally meeting his eyes “It should” “Anne…” he began “I paid the price, too.” he explained “For what I did to you. And to us.” “YOU” she screamed looking at him shocked “YOU paid the price?” “Anne, you have to understand…. he was my brother.” “And it was MY marriage! MY life” she replied devastated “Just go back to her” “Anne…” “I said GO BACK TO HER” she screamed “Go back to Tommy and his mommy, whatever, just leave me alone.” “Anne…” “I hate you!” she said one last time before standing up and disappearing.

Before she knew Anne had entered an empty room, where she knew she would have found water and a new dress, desperate to forget everything about that encounter. She was so in a hurry that she didn't notice the young man that was already present there and in a moment of panic she knelt.  

“Madame…?” the young man asked, preoccupied from her breakdown “I… I can’t breath” she whispered turning in his direction “I can’t…” “Can I help you? I could send for the doctor” he asked preoccupied, but Anne shook her head “No” then she hesitated some seconds before ordering “Unlace my corset.” “Milady!” he said shocked, aware of the inappropriateness of that request. “Do it!” she screamed in return “Do it!” and he obeyed, taking some steps back afterwards.

Some minutes later Anne had calmed herself down and started adjusting her dress “You can go, now.” Anne warned him “The show is over.” “Are you…?” “I’m fine. Forget about it…” she said harshly but then realised that that guy didn’t deserve such a tone, so she tried to be more delicate “What’s your name?” “Jacque.” “Jacque.” she repeated “I’m… Milady de Winter.” “I know” he signed smiling. “Of course you do.” she said rolling her eyes “Who does not know the late King’s mistress, the Queen’s assassin…” “Trust me, Milady, that’s not why you’re famous,” he said interrupting her. “Why then?” she asked surprised, and Jacque smiled gently another time before replying “Because you’re the most beautiful woman in France. In the World probably.” then he stopped for some seconds, unsure of what to say next, but then he did “We all think your husband is a fool if that can help.” And in that moment, for the first time that day she laughed slightly “It does. Thank you, Jacque.”