#Dont Worry. the figure of Winter and Memory says to him. I Found You

[bloodycassian]

LEATHERBOUND - Reader x Cassian - (I think I missed this request but I think someone req’d something similar) Reader is a librarian in Illyria when Cassian comes in asking for help finding something.

Cassian's favorite time of year in Illyria was the winter days where the sun was out. The winds were harsh enough to stun his wings, but the rays from the sun were warm enough for a perfect contrast. Not letting him freeze, but not letting him get too hot either. 

The muddiness also became packed ice instead of the mess it had been over the summer. It was still messy in the more trafficked areas, but not nearly as bad. He couldn't hide the joy that rept into his heart at the sight of so many Illyrians taking joy in the season. Small winged children threw snowballs at passerbys from a ledge. A broad winged male scared them off with a flyover. Cassian entered the small shop, the smell of dust and worn carpet whirled around him. It was comforting in a strange way. It reminded him of being a child. Innocent and curiously exploring different shops at his home.

The bell above rang in a dull tone. He looked up and saw the shotty repair job on the ringer. Not exactly as it had been when he was a child, it seemed. "Stay right there!" You called from the back, putting away the stack of books you held. They clattered into the bin loudly. The sound of rustling made him curious.

"I'm just here for-" He called, starting to step further into the room. The books lined the short walls, and the stacks in the middle looked percaiously stacked. They were organized, but the bottom of the stack seemed stained. He doubted the resources for another bookcase were available. 

"I know, just dont move. I just cleaned the carpet." You brought a towel from the front desk over and placed it beside the small outcropping of hard wood you had laid out for anyone first entering the store. "This is the last building in Illyria with carpets. I'd like to keep it that way." You said when the dark haired male gave you a pinched look. He bent and began taking off his boots. Boots that looked far too new for the likes of an Illyrian. 

Watching him do so, you noticed the two Siphons on his hands. Then the one on his knee. Your head went fuzzy. What had you done to deserve a visit from the Lord of Bloodshed? He noticed your stare and gave you a wolfish smile. You didn't flinch away from it. The wind howled at the gaps in the stone, and you cleared your throat.

"So what do you need?" You asked, crossing your hands behind your back. Ready to be of service. Hopefully he wouldn't demand too much of your small store.

"You said you knew. So you tell me." He said with a sly smile. You stammered, sweat slicking your palms. "I didnt mean- We have several ah..." You looked away, at the different categories of spellbooks and history of Prythian. Shame fell in your gut at the bottom layers of books that made the stack in the middle of the room.

"I'm looking for a cookbook. One with Illyrian recipes." He stepped to the carpet, his dark socks immaculate against the worn pattern. 

"Is the high lord a fan of home made treats?" You laughed at the odd request. Then covered your mouth, the embarrassment turned your ears red. "I'm sorry-" "No, its fine." Cassian chuckled, pulling a book off a shelf. It was of the first war, and was bound in dark leather. "He does. But the book isn't for him. The high ladies sister, actually." 

The one of hellfire and stone or the one that seemed to be a ghost? You dared not question him. "A solstice gift?" You asked, showing him over to the small cooking section you had obtained over centuries. They weren't of much use in Illyria, but the few travelers found them fascinating. 

"Yes, she's had a rough year." His voice was somber, but the hope still lingered in his eyes.

You let the words sink in. The silence wasn't uncomfortable, his presence was warm and welcoming, actually. As if he was putting off a vibe of 'I'm safe.' You handed him a complete cookbook full of basic recipes and baking. The cover was so worn the title was unreadable. Dark spots stained the inner pages, you knew because you'd borrowed the book several times. "We all have." He flicked through it for a moment, smiling. His teeth were immaculate, and a bit extra pointy on his canines. The sight of them sent a thrill through you.

"I recommend the sweet dough. It's spice free, the only thing you need for it is pine needles and sap." You flicked the pages to one you had bookmarked. The opposite side was full of different types of cakes to make with minimal ingredients. 

"I'm too familiar with it." He laughed, shaking his head. Some fond memories from long ago lingered there. He could recall the scent of the bread with full accuracy. The way it the needles would char on top of the dough if there were too many. 

"How much do I owe you?" He pinned the leather under his arm and pulled a satchel from his pocket. Your heart raced at the glimpse of so many gold coins there. 

"Ah- it'll be Twenty silvers." You said, embarrassment coating your tongue. He didnt even look like he was carrying and silver. He eyed you speculatively. "Twenty silvers for a full book?" He asked. You nodded, trying not to wring your hands. He fished a gold coin from the pouch and held it out to you. "Let me get you some change... it may take a second." You fumbled to the desk where you kept your coin inside a spellbound box. 

"Dont worry about it. I'll be back another time." He called, setting the book on the floor to pull on his shoes. "Lord Cas-" You began to protest.

"Just Cassian." He corrected, grunting as he pulled on the boots. "Call it a tab." He winked and eyed the ripped, hole filled curtains of the front window. How they swayed in the breeze that drifted in from the rocks. 

"I'll be seeing you." His eyes scanned you, and you nodded. "Be seeing you." You said back, your mouth dry. He was intimidating in the ways you'd never thought of. Not in a scary way, but in a sly way that made your heart race. The bell over his head dinged hollowly as he exited, shoving the book into his backpack. You tried not to stare as he left. 

+ The Solstice party was a success as it normally was. Nesta kept to herself in the corner with Amren while everyone else exchanged gifts. Elain's eyes lit up at the book, and she hugged Cassian with heart. "I'll be making you something tomorrow." She promised. Cassian felt the flicker of cold over him and shot Az a look. They glowered at one another. 

Rhys leveled a look at both of them that got them to straighten up. Feyre handed out mugs of hot cider. Mor brought around a bottle of liquor to mix with it. The night was warm with friends and joy. Besides the cold corner where Nesta sat. Cassian did his best to ignore it. As did everyone else. 

He was nearly the last to leave. The cider had effected him more than he thought. But it warmed his insides against the cold wind of Velaris. He wrapped his wings around himself to shield from the cold. He thought of the librarian who had given him the book. His mind drifted to the rest of that day, how Devlon had even seemed cheerful. 

He wondered if you were doing anything, if you had any family celebrating with you. If you had a mate that spoiled you. His heart kicked up at the thought of it. He hadn't noticed a ring...or any tattoos to signify a mating bond. He couldn't recall much else. He had been stunned by the beauty and simplicity of you and your shop. He couldnt remember if you had wings. 

The frustration ate at him. He had to know more. He needed to know if you had a good solstice. He made a plan. "It would be good karma" He told himself, entering one of the several shops on the way to the townhome. His excitement made it nearly impossible to sleep that night. + "Happy solstice." A voice called from the front door. You hadn't heard the bell chime. 

You rushed to the front, making sure that the carpet hadn't been ruined. The curtains whipped from the wind outside. The enormous Illyrian shut the door with a firm gentleness that made your heart race. His hands wrapped around a small wooden box. Well, it was small in his hands. 

"It's the day after solstice. Happy late solstice." You corrected, striding over to him and giving him a look about the shoes. They looked incredibly clean. "You still need to take them off." 

"I know. You need to open this first." He forced the box upon you and stooped to begin unlacing the boots.  "What-"

"Just open it." He stood and followed you to the counter. Heat flooded your cheeks, you hadn't gotten him anything. Not that you could afford it, or even knew what he would want. "Why did you get this?" You asked, trying to hide the tension in your voice.

"So you dont have to cook that sweetbread again." He said with a grin, staring at you. At how your hands delicately removed the lid from the box. Then at your stunned reaction at the waft of spices that spilled from the box. "Cassian-" You breathed, utterly speechless. 

"I have a request too...So you can't say its too much. It's for me too." He went to the shelf where he'd gotten the cookbook for Elain. "Make us these, and we'll call it even."

"Cassian... I'm not a cook. I dont bake." You laughed when he pointed at the spice cakes in the book. "Maybe ask the sister-" You pushed the box toward him, the heaviness of it screamed 'expensive' to you. Guilt marred the joy of receiving the gift.

He pushed it firmly back to you, locking eyes. He noted the way you tensed at that stare. He eased, trying to ignore the scent mixing with the smell of leather and spice. "I want you to make it, using these." He patted the top of the box. 

You debated with yourself. The male carried around more gold than you'd ever seen. And he wasn't worried about it. You figured if it was a gift then he genuinely wanted you to have it. You sighed and took the box, placing it under the shelf beside your bag. Your wings pinched at the movement. 

You ignored how his eyes lingered on your scarred members. You were used to it from some males, but never one as important and high ranking as him. He shook himself and refocused, pulling himself out of the rage he was feeling at the sight of your ruined wings. 

"Any other requests?" You sighed, feigning annoyance. His toothy grin made your stomach do flips. 

[ineffablebooklover]

Holà, I love your work so much and I was wondering if you'd be okay doing something for me? This is kinda AU-ish or supernatural idk... This is about Usnavi, Sony and female OC (who you can name whatever name you'd like, Latina ofc). As December starts, Usmavi's memories from his past start to resurface and he's having these frightening dreams that includes snow, light flickering, blackout... And always the same woman, asking for help, giving him a head so he can follow her... He always fees like he is suffocating, panicking. He dont know who she is, but he has to follow her.... The nightmares really starts to get on his mental health and Sonny, who is crashing at his place (because you know, his dad's backstory and stuff) genuinely that's to get worried about his cousin when he sees him awake in the middle of the night, struggling with the store ect... Eventually one day, the girl walks in into Usnavi's life and he feels like he has lost his mind... Maybe there is more to the story? Well basically that is it I know it's a bit messy plot I hope you'll enjoy it feel free to change stuff or adjusting things you can even create a backstory for the girl and include other characters. Do you think it'd be possible take it long? Like not novel length but I am such a s*cher for long stories. Mucho Gracias xoxo

Lo siento for not posting in such a long time, and I’m sorry for making this one short, but there will be more parts(just you wait!!!)! (I’ll post this particular story under #UsanvisWinterDreamsAU and #ibl writing commissions until I can get an AO3 up and running, so if you want, look out for that!)

But I love this wintery theme since December has recently started (happy holidays!!!) and I love this mysterious prompt. So without further ado, here it is!!!

Usanvi's Winter Dreams~an ITH AU

The flakes, lighter than feathers but impeccably colder, drifted slowly and noiselessly towards the warm glass of the window. He wasn’t sure if he was inside or out in the blizzard, but a gust of prickling anxiety swept his stomach. But for the life of him, he couldn’t figure out why.

It was dark out, as it usually is on a snowy day en Washington Heights. The streetlights were lit like little luciérnagas, and some might even say the lights resembled the stars, las estrellas, helping to guide people home.

:readmore:

But as Usnavi took a step through the cold, the stars flickered. They no longer lit up the little snowflakes, no longer lighting the path. Panic seized Usnavi, stuck in the cold and alone as the lights shut out and the city went silent. The city’s mechanical hum was gone.

And then she appeared, fragile as the snow crunches beneath your feet, five yards ahead of him in the snow. She was hunched over, and the silence around them amplified her soft sobs. Usanvi was shocked to hear his name.

“Ayudame, ayudame por favor,” she whispered in a hushed tone. She sounded rushed, as if the cold only let air escape her lungs in short, harsh breaths.

And then she stood, but not fully upright, and Usnavi could tell she was injured by the way she held herself. Her dark arms wrapped around her shivering body, as if she were to come apart if someone simply blew her over. He tried to suck in a breath, but found that he couldn’t. He couldn’t breathe.

As he started to panic, the lady in the snow raised her arm, snowflakes already attaching to her tanned but goosebumped skin.

“Usnavi, ayudame!”

And then he met her gaze. It was a piercing, chocolate stare that cut through the air and bored right into his own. The air suddenly got heavier and heavier, sucking the air out of Usnavi’s lungs. It pressed a metal clamp on his chest, and he felt tired. But he had to say something.

“Who… Qui- Quién eres?” He managed to whisper out, but regretted it instantly as the air escaped his lungs.

She just gave him that strong look, and she opened her mouth to talk. But before she could do anything more, Usnavi felt panic take him as his eyes rolled back into his head.

“AH!” Usnavi gasped as he bolted upright. He gasped for air and grasped at his bedsheets, grounding himself and glad that he was no longer suffocating.

Usnavi looked around his dimly lit room, his eyes tracing over every familiar thing he could find. He was home, and he was safe. A shiver ran down his spine from something more than just the cold, and he pulled his discarded blanket back up to his exposed chest.

After getting his breathing back to normal, he checked the time. He still had two hours until the shop opened. Rattled by the strange dream, he lingered in his bed a little longer before swinging his legs over the side of the bed to get ready for the day.

---

Stay tuned for part two! And thank you so much for your patience!

[ivyuns]

love again ❆✰

lee minho

genre: angst / fluff 

word count: 2.4k

warnings: drugs + language + a bit suggestive + a few grammar mistakes (this was written at 5 am plz i cant) 

A/N: why do i keep having dreams of someone who i used to like :(

masterlist

nonidol!minho x fem!reader

taking a picture of the scenery of paris in front of you, smiling of how well it came out, a real smile this time. hearing a voice call out your name, you turn around as your smile dropped, seeing someone who you didnt ever wanted to see. lee minho was his name.

it started as you two were young and in love with each other back in high school. you two we known as the toxic couple. not because you two were bad for each other, but because you did everything together: drugs, alcohol, getting high, sex, you name it. other than those, you two had another side of being soft. the romantic dates and the funny days shared.

the time you two hung out as best friends everyday, making everyone in school thinking you two were couples. the night where minho took you star gazing late at night after having a fight with your mom and ended up kissing you and asking you to be his one and only.

til your mom found out that you did drugs and drank underage because of minho. she forced you to break up with him and you felt like shit. you called him to meet you at the park you two always went to and left the house to go see him.

arriving at the park and sitting on a bench with the winter breeze around you in your light cardigan. feeling something on your shoulders made you feel tense til you smelled where the owner of the jacket is. lifting your head up, a tear fell from your eyes. minho’s eyes soften as he took a seat next to you and wiped the tear away.

“y/n, whats wrong love?” minho asked. “m-min, we need to break up”. minhos eyes widened from your sentence. “b-baby what happen? is everything okay at home? please tell me”. sighing and standing up as you took off minhos jacket off of your shoulders and gave it back to him. “just know that i still love you forever and always and we’ll meet in the next life” and left him.

minho sat there in shock, not knowing what just happened. it felt like a big part of him just left him.

the next week at school, you werent at your seat. you were nowhere found in school. you were just laying on your bed, feeling total shit. feeling nothing to do but just cry to sleep. your mom made you do online school to stop you from seeing minho and his friends. you phone made another noise as you sighed. looking up to see your phone on your nightstand, you see 44 missed calls and 64 messages from minho. tears falling down even more, you ended up falling asleep with a worried minho waiting for you at school.

and that was the last time you ever saw him, you first and last lover. his cousin, who was your best friend had kept in touch with you and told you what minho had done during the breakup. inhaling and consuming drugs, overdosing on drugs, drinking more and going crazy while yelling your name and wanting you to come back into his life.

minho eventually got over the breakup in a year. looking at the memories you gave him, he had the urge to call you names you didnt like him saying. his cousin passed by his room and heard him saying things you hated being called. knowing it was about you since his cousin had knew you before minho so of course you told her everything.

feeling hurt and angry about what she told you, you felt yourself growing apart from him. why still love him after he called you those names? you gave yourselft sometime to heal and feel better about yourself.

now here you are now 3 years later, visiting your dream city, france. you always wanted to come here when you and minho were a bit older but things didnt work out.

turning around after hearing minho called you, he ran over to you. looking at your figure, he can tell you lost too much weight but still had the perfect brown eyes with your hair recently dyed to light brown and your fashion senses that changed. only with you in a black top and baggy tan pants with black converse. god how much did he miss you.

a few minutes after not talking, you figured he just wanted your attention after he searched you everywhere in paris when his cousin gave him updates on you. walking away from him, he quickly grabbed your wrist. “y-y/n, can we please talk?” you made him let go of your wrist and continued walking to your hotel.

minho quickly ran in front of you and stopped you. “please y/n, what did i do wrong?” you sighed and looked up at him. “maybe if you werent so psycho, you wouldve known.”

minho stood there and thought of what happened. was it when you broke up with him? no, it couldnt be your fault. when he called you more than enough? no. when he was about to propose to you and run away with each other? no way. you two broke things before he could even ask.

‘shit’ he thought. it made him realize. he was too angry at some point and called you names that you hated being called and point out your insecurities. he knew someone was outside his door at the time.

facing back reality, he sees you still in front of him. “figured out now, mr lee minho?” you crossed your arms and a little smirk formed on your face. even after years, you still cant stop loving him. minho takes your hand and drags you to a park to lay under the sunset, watching to stars as it turns dark. remembering from your high school days.

laying down with you in minhos embrace, you whispered a ‘i love you’ to minho and fell asleep after missing the warmth of minho. minho, who smiled after you fell into your slumber and pulled you closer to him. “i love you too y/n”

a few hours, you woke up to nobody in the park but you and minho in the dark. noticing you were still in minhos arms, you got up and woke up minho. minho opened his eyes and saw your panic face. “minho, where are we?!”

minho was fully awake now. looking everywhere, he couldnt remember where or how he took you to this area. “god minho if you werent such a dumbass. youre lucky that my phone works fine here” you said as you gathered your stuff and grabbed minho’s hand, forcing him to get up and follow to directions on your phone to where your hotel was.

minho just smiled and walked close to you. “you havent changed a bit y/n” he says. you stopped walking and turned around which resulted minho bumping into you. “youre really asking for a slap are you?” minho quickly shook his head a no and you turned around and began walking again.

-

opening your door to your hotel room, minho was full in daze. everything was decorated beautiful just for a hotel suite, or thats what minho thought it was. “you can sleep on the couch here, ill be upstairs if you need anything” you said and head upstairs where your room was after giving him an extra toothbrush and toothpaste and other necessary items.

“wait y/n!” he calls your name and you turn around to walk downstairs. stopping at he last step of the stairs, minho walks towards you. “can you actually stay down here. i-i mean like so we can catch up on stuff like you know?” you knew he just wanted you to stay down here since he couldnt be alone.

“ya, youre just trying love me again arent you minho?” you joked as you poked him. minho scoffed and went to sit on the couch. “as if”. walking towards the couch and sitting next to minho, you lift your legs onto the ottoman. “im just joking min, of course ill stay here with you” you say to him and looked at him with a happy smile. minho smiles also after hearing you call out his nickname youll call him during your relationship.

hugging you waist, minho leans towards you as you get lost in his sparkling eyes. he lays you down and kisses your lips. at first, you wanted to pull away, but after missing his kisses, how could you resist it? 

a few weeks had gone by and you two had returned to korea as a couple again. another 3 weeks and you moved in with minho after getting kicked out when she found out you found minho. with no hesitation, you facetimed minho about what happened and let his loving girlfriend move in with him.

moving your belongs into his apartment, you felt nauseous. going to the toilet to release the sickness, minho puts down a box and runs over to your side after hearing disturbing noises from the bathroom. “baby, what happened? are you okay?” minho says and tries his best to comfort you while he lifts your hair into a ponytail so its not in the way. “i-i think im-”

tears started streaming down your face as thoughts ran past your brain. what if he doesnt want the baby? is it too early? were still in our early twenties. you were cut off by minho hugging you. “its okay baby. we can check and see in the morning. lets go head to bed, i already got the last box.” nodding your head, minho leads you to the bedroom with his arms wrapped around you and your head on his chest, both slowly falling asleep.

waking up first thing in the morning, you turn and see minho still asleep. going to get ready to for the store. most importantly, for the pregnancy test.

-

walking back into the apartment, you immediately go to the bathroom and take the test. waiting for the test to give out the answer, minho wakes up to you not next to him. grabbing his phone from the nightstand, he goes to your contact and texts you.

my baby <3

where are u ?

hearing the familiar notification bell, he sighs as he realize you didnt take your phone with you. getting up, minho goes to the bathroom and sees you with the test in the palm of your hands. he goes up behind you and hugs you and to see the test come back with positive.

with the biggest smile on his face, minho turns you around to face him. “you dont know how happy i am y/n” “but minho, how are you not mad?” you pulled away from the hug with a confusion look on your face, “shhh, just pretend i wanted this to happen in the future when we dated.” minho back hugs you, facing the bathroom mirror.

you see minhos hands rubbing your stomach. “its been our dream to have kids and get married. and ta da!” turning yourself around, you hug minho at a better position. “thank you minho for loving me back and not leaving us, i love you so much”. minho leaned in and put his forehead on yours. “i love you more than you do baby” and gave you a loving peck.

END <3

yes another minho fic bc this was sitting in my drafts and i dont know where this was heading to hehe

[hey-hamlet]

BNHA AU Ideas: Puppydog Tails

Also on AO3!

TL;DR: 

Izuku manifests his quirk, and watches his old life burn in front of him in a matter of months. Scared the villains that killed his mother will come after him, he uses his shape-shifting quirk to hide in plain sight as Katsuki's dog. They keep each other safe and sane throughout the years, a duo people become uses to seeing as they jog down the sidewalk each morning.

Izuku doesn't just use his quirk to help Katuski. His heroic spirit can't be crushed so easily. In his wanderings, he meets and helps countless people, from heroes to Katsuki's future classmates.

Let's just say Katsuki's first day of school is a wild one.

basically, izuku is a shapeshifter, but can only change into different mammals. he needs to know their internal organ structure perfectly or he's in trouble too.

he manifests his quirk and quickly goes about learning some common but practical animals like a small cat, greyhound, mouse, bat and rabbit

he and bakugo are friends

his good times dont last long though, his mother is killed for a connection to a villain she didnt know she had (probably dad for one) and the villain group is after izuku as well

they don't know his quirk, he honestly hadn't gotten it registered yet

inko tells izuku to run, hide and be safe, right before shes practically cremated where she stands by a powerful fire quirk. izuku runs, shifts into a small dog and goes the only place he can think: the park he and bakugo play in

now, mitsuki is frantic bc inko's house is on fire and they can't find inko or izuku

katsuki doesn't know whats happening though, and she sends him off to the park in case they start pulling bodies out of the building. katsuki is happy to go, asks if he can bring izuku. mitsuki says izukuis busy

katsuki goes to the park and hears a soft whining sound, he finds izuku, hidden behind a tree, smelling like ash

izuku shifts back to a human and explains that villains hurt his mama and they want to hurt him too

katsuki, crying, tells him to change back into a dog. he'll keep him safe from the villains. izuku agrees, only if he can look after katsuki in turn.

they don't tell mitsuki. izuku is worried she'll get hurt, and part of his is also worried she knew about the villains and said nothing.

Katsuki and dog!izuku run back to the house, only finding charred bones where his mother had been

they both sob

mitsuki finds her son, sobbing as he clutches a tiny dog to his chest, seeing a sight so horrific she herself wants to throw up. when he asks if they can keep the puppy later that night, it's not even a question in her mind. of course they can. Anything to keep that broken expression off her son’s face.

katsuki changes after that. his best friend and friends mother apparently dead, he gets angry, but he's scared to go out where there are lots of people. he's scared of the villains that killed izuku's mum, scared they'll hurt them like they hurt inko

he goes to therapy. they quickly work out the dog is helping him cope, so izuku is trained as a therapy dog. he does astoundingly well, unsurprisingly.

katsuki ends up bullied for his service dog, but the amount they help each other is enough for him to be willing to put up and shut up

the only time he ever explodes is when someone hurts his dog, 'deku' and it's not like izuku sits idly by while katsuki gets hurt either

anyway, izuku likes to wander, whenever katsuki doesn't have school or is feeling particularly good, he'll go on an adventure, normally as a different animal

every animal he shifts into is green, so katsuki sometimes sees him when he's out and smiles

izuku's heroic spirit is undying, even as an animal, which kinda leads to him sticking his nose where it doesn't belong and helping out kids he thinks need the help.

he hears shouting and crying from the foster home down the road, sees a child muzzled

he goes hero watching as a kitten, sees the small child standing too stoic on the front lines as endeavour fights. he follows him home, whistling songs to the kid when he cries, perching on his shoulder when he sees him

ochako remembers the fluffy puppy with its massive paws showing up at her door when the power went out during winter, keeping her warm with its curly green-black fur

aizawa knows of the kitten that ages too slowly and keeps bringing troubled children to him

iida remembers the rabbit that used to race him on the tracks. without his quirk its was honestly a challenge

kirishima knows about a dark colour fawn that would always come over to him when he was upset and let him bury his face in its fur and cry

mina remembers the little green bat that nested in her hair and clumsily copied her as she danced, its colour making her feel better about her own

Tsuyu would often see a little green and black tanuki when she’d take her siblings out. It always kept them safe and out of danger and never failed to make her smile on a bad day.

he earns shinsou's trust as a too-small kitten, along with aizawa's (just out of school, learning to be an underground hero) , until he can drag aizawa to the house during the shouting. shinsou gets out, aizawa gains a son

shouto's best memories from his childhood are of the little cat that always showed up when he felt his worst, who purred like an engine in his arms and was never afraid of him

he also remembers seeing it the day he dyes his hair. its licks his nose

Even heroes know about the little green dog that watches from the sidelines. They’ve seen it drag civilians from danger, look for people in buried rubble and comfort crying children. It doesn’t often approach them, but it tends to do a little happy dance if they pet it, wagging its tail 1000 miles an hour if a hero so much as looks at it.

They call it little green, seeing him basically becomes a good luck charm. Even All Might feels a little better when he sees the little dog catching from the crowd, knowing it’ll keep some too-brave civilians safe from attacks and falling rubble.

When Katsuki applies for UA, his class doesn’t cheer him on. They whisper about the kid so angry, unstable and scared he brings a puppy to class. Izuku leans against Katsuki’s leg in support, unable to do anything for his friend. The teacher pays it no mind.

He’s told not to apply. He’s not normal or sane enough to be any help to anyone, they say. Katsuki flips them off and puts UA in all three slots on his form.

He takes Izuku with him on the day of the entrance exam. He tells himself it’s so Izuku can see the school at least once, if he doesn’t get in. Deep down he knows it’s because he’s scared and doesn’t want to be alone. Izuku doesn’t mind either way, he’s just excited to cheer on his best friend and get to look at some heroes.

He does leave Izuku with the teachers. He can take care of himself, but the idea of dragging him into a situation where he might accidentally burn his only friend? It makes him feel sick. Izuku understands. He’d do anything for Katsuki, but he was still scared to enter the exam location. He never did get over his fear of fire.

Izuku ends up in the monitor room. The teachers are trying not to coo over the too smart, too nice puppy. It’s All Might that recognises him.

“Is that, is that little green? The dog who always shows up at hero fights?”

Nemuri is ecstatic

“It totally is! I love that little guy! Hey little cutie, did you know you were famous? All the heroes around here love you!”

Aizawa, Nezu and Present Mic all separately notice that the dog honestly… he honestly looks flustered. Excited, yes, but almost sheepish. Aizawa draws some internal connections to the green and overly brave ‘stray’ kitten he’s seen his whole career. Nezu looks at the fur colour and thinks “quirked, like me. But was he always an animal?”. Present Mic sees the humanity in those eyes.

All three of them say nothing, filling the information away for later.

Katsuki ends up in the arena with Iida and Uraraka. He recognises both of them from Izuku’s whisper descriptions in the rare moments he let himself slip into human form.

Tall, broad, clearly the younger brother of Ingenium; that’s the stiff boy Izuku raced as a rabbit, trying to get him to loosen up and connect with those around him.

Round-faced, bright cheeks, fierce eyes and a body a little too thin from too many hungry nights? That’s the girl Izuku looked for when it got too cold, just to make sure he heating was working. She’d moved away from home, apparently. Izuku had found her new house and gave it a once over – if he figured it was safe, Katsuki would believe him. Izuku was the most paranoid person he’d ever met.

He almost went to say something. But Iida’s stern glare curdled his nerves. He shot back a snarl and focused on getting ready.

Back in the viewing room, Nemuri and Yagi are not so subtly fighting over Izuku. They are both trying to call him over, offer little bits of food, give him a good pat. It’s a little funny for Aizawa to watch as the poor pup ties himself in knots trying to please the both of them. He notes vaguely that he doesn’t take the food bribes from either of them.

Yagi is winning slightly, on virtue of being All Might, but Nemuri is not above begging a dog. It works shockingly well, with Izuku not wanting to upset a hero. She sends smug look’s All Might’s way as she triumphantly pats Izuku.

Mic yells start, the student's flood into the arena. Katsuki makes short work of the robots, racking up a score of 50 in almost record time. The teachers watch as ‘Deku’ clearly tracks his charge across the screen, whining softly when he pushes himself a little too far or gets a little too close to the robots.

Then the zero pointer is released and all hell breaks loose.

Katsuki sees Uraraka, trapped. He can’t leave her; not one of Izuku’s people. He’d never forgive himself for letting someone important to Izuku get hurt ever again.

He doesn’t realise Izuku couldn’t stand seeing him hurt, either.

He blasts the rubble apart, shielding Uraraka with his body, preventing her from being hailed with slivers of rubble. Uraraka sees not another student, but a hero, saving her when she thought she might die, selflessly giving up time to save someone he didn’t know. She vows to make it up to him, somehow.

It’s not enough, the robot looms too close. Bracing himself as best he can, Katsuki lets out the largest explosion he can muster, uncaring of the damage it may do to his wrists. If he gets crushed, his wrists hardly matter, do they?

The robot shakes, then topples backwards, overbalanced by the blast. Katsuki drops to his knees, both wrists dislocated. He’s hissing swears under his breath.

Uraraka sees a lump of rock flying to him as he sits there, prone from the attack that saved her life. She leaps towards it, leaving it weightless before it can hit him. The action leaves her hand red raw from the force of the rock.

Time is called. They both collapse.

Izuku is off of the door the second the explosion sounds. It’s so big it rattles the monitors in their room. Nemuri tries to stop him, reaching for his collar, but his collar doesn’t fit a mouse. He shifts into the smaller form, scampering out the door upon where he shifts into a greyhound.

He takes off full tilt towards his friend's exam arena. He's panicked and scared – the flash of fire and the pained look in Katsuki’s eyes have totally fried his nerves.

The doors aren’t open yet. He doesn’t care, shifting into a bat until he can clear them, diving down as fast as he can. He shifts again into a greyhound, racing though the robots – broken and sparking.

He sees Katsuki, jaw grit tightly as he fights back tears of pain, and Izuku lets out a pathetic whine, running full tilt towards his best friend, before lingering nervously in front of him, unwilling to touch him lest he hurt him.

“Oh get over here, Deku.” There are tears in Katsuki’s eyes still, but he’s smiling softly. Izuku shifts once more, into the softest dog he can, pressing against his friend as his tail wags like mad.

Present Mic calls time. If he was a solid 30 seconds late as he tried to process the whirlwind of chaos that little,,, dog? Left, well no one was going to notice. Other than Nezu, obviously, but the maybe-rat seemed just a confused as him.

Uraraka turns to her hero, only to see the little dog that would warm her on cold nights. She turns to him, wide-eyed. Izuku sticks his head over Katsuki’s shoulder, making happy yips at her.

Iida stumbles over, confused as to how a dog got in, confuses as to how he clearly saw it change between two distinct dog breeds in its quest to reach the prickly boy he’d seen at the entrance, who had just seriously injured himself to save a stranger.

The dog looks at him, then perks up. It gives a quick snuggle into its owner's hair before trotting over to him. It wags its tail. Iida looks on, confused.

Before his eyes, he watches the dog shift into what is unmistakably the rabbit he remembers from his earlier childhood, the one that would race him around tracks until it’s little legs couldn’t race anymore and would bound over to him as happily was a rabbit could.

He stares.

Katsuki watches this and laughs.

“I see you’ve both met Deku.”

[fistsoflightning]

14: hero’s journey

prompt: part || masterpost || other fills || ao3 mirror

word count: 4813 (i DONT want to talk about how long this is)

You are not simply a hero, but this is still your journey, and the parts of you are waiting along the way. All you have to do is take them.

DRK shenanigans, anyone? Note: distinctly not canon-DRK things ahead, hopefully still keeping the same emotional sort of weight? Also, second person POV! There’s no spoilers because this is just me going off on a tangent :P

Someone had noted—an age old teacher, perhaps, memories inlaid deep onto your crystal—that grief causes the greatest oddities to occur. Simulacrums formed of it weren’t so uncommon as one might be led to believe with a surplus of aether and enough love turned sour.

You just weren’t expecting to be one of them.

Like wildfires, you expect to fade back into the darkness of the abyss easily enough; the hands of such a young knight wouldn’t be able to bear being stained so pitch-black, you think, not when she glows with Halone’s blessing and something even more. Her hands leave freezer burns over the facets of your crystal, frosty fog forming as she keeps training, keeps hunting down more and more aevis until there’s nothing left. Even Ishgard’s worst blizzards fail to stand up against the winter storm of her fury.

Must be some sort of rebellion, violent and reckless as it is. You sit back (as much as a distant flame in the abyss can, anywho) and wait until the worst of her temper fizzles back into snowmelt—which, obviously, doesn’t happen like you assumed, otherwise you wouldn’t be here, now would you?

(When you hear the truth of it, crystal fed enough blood and aether to reach out further than just from the little knight’s pockets—when you hear betrayals and exiles and my brother is dead because of your Braves, Alphinaud, what more do you want from me, your realization shows itself in coldflare and dark light, wrapping itself as best it can around someone so blessed and “loved by the gods” as your ward.

Though you need her more than she needs you, it still doesn’t hurt, you think, to cover her armor in a veil of darkness, even when her shield sings of nevermelting ice and wraps light around her anyways.)

But eventually, it does; Lumelle—you find out her name from a man willing to jump in front of inquisitors and magical spears alike for his beloved friends—her enraged grief bubbles off into a quieter sort at the beginning of Ishgard’s new dawn, and you are left by her bedside when she falls into a sleep after destroying a wyrm with grief that, really, wasn’t all that different. (Besides the whole eternal lifespan and eyeballs of power, and the wyrm’s sibling being eaten by Lumelle’s ancestors thing. That had thrown you for a loop.)

And oh, you expect it to end there, your tale that of accompanying a girl who didn’t need you so much as she needed closure; fading after protecting someone so bright would be an honor.

...

(But there is no rest for the righteous, now is there?)

...

Your next chapter opens in the palms of someone already acquainted with bloody hands, and though the little time spent out of Lumelle’s hands has left you wanting for your senses yet again, it takes hardly any time to figure just what this one’s deal is. 

(Her hands shake whenever she sees her party’s astrologian—so small, her head is practically the size of your ward’s fist balled up—and the thought of Vylbrand sours every conversation like milk left to rot. Y’shtola utters the word crone and the spike of earthquake panic you both feel lets you understand the jumble of misremembered nightmares that still haunts the warrior so far north from the place.

When she almost drowns herself in the memories, asking the sea to take her back into her arms, you are the one screaming the entire time—not because she is taking you with her, no, but because you can feel the summer breeze and hear the quiet pond rushing about the housing district looking for her, and you do not know what you’ll do if her death reignites Lumelle’s tempered anger.

The scholar cries out her name just as she falls too deep; Syhrwyda, you remember—you’ll force her name onto this damned crystal if you have to—and the breath of relief you sigh when the white mage forces the ocean to spit her out is all but audible.)

You expect her to let the little supernova cut her down, cleanse burns with blood and old aches with a trip into the abyss, because if Lumelle’s aches were screaming freezer burns then the gentle warrior’s are a quiet erosion. Even dripping blood can wear down a mountain, with enough time, and with a Calamity come and passed, the proof burned onto her skin, it is more than enough to see this mighty willow fallen to the skies opening up and pouring a tsunami’s worth of suffering in retribution.

Both you and her close your eyes when the axe comes swinging down, kneeling on the ground in pain. You do not expect it to be swift or painless like the rumors say of guillotines and execution, but you hope it is anyways.

And yet, and yet, the blade does not come.

(Part of you wonders: would the girl shrouded in fallen moonlight have done the same thing, if she had seen what Syhrwyda had seen? Would she, knowing that the choice was submission or death, have still seen her friend and ally in the woman that burnt her childhood with naught but a single incantation?

It matters not. There is no turning back time, and she has decided to give her friend a boon.)

It is not metal that comes, but a flurry of stars calling a lost sailor home instead, so potent that her magic seeps into your crystal as she collapses against your ward’s shoulder, whispering I’m sorry, I can’t, I won’t like little wishes made upon falling stars. You don’t know if you imagined the croaked it isn’t your fault or if you simply missed the mumbled movements, but Syhrwyda’s aether settles in time with the stars bursting across her skin and you know that your time with her will come to an end soon.

When she sets your crystal by a small crystalline lamp, you hum in amusement, letting yourself slip down into the abyss once more as the watery blue light ripples off the bookshelves.

…

(Who are you?)

(No one of consequence.)

…

You find yourself more confused than before when the scholar picks up your small crystal, facets gleaming brighter than before but still dulled from decades of being frozen under Ishgard’s snows; nothing about him sings of the same pain like the last two. He pockets your crystal easily and you wonder just what use he’ll find from you if he has no abyss of his own to draw from, no font to gather his strength for him to find.

(You miss how quiet he is in the din of everyone and everything else, tuned up to near painful when you open your eyes again. You miss the words he reads, the spells he crafts, the spared glances to his usual tome. Nothing about the man betrays it; hardly anything he does seems to suggest even a hint of regret, grief long since frozen over and forgotten of a home he’d long lost.

This was never an easy road—traveling down into the abyss and to rise back up again—and you do not expect easy wards, but the scholar—)

Even deadly waters can be calm at the surface, deceiving depths holding something stronger, and when he rises to meet the Illuminati and the (not their) primal, you start to see the signs of something lurking in the water and strain to open your eyes, drained as you are so close to Alexander. 

(You should have noticed how he balked away from poisons, preferring to sit far away from the rogue; you should have felt the gentle ripple when Mide mentioned Alexander’s purpose and wondered more.

It is too late for regrets, but it is not too late to stop this man, whose hands are too gentle and weary, from falling further into something he did not truly want.)

Are you daft, you whisper, and it’s not the best thing you’ve ever come up with but it’s the first words you’ve truly spoken to be heard. Like the rest, you expect your words to fall on deaf ears—stubborn people, the ones that have found you—but this time the scholar stops. Lingers, the precipice of a typhoon brewing up from the bottom of his soul. Do you truly think this will work?

“Not completely,” he says, his voice a quiet rumble as his small carbuncle shimmers and shakes its way into existence; part of you wishes you were strong enough to do the same just so you could shake the fluff out of this man’s brain to where it belongs. “But it might, and even the smallest chance...”

What of your friends today?

You don’t know what you expected, really; the scholar clams up and so do you, a connection cleaved in two as he walks away from the hand of the giant primal, stone in hand, and you are too exhausted to try and pry his heart open wider. Convincing him to let it all spill forth is harder than convincing a rock to move on its own, so you don’t try.

This time, when you fall back asleep atop a book with a soft leather cover, you desperately hope this is the end of it.

…

(Did you know them, too? Did they lead you to me?)

(In a way, yes.)

(Then you can stay, for now. Just… keep quiet.)

…

And of course, it never is.

It’s hard to describe your next awakening as anything but a bolt of lightning straight to your center, with how much aether rushes through your crystal and into the abyss. Too fast, too quick, like a flame burning too hot too soon. From freezing to the fiery depths of hell, you think incredulously as you reach out, looking to just who might be so dangerously close to tipping too far.

You don’t expect to find the timid white mage staring down at your soul crystal, red eyes and all.

(In a way, perhaps you should have known it would happen; the man was too damned reserved, all flower petals and no bark, the look in his eyes when he saw someone injured too intense for simple worry. He hates bloodshed yet makes his career in it all the same, and you’ve been held by Lumelle so tightly that you felt his magic—summer’s night bottled into a cure, blooming flowers pressed over scars, and you think nothing could be kinder than the way he loves.

Shame that you forgot that sometimes kindness is forged in the abyss.)

You’re sure he doesn’t mean to keep your crystal at all—hells, he sets it at the bottom of his satchel before he goes running off to join the fray in the same place that nearly killed him, the damned martyr—but you get taken with him regardless, and you see just how badly he’s dealt with it all. You don’t retort as snarkily as you might have with Duscha; your current ward is like paper thin glass, and you worry that if you push him he might break into pieces so small not even the sun’s light could find him.

In fact, you’re not sure what will happen if you make yourself known at all. He doesn’t seem strong enough to handle the idea that his guilt is making a simulacrum manifest.

(If you truly wanted, you could make him a fine dark knight. Teach him how to take his love and turn it into strength and protection stronger than anything the realm’s elements might give him, no matter how loved he is by them. Stain this white mage in dark.

But you see his dreams, sometimes—you never had found your way into dreams before, but with someone practically bleeding their life aether onto you, a simulacrum fueled by memories and pain, it’s hard not to have new experiences—and his hands are always coated in blood. His own, someone else’s, his mother’s, his father’s…

You choose not to take him through the abyss. You don’t want to know if he’ll still be there when you walk out.)

Finding someone that might be able to help someone who very stubbornly doesn’t want help is… a lot harder than intended. There’s not too many people… happy, with your ward; not after Baelsar’s Wall, and the man that Lumelle sent flying. You faintly remember a name—Caelestis, or something—but you care little for details and more for solutions, so you keep peering outwards and looking as best you can without fully peering into their heads.

That is, until that someone comes running at the white mage like a teal tulip some sylph chucked at you with the force of a demon.

(He introduces himself to everyone as Haruki, but you can’t help but call him Ruki after one too many trips into A’dewah’s head—Dewah, he says, and you don’t know much about Seeker names but you know that it means more to your ward than it does to anyone else—and you think you can get him to help, even if A’dewah himself is trying to avoid him like the plague. 

Especially because he’s avoiding Haruki like he’ll die if he doesn’t.)

It takes a few minor illusions and a trip to the Steppe (you didn’t know how to do these before A’dewah, you think as you practically lead a trail of hints from the Enclave to the tree A’dewah’s stuck himself in) but Haruki’s always been smarter than he might look (you still can’t get over the peacock feather of a mess his hair is) and eventually, eventually, your plan comes to fruition.

You don’t try to listen when they talk, but the rush of relief in A’dewah’s aether and the slow transition of summer bottled up tight enough to crack glass to the light warmth of, say, a greenhouse in full bloom tells you all you need to know, anyways.

(Doma is freed, soon after, and the Warriors are called back home, to Ala Mhigo’s war, but you look one last time out to Doma and see the last moments of A’dewah’s goodbyes, and of course it’s Haruki he tells last. His eyes burn like a solar eclipse, and you think if it weren’t for his son—so small and brave, callouses already on his fingers—he’d come back with you.

You think it might be puppy love, somehow, but you take one last look at what you know and think that maybe he’s just tired of being left behind, of being the last one. Might be love, might be wanderlust.

It doesn’t matter. You still have to leave, even if it hurts.)

On the ship’s journey back through the Sirensong Sea, A’dewah finally acknowledges you, in a way.

“Thank you,” he murmurs to no one in particular as he ties up his hair tighter. His eyes aren’t reddened from crying anymore—just the unfortunate lot of his mother’s eyes being blood red by nature—and you think you can rest, now.

So you do.

…

(Don’t you understand to call for help?)

(I can manage.)

(So sayeth the Weapon of Light.)

…

From one firebrand of a caster to another, you think as your crystal gets put into Valdis’ open palms—you learn her name early, this time, instead of just before the climax of the story—and though her aether is quiet you know well enough that it doesn’t mean there’s nothing hiding behind it.

(It’s the same sort of longing for something long past, you remember. Duscha’s aether had a similar balance to hers, even if Valdis is mostly umbral shade and hardly a hint of water among the flames she pulls into form. Where Duscha was restrained she is explosive, and you don’t need to look too hard to find the root of the issue.

The thing is: you’re too exhausted.)

You’re lucky she doesn’t fight closer to the front line, like Lumelle or Syhrwyda, because you can hardly summon a shadow at this point—perhaps you were played the fool by A’dewah’s tears into doing too much, not saving enough.

But then you look at Valdis and think she might be fine on her own, eyes still lit up and hopeful. Spitfire in her hair and embers in her eyes, already burning like a flame that knows how to rise from her ashes already.

There’s something to be said about youth, maybe, and you sigh as you close your eyes and hope to wake when she needs you.

(The thing is: she doesn’t need to.)

…

(... Hmph.)

(If you’re expecting an apology, you’re getting none from me.)

(I do not need—)

…

Your next venture leads you into the hands of someone so astrally aspected you don’t know if you can even summon the strength to peer outwards. Their aether and yours conflicts so greatly that it’s hard to tell if the abyss is flaring up or dying down, really, but you try regardless.

You will eternally be glad you do not have a face, because the pure shock when the face you see is one that was supposed to be long dead is not a face you’d ever like to see.

Lumelle had been your catalyst, and the little machinist before you the cause; you didn’t think he’d survived, somehow, even if you saw the monk that supposedly fell with him. He’s brighter than you’d thought he’d ever be, as close to the abyss as his sister was, and then you realize—

He truly doesn’t need you. His eyes still gleam on their own, not shrouded by something buried deep. If Duscha’s abyss was well hidden enough for you to mistake it, there can be no mistake here.

When he keeps your crystal close, anyways, you close your eyes again, thinking that perhaps this time you won’t be needed like before.

And for the most part; he doesn’t.

(There are times, surely, when a speck of darkness flickers into the light that fills his aether, but you hardly need to look at it to tell it’s over something silly. A flame that will flicker out soon enough. You don’t lift a finger over that.)

In a way, his hands are a restless reprieve. You cannot sleep, truly, because if you do you don’t want to know how much your crystal’s facets will fade, but there is nothing for you here, either.

So. You watch.

…

(But. Don’t you want?)

(I already want enough. I can get by.)

(Doesn’t mean you should.)

…

The rogue plucks your crystal from Elwin’s bag, a shadow in the night, and you hardly realize the change until you’re set by a pack of crystals. You nearly think to panic—what disaster do you have to reconcile now, tired as you are—but then the rogue whispers like he already knows.

(Maybe he does. Every rogue you’ve seen through other eyes has always been a bit sharper than they make themselves to be.)

“Take a breather,” he hums, flipping his daggers in the air and watching them glint in the dim moonlight. You think you might know his name, uttered once or twice in passing, but you’ve hardly begun to rest from your time in Elwin’s bright hands and aether that it’s slipped you by once or twice already. “Ye’ve helped us out. ‘S high time we pay back, hm?”

I do not do this for payment, you sigh, but his aether is the easiest of them all, really, more comfortable than even Valdis’ despite the light chill of it. He doesn’t respond, merely whistling as he walks along the metal pathway—Garlean territory, and he’s so calmly strolling through it?

You don’t choose to rest, even though you could, and keep an eye on the man anyways.

(It’s worth the trouble, you think when you shroud him in shadows, narrowly avoiding the gaze of some wisened soldier who knows the tricks of the trade. Even if nothing’s gained in return.)

…

(They’re...gone. They’re gone, gone, what do I do now—)

(Breathe. You’ll find them again. You always do.)

(But what if I can’t this time? What if I find them only to lose them?)

(You won’t.)

(How can you be sure?)

(Because you want to find them. I’m still here, aren’t I?)

…

There isn’t so much of a rest between leaving Tehra’ir’s palms and falling into the monk’s own, really; not when the rogue collapses alongside Valdis and the man with the eyepatch after some reverberating call that shook even you, incorporeal as you are. If you’d a physical form, the pain behind your eyes would be overwhelming; the sensation of being ripped from one’s body must be horrible, but even more so being torn from the very aether that keeps you.

Either way, the Elder Seedseer drops your crystal into their hands when she comes from the infirmary with a grim look on her face.There is something so familiar about this new bearer, aether so tempestuous and yet… calm. Leaving you contented and wanting all at once.

You don’t know what use you might be to them, either, but if you belonged in the hands of your past seven bearers then you are at home in theirs, lightning crackling from their skin to your crystal’s surface with great ease, for two non-metallic things.

(There is nothing I can do, the Seedseer murmurs and the sharp ache that immediately takes over the dull pain in their head echoes to you and oh, you understand more than ever now what you must help resolve, head spinning as the abyss flares and rages around you.)

You are there for everything after; when they flee to the Steppe, when they hole up in the empty house, when they take Ochir and fly across the mountains until Lunya calls them back home. Your crystal is usually hidden away in their pocket, safe in the leather pouch and buttoned into the cloth of their pants, and never once do you feel ignored, sitting in mutual silence. There’s nothing to be said, really, because their loss is just as much yours.

Both of you grin when you finally, finally make it past the gates into the First despite the horrid circumstances you have been brought to resolve, because it brings you both one step closer to finding them again.

(At first, you think they’ll be just fine without you, that you might be prudent to fall back dormant once more in face of the terribly draining light. At first, it seems like the others might just be a day’s journey away. The Exarch may be hiding things, but if the Scions are scattered then so too are the wayward Warriors; nothing so difficult as pulling souls back across the rift, yet.

Hah. When has anything ever been so simple?)

The journey is the hardest it’s been out of your eight travels, really; whether it be from the Light or from the constant confusion and grief that they struggle to pull from you do not know, and you keep your eyes open when they cannot—especially after Malikah’s Well.

(You are not the one fighting—never have been, even on that odd occasion that you’ve been able to force your way out of the abyss—but in Eulmore you see the flying eater’s wings seconds before they come crashing down on your bearer’s back with talons and when you reach out, for whatever banal reason, it is not darkness that springs forth.

At first, you think it a trick of the Light, because the last time you saw this shield it was back when you were still convinced you were ephemeral, but the next time you reach forth your ward’s wounds are healed in a burst of crystalline lilies.

You are not so stupid as to think this is your own strength, but they have not been with you for so long that you can’t tell what else it could be, what could be more than the others you have traveled with. 

Oh, how blind you were.)

Here, down in Amaurot, it’s harder than ever on them but the easiest it’s been for you, and when they start slipping you have to drag them back to their heels again, lest the Light breaks free and both of you end up dead. You don’t have anything else to give—you do not have Lumelle or Syhrwyda’s inhuman strength or the healer’s prowess of A’dewah or Duscha, too incorporeal to give support like Tehra’ir or Elwin and too loud to stay as quiet as Valdis—but you are there and that has to be enough.

(If Zaya themselves is not whole enough to be worthy in that Ascian’s eyes, then you will find the missing parts that make them whole and bring them home, because in your eyes there is nothing more than them and the little family you’ve somehow managed to pass through like a hand-me-down, and if you and the friends that remain are not enough to guide them through Hades’ abyss then one of them will be.

And the funny thing is; you do, because the missing parts of their soul were the storm in you.)

The final days of Amaurot are harrowing; you are there when Zaya nearly falls to a bird demon, of all things, and you are there when the tempest of aether above a simulacrum of Emet-Selch’s world nearly shatters you into a million stars. It is less you taking the reins and more you standing by their side, the shadow in the light of falling stars that pushes forward when they cannot.

You think Ryne and Y’shtola can see you, can see the glow of seven crystals at Zaya’s side, but it matters not when Emet-Selch still refuses to take reprieve of the abyss and see the merits of something different from what he knows; all that does is that you are by their side, a shade in a city of simulacrums.

(How funny is it, that in his grief Hades dipped into the abyss just as Zaya did in theirs?)

You don’t remember much of what happens afterwards. There is a blur of light, a man’s voice—seven voices you recognize as the abyss flares and takes you back, because there is no space left here for darkness, not now. You expect to die, somehow, because you’d been fighting for so long in a place that threatened to swallow you whole and keep you there even if you followed Zaya resolutely, Hades taking you in his grasp and shattering you just to prove that they are nothing.

There’s a moment of clarity—when dark overtakes light once more—and you take the chance to stretch yourself out, to cover as many people as you can tell are here because Hades’ claws glow with something terrible and you will not lose anyone now, not when you’ve found yourself in them. Even Urianger, even Alphinaud, even Thancred, who is yalms and yalms away from Zaya—all of them have become too precious to lose, too beloved to let be harmed, and if Hades’ form is large then you will become the event horizon that swallows him.

(If you disappear here, it will be worth it—you have served your purpose as a shield, gouged on aether and memories as you are, and if you can give them even a moment more the price of your existence, as much of a simulacrum as you were, it would have been worth the trouble. 

If Hades wins you don’t know what you’ll do.)

But he loses. He loses, and you go home as small of a flame as you were when your journeys began.

And when all is said and done, your crystal ends up on a necklace of thin chain and leather, held close to Zaya’s breast. Dark lightning crackles over the shining facets, finally polished to its prime like it was all those years ago when your last owner died; even then, you don’t know if you can ever come back again, really, exhausted and drained and frayed as you are.

It matters little, those ifs and maybes.

(“No matter where you go,” the gunbreaker says, and you can feel Zaya’s soul warm, cracked as it is—or maybe that’s yours, feeling a bit like your own promises are being voiced through his. Ardbert, the bloke, smiles from behind you, and the little part of you that knows exactly how you and he are similar grins wildly. “I will be there, guarding your back.”)

When they need you next to pull them from the blackest of nights, you’ll be there to see the beautiful dawn they bring in return. There is nowhere else for you to go.

…

(I’ll have to leave soon. Heroes don’t stay, you know.)

(Well, you do.)

…

From the depths of the crystal, a quiet light shimmers brightly, and you are reminded of home...

Action learned: The Brightest Dawn.

[sergeant-donny-donowitz]

Questions and Answers Part 1/2 (DonnyxFem!Reader)

@owba-chan @inglourious-jules @war-obsessed​

Let me know if you want me to tag you in these! :)

It was a cool night. The grass was damp. The campfire was welcoming. The coffee was....disgusting.

Just like every other night.

Aldo was laughing, Omar was telling a story. They all were. It was about their little....conquests...around Europe... a few basterds listened cheekily, thinking of the one true love they had waiting at home.

"What about you, Donny?"

Donny chuckled as he took a drink of whiskey. He started to laugh about the fun he had since he got deployed.

Hirschberg was unimpressed, "Yeah, yeah, but what about home?" Donny took a drink. 

He stood still, and shook his head once. "I'm a free man. Don't gotta girl to worry about," he laughed as he passed the bottle to Wicki.

Donny could hear everything the basterds were saying, but he wasn't listening.

He was remembering.

He dropped you off at college in September of 1936. He kissed you once, and smiled in pride as he watched you go up the steps. His heart sang when you waved to him. You knew he was upset you wouldn't spend every day together anymore. You promised to visit soon... And you did. But you knew it wasn't the same. Donny wasn't the same with you than with other girls. You knew he wouldn't step up...and it hurt you. Donny caught a glimmer of that sudden heartbreak the last moment your eyes met. He drove back home. He didn't listen to the radio. He went straight up to his room...

He missed you.

MIT wasn't too far from home, but he always felt too far from you. He had spent most of the days of his life with you. You'd gone to the same schools since you were toddlers. You snuck into the same bars and clubs together. You had been best friends from the moment you could speak...

In the end, that didn't matter.

He lost you.

Donny was splashing some water on his face that night, after the laughter and fire died down. He looked at the small crooked, cracked mirror.

All he saw was you. He could see you smiling, the rays of sunlight fleeting through your hair on a summer day in Boston.

He smiled for a split second, then it faded with the memory.

He saw Aldo's reflection behind him, "Boy, I know you got something to get off your chest."

"What?" Donny scoffed, "Come on, Aldo, it's nothing."

Aldo sighed, shifted his weight on one leg, and he shook his head once, "I may be old, but I sure as hell know a thing or two, son."

Donny sighed, "There is....there was a girl...once."

"Yeah, I just about figured." Aldo chuckled as he took a seat.

"I dropped her off at college back in '36... she...she was going places ya know?" Donny smiled with pride, which warmed Aldo's heart as he listened to the lovestruck sergeant.

"I knew her all my life. Every day, I'd tell myself I'd tell her I loved her tomorrow. Never did." He tossed his boot aside and untied the other one.

"I never did. I never called her, I never even wrote to her." Donny felt like screaming at himself every time he remembered it. "She'd come around to see me when she visited her family, almost every weekend...she was a good kid, ya know. She'd come down the other side of the neighborhood, say hi to my mom, stop by my old man's barber shop, just to say hi to him,...see me if I was in working. I didn’t talk to her like I should’ve. I didn’t go out wiht her, I didn’t do the things I should’ve... Eventually...she just... she stopped coming around." He sighed again, looked down at his clasped hands, "Can't blame her."

Aldo frowned...that wasn't the Donny he knew... sure, that was quite a few years ago. And Donny was older now, and a sergeant. Aldo didn't doubt that Donny might've changed, and grown up a little since then, but...he was still Donny Donowitz. He just couldn't believe that. "And you never went back to see her?"

"No." His voice was stern, just like a sergeant, but his heart was broken, like only his could be. 

He was scared to confront you, you weren't like the other girls you he went out with. You knew him. 

 Well...everyone knew Donny Donowitz in your town. He was a star ball player in school. The neighborhood boys loved rallying around him. The girls just adored him...

But you...

You knew his favorite color. 

It was that fleeting scintilla of salmon streaks in the sky, just as the sun disappeared beyond the horizon. 

You knew his favorite food. 

It was a secret. He couldn't bear to break his mother's heart. His favorite food was  the risotto from Mama Allegra's italian restaurant. 

You knew his favorite season. It was winter because the smell of firewood made him feel at home. You knew his favorite song, (though he had lied to you about the reason).

It was How Deep is the Ocean, but only if Paul Whiteman was singing it. He said it was because he saw the ocean 'so many goddamn times.' The truth was it was because you walked with him around the docks and the beach more often than not, nearly every day of his life since he could remember, and it reminded him of you...

You knew Donny.

And it scared him. 

It scared him because he thought that maybe you wouldn't like him because of that. Because you knew him, you knew his flaws. You knew he was an angry young man, you knew he held grudges. You knew every name of every person that ever wronged him because he never let anything go... You didn’t know he put his own name on that list, and would never forgive himself for letting you slip away. You knew what he was scared of. You knew he was scared of losing people he loved... you didn't know he was scared that maybe the one person that didn't love him was the one he absolutely needed...

He was angry at himself for letting you be the one that got away.

You were just so perfect to him. Even though every dough boy said that about the loves they had back home, it was the absolute truth to him. The way you laughed was always music to his ears, even if you sometimes snorted...it brought him joy, knowing he'd been the one that made you laugh. Your eyes were brighter than the moon on the darkest night. Every time he saw you come around, you absolutely never failed to make him smile.

He missed Boston, he missed his family, and the Red Sox...but he missed you most of all.

He'd missed you since before the war. He'd missed you from the second he understood he lost you...

It all just happened so slowly, but somehow all at once, and it scared him.

It had just been so long...

"Ever?" Aldo was in disbelief. He knew his boys. They always gave it their all, especially Donny.

"I enlisted the day after we got into the war. I got shipped out in January... I was gonna say goodbye to her the night before. She hadn’t seen me in a year or two by then..."

"And you didn't go..." Aldo didn't believe that. Donny always gave everything one last hit.

"I found out she was with a sailor. Someone else had the balls to tell her the things I should've."

Aldo crossed his arms as he listened. He didn't hesitate to tell his boys what he was thinking. "You should go see where when this is all over, Donowitz. Sounds like a real special girl." He never saw Donny get so worked up about a girl before.

Aldo smiled a little, wishing nothing but the best for the young sergeant in the end.

"What?"

"Well, what the fuck else you gonna do?"

"I can't." Donny shook his head.

"Why the fuck not?"

"I don't want to see her with somebody else," he held onto his bat, looked down at it, and then set it aside as he clenched his teeth, wondering what he would do...

"That ain't the Donny I know."

"I dont wanna go back to Boston, show up to a nice house that got a fuckin' Cadillac in the driveway, kid running around, and a fucking  sailor opening the door, and getting pissed cause I asked about his wife."

"You dont know that."

Donny looked back in the mirror to avoid looking at his lieutenant. "I know she loved him."

"You ain't even talked to her, son. How'd you know a thing like that?"

"I saw them. She loved him." Donny sighed, wishing he could go back in time. "Nice guy, ya know. Went to school together. Name was Samuel...she called him Sammy. He used to make her laugh. He was a good looking guy. A boxer when we were young. He joined the navy right after high school. Why wouldn't she?"

Aldo smiled a little, "Well, that don't mean she forgot about you."

Wicki and Hugo walked in, and Aldo changed the subject, Donny glanced at him gratefully. Sometimes, Aldo wasn't the most tact person, but he was a good lieutenant, and a better friend.

Still, he wasn't Donny's best friend.

That elusive title somehow still belonged to you after all these years.

It wasn't the only title that belonged to you either.

You were a trained pilot, and an aero-space engineer. In 1935, you were only 17, and "Donny's girl" to most of Boston, but he never was yours, at least not in your eyes. By 1936, you were just a college kid, expected to drop out. No one thought you'd be one of the 3% of women to get a degree then. Especially not from MIT. By 1940, you were an aero-space engineer, in your own right. By 1942, you were designing and building planes for the military.

It was 1943, and you were flying them.

It was 1943, and you were flying over nazi-occupied France.

It was 1943, and your life, and the life of everyone on your bomber, was about to change...

You were shot down, the radio stopped working. No one knew where you were.

That wasn't the thing that worried you and your girls.

It was the fire devouring the wings you had designed yourselves, the bullets firing through the metal you welded yourselves, the debris stripping off the plane you had built yourselves.

The nazis picked off those that survived, and interrogated you all.

You lost crew members to the nazis’ sadism as they lost their patience.

Eventually it was just you.

The only reason they didn't kill you too was because they still needed information.

A week had gone by, and somehow, you managed to get through it all. You couldn't imagine the war without your girls...

Sometimes you couldn't imagine the world without war. 

It had just been so long...

They spat at you, and beat you, they screamed at you in German, in broken English, but they never broke you.

They'd never have that satisfaction.

"FOTZE."

The right side of your face slammed against the hard, cool soil, littered with twigs and the fallen green leaves of summer.

It was getting harder and harder to get up.

You were still for a moment longer than you'd been the first thousand times.

Blood dripped from your nose and mouth. Your eyes wandered beyond the trees' highest branches, toward the blue sky you loved.

You waited defiantly in silence for the next hit and the next question. The mocking and shouting contorted into one sick distorted blare. It took you a few moments to realize that they were screaming, but not at you.

You laid flat on your back, your arms sprawled out. You didn't care what was happening. You couldn't remember the last time you ate, or had clean water, or slept. You couldn't remember what it was like to not be in pain. You could barely stand before the final beating. Every part of you was either numb or in pain. Your heart was aching for the ones you couldn't save...

You closed your eyes, listening in on the indecipherable nightmare...

That was...until you heard English.

 A perfect, good old....southern accent?

 It was an American. It had to be... "Wicki, ask em who they got with em."

"Wer ist in deinem Lager?" Wicki held a rifle in his hands, and a steady glare.

"Sechs weitere Gefreite und ein Sergeant"

Wicki looked back at Aldo,  "Six other privates and a sergeant."

Aldo narrowed his eyes, spotting tattered and bloody cloth, strips that he suspected to be parachutes, hastily covered by leaves and dirt.

A silver ray of light caught his eye, and he glanced beyond the bloodied, brutal, untimely burial, toward the nazis' supplies.

Dog tags.

American dog tags and boots strewn around carelessly.

Aldo picked one of the boots up. It was a little smaller than he expected. He looked back at Wicki, "Ask em again...." He looked to the rest of the basterds, "Boys..."

The Basterds then called on one Sergeant Donny Donowitz, and employed his presence as a scare tactic. He raised his bat.

In sheer terror of facing the wrath of the one and only Bear Jew, he screamed "A GIRL. THERE'S A GIRL."

Aldo nodded as he walked toward the nazi shielding himself from Donny's bat. "You speak English."

He was laying on the ground, curled up on his side, and covering his head, shaking in terror. "YES."

Aldo stood over him, and pushed him over with the heel of his boot, and looked him in the eye, "You gon' tell me bout them parachutes, boy. You gon' tell me bout the girl. And you gon' tell me right now."

"That girl. There." He pointed beyond a line of trees over a small ridge. The smoke from the dying fire was still flitting around. "We shot down an enemy plane. One crew member. It was only her aboard."

Aldo and the basterds glared at the coward in suspicion. They doubted that a bomber flying that deep behind enemy lines would be manned by one woman.

Omar collected the dog tags and read the names...

Rachel Cohen Gina Sorrentino Reyna Ruiz Jacqueline Brown Jessica Vuong Alana Stan Teresa Kennedy Katherine Li Pearl Rosenberg

He looked at Utivich. He was a pilot in the army before he was a basterd. "It takes 10 to fly a B-17 over enemy lines." His eyes narrowed in on a spare part the nazis had kept as a trophy. "I'm assuming it was a B-17... those take ten. There's one missing."

Aldo crouched by the Nazi again, "Tell me bout the one girl, son."

The nazi glanced at the Bear Jew towering over him and shook as he gulped back his terror, as he lied again. "She flew a screaming helldiver! No one else was onboard!"

Aldo narrowed his eyes, "The fuck's that??"

Hugo stood by them, "It's what they call a North American A-36 Apache."

The nazi nodded gratefully, hoping that his lie would be his salvation.

Aldo glanced at Donny, then back at the coward before them. Aldo rested his boot over his chest until something popped. " Trust me, I know a thing or two 'bout apaches if I do say so myself. And them Apaches," he pointed to the sky, "only get one crew member, and one only. Now, son, correct me if I'm wrong, but I see nine dog tags over there. You aint shoot down no Apache, you aint get just one goddamn fly-boy. Where's the crew?"

Struggling to breath, he coughed, "Alright! Alright!"

Aldo stepped off his chest, and the nazi told the truth, "My sergeant tried to intimidate the crew, get answers and interrogate them. All ten of them. They never said anything. He wanted to scare the crew, killed them off one at a time, but no one said anything. They never would. He realized that when there was only one!"

Aldo squinted, "The one you tried to pass off as the sole crew member of the A-36?"

He nodded, gasping for breath as he clutched his possibly shattered ribs.  "We have the pilot, by the fire! She's alive!"

Aldo nodded. He looked back and nodded, "Smitty, go check it out. Take Omar and Hirschberg with you. Tell me if what this nazi shithead says is true."

Moments later, Hirschberg tumbled through the trees, "She's alive."

Aldo smirked as he took out his knife and looked down at the nazi. "Well, boy, you're in luck. Got us a soldier back there hurt real bad. But she's alive. It's only fair we leave one of you alive. You run on back and tell em nazi fuckers what you seen. Go ahead. Take one good look around."

He shakily raised his head, and eyed his dead team.

He'd heard the rumors...

He watched in defeat as Aldo's blade hovered over his forehead. He clenched his jaw, and gripped the grass below him as he felt the tip of the blade sink into his flesh.

You heard an agonizing shriek as you struggled to get on your feet. Two sets of steady hands wrapped around your arms.

"You feel ok? Can you walk?"

"I can walk..." You smiled weakly as you looked into the soldier's worried eyes.

The youngest basterd smiled, gestured to the patch on your jumpsuit, "82nd Airborne Division?"

You nodded. What else could you say?

Smitty smiled kindly, "101st Airborne Division."

One of the other ones, the one they called Omar spoke up, with a chuckle, "He's a basterd now. We all are."

"Bastard?"

The third man, Hirschberg, smirked "The Basterds."

You understood then. They were The Basterds.

As far as you knew, they were just a rumor.

As far as you knew, you were dreaming.

Or worse.

They led you beyond the trees, pulled your arms around their shoulders as you shivered, splattered in your own blood.

It was definitely worse.

Because there stood the one and only basterd you ever made the mistake of letting into your life.

Sergeant Donny Donowitz.

"Donny?"

He turned away from his lieutenant, mid compliment about the latest carving, and slowly lost grip of his bat.

He managed to murmur, "Y/n..." he took a step forward, "Is that really you?"

You never thought you'd be so happy to see anyone. You never thought you'd miss hearing a Boston accent...

You never thought you'd miss Donny... You'd denied it for so long, yet there you were.

  Smiling... Smiling after everything...

Without your realizing it, his arms were wrapped around you, and you were quite a few inches off the ground as he swung you in a circle.

Just like the summer of 1936...

And every year before that.

It didn't change the fact that you lost your team, or that you could hardly stand on your own...

But you saw the look in his eyes.

It was like nothing ever changed. The years hadn't gone by. The war hadn't sent both of you away.

Almost as if nothing ever changed.

"Donny..."

He took a step back, realizing how ridiculous it was of him to somehow expect everything to be back to normal.

It almost wasn't too ridiculous.

Not in war.

It seemed almost ridiculous that you finally got an answer to a question you had been asking yourself for seven years: What would you do if you ever saw that basterd again?

You'd asked yourself that from the moment you decided you'd stop visiting him, stop hoping he'd call you, and stopped wishing he'd do right. Seven years passed, and you finally had an answer...

The answer was: You smiled.

Now, after seven years you asked yourself a new question...

"Why?"

To be continued...

[happinessinthedarkest-times]

avengers endgame reaction (spoilers!!!)

**if youre on mobile scroll fast bc idk if the keep reading works

holy shit holy shit fuck fuck fuck

i am an emotional wreak right now

ahhhhh it was so good im crying still

tony fucking stark my heart i guess ill start there 

tony stark i love you three thousand. he got his happy ending with morgan and pepper for 5 years they had 5 years together and he knew that the time heist (lol) would jeopardize that and he still went and helped

that scene where he had it out with steve at the beginning fuck my heart was breaking and i was crying .

i cried a lot in this movie. legit sobbing when nat died but ill get to that

that scene was everything i wanted it to be and perfectly executed. of course hes angry and lashing out because they were supposed to do it together and lose together and the emotion behind that ughh rdj killed it

he literally hands steve his heart the arch reactor

tony and howard ugh everything with them together. tony got closure with his dad 

everything tony was great. 

steve 

he got his happy ending. he got his dance with peggy (now im crying again) fuck. and he PICK UP MJOLNIR omg that scene was amazing and everything i never dreamed could happen when the hammer started moving ughhhh omg i was cheering so loud in the theatre and i dont normally do that. that whole scene ugh theres so much to react to

and he got to say assemble. 

ok now from the beginning. 

i started to cry literally before it even started. the screen was black and i was already tearing up but when clint and his daughter came up and then his family disappeared i was full on crying.

carol coming in clutch and saving tony and nebula yessss

steve and tony’s conversation right when he gets off the ship was everything i wanted it to be. (crying again) everything. 

when they go to thanos’s house thing and thor chops off his arm . its what ive been saying they shouldve done on titan 

and then he went for the head! 

five....... 

years later

fuck them. literally when the ‘five’ came up i was like no no no dont you dare do it dont you dare and then they did it. fuck them

five fucking years?!?! they made them live through 5 years of that trauma?!?!? 

nat was everything in this film. she became the leader and keeping track of everything and her moment of breaking down was just so human. she couldnt move on in those 5 years and it just shows how much the avengers had become her family. 

scott and cassie omg cassie all grown up made me so emotional 

tony and morgan i love you three thousand she is the cutest and sweetest thing 

tony fucking stark figured out time travel. he did that. 

when tony gives steve his shield back my heart could not take it

the scenes where they were trying to pinpoint the exact time to go back and it was like a sleepover sesh and all the domestic avenger fanfics 

going back a little bit

clint killing all the people that should have been killed and deserved to be killed and being a total badass showing up all those people who said he was just really good with an arrow and every scene he has with nat.

‘dont give me hope’

thor. oh where to start. he really did lose everything and he was blaming himself for all that happened so i get where hes coming from. every time you could see him remembering and tormenting himself about what happened broke me. his scene with his mother (crying again)

also hulk/bruce was an interesting choice (not a huge fan of it but ok) 

the time traveling

everything about the new york scenes were amazing. the aftermath of the end of the avengers, loki turning into cap for a second, seeing rumlow and sitwell come out, steve getting into the elevator and channeling that winter soldier energy (i was slapping my sister on the arm so hard at this part) hail hydra and outsmarting them all. cap fighting cap “i can do this all day” lmao i was dying ‘bucky is alive” again dying they really nailed it with this. i was worried beforehand because like it would change how we would see the og avengers but i still think it works

also can talk about how tony (and scott) was checking out steves ass????

“i forgot how that suit did nothing for you ass” (be still my heart) “i like to think of it at america’s ass” (or whatever the line was) 

loki getting away with the tesseract (is that in this timeline im confused about that hopefully someone will explain bc does that mean loki is alive in this timeline or not? lol)

them going back to the 1970s (do you trust me? i do) and tony meeting howard and introducing himself as howard potts. again i know i talked about howard and tony already but i loved their scenes. and JARVIS FROM AGENT CARTER MAKING AN APPEARANCE OMG

PEGGYYYYYYY (crying) when steve walked into her office (grabbed my sister again) and when he was watching her through the window and you could feel his pain. 

thor and rocket are the pairing that i never imagined but amazing none the less. i loved that we got the return of mjolnir here even though idk what that does to the timeline (again who knows at this point) 

rhodey and nebula again another pairing i didnt expect but are great together. everything about nebula in this film. she really has a great arch. i was stressing out so hard when the alternate timeline thanos found out that they came from the past. the scene where peter quill is dancing and singing to no music was great.

clint and natasha. this pairing thie duo the og. fuck my heart. when they started going off to vormir i knew. i knew it and i cannot handle it. the whole scene where they are fighting each other to sacrifice themself i was SOBBING. LEGIT SOBBING. ‘let me go’ i loved this so much and also hated it. she deserved her happy ending too. after everything she gave up everything to save those people. her arch is so good too. im excited for her origin. i kinda want to see her when shes a bad guy and killing everyone and her journey to shield. i hope thats what we’ll see in her movie. 

but also that scene emotionally fucked me up hard. 

the og avengers (minus nat) sitting on the edge of the lake 

thor trying to put on the glove and redeem himself (in his own eyes not my own bc he doesnt deserve the shit he gets for not going for the head)

hulk doing it and the calm before the storm where everything goes back before that missile comes firing down. 

steve tony and thor facing off with thanos. everything about this scene. tony getting a juice-up from thor and lightning to max out his powers. steve jump kicking on thanos’s ass. thanos beating up thor and steve coming in with FUCKING MJOLNIR AGAIN CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH HOW MUCH I WAS CHEERING AT THIS POINT HE IS WORTHY MY BOY STEVE IS WORTHY

also on that note tony coming up to steve and saying “theres my man” or something and giving him back his shield again. 

steve standing there with his broken shield ready to face off with thanos’s army and sam coming in on the comm. and then EVERYONE COMING THRU AND KICKING NAMES AND TAKING ASS

legit cheering and crying so much 

valkyrie with her pegasus

shuri with her blasters 

peter parker and his reunion with tony was heartbreaking. tony looked so broken and complete at the same time. he got him back. 

PEPPER FREAKING POTTS 

AVENGERS ASSEMBLE (YEESSSSSSSS)

peter quill’s semi-reunion with gamora and how she doesnt know him but he gets her back

also gamora, nebula and still-evil!nebula was a great scene. nebula killing her past self is some symbolic shit right there AND to protect her sister who she hated

CAROL FUCKING DANVERS COMING TO SAVE THE DAY AND KICK THANOS’S ASS 

im sad that she wasn’t in the film as much but i get why they did it and it also makes me really excited for her future films

but carol getting the gauntlet and peter saying “i dont know how youre gonna get through that” 

and ALL THE BADASS MCU WOMEN COMING UP BEHIND HER READY TO FIGHT AND REPRESENT FOR THE FEMALES (CRYING) 

this is something that couldn’t of been done a few years ago because there weren’t a lot of female superheroes in this universe and just the fact that this scene can make such an impression and become probably one of the most badass scenes of the mcu is one of the best things that came out of this movie.

side note: ‘activate instant kill’ great callback 

and then we get to the sacrifice.

i knew it. i expected it. i read it in fanfics.

i was still not prepared. 

‘I am inevitable’

‘I AM IRON MAN’

FUCKKKKKKKK they really know how to write these movies. 

he knew he would die. he knew he would never see morgan again. but he knew what he had to do. 

his character arch from a selfish man to a selfless man has been the most profound and powerful story. 

rdj and tony stark have really carried this franchise. they were the start. and it makes sense that his death closes out this era of the mcu. 

to rdj: i will never forgive my mom for telling me that she didn’t like you way back when. that really influenced how i thought about you and about tony stark for years. and i limited me from really appreciating and loving iron man and those movies and tony’s character. but as i continued to watch more of you in the mcu and in real life and have seen how you have grown and who you are today, i have so much love and respect for you and your character. im just so upset at the time i lost where i could have fallen even more in love with you. thank you so much for everything you have done over the last 11 years for this franchise. thank you for the time thank you for the memories and the laughs. the journey has been amazing. 

the funeral scene with ‘proof that tony stark has a heart’ 

(also was the the kid from iron man 3 in the back?)

VALKYRIE BECOMING KING (queen? i say king but who knows) of new asgard. look at my killing baby all grown up and being the leader they need.

thor becoming a guardian basically. 

also was quill looking for his gamora? where was the gamora from this timeline on the ship? she wasn’t there in the scene so idk

also fighting with knives to see whos in charge lol

im glad people mentioned/mourned for nat too 

steve rogers 

steve.

i knew he wasn’t coming back.

bucky knew it too.

im wreaked

but at least he got his happy ending. he got his peggy (again idk what that does to her timeline) 

captain sam wilson america in the house.

(old steve looks like joe biden or is it just me lol)

they ended it with a steggy dance and kiss

it really was a perfect end to his story and it wrapped up his character really well. he got that life he deserved 

to chris evans: as this is probably the last time we will see you as captain america let me thank you too for the years and joy that you have brought to my life. youre it for me. you are the reason i became so invested in this world. when you jumped on the fake grenade i was in it with you. chris you are and will always be the best chris in my heart. your passion for this character and understanding of steve rogers and his motivations have created such a memorable performance. steve rogers will always be the og. he will always have my heart. i am so thankful that you took this opportunity and used it and made this character your own. you live up to the standards that steve holds for himself and i am so excited for your future. i am also so glad that you didn’t die in this movie bc i definitely could not have handled it if i had to watch both my favs die. i love you three thousand.

i literally cried throughout the whole movie. there were laughs, cheers, groans, stress, tears, and love throughout this film. i am so grateful that i am alive during this time in cinematic history. there will never be something as great or momentous as this film. a true culmination of 22 films. its never been done and i doubt itll ever be done again

i am also so impressed and amazed by how well this film turned out. it is just amazing how everything fell into place 

im sure ill read other people’s reactions and they will bring up points or problematic things that will taint my view on this movie but i dont want that to ruin my own experience

and for me, this was truly emotionally draining and fulfilling. the feeling of being in that theatre with all those people who love the characters as much as i do and experiencing this film for the first time is something i will never forget. 

people talk about how they remember lining up for star wars.

well i remember sobbing my eyes out when nat died, cheering along with everyone when cap picked up mjolnir and whipped thanos’s ass with it and when carol and the rest of the badass women of the mcu ready to kick ass, crying with everyone as the light went out in tony’s chest and eyes, watching as history was made in front of our eyes.

and the end credits with the og avengers getting recognition with their photos and autographs. 

i love this franchise and these films and these characters i dont know who i would be without them. 

one last thing

thank you to the og avengers. steve tony thor nat clint bruce. chris robert chris scarlett jeremy mark. you will always have a special place in my heart. you were there at the start. you were the reason this all could happen you were the reason i became so invested in these movies. you brought these characters to life and embodied them. you are all so much like your characters the casting is perfect. thank you for your dedication to your work to you fans and to your characters. it means so much that you all stuck through this together and that you are such great friends in real life and i can only hope that one day i can be so lucky as to meet you all and thank you in person. 

[barelylivinblog]

We Went to Canada to See A Lot of Water

After driving through what seemed an endless route to the north pole, my boyfriend and I were crossing Lake Erie and heading across the border into Canada towards Niagara Falls. 

Traveling there wasn’t as bad as I’m letting it off to be, but being in a car for six hours definitely put a toll on my childlike soul. I spent almost an hour of the ride harassing my boyfriend by wearing his sunglasses and being ridiculous, which I now realize was a lot funnier in person than written out. 

If there’s anything I can tell you about taking a road trip, it’s very simple: Pack Snacks. 

Had my boyfriend’s mother not supplied us with a sandwich bag crammed with two breakfast bars, a nutty butty, and two bags of popcorn, I would have perished. We made the mistake not to stop when we saw food, and when I say food, I mean the shady gas stations along side the highway to nowhere. This was the best option because after so far along when we were actually hungry there was NO WHERE to eat until we got into Buffalo. At that point it made no sense to travel into buffalo when we could just wait until we got into Canada. 

Starving, we hurried along to our hotel and then quickly settled to eat at the Apple Bee’s right down the street from our hotel. Had we not been so hungry, I’m sure we wouldn’t have settled for the most American option. However, as my boyfriend said, it was easier knowing we were going to a place where we knew we would enjoy the food.

BUT.

To my horror upon looking at the menu: Canada’s Apple Bee’s DOES NOT SERVE BONELESS WINGS. I am an expert when it comes to American Apple Bee’s because if there was one close to my house I would eat there every day. The menu at the Canadian one was, to my surprise, much smaller. They didn’t even offer two for $25. 

Another thing I picked up on quickly was how expensive everything was. Even with the conversion I ended up spending double my anticipated amount just from eating and sightseeing. The only free part of the trip was seeing the Falls themselves. My boyfriend even had to pay to park his car for the weekend. 

Anyways, after paying what seemed like a million dollars for a meal at the facade that they called Apple Bee’s, we headed down to the Falls for the first time in the dark. In order to get there you had to walk down this steep hill (which continuously killed me when we hiked back up it) and walk under this bridge that still had been decorated for Christmas. The whole city was still decorated for Christmas which was nice considering our trip was a “Christmas” trip. 

Once you got so far down the hill there was a picture view of what I believed to be the only Falls. You see, there are two waterfalls in this area: The American side and the Canadian side. In my head the two falls were facing their claimed countries, but it turns out they were both facing the Canadian side. 

So I was staring at the American side, lit up by colorful lights, and thinking that this was the big sight to see. To be honest, I hadn’t even realized what I was looking at until my boyfriend said that the Falls were straight ahead. They, especially in the night, looked like projections of water. It was unreal. 

And then I saw the Canadian side, or the Horseshoe Falls. Which, again, looked like a large projections. My eyes could almost not adjust to what I was seeing because it was so unbelievable. 

After the magic of the falls and being showered in positive ions, my boyfriend and I headed back to our hotel. Below is a list of things we discovered about our hotel:

1. You cannot use bath bombs in the hotel tub or else they will charge you $350.00

2. Channel 4 is the fireplace channel

3. The vending machines only take dollar coins, HOWEVER, the dollar coins they have set out for you are a three dollar charge. 

4. The pillows were garbage. 

5. Hotel IHop was delicious but I paid 13.00 dollars for a meal I get at Denny’s for 4 dollars. 

6. The curtains that would make sense to be able to move DO NOT move.

7. The elevator will smell like weed.

8. The hotel gift shops snacks are very pricey. We lucked out after I spotted a general store directly across from our hotel and got snacks for a little bit cheaper. It was a good business, still selling stuff obnoxiously priced but not as pricey as the hotel. 

Our second day we went behind the waterfalls, and climbed over to Clifton Hill in search for something to do. We ended up at a glow in the dark indoor mini-golf course. It was a good way to waste some time and I think was worth the admission price. I was worried it was going to be crowded but everyone was good about waiting their turn which made it a cool experience.

That night, however, my boyfriend took me to the casino.The casino was really dazzling to the eye, but once you looked past the fancy decor and colorful flooring, it was scary how hypnotized some people were. I watched people who looked like their lives had been sucked out of them from hitting a button and betting away a lot more money than one should to a computerized slot machine. I had never been to a casino because in America I’m not old enough, but here all I had to do was show two forms of I.D. and I was stamped and sent on my way.

I ended up not gambling because it was a weird concept to me, but my boyfriend did. He was laughing and carrying on and all the older people were giving us dirty looks. It was fun to watch him, but now I fear he’s hooked (not really, I just like to give him a hard time).

The best part of the casino was the buffet. It was beautiful inside, the food was all very good, and it was one of the cheaper meals we had. We ended up eating there twice because of this, so I strongly recommend that if you are in a touristy area where food is expensive, look for that casino buffet. 

On Sunday, we explored a wax museum. It was the worst idea I’ve ever had. Like, I’m ashamed to admit that I was the one that suggested it. The museum was about the size of a house, but laid out in a way that made it seem larger. In order to appear this way, each room was sectioned off by doors rather than archways. At one point I felt overwhelmingly claustrophobic because we were in a small room with about five different figures. The figures themselves looked to be completely real or like creepy dolls -- there was no in-between. I thought this uneasy feeling of being scared that one of them was going to come to life was just me and my overactive imagination, but once leaving I found out that my boyfriend was also pretty spooked about the whole experience.

So to calm down we went and sampled beers. The servers never carded us or looked at us strangely, which made me uneasy as well but also reassured that I wasn’t being illegal. My boyfriend and I argued for which beer was best, but to be honest I don’t really care for beer at all. 

Speaking of servers and overall employees, they will never be paid enough to deal with rude tourists. I watched numerous encounters where tourists were being unreasonably rude to staff members and if there’s any advice I can give you about traveling: be nice to the workers and they will usually give you a nice experience. It’s the famous “treat others the way you would like to be treated.”

When Monday morning came, we headed back to the States and I took a well needed nap while my boyfriend played Smash Brothers to make up for his lost gaming time.

Overall, Niagara Falls was beautiful. I assumed that because of winter there wouldn’t be as many people, but it was pretty crowded over the weekend. However, we never ate a bad meal or experienced anything negative (other than the spooky wax museum but we have erased that from our memory). My only regret is that we didn’t explore as much as we should have. It was very easy to do things that we were familiar with instead of taking risks. My prime example of this was the Apple Bee’s, and although the buffet was amazing, next time I would enjoy to explore what Canada’s menu has to offer, food and experience wise. The most exploring we did was nearby, and we typically stayed close to what was familiar to us. The farthest we went was to a Hershey Chocolate World only to discover that it didn’t have the Hershey Factory Tour ride that our beloved Hershey Park has. In the long run however, we did a substantial amount of walking around and had a very relaxing trip.

To summarize: pack snacks, have a lot of spending money, and enjoy the view because it was the best part. 

[pilawforhire-archived]

"Hey, Law. Dont whine, dont give up on your life, never say you'd die... EVER!! You hear me? 'Cause you'll be cured, growing up, and getting older. And importantly, because we'll meet this day to be celebrated every year," Corazon smiled broadly in the surgeon's memory. "Happy birthday, Law."

It’s dark as night and cold as winter. Desolation surrounds him, nothing but debris and ruins for miles and miles. Nevertheless, Law trudges on until he can make out the faint signs of familiarity. It’s that place, the same place as before, as every year, on that particular date. Would he show?

Law pulls up the collar of his coat and follows a glimmer in the distance. He plods toward it… and glimpses his face. It’s him. All at once, the heaviness in Law’s heart dissipates and he perks up, his eyes brightening with animation. Undeniably, it’s him. He’s not aged a single year and his face is painted the same way, his smile just as wide and kind and soothing.

Corazon outstretches his arms and runs toward Law.

Despite his delight at seeing Corazon again, instinct has Law tensing up and plastering a scowl — that he regrets the moment Corazon’s arms pass completely through him, failing to embrace him in a hug.

Disappointment etched over Law’s face, this time, it is Law who tries unflaggingly over and over, swinging his arms toward Corazon, to hug him and to hold him close.

Law fails. His arms pass right through Corazon in vain. Wa… Wait! Don’t go! Law yells, but Corazon has disappeared from his sight.

Thankfully, Law turns around and Corazon is standing behind him.

Relief gleams in Law’s eyes… until he observes that Corazon is floating. Corazon’s feet hover inches above the ground.

Law grows crestfallen. A deep-seated melancholia permeates his heart. Law tries one last time to hug Corazon. He struggles and scrambles to grasp Corazon’s larger palm. He strives and stumbles to grab Corazon’s shirt. All his efforts fail repeatedly, miserably, tragically. A figment of his imagination? He’s not real?

Suddenly, Corazon appears to be growing taller — no, it’s Law who’s shrinking in size. In the blink of an eye, Law is a pint-sized child, staring up at the towering figure of Corazon, just like over a decade ago, before…

Corazon leans forward. His illusory arm extends and pats Law on the head. Corazon smiles with undying affection.

Thirteen years old again, Law feels at ease in Corazon’s presence, however intangible. Law reciprocates a soft smile. Everything is okay for a moment. Everything around fades, except the both of them. It’s just like good old times, before…

A park materializes and, hand-in-hand, Law’s hand clutching thin air, they stroll together in silence that is made comforting only by Corazon’s presence. Although Law cannot feel him, cannot touch him, to Law, Corazon is there, by his side. His saviour.

Finally, they arrive at a forest. Corazon stops and Law stops. Law stares up at Corazon with a rueful longing. Are you leaving? Law asks, his tone disheartened. Stay…? Can’t you stay? Why do you have to leave again? So soon…

If Corazon left, Law doubts he would return. Corazon will not come back. It’ll be like before… him, forever gone.

As if reading Law’s thoughts, Corazon crouches down before Law. For the first time, Corazon speaks to him. Corazon’s eyes seem to gaze directly into Law’s as he speaks to him.

“Hey, Law. Dont whine, dont give up on your life, never say you’d die… EVER!! You hear me? ‘Cause you’ll be cured, growing up, and getting older. And importantly, because we’ll meet this day to be celebrated every year.” Corazon smiles and pats Law’s head. “Happy birthday, Law.”

Tears stream from Law’s eyes. Again, like before… Law bawls, fountains of tears, unstoppable. His shoulders shake, his chest constricts, and pain radiates through him whole.

A blink, and Law wakes with a gasp.

In his adult body, Law sits up on his bed and glances around frantically. His cheeks are wet and his head throbs with a dull pain. It takes him a moment to realise he’s on the Polar Tang, in his room, no longer a child, but a captain of his own crew. What was that about…? A dream…? Just a dream?

Of course, it was a dream. Corazon was dead. Dreams and memories are all that is left. Regardless, Law’s recollection of his dream is vivid. It felt too real.

For several minutes, Law huddles up on his mattress. He hugs his knees and closes his eyes. He takes long, deep breaths, before he opens them again and notices the muddy footprints on his bed. One glance over himself tells him he is not dressed in his usual pajamas.

Law drags his hands down his face and sniffs. Corazon’s message replays in his mind. Impressive, how even in a mere dream, Corazon gives him strength and support. However, wasn’t it just his subconscious cheering himself on? After all, to think that Corazon still watches over him… that’s too far-fetched a thought.

Nonetheless, the words, ‘we’ll meet this day to be celebrated every year’ — that… to see him again every year, even if only in a dream…

Law smiles sadly and touches his hand over his heart. Corazon may be gone, but Law’s memories of him… those are indestructible, everlasting, until old age or death would claim him. Never a day passes that Law spends without Corazon on his mind.

Although, who does Corazon think Law is? Did Corazon think Law would give up on the life Corazon tried so hard to save? No matter how difficult the struggles, Law would never let Corazon’s efforts go to waste. Never. Ever. Ever.

Law moves to his desk to pen a letter that would never get sent.

                                                         ~~~

Cora-san.

Thanks, but aren’t you underestimating the kid you saw fit to save? You don’t have anything to worry about. It’s been many years, but I’ve come a long way. I would never give up. They would never let me.

I… I lost you, but that’s okay. I miss you, but that’s okay. I’ve… I’ve been blessed somehow. They found me. Or I found them. You know them. I’ve told you about them on every possible occasion. But never enough… So you’ll hear about them now again. They piss me off all the time but… they’re there. They stay by my side, for some reason. They…

                                                          ~~~

Knocks on his door, followed by joyful greetings, steal his attention away. They were waiting for him, to have breakfast… With a grateful smile, Law leaves his room, to his crew wishing him a happy birthday.

Corazon’s words, regardless, would forever hold a place in Law’s heart and serve as encouragement to get him through tougher times, just like his memories of Corazon, that Law keeps dearly and reflects on regularly to keep them from fading away…

                                                              ~

                                                                 You just keep me hanging on. @entranquilidad

[greenlandhollerpets]

Part 1 of 3. “Things Change in A Moment!” Greatest News of my life in the morning/ and a bomb on my soul at 3:33 p.m. (August 2, 2018) Last Thursday, one week ago today, with great dreams being realized, I was given devastating news. Okay first of all on Wednesday, August 1, 2018, MIchael and I met with the head of marketing for Dos Lagos to review and finalize details to pursue our idea of having one day a month, preferably the first Sunday, be a PET SOCIAL at their beautiful location. And, get all the paperwork finished, i.e. contracts. Insurance secured, and details of the planned itinerary for each show from time to activities. Swirling in my head has been to create a day not about us, but about bringing together our community of dog, and pet lovers, to share their animals, enjoy some quality speakers from vets, to trainers, to people with books or TV shows sharing new ideas on pet care, and even have some neighborhood kids singing to entertain all. And have raffles, a bake shop, and other fun little entities. The entire event is about bringing our community together, and also let people know about our dogs in need of new homes, plus the animals waiting to be saved in our shelters. So, upon leaving there, I was in the clouds. Now, however, on Tuesday, when we had our first appointment, I was unable to walk that morning, and had to postpone the meeting a day, however it was all working out. The marketing professional has bigger ideas than me! That says a lot about this creative man. He plans in a few months, because he’s sure we will be packed to close off streets. YES YES YES. This man gets it! Completely, and greater than we do ! Im designing dog Costumes for our young people volunteers. We can be just like Disney. I began working on the itinerary the moment we got back to the Sanctuary. Then the next morning, Michael and I had to get up really early as I had a long awaited appointment with the top spinal neurologist surgeon at USC. I had seen him before; he did not think he could redo my four botched back and sacrum surgeries; suggested I get a spinal NEURO transmitter, kind of like a pacemaker for the spine. I cant walk, my left leg is nearly all dead, and each day the pain is excruciating. His EMG test showed my L4, L 5, and S 1 in my spine were severed. But I felt in my heart the NEURO deal was just a bandaid. I don’t need a bandaid. I need a solution. Everyday I cant walk, and the pain is excruciating. Well, this man had been working trying to figure out what was the real problem. And he found out the issue, My sacrum is not straight. He sent all my records, and tests, to John Hopkins and other outside resources too. Well, 12 years ago, I broke my sacrum ice skating in northern Minnesota on Christmas Eve day, Dressed up in a winter wonderland dress, new skates, and rolling along with my cousins on an area all the boys had cleared for us girls. Hot toddies were at our pit stops, Im with my cousins that have been in my life since born, its Christmas and just like all our Christmas Holidays as children, we were together, and skating . . . . . Oh let the Minnesota wind blow! Plus I looked so cute. Well, the rink was a little bumpy. Hey the guys are older now too, but who cared; not me! But thirty minutes out I went down on my ribs, yes I broke a couple of those too, but I did not care. I got up and flew off to skate more. Im nearly flying. Happy? I was in heaven! However THEN I fell on my back. Oh brother! I could not get up! OOPS. And dear Michael comes over to me, my pretty dress ripped at the bottom, I can’t get up at all, and he says, “I thought you were a really great skater?.” Yeah, yeah, well guess Ive lost some of my flight with age. Us kids skated hour after hour as children. But those years had long passed, and I knew I was in trouble. The boys, now men, had to carry me back to the house. Good grief! And pain, I think I drank an entire bottle of Minnesota Brandy! It was interesting though, I was still having the time of my life. I was with my dear dear cousins, we played Bingo for Christmas Eve, nearly killing each other over getting the extraordinary gifts, of ducks carved by one of the guys, blankets hand made, and just precious gifts. You toss dice, and when the gifts are all opened, you toss the dice among you, and when you get doubles, you can take a gift from another person. That’s when the fun begins. As kids we were dangerous over the gifts mostly hand made. No wonder I have such a diligent drive to WIN! And never give up. So all my childhood memories I was reliving. Little did I know I had SHATTERED my SACRUM. Shattered! I had destroyed my sacrum. But with cocktails, laughter and a MInnesota old-fashioned blizzard, just like when I was a child, I was on a cloud. Michael and I had driven to Minnesota to fix up my aunt’s home. She was found murdered, oh thats another story, she was MURDERED. I was her executor and niece. She and my mom were very close, and Nancy spent all her summers with her children, same age as me, at our supper club. Now she was dead, and it was and still is a horror. Another day I will tell all, but not right now. But we are in a truck, 400 miles north of the cities, and thousands of miles north of our home in California. The day after Christmas, we still had celebrating to do, the usual meal, And just sharing all our tales. But the following day MIchael and I headed down to Minneapolis, in a a severe snowstorm which for me made the trip bearable, and memorable, and fun! Im easy to please! We decided we would go to the hospital in the cities, as if I had to go into a hospital MIchael could be working on the my aunts house that had been stripped and nearly destroyed by a stranger she had befriended. A lonely woman in need of love! Well Edina hospital informed me my tail bone was broken, and just needed to heal. And gave me I think 250 20 mg. Of Percocet. Yikes. And my many other relatives made sure we had liquor. I love being in Minnesota! We had a balloon bed on the floor. I hurt so bad, and could not lift my legs at all; couldn’t really walk, but I supervised! We were thinking of moving back there at this point. My aunts home was beautiful, it had just been harmed, but it was coming together so elegant, and I thought I would finally get to go back home. A dream in my heart for years. But it did not happen. I was too sick, and we did what was critical, well Michael did, and headed home to California. We set up pillows and tried to make me comfortable, it was a horrible ride though. We met Michaels mom, dad, sister and family in Arizona. They were celebrating a family anniversary. I tried to attend the dinner, but we had to get up and leave. We got on the highway. I needed to be in a hospital, and we needed to get home. At the dinner table, I asked everyone for their drinks . . . .told them not to worry they should order a couple more. The pain had become excruciating. And then we were home, we did not even go home, Michael drove us to our Corona hospital, where they told me to study yoga, and within minutes Michael took me to UCI. Immediately I was given Morphine. I had never had morphine, that I knew about, and I made them flush it out, I hated the feeling, but other drugs were acceptable. Then I was told my sacrum was shattered. However by now, it had started to heal. I was placed in the hospital for a few days, but made a decision to just let it heal. I COULD NOT GO THRU the PAIN again! For eight months I could not walk. But I exercised faithfully and hard core daily, and finally I was at least able to walk. I thought I was going to be okay. I didn’t realize my sacrum made the structure of my body unstable and unbalanced. Well, that fall and the damage is my entire problem today. UCI with my four surgeries never fixed the sacrum. My back sticks out which is not acceptable. My doctor at USC says you can’t walk for long with the position of my spine. You lose all stability. I only have a few months to get things fixed, or I can become paralyzed. This doctor was haunted by what he had seen in my tests. He told me on this morning, August 2, 2018, that he could fix me or at least give it all he has, as I DONT HAVE A CHOICE. I was beyond happy, I now had hope and a real solution. I can be fixed. Then I had a CT Angiogram with contrast. Remember I had a heart attack and have congestive heart. failure, with a definite constricted heart. The new back surgery is dangerous, so all has to be cleared. I have the test done, and found out my veins are just not working at this time.. They had to use my hand for the IV for the contrast. What else can go wrong. But moving right along, test all done, Michael and I are almost home after another long journey now from LA USC to home in Corona; it’s about 3:30. My cardiologist phones: “You need to turn your car around and come back here. We need to put you in the hospital immediately. You have clot in you lung. You have a critical pulmonary embolism!” “WHAT?” No. Michael turned the car around, but the traffic was absolute grid-lock. He said we needed to go to Corona.....NO NO NO! Anyway, no choice I could die taking the ride. So We went to Corona. First thing I am told is this hospital no longer has a cardiac department, oh goodness. But they did have lung doctors. Get me to USC. “You can’t travel!” I am told. Visit us at www.greenlandhollerpets.org

[tamisutcliffe-id]

Mom,

It has been very busy at my work lately, which is both good and bad. Helps the days go by quickly but also keeps me going for quite a few hours at a time. We have started using live video cameras for meetings now, so I have to make sure my hair is combed and the little cat is not eating bugs on the couch when I sign into calls. (Although everyone loves the little cat, she is kind of a distraction and will sometimes walk right up to the camera and yawn.)

I just loved that picture of you and the story about the lovely cruise makes it even better- a wonderful memory!

Sometimes I open up the family photo files that Dad sent me and just scroll through some of the old ones. I am so grateful to have had a Dad who enjoyed  capturing what he saw. So many of his shots are pure art, and I love seeing all of us at all of those other times in our lives.

Our cruise is September 17th to the 23rd. We'll be sailing on a Carnival ship we havent been on before (the Valour) out of Galveston, going to Cozumel and Progresso. This is kind of like you going to Lost River camping: you have been to this same place many, many times, it is not the most gorgeous of all the places you go but you like it, and you miss not going there, if you havent been in a while. So I am looking forward to being on the blue Caribbean sea again, even if the damn bag will be going with me. Some of my very favorite pictures of David have been taken in Cozumel:  

https://www.flickr.com/photos/93728166@N05/sets/72157632909525291

I go have the first test (of the required two) on August 29. I am scared about it, for no reason other than I just feel scared about it. They normally dont put you under to do this test, but the surgeon said given the extensive amount of damage done six months ago, he would be more comfortable doing the first exploration in there with me snoring rather than staring him in the face. I'll only be asleep for a half hour or so (with IV sedation, like they do for a normal colonoscopy) - and the test itself only takes about 20 minutes, and then I go home and should have no particular side effects at all. If this test goes well (and they find I am flexible inside where I should be flexible), I will need one more test (poetically known as a "leak test" -- ?!?! Oh, no!).  If that one comes out well, we schedule the reversal. We will be home from the cruise the last week of September, so we are very tentatively thinking, if everything goes smoothly, I will have the reversal done in early October. If for any reason either of the tests does not show what we hope for, then we just wait some more. Eventually, I WILL be flexible enough, according to everyone I have talked to. But no one ever knows just when that will be. So - 49 more days of the bag and then we shall see what we shall see.

My friend Kathy, who has been through quite a lot herself, sent me this picture recently, and I try to keep this in mind:

This is us a few summers ago: (Kathy runs barrels but Pam and I do not!!)

Keep sending the emails. I love it when I see your name in the "From" box! Do you have a camera? Have Jason email me pictures of you guys, if you think of it. I would love to see the yard and Loki and all the stuff going on in Idaho.

The Barbara Kingsolver quote was perfect.

Here is my poem of the week:

“So I am not a broken heart.

I am not the weight I lost or the miles I walked.

I am not this year and I am not anybodys fault.

I am muscles building cells, a little every day, because they broke that day,

but bones are stronger once they heal and I am smiling to the other drivers in the traffic jamand replacing my groceries once a weekand I am not sitting for hours in the shower anymore.

I am the way a life unfolds and blooms and seasons come and goand I am the way the spring always finds a way to turn even the coldest winter into a field of green and flowers and new life.”

― Charlotte Eriksson

Love,Tami

On Sun, Jul 8, 2018 at 10:28 PM, Rita Tolman <

rita@btolman.com

> wrote:

Tami Hope you enjoyed your fourth of July week.  Having the fourth in the middle of the week made it seem like a long holiday.  Brandi came by and spent a couple of hours today.  Mont and Cyn returning from Tamarack tomorrow.  Brandi will spend her month home working at Monts clinic.  She is having a hard time deciding where she wants to go when she finishes this next year.  At age 28 she is worried she will never find the one and be able to start a family.  No one in the family can relate as everyone seems to have found the one except Jason which makes me feel sad sometimes if I let myself think about it.  Sure hard to (live one day at a time) sometimes isn’t it.   Couple of comments on your last two emails.  Did you know the quote from Bill Wilson is the man who started Alcoholics Anon. clear back in the thirties?  Reading about his life you find that he was convinced he had some kind of a spiritual experience that caused him to get together with another drunk and have the first meeting of AA.  One drunk helping another to stay sober.  Pretty amazing. The picture of me by the palm tree in one of my favorite dresses of all time from Annie Z was taken by Dad in Miami just before we took our first cruise to the Bahamas.  One of the families Anon. members owned a travel agency in Miami and she was able to put together a cruise for a FA convention.  Dad and I had the honor of coming the farthest to attend.  Flying clear across the country from Seattle.  Jason was doing so well then and we had a great time and met some of the nicest people in the world.  We kept in touch with one couple from Michigan for several years and met up with them a couple of more times at FA conventions.  Their son finally got sober in his thirties, had a family and died in a car crash.  Go figure! When did you say your cruise was going to be in Sept?  Will you see the Doctor again before then?  Summer is slipping away so quickly. I’m hoping to drive to Pocatello in the next couple of weeks to try to plan an August camping trip.  Would love to go back to the Tetons but it is not Butch and Danas first choice.  They still love the lost river country but I will be happy to just get to somewhere more primitive than Tamarack.  Will have to do some home cooking if I can remember how as Butch looks forward to some grandma Spahr cooking.  I have been guilty of buying frozen microwave meals from costco all summer.  Have you got a membership yet.  Still hoping David will check out the hearing aid dept.  They also offer a big selection of wines at good prices.  Mont and I love their cocktail tray of Jumbo cocktail shrimp with fresh lemon and cocktail sauce.  Makes my mouth water just writing about them.  Fairly healthy ad not too many calories if you don’t eat the whole thing at once.  Will close with a quote from one of my favorite Authors Barbara Kingsolver on loss.  “You don’t think you’ll live past it and you don’t really.  The person you were is gone,but the half of you that’s still alive wakes up one day and takes over again.”   Have a good week and take care.  Love Mom

[superhero-daugthers11]

Howard smiled and nodded feeling comfort from what Steve said. “Thanks that means a lot to me.” he spoke. Then he smiled and looked to the others.

“Enough of this mushy feeling stuff,” Howard told them. “Lets finish dinner and have a good time.”

They walked back into the kitchen and the kids plates were already empty. Howard walked into the living room, in search of the kids. He found them watching a Star Wars movie in the living room. 

Tony and Phillip (Amy`s younger brother) were sitting on the floor sharing popcorn, while Amy was asleep on the couch and taking up all the space. 

    Tony was fixing a remote-controlled toy car for Philip, who was only eight. He explained every step to fixing it. Phillip listened intently and with interest.

“So could you fix anything?” Phillip asked excitedly.

“Probably.” Tony answered.

“What if i had a robot like RTD2?”

“you have a robot?” Tony questioned with a chuckle.

“No, but if i had one, would you know how it worked? could you fix one?”

“I would figure it out.” Tony shrugged with a smirk.

“Awesome!” Phillip shouted as he hugged tony. “Your the coolest tony!”

Tony handed back the toy car and the remote.

“Thanks, Phil.” Tony answered patting his head. “Your pretty cool too.”

“Theres a new button.”  phillip noted as he looked at the remote. “whats it do, Tony?”

“press it and find out.” he replied with a smile.

Phillip did so and the cars wheels turned onto its side and began to fly around the room. Phillip`s eyes lit up and a big smile grew across his face.

“Wow! that is the most amazing thing ever! Your the best!” Phillip shouted.

Howard smiled as he watched the two boys get along so well.

The next few months were filled with intensive training on Peggy`s part. She was honing her skills, practicing her shooting and fighting at Shields training grounds. the other half of her time was spent researching the mysterious “Winter Solider” and despertly trying to figure out his patterns, fighting methods, and his motives. She manged to learn a lot but his identity still remained unknown. If she wasnt researching the Stark case or training, she was making trips to the Starks home to guard them. Amy and the family rarely saw her for over three months. 

The Starks had been attacked four times, within those months and the family was scaried out their minds, but Peggy had been there to protect them. Peggy made excuses to the starks of why steve often wasn’t there to guard them, she would say things like ‘he’s doing home research on the case’ or ‘he’s watching the kids’ or ‘he was held up at work’.

Peggy had called “a family meeting” in the living room. Which either meant one of the kids did something bad and the parents were going to lecture them or mom was going on another long trip for a mission.

“Howard and his family are traveling to New Jersey by car to make a deal with a new business associate.” Peggy told them. “I’m going with them to make sure everything goes smoothly. It’s just for the weekend, I will be back in time for Christmas. The starks added 5 new body guards, so supposedly it should be easier on me, but honestly the men they choose are pathetic and don’t stand a chance against the winter soilder.”

Amy smiled at her mother’s confidence. She knew what howards fate was meant to be, having traveled to the future many times. She knew her mother had grown increasingly close to the Stark family within these past few months. Particularly closer to Howard. Peggy told her that she got to know him. She got to see a new side of him, a kinder more vulnerable side. He told amy and Steve once that she found Howard crying alone in his room, when he thought everyone had gone. She sat with him and listened to him talk about his fears and worries for the future. Peggy remembered the memory well.

“I dont know what i did to make this guy so pissed off at me.” Howard complained. “He wont stop, he keeps coming back and i dont know if I can go on like this much longer.”

“Your strong, you can make it through this. I`m close to finding out his idenity and once we have that we can find him and put a bounty on his head! Send all agents after him, plus the FBI and the cops. Who ever kills him gets a million dollars or something.”

“Your not going to find him, you been at it for over three months! What mnone of them will.”

“You have to have faith, i promise you everything will be okay.”

“If i die, you and Steve will look out for Tony and Maria right?’” Howard asked. “Guide Tony and make sure he doesnt get into trouble. Make sure Amy and Phillip stay friends with him, there a good influence on him. Tony always wanted siblings, he thinks of them like family. Even Amy is good for him. I know they argue like cats and dogs but she challenges him and brings down his ego a bit.” he smirked. “Kinda reminds me of us.”

Peggy smiled.

“As for Maria, i dont want her to dwell on my death,”  Howard continued. “i dont want her to become one of those little old ladies who lives alone with five cats cause she cant move on. You will still be her friend right? go shopping with her and go out for coffee. I know you two arent close, but she needs someone like you as a friend. All her friends are stuck up rich snobs, who could really care less about her. Your the kind of person who cares and she will need someone to care for her when I’m gone. Maybe even introduce her to some nice guy, who can take care of her and make her happy. Will you Promise me, that you and Steve will look out for Tony and Maria?”

“Stop talking like that, your not going anywhere.” Peggy replied, letting out tears. “You are going to live to see Tony graduate next year. Evenually see Tony run your company and then see him have kids of his own. You will get to know that grey-haired version of Maria and you`ll still love her as much as you do now. " 

      “You didnt answer my question.”Howard stated. “Would you look out for Tony and Maria when i`m gone.”

    “I didnt answer because it was a stupid question.” Peggy answered with a smile and a chuckle. “Of course we would watch out for them, thats what friends are for.”

“Its times like these were you find out who your real friends are." Howard spoke. He hugged Peggy. “Honestly i cant thank you enough, Peg. You have been such an amazing friend to me. I dont know what I would do without you.”

back in the present, peggy stood infront of her family. Even though Amy and Steve were home more often then her and knew everyones schedule by heart by now. Peggy still insisted on calling the family meetings and telling them over and over. 

“So Phillip has two baseball games this week, its apart of the tornement, So Amy and Steve, make sure he gets to the game on time.”Peggy reminded. she looked toward her husband. “Also remember Amy has dance class at 4 til 6 on tuesdays and thursday, then karate at 3 til 6 on monday and wendsday. Phillip has baseball practice from 2 til 6 every monday thru thursday. Oh and Phillip has a report on the Solar system due thursday that he might need help on.”

(OOC: I was thinking maybe Steve remembers the date, from the new paper, that Howard was supposed to be killed. So he knows that this trip would be were Howard dies, so he offers to go along)

Steve felt horrible about this, he hated to lie, he wasn’t good at it, people always knew that he was lying. Still though they needed to lie here because if they didn’t then the future that this could create could spell disaster in the future to come with the impending dangers that were to come. He took her hand and stood up, he was grateful that she was taking his word for this and wasn’t pressing too hard, though he didn’t like the idea that they were both going to lie, he followed her back inside the house and he let her do all the talking, he knew that if he said anything the lie would be detected immediately.

He was afraid to answer Maria’s question but was thankful that Peggy stepped in and answered for him, though what did surprise him was when Howard practically launched himself at him and Peggy. He felt like a heel for lying to his friend and helping to seal his impending fate, this wasn’t good, he wished he could do something but he needed this to happen because this would help to shape Tony into who the world needs him to be.

Hearing Howard go on about his dream and his affection for his son and his belief in him was too much for Steve, “I can see that in him too Howard, hes a great boy, and I know he’ll grow up in an amazing man.” Steve replied to his friend, this wasn’t a lie, he knew that Tony would grow up to be the galaxy’s savior. The one who did what was needed to bring everyone back after Thanos and his insane plan. He wanted to say more but he didn’t want to press his luck at the moment, “Tony will be just fine in life, hes like his father, smart, brilliant, and strong willed.” He replied to him hoping that this would make the man feel better, but for him he felt terrible letting this happen. Maybe there was something he could do to prevent this but at the same time let it happen, there had to be a way around all of this. Hell he was here, this proved that time can be altered in such ways that don’t disrupt it.