#Don't lie that your inclined lift is a funicular-it's stolen valour

[theromanbarbarian]

I'm so mad.

I'm so fucking mad

KATOOMBA SCENIC RAILWAY THIS IS A CALLOUT POST!

Oh, what's that? You're playing innocent? You don't know what you did? You're just "an unforgettable 310 metre route" in Australia's Blue Mountains providing "mountains of fun"? Just the blameless "steepest railway in the world"?

Bullshit! You're not the fucking steepest railway in the world. I've seen the steepest railway in the world and it's goes up the Swiss(of course it's Swiss) mountain Pilatus. 48 percent maximal gradient, runs on a toothed track and has a cogwheel that helps it run up such a steep mountain. Good Train.

Ah, but it's just the steepest cogwheel railway, I hear you say, We are not a cogwheel railway

Oh, so how do you get up that hill?

Uhhh... Cables.

You're a fucking cable railway ? Then who cares bloody steep you are? You can pull stuff up any grade on a cable, the whole fucking point is to overcome the limitations of trains that have their own engine and are bad at climbing inclines.

But, we have a Guinness world record!

Excuse me then, a fucking Guinness world record, those are definitely credible and not just a fucking ad agency. Alright let's take a look at this shit...

oh, so you're a funicular are you? Alright that's at least something... there's still plenty of engineering challenges in building a steep funicular. Because you have two cable cars that act as each others counterweight, they need a lot of upkeep in order to keep the cars balanced and are more challenging to build and design. Let me just google "steepest funicular". Wait... here it says that the steepest funicular is the Stoosbahn in Switzerland (damn leave something for the rest of us Switzerland) with a max grade of 110%. OK that's still less than you, maybe they have it wrong. Let's just look at your Wikipedia to check if you're really a funicular...

YOU'RE A FUCKING INCLINED LIFT? You know we already have regular vertical lifts, that have infinite fucking steepness? You're a fucking embarrassment. AAAAAAAAH!

Calm down... Deep breaths...

OK, let's stretch the definition of railway into meaninglessness to include inclined fucking lifts. Tell me that you're at least the steepest inclined lift...

Of course, I've got a Guinness world record.

Well forgive me if I don't trust the clowns at Guinness that don't know what a funicular is. Finding the steepest inclined lift will probably be pretty difficult, since it's such a useless fucking title. Let's see if there is anything steeper than 52°.....

You're a fucking joke, Katoomba scenic railway....

You're not a self propelled railway, you're being pulled by a cable like a cuck. You're not a funicular, you don't even have two fucking cars, like other motherfucking inclined lifts pretending to be funiculars (looking at you Montmartre "Funicular"). And on top of that you're not even the goddamm steepest inclined lift in the world. But you payed Guinness a bunch of money and now you call yourself the "world's steepest railway" all over your advertising and a bunch of lazy fuckwit journalists lapped it up to the point that you are the first thing that pops up when you google it.

You're a goddamm liar.

Fuck you.