#Dazai hates Shirase and that's a FACT

[unicornpopcorn14]

Dazai, before Chuuya ties him up to the street lamp in SB, for a moment is alone with Shirase while Adam and Chuuya converse about something...

What Dazai does? He decides it's the best time for a staring contest. He just stares, silent, brewing. Shirase stares back, for a second composed, then shivers so violently when he realizes just how vacant and piercing his eye is.

"Y-You wanna pick a fight or something??"

Dazai doesn't answer. He just stares. Stares until the other is scared shitless, is but a shivering mess and trembling knees, is trying to hide but the eye follows regardless. Stares as Shirase loses the game a hundred times, all while he doesn't back away...

It stays like this until Chuuya picks Dazai by the scruff and ties the rope around him. Good thing, too, because a second more of this fiasco and Shirase would have made a freaking mess on the floor...

[chuuyaa-nakaharaa]

Well.. most people know colors when they're like four. I mean, I get the circumstances, but, I feel like it's pretty dumb for me to only know colors at fifteen.

I am STUPID. I am NONSENSICAL. I am DENSE. I am a JOKE. I am a MORON. I am a MANIAC. I am an IDIOT. I am a FOOL. I am an AIRHEAD. I am a LUNATIC. I am a BUFFOON.

— @dazaii-osamuu

No you're not. What're you on about?

[daffodilsineden]

ranting about bsds plot + art of AI fyodor au.

i hope i eat my own words, but i genuinely hate asagiri's writing at the moment, flame me if you will but hear me out first. manga spoilers ahead.

Bungo Stray Dogs plot has been the bane of my existence since Dazai's 'death.'

I'm not exactly sure what Asagiri intends to do with the series, but in all honesty it seems to be falling into the same genre as jjk went into when every character with potential was made into fodder.

Asagiri is good at writing characters, but a comprehensive plotline? Not so much. In a series, the storylines are supposed to be fairly cohesive, not predictable COHESIVE. But as it stands now I genuinely can't understand where the series is even going. Hopefully I'll eat my own words, Asagiri will pull the rug from under me and the series will turn out better than ever.

The plotfall, in my opinion, would be the character death-baiting in bsd. Either fake deaths with choppy 'plot twists' (if you can even call it that.) or actual deaths where the character dying doesn't serve to further the story - but rather it just happens for shock factor. But those characters who are still alive, a majority, are only alive because Asagiri back benched them over a yonder ago. An example being the entirety of europe - untapped potential as the canonical 'powerhouse of abilities in the world', and the same supposed continent that could stop the vampire outbreak.

But the biggest fumble? Fyodor being alive.

We didn't need his backstory, we didn't need him to make a return, we don't NEED to understand him. Fyodor's character stems from being mysterious, unable to predict.

I'm a hypocrite here because in my AU - Fyodor is 'alive', as much as he can be. But we still know nothing, the straws that we were grasping at turn out to be leading to nothing bigger.

Because in my AU, Fyodor is AI. The character in meursault is not Fyodor, rather his façade - stunt double almost. The real fyodor doesn't even have a physical body. It isn't out of the question that a conscious AI could exist in the bsd verse, considering the fact that androids and man-made abilities can be made.

Why is he AI? I thought it was neat, first, but there are several points that Asagiri could've actually used. First of all it'd fit the natural trope of "artificial intelligence character who hates humans and ought to rid the world of sin," - but further to that fyodor is canonically good at hacking. being able to crash the Moby Dick with access to only one control panel somehow? Not to mention the amount of computer motifs he has through the series, and how game of chess with Dazai - he predicts Dazai so easily because with every move Dazai makes, Fyodor recalibrates himself. As for the person who bested Fyodor in the past, it could've been his creator. And with europole being able to make androids, I think it would be cool as hell if fyodor made his next target europe. expand the series past Japan and those visiting, his next stop is to steal documents on how to build his own body. and then, make his own ability, with the research conducted in stormbringer. (Which, if you don't remember, abilities are tied to souls - meaning his eventual attempt to make himself a ridiculously strong ability would end in failure.) Shirase and Adam make a comeback. Adam the android detective who fyodor wants to become similar to, and Shirase who after the events of stormbringer, fled to London to sell illegal jewels. you know what else shirase has? memories of what happened in the ability lab back in stormbringer. you know what fyodor wants? information on how to make his future robotic body an ability. (and if you don't remember, abilities are tied to souls - so his eventual attempt will likely result in failure) Shirase, obviously being weaker than both Adam and chuya who were witnesses to the same thing, becomes the main target to fyodor.

As for everyone else, the ada and likewise, who believe that fyodor is 'rightfully dead', will be shocked to hear that activity not unsimilar to how fyodor operates has sparked once more in europe. i think it'd be cool for the series to spin back into what it once was, a detective manga with minimal action - and further I hope it would expand past the confines of just Japan.

Anyway, to finish off my little rant I'd like to show my Fyodor AI concept art! Not the best I could draw, but I have no experience with mecha style concepts and I went into this with one reference and a dream 😭

expect tons of extentions to my AI fyodor au in the future, particularly surrounding Agatha's alliance with fyodor and the order of the clock tower in general, cya!

[lotus-pear]

it’s impossible to be online when ur answering asks bc i obviously HAVE to read what the people are saying

but anyway, Update bitch, I READ STORMBRINGER (EXTREME SPOILER WARNING FOR THE PPL THAT KEEP PUTTING IT OFF LIKE I DID)

someone in the server was writing a one shot and needed feedback and when i sat to help they were like “u cant read this if u don’t know what happens!! it’ll spoil the ending!!” and i was like okay crazy, it’s not like i haven’t seen too much already 🙄🙄

LOTUS

THE WAY I FREAKED OUT ABOUT THE CLONE

THAT SHIT WAS NOT LEGAL TO BE PUT ON ME

THAT SHIT WAS DEEPLY UNNECESSARY

also didn’t know the flags died THAT EARLY??? like OKAY SURE make me love them and then TAKE EM AWAY RIGHT THEN AND THERE

Verlaine and Rimbaud are so lovers, like it’s kinda crazy that Asagiri put them together and make them close and have the GAL TO NOT MAKE THEM LOVERS LIKE EXCUSE ME-

he had the time to put Verlaine shoot Rimbaud like he did when he was drunk in Paris bUT NOT MAKE THEN HAVE LETTERS?? THE DIARY WAS DECIDEDLY NOT ENOUGH THANK YOU VERY MUCH

the way i was shocked that Verlaine ends up training the kids like Gin and Kyouka like OKAYYYYY THATS SLAYYY

Adam is my long lost love, idc if he was told to be nice by the creator (Wollstonecraft) but he and I are destined actually

ALSO BRO U SCARED ME WITH DAZAI BUT LIKE… It… it wasn’t that bad??

CUZ LISTEN

torture sucks. but tbh it’s so in character with him the news aren’t shocking at all. what is shocking? LETTING HIM CHOOSE TO USE CORRUPTION OR NOT??? HIM DOING HIS BEST TO FIND OUT WHETHER HE’S HUMAN OR NOT EVEN THO DAZAI HIMSELF IS CONVINCED??? BEING MADE TO PUKE AND PUKE AGAIN AS A CONSEQUENCE FOR LETTING CHUUYA BE TORTURED BC FAIR IS FAIR???

stormbringer just continues to prove they are so distinctly them and no one else has a chance in there 😭😭

in conclusion shirase is such a dumb bitch but lowkey at the end i kinda liked him

this is all to say lotus dear

ADAM ART DROPPING WHEN????

average stormbringer reaction also psa if you come out of stormbringer hating shirase or verlaine then the block button is right there bc none of my content is for you! i will love them both until the day i die ♥️

anyway stormbringer for me wasnt about chuuya it was about RIMLAINE i was curious abt rimabaud’s death monologue and was like “hm…who is this partner he speaks so fondly of?” least to say i wasn’t disappointed at all, quite the contrary in fact…..i was devastated. verlaine how does it feel knowing you’re my favorite character ever what did asagiri even put in that man to make him sooooo

ALSO ADAM WAUUGGHHH i stay delusional thinking since skk are in europe theyre gonna go to london or smt to see shirase and adam….sighhhh stormbringer trio i love you

anyway looks like you enjoyed‼️ for maximum whiplash you should read tdipud next

[anticidic]

Hello, if you don't mind, can I ask your top 5 favorite characters from BSD? Why you love them? And, what are your top 7 favorite moments from that series?

Also, from which author (BSD characters) have you read the books? Hope my question is not confusing.

Thanks if you want to answer....

ooh, hi!! sure!

this has gotten incredibly long, so I'll be putting a good portion of it under a read more.

Favorite characters

Dazai

Chuuya

Fyodor

Mushitaro

Ango

Dazai: He's the kind of character where just when I think I'm starting to finally crack the code and understand him, turns out nope, I was wrong all along with my interpretations and couldn't be more far off. I more "love-hate" him because I absolutely do not defend his past transgressions, but acknowledge he has come a long way from the dark place he used to find himself in.

What particularly interests me about him is his amorality. He does what he does or did what he did in the past and does not see his choices as good or bad, just a means to an end. And I like how that aspect of him clashes with Ango, where Ango would question why do we have to sacrifice one person to save 100 when we can save everyone? Having to sacrifice someone should not even be an option. Whereas Dazai would see it as sacrificing that one to save 100 and think nothing of it, because obviously saving as many people as possible is the goal, even if someone has to die for it. And also that the way he views the universe and the people: he treats it oddly, like it's all an experiment to study. He likes studying people, seeing what makes them crack, laugh, cry. And wants to understand why because what makes one person cry does not make him cry.

Chuuya: Man just can't catch a break sometimes. But I like that he's incredibly intelligent and empathetic. Obligatory read Stormbringer NOW. When he's put beside the likes of Dazai and Fyodor he ends up getting foreshadowed, but standalone he's shown that he's capable of making his own deductions and figuring people out in similar veins. Not to mention the fact that he's experienced loss time and time again, literally to those closest to him, but he still gets back up and dusts himself off. And the fact it hasn't embittered him to hold grudges against everyone—we still see how trusting he is of Dazai, for instance. And he still treats Shirase like a friend. I think he harbors a lot of guilt, but he doesn't let it break him.

Fyodor: It's still hard to have a 100% confident opinion of him with what's been going on in the manga up until now, but until the plot continues to advance, I'm standing with the side that I don't think he has a god complex, but more of a savior complex. He's so completely assured that he's doing the right thing and is blinded by the fact that he's actually hurting a lot of people in his quest to save people. He's burdened himself with the task of essentially saving the world of ability users and is taking on the consequences of doing so until the end. I think it ties in with his religious motifs.

Mushitaro: I was immediately drawn to him. He presents as a bit, well, grandiose at first. Thinks himself above others, detectives are basically the dirt beneath his feet, but (and this ties into one of my favorite moments) when it came time for Yokomizo to die and we saw just how distraught Mushitaro was over losing Yokomizo and having to be the one who carried that will out, those emotions were raw. The mask he had on just completely cracked and we see a man who is tasked with carrying out the will of his friend in the worst possible way, and does it anyway. He's no longer concerned about outsmarting and besting others. All he can think of is loss. It knocks him down from his metaphorical pedestal he believed himself to be on, just to learn he's like everyone else. He is not invincible.

Ango: I consider him an embodiment of guilt. He doesn't live for himself, he's like a puppet on strings being tugged in all different directions and forced to dance to the tune of the puppet master (in this case, the government). He basically has no free will. That he's self-aware some of the things he's had to do were wrong and would hurt people makes me respect that a lot. He knows he's no better than anyone else, and there isn't much he can do to make peace with that or make it up to others he's hurt in the process. He clearly has beliefs that conflict with the government, such as disagreeing with having to sacrifice any of its citizens for the greater good and the "killing two birds with one stone" choices like introducing Mimic to Japan in order to also try to wipe out the Port Mafia.

As for my favorite moments (I'll keep this shorter):

Perfect Crime Arc: I know this is cheating as a whole arc, but I thought it was very well-done. Ranpo's look of disbelief when he couldn't figure out it was Mushitaro behind the crime. How Mushitaro thought himself invincible. Then how it all came crashing down.

Mori putting Tachihara's hat back on after hunting dog reveal: Tachihara was the shocked one, while Mori had a knowing smile. He knew. And had absolutely nothing to say other than to put Tachihara's hat on his head.

Yosano vs Kajii fight on the train: we get a glimpse into who Kajii is and his beliefs, which I thought was neat. Wish we would've gotten more. Yosano didn't respect Kajii's disregard for life and his careless experimentation.

Nathaniel vs Akutagawa: I loved the easter egg that Akutagawa called himself 'diablo'. It wasn't to be edgy, but it was a reference of how real life Akutagawa thought of himself despite being extremely religious. He thought he would go to hell as he died with the bible in hand. Also, Margaret sacrificing herself.

Atsushi & Akutagawa vs Ivan: I liked the implications of this more so than the fight itself. Atsushi and Akutagawa working together, and they fuse their abilities together. The trust they had in one another to do that.

Buraiha Trio taking a photo together: Pretty self-explanatory. Thought it was pretty impactful of them all taking a photo and how it would be the last time they were together.

Dazai & Ango visiting Oda's grave: Also pretty self-explanatory. It's not animated, but Ango has visited Oda's grave even in the rain. And Dazai continues to visit his grave. It depicts the guilt Ango had, and that Ango and Dazai truly cared about Oda.

Authors whose books I've read:

(the entirety of The Guild's members)

Dazai

Chuuya (his poems)

Fyodor

Agatha Christie

Mori

Kenji

Atsushi

Ranpo

Ayatsuji

Bram Stoker

I have Yosano and Mushitaro planned, just haven't found the time to read their works. As well as Nikolai.

[about-the-onigiri]

FINALLY FINISHED STORMBRINGER! HERE ARE SOME THOUGHTS (spoilers below obvi)

Okay, there's a lot to go over and I will probably make separate analyses, but for now I'm just going to go over any surface thoughts.

Chuuya

I will make a full separate character analysis for him, but my god did I thoroughly enjoy the theme of his questioned humanity and all the examples that proved his humanity before the end reveal (which btw I feel so stupid for not reading this novel sooner because I dead ass thought this was still an ongoing debate/question 🥴). Reassuring Albatross, mourning the detective, trying to save his clone, throwing away his memory sequence for the sake of Yokohama/the world, empathizing with Verlaine, doing the Sheep hand shake with Shirase, and making sure the Flags graves never go without flowers (kill me); all these things emphasize Chuuya's humanity. These actions answer the daunting question "is Chuuya human?", they precede the reveal. Humanity is such a huge theme in this series, along with one's reason/right for living, and it is always so well done to each individual character; but Chuuya's especially. (I must stop before this becomes a whole character analysis...but soon!)

Speaking of humanity, let's talk about Verlaine.

Now, while he was a strong contender in the beginning (I still don't, and never will, forgive him for the Flags deaths), he is no longer No. 1 on my shit list. Verlaine's existential crisis about his existence and "hate" driven plan to get Chuuya by his side is, arguably, very human! Verlaine was quite the interesting character to see unraveled, because his is one that drives home this major theme of one's reason for existence. It was so easy to sympathize with him because his angers, fears and desperate wants are applicable to not only the human characters in the story, but also any potential reader. They're the furthest thing from "non human", and in the way that Chuuya's humanity is recognized before the reveal, Verlaine's humanity must also be recognized, despite him not being human. Which is one of the things I love most that reoccurs through this novel. Despite the fact that it could all be a product of the lines of code, it begs the question: What makes someone human?

No Longer Human: Dazai

I'm kidding, we know Dazai is human (regardless of his detached sense of self). This novel actually did a fantastic job of painting Dazai as human and not an omnipotent master mind. His intellectual superiority is actually well countered in this novel. Yes, he bought time by giving Verlaine info on N and planned out the steps used in the final battle. But there were actually multiple times throughout this novel that we see Dazai caught off guard by things he couldn't predict, whether he admitted ignorance or not. His astonishment at Verlaine blasting straight through the lab after he had just mentioned he knew mostly what he was and wasn't capable of, his uncertainty for Chuuya's safety and success in the final battle as he watched everything play out. Dazai's humanity though is heavily highlighted when he gives Chuuya the choice of going into the final battle at the cost of losing his (seemingly) only way of verifying whether he's a human or not. This was actually very refreshing to see, but I'll cover this and a lot more on Dazai as I do want to make an in depth character analysis for him too. It was a nice break away and look into his character, as he could have easily withheld that choice and information from Chuuya.

Random Outlying Thoughts

A couple things that further emphasize the theme of humanity throughout this novel:

- Adam and his sacrifice for Chuuya. Especially after it was revealed that he was programmed to make his own decisions.

- Verlaine showing Chuuya the memories with Rimbaud

-Rimbaud's choice to, not only wait for, but save Verlaine, all while apologizing

I also thought it was interesting that Mori gave Chuuya his parent's location and the chance to meet them. I think it was genuinely both a gift and a test. We know Mori is cunning but not the incarnation of evil, as he's supposed to be an inspired character of Black Jack (though the translation errors ruined that). So I do think he would have genuinely given Chuuya that chance, while also using it to gauge where Chuuya stands. (Which we know is with the mafia; his family.)

Speaking of family, I cannot finish this post without mentioning the Flags again. I cried only twice while reading this novel. The first time being the Flags deaths, and the second when their resting place with an abundance of flowers was mentioned. They will forever hold a place in my heart, I'm still not over it tbh.

ALSO, I know in my last SB post I mentioned in the tags about Chuuya having nice things, but the fucking afterward in this novel from Asagiri!? Saying Chuuya's path is one that will not be easy or peaceful!! Asagiri please, I beg, let HIM HAVE NICE THINGS 🥲

Okay, that is all. Thank you for reading my rambles. I will post character analyses in the future!

[feralshadowdemon]

ooo i want to hear about "why did i make chuuya trans in 1999"

one of the few wips which has an outline actually !! the "why did i make chuuya trans in 1999" wip title came from him being ftm in the fic. it's slightly plot relevant. slightly the fic's time and setting and overall plot is inspired by the movie "10 things i hate about you", and it is, in fact, set in 1999 (at an international school in yokohama) snippet

Shirase ducks down right as a carefully crafted paper airplane flies right into the chalkboard—a stupid message written on it in crayon, or pen—but the handwriting is so bad that it looks like it came straight out of a kindergarten. Chuuya sighs and is the only one that gets up, walking over and picking up the paper airplane, then turning to look at the class. He hears a snicker. His eyes narrow slightly. The one who’s snickering (and attempting to hide it)  is the brunette who asked him out the other day. That prick. He throws it, and—  “OW!” Dazai falls right out of his chair while Chuuya just grins. If he gets detention, fucking worth it.

list of wips

[the-gayest-sky-kid]

@single-use-ship-of-theseus OKAY SO the fic is called i was screaming your name through the radio and it's by ElectricSplatter on ao3. keep in mind that all my rambling is going to be from memory bc its on the long side (256,709 words split between 10 chapters) and the only way i even found and got through it was in a bout of like late night mental illness and i will probably never be able to get through it again dhdjdhdj

cut for spoilers & possible length

anyway i fucking LOVE this fic it may be my favorite bsd fic ever im fucking ABNORMAL about it and by abnormal I mean this was rhe comment i left behind when i finished it at like 1 in the morning

IM SO. NOT OKAY ABOUT IT RIGJT.

so one thing i fucking love about this fic is the way its presented to us. the fic starts six years and eight months after the release of the double black album and the single corruption, with the seventh anniversary approaching. in the present time chuuya finally gets fucking fed up with people asking him about it in interviews and says

“Corruption is insanely overrated, and I would prefer to never hear Dazai’s voice for the rest of my fucking life.”

naturally this fucking BLOWS UP, but we don't get to see that yet. why? BECAUSE THE FIC CUTS TO AUGUST. AUGUST ONE YEAR AND FIVE MONTHS BEFORE THE RELEASE OF CORRUPTION.

FOR MOST OF THE FIC YOU'RE READING FROM TWO SEPERATE SPOTS IN TIME. in fact, the majority of the fic takes place in the past, starting here in august until it finally catches up with the present day. Every chapter tends to begin with a sliver of the present day following chuuyas interview, then cuts back to the past and i fucking LOVW IT SHAKING IT SO HARD RIGHT??? AUGU

so anyway it cuts to like 8 years ago and we switch pov to Dazai. for the entire book the pov switches in the book between chuuya and dazai which is nice. anyway 8 years ago dazai osamu of port mafia records is in a diner watching The Sheep play a bad pop song and HATING every minute of it, because hes been sent out to scout a new talent from them by mori specifically. obviously hes like wow these people suck im not doing that but then someone from the audience requests they play Golden Demon (Kouyou's hit song). shirase is like fuck no ew but chuuyas like c'mon lets do it so shirase sits out and chuuya gets to sing for this one and AIFJG!!!!!!! so he sings his own slower more painful rendition of golden demon and dazai has his 1st homosexual moment™ (of. a LOT) and realizes chuuyas got a LOT of raw talent that could definitely be put to use, which is VERY high praise from him.

and that's part of how chuuya joins PMR and i dont remember much very vividly BUT as the fic goes on you watch how the slowly get closer and closer and do stupid teen things and how they take care of each other from chuuyas nightmares and backstory to dazais own mental illness and aifjfufhgh.

as you read theres the feeling of fucking DREAD bc you KNOW how this ends. you saw the blurb you saw the start of the fic you know they hate each other now. and you know that they'll fall apart soon. eventually. and you just have to WAIT FOR IT AND AICCHDJSJS. PAIN.

and they get like so embarrassingly in love with each other its horrible its great like for dazais birthday chuuya dug up vita sexualis which is a song that moris tried to hide for years and chuuya sang it on stage for him bc he knew dazai would love it and AUFHFD and dazai keeps doing something for chuuyas birthday each year like dragging them on an outing or sending him a wine bottle full of seawater because he loves the ocean....

anyway anwya anyway a big part of the story is dazai and chuuya end up writing thw somg corruption together. thats why the timeline in the fic is framed as ____ years ____ months after/since/before the release of it. corruption is a REALLY big song. as in popular. part of this is the improvised piano solo in the middle of it, the corruption aspect. dazais job is to tell chuuya when to stop the solo. corruption is also HORRIBLE for chuuyas mental health. corruption was the alternative to another song chuuya was initially drafting arahabaki, which was a lot worse at the time. but corruption ultimately hammers in how like. not human he feels he is, how his mother viewed him. this makes chuuyas nightmares worse among other things.

HOWEVER eventually towards the end of the book. well no its revealed earlier but back then you're only concerned about it. so towards the end of the book chuuya finally releases his own solo album. and one of the songs is Arahabaki. the song he said he'd rather die than hear on rhe radio or smth iirc. because he turned it into a song about his realizing his own humanity. and oaidhd

im so tired rn so I'm gonna stop here but shaking you. shaking you

other cool bits

CHUUYA KAJII FRIENDSHIP. !!! chuuya ends up having to join his band the black lizard and they hate each other so fucking much but eventually they find common ground

KOUYOU. SHE IS REALLY IMPORTANT AS CHUUYAS MENTOR AUGH

ODASAKU DOESN'T DIE!!! it still hurts though

RIMBAUD!!!!!!! definitely dies though

teenage skk shenanigans. there are a lot i love them

mori isn't all that bad! him and dazai still have issues but his relationship with chuuya is actually pretty nice.

CHUUYA ELISE FRIENDSHIP!!! CHUUYA KYOUKA FRIENDSHIP!!!! CHUUYA KYOUKA ELISE FRIENDSHIP!!!!!!!!!

-

OKAY SERIOUSLY ending it here bc i started this yesterday night and fell asleep in the middle of it 😭 i literally just woke up now augh

[azapofinspiration]

Adam and Dazai the leaders of the “I Hate Shirase” Club while saying it’s totally logical to hate him for his rancid vibes and seething over the fact that Chuuya actually forgave Shirase.

once in a while I'll remember how Adam lost his cool at the police station and called Shirase toxic for his manipulation games, delusions of grandeur and generally grating attitude, to his face, all while saying emotions were a stupid thing and he could stop feeling angry at any time. He could stop right now. He could do it. Any time. He just. doesn't feel like doing it right now. you see.

[edettethegreat]

probably the only post I’ll ever make about that one anime called Bungo Stray Dogs

Originally this post was supposed to be a reply via reblog to this post, but it got a bit too sidetracked and I felt bad for hijacking OP’s post like this. 

Initially I was just going to say this through the comment section of the original post, but then I realized that I have way too many thoughts to fit into the small word limit of a tumblr comment.

Anyway, that’s why I’m posting a screenshot of the original post rather than just reblogging it. I don’t want to derail OP’s original points or hijack the post and go off topic.

@chaosgranted​ you’re right and you should say it. I’m just gonna elaborate on this topic a bit. Gonna scream into the Tumblr void with hopes that the void won’t scream back.

<long ((and mostly negative)) rant about Dazai, so. Read at your own discretion>

I know I already commented on OP’s post a hundred times, but this got me thinking about the subject and now I can’t stop. So lemme burden you all with my never ending stream of thoughts on this matter.

Before I get into this rant, I wanna clarify something. I do, in fact, like Dazai as a character. I think he’s very interesting. I enjoy when he shows up on screen. This isn’t something I’d say for most other characters, who I’m more neutral about.  

That being said. Pretty much everything about how the fandom portrays him and views him annoys me so, so much.

As OP states here, what he does (leaves Chuuya unconscious and vulnerable in the field after promising to bring him back) isn’t just harmful or mean, it’s borderline cruel. And if it was done by any character who the audience wasn’t obsessed with, that character would be burned at the stake.

Think about Shirase (who I love, but that’s its own thing). Some people like him, a bunch of people hate him, a bunch of people have no opinion on him because he’s not a major character in the anime. Regardless of his Light Novel counterpart, Anime Shirase is justified enough in his own right. Let’s be real, the Sheep (including Shirase) were acting in self defense when they betrayed and stabbed Chuuya. They genuinely believed that he was an immediate threat to their safety. They genuinely believed that if they didn’t kill him, he’d kill them, or sell their information to the mafia, who’d shortly thereafter kill them.

Unlike Dazai leaving Chuuya behind when he was at his most vulnerable state, the Sheep stabbing and betraying Chuuya is not only justifiable, but understandable— and can anyone truly say that they’d do any different if they were in their shoes? I know I can only speak for myself, but if I truly and genuinely believed that someone was about to kill me or kill my closest friends, I would do what it takes to protect both my friends and myself.

The Sheep are somewhat vilified by the fandom (in the rare moments when the fandom remembers they exist). If Dazai had done the same— if Dazai had tried to kill an innocent person because he truly and genuinely believed that that person was about to kill the ADA, not only would he be forgiven instantly (which he should be, as I previously mentioned that’s a perfectly reasonable thing to do), but there wouldn’t be even an ounce of discourse over whether or not he’s justified.

Now, I understand the concept of liking “problematic” characters. (Tbh no character is “problematic”, whether or not the character is a good person is irrelevant, if the character does “problematic” things then that’s literally just how they were written and also intentional and also says something about them as a character. It should be called “good writing”, not “a problematic character”.) I understand the concept of liking the antagonist, heck my whole blog used to be me justifying Edmund from King Lear. Of course I never said he was a good person (because OH MAN HE WASN’T), but I found him very intriguing and so I would rationalize his actions and try to see things from his POV.

The difference between liking or justifying an antagonist and what the bsd fandom does with Dazai is that Dazai isn’t an antagonist.

The closest Dazai comes to filling an antagonistic role is in flashback arcs, which is the only time when his actions aren’t chalked up to “haha Bandage man is doing his thing again!”. When Dazai manipulates the Sheep into betraying and stabbing Chuuya, it acknowledges that Dazai is filling a bit of an antagonistic role there. That scene isn’t played off a  a joke— there’s no comedic undertone in how it’s portrayed. As opposed to when he leaves Chuuya in the field and it goes “haha look at Bandage man always being so silly and goofy!”

The same goes for Dazai’s treatment of Akutagawa in The Dark Era arc. When he shoots at him, attempting to kill him with no knowledge that his ability can theoretically stop the bullets, it’s not played off as a joke. However, in the dungeon scene, Dazai says that his new subordinate is “far superior” to him, and the show plays it off as “haha Bandage man made Emo kid angry!”, even though what Dazai meant by “far superior” is that Atsushi got lucky enough to be taught by Present Day Dazai, and so he’s more mentally stable and more sure of himself than Akutagawa, who’s still very clearly getting over the trauma of being literally brainwashed mentored by Mafia Dazai. Ability wise, Atsushi and Akutagawa seem to have equally strong abilities. The only thing that Atsushi has that Akutagawa doesn’t is a semi-healthy mindset. And you know who’s responsible for both of their mindsets….? This statement ( “..far superior..”) is the equivalent of punching someone in the face and then calling them ugly for having a black eye.

But the show keeps playing off Dazai’s outright cruelty to the people around him as a literal joke. And “he’s on the good side now!!”, so, to quote a song we all wish we could forget, How bad can he possibly be?

I think the first real sign of Dazai’s, for lack of better terms, tendencies..,, is in the second episode. That was the point where I was like “Oh. So he’s an asshole.” In that episode, Atsushi states that although he’s grateful for Dazai’s help, he’s not interested in joining the ADA. Dazai tries to pressure him into joining but he politely refuses. Dazai then makes it seem like he’s about to get him an interview for a different job, when suddenly he drags him into a supposed bombing and seemingly forces him to put his life on the line for an organization that he wants nothing to do with.

Atsushi is a kid who can hardly stand up for himself. I’m surprised he even turned Dazai down in the first place, but that just goes to show how badly he wanted nothing to do with the Agency. After discovering that it was all a test set up from the start— a test which he passed, now making him qualified to join the ADA— he still remains unwilling to join. Now what does Dazai, our resident master manipulator, do? He makes sure to give Atsushi a friendly reminder that sure, he doesn’t have to join, but if he doesn’t he’ll surely either die of starvation on the streets or be captured by the cops for his horrible tiger crimes against humanity. At that point of the episode I was like “ah. A manipulative asshole. Lovely. I’d like to see him get punched in the face.” (And thanks to Kunikida he does get punched. Not often enough for my tastes, but whatever.)

If you’ve never watched BSD and are only learning about it from this post, you’re probably thinking “but Edette, this guy is clearly a horrible person. And I understand that people simp for him, but just how delusional do people have to be to pretend none of this ever happened?”

Well there’s a very simple answer to that, my friend.

The whole show plays off his.. ah, let’s call them “silly little shenanigans”.. as just that. Silly. Little. Shenanigans. It shows him being manipulative and using every innocent person he comes alone to advance his own goals in one way or another. But that’s all perfectly fine! Because the show says it’s actually really funny, so it must be, right?

As OP says. Chuuya trusted him. Chuuya listened to him when he told him to activate his ability which nearly kills him. Chuuya was willing to throw his life away, endure pain beyond anything anyone could imagine, all on the hope and trust that this person he shares so much history with will be there for him and protect him when he’s left in his most vulnerable state.

But Dazai uses corruption as a tool. He uses Chuuya as a pawn to win the battle. And if you want to argue that Chuuya’s not a pawn but a knight or queen or some other chess piece then fine. Nice chess analogy. You do realize that’s irrelevant, right? Either way, as he says himself in 15, he’s not a king. He’s not the piece that will be protected at all costs. And no matter what piece he is, he’s just a game piece, just like everyone else Dazai comes across, and Dazai is the player.

And after the battle is over? Well, his pawn is of no use to him anymore. So good job Chuuya, you did it, you won. Soukoku won. But only one half of Soukoku gets to enjoy the victory.

For the record, I do believe that Dazai cares about Chuuya beyond simply being intrigued by him. I do believe that he wouldn’t have folded his coat and left it where he could find it if the person he was fighting alongside was just anyone. But that’s not even close to the bare minimum of what Dazai should have done. This is just a testimony to what sort of person Dazai is. Even with someone who he arguably cares about, he still treats him this horribly.  

And

It’s

Played

Off

As

A

Joke.

[leonawriter]

Place A Flower Crown Around Your Neck

Also on AO3

Fandom: Bungo Stray Dogs

Characters: Chuuya, Dazai, the Sheep, the Port Mafia, Kouyou.

Pairings: Dazai/Chuuya

Summary: Soulmates AU. As long as Chuuya can remember - which is far shorter than most people by several years - flowers have appeared on every area of his body. Supposedly, or so they say, it's because there's someone out there who has the same happen to them when he gets hurt.

The flowers only appear because he cares. The realisation that the one on the other end is Dazai makes him wish that he didn't.

...

Chuuya looks in the mirror, which isn't much of one, and sees shapes blossoming over his chest, his legs, his his arms.

Nakahara Chuuya, the plastic bracelet he'd had on during his first memories, had said. Age. Gender. Birthdate. Blood type. 

None of it explained why there were flowers currently all over his body, that he hadn't put there.

Just one more thing I can't explain, he decided. Something else he could only figure set him apart from the rest of the kids who were a part of the group that'd taken him in when they'd seen him wandering the streets with no clue who he was, where he was, or even what he was, given that his last real memory was of some great hand reaching for him, and that felt more like some sort of weird dream, or nightmare, than something real.

Even if nothing else, it wasn't human.

Maybe this wasn't either, he wonders, and picks his clothes up from the floor, putting them on one by one, readying himself to go back out and pretend to be normal again, for another day.

...

"Oh, ouch," Yuzu says at the dinner table one day, wincing as she looks at him. He doesn't get it - he's not been injured, hasn't been since he burned his hand on the stove by accident, trying to grab at a pan with his ability before it could topple and send the food flying, and that was long enough ago that it'd healed over.

"Ouch what?"

Shirase and a few others start to lean in, to get a closer look, and the moment they look at him, they all wince in their own ways.

Honestly, if people keep doing this and not telling him what was going on, he's just plain gonna get pissed off real soon-

"What, is this new? C'mon, Chuuya, if you had someone, you should've told us!"

"Pfft, look at him! I don't think he even knows what we're talking about!"

"What, seriously? But everyone and their mom and big sister knows about that one- ohhh! Right."

The rice he'd been shovelling into his mouth suddenly becomes a lot harder to swallow as he's reminded of how there were such basic things that even the smallest of the kids who'd come to the Sheep had just by the fact that they'd been born, had parents, had homes... 

"Look, it's fairly simple." The calm voice that had started to explain belonged to a girl several years younger than him. Younger than he was supposed to be and how people saw him, at least. "The idea is, that there are some people who have someone else in the world, and when that person is hurt, flowers show up where the hurt is. I heard someone say that it's because when the world was being made, there were two people who always wanted to know if the person they loved was okay, so the gods gave them a way to find out, because they didn't have phones yet."

"So," someone else said, taking off where she'd left off, "that means you've got someone like that, Chuuya!" 

"Yeah," and this time it's Yuzu again, "which would be great, if it weren't for how there's like, a ring of flowers right now all around his neck. I'd say it's pretty, but honestly, it's kind of morbid."

It was tempting to roll up his sleeves, just to see if some of the flowers he'd seen before were still there, but he stops himself before he can do more than tug on a cuff.

Whoever they are, they're either being kicked around like some weak kid who likes to pick way too many fights, or they don't take nearly enough care of themself, he thinks to himself.

Conversation drifts on, and people talk about soulmates, even though the subject of Chuuya's pretty much gets dropped aside from a number of curious glances, often accompanied by a sympathetic wince. 

Someone brings up that they knew someone from the other side of the slums, and her soulmate was her twin sister, and someone else argues back that twins didn't count, and someone else argued the point with what little they'd learned of history from the books they'd been able to scavenge from the deserted shops and houses.

Chuuya just carried on eating his food, and hoped that whoever it was on the other end would be a bit more considerate and not make this thing so obvious in the future, if they couldn't just stop getting hurt.

At least, he thinks to himself as he forces another mouthful down, hand going to his throat without thinking, it's something human I can claim as my own.

The flowers fade by the time they've finished eating and clearing up, until eventually there's nothing left of them at all. Even so, part of him worries, because those are just the flowers, he knows, and if that means there's an actual injury on some poor person he's supposed to care about, then...

It's easier not to think about it, than to consider the idea that he might have lost them before he's even found them.

...

He kicks the Port Mafia brat into a wall, digs the heel of his foot into the guy's chest, and kicks him again not long later just to get rid of that nullifying ability of his, and doesn't even think anything of it until he gets a glimpse of himself in the bathroom mirrors later, and wonders who the hell his soulmate could be, that he's now got something or other trailing all the way down one of his arms, and something pale just over one of his eyebrows.

It's a good thing he's taken to wearing clothes that cover him up, ever since he found out about this.

(He'd seen Dazai walk in with a cast over his arm, but figured that the two couldn't be related, it had to just be coincidence, because that explosion had covered a wide enough area it could've been anyone, and maybe it was weird, but people busted up their arms every day. 

Besides, the world was big, and it didn't have to be the one Port Mafia kid he'd already declared he couldn't stand.)

...

The first sign he really should've paid attention to, that he shouldn't have just filed off as weird and ignored, was when he'd seen himself with something small and dainty flowering on his cheek while going through the house that was where the explosion had been.

A small flower, in the same place he could see Dazai now had a small cut, probably from one of the bullets the GSS soldiers had been aiming at him.

Dazai ignores it. Or he seems to. 

But then, Dazai, with his bandages all over and his boredom and the way he acts like he's already an adult when he's younger than Chuuya, is weird enough that maybe he sees, and he just doesn't care.

...

Maybe it says something, that he doesn't even figure it out while they're fighting Randou - Rimbaud, he should say, now - and maybe that's all down to adrenaline and the fact that neither of them were injured in places that they'd be able to just look at during the fight, or maybe it was something else entirely, but-

At some point he gets a glimpse of flowers fading from his chest, and his mouth goes dry, remembering all too clearly the small blossoms that had grown around his neck hardly even just once, or twice, in his life.

And the bandages that still covered Dazai's.

...

(He takes to wearing a collar-type choker. Dazai might make fun of it, but Chuuya doesn't want to see flowers in the mirror the next time Dazai tries hanging himself, because he knows what's underneath those bandages better than anyone. He's seen most of those scars come into existence, after all, even if he's never seen them in person.

So he never makes fun of the bandages, even though he could. He isn't going to sink to Dazai's level, and unlike some, he doesn't take pleasure in someone else's pain like that.)

...

"...Ane-san," he says, halfway through a private session focusing on manners and how they relate to tactical warfare, "the whole... soulmates, thing. D'you know of any where they just, don't even like each other?"

The look she gives him says that she understands why he's asking, and that would be bad enough, but she looks like she pities him, and that's ten times worse.

"None that I know of," she says. "After all, the story goes that the gods granted the ability to see the harms of others because both people involved cared, Chuuya-kun."

He scoffs at that, almost laughs at the very idea, because this is Dazai they're talking about, but she gives him a level look, reminding him that they had been in a lesson about manners.

...

The worst times are when he doesn't see any sign of flowers at all, and he learns to dread not seeng anything at all because when the injuries are all internal, the flowers don't appear.

He can't know to run to the last person to see Dazai and ask where he's gone to cut him down when he sees flowers beginning to bloom out from behind his choker, he can't know to run home if he sees something trailing across his wrists, can't know to go anywhere, if he can't see anything at all.

He's scared shitless the first time he sees Dazai floating face down in a river, and screams profanities at him for what feels like an hour, maybe more, until Dazai puts his fingers in his ears and complains of hearing loss.

Chuuya doesn't care, and nor does he care about the fact that he's going to be seeing the marks on his skin from the way he'd beaten at Dazai's chest a little too hard, and hit him knowing that the flowers would fade in a few hours, but at least Dazai would be alive to make them bloom.

He hates Dazai for doing this, hates him for doing this to him, hates him for making him care.

...

("You're late," Dazai says, "because of that, they were able to hit me three more times."

He knows, he wants to say, because he still has the flowers fading on his wrists, where the cuffs are chafing, his sides, where Dazai's been kicked, and Dazai can probably even see the ones on his face that match the bruises still forming there.

"Poor baby," is what he says instead, "want me to pick up where they left off?")

...

The aftermath of Corruption is probably the only time he feels like it's all worth it - the use of that much power and the loss of control, and the entire flowers thing in general.

He'll come back to lucidity to see Dazai's face, invariably covered in flowers, almost always blue and white.

It's a small reminder of what everyone kept on telling him, and even if it only remains for a short time, he'll burn the sight into his memories best he can.

They're only there because he cares, they only can be there because he cares, he tells himself. 

...

He isn't there, when Dazai vanishes, and Mori tells him on the phone about how Dazai has betrayed the mafia, and will from here on in be treated as a traitor.

My condolences, Chuuya-kun. Perhaps if he chooses to come back of his own accord, some argument for leniency might be made, Mori had said, but such leniency can only exist if Dazai-kun allows it to. As I'm sure you understand.

The worst thing is, he does. He understands, he gets it - it makes complete sense in his head, that they can only help Dazai as far as he'll let himself be helped. Which has never been much, if at all, what with the way he's always just done everything on his own and in his own way.

But that's his head, and his heart - that he'd once denied existed, because a heart like this was something more human than he could lay claim to, as some force of destruction in a mortal body - told him that it hurt.

At the very least, Mori's words mean that he doesn't feel like he has to constantly be hyperaware of his own reflection, that he won't wake up one day with flowers having blossomed red on his chest, and trailing down from his jawline.

At least, he thinks, he might be given enough warning before that happens that he won't have to worry about being in public and having all of his enemies and subordinates alike know that his very own soulmate had been executed as a traitor to his very own organisation.

Idly, he wishes that whoever the hell had come up with this stupid idea in the first place, whichever god or goddess it was, had thought to make internal injuries visible as well - maybe then, Dazai might see the way Chuuya had been hurt because of him.

If he even cares, that is, and this isn't just one sided now somehow.

They'd seen each other's pain on their bodies since well before they'd even met, but it wasn't impossible. He'd heard stories, everyone had, and he wasn't so oblivious that he didn't hear people talking about him, wondering if that was what had happened to him.

The marks are only there because you care, he reminded himself, but they don't say anything for a shitty mackerel that's never cared more about you than his love of suicide. 

Just forget about him, he tells himself, tired of this already, when a few days later the flowers appear again, around his neck, as if his choker had gained lace and frills, and he calls in sick so that he's just going to do paperwork and won't have to go out in public like this.

Kouyou doesn't question him. But then, that's helped by the fact that he'd wound up throwing up when the flowers still hadn't faded after several hours, and he's driven to nausea by the images his mind throws at him of Dazai hanging from some beam, some low-hanging tree branch, the life draining out of him and the flowers around Chuuya's neck never fading, because the wounds are never going to heal.

He gets dressed and goes out and manages to look and act normal, but marks on his skin are still fading, days later.

...

He starts to get used to Dazai not being there, and starts to grow accustomed to the flowers showing up and not being able to do shit about it, though it helps that he doesn't see anything near as bad for a long while, and when it does, they fade more quickly.

People learn to stop bringing it up, and each new subordinate he gets learns quickly not to ask, enough that he wonders if it's something people just pick up on, or if people think he'll somehow blow up if they mention how the 'tattoos' on his arms have changed since yesterday.

...

Just forget about him, he'd told himself, just stop caring so much, and it'll all go away and life will be that much easier. You know that. Yo do. 

His heart still stops for a moment when he sees the fresh splashes of colour on his skin, and he grinds his teeth at his inability to do anything about it.

He's not coming back, he's not worth the damn effort of caring, he keeps thinking. If you stop caring now, you won't have to be left with being unable to get rid of the evidence once the bastard actually gets what he wants and finally kills himself.

It doesn't work.

It never does.

...

Four years on, and he's not even thinking about Dazai at all until he looks down at his wrists and sees soft white covering his skin. He doesn't even feel worried at this point, just angry, angry that he knows that if anyone looks at him, they'll wonder what kind of partner he has that would do such a thing.

He's still on the train and looking out of the window when he sees his face burst into flower.

He sighs, closes his eyes, and briefly wonders what sort of mess the bastard had got himself into this time, and by the time he opens them again, he forgets to breathe, for just one moment.

The flowers had covered almost his entire face, colours deep enough to mean it'd be a while before they went down, and he could only imagine what could possibly be going on to cause that.

But he can't think about that, and doesn't want to think about that, so he just pushes his hat down over his head, and pointedly doesn't think at all about Dazai for the rest of the journey, so that when he gets the call telling him that Dazai was in mafia custody, his hand doesn't shake when he puts his phone away again.

...

Dazai is spotless aside from the bruises all over his face and the numerous cuts and scrapes he'd doubtless gathered from just being hung up to dry in their interrogation cell.

Even though Chuuya knows it's because he hasn't had any injuries to make anything show up, it still pisses him off enough that he acts without thinking to try and goad Dazai into a fight.

All he winds up doing is adding to the number of flowers on his own body, and the irony is that anything that Dazai might have done to him, would have been covered up by those damn bandages anyway.

...

He doesn't care, he told himself, later, and even if he did, he doesn't care enough about you to let you know there's anything left.

He gets drunk anyway, and pretends it doesn't hurt that most people seem to take his word for it, that the bastard has it coming, that Akutagawa had looked him in the eye, knowing what he'd done, and maybe if he's drunk enough, it won't hurt as much that Mori wants Dazai back, and both of them know he won't.

He's happier there, come the drunken realisations, that's the first time in ages I've seen flowers that big.

He tries to tell himself he's angry, and maybe when he's sober then he'll be able to be again, but while he's drunk all he can think of is the fact that the flowers are fading, and the way Dazai had laughed at him.

...

He really should have known that Dazai's arm hadn't been damaged - or at least, not here - when his own skin was left clean of any colour that hadn't already been there.

And again, Dazai doesn't seem to notice, doesn't seem to care, about the flowers that spring into existence on Chuuya each time he gets hurt, because why would he? He always has been careless like that.

He might be happier where he is now, but he had left Chuuya behind along with the mafia, and sooner he learned to deal with that, the better.

...

The first lucid sight he has after being pulled out of Corruption and a haze of destruction and despair and the increasing call of the familiar void, calling him to something he had once been, something he could never be again, something where he wouldn't care about anything because he wouldn't be anything-

Other than the cracked ground underneath his feet, the blood dripping down his arms-

Is Dazai.

It's already hard to breath evenly, and the sight of Dazai's face in his hands, unmistakably Dazai but covered in flowers like he hasn't seen in years, is enough to make him almost pass out there and then.

"I wanted to," Dazai said, a smile on his face, "but it was fun." 

Liar, Chuuya wanted to say, liar.

Maybe he would have believed, even, if it hadn't been for the evidence that was literally staring him in the face.

He cares, the flowers told him. He cares.

"Red spider lilies and camellia, Chuuya? I'm flattered."

He blinks, never having bothered to learn any of the meanings behind any of it, figuring there wasn't much point.

He still pushes his fist into Dazai's chest, wishing he could punch him for holding out on him all these years, but not having the energy to do more than say he could at least take him back to the extraction point, after making him go so far, before passing out.

...

He asks Kouyou what red spider lilies and camellia mean, and she looks at him in surprise for a moment, before answering.

Something lost, or abandoned, she says, and then, after a pause, one who is in love. Perishing with grace. Chuuya-kun, is there something you want to tell me?

His explanation is to ask, without words because he worries that if he tried to speak, his words would fail to come out, by holding out the arm with the still-fading white flowers.

Kouyou looks up at his face, sharply, and he worries that something is wrong, if he had misjudged-

Gardenia, she says, pointing at a small bouquet of the delicate-looking things. White roses. Even just these two speak of a secret love... and devotion. If these are from Dazai-kun, then he must have grown a great deal, in these past years. And perhaps your feelings are not so unrequited as you fear, lad.

What he doesn't say, is that he's seen those same white flowers, among others, for far longer than just the past few years.

...

"You know," Dazai says some months later, his head leaning onto Chuuya's shoulder, "for a good long time, I thought it'd have to be someone a lot younger than me. I didn't even think it could be you when I saw we matched."

"Hah? Really?" He thinks about it for a moment, and still can't understand how someone that smart can be that dumb. "How would that even work?"

"You looked my age." Some hint of nostalgic whimsy entered into Dazai's voice, a fair bit colder than most people would be comfortable with. "I've never told anyone else, who wasn't there, but... the first time I ever saw these, I was seven years old."

"What's that- but... it doesn't..." 

"Of course it makes sense, Chuuya. It's made sense to me ever since I heard you say it yourself, that you only really remember starting to exist as yourself, at that very age. The person I was linked to wasn't just Arahabaki, and it wasn't just whoever "Nakahara Chuuya" was before, but you."

His throat constricts, his heart beats too fast, his eyes sting.

He shifts out of Dazai's grip, only to see Dazai looking uncertain and floundering. The closest thing to actually scared that Chuuya thinks he's ever seen on him.

"The hell are you doing, saying sappy things like that?" He groans, covering his eyes with his arm, knowing damn well that it's going to come away wet.

"...Chuuya?"

"You absolute dumbass. You could've told me years ago."

Beautiful, Chuuya remembered him saying as they looked through the restricted files, when they were sixteen and Chuuya was still coming to terms with his own humanity. 

He understood now, even if Dazai looked as though he was so close to shutting himself off again.

His touch, when he reaches over to hold Dazai's face, to tell him in actions what his words weren't good enough to begin to explain at the best of times, not about this, is gentle, running ungloved fingers over the red roses and morning glory on Dazai's face from when Chuuya had been earlier in the day.

The kiss, which isn't their first, is soft. For once he isn't searching for something, isn't hoping for something he half expects won't be there. He's showing, making sure Dazai can't mistake what this means.

I love you, it says. I care. 

I don't want to let go, it says, as he puts his other hand on the other side of Dazai's face. 

I love that you love all of me.

[feralshadowdemon]

peeks in

3, 24, 25?

vi!!! always a joy to see you hii <3 3 - that encompasses my style okay. i'm not quite sure which one would encompass my style, but i'll choose my favorite part from thus with a kiss i die that i am proud of and think fits

If Chuuya had the energy, if his own skin wasn’t threatening to rip apart at the seams, he would’ve started strangling Dazai as catharsis. But the strain in his body couldn’t hold on any longer, as if he were the ground and Chuuya was an empty glass hurling towards it chained by gravity, his glass body almost shattering as it collapsed on top of Dazai. He had bite, he had poison, but none of it spilled out like he expected it to, not even a curse directed at the skies. Dazai seemed stunned that Chuuya didn’t say anything, and he clearly had no idea what to say either, as if silenced by chains wrapped around his neck, ones that Chuuya could not see. He was fighting against his own body to not let himself fracture any further, he would not let himself shatter, especially not with his foe right there. Neither of them dared to show the other even a sign of weakness, it’d seal both their fates, no matter how hard they tried to fight it. Chuuya knew he was weak right now, the only thing possibly preventing Dazai from killing him was his own wounds. If they were both in perfect condition right now, they’d be dead. …That made him wonder. Chuuya decided to be the first to break the silence, to see if he could break the invisible chains wrapped around his foe’s throat. “I don’t get it.” “What?” Dazai played dumb.

(full scene is in the fic i don't want to spoil it)

24 - that makes me go "huh... i wrote that?!" my knuckles bleed for you

Chuuya rolled his eyes, purposely coughing to interrupt Dazai, who just gasped at the interruption. He then pouted at Chuuya, starting to slowly wrap his hand up in the bandages, which made Chuuya unknowingly shift his gaze to watch Dazai do so, his body letting itself relax. Dazai was efficient at it; but that was expected with how many bandages he himself was wrapped up in. Somehow though, while also being quick, he managed to make it fit comfortably almost always the first time. It was so interesting to watch the white, pristine bandages slowly cover the rough red and pink scrapes, seeing it absorb some remaining droplets of blood that tried to bloom out of the injuries. Oddly enough, despite the fact Chuuya usually hated any kind of unwelcome touch; Dazai gently holding his hand as he slowly wrapped his hand in the bandages was… comforting, in some way. He wasn’t sure why or how. Even the way Dazai secured the bandages was comforting, gently pulling at the end of the bandage to make sure all of it was tight and wouldn’t slip off as soon as he let go of it. Chuuya did flinch while Dazai did this, but that was mostly from the bandage touching the scrapes.

25 - that i consider a favorite from a wip i haven't posted yet

Chuuya shakily lifts up his hand, and he can almost hear one of the Sheep—Yuan, Shirase, he can’t fully hear their voices—shout his name. He’s something that the Sheep don’t think Chuuya is; Chuuya is not a king, but Fukuchi would be a better one, surely. Despite the protests, the yells, the cries, Chuuya takes the commander’s hand, and Fukuchi pulls him to his feet. He feels a cloak be placed over his shoulders, and for once, he feels… safety. Maybe he’ll be a worthy king one day, but not to the Sheep, he learnt.

(not the full scene)

[leonawriter]

In The Moonlight

Also on AO3

Fandom: Bungo Stray Dogs

Characters: Chuuya, Dazai, Atsushi, Kyouka, others.

Pairings: Dazai/Chuuya

Notes: BEAST AU fix-fic. Dazai-typical suicide references. Book Dazai AU.

Chuuya finding the Book isn't entirely an accident. Chuuya falling out of the mafia building after Dazai wasn't an accident at all. Neither was pushing himself to breaking point to make damn sure both he and Dazai survived hitting the ground.

But surviving is one thing. Picking up the pieces of the world in the aftermath of it all, would be another thing entirely.

...

Chuuya leaves, figuring that whatever Dazai wanted to do, he could damn well do without Chuuya - he'd done well enough by that account for the past several years, after all, so what'd be so different about now?

He almost trips, almost falls-

shouldn't be possible like that with his ability he  shouldn't and yet andyet-

-and remembers that he'd left something in Dazai's old office. The one Dazai used to have as his home base of sorts, when they were still basically dorming together in the mafia stronghold, having nowhere else to go and no one else to take them in.

At one point, they'd hated each other and worked seamlessly, almost as if where one stopped the other one started.

Then again, at one point, the room he'd just left had been the same one he could still remember pledging loyalty to the mafia - to one man - in, and now, here he was, with all of the reasons he'd sworn that oath having been burnt away over time into the smouldering ashes of could-have-beens.

(He'd seen Dazai plot and set traps around Mori around the time of the Mimic incident; something about the entire thing had left him feeling vaguely sick afterwards, an ache in his side, watching as his world crumbled, fell, and then neatly rebuilt and rearranged itself around him.

Ah, he'd thought sometime later, that's why, he'd thought, remembering how Shirase had stabbed him by getting in close. It was just another betrayal, after all, just another organisation he could have - should have - done more for, where he was slowly being taken for granted.

Again.)

You've forgotten something, his feet still said, taking him back. Who even knew why, it wasn't as if he could change anything.

It wasn't as though he could go back into their past, and somehow change things - it wasn't as if he'd know what to change. He didn't have Dazai's mind for that sort of shit. But then, given where Dazai was right now-

Maybe that was for the best.

...

The Boss' old room from when he wasn't even an executive yet was barely touched from the time when that'd been the case, and this was the only office Dazai'd had, and part of that was because of how little time he'd spent here before moving on to bigger and better places higher up in the food chain.

Or at least, that's what he seemed to want everyone else to think.

'Everyone else' wasn't Chuuya, though, and Chuuya found it all too easy to see the differences - a little less cluttered here, perhaps, a little less full of life. Much like the man it belonged to. The couch they'd bothered each other on before things had started to change was in here, and so were a few other things, although all of them seemed to have been thrown onto the floor rather than treated with any sort of respect or, god forbid, sentiment.

He must have forgotten what he'd come in here for, because he couldn't for the life of him think what could be his in this memorial of a room that he'd want to take with him, that he might have left behind.

That damn bastard had even just left a torn up notebook full of his own writing just scattered on the floor, the binding pretty much coming loose in places.

He bent down to pick it up.

One gloved finger brushed a page.

...

One moment he is crouched on the floor of Dazai's old office.

The next he is seeing himself, frozen in time, outside of space and everything, and at the same time, a part of it.

At first, it is quiet. 

Then, he hears something, at the edge of his awareness, a papery sound, as if-

...

His awareness spreads from one page to every single page, and it is too much, too fast, and he thinks he hears himself screaming-

(Hears himself screaming Dazai's name and sees himself shoving an entire skyscraper down a dragon's maw in the midst of Corruption, and Dazai is dressed in white, the white of death, and yet he wakes and touches Chuuya-)

-until he almost can't hear himself any longer, or he would say that, except, something about the thought feels wrong.

Was it even his scream? 

Visions of their very own White Reaper, the weretiger Atsushi, flicker in his mind, dressed in a different kind of black-and-white, more white than black, screaming out the name of the Agency's newest recruit in rage.

It all passes him by in an instant, like old camera footage on film, but he can hear it and feel it at the same time. As if he's there.

He doesn't understand.

...

Dazai is standing in front of him, looking roughed up, which sets Chuuya on edge immediately, even before he takes in any real notice of the Boss' clothes, because anyone or anything that could get that close to the Boss, could hurt the Boss, was on him. Keeping the Boss safe from harm, even if it was from himself, was Chuuya's own job, damn it.

And then he looks down at Dazai, and sees the brown coat, the beige trousers, the waistcoat, the tie... more colour than he thinks he's ever seen on Dazai, even on undercover missions. And not a hint of black or red.

Then again, he looks at himself, and he looks much like he did when he was first taken in. How he'd stayed for years, until Dazai had taken over. Before he'd had to resign himself to staying indoors, and barely even seeing or walking the streets of the city he loved.

"If I step in too late," Dazai was saying, "you'll die. It's your call."

He watches himself go.

Trusting Dazai with his life.

Watches himself let go, and give in.

He closes his eyes, and wonders just how long it had taken for him to doubt that trust.

Because he can't look, can't watch himself go like this, and it shakes him when he opens his eyes to see-

Nothing, and everything.

He closes his eyes again, and wonders when it was that he had begun to not bear to look.

...

"Stop it," he says, even though he doesn't truly have a voice here.

"Stop it," he cries out.

He curls in on himself, reaching for a hat that doesn't exist, although the universe has the ability to make another, or a hundred thousand hats the exact same, each one with the handwritten word "Rimbaud" inked into the brim.

It doesn't matter here if he's human or not, because his ability doesn't exist, and all that does are the images and scenes of lives as they could have been, a countless number that are tearing him to shreds.

"Please," he says, the word getting torn out of him, "I just want to go back."

...

The whirlwind dies down. 

He starts to be able to think again.

And then-

...

Liar.

...

The  word comes from everything, all around. The entire world telling him that he had to be telling a lie.

Liar, the world said, again. 

You could have any one of these. You could change the world to your whim. 

You don't want to go back.

Liar.

...

"I just want to go back," he couldn't help repeating, as if saying it would make it true. 

Seeing those things made him want so badly, made him tempted, and yet...

...

I can't be him. 

...

That was right.

Whoever the Chuuya in there was, every time he saw him, he seemed so much younger, so much more naive, and as if he'd barely seen anything of the world.

That wasn't him, he couldn't be that person - maybe he could have, once, but not anymore.

...

...can't be-

...

Chuuya just wishes, for a moment, that the one he was stuck with could be just a little bit more like-

...

I CAN'T BE HIM - I CAN'T BE THAT PERSON.

I CAN'T BE HIM.

YOU CAN'T WANT ME, ALL ANYONE WANTS IS THE ONE WHO ISN'T ME, AND I CAN'T-

...

Knowledge and understanding flood his being in a split second. One moment, there's the confusion of wondering where the voice was coming from that spoke directly into everything so that his very bones (or where bones should be) shook him and gave him such an all-encompassing sensation of despair.

He was inside the Book.

Everything that he had seen was an alternate timeline, an alternate version of events, a possibility.

Dazai would tell Atsushi and Akutagawa that only three people could understand the Book's true use and purpose at a time, and that this would be a lie, as he simply knew that the Book would not be able to withstand being used even one more time.

The incontrovertible truth that Dazai Osamu, regardless of the fact that he seemed to not be aware of this himself... was the Book itself.

Or at least, the part that Chuuya was in right now, was the part made of paper that couldn't burn or be destroyed by normal means, and yet had been used to destruction by Dazai's  very own self.

He could find out anything, he realised. Anything at all.

Instead, he simply closed his eyes.

"Put me back," he said, using the same tone of voice he used on jittery subordinates who'd never killed before. Gentle, but firm. "And stop assuming you know what I want, asshole."

...

Chuuya opens his eyes, and catches a sheet of what he had been assuming to be notebook paper, that had blown free from the carpeted floor, and puts it carefully with the rest. Neither it nor the rest of the ripped-out pages will go back in the way they went, but that's not the main issue right now. the important thing was not losing any.

And then, when it's secure and safely tucked away in an inner pocket, the Book - snug against his heart - feels almost as though it's telling him to find a window, to be quick-

...

It's not easy, getting Dazai down. It involves a lot of stopping and starting, running down windows and aborted attempts at going ahead to break one and get him inside before they reach the ground, before having to simply catch the falling fish again and the times when he's just carrying his boss, reacting like someone who's never had an ability - which isn't something that comes naturally to him, more so than for anyone else, given he's never known what it's like to live without it.

By the time they're on the ground, Dazai's staring at him with a single accusing eye (strange, now that he's seen the Dazai-in-brown with both eyes open), as if he's just interrupted something important.

Which, he thinks, according to Dazai, he had.

Not that he gives a flying fuck what Dazai thinks right now, because he's pissed off, and trying to not look too much like he is, because Dazai or not, suicide attempt or not, this was still his Boss.

"...You stopped me," Dazai says eventually. There's a hint of real anger in his voice, but for once Chuuya isn't intimidated. 

"I don't remember ever resigning," he says, out of breath. He's pretty sure he can feel bruises he's going to feel for ages, and his suit's torn from broken glass, sticky from it too, from where the glass slid in a touch too deeply when he was holding Dazai and couldn't push it away in time. "I don't remember quitting, either," he adds. "You know, I almost forgot just how much you've always pissed me off, Dazai." 

"I'm your Boss-"

"And I'm saying as someone who used to be your partner, I hate suicidal idiots who don't think about anyone else more than anything!" His voice is hoarse. Maybe it's the wind he had to put up with on the way down. That'd count for the way his eyes are watering, too. He's not used to having to deal with high pressure wind like a normal person would, after all. "Damn it, I fucking hate you."

Dazai, damn him, tenses in Chuuya's grip, and then stills.

(Part of him remembers the way another Dazai had floated down effortlessly to the ground, Chuuya the one in his lap instead of the other way around, and it having been a soft, peaceful moment rather than the tense one full of the sound of alarms and people rushing out and surrounding them, since the Boss is on the ground, and with a single touch Chuuya's ability could be turned off, their final defence brought down.

It isn't fair, he thinks, that some other Chuuya got that, and he's stuck with this.)

"The Book," Dazai breathes out, single eye wide, "you found it - Chuuya, what did you do? What did you do?"

"Nothing!" The word rings out around them, and if Chuuya's hurt that Dazai is more concerned with the idea of anything happening to that friend of his who wasn't even his friend here, than his own life, or Chuuya's, or anyone else's in the whole damn world, then - apparently, that doesn't count for much. "I didn't write a single fucking word on a single damn page, Dazai," he says lowly, so that this time Dazai's the only one who can hear him. Dazai just stares at him, clearly not believing. "Not one."

"I... could have died, I think," Dazai says.

There's something tired about the way he says it, that makes Chuuya feel like there's a cold seeping into his bones.

"Yeah," he says, remembering all the numbers of times since they were kids that Dazai's tried and failed to die, the times when he'd floated along the river and should have drowned, when he's hung himself and added yet another rope line to his neck, thrown himself into the line of fire, off of buildings... 

Dazai'd somehow always survived, no matter that he hadn't wanted to, had always been vocally disappointed to be able to open his eyes again.

This time, though-

If only a diamond can polish a diamond, does that mean that the only thing that can destroy the Book, something that can't be damaged by fire or any other sort of ability, no matter the kind... is the Book itself?

The pages strewn across Dazai's old office, and the broken state of the self that had been crying out when he'd been inside of it, suggested that maybe they were right.

"You could've," he allowed. "But you're not gonna."

"I'm... not him," Dazai says, closing his eyes. 

"Yeah? Good. Means I don't have to get my eyes checked for throwing myself off a building for a ghost, then." He thinks about it, if the Boss had suddenly been replaced like that, and shudders.

He can't finish the thought of wondering, because the very idea of him, the way he is, being looked at - through - by a Dazai who was so much better than both of them, who knew a Chuuya who was so much better than he was, had so much more... it makes him feel like he'd almost prefer never to have known they existed, because that way he wouldn't feel like the memory of their existence was constantly judging him.

...

They both wind up taking a short trip to the A&E, somewhere they haven't been for a while just because usually, Dazai's status as Boss of the Port Mafia tends to mean he's kept safely inside the headquarters building and seen to by Port Mafia doctors, or those they trust. But with the headquarters made a complete mess of by first Atsushi and Akutagawa, and then his own descent, it's no longer as secure as it should be, and anything else would just take too much time.

Dazai's in the next room, guarded by several mafia Chuuya trusts, both to protect him from any threats, but also - after the stunt he'd pulled earlier - from himself, and for his own good. 

Chuuya's been getting updates from them and the nurses whenever anything changes. So far, Dazai seems to have sustained mostly non-lethal but inconveniencing injuries that'll put him out of commission for a while.

So when Atsushi and Kyouka come by, the men direct them into Chuuya's room instead, because Dazai's asleep, like he should be.

He doesn't miss the way the weretiger's eyes widen at the sight of him, one of the most feared mafia executives and the Boss' right hand man, covered in bandages just like the Boss, and wrapped in a hospital yukata.

"S-sir!" Atsushi bows, as if they were just in the main office (he thinks he'd tried to blow that window in, too, but the windows hadn't given, just buckled somewhat, and he winces at the thought of how much effort is going to go into repairing and replacing everything).

"Atsushi." The boy's eyes widen at the sound of his name. Then again, he probably expects to be punished, for being up there when a suicidal idiot decided to try and kill himself again.

Chuuya sighs.

"We came because- b-before, Dazai-san... he..."

"He told you to do something, and then fell off the fucking roof, didn't he?" Chuuya summarised. 

Atsushi nodded, sharply.

"Yes, sir."

"What was it?" And when neither of them answered, he tched in frustration, and pushed himself a little further upright. "Dazai's in the other room asleep and alive, currently the only one other than you guys and maybe that Akutagawa who'd know what was said up there. As an executive member, I have every right to order you to tell me what he told you to do."

Atsushi paled, and began to shake, but Chuuya couldn't find it within himself to feel too guilty, even knowing just how strong the kid had grown in any other version of events.

"Dazai-san, he... he asked us to protect something," Atsushi said, voice still shaking, seemingly rooted to the spot. Kyouka next to him didn't move a single muscle. "And - he..." his voice trailed off into almost nothing. "He told me to defect from the mafia, sir." The words were barely audible, Chuuya only just able to hear them. "He told me-"

"Then what're you still doing here?" Atsushi, cut off by his superior - former superior, it looked like - stared blankly. "He fired you, kid. And her too, right?" After all, Chuuya had seen the girl doing better elsewhere too, and if he'd seen that, then Dazai definitely would have. "Then why come back like a stray dog to the place that's kicked you out? If you're wondering what to do next since Dazai's not dead, just... do whatever you want. You don't have to do what he says anymore, if he says he's not going to take you back." Hypocrite, he thinks to himself. Dazai had basically thrown him aside, and here he was, still clutching onto the last rags of something he didn't even know was worth keeping anymore. "If the Boss himself has told you to do a thing, you do it. And since I know what what's going on," in more ways than he'd let them know about, even if he had a strong suspicion he knew what they'd been tasked with protecting, and why, "I'm not going to let anyone hunt you down for following orders."

Atsushi began to back away, first one foot, and then the other, backing away and not turning around until he was in the hall, at which point Chuuya saw him begin to run.

Kyouka takes a little longer, studying him, eyes narrowed, before she turns away, a little more confident, a little less twitchy like a spooked cat.

"Good luck, kid," he can't help saying as she leaves. "You'll both do better there."

He thinks he sees her tense at his words, but can't be sure, and then she's gone too, and all he's left with is the knowledge that a part of Dazai's soul is still in his inner jacket pocket, and a sorry sense of attachment to two kids who he barely even knows, but knows can be so much better and more alive, just like them, and he's tired, he's tired of knowing.

So he closes his eyes, and hopes that when he wakes up, Dazai will still be alive, and the world won't have ended, and that when he next looks in that jacket pocket, he won't just see a dissipating mass of ink and dust.

It's as he's just drifting off, not quite asleep and not quite awake, that the thought comes to him-

Ah, he thinks, you're just like me.

...

AN: I'll be honest, this actually started several weeks ago when I was browsing pixiv and saw someone's art of Odasaku, Akutagawa, Atsushi, Kyouka, Kenji, and Dazai all standing in the light, and it made me go, "okay, but AU where they're all able to work together. Where they're on the same side, even if they're not in the same organisations."

And that's how this happened, although the part about Dazai being the Book's squishy human form comes from my other fic "The Rest That's Still Unwritten", which is technically canon to this one and vice versa by pure simple means of "same characters, different stories" even in-universe. Originally I wasn't going to, but... it worked just too well not to, especially after a random idea-thought had Chuuya going "this book's so beat up it looks like it barely even remembers it's a book."

...Though, I'll admit that I haven't gone through more than a summary of the BEAST AU book itself, and all events depicted from it are my own understanding of them. I'm writing a fix fic because I don't really like how things happened there, y'know. It's sad and I don't like sad.