#Conrad fisher rec

[cwritesforfun]

TSITP Conrad Fisher x Fem!Reader: Only You

This was a request!! You've been Conrad's friend for years. Conrad took you to the Debutante Ball last summer because your date bailed on you and broke up with you. He realized how he felt about you then and now it's pretty much all he can think about. Y/N = Your Name

Conrad's POV

I'm waiting for Y/N to arrive. She texted me when her flight landed and when she got to her summer house in Cousins Beach. Now I just have to wait until she drives and gets here. I missed her so much. I wish she lived closer and we could hang out more. You have no idea how long I've been wanting to hug her tightly and have our night walks on the beach.

My door swings open and Jeremiah pokes his head in to say "Hey uh I think Y/N is here, but she is on a stressful-sounding call in the front yard. I heard her voice go really high and she's pacing." I nod and thank him before heading outside.

I open the front door and I see Y/N. She's hanging up her phone angrily when I get outside. When she sees me, her eyes light up and she runs over to me. I hug her tightly and swing her around a little.

Upon releasing her from her hug, I help Y/N carry her overnight bag to my bedroom. We then go for our walk on the beach because Y/N kindly asks to go on one.

We're walking on the beach and I notice Y/N deep in thought. I reach for her hand to hold it and I ask, "You okay?" Y/N squeezes my hand and says, "I am just tired of everyone in my hometown. I'm so glad I'm going to college this year. I cannot wait to leave them all. They're so exhausting to be around and they're toxic, plus they treat me like shit." I reply "I'm sorry to hear that. I didn't know they could get worse. It seems like everything was good at the end of the school year." She replies "I thought so too. I ran into this mean girl and my ex-boyfriend who stood me up at the Debutante Ball at the grocery store the other day. She called me ugly and said I don't deserve happiness. She then showed off my ex and talked about how happy she is with him. He didn't say anything that day, but he texted me the next day about how much he missed me. He said his new girlfriend is rude to everyone and that he was sorry. I just said liked his messages because I do not want him in my life in any aspect. I don't like either of them and I truly just dislike them." I reply "Well fuck them and their thoughts! They suck." She half smiles and I say "You know you have a little dimple on your right cheek that shows when you smile real big or when you're laughing really hard. I've always thought it was cute." She smiles widely and says "You're so sweet, Conrad. You always are." I reply "You're so beautiful, you know that right? Those people suck for trying to make you think otherwise." She asks "Is that why you keep staring at me?" I answer "Oh sorry what was that? I keep getting lost in your eyes. What? Too cheesy?" She laughs and playfully slaps me.

After our walk, we get back to the house where Jeremiah reminds me of the party tonight. Y/N agrees and Jeremiah stares at our hands still intertwined. I can't help that I like holding her hand. Y/N doesn't drop my hand either, so she must like me, right?

Y/N changes and says "I just remembered that I don't even have my whole suitcase here. I think I forgot to bring clothes, except one swimsuit." I ask "Do you need a shirt? I have several. I have the perfect shirt for you tonight. Let me find it." I find it and say "Ok, here it is and you should totally wear it. I'm not saying you shouldn't, but you should." She bursts out laughing and says "Oh I'm for sure wearing this." She changes and I smile widely. I love her in my clothes. What's best about this shirt is that it says FISHER on the back in big letters with my old number from football and on the front is this cheesy photo of me playing football at age 5. My mom had them made when I was in high school.

Y/N walks out in my shirt and it looks good on her. I exclaim "I just realized this will make it look like you're my girlfriend or that we're dating." She smirks and asks "Is that a bad thing? Is there someone else in your life that should wear this instead?" I answer "No and no. There's only you. What about you? Is there uh... someone in your life romantically?" She answers "There is no one but you." I ask "May I take you on a date this week?" She answers "Yes."

Jeremiah walks in, glances between us, and exclaims "We're leaving for the party if you two want to leave when we leave. Y/N, I like your shirt."

We all leave for the party. I drive Y/N and me to the party because Steven, Taylor, Belly, and Jeremiah are in the other car.

We get drinks and I walk around with Y/N a lot. We part ways and she goes off to Belly and Taylor. Jeremiah and Steven stop me when I move to get another drink. Jeremiah asks "What happened with Y/N? She's wearing your shirt. You never let anyone wear your clothes." Steven asks "Did you guys kiss yet?" I answer "We're going on a date this week. We did not kiss." Steven claps me on the back and says "I'm proud of you man. Get your girl!" I ask "What about Taylor?" Steven laughs and walks off. Jeremiah says "I'm happy for you, Conrad. Truly. You and Y/N deserve to be together." I smile.

I take a look at Y/N smiling with friends and I want to hug her, so I sneak behind her and wrap my arms around her waist. I put my head on her shoulder and kiss her on the cheek.

I exclaim "I missed you and I needed to hug you." Y/N replies "I like your hugs. Oh did you know that we're only going to be one hour from each other next year? We can visit each other when we're free on the weekend." I kiss her on the cheek and reply "I did know that. I'm so excited about it and yes, I will be seeing you a lot. I need my Y/N fix." She replies "I think our friends are sick of us." I laugh and ask "And why do you think that?" She answers "Well... you know what? I'm happy with you and your attention, so it does not matter to me what they think." I kiss her on the side of her mouth and say "I'm really happy too. I like you so much. You have no idea." She flips around in my arms and asks "How much?" I kiss her on the lips and she says "You must like me a lot." I ask "And how much do you like me?" She pulls my head back down and deepens the kiss as her hands go into my hair. So she likes me A LOT!

[brokenjere]

bad in the bones (c.f) (part 8)

a/n: hey guys! hope you enjoy this next part! I wanna let everyone know that I really only planned this series to be around 10 chapters, so I can’t say how many more parts are left but with that being said, I have some other things up my sleeve to keep everyone busy until season two comes out 🫣🫣🫣 lmk if you wanna be added to the tag list!

A lot of dads showed up - John, the man who had been like a father to me for most of my life up until last year when his marriage to Laurel ended more cordigally than I would have anticipated. Laurel still invited him up for the Fourth despite the fact his new girlfriend was on his arm and she couldn’t have been much older than me. She smiles and pretends it’s not crushing her soul, but I think maybe it was. At least just a little bit. 

Adam showed up, too. After Susannah told everyone he wasn’t coming, Conrad seemed to be in high spirits. He was still canoolding with Nicole in the pool and helped me, Belly, and Jeremiah make pomegranate margaritas in their dad’s special blender but his smile was brighter than I had seen it all morning. When he still thought his dad wasn’t coming. Adam still strolled in, though like everyone was happy to see him. Jeremiah was the only one who smiled. 

The only dad that didn’t show up was mine. Not that he was invited but I couldn’t help but think about where he was. Where my mom was. Who she was spending the holiday with. I doubt she had a homemade cake and margaritas and there probably weren’t red, white, and blue decorations surrounding her. There might be a pool. Maybe she was laying out by it and being served by someone in a fancy hotel that her new boyfriend was paying for. I didn’t really know. That’s where she was last year, anyway. 

I liked her being gone, then. All my friends and I got too drunk in the backyard because there were no adults to stop us. Josh waded in the pool near the edge where I sat. His hands gripped my calves and he kissed my thighs and he mumbled how much he loved me in between kisses. Everyone was envious of us. It was obvious in the way they watched us. Josh never cared much for PDA except when he was drinking. 

Last year, after spending so much time in the pool that he became a prune, he leaned over my tanning body and dripped water all over me while kissing my cheeks. He begged me to go upstairs with him and after telling him no too many times, he lifted me up bridal style and carried me up to my room while piles of water marked our path. 

This year, I’m alone with a bottle of vodka resting on my stomach. I balance the neck between my two fingers and it rises and falls with my breathing. Everyone is down at the beach with the pitcher of the pomegranate margaritas that we made. Belly begged me to come, holding my hands in hers as she pleaded with me. I told her I wasn’t feeling well and she hesitated, but left me anyway. 

The sun is shining through the window and I’m trying to keep my eyes closed to drown out the brightness but a shadow looms over my eyes. I opened one eye and suint at the figure hanging over me. It’s Conrad. “There you are,” he says with a laugh. His hair flops over his eyes and he’s smiling so wide I think he might swallow me whole. “I’ve been looking for you. Belly is getting totally wasted, you should see her.” I don’t laugh but I manage to muster a smile. “What’s wrong?” He asks me, his smile fading. I don’t want it to fade, I want it there plsatered between his cheeks forever. 

“Nothing.” He shakes his head as if he doesn’t believe me and grabs the bottle from me. He takes a sip and jumps over the couch. I move my legs so he doesn’t land on them and he pulls them back into his lap. “What are you doing up here?” 

“It was all getting too much. Everyone is out of hand,” he tells me. He watches the alcohol swirl around in the glass bottle and he’s not looking at me but his thumb is rubbing my calf as it pushes into his thigh and then he asks me if I’m watching the fireworks tonight. “Jeremiah got some good ones to impress Dad, but I don’t even know if he’s staying.” Their dad coming was a shock to everyone, I think. Susannah told everyone this morning he wasn’t going to come but he showed up later with a six-pack of beer and Conrad’s mood visibly shifted. I didn’t ask, though. 

“Why do you say that?” I ask carefully. His breath is shaky and my question wavers on thin ice. He sighs and squeezes my ankle. 

“He and my mom got into it earlier. I don’t think he really had to work, I think Mom didn’t want him here,” he tells me. I tap my foot on the bottle in his hands and he looks at me. His eyes make my heart break. “I didn’t really want him here, either.” 

“What about Jeremiah?” 

“He was ecstatic. Bought a whole show of fireworks.” I smile at the thought but Conrad doesn’t. “So, are you coming?” 

“I don’t think so.” He nods and taps his fingers on my legs. “Unless you want me to?” 

“There’s a moon eclipse tonight,” he says. 

“It’s called a syzygy,” I say. “When the moon, sun, and Earth align. It comes from the Greek word syzgia which means ‘yoked together’.” He smiles at me and I can feel my cheeks heat up. “I was in science club for a while,” I admit. Conrad laughs. A real laugh with his head thrown back and his face turning red and it’s contagious. 

“Yoked together, huh?” He asks and I nod. “Well, yn, do you want to go see the sun, moon, and Earth be yoked together with me later?” 

“What about Nicole?” I hate myself for asking but I have to know so I ask anyway. 

“She doesn’t mean anything to me but I can’t wait around for you forever.” He looks at me and I know he doesn’t want to not wait for me. We look at each other and I know I should say something and tell him he doesn’t have to wait for me because I’m right here but there’s too much at stake and instead of saying what I want to say, I reach for the bottle of vodka and drink it until it’s gone and the room erupts in noise. Susannah calls for cake and Belly is at her heels like a toddler feening for sugar. “We should go out there,” he mumbles, lifting my legs off his lap and standing up. My legs slam down on the couch and I feel horrible. 

I have no choice but to follow him for cake except there won’t be any cake because as I step out onto the patio, Belly skips down the stairs and trips over her own feet and knocks into Susannah and the cake goes everywhere. 

Everyone rushes to Susannah's side but I’m glued in place. Mr. Fisher grabs at his wife and she pushes him off - “don’t touch me,” she yells. Everyone draws back. I can see Conrad’s shoulder tense in front of me. “I’m fine, I’m fine.” She stands up, smooths down her dress, and walks passed everyone and into the house ignoring Belly’s slew of apologies. 

“So I guess no cake,” Conrad mumbles. I think I’m the only one who heard him. John brings Belly inside. She’s stumbling over her feet and slurring her words and John mouths I’m sorry to me. 

I don’t think Belly has ever gotten drunk before. In fact, she was always the one tellng everyone to slow down. She’d answer her phone on the first ring everytime I called and walked wherever I was. It wasn’t that big of a town and I never went very far, but one time she even had to take a bus to the party I was at. She waited for me and walked me home and made sure I didn’t stumble into the street. She provided water and Advil adn stayed with me when my mom wasn’t home. Belly was always stable. Sure. Secure. The sun that broke through my dark clouds.

It’s no surprise to me that no one is mad at her for ruining the cake. Even Susannah, who now has to buy a new cake stand, smiled and said everything was okay. No one could be mad at her even when she was a drunken mess. 

She’s in her bed, a half-eaten piece of pizza on her end table and she’s fast asleep. I almost want to wake her up. Tell her that everything is okay because Susannah said so and I know she would believe me. I want to tell her that she doesn’t have to change who she is because her friends at the country club want her to. She is not fasinators and white gloves and too much blush on her cheeks. She is not a drunken mess with sand in her shoes. She is more than that. 

There’s a soft knock on the door and I turn to see Conrad leaning against the door jam. He’s watching her, too. He doesn’t look at me until I speak. “Wanna go see the eclipse?” He smiles and holds out his hand for me and I take it. I check behind me one more time to make sure she’s asleep before disappearing down the hall with Conrad. Guilt rushing up my throat and I swallow it down. 

He takes me back to the pier as the sun goes down. We pass the big white boat and instead of taking me sailing, he takes me to Shark Bait. “You’re gonna take this thing out?” I ask, eyeing the ores  suspiciously. Conrad laughs and he helps me aboard. There’s already blankets in the boat and he opens one up to wrap it around my body. His hands linger on my arms and I swallow the guilt again. 

“You’re gonna help me row, okay?” 

“You don’t always have to teach me something, you know,” I whisper to him. I liked when he taught me stuff, though. I like when he’s passionate and excited and I like when he smiles with his eyes like he’s doing right now. 

“To impress a girl that already knows everything, I think I do.”

“You’d be surprised at how little I really know.” Conrad licks his lips and his eyes soften and instead of kissing him like I want to do, I pull away and grab at an ore. “So, how do we do this?” He clears his throat and talks me through the steps and we row the boat out as far as he lets me. I think I could have kept going forever until we hit another piece of land where no one knows us and no one is in love with him and I can kiss him if I want to. 

It starts to get really dark, especially out in the water where there are no lights besides the pier a million miles away. Conrad points to the stars and asks me what the constellations are and I tell him and then he gawks at me as if he’s never been more amazed in his life. He tells me, “I never know what’s going to come out of your mouth.” 

And I want to say, “I love you.” But I don’t. I don’t say it and I don’t know if I love him but right now, in the dark, when I can’t really see his face clearly and his arm feels more real next to mine than it has ever felt before, I might. 

We sit on the floor of the boat and lean back against the seat. Conrad’s hand finds my leg and he rests it on my thigh. His fingers rub against my skin. It’s sweet and respectful and I don’t make him stop because right now it’s just me, him, and the planets being yoked together. I turn my head to say something and Conrad turns his at the same time and the only reason I know he’s so close to me is because I can feel his breath on my lips. The tip of his nose is touching mine and when I can’t see him, it’s easier to press my lips to his and not feel guilty. 

His hand finds my face in the dark and he cups my cheek. I lose myself in him. His lips, his scent, the way his hair brushes against my forehead when he presses his body closer to mine. This kiss is different. I’m not kissing him because I want to forget. I’m not kissing him because he’s here and convenient. I’m kissing him because I want to and the way that I’m feeling inside needs a way to escape and the only way they can be let out is this. 

I find myself on top of him. My hands are in his hair. His hands are on my waist. He pulls away briefly and between his heavy breath he says, “are you sure?” I’m not sure what he means by that, at least not right away. I wouldn’t be doing this if I wasn’t sure but I put myself in his shoes for a moment and maybe he doesn’t know that. I nod. “I don’t want you to be sure now and then regret it in the morning.” 

“I don’t regret anything,” I say. “I don’t regret anything when it’s with you.” I mean it. I try to force him to believe me so I kiss him again and he leans into me and I know he does. 

“Then what’s been the issue?” He whispers. His thumb rubs against my cheek and I lean my face into him. “You know I can’t get you out of my mind.” 

“Belly,” I tell him. “She loves you and she’s my best friend.” He stiffens and maybe now he gets it. Why I said I can’t be with him. My heart races and I have to tell myself he’s not going to get up. He’s not going to leave. He’s not going to make me feel like I made a mistake. I repeat these three things in my head until he eventually speaks. 

“That’s why you asked me that the first night on the beach? About her?” I nod my head and he kisses my forehead and I like us like this. “Okay,” he says. I don’t know what he means by that but I don’t care because he kisses me again and I kiss him back and he roll around on the bottom of the boat and we’re wrapped up in the blanket and each other. He strokes my head and tells me stories until I fall asleep on his chest. I don’t wake up until the sun does. 

We row back to the pier and we don’t talk about last night. Not really, anyway. He smirks when he looks at me and keeps eye contact for too long but I don’t blame him because if I could, I’d capture the way he looks right now and keep it in my back pocket forever. “Are you ready to go home?” He’s leaning against the passenger side door of the car with a hesitant smile on his face.

“No, but yes.” He pushes himself off the car and kisses me. He lingers on my lips like he doesn’t want the moment to end and then he opens my door for me and drives us home. He holds my hand the whole way until we pull into the driveway. Seeing the house puts a pit in my stomach and he asks me if he can kiss me one more time before we go back to the real world and with the entire family still asleep. I say yes. 

The house feels heavier now that my head is so full of secrets and I knock on Belly’s door instinctively. She opens the door with a smile on her face. It looks misplaced because she’s not supposed to be happy, she’s supposed to be hungover, and seeing her happier than I feel inside makes me feel jealous and that makes me feel selfish. “What’s wrong?” She asks. The expression on my face was probably clear: guilt and fear, but not regret. Never regret.  I start to cry. I feel the tears drip down my cheeks and I try to wipe them away but Belly grabs my wrists and pulls me inside the room before I can and I sob. I collapse into her arms and I cry all over her pajama shirt and she doesn’t say anything. I can barely hear myself speaking but I know what I’m saying. Everything is wrong. Everything is wrong. Everything is wrong.

taglist: @marajillana@liltimmyst@angelayse @nani-2305 @drikawinchester @28cnn @nyenye @isthlsfate @spacefruitsblog @laceandsuch @peotego @hallecarey1

[conniesanchor]

conrad fisher + adhd!reader if you would please

your wish is my command <3

i have a couple of different scenarios in my head for this one, so if you were looking for something a bit different, then feel free to ask for a specific scenario 💓💓i also did a bunch of research on this because i don't have adhd, so if i didn't do it justice i apologize.

"baby?" your boyfriends voice interrupted your thoughts. you had been sitting at your laptop doing work for your pshych class for what felt like forever, but it was only a few hours. "i think it's time for a break. i can get you some food, if you'd like?" he questioned.

you sighed when you lost your train of thought. you had just figured out what the next sentence was going to be, and then conrad interrupted you. "no, connie. if i stop now, i won't start again," you whined, turning in your chair to face him.

conrad always knew when you were overworking yourself. whether it was chores or schoolwork, he always knew when you needed a break. "you will, pretty. we just need to give it a break for tonight, alright?" he asked, but it was more rhetorical than anything else.

you knew there was no use in putting up a fight. there was no way that he was just going to let you keep working, not when you hadn't gotten up in a few hours. "okay." you reluctantly agreed, standing up from your chair and stretching your limbs out.

conrad smiled, "want to go to the coffee place and get something to eat and drink?" he offered.

you shook your head, "im not hungry."

"being as i haven't seen you eat anything today, i don't care if you're hungry or not," he spoke lightheartedly (is that a word?), but you knew he was serious.

you rolled your eyes but gave in anyway. "okay. can we at least get- hey is that my bracelet? i thought i lost it." you cut yourself off when you noticed the black strong with a metal wave hanging off of his wrist.

he looked as if he didn't even know he was wearing it, "oh. yeah, baby, im sorry. i must've picked it up for you and forgot to give it back," he apologized, quickly tamkng it off and assisting you in slipping it back onto your wrist. "now, what were you saying? can we at least get...?"

[a-asterias]

— micaela's july + august recs

ty to all these amazing writers who have left me with butterflies in my stomach and/or tears rolling down my face, much appreciated <3

p.s. i missed last month's recs (whoops) so please enjoy two months worth of recs x

LOCKWOOD AND CO.

— anthony lockwood.

drives me crazy by @tangledinlove

↳ heart eyes!

leave the door open by @atlabeth

↳ are we too young for this?

↳ you're beautiful

GRISHAVERSE

— nikolai lantsov.

come on back to me by @atlabeth

↳ bad luck

wanting was enough by @genyakosstyk

STRANGER THINGS

— steve harrington.

the swindling of steve harrington's heart by @stevebabey

redamancy by @sanguineterrain

oops, i love you. by @earthgirl616

second chance by @astermath

make it better by @upsidedownwithsteve

THE SUMMER I TURNED PRETTY

— conrad fisher.

ocean eyes by @cryonme

in my head, i play a supercut of us by @kamaluhkhan

HARRY POTTER

— mattheo riddle.

if i can't have you baby by @earthgirl616

↳ "who did this to you?"

— theodore nott.

the way i loved you by @earthgirl616

↳ "don't leave me... please"

end up here by @priniya

↳ small worlds

— lorenzo berkshire.

"yeah, i love you. so what?" by @earthgirl616

MARAUDERS

— sirius black.

i think he knows by @theemporium

— remus lupin.

calm after the storm by @earthgirl616

↳ furry little secret

'til the morning by @upsidedownwithsteve

↳ at ease

↳ is this a thing?

ivy by @enviedear

MARVEL

— peter parker.

into the blogosphere by @earthgirl616

another chance by @mgparker

THE BEAR

— carmy berzatto.

all i ever knew, only you by @etherealising

PEAKY BLINDERS

— tommy shelby.

time after time by @all-mirth-no-matter

protection by @writers-hes

THE HUNGER GAMES

— finnick odair.

the drought of an ocean universe by @thewordswewrite

our song and dance by @mrs-kmikaelson

[kaylasficrecs]

conrad fisher recs

ocean eyes | one shot, flangst | @cryonme

i'm right here | imagine, flangst | @lovesickfoolwp

take care of you | imagine, flangst | @s1ater

break | imagine, flangst | @cryonme

guitar pick | au, two shot, fluff | @tatoda

starlight | imagine, flangst | @pretty-little-mind33

dress | imagine, trifecta (smut/fluff/angst) | @mvltisstuff

haunted | two shot, angst | @toms-gf

what am i supposed to do... | imagine, flangst (more angst) | @sourcherryandsprinkles

friends to lovers | imagine, fluff, smut | @cinemadaydream

everything | one shot, flangst (more angst) | @julieloves074

hugging conrad | drabble, flangst | @fitzells

mirrorball | imagine, flangst | @mvltisstuff

healed and hurt | imagine, flangst | @probably-writing-x

how to disappear | two shot, angst | @tearsoverfears

make it better | one shot, trifecta | @s-brant

clingy!reader | imagine, flangst | @conniesanchor

is that my shirt? | imagine, fluff | @sourcherryandsprinkles

motel scene | imagine, flangst | @kissesfromkiki

bet u wanna read my mind | one shot, flangst | @kissesfromkiki

wanting you | imagine, fluffy flangst | @tatoda

stanford girl | imagine, fluff | @sourcherryandsprinkles

cinnamon girl | series | @kissesfromkiki

seeing you | imagine, smut | @tatoda

this love | one shot, flangst | @kissesfromkiki

seeing each other in secret | imagine, smut | @sourcherryandsprinkles

[qlossytbh]

𝐨𝐜𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 - 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐟𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬 you and conrad had established no strings attached, that is until valentines fold up and conrad suddenly seeks more out of you.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 implications of sex, fwb, lots of fluff towards the end

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 3.1k by

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 back at it lol. i’m taking request!! feel free to send in any requests for any of the characters on my masterlist

𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐫𝐚𝐝 𝐟𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 | 𝐦𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

Valentines day. 

Some people are apprehensive when it comes to deciding what to spend the day doing on this particular holiday. For the lucky, it might be spending the day with their significant other or sitting around, basking in the simplicity of spending time with the person you love. For others, it was spending the day watching sappy rom-cons or moping around about the very fact of being single.

For you, Valentine's Day was the perfect excuse to show everyone how much you loved and cared for them. You were an overall extremely affectionate person, giving intricate gifts was a part of who you were. It was an extreme love language of yours— the feeling of running around, planning and buying different parts and pieces for each gift was something you found loads of fun in doing. 

For example, you had just finished baking and packing up your usual valentine themed cookie boxes to send out to all of your coworkers who worked with you at the local dog shelter. You had also sent out all of the small valentine themed envelopes to your family, who lived down the street from Susannah’s house here in Cousins, which reminded you not to forget her and Laurel's bouquets. You also put together the little treat bags with the group's favorite candy and other small things; one for Jeremiah, one for Steven, one for Belly, and one for Conrad.

It maybe was a lot, but you couldn't help yourself. You loved Valentine's Day. 

It was currently around four in the afternoon, and you were rushing around the kitchen of the Fisher household, scrolling through your tablet, checking off a few of the things you had left to do. 

Jeremiah walked into the room along with Belly, Steven, and Conrad.

"Hello Jeremiah." You looked up from your tablet and caught Jeremiah reaching for a cookie from one of the batches you were going to give out to your neighbours later on. His face twisted, laughing in embarrassment. You shook your head, looking down at the screen with a smile. 

"I left a batch of red velvet cupcakes near the fridge," Jeremiah and Stevens faces lit up. 

"You are the best person to step foot on this planet," Steven praised as they rounded the corner in attempts to get their hands on one of the cupcakes. 

"Seem's like you've been busy," Belly said, scanning the room as you set the tablet down on the counter. "I'll never get how you do it."

You shrugged, pulling your hand back and letting down the messy bun you had whipped up a few hours ago. "What can I say? Its Valentine’s Day."

"Not a valid answer, you don't see me running around gifting people random lovey shit, huh?" Conrad butted in as he leaned against the wall. You shot a glare at him.

"Well, you don't do lovey shit anyways," You teased with a smile, looking at your feet. "I dont know, I like seeing people happy, thats really all there is to it."

Belly looked at you with a smile. "That and your mind works at like, a thousand miles per hour."

It was true, you had a tendency to always need to be moving around. You barely sat still, not being able to stand the feeling of not being productive. You were always doing something, or you always had something to do. It was the main reason why you always ended burnt out. You loved doing things constantly, but it came with the heavy price of not knowing when you should stop doing things and rest. 

"People only usually do this stuff when they have boyfriends and shit like that," Belly insinuated. 

"You trying to tell us something, Y/n?" She said, gesturing towards her and Conrad. 

You cleared your throat, feeling a heat wave spread itself against your cheeks. You looked down only momentarily before shooting the pair a smile. "I do this every year Belly, if I had a special someone, you'd be able to tell."

It had been half true, given how you and Conrad weren't necessarily dating. 

It was complicated, at least if you explained it to others. You and Conrad had been best friends since you started coming to Cousins, which was since you were a baby. You loved Belly and Steven, and you loved Jeremiah, but things always felt different with Conrad. 

People had told you that Conrad was never an open book, and it surprised you at first, because he had always been more than open with you. It took very little, if not nothing, to guess with just a glance at what was going on in his head.

Many of the words that people used to describe Conrad Fisher, were the complete opposite of what you knew him to be. Conrad had a side of him that was reserved for only you, and you eventually started noticing it throughout your friendship. 

The two of you had many things that you preferred to leave unspoken. It had always worked like that with the two of you. When it came to how you felt about him, you couldn't put much into words. Words didn't do it justice most of the time.

But you and Conrad had been involved in this, thing, for about a year now. It started last summer, the two of you having one too many drinks at a party and hooking up accidentally. Or so you'd like to say it like that, because no one hooks up with their best friend drunk and says it was an accident. The two of you, not being able to communicate properly, ignored what happened that night for weeks.

But then it happened again

and again, 

and then again.

And none of the following times included alcohol. But for some reason, each time you saw each other after any sexual rendezvous, things would go completely back to normal. You guessed that was just your relationship with Conrad, it never got awkward or weird. 

You did however end up talking about it with him. 

"Can we talk?" You said, knocking on Conrad's door softly. He was lying down in his bed, book in hand. He sat up, placing it on the nightstand beside his bed. You looked at each other before he shook his head and ran a hand through his hair

"Sure," You walked in, feeling the cool air of the air conditioning hit your legs. You closed the door behind you, swallowing thickly as you could sense this conversation was going somewhere. You couldn't decipher if it was for the better or for the worse. 

You sat on the edge of his bed and looked into his eyes in silence. His gaze was just as locked on you as you were on him. That was before smiles started to grow on each of your faces before you threw your head back, laughing at the ridicule the situation presented. 

"I really don't know why we should talk about this," You said, turning to the side. 

Conrad sighed. "No, we probably should."

You looked at Conrad and focused on the blue in his eyes. "I dont regret what happened."

"Neither do I."

 "Is there a particular reason as to why it happened again after the first time?" You shifted your body and fiddled with your fingers. "And the second and third..

Conrad sighed heavily through his nose. He didn't get what was happening to him at all. He knew he cared about you; he knew he loved being near you and spending time with you. And he enjoyed what had happened between you two, 

A lot. 

But he didn't feel the need to put a title on what the two of you were. At this point, he was definitely opposed to the idea of dating, but he wasn't opposed to the idea of you. Maybe in the future? He didnt know, he was truly lost. 

And so were you. Which you hated. You couldn't stand not knowing what you wanted or what you were feeling. You needed to put titles onto everything—every feeling, every emotion, every situation—thats how your mind worked. But you knew you didn't want a relationship at this point in your life, but you loved spending time with Conrad the way you have recently.

"I don't know," He settled. "I don't see myself in a relationship, but I do love doing all the things we've been doing. 

You look at him and see a glint of something flashes through his eyes. "A lot."

You felt a rush of adrenaline pump through your veins as your cheeks went hot. You reached up, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. "I do too."

"I say," He pushed his body closer to yours, his knees lightly grazing against yours. You watched his movements with a sharp intensity. "Let's just be the friends we’ve been since we could talk, and ocacionally thing."

He placed a hand on your thigh. "Things have been normal so far, would you want to keep doing things?"

You nodded and smiled as he leaned forward. You said in a whisper, "What things are we talking about specifically?"

"Should I say it?" His breath fanned over your own. He then pressed a chaste kiss onto your lips, allowing your eyes to flutter close in delight as you smiled through the kiss. "Or do you want me to show you,"

With that you pressed your lips onto his, hungry for whatever you could have of him. 

For the rest of the summer it continued. The two of your manadged to keep it a secret, not wanting any complications of anyone else trying to put a name to whatever it was the two of you had. 

You didn't even know what it was. Friends with benefits? It was more than that, given how you two cuddled occasionally, kissed occasionally, and went on occasional dates. It stressed you out more to try to figure out what it was than just enjoying it. 

Plus, you knew Conrad cared for you, and you cared for him. That was all that really mattered to you anyway. 

Even when summer ended, you two talked all the time, which was not out of the norm for the two of you. The only difference was the occasional sexting. 

Things were occasional between the two of you, if you couldn't tell by now.

Winter break in Cousin's was your favorite, and when your college gave the students a week off, you were ecstatic. Every year, you never manadged to catch the Conklin and Fisher family, given how they were always given a few weeks off in January instead of February. You grabbed your keys, packed a bag, and headed straight for Cousin's.

Things with Conrad this week had been amazing, but you could tell things were a bit more romatic. Before it was easy to difirenciate when you were only friends and when you were in need of physical touch or intimacy, but now things were all fused and mixed together. 

It didnt bother you enough to talk about it though and neither did he, so you left it at that

You put the last bits of the dishes into the dryer before brushing your hands against the fabric of your cotton shorts. Jeremiah walked into the room with his keys in his hand. "Were headed out."

You looked over at him, grabing your phone and scanning it for any new messages. "Sounds okay,"

"We'll probably be back late, you and Conrad going to be okay?" You deadpanned at the boy.

"We'll be fine," You walked over to him, grabbing him by the shoulders and leading him towards the front door, where Steven and Belly stood. "You go have fun with Steven and Belly, god knows you need to take the poor girl out."

"Thank you," Belly said, agreeing with you. "Mom said she'd be back with Susanah in a few hours." 

You nodded, feeling the breeze of the cold air hit your bare shoulders as Steven opened the front door. Steven jumped. "Oh shit! Almost forgot." 

"That monstrousity came for you today," Steven said, pointing over to your left. "It had a small card, some sappy bullshit on it." 

"For me?" You looked over to the side, letting your jaw slack slightly. Placed perfectly in the middle of the table was a huge bouquet full of red roses and white tulips, both of your favorite flowers. They were carefully wrapped in white and silver paper, adorned almost perfectly with a pink satin bow. 

You never got much on Valentine's Day; you were used to giving the presents, not receiving them. You looked at the group aprehensively once more before walking carefully over to the table. You picked up the small card, reading it carefully: 'Happy Valentines Day pretty girl'

You felt your heart thump against your chest. You let out a small chuckle as your cheeks turned red, knowing exactly who these were from. "Dumbass.."

"What was that about not having a boyfriend?" Belly butted in, causing you to snap out of your lovesick trance. You turned to the three of them, who were eyeing you as you stumbled on your words. 

"Just- uhm, some guy thats been bothering me," You nervously chuckled, rubbing the back of your neck. The three of them looked at each other. 

"Conrad's gonna be pissed." Steven whispered before closing the door and heading out. You laughed to yourself and looked up the stairs, shaking your head. If only they knew. You placed the card down, looking back at the flowers once more before heading upstairs. 

You turned the corner, knocking softly on Conrad's door. With a hum on his side, you pushed the door open. He was standing near his bed with his shirt in his hand, and off of his body.

"Hey," He said, tossing the shirt into his already open closet. "I was just heading to bed." 

You smiled to yourself while crossing your arms, leaning against the door frame. "I thought you didn't do that lovey valentines day shit" 

He paused, looking at you with a perplexed look on his face. You rolled your eyes, walking into the room and closing the door behind you. Conrad eyed you carefully as you made your way to him. "Are you talking about the flowers?"

"Yes Conrad, I'm talking about the flowers," You said, placing a kiss onto his lips. He smiled into the kiss, letting his hands reach your waist, giving you the space your wrap your arms around his neck. You smiled widely into the kiss, not being able to contain your giddiness. 

Your heart was beating wrapidly in your chest, a feeling only Conrad gave you. You pushed into the kiss, deepening it as you directed his body towards his bed. The back of his knees hit the matress, forcing him to sit on the matress, which gave you the space to crawl onto his lap. 

You pulled away, looking down at the blonde boy whom you were currently straddling. "I'm guessing you liked them?”

"How'd you know roses and tulips were my favorite?" You said, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear as you admired the facial features you had grown to love. 

"I pay attention," He leaned forward, kissing the spot on your jaw just below your ear, causing a small giggle to erupt from your chest. 

"Thank you," You whispered, pulling away from him and looking into his eyes deeply. "You didn't have to, really."

He stared back at you, heart fluttering wildly. A feeling he was used to feeling around you, something only you brought out in him. It seemed that no matter how many girls would pop into his life or would come up to him at any frat party, you were always the first one on his mind. You were the only one on his mind.

"Of course I did," He kissed your cheek. "Its not even a quarter of what you deserve."

There it was again. He His your jaw again, trsiling soft delicate kissing up your neck. They were affectionate, none trying to iniciate something. Just soft pecks adorned with love and adoration. You let your hands enravel themselves into his hair, sighing in contentment. 

"Things have changed haven’t they?" You whispered as you pulled his body closer to yours. 

"Mhm," He agreed. You looked at the wall in front of you.

"Can we talk about it?" 

Conrad pulled away, looking at you with a look on his face. You stared back in silence. "Talk to me,"

You sighed, not really knowing what to say. Your heart fluttered at the sight of his attention, listening closely to what you had to say. 

The thing is you didnt know what to say. All you knew is that you cared about the boy in front of you a lot, and this ocassional thing has been going on for so long now. You knew you didnt want to end anything, fuck no. But you wanted more and you were scared it was a one paged thing. 

"Whyd you sent me the flowers?" You asked, paying close attention to his features. He smiled to himself, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. 

"Becuase," He started. "You love Valentines day, and you love recieving gifts, giving them as well, but not a lot of people know you like recieving them as well."

He continued. "You hate the color orange, you say it makes you squirmy and uncomfortable. Your favorite movies Rapunzel, great choice by the way,"

"You give so much to the people you love and I can vouch for that." He grabbed your hands, carresing them softly in his own. 

You looked at him in silence. "I don't want to do this thing occasionally anymore, I want it always.”

You and Conrad had always had a strong relationship, and its been a long time since it stopped being just platonic. You knew everything about him and so did he. Hell, it probably stopped being platonic before you even had sex with him for the first time.

Both of you could’ve saved yourselves months of time if you’d let yourself feel what you were meant to feel for each other sooner.

“So this mean what exactly? That you’re officially asking me to be your ‘girlfriend’” You asked, saying the word that felt so foreign. You knitted your eyebrows, waiting for an answer.

“If that’s something you want,” He said, hope and anxiety flooding his gaze. You stared down at him, smiling softly. You leaned in.

“I’d like that.” You closed the gap between the two of you, sighing deeply into the kiss.

Something inside you felt satisfied. As if your body had been longing for a confirmation that Conrad really was just yours.

He had always been.

You pulled away, hands resting at his bare shoulders as your foreheads rested against each other.

“Can we watch Tangled now?” You asked, voice laced with excitement. He rolled his eyes, pecking your lips softly.

“Duh.”

[bonesandchalamet]

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send some Twisters, The summer i turned pretty, Jack harlow, Deadpool, Wolverine,fic requests

thinking abt redoing my whole list of people i write for

[criesinliess]

━SEPTEMBER 2022; susan's recs

MARVEL

━━BUCKY BARNES

the ring @irndad

━━PIETRO MAXIMOFF

euphoria @pietropatrol

━━LOKI LAUFEYSON

feel something @heliads

SPIDER-MAN

━━ANDREW!PETER PARKER

no words needed @genesisrose74

TOP GUN: MAVERICK

━━BRADLEY 'ROOSTER' BRADSHAW

webb of unfortunate events @ohtobeleah

MARAUDER'S ERA

━━SIRIUS BLACK

grand sheme @fishley

chemistry @violetrainbow412-blog

birthday; part 2 @↑

camp @↑

friday, i'm in love @↑

GRISHAVERSE

━━KAZ BREKKER

delusional @fishley

all’s good @magpiencrow

graphology @syllvane

━━MATTHIAS HELVAR

temptress @magpiencrow

fire and ice @↑

━━JESPER FAHEY

not what it looks like @magpiencrow

shut up @↑

━━NIKOLAI LANTSOV

princess @magpiencrow

i’m sorry @↑

crestfallen — masterlist @↑

THE SUMMER I TURNED PRETTY

━━CONRAD FISHER

finally @mentally-in-northern-italy

ZOMBIES

━━WYATT LYKENSEN

chess @heliads

STRANGER THINGS

━━STEVE HARRINGTON

steve takes care of his drunk gf @lurkymurker

DIVERGENT

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━━THEO RAEKEN

what to do @heliads

━━BRETT TALBOT

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━━RAFE CAMERON

simp for you @destourtereaux

━━TOPPER THORNTON

stealing kisses @toriswrites

[bribliography]

books read in 2023

— it's not summer without you. by jenny han. ★ ★ ★ ½ 

“I had loved him. I loved him longer and truer than I had anyone in my whole life and I would probably never love anyone that way again.”

goodreads review | books read in 2022

[holesinmycamouflage]

✨send me your favourite authors for tsitp fics please✨

[cwritesforfun]

TSITP: Conrad Fisher x Fem!Reader: Confessions

Y/N = Your Name

Masterlist

Conrad's POV

I sit on the beach by a fire with a beer next to Jeremiah. I ask "Why aren't you partying with everyone else? This is not like you." He answers "I ... the person I like is dancing with someone else. I wish they were with me. How do you do it?" I ask "Do what?" He answers "Watch Y/N dance and hang out with other guys." I reply "Oh... uh this is the first time I've ever seen her dance with other guys. She usually just talks to them. I've liked her for years but never had the guts to say it. So it's kind of my fault that she's with other guys and not me. I wish she was with me. She makes me so happy." I feel someone's arms wrap around my neck and I smell Y/N's perfume. I look up and see Y/N smiling down at me. I wonder if she heard anything I said. I smile back at her and say "Hi, what are you doing over here?" She answers "I want to leave. Those guys are gross and I'm tired." I smell alcohol on her breath, so I doubt she will remember this. Whew. But also I kind of wish she had heard me confessing my feelings accidentally and we could go on a date. I want to take her out and treat her right. I reply "Ok, we can leave. Did you hear anything when you walked up?" She answers "You smell really good, Conrad. How have I never noticed that and not shared it with you?" UHHHH ?!?!? I hear Jeremiah ask "Y/N, how much did you have to drink?" Y/N answers "Uhhhhh how much is too much? I had at least 2 drinks maybe more. I lost count." Jeremiah laughs and says "Well come on, let's go."

Y/N gets off me and we all walk to the cars. Y/N ends up leaning against me as we walk to the car.

We get home and Y/N follows me to my room. She's been staying in my room while I'm in town, even though she lives in town. She just doesn't want to miss anytime with me or at least that's what she told me.

NEXT MORNING - Y/N's POV

I wake up to my head pounding and my stomach churning. I make it to the bathroom where I throw up. I then lay on the floor after brushing my teeth. I'm tired.

I close my eyes and try to remember bits of my night. I remember going to the party and wanting to drink. I almost never want to drink, but it had been a bad day for me. I remember guys flirting with me and asking if I wanted to go home with them. I was annoyed by that. I remember seeing Conrad with Jeremiah by a fire. Conrad said something about his crush on me. I wanted to go home. Wait! CONRAD SAID HE HAD A CRUSH ON ME.

I hear knocking on the bathroom door and Conrad says "Hey Y/N, are you alright? I got you some water." I sit up, open the door, and stand up. I take the water from him and sip it gently. We walk back to his bed where I sit and he sits cautiously next to me. He asks "So what do you remember from last night?" I answer "Small moments throughout the night, but not exact quotes of anything said. I remember wanting to drink my bad day away and the guys at the beach were annoying me with their sex talk. I remember you and Jeremiah sitting by the fire talking about crushes. That's about it." His eyes grow wide and he asks "And how do you feel about my crush?" I answer "I think you should tell her when she's sober and I'm sure she'd let you take her on that date." He half smiles and says "Y/N, I really like you and I've liked you for years. You've always been the girl for me and I've wanted to tell you for years. I was afraid you would not want to be my friend anymore and that you would just hate me for liking you. I'm sorry you found out last night, but also I am glad you found out." I reply "I like you too Conrad and I have liked you for years too." He replies "Well, would you like to go on a date with me?" I reply "I would love nothing more."

[brokenjere]

bad in the bones (c.f) part 5

a/n: hey guys, sorry about the long wait i know I’ve been inactive lately I just moved states so I’ve been busy and trying to get back into the swing of my normal life so I haven’t been writing so much lately but i will continue to update dont worry! Hope you enjoy💛💛💛 id love to know your thoughts!

catch up here

Mallory’s name flashes on the screen over a picture of her smiling, red-faced and blurry. Her hair is plastered to her face with sweat and she was holding up a beer. I remember taking the photo our sophomore year. It was our first high school party and she went a little overboard but I remember thinking how pretty she looked, even as completely wasted as she was. “Hello?” I pick up. Mallory always texted me before she called, mostly because she hated being on the phone and tried to avoid it and I know something is wrong as soon as she speaks.

“Hey,” she sings softly. “How’s it going?” 

“Hey,” she sings softly. “How’s it going?” 

“What’s wrong?” I sit up, scooting my butt all the way to the back of the lounge chair. Belly, who was absent-mindedly watching the boys in the water is now fully alert to me. I can feel her eyes watching me.  

“Oh nothing,” she dismisses. I can almost see her waving me off like she always did. “Just wondering if you found your new summer beau yet.” 

“Why?” I ask cautiously. Mallory laughs and I can hear some people chatting in the background, although I can’t really make it out. “Where are you?” 

“I’m at the pool with the girls,” she says. The girls meaning Victoria and Betty who we have been friends with since middle school. It has always been Mallory and I, but the girls were always good to have around but if Tori and Betty were around that means Josh and his friends were around and that made my stomach drop. 

“Is Josh there?” I ask. Now, Belly’s eyebrows shot up and she mouths Josh? I nod my head as Mallory confirms over the phone. “What happened? Why are you calling?” 

She’s silent on the other side and I wait for her to speak. I hear Josh’s laugh in the background and I want to throw up. I could recognize that laugh anywhere. It could wake me out of the deepest sleep. I could almost see him - head thrown back as a laugh escapes through his teeth. How his curly hair falls back against his forehead. I shut my eyes to try and get rid of the image. “He’s been seeing someone,” she finally whispers. “Her name is-”

“I don’t want to know her name,” I snap at her without meaning to. Belly’s eyes widen even more if that’s possible and the boys stop throwing their volleyball around and they’re all staring at me. Everything is quiet except for my heavy breathing. “How long?” 

“I don’t know,” she says. “Since you left, I think.” 

“Well, you can tell Josh that I’ve been seeing someone, too.” I don’t know why I lie. I never lie to Mallory and everyone sitting around me knows it’s not true but I still say it. I still confirm it when Mallory asks me really? 

“Who are you hooking up with?” Belly whispers next to me, her hands are already on the arm rest of my chair and she’s ready to shake the answer out of me. I shake my head at her with narrow eyes and she seems disappointed as she leans back in her own chair, arms crossed over her chest like a little kid pouting. 

“I gotta go, okay?” I tell Mallory as she’s blabbering on about Josh’s new girlfriend and how he’s only with her to make me jealous and not to worry. She says there’s no way she compares to you. I tell her thanks for letting me know and hang up the phone. “What are you all staring at?” I say to the boys as the door to the house slides closed. I didn’t even hear it open. 

“Nothing,” Steven says, shaking his head vigorously. He throws the ball in the air and hits it to Jeremiah. “Nothing at all, yn.” The ball hitting the water next to Jeremiah knocks his attention away from me and he grabs it. “Come on, Jere.” I look down at my lap and start to hear the ball bouncing back and forth again. I no longer feel a bunch of eyes on me. 

“What’s gotten into you?” Conrad asks from behind me. His hands are on the back of my chair and he’s leaning forward toward me with a smirk on his face. His voice is teasing but the energy in the air is tense. I can’t speak and I don’t know why. 

“She just found out that Josh has a new girlfriend so she lied about having a new boyfriend just to seem even,” Belly says. I snap my head to her with widened eyes and she recoils in her chair. “Sorry, that’s what happened.” 

“He’s an ass. Don’t let him get to you,” Conrad says. He’s trying to be nice and supportive and I can see that when I look at him but it just pisses me off so I stand up and push past him into the house. I can hear them all talking through the shut glass door but I ignore it. I ignore Laurel and Susannah calling after me in the kitchen and I ignore Laurel as she follows me to the base of the stairs. I shut the door to my bedroom and throw myself on the bed. 

I stay in my room until it gets dark out. No one bothered me except Laurel asking me if I want dinner. When I told her no she said, “I heard about what happened today. Do you want to talk about it?” I told her no again and she sighed on the other side of the door but then disappeared for the rest of the night. When the sun goes down and the house gets quiet, I tip-toe out of my bedroom. All of the doors are shut and there’s not a single sound in the house. I turn on the lights in the kitchen and start raiding the kitchen. I could leave. Take Laurel’s car and go to the corner store that we stopped at on our way in and buy a bottle of vodka and drink the entire thing in the car but I don’t want to leave the house so I open all the bottom cabinets until I find some. The bottle feels heavy and expensive and I start to feel guilty but I unscrew the top anyway and drink from the mouth. 

“Susannah would kill you if she found you.” I startle and the mouth misses my lips just a little bit getting a little vodka on my chin. I wipe it away as I turn around. Steven is standing in the doorway, leaning against the doorframe with a smirk on his face. He’s probably reveling in the fact that he’s not the most fucked up Conklin in the house. I can see him picturing my demise in his eyes as I look at him. 

“Good thing she’s asleep, right?” I say. He shrugs and holds out his hand and I give him what he wants. “No plans tonight?” 

He shakes his head before taking a drink from the bottle. “No one was really in the mood, I guess. Plus you’ve been MIA all day.”

“Wasn’t in the mood either.” I push myself up on the countertop, taking the bottle back when Steven hands it to me. 

“Listen to me, yn. Josh is an idiot, you know? I’ve known him for years. I told Belly when you first started dating it was a bad idea but-” 

“You did?” My heart rate picks up and Steven looks at me wide-eyed. “She never told me you said that.” 

“She probably didn’t want to hurt your feelings. He’s just an asshole, okay? Always has been.” He’s being quiet, I assume so he doesn’t wake up the rest of the house but there’s also a hint of something else in his voice. Sadness, regret, pity. It makes my stomach churn. 

“Why didn’t you say something to me? Instead of Belly? You let me get into a relationship with him for years and never said anything.” Steven shushes me and steps closer to where I’m sitting. “Don’t tell me to be uiet.”

“I didn’t tell you to be quiet but people are sleeping. Why are you so mad?” I shake my head and my hands tighten around the edge of the counter so hard my knuckles turn white. Steven looks at them and then looks away. “It’s not like he’s a serial cheater or something, he’s just a shitty guy sometimes. Always has been but he was good to you, at least he seemed to be from where I was standing.” 

“He was good to me,” I state. I’m not sure how much I believe that. Deep down, I think I do but the memories of the last few months with Josh taint the bigger picture. All I see are his furious eyes as we fight about what to wear to senior prom instead of when they’re soft and he’s loving me. I hear his voice strained with guilt when he tells me that he wants to see other people instead of how he sounds when he first wakes up. I thought he was just being a teenage boy. Trying to get out of being tied down in his early twenties. Maybe he was telling me the truth. He wanted to see someone else. Whoever he has his arm around at the pool this summer. I hope she gets him to wear sunscreen because I never did. “He just didn’t want to go to Columbia, okay? It wasn’t that big of a deal.”

“So you broke up  because of college?” Steven sounds skeptical and I nod despite knowing he doesn’t believe me. “Then why is he already seeing someone else?”

“Do you have to bring that up?” 

“It’s relevant, isn’t it?” We stare at each other. I can hear my own heart beating in my throat and I tell her to shut up but it doesn’t work. 

“Was my whole relationship just a lie?” I whisper, my voice cracking. “Did he ever love me at all?” Before I start to cry, Steven closes the gap between us and he hugs me so tight that the sound of my heart gets muffled with the sound of his. He whispers in my ear telling me yes he did, I know he did but I don’t believe him. He tells me it’s okay. It’ll get better. I will find someone new. I think I’m really about to start crying when my phone rings. I reach for it and see his name on the caller ID. Steven sees it too and I try to ask him what to do with my eyes but he doesn’t know me like Belly does, so he doesn’t answer me. 

“I’ll let you deal with that,” he says and leaves me alone in the kitchen. I grab the bottle of vodka and slide open my phone as I start up the stairs. Steven’s door closes just as I reach the top and I whisper a hello as I walk down the hall. 

“Yn.” His voice verberates through my entire body. I feel like I’m watching myself instead of being inside of my own body. He always had that effect on me. “I heard Mallory called you.” 

“She did.” The words didn’t seem to come out right at all. They get caught in my throat and come out all mangled but Josh doesn’t seem to react. 

“She told me you were seeing someone.” There’s no noise in the background wherever he’s at and I picture him in his room with the curtains drawn and the only light coming from his gaming keyboard he spent way too much money on for the amount he uses it. I can see him laying on his bed, legs crossed and outstretched in front of him. I used to lay next to him, my head by his feet, as I read. He’d be on his phone or playing video games and his toes would tap my shoulder making me look back at him and he would blow me a kiss. I’d pretend to catch it and throw it in the pages. “To keep forever,” I would say. That memory aches at me now. 

“She told me you were.” He clears his throat and I keep going. “Who is she? Do I know her?” I have to know her, right? She had to have went to school with us. Maybe it was Holly Eaton from our history class. She was always looking at him. 

“It’s not important.” 

“Is she going to community college with you?” The spite in my voice is hard to hide and I think Josh picks up on it because he lets out a breathy laugh. 

“Who said I’m going to community college?”

“Well you’re not going to Columbia, are you?” 

“And you are?” He snaps. “I heard you got wait-listed.” My heart stops like I’m riding in a car that comes to a sudden stop too close to the intersection and your entire body is jerked in and out of reality. 

“Who told you that?” I say through my teeth. I only told one person that so that question seems irrelevant but I want him to say it. But he won’t. He just sighs. 

“Yn, I didn’t call to fight.” 

“Then why did you call?” I ask. 

“Because if it’s true, if you’re really seeing someone-” I scoff. If it’s true. He pretends not to notice. “I just want him to treat you right, okay? I really did love you. I do love you. More than you know, I think. And if things had ended better, I would hope that we’d have found our way back to each other one day.” If things had ended better? I’m uiet. He ended things. He made them bad, didn’t he? Wasn’t it his fault? “I still think we might, you know? It was always you and me. I never doubted that. There’s just so much out there, yn. So much. You’ll thank me one day for this, I think.” 

“Thank you? For what? Breaking my heart?” I want to be mad. I want to sound mad. I want to spit so much fire though the phone that it burns the beard he’d been trying to grow all year right off. But I don’t sound mad. I’m quiet and I realize I’m crying. 

“No. For forcing you to get out of your comfort zone. I know you pretend to be big and tough and wild like your mom but you like to be safe in your bubble and that bubble was me. You deserve to know more.” He’s being sincere. I can hear it in his voice. I want to crawl in his bed under his covers and inhale his scent. I want him to love me again because I don’t know if I can ever stop loving him. “Her name is Kennedy and it’s not real. I lied. I was pretending in front of Mal.” 

“You lied?” 

“Mhm,” he hums. I can hear his smile. “Goodnight, yn. Have a good summer.” The line dies and starts to beep in my ear. I leave it there, the lingering of his voice in my ear because it’s all I have left besides my anger. But the anger is gone, isn’t it? I don’t feel it so heavy in my chest anymore. It’s more like a dull roar that’s leaving it’s mark in my body. In a deep hibernation. Until next time. But then I remember Columbia and Mallory and the beans being spilled so I remove the phone from the side of my head and I text her. Did you tell Josh about Columbia??? 

Being sad about Josh had been getting old. I spent too many nights in bed, crying. Mallory told me to just move on already but she didn’t know I had got rejected by Columbia that same week. She didn’t know the rejection letter was in the waste basket under my desk, rotting just like me. So I told her and her face softened once more and she let me wallow for a few more weeks until I started to look too rough maybe you should get up and shower and leave the house.

She’s the only person I ever told. Not my mother, not Laurel, not Belly. I would have to tell them eventually but right now everything was already too dark there was no reason to shut the curtains, too. 

No! Her reply text reads. And then another one: I told Betty tho :/

I don’t bother replying. I lock my phone and throw it on the bed. Betty, who had the biggest mouth out of anyone in our class. Betty, who thrived off of other people’s misery. Betty, who ran and told Josh that my life was crumbling down around me in the wake of him. I want to scream but I shut my eyes instead and picture her head inflating with all the gossip she eats and popping off of her neck. When I open them, blood is splattered on the walls and there’s a knock at the door. I go to open the door and the walls are white again. 

Conrad stands in the doorway, leaning against the frame similarly to how Steven stood only a few minutes ago in the kitchen. He looks like he was asleep. He has bags under his eyes and his hair was messy and he’s looking down at me in a way that makes me feel uneasy. “What are you doing here?” I ask quietly. 

“I heard you come up and then I heard you talking on the phone. Are you okay? It’s late.” He doesn’t give any indication that he heard what was being said but he was living next door, so he may have. I just nod my head and pull the door open a little more, inviting him inside. He doesn’t speak but accepts my offer by walking inside and I close the door behind him. “I don’t know what happened earlier, at the pool,” he starts, “but I’m sorry. He’s a jerk.” 

I nod my head again even though I’m not so sure I believe that anymore. “I’m fine.” 

Conrad spins around the room. His eyes search for any changes that I’ve made, which aren’t really any. I left everything the way that it was except for my small collection of books on the dresser and my clothes on my floor. “What are you reading right now?” He asks, nodding toward the stack. 

“Moby Dick,” I tell him. “Cliche, I know.”

“Just a little pretentious,” he teases and I actually laugh. “I’ve read it a few times myself,” he admits. He uses his finger to flip open the front cover and he traces the lines of the title page before finding my bookmark and opening it up. I’m a little over halfway through, but truth be told, I hadn’t paid attention to the last hundred words. It’s hard to really focus on anything these days. “Do you want to go on our boat tomorrow morning, maybe?” 

He’s still looking at the book and I watch his back move up and down as he breathes. He doesn’t turn around to look at me until I say, “yeah. I’d love to.” His mouth stretches across his face in a smile. 

“You won’t be too afraid?” His eyes narrow and I laugh, shaking my head. “Okay, good. I’ll knock around 5? Watch the sunset?” His words turn up in question and I tell him that’s perfect and he smiles wider and steps toward me. He leans down, his breath hitting my ear. “Get some sleep.” When he walks past me, his shoulders brush mine gently and I can’t stop myself from reaching down and catching his wrist before he gets too far away. His body spins around to face me and we crash together harder than I anticipated. It knocks the wind out of me but Conrad’s hands steady me. They grab my waist and hold me stable even when my entire body shivers as we make eye contact. “What?” 

I let out a shaky breath and I think about Josh. About how it felt the first time we kissed: exhilarating, powerful, real, and hot. Every atom of my body felt like it was on fire but right now I feel calm. Like a cloud that’s swimming through the sky slowly but too fast all at the same time. As I lean in now, I don’t feel a fire in my bones. They feel like jello. They feel like they’re floating. “Are you sure?” He asks me and I nod without thinking and instead of pulling away like I should have, I kiss him. I kiss him long and hard with my fingers in his hair and his pressed into my hips and when he pulls away again, to ask me one more time, I have to stop myself.

“I’m sorry,” I say. “I’m so fucking sorry.” My shaky hands go to my lips as I stagger away from him. The look on his face is hard to decipher but it’s painful, nonetheless. “I don’t know why I did that. It wasn’t fair.” What I meant was it wasn’t fair to him because I still loved Josh. It wasn’t fair to me because I still loved Josh. It wasn’t fair to Belly because she still loved Conrad, didn’t she? The guilt is what pushed him away. 

“It’s okay,” he says. He’s trying to find an answer in my face that he won’t be able to find and he reaches for my hand. I let him grab it. “It’s okay. I’ll come to get you in the morning, alright?” He squeezes my hand and I nod and watch him leave. I stare at the back of the door until his bedroom door closes behind him.

taglist: @marajillana@liltimmyst@angelayse @nani-2305 @drikawinchester

[a-asterias]

— micaela's december recs

ty to all these amazing writers who have left me with butterflies in my stomach and/or tears rolling down my face, much appreciated <3

THE HUNGER GAMES

— finnick odair.

wildest dreams by @mediocre-daydreams

the only thing that matters by @s1ater

out of the woods by @blondedmuse

make belief by @t-horn-n

↳ unspoken

↳ deathbed

↳ it's your voice

HOUSE OF THE DRAGON

— aemond targaryen.

bane of my existence, object of my desire by @jasonsmirrorball

dragons bane by @house-strong

not a child anymore by @sansaorgana

— jacaerys velaryon.

go as a dream by @aphroditesmoon

bruising kisses by @house-strong

thus always to tyrants by @echnated

HARRY POTTER

— george weasley.

an exhibition of muggle dueling by @theweasleysredhair

— cedric diggory.

midnight feasts and evening strolls by @mentally-in-northern-italy

MARAUDERS

— james potter.

april fool's by @theweasleysredhair

wrong idea by @mentally-in-northern-italy

— sirius black.

the way you look at her by @theweasleysredhair

↳ if you love me let me know

— remus lupin.

full moon by @theweasleysredhair

PERCY JACKSON AND THE OLYMPIANS

— ethan nakamura.

(don't) go. by @honigmilch

GRISHAVERSE

— kaz brekker.

not letting go by @honigmilch

sociopath by @magpiencrow

three taps by @happyyyandcrazyyy

bloody hands by @anthonysharmaa

THE SUMMER I TURNED PRETTY

— conrad fisher.

finally by @mentally-in-northern-italy

STRANGER THINGS

— steve harrington.

cardigan by @marwritesgood

nine facts, one lie by @stevebabey

↳ so full of love

— eddie munson.

grand gesture by @appocalipse

TOP GUN

— bradley "rooster" bradshaw.

you said you'd grow old with me by @blue-aconite

— nick "goose" bradshaw.

heat waves, inflatable pools, you by @duchesstypewriter

WEDNESDAY

— ajax petropolus.

she can't know by @loveharlow

[harianaswhore]

౨ৎ ₘy fᵢc ᵣₑcₛ ౨ৎ 

— ʜᴀʀʀʏ ꜱᴛʏʟᴇꜱ ::

— ꜰᴏʀᴍᴜʟᴀ 1 ::

— ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴇʀ ɪ ᴛᴜʀɴᴇᴅ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴛʏ ::

[kamaluhkhan]

all the love we had and lost

pairing: conrad fisher x fem!reader

summary: you come back to cousins beach after a few years away. conrad is not particularly happy that you're back - and you aren't particularly thrilled, either. too bad there's a history (chemistry?) neither of you can deny.

warnings: lots of plot + flashbacks. angst with fluff in betweem. slightly suggestive dialogue/situations but nothing more than the actual show, a guy being pushy about hooking up with reader but nothing happens, mention of injuries and blood throughout, hints of alcoholism, brief mention of dieting (reader is competitive swimmer and deals with certain pressures from that), reader gets her period, takes on too much responsibility and argues with her mother (aka eldest daughter syndrome)

tags: @stargirlsirius-recs, @ifilwtmfc, @qwertyb2577, @allnrsnz, @baconeggndcheez, @peanutbelley, @imogen-skye, @geekinthefuschiahair, @tvije,

a/n: thank you thank you thank you for so much love on my first conrad fic!! i'm so excited to share the rest of the series, so stay tuned :))

read part one here

the best friends of our childhoods are the loves of our lives, and they break our hearts in the worse ways. (fredrik backman)

now — summer, age 18

you throw in some extra sprinkles, along with a few more tablespoons of sugar. belly has a huge sweet tooth. it's the night before her birthday, and you're in the kitchen at the fisher's house baking her coconut confetti cupcakes. 

born on june 21st — the summer solstice — belly conklin is the definition of a summer child. she's summer, personified: sunshine, sweet tea, sand, and smiles. having missed so many birthday celebrations, you’re determined to make this year special.

you go to the fridge to grab some eggs, and when you close the door, you're startled by the person standing behind it.

"what are you doing here?" you ask, holding a hand to your chest and setting the carton of eggs on the counter. the joy you felt making birthday cupcakes for belly fades away, replaced with a tingling in your chest. you and conrad hadn’t spoken more than three sentences to each other, or even been in the same room alone, since that morning on the beach. as the distance between the two of you grew, so did your frustration at him. 

conrad raises his eyebrow at you. he reaches around you into the fridge and pulls out a beer. 

"i should be asking you that." 

"the oven at my house is broken and your mom said i could come over."

“i’ve heard that one before,” he mumbles as he leaves the kitchen. you almost can’t believe he brought it up, even if just in a passing, somewhat snarky remark. conrad probably thought you didn’t hear.

these past few weeks, conrad hasn't just been cold towards you — which was a relief as much as it was heart wrenching. he seems more closed off in general, more inclined to spend time with others who hadn't seen him grow up. in fact, you imagine he’s on his way to see nicole now. maybe with her, he can pretend everything is fine. but not with the people in this house, who knew him inside and out.

you would never admit it — if conrad wants to ignore you, you could ignore him just fine — but it was eating you up inside, and it took everything in you not to confront him, to comfort him about whatever he was going through. you’d have arguments when you were kids, but it was nothing a ring pop or tub of cherry jello couldn’t solve. this time is different; the wound is deeper, harder to heal.

you wanted the old conrad back: the sweet boy who cared for you and let you care for him in return. 

then — summer, age 14

belly was turning 12, and you wanted to surprise her with homemade cupcakes for breakfast. only, the oven at your house was broken, which meant your intention of baking her birthday treats would have fallen through, if not for susannah’s ever-present generosity. 

everyone else was out of the house — you even asked laurel and susannah to take belly shopping to not ruin the surprise. you were decorating the cupcakes when conrad walked in from the deck. his wet hair stuck to his forehead and he was wearing a rash guard, so he probably got back from surfing. he looked paler than usual, even after being in the sun for hours, but you didn’t think much of it at first.

“hey,” he greeted, sounding slightly out of breath. “what are you doing here?” 

“the oven at my house is broken, so your mom said i can come over to bake these for belly’s birthday tomorrow.” you gestured at the clumsily decorated treats. the cupcakes had bright pink frosting and rainbow sprinkles. you weren’t a professional by any means, but knew that belly would love them.

“but i’m sure she wouldn’t miss one or two, if you wanna try one,” you offered, smiling at conrad.

he smiled back, though it didn’t reach his eyes. “yeah. yeah, let’s do that. i’m just gonna get changed first.”

conrad walked past you, and that’s when you noticed him limping — along with a bloody gash just below his left knee.

you instantly dropped the spatula back into the half-empty frosting bowl.

“connie, what the hell happened?”

“i’m fine,” he answered. “i wiped out, got cut by the fin of my board.” conrad must have noticed your eyes widened with worry because he grabbed your wrist gently, thumb rubbing soothingly on your pulse point. he was bleeding out on the kitchen floor, and there he was, trying to make sure you were okay. 

“i’m fine,” he reassured. 

the blood dripping down his leg suggested otherwise. years ago conrad would faint at the sight of blood, and though he’d mostly outgrown that, you knew it still made him queasy. you imagined the pain definitely wasn’t making it easier. without another word, you pulled him into the bathroom and made him sit on the edge of the bathtub. you washed your hands then sat cross-legged in front of him.

“you here to fix me up, sweetheart?” he smirked as he watched you gather supplies from the cabinet underneath the sink, your brows furrowed in concentration.

“what?” you paused, almost laughing. until you saw his wound again, and you got back to work.

“it’s from the hunger games,” he explained. “when katniss finds peeta in the arena? and he’s all, like, injured.”

“well, he was definitely in worse shape than you,” you assured. “your cut’s not that deep, it just looks bad.”

“it doesn’t feel great, either.”

conrad exhaled sharply when you started applying pressure to his leg with a damp washcloth. you placed your other hand on his right knee.

“it’ll be fine, connie. i’ve got you. keep your eyes on me, okay?”

he looked down at you, wet hair framing his face as he offered a short nod. 

you gestured at him to take over, and your fingers brushed together when he grabbed the washcloth, but he never looked down. his eyes still followed you as you searched the bathroom for something to cover his wound.

a comfortable silence followed. the two of you used to spend hours talking, sure, but what you loved about spending time with conrad is that silence didn't bother him. you could each be in your own worlds while in the comfort of each other's company, and that was enough.

once the wound was cleaned and the bleeding slowed down, you placed a gauze pad over his cut before wrapping a cloth bandage around it.

“i’m pretty sure it’s ‘you here to finish me off, sweetheart?’,” you remembered.

conrad shook his head. “i’m pretty sure it’s not. i’ve read the book like, three times.”

you move to sit next to him on the edge of the tub.

“how sure are you, connie? because i’m pretty damn sure.”

conrad shrugged. “i’m pretty damn sure, too.” 

you rolled your eyes, but with a smile. “okay, fine. we’ll check. but, when you see how wrong you are, you have to come with me to see jaws 2.” it was playing at the local movie theatre during their weekly throwback thursday — you and belly had seen it advertised on your way home from getting ice cream. you had wanted to ask conrad, but couldn’t find the right time.

because you hadn’t meant it to be a date, but you also hadn’t not meant it to be. something changed about how you felt towards conrad that summer; or, maybe, you just figured out what was different about the love you felt towards him compared to everyone else. 

(yes, love. again, something you would never admit.)

you thought maybe — maybe he felt it too. there was something different in the way he teased you, laughed with you, looked at you when he thought you couldn’t notice.

you did notice. it happened so much that eventually you decided that either it was all in your head and he didn’t love you that way, or he was also scared of what would happen if he did. which, to be fair, was the position you were in. you were very scared of what would happen if you crossed that line.

“i’ll agree to that,” conrad said. “if you agree to having a picnic with me on the beach. if i have to face my fear of sharks, then you have to face your fear of angry seagulls stealing your food.”

a picnic on the beach. you wondered if this was conrad’s way of subtly asking you on a date. did he also want to cross that line, become something other than friends? he looked at you so eagerly, you hoped he did.

“fine.” you held out your hand. “but you have to protect me from angry seagulls.”

conrad smiled at you brightly as he grasped your hand. 

“always.” 

in the end, conrad lost the bet. the screening of jaws 2 was cancelled, so you rented it from the video store instead. you got his favourite movie snacks, and some of yours as well, and made sure the couch had the comfiest pillows and the warmest blanket. you felt butterflies just thinking about the two of you watching together, cuddling on the couch. 

when the time came though, your plans fell through. the playdates your siblings had lined up both cancelled. your mother had plans to meet a friend at the bar, and claimed she couldn't reschedule. by then your parents were divorced and your father was elsewhere with his new girlfriend, so it fell to you to babysit your siblings.

conrad came over anyway: he helped you make rice and lentils for dinner, convinced your brother to eat his vegetables, and let your sister paint his nails. the four of you watched night at the museum and ate all the junk food you had gotten, with you and conrad sitting on opposite ends of the couch, but stealing glances and shy smiles at each other. when your mother came home, a bit after midnight and a little tipsy, she got angry that you’d kept the twins up so late and cheated on the diet she had so carefully planned for you — to keep you in shape for swimming, she claimed. you rolled your eyes, and that made her angrier. without you saying anything, conrad took the twins upstairs to get ready for bed as you and your mother argued. by the time conrad walked back downstairs, your mother had gone into the living room for another drink and you were in tears. he asked if you were okay, and you told him to go home.

you never talked about that night again, and everything went back to the way it was: with neither of you crossing that line.

now

the only reason you let belly drag you to nicole’s party is because it’s her birthday. 

as soon as you enter the house, nicole and the other debutantes whisk belly away to a table filled with elaborate cakes. you can’t help but feel slightly embarrassed by how elegant they look in comparison to the cupcakes you made her. 

"come on," taylor groans. "let's get a drink."

taylor grabs two beers and hands one to you. you gratefully accept. the two of you catch up for a bit, when suddenly jeremiah starts serenading belly in an outrageously funny musical number. you laugh along with them, until you catch a glimpse of conrad with nicole on the couch at the other end of the room. nicole is sitting in conrad's lap, and she leans over to whisper something in his ear before kissing his cheek. your entire body heats up.

conrad was right before: you were jealous. as frustrated as you were with him, you were even angrier at yourself for feeling that way. 

"i’m gonna go find the bathroom!” taylor says, practically shouting over the music. 

"okay!” you yell back. “i’m gonna go get another drink." 

you know all too well that it isn’t a good habit to get into, but you need something stronger if you’re going to survive this party. you examine the drink table, finally picking out some mediocre tequila. you take a shot, then another.

“tequila. my kind of girl.” someone declares, creeping up behind you. 

it’s a terrible pick up line, and you already have a feeling that the guy trying to flirt with you is some rich entitled asshole. 

but, the guy — liam — can hold a decent conversation, and he’s cute enough.

he’s no conrad, though. you take another shot when that thought crosses your mind, and force yourself to flirt with leo. liam. right, liam.

liam leans in close, pretends to listen to you, lets his gaze linger on the deep v-neck of your shirt. you’re so close, you can smell the alcohol on his breath. 

“five minutes,” you boast after he asks how long you can hold your breath underwater. somehow, the conversation veered towards your time as a competitive swimmer. you’re just the right amount of tipsy that your inhibitions start fading away.

“wow,” liam says. “i have to say, i’m glad you didn’t have that training camp this summer.”

you bat your eyelashes at him. “oh? why is that?” you lean closer, trailing a finger down his chest.

“because then i wouldn’t be able to do this.” 

liam kisses you then, and you kiss back. he slides his tongue in your mouth, runs his hands over your body. you feel nothing. it’s fine.

“let's go upstairs.”

liam’s grabbing your wrist before you have a chance to answer. as he tries to tug you up the stairs, your eyes meet conrad’s from across the room.

suddenly, you feel nauseous. you rip away from liam’s grip and place a hand on the wall next to you to steady yourself.

liam turns around sharply. “what is it?”

“i changed my mind, actually. let’s just hang out downstairs.”

liam grabs your wrist again, his grip tighter than before. “don’t be a tease.” 

this time, your voice comes out louder. “i just changed my mind. that doesn’t make me a tease.”

“don’t be a bitch, then,” he scoffs, and you’re this close to breaking this guy’s nose. “do you wanna fuck, or not?”

“i don’t,” you answer instantly, struggling to break free from his grip. 

“okay, whatever. we don’t have to go all the way, but we can still go upstairs, and have a good time.”

he manages to drag you up two steps as you strain against his iron grip, now almost cutting off your circulation. your heartbeat quickens and you feel dizzy. finally, you grab onto the railing for leverage, forcing liam to stop in his tracks.

“what is it now?” he groans.

“just stop, liam.”

“listen,” he starts, speaking to you almost mockingly, like you’re a naive little girl. “i know what girls want, so you don’t have to be shy. we’re going upstairs right now and —”

“liam, is it?” the rest of the party is in full motion, but here’s belly, giving liam one of the most intense death stares you’ve ever seen. belly, who if you cut open, would bleed sugar. “i’m gonna have to ask you to let go of my friend.”

“whatever,” liam answers, rolling his eyes. “if you don’t mind, we’re kinda in the middle of something.” he tries to move you forward, but you stand your ground.

jeremiah is also glaring at liam from the bottom of the stairs, his golden retriever personality long gone. “back off, man,” he warns.

“just mind your own business,” liam snaps.

“they said leave her alone,” steven asserts, walking over once he sees what’s happening. “and you don’t wanna mess with us, trust me.” he clenches his hand into a fist as if proving a point.

in other situations, you and belly have definitely teased steven for his tendency to act all tough, but right now, you couldn’t be more grateful.

“who the fuck are you? her bodyguards?” 

“just let her go,” belly orders. 

“i think she can speak for herself. she wants this, but if you’re jealous, you can join, too.” 

your stomach churns. liam leans in close to whisper in your ear. “maybe we’ll see if those 5 minutes come in handy when you’re sucking my —”

as soon as liam lets go of your wrist, his hand trailing downward, you shove him away and punch him in the nose before he can finish his sentence. you deliver a final blow to liam’s ego as he’s doubled over:

“what i want is for you to leave us the fuck alone. there are other people in this house who i’d rather hook up with. people who aren’t complete assholes with fancy cars to compensate for their tiny dick.”

the flirtatious smile falls from liam’s face, replaced with the kind of anger only rich entitled assholes have when they don’t get what they want — figures that he only gets the hint when it literally hits him right in the nose. he’s angry enough to deliver a punch right back to your face. 

you hear a crack upon impact, and pain radiates from your nose. you fall down the stairs, but belly manages to catch you before you hit the ground. she holds you as jeremiah and steven step in front. you hear them shouting at liam over the music, but their exact words don’t register.

you lick your lips, tasting blood. your ears are ringing, and the room is suddenly all fuzzy.

“i’ve got her.” conrad’s calm and measured voice cuts through the chaos. you feel a strong, familiar arm wrap around your waist. “go find cam — the rest of us have been drinking, but he can drive her home.”

somehow, you find yourself in a bathroom, sitting on the counter as conrad stands between your legs. he carefully examines your injury, but you notice how he avoids making eye contact. 

you feel your head spinning all over again. maybe it’s the alcohol, or the adrenaline, or the fact that the two of you haven’t been this close in a while — probably a dangerous mix of all three. 

“you here to fix me up, sweetheart?” the question slips past your lips before you could stop it.

conrad looks slightly amused, and he finally meets your gaze. “that’s not the line,” he deadpans. you know (from trying not to but ultimately not being able to pull your attention away from him all night) that he’s had a few drinks as well; it seems like the two of you ignore each other best when you’re sober.

but, still, he remembers. his comment earlier and his smile right now is all the confirmation you need: somewhere in the back of his mind, he replays memories of you. no matter how cold he acts towards you, he still cares.

he continues wiping the blood off your face. “how’s your hand?” he asks.

you flex your fingers, inspect your hand. “it’s been better,” you answer, though your knuckles are slightly aching. “worth it.”

“i guess all those years away made you a badass.”

all those years away. the reminder feels like a stab to the heart, but you wouldn’t let it burst the comfortable bubble you and conrad had somehow stumbled into. 

instead, you offer him a lopsided smile.

“oh, connie,” the nickname rolling off your tongue with ease. “i was always a badass.”

“yeah, yeah. but it’s different now. you’re different.” he pauses. you’re worried he’s going to say something else. 

but he doesn’t. instead, he asks, jokingly: “did you join a fight club or something?” 

you take that as a good sign: like you, he’s trying to preserve the playfulness between you before everything else seeps in and ruins it, before you’re brought back to the present, where you’re both heartbroken and not talking to each other. 

“you know the first rule of fight club —”

“don’t talk about fight club,” you finish together. 

conrad laughs, even though it’s not that funny. you laugh, too. 

a silence falls over you, one that’s not unfamiliar, but not entirely comfortable either. conrad holds the cloth against your nose to make sure the bleeding stopped. 

it seemed to be a strange pattern between you two — being there for each other when you bleed.

then — summer, age 12

it was the end of july when you got your first period. 

you had made lunch for your siblings and walked them to their day camp, when you suddenly felt an ache in your abdomen. that ache turned into a sharp pain by the time you got home, and you ran to the bathroom to confirm what you’d suspected. 

that afternoon, mr. conklin was taking all the kids to mini golf, but you weren’t feeling up for it. you texted belly about what happened and spent the rest of the day curled up in bed.

you didn’t hear him knock over the sound of the movie you were watching, but suddenly you saw conrad standing by your door, holding a bag from the candy shop. 

“jesus, connie, you scared me!” you exclaimed, pausing the movie. 

he smiled sheepishly and flopped down on the bed next to you. “belly told me you weren’t feeling well. here.” he handed you the bag. 

you opened the bag, grateful that conrad picked out your favourite treats. you take one and bite into it. your stomach growled — you hadn’t eaten earlier because you felt nauseous, but now you could eat that entire bag in one go.

“how was mini golf?” you asked, popping another treat into your mouth.

“it was awesome! i finally managed to get past that giant hippo and get a hole-in-one. i got the highest score.”

you frown, wishing you had been there. if anything, to beat conrad’s score. 

“don’t worry, we’ll go back another time,” conrad added. “you can beat me then.” sometimes, you swore conrad could read your mind. he then asked if you were feeling better.

“no. i got my period,” you huffed. “it sucks.”

“oh.” conrad adjusted his glasses, a sign that he felt awkward. “i’ve heard about those. they sound pretty brutal.”

“health class?”

“no. my mom, actually.”

health class wasn’t much help for you either, and neither was your mother. you were lucky enough to have susannah and laurel, who had explained everything to you and belly. 

“anyway, what are you watching?”

“the hunger games,” you answer. “i just finished the book.”

“cool.” 

conrad didn’t move — he actually leaned back against the pillows even more — so you figured he wanted to stay. you moved the laptop so it sat between the two of you and started playing the movie again.

“you know, it doesn’t seem fair that you miss out on having fun just because of your period,” conrad said as katniss finds peeta injured in the arena.

you frown, about to point out that he has no idea how painful cramps can be.

he lifted his hand up to stop you. “not that i can judge what you’re going through. i’m just saying when it’s this bad, instead of being alone, just text me, and i’ll be there.”

when the time came, he watched movies with you in bed. he brought you junk food and pain killers. he even biked to the store when you’d run out of pads.

he was there for you, just like he promised.

now

those moments from past summers now feel warm and sickly sweet, like popsicles melting in the sun — then again, that might just be the remnants of tequila flowing through your veins. you think about what happened earlier, how belly, jeremiah, and steven stepped in to protect you. how conrad is here with you now, taking care of you so tenderly even after you’ve ignored each for so long. it’s like nothing changed. but once you leave this bathroom and the alcohol leaves your system, it wouldn’t be the same. you feared you'd never get that magic back, and that weighed on your chest so much, you felt like you couldn’t breathe.

“why’d you go for liam, anyway?” conrad asks, breaking you away from your thoughts. he removes the cloth from your nose so you can answer, and the bleeding seems to have finally stopped.

“you really wanna know?”

“yeah. liam’s an asshole. and you’re…” conrad places his hands on either side of your thighs, leaning close. “you.”

“i went for liam because….well, honestly, i didn’t care who it was, as long as they made me forget you,” you admit, because what did you have to lose. you probably have a broken nose, you definitely have blood on your shirt, and your time with conrad is running out. 

conrad’s eyes darken. his fingers start to play with the hem of your shorts. 

“did it work?” his voice is a whisper, but he’s so close that it’s crystal clear.

“no.”

it’s hard to determine who leans in first, but soon enough your lips are on conrad’s. it's not the most elegant kiss — it's messy, urgent, with your noses bumping together, and teeth clacking against each other. he cradles your face in his hands, and you wrap your legs around his waist to bring him closer. you taste beer on his tongue, and maybe a hint of lime, but it’s overwhelmed by the salty, metallic taste of blood stained on your lips. you tangle your hands into his hair, and you swallow his moan as you gently tug. it’s clearer now: you’re not dizzy from the alcohol or adrenaline, but dizzy from him.

when you run out of air, feeling like your lungs could burst, you pull away. conrad’s gaze is heavy on yours as he traces your top lip with his thumb.

“connie,” you whimper, itching to kiss him again. 

“you’re still bleeding.”

conrad wipes away your blood with the cuff of his flannel. before either of you can do or say anything more, there’s a knock on the door. jeremiah, letting you know that it’s time to go. 

and, just like that, the moment is gone. 

a few days later, belly invites you over for a girl’s night. you paint each other’s nails, eat sour candy, and watch rom coms, just like you used to. she updates you on debutante season, the argument she had with taylor, and her blossoming feelings for jeremiah. you let it slip that you and conrad kissed at nicole’s party, though you admit you aren’t sure what it means — as if you hadn’t spent hours and hours thinking about the kiss, about him. belly gives you a knowing smile, but you change the subject before she can comment any further.

you’re halfway through 10 things i hate about you when belly falls asleep. you grab your phone, deciding to finally reach out to conrad, when you get a text from him.

he’s already on the dock when you arrive, looking out onto the water. 

“hey,” you greet as you stand next to him. “i was actually about to text you —”

“did you tell belly that we kissed?” he interrupts. you can’t quite read his expression as he waits for you to answer.

“no, i didn’t,” you lie. “but…would it matter if i did?”

“well, i mean, belly’s close to nicole and i don’t want her finding out," conrad explains. his words are deliberate, and you suspect he'd spent some time perfecting what to say to you. so far, you didn't like where this was going. conrad delivers another blow:

"it’s not like it meant anything.”

you feel like you could shatter into a million pieces right then and there.

“it didn’t?” you hate how fragile your voice sounds, compared to conrad’s stoic demeanor.

conrad shrugs. “i mean, we were both drunk and the thing with liam happened, so we just got caught up in the heat of the moment.” 

“you’re saying there’s nothing between us, then? nothing other than friendship?”

he turned away before he answered. “no. nothing.”

“then what about last summer?” you demand. you force yourself to keep it together, your tone firmer than before. “i guess that didn’t mean anything, either.”

“y/n…” he pauses, and you know you caught him off guard. “i don’t know what you want me to say. we’re barely even friends anymore. you come back here, after all this time, after so much shit has happened, and expect us all to drop everything to fit you back into our lives. but, you don't. we moved on. i moved on, and i can’t deal with you —" 

“got it,” you snap, already turning to walk away. “loud and fucking clear, conrad.” 

it’s not like it meant anything. we’re barely even friends anymore.

you replay conrad’s words as you crawl into bed next to belly, holding back tears as to not disturb her sleep.

you decide then that you didn’t love conrad anymore. you couldn’t because it would eat you up inside. 

then again, it doesn't seem like hating him would be any easier.