#Colleen O'Connor Wayne | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

zivkohen · 5 years ago

Text

El Mayarah

Who: Ziv Kohen (@zivkohen) & Rosy O’Connor-Wayne (@rosyoconnor) & Colleen O’Connor-Wayne (@chaoticdrcolleen)

When: Monday 3/2/2020 - Night

Where: O’Connor-Wayne Residence

What: There’s no manual for what to do about making love to two people at once, they decide it’s time to write the manual

Triggers: minor mentions of stalking and depression

Notes: Eventually the events that sparked this will be finished

Ziv didn't know what was wrong, but they felt like something was. Rosy had abandoned them and Colleen to the couch a while ago and while they thought maybe she'd just gone to the bathroom or into the kitchen, it soon became obvious she wasn't coming back. So, they'd uncurled themself from Colleen and the animals, apologizing profusely to them when given looks of utter dismay that they were getting up, and set about finding Rosy. They thought they'd heard her head upstairs but had checked downstairs thoroughly just in case.

Eventually, they found the only closed, and locked, door in the entire house and pressing their ear to door, they knew why. The sound of crying was faint, but it was there. They knocked on the door. "Rosy? What's wrong?"

Rosy knew that disappearing from Colleen and Ziv wasn't exactly the best plan right now, especially after knowing how much Oliver had fucked with Ziv's head but she couldn't bear the thought of saying something she didn't mean, that she'd regret because she was angry and hurt. So here she was, a grown woman, locked in the bathroom, sat on the floor with her back to the door doing her best to cry as quietly as possible so no one would know.

Part of her knew that if anyone else had been so flippant as to mock her feelings she would've told them to go fuck themselves on a metal cactus, but it wasn't anyone else, it was her sister, the one person she always knew to have her back and that hurt her more than she could express. She couldn't wrap her head around how Magda would encourage to go to therapy, to talk about her feelings and then be as so cruel as to mock her when she was trying to express feelings. It hurt.

The knock on the door startled her and she pressed her hand to her mouth as she tried to force herself to stop crying. She took a gulp of air and let it out slowly as she tried to regain some sense of composure. "Ziv," she cleared her throat, "I'm ok, I just..." She wasn't entirely sure what she was doing was a smart idea but if Ziv could be so vulnerable to her, then she could at least try and do the same. Rosy stood and unlocked the door, pulling it open with a sad smile, "I just needed a minute."

Ziv couldn't say the believed Rosy, she'd obviously been crying and while they didn't know why, they couldn't imagine it was something one just got over. They weren't those kinds of people. Even if they wished they were. People like Ziv and Rosy felt a lot more than they acknowledged, kept it locked up tight. So if it was bad enough to cry, it was bad enough to not just push under the rug. Or so Ziv's therapist liked to remind them. They were thankful when Rosy opened the door, but they didn't return the smile. "Why? What happened?"

Honestly, Rosy felt stupid for being so upset when she knew what Ziv was going through but her therapist had this thing they kept drilling into her about not comparing her problems to others. She let out a sigh, "Did you know that my sister is an asshole?"

Ziv shrugged, taking a seat next to Rosy on the floor. "What'd she do this time?" Ziv knew the way the O'Connor women worked, more so Rosy than Magda, but they knew enough about the younger sister of their best friend to know it usually wasn't as black and white at it seemed. Even still, it had to be something big for Rosy, who loved her little sister to hell and back, and bantered as if sarcasm was their first language and English their second, to be crying and calling her an asshole.

"You know how I was an dick to you when you'd done nothing wrong?" Rosy began, "I wasn't good, Ziv. I took it out on you when you'd done nothing wrong and then I just shut down. Colly got so worried that she called Magda. Between them, they talked me into going therapy and getting my shit together. Told me to talk about my feelings," she snorted as she swiped at a tear that had made its escape. "Why would you push someone so hard to talk about feelings and then when they try mock them for it and make them feel like a fucking idiot?" It was rhetoric but it voiced her frustration and anger, the catch in her throat of a fresh wave of tears highlighted her hurt.

Ziv listened quietly as Rosy spoke, rubbing her thigh and pressing a kiss to the side of her head. They were happy to know Rosy was getting help but they also knew Magda had issues of her own. "Maybe because it's not about you at all." Their voice was quiet. "I get angry when I'm like this. I lash out. Maybe you just caught her on a bad day? Doesn't make it right, but it might explain it?" They sighed, leaning against Rosy. "Can I ask what you were being emotional about or is that between you and Magda?"

"Maybe," Rosy shrugged. "Doesn't make it hurt any less though," she admitted quietly as she brought her head to rest on Ziv's shoulder, "I have three people I trust completely but, her throwing it back at me like that, hurt more than I think anyone else could." She closed her eyes at the question, she knew Ziv would ask, she would do the same if the roles were reversed but that didn't make answering it any easier, especially when she wanted to just shut everyone else out again and keep her feelings to herself. Her voice was barely a whisper, she wouldn't be surprised if Ziv didn't hear her despite how close they were, "Last night."

"No, it doesn't and I imagine not. She's your little sister, should the rest of us disappoint, she's the one who isn't supposed to." They gave Rosy's thigh a squeeze, resting their head on hers.

The words were quiet, lower than even a whisper. In truth, had Ziv not been waiting for an answer they might have missed it. "What about it?" Ziv wasn't sure they wanted to know. They'd been trying to avoid thinking about it, scared that the emotions that were swirling around it were just something they'd imagined. That it wasn't anything more than sex, despite just how intimate it had been. That their desire to not be alone and to have someone give that kind of a damn about them had just overpowered their senses and it hadn't been meant the way they took it.

Rosy pressed her face against Ziv's shoulder. She had to answer the question one way or another and no matter how she phrased it, once she said it, she wouldn't be able to take it back and it would change the dynamic between them, for better or worse she didn't know, after things with Magda she was too afraid to hope for the best. Reluctantly she pulled her face away so her words wouldn't be muffled, the best way to treat this was like a bandaid, get it over and done with, right? "That it wasn't sex."

Ziv's eyebrows knitted together for a moment and then they let out a breathe they didn't know they'd been holding. Those words spoke volumes to them. Because it meant they weren't the only one reading it as more than what it had originally been planned out to be. "It made me feel safe." They whispered, looking down at their lap. "I feel safe, here. With you and Colleen and the boys and Capaldi. And not because I know you'd shoot to kill if Oliver ever got close, but because you see me. Colleen knew what I'd been doing just by looking at me. She knew things I hadn't ever thought of, about me. And you're both so amazing." And why were they still talking?

Rosy reached for Ziv's hand and took it in her own. "Of course we see you, Ziv and we wouldn't want you to ever be anything but you." She pressed a kiss to Ziv's cheek, "You will always be safe here and able to be who you are without any bullshit because you truly are amazing, whether you see that or not." Rosy wiped at her face with her free hand, "I can't talk for Colleen, that's not fair but I do know that little peppermint addict and I think maybe you and I should go talk to her, what do you think?"

Ziv squeezed Rosy's hand, smiling gently at her. They didn't know what they were supposed to say. How was any of this happening? "I guess?"

"We kinda do, Ziv." Her brain was a whirl of information right now, a year ago she wasn still working and now she was sat on the bathroom floor with her best friend suggesting they go talk to her wife about what a threesome was and where to go from here. "We need to find out where she's at with all of this and then we can all talk about what we wanna do about it."

"I know." They sighed, still making no actual move to get up off the floor. It was a daunting idea to them. Ziv had gone from running from their ex to quite literally hiding from their in a years time. But to make matters stranger they'd kissed one best friend, a situation that was never brought up again, and then had very intimate sex with their other best friend and said best friend's wife. Of the two situations, the latter was far less confusing even if it was the one that currently had them scared to get off the floor and have an adult conversation about it.

Rosy could feel Ziv's apprehension and scooted herself so she was sat in front of their best friend. "Hey, look at me," she used her free hand to gently lift Ziv's face by the chin, "no matter what happens, you are safe here. I promise you that right now. Colly isn't going to get mad or angry over any of this, ok? No matter what happens, you're always gonna be stuck with me but we need to go down and speak to Colly, you know that." She pressed a kiss to Ziv's forehead, "I promise she doesn't bite, unless you let her," she teased making reference to the night before.

Ziv looked up at Rosy, nodding as she spoke. "I know." They couldn't help but laugh a little as Rosy spoke of Colleen and biting. They certainly couldn't deny the woman had a fondness for it, their neck was thorough proof of that. "Okay." They nodded before rising to their feet, offering their hands to Rosy.

Rosy took Ziv's hands and gave them a reassuring squeeze. "How is it that you and I can fight some real bad guys and yet talking to a beautiful woman about feelings turns us soft?" she chuckled as she led them out of the bathroom and down the stairs. Walking into the living, she wasn't all that surprised to find Colleen still on the couch, "You thinking of becoming a couch potato, babe?" she greeted with a chuckle.

Ziv shrugged. "Guns are easy. Feelings are hard." They followed Rosy back downstairs, glad to know Colleen hadn't left the couch.

Colleen looked up as her wife and Ziv returned, an eyebrow raised at the look of her wife. "What happened? Why were you crying? Why does Ziv look like they're trying to disappear?" Better yet, how was someone that tall capable of almost managing it?

"Amen to that," Rosy murmured.

Rosy had to bite her lip to stop herself from chuckling at the adorableness of her wife. "Babe, breathe." She gave Ziv's hand a reassuring squeeze. "Magda is a jackass, that's why I was crying. As for Ziv," she gave a small smile, "guns are easy, feelings are hard." She led Ziv over to the couch as she explain, "I think we need to talk about last night."

Colleen sat up a little straighter as her wife spoke, eyebrows raising at the mention of Magda making Rosy cry. However, that seemed to be something for another time as Rosy continued. "Well, we can certainly do that." Colleen smiled at the pair of them as Ziv sat awkwardly on the couch, only for Colleen to move closer to them.

Rosy took a seat beside Ziv and gave their thigh a squeeze, "Breathe, Ziv, you're ok, I promise." Now that they were there, Rosy wasn't entirely sure how she was supposed to broach the subject. Deciding that her method of treating it like a bandaid in the bathroom had paid off she spoke, "Last night wasn't sex," for her and Ziv she knew that to be true but she needed to know about her wife, "was it?"

Ziv nodded, doing their best to breathe, finding an odd comfort in the way Colleen seemed to drape herself around them, arms around their waist, and gentle reassurance of Rosy's hand on their thigh. Colleen grinned at her wife's question. "No, it wasn't. Like I told Breeze earlier, there's no manual for what you're supposed to do after you and your wife make love to another person. But, there's no manual for what to do when you make love to a stranger on the day you meet either, and I think we nailed that one." Ziv turned partially in Colleen's arms at that, surprise written all over their face.

"What? Really?" They didn't know if they were hearing this correctly. Was she really implying what they thought she was?

"Oh, I think we definitely nailed that one," Rosy agreed with a smile. "Thing is though, babe, I made love to a stranger and then couldn't give up," she spoke casually, feeling much calmed knowing that her wife was on the same page, "in fact, I went as far as to make it so I'd never have to give her up." She looked between her wife and her best friend, "Do you want to give this one up or you wanna see if the hammer strikes true twice?"

Ziv wasn't entirely sure what was going on but the more Rosy spoke the clearer it became. Colleen grinned as her wife spoke, holding Ziv just that little bit tighter. To say she was already attached would be an understatement, because really, Ziv was brilliant and she couldn't imagine how their ex could have hurt them so purposefully. "And risk letting the gorgeous human who curses in Klingon during sex and deserves all the love this world has to offer slip away? I don't think so." She let go of Ziv then, however. "Unless it's not what you want, hun. This is still your call and it always will be. If you want this, us, we would be honored. If you don't, then you don't and that's okay too. You're not going you lose us, either way."

Ziv smiled at the way Colleen spoke about them, blushing and ducking their head, but quickly recoiling when she pulled away. They understood it, though, as she spoke. It was their choice, at the end of the day and Colleen didn't want to pressure them. "Safe. You make me feel safe." Their words were quiet but sincere as they reached for Colleen's hand, taking hold of the one Rosy had placed on their thigh.

Rosy smiled as her wife spoke, Colleen was so much better at words and feelings than she'd ever be and she was thankful for that right now.

"We will always be here to keep you safe, Ziv," she promised, "even if you just want us to keep you safe as friends but if you want more than friends, that's ok too and we'll still keep you safe. But Colly is right, this is your call and no matter what that call is you're not going to lose us."

Ziv nodded as Rosy spoke. Looked between the two women and smiled at each of them in turn. "How is it you both manage to get something right that a single person managed to get so wrong?" They asked quietly.

"Because respect is important here. Making sure everyone is on the same page matters." Colleen squeezed their hand with a smile. "How would this work?"

"Well, until Oliver is taken care of, you and Lola stay here with us. After that, you're free to return back to your apartment. Everything else, we figure out as we go, isn't that right, Rose?"

Rosy nodded in agreement with Colleen, “You and Lola are going to have to get used to babies making noises at random times but I think that’s it. Our home is your home until Oliver is taken care of. You can sleep with us but if you’re not comfortable with that all you have to do is say and I’ll get a bed set up for you,” she smiled, “but just so you know, everything that’s happen with me and Colly? We figured it out as we went along, none of it was planned. Just like last night being more than sex wasn’t planned.”

Rosy paused for a moment as she thought. “If you want some of your things from your apartment, then tell me and we will go together but I’d think we have a lot of stuff here already.” She leaned against her best friend, “No matter what, always tell us your boundaries. If we do anything that makes you uncomfortable, say so because the last thing we want is to make you feel uncomfortable.”

Ziv smiled at Rosy as she spoke leaning against her with a nod. "I don't think Lola cares and I know I don't." They nodded a bit. "Could we set up a bed anyway? Just so that I know you two can still have time with just each other and so I have someplace to go if I need to be alone for a bit?" Colleen nodded as Ziv spoke.

"Of course we can, hun. Whatever makes you most comfortable."

"I want you two to be able to still have time without me, because you deserve that. And maybe sometimes we can figure out ways that I get one on one time with each of you? Does that make sense?" Ziv really wasn't sure if they were making sense, but they really hoped they were.

“We’ll set up a space for you, Ziv.” Rosy’s brain was already whirring and figuring out how to create a space so that Ziv had their own space to be alone when they needed it.

“We’ll figure it all out as we go along and everyone will get to learn so much about each other. You’ll find out why I fell in love with Colly so fast and she’ll understand why I’d happily help you bury a body,” she laughed, “and we’ll figure it out day by day cos no one is rushing anyone and everyone’s voice will be heard and everyone will be respected.”

Ziv nodded as Rosy spoke, smiling. They were really doing this. This was real and wonderful and safe. The word Ziv kept coming back to. Safe. The idea that no matter what, they'd be loved and protected and they could do the same for these women, and by extension for the twins too.

"So, hun, is that a yes?" Colleen asked, once again pressing herself into Ziv, arms around their waist.

Instead of answering, Ziv pulled Rosy to them, kissing her with everything they had in them only to pull away after a few moments and do the same to Colleen. Just for Colleen to break away and lean in to kiss her wife, doing her best to mirror the way Ziv had kissed them both. This was the start of something very interesting.

Rosy welcomed the kiss from Ziv, though she hadn't quite expected Ziv to pour so much into it and she had a dazed smile on her lips as Ziv repeated the gesture with Colleen, and then Colleen's lips were on hers. This was going to be one hell of a journey and she let out a laugh, "So much for a quiet retirement."

Ziv and Colleen both laughed as Rosy spoke. "We've got twins, Rose, it was never going to be quiet. Now it's just going to less so." Colleen teased her wife with a grin

"It's what you get for retiring with so much of your life still to live." Ziv grinned before yawning, suddenly feeling the emotional weight of the last couple weeks, but especially the last couple days, hit them full in the chest.

"Hush you," Rosy laughed as she reached across Ziv to poke Colleen playfully. "Why'd you think I retired so early? I wasn't gonna be able to live my life while rushing round like a twat working all the time." She pressed a kiss to Ziv's temple, "You two should get your cuddle on or something. Relax. I need to go be a cow before I start leaking."

"Make me." Colleen teased, even as she felt Ziv all but deflate in her arms. "Later, though." She pressed a kiss to the top of Ziv's head.

Ziv felt really tired all of a sudden, as if all the energy they'd possessed drained from their body in one go. It wasn't cool at all.

"Yeah, I think I'm gonna get this cutie to bed. Take care of yourself, you know where to find us." Colleen kissed Rosy gently before standing and helping Ziv up. They looked like a zombie and she couldn't help but wonder just how long they'd been fighting to keep themself together.

Rosy rolled her eyes at her wife, if Ziv wasn't so obviously wrecked with tiredness, she would've lunged across them to tickle Colleen into a squealing mess.

Standing up, she gave Ziv a sweet kiss and repeated the same with Colleen. "You guys go get the bed warm, I'll join you in a bit once I've seen to the boys."

#about: strong as steel #about: sweet as sugar #about: safe and sound #about: guns are easy feelings are hard #about: be my honeysuckle ill be your honeybee #about: love is a language you taught me to speak #la rosy #la colleen #lifeafter

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