#Changed mine. Thus the 'ive ruined it. I ruined our relationship and it was so good' It should scare me more that he said that his opinion

[seriouslyblacklikemysoul]

An Ephemeral Eternity in Seven Parts - Steve Rogers x Reader.

MASTERLIST Warnings: My English, Gifs aren’t mine. Word Count~3.4k Part I Part II Part III Part IV Part V

PART VI

A soft red color was painting the deep blue sky as the sun run its course and went back to sleep, an omen for the upcoming day. The air was chilly and clouds were gathering, threatening the very delicate, almost feeble peace that had been bestowed upon them. Being constantly on the move was not easy, especially since they were always followed. Not a single moment was private, yet somehow they managed to escape, not for long but those stolen minutes or hours were exactly what kept them sane. Well, sane enough.  "Did you manage to get any sleep?" Natasha asked her, not looking better herself as she walked into her room. She rolled her eyes to the now blond woman and simply raised an eyebrow. "Did you?" she asked back, receiving the exact same reaction. Natasha sat down, next to her, handing her a cup of coffee, which was very much appreciated. Her life had change; she would try to sleep at some point during the day and she would run and hide all night long or better yet trying to stay away from the people looking for her. Well, all of them, since they were criminals as people have told them, but she had an extra target on her back - and maybe even more dangerous than all the government's satellites. Not only Tony wanted her alive and found but she felt the threat vibrating through her veins. She knew that Tony didn't want his name ruined and/or associated with a criminal and that was why she would never let him find her - it wasn't just so they could talk, no, his reasons were always a bit egocentric. At least, so she thought. "Once Sam and Steve are back, we have to be on our way" Natasha told her, snapping her out of her mind.  "If we find Wanda and Vision, that is" she commented as she downed her coffee in hopes of some kind of an energy kick. The blond woman raised an eyebrow, disapproving the recklessness in that relationship. Vision had to report their situation but instead he went incognito for the last couple of days.  "Speaking of... you and Steve seem distant lately. What happened?" she wanted to know. That was the issue though. Nobody knew... at some point, their talks stopped happening so often, their time together became shorter, their kisses almost disappeared, leaving her to question what had happened. She shrugged as if it didn't bother her. Natasha knew better but didn't push it. "Alright, I'm just saying. Don't give up just yet" Nat advised her, while she packed the few things left out. She got up to help but not a moment later, a furious Sam and a slightly aggravated Steve walking in on them. "They are in trouble" Steve announced, already getting ready to fight. "Because they didn't do as told" Sam sassed but no one could blame them. They all prepared for the worst. And everyone already knew their places. She had chose not to be active because she had made a realization that wasn't so pleasing. Her powers drew from her - so every time she used her powers, came with a cost. She was the stand-by pilot of the Quinjet, observing and if needed intervening while the other three were handling the fists. She was mostly using her powers to hide them from the radars and it took a toll on her. Not long after that, they were all in the Jet, heading to Wanda and Vision. No one talked, no one looked each other. She felt estranged. "We're here" she informed shortly after. Steve simply nodded and she grew even more angry and worried. "We'll be right up" Natasha soothed, as she opened the doors of the Jet. Once she was alone again, she let the anger go but her mind was travelling to dark places. It wasn't anger, it was desperation and agony. A painful scream was about to escape her lips when they came back with the two lovers.  "I thought we had a deal. Stay close, check in. Don't take any chances" Natasha reprimanded Wanda, while Steve glanced over to her, leaving her with all the more questions.  "I am sorry. We just wanted time" Wanda said with tears in her eyes.  "Sam, you're on. I am going to try to help Vis, but I can't promise you anything" she finally came to her senses, leaving Sam to pilot them away, as she sat next to Wanda. "Be careful" Steve told her, almost too airy. She didn't turn when she replied that she wasn't gonna hurt Vision. He stopped in front of her, and before answering to Sam, he answered to her. "I was talking about you". That made her head swing. He tore his eyes from hers to give directions to Sam. Natasha gave a small smile, a sad one, because she knew how hard it was to love in the midst of a war.  "Where to, Cap?" he asked again. He took a deep breath. "Home". What was that? She couldn't remember. Focusing on Vision, her eyes turned lilac again - soon after her lessons from Strange, she was able to channel her power through every single cell of her body, thus affecting them, both in a good and in a bad way. She had never exactly understood what was triggering her powers to resurface whenever she needed them. But in that moment she knew exactly how to help him and so she did. She didn't notice anything other than the ordinary but everyone else did. The lights went off inside the Jet, a small purple lightning appeared in the sky and her powers were suddenly all over Vision like a cocoon. Moments later, everything was back to normal and Vision had regained his form but he wasn't in his original shape, which made her furrow her eyebrows, puzzled at her capabilities.  "Don't wear yourself out; I am better and we are arriving. Thank you" Vision reasoned with her thoughts. She raised an eyebrow - she didn't like it when he did that, but she knew he was right. Steve hadn't taken his eyes off of her the whole time. He was concerned about her. He was terrified when she went full on purple but not for his sake. He was worried about the side-effects. He was also a tad proud about her; and just a bit guilty about his behavior towards her. He had asked her to run with them, asked to be a fugitive, to stand against Tony again and she had devoted herself and her powers towards that mission - and he was being a jerk. And she hadn't given up on him still. He owed her more than an apology. "Maybe stand behind us, so no matter what Tony won't find out that you're here" Natasha offered her and she was thankful for her quick thinking. Her veins were purple, Steve noticed. They locked eyes. Trouble was on its way. 

"So... So we gotta assume they're coming back, right?" Natasha stated the obvious. Everyone was nervous, some of them terrified even.

"And they can clearly find us" Wanda added as her sole focus was on Vision. "We need all hands on deck. Where's Clint?" Bruce added, being the first to know the enemy. "After the whole Accords situation, he and Scott took a deal. It was too tough on their families, they're on house arrest" Natasha explained to him while they were examining each other. Steve was looking at her, worried. "Okay, look… Thanos has the biggest army in the universe. And he is not gonna stop until he... he gets... Vision's Stone". For a scientist, he wasn't exactly helpful at that moment. She wasn't talking, not sure if she had to say something. But sure enough that if Thanos could get ahold of all the infinity stones, no one could stop him - if she was powerful without all of their powers, he would be death itself. She turned her back on them, thinking about every possibility. "Well then, we have to protect it" Nat had to be optimistic, while in fact knowing extremely well that wasn't the case. "No, we have to destroy it. I've been giving a good deal of thought to this entity in my head, about its nature. But also, its composition. I think if it were exposed to a sufficiently powerful energy source, something, very similar to its own signature, perhaps… its molecular integrity could fail" Vision addressed Wanda as he neared her. She was clearly not having it. "And you, with it. We're not having this conversation". Her head was spinning, thoughts overflowing with images of catastrophe. "Eliminating the stone is the only way to be certain that Thanos can't get it". She wasn't sure about that and it scared her more than anything. "That's too high a price". And she agreed with Wanda. If that was Steve, she would likely be a bit too fierce. "Thanos threatens half the Universe. One life cannot stand in the way of defeating him". It wasn't the time for heroism, she thought. It was already overwhelming her. "But it should, we don't trade lives, Vision" Steve boldly said, making her turn and finally looked at him with all the desperation of the world. "Captain, 70 years ago, you laid down your life to save how many millions of people. Tell me, why is this any different?". It felt too much for her. The last hour it has been about the end of the world and honestly, she felt angry and trapped. Without even realizing it, a jolt of purple energy was sent directly to Vision. She gasped and before she could actually harm somebody, she whispered an apology and run out of the room. If Thanos was coming, she was as good as dead.

The night unfolding in front of her was gloomy, dark and ominous with storm clouds. A starless night, without a single ray of hope to shine through and ease her mind. She had yet to come to terms with her very essence. She had been confident about her powers, herself and so, naturally, the more it hurt once she was proven wrong. Which was slowly making her reluctant to trust anything- even her own gut feelings. Because when she had been so sure of something and it didn't happen the way she thought it would, it felt like she was betrayed by herself. These expectations and the hope that she had given herself- she did that, she gave herself all this hope when she shouldn’t have, and then she got hurt. So subconsciously she won’t let herself have that much hope the next time. That was how getting hurt was slowly destroying her. She got less and less optimistic and hopeful. She felt that deep inside her bones; she would never come completely back.  She was so deep in her head, she didn't even hear him opening and closing the door. She was a skeleton made out of flowers, seeds lodged themselves in her bones, tangled roots spread across her frame, a delicate network of nerves and veins; she was a garden on a cemetery floor, beauty born of compost and worms, watered by rain and shallow tears, sinking into rich earth...hoping to rise again. He softly touched her shoulder making her slightly jump. It was strange for him to watch her so lost in her mind.  "Is Vision okay?" she asked him, seemingly worried but he knew her better than that. She knew he was fine, she just needed one more reason to hate herself. He stood near her, not quite sure what to do. "Of course he is. Are you?" he found the courage to ask her. It was difficult looking at her and knowing she was not alright but not being able to help her. Maybe he was the positive fucking little unicorn and even though the past months had been cruel to all of them and he had grown different, he still wanted to help - mostly her.  "Nope, definitely no" she truthfully told him, as she turned to look at his blue ocean eyes. She took a deep breath, trying to pull herself together. He was about to tell her something about positivity but she didn't want to hear any of it and cut him off. "No, Steve, don't tell me that things will be better, that I will be able to control those freacking powers- the same ones that Thanos wants to obtain. Don't tell me that there is hope, cause I have none. I can't look you directly in the eye and tell that I'll be able to help. I guessing that I will be able to destroy. Don't ask me what. And no, I don't want to hear to whatever advice you have. I am sorry but it's all happening so fast, so many things are going on and I can't even breathe. And you what? On top of everything, I still think about you. Are we just friends if it’s your breath on my neck late at night or if it’s our laced fingers beneath your covers? How tightly do we need to be pressed against each other before you admit that you aren’t doing this for warmth? How many times does your thumb need to brush my lips before we realize that we’ve gone too far?" she let on, giving him absolutely no warnings that she would burst like that. She caught him by surprise and she saw that, so she chuckled sadly and waved her hands to dismiss every words she said. She always did that - demining her own thoughts and problems when she was overwhelming towards another. But he wasn't going to let her. For a reason he did not know, he was growing angry. That was a lie, he knew exactly why. He cared about her way too much to let her ruin herself. "Hey - no, hey, I'm talking to you. Don't you DARE walk away now. You don't get to tell me this just to erase it after a moment" he almost yelled at her the minute she tried to leave. She was taken aback. This was new. She had never seen him mad at her. Not that it scared her but it was different and gained her attention.  "Fuck this! No, it's not gonna be okay. There is a war upon us and it's scary as fuck because we have to go against someone so deprived of any common sense who craves your fucking powers. And your powers scare the hell out of us but you didn't want them- he does. I don't believe you for a second. I know you can master them, so stop being a fucking coward and learn how to, work on that. Control what has been given to you - it doesn't matter if you suffered or not. You have those god-damn powers. And you're stronger than anyone I know. Not because you have them. Because it's who you are. And no. We are not friends. We never were" and with that he grabbed her by her waist and slammed her against his body, lips desperately craving hers. 

"Eyes up. Stay sharp". By the time he informed as such, she was already making her way towards him, only to witness the Mad Titan sent him flying with the same purple jolt of power she possessed without having struck a single punch. T'Challa was grabbed by his throat and punched to the ground while Sam's wings became rubbery and unable to sustain flight. She kneeled down next to Steve to make sure he was still alive - she would probably loose it if he wasn't. When he opened his eyes, she finally breathed again, leaving him with a silent promise. All bloody and bruised, they needed to survive this. She heard Vision and Wanda and her heart broke. The least she could was give them time. "It shouldn't be you, but it is. It's all right. You could never hurt me. I just... feel you" Vision tried to soothe her pain as she extended a trembling hand, beaming her energy at the Mind Stone. She glanced at them, trying to focus all her power into stopping Thanos. She was running towards him when Steve slid under one blow and came up swinging his deployed arm-shields, punching Thanos in the gut and chin. He grabbed the gauntlet, keeping Thanos' fingers un-clenched. Thanos looked very briefly impressed at Steve’s efforts as he screamed before slamming a fist into his head and rendering him insensible. She let out a scream when Wanda looked over her shoulders. Purple jolts and beams of power hit the Mad Titan as she was determent to keep him away from the couple. If that was their goodbye, she was going to give them as much time as she could. Impressed by her ability to make him step back couple of meters, he tried to use his powers but Wanda joined her in a last effort. The two women looked at each other, understanding the pain Wanda felt as she nodded. "It's alright... It's alright. I love you". She struck again and again but her worst fear was coming true; her powers weren't enough. Taking a deep breath, she made a run for it, grabbed him by his massive hand and pushed his other out of her way with her powers, while she tried to get off of him the gauntlet. It took a great amount of power for him to knock her down and almost dead, something he informed her of. "You did better than most". She barely saw what happened, almost too weak to breathe. But when Wanda screamed in pain, she found the strength to pull it together, no matter how she felt and stood up, just when Thor arrived in the scene and the Stormbreaker slammed right into Thanos chest. She looked with eyes wide open when he didn't slow down. Steve was up again, and Bucky came rushing through. Both of them were looking tired, beaten and lost. One last effort before everything went to hell. Thor took hold of the back of Thanos' head, forcing the Stormbreaker deeper into his chest and she blasted that spot with all of her power, making him cry in pain. He looked at her slightly aggravated. "You should have gone for the head!" he yelled as he raised his gauntlet and snapped his fingers. 

"What'd you do? WHAT'D YOU DO?!" Thor was asking angrily. But he used the space stone and left.   "Where'd he go? Thor... where'd he go?" Steve stumbled into the clearing, holding his left side. She was almost too overwhelmed, she couldn't feel. "Steve?" Bucky suddenly stumbled over, and looked at her before he collapsed into ashes, much to Steve's shock; he walked over and touched the ground where Bucky's ashes evaporated disbelievingly. Shock washed over her, her entire body was trembling. "What is this? What the hell is happening?" Rhodes asked mere moments later, as Natasha appeared too, but to her … it felt like an eternity. She was literally vibrating with purple jolts of energy forming in her fingers. "Oh, God". Her body was going into shock; or maybe survival mode; or it was just too much. With a scream that echoed in the entire country, she fell down on her knees and as her hands touched the earth every single drop of power was released along with her previously so well hidden tears. It wasn't only purple. It was blue and red and yellow. She was in pain and never even noticed. She was suffocating. She wanted to smash his head open, make him pay for everything he had done, make him suffer before she finally killed him. Once her rage subsided, she opened up her eyes, facing the pain stained faces of the people that remained. He saw him, devastated, tragically alone again, looking at her with nothing but pain and questions. It wasn't him who helped her up and supported her weight. And it would never be Bucky again. Right before she passed out, she saw Thor's distressed face. He too had lost everything. "I got you".

_______

Taglist: @coffee-with-orion @accio-rogers @stydia-4-ever @smilexcaptainx @elliee1497

[hoyoungy]

On-Air | Vernon/Hansol (V)

genre: fluff, comedy, slight angst, college au | vernon x radio personality!reader summary: under the pseudonym Honey, you are the host of the most popular radio show in the city called Honey Time Radio where you give advice about relationships, school, and life in general. when it comes to your own love-life, however, you don’t have the best luck, and you don’t even follow your own advice! so what happens when you get a call from a listener who’s asking you advice on how to get to your heart? word count: 3468 a/n: thank you all for the support thus far! it’s 4:30 am good night i need sleep lol. several warnings: swearing, alcohol, lots of platonic wonwoo x reader, and american fraternity life. as seen on my ao3

part iv, vi

“A party tonight, huh?” Wonwoo said, swinging around in his chair. “What kind of party?”

“What do you mean what kind of party, it’s a college party,” you said as-a-matter-of-factly.

“The type of college party that Hansol invited you to is just as important as the invite itself!”

“How?”

“If it’s a birthday party, he’s trying to claim you. Well, claim is such a terrible word, but I don’t know how else to explain it. Assuming the birthday party is most likely hosted by someone he’s close to, he wants to show you off to his friends and show you how serious he is. A fraternity party, on the other hand, is way different.”

“So what if he’s taking me to a frat party?”

“Fraternity, you uncultured swine, not frat,” Wonwoo scolded. “And I’ll kill him.”

“What, why!?”

“The sole purpose of a fraternity hosting a party that isn’t the afterset to one of their cancer-saving bullshit philanthropy events is to get the entire house laid. Lots of drunk, sexy people in one room gets things going, you know? Trust me on this one, I know from hands-on experience and it works every time, so if he’s trying to take you to a damn Sigma Tau party, I’ll kill him. Their parties always suck, anyways.”

“I always forget that you’re in a fraternity,” you snorted.

“Why? I’m hot enough to be in one.”

“It’s because you’re such a fuckin’ nerd.”

“Nerds can wear letters, too, you independent,” he pouted. “So what kind of party is it?”

“It’s Soonyoung’s birthday party.”

“Oh, cool! I’ll see you there then.”

“You’re going!? Thanks for the invite!” you scolded.

“I swear I was going to invite you literally right after this discussion. But hey, Hansol beat me to it, so good for him.”

“I’m not cool enough to be invited to parties, ok, that’s why I rely on you to tell me once you get the invite!”

“It slipped my mind, I’m sorry! I’ll remember next time!”

“Can I go with you tonight?”

“Why? Hansol’s not picking you up?”

“He’s helping set up, so he’ll be there already.”

“I mean, I guess we could go together,” he said sarcastically. “Just don’t, you know, do what you always do and look awkward.”

“I might as well not go at all.”

“I’m kidding! But you have to take a shot with me once we walk in, no chaser.”

“Of what…”

“Silver tequila ~”

“You’re the devil incarnate,” you groaned, feeling yourself gagging already. “Fine.”

“Hurray! HonWoo ‘bouta turn up!”

“Never say that again. Hurry and press the button,” you sighed, slumping in your seat. Tonight was going to be a long night and you had no idea what to expect. But now wasn’t the time to worry.

“On-air in three… two… one…”

“What’s up, everyone!?” you greeted. “You’re on-air with Honey Time Radio, with Honey at the mic and Dj Wonwoo on the beat. It is a warm, thirsty Thursday evening, which means $10 bottles of soju at Ahjooma’s Corner! Make sure you stop on by and grab a bottle of soju while you’re eating with your friends, your significant other, or even your employer whom you’re trying to get drunk so you can get that raise! Mine and Wonwoo’s favorite flavor is the green apple soju. This is definitely sponsored content, but I was not paid to say that Ahjooma’s Corner has the best soondubu-jjigae ever, besides my mother’s. Love you, mom!

“For our first segment of the show tonight, we have a submission sent in by an anonymous listener. ‘Hey, Honey & Wonwoo! I’m a returning listener who has called for advice before, but I’m too nervous to call again because my identity might be found out! So here’s the thing; there’s this guy that I have been trying to get his attention, but every time I try, I either chicken out or he leaves right away to talk to someone else! I tried your advice last time, like small conversation starters, but I don’t think he’s that kind of person. There’s a party tonight and he’s going to be there. If he’s not into small talk, what do you think I should do?’”

You squinted at the submission on your laptop screen. Why did this scenario sound so familiar?

“Sounds like you’re in quite the pickle, anonymous,” you commented, a bit discouraged that your advice didn’t work, but glad they came back to ask. “You must really like him, huh? Well, if my advice didn’t work last time, I’d hate to ruin it a second time. Maybe Wonwoo can help?”

“Really!? Ah, it’s my time to shine!” he said while cracking his knuckles. “My advice is coming from my perspective - a guy’s perspective. I’m a lot like your guy in the sense that I hate small talk, too. I feel like the party scene is a lot easier to work with because you have a lot more leeway to break the ice. Does your guy like to drink? Ask him if he wants you to get a drink and start talking that way. Does he like drinking games? Ask him to be your partner. Does he like to dance? This one’s a bit more daring, but if you know how to bump n’ grind on the dance floor, that’ll really get his attention, if you know what I mean ~” Wonwoo chuckled at your gross expression. “It seems like he doesn’t like his time being wasted, so get straight to the point right away. Hope that helps.”

“You know, usually I would rather eat the cafeteria food than listen to Wonwoo’s advice, but that was actually pretty good…” you mused. “We should switch roles for a night.”

“I would never let you touch my soundboard. Only my fingers can make such magical sounds.”

“Why do you say things like that, it’s so weird… Anyways, we wish you all the best, Anonymous! Let us know how it went. Let’s take our first caller!”

“And that’s all for tonight, everyone. Tomorrow rings in a new day, so make sure you take the bull by the horns and seize it. Or something along those lines. You understand, what I mean, right? I’d like to give a special shoutout to a special listener by the name of Soonyoung. Happy birthday, Soonyoung! Stay safe at your party tonight. And as always, everyone else stay safe tonight, too. Use our Lyft code aka our official ship name, #HonWoo, for 20% off your ride. Thanks for listening, everyone. This is Honey signing off.”

“How did you manage to get us an Ahjooma’s Corner ad and a Lyft code?” Wonwoo asked after pressing the offline button. “The step team has been trying to get sponsors from both of them since forever!”

“Jeonghan’s like, the head chef or whatever at Ahjooma’s Corner and Seungkwan’s the brand ambassador for Lyft.”

“Seungkwan, that pink bastard,” Wonwoo cursed. “Are you going back to your apartment to change?”

“Yeah, I can’t go there looking like this.”

“Good, ‘cuz you look like trash.”

“You’re a great friend.”

When you got back to your apartment, it was already 10:30 which was thirty minutes after the party started but thirty minutes before the party started. In those remaining thirty minutes, you spent twenty-five of those throwing out every outfit you tried on, unsatisfied with the results.

“Yah, what’s taking you so long!?” Wonwoo yelled from your couch. “All the jungle juice is gonna be gone!”

“I don’t know what to wear!”

“It’s a fucking party, not the Yule Ball!”

“Can you shut up!? I’m done, for Christ’s sake!”

“If you take any longer, I’m gonna get you so drunk that Hansol’s gonna be the one carrying your ass back here -”

Wonwoo’s blabbering mouth fell silent when you left your room all ready to go. He didn’t know how you did it, but you managed to fix your hair, face, and get dressed in such a short amount of time and still look decent. Tonight, you didn’t look like _____. Tonight, you looked like Honey.

“Damn,” he said. “You look… put together for once. Tryna shake up Hansol?”

“Ugh, you complimenting me makes me feel uglier somehow.”

“I try to be nice one time…”

The walk to Soonyoung’s didn’t more than ten minutes. When you were a block away from the house, you could already hear the bumping music, loud cheers, and see the bright, colorful strobe lights. This party looked like it was straight out of an American college party movie, making Mingyu’s party look like the seventh grade sock hop.

“Jisoo Christ,” Wonwoo whistled. “Soonyoung really meant it when he said he was going to outdo his twenty-first…”

“Someone’s gotta clean all of that up eventually…”

“That’s what pledges are for,” he smirked. “C’mon, you promised me a tequila shot.”

The inside of the house was moist - it wreaked of booze, sweat, and lots of sugar. You and Wonwoo squeezed your way through the crowd to the kitchen, exchanging hellos to familiar faces and quick kisses on the cheek from drunk friends (who knew Minghao was so affectionate when drunk?)

A tall, double shot of clear poison glared at you, accompanied by its groupies lime and salt. The more you smelled the ethanol-like stench of tequila, the more you felt yourself gag.

“Cheers to a good night, _____,” Wonwoo said as you both raised your glasses. “May the alcohol be ever in our favor.”

With the cling of the glass, you licked the mound of salt, downed the juice, and sucked on a lime wedge. No amount of limes and salt could ease the burn of liquor travelling down your throat. One double shot in and you already felt like dying.

“Ha,” Wonwoo giggled. “Look at your face.”

“Taking a shot without the birthday boy!?” A familiar voice yelled, swinging his bare arm around your shoulder. A sweaty Soonyoung hugged you tightly as he grabbed a shot glass of his own. “Pour me one, Wonwoo.”

“Ugh, can’t we take something else?” you groaned, still not over the taste.

“Does Hennessey suit your needs, Princess _____?”

“Can I get a chaser?”

“Nuh uh, shorty,” Soonyoung grinned. “House rules - any shot with the birthday boy is straight.”

“God, you’re such a bro.” The gold liquid didn’t sting as much as tequila, but didn’t really taste any better. You felt the intoxication take over your body, hazing your vision, but you didn’t mind at all, although you probably should have ate before coming… Soonyoung squeezed your shoulder as a thank you for taking a shot with him.

“Have you seen Hansol?” you yelled over the music.

“You’re like the third girl that’s asked me tonight. Is it his birthday, too, or something!?” he pouted.

“Well, he’s the one that invited me -”

“He probably invited every fucking girl here,” he snorted. “He’s probably on the dance floor.”

“I’ll be heading there, then.”

“Wait, me too!”

Soonyoung had his hands over your shoulders, guiding you through the house to the living room, where the real party was happening. A sober Mingyu was the Dj for tonight, who apparently claimed that after his birthday, he was never going to drink again, or at least until after midterms. The entire room was packed with people, bodies swaying and grinding to the music, that you couldn’t even distinguish faces.

“Do you see him?” you asked Soonyoung, who clung to you closer in his drunk state.

“Yeah, but he seems a bit preoccupied…”

Your eyes followed to where Soonyoung pointed. Right in the middle of the dance floor was a flushed Hansol, grinding behind some poor soul who got caught in the same trap you were in. Even in your tipsy state, you recognized her - she was the same girl who Hansol said was bland at Mingyu’s party, the same girl who called that night to ask for advice on how to get his attention, and the same girl who anonymously sent you a submission a few hours ago on how to actually get his attention.

God, how could you be so stupid and not put the pieces together?

“Hyejin actually did it,” Soonyoung cheered behind you. “She’s been trying to talk to Hansol since their freshman year. About fuckin’ time. Who knew Wonwoo gave great advice.”

Oh, that’s right. Wonwoo was the one who advised her.

Do all guys think the fucking same?

Hyejin turned around, now facing Hansol as he kept his arms tightly wrapped around her tiny waist. Their faces were so close, any closer they would be making out and it made you want to throw up. In a room full of sweaty, sexually-driven drunk adults, the spotlight was on them, at least to you it was. The alcohol was really starting to kick in as your mind flashed through every smile, every laugh, and every form of affection that Hansol ever gave you.

In those moments, in such a short amount of time, you felt like you could fly.

But now, you felt like just another check off his list. And he was another one off of yours.

Six. That made six total guys who fucked you over.

Should you even be surprised at this point? But maybe you were overreacting… It’s not like you were even officially together. But why did it still hurt?

“Are you ok?” Soonyoung asked, shaking your shoulders. “You’re not going to throw up, are you? ‘Cuz that would suck.”

You snatched a cup of mystery drink from someone’s hand and chugged it down, ignoring the taste of cheap cinnamon liquer.

“Wanna dance?” you asked bitterly.

“Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for you to ask me that?” he slurred. “Years, _____, years. Fucking finally, let’s go.”

You were shocked when Soonyoung gently took your hand and led you towards the middle of the dance floor. You were even more shocked that you were having a lot of fun using him as a distraction to get your mind off of Hansol for the night.

But you were most shocked when you locked eyes with a Hansol after the fifth song with Soonyoung.

You weren’t even dancing that risque with him. Dancing with Soonyoung was filled with laughs and smiles from the goofiness that you shared together. Hansol watched you hunch over from laughing so hard too many times for him to count. You may not have had your ass grinding up against Soonyoung crotch, but not once did you let go of his hand. He twirled you, dipped you, swung you around like a boyfriend would.

Somehow imagining you grinding up against Soonyoung seemed less painful than the scene before him.

When you saw Hansol looking at you, you might have felt guilty from seeing how pale his face was if he wasn’t still glued to Hyejin. But since that was the case, you broke the chilling eye contact quickly and put all your attention to Soonyoung. It was satisfying knowing that you could finally get payback for all the shit you fell for.

“_____ ~!” Soonyoung groaned, tired from all the dancing. “I need to rehydrate!”

“Jungle juice?” you challenged.

“Jungle juice!”

“Wonwoo ~!” you screeched, stumbling into the kitchen. After the whole dance floor incident, you spent the rest of the night drinking whatever was in front of you to numb your entire body, Now it was almost three in the morning and you were drunk off your ass and achieved the optimal amount of numbness. Most of the guests left the house with the exception of Wonwoo and Soonyoung’s friends and a couple of girls that wanted to stay. This included Hansol and Hyejin, who stood next to each other with at least one inch of space between them for once.

You let out an obnoxious groan at the sight.

“What, you alcoholic?” he teased.

“Take me home.”

“Why don’t you ask Han -”

“HONEY TIME RADIO,” you interrupted loudly, causing Wonwoo’s eyes to widen. You didn’t even want to hear his name. “Is… A great show…!”

“Oh, I love Honey Time!” Soonyoung chimed, wrapping his arm around you again.

“Ew, since when were you two this close?” Wonwoo asked.

“Since… Today! Happy birthday!” you cheered. “Please, can you take me home…?”

“You can stay the night if you want,” Soonyoung offered.

“Nope, nuh-uh, I won’t allow it. Hansol, walk her home -”

“Ugh, shut up for once, Wonwoo!” you scolded. The whole room was silent at your outburst, but you didn’t care. You certainly didn’t care for Hansol’s hurt expression, either. “Forget it, I’ll go by myself.”

“Yah, _____ -!”

You stormed off into the dark streets. The beginning of the night was a lot warmer, but now you could feel every goosebump on your exposed skin. It felt numbing, but you didn’t care anymore. You were drunk, exhausted, and over it.

You knew someone was following behind you. You hoped it was either Wonwoo, Soonyoung, and even Mingyu, but you prayed to God it wasn’t Hansol - he was the last person you wanted to see. But normally, Wonwoo would be nagging you for being such a brat just now, Soonyoung would have walked really close to you, and Mingyu would have pulled you into a headlock. But the person behind you did neither of those things.

Hansol watched the way you walked in front of him. At first, your stride was angry - you stomped the concrete like you hate it. To be honest, it was really cute. But then you progressively got slower, dragging your feet and hanging your head low. You looked tired - no, exhausted - mentally, physically, emotionally, and it was all his fault.

You felt a heavy jacket get thrown over you shoulders before you fell face-first on the grass in front of you.

“Oh, shit,” Hansol said, kneeling beside you. “My bad. Are you ok?”

“Don’t touch me,” you muttered into the ground. “I’ll just lay here.”

“Then I’ll lay with you.”

“No, I don’t want you to.”

“Unless you can get up, you don’t have much of a choice, do you?”

“I can just feel your smug smirk piercing through me. I want to smack that smirk off of your dumb, beautiful face,” you threatened.

Hansol gently helped you up from the ground and held you at arms length. One hand plucked pieces of grass from your hair while the other kept you from swaying side-to-side. He couldn’t hold in his growing grin when you pouted at him with sleepy, half-lidded eyes.

“I said don’t touch me…”

“Why?”

“Because I’m not Hyejin.”

“And I’m not Soonyoung.”

“Obviously not by the way you danced with Hyejin tonight. Soonyoung can dance way better than you ever could! And it was the best time of my life!”

Hansol knows the intention behind your words was meant to hurt him, and to be honest, it did, but the way that you were acting was so cute that he ignored the slight sting in his chest.

“Do you want me to call him to walk you home instead?” he challenged, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Yes.”

“Ah, you were supposed to say no.”

You ignored his comment as you stumbled passed him, making your way home once more. Hansol continued to follow behind you, catching you at least three more times when you tripped on the uneven sidewalk, earning himself another three snarky remarks about how you weren’t Hyejin and to keep his hands off of you.

When you stood in front of you apartment, you chucked the jacket harshly in his face.

“I deserve that,” he said.

“Go home.”

“Are you jealous of Hyejin?”

“Are you jealous of Soonyoung?”

“Yes,” he admitted without hesitation, catching you off guard. “And Wonwoo. And Mingyu. And any guy who comes even close to you.”

“Why?” you scoffed.

“Are you jealous of Hyejin?” he repeated. The small smirk on his face told you he already knew the answer.

“… Yes.”

“Ok,” his smirk widened. “Good night, _____.”

“Wait, what? You can’t just leave! Now I have questions!” you cried.

“I’ll answer them when I see you tomorrow.”

“That’s funny, because I definitely don’t remember agreeing to that.”

“It’s my way of saying I want to see you tomorrow.” And before you realized it, Hansol started to back away, making him the winner of this sad argument. He winked, smiling at the charming way you blushed so easily. “Sweet dreams, _____.”

You slept two whole hours that night.

[survivormontenegro]

Episode 15 (Finale): “I COULD LITERALLY WIN A TUMBLR SURVIVOR SEASON WHAT IS THIS LIFE” - Ali

Did that vote make me a villain? Cuz I don't think I can avoid that anymore. But did it screw my chances of winning? Did it add to my resume? Did it make sense? Who do I work with next? Do people understand that Ali is gonna win this game? Is Ali gonna win another immunity challenge? Can I get him voted off or is it smarter to get him to vote with me, because its Benj and I and we need one more. I have more questions after last night than I started, but knowing that Benj was going to vote Jones I didn't think I had much of a choice.

JONES WHEN U SEE THIS ILY IM SO SORRY :((((((

breakdown.

Seamus enjoyed seeing me suffer with maths and black rotating puzzle

Ok so Ali won immunity so cant use idol on himself so im in the F4 hehe (unless hes seriously been playing me this entire time LMAO)

My 0 votes will prob be ruined tho but oh well still a huge improvement from 20 in kili

honestly think im losing in any F3 scenario ugh im gonna be a 2 time ftc loser LOL kinda iconic tho

regardless this has been one of the most fun games ive ever played hehe

I am trying my best to stay safe this round. I think it would be crazy for them to let me make it to F4, not that I think I am gonna win, but the momentum is definitely with Ali, Tom, and Jason, and I seem like the logical vote.

With that, there are some things I would like to say about the game. I'm actually pretty proud of the way I played. I know it wasn't the most graceful, or the most honest or loyal. I votes out Alex when he really trusted me. I flopped on Jules to win my way back in with that side. I stuck by Mo, but ultimately let him go when I had no choice, and then I did the same thing but more dramatically with Jones. I helped idol out the power player Mitch, but my strongest attribute was creating tight relationships with people who always felt they need to get that extra vote, Tom, Ali, Benj, Alex, Jones, Mo. The closeness has always made me less of a target, I hope not because they think I'm not a threat, but rather because they think I might be that swing vote for them. I feel like I have largely been the only one to make real decisions in this game except for Mitch, because Benj followed whoever told him to vote what, and Tom and Jason only make decisions because they just need to target whoever targets them. Ali and I are suppose to be in a secret bond, but the only time we vote together is when I switch and vote with him (Alex and Jones). I was the flip vote with Jason on Jules. I helped make the decision to vote out Mitch. I told Ali that I think it needs to be Jason this time. If I make it through this that would be soooo freakin fun. If I don't I worked my magic to try to get the target off of me, and so far I think the vote is Jason v Benj (sorry Benj that I had to convince Jason that I could work with him in the case that he idols). The biggest kink to that game is Ali winning those immunities, because truly I think the F5 would have been so different. Him winning rn changes everything and I can truly see the chinks in my strategy and gameplay now. I'm a mess, but I'm a calculating emotional mess, so hey points for me right?

okay so Jason left, which is really good news. He was clearly a major threat, and I acheived my goal (admittedly with no contribution to Mitch going) of Mitch, Jones & Jason being three boots in order.

So I'm in the final four with Caeleb, Benj and Tom. AND TOM IS NOW TARGETTING ME THAT MUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPET. I saw this coming, I knew he would, he thinks he is gonna pull a fast one on me, but little does he know Benj is the KINGEST KING, and we've been allies since the first round.

So I really REALLY wanna win final four immunity, because it might be the Final Immunity and I am cautiously optimistic that if I can just make FTC, I can win this whole thing. If I win immunity, I'm voting out Caeleb with Benj and Tom, who will... kicking and screaming have to vote with me ajkdslfa.

I think no matter what, I'll be able to go to firemaking this round at worst, since I think Benj is firmly in my corner. And I've been dominant in challenges thus far, and could hopefully continue to do so? We will see ahh.

I just desperately want to win immunity this round, because then I can vote Caeleb out and drag Tom to F3. mwahahahahahahahahahaha. HE WILL HAVE TO SIT WITH ME IN A FINAL THREE, like it or not!

I'm literally so close to FTC this is gonna drive me insane. If its a F3, I think I'm literally a challenge away from winning this season, I could truly SCREAM hnnnnnnnnnngh.

There's so much riding on this next immunity challenge. Like so much. And i just realized that I have no won immunity since Merge and everyone else left has, so umm here's hoping.

I WON FINAL IMMUNITY OH MY GOD. i literally.. my heart was pump pumping so fast, when Caeleb won the first two rounds I literally was gonna throw up/throw something/throw a fit.

But HNNNGH I won (and I filmed my reaction, which I'll upload), and I need to vote off Caeleb in my opinion. Benj is a king, but he hasn't done as much as me in this game, and Tom is solidly getting third place I think at this stage, so I think I have a great shot.

IM SO CLOSE ASKLDFAF. I COULD LITERALLY WIN A TUMBLR SURVIVOR SEASON WHAT IS THIS LIFE.

I know that this game is an emotional mess. And HELL I have been an emotional mess. But this I think is the first time that I'm actually angry. 6 immunity wins? Are you fucking kidding me? What the hell? I coulda made it to FTC, and like I'm not done yet I'll keep fighting so hopefully I can make it. But in normal circumstances I would be there. I just. Am so. Livid. There's no strategy involved when you can't vote someone out consistently. Now I have to fight tooth and nail just to have a shot and go against the freakin contender to win. Like its so disheartening, and Ali is a sweet guy sure, but he hasn't even made half the moves I have. His biggest move and most unexpected? Voting out Julia. If I get my chance to make it to FTC I'll have a lot to say, but I don't think its looking up for me at this point.

this is the worst video i've ever filmed nobody watch this

I CANT BELIEVE I MADE F3 AGAIN!!!!!

WOWOWOWOW

and with Ali our day 1 duo actually did it WTF?

Tom king too the anzacs made it

I know im losing but its been SO FUN!!

Good memories only

Okay so... FTC was yesterday, and I kind of want to do a final wrap up confessional, just to kind of bring some personal closure.

So it seems unless a lot shifts, that I am decisively going to win this game. I'm so unbelievably excited, I've literally only ever come second in survivor games, so to have finally snatched the win genuinely means a lot. It shows me that 2019 truly has been a year of real emotional growth for me, and the personal roadblocks I've put in front of myself that have cost me games in the past, have been lifted and I have my act together much much more.

FTC was... just such a weird experience yesterday, I always get dragged at FTCs, particularly live ones. I've only done two ever (Athena: All Stars and BB Pokemon: Orre) and both times, not a single juror spoke positively about my game that was present. To have jurors come on, and say that I unequivocally played the best was such a bizarre experience, but I love all the jurors so much and their high estimation of me is genuinely so flattering.

With that said, FTC was also a really rough experience. I love Benj and Tom with my full heart, and watching Tom get relentlessly told he was rude was tricky because I know how good of a guy he really is, and how well he meant with everyone. Benj was rough because... it seems I just outplayed him, and him mentioning our duo in his opening statement when I didn't at all... was really rough because I felt partly at fault for his dragging. I just love both of them, so it was hard.

I also feel bad for what I was like in confessionals this season, from memory at some point, I went in on JJ, Mo and Caeleb in confessionals, and while I apologised for all, I still feel awful that I let myself get so worked up in this game to sort of snap at them? Like Mo is a genuine friend of mine, so the fact that he wrote like... a sentence and I got so pressed is really stupid, I love Mo so much and hope I can make it up to him. Caeleb I got so mad at after the Jones' idol play for literally no reason... like he outplayed me that round, and its so pathetic that I got mad at him for that. I think Caeleb played a PHENOMENAL game, and did so well.

If I had to predict the POTS of the season, I would say my top three would be Jones, Caeleb and Mitch. Jones is... Jones, she is so likable and has such charisma and hold over people, and her idol play was arguably the most impressive move of the season. Caeleb was someone I underestimated to such at the start of merge, but he played such an impressive middle game, and would've had my vote if I was voted out at F3. Mitch it sounds like was hated by the jury, but I think he played amazingly? Like he has been a target since F20, his name was thrown out so many times, and I just think he did so good? I lowkey think he would be my player of the season to be honest.

I wanna talk about the other jurors particularly that I haven't really referenced in this. Alex is someone I somehow feel most guilty about voting out? He is just such a genuinely good guy, and I think I had this preconceived notion of him as like a gamebot, when he is just so wholesome, I can't wait for him to return, and make single digits. scratch that, I can't wait for him to return and WIN.

I also wanna talk about Jules. I am such a Jules warrior? Like... such a Jules warrior? They were such a pleasure to work with, and I just love them so much. I did them dirty by not idoling them/telling them they were going, but they are someone I have SO much time, love and respect for.

Who else, omg JASON! He was the perfect final juror for yesterday's FTC, someone who went easy on Tom who needed that, and just... is such a wholesome good guy, I love Jason.

Anyway, this is already really, really long so I need to wrap this up. I just want to say how happy this season has made me, and how much of a pleasure its been apart of. I joined the ORG community right before a lot of messy personal stuff came my way, and a lot of my org memories are tied to that. I used to let my personal drama get itself interwoven in my games, and I would just be so emotional. To have a game where I could play hard, cracked and WELL, and just have fun has been such a pleasure, and Im so emo about it.

I just wanna thank the hosts again too, I literally am a full on Asya, Drew, Johnny and Seamus WARRIOR, I love all four of them for hosting my favourite org experience EVER, its been amazing. I've been such a crackhead, was the only OG Budva Tumblr Survior newbie to make merge, spammed my host chat with an unbelievable number of messages, been AWFUL at the bridge idol hunt system yet ended up with two idols, been a crackhead (bears repeating because of how much of a mess i was), its been... a time KLADSF

But yes. I just have had a phenomenal time, crackheads are gonna crackhead and this brit is joining the tumblr survivor royal family, and I truly could not be more excited.

[themoneybuff-blog]

Who's In Control of Your Life?

Let me tell you three stories. The first comes from my own life, while the other two are things that Ive observed recently. * * * For my own tale, lets roll back several years. At that time, I worked as a research assistant focusing on data mining. My job mostly revolved around writing tools for researchers to explore a very large data set in a simple fashion, essentially enabling them to make connections within the data at a click of the mouse, and I also spent a significant amount of my time digging through the data myself, looking for useful patterns and trying to make sense of it all. I really loved the work I was doing. When I was actually doing the data mining, or when I was working with researchers to come up with ways to help them explore the data on their own, I deeply enjoyed the work. It was intellectually challenging, interesting, and meaningful. I also dearly loved the small team I worked with at the time. What I didnt enjoy was the bureaucratic end of it. I didnt enjoy the travel. I didnt enjoy the many bureaucratic meetings. I didnt enjoy the constant filling out of forms that seemed to be largely purposeless. I didnt enjoy the constant change in how we filed our travel receipts, the constant changes in our email services, and many other aspects of the job that were purely bureaucratic. I was also frustrated by how there were constant promises of more resources that were sorely needed to actually improve our offerings, but those resources seemed to never actually materialize. Because of that lack of resources, I felt my work slowly turning from creating useful new things and discovering new data connections to just maintaining tools so that they wouldnt break when other people changed things. I gradually became more and more responsible for IT management, fixing servers and things when they had problems, and that caused me to have to go into work on more and more weekends and spend more and more time effectively on call. Over time, my feelings on this job began to shift. I went from feeling great about going to work each day to dreading going to work, particularly on days when there were meetings and particularly on days leading up to travel. For the last year or two that I worked at this job, I felt miserable. Travel was causing me to miss several big moments with my children, including my sons first steps. Most days were filled with bureaucracy and maintenance. I felt deeply unhappy. So, why did I stick around for that last year or two? The big reason was that I felt like I needed the job. I didnt have strong financial control over my life yet and thus I really needed the stability that the job provided. In short, that job and that situation had control over my life. I couldnt walk away without putting my wife and my young children in a very precarious place. * * * The second story comes from a reader who Ill call Jeff, who wrote in with a long story for the reader mailbag. After some back and forth conversation with him, he wanted me to share his story in a post. Jeff grew up in an upper middle class family. In college, he fell in love with Suzanne, who he thought was also upper middle class until, shortly before the wedding, he learned that Suzannes family was rather wealthy thanks to her grandfather. Suzanne has a large trust in place for her thats controlled by Suzannes mother. Suzanne and Jeff have been married for several years and apparently theyve spent much of this time jousting with Suzannes mother, sometimes even in court, to gain access to the trust. It is apparently up to Suzannes mother as to when the money can be released to Suzanne and Jeff. He wrote in asking for advice on some other means to try to gain access to that money. My response to Jeff was simple: try to live your life for a while as though that trust does not exist. What would your life be like if there was no trust that was ever going to appear? What would you do? Live your life that way. If the trust money comes, then its a boon. Right now, the lack of a trust is a bust. After some back and forth emails with Jeff, it seems as though he and Suzanne have had a lot of conversations about the situation and have decided to do just that to stop worrying about the trust at all and start living as though it doesnt exist. * * * Heres a third story that might seem unrelated at first, but its well worth discussing. My wife went on a very long-planned trip with her sisters this spring. They had been planning the trip for almost a decade and this spring was the culmination of those plans. During their trip, they had the opportunity to visit Chichen Itza, the Mayan ruins in southern Mexico. While there, Sarah took a ton of photographs and short videos. They were all focused on the view, a view that she wanted to always be able to remember even when her memory of it faded a little. One thing I couldnt help but notice is that in many of the video clips and photographs, there was a young woman who had an elaborate selfie setup that involved tripods and lighting poles and so on. She was backed up right against the edge of where she could walk and, in every video clip and picture, she was either taking selfies with Chicken Itza in the background or checking the selfies. This was going on over a long period of time. Not once, in any of the photographs, did the young woman seem to be paying any attention to Chichen Itza. She had traveled so far to see one of the wonders of the world, and yet her full attention was on getting a great selfie or two, ostensibly to post to Instagram or some other social media service. * * * These three stories all have something in common. They all depict people living their lives under the control of others, not themselves. In my own situation, I lived my life under the control of my supervisors and the bureaucracy of my workplace. I absolutely loathed it, but I persisted under it for years. Why? I had chosen a lifestyle that required the income and stability provided by that bureaucracy. I had ceded control of my time and energy over to them. In Jeffs situation, he and Suzanne lived their life obsessed with the money sitting in that trust and constantly battling Suzannes mother for that money. That battle absorbed tons of their time, energy, and focus, and although he didnt get into it, it seemed clear that the relationship with Suzannes mother was weakened by the fight. In that case, Jeff and Suzanne had ceded control of their time, energy, thought, and focus over to their mother-in-law simply out of a desire for more money. In the story of the woman at Chichen Itza, her focus was solely on producing an amazing selfie, ostensibly to share with others. This took her attention away from the destination of a long trip and the grandeur of a wonder of the world. Instead, she focused on the lighting on her face and the camera she was using. I suppose she may have been a professional photographer and a model at the same time, but it seems far more likely in our modern era that she was simply trying to get the perfect shot for Instagram. In other words, she ceded control over her own time and focus to her Instagram followers, causing her to miss out completely on the amazing opportunity before her. In all three of those stories, someone else is in control of a persons life and decisions. I wasnt in control of my professional decisions or their own financial destiny. Jeff and Suzanne werent in control of their familial decisions or their own financial destiny. The woman taking the selfie was ceding control over her time and focus in one of the most amazing places on Earth to anonymous Instagram followers and other social media friends. * * * If theres a lesson Ive learned throughout my adult life, its this: there are few surer routes to unhappiness than ceding control of your life over to the whims of someone else. When you cede power over your life to your boss out of financial need, you give your boss the power to take away your free time and all of your energy. Even if your boss doesnt do that, that power still rests in their hands. When you cede power over your life to someone who might give you money, you give that person power over your attention and your thought and your time and your destiny. Even if that person is very giving in terms of that money, they still retain that power and can use it as they please. When you cede power in your life to social media followers and constantly do things that you think will impress them or interest them or make them envious, you give those anonymous followers the power to shape your decisions and shape how you use your time. Youre no longer doing the things you want to do; youre doing the things they want you to do and hoping for their approval. Those situations bring unhappiness. Im speaking from my own experience and the experiences of many people in my life and many readers. Whenever you feel like you dont have control over your life and youre forced to bend your life over and over to the whim of those who do have control, it brings about sadness and serious dissatisfaction with life. What about situations that come with responsibility, like becoming a parent? In those situations, there are definitely moments where you feel trapped and out of control, and those times do bring bad feelings. However, theyre typically counterbalanced by the good moments and the fact that you chose this responsibility. Also, responsibility often leaves some level of control over the situation you do control how you choose to parent your child. On the other hand, you dont have control over the fickle nature of social media followers or the whims of your boss or to those who can turn off the spigot of money youre relying on or the organizations to which you owe money this list goes on and on. Its that lack of control that brings unhappiness, and making financial and lifestyle missteps is one of the surest ways to lose financial and professional control and freedom in your life. This doesnt just manifest itself in terms of personal unhappiness thats just the start. It has negative physical and mental implications due to the stress of the situation. It has negative financial implications because many people drown themselves in treats, giving themselves little bursts of pleasure so that they can temporarily feel a burst of joy. What can you do? Its easy. Start taking control back. Even if you cant fully wrest control of the situation back immediately (sometimes you can, but often the situation is deep and complex enough that you cant), you need to start down that path. Here are some strategies for doing just that. Spend a lot less than you earn and bank the difference, so that you can make changes to your life if theyre warranted. Walking away from a miserable job is a lot easier if youre already living on less than you earn and have been doing so for a while and youve put away the extra money for the future. In essence, it was the start of our financial turnaround that gave me the ability to try new things and then eventually have the financial freedom to walk away from a job that was leaving me feeling crushed. The power of this strategy is that it frees you from being under the control of anyone who can turn the spigots of money in your life on and off. Before long, youll have the freedom to be able to move to another opportunity (like moving to a new job) or to just start ignoring a particularly troublesome one (like Jeff and Suzannes family issue). Eventually, you wont need to think about a spigot at all its a convenience, but not a need, and you can walk away if you dont like the relationship without needing to just jump to another opportunity. This can be challenging because one of the most obvious places to start is to cut out the stream of low-value treats that many people who feel unhappy and trapped use as a stream of happiness bursts in your life. You have to seek out other sources for those moments of bliss that dont require spending money. Spend less than you earn. Make that gap as big as you can without introducing new misery into your life. Use that gap to get rid of debt and start saving for the future, whether its retirement or any other significant life change. Thats the recipe. Focus on building relationships with people who enjoy doing the things you would do on your own (or with an army of clones of you). One of my favorite questions to ask myself is what would I do if I had to live the rest of my life on an island with 100 clones of myself? Meaning, in other words, that they all had the same internal desires that I do. What would I do? Id read a lot and have conversations about those books. Id go on lots of hikes and explore every inch of the island. Id play a lot of long, complex board games. Id make amazing meals and a lot of fermented foods and craft beer. Thus, this advice tells me to find other people who like to read a lot and talk about the books that they read. This advice suggests that I find people who like to do easy and moderate difficulty hikes (I dont like rock climbing and my balance isnt superb) and go on hikes with them. This advice suggests I find people who like to play long strategic board games. This advice suggests that I make a lot of meals and good food and beer and share them with people who appreciate them, and maybe find people who like to make them, too. Those are my people. I need to find them and build friendships with them. That way, I find companionship and friendship and affirmation by doing the things I naturally want to do anyway, rather than having to mold myself to appease others. This gives me much greater control over my free time and my hobby time. Who are your people? What are the things you would do on an island by yourself and 100 clones of yourself? Figure that out, then find people who like that, too, and make friends with them. That way, you dont have to change who you are or spend time or energy or money on things that you dont really care about in order to feel friendship and acceptance. Learn how to say no. Many people find themselves eventually trapped by a mountain of commitments and arrangements they brought on themselves by being unable to say no to others when theyre asked for something. This often leaves them feeling overwhelmed and unhappy and typically not performing at their best at any of those commitments. Heres something to consider if youre in this camp: if you feel overwhelmed with commitment or will feel overwhelmed if you take on something someones asking of you remember that you will not perform at your best on this commitment or on the other commitments you have if you say yes. In fact, by committing to more, youre likely going to end up with that other person in a worse position than if you had simply said no right now. I often turn things down by saying some variation on this: I really appreciate that you asked me to help, but I have to say no. My plate is already really full right now and if I took on that thing as well, not only would I not be able to give it my full effort and attention, I would also be letting down the things Im already committed to. I usually then follow it up with a suggestion of other people who might be able to help. Saying no in that way is more valuable than saying yes to something that overwhelms you and that you cant live up to in a quality fashion. It is far better to say no than to let someone down when theyre relying on you or to deliver a bad result. Plus, saying no preserves your sanity and also gives you the space you need to excel at the things that you do choose to keep on your plate. Give yourself the power to have control over whats on your agenda, so that you can fill it with just things you can excel at without being overwhelmed. Finally, be very wary of long term commitments you cant easily back out of. I absolutely love being a parent and its a role that fulfills me deeply, but if someone is asking me if they should have kids and theyre really unsure about it, Ill usually advise them to not have kids. Dont commit to having children unless it is a full-bore full-throated deep commitment, because a child deserves that from their parents. This is true with any long term commitment you may face in life. For example, dont get married if you dont think you can live up to those vows or youre not sure you can live your life with this person. Its better to say no than to say yes and fail that commitment and that other person who put their trust in you. If youre agreeing to something over the long term, youre ceding some control over your life and breaking that commitment is likely to be painful. Be very careful when doing this, and make absolutely sure that this is something you truly want. Dont walk into a huge commitment without high confidence. The message in all of this is simple: most of us feel happiest when we have maximum control over our lives. When we cede control over our decisions to others, by allowing things like our boss to push us into unpaid overtime or unethical tasks, by allowing ourselves to become financially dependent on things other people control, by allowing our emotions to be controlled by the approval of others, by committing to things and then growing to regret them, we bring unhappiness into our lives, and that unhappiness is often temporarily dealt with by overspending. Take control. Cut those patterns out of your life. Youll be happier for it. Good luck. https://www.thesimpledollar.com/whos-in-control-of-your-life/