#Chakotay can order Tuvok to call him 'sir' but Tuvok has a file on him on his brain that includes not only readily available information

[bumblingbabooshka]

She had an old picture of me. It was frightening. Dated 1933. [Song: Strange Love by The Unlikely Candidates]

[summahsunlight]

This Way Became My Journey, CH.1

Word Count: 3535

Pairings: Janeway/Chakotay, Tom/OFC

Characters: Kathryn Janeway, Chakotay, Tom Paris, Sarah Barrett (OC), Harry Kim, B’Elanna Torres, Tuvok, Kes, Neelix, the Doctor

Against her better judgement, Kathryn Janeway has taken her children with her on the trip to the Badlands to track Chakotay and the Maquis rebels. But when the ship is thrown into the Delta Quadrant, Janeway is forced to join with the Maquis in order to survive the treacherous, unknown part of the galaxy.

Lowering her body with a heavy sigh, Captain Kathryn Janeway propped her feet up on the coffee table in the living room of her posh San Francisco apartment. It was quiet now, since her dog Molly had been sent to the kennel. She found that she missed that auburn ball of fur more than anything at that moment.

It had been a long day, securing everything before her next assignment. Between packing up some personal belongings and transporting back and forth to New Zealand, Kathryn found she was drained. This was her first deep space assignment in nearly two years. She had forgotten how much work went into the preparation for such an assignment not to mention the strings she had to pull to get a few extra things she believed she needed on this mission. Asking the Admiralty for a few favors was never an easy thing.

There was a knock on the door. For a moment she didn't respond, used to the chime of a starship. "Come in," she called out.

The large glass doors swung upon and she watched as Gabriel Dawson, a friend from her Academy days stepped down the marble steps towards her. "I thought you would be halfway to Deep Space Nine right now. Seeing you after you got that commission, I swore you were going to move in on Voyager immediately."

Kathryn laughed and gestured around her apartment. "I had a few things to clean up here first. Besides, I don't think Starfleet was quite ready for me to sit in that Captain's chair just yet."

Gabriel sat down on the sofa with her. "They're making the right decision. If anyone can track down the Maquis, it's Kathryn Janeway."

She chuckled. "Thanks for your vote in confidence in me; I'll note it in my log." Her face grew serious. "What brings you down here?"

"Just checking up on you," Gabriel said, his look matching hers. "This is your first deep space assignment since… the massacre at Ohniaka III."

The lighthearted mood that she had enjoyed was soon squelched at his mentioning of Ohniaka III. Images of the science station that had once been there flashed through her mind; images of its destruction as it was seen on the news vids, images of a long lost love.

Kathryn turned her blue eyes away from Gabriel. She tried not to think of his brother, Bryan Dawson, who had been a scientist at the outpost when it was attacked by the Borg. Thinking of Bryan brought such a strong urge to scream and cry that she very often found her self trying not to think about him. He had, after all, been her husband of four years when he had been killed along with all his colleagues. "I was holding up just fine until you said that."

"I'm sorry Kathryn," Gabriel said. "But you were my friend long before you were my sister in law. Can I help it if I still worry about you?"

She looked at him with sad eyes. Yes, it was true, he had been her friend; he had been the one to introduce Bryan and Kathryn a year or so after her father had died. Bryan had been a life savior, showing her that there was life after the loss of a loved one, but his death, at the hands of a ruthless enemy, had left a bitter taste in her mouth for so long. "I appreciate your checking up on me, but really I'm fine," Kathryn said, going to the food replicator to get a cup of coffee.

"Are you really? I spoke to your mother, she told me you had a hard time parting with the children," Gabriel replied, his eyes studying the back of her uniform. He saw her shoulders stiffen at the mentioning of her children. "I figured there would be some separation anxiety on their part, but yours Kathryn?"

She bit her lip before taking a sip of coffee. "It's my first time away from Ava for more than a week."

Gabriel pondered what she said for a moment. Kathryn had been devastated when his brother was killed. She had taken their son, Michael, on some trek across Earth, stopping in places like Paris, New York, the Bahamas. And then suddenly she cut the leave time that Starfleet had granted her short, dropped Michael off to her mother, and returned to the Billings. Unbeknownst to any of them at the time she had found out she was pregnant with Ava. Whether she was in denial or not, she refused to tell anyone, she had kept working, hard, to the point where it ended her up at Starfleet Medical with pregnancy complications. All her assignments after the baby's birth had been local, only assignments that stretched the span of a week. Being given command of her own ship, that had been something she had wanted for a long time, and he knew she had eagerly taken the Voyagercommission. "Ava will adjust. Children are resilient, Kathryn, much more than adults."

Kathryn looked at him. "I know. I'm afraid of her adjusting a little too much," the new Captain whispered. "Being given a command like this means I won't be going on short little missions; Voyager is a deep space vessel. How much am I going to get to see of her now that I have a highly advanced, deep space vessel in my command?"

"I thought you had talked to Admiral Patterson?" Gabriel questioned. "Didn't he approve of accommodations for the kids on the ship himself?"

"Yes, he single-handedly went to bat for me," Kathryn replied. "The Council wasn't too keen on my request, the building of the new rooms set back the launch date three weeks. But what else am I supposed to do? I'm a single parent with a job that takes me away far too often. I want to be able to see my children."

"You could get a post at Command," Gabriel said. "You'd make a great instructor at the Academy."

She smiled wistfully. "You know me Gabe; I'm not an office girl."

He returned the smile. "I know, I had to try, and I also know that Bryan didn't want you to give up your career to become a house wife. Why do you think he let you keep your name?"

"The name stayed because the clerk in Bloomington didn't know what she was doing," Kathryn replied her eyes narrowing a bit. "Instead of putting Janeway-Dawson as my new name, she put Dawson-Janeway as Bryan's." The memory played out in her mind. She had been so mad. And they had always meant to go back and fix it after they were married, however, Michael had been born, Wolf 359 had happened, and her assignment to the Billings. They never found the time to go back. We never found the time for a lot of things, Bryan, Kathryn thought sadly.

"How did New Zealand go?" Gabriel was asking her, trying to get her mind off of her late husband.

"It went," she said with a chuckle. "Tom Paris is as cocky and arrogant as his service record indicates. But, he's the only one in Starfleet who can help us track the Maquis."

"You're taking a big risk on him," Gabriel said. "He's a convicted traitor of the Federation."

"I've been told I'm taking a lot of risks on this assignment," Kathryn retorted.

"Lieutenant Barrett?"

"Yes, how did you know?"

"I was her council at her hearing, remember?" Gabriel said. He shook his head, remembering the burnt out, broken young woman who he had defended in a court martial for dereliction of duty. "Starfleet came down too hard on her, trying her like that. What she needed was the rehab not the brig time."

Kathryn set her cup down on the coffee table. "You got her that rehab time, Gabe. You opened the door for someone like me to take a risk on her. Besides, my father worked with hers. He was a good officer. I think Jason Barrett's daughter deserves a second chance, don't you?"

"You know I do, but she's only been out, what six months?"

"Yes, your point?"

"She could relapse."

Kathryn scoffed. "Not on my shift."

Good damn it Kathryn, why are you so stubborn! The Captain's personal computer was beeping, indicating an incoming message. She rose from the sofa and went to turn the console on. It was resting on a small end table towards the back of the living room. From his seat he could see an image of Gretchen Janeway appear, she looked hassled, in the background a baby was crying, it was Ava.

"Mom?" Kathryn asked concerned. She could hear her baby screaming in the background and it was breaking her heart that she couldn't be there to comfort the child.

"Katie," Gretchen breathed. "I think you need to meet me at the transporter station. Ava's got an ear infection."

"A what?"

"An ear infection. I can't get her to calm down, she's been screaming for you for hours, and no matter how much pain reliever I give her, it doesn't help. She needs to see her doctor, Katie," Gretchen replied. "We could be there in ten minutes, as long as you meet us at the station. I can't very well traipse through San Francisco with a screaming baby, now can I?"

Kathryn closed her eyes. She was due to leave in two hours for Deep Space Nine. There was no way she was going to get an appointment with the children's doctor now. Making a split second decision, that she was sure she would regret at some point later down the road, she told her mother to pack bags for the kids; they were coming with her on Voyager.

"Welcome aboard Voyager, Lieutenant Barrett."

Sarah Barrett noticed a middle aged man in command reds standing at the base of the transporter pad. Reaching back into her mind to place him from all the personnel files that she had shuffled through the past few days, she offered him her hand. "Commander Cavit, it's nice to meet you sir." God, I hope I'm right about who this is, she thought as the man took her hand and shook it.

"Likewise, Lieutenant," Cavit said to her, in a professional tone. He released her hand and gestured for her to follow. "Captain Janeway sends her regrets, but will not be able to meet with you until later. She is…busy tending to other things."

The tone of his voice suggested that he wasn't happy about what these other things were. "That's alright, sir. I can meet with her at her earliest convenience. Actually, Starfleet Command wanted me to meet with you as well, regarding our observer."

"Oh yes, him," Cavit scoffed, pressing a button to open the turbo lift's doors. The two officers stepped inside and she waited for him to say something more, but he didn't. He looked mutely ahead while the lift ascended. An awkward silence passed between them.

She decided to break the ice. "I know what the feelings are regarding Mister Paris. Starfleet command just wanted me to make sure that everyone on this ship is willing to put those feelings aside to get the job done."

Cavit glared at her. "Miss Barrett, I can assure you that this crew is not going to let their feelings for a convicted felon get in the way of their duties."

She cocked an eyebrow. "Are you?"

"Computer halt turbo lift," Cavit ordered. The lift came to a halt and he turned to fully face her. "I'm aware of your history Lieutenant. You have some nerve questioning me when it comes to duty."

Sarah knew when she had pushed too many buttons. "I'm sorry sir. You're right. If this crew is any reflection of Captain Janeway, she would insist that her crew treats Mister Paris with respect, there fore not allowing him to interfere with their duties."

He set his jaw and ordered the computer to resume. The lift started to move again and they rode the rest of the way to the deck where her office was stationed in tense silence. When they got to the office she noticed that he had been carrying a couple of PADDs in his hand. She was surprised when he handed them to her. "These are additions to the crew roster. I suggest that you look them over briefly and then report to the Bridge. We'll be leaving in a couple of hours."

Sarah scanned the PADDs and realized that the new additions to the roster were children, the Captain's children. "Kids? Starfleet is letting kids on this mission?" This wasn't a Galaxy class starship; there were no accommodations for children. Why would Starfleet ever let kids on this ship?

"Apparently Captain Janeway has a few supporters at Command. Apparently Admiral Patterson approved of it himself," Cavit replied. "Believe me, Counselor, I'm not any more thrilled than you are about this, but it's not my place to question Captain Janeway… on her parenting skills."

"I'm not questioning it either, but as far as I'm aware, Kathryn Janeway has never taken her kids on any mission with her," Sarah said, recalling information from the Captain's personnel file. "Why the sudden change of heart, sir?"

Cavit's reply was curt. "I don't know."

Sarah's eyes fell on the reports again, reading bits and pieces. The children's lives hadn't been easy to say the least, shuffled between their mother's apartment in San Francisco and their grandmother's home in Indiana. Before that even, the oldest, a boy, had lived with his father on some science station. Maybe Kathryn Janeway was tried of the shuffling or maybe it was just another commanding officer using their influence to get their family on board their ship. Sarah's father had done the same, when he was the Captain of the Alaska. Who said being of higher rank didn't have their perks?

She had hated every minute of living on that ship. Being told that Janeway's children would be making the trip brought back old memories of lying around crew quarters bored out of her mind as a child. "I don't suppose more kids are coming on board, sir? After all, someone else must want their children with them besides the Captain."

"Your displeasure of the situation will be duly noted in my log, Lieutenant," Cavit replied, ignoring her sarcastic tone, and turning about. "I'll see you on the Bridge."

Sarah disappeared inside of her office, dropping her travel bag. It landed on the floor with a thud. She dropped the PADDs Cavit had given her onto the glass desk and went to look out the window. Taking a deep calming breath she was glad that it had been Cavit to inform her of the children and not Janeway. She was certain the Captain would not have taken kindly to her…reactions. Maybe there was some circumstance that Kathryn Janeway was forced to take the children with her. Their grandmother was sick and she had no last minute child care, they were dropping the children off along the way to stay with family; she had let her temper get the best of her without knowing all the facts.

And besides this was only a three week trip. If they were staying on the ship the whole time the children could be sent back to their grandmother when they returned to Earth. Better to find out the whole story before jumping to conclusions Barrett, she chided her self. If she was lucky she'd get that whole story when she met with the Captain later.

Which reminded her, she had to catch up on Tom Paris'. Reaching for her bag, she pulled the zipper open. Inside where a few uniforms and what seemed like hundreds of thousands of PADDs, it however, did not take her long to find the one she was looking for. She had placed his on top.

Settling down onto the sofa, she scrolled through the report. Their observer certainly was an interesting read. His history was not that different from her own; child of an Admiral, attended the Academy and had been involved in a controversial incident. Here the history veered differently from her course. He had been ushered out of Starfleet, due to his cover up and joined the Maquis. She wondered briefly if she hadn't been so forth coming with her drug addiction if they would have ushered her out of Starfleet as well.

Tossing the PADD down she left that thought for another day and another time. She had to report to the Bridge and prove to Cavit and who ever else doubted her abilities, that she was capable. It was time to start all over again.

"Master Thomas, we weren't expecting you."

"Don't worry Nadia," Thomas Eugene Paris commented as he stepped into his parents' home for the first time in years. "I wasn't expecting me either. Is my father home?"

The hall was just as he remembered it; his mother hadn't changed it in years. An oil painting of the Paris' family still hung on the wall; his father dressed in a crisp, Starfleet uniform, his mother an elegant dress of red. Tom was eight at the time the portrait was made; he was wearing a dress suit, standing behind his sitting mother, a hand draped over her shoulder. His sisters were seated on the floor in front. Tom had spent countless hours staring at that portrait as a child, wondering how the painter had captured a happy family when really it was a suffocating atmosphere, at least for Tom. He could never live up to his father's expectations.

Nadia, their housekeeper for years, looked anxious. "No, no, he's at Command. He won't be home until late."

Tom shoved his hands into his pockets. He hadn't come to see his father anyways, he'd come to see his mother. After being cashiered out of Starfleet he'd cut ties with his mother and his sisters. He'd been ashamed of what he'd done but too proud to admit he was ashamed. "I actually came to see my mother. Is she here?"

"Oh yes, Miss Erin is home," Nadia replied, closing the front doors and ushering Tom into the drawing room, his mother's favorite place to entertain. "I'll go get her."

He was left alone the large drawing room, standing amongst his mother's treasured antique furniture. As a child he hadn't been allowed in this room because of all the valuables; his parents thought his rough and tumble ways would surely break something. Which, now that he thought about, would probably have come true if he'd been allowed in here. Now that he was in the room he realized it wasn't such an extraordinary room after all. In the mind of a nine year old, because it was off limits it was, but really it was a space filled with useless, delicate, old furniture and art.

Tom crossed his arms over his chest and his fingers impacted with the combadge that had been issued to him prior to catching his transport to Deep Space Nine. He wasn't used to wearing a Starfleet uniform, hell he never thought he'd been in one again. Captain Kathryn Janeway had insisted on the uniform and badge, yet she wouldn't let him fly the ship. Tom had to admit that Janeway was attractive in a sort of authoritative way.

"Thomas, what are you doing here? If your father knew you'd stopped by," Erin Paris said as she entered the room.

Tom turned to smile half-heartedly at his mother. "I won't be here long Mom."

"What are you doing in that uniform? Did they let you back into Starfleet?" Erin inquired, straightening his collar.

"I'm doing the Federation a favor. They need me to track down the Maquis."

"Oh, them," Erin huffed. "Haven't they caused you enough trouble?"

"Mom, I got myself into trouble."

"If your father hadn't pushed you in the first place—"

"Mom," Tom interrupted, "I didn't come here to listen to you blame Dad for my mistakes. I came here to tell you that once I get back from this mission I'm taking the first transport out of the Federation. There are plenty of independent traders out there that could use good pilots."

Erin looked horrified. "What about the rest of your sentence?"

"Captain Janeway promised she'd help me at my parole hearing at the end of the month. If I find Chakotay, I get the hell out of that prison," Tom snapped.

"Thomas, you can't be serious about this, leaving Earth, permanently?" Erin gasped.

"I am."

"But...that's ridiculous."

Tom felt drained and he'd only been there for fifteen minutes. "You know something, Mom, I don't know why I came," he breathed, turning about and leaving the room. He had a transport to catch. Swinging the front door open with a dramatic pull he turned slightly to face her. "Tell Dad I said hello and good-bye; I'll be in touch." And with that he slammed the door in her face and hurried down the driveway, making his way for the transport station. He didn't even look back once.