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celestialsister0918 · 11 months ago

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Hi, dear Gary friends! Chapter 1 of my Jackson piece is here! If you get a moment to give it some love over AO3 as well, I’d be so grateful!

It will be four chapters total. All are written, but some are still being edited.

This was inspired by Gary’s interview on “Top Gear” where he states that playing Jackson is “a bit like easing yourself into someone else’s dirty bathwater.” This immediately triggered memories of myself singing into a hairbrush to No Doubt’s “Bathwater” back in the day. Yes, I always had some twisted approaches to my fixations.

Here it is! Hope you enjoy and stay tuned for future installments…

__________

Someone’s Dirty Bathwater

Jackson Lamb x fem!OC

(Slow Horses)

Rated 18+ (future installments NSFW)

Chapter 1

Adelaide Spencer hoists her toolbox and her trademark carpet bag up in her arms, kicking her truck door shut. She gazes up at the dilapidated townhome warily. She examines the lower floor, then makes her way upward to the top. She certainly has her work cut out for her. She’s surprised to find the building empty, save for a bloke with headphones looking at multiple screens. She attempts to say hello, but he’s oblivious to her. She continues winding her way upstairs.

When she arrives at the top of the last stair, she draws in a breath. The head of Slough House is even more overwhelming than she’d been warned. The strangest combination of round but fit, disgusting but handsome, repulsive but charming. She can tell all this just from first glance, the moment he spins in his chair to survey her.

"And who the bloody hell are you?" Lamb glares at her, shifts on his chair, and then promptly lets wind.

Adelaide clears her throat, her tone businesslike. “I’ve been sent over to get the Slough House premises up to code. You’re expected to cooperate with the cleanup and repairs, or else the building is set to be condemned in 30 days.”

Jackson greets this news with a deep chuckle that shakes his rather large belly. "You want me to care about this place? You're going to have to try a lot harder than that."

She sighs sharply, crossing her arms across her front. “Well, do you want to remain employed, or not, Mr. Lamb?”

He stares a hole through her. “You're threatening to take away a job I hate? Do us both a favor and throw me out. You can't possibly understand the hours I spend dreaming about how to get myself fired."

She shifts on the heel of her boot, finally setting down her tools and bags. It appears she may be at this for a while.

“The cleaning and repairs will take place with or without your cooperation,” she informs him. “But if you’d like to see less of me, you may want to help expedite my efforts.”

Jackson snorts. "God, you're persistent. Fine. I'm not going to do a damn thing to assist, but my people... they’re dumb enough to be swayed. I might speak with them for you, if the mood strikes me. But I wouldn’t hold my breath. That face of yours wouldn’t be very pretty if it turned blue.”

Adelaide looks at him, aghast. “Do you not see that gaping hole in the ceiling right above your head? What do you do when it rains?”

He lights a cigarette and briefly disappears into a cloud of smoke. “I get wet. What do you care? Is it against regulations or something?"

“As a matter of fact, it is. ‘Wet’ equals mold, sir. At least when speaking in this context.”

He twists back and forth in his chair like a toddler on bring-your-child-to-work day. "Well, that seems like a problem for you, not me,” he replies.

Adelaide rolls her eyes. “So chronic bronchitis from spore inhalation sounds pleasant to you, does it? Or is it simply unnoticeable for you due to the pre-existing cigarette damage?”

Jackson slaps his lap with a dry laugh. "Witty, are you? And chronic bronchitis sounds more exciting than anything that'll happen in this shithole. You should try smoking yourself. Lightens the mood."

She bristles. “My mood is fine, thank you.”

His eyes narrow at her again. “Doesn't look that way. I can tell by your face."

She squirms briefly but sighs, clearing her expression. “I’m only asking for certain cooperations. Mainly access to the areas I need to tend to, possibly on short notice. And the clearing of personal effects.”

"Personal effects? What, you mean... all this?" Lamb gestures to the mountains of rubbish in various states of decay. "I'm not clearing this. I'd need a wrecking ball to remove this much crap, and you're not letting me near one of those. It might actually make life around here fun. God forbid that.”

“I do have access to wrecking balls, if that’s your preferred way to tackle it,” she replies.

"I'd quite like to see you try to get one of those near this building without demolishing it. Though I doubt anyone would care if you did. Besides, this is my staff's rubbish, and there's no way I'm letting you touch it. That’d be an infringement on our privacy." He looks like he can barely keep a straight face at the insinuation he’d care about that either.

Adelaide begins unpacking the box containing her cleaning supplies, proceeding without consideration of his arguments. “I would think your staff would be glad for their workplace to get a facelift. Might brighten their days. I doubt they get much of a morale boost from their superiors.”

"Morale?” Lamb spits his laugh, sending visible droplets through the air. “This is Slough House. Half this place is so far down the morale hole the balrog's probably seen it."

She busies herself trying to restore a broken window clip, leaning as far as she can over a dusty pile of books to do so. “I’m not quite sure I’ve ever met a man so proud and happy to be so miserable. It is an interesting character study.”

"I'm not miserable. I'm... relaxed,’ he retorts. Out of the corner of her eye, Adelaide sees him pull out a half-empty bottle of scotch and top off his glass.

She turns away from the window, giving up on the daunting task for now. Maybe he’ll pass out and she can concentrate. “Well, at least you drink decent scotch,” she says with a little shrug. She thinks for a moment he might offer her some, but he does no such thing.

Lamb takes a final drag on his cigarette that seems to last for years. "Fine spirits. They’re the one thing that gives this place any sense of class,” he concludes.

Adelaide feels like they are talking in circles and wasting time. She turns to her toolbox again. “I’m going to begin work now, Mr. Lamb. I think I’ll start right here in this office.”

"I would say make yourself at home, but it appears you already did."

She nods. “Indeed.” She removes large, heavy duty bags from her satchel as well as gloves. She begins throwing away rubbish, knickknacks, and anything that doesn’t look like a file or evidence bag. She moves around his office quickly and stops often to bend over or reach up to scrub very old, very stubborn stains.

Jackson stands and shuffles around the office, hands in his pockets as he observes her movements. "It seems only fair to warn you of this, but my desk drawers are full of spiders. You open any one of them and you're gonna get a face fullll."

“I’ve brought spray,” she responds promptly.

He shrugs. "I'd say spray away, but they'll all be back tomorrow. No matter how many you kill."

She continues scrubbing madly, face furrowed. “A metaphor for life’s challenges, yes?” she muses.

He moves a bit closer to where she’s working, propping himself up on a filing cabinet with a mountain of folders on top. "You could say that. Or you could say it's an indication of my unwillingness to do anything significant about this shithole," he adds with a grunt.

“Which is why I’m here,” she reminds him. “Before the borough condemns the place.”

He snickers. "You'll have to excuse me if I'm not jumping for joy at the idea of a clean, bright office. The last thing I need is for this shithole to look less like a shithole."

She dusts off her jeans and stands. “Because you feel it affects your staff’s performance? Their sense of misery? Is that a key motivating factor of yours when supervising them?”

He begins pacing again. "Are you kidding? It's their only redeeming feature. Take that away and they become like the average Service moron, all optimism and efficiency. How depressing would that be?"

She doesn’t respond, only studying him with cool green eyes. “Interesting, very interesting,” she murmurs.

He seems to ruffle a bit at this, like an agitated peacock. "I'm not a social experiment. I just enjoy the misery of others. Is that so wrong?"

She smiles and cocks her head to the side. “Everyone? Is that a blanket statement?”

“Yes, literally every bloody one. I find it a comfort. You've met my staff; can you not understand why that might be?"

She continues to speak coolly. “I understand your dynamic with your staff. Even if I might question it. But I was asking if Jackson Lamb is this sour with everyone in all aspects of life— even outside of Slough House?”

He scoffs. "What part of 'literally everyone' did you not get? I thought I made myself pretty clear.”

She finally looks away with a frown. “Then that is truly very sad, Mr. Lamb. I do hope you take full advantage of MI5’s rich mental health benefit package.”

He shakes his head as if the sight of her sickens him. "Don't patronize me." He downs his next whisky in one gulp. "And if I want to be miserable, that's my business."

“I can’t argue with that. It’s definitely your business,” she agrees. “But as you said, or maybe I misheard you… you’re not miserable. You’re relaxed.”

He doesn’t like being called out. His entire body language is on edge– quite the opposite of relaxed. "And if I want to relax by being miserable, that's also none of your goddamn business,” he growls.

She smirks. “Simply making conversation. Or else this will be a very long 30 days for myself.”

Lamb stares at the woman for a moment. "God, you're annoying. I can see why you got sent here."

Adelaide smiles almost with pride. “Thank you.”

He stares at her in disbelief. "That wasn't a compliment."

She flashes a brilliant smile. “Ah, but it is. It proves I’m getting under your skin. Your quite grubby, quite greasy skin.”

Lamb snarls before refilling his glass. "There'll be no getting under my skin, love. I'm not some naive, horny lad looking to be seduced out of boredom."

Her eyes widen, and she feels a little jump in a rather unsettling region, considering who she’s dealing with.

“Whoa, there, Mr. Lamb. Jumping to conclusions a bit, are we? Since when is telling someone they need a bath seducing them?”

His posture changes to a firm stance, his hands once again in his pockets. "Ah, so now we're playing the 'I'm only trying to help you' game? Don't bullshit a bullshitter, love. I'm an old dog. I know what's going on."

Adelaide removes her gloves and smiles as she reclines against the ledge of an armoire, crossing her arms over her breasts. She can literally smell the dust that covers the rickety piece of furniture behind her.

“Oh yeah?” she challenges him. “Then tell me what’s going on, old dog.”

Lamb is caught off guard by the woman's challenge. He only just consciously realizes he's been staring at her legs since she started working. "I'm not that old, thank you very much," he replies, still not taking his eyes off her. "And in answer to your question... you're flirting with me."

She fights to force the blush out of her cheeks. “You called yourself ‘old dog,’ remember?” she fires back. “Or are you getting a wee bit flustered…? From your whisky, of course.”

"I may be a little bit tipsy, I suppose," he mutters, glancing away and taking another swig of scotch. The woman's attractive; he can't help but think that, and he wonders when she's going to quit her act so they can get down to it.

“A bit tipsy?” she scoffs, still smiling at him. “You know, if you went into that washroom right there and took a proper bath, I’d have this office unrecognizable by the time you were done. Now whether that speaks to my talent or your state of hygienic distress, I’m not sure.”

"This is as clean as I get,” he replies. “You have to be able to smell the sweat out of a spy, don't you? It's how you gauge how well we've been doing our job. It's all in the subtle fragrances.” He stands up with a shuffle and moves towards her, almost unconsciously. His body drifts as close as it dares, as his mind struggles to catch up with his body's sudden impulse.

“How many subtle fragrances comprise ‘eau de Lamb?’” Adelaide muses, fingering an earring. “Have you ever taken a gander?”

"I'm a man. That means I've never smelled my own armpit for a courtesy check, so I'll be the last to know what I smell like. And that's how it should be. A man should never be the first to notice pointless details like if his breath reeks or a woman's bra strap is showing. Not if he wants to maintain his manhood."

She marvels at his drunken incoherence. He’s a spy, of course he notices every detail. Amused, she jumps in a pretend startle. “Oh! Is my bra strap showing?”

Lamb looks away, swallowing in embarrassment. "Well... no. I mean... no. Not that I was looking. I mean..." She's beautiful. He's lost the power of rational speech just from looking at her. And he hates it. His brain hums like he’s been fucking hypnotized.

She tucks her long curls behind her just to check. She wears a long-sleeved blue shirt with a v-neck, and sure enough, the tiniest bit of her black bra strap peeks through. “Oops. I guess it was.”

"You want me to fix it for you?” Lamb quips with a smirk, but he’s only half kidding.

She blinks. How in the world did they get from his biting, bitter insults to this?

“I think I’m quite capable. This time,” she adds with a grin.

"I know you're quite capable. I just..." He's trying to think of a witty reply when suddenly he realizes what he's doing. He's letting himself be seduced by some young-gun upstart. He'd sworn long ago he wouldn’t be tempted by feminine wiles, and yet she’s got him speechless with one flash of an upturned bra-strap. He's got to regain his position somehow, find something rude to say that will restore his upper-hand.

Before he can come up with anything, Adelaide hops off her perch. “I think that will be quite enough cleaning for today. I’ll be back tomorrow. 8:00 a.m. sharp. I trust you’ll be freshly showered and on time?”

"Oh I'll be here." He smirks at the ridiculous thought of washing away the scent of his machismo with a morning shower. Then he smiles to himself a little. This girl is playing a game of cat and mouse with him. And she's good. What a sexy young thing like her is doing playing such a game with him is another question indeed— one he’ll keep in the back of his mind.

“Perfect,” she declares. “I’ll see you in the morning then. Have a pleasant evening.” She hoists the giant bag of rubbish over her petite shoulders to take it out. It’s nearly as tall as she is.

She's carrying it like it's nothing. For Lamb, it would take all his strength to lift. That petite, feisty thing is stronger than he is. The thought fills him with an intriguing arousal.

The young girl’s gone before he can even respond with a haughty goodbye.

After she leaves the room, Lamb is left staring after her. His whisky-hazed mind is full of her body. A vision of the young woman's toned, curvy legs— not overly long, but shapely. The slope of her hips. The curve of her waist. All the things he'd like to do to her. But he doesn't admit to this. He's a cold, hard bastard. Stone faced. Unflinching. The only thing on Jackson Lamb's mind at the moment is... he needs a cigarette.

_______________________________

Please remember to drop a heart on AO3 too and follow along! It helps so much. 😘

#gary oldman #fanfiction #jackson lamb #smut #slow horses #more to come #more to be added #ao3 #original female character

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metrocarpetrepairadelaideaus · 3 days ago

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xtremecarpetrepairadelaide · 1 year ago

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xtremecarpetrepairadelaide1 · 1 year ago

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When To Repair Or Replace Your Carpet: Signs To Look For

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unitecleaningservicesadelaide · 12 days ago

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Best Office Cleaning Services in Adelaide: A Complete Guide for 2024

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Take the time to research and choose a cleaning service provider that aligns with your business goals and budget. A clean office is not just a reflection of your company’s values but also a critical factor in creating a productive and pleasant workplace.

#Office Cleaning Services in Adelaide

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unitecleaningservices6 · 2 months ago

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Why Office Cleaning Services in Adelaide Are Essential for a Productive Workplace

A clean and organized office is more than just a pleasant environment; it plays a crucial role in the productivity, health, and morale of your employees. For businesses in Adelaide, investing in professional Office Cleaning Services in Adelaide is a smart decision that can have lasting benefits for your company.

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A clean office is a reflection of a company’s professionalism and attention to detail. It creates a welcoming atmosphere for clients and visitors and fosters a positive work environment for employees. Here are some reasons why office cleaning services are essential:

Boosts Productivity: A cluttered and dirty workspace can be distracting and demotivating. Regular cleaning ensures that workspaces are organized, which helps employees stay focused and efficient.

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Improves Air Quality: Dust, allergens, and pollutants can accumulate in carpets, upholstery, and ventilation systems over time. Regular cleaning helps to improve indoor air quality, which is vital for the well-being of employees.

Positive Impression: The appearance of your office can significantly impact how clients and visitors perceive your business. A clean and well-maintained office space conveys professionalism and attention to detail.

Cost-Effective: Regular cleaning can prevent the need for costly repairs or replacements of office furniture and equipment. It also extends the lifespan of carpets, upholstery, and other fixtures.

Choosing the Right Office Cleaning Services in Adelaide

When it comes to choosing an office cleaning service, it’s essential to select a provider that understands the unique needs of your business. A professional service will offer flexible scheduling to minimize disruption, use high-quality cleaning products and equipment, and provide a comprehensive cleaning plan tailored to your office.

For businesses in Adelaide, Unite Cleaning Services is a leading provider of Office Cleaning Services in Adelaide. Their team of experienced cleaners is committed to delivering top-quality service, ensuring that your office remains spotless and hygienic.

Tailored Cleaning Solutions

Every office has different cleaning needs depending on its size, layout, and industry. Whether you require daily cleaning, weekly maintenance, or specialized services like carpet cleaning or window washing, a professional cleaning service can customize their offerings to meet your specific requirements.

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Conclusion

A clean and well-maintained office is essential for creating a productive and healthy work environment. By investing in professional Office Cleaning Services in Adelaide, businesses can ensure that their workplaces remain clean, safe, and inviting for employees and visitors alike. For reliable and tailored office cleaning solutions, consider partnering with Unite Cleaning Services, a trusted provider committed to delivering exceptional results.

#Unite Cleaning Services #Office Cleaning Services in Adelaide

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