#CJ: ''Yeah that's not gonna work he's into that''

[whysamwhy123]

I think CJ should ditch Andrade and her husband and manage DG, because I would find that funny.

[loulovingho]

Hey CJ! Idk if you take prompts (I loved your most recent ficlet)

BUT any thoughts on how Buck and Tommy annoy each other (on purpose)??

ahhh thank you so much! I'm always taking prompts, it just sometimes takes me a while to get to them. here's a two-in-one fic for you!

Click. Click. Click. Click. Click click.

Click. Click. Click. Click. Click click.

Tommy looked over across the couch, where Buck was staring down at a crossword as he clicked his pen. Over and over.

“Do you need a new pen?” Tommy asked, keeping his tone calm and casual.

“Huh?” It took a second for Buck to register what he'd asked. “Oh, no. No, I'm good, thanks,” he said, glancing over at him with a smile.

Tommy returned the smile, then went back to reading his magazine.

Click click click clickclick click click.

Tommy took a long, deep breath.

Click click click click click click click click click.

“You sure?” He asked again, his voice going up an octave. “I have a whole drawer of them.”

And they're the kind with caps, he added to himself.

Buck shook his head. “Nope, this one works just fine.”

Click click click click click click. Click. Click. Click.

Click click click click clickclick-

Tommy closed the magazine and squeezed his eyes shut. “For the love of God, Evan, please stop.”

“Ha! So it does bother you!” Buck exclaimed, pointing the pen to Tommy with a triumphant look on his face.

“Does the endless pen clicking bother me? Yeah, maybe a little.”

Buck shook his head, relaxing further into the couch. “Finally.”

“Finally what?”

“I finally found something that makes Mr. Cool lose his cool.”

Tommy huffed out a laugh. “I did not lose my cool, thank you very much.”

“You looked like a pressure cooker that was about to explode.”

“So you were doing all of that just to annoy me?” Tommy asked, a playful glare on his face.

“After about the third click, yes.”

“And if I didn't stop you, you were what? Gonna click the entirety of We Will Rock You?”

Buck tilted his head, looking more impressed than anything now. “Y- You knew the song?”

“Of course I knew the song. Who wouldn't know that song?”

“I just didn't realize I was so talented. I could quit my job, begin a professional career as a click artist.”

Tommy opened his magazine back up, crossing one leg over the other. “I'd stick with firefighting if I were you.”

They were just settling back into a peaceful silence when:

Click click.

“Okay.” Tommy reached across the couch and pulled the pen out of Buck's hand before getting up and heading for the trash.

“Wait! No!” Buck exclaimed. “I just had to finish the line in the song. I was done.”

Tommy raised the lid to the garbage can and dropped the pen in it. “You can get another pen out of the drawer beside you. One with a cap,” he added quickly, “not a clicker.”

“You're no fun,” Buck teased, opening the drawer and grabbing another pen. “Oh, I see some clickers in here, Babe. I could do a rendition of Come Sail Away for you!”

Tommy walked back over to Buck, standing right in front of him on the couch. “I love you, Evan, but if you so much as touch another click pen I will leave.”

Buck snorted out a laugh, staring up at his boyfriend. “This is your house, Tommy!”

“I'll sign it over to you.”

Buck reached up and tugged on Tommy's shirt until he was hovering over him, one hand on the armrest and the other on the back of the couch. “Has anyone ever told you you're dramatic?” Buck asked, pulling Tommy in for a kiss.

“My drama teacher, third grade,” he replied with a nod. “Mrs. Collier.”

Buck gave Tommy one more kiss before letting him go. “I'll have to send her a note, tell her she was right.”

“Well, she was about seventy when I was in her class,” Tommy informed him, sitting back down in his seat, “so you'll have to search her address on Find a Grave.”

He resumed his magazine reading as Buck got back into his crossword...

Until about two minutes later, when Buck began drumming the new pen on his thigh. This time, he was seemingly completely unaware of what he was doing.

Tommy headed to bed early that night.

**********

The first time it happened, Buck was surprised, but he didn't say anything about it.

The second time, he laughed a bit, and when Tommy asked what was so funny he just shrugged and said he'd never seen anyone do that before.

The third time, he thought he might die.

“Did you, um, did you use a fork to scoop out the butter?” he asked, trying to sound as nonchalant as humanly possible.

Tommy breezed by, grabbing a drink out of the fridge on his way to the garage for a work out. “Yeah. Had toast this morning.” He gave Buck a pat on the ass before heading out the door.

Buck immediately pulled a knife out of a drawer and smoothed out the butter.

It shouldn't have been a big deal. Realistically, Buck knew that.

But there was something so jarring about opening a container of butter only to see that it was littered with stab wounds.

It felt wrong.

It felt like a crime.

The fourth time it happened, it was the day after he and Tommy had gotten into an argument. Nothing too serious, and they had made up by the time they went to bed.

But Tommy had made himself dinner that night and he'd decided on scrambled eggs.

Which meant he'd first put butter in the pan so the eggs wouldn't stick.

Buck didn't want to another fight right now, so he kept quiet and fixed the butter once again, then went about his day.

The fifth time it happened, Buck was ready to throw every fork in the house away. He could no longer remain silent on such a serious issue. It needed to be discussed, and it needed to be discussed now.

There was no better time, as Tommy was opening their mail at the dining room table while Buck started on dinner.

“Uh, Tommy?”

“Yeah, Babe?”

“We, um, I- I need to talk to you.”

Tommy looked up from the mail and over to where Buck stood in the kitchen. “Uh oh,” he said when he saw the look on Buck face. “You sound serious.”

“Yeah, I- it. It's the butter, Tommy. I- Most people use a knife when they're getting butter, but you're using a fork, and it makes the butter look all stabby and I've just been fixing it myself every time I see it, but I really don't understand why you can't use a knife, or even a spoon, ya know?” He was rambling, but once he started he couldn't seem to stop. “It looks so much better if you use a knife because then it keeps that smooth, buttery texture instead of looking like its been to war and-” he stopped when he noticed that Tommy was smiling at him. “What?” he asked.

“I knew you'd break eventually.”

“Wh- What do you mean?”

Tommy picked up a pen from the table, holding his arm out straight in front of him.

Click. Click. Click. Click. Click click.

When it hit him, Buck gasped, his eyes widening. “That was months ago!” he exclaimed. “We weren't even living together then!”

“And yet I've never forgotten,” Tommy replied, feeling a sense of vindication.

“You're diabolical.” He held the tub of butter out toward Tommy. “This could be considered a form of torture, you know?”

Tommy stood and walked over to Buck. “What would they call it? Butter-forking?” he asked, taking the tub from Buck and getting a knife from the drawer. He began smoothing the butter out himself, until it looked perfect on top. “Better?” he asked, showing Buck his work.

Buck turned his head to the side dramatically, staring out the kitchen window. “I don't know if we'll get past this.”

Tommy put the butter down, moving closer to Buck and placing his hands on his waist. “Could we try?” he asked. “I'd hate to tell the caterers we had to cancel the wedding on a count of me forking butter. Especially since it sounds shockingly close to doing something else with butter.”

Buck shuddered when he realized what Tommy meant. He looked up at him through his eyelashes. “Will you never destroy the sanctity of our butter with your fork ever again?”

“I will try my best,” Tommy promised. “As long as you continue to stay away from clickable pens.”

Buck sighed. “There goes the last chances of my career as a musical clicker,” he said with a pout, wrapping his arms around Tommy's shoulders.

“And there goes my career as a professional butter stabber,” Tommy replied, his hands tightening on Buck's waist as he got rid of his pout with a kiss.

[goldenamaranthe-blog]

Apple Seed 5: The Name Game

Buckle up, Buttercups. We got another long one here.

Charlie: (beginning to waddle from the cantaloupe sized bump in her belly as she makes her way towards her office) Ugh... This thing is starting to weigh a ton, and we're barely halfway there!

Vaggie: (walking with Charlie and holding her hand while rubbing her lower back) I know, babe. I know. Good news, though. You're not puking every morning and evening anymore.

Charlie: You have a good point. (enters the office and sits in her plush chair. She tries to lean over to untie her shoes but winces in discomfort, both from the baby belly pinching and how the heels are constricting on her sore hooves) *whiiiiiiiine* Vaaaaggiiiiieeeeee~

Vaggie: I gotcha, babe. Relax. (kneels down and removes the heels, watching amusingly as the hooves flex and spread in absolute glee from being freed, before sitting cross-legged on the floor and gently rubbing the soreness out of each hoof from tip to calf)

Charlie: (melts into her chair as the soreness and stiff muscles relax, tears instantly springing to her eyes) You- *sniff* You're an amazing wife, Vaggie. I don't *sniff-sniff* deserve you.

Vaggie: (rolls her eyes fondly as she continues massaging Charlie's hooves) So you say every day, hun. I'm just trying to take as much stress and ache away from you as possible.

Charlie: I say it every day because it's true...

-Pleasant silence spreads through the room-

Charlie: I have about an hour before I have to do anything.

Vaggie: (slightly perks up) Oh?~

Charlie: (wiggles excitedly) We haven't talked about baby names yet! Can we think of some now?

Vaggie: (not where her mind was going) Oh....

Charlie: Yeah! We should think of a couple to have on hand! Since we don't know the sex yet, can I-

Vaggie: Choose the girl names while I pick possible boy names?

Charlie: *gasp* How did you know?!

Vaggie: I watch you sketch names into your little baby notebook every night, babe. It's not rocket science. But, sure. I'm game. Do you want to throw a few out and the other can agree or disagree on the name?

Charlie: Yes! Okay! Me first! Rhiannon!

Vaggie: Rhiannon?

Charlie: Mm-hmm!!! And if she wants to go by a nickname like me, She can call herself Ria!

Vaggie: I guess that's alright.

Charlie: What about you?

Vaggie: Me? I don't know. I haven't thought of anything. I'm not exactly the creative type.

Charlie: Come on, Vaggie. I know you can come up with something!

Vaggie: Okay... Uh... CJ?

Charlie: CJ?

Vaggie: (blushes) Ya know... Charlie Junior?

Charlie: (big puppy eyes) Awwwww.... You want to name him after me? You're so sweet, Vaggie~ But pass. Not a fan of naming kids like that. Having you moan my name during sex would be ruined forever.

Vaggie: That's fair. (works a nasty knot out of Charlie's left calf muscle) You're turn.

Charlie: Lucy or Lily? Oh! Lucily!!!

Vaggie: After your parents?

Charlie: (nods relentlessly) Mm-hmm! My relationship with my dad has gotten a lot better since the war with the Exorcists. I think it'd be sweet.

Vaggie: You know he would cry worse than the baby when they arrive if we did that, right?

Charlie: Babe, I'M going to be crying worse than the baby when they arrive. What's your point?

Vaggie: (sarcastically) Ah, yes. The Morningstar theatrics. How could I have forgotten. (stands up, pulls a second chair over, and sits next to Charlie - gently stroking her hand over the taught skin of her belly) We're gonna have to get you new shirts and pants soon. I'm surprised we haven't had to yet.

Charlie: (groans) Don't remind me! I'm getting fat! ...Aurora?

Vaggie: Not fat, maternal. And not naming a daughter after the most useless Disney Princess. Next..... Santiago? Call him Diego for short?

Charlie: *gasp* How dare you?! Princess Aurora is.... she's..... okay, you got me there. You want to name our son after a saint? And how about Calista? Cali for short?

Vaggie: Ouph... never mind. Scratch that one..... So we go from Salvadorian to Greek names? That one's not so bad. I'm for Cali or Lucy. Rhiannon is on the fence.

Charlie: Okay, possible girl names. Check! You need to come up with one more boy name.

Vaggie: Hmmmm..... (drums her fingers gently against Charlie's belly)

Charlie: (giggles) Vaggie, that tickles.

Vaggie: (smiles) Sorry, hun. Let me see.... Well.... I'm not fully versed in the Bible or anything, but if we wanted to keep the motif of naming them after your folks. How about Samael?

Charlie: Samael? What does that have to do with my parents or the Bible?

Vaggie: Wasn't your dad's name Samael when he was in heaven? He only changed it to Lucifer after he fell???

Charlie: I.... I actually have no idea.

Vaggie: Well, we can name him Samael and call him Sammy for short? It won't be as confusing as calling him Lucifer, and I'm sure your dad will be over the moon having the baby be named after him anyway.

Charlie: (giggles again and swats Vaggie's hand off her belly) Vaggie, stop it! I said that tickles.

Vaggie: .....I didn't do anything.

Charlie: Huh?

Baby: (flutters again)

Charlie: *GASP* (holds her belly) VAGGIE, HOLY SHIT, THE BABY KICKED!!!!

Vaggie: What?! (plasters her hands to Charlie's belly)

..............

Vaggie: Nothing....

Charlie: Hmmmm.... (mental lightbulb turns on) Say the name again!

Vaggie: Samael?

Baby: (little flutter)

Vaggie: ............Sammy?

Baby: (big flutters)

Charlie: (crying quiet happy tears) Okay... Sammy... We got a name. We'll just think of a boy and girl version when they're born.

Vaggie:

[mediumgayitalian]

fic rec friday 15

hi!! welcome to fic rec friday. every week, i pick five fics i have bookmarked and rec them with a little review. check them out!

We Don't Know How This Could End (let's hope it won't have to) by @buoyantsaturn

"I’m not married, I thought you were married!” “You’re the one wearing a ring!” “Well, so are you!” followed by: relationship fluff, divorce jokes, and of course, a(n un)healthy dose of miscommunication

OBSESSED OBSESSED OBSESSED OBSESSED OBSESSED. secret relationship has ALWAYS been my everything and love at first sight plus married plus literally everything. i’m. gonna lose it. this fic was so ROMCOM but in the BEST POSSIBLE WAY, like there were stakes and angst but it was still lighthearted? somehow? like i KNEW it was gonna end well bc i had SO MUCH faith in them. like the best possible romcoms. i adore this fic always

2. could this be love at first sight? (oh wait, I said that before) by @buoyantsaturn

Nico sighed, unable to believe what was actually about to come out of his mouth. “Will you come with me to a friend’s wedding?” “Like...as your date?” 

THE RINGPOP THING WAS SO ROMANTIC 😭😭 truly this fic made me SWOON. every good amazing lovely incredible trope at once i ADORED. secret relationship especially my fucking BELOVED, but FAKE RELATIONSHIP to SECRET RELATIONSHIP??? I WENT INSANE??? cj as per usual u ATE. also i know this isn’t the focus but if i was piper i would have gone BALLISTIC 💀 "why is everyone talking about your relationship at my wedding" yeah me personally i would have blown up LMFAO

3. I'll Be There For You by @buoyantsaturn

remember that one part in FRIENDS where ross gets married and monica sleeps with chandler because she's lonely, and then they do a really bad job of keeping their relationship a secret? that's this fic, except it's solangelo

is this one similar in vibes to fic rec #2? yes. do i care at all? no. i could (and have done) sit in front of CJs fics and just scroll & keep scrolling. never misses. this was so FUN and i LAUGHED and POOR LEO. what a good time

4. Will Happen, Happening, Happened by @buoyantsaturn

“Nico!” Will’s voice came from behind him, followed by the slamming of a door. “Nico, I figured it out!” Will ran toward him, grabbing his arms and dragging him down once he got close enough, and pressed their lips together. “All I had to do was-- Annabeth! How long have you been standing there?” “I knew it!” Annabeth exclaimed. “No, wait, uh--” Will shoved Nico away suddenly. “This isn’t what it looks like?” (Or: 5 times their relationship gets found out and 1 time it didn't)

adventure time au!!! hell yeah!!! and yeah at this point i realise i was indeed scrolling thru the secret relationship tag in buoyantsaturn's works page when i was making these bookmarks. whatever. i have Moods. secret relationship and 5+1 are literally my fave tropes of all time, okay, i loved this, it was funny and camp and honestly what more do you need

5. Knight In Shining Armor by @buoyantsaturn

“The knights will need to keep a close eye on these travelers for the duration of their stay. You, however, Sir William, must keep close watch on the Prince." "Of course, Your Highness," Will said.

the my lord to my love pipeline…..but my knight remaining constant……oh i’m weak in the knees. royal aus will ALWAYS kill be and they are one thousand billion trillion times better when one of them is a knight it is ICONIC. ICONIC i say. and another secret relationship fic sue me i hope yall are int he mood lmfao

thank you for joining me this friday!! happy reading!!

[bengals-barnesbabe]

Open Practice

Pairing: CJ Stroud X Black!FemReader

Description: Football players, in your experience, are either childish, toxic or horrible communicators; your ex just so happened to be all of the above. But it’s been a few years and people can change. Or will a certain qb decide to pick up the pieces your ex left behind?

Warnings: Toxic Ex!Brevin Jordan

Word Count: 800+

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖

Walking into NRG Park felt odd. You’ve been to a football stadium before but not before noon or because your ex-boyfriend invited you to his open practice. Your relationship was like open practice actually, you practiced being the best girlfriend and he liked being open, for everyone.

Texas was huge, they were right when they said everything’s bigger in Texas. Including egos, you realized when you received a text from Brevin minutes after tagging Houston in your story.

From: No Air Jordan 🏈

Hey baby, heard you were in my city😁 Swing by tmr’s practice and watch me cook then I’ll show ya around 😉

You honestly thought he must’ve taken too many shots to the head, your breakup consisted of a few long texts and pure ignorance so you assumed he got the idea. Yet here you are sitting in the bleachers of the Houston stadium. You wandered around for a total of 15 minutes searching for somewhere to sit. Brevin only sent the one text so you had no idea where to go or where he even was. You almost left and forgot about him but a player in a #7 jersey stopped you.

“Excuse me, are you okay?” Damn dreads, pretty eyes and perfect ass lips.

“Oh yeah, I’m fine. I was invited by someone on the team, but he’s not replying to me. So I was just gonna go.” You replied sheepishly.

“That’s cool, but if you want you could come over to my section. We’ll be done in about an hour and the view’s better over here.” He smiled.

He was cute, smooth and nothing like B, exactly your type. “Yea, I think I’d like that..”

“Oh sorry, I’m CJ. Quarterback.” Team leader = good communication. Noted.

“Y/n.” A whistle went off and grabbed CJ’s attention. “I guess that means ‘back to work.”

“Yea, we’ll talk after practice.” He flashed his award-winning smile once more then jogged back to center field. I’m definitely staying.

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

Watching CJ- the Texans practice was actually pretty fun, you never could pay attention during their real games because of the boisterous crowd, but here on the secluded practice field you could actually focus on the players and didn’t have large men yelling in your ears.

Truth be told CJ looked electric out there. Everything he did lit up the light crowd, which makes sense with all his clean complete passes. His offense was ten times better than their defense, which sucks when it comes to game time, but what can you do?

Every once in a while he’d look back at our section and smile, just for a moment you let yourself believe it’s you he’s looking at.

Unbeknownst to you and Stroud, Brevin also noticed how he was looking in your direction. His face would tense up and for each play he’d ignore all instructions and go after the quarterback. Since he was on defense it wasn’t that long of a stretch between his duties and his actions, but he got pancaked after every attempt.

By the time practice was over, your ex was even more angered than before thanks to the amount of bruises he accumulated over the last two hours. Then he saw you and CJ talking, suddenly all his anger was justified.

=͟͟͞͞♡

“I really enjoy talking to you Y/n. Is there any way I can persuade you into joining me in getting a bite to eat?” You lightly bit your bottom lip, the corners curling upwards at his question.

“I would love that-

“I hope you know she hates barbecue, and she don’t do relationships especially with athletes.” The voice of your emotionally incompetent egomaniac ex boyfriend interrupts you from afar.

Rolling your eyes you decide to pay him no mind and just turn back to the nice guy in front of you. “As I was saying, lunch sounds great.”

Then Brevin inserts himself again, now only the field barricade separates you. “You should know who you’re getting involved with CJ, they call her Jennifer because she’s a maneater.” He wears a mischievous grin and defensive stance.

You scoff, “a maneater who’s only here because my loser ex boyfriend slid in my DMs the second I got to Texas. A maneater that was thinking about maybe hearing you out after our relationship went wrong. Even better, a maneater that was nothing but faithful to your misogynistic womanizer ass.”

“If I’m such a misogynistic womanizer why did you come?” He smirks thinking he finally got one over you.

“I heard your quarterback was way bigger than you, so I had to come check that out.” He flared his nostrils, and stormed off the field, but not before spiking his helmet.

“Jordan you’re getting fined for that!”

CJ chuckles to himself, impressed at the way you handled him. “Did you mean it?” He smirked.

You lean over the barricade and breathily whisper in his ear. “Every word.”

Then pull back to watch his face as he sucks his plump bottom lip into his mouth.

“Let’s get outta here.”

~

Walking out of NRG Park felt odd. Not because of unsatisfying BJ, but because it was the first time you’ve walked out of a football stadium and enjoyed the outcome of events.

┊┊❁ཻུ۪۪♡ ͎. ｡˚ °

A/N: this sat in my drafts for too long, but I’m overcoming my posting anxiety and letting it see the light. Also I hit 100 followers🤭 tysm babes.

Main Masterlist

[thecampmeister]

Had a funny idea so i wrote a rough draft for a scene idea I had in the future "THE TALK" episode.

Not professional formatted cause I did it on my phone on Google docs

Prettt suggestive warning! Gwenvid obviously

The scene opens INT. MESS HALL

DAVID is writing intently on a white board, coming up with the most accurate yet “david” ways to explain the birds and the bees

GWEN appears to be intently “Writing” on the opposite side of the room from him

DAVID: (nervous murmuring)

GWEN: (never looking up) you good?

DAVID: (voice strained) huh? Oh, yeah yeah, I'm just. Uh. Problem solving. (turns to gwen) thank you. For helping me on this, we're gonna need all hands on deck for today ….

(Pause)

So, what are you drawing?

GWEN: (finally looking up) What? how did you-

David is reminiscing now

DAVID: Oh! you were sketching all the time when you still worked here. I recognize the Intent look of putting lines…and connecting them to…other…lines.

(Pause)

Sorry I'm not much of a visual artist

GWEN: (rolls eyes)

they stand (and sit) in silence

DAVID: (leading on) (to gwen) sooo?...

GWEN: (nervous) oh! Um. Right. It's uh.

The shot reveals GWEN'S point of view. An innocent, well shaded, and accurate drawing of DAVID

GWEN looks up

GWEN: porn.

DAVID is bewildered, which quickly leads to confusion

DAVID: Oh! Um. What? I. Uh. OK.

GWEN nervously laughs, and lies

GWEN: oh yeah! (Laugh) it's some uh. Hard-core, nasty stuff, you wouldn't wanna see it

The shot on gwen WIDENS to reveal CJ behind her. He evidently, just came in.

His sudden appearance greatly startles GWEN.

GWEN: Fucking christ!

CJ: Sorry I'm late for the “Giving the talk, talk.” [was] Gathering the kids for this morning. (Shaking head) they do not like mondays. (To himself, laughing) little Garfields

(Pause)

CJ, almost loudly, points to GWEN’s notepad. Much to her dismay.

CJ: Hey! Nice drawings!

GWEN is very nervous, and angry right now

CJ CONT’d: you really captured David's petite form.

Things have gotten Disgustingly awkward

CJ: I especially like the incredibly graphic detail and shading. Didn't miss a single body part.

Uncomfortable looks all around. Except for CJ

CJ: Little lady. You are going places.

CJ walks over to DAVID's Side.

CJ: OK so what’s the plan

GWEN and DAVID share awkward glances In total silence.

END

Lolololol

[artyandink]

we could be more | interview | 1

A/N - Since I found no faceclaim name for Ivy, I’m making an OC called Raye McClaren. Enjoy!

FIRST DAY ON SET

“Today we’re here with the cast of Supernatural.” The reporter, Haley, announced with a smile. “We have Jensen Ackles, who plays Dean Winchester, Jared Padalecki as Sam Winchester and the newest addition, Raye McClaren as Ivonne Rainer. How are you guys feeling having completed season two?”

“Do you want my honest answer?” Raye asked with a smirk.

“Absolutely.”

“Like I wanna leave- just kidding.” She giggled after getting a shoulder punch from Jared. “Exhilarating, cause I went into this not knowing whether the fans would like Ivy or not because, you know, late addition, so on and so forth, but she got an amazing reaction.”

“You really worked for that role.” Jensen grinned, nudging Raye.

“Like she actually worked out.” Jared teased, patting her on the shoulder. “Tell ‘em.”

“So,” Raye chuckled, “I got on set around halfway through the filming of season one, and I’m with Diane, the costume executive, and I meet Kripke, and he takes one look at me and goes ‘well…’ Cause Ivy’s a badass, we’re meant to have a-”

“- badass figure.” Hayley and Raye finished together.

“Exactly. So I’m wonderin’ what’s goin’ on and then Kripke just comes out with ‘ok, you’re gonna give us some muscles before your season two debut.” Raye then made a comical expression, which made Jensen laugh. “He gave me six months. I said ‘No, Eric, give me four’. I was that eager to get lean. Yeah, so I buy every exercise equipment thing and new-fangled object because I need to jack up.”

“We were like- are you sure?” Jared cackled, slapping his knee. “Cause she wasn’t an avid exerciser.”

“Now she’s terrifying; she’s a full blown adrenaline junkie, benching insane amounts and doing pull ups like she’s breathing.” Jensen chuckled, hand on her knee. “But we’re proud of her.”

“She’s our adrenaline junkie.”

“I can imagine.” Haley giggled. “And apparently you weren’t actually about to audition for Supernatural, Raye. What changed your mind?”

Raye giggled, running a hand through her hair. “Well, I was actually going to audition for The Devil Wears Prada, which I realise now that I had no chance for if Anne Hathaway, Meryl Streep and Emily Blunt are in it, but Jensen called me up one day and told me about his TV show Supernatural, which he was on with Jared and they were lookin’ for someone with my description to play a character called Ivonne Rainer.

“I’d known Jensen since I’d been his colleague in Dawson’s Creek in ‘03 as CJ’s eventual girlfriend and best friend Autumn and again his love interest Alyssa in Dark Angel, so I was hyped to be on another set with him. I told my agent, Carly, to book me an audition and I turned up in the wardrobe which I thought Ivy would wear. I felt so nervous, but thank the stars that before every audition I start method acting - I terrified the hell out of Carly - and I was already in the zone.”

“Think about it.” Jared smirked, gesturing and Jensen. “If he wasn’t here, she wouldn’t be.”

“Shut up.”

“It’s true and you know it.”

“I’ve got a big head about it.” Jensen winked.

“You two won’t let me live it down.” Raye shook her head with a soft smile. Jensen patted her knee, then took her hand.

“Raye and I had worked together a lot and our on screen chemistry was insane, so I had to get her on Supernatural. And after Dark Angel, of course she’s fit for Ivy, and I can’t see anyone who’d do a better job.”

“Aw, Jen.”

“You’re great at what you do. Don’t sell yourself short, y’hear?”

“Loud and clear.”

“So, guys, what was your favourite scene to film so far?” Hayley asked, smiling a bit at Jensen and Raye.

“These two have done too much talking, so I’ll start.” Jared grinned. “Uh, I’d say the play fight scene in Tall Tales. That one was particularly memorable because Jensen and I are just rolling around, Raye pushes us both off the bed- it’s just an amazing scene.” Jensen and Raye shared a knowing smirk, which caught Jared’s eye. “Uh, the look on their faces probably means they have a shared answer.”

“I think we do.” Raye smirked, and Jensen nodded.

“Wanna say it together?” He snickered.

“On three. One, two-“

“The sex scene.” They chorused, then giggled.

“It’s cause while Jen and I had kissing scenes before, we’d never had a sex scene.” Raye shrugged, looking over at Jensen. “It tested our calibre as actors in the moment.”

“Eric Kripke’s only instruction was go intense.” Jensen grinned, his hand sliding up to Raye’s mid-thigh. “And we had to stay as in sync as possible cause a lot of things could go wrong, but we managed to get through it.”

“The fans loved it too.”

“Oh, they went mad.”

“See, these two have something brewing in the fan base.” Jared smirked, nudging Raye. “The fans call ‘em Raysen.”

“But, sadly, there’s nothin’.”

“Yet.”

“Shut up.”

[panthera-tigris-venenata]

Look what I found! CJ’s lost and everyone’s panicking! (and it’s a great excuse to shove Sea Three on the Isle of the Doomed a bit if I ever continue writing)

„Uma!“ the doors fly open as Harry barges into the Chipp Shoppe, his voice just at the verge of breaking, „Uma–“

She sets down whatever pitiful excuse for a meal she was carrying and snarls at the customer that would complain it was not his order, as if she ever cared. Especially now, can’t he see?

She takes barely two steps towards her first mate before he is standing in front of her, wringing his hook in his hands as his eyes shine in distress.

„I can’t find CJ–“ he has the good decency not to shout for all restaurant to hear, though gods know how long that’s gonna last, and she doesn’t need him causing a scene in the open. So she silences him with but a gesture – his jaw clicks audibly into place – and leads him outside, only pausing to ask Desiree to cover her shift for a bit. She doesn’t have anything better to do anyway.

Within moments, they stand in an alley behind the restaurant, dark and damp and entirely unpleasant, but with the Lost Revenge emblem shining brightly on one wall. It’s awful and even downright nasty in there, but it’s home.

And so Uma turns around to face her first mate once more, this time with less nosy audience at least.

„What’s wrong?“ she asks.

He answers just as before („I can’t find CJ…“) and squeezes his hook in all the wrong ways. Uma gently peels away his fingers from the sharp weapon and quickly checks if he didn’t manage to injure himself yet; then she squeezes his hand in her own and doesn’t let go. (No one is watching.)

„I can’t find her anywhere, I’ve looked everywhere, I swear, and it has been too long already and Harriet hasn’t seen her either and Freddie Facilier is also missing–“

Uma doesn’t know how to answer, though she knows CJ went missing, of course. So she only holds his hand and draws circles on his skin and hums so he’d tell her more.

„I’ve looked everywhere, Uma!“ His voice rises and when she looks up at him, she sees that his irises are bleeding red.

„I can’t stand it, what if something happened to her? What if something happened to her, Uma?“

„She is fine, your sister is crafty, Harry, I can’t imagine anything what could take her <i> and </i> Freddie. She is alright, she is just hiding somewhere because she feels like it. Maybe she just forgot how time works again, it wouldn’t be the first time…“

„No, Uma, no–“ he cries out, „What if she went to the Isle of the Doomed?“

„The what?“

„Isle of the Doomed!“

„I don’t know what that is, Harry,“ Uma must control her voice so she doesn’t yell at him impatiently, she wouldn’t help things at all.

„Tell me what that is.“

It takes her a moment to piece together what he is rambling about, even as he clearly tries to be as coherent as possible, which is not saying much right now. But it is enough: He just heard about the Isle from Dizzy Tremaine, of all people, and she heard from Celia Facilier – yeah, Uma lost the thread there a bit.

Nevertheless, Harry is convinced that his little sister heard of the forbidden island and immediately decided to go take a look, which, yes, it does sound like her. And it could be very plausible to get stuck on that horrible place with no way out, wouldn’t it now? And what if something happened to her?

„Hey,“ Uma interrupts him, „We’re gonna check, okay? We’re gonna check and find her, if she’s there.“

„What if she isn’t?“

Uma doesn’t know how to answer, and he doesn’t ask again; they stand in silence for a moment.

„We’re gonna check first,“ says Uma finally. If anything, searching is better than doing nothing, everything is better than uncertainty.

„We sail as soon as the crew is ready.“

He nods once and flickers his eyes around the alley, looking if they’re still alone, though who would dare interrupt them?

Finding it satisfactory, he leans in for a hug, which Uma is all too happy to reciprocate. His arms close around her and her fingers slip into his hair just for a moment. They just hold each other for several long breaths, until Uma leans away:

„Go get the crew ready, Harry,“ she tells him. His lips split in a parody of a smile as he says „aye,“ and cocks his head a bit; then he lets go of her and stalks away, fast and heavy steps, hook at the ready, clear purpose in mind. Good.

When she walks into the restaurant, Harry is already at the center, at the little podium. His hook in his hand, the red cloak flaring, and eyes burning with fire.

„Come on, you wharf rats, to the ship.“ 

He makes a rather fearsome image, doesn't he? Her first mate.

„We sail soon, on the Captain's orders-“ 

Uma nods at her crewmates who look at her for reassurance.

„-And I want the ship ready in thirty minutes, so move, move, everyone!“

[the-one-where-casey-watches-tv]

The West Wing episode 4.20 "Evidence of Things Not Seen"

Have you ever noticed how the biggest names behind the camera tend to have close relationships with a handful of actors who are in everything they make? Aaron Sorkin is no exception, and honestly, I feel like I understand why. His work is so specific, just like Tarantino’s or Scorsese’s, and when you have such an identifiable style, I think it either clicks with you or it doesn’t. When you find people who click with you, whose brains meld seamlessly with yours, it really is a euphoric feeling and I imagine you’d want to keep those people close.

The West Wing, and Aaron Sorkin, click with me. Sometimes I watch a show and the thrill is having no idea what’s about to happen; I’m along for the ride in a vehicle that I barely recognize, let alone know how to drive. I would never be so bold as to think I could have taken the wheel of The West Wing, but to keep the comparison going, putting an episode on feels like getting into your mom’s car. You know all its little nuances, where the cupholders are, and how it’s going to feel on the road (and when to grab the handlebar).

“Evidence of Things Not Seen” has everything I love about The West Wing; it’s a fun one, but an inspiring one too, and it even guest stars- get this- Matthew Perry, fresh off of Friends. All the characters are mostly off the clock in this episode, so it’s time for a good poker game. Leo and the President are excited to kick back over a game of cards; Leo even has a full spread prepared, and tbh nothing makes me laugh like his reverent demand of CJ to “oooh squeeze this piece of rye bread”.

But the relaxation will of course be interrupted. The President will have to step in and out to negotiate with Kaliningrad- their government spotted an unmanned spy plane that we were flying over there, and Bartlet needs to talk them into giving it back. Our cover story: it was an environmental mission studying coastal erosion (Chinese spy balloon anyone?). Josh will have to do some back and forth too, interviewing a candidate to replace Ainsley Hayes as associate counsel.

Amid all of this, it’s the equinox, and CJ is convinced that at “the exact moment of the equinox” you can stand an egg on its end, and it won’t tip over. She’s carrying an egg around, but she hasn’t pulled it off yet and skepticism abounds.

All of Sorkin’s characters speak with what’s become his trademark cadence and tone so at times I see them as somewhat interchangeable- he just likes the sound of a group. But “Evidence of Things Not Seen” highlights the individual personalities and ideological differences that actually are present and consistent once you get past the similar speech pattern.

We’re launched into the title sequence with Bartlet giving the egg thing- and this coastal erosion cover story- a shot, but the egg topples over. His subsequently loaded “yeah, this isn’t gonna work” is about a lot more than the equinox. Compared to CJ, he’s always been a pragmatic optimist, entertaining every romantic idea but not expecting all of them to pan out. CJ, meanwhile, will always stick her neck out to vouch for the idealistic solution, even when it’s not even in the realm of realistic. She’s also usually right. In a previous episode, when everyone else guessed that the president’s approval rating had remained the same at best, she wagered that they had gone up 5 points, a number so preposterous Leo wouldn’t even repeat it to the President. Turns out she was lowballing. She’s also the voice of the iconic line “it’s about going to the blackboard and raising your hand- if you think you get it wrong sometimes, why don’t you come down here and see how the big boys do it.”

Toby’s even more complex than either of them, which I’d go so far as to say is the reason he also has the most complex individual relationship with almost every other character. He and Bartlet are a story for another day, but Toby and CJ’s deep, often wordless friendship really run wild in this episode. Toby’s created the image of himself as the pessimistic curmudgeon, but it’s a defense mechanism for the red hot idealism he’s carrying around. He’s so often disappointed, and he’s tired of it, but he can’t help but see so much potential in the world, even if he won’t admit it.

Will’s being in the Air Force won’t come up again after this episode, but it comes up in this one to serve the theme of Toby and CJ’s dueling worldviews. He’s heading to Wyoming to address a situation in which two launch crew officers who were slow to react to a threat of an incoming missile from North Korea. Turns out it was a good thing they asked some questions before enacting protocol, because it wasn’t a missile- it was a meteor from space. But they’re still being court-martialed because if it had been a missile, they wouldn’t have reacted in time. Toby can’t help but burst out laughing at this story (“Why do we think at this point that North Korea is attacking the East Coast of the United States?” “There are transcripts that show that surprise was expressed at that”). Then he turns it on CJ: “We failed on both a mechanical and human level. So tell me again what you have faith in”.

“Us. Because with what little free time he has, Will is going to Wyoming to defend one of these guys, and I don’t think it is failing on a human level”. Instead of responding, Toby lays down his cards, expecting to win the hand. But, in another symbolic move that speaks to a lot more than poker, CJ lays out a full house, sweeping up the chips in her unexpected win.

While this weighty discussion hung in the air, Will, Toby, and CJ had another thing to attend to- a bet amongst men that the other couldn’t hurl a playing card into the podium from the fifth row in the press room. They head down there, with CJ tagging along hoping to see them both fail- no one’s taking her very seriously tonight, after all. Instead of settling that debate, they’re interrupted by three gunshots slamming into the press room window. Will’s military training kicks in and he drops to the floor and rattles off ballistics to the secret service agents that instantly burst in, but CJ freezes. It’s Toby who pulls her to the ground in the heat of the moment.

I don’t love this being the second time CJ’s been “saved” by a man in this show (Sam did the same thing at Roslyn), but this interaction with Toby feels a lot more organic than that did, and so does the way they address it. On the whole, everything about an active shooter and subsequent crash of the building is a tired plot at this point. I’d actually go as far as to say this entire episode is pretty unoriginal- a criticism I read when doing some research on this episode. But I think the familiarity of the situation is exactly the thing that gives this episode that fun, cozy, President-in-a-sweatshirt feel. We’ve done the defcon 1 “can you believe it?!” active shooter plot before, so now we’re able to have some fun with it (“fun” on The West Wing is a relative term).

The secret service herds Toby, CJ, Will, and Josh into the oval office to make sure there’s eyes on everyone. Charlie and Debbie are already accounted for, but they don’t have code word clearance, so they’re not allowed in the Oval, where the spy plane discussion is still ongoing. At least, according to the Secret Service. Bartlet good naturedly explains that “if Charlie heard there were bullets, he’s gonna overpower whoever’s trying to—” and he’s cut off by Charlie, sure enough, bursting into the room. The President grins, we grin, he pulls Charlie in close and promises he’s okay. Satisfied, Charlie marches right back out. Then Bartlet says “I’m surprised you guys managed to keep Fiderer in her chair, I’d have thought she’d be the first one to- oh no here we are!” as she too fights her way in the room, looking the President up and down and declaring that she will be back to take his blood pressure shortly.

In a beat amidst the commotion, CJ asks Toby if he knew that a day on the moon and a year on the moon were the same thing. He did. The moment hangs there. Then she says, “I thought my reflexes before, in the press room, were cat-like.” And then we cut away. I love how little we have to say in this episode, and it’s our familiarity with these people, these rooms, and this situation that really let us all just play here in “Evidence of Things Not Seen”.

And nowhere is this episode having more fun than it is with Josh and the unexpectedly incredible chemistry he has with Matthew Perry’s Joe Quincy. Throughout this entire episode he’s back and forth between advising the President and interviewing new associate counsel Joe Quincy. Joe is quiet, collected, funny, and overqualified, but something is off about him, and Josh can’t figure out what. In an aside to Donna, Josh muses that “it’s the strangest feeling. It’s like… a really good baseball player is standing in the other team’s locker room for the first time.” To which Donna says, “I don’t understand, are you writing poetry about this now?”

But his gut is onto something, and he’s trying to figure out what- amidst it all, though, he’s also starting to like him. Josh is amused that the vetting team made Joe fill out the psychological part of the questionnaire- something he can relate to, and I’ll come right back to that in a second. Josh asks a question I think we all probably wonder when filling out forms like this but have never thought to put into words:

“Question 1: a) I do not feel sad; b) I feel sad; c) I am sad all the time and I can’t snap out of it; d) I am so sad or unhappy that I want to kill myself. You chose a) I do not feel sad.”

“Yes.”

“Good. Ever?”

“No.”

“No, you don’t ever feel sad, or…?”

“No, there are times when I feel sad.”

“Yet you checked the first box, why is that?”

“It said, ‘I do not feel sad’ and I didn’t at the time I checked it.”

This exchange, and their whole dynamic, feels both funny and poignant, but the tables turn when the shooting happens in the very next scene. Donna is instantaneous in checking on Josh, worried about the shooting stirring up his PTSD and telling him, against his wishes, that she is going to be giving his therapist a heads up that he might be calling later. 

When Josh explains the building crash to Joe, he says he didn’t hear the shots, but “I heard a brass quintet playing The First Noel, so I just assumed someone somewhere was locked and loaded.” Joe doesn’t hesitate to reply with “You know, not for nothing, but the people that I talk to don’t believe that story, and the people that you’d like don’t care.” He doesn’t say it unkindly, but like I said, funny and poignant.

But it’s not only the sentiment that throws Josh off, it’s the wording. Finally, Josh puts it together- Joe is a republican. Once his secret is out, Joe explains that he’s gotten himself in bad standing with the rest of the party by voicing an unpopular opinion, but he wants to work at the White House because, of course, he has a sense of duty. The whole thing is a soft, respectful, and incredibly loaded homage to both Ainsley Hayes and arguably the show’s best episode, “Noel”. And, just like Ainsley, Joe finds himself fitting right in, even as Josh tries to fight it. He recommends him to Leo and gets him the job.

I really love this episode for all the same reasons I think it often flies under the radar of West Wing greatest hits. It’s not remarkable, it’s not doing anything we haven’t done before, but it has its finger right on the pulse of every one of these characters. It’s exactly our deep familiarity with everyone and everything that lets the slightest touch hold so much significance, depth, and humor.  It just takes half a sentence for a character to say something profound about another, or to call back to nostalgic characters and plot points.  And I almost forgot to mention- we end with CJ standing an egg on its end. I well up every time.

[queerfables]

S04 part the first liveblog

It's kind of cute that Maddie and Chimney are living with each other's siblings during the pandemic

Who is Buck's new ~covid crush?

Honestly I love when this show does jumpscares that have me staring at my screen like :O. The bus coming through the window while they're fighting was great.

May's doing 911 dispatch?? That's so fun and I bet she'll be great at it

Gosh now I like everyone on the bus and I hope they're OK

I'm in love with CJ. Saves a man's life, makes a joke about how he's working on his eye contact

They're all OK!

4x02

Lmfao it's obvious neither Chimney or Buck have ever used a baby monitor before. I have absolutely forgotten to put the receiver down when going to pick up the baby and I knew immediately how to find that kid

Aw Buck's covid crush is actually a therapist!!

4x03

Yeah no there's no way these students' first experience with cadavers would involve them dissecting said cadavers. I took a year's worth of human anatomy in university and never touched a scalpel once.

Delighted by every Buck+Eddie+Christopher scene

Lmfao watching Hen negotiate with a toddler feels reaaaal familiar

Except that her toddler still responds to "swap?"

Omg Buck and Christopher pulling that prank on Eddie, adorable!!

I feel like I missed some kind of crossover event, should I look into that at some point?

4x04

Oh just like I said May is doing a great at this job. She really takes after her mother, I love it

Eddie and Buck are being DORKS at the crime scene it's CUTE

Ok the hell did Maddie tell Chimney about Buck?

Omg Albert just straight up running away so Chimney won't tell him the secret this is amazing

Wow Chimney really is bad at keeping secrets it's very funny

Oh that was a really good scene, the family dinner and Buck's break down. It was sad but really good

Ohhh secret brother!! I actually low-key guessed it was something like that

4x05

Oh Jesus, Buck was the baby they had to try and save their first baby, but he didn't. That explains a LOT.

Wow, this really does explain a buuuunch

Did they always plan this as Buck's backstory because I can't get over how well it clicks everything into place (and some stuff about Maddie too)

Oh Maddie, you should have gone with him

Oh man she nearly did, oh wow, that's crazy

This guy in the hand sanitiser place is hilarious "this [mask] is helping. The fire is not."

Oh, Buck. This is a bad time for you to lose one

oh no everyone's there and helping T_____T

Oh no I'm gonna cry over Maddie and Buck and Buck asking her to tell him about Daniel and Buckley siblings oh no

4x06

Okay one more and then I'll sleep

Lmfao this episode is off to a very entertaining start I love dumb superstition episodes

Eddie stop flirting while you're supposed to be working (jk she's cute)

I was right this episode is GREAT

Plus I greatly enjoy Eddie the skeptic

"Is it a curse or a jinx?" I'm crying at how seriously they're taking it

Who the hell is this guy from the 147

Oh it's a whole thing I see

So glad we got a hijinks episode, delightful

[whysamwhy123]

First DG makes me watch a Babyface MJF match, now he's gonna make me have to watch a Miro match?? 😩

[n3onstarss]

Some self-indulgent Rottmnt! Raph x reader because I'm bored and projecting and had a Moment™ earlier.

Reader is a pale fox, agender and transmasc btw, although not much of it comes up besides species.

'This is gonna be great!' I think to myself as I trek through the dark and damp sewers, purposefully ignoring the small puddles splashing around my boots and holding my bushy tail off the ground. 'I'm going to get to spend the night with my boyfriend, at my boyfriend's house, and meet his family! Shit did i wear the right outfit?' I ask myself as my paws pat down my shirt. 'I mean, it's a plain black turtleneck shirt and my fancy schmancy green jeans, you can't go wrong with that! And i made sure my earrings are the nice matching stud ones too!' My right paw moves once again to feel up long pointed ears, claws catching on the three metal studs on each side, while the other stays wrapped tight around the strap of my plain black duffel bag. 'Yeah, I'll be fine!'

'Did i put all my earrings in? what if one closes up during dinner or something or they're lopsided? did i remember to pack pyjamas that are decent? God please don't tell me I packed two shirts instead of a shirt and pants again. what if my mascara runs? or my eyeliner? fuck did i smudge it on the way down?' I glance over the side of my hand as i keep moving. Luckily i don't see any dark streaks in the pale tan fur. 'Oh okay nevermind. no black streaks, we're all good there at least.'

I barely have time to continue my spiraling train of thought before I reach where I was instructed to go. I pulled out my blocky red phone to shoot Raph a text to let him know I arrived. I couldn't see this supposed door and i didn't wanna just barge in either way.

Me: Hey, I'm outside! 💚

RedRover❤️: Oh okay!! I'll be right there love!

I started rocking back and forth on my heels while i waited the minute or two before the supposed door swung open. There, holding open the hidden, round, cement door stood my beloved partner. light poured out from behind the barrier and surrounded him in a halo of sorts. 'God, why does he always have to look ethereal?'

"Hey Red! you look nice as ever." a warm, fuzzy feeling couldn't be ignored at the compliment. seriously, how does he do this shit??

"Hello, also Red! you look stunning, love." i respond back without skipping a beat, making us both try to hold in peals of laughter at the matching names. It was almost stupid how easily it worked. they were our signature colors either way! What with his red bandana and the red markings in my fur, it wasn't a hard conclusion to come to.

As soon as we both collect ourselves, which takes a minute or two, he steps to the side to let me past. the sudden anxiety hits me worse then it did getting ready or even walking down here. I hold out my hand a little, a nonverbal ask to hold his hand, and he almost immediately scoops it into his larger one.

"Are you sure they'll like me..?" the words come out quiet, almost inaudible to even my ears, but he still catches them.

He squeezes my hand reassuringly. "they'll love you, Red. i just know it."

-----

He, infact, did not 'just know it'.

So far, everyone except the orange one, named Mikey, the spider yokai, Big Mama,.and the human girl, April, has a avoided making direct eye contact or speaking to me as much as they can. maybe it's first time awkwardness, maybe it's jitters, maybe they just don't like me.

The dinner table was just big enough to fit all of us, which was nice, and was laid out with bowls and plates. I'd offered to help set it earlier, but the blue one, Leo, had only shooed me away. tomato soup and grilled cheese was laid out, and now I feel like I dressed too fancy. God i look ridiculous, a blank spot in a sea of color.

Leo and the purple one, his twin Donnie, sat side by side as far away from me as possible, both their fathers and their mother seeming to follow suit. Raph sits to my left, April to my right and Mikey between her and Donnie. The other human, CJ or Casey, sat between Raph and Draxum. This left Big Mama sandwiched between Splinter and Draxum.

"Bone apple teeth!" Mikey calls, making everyone groan or giggle, before grabbing up the soup pot and ladle to pass around. I ultimately decide to try to wait until everyone else has gotten theirs so I'm not rude, but my plan is foiled when Raph notices my tenseness and scoops some into my bowl before reaching over me to pass to April.

Across the table i can see Leo lean towards his twin and whisper something. Both of them whisper heatedly for a few minutes and occasionally break eye contact to glare in my general direction, which only serves to make me want to shrink in on myself.

The urge to shrink in on myself only got stronger as dinner wore on, but luckily Mikey must've picked up on it. He kept up a slow and nice gentle conversation between the table, asking about everyone's day and basic info from me. Eventually everyone became wrapped up in their own seperated convos and left just me and Mikey talking, scooting and leaning back since April sat between us.

"So! what's your favorite color and why?"

"hmm.. green. It's very calming and it matches nicely with my fur, especially darker greens! very nature-y."

"OOOO! that's a good one! mines orange, obviously! it's a very warm, happy color and i love that!"

"Man you're reason is even better!" quiet giggling breaks out between us for a few seconds. "okay, okay! what's your favorite.. hobby?"

"oh definitely painting or baking! yours?"

"hard to choose really, either watching movies or listening to music."

"lame, man!" his words were harsh if his tone wasn't teasing.

as our conversation continued I could faintly make out remarks from the other side of the table over the other conversations. CJ, the other human, and Draxum, the other dad, were talking about school i think. Raph, Big Mama, and April were gossiping and arguing semantics. and the twins were whispering again.

Eventually Leo slammed his hands on the table and stood up. everyone had been done eating for a while now, but the sudden movement drew everyone's attention. The tense atmosphere was back, not as strong as earlier, but still there.

Without a word Leo gathered his and Donnie's dishes and left, presumably to clean up. everyone soon followed suit.

"I can get yours if you want." I offered to no one in particular, but Mikey, Raph and Splinter all took me up on the offer. As i made my way towards the kitchen hushed voices flowed out and immediately halted when I turned the corner. Glares followed me as i made my way to the sink, pointedly ignoring them, and rinsed the dishes quickly, ready to get out of their hair.

Instead, both turtles left and I decided to just finish the dishes to be polite. 'I wanna make a good impression so pleaseeeeee let this help.'

Turns out, the dishes didn't take very long and by the time I was heading back out it'd only been a few minutes.

By the time I was out there, movie night had been set up. Everyone was piled onto the floor to watch a Jupiter Jim movie and passing around a communal popcorn bowl, as Raph had told me earlier when we made the plans. Quickly and quietly i moved to sit next to Raph, snuggling my left side into his as everyone settled. About halfway into the movie Raph got a text and excused himself, as did Leo and Donnie. After a few minutes I decided to get up too, to get some water and refill the communal popcorn bowl, which was now reduced to unpopped kernels that CJ and Mikey kept eating. April snagged and handed me the bowl once i offered and I departed.

There was talking as i walked down the hall towards the kitchen, and i tried my best to ignore it so i wouldn't be rude.

unfortunately, my ears picked up a conversation i wasn't meant to hear.

"oh come on Raph! you brought a canine, a predator, into a house full of prey, and three other predators, and expect nothing bad to happen? what if theyre a villain? or lose it and return to their basic instincts? what then, huh?!"

'what is going on?'

"what? Leo, what do you mean basic instincts?"

"He means, dear Raphaella, returning to a predator mindset. seeing our family as either prey or competition. what do you expect us to do then?"

'oh..?'

"basic instincts dont affact anything, De-"

"Oh really?? explain that to your chirps and churrs and your savage episodes. explain that to Mikey hiding in his shell instinctively when threatened. Explain that to Donnie and I swimming often and our strange diets. WE have basic instincts too Raph, the only reason they don't affect our lives is because we aren't predators!"

'oh. okay.'

I stormed around the corner now, bowl still in hand and tears welling in my eyes. anger burning bright behind them. "You know what? fuck you! I've tried all. night! to prove I'm not some vicious fucking predator and you still accuse me of being one when I'm not even fucking there! I'm!- I'm.." the bowl slipped from my fingers, clanging loudly onto the floor.

horrified looks sat on everybody's faces in varying degrees. Donnie looked shocked I'd been there at all, Raph looked upset and pitying, and Leo.. he looked like i was about to murder him.

a small choked sob escaped me once i realized what I'd done. tears rolled down my face and effectively dragged my makeup with them. they didn't trust me, or love me or even like me. they see me as a monster. because of my stupid species. okay then, sure, fine. that's fine I'm fine everything is fine.

I began speed walking down the hall I'd came from, looking for a escape or place to hide. 'I'm such a fucking coward. running and hiding instead of letting them say anything. God this is pathetic, I'm letting my boyfriend fight my battles for me after i scared the shit out of his family because i just can't handle it. stupid stupid stupid.'

I hadn't realized I'd walked through the back of the silent living room, movie paused on the wall, or passed a frantic Mikey jogging down the hall towards the kitchen while absorbed in my thoughts, nor did I realize the yelling starting again and getting louder. all i could focus on was the "basic instinct" to get the fuck out of there.

Eventually, after a minute or two of twisting halls, I found a bathroom. perfect spot to hide, i guess.

I gently closed and locked the door behind me, not wanting to draw any more negative attention to myself. I flicked on the light, only to decide it was way too bright and turn it off in favor of the dim lamp on the counter.

The bathroom was a light green in color, with black and white checkered floors, which was nice i suppose. it didn't soothe my nerves but it provided a comforting atmosphere in a way. something that told me "its okay, let it all out" in its own little way. The bathtub was covered in a black curtain and looked inviting. I gently shifted the curtain aside as I started to hyperventilate, sitting myself in the tub. The quiet was soothing at first, but eventually it only made the bathroom into an echo chamber, making my thoughts bounce around my head in a quickening spiral.

It felt like an eternity before the knocking started. My sobbing only got worse, and louder in turn, which made the thing, person, call out. I couldn't process what was being said. I wanted to tell it to go away, to leave me in peace, but the words were stuck in my throat. my face was buried into my knees as i tightened my curl into upright fetal position, tears drenching my jeans knees worse then they already were. the knocking stopped as a few voices began talking outside followed by two sets of footsteps padding away. Light flooded the bathroom not long after and I shrunk in on myself further, curling my tail around myself to be as small as I could.

Footsteps echoed around the walls and the curtain was pulled aside as an unconscious growl built in my throat. When the voice started talking, my head snapped up, lips pulled up to bear my fangs and eyes wild. the thing, Orange one, jumped back in fear before backing, terrified, out of the room and closing the door. 'goddamnit this is only proving their point. i am a monster. i am i am i am i am i am.'

the same two words continued to float around my head until frantic, heavy running came down the hall and the door was thrown open again. My fur puffed up and my claws came out even more, only serving to make this feeling worse. My heartbeat was pounding in my ears and i couldn't hear anything else for a moment. Then the door was closed, something soft was sat down somewhere, and the light from the hall left, but the new thing didn't leave. the curtain was again pulled open, but much slower this time. 'I really fucked up and scared someone haven't I.. goddamnit! stupid stupid stupid stupid!'

the curtain finally revealed the figure. Tall and dark green with red patterns and fabric. I knew him, i felt safe with him. my fur didn't lay back, but the growing growl stopped and i could hear something other than my heartbeat again.

"hey hey.. easy there, you're okay, Red, Raph's gotcha.. you're fine.."

gentle hands wiggled under my arms and lifted me from my spot in the tub, holding me like a wet kit, before he stole my spot. I almost began growling again, how dare he steal my spot?, before i was placed slowly in his lap facing him.

A large, gentle hand began to smooth my fur, softly pushing it back down, as another hand cupped my face. His thumb moved to push away tears and smooth fur there too. My thoughts stopped their spiraling as i finally processed everything.

'This is, was, my boyfriend, sitting in his bathtub with me, trying to soothe me from.. whatever that whole ordeal was, and somehow not mad at me..'

As if he could hear the question in my head, he began to speak. "It's not your fault, Red. Nobody's mad at you, I'm not mad at you. And I'm not scared of you either, I can practically see you thinking it, and you've gotta know that I'm not scared of you. I don't think i ever will be scared of you a day in my life. what happened out there wasn't your fault, you're gonna be okay.. it's all gonna be okay.." as if my sobbing rubbed off on him, Raph started to tear up too.

I practically threw myself into his plastron, clinging tightly to him as the, now dry, sobs wracked my body. His hand that had been cupping my face was now gently sitting on the back of my head while that hand that'd been essentially petting me never stopped it's work. Our crying dyed down after what felt like forever, but neither of us dared to move for a while longer.

"a-are you gonna l-leave me?" i asked with a wobbly voice, still on the teetering edge of crying again.

"what? no! of course I'm not leaving you Red!" his voice was almost offended i asked, but somehow pitying too.

"b-but-" i wanted to argue that he should. I'm as dangerous as they claimed, I'll only hurt.

"uh-uh, no buts. I'm not leaving and that's final." i was pulled tighter into his plastron as the petting stopped. "i won't go unless you want me to, and even then I'll always be here for you. capishce?" the hold softened as he leaned back, trying to get a good look at my face.

".. capishce."

comfortable silence fell once again l, just until i could breathe right and stopped shaking, before he spoke again.

"Do you wanna get cleaned up and try again?"

"mm-mm", i hummed while shaking my head no against his chest.

"why not, Red?"

".. they hate me."

"oh Red.. they don't hate you-"

"yes they do! you heard what they said, you saw how- how scared Leo looked when I yelled!"

"they don't hate you Red. They don't. please, trust me. they don't hate you, we can try this again and get it right this time. if it doesn't work out then I won't force it, but i think you all might've just gotten off on the wrong foot."

".. okay"

i slowly worked to separate myself from him as he stood up, helping me up in the process. I squeezed my eyes closed and turned on the light. and when I reopened them holy shit it was bad.

eyeliner and mascara made black tear tracks through pale fur, most of my cheek fluff was laying flat and wet, my nose was running a little and when i glanced at Raph it only made me laugh a little. his plastron had a big wet spot right in the middle of it, complete with mascara smears.

Raph almost immediately brightened at my laughter and began laughing too. "gods we look stupid," i managed to get out between breathes, "so what's the plan, tiger?"

"whatever you wanna do, love. we can go to your place, or stay here or whatever."

"... can I get changed into pyjamas before we try again? please?"

Raph took a minute to jokingly inspect my outfit before agreeing. my knees were itchy from the tear soaked jeans and my shirt felt a lil too tight around my neck right now to be comfortable.

Somehow i hadn't realized the duffel Raph had brought with him and set on the toilet, maybe because he was standing infront of it but whatever. I walked behind him to the bag and got changed in the shower. the shorts and tank top were comfortable, but thank god i brought makeup wipes.

-----

The second meeting was much better, but not a perfect success. Donnie didn't mind me much anymore, but Leo still seemed to hate me a lil. That was fine, I could live with that, It was my fault.

Everyone was settled back in the living room, ready for a different movie. a vote was held and, after a lot of yelling, Piss in Boots; The Last Wish was chosen. Raph and I volunteered to go make new popcorn and dipped within the first 5 minutes.

It was not just popcorn. there were drinks for each person, and pop tarts for Donnie and Mikey, and fruit for Mikey, and applesauce for Leo, and chocolate for the humans, and dry ramen noodles for Splinter and Raph.

"You want anything specific, love?" Raph asked, his back to me as he leaned to reach the top of a cabinet while i dropped into a crouch to gather drinks from the cooler.

"I'm okay! thanks though!" I lied through my teeth, I'd done enough, i would be good anyways. I apparently got caught eyeing the ramen and fruit though.

"mhm.. sure." another ramen packet was added to the pile and another handful of fruit was thrown into the bowl.

the food was hauled back to the living room, and my skills from being a waiter set in. i had 2 drinks in each hand, caught between my fingers in a odd way, and two bowls balanced on each arm, one popcorn and one fruit. somehow nothing fell. I actually got a little applause out of Mikey and a laugh from somewhere in the room.

By the time everyone had their snacks we were, like, 20 mins into the movie. everyone was content and, after delivering the go go squeeze and a pepsi to Leo he even seemed to mellow out a bit. everyone was happy and fine, it would all be okay. especially if Raph would get the stupid mascara off his plastron. (whish he totally failed to do in the bathroom, by the way!) Mikey passed fruit around with the popcorn and, apparently, nobody ate it except Donnie, April and I, everyone else was too focused on the movie or their own snacks.

comfortable and safe, I leaned over to April and asked "psst, what'd we miss?"

"ohh okay! so, basically"..

[nani-nonny]

So okay, idk and i forgot how long it's been since i read the last chapter but god this is good! It's like that one funny sound effect "God it's so good! It's so good and tasty!" This chapter is like this!!

It's so good that my cheek hurts from smiling and i can't stop smiling and i blame you for it/lh/hj

Seeing how F!Leo knock on the door and try to mimic his move is bringing me to nostalgia of the past i remember doing something like this with my parents and i end up getting laughed at (because it is!!)

Baby Lou punching the door with her baby hand made me laugh and melt immediately xD when they entered and April was nervous? God i felt so bad for her and i wasn't the one who destroyed drax.

Then she explodes - rightfully - after Leo asked her and even call out how rude it is to cut people off which i find satisfied?! Because people cut me off and see it normal and am like "Excuse me, am not done talking" and she explains how despite how cruel it was and how fucked up it was, it was still draxum from the PAST!! You can't take your anger out on him!!!

And bro took it like a G, he took it like a champ!! Eve tho Leo feel 80% guilty - am about to end that 20% off - draxum deserves an apology.

About the trip thing? When April mentioned it i was like "Why didn't f!Leo remember it if it was planned out??" And it's turned out last minute planned!! Tho part of me see it fair i have multiple questions like: Why take CJ?! Shouldn't he see his baby sister and spend peaceful time with his dad? Are they gonna leave F!Leo half injured and dip?! Will they take draxum or throw him back in his apartment or just leave him in medbey?! God!! Justice for the alchemist!!

And then Donnie finally acknowledging Leo and baby Lou's existence is making me happy and laughing like bro really didn't hear the door open or them talking or even April snapping?! Bruh.

AND HE MADE A CRIB for baby lou!! I was like, didn't future draxum knew this would happen?! And since the crib happened, will the mini fridge happen too??👀👀 imagine a smoll fridge connected to her crib!!

AND TGEN THE STAR OF THE SHOW APPEAR!! RAPHAEL!!! MY BABY!! Who rightfully a tiny, bit traumatized. And when he held baby lou in his palm?! AWWWW I WAS FEELING GIDDINES IN MY STOMACH!! THE GOOD TYPE!! LORD I CAN IMAGINE HOW SMOLL SHE IS!! AND HOW BIG RAPH'S PALM IS! 😭✨✨✨✨

And then little Leo appear and demand future Leo's ass back in the bed!

Seeing how big Leo is just trying to shield baby lou as he goes to sleep.. And that realization she's his baby? God it's perfect.. So perfect

*twirls hair* I’m glad you like it, I wrote it thinking of you and hoping you’d enjoy the soft moments! :D

April is such a great character I love her so much :) I liked her portion so much

Oh! About the trip! It was in the last chapter, but Splinter explained that it’s for Leonardo to get to know the baby, especially since CJ already had some time with her while he was unconscious! And it was also explained that CJ would return to the lair after the third day on the trip! Yeah, I probably should have made a heads up to check the previous chapter for a little reminder of where we are hehe

We’ll find out about Draxum and the trip in the next chapter hehe

Donnie is just like me hehe hyper focused and unaware of his surroundings while working on something :) but isn’t it so thoughtful and so “Donnie” to be building something for the new family member? <3

Raphy almost like F!Raphael, so cautious with the baby but years of experience separates the two! While F!Raph is comfortable and confident in holding his niece, Raphy is so afraid hahaha!

Lil Leo is such a mood killer /j (he’s just very concerned about his patient hahaha!)

But the ending was my favorite part hehe baby and papa are so cute :))))

Thanks for reading and leaving your fun comment/review like always sniper! I wrote this one for you so I’m glad you like it! I made sure to make it super soft :) <3

[biographydivider]

...you know I had to write something about the jumpsuit.

A combination of salvaged Kevlar and repurposed Levi’s jeans – with more than a dash of nanotech in the mix. Slots on the shoulders to attach a new battle shell and a few handy, deep pockets. The last touch; the team logo, half-programmed, half-sewn into the fabric.

He felt formidable. He felt war-ready. But most importantly, he was feeling…it.

“All major units to The War Room. Repeat, all major units to The War Room. That means you, Mikey. Tap outta whatever mystic plane you’re in and get your butt to briefing.”

Donnie took one last look in the mirror, admired how long his legs looked in the new outfit – Leo might have bulked up in recent years, but Donnie was lean and whiplash quick – and left the lab.

Walking – no, strutting – down the hallway, Donnie hummed some old pop song under his breath, taking in the admiring stares.

“‘you’re so good, good good…you got the –’ oh, Purple Dragons. Keep up the hard work.”

He flicked a two-fingered salute towards the lab where Kendra, Jason and Jeremy kept an eye on the base’s security. Donnie’s lab was more geared towards the offensive, these days – and besides, he’d refused to share a working space with them.

“My man!” Jeremy crowed, pointing a finger in his direction. “Love the new fit. Is that Class-J encryption on the logo?”

“Directly linked to my nimpo, of course.”

“Dude. Sick.”

“Hi Donatello!” Jason said, waving dementedly. “Sweet look. Don’t you think so, Kendra?”

“Nice use of your time,” Kendra began sardonically, still looking at her battered screen. “Making yourself a little outfit while we –”

As Kendra turned, Donnie did a silly, sassy little shimmy; showing off, as usual. “Why thank you, Jason. I particularly like how it fits on the, ah, derrière.”

The rest of Kendra's sentence was lost in a strange, muffled choking noise.

“Kendra, your nose! It’s bleeding!”

“Shut up, Jason.”

Donnie shrugged and moved on. Kendra and her nosebleeds. She’d had them since they were in their twenties. She should really go see the medic about them. He kept moving.

As he walked, Donnie’s mind flitted to all the things the briefing could entail. As far as he was aware, the Kraang hadn’t found their position yet. Behind him, he heard someone giggle. He ignored it, as he did most giggling. Back to his thoughts. His crops in the greenhouse were doing well, food supplies were in the black. He hoped it was about his remote traps for the Kraang dogs, they were particularly ingenious and purposefully nasty…

“Walk walk, fashion baby…he’s a free bitch, baby!”

Donnie started. Behind him sashayed his twin; hips swaying, lips pouting. “Strike a pose, whydon’tcha, D?”

Honestly. This man was meant to be a battle scarred war hero. “Nardo. How long have you been following me?”

“A while. Who you tryna impress, huh?” Nardo was instantly in a squat, pulling at the material around Donnie’s legs. “Tryna upstage me, brother? With your little knee puffs?”

“They are not ‘knee puffs,’” Donnie growled. “They are tactical supports. You know my hypermobility is acting up.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. The Kraang can hear your knees clicking a mile off.” Leo stood, and clapped a hand on Donnie’s shoulder. “I’m just teasing, D. It looks…good. Militaristic. Goes with your bad boy image. Now, I gotta talk to you about those traps. We’ve caught six Kraang dogs on the south side of the Queens battlefield, but over on the west…”

“CJ! Come here this instant! The training room is this way!”

Behind them, Donnie could hear the slapping of two tiny feet hitting the concrete floor at top speed. “Sensei! Uncle Tello! I come! I come with you!”

“Hey, Case,” Leo said, turning and opening his arms for the three year old to run into. “We’re gonna go do boring grown-up stuff. Go with your Mama and hit things, 'kay?”

CJ, for the first time, ignored his Sensei; coming to a slow stop in front of Donnie. “Salutations, Casey Junior,” he said seriously. He didn’t believe in baby talking children. It was better for their cognitive development.

“Master Leonardo; Master Donatello.” Cass bolted down the hallway to their side and dipping into a brisk bow at the waist. “Forgive me. My son is…he’s going through his elopement phase. He likes to run, he…oh my god. What’s…pffffbbttbwaahahahahaaaa…!”

Cass clapped a hand to her mouth, sputtering out laughter. Her face turned puce, and her eyes began to bug out. Donnie suspected she was about to have a stroke, or at least pull a muscle.

“What?” he asked, looking from Cass to Leo – and then, finally, back down to Casey.

Who was wearing a tiny, dark denim romper suit.

The two looked at each other for a long while. Then the little boy, his face as serious as the grave, pointed up at Donatello.

“You gotta tell a grown up, Uncle Tello,” he said, “if you need your diaper changed. The buckles are trifficult.”

The subsequent shrieks of laughter from Leo triggered a sound-activated safety alarm and put the whole base on lockdown for the rest of the day.

[mattscoquette]

okay so hii my lovey !! its been so longgg did u miss me ? ive been lurking just no anons 💔

gonna do a long recap of my past few months pls enjoy 🤗

1. reunited with my babyyyy (🦕‼️🩷) its a bit on and off but bb if u see this sorry i never text you i lowk forget to reply or text first or sm but love u 😘

2. started a new school, its going well.. math sucks fucking dick and theres this boy CJ hes like.. when i tell you, a fucking NERD ‼️ tall af tho.. skinny, brown hair brown eyes glasses horrible fucking haircut and style, acne… i can fix him !!! please bro one damn chance

3. girl me too… strawberry lemonade flavor 🙂‍↕️💨🚬

4. lowkey been mad horny recently idk why but ive been master….ing (i cant say that word bro it icks me out foully.) like a lot.. do u guys do it like every day too or just me 😅

5. im not parasocial abt the triplets anymore , yippee soso good bc guys it was bad . but this doesnt mean i dont use cai or read the shit abt them 😂🙏

6. overall lifes funnn (i can feel the seasonal depression coming AWN strong)

7. saw sabrina same nite as u motherFUCKER why didnt we meet

8. do yall shave 🐱… bc i do but my friends dont and they all called me weird for it guys what am i doing wrong. i have a schedule and all.. wednesdays and sundays 🥰

9. if ur cai bot reqs r open text me gang i need some good ones fr

10. ive been doing my nails for a while but im starting to get really good at itt. i did this girls nails and she scammed me the fucking bitch !! she said she will give me 20 the next time she sees me (fast fwd literally the next day) no money… its been a month and half atp bitch pay tf up!! .. cunt wheres my cash???? but im gonna do my friends for 30 (she offered that much and insisted) whenever shes free and she will be paying upfront im not getting scammed again… bullshit

11. little confession… me and my bsf kiss daily (shes a girl guys) but we said no homo and stuff so yeah ummm next question 😹 (we are never beating the allegations)

12. i need to start working out bro fr.. like im bouncing back this summer and i mean it im taking charge this winter (this wont last past next week motiv. tips appreciated gango)

i think this is all for now thanks for reading ! 🩷 i will maybe be back… reply to as many or as little of my little questions in here as u want

shes baaackkk… welcoming home…

the greatest…. sexiest…. most wonderfulest…. horniest…. woman in your anons…

🌺

HI CUTIE I MISSED U!!!

1. omg im so glad u guys r fr my roman empire

2. omg he sounds cute get his number

3. STRAWBERRY LEMONADE IS SOOO GOOD

4. me too there’s prob something going on with the moon tbh

5. i’ve been stuck in this phase for years i fear there’s no way out

6. same </3

7. I KNOW I CANT BELIEVE IT :(

8. yes girl

9. my reqs are open but im rlly behind on them

10. omg yes girl get that bag

11. omfg rlly 😭😭 love that for u

12. girl same my biggest advice is motivation is a feeling. ur not gonna feel it everyday but u still gotta do it

[theoddcatlady]

Blood On Set

Being an actor isn’t easy. I’d like to act full time but right now working the night shift at my local Wal-Mart is what pays… part of the bills. I got three roommates to afford my apartment, we all bond on the impossible dream of catching our big break in the MCU.

Frankly I was through the moon when I finally got called back to do some work as one of the main characters in an indie film. Up until then, all my ‘acting’ skill was as an extra or a dead body and I was dying to actually show what I could do, you know? I wasn’t gonna get paid well but this could’ve been a stepping stone to greater things.

Shooting was to take place over two weeks. I was to play Seth Taylor, childhood friend to the main character who always wanted something a little more but never had the nerve. Plotline was basic, college girl was being stalked by an unknown figure who may or may not be supernatural, turns out it’s a group of satanists who need to sacrifice her on the new moon to achieve their sinister goals.

The night before shooting began all of us actors had drinks together. It was great getting to know each other. The star of the show was Abby, and I don’t really believe in love at first sight… but I believe in instant chemistry. And I knew off the bat Abby and I were compatible. She had this spark, this love for life and for acting. She’d already gotten a few small roles, even a guest role on a TV show as the victim of the week. I never felt so immediately comfortable around someone else.

Got to meet a few other people too, Geoffrey, who was going to be Abby’s boyfriend/first victim of the movie. He had one of those big laughs that could get a bit grating after a while, but he was nice enough. Liberty, who was going to be Abby’s best gal friend, she had such a morbid sense of humor and had us laughing all night. Ricky, CJ, Garrett, all gonna be various cult members, and Colin, the cult leader. I wasn’t really sure about the casting of Colin, he seemed so quiet, but I realized quite quickly when he stood up why he was cast- dude was nearly seven feet tall. I’m fucking five foot four, I had to crane my neck up to see his face.

Our director/writer/producer was Duncan Turner. He seemed pretty nice, a bit nervous, but nice. Clearly had a boner for Abby, he couldn’t tell her no to anything. I tried to tell him I was a trans man, he seemed to be trying to avoid the subject, then Abby brings up the idea of working that into my character’s backstory and he immediately grabbed his copy of the script to start scribbling in new lines.

Yeah, it was clear this was his first movie, but frankly I didn’t care. This was the first time I had a role with more than two lines. I was pumped.

First two days of shooting went off perfectly. Despite my initial doubts about Colin, he came right into the role of the disturbing cult leader Damion. And although the script was a little cliché, a little ridiculous, it was still fun.

It was fun. Until things got… weird. And by weird I mean someone got killed.

It was day three. We mostly used Duncan’s old college as a set, and we were filming the scene where Abby’s character Nancy is being chased around a theater all set up for a college production of The Phantom of the Opera. What was meant to happen was I was supposed to trip CJ and we were supposed to run off while he was stunned.

What happened was, I tripped CJ, I heard the sound of something cracking, and I looked up just in time for a giant fucking spotlight to come crashing down. CJ opened his eyes just in time for it to squash his head like a grape. Blood and head gore exploded everywhere, covering me, Abby, and the set around us.

I threw up. Duncan screamed bloody murder. Abby just stared at CJ’s twitching body.

Yeah, holy shit. I’ve never seen a dead body outside of a funeral before and uh… yeah, had a lot to talk about with my therapist that week.

It was just an accident, of course. No one was up there. Something was a little loose, and CJ was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. That was our third take of that scene, I was declared not responsible for CJ’s death. And uh, we marched on with filming.

Yeah, it’s cold, and I probably should’ve jumped ship then. But we only had so much time we were allowed to film at the college and Duncan invested a lot of his own money into this movie. Not to mention if I did leave, I’d forfeit my paycheck. We managed to reshoot the scene with Garrett and at the parking lot instead. Granted, Garrett nearly got hit by a goddamn car because some dumb bitch was driving drunk instead of taking an Uber, but he dodged it last second.

I should’ve known the shoot was cursed though. Like nothing as bad as CJ happened until the last day, but things were always off. Garrett kept showing up drunk and ended up breaking his ankle. Thankfully he’d already shot all his scenes but Jesus Christ dude, it’s still work. Ricky just stopped showing up, fucked off to god knows where. Geoffrey cut his arm really bad during his murder scene and it got infected. One of our dude extras got a little creepy with Liberty and she ended up breaking his nose. I could go on. Not to mention I started having some really fucked up nightmares.

I’d always struggled with nightmares. My combo of meds make my dreams super fucking vivid, but this was different. I swore I was really there when I dreamed that Garrett’s feet were getting sawed off. Or when worms and maggots started crawling out of Geoffrey’s cut arm, silencing his screams when they all filled his mouth and choked him to death. Just. Really fucked up shit.

I spent a lot of time with Abby to distract me from all the weird shit going on. We’d have drinks at her place, we’d talk everything from our acting dreams to the name of our favorite Neopet when we were kids. God, I could’ve talked about anything with her. I felt so safe and comfortable around her.

Maybe I should’ve picked up quicker that nearly all our male extras bailed. Or just didn’t turn up. There was something very wrong with this shoot and it’s on me that I didn’t realize something was wrong.

Last day. Last shoot. Final scene. Seth was going to save Nancy from being sacrificed by Damion, and we’d kill him together. It was originally going to be shot in Duncan’s basement, but the morning of I got a text, saying Abby was going to pick me up and that things had changed.

She arrived about an hour from sundown, already in costume judging by the fake blood all over her t-shirt. I jumped in the car and asked what was up.

“Colin has a better basement, more space for camera junk and stuff. Duncan was totally cool with it and will meet us there. Apparently it’ll be a one take deal, so you think you can do it?”

I gave a double thumbs up. Abby smiled, my heart melted, and she offered me a bottle of water. So my throat wouldn’t be dry during shoots.

I didn’t realize I was drugged until I was almost asleep, and of course by then it was too late.

I woke up tied to a chair, some sort of cloth stuffed in my mouth to gag me. The room was completely dark and smelled like rotting meat. In front of me, I saw Duncan laying on the floor, his head was bleeding but I heard him groan. I wondered why the hell he wasn’t getting up but then I saw the pools of blood around his hands and feet.

He’d been nailed to the goddamn floor.

When Abby walked into sight it hit me like a sledgehammer that the blood on her shirt probably wasn’t fake.

She waved her hand and candles all around the room lit up. I would’ve screamed if I could’ve, but all I could do was stare in horror at the bodies nailed to all the walls. Garrett, Ricky, CJ’s headless body, all the other extras that stopped showing up, other guys I didn’t recognize. All of them were dead with their chests ripped open.

Abby came beside me and tested the ropes on my wrists to make sure they were secure. “You comfortable? They aren’t too tight or anything?” She asked.

I stared at her, I couldn’t believe this was happening. Abby nodded before removing the gag. “Right, sorry. Can’t talk while gagged.”

I swallowed all the spit in my mouth before I said, “Why are you doing this?”

“Because he needs it. Otherwise he’ll die. And I won’t let my boyfriend die. You’re just here so you have an alibi, so it’s not pinned on you. Cuz I really like you, Logan. And I’m sorry you have to witness this, but if it gets too much, just close your eyes. I had to at first too.”

I was going to ask why the hell her ‘boyfriend’ needed something when I realized something was hanging from the ceiling that was not another body.

It crawled down one of the walls, its unnaturally long limbs jointed in three different places. It had six arms and four legs, and was naked. Each of its pale fingers ended in an inch long claw. It was the most inhuman thing I have ever seen.

But its head was human, even if its neck was almost two feet long. Colin’s head. Colin’s head was on this thing’s body, and as it looked up at me I swear its eyes looked hungry. Abby patted its shoulder and shook her head. “Leave him alone, babe. He’s my friend,” She said.

Colin looked at her before bobbing its head up and down and it scrambled over to the awakening Duncan.

“Wha… what’s going on…” Duncan’s eyes fluttered open as Colin’s head hovered above his own. His face went white. “Oh- oh my god, what the f-”

One of Colin’s limbs shot forward and its claws unzipped Duncan’s chest like a winter jacket, his guts spilling out everywhere. Duncan’s scream will never leave me. Colin’s mouth opened, revealing a mouthful of janky sharp teeth before he bit into Duncan’s guts, I think I saw him pull out an intestine before I listened to Abby and closed my eyes.

Duncan didn’t scream for much longer, but the chewing and swallowing sounds were impossible to block out. When it was all quiet, I finally opened my eyes. Duncan’s torso was hollowed out, his eyes staring lifelessly at the ceiling.

Colin looked normal again, just your average guy. Abby patted his back, kissed his gore covered cheek, and he walked upstairs. She looked at me and I had to ask one more thing:

“What the hell are you two?”

Abby laughed quietly.

“I’m a witch. And as for Colin… he’s… unknown.”

With that, she walked upstairs and out of my life.

The cops came soon enough, I guess Duncan’s screams carried enough, or maybe Abby called them. I was taken to the hospital and thankfully I was just considered a victim that these two crazy motherfuckers hadn’t gotten around to. There was twelve bodies in that basement.

Maybe Abby cursed the shoot herself, maybe it was just never meant to go right. Either way, Abby and Colin are gone, and I don’t think I’ll ever see them again. If I’m quiet for too long I swear I can hear that chewing echoing in my ears.

I did get paid though. Dunno by who considering how very not alive Duncan is, but I just got the money wired into my account today.

I guess Abby didn’t want my time wasted on what probably would’ve been an okay movie, had not most of the cast got murdered and eaten by her boyfriend.