#CAN'T WAKE UP ON TIME AND I'M A SHITTY MESS TOMORROW AND CAN'T EVEN SLEEP FOR 6 HOURS AND THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT I HAVE TO RIDE FOR 3-4
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tapakah0 · 1 year ago
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I'M ****ING FREEE
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heard-nsfw-is-back · 2 years ago
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had a bad day and I'm going to take it out on my hcs
this absolutely is mean and I am so sorry.
When Ghost and Soap argue one night it gets bad. Simon talks low but harsh. Johnny is just a smidgen louder, understanding that loud doesn't mean correct, but it's no less ruthless. They both have too much trauma and not enough talking/coping skills to deal. Ghost tells him to just leave if he's too much trouble to "deal with" Johnny gives him a look. "That what you want? For me to go?"
Simon rolls his eyes. "Yeah go on then." He makes a 'shoo' motion. "Get the fuck out of my face." Johnny's face barely holds it together. He crumples a little inside. Simon hates himself. A new face and voice to tell him how big a piece of shit he is. He honestly can't even remember what started the fight, just glad there's no one around this late at night.
Soap turns around, ready to sleep and maybe pick this up tomorrow after a good rest. He walks out and towards his room. Luckily a corps this small and exclusive are granted their own space. Simon stays back and starts breaking shit. Tables, chairs, a computer next to a landline gets chucked across the room. He gets violent and berates himself for ruining another good thing in his life. Eventually he wears himself out. The shitty week with next to no sleep and an emotionally draining argument with the actual love of his life brings him to his knees.
Simon cries. For the first time in years. Silent and hot and desperately needed. "Come back. Please come back." He begs the empty disaster of a room. Maybe he was pleading Johhny to come save him from himself. Maybe he was begging any god listening in to bring him any salvation. Simon lays down, broken bits of metal and wood making it almost unbearable to be comfortable. Not that he deserved it. He didn't deserve any comfort did he?
He let himself wallow in pity before picking himself up and cleaning his mess. His mask clung to his face and he ripped it off and threw it on the ground. It looked up at him, hollow and worn. Like him, most days anyway. Johnny always made sure when Simon was ready that the mask never got worn when it was just them. Ghost stayed outside and Simon was allowed to bask in Johnny's sunlight. To heal as much as he could. Would allow himself.
Ghost finished cleaning the mess and pulled his mask back on. Price was the first to wake, making his rounds before coffee. Best not let him see this. It'll end with another soft disappointed but understanding look and a week or two of mandatory rest. He needed to be violent. Get his aggression out. Maybe he could convince someone to spar or look for a fight in town.
As predicted, Price walked in surprised to see Ghost cleaning up. "Don't ask." He bit out, gruff from misuse and exhaustion. Price narrowed his eyes but let it go before moving on. Ghost walked away to his room. He would skip the debrief with the higher ups if it meant sleep and quiet. He showered and snuck in to his room. He wanted to see Johhny sleeping in his bed. Or at the small circle table in the corner. No luck. Not that he got or gave that anyway. He fell in to bed and was asleep in moments.
Soap didn't get any sleep. Tossing and turning. Going over their fight in his mind. Looking for words and emotions unsaid. Anything at all to explain the escalation from bad to worse. He sat up and went outside to run and run and run. Away from his thoughts, away from himself. He promised Simon to be there when he needed. Promised himself to be who he needed. He tripped over his own feet, something he hadn't done in years. Caught himself before he touched the ground and rolled over to his back.
He looked up at the sky. It was always so beautiful at base. No lights this time of night. Had to guess maybe 2 or 3. Price would be getting up soon to make his rounds. Johnny sighed, Price would look at him, completely understanding and clasp his shoulder. He couldn't bear it. Not tonight. He heaved himself up and went to his room. He passed by Simon's room and stood at the door for a moment, debating.
"Fuck it." Johnny slid in to Simon's room to see the man fast asleep. Limbs all over and mask on. "That's not right is it?" He pushed the mask up and off and saw Simon's cheeks. Red and blotchy from tears and lack of sleep, and a little shadow from the makeup he didn't wipe off. Soap sighed and smiled before he could've helped himself. Simon was the prettiest man he's seen but he's such a mess inside. Outside too. He walked over to the table and grabbed some wipes before carefully cleaning him up.
Moments later Simon was clean and shoes were carefully pulled off. Actually ready for some shut eye now, Johnny curled up next to the bigger man and a asleep soon after. They would need to talk. Like very seriously and set some rules. They had to talk about what the fight was and what it was actually about and what they thought about after. But it was Sunday technically which meant rest now. Simon would wake up first and if he didn't kick him out that would be a good start.
Does this count as no comfort? Probably. I feel bad but I love me some angst. Price is just in his office sipping coffee and being sexy and arranging leave for the two of them for the next few days.
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msmarvelouswinchester · 4 years ago
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Invisible String
Summary - Dean Winchester was never a man who would freely speak about his feelings and emotions. The reader, is his best friend of many years but some wrong choices and words of Dean's pushes a the reader away.
Pairing - AU Dean Winchester x Reader
Warnings - Fluff (lots of fluff), angst-ish, swearing, mentions of abusive relationship, mentions of bad parenting, cheating
Square filled - Bestfriend AU ( @spndeanbingo )
Word count - 6150
A/N - This is written for @supernatural-jackles' Bi-weekly challenge. The prompts are in bold. Spn dividers by the amazingly talented @talesmaniac89 (go check her blog out) Beta'd by @mariekoukie6661 (she is a sweetheart for agreeing to take a look at this long fic. Thank you💕)
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“So what are we watching?” You asked as you slumped down on the yellow couch. You were dead on your feet after a long week of work but you just couldn't break tradition and not hang out with your best friend like every friday. Pulling the comforter close to your body, you let out a sigh of contentment. Truth be told, no matter how exhausted you were, you always looked forward to movie night.
“I picked the movie last friday, now it's your turn,” Dean handed you a bottle of beer and took a seat beside you. Your eyes sparkled with a glint of mischief, a knowing smile appeared on your face as Dean's lips curled up in disgust. “No chick flicks,” he warned.
“I get to call dibs on the movie tonight so I picked,” you paused for a second to create a dramatic effect, “The Proposal.”
“No!” Dean cried out in horror.
“Oh come on, it is not going to be that bad. Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock are in that movie.” you winked at him, making him groan and he picked up a cushion to cover his face, “Now, now don't be so dramatic.” He removed the cushion from his face and glared at you. He opened his mouth to say something but was cut off by the sound of the doorbell. “Pizza's here!” He exclaimed as he got up to open the door. You turned on the tv, opened Netflix and put on the movie.
“I don't understand how we can be best friends,” Dean grumbled as he came back to the room, “you eat your pizza with pineapple on it.” “It tastes good. You should try it one day.” you said and took the two boxes of food from his hand, setting them down on the table in front.
“Are you kidding me? Even if that becomes the only food available on earth, I still won't eat it. You can't put fruits on pizza,” he said, and took a slice from his own pizza and nestled into the comforter beside you.
“Tomato is a fruit, De,” you said, biting into the slice in your hand. You heard him mutter something under his breath which you ignored and shifted your focus to the movie playing on the screen. Halfway through the movie, you yawned and snuggled into your best friend. He wrapped his warm hands around you, pulling you closer to him. “You want to head back now?” He asked softly, leaning in to kiss your forehead.
“Nuh-uh,” you said, “I want to finish the movie. I need to see if Andrew got Margaret back .” That elicited a chuckle from Dean, the vibrations of his laugh shaking your body a little.
“You're so stubborn and they are gonna find each other, it's a chick flick for God's sake,” he said, “they love each other, clearly.”
“Speaking of love, Cas asked me out,” you said, making Dean sit up straight. “What'd you say?” He asked
“Yes obviously. I need to dive back into the dating life,” you shrugged, “and Cas seems like a good guy.”
“He is but I thought you wanted to wait because of what happened with you know ‘ he who must not be named’,” he said, and you picked up the remote to pause the movie.
“I can't live in the past. I need to move on. It has been two years since I've gone on a date and it's not like I'm getting engaged tomorrow. It's just a date,” you said, messing with the loose end of the comforter.
“As you wish. I'm just looking out for you.”
“I know. You always do,” you said, giving Dean a tight hug, “and I kinda miss doing it.”
“Doing what?” “Sex,” Dean's eyebrows shot up, “oh come on, it's not like I didn't use to have sex with��.him.”
“So,” he gulped, “so you m-miss doing….it?”
“Kind of. My fingers are not enough, you know what I mean right?”
“Of course, of course,” Dean cleared his throat, blush crept up his neck.
“And it's not just sex, I miss the physical touch, I miss those things that are part of a relationship,” you said, “I need this and I think I'm ready.”
“If you think you're ready, then it's fine. I just don't want to see my best friend with a broken heart again.” he said, his fingers getting entangled in your hair, as he slowly massaged your scalp.
“That feels good,” you moaned, “after that hell of a meeting with Azazel, I needed this night De. Thank you for always being there.”
“You're my best friend. I'll always be there when you need me even if you make me watch stupid romcoms.” he grinned, “Azazel creating problems again?”
“He never seems to approve of the templates and designs I make no matter how hard I try to make them loveable and on the other hand, the shitty designs made by Abaddon always gets approved.” you groan.
“Why don't you change jobs?”
“I can't. It's not that simple. Life's going good. I don't want to disrupt it by going on a job hunt.” you sighed.
“What if you start working for my company?” You immediately turned your head towards Dean and looked at him with surprise clear in your eyes.
“No.” “Why not?
“I'm a graphic designer, De. I'm not built to work in your company,” you said.
“Be my PA. I really need a personal assistant to help me keep upto date with my schedule and I'm a mess after Charlie left.” Dean said.
“But what is my job criteria? That I'm your best friend? It's like taking advantage of you. I can't do that.”
“What if you work as my PA after being interviewed for the job?” He asked. “Fine, maybe I can give it a shot,” you said.
“Awesome! Meet me in my office on Monday, ten in the morning, sharp. I don't tolerate tardiness.” he said, slipping quickly in the work mode.
“Aye, aye captain.” You giggled, but a deep frown soon appeared on your face.
“What?” “What if it messes up our relationship?”
“It won't. I know how to separate my work life from my personal one,” Dean assured.
“I guess, then it's okay,” you smiled.
“So about your date with Cas. Where's he taking you?”
“I have no idea,” you chuckled, “he said it will be a surprise.”
“That's-that's great but he should know that you hate surprises,” Dean raised an eyebrow.
“He doesn't know me very well. I'll let that pass this one time,” you told Dean.
“Fair enough,” he laughed. You yawned once more, as you tried to fight the drowsiness that was threatening to take over you.
“You want to head back home now or you want to crash here tonight, sleepyhead?” Dean smiled.
“I don't think I can drive all the way in such a state. Do you mind if I crash here?” You grinned, knowing very well he didn't mind because you crashed in his guest rooms on most of the Friday nights. He rolled his eyes as he got up from the couch.
“I'll prepare the guest room.” You sleepily nodded at him. You didn't realise you had fallen asleep but you were soon woken up when you felt your body move.
“Sorry, didn't mean to wake you up. I'm taking you to bed,” you found yourself in Dean's arms as he headed towards the guest room with you, “you looked too peaceful sleeping. Go back to sleep.” He softly murmured. Dean gently placed you in the bed, pulling the cover upto your chest as you snuggled into the warmth of the covers. Within a few minutes, you had dozed off.
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“Morning, sunshine. Pancakes for you,” Dean's loud voice woke you up from your deep slumber the next morning. You sat up in your bed, as you rubbed the sleep from your eyes, the smell of pancakes hitting your nose.
“Breakfast in bed for my girl. Listen I gotta run to the office now,” he said as he handed you the plate of freshly cooked pancakes to you.
“It's Saturday!” You exclaimed.
“I know but Benny wanted to sign the deal with our company today. It's an important one, we can't let that go out of our hands,” he made you understand, “I'll be back within a few hours.”
“Sufe fing. I wif ve here,” you spoke with your mouth full, “Sure thing. I will be here.” You repeated your words after swallowing your food.
“Maggie will drop by. If you want to leave the house before I return, give the keys to her.” He said as he went back into his room to put his suit on.
“Hot damn,” you let out a low whistle as Dean stepped out of the room in his black suit, “Go get the deal, cowboy!” Dean did a full body laugh at your words, throwing his head backwards before he bid you goodbye and walked out of the door leaving you alone in his penthouse. Finishing your breakfast, you got up and got freshened up for the day. You picked up your phone and saw three texts from Cas.
“Meet me at 7.” “At the Season's 52.” “I'm looking forward to this.”
A smile crept onto your face, as you read the texts from him. “I need your help,” you shot a text to Ruby, “I've a date tonight. I don't know what to wear.” You waited for her to text back but instead of getting a text, you got a call from her.
“He finally asked you out?” She screamed from the other side of the phone.
“What do you mean “finally”?” You wondered.
“Oh come on, Y/N. How long have you two known each other?” “Uh-two months.”
“Two-wait, two months? You don't have a date with Dean?” She asked.
“No! Why would you think that?” You exclaimed, “Cas asked me out.”
“Cas? As in Castiel Novak? Dean's friend? And Dean's okay with it?”
“What's with the twenty questions, Ruby?” You said, annoyed at her questions, “And yes. Dean's fine with it. Why wouldn't he be? He is dating Lisa, in case you didn't remember. Now will you help me? I need a dress for tonight.”
Ruby agreed to go on a little shopping spree with you to find the perfect dress. Handing over the keys to Maggie, the housekeeper, you shot a text to Dean letting him know you were leaving his house. You waited for some time but he didn't text you back. You shrugged it off thinking he was probably busy with the meeting. Your whole afternoon was spent with Ruby as you tried to find a good dress for the date. She made you try on what seemed like a hundred dresses of different colours and style until a green bottleneck dress finally caught your eyes.
“This is a beautiful dress! You gotta try it on,” Your friend insisted.
“You sure? Look at the price - it's too expensive,” you pouted.
“Do you want to get laid tonight?” Ruby quirked her eyebrow.
“Yeah-I mean no….maybe,” you stutter.
“That dress - Cas won't be able to take his eyes off you tonight,” she smiled.
“Fine, if you insist.” Needless to say, the dress was a perfect fit but it was all for nothing.
Tapping on the hardwood of the table, you let out a frustrating sigh. Tears pricked at your eyes as you took a sip of the drink.
“Ma'am do you-are you going to-”
“Please bring the check. I'm done here,” you said, barely managing to keep your tears at bay. The waitress nodded and walked away from your table. You dialed up your best friend’s number and waited for him to pick up.
“Dean,” you said, sniffling a little as he picked up his phone after the third ring. “Y/N, you okay?” Dean asked.
“Yeah, yeah. Can you,” you cleared your throat, “Can you pick me up? I'm at Season’s 52.”
“Sure,” you heard shuffling on the other side, “I'll be there as soon as possible.”
“Okay,” you replied.
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“He just didn't show up,” you sniffled as Dean drove yourselves back to his house.
“Maybe-maybe he had his reasons,” Dean said, throwing a worried glance at your way.
“Reasons?” You scoffed.
“Cas is a good man. This is very unlike him,” Dean said.
“Am I-am I not good enough, Dean?” “Y/N, you know that's not true. You're pretty, smart, a little badass - you are a good person with a kind heart,” Dean smiled.
“Then why? Why didn't he show up? He could have left a message. I'm telling you Dean, I'm so over men now. All men are the same,” you looked at him, “except you.”
“Thanks, sweetheart. That is good to hear.”
“I sure do know how to choose,” you grumbled.
“Y/N, it's just one bad date. So what? Cas is not the only man in the whole world. You'll find someone,” Dean said, pulling into his driveway.
“I don't think so. Maybe he was right,” you opened the door of the car to step out.
“Who?”
“Alistair. Maybe he is right. Maybe the problem is me,” you said, tears pooling in your eyes. Dean grabbed your hands and pulled you back into the car.
“No. He is not right. Alistair will never be right. He was an abusive and manipulative son of a bitch. Listen to me, you are not the problem, sweetheart,” he said, “those men just don't understand you.”
“Is that why no one sticks around?” You turned around to face him with wet eyes.
“I did and I will always be there for you,” he said, his hands cupping your face.
“I know, De,” you leaned into his touch as his thumb gently caressed your cheeks. You opened your mouth to speak but were cut off by three harsh taps on the car window. Dean immediately opened the door and stepped out.
“Lisa.” He said.
“Unbelievable, Dean!” Lisa exclaimed. You couldn't see her face but you knew she was furious.
“It's not what it looks like,” Dean whispered.
“You just up and left me in the morning and now when I get back to talk things out, I find you cozying up to her. I'm done with you!” She yelled back. You shrunk back into your seat when you heard her scream. Dean didn't even tell you that he had broken up with her. You wondered why he hid it from you.
“I already said we were over Lisa, just go back home,” Dean said and brought his hand down his face.
“Three years of relationship meant nothing to you! Why?” Lisa shoved Dean, making him stumble back a little.
“I don't owe you an explanation, okay?”
“You cheating asshole-” “I didn't cheat on you, Lisa. I-I'm just not in love with you anymore,” Dean said, making her scoff.
“Have a nice life, asshole!” Lisa said and you heard her retreating footsteps. You stepped out of the car and saw Dean standing against the car, with his face buried in his hands.
“Hey, you okay?” You rubbed his arm gently.
“Yeah. I'm sorry you had to hear that,” he sighed.
“Why didn't you tell me you broke up with her?” You asked.
“It wasn’t important.” “Not important? You let me ramble all the way from the restaurant to your house but not once did you tell me you broke up with her,” you said.
“Y/N, I'm fine. Can we drop this now?” He snapped at you, “I'm sorry.”
“S’okay,” you gave him a sad smile, “I've an idea.”
“Does this idea include booze?” “What do ya think?” “I'm in.”
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“What time is it?” You groaned as bright light hit your eyes. The throbbing pain in your head increased as you opened your eyes, trying to focus on the human figure standing in your doorway.
“You got wasted last night, sweetheart,” Dean grinned.
“Stop talking. Just stop talking,” you groaned and nestled deep into your covers.
“Aspirin. You will need these,” he kept the medicine on the nightstand, and walked away, “Breakfast is ready.”
“Morning, how's the hangover?” He gave you a cheeky smile as you walked into the dining room a few minutes later. Dean had his laptop opened in front of him, a cup of coffee beside the electronic device. “You're enjoying this too much, aren't ya? How come you're not hung-over?” You grumbled, “I'm hungry.”
“Here. I made waffles because my heartbroken, hung-over best friend needs her comfort food. Dig in,” he said and pushed a plate of waffles towards you, “I didn't drink much.”
“I thought we were drinking because you had a breakup.” “I told you already I'm not feeling miserable. See there's this girl I like who is not Lisa. I'm thinkin’ of asking her out so I did what I had to do. I ended things with Lisa,” Dean said.
“How come you never told me about this girl?” You narrowed your eyes at him. “‘Cause I wasn't sure how I felt but two days ago I saw her and I just knew that she is the one I want to be with,” he smiled.
“You're such a sap.” You giggled, “she must be very special.”
“She is very special. I have never met a girl like her,” he said, staring at you, “now, eat up.”
“Mhm,” you moaned, taking a bite of the waffles on your plate, “you know, you should give up your business and open up a coffee shop. You make excellent waffles.”
“Sorry sweetheart, no can do. People at work will miss me too much,” he chuckled, “you do remember you are interviewing for the position of PA tomorrow?”
“Yep but I don't know if I will get it or not. I have heard the CEO of the company is kind of a shithead,” you grinned.
“Oh really?” Dean looked at you with amused eyes, “You're terrible.”
“Yeah, so I've heard.” You laughed.
He shook his head at you, “Listen, I have a favour to ask.” “Shoot.”
“I would like it if you could accompany me to Sam and Jess’ anniversary party tonight,” he said.
“Tonight?” “Yeah. I know it's very sudden but it completely sli-”
“I'll go with you but I thought you told me that after what happened with your Dad last time, you wouldn't be attending another family gathering,” you said.
“Uh-huh. Sam insisted that I attend this party,” he replied.
“Fine I'll be there with you at the party to save you from John Winchester,” you giggled.
“You'll be my knight in shining armour tonight.” He chuckled.
You went back to your apartment to get ready for the party. Dean had told you that he would be picking you up at six that evening. As you touched up on your makeup, you heard three knocks on your door.
“Good evening, Y/N,” Dean smirked, looking dapper in a black two-piece suit.
“Good evening, Dean. I'll be out in a minute,” you blushed when you saw his eyes travel all over your body.
“You look beautiful, sweetheart,” he said.
“Thanks.”
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“De-” you snaked placed your hand over his, as you both sat inside the Impala with her engine turned off.
“I can't do this Y/N. I can't face John Winchester again, not after the crap he pulled last time,” he gritted out the words, his knuckles turning white as he held the steering wheel tightly, staring off at the direction of his house.
“Why are you here?” He looked at you in surprise. “I-Sam asked me to be here,” he said.
“Exactly. Your little brother asked you to be here so you will go into that house and attend your brother's party. It's up to you if you want to make any small talk, I'll be there with you but Dean you can't avoid your father forever-”
“I'm not avoiding him,” Dean said.
“Yes, you are. Now go in there, ask him why he did that, demand answers from him,” you said.
“I-okay, let's go. Just don't leave my side tonight or someone might get hurt,” he said.
“You're not going to punch your Dad,” you mumbled, “even though he deserves it.” He chuckled at your words as you two stepped out of the car.
“I'll never get used to the fact that you grew up in a mansion,” you smirked.
“It's not a mansion. It's a….big house,” he smiled.
“Yep, whatever you say.” As soon as you stepped through the door of the mansion, Dean was immediately pulled into a hug. “I thought you wouldn't show up,” Sam said, letting go of his brother, “Hey Y/N.”
“Almost didn't,” the older Winchester replied as you gave the younger one a small wave. “He showed up, didn't he? What about Mom?”
“Mom and Dad are in the living room. Last thing I saw they are not speaking to each other even when they are in the same room. I just want everyone to act civil till the party's over,” Sam said, “Drinks are in the kitchen.”
“So kitchen first, living room later. Keep John out of my sight and everything will be perfect,” Dean patted his brother's shoulder and made his way towards the kitchen, taking you with him. Pouring himself a glass, he handed you one.
“Dean,” a deep voice came from the doorway, making Dean stand up straight. “Sam had one job. Dad.” He looked at John and gave him a curt reply.
There was a moment of awkward silence as no words were exchanged between the father and the son. You could feel Dean trying his level best to keep himself from screaming at his Dad. You put a hand on his shoulder, trying to calm him down.
“I know you don't want to see me right now-” “You're right and you may leave now,” Dean said and turned his back towards his father.
“Son. You have to understand, it was a long time back and I didn't know what was going through my head. I-” John sighed.
“You what? You had a perfect family here. A wife, two sons. And all this time, you knew about Adam but you said nothing. You kept up with the charade of the perfect husband and father when in reality you were neither of them,” Dean gritted out.
“Dean. Maybe I was not the perfect husband but I did everything for you and Sam,” the older man said in a harsh tone.
“Really? You did everything? You were nothing but an absent father. I was there to take care of Mom and Sammy while you were away on your so-called business trips when actually you were plowing another woman's field,” Dean growled at his father.
“Dean!” His father snapped back.
“Mr. Winchester you should leave now,” you said, trying to diffuse the situation before it got out of hand, “John, please.”
“This is family matter Y/N. You have no right to get involved in this,” John retorted.
“Don't speak to her like that. She is more family to me than you ever were,” Dean said and stalked towards his Dad, “so you can leave now. I'm sure as hell Mom is not talking to you so you can get the hell out of this house now, John.”
“Dean-” “Now,” Dean growled.
“I would do what he says, John,” you said. John scoffed, turning around and got out of the house. Dean plopped down on one of the chairs in the kitchen, gently rubbing his temples.
“You sure you're okay?” “I need a stronger drink,” he murmured.
“I saw Dad leave. What happened?” Sam came into the kitchen and asked as he looked at his brother.
“I told you to keep John away from me. You had one job,” Dean snapped and stormed out of the room, grabbing a glass of drink with him.
“He just needs some time to cool down. John came to talk to Dean and-”
“Yeah I understood. I'm gonna check on Mom. This party was a mistake,” Sam said and left the kitchen leaving you standing there alone.
You squeezed your eyes shut as you finished up your drink. You were angry at John too. He had hurt Dean, your best friend. He was a liar and you hated liars. You needed to go find Dean. You placed the empty glass on the counter and made your towards the door but you stopped dead in your tracks when you saw him.
“Cas,” you said, “I didn't expect you to be here.”
“Yeah well, Sam is a good friend so he invited me over.” Cas gave you a smile.
“Oh.” You nodded.
“We should probably address the elephant in the room,” he gave an awkward laugh.
“Huh? Oh you mean how you stood me up last night?” You glared at him.
“Well you didn't tell me that you were looking for only a one night stand? I would have backed out sooner. I like you Y/N but I don't do one night-”
“Wait, hold on. Who told you I was looking for a one time, no strings attached thing?”
“Dean told me,” your jaw dropped onto the floor at his confession, “I'm sorry Y-”
“S’okay.” You brushed him off, “I need to have a word with Dean, have you seen him?”
“I think he was talking to Kevin over there,” Cas pointed you towards another room.
“Thanks and it's okay, Cas. We're cool.” You said and almost ran your way into the other room.
“I'm telling you man, you deserve someone better than Y/N. She is clingy and she doesn't take no for an answer. I can give you her number but-” Dean turned around and his eyes locked with your wet ones. You shook your head at him, a look of betrayal evident on your face. You heard him call out to you as you turned on your heels and ran towards the door. “Excuse me, Kevin,” Dean said and went after you but by that time you were already out of the house. “Y/N!” He called, as you pulled out your phone to call for an uber.
“Fuck you!” You exclaimed, “I'm clingy, I don't take no for an answer. Is that what you think of me? All this time while you pretended to be my best friend, is this what went through your head?” Tears were running down your face now, “how many times was I there for you when you needed me and this is how you repay me?”
“I didn't mean to say it like that. You are my best friend Y/N-”
“You are a fuckin’ liar! You told Cas that I was looking for a person to keep my bed warm for only one night. Why? You know what, I don't want to talk to you right now. Leave me alone,” you said.
“No, please,” he took a step towards you. “Don't you dare make a move!” You screamed, “You lied to me and I hate liars more than anything. You are no better than your Dad. I hate you! I regret that I ever thought of you as my best friend.” You heard shuffling behind you and turned around to see him leaving. A sob tore from your throat. Standing there alone on the porch of the Winchester mansion, with your smudged makeup, you waited for the uber to show up.
It took you one hour to finally reach your house. Your phone was getting blown up by messages from the Winchester brothers and Ruby. You broke down in tears as soon as you reached your house. You crawled underneath the covers without bothering to get out of your dress or to remove your makeup. Your body shook as you continued to sob loudly into the pillow. The same man, who acted as your rock when you had left Alistair, gave you shelter in his house when you showed up in the middle of the night because your ex-boyfriend was drunk and was on a rampage, was the one who continued to spew lies about you behind your back. Your trust was shattered just like your heart and you didn't know how to piece them back together. The crying had tired you out and in no time you slipped into a deep slumber with Dean's words haunting your dream.
Morning came way too quickly. You woke up to Ruby knocking on your door along with Dean calling your phone. Your eyes were red and swollen as a result of crying all night long.
“What happened? Who's ass do I need to kick?” Ruby barged into your house as soon as you opened the door as saw you had been crying.
“....Dean.” “Dean? Dean Winchester?” Her eyes widened in surprise which later turned to anger when you told her everything that had happened the day before. Ruby was furious and if Dean was there in the room, he would have been a dead man.
“Oh Y/N,” Ruby cooed as she pulled you into a hug, “I didn't know it was this bad. Sam called me to check on you because you left his house in a hurry. I'm gonna kill Dean Winchester.” You held onto her tightly as sobs racked through your body. She gently caressed your head while cursing the green-eyed Winchester.
You were miserable but what you didn't know is that your ex-best friend was also losing his mind over the incident. The guilt was eating him up alive and he didn't know how to fix it. Sam had punched him in the face and kicked him out of his house when he had told him what happened.
“Tell her the truth or don't ever talk to me again,” Sam had threatened his brother. With red eyes and a swollen cheek, Dean went into his office the next morning. He hoped that after the interview he would get a chance to apologise but you never showed up.
“Okay, Mr. Winchester, that was the last interviewee,” Jody poked in her head into the room. “That was the last? What about uh-Y/N L/N?” Dean asked.
“Uh-she dropped out - called us early in the morning to let us know she won't make it to the interview,” Jody smiled, “I need your decision fast.”
“Decision?” “Who we are hiring for the position of the PA,” she said.
“Sure. I'll let you know. You can go now Jody. Close the door on your way out,” Dean said.
He sighed as he dialed your number, “It's Y/N L/N. She can't get to her phone now. Please leave a message.”
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“Y/N, sweetheart I'm sorry. You shouldn't have dropped out of the interview. I know you won't ever forgive me but I'm sorry.” You sniffled as you heard his voice message. He had left you exactly fifty-three texts, twenty three missed calls and seventeen voice messages - all had the same words, ‘I'm sorry’ but you couldn't forgive him.
“Stop listening to that asshat,” Ruby grumbled and snatched your phone from you. “I-I just can't understand why he did that? I thought he was my friend,” you sniffled.
“I'm sorry Y/N,” Ruby took a seat beside you and wrapped you in a comforter, “I brought ice cream with me. I heard they work wonders on a broken heart.”
“And you brought my favourite flavour. Thanks!” You hugged but were interrupted by the sound of your doorbell.
“Stay here. Let me check,” Ruby said and went towards the door. Opening it, she stared at a disheveled, sad Dean Winchester.
“Give me one good reason to not kick you out right now,” Ruby glared at Dean.
“I need to talk to her. Please,” Dean’s voice cracked at the end.
“No you won't. She is miserable and I won't let you break her even more,” Ruby challenged, “Now get out.”
“I don't care if I have to fight you but please let me see her,” he pleaded.
“You are one stubborn, lying piece of shit,” Ruby grumbled.
“Why are you here?” the two heads turned immediately towards you.
“I wasn't sure you wanted to see me but I had to see you,” Dean said.
“And why exactly?” Ruby snapped.
“Ruby. It's okay. Let him in. I need to hear him out.” Dean gave Ruby a side eye and let himself in.
“Y/N,” She started. “I'll be fine," you assured her.
“If you need me to kick him out or kick his ass, just call me,” she glared at Dean once more and left your apartment.
“She's scary,” the green-eyed man said. “Well she has to. She just saw her friend with a broken heart,” you threw him his words back.
“I can't tell you how sorry I am,” Dean said, his head hung in shame.
“Why?” He looked up at you, “I don't know,” he replied, making you scoff.
“You don't know? Well maybe because you actually thought of me to be clingy and the girl who doesn't take no for an answer,” you seethed, “and you even lied to Cas about me. You framed me as some whore who doesn't do relationships. Fuck you, Dean! You knew better than anyone how long it took me to get over Alistair. How could you do this to me?”
“I don't know,” he whispered, “It's just I lied to them because I didn't want them to be with you.”
“It's my life! I get to decide who I want to have sex with and who I want to date,” you hissed.
“Well I couldn't let you make those decisions because I didn't want you to choose them. I wanted you to choose me.” he blurted out. You sat there dumbfounded as you heard his confession, "What? Why?"
“Because...I love you,” Dean muttered.
“You love me?” “Yeah.”
“What are you, a kindergartener? Next thing I know you will be pulling my pigtails,” you sassed.
“I'm sorry. You know I'm bad with feelings-” “So you decided to lie?”
“Yeah.” “You're terrible, you know that,” you said.
“So I have heard,” he shrugged. “Come here you idiot,” you beckoned at him. He went towards you and sat down beside you.
“I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I was just-” “What? You were just fending off the boys?”
“Yeah. At first I was scared that I was falling for my best friend and you knew me, you knew all my horrible secrets, the thoughts that are inside my head which keep me up at night and I was scared that you wouldn't feel the same. I broke up with Lisa for you because whenever I closed my eyes at night I wanted it to be you with me, not Lisa.” You were stunned at his confession. Dean never talked about his feelings, he was extremely good at hiding his feelings so hearing him blurt out about how he felt, surprised you.
“Dean,” you said. “No. I need to say this,” he said, stopping you, “I don't know if you feel the same. Even if you did, I don't think I have a chance after the stunt I pulled yesterday. But sweetheart, you mean everything to me, I swear to never hurt you again. I was planning on asking you out after the party but Kevin had asked for your number so I told him all those lies about you but sweetheart I know what I did….said is unforgivable but please I need you. I need my best friend back.” He looked at you, locking his teary eyes with yours.
“I don't know whether to kiss you or hit you,” you said, wiping away the single tear that rolled down your cheek. “K-kiss me?” Dean’s eyes went wide.
“You are the most horrible person I have ever met. I hate you, Dean but I hate me more that I decided to fall for this horrible person that I call my best friend. Kiss me, before I change my mind,” you said and that's all Dean needed before he crashed his lips into yours. It was a harsh kiss but one filled with longing and love. His hands sneaked to the back of your head, his fingers entangled with your hair as your hands held on to his biceps.
“I'm sorry for hurting you,” he said after he let go of your lips. You sat there with his hands cupping your face, your foreheads touching. “Next time, talk to me,” you whispered.
“I will,” he kissed your forehead, “So Y/N L/N, can I take you out for dinner tomorrow night?” “Definitely Dean Winchester, but mind you I'm tough to impress,” you smirked.
“I have plans, special plans for a special girl. I will make you mine,” he said before he leaned in to capture your lips with his once again.
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jiwonsssi · 5 years ago
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— differences, pt. 1
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Plot: You are a dancer of his team and, as The Fanfiction's Rule prescribe, you find yourself falling in love with Jiwon. You found yourself falling for every little difference he has. You are heplessly gone. Or not?
Characters: Eun Jiwon/'You'
Warnings: swearing.
A/N: Take a note, this is important part of a story: the 'you' person is under 25-26. Someone older wouldn't probably fit entirely, but since you all are here for nsfw part, there it wouldn't matter ahah
- It's not okay to be that late, right? - you hear someone sitting down right next to you, sighing harshly. Oh how you understand that sigh, - It's already been an hour. I fed up with waiting.
- Are you going to be the one who would say that to him? - you laugh, leaning backwards and the guy near you humps something under his nose, shaking his head, - Thought so.
But the thing is, he is absolutely right. You so fed up with waiting. Eun Jiwon is hella late for dance practice and if this would be his first time doing so, it would be doubtly okay. But the fourth one is getting out of hand. Yet what can you do? Complain to his manager? Complain to Jiwon himself? Being late yourselves? Throw rocks at him, in the end? Nothing's gonna work. Because if he's late, he wanted to be late. You see it in his eyes everytime he apologizes.
Eun Jiwon is not sorry at all.
Somehow you even respect him for his honesty. Man needs to have a tremendous amount of bravery, nerves and talent to be that shameless. Must be tiring, after all.
- And, what are you doing on Friday evening? Perhaps you and Sungha might visit my birthday party. No presents, just bring alcohol and something to eat. So what?
You barely know him. For real. It must one of the first times you two even have a somewhat decent conversation? He's new to the team and in general not really a bad guy (who knows though), but there is something you just don't like about him. And his offer. If he's about to invite every one that he sees, it will be a dirty mess. It's not like you are "homegirl" kind of a person, but being stuckes in a small flat with tons of drunk people in the middle of nowhere is not quite your cup of tea.
- We'll come, - your thoughts on how to say "no" in the most polite way possible were interrupted by your boyfriend, who now stands at the other side of you, leaning to the huge mirror and nodding happily.
- Then party it is, - you answer, making it obvious for Sungha that your 'happy' smile isn't happy at all and murmur 'who likes to rest after the long week anyway' under your breath.
- What did you say?
There is no time to answer the question, because your eyes met a long awaited 'main star' who tries to pretend that everything is okay and he wasn't late for an hour, bowing slightly as part of saying hello. Indeed, shameless.
- What? Let's get to work, the sooner we start, the sooner we end, - throwing rocks at him doesn't seem like a bad idea anymore; and judging by people around' expressions, not only for you.
Actually you don't mind waiting. It's not like you need to endure cold weather, rain, snow, thirst or hunger; you just.. relax. You have everything around, you can eat and drink and chat with someone; just do whatever you want. You just love complaining, probably. And you badly afraid to miss your bus, among everything. It's all fun until you will have to go to your home in the middle of the night by your own feet.
The practice goes smoothly, as it should be. The pros of working with someone who has experience and desire to actually make a performance better are undeniable. Somehow you, dancers, yourselves, cause more problems than Eun Jiwon ever did since you started to train together. Might be because he moves as he likes to; he knows every move and you see it clearly, everybody does. Yet he brought something new in the way he works it; only for himself, in his own style. Nobody does it like him and you understood it perfectly through almost two weeks of practicing together.
Apart from being surprisingly (for you) gifted in dancing, he was the same surprisingly humble sunbae. It's not like you worked with a lot, but the amount of men who caught a star with their short lasting fame you have met amazes you every time.
So overall Eun Jiwon was someone who you never imagined to be a person that he is. Quite unusual, actually.
And the most unusual part in all this is that you were particularly staring at him for, well, more than two hours and he was absolutely aware of this fact. It's not like you were ashamed or felt an urge to blush whenever you have been catching an eye contact, it's just.. weird. Everyone will find it weird; even though you didn't really mean anything. He just happened to stay in your focus while you were occupied with thoughts and work. It's not like you need this practice anyway. As many of you, actually.
The only thing you care about now is that you are terribly missing the last bus. Maybe fifteen minutes ago you had a chance, but now when it's clear that you are going to use your feet while going home in the blistering cold after almost three hours of non-stop dancing and knowing that tomorrow you will need to wake up early, your mood is absolutely destroyed. And so when the practice is announced to be over, you try your best to put on the most pure and happy smile without making your shitty mood visible.
- Would you be able to walk me home? I missed my bus and the subway is closed at my station, please, - you can't persuade your boyfriend to do everything, it's obvious. But you know that he lives near by and doesn't really need to do anything tomorrow, so.. why not try? In the sweetest voice you could ever maintain, of course.
He is nice. He really is. You date him for a reason, in the end. He's just.. the feeling is never perfect when it comes to him.
- Uhm, I.. - Sungha touches his neck, avoiding eye contact and you sigh, letting go of his arm softly, - I'm really sorry.
- It's alright, I understand. I also have a lot to do in the morning, ugh, - he hugs you, placing soft kiss on your temple and then look you deadass in the eyes while telling the most stupid bullshit he could have ever said without any sign of shame.
- Nah, I don't actually, I just promised to go with guys to celebrate some shit and it's already late. I promised, I'm sorry, love, - he smiles and you know that he means no bad. He just.. doesn't understand. It's not his or his friends or your fault; he's just like that, no one can change that except him. And you are not here to teach him manners. Especially when you want to break at least his nose.
- Ok, have fun, - you pat on his shoulder, avoiding his lips with a frown and just turn around to leave.
The same shit was popping up for the the last few weeks and those reasons why you fell in love with him; you don't really remember any of them anymore.
You didn't turn around when he called you, just straight up to the door, trying to surpass the crushing sensation in your throat. No way you will cry because of someone who doesn't care; too many honors. It's just a very bad day. Everything at once and all this.. maybe calling an expensive as hell taxi is a great idea, after all. No money can buy you new nerves.
Shoving your belongings to the tote bag, you desperately try to calm yourself down, because God knows, it's the lowest you have ever been in months. Those days when a fall of a pen can cause a mental breakdown; you hate it. Probably everyone does. It just happened to be today. Not a big deal.
There is nothing more than a comfortable ride home and sleep you are dreaming about. Not even impenetrable ignorance of Sungha bothers you. You'll deal with it tomorrow. Now - a car and a bed.
Yet life is not that simple and we are not in a fanfiction. A taxi? In the middle of the night? Huh. Nonsense. The thing is, no one wants to take an order for such a short and therefore not so profitable ride. Nice. And here you are, standing in the middle of the street in a fucking bone breaking cold waiting for at least someone to accept your order. Thanks God you are at least under a roof of YG Ent entrance. Lights and security. If not cold, you would just sleep here. You will need to come tomorrow anyway.
- Hey, why are you still here? - you hear voice of a person with whom you doubtly want to talk. Eun Jiwon. If not his lateness, you might have been in your bed already. But here he is, standing not far away from you, looking around in the weirdest way possible, - Why aren't you going home? It's late.
- I missed my bus. Subway station where I live is closed. Taxi doesn't want me. Enough? - you didn't mean to sound rude. But you are physically can't make up needed politeness right know; not now, please.
- Yeah, - he's nodding, turning around to leave and, to be extremely honest, now it's pretty much impossible to suppress tears. His back when he has moved in the direction of parking is too much. But what can he do? He's, again, not guilty in not meeting your expectations. Thanks for asking, at least.
And you will not cry now. In your bed, alone - maybe; most probably. But here - no way.
You look at the screen of smartphone again to find absolute nothing. By feet then.
- It's not that far anyways, - you sigh, adjusting your bag on a shoulder when you see a car stopping in a distance and.. it's creepy. You are not a panicking type, but now situation smells like shit and if someone would try to pack you in their trunk, most probably, they would succeed. Even with YG's security. Even with cameras. And lightning everywhere. Not a panicking type, yeah.
But while you were occupied with thoughts on how you should attack them, you missed Eun Jiwon standing in front of the car. You notice him when he starts to speak and it's the third time you want to cry today; just the emotions right now are completely different.
- You are stuck here because of me. And I feel bad for sleeping too much, - Jiwon smiles, pursuing his lips a little and somehow you can't be angry with him. He's honest, it's written on his face, - So I want to ask you if it's okay if I drive you home? As an apology.
And now you see some parallels you never wanted to see. Because your beloved boyfriend is somewhere out there chilling with 'guys' and someone, who's not even slightly responsible for you, is here.
He knows what he did wrong; and Jiwon doesn't slip an empty 'sorry' into nowhere. He apologizes while thinking about what he actually did wrong and how to change that. Such a rare trait to witness.
- I don't think that it's..
- If I didn't want to do it, I wouldn't ask, - even in his smile, you see that he's serious about it. It's hard to say 'no' right now. For many reasons.
- Okay then, - it's not like you want to decline a Mercedes ride either, let's be honest. He nods, opening the door for you and muttering small 'thank you', you hop inside, holding your breath for no apparent reason.
It's not like it was your first time sitting in this type of car costs like your approximately two year's allowance, it's just a bit...weird. Yet so extremely comfortable.
Jiwon is quick to seat beside you, driving away quickly. He puts on the heater immediately and you feel your face melting. You might as well fall in love with this car.
- Drop me your address, - you are still pressing your bag to your chest trying to relax when you hear him and you proceed what he means for a moment. What a fucked up day, you feel like a fool all of a sudden and it's not even weird at this point.
- I don't have your number, - now he's feeling himself like a fool and you laugh, glancing at his expression. He manages to look mature and hilarious at the same time. Mocking his fakely irritated 'write it then', you sign his contact as 'Eun Jiwon' and it feels.. interesting.
You send him a location of your home and then watch as he puts it into GPS, clearly not having an idea where is it.
- Does it happen often? - just the moment you manage to relax, Jiwon pushes you out of your wondering of how good it smells without cheap leather odor and disgusting sweet car condition aroma. You think for a minute then nod slowly, because it actually does.
- Not so often, but still, - you steal a glance at him again. It's not like you can stare at anyone with your boyfriend still being your boyfriend, but today is a mess. And Jiwon is certainly a nice sight to look at, - I can go on my own, but I'm tired today. Plus it's hard to grab a taxi from there, plus, - you emphasize it, watching how sights outside the window are a lot more familiar now, - Hella expensive. I don't even know why. They think I shit with money if I am taking a cab from YG? Fucking nonsense.
Jiwon laughs through all your ted talk and it's so contagious, suddenly. You lean on a seat, laughing as well, feeling your cheeks ache a little. Funny how it's light around all of a sudden. Perhaps it's because you feel yourself so distant from all that stress that got into you today? Because Jiwon was able to come and just sort it out without asking. Well, he can't fix Sungha, but the more you think about it, the more you realise that there is nothing to be fixed. Nothing you are able to fix, probably.
So, apparently, Jiwon helped you even there.
- It's not that funny, actually, - you look at him again and you meet his eyes suddenly. You don't even want to say 'watch the road', because for no reasons you are able to trust him with your life and overall you value the fact that he is looking at you more than the fact that you can die. He was holding a gaze for a second and you already imagined imaginations. Sungha, boyfriend, still alive. Stop.
- You were hilarious though, like, - he's silent for a second while he looks for a place to park, - Like Lucy. She also gets furious randomly and sounds exactly like you did.
- You just compared me to your girlfriend? She wouldn't like that, - you laugh because it's really funny. Yet no one was ever sure if he's single or not. You never expected finding out in this circumstances.
- What? No, - he laughs louder, hiding his teeth with his palm and looks at you for a few seconds with those shiny eyes, giggling like a teenager and you can't see a forty years old man in him anymore, - She's my dog.
Did he just boldly compared you to his dog?
Forty years old man, yeah.
You inhale deeply, trying to surpass a laugh and poke a finger at him, silently making your point. Jiwon makes the cutest 'what are you going to do to me, huh?' face, pursing his lips like a five year old boy and.. And you really try your best to keep 'I'll end you' look on your face (Spoiler: you failed). Anyhow, you want to forgive him for this comparison simply because he wasn't sulky about you being totally impolite with him. No fragile masculinity detected.
- This changes everything! - you turn around, opening the door because he literally had just parked and you leave, making sure he understands that you are kidding with this fake offense little perfomance and that he's smiling, when you turned around to wave him before entering the building.
The thing is, when you come home, you are not tired anymore. By any means; if not your mother sleeping peacefully you would probably be loud and hyperactive. And since you need to cosplay a ninja right now, you just lay on your bed, watching the ceiling silently. Perfect ending for a fucked up day.
You hear your phone buzzing and what you didn't expect to see is a message from Jiwon. The day couldn't be any more perfect, but it managed.
You open a short video of little and immensely cute white dog tiny barking at watches that lay on a sofa, buzzing. You even replay it, to seek for the point when he sends another text.
'she got angry with them because they were making sounds'
- Guess it shouldn't have any meaning, right? - you tap a replay with short but excited: 'she's cute!!' and feel your throat clenching suddenly at his instant reply.
'that's why I told that you are just like her'
You are not going to say that you feel like a teenager from some manga slowly falling in love with the main character but that's exactly how you feel.
After adjusting your breathing to normal again, you choose to ignore that (to not to show how fucking excited his subtle complement made you) and text him how thankful you are for his ride and wish him and his furiously cute Lucy a good night. And after some other preparations, you, again, choosing to ignore your actual boyfriend who's trying to call and text you for a good hour already.
You will need to work with him for a month. It's not going to end well.
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Text
I'm done.
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(can't copy and paste the beginning for some reason. I'm posting this on wattpad and tumblr because I can.)
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I got very stressed out and almost had a panic attack before the period even started so I want for a walk during which my appearance and behavior made it very clear that I was not in fact okay. Still not a word. Even when I walked through the office. When I got back to class every one was very high strung and it out me back in the edge of a panic attack for the remainder of the period. Fun! I was so anxious and distracted that I messed up my friends lighting. When her performance was done she made it clear though snide comments that she did not appreciate my messing up. This made my feel down right shitty but I was in the middle of class so I repressed that as well. Than the next performance about alcohol abuse triggered someone I don't like and he cried out in the hall. This upset me because 1 I don't like to see anyone upset 2 this stressed me out futher 3 he used to be my friend and I know why he got triggered. Then my performance came. I was holding back a pretty big panic attack and freaking out but the beginning of my performance went without a hitch. Then my friend came in stage for a scene he helps me with and I forgot 90% of my lines and we sat on stage scared and clueless all because of me. From then on my performance went down hill. I was quickly becoming a sweaty line forgeting mess whose props were litterally falling all over the place and we didn't have enough time to Finnish so I didn't get to do half of my performance that I wrote personally and rehersed and was proud of so I asked to coontinue next class. Now I have to do this shit again tomorrow. After drama I was sweating buckets it took me ten minutes to collect my mass amount of stuff and I decided I just couldn't go to last period. I went to the gender neutral bathroom to get changed which is it's own room so I stripped naked in the privacy to desweat. While I was arranging my all my stuff and puting my change of clothes on I finally started to crack. A tear slid down my face but I kept it all in and got dressed and got my stuff setteled. When I was going to leave the bathroom I couldn't take it anymore and I broke. I sat on the concrete floor and sobbed. I couldn't stop. Eventaully my friends who waiting for me outside the bathroom caught on and we're trying to either come in or get me out. I just kept thinking you can't come in the bathroom what if I was naked (because I peviously was) while also thinking not only was my drama a falure I'm sleep deprived and still have a head ache and I probably won't graduate because believe it of not drama is my best subject and there is only a week left of school and that's fine because I have no real goals for after I graduate or any thing in my future at all because I just got over a bunch of past trauma which caused me to always think about my past and not my future and now I'm sitting sobbing on the concrete floor of my school bathroom thinking about how much I want to go home and go to sleep and not wake up (and not because I'm sleep deprived) I called my mom to pick me up and left the bathroom. I almost couldn't open the door because I knew my friends were on the other side and they knew I had been crying and I didn't know what to say to them(plus side as soon as I convinced myself to leave the power went out and the lights turned off and hello panic attack I litterally just stopped having. Lights back on) . Before leaving I looked in the mirror and I was literally the vision of emotionally fucked up. My eyes would do red I did a double take and there were steaks of black drama make up running down my face because of the tears. I walked through the school to get to the parking lot through a while bunch students and teachers and bystanders of all kinds and would you believe it. Still not a word. My mom got me and now I'm home. Still fending off the occasional urge to cry and trying to get a quick nap in before I have to get up and continue this fucking wreck of a day because I have an important meeting tonight.
Ps. So I know I haven't updated in literally forever but don't be expecting another update for a WHILE hun. Also I know no one will dead this because I have a very small amount of follwers and even if someone was going to the probably saw how long this was and decided against it. So literally still no one cares
Pps. I find it very fitting that my drama performance was on mental illness and mental health.
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