#But yesterday I felt like Absolute Dog shit. Like full empty. Didn't want to do anything I usually procrastinate with

[olisephaa]

Depression is wild sometimes. I spent 6 hours wallowing in nothing, just vegetating in my chair, and now it's like I just woke up and am ready to do workout and start the day. Thank god I had the foresight to get up at 6 am so it's only noon

[tinyboxxtink]

"Black Magic" *Part 12*

Ayyyyy I fixed it!

For those who missed it, I wrote this chapter also on my phone because apparently I'm addicted to this story I can't focus on my real life even when I'm out.

Also sorry this is short but it was written in a Target parking lot on my phone. And also-- I just wanna put off "THE" part. 😂😬😘

Part 11

Part 13

Tag list

@madamsnape921

@lolliepopsicle

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@milkshqke

@wanniiieeee

@word-scribbless

@gibbs274

@sassyada

@aprildecker-blog

@bookishfanfic

@stars-in-the-skies-world

@stars-trash-18

@omgsuperstarg

-----

Rafael shook his head, still reeling from your encounter. You had no idea what the hell you were talking about, he loved Olivia. He was sure of it. But the last thing you said nagged at him. Even if you had been some kind of crazy mind reading witch, that didn’t stop him from telling Liv about his father.

He had never told her, and if he was really honest with himself, he had no intention of telling her any time soon, maybe ever.

Why didn’t he want to tell her?

-----

Rafael decided to show you, he went straight to Liv's bridal room and knocked on the door.

"Yes?"

"Liv it's me."

"Rafa we can't see each other before the ceremony! It's bad luck!" She called through the door.

"Well it's more bad luck if we start this marriage with secrets." He replied.

Olivia's eyes widened: was he...was he going to tell her his middle name? All on his own? She KNEW you were full of shit

"O-okay just tell me through the door." Her eyes lit up with hope.

"No, I need to be looking at you or I might lose my nerve"

That was good enough for her! She swung the door open.

Rafael stared at her in awe, she had never looked so beautiful in all the years he knew her. He knew you were full of shit, he loved her completely.

"Liv I haven't been honest with you. My middle name isn't Antonio."

"It's not…?" Her eyes began to well up. It was happening. It was really happening.

"No, it's…." He paused and gazed at her. She was beautiful, she was perfect.... But there was no...safety.

"It's Ronaldo," he lied. "I just wanted you to have the right name on the marriage license"

"God damn it Rafael are you fucking kidding me? She yelled.

"What are you talking about?" Rafael was taken aback.

"Why can't you just tell me your real middle name? Why is that so hard for you?!" She yelled again..

"I'm sorry, you know that I'm lying? You know my real middle name?"

"What.. ? Yes...maybe, I don't know," she stammered.

"How do you know my middle name?" He asked.

" I, um...did...did you finish the flask I gave you?" She asked softly.

"....Excuse me?" Rafael asked suspiciously. He turned and walked back to his room. Olivia followed behind him quickly.

"You mean this flask that you supposedly gave me for our wedding day?" He asked, holding up a silver flask with his initials on it.

"You mean this nice loving gift, a token of your love on the most important day of our lives? You're asking me if I 'finished this'?"

"I.. well…" she stuttered.

"And what exactly is this Olivia?" He turned and headed to the bathroom of the groom suite.

"No Rafael, don't!!!" Olivia chase after him frantically.

Rafael opened the flask and poured its contests into the sink. To his horror and disbelief, a dark purple liquid poured out of it; as if it was purple and blue mixed together.

"Holy shit…" Rafael muttered.

"Oh my God!" he just stared in shock as the liquid dissipated down the drain. Olivia could only stand frozen in shock and couldn't speak.

"Oh my God, that girl was right wasn't she?" He stared at her.

"What girl? Was there a girl here?" Olivia quickly turned defensive. "Rafa you shouldn't listen to random ass people--"

"Oh no, fuck that Liv!" He screamed. Throwing the flask across the bathroom.

"What the hell was that?!" He gestured to the sink, now empty of the contents of the flask. "What the hell did you do to me?!

"Nothing!" She stuck to her denial. "It's just the color of the special liquor that I bought you. It's some kind of wine," She tried to think of a lie on the spot, but she wasn't great at it.

"Oh that is a load of shit!" Rafael scoffed while throwing up his hands. "I can't believe this...I can't believe some random ass girl knew more about me than you. She's right isn't she?"

"Rafa come on--" She started to speak, but Rafael wasn't hearing it.

"Oh no fuck that, fuck 'Rafa'. We're past Rafa, don't call me that!" Rafael screamed. "That girl was right, wasn't she? You made me forget her. I'm actually in love with her, aren't I?"

"No! You were never in love with her! That shit was fake. It was as fake as this!" She slapped her hand over her face after saying the last part inadvertently.

"Oh my God...This whole thing is fake. You manipulated my mind. You made me think that I was in love with you!" Rafael felt sick to his stomach.

"You are in love with me!" Olivia screamed. "You just needed to realize it," she added softly.

"And you wanted me to drink more so what? You could make me forget this ever happened so that I would marry you willingly? Like your little robot?" Rafael paced the room angrily.

"No I love you Rafael! That's why I did this! I did this for us!" She was crying now.

"That's BULLSHIT!" Rafael yelled.

"You didn't do this for me, you did this for you. You don't love me at all! If you really loved me, then you would want me to be happy no matter who that was with! I'm not your fucking Ken doll Liv! I'm not some guy you can just manipulate and tote around like some lap dog, doing whatever you say. That's not what love is!"

"Rafael come on, just look--- just, just drink this," she pulled out another vial from her bra. "Just drink it and you'll forget about this, and then we can be happy!"

"Are you not hearing me at all Olivia? Rafael asked her in actual disgust.

"You're still just trying to stick to your delusion? Don't come near me with that. In fact don't come near me at all. I can't. I can't even look at you right now," He started to storm out of the room but Olivia chased after him.

"Where are you going!?!"

"To get back what you stole from me!" Rafael yelled back, running out of the church.

----

You stood there in front of the penguins with Maria and Chloe just staring at them. It had gotten dark now. The tank was lit up, brightening the cave with its neon blue water. They looked so happy, just swimming and carefree, not a care in the world.

"Look at you guys," You sighed. "So happy, so innocent. You wouldn't lie to each other, you wouldn't manipulate each other, you just love each other unconditionally," You started to tear up.

"Oh honey…" Chloe came and put an arm around you.

"He's not coming, is he?" You looked at her with tears now dripping down your face.

She looked down at her watch; it had been about an hour since you had shown up there. That was about 20 minutes from the church. So it had been a while for Rafael to change his mind.

"I mean... I don't want to be Debbie Downer or anything but--" She have you a pity look.

"30 more minutes?" You pleaded with puppy dog eyes.

"Alright…." She looked at Maria who just shrugged sadly. Then she linked an arm in yours, laying her head on shoulder. "As long as you need."

------

Rafael was in an Uber, heading towards Central Park. He couldn't decide how he felt at the moment. He was enraged with Olivia for fucking with his emotions, his brain, his heart. How long has it gone on for?

Now that it had been a while since his last "dose", he was starting to realize he couldn't remember yesterday, or any of the past week, and it scared the shit out of him.

How could she do this? How could she just take memories from him like taking cookies out of a cookie jar? And with absolutely NO remorse? She was STILL trying to control him even when he was confronting her! Did she ever really love him? Were they ever really friends? It was like losing a lover and his best friend in one fell swoop.

And then there was you. Maybe you really had been Liv-- his lover and best friend. But she had taken that too, he had no memory of you whatsoever.

Even now he struggled to even remember your name. He was pretty sure you had said it in his dressing room, but all the shit he had in his system still left him all foggy. He did remember you knew his middle name, his Broadway dream.

You knew about Eduardo, how could he have told you about Eduardo? How important were you to him? How could he just forget that? He wanted that back, that safe feeling you were going on about. You were absolutely on the money about him never feeling safe once his Abuela had moved in with him and his mother. His mother's house never felt safe, even after Eduardo left.

His Mami was wonderful, but he never felt like he could ever fully be himself with her, because she wouldn't accept him. Which is why he never felt comfortable sharing himself completely, ever.

He wanted that safe feeling so badly….he wanted his feelings back so badly. Even if they were someone he supposedly didn't know.

"Uh….hey man are you ok? The Uber driver's question made him realize he was crying. The driver was awkwardly glancing back at him.

"Ahem...yeah no I'm fine. Can we uh...can we go any faster?"

"Hey man I can't control New York traffic," he gestured towards the stand still grid of cars.

He was still 5 blocks away. He wasn't entirely sure just how in love with him you were, though you were pretty damn hysterical at the church.

Would you wait all night? Have you already left?

"You know what, I think I can walk faster than this," Rafael told the driver as he got out on the curb and began running towards the park.

"....Don't forget to rate me five stars!!!" The driver called after him.

----

You glanced down at your phone, it had been 45 minutes since you had asked Chloe for 30. Maria was asleep on a bench, Chloe was falling asleep on your shoulder.

He wasn't coming. Olivia had won. You had to accept it.

You put your phone down and walked up to the glass of the penguin tank. They were all sleeping, except for one. They all were wearing these adorable harnesses that had their name on them, hers read "Penny".

Penny was sitting on a rock above the water, just staring at the "shore" of their enclosure.

You wondered if there was any explanation for that-- you googled "PENNY PENGUIN CENTRAL PARK ZOO". An article immediately came up. You scanned it, reading a particular sentence.

"....Penny's mate was killed in an accident at the zoo six months ago. Penguins are notoriously monogamous, so it's likely she won't ever take another mate. She just spends her night and days looking towards the place the Zookeeper's took Leonard from the enclosure."

Your heart broke, tears came to your eyes for the millionth time that day as you pressed a hand to the glass.

"I'm right there with you Penny, I know how you feel babe…" You sniffled as if the penguin could understand you. But she still continued to stare, waiting for her love to come back.

You wiped tears away and walked away from the tank over to Chloe and Maria, shaking her awake.

"Let's go," you sniffled.

"You sure honey?" She asked you as Maria stirred awake.

"Yeah…. it's over," you sniffled again, all out of water in your body.

She let you lean on her as you walked back up the stairs to the park.

You were so downtrodden, you didn't notice you had left your phone sitting in the enclosure.

[calumthoodposts]

Broken Home | Part 4

Warnings: Vomiting

Adronitis- the frustration with how long it takes to get to know someone.

------

It certainly wasn't a secret to either of the people sitting at the counter peacefully enjoying breakfast that the brunette boy was incredibly hungover. He had woken up in Reyna's bed with no recollection of what had happened after he left the bar. Now, there he was standing in the hallway entrance with nothing but his shorts on. Calum knew he looked worse for wear with his hair sticking up in every-which-way. He wasn't bothered to fix his appearance after he woke up to a cold bed and a glass of water accompanied by some type of painkiller on the nightstand beside him. Disorientation ran rampant through his head as he took in Reyna's room in all of its ordinariness. The only decoration that stood out was his t-shirt laying in a crumpled mess on the floor.

When the caramel-skinned girl was nowhere to be found, he jumped out of bed and traipsed to the kitchen to find her but, much to his dismay, he only saw his two friends looking at him with unreadable expressions. "You look like you got absolutely smashed last night," Ashton spoke, forking more food into his mouth. Calum said nothing and stumbled to the sink to place the empty glass down, wincing slightly at the noise it made. "Where's Reyn' at?" Calum dished himself some pancakes before sitting down beside Ashton at the island. His two friends were staring at him wordlessly like he was completely git, in which they wouldn't be absolutely wrong. "She went to work. She got the job, did she not tell you?" KayKay shifted her gaze from Calum to Ashton and gave him a look that the tan boy couldn't decipher. Her words were short and they had Calum feeling like a teenager who stayed out past his curfew. He had no idea Reyna had gotten the job and he felt irritated that she hadn't said anything to him. It was lost on him as to why he was kept out of the loop when he had made it evident that he cared. "No, she didn't," Calum spoke shortly, knowing his annoyance was clear. "It's not like you gave her much of a chance, mate." Ashton easily defended the girl. "You were gone all day yesterday and we all know what you were doing judging by the battle scars." Ashton nodding his head toward Calum made him furrow his eyebrows in confusion before he looked down at his chest. Hickies and scratch marks covered the expanse of his skin. Bluish-purplish marks everywhere with lines of red as an accent. "But we didn't…" Calum trailed off cluelessly. He wracked his brain for any recollection of what had happened between him getting smashed with his friends and him leaving the bar. He remembered pieces of the night like a jigsaw that he couldn't put together correctly. "You and Reyna didn't, no. Mate, I've got no idea who you were with last night. How pissed did you get?" Calum didn't answer his question. Instead, he felt his stomach turn as he desperately tried to remember the events of the night before. Dizzying images flashed behind his eyelids, fuzzy and blurred memories that had him racing down the hall and into the bathroom to throw up the glass of water he had drunk. He heaved into the porcelain bowl as everything started playing like a movie reel in his throbbing head. The quality was shit though, and Calum could hardly see what happened. He recalled the feeling of warm hands tearing his shirt off of him and lips attaching to his that tasted like some fruity drink. What he could see was a blonde girl writhing beneath him with her head thrown back into the pillows, and he heaved stomach acid into the toilet again. Nothing was vivid until he remembered stumbling through the door to the apartment and eventually into Reyna's room. Her dark hair against the white of her sheets was ethereal to him and she seemed to glow on her own without the help of the city lights, and her asking him to stay set a fire in his stomach. He was completely pissed, but the way she tensed in his arms shortly after he kissed her head had him screaming at himself mentally with regret for crossing that boundary. It took him the better half of an hour to drag himself off of the bathroom floor, flush his mess, and brush his teeth. His head throbbed and his ears rang at every sound. He got his shirt from Reyna's room in a pitiful attempt to cover the damage he had already displayed. KayKay and Ashton were curled on the couch staring at their phones when he finally reemerged into the room. There's nothing that he could think of to say. His best friends' disappointment was clear enough to him without them having to voice it out loud and, quite frankly, he wasn’t sure he could handle hearing it. "I put your pancakes in the fridge. The syrup is still on the counter. You should definitely eat something." The dark-haired girl offered the mess of a boy a soft smile before turning back to her phone and leaning her head on Ash's shoulder. Calum nodded even though he knew she wasn't paying attention to him anymore. Shuffling to the refrigerator, he retrieved his breakfast and sat back at the counter. The air was filled with unspoken tension that may have just been on his side of things but still made him uncomfortable nonetheless. "These are delicious, thank you, Kay," Calum mumbled through a mouthful of pancakes. He hated the silence that was as thick as smog. It made him think of the person he couldn't get out of his head. "I didn't make them, Reyna did." The knife in his heart twisted and the silence returned to the room, nearly suffocating him as he continued to eat. She wouldn't leave his mess of a brain and maybe when he stopped fighting it things would be okay.

---------

Seeing her home was strange. Reyna had been staying with Calum for three days before she was finally allowed to go back to her apartment and retrieve what she needed, not being allowed to stay since their rent was overdue and the landlord wanted to "cut his losses" instead of taking a risk with more drug paraphernalia. Calum thought it was unfair of him to make that call considering that the neighbor a few doors over had a syringe by the door accompanied by pornographic moans that were loud enough for the complexes a few streets over to hear. Reyna confirmed that it was a daily ritual. He could whinge all he wanted but the truth was that a part of him was happy that she had to stay with him in the least weird way possible. Within the three days she was staying with them, he had grown more perplexed by her. There were small habits she had and a different kind of humor that he never had seen in L.A. and that kept him curious about her. Calum wanted to delve deeper into who she was, and if that meant she would have to be evicted from her apartment and relocated into his temporary one so be it. He was selfish like that. His curiosity for her only grew when he took in the place she called home. The blinds were drawn and only a bit of light peaked through, a small detail that seemed less like a characteristic of her but more of her prat of an ex-boyfriend. At the same time, it seemed very much like her. Closed off at moments but, in others, open enough to see what made her tick. She disappeared down a slim hallway to where he assumed was her bedroom. Calum stood in the living room taking in the beer bottles and a to-go box sat messily scattered on the table in front of the couch. Each side of the musty green furniture had end tables, one being neat and supporting a lamp and a coaster, the other having used napkins, candy wrappers, plastic bags, and tobacco cans haphazardly scattered on top and underneath it. Calum didn't have to think too hard on which side was Reyna's. The rest of the room had minimal furniture and the only memento was the fist-sized hole in the wall. He wondered about how it got there and thought of asking Reyna. He was also afraid that he wouldn't want to hear her answer. Deciding that he had seen everything there was to see he followed to where Reyna had disappeared. She had a camo duffle bag placed on the end of the queen-sized bed where she stuffed clothes from her drawers into. There wasn't much and Calum noticed that camo didn't seem very much like her at all. Again, his eyes wandered from wall to wall, taking in the starkness of it all. A few miscellaneous items were strewn about on the top of one of the dressers, along with a bookcase in the corner that was full of novels on all of the shelves except one. There were picture frames and little trinkets on it and Calum inched forward with curiosity. The first of three frames held a picture of Reyna and a very fluffy looking dog. She was smiling widely down at it while it licked her chin with seemingly the same enthusiasm. Her hair was shorter in that picture, just below her jawline, and he couldn't help but feel like it fit her just as well as her waist-length curls did now. She looked beautiful either way. The one on the right was a picture of Aaron with the same dog, except Aaron's smile was much less smile-inducing and the dog looked elsewhere, seemingly distracted. It was the frame in the middle that caught Calum's attention. Reyna stood beside Aaron with a smile as large as life on her face. Her dimples protruded adorably and a lavender dress hung on her frame, clinging to all of the right places and making her look like a queen. Aaron's hand was wrapped around her waist while she clung onto him with adoration. Calum couldn't believe that Aaron had seen her look so breathtaking and still chose to treat her the way he did. Either the man had the world's supply of self-control or he was an absolute whacka, and Calum decided to go with the latter. Reyna cleared her throat from beside him and his gaze landed on her. He noticed that she had gotten thinner since then and the photo and her hair was much longer, meaning it must have been longer than a year or so since it had been taken. "That was at his sister's wedding. It was a really good day." Her voice was reminiscent and she stared with nostalgia. "You looked beautiful," Calum concluded and she snapped her eyes to him in mild surprise, her lips parting slightly as her wild eyes stared at him curiously. "I think you should take this one with you, as a keepsake." He didn't reach for the photo in the middle, but the one beside it instead. He didn't want to suggest keeping anything that might remind her of the tosser. She smiled as he handed the frame to her and was silent for a spell. "Her name was Duchess. The best dog I had ever owned and my best friend for the longest time." Calum watched as she stared at the photo in her hand. Neither of them said a word until she placed the duffel that was on her shoulder on the ground, unzipped it, and placed the frame inside of it. "Shall we?" Reyna asked with a smile that showed a surprising amount of confidence. Calum gently took the bag off of her shoulder and placed it over his own before she could protest. He gave her a look with raised eyebrows, daring her to complain. She petulantly huffed before walking toward the door with a slight shake of her head. Calum couldn't help the chuckle and the smile that spread across his face when she stopped suddenly, whispering a quiet 'wait' before she darted back to the bookshelf. She stood on her tiptoes and reached a book off of the top shelf, just barely reaching it with her fingertips, before running back to Calum's side after she had it safely clutched to her chest. "Okay, I'm ready."

--------

She didn't get back to the apartment until around six-thirty, which had Calum impatiently trying to pass the time by watching shitty tv shows that he didn't know the name of and didn't care to learn. He scrolled through his Instagram and Twitter countless numbers of times and texted his mum and Mali back. Ashton and KayKay had gone out with Luke, Michael, and the rest of their friends to a club a few miles away. Calum easily declined the offer to go with them, talking things out with Reyna being his top priority. Every breath he breathed in felt guilty. While he was still miles away from knowing all of her–a part of him feeling like he would never fully memorize her–he knew her well enough to know that his actions were stupid, especially considering her past. He stumbled drunkenly into her room, undoubtedly smelling like whiskey, which is what she had said was his staple. Calum was still covered in bite marks from the stranger with the long blonde hair, a person he would probably never see again, and had crawled into the dark-haired beauty's bed as though she was an afterthought. She was anything but. Even in his pissed state of fucking some girl senseless, he knew himself enough to know that his eyes were closed the entire time for one reason. Reyna quickly became an integral part of all of their lives. KayKay, Sierra, and Crystal were overjoyed to add another girl in the group, Sierra voicing how annoying it was to be "outnumbered by testosterone". Group outings had been very limited, but they hung out in the apartments nearly every day. Reyna was still quiet and introverted at times, but she was slowly relaxing and joining in on the banter one step at a time. Everyone grew to enjoy her collected presence even though her role in the group didn't have all of the kinks worked out yet. Crystal irritably grumbled when she found out that Reyna wasn't going to the club with them, which Calum presumed that she wouldn't have wanted to go anyway because of the atmosphere that might resurface unwanted memories. The girl had left the biggest impression on Calum, clearly. He didn't know what it was about her that wouldn't leave his mind. Perhaps, he thought, it was his inner-hero complex lusting to feel needed. He had come to her 'rescue', and was more than happy to walk out with a bruised face since he was accompanied by the girl. Maybe she was a little sister in some way to him that justified his overwhelming urge to protect her. That thought immediately shoved its way out of his mind and he cringed in slight disgust up at the ceiling. As much as he hated the idea of romance and love, he couldn't resist liking Reyna slightly more than just platonically. He was absolutely pissed at himself for it. Why he always liked women who loved other men was a complication lost on him entirely. He didn't want to like her. Love was something that only had led to heartbreak for him in the past and he had no intention of doing it again. Repeating the same action over and over again expecting a different result was insanity, they say. Calum allowed a childish whine to pass his lips when a voice in his head told him the cliche of this being different. After a whole week of spending ample time with her, he wasn't anywhere closer to really knowing her. He constantly tried to piece together fragments of the brief stories she would tell about herself, but none of them helped him understand what her favorite book was or favorite ice cream flavor. He knew her past was rocky and he often found that favorites could be chosen freely. He found himself wanting to know them all. These questions could only be answered by her though, and he'd more than willingly spend forever listening to her list them off. His lovesick afternoon was spent with thoughts swirling in his fried brain like a whirlpool. He needed to get a fucking grip. His prayers were answered and his slipping into insanity halted when he heard the door handle turn. He smiled in relief, slightly worried that she legged it, before lying back on the couch in a pathetic effort to pretend as though he wasn't anxiously waiting for her like a bloody lunatic. He lied on the armrest that allowed him to see the kitchen, conveniently, and he watched as she entered from the entryway. Her eyes immediately landed on him as she set her key on the kitchen counter. "Hey," she greeted sweetly. "Glad to see you survived your hangover." Calum chuckled at her and shook his head. Before he had a chance to reply, she spoke again. "Where is everyone else?" "They went to a club somewhere," Calum informed her and moved his legs off the couch as she came over to plop down on the side opposite of him with a sigh. She looked at him humorously. "And why didn't you go with them? Didn't fancy another sledgehammer to your skull in the morning?" "Fancy? You're sounding an awful lot like an Aussie." Calum retorted sarcastically. She rolled her eyes at him, but he couldn't help but find it endearing how she was picking up on some of their slang. She was like water, he noticed. Having the ability to adapt to anything that was put in front of her and he deeply admired her for it. "I actually wanted to talk to you." He cut to the chase, having already sat waiting for hours. Anticipation threatened to swallow him whole. "Oh?" Reyna looked at him and frowned. "What about?" Calum noticing the way her fingers laced together nervously spoke quickly to ease her worry. "Nothing bad, I think. I just wanted to apologize for last night." She cocked her head to the side and narrowed her eyes. “Apologize for what exactly?" "I feel like shit," Calum admitted and ran a hand through his hair. "I came in late and woke you up. I probably smelled outright terrible and not to mention-" Calum trailed off and looked down at his clothed chest. He wasn't sure whether or not she had even seen the marks, but he hated himself if she did. "Calum, it's okay. Really." She laughed at him but he failed to find any humor in it. "You didn't smell awful, you actually smelled like flowers because of whoever you had spent the night with. You're an adult and you're allowed to do those things with whoever you want. Not to mention you were even thoughtful enough to brush your teeth." I don't want to do 'those things' with whoever, he thought to himself. He wasn’t that man who slept around with whoever was fitting and he felt disheartened that she accepted that idea without any hesitance. Calum didn’t want her seeing him that way, but he knew that he hadn’t exactly shown her any differently. Her denying his apology on the premise that he didn't smell terrible but like another girl didn't help his case. Not only did he shag another girl, but he also brought her scent into Reyna's bed. She was great at acting like she was fine and maybe he could have imagined it, but he noticed the way her smile faltered at the mention of another girl and it gave him some sick sense of hope. "I'm still sorry." Calum tried again. If it was his imagination, he wanted to at least clear his conscience. "Apology not accepted," she tutted. "You're allowed to do whatever you want and my feelings shouldn’t stop you from doing anything differently." With that being her final word, she stood up and headed into the kitchen to fill a glass with water. She leaned against the counter and faced him, watching him with under analytical gaze. "At least let me say thank you." Calum pressed. "For what?" Her lips pressed into a line and it forced her dimple on her left cheek to announce itself, while her eyebrows crinkled together. "Leaving me water and pain meds for the unbearable headache I had. And everything else." "Calum, it's fine, really. It's the least I could do and plus I'm used to it." She spoke dismissively. Calum's shoulders tensed and he bit his lip, looking down at his laced-together fingers. He had fucked up. He wanted nothing more than to show Reyna the life that she had been missing out on; the life she deserved, and he wanted to be the one to give it to her. After last night's stupid antics, he didn't see himself as any better than Aaron. Calum had come back drunk off his arse and climbed into bed with her like it was some habitual chore akin to locking up a house before going to bed. She wasn't some damned assignment, and he wished he could remember everything that happened the night before. He wished he could remember the exact feeling of falling asleep next to her for the first time. But he couldn't, simply because the only time he had the guts to do so was when he was absolutely pissed out. "I'm sorry, that came out sounding very loaded and I didn't mean it like that." Reyna apologized quickly and made her way back to the couch that he was brooding on. "Aaron just used to- well, you know. It just became a habit." Habit. It astounded him how she could continually surround herself with assholes who treated her awfully and disguise it as something as common as a habit. While he didn’t think he was the devil in this particular instance, he hated how she wrote herself as the catalyst for it all. He wondered what other justifications were swimming through her mind to come wrongfully to his defense. Her nervous ticks were on full display. She gnawed on her lower lip and hugged her arms around her waist as she sat down close beside him. It wasn't enough for them to be touching and he wouldn't mind if they were, but he could see how she gingerly calculated everything she did. He wished desperately that he could take one look at her and know what she was thinking, but she left him without the slightest clue. "I know you didn't. I just hate myself for putting you in a position that can be in any way similar to what he did." Calum brought his attention to her face that was ridden with concern and hesitancy. "You're already living with the memory. I don't want to be a walking reminder." Her hand suddenly resting innocently on his thigh broke the unspoken touch barrier she had previously. "Calum, you're so far from that." What a little shit he was for cooking up an apology just for it to end with her consoling him. This was a woman who had gone through hell already, never failing to bring him peace of mind. She was a rock. Life was hard and strange and for the better half of, it utter shit. She had gone through the worst of it, so when she was faced with a problem, she sat down, took a deep breath, tied up her shoelaces, and got on with it. "You helped me when I couldn't help myself. Hell, you still do. I know a week isn't a lot of time to get to know someone and I probably don't know half as much about you as I think I do, but you're the most grateful, thoughtful, and forgiving person I've ever met." Calum's steady gaze was on her. He took in the way her lips moved when she spoke and how they curled upward as she offered him an endearing smile. “Well, when you aren’t being a prideful dickhead, that is.” Calum chuckled at her halfheartedly, having long since relaxed under her touch, her confession kept his heart beating rapidly in his chest. Like firestones, he rested his hand on hers and there were static sparks everywhere. Admiration danced like lights in her warm eyes that watched him so carefully, pondering what she was going to say next. "Hood, you are pretty much the only thing that makes me want to get up in the morning. Me waking up beside you was a goddamn blessing."