#But they don't need to possess and claim parts of me that they aren't naturally. They are fields in my lands. They don't need to be the

[blackvahana]

Yeah. The. loss of my eyes is really. indicative of something, isn't it. I mean it's a topic that deserves being excplit about, so as I said it's indicative of me not taking myself seriously. I constantly feel like I need to play human and acknowledge I'm human and be human but at the end of the day... What I am and not exists and doesn't exist regardless of how much I play it up or down. It exists whether I acknowledge it or not. Truth is just going to exist and doesn't need defending to be real

I have just. forced myself into a box where everything I am and was has had to be forced into said box, distorting it, and sometimes outright beating it to a pulp to get it to fit into shapes it isn't built for. I shouldn't have to distort my shape to fit a box made for me; if somethings true I shouldn't have to brutally force myself into it to fit in it. Not talking about being human or not being human, talking about everything atm

For years, I had those eyes. My eyes. I didn't need to do anything to display them. Why now do I need to work to show them for a little while before they fade again? There's two main possible answers here, it's a matter of "I have changed so they aren't real now/they were distorted understandings of self so they were never real" or. you know

My entire personality and spiritual life is built on the notion of lack inherent to my system, that I am detached from myself and need to work to scrape together some kind of minimal connection, minimal recovery of self. Anyway. I see Lev vividly now lmfao hi

[theadventurerslog]

Quest For Glory 1: So You Want to Be a Hero | Part 2

The Adventurer's Log

Last time I explored around the town of Spielburg, picked up some quests, and poked around a little bit outside town. Now it's time for my second day of this adventure: When Things Went Wrong.

Things started well enough. I went to the castle stable to do a bit of work for 5 silvers.

Too bad there aren't spells to help my little wizard. I mean if there were I probably wouldn't have been able to afford them either.

I also met the castle's sword master who had nothing for me as I'm not a warrior, but I still made my own fun anyway.

This is the advantage of text parsers.

As I started wandering around in the wilderness again, I made some attempts at fighting in hopes of maybe winning and getting some more money, but that just led to more dying.

So looting monsters for money wasn't going well at this point.

But it's okay. I'd find money elsewhere somehow and then I could buy fetch to get the healer's ring back for her and get more money for more magic!

While I was running away from more monsters, and getting lost because it's hard to map anything while you're fleeing, I ran into a white stag. Naturally, I had to follow him. You don't just see a fancy white stag and not follow.

He led me to a big tree that upon trying to interact revealed a dryad. She cut me a deal that she would help me with information, if I brought her a seed from the Spore Spitting Spirea, so that she could plant one elsewhere to preserve them.

I... could not do that either yet because guess what else you use Fetch for! Or could climb, I think, if such a skill was in Cinder's possession.

But there was still stuff to do; I wasn't getting concerned at all yet and there was always more exploration to be getting on with.

I found a poor trapped fox and freed him. In return he told me Baba Yaga had put an enchantment on the Baron's daughter and speak to the dryad about a way to break it. So, I slightly did things out of order, or at least confirmed dealing with the dryad is indeed a good thing.

And then I arrived at Erana's Peace. A pretty and safe area. You can eat fruit off the tree to heal and also rest there. There was a large boulder with runes on it that read "If thy Will is Magic, so shall I share. Open this Stone and claim what is there."

Open spell here I come.

I picked some flowers and I was able to sell those to the healer. That netted me enough money to buy the Open spell which is the cheapest spell. I was making some actual progress!

I went back to Erana's Peace and opened the stone which gave me a Calm spell.

You can cast calm on monsters outside of combat to get them to stay and not chase you. Or... you can in combat and...

...die a terrible sarcastic death. No regrets.

Further exploration landed me at a cave guarded by some kind of ogre. My new handy dandy Calm spell stopped the ogre so I could run by and enter the cave.

There was a chained bear. I was able to calm it so I could get close, but my open spell wouldn't work on the chain. I needed a key.

I could at least get into the cave beyond him where there was a dark room, and a kobold. I could not deal with anything here. Trying the open spell opened a chest too far away to get to without drawing the kobold's attention. The kobold was very quick to start blasting me with magic and killing me. And killing me some more.

At this point I finally faced facts that things were going to be very slow or difficult. I was pretty useless in combat. I couldn't help the healer. I couldn't deal with the bear. I couldn't get the spirea seed. Yes, there were more areas I hadn't been to yet, but then what? I really wanted flame dart to help in combat. I was just generally feeling stalled up and completely broke. You can only work in the stable once a day. I wasn't sure if I could sell more flowers.

I decided to reload a save from just before I bought the Open spell.

So I didn't yet have enough for the Fetch of course, but I figured the next day I'd work at the stable and try selling more flowers. So I spent the rest of the current day grinding my zap spell and attempting some combat and running away. It was all skill building. As night fell I went to Erana's Peace to sleep and pick more flowers.

Splat.

As it turned out the healer didn't want to buy more flowers. There was still the stable work at the castle that got me closer at least. Aaand then I died and hadn't saved on that day yet. However! I finally had a successful fight--my first successful fight!--on the reload and got some silver. Then with the five silver from stable work, I had exactly enough for the fetch spell. I was fixing my mistakes!

I could finally help the healer with her missing ring.

Fetching the ring for the healer got me 6 gold and two healing potions.

She also kissed me and then we skedaddled before she could do it again.

I had exactly enough gold to get flame dart. This wizard had a weapon now. Beyond a zapped dagger I mean. A bit of range! I just needed to get my open spell back.

My save files tell a story of my woe.

With my new Fetch spell, I went to go get the Spirea seed for the dryad. …and failed because I'm a baby wizard. But after a few attempts, I got it. Practice indeed.

Of course then I needed to find my way back to the dryad since I didn't have that mapped because I was running away from monsters then running after the stag before.

Thankfully, that wasn't as bothersome as I'd feared. The dryad appreciated the seed.

"Now this will boldly grow where none has grown before!" And I can appreciate a Star Trek reference.

Then she gave me an acorn and some information.

Evil is in the valley and prophecy says a hero will bring a young human out from the darkness. Of course that's me! Cinder Win to the rescue. I would need a potion to break enchantments that the healer can make.

Ingredients needed:

Flowers from Erana's Peace - already done Green fur Fairy Dust Magic Acorn - rewarded from the Dryad Flying Water - found at a waterfall. I got some in one of my empty vials.

So, I just needed fairy dust and green fur.

Further wandering found me rocks, grass and... an antwerp.

The Antwerp bounced away to the next screen so I followed as you do.

There was no sign of it...

Until there it was plummeting from the sky and I was splatted.

"Trounced by a bounce!"

Too flat to carry on.

It can be...dealt with however.

When it's falling on you, raise a weapon.

And it'll land on it. Pop goes the Antwerp.

To make more mini Antwerps!

There doesn't seem to be any point in doing this, and the mini Antwerps were harmless, but I've spread more Antwerps around the forest and that's... That's something! Maybe I'm truly an Antwerp Hero instead.

So for next time I have a number of tasks to consider:

Going back to the bear and kobold

Finding Green Fur and Fairy Dust

Finding Magic mushrooms for the healer for money as per her ingredient request

Looking for Baba Yaga

Finding Erasmus the Wizard

Getting money to get the Open spell back

And of course continuing to learn more about the whole bandit situation.

A hero is busy indeed.

[meraki-yao]

You answered me so kindly that I take the liberty of bothering you again to ask for your opinion. I absolutely don't want to compare rwrb and m&g, they are two such different products, with diametrically opposed themes and messages that it is impossible to even have the thought, for example, of comparing the chemistry that Nicholas naturally had right from the start with Taylor and the one that he instead with tony a more mature man than him (and I won't name the other people he interacted with in the series because they are irrelevant). I see people really confused: in rwrb there is a love story, true, intense, painful but at the same time satisfying and all-encompassing, with an important message of acceptance, respect for sexuality and above all a happy ending, which for the queer community it never happens. Taylor and Nicholas were pure magic, something that you probably can't have with other actors except in a different way and this is demonstrated by the fact that even after months in which they found themselves shooting certain scenes again (and Nicholas had finished a project and was filming the series) the chemistry was not only intact but enhanced. in m&g he plays a boy who ends up using sex to gain power, dirtying his own morals and innocence, and with the character of tony he plays a story that is not love, but affection and possession. so it is clear that in this case we are not talking about chemistry, but about two actors who had to find a balance to credibly stage a story that was in many respects scandalous. so (and here I come to the question and sorry if I've gone on too long...) why do you think people feel the need to always compare everything? and I think it will probably happen with Anne too (with whom I'm sorry to say it, but I didn't see the spark either from the trailer or from other released scenes)... it's the people who aren't able to be objective in their judgments or maybe it's me who didn't focus well?

You're not missing anything! In fact, I really appreciate you being so thorough in your explanation of how the two are impossible to fairly compare.

You're absolutely correct, m&g and rwrb are too different to actually compare. Art and stories are hard to compare to begin with, but when it's in the same genre, let's say for M&G something like The Favourite (2018), a film that is also labelled as a period dark thriller about a monarch and the scheming between their favourites, that's a little more feasible to compare because there are common points in both executions of the genre and the story itself. (Note: The Favourite leans more into fiction while M&G leans more into history, granted both take artistic liberties)

RWRB is fictional, a modern fairy tale about young, kind, monogamous, and true love. There's no deception or competing for interests. It doesn't share anything with M&G other than depicting queer relationships in the British monarchy (and it's not even the same era, there's a 400-year difference) and Nicholas Galitzine.

From what I can think of, part of the reason the two are compared is truly a hateful attempt to put down RWRB and the people involved and deliberately claim it as inferior. Because of stereotypes, industry double standards and whatnot, it's easy to claim a rom-com as artistically inferior to a period drama, even though just as you mentioned, these are two inherently pieces of work that cannot be fairly compared. Using this bias, RWRB will always lose to M&G, even though that is objectively untrue. This is a deliberate attempt to devalue RWRB, which feeds into the disgusting and now proven by the man himself, untrue narrative that Nick is "above" RWRB. Please ignore those people.

The same will go with Anne. And since this time TIOY and RWRB belong to the same category, namely a modern rom-com with high-profile public figures involved, they will use something else to compare it. Don't get me wrong, Anne is lovely, but an excuse that will definitely be used will be Anne's level of status in the industry compared to Taylor's, when in actuality a person's stardom isn't inherently related to chemistry. (Chemistry is such a specific and special thing.) A lot of the time these comparisons are just a way to demean Taylor. (truthfully I'm on the same boat as you when it comes to their chemistry. I'll reserve judgment until the movie is out but definitely didn't hit me the same way Taylor and Nick did for me. Not even close.)

Hope this helps!

[noszkass]

ashley tempest winthrope.

thirty six. defense attorney. jai courtney.

“You're supposed to grow out of your horridness, aren't you? I don't think I ever grew out of mine. Sometimes I think it's still inside me, like something nasty I swallowed, that got stuck...”

content warning: mentions toxic, co-dependent relationships; abuse; death of a peer/family member (via murder).

dominant traits. logical, charismatic, gentleman, stoic, focused, patient, selectively affectionate, charming, observant, cautious, possessive, unpredictable, self-preserving, forceful, obsessive, demanding, melancholic, aggressive, irritable, distrusting, unrelenting, loyal, easily jealous, less hair-trigger more berserk button, no-nonsense, quick thinking, dishonest.

fictional parallels. elijah mikaelson (the originals); geralt of rivia (the witcher); henry winter (the secret history); pope cody (animal kingdom); richie gecko (fdtd the series).

○ born into the winthorpe family; known for their successful generational family law practice, as councilmen from neighboring townships, and good for nothin' criminals who latched onto the teat of a community that's long-since given up on them like leaches─depending on what side of miriam's well it is you live in. ashley's particular branch is the former. estate house in rosebush hill drive, debutant turned matron belle mother who just can't seem to find her way around or out of other people's business (including, if not almost invariably, that of all three of her children), and a certain amount of respectability he was brought up to live by.

○ on the surface ashley winthorpe is a deliciously handsome man. wealthy and put together. takes pride in his appearance and family name. he's also well-mannered and polite, and thoughtful in such infinitesimal ways that you never really think much of until after the fact. and there is something so very not right about him. he has a kind smile that never quite reaches the edges of his eyes and though it doesn't necessarily look disingenuous, there's something about it that doesn't exactly leave you with a sense of ease. like an unfamiliar gesture that's been practiced over and over, so many times that it's lost meaning. like it takes the muscles in his face a moment to pull before they settle in the correct spots. he'll have a conversation with you and while at times it seems he's looking right through you, others will have his attention so intensely undivided it feels as if you've been bared naked and left in a cold room. like you've just been caught lying about something and he knows. somehow, he's known all along. because he listens intently when you speak to him and you suspect somehow he never forgets a single thing he's heard.

○ there's no mistaking his booming voice, jarring, even at a whisper sending shockwaves through your core that has you on high alert. even when it's soft and lulling (in an attempt to offer comfort or catching him melt into the woman he's declared the love of his goddamn life from the corner of your eye through the crack in his office door), there's something threatening that looms. less like hard blunt force and more like a living, breathing fog that blankets you with strong arms, settles deep into your gut, coils itself around your innards, and wrings you dry. the confusing part? you know, without a doubt, he would protect you with no hesitation and ask for nothing in return. and, most of the time, you'd be right. because ashley winthorpe is a good man. no matter how your instincts thrash, screaming at you otherwise.

plot hooks.

i apologize, some of these are all very specific to a singular plot and i could've just included them in a legit request 😬🙃

○ sandbox love never dies. a very specific and imperfect friend group cast in the roles of bastard, bleeding heart, damaged, golden, grim, ingénue, temptress, and wild card. they've been together since any of them can remember. spent their whole lives dreaming about trying to get out of miriam's well, but instead only found tragedies that bind them to each other. tragedies, usually, of their own making. you'll be able to read a little more about these characters in the sandbox love request, which i promise is coming!! there is a doc in the works with more information + a plot server, so expect to be part of those things if you take one of these babes!

○ his secretary. in the past he's helped her out with something legally and she's kind of in his debt, though he insists time and time again she owes him nothing of the sort. i figured it'd be something along the lines of strong holding an ex-boyfriend or husband who wouldn't leave her alone (making her miserable, or something like refusing to pay child support he'd been ordered to pay, dragging her name through the mud, etc. general nuisances to nip in the bud/bad behavior in need of correcting before they became worse as they usually do. you get the idea), because that's notoriously right up his alley. likely using non-legal means to get there; intimidation is sort of his thing. and while he may not be the type of boss or co-worker who meets you for drinks after you clock out, he does have an affection for every single one of his employees and seeing as how she works with him the most, she'd be near the top of that list. maybe she was intimidated by him in the beginning and now she knows he's not everything he appears to be. and they have an understanding.

○ the weight of his guilt. [cw: murder. this will come much later in the plot!] the winthorpes are a family on two very extremes of a type of people. [the bastard] is his cousin on his father's side, a wayward little sister who got knocked up by someone unbefitting of the family and then marrying someone worse by their standards when the father got himself put away over an affair or something just as unbecoming. ashley was always raised closely with [the bastard], his father's hope to sway the boy of many wasted talents to the right side of the family, to make something of himself. but he's a product of his lineage. and only ever finds situations for ash to get him out of. eventually, [the bastard] who he will murder, cold and bloody and bury at the base of an old oak tree will disappear. and ashley's guilt will cause him to reach out. as far as anyone knew, they were the best of friends. always together (even if that relationship was practically handwrought by his father, and he had little-to-no patience for his cousin's antics). it'll be only natural that he come by every now and again to check on them, show care, help fix up things around the house that [the bastard] would have if he were still around. because it'll ultimately be ash's fault he's gone. partially. [the bastard] will deserve what he gets and no one who'll know will be able to convince him anything otherwise, but his family didn't deserve the fallout that came after. maybe a parent or sibling or someone [the bastard] claimed to love while making his way through the female population of miriam's well.

○ the other two winthrope children. they're expected to be upstanding citizens to combat the trash reputation the other winthrope side creates. father is one of a long line of lawyers (with a main practice just outside of town, ashley's secondary office in mw because he prefers it here) and mother is a homemaker whose extracurriculars might as well be solid, paying jobs. they have three children together; ashley (being the oldest son), a daughter magnolia (and the only girl -- taken by sage), and the youngest son, credence (who is very likely expected to join the family business, like ashley). i don't expect anyone to make the parents even though that would be incredible? but they all still have rooms at their home in rosebush hill drive to use at their leisure. it wouldn't at all be out of the question that some of the children still live there -- especially the daughter if she's unwed. they're very old fashioned southern that way. they do these big family events where everyone is expected to participate, go on vacations and holidays together, and church on sundays regardless of your personal beliefs on the matter (that you had very well better keep to yourself if they don't align, ashley has learned). their grandfather also lives in the family house after losing grandma a few years back.