#But shishio still makes my heart ache whenever I see him

[rahmakapala]

This One – Epilogue

Fandom: Rurouni Kenshin 

Pairings: Kenshin Himura / Kaoru Kamiya, past Kenshin/Tomoe

Characters: Kenshin Himura, Kaoru Kamiya

Word count: 2149

Read the chapter in AO3, FF.net or below the cut!

Notes and thanks: That's it. It took five years... but now it's done. I hope you enjoyed my story. :)

I would love to thank my dear friends for all of their help: beta reading my ESL dyslexic writings, listening me ramble... and being there for me. I would also extend my sincere thanks to everyone who has reviewed this story. It means a lot and has given me the strength to keep writing and working on this story.  

Lastly, I would like to thank Alekssi, who has done a humongous job and translated the whole saga into Russian. You can find their translations here.

AN: This chapter has not been beta-read, so be prepared for grammar issues and typos.

This one – Epilogue

”And that’s how this one became a wanderer,” Kenshin said quietly, looking up at the clear night sky. The stars were bright tonight, much brighter than they had been all those years ago.  

Warm arms sneaked around his chest, hugging him tightly. “Thank you, for telling me,” his beloved wife for four years, Himura Kaoru whispered. “I know it wasn’t easy for you, to keep speaking of your past for all these evenings during this past year, to delve into your private memories, both terrible ones… and tender ones.”

“It wasn’t,” Kenshin agreed. He looked at her softly, “But you were curious, that you were. And… you, you have given this one so much already, that it was only fair to–“

“No,” Kaoru cut him off. “You didn’t owe me a single thing. If that was the reason, then you should have told me and I would have never–“

“Maa, maa–“ Kenshin raised his hands in surrender, to stave off her burst of temper. “Forgive this one, one said it badly. It wasn’t an obligation to tell you these things, that it wasn’t. You didn’t pressure one to do so. No, what one was trying to say was… this one never dared to speak up, tell more than the absolute basics of ki, of his feelings and thoughts to Tomoe, that he didn’t. It was something one always regretted, that it was. If one had been braver, had dared to trust her more, maybe we could have avoided the disaster that struck us.”

The spark of temperament in his wife’s eyes wilted and she bit her lip, before agreeing quietly, “I guess so.”

Kenshin could have cursed himself, for his badly chosen words. This was not what he had been trying to achieve! He reached for her hand and stroked her palm. “Kaoru, love – one can’t change the past. Even if this one could, he wouldn’t. No, there was a reason for everything that happened, and without of those bad things, the disasters and terrible things… this one wouldn’t be the man he is now. He wouldn’t have become a man you dared to fall in love and marry. He wouldn’t be the father of our beautiful son.  Without all those bad things, this one wouldn’t have this happiness with you.”

“You, you…” She bit off, blinking the mist away from her eyes. She shook her head then decisively rubbed her eyes with the back of her hands and looked at him, her eyes shining with her fierce emotions. “Kenshin, you idiot! You don’t need to tell me that! I know! I wasn’t jealous or thinking I was the second prize, just for having met and married you after her.”

“Oro?” Kenshin blinked, “But you…”

She surged to his arms, hugging him with all her strength. “I love you,” she said. “I want the best for you and I am so, so thankful that you faced your demons once more and told me about your past, about ki, about the spirit. About the people in your life, about your private happinesses and worst terrors. Now I don’t have to guess why you are feeling blue on Obon Matsuri, on the winter morning when it’s snowing… or why you stop to look at a garish kimono in the shop window with a smile on your lips. I honestly thought that you wanted to buy that yellow kimono and was trying to figure out a nice way of telling you it was the ugliest garment I had ever seen!”

“Ah.” Kenshin exhaled softly, his tension melting. “Well, yes – it was quite similar to the one Lady Ikumatsu bought this one but for the color. That one was purple, not yellow with blue prints.”

"It would have clashed terribly with your hair." Miss Kaoru shuddered at his arms. “Everyone would have laughed at me if you had decided to buy it.”

“A terrible fate indeed,” Kenshin laughed, stroking at her back gently.

“Mmm,” Miss Kaoru mumbled her agreement, squeezed him once more before pulling back and settling to sit one veranda again. She swept her longer bangs behind her ear. “I meant to ask you before, but this ki – did you ever figure out why it was paining you so?”

Kenshin paused, looking down at his kimono sleeves and fiddling with the magenta fabric there. “Not as such. One did take time to find monks who knew about ki, but one couldn’t say if he learned anything new or worthwhile. They told this one that ki is something most people have, but the talent to sense it well enough to learn to manipulate is rare, very rare. It’s dangerous. Used wrong, it can cripple or kill. But if one is careful and knows exactly how to do it, one can use it to perform impossible tasks.”

“I see.” Miss Kaoru said. “But your pains…”

Kenshin shook his head. “One used it too much, too often – for years. It’s no wonder such misuse left its marks on this one.”

“Marks? But… “ Kaoru blinked, the dots connecting at lightning speed. She screeched, “You liar! You said to Megumi that you didn’t know why you felt such pain and stiffness in your limbs that you couldn’t use Hiten Hitsurugi’s strikes anymore!”

Kenshin gave her his blandest look. “Miss Megumi is a wonderful doctor, so she is. But she is also a woman of medicine. Of reason, and logic. Explain ki to her, and she assumes you have listened to old wives ghost stories for too long.”

“Don’t even try!” Kaoru growled, pointing her finger at him. “You… You went to Hiko, asking him to teach the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu’s final moves to you, knowing perfectly well how badly it would go for you whether you won or lost against Shishio.”

“Yes,“ Kenshin agreed. “This one doesn’t regret it. Shishio had to be stopped.”

Miss Kaoru buried her face in her hands. “I don’t know why I am surprised. You have always sacrificed yourself for the sake of others. I just…” She looked up, eyes red and her lower lip quivering. “I just hate when you make those choices. Why can’t you think of yourself, of your own happiness?

Kenshin's heart ached for her. He reached to sweep an errant lock of her hair behind her eyes. “T-this… I, I… I don’t know.”

“I know." She smiled at him – a sad, heartbreaking smile. "I have known why from the moment you rescued me from those Hiruma bastards and I hope that one day, my husband, I can teach it to you too.”

She swept her face to her sleeve and laughed. “Gosh, we are a mess, aren’t we? But one last question. This ki – Kenji has it, doesn’t he?”

“Yes,” Kenshin said. “He is easy to sense. He has a very distinct presence, that he has. Free flowing and active. He gets it from you,” he added, absently.

“Me?” Kaoru asked, surprised. "I have ki?"

“Yes, of course,” Kenshin said. “It shines brightly in you when you fight.”

“But I have never used it, I don’t think –”

Kenshin shrugged, apologetic. “Maybe once, you could have learned. Now, it would be too risky.”

“It’s okay.” She exhaled softly. “I have done well without it. So you can feel me and Kenji? Is that how you always know where to find Kenji whenever he decides to play hide and seek? I bet it is. You cheater,” She said fondly. “But if he has such a presence, do you think he can learn to manipulate ki? Like you did?”

Kenshin sighed. “It would be better if he didn't, that it would.”

“I agree.” She paused, hesitating. “But what if it’s not up to us to decide? What if the talent runs so strongly in him that he starts to use it on his own, intuitively? He already has his imaginary friend. What if he ends up experimenting like you did as a child?”

“Oro!“ Kenshin frowned, baffled – like this was the first time the scenario occurred to him. “Then... we need to keep an eye on him, that we must. If he achieves something impossible that only could be done with ki, then he needs training.”

“In that case, can you train him?”

“The way this one used ki was odd, even backward. It would be dangerous for anyone to try to mimic that, so it would.” Kenshin said, thoughtful. “You know, out of all ki-user this one ever met, the closest to this one’s odd approach would be…”

“Hiko?” Miss Kaoru guessed.

“No, not Master.” Kenshin denied instantly. “Master’s style is very defined, structured. It’s as close to perfect as internal ki use could ever be. It’s why Master can still utilize it with little to no risk, even at his age. No, if this one had ever properly learned Hiko’s style to use ki, one wouldn’t have even half of the problems he had over the years. ”

“Ah.”

Kenshin turned at her, shrugging awkwardly. “We were very different, Master and this one. He taught this one the best he could... but this one can be stubborn.”

“I am aware.” Miss Kaoru agreed blandly. “In your own way, you are the most stubborn person I have ever met.”

Kenshin rubbed the back of his head, acknowledging her point sheepishly. Then he smiled, “It was Sanosuke that one was thinking.”

“Eh?” Miss Kaoru blinked. “As a teacher?”

“No, no.” Kenshin denied. “Sano uses ki. You have seen him break boulders, haven’t you? He enhances his fists before he strikes. Obviously, he doesn’t know he is utilizing something that typically only samurai or monks have managed to use – but he uses it very intuitively, based on the feeling. It’s quite similar to how this one learned to use ki as a child.”

“Except that he is not a child.” Miss Kaoru murmured. She frowned thoughtfully, “but his hands, they are always…”

“He does himself quite a bit of harm with the trick, that he does.” Kenshin agreed. “This one told Sano, the last time we saw him, that he should utilize the skill carefully.”

“Good,” Miss Kaoru nodded. Then she jumped off the veranda and straightened to her full height. She looked at him calmly, as if she had just come to a decision. “If Kenji needs help or he wants to learn, we can visit Kyoto. That’s good to know.”

“Oro?”

Kaoru gave him a look. “Hiko.”

“What about Hiko?” Kenshin asked.

“You said that out of all ki-users you have ever met, Hiko’s way to use of ki is the safest, the least risky one.” She explained to him. “So if Kenji needs guidance, or if he wants to learn… our son will have the best. It’s our duty as his parents to provide him with the best changes for the happiness he can get.”

“Oh.” Kenshin paused, suddenly thinking back to his son’s ideas of fun – climbing to the rooftop or any high places he could get to. If someone stopped him or carried him down before he wanted to come, god, his son had lungs to spare. Even the errant thought back to this morning’s screaming session was enough to bring a twinge of pain to his ear. Kenshin rubbed his ear absently. “Maybe it’s not a bad idea. Master seemed quite taken with Kenji the last time we visited, that he did.”

“I knew you would see it my way.” Miss Kaoru smiled at him. “Besides… whatever we could do, having a couple weeks to ourselves, eh?”

“Oro!” He protested, heat rising to his cheek.

She grinned. “And some time… you could tell me about your wandering days. I would love to hear what you got up with during those years on the road.”

“It’s not much of a tale.” He mumbled.

“Rubbish.” She said fondly. “That’s what you said about your years in the revolution and I loved those stories. But I won’t push you, if you truly don’t want to tell.”

“Well, maybe.” He hesitated. “There could be some bits and pieces that could make a story… when there is a good moment for it.”