#But lowkey she sorta knows she can't be there in her life because she dies but she's at peace with it somehow?

[thathilomgirl]

Why is almost every mention of Mia's mom in the light novels so mysterious and low-key sad?

[ollie-garden]

mildly long rant that was originally talking about how the family dynamics in beautiful boy are sorta like my family except it got wayyyy off the rails is below. its lowkey a vent near the end but idgaf! its my blog!

im trying to watch beautiful boy and it might just be my pattern sensing way better while im on adderall bjt. why is this oddly similar 2 my life. lol why did nic go from being really awesome and cool and extroverted to just doing drugs all the time because he figured out that like when you do stimulants or really any drug you actually feel organized. and you feel okay. and normal. even if you dont act like how other people act it feels normal to YOU and you feel like youve always supposed to have felt like that. even when those drugs arent meant in your body at all and you could die doing them. they always just make you feel something youve convinced yrself you cant feel anymore. anyways the dad in this movie is really like my dad. and its just really weird because normally i dont feel bad convincing my dad that im not on drugs. okay well i feel a little bad but not 100% bad. but when i see nic just blatantly lying to this guy that so clearly cares about him and is trying to help him im like oh what the fuck thats fucked up! he should tell his dad that hes using because hes literally just trying to help. i dont know. it feels like i shouldnt tell my dad i abused drugs at all, let alone the fact im doing it again, because everyone will totally freak the fuck out. but then i think about it and im like... wouldnt i freak the fuck out if my teenage kid told me they were abusing prescription medication and almost died last year doing it? i mean my dad was concerned when i told him a friend of mine snorted ritalin when she was nine (which was a lie-- when i told him, it was yesterday. i didn't want him to freak out even then and think my friends were making me do drugs or anything.) he was so worried and told me to ask her more because "a kid who fucks around with drugs turns into an adult that can't let go of them". i should have told my parents when it was shaping up. i dont know. i wish my brain was like fully normal and not a shitshow without drugs. also unrelated but ive started losing more hair than normal because the adderall abuse has started again. which sucks. i like my hair. but i like not failing and not sleeping more. i think one of my friends is going to be able to tell tomorrow even if i try to avoid the topic. he has this subtle kind of worry. i think he knows i get scared if its too direct. it culminates in telling me i should sleep more, telling me sleeping one hour and loving it is really just the allegory of platos cave, when asking if im on adderall he coats it in a community reference. fuck i dont know. i think im socially withdrawing again which sucks because even though its hard for me to form actual connections with people and ive never felt like someone understood me on a deep level except for my friend who passed, i like having friends. i like being normal. i like talking to people. i like people treating me like im normal. i think in the long run the only trajectory for me is to never touch any sort of drug ever again which REALLY sucks because i really like them. i dont know. when im 18 i think i should talk to my dad about this. he'll understand. g-d that sounds so cringe. "when im 18". im not like a baby i have competent thought and can control my own actions. im not some dumb teenage asshole trying weed for the first time. i think in the short term a good course of action would be doing mushrooms and seeing where the fuck that gets me. i sort of need any kind of guidance and the only adult i would normally talk to about that i dont talk to anymore and the one friend that actually gets me is dead. so like i dont really know where to go from here so i think just trusting a plant to do its thing might be a good idea. i dont even know what im doing.

[ghoulishxgraphics]

Imagine after the war is over and alliance is formed, they have a sorta coming together celebration to honor their respective fallen, as well as share hope for a good future relationship together as the arguably two most powerful nations in the world. Imagine Okoye told Ramonda about her death, and how Namora saved her life and Ramonda is so confused like why we were fighting? And at the celebration the question just burns in her head, but she can't seem to get to Namora, who has it BAD bad after this sexy warrior Queen whooped her ass, and is lowkey avoiding her like a plague. And they lose sight of each other in the crowd for a few hours and kinda forget about it. Queue to a few hours later, everyone is less on edge and actually enjoying learning about eachothers people, and there's now dancing. Ramonda is overlooking it at peace, until she sees some Talokanils dragging their favored general out to dance, and Namora is dancing, laughing, smiling with her people and some Dora's that have joined in, and Ramonda is entranced. Why is her heart beating quickly? She hasn't had this feeling in years, since T'Chaka died. Shuri notices her mother not looking away from Namora, and decided to be a little shit and see where this goes and drags her mother into the dance, and when she spins her she "accidentally" lets go so Namora is left to catch Ramonda and steady her. And Namora just blushes pinkish-blue and asks if she'd like to learn this dance, and Ramonda accepts. She stays reserved at first, not holding eye contact for long, and only touching her when needed, and while she's teaching her Ramonda asks her why she saved her life, and Namora doesn't miss a beat, she looks in her eyes and says she holds a great deal of respect for a woman who would so willingly give up her chance to survive to save a girl she barely knew, and her cousin made his anger at the death of a couple of their people known, there was no need for Shuri to loose her or for her people to loose their beloved Queen. And Ramonda just stares back. She doesn't know what to say to that, and Namora doesn't want to blush again and look like a lovesick fool like Attuma or Namor, so she spins her and goes back to teaching her this dance. Though this time she does hold her closer, and grip her hips, and move her to the beat instead of telling. And Ramonda let's her, and doesn't acknowledge that she feels heat in her cheeks like a blushing child while Namora moves against her, and they lose themselves in the dance. And Shuri and Riri are just off to the side gasping, because damn okay, I read that right get it mama. And Okoye, Ayo, Aneka, M'Baku, Namor and Attuma are standing there like WHAT THE FUCK

Shuri: ....I'm going to Chicago. Riri: What? They're just dancing.

Shuri: You don't think dancing could lead to a step further!? Look at them, my room isn't soundproof, I. Am. Going. To. Chicago.

[risingoftime]

Imagine after the war is over and alliance is formed, they have a sorta coming together celebration to honor their respective fallen, as well as share hope for a good future relationship together as the arguably two most powerful nations in the world. Imagine Okoye told Ramonda about her death, and how Namora saved her life and Ramonda is so confused like why we were fighting? And at the celebration the question just burns in her head, but she can't seem to get to Namora, who has it BAD bad after this sexy warrior Queen whooped her ass, and is lowkey avoiding her like a plague. And they lose sight of each other in the crowd for a few hours and kinda forget about it. Queue to a few hours later, everyone is less on edge and actually enjoying learning about eachothers people, and there's now dancing. Ramonda is overlooking it at peace, until she sees some Talokanils dragging their favored general out to dance, and Namora is dancing, laughing, smiling with her people and some Dora's that have joined in, and Ramonda is entranced. Why is her heart beating quickly? She hasn't had this feeling in years, since T'Chaka died. Shuri notices her mother not looking away from Namora, and decided to be a little shit and see where this goes and drags her mother into the dance, and when she spins her she "accidentally" lets go so Namora is left to catch Ramonda and steady her. And Namora just blushes pinkish-blue and asks if she'd like to learn this dance, and Ramonda accepts. She stays reserved at first, not holding eye contact for long, and only touching her when needed, and while she's teaching her Ramonda asks her why she saved her life, and Namora doesn't miss a beat, she looks in her eyes and says she holds a great deal of respect for a woman who would so willingly give up her chance to survive to save a girl she barely knew, and her cousin made his anger at the death of a couple of their people known, there was no need for Shuri to loose her or for her people to loose their beloved Queen. And Ramonda just stares back. She doesn't know what to say to that, and Namora doesn't want to blush again and look like a lovesick fool like Attuma or Namor, so she spins her and goes back to teaching her this dance. Though this time she does hold her closer, and grip her hips, and move her to the beat instead of telling. And Ramonda let's her, and doesn't acknowledge that she feels heat in her cheeks like a blushing child while Namora moves against her, and they lose themselves in the dance. And Shuri and Riri are just off to the side gasping, because damn okay, I read that right get it mama. And Nakia, Okoye, Ayo, Aneka, M'Baku, Namor and Attuma are standing there like WHAT THE FUCK

*internally screaming*

[rowinablx]

Imagine after the war is over and alliance is formed, they have a sorta coming together celebration to honor their respective fallen, as well as share hope for a good future relationship together as the arguably two most powerful nations in the world. Imagine Okoye told Ramonda about her death, and how Namora saved her life and Ramonda is so confused like why we were fighting? And at the celebration the question just burns in her head, but she can't seem to get to Namora, who has it BAD bad after this sexy warrior Queen whooped her ass, and is lowkey avoiding her like a plague. And they lose sight of each other in the crowd for a few hours and kinda forget about it. Queue to a few hours later, everyone is less on edge and actually enjoying learning about eachothers people, and there's now dancing. Ramonda is overlooking it at peace, until she sees some Talokanils dragging their favored general out to dance, and Namora is dancing, laughing, smiling with her people and some Dora's that have joined in, and Ramonda is entranced. Why is her heart beating quickly? She hasn't had this feeling in years, since T'Chaka died. Shuri notices her mother not looking away from Namora, and decided to be a little shit and see where this goes and drags her mother into the dance, and when she spins her she "accidentally" lets go so Namora is left to catch Ramonda and steady her. And Namora just blushes pinkish-blue and asks if she'd like to learn this dance, and Ramonda accepts. She stays reserved at first, not holding eye contact for long, and only touching her when needed, and while she's teaching her Ramonda asks her why she saved her life, and Namora doesn't miss a beat, she looks in her eyes and says she holds a great deal of respect for a woman who would so willingly give up her chance to survive to save a girl she barely knew, and her cousin made his anger at the death of a couple of their people known, there was no need for Shuri to loose her or for her people to loose their beloved Queen. And Ramonda just stares back. She doesn't know what to say to that, and Namora doesn't want to blush again and look like a lovesick fool like Attuma or Namor, so she spins her and goes back to teaching her this dance. Though this time she does hold her closer, and grip her hips, and move her to the beat instead of telling. And Ramonda let's her, and doesn't acknowledge that she feels heat in her cheeks like a blushing child while Namora moves against her, and they lose themselves in the dance. And Shuri and Riri are just off to the side gasping, because damn okay, I read that right get it mama. And Okoye, Ayo, Aneka, M'Baku, Namor and Attuma are standing there like WHAT THE FUCK