#But Zayne considers the Lost a fog so that's a personal thing for me

[emile-hides]

Drift Away

I am again writing vague emotion shit for @syalin-deerfox‘s OC, Elduin. Major story plot this time but, again, vauged emotionally.

Original (and canon) story beat HERE

In which the cycle begins anew.

It was an odd feeling; dying for the second time.

Hurt less than Elduin remembered.

Though that may be due to his first death being caused by being struck with hundreds of thousands of volts of lighting. Suppose comparing lighting to a slightly dullen human blade wasn’t exactly equal field.

Still. It did the job it was made for.

Elduin was dead.

The Lost engulfed what he could only assume to be is soul. The weight of their voices lessened, but not gone.

Elduin floated in them like the sea, without a form he simply drifted though them, like a jellyfish, he could never truly surface or control his direction.

His mind already began to ebb, as what little human memories he’d managed to hold on to quickly faded with the sounding tides.

He needed to speak. Add his weight to the call. Then and only then could he keep his memories.

What was there to say? What hasn’t already been spoken? The Lost speak of it all.

Besides, adding his voice would only worsen the weight of The Lost on his beloved. He didn’t wish that upon them, or whomsoever shall come after them.

He wished he’d broken the cycle. He wished he’d focused more on keeping Beauregard safe. He wished he’d shown his affection more openly to his net.

What was there to say to the newest in the cycle, the next Dark One, the God of the night?

There was really only one thing Elduin wish to say to his replacement.

“I love you,”

He couldn’t hear himself speak.

“I love you,”

His weak, hushed voice was easily drowned out by hundreds, thousands of strong voices.

“I love you,”

But still his spoke, in whatever mind he had left, Elduin could see his dearest before him. Smiling as they always had, petting his cheek, kissing his head, adoring him in ways he certainly didn’t deserve.

“Beauregard...”

He’d cry if he had eyes to shed tears.

“I love you.”

His voice drifted in the waves.

He sunk deeper into the ocean of sound. The weight growing ever stronger as he sunk. His soul compressed, becoming like a stone he sunk lower and lower into The Lost.

“ELDUIN!” A sob broke though the lost. A light cut though the waves, shining onto Elduin’s form.

The voice hiccuped, piercing Elduin’s ears. Tears fell onto his cheeks,   forcing his eyes to flicker open. The smell of his own blood stung his nose. The cold of death gone from his mortal form.

Warm arms engulfed him, a feeling Elduin thought he’d never have the pleasure of feeling again. 

Elduin weakly gripped the arm that held him, he took a shaking breath and tried to speak, but his voice refused, instead making a pathetic whimper.

But that was enough. The God who held him perked up. They cheered and cried his name before slamming their lips to his own. They sobbed and apologized and begged him to never leave again.

Elduin simply rested weakly on his love, enjoying the sound of their voice, and the heart beating in their chest.

[summersun4youforever]

✨ Tag 9 people to learn more about their interests!

tagged by my fav @loulovehome thank you pu hope that this quells your curiosity! 

MUSIC

fav genre? not to be that person but i think i have a toe in most genres, i suppose my favorites have got to be anything taylor swift does, pop punk, r&b pop/new age r&b, and bluegrass

fav artist? again, not to be that person but i love so many artists! let’s do this based off of genre: taylor swift, 1D, 5sos, massive focus on ZAYN, the Avett brothers, and counting crows

fav song? fav song of all time (since i was young) is going to be come around by rhett miller but more currently i’d say you are in love by taylor swift and dRuNk by ZAYN

song currently stuck in your head? i have no idea how it got there but i have stressed out by 21 pilots stuck in my head??

5 fav lyrics? ok let’s do this kids. edit: this went in a “fav love song lyrics” way so sorry in advance.

1)  I hope that I don't sound to insane when I say / There is darkness all around us / I don't feel weak but I do need sometimes for her to protect me / And reconnect me to the beauty that I'm missin' (January Wedding - The Avett Brothers)

2)  Hands around my waist / You're counting up the hills across the sheets / And I'm a falling star / A glimmer lighting up these cotton streets / I admit I'm a bit of a fool for playing by the rules / But I've found my sweet escape when I'm alone with you (Disconnected - 5sos)

3)  This is the worthwhile fight / Love is a ruthless game / Unless you play it good and right / These are the hands of fate / You're my Achilles heel / This is the golden age of something good / And right and real (State of Grace - Taylor Swift) 

4)  What if I changed my mind / What if I said it's over / I been flying so long / Can't remember what it was like to be sober / What if I lost my lives? / What if I said "Game over"? / What if I forget my lies? / And I lose all my composure (Back to Life - ZAYN)

5)   I never said I was perfect / Or you don't deserve a good person to carry your baggage / I know a few girls that can handle it / I ain't that kind of chick, but I can call 'em for you if you want / I never said that you wasn't attractive / Your style and that beard, ooh, don't get me distracted / I'm tryna be patient, and patience takes practice / The fact is I'm leaving, so just let me have this (Jerome - Lizzo)

radio or your own playlist | solo artists or bands | pop or indie | loud or silent volume I slow or fast songs | music video or lyrics video | speakers or headset | riding a bus in silence or while listening to music | driving in silence or with radio on

BOOKS

fav book genre? murder mystery and young love!

fav writer? jane austen, lisa jewell, and rick riordan (nostalgia ok?!)

fav book? the way i used to be my amber smith, rebecca by daphane du maurier, and then she was gone OR watching you (both by Lisa Jewell)

fav book series? i guess the whole percy jackson situations? i have everything RR every wrote, and i liked it all but i havent touched the older ones in ages

comfort book? not one specifically but the nancy drew books

perfect book to read on a rainy day? bird summons by leila aboulela

5 quotes from your fav book that you know by heart? i hope i can name five...

1)  “The point is, life has to be endured, and lived. But how to live it is the problem.” “I am no traveller, you are my world.” (both are My Cousin Rachel by Daphne Du Maurier)

2)  “And I’m terrified he’ll see through the tough iceberg layer, and he’ll discover not a soft, sweet girl, but an ugly fucking disaster underneath.” (The Way I Used to Be by Amber Smith)

3)  "I cannot make speeches, Emma," he soon resumed; and in a tone of such sincere, decided, intelligible tenderness as was tolerably convincing. "If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more. But you know what I am. You hear nothing but truth from me. I have blamed you, and lectured you, and you have borne it as no other woman in England would have borne it. Bear with the truths I would tell you now, dearest Emma, as well as you have borne with them. The manner, perhaps, may have as little to recommend them. God knows, I have been a very indifferent lover. But you understand me. Yes, you see, you understand my feelings and will return them if you can. At present, I ask only to hear, once to hear your voice.” (Emma by Jane Austen) (sorry for the length, the shortened versions were not cutting it for me)

4)  “Read, read, read. That's all I can say.” (The Secret of the Old Clock by Carolyn Keene)

5)  “...amazing how boring you can get away with being when you’re pretty. No one seems to notice. When you’re pretty everyone just assumes you must have a great life. People are so short-sighted, sometimes. People are so stupid. I have a dark past and I have dark thoughts. I do dark things and I scare myself sometimes.” (Invisible Girl by Lisa Jewell)

hardcover or paperback | buy or rent | standalone novels or book series | ebook or physical copy | reading at night or during the day | reading at home or in nature | listening to music while reading or reading in silence | reading in order or reading the ending first | reliable or unreliable narrator | realism or fantasy | one or multiple POVS | judging by the covers or by the summary (im a very judgmental reader) | rereading or reading just once

TV AND MOVIES

fav tv/movie genre? i like dramedies, mockumentaries, and procedurals 

fav movie? ive got a massive list on my phone but ill pick Doob (No Bed of Roses) and 3-Iron as my favs for today

comfort movie? 2000s romcoms, im talking clueless, 13 going on 30, how to loe a guy in ten days, ten things i hate abt you, legally blonde

movie you watch every year? mamma mia and all listed in prev question

fav tv show? too many, currently im rewatching arrested development

comfort tv show? new girl

most rewatched tv show? new girl

ultimate otp? shawn and jules from psych (ultimate bc ive been watching since diapers literally)

5 fav characters? winston bishop, stiles stilinski, bellamy blake, clarke griffin, lydia martin

tv shows or movies | short seasons (8-13 episodes) or full seasons (22 episodes or more) | one episode a week or binging | one season or multiple seasons | one part or saga | half hour or one hour long episodes | subtitles on or off | rewatching or watching just once | downloads or watches online

super fun even though it took me an hour lmao, I'm tagging @technosoot @hometothecanyonmoon @sassylilnoodle @sushiniall @rosegold-thorns no pressure and sorry if youve already been tagged!

edit: i somehow managed to forget what i consider to be one of the greatest opening verses ever???? so bonus lyrics:

Step out the front door like a ghost into the fog / Where no one notices the contrast of white on white / And in between the moon and you / The angels get a better view / Of the crumbling difference between wrong and right (Round Here - Counting Crows)

[annarosewriting]

I Have Four Less Teeth and All People Wanted to Comment on Was My Weight.

I got my wisdom teeth out a few weeks ago. 

I KNOW, I KNOW. I’M 23 AND I JUST NOW GOT THEM OUT. “WELL WHY DIDN’T YOU GET THEM TAKEN OUT EARLIER???” YOU MAY BE ASKING, WELL THE ANSWER IS I’M SCARED OF SURGERIES IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED ME TO SAY?? HUH?? WELL CONGRATULATIONS YOU GOT ME.

Overall, it was anticlimactic.They gave me some drugs, I texted my friend that I felt like Steve Rogers before he gets injected with the Super Soldier Serum (which, side note, this friend is now my boyfriend and I like to think it’s because of my Percocet induced ramblings about Marvel characters), and then the drugs REALLY kicked in and the next thing I knew, I’m coming to with an ice pack wrapped around my melon with The Good Place playing on my laptop.

Which, The Good Place was probably a little too heavy for someone who was heavily medicated and already has a lot of anxiety about what happens when we die but it’s fine, we’re all fine.

It was mundane but the worst part was I had the diet of a teething baby. 

I ate more Easy Mac than I had in college. I only ate applesauce and ice cream for breakfast because they were the only foods that didn’t cause me crippling pain. I subsisted on water and the idea of food for the next two weeks. 

I was suffering. I couldn’t eat a full meal so I was severally lacking in nutrition. I was in constant pain because of the gaping holes in my head where teeth used to be. And then, once the pain started to go away and I could move up in the culinary world to peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, I had to rinse my teeth out EVERY. TIME. I ate. 

It was a pain in the ass, so my solution was to avoid having to rinse my teeth. Which meant, not eating. Or eating the absolute bare minimum to keep me functioning. Sometimes that meant I didn’t eat for five hours or more.  

This translated to me always feeling lightheaded. I was tired. I couldn’t focus at work. I would try to write or read to take my mind off how much pain I was in but even then I couldn’t concentrate. I was wasting more energy calculating when I could eat than I was on actual work. I was on edge. I snapped at everyone I loved. It was an absolute nightmare. 

I was miserable and it was the worst I had felt in a really long time. 

But, hey, forget how miserable I was feeling. There were more important things to focus on. Things like how “[I’ll] probably lose so much weight!!!! So jealous!!!” 

Cue the manic, white wine, suburban mom fake laugh.  

I had more comments given to me about how I had lost weight or I “looked great” than I had in a while. The last time people felt comfortable enough to comment on my body was when I was crying about missing workouts and obsessively counting calories which, Y I K E S.  

I wasn’t in a good place mentally but that didn’t matter!!! What mattered was I was finally on my way to being thin!!! Fuck my mental and emotional health!!!! That’s nonsense!!!! Who cares if my relationships are strained and I can’t do any work right?? FINALLY I wasn’t going to be fat!!!!! So that’s all that matters, right!!!!!!!  

*cue the hour long fart noise*

It’s not like I lost weight because I actively worked for it. (And besides, losing weight to be skinny is OUT and wanting to be as buff as the Amazon Warriors on Themyscira is IN)

No, I lost weight because SOMEONE RIPPED FOUR TEETH OUT OF MY SKULL AND THEN I WAS MALNOURISHED FOR TWO WEEKS. 

There is no part of that sentence that is healthy. 

It was fucking absurd. I had literally been put under so someone could yank teeth out of goddamn head AND I was moving in a fog, but hey, soooooo worth it just to lose a few pounds quickly right?

Fuck that. 

Here’s the thing, I’m unlearning a lot of toxic shit from Diet Culture and one of them is the idea that the number one topic of conversation for everyone, but women especially, is our weight. But I cannot stand that kind of talk.  

I couldn’t stand it from the moment I realized that diet culture is all bullshit created by both the patriarchy and capitalism to keep women down because we all know that if women's collective energy wasn’t wasted on trying to reach beauty ideals that will always, always, ALWAYS be out of reach, women would have already dismantled the patriarchy, given free health care to everyone, made tampons and birth control free and all dresses would have pockets.

I couldn’t stand it when I thought about how my younger self would try to develop an eating disorder because then maybe she would feel like she was worthy of love. 

I REALLY can’t stand it when I think about why I got my tattoo on my upper thigh. To hide the faded scar that reads “fat” that my younger self carved into her own thigh with a pocket knife. Watching crimson droplets appear as she prayed that this warning carved in flesh would be enough of a reminder to her as to what she could become if she ate when her body told her she was hungry. 

I hated it the most though when people would say I looked great after getting my wisdom teeth out, and I would have a fleeting thought of, “Well shit, what other surgeries can I have so I’ll look like the small child on the cover of the Les Mis playbill?” Or “I should just keep this diet of soft foods eaten two or three times a day going if I’m losing this much weight!”

I fucking hate diets, the diet industry and diet culture. 

So much.

Surprise. 

It breaks my heart and it enrages me all at once. Like learning that Zayn had left One Direction or when One Direction announced their hiatus. 

The number of women I’ve met in my life who have wasted so much time and energy chasing an ideal that will always be just out of reach is astronomical. 

(Myself included!!!! I am absolutely one of those people and there are times when I still buy into it! It’s extremely hard for me to untangle myself from it when it was the basis of my personality for 23 years.)

It breaks my heart that society has engrained in me that since I’m fat, my biggest goal in life is to lose weight. Because of that, I considered eating food, that could only be gummed, two or three times a day JUST so I could m a y b e get within shooting distance of what society deems an “acceptable” body. 

It’s all nonsense! I get so heated when I think about how we have just accepted that one type of body is the ONLY type of body to have and individuals should focus their whole lives on trying to achieve that impossible standard instead of living a good life, or being a good person or starting a revolution to dismantle this broken political system. 

You know, just girly things.  

It makes me physically ill if I think about it too long. I mean, what could I have accomplished if I had stopped worrying so much about losing weight? 

The answer is SO MUCH. 

Once I stopped worrying about losing weight, my relationships with friends and family started flourishing. I got into healthy romantic relationships. I started this blog. I read SO MANY books and I stopped beating myself up for eating food I liked. My body started to feel better since I wasn’t working it to the breaking point everyday trying to reach an ideal that is specifically designed to not be attainable just so the Diet Industry could bleed more money from us. 

So please, I’m begging society, if someone feels the need to talk about their diet with me, or wants to comment on my weight when I’ve had bones ripped from my cranium, talk to me about LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE. 

Talk to me about what I’m reading, what I’m writing, ask me how Bucky is, how much emotional damage Infinity War did to my psyche, ask me if I’m registered to vote (I am and you should be too!) talk to me about existential dread, allow me to explain to you that it is a crime ABC did us all so dirty by cancelling Agent Carter after two seasons, talk to me about aliens, ask me how the numbers are at work for gods sake.

There are so many other topics of conversation and we are so much more interesting than what foods we’re depriving ourselves of.  

Next time someone DOES try to tell me that getting my wisdom teeth out was a “great way to lose weight!” I’m going to throw my wisdom teeth at them.