#But Still I thought this was better as an introduction as much text as it is

[yan-maid-cafe]

Yandere Upperclassman

Imagine being roommates with a yandere upperclassman...

It was your first year in Angelwood School for Girls a large boarding school your parents had enrolled you in. Trying your best to be optimistic despite now living on the other side of country without knowing anybody.

Moving into your new dorm room, you were introduced to your dormmate, Elyse. She was a year or two above you, due to the school wanting to pair freshmen with older students so that they could adjust to the school better. You were of course lucky enough to be roomed with someone on the more normal end. With most of the other freshmen claiming that their roommates were much more eccentric. By Elyse just seemed rather normal, she was quite cold and distant but still willing to offer you a hand when needed.

But recently she's began acting differently. It was as if she was actively seeking you out between classes. Wanting to walk you to and from classes, sitting with you during lunch, even urging you to join the same club as her. It was confusing. But whenever you brought it up, you'd get one of two responses. Fellow first years would shut down your confusion with envy for having an upperclassman that was so focused on making your adjustment to this new school easy. While those above you wouldn't believe what you said, they'd known Elyse for a while and the thought of her suddenly following a first year around like some kind of lost puppy was impossible to believe. You had to be misinterpreting her intentions, and maybe you were. You didn't know her all that well after all, maybe she was just trying to be a nice underclassman.

But that seemed less and less true as she continued to change. Now it seemed like classes were your only time away from her. After school she would insist on you staying in the dorms with her and whenever you'd try to leave, she'd insist on coming with you. Refusing to take any kind of No for an answer. Insisting on being beside you 24/7, it was starting to get worrying. Yet you couldn't say anything out of fear of upsetting one of your superiors.

It was another late evening in your dorm, sitting on the floor as you flipped through notes and textbooks. Trying to cram before another batch of exams. You were originally gonna host a study group with some fellow freshmen, but all it took was one "No" from Elyse for it to be called off.

Speak of the devil, as you tried to read through your biology notes the bathroom door opened. Elyse stepping out as she dried off her hair with a towel, wearing her usual lavender pajamas. Turning her gaze to your direction, she walked over and sat down beside you. A soft smile on her lips as she spoke to you in a honeyed tone.

"Oh, you're still up. I assumed you would have fallen asleep by now."

Not even bothering to look at her, you just continued. Alternating between reading the various chuncks of highlighted text in your notebook and the textbook in front of you, trying desperatly to decipher your own handwriting. Though Elyse didn't seem pleased with you ignoring her, scooting closer until your legs were touching.

"You could always take a break, you know? You've been studying so hard, I can brew us some tea if you want..."

Looking at your face as she anxiously chewed on her lower lip, desperately waiting for you to answer her. But still, your head remained low as if intentionally ignoring her. Were you? She couldn't help but fidget with her hands as she tried one more time to get your attention. Her voice turning shakey as she looked down at your notes.

"Oh, Introduction to Biology I remember taking that class. I might still have the notes somewhere if you want them. I could help you study a little if you want..."

Her eyes burned into your head as she waited for a response, even a simple "No" would suffice. But still, your eyes remained on the notebook in front of you. You had to be intentionally ignoring her at this point, nobody's tunnel vision was this bad. Finally choosing to give up, Elyse got off the ground and walked into her room, shutting the door behind her.

She couldn't help but let out a defeated sigh as she threw her towel into the laundry basket, throwing herself onto her bed as she buried her face into a pillow. Holding the soft pillow close to her chest as a deep blush settled on her cheek. Her voice breathless as she spoke to herself.

"So now your ignoring me, how cruel can you be? Are you that upset that I refused to let those rats come into our space?"

She buried her face into the pillow as she opened her phone, seeing the typical floral lockscreen before she put in the passcode. Watching her phone open to the photo of you as her background, it was a photo she had found on one of your classmate's socials, though she made sure to crop out the other girl. Letting out a breathy sigh as she ran her thumb along the photo.

"So, so cruel. You can't just make my heart race like this then turn away from me. That's cold, even for you. Is this some kind of game to you?"

Closing her eyes, Elyse held the phone close to her chest. A dreamy, far off look in her eyes. Butterflies in her stomach as she leaned back onto her bed. A love sick smile plastered on her face.

"If it is, I will happily play for as long as you wish. So long as my prize at the end is you..."

A/N: I am so insecure about this one, but I wanted to get it out for pride month. So forgive me if it isn't the best 🙏.

[endereies]

JERSEY - MS

No Nut November - Day 15

NNN Masterlist...

-➤ You show up at Matt's hockey game wearing his jersey.

Hockey ran through Matt’s life, no one ever tried to take that away from him. Starting in high school only gave him the push needed to be a professional. Somewhere in between all that chaos, he met you. You weren’t a skater by any means. Matt would sometimes spend his extra practise time, teaching the baby deer how not to stumble.

However, during the final playoffs, the tension in Matt’s body was evident and had been for weeks. When he was tensed, he grew quiet, and the extra practice wasn’t giving him any confidence either. After a few times of being ignored over text, you learnt to steer clear. Causing issues now would only affect how he played, and you knew how important this was to him.

The car ride there was deafening in silence. You willed Matt to drive, hoping that the concentration on the road would help him in anyway. It didn’t. The road rage was intense as he yelled at cyclists and slow drivers.

The placement of your hand attempted to shift to his thigh, in hopes of calming him down. Yet, when he flinched, your hand drew back to your lap, playing with the tassels of your sweats.

One thing you hoped would help was your presence. On average, you never had time to travel the long distance to his games and stay to support as much as you wanted. You hated not being able to show just how much he meant to you at every game, but it was something you both knew early on into the relationship.

Arriving at the stadium was just as quiet, until the door slammed shut. You followed suit, a little quieter than him and met him around the driver’s side of the car.

“You got everything, baby?” you peeked your head around the door while he threw his bag on his shoulder.

“Yeah, s’all here.” He bristled at your words, not holding much eye contact.

You leant onto your tiptoes to kiss his cheek “You got this, Matt. You always do.” It was obvious that he needed those words to simmer his mind, but it was still going at a thousand miles per hour.

“Thanks baby.” He relaxed his tone and gave you another kiss before walking off to the entrance, the last he thought he’d see of you that day.

Pretending to move the car was easy enough, you just couldn’t be seen if you wanted this to work. Once inside, you found his brothers standing by the food stalls, grabbing their food before turning in your direction.

“y/n! you made it!” Nick placed the drinks on the counter and hugged you tight, swaying your body. Chris, however, had all the food balanced so you agreed on a proper introduction later.

“Of course I did, I’ve had this day booked off for weeks now.”

“Good thing, Chris didn’t forget the main event then huh.” Your eyes shined when Nick spoke. You had this idea planned with the brothers that you would appear at his final show wearing his jersey. They managed to ‘misplace’ one of them and bring it with them to the show. “You guys are the best”

“It’s at our seats with Justin and mom, c’mon, better go before Matt somehow sees you.”

The seats were unlike any you were used to, front row in the VIP stands. Any other circumstances and you were among the crowd. You gawked at the luxury of the seats before sitting next to the rest of Matt’s family.

That’s where the jersey was showed to you. It was obvious it was Matt’s with the sizing of it, different to yours. The black and yellow made your features pop in the best way and you were hoping the plan would go well. You slipped it on over your shoulders, embracing the immediate smell of Matt as it hit you.

The players all stormed onto the ice, lights flashing inn the crowd as they circled the rink. Matt wasn’t himself; anyone could see just how stiff his body was compared to his teammates. Until he laid eyes on the VIP stands. He was glancing to originally see his family cheer him on, but when he saw you, that was forgotten.

He ignored the plan to greet the fans, breaking off course into your direction. If the bold yellow hadn’t made an appearance already, it had now. In mere seconds he was right in front of the stands, the wall blocking him from you. Once he cleared the wall, you both met halfway in a tight embrace, his stick in abandon on the floor. You looked down to see it wrapped in your favourite colour.

“You came? Shit, I wasn’t aware you were coming.” Nick and Chris fist bumped each other behind you two as Matt only hugged you tighter. His helmet was quickly discarded, getting his head nuzzled into your neck.

“Is this my jersey babe, the one Chris said was ‘at my practice rink’”

“Maybe, I’ve had this whole thing planned for about a month. You’ve been so stressed with hockey lately; I thought this would help.” He shut you up instantly with a harsh kiss to your lips, his grin evident throughout.

“Fuck, no I actually needed this. A lot. I was mostly pissed off that you couldn’t make it, I wanted you here so badly, babe.” His words were music to your ears, his posture deflating in your arms.

“You better get your ass back on that rink and win, alright.”

“Anything for you. I’ll be back with a trophy.”

@melliflws @yuhayeee @st7rnioioss @sturn-bugz @bueckerrss @worldlxvlys @raysmayhem-72 @patscorner @y0urm4m @bernardsbendystraws @junnniiieee07 @luverboychris @jnkvivi @rac00ns-are-c00l4 @shorthairchris @colorthecosmos444 @anabethinking @zay-sturns @anyaa2s @emilyfaith2003 @zariyamitchell-blog @imjusthereforthesturniolosmut @sturniolosiphone @slutf4rmatt @flouvela @lovesturni0l0s @2prcntmilkluvr @ribread03 @dirtykneesz

© ENDEREIES 2024

[sex-tech]

This is gonna probably be a really long post about my thoughts for Act 3 with what has been set up already because I need to shout into the void about this shit LMAO get ready for a WALL of text

Also a fair warning, I'm gonna be talking about so much jayvik/vikjayce in this you don't understand THE HELL I AM GOING THROUGH THERE IS GONNA BE SO MUCH COPIUM IN THIS

SPOILERS AHEAD FOR SEASON 2 !!!

Quick mini-review: I feel like a contrarian when I say that I actually preferred Act 2 to Act 1. There were a lot of things set up and a lot of payoffs. I do have issues with the pacing overall; season 1 had much better structure and with the introduction of so much LOL lore in season 2, there are bound to be issues. There were 6 years of production for season 1 vs. 3 years of production for season 2, and it has clearly had an effect on the writing. Some scenes are too quick, some scenes are too slow, some cuts are too abrupt - I feel this is painfully obvious sometimes and talking with my friends about it we all agree that the pacing has suffered immensely.

But other than that, Act 2 has been really playing with my emotions and there are so many moments where I just kept breaking down over the scenes with Jinx, Vi, Vander and Isha. The watercolour-style flashbacks were so incredibly well done and those scenes had a lot of love put into them - props to Studio Fortiche!

I believe there is definitely a time paradox happening of some kind, one where Jayce, Ekko and Heimerdinger are lost in some kind of timeline.

This reflection in this artwork feels like it's hinting at what we will see in Act 3, maybe a different timeline, or the future, and Jayce will end up seeing the outcome of the Arcane. I feel that with how the lore is being changed, they need to give him some purpose or reason to pursue Viktor, to officially make them enemies. Whatever Jayce will see or experience will lead to that - a difference in perspectives and ideals.

Also, this shot, where Jayce returns and we see him glitching in and out, I feel that's a really clear depiction of a paradox, of different timelines converging or something similar. I can just imagine him living through all these different events, surviving something so awful, and now it's destroying him from the inside. He's so traumatized and I will defend him with my whole being.

I'm also a bit worried now about Ekko and Heimerdinger. I'm convinced that the latter won't survive however I'm not so sure about Ekko. I feel that everything being a time paradox would lead really well into him finally receiving his time powers, but as of now I think he is really under-utilized in the series as a whole, more so in season 2, and I'm really hopeful that we will get more screen time with him in Act 3.

Singed's role in this season is huge and it will definitely become even more important in Act 3. The introduction of Orianna, which I thought was so great, as well as the name-drop of "Dr. Reveck" has really set up his motivations. Warwick being his experiment for bringing back his daughter I believe will lead to him experimenting with Viktor.

Warwick's design was confusing to me at first. He felt too human but I think that was intentional - Singed wanted to create him with some humanity, a test, hence he is still more like Vander, still able to feel his love for Jinx and Vi. I believe he will survive, and Singed will get rid of his humanity completely, potentially leading to a more LOL accurate look.

This also brings me to Viktor and his OG lore. I really liked his concept in the game and I will admit, seeing them change it in Arcane worried me. While I really love the design, I was hopeful that we would see Viktor entering his glorious evolution era. But now with his interactions with Singed, with Singed's personal motivation for revival, I believe that there is still hope. Seeing how Orianna is preserved, still human-like, I believe that Singed's discoveries will lead him to recreating Viktor with metal, something closer to what we see in the game, maybe a cursed combination of both Arcane and machine, and I believe he will see it as a breakthrough in bringing Orianna back.

The way he describes it, the way he says, "You must survive, Viktor," a parallel to him saying "the specimen must survive" feels so intentional. He sees the potential in reanimation with how Viktor returned, healed, and this won't be the end of him, not yet, he must survive.

This scene where Viktor asks Singed, "Do you believe in fate?" I believe also points to another thing. Viktor knew very early on what his fate would be. He was accepting of it, he was confused as to why he was alive, and I believe in the scene where Jayce kills him, that look in his eyes was of acceptance. He did not look afraid, he looked at peace - with the idea of different timelines, with Viktor becoming closer to the celestial, he might've already known what would happen, which is why he invites Jayce to meet him. That with him saying, "I've been expecting you, doctor," is another reason I think that Viktor is aware of everything.

With Singed's final words to Viktor, the disdain in Viktor's eyes, the way Sky is looking at Viktor directly, frantic, worried, an expression of dread at the thought of the Arcane dying out completely, of all the progress coming to an end. I still believe the core is manipulating Viktor, that Sky is the personification of it, and that the core is aware of its own evolution reaching its final state, death - like a virus without a host.

And then there was this, the heavy breathing, the gritted teeth, squint in his eyes, the way he drops down - it felt like heartbreak, like guilt. He just murdererd a man, a man that spoke to him as Viktor.

Just this look. He's tired. He's returned from hell and he can see the beginning of the end, he can see Viktor's descent into madness, recognizes it immediately, and he's disappointed. Maybe he'd hoped to see something else.

Also, with Jayce saying, "I thought you were done with Hextech, and me," could imply that this new version of Viktor, remade by Singed, would no longer have a connection the Arcane - he is reforged, he has realized the weakness of flesh and compassion, "it's inescapable," and he will be remade with steel and rage, once again against his will, just like Warwick was. And perhaps, in this dark future, when Jayce finally sees what Viktor becomes, sees Viktor reject him entirely, that he is done with him, is also what makes Jayce spiral.

And now that he has returned, seeing Viktor welcome him with open arms, inviting him to spend time together, to show him what he has uncovered - what must he have seen? What must Viktor have said to him to make him feel so denied and unwanted?

Someone he once loved, someone that broke him, showing him the same gentleness and care he had once before.

"I won't fail. I swear it."

This entire sequence was insane. The different emotions in Jayce's face, the way he's cycling through pain and fear and conviction. The initial shock in his eyes, seeing what his Viktor has become, seeing him in this state, before the corruption - he looks vulnerable, he doesn't fight back, doesn't resist. He has made his promise to Viktor before, and I believe this is another promise to him, a promise to rend his mistake and do right by him. And Jayce looks frightened by his actions, frightened by the sight before him - Viktor looks so exhausted, so sick - I can imagine it reminds Jayce of him before he combined with the Hexcore.

Jayce's entire arc this season is about him gaining more agency, more control of himself despite the way he has been spiraling, whilst for Viktor it's the opposite, he has lost himself to a greater purpose, a perfect mirror to how they were in season 1.

The way their designs mirror them both too, Jayce getting the leg brace, his eyes changing, him being afflicted with the Arcane, Viktor keeping the blanket, keeping a cog that reminds him of the discoveries they made together, one side of it being perfectly clear, the other corrupted, a representation of them - two sides of the same coin.

I believe Viktor's monologue at the end, the scenes with him and Sky in a magical world where he is emoting, showing compassion for those that suffer, his realization that emotion is inescapable, shows that he still feels, even if it is all subdued. His reaction to Jayce killing Salo hurt, he looked pained and yet, as though he expected it - "that isn't Jayce" - it's not his Jayce, not the Jayce that he remembers, the one that he stayed with over shared affections, this is a Jayce ruined by him, and he is yet to see just how much they have and will hurt each other.

Maybe the exquisite chaos he is talking about is his corruption from the future, constantly self-replicating and self-annihilating, something that he has never observed before because it is yet to happen to him. He knows his fate, but not anything beyond that.

A couple final notes:

All the butterfly imagery - Jayce's hammer, the explosion in the mesh(?), the "Talis" butterfly - a symbol of death, rebirth, transformation

The parallels between Jayce and Singed, wanting to keep Viktor alive, creating a monster, and now Jayce having to destroy that which he created, a consequence of him breaking his promise

Viktor appearing as though he is connected to both the void and something celestial, godly, a balance

TLDR; jayvik divorce era will be the death of me, they were made for each other and will be the death of each other

[1for5]

yes im changing

paige bueckers x reader

(paige x uconn psychology student!reader)

synopsis: with y/n being in a new environment, still facing rejection, how can she bounce back?

masterlist

chap 4

y/n pov:

okay scratch that. i would have to do all athletes. okay new research:

a comparative research on the academic resilience of students and students part of the basketball team in the university of connecticut.

much better. i can have more focus on the people in my research. and plus, the basketball teams are the most known in uconn, which could make them have different perspectives. but first.. i would have to ask their coach first. i may ask aubrey if she can bring me to their coach, his name is coach geno..?

after their training (and an hour of peyton giggling), i went up to aubrey and told her about my research.

“yeah! i could definitely ask coach geno, he’s in the other room though to get his stuff, but he’ll come back soon” aubrey replied with enthusiasm. “thats great! thanks aubrey. i would also have to ask the men’s basketball coach, but ill check tomorrow since its already late” i mentioned. aubrey and i got to talk a little bit more, aubrey asking me why i was even in their training the first place.

i said that peyton’s crush is in the team, which made aubrey laugh. when we both looked behind to peyton, we see her talking to azzi. smooth ass..

coach geno finally got out of the other room, and aubrey introduced me to him.

“oh coach! this is y/n, and she has a small favor to ask” aubrey says. “hello coach geno! i am a freshman taking psychology, and i wanted to ask if i could have your team to be part of my research” i smiled.

“what’s it about?”

“their resistancy in regards to their school work sir”

“will it hinder their skills?”

“no sir”

“how long will this take?”

“maximum of a month i believe, but it still depends”

“as long as the team says yes and it wont be a distraction, then im all for it. goodluck y/n, and welcome to uconn!” coach geno replied with a small smile. “thank you sir! it means a lot” i smiled back.

i went back to peyton, who was talking to azzi, and introduced me to her. azzi then introduced me to the other players— to nika, kk, paige, and caroline. i guess i still needed a formal greeting even with the event that happened yesterday.

i then proceeded to ask the whole team about my research idea, and they were all willing to help me. just needed to contact the men’s basketball team now.

after small talks, we all headed back to our dorms. i feel better with the team already, they’re all quite playful, just have to ignore that one blonde, paige. we haven’t talked a word to each other, and i won’t mind if we don’t talk at all.

when we arrived to the dorms area, we all bid our goodbyes to some of the members and the others headed to the same dorm building as me. turns out that everyone that has the same dorm as me lives on the same floor as me.. this will be fun. my “floormates” are nika, ashlynn, ice, kk, and paige. azzi along with caroline and the others were at another dorm building.

we all bid our goodnights, and aubrey and i went inside our dorm. we both were too tired, and got unready and head to our beds quick.

“goodnight y/n!”

“goodnight aubs”

the next week

the last days were great. men’s basketball team is on board with my research, and my introduction and rrl is surprisingly done.

today, i will start to interview the women’s basketball team, and i am thinking of doing observations with them as well— like having group study sessions and know their behavior and thoughts.

its now 2pm, two hours before the team’s training, which gives me enough time to interview some people. i text aubrey saying that im near their court, and was asking who i can interview first.

aubrey: paige is free

goddamn it.

oh well, let’s just get this over with. i open the court’s entrance, the team seeing me and greeting me.

“so, who can go first?” i ask the team, i really didn’t want paige, she will just give me negative energy for the rest of the day. she is always so.. negative towards me.

“i dont think we can.. coach wants us to do 25 laps as penalty! but since paige wasn’t there when the team was goofing around.. she’s free” azzi explained. “what did you guys even do that made coach geno be in fumes?” i asked.

“teased coach about paige dating on of his children.. they’re our age though” aubrey steps in. “oh id send you guys to 25 laps as well” i joked. “whatever!” azzi says.

i told paige to come with me the the bleachers, still being nonchalant.

“so where do we begin..” i hummed. i could feel that paige felt awkward

“name?” i started.

“paige bueckers”

“year?”

“im a junior”

she’s 2 years older than me.

“current gpa?”

“3.9”

not bad.

“workloard in school?”

“atleast 5 worksheets and 2 tests per week”

“can you finish them on time?”

“depends”

“what’s your hardest subject?”

“chemistry”

“favorite subject?”

“anatomy”

“okay that’s all for now. we still have more interviews in the future, and a possible group study session with the others. thank you!” i tell paige.

“thanks” paige coldly replies.

after an interview with aubrey, azzi, and the others, i wrapped it up, just in time for them to do their own preps before training. i was looking for a water dispenser as i was thirsty. i passed by the locker room and heard a voice.

“what is she even doing here? can’t she do her studies somewhere else? we don’t need her bro” the voice stated, which i think was pertaining to me.

“paige, just be kind. its a freshman’s research, you know how tough some professors are with the freshmans, they would have to give their best” another voice replied back.

“whatever, let’s just get to practice” paige scoffs. i rolled by eyes and realized that it was my signal to go, i didn’t want them to see me. i quickly got my water and got out of the court, thanking coach geno and the other members who were just sitting on the bleachers.

as i walk, i start to feel discouraged. i just want to do what’s best for me, and a person who doesn’t know me just talks bad about what im doing. i guess i just have to suck it up, i have no time for negativity anyways. just focus on being able to transfer to stanford.

uconn, your star is not-so shining to me.

- zo’s notes: hello, i hope everyone is enjoying reading my fic :)

[sweetsirenscribbles]

Morning After

John Price x Reader

A/N: This is legit only my second fic ever. I don't have anyone to proofread, sorry for any mistakes.

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!

Warnings: smut but not detailed, drinking, a teeny tiny bit of angst, fluff

When you woke up, you didn’t open your eyes. The sheets against your skin felt odd. Your mouth was sour, letting you know you had fallen asleep without brushing your teeth. Taking a deep breath in you stretched your limbs in the bed. You let out a satisfied groan before you realized you were completely naked. That made you stop mid-stretch and open your eyes. The room was dimly light by a floor lamp next to a chair in the corner. You didn’t recognize the lamp or the chair. As you sat up and took stock of the room you found yourself in the events of last night flood your brain. You had gone out to dinner with a friend for their birthday, but you ended up at a bar playing pool. The group had gotten nostalgic over your days as young adults with less responsibilities and better tolerance for alcohol. Which is how you ended up at the bar in the first place. You personally had only planned on staying out for a little while, but your friend had pulled the birthday card on you knowing you didn’t have any real plans the next day. While playing pool your group began chatting up the guys at the table next to yours and learned it was a group of military guys. There had been a guy who was so pretty you had initially thought he was a model. He had been introduced as Gaz. There had been a guy with a mohawk and Scottish accent who went by Soap and a man wearing a black face mask and a beanie who seemed impossibly large that Soap called Ghost. Ghost had been quiet the entire night only communicating in one word answers and grunts. Then there was John. When you had spotted him a zing had run up your spine. He had fixed his steady cerulean eyes on you when your friend had introduced you to his group. John had made a point to shake your hand during the introduction process which had caused heat to rush up your neck into you hairline. You remember hearing your friend snicker next to you while you stuttered out a greeting. The way John’s eyes crinkled around his eyes made your heart skip. You had vaguely thought the he was the only person you’d ever seen that had muttons chops that you found insanely attractive. During the course of the night you had chatted with him while you all played pool and drank. John had been surprisingly easy to talk to and you had soon found yourself chatting and exchanging flirty remarks with the man. You had planned on working up the courage to exchange numbers with him before you left. However, as you friends settled their tabs and ordered Ubers, John had asked you if you’d like to come back to his place. You’d had just enough to drink to be tipsy and agree before too much thought. You sent your friend a quick text and also starting sharing you location, because safety. Once you’d gotten to John’s house he’d pushed you against the inside of the front door and made you cum on his tongue twice before he carried you to his bedroom.

Just thinking about how things had gone down (pun intended) made your skin flush. You must have passed out at some point in the night. The man in question was not currently in the room. You get out of the bed and search for your clothes. Everything was folded neatly on the chair next to your lamp. Thankfully your phone was still in your pants pocket with 20% battery life and about ten messages from your friends asking how you tonight had gone. You dressed quickly and made your way out of the bedroom. Once you were out of the room you could smell coffee and hear movement in the kitchen. You walked down the hallway and found yourself standing in the living room. “You’re awake.” A voice called from your left. You turned to see John standing in his kitchen shirtless smiling at you softly. “Yeah, I figured I’d worn out my welcome.” You rushed, feeling only slightly embarrassed at being caught. “Oh sweetheart, you haven’t worn anything out. I think I might have worn you out last night though.” John remarked with a gleam in his eyes. Heat flushed your cheeks and ears as you opened and closed your mouth, at a loss for words. A dark chuckle rumbled through John’s chest as he made his way to where you stood. “Don’t be shy now love.” John caressed your cheek gently as he peered down into your eyes. The urge to close your eyes and lean into his hand was so strong, but you just stood and stared at him. Your heart thudded in your chest quickly. “Come on, I made us breakfast.” He dropped his hand from your face and turned back to the kitchen. 

You waffled between trying to make a break for the door and sitting down at the kitchen table. You watched John start to make two plates, before you finally walked into the kitchen with a small huff of resignation. You really liked John a lot. He seemed like a good guy, but he was career military and you were under the impression he wasn’t exactly looking for more than a fling. While you didn’t regret having sex with him, because truthfully it had been the best sex you’d ever had, you didn’t really want a situationship.

John pulled a cup out of a cabinet and turned to you. “How do you take your coffee?” He asked turning to the refrigerator. “John, this really isn’t necessary.” He turned back to you with a frown tugging at his eyebrows. “Do you prefer tea? Let me put the kettle on.” He said turning back away from you. “No. John. I mean all of this. You don’t have to feed me. I’d rather not draw this goodbye out longer than needed.” You blurted out. John took a step towards you. “What are you going on about?” He questioned with an unreadable expression. You took an uneasy step back. “T-this,” you stammered. “Who does this for a one night stand?” The edge of the table pressed into the back of your thighs. You realized then you’d been backing away from John and was now stuck between him and the kitchen table. “One night stand? Is that what you think this is?” John crossed his arms over his chest.Your eyes flickered down to take in the way his arms bulged across his hairy chest. When you meet his eyes they had a knowing gleam to them. “I mean I’d like to see you again, but I figured that with your job you wouldn’t want to.” You sputtered feeling like you were being scolded somehow. John grabbed your hand gently and brought it to his lips before softly kissing each of your knuckles. “I might have gone about things out of order, but I very much want take you out on a proper date and get to know you better. I know me being in the military isn’t ideal, but I want to try if you’re willing.” He declared staring into your eyes. His words surprised you and you couldn’t help the goofy grin that formed on your lips. “I’d like that very much actually.” You breathed out. “Good.” John mumbling staring at your lips as he leaned into your space. Your eyes fluttered shut when his lips pressed against yours delicately. John’s tongue ran along the seam of your lips. You pulled back. “John, I have really bad morning breath.” You tried to deter him. “I don’t care.” He growled before capturing your lips again. A whimper escaped your throat and John took the opportunity to tangle his tongue with yours. Your hands come up to his chest to ground yourself. The steady thump of his heart pulses where your hands rest. His hands rested on your hips as he pressed against you. You could feel his length harden when he wedged himself against you. You pull back to catch your breath. John took the opportunity to trail kisses along you jawline and neck. Before things could get more heated, your stomach takes the opportunity to voice its discomfort. John pulls back and lets out a bark of a laugh. “I suppose I should feed you first.” He says pulling a chair out for you to sit down in. “Now then sweetheart, how do you take your coffee?” 

[strawberry-jan]

Back in late 2022, I started working on a long story about Ishin: a tale of two dummies whose weird one-night stand blossoms into a surprisingly caring relationship even as a (mostly) canon-compliant series of tragedies plays out around them. It’s a now-complete series in approximately 125,000 words and three parts, and you can read the whole thing right now on AO3: The Glorious and Bloody Deeds of Okita Soji, Volume 1: Okita Soji Versus the Scoundrel Saito Hajime; The Secret History of Saito Hajime, Volume 2: The Shiraume Incident; and, finally, Brief Notes on the Domestic Life of one Saito Hajime.

Taken as a whole, it's a story about identity and history and the stories that people tell each other and themselves about those things. And it's a story about one guy getting way too into weird Edo-era egg dishes, and another guy finding himself embroiled in an extended detective sequence, and a third guy composing a series of corny haiku that (almost) nobody wants to read. And, of course, it's also a story about people who are shamelessly and sometimes explicitly in love (so you probably shouldn't read it at work).

This whole big, sprawling thing has been a labour of love on my part: it turns out that I adore writing historical fiction and finding excuses to read books and journal articles in order to write it better. In addition to making not one but four little illustrations to celebrate the fic's completion (and please look at them up-close; I hand-inked all those kimono patterns), I've drawn up a list of some of the sources that I consulted for my writing, and you can find those under the cut.

This is not an absolutely exhaustive list of sources; I don’t think it’s super useful to catalogue the extremely nitty-gritty stuff, like that time that I felt compelled to find out what the state of strawberry cultivation was in 1860s Japan, or when I needed to picture exactly what it looked like when Haruka was repairing Ryoma’s kimono. That being said, I’ve added a couple of things that are really particular to my stories but that I thought were cool enough to share.

Foster, Michael Dylan. The Book of Yokai: Mysterious Creatures of Japanese Folklore. U of California P, 2015. (This one was a really fun read – it combines a short history of yokai in folklore with a little catalogue of yokai.)

Jansen, Marius B. Sakamoto Ryoma and the Meiji Restoration. Stanford UP, 1971. (Super useful as an introduction to the Bakumatsu era and for biographical details about Ryoma and the figures around him.)

“Japanese Wiki Corpus.” https://www.japanesewiki.com/. (This is a machine-translated collection of articles on the Japanese side of Wikipedia related to Kyoto. As with a lot of things on Wikipedia, the citations on these articles tend to be poor or nonexistent, but it’s a useful starting point for information on figures and events that don’t have an English wiki equivalent. Definitely more useful if you can then head over to the original wiki articles and parse them out yourself.)

“Kabuki21” and “The Noh.” https://www.kabuki21.com/section.php, https://www.the-noh.com/en/plays/index.html. (I’m lumping these two together because I tended to consult them in tandem. Without getting too much into my personal details I am – among other things – a non-practicing theatre scholar, so whenever I wanted to have characters in my old-timey fics refer to something cultural, my first stop was old plays. These sites have, respectively, summaries of kabuki plays and full texts of Noh plays available for you to browse. If you’ve read my other fics you will probably have seen that I referred to the kabuki play “Fuwa” in 亀が如く.)

Katsu, Kokichi. Musui’s Story: The Autobiography of a Tokugawa Samurai. Translated by Teruko Craig. U of Arizona P, 1988. (A book that needs to be taken with a grain of salt because it’s an autobiography written by a guy who sounds like a real blowhard, but it’s still a really fascinating look into the daily life of a low-ranking samurai.)

Leupp, Gary P. and Tao, De-min. The Tokugawa World. Routledge, 2022. (Of particular interest is Kimura Sachihiko’s essay, “The Shinsengumi: Shadows and light in the last days of the Tokugawa shogunate” [1104-1124], which gave me a bunch of incidental details about the Roshigumi that I incorporated into the sections of this series that were told from Inoue and Hijikata’s perspectives.)

“Old Photos of Japan.” https://www.oldphotosjapan.com/. (Pretty self-explanatory. Very useful as a resource for picturing scenes!)

“Shinsengumi Archives.” https://shinsengumi-archives.tumblr.com/. (A long-running tumblr dedicated to cataloguing resources about the Shinsengumi. There’s an absolute wealth of information collected here, and best of all, the creator cites their sources and even provides links to the original texts. Although it’s focused on the Shinsengumi, it’s impossible to overstate how useful this site is for prospective Bakumatsu-era fic writers in general. The collection of Hijikata’s poems with links to others’ translations and commentary is here: https://shinsengumi-archives.tumblr.com/post/683071924948058112/hijikata-toshizos-haiku-poems. The creator of the blog also links to a translation of Nagakura’s and Shimada’s diaries, and while the document is machine-translated, it’s still a great source of historical details: https://shinsengumi-archives.tumblr.com/post/678083336614428672/where-can-you-read-the-memoirs.)

Smits, Gregory. “Warding off Calamity in Japan: A Comparison of the 1855 Catfish Prints and the 1862 Measles Prints.” EASTM 30 (2009): 9-31. (Okay, this one is highly specific to my fic – it comes up in Part 2 when Okita tells his story about Kashima and again a couple of chapters later when his pile of remedies includes a crudely-drawn picture meant to ward off indigestion – but I love little details like this so I did want to make a point of sharing it here.)

“Tamago Hyakuchin” and “Tofu Hyakuchin.” http://codh.rois.ac.jp/edo-cooking/tamago-hyakuchin/recipe/, https://toyama-tofu.jp/tofuhyakutin.html. (These are collections of Edo-era egg- and tofu-based recipes. They’re two of the sources cited in Cookpad’s collection of modernized Edo-era recipes: https://cookpad.com/recipe/list/14604664.)

Vaporis, Constantine N. “Linking the Realm: The Gokaido Highway Network in Early Modern Japan (1603-1868).” Highways, Byways and Road Systems in the Pre-Modern World. Ed. Susan E. Alcock, John Bodel, and Richard J. A. Talbert. Wiley-Blackwell, 2012. 90-105. (Some of the works cited in this article also sound interesting, but I didn’t have a chance to dig any deeper as I just wanted to know a bit about the Tokugawa-era roads. Also interesting in this vein is Jilly Traganou’s book The Tokaido Road: Travelling and Representation in Edo and Meiji Japan [2004].)

Wert, Michael. Meiji Restoration Losers. Harvard UP, 2013. (Not directly useful as a source for writing about Ishin – it’s about later events and it mostly tracks the posthumous construction of one specific Tokugawa magistrate’s history – but it was an engaging read and I found it interesting as an exploration of how people continue to look back on the Bakumatsu era and the Meiji Restoration, which is something that the game is, of course, also doing.)

Yamakawa, Kikue. Women of the Mito Domain: Recollections of Samurai Family Life. Translated by Kate Wildman Nakai. U of Tokyo P, 1992. (Another one of those bits of essential reading on everyday life for low-ranking samurai, this time with a focus on women’s lives and households more generally. I didn’t use a lot of from this book in my fic, but it has everything from translations of songs to records of families’ financial transactions, and it’s fascinating to read about all the turmoil in Mito playing out in the background of these families’ lives.)

“Yokai.com.” https://yokai.com/. (The creators of this site make a point of not going into detail about their sources, and they’re very careful to state that they don’t intend for the project to be “the final authority” on yokai, but I enjoyed browsing the site to get some ideas for Okita’s stories – and once you know the name of a particular yokai that you’re interested in, it’s easy enough to go look up other sources on them.)

[wackytheorist]

A love letter to qsmpblr because everyone's making one and I think appreciating your favorite pages is wonderful.

(I'm not the best at introductions but you guys really do mean a lot for me, so here's my story)

I never used to care about tumblr, I only had an account to check out the funny posts and maybe reblog them on my sideblog but this account was colorless. I was just wead(random text spam that I can't remember).

Why? Because socializing was(and still is) quite hard and handling a community online was way to much stress for me, an overthinker. Of course I made occasional vague posts in the heat of the moment but I never wanted to be considered a qsmpblrian.

But then came the qsmp reset, and wayyy to many thoughts in brain I began posting. Then came the ghosties arc and so I began liveblogging and theorizing and ignoring my overthinker thoughts because qsmpblr was a big community and no one cared for little ol' me right?

I was so wrong, and happy to be wrong because now, I regret nothing and this community is the 9th most important thing of my life.

You see I love appreciating people inside but when I try to talk about it, I stumble hence the weird wording

PEOPLE I'D LIKE TO THANK UNDER CUT

@ultra-raging-ghost You used to be my primary source of badboyhalo vlogging, thank you for catching me up to date. It was so fun go insane over badboyhalo with you, even if it was for a short time.

@kadextra I'm devouring your art oml, also loved to liveblog with your so cool omg.(I'm so so so honoured to be your mutual)

@alchemicaladarna Holy shit your brain please keep yapping if alchemicaladarna made a lecture on badboyhalo lore, you bet your ass I'd be there.

@q-starhalo , @rhiaarrow , @imferns , @pomme--bleuet and all the other bbh vloggers I couldn't mention for various reasons, thank you for your services o7

@iminyourbookshelf I loved chomping the heads of federation workers with you, your amazing and cool :D

@semifontos I've said everything I wanted to say everything in your reblogs but omg your writing is insane/pos

@tubborucho I didn't expect you follow back, your sosososososo very cool :D

@pommunist Thank you for your services to bringing us information about the qadmin situation(and for being the based af)

@ethertheaether The fanfiction on Omelete made my shitty month 2000x better.

@itsbebebrainrotting @faffodil @imnotasweetie @dotterelly @annimator @artistnerd24

@theroseyhues @lilghostlettuce @qsmp-extraordinaire Your reblogs make my day pippipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipi

@qsmpcryptid @insanitybl00m @adreamoverlife @etoilesbienne @sarcastictissy and a lot of blogs I can't all capture thank you!

@qsmpincorrect @qsmp-where-they-shouldnt-be @which-qsmp-egg-would and all the events that kept us entertained.

AND @YOU QSMPBLR USER!!

[pedrostylez]

Next Time

pairing: Joel Miller neighbor!au x fem!reader

summary: No outbreak, not canon in the slightest, Joel Miller as your neighbor growing up. You've returned home from grad school for winter break after your long-term boyfriend broke up with you

rating: 18+ (no minors please)

word count: 4.9k

warnings etc: No outbreak Joel, no Sarah, age gap (9 years) mentioned and defined, fluff, dirty talk, oral (f receiving), food consumed, semi-public? Chance of getting caught?

A/N: This is the prologue to "Don't" with not all of the background mentioned. I think this will end up being a 3 part? Idk, maybe 4 max. Anywho, be gentle with me.

It had been easy to find comfort in Joel. 

The rush of wind around your face made you shiver, once hot tears streaming down your face drying quickly and leaving behind a sting of cold. You huffed out a breath, running your wrist against your face to try and remove the wetness as more sprung from your eyes. It was pitiful how you were crying over this, but you had spent two years with him. 

Jason had met your family, your friends, your goddamn neighbor that you’ve had a crush on since he moved in, and he just…broke up with you. Let you help him pack up his car for winter break, let you get on your knees and give him a blow job, and then tell you that he wanted to take a break. That you were too much. 

You were too much, as far as you were concerned. Too clingy, too needy, too much of just about everything that Jason hated–

r u home 4 winter break? Or is ur car needing work?

Joel. 

You hadn’t even realized you pulled your phone out of your pocket on your trek to the hiking trail you used to sit at with your friends. Memories of asking Joel to pick you up and drop you off at the head of the trail so that your parents didn’t know you had snuck out flashed through your mind as you typed your response. 

At hiking trail rn

It wasn’t really an answer to his question, but it was all you were willing to give. You sat on a rock just barely out of the view of the gravel lot, wiping at your eyes again and sighing. You could sit here for a bit longer before having to explain to your mom why you were back in town. 

Joel frowned at the text you sent him, glancing up at your car again. He had just arrived home from a long day of work and felt something warm in his stomach at the site of your beat-up vehicle sitting in the driveway. The last time he spoke to you was over 6 months ago, when you and your boyfriend were visiting your mom, and Joel had helped change your oil. 

He always seemed to help you with your car, and he was positive he was the reason it was still running. From his first introduction to you at 17 years old, crying while your car smoked in your driveway, he had always been your go-to neighbor.

If you were at the hiking trail that was only a mile away from the neighborhood, you were upset. He had watched you enough times running from your back door while your dad yelled after you to know where you would go. 

He debated asking if you wanted to be alone but decided to hop back in his truck and head in that direction. He could walk himself, but the look of the sky told him you were going to be rained down on any minute and thought better of it. 

You heard the engine of Joel’s truck within five minutes and scoffed out loud. Of course he was here. You turned your head to watch the trail, listening to his boots hit the gravel, his sigh as he began walking right toward you. He couldn’t see you, but he knew well enough where you were. 

When Joel comes into eyesight you have to hold your breath, trying to not show how surprised you are by how he looks. How long has it been since you last saw him? The broadness of his chest, the way his shirt tightened around his arms as he crossed them–

“You’re a sight for sore eyes, darlin’.” He drawls, smirking at you. Does he have to do that? “It looks like it is going to rain. Figured you didn’t want to walk home in that.”

You snort out a laugh, glancing up to the sky while you unknowingly give Joel access to look at your neck and chest for longer than he normally would. “You’re right.” You look back over at him, his ears are red with what you think is annoyance, and try to act nonchalant. “How’s it going?”

He shrugs at you, moving his hands to his pockets before looking around and leaning against a nearby tree. “It’s about how it’s always been, sweetheart. You staying for the whole winter break or just visiting for the day?” 

You and Joel had always been straightforward with each other. It was easiest that way, with how passive your mom was and how aggressive your dad was. You knew that the first time Joel moved in and saw you panicking in your driveway over your car that he was going to always tell you like it was-no bullshit. It had developed into more of a one-sided pining, asking Joel for his number to help you with your car or to ask him for a ride if you needed it. But he had always agreed, helping you when he could and being a person for you to rely on. 

You take a deep breath to gather the courage to tell him. “I’m probably going to stay for the whole break. Don’t want to stay in the apartment all winter long.” 

“Why’s that?”

You pause, looking up at him and biting the inside of your lip to not cry. You didn’t see Joel’s eyes soften at the first hint of just how upset you were. “Jason….broke up with me.” 

He grunts, taking a step toward your place on the rock and crouching down in front of you. Your eyes widen in shock; he’s never been this close to you willingly. Under your car holding a light for him or next to him in his truck is just not the same. His hands reach forward, resting on your knees and giving you a squeeze before saying “Never liked him anyways darlin’. You’re too good for him.”

You feel your eyes well up with tears and try to blink them away, surprised again when Joel reaches forward and wipes at your cheek. What you were warring with bubbled over and out of your mouth before you could think about it. “It feels like I wasted two years of my life, Joel.”

He sighed, holding your face in his hands and you tilted into him subconsciously. He doesn’t know what else to say, or what to tell you, so he offers “Let’s go to the diner? I’ll get you French toast like how you used to get it.”

You smile softly, holding back a giggle as blood rushes to your cheeks. “Sure. I could go for that.”

Joel is watching you from the corner of his eye in his truck, and how on edge you truly are. You are hiding it well, but he knows you. Knows that you are still upset, still feeling like you wasted your life on Jason. He could murder that kid right now. 

The whole ride is quiet, the sound of rain splattering his windshield starts soon after he leaves the hiking trail, your soft puffs of breath fogging the window that you’re looking out of. He pulls into the diner, parking in the back of the lot, and turns to you before you can get out and grab your knee. He doesn’t know why he can’t keep his hands off you. 

“You didn’t waste your life, sweetheart.” He starts, wincing internally at how he can’t seem to hold back the pet names. “He’s just…he’s a boy–”

“We are both 25, Joel. I know that’s young but plenty of people get married before then–” You start to get riled up, face flushing red and tears brimming your eyes before you cover your face. You take a deep breath before speaking again. “Two years of my life I thought I was going to marry him and then he fucking tells me that I’m too much work! And that I’m too clingy!” 

“You’re not those things.” Joel grounds out, trying to keep from letting his anger show. The idea that someone who you loved would say those things to you made his blood boil. “Jason is a boy. He doesn't know what he really wants besides someone to do his laundry and cook his food.”

You lean back against the passenger seat and sigh, shaking your head and leaning against the window. You had been cooking meals for Jason, had done his laundry plenty of times, and thought nothing of it. You felt weak, ready to cry at any moment, and it made you feel pitiful. 

“Don’t let him affect you like that.” Joel pushes, frowning at you and squeezing your leg. When you look at him, his eyes soften with a tilt of his head. “The right guy will come along who doesn’t want to marry his mother. I know you took care of him more than you should have.”

Joel feels the heat from your leg seep through your jeans and into his hand, making his heart jump before he pulls his hand away. “Let’s go eat. I’ll take care of you today.”

Swooning wasn’t a sufficient word. 

I’ll take care of you today. 

Did Joel even know what he was saying to you? Did he understand that later you would lay in your bed and think of him while you slid your fingers through your folds? You’re doing your best to not look completely flustered, stumbling out of his vehicle and loping beside him to the front door of the diner. Your breath hitched in your throat when Joel guided you inside with his hand wrapping around your waist for an instant, forcing you to walk faster to keep up and stay out of the rain. 

You’re still thinking about what he said as the waitress brings two plates of French toast to your table, piled high with butter and maple syrup flowing over the sides and onto the table in tiny drops. Joel’s smile to you makes your heart skip, shoveling a piece of the breakfast food into your mouth to cover it up. 

Joel’s eyes stay glued to you, slurping on a freshly brewed cup of coffee. You take another bite of your French toast, cinnamon sugar swirled into the bread, sighing heavily when the melted butter hits your tongue. The warmth of the bread, and the sweetness of the maple syrup, give you enough confidence to ask. “Why didn’t you tell me you didn’t like Jason?”

Joel pauses his sipping, raising his eyebrows at you. He gives you a quick shrug before glancing at the table behind you. “Not my place.” He says quietly, looking down at his food and dragging a piece of his food through a sea of syrup. “You liked him, I wasn’t going to tell you otherwise.” 

You huff at that, giving him a look that tells him you want him to explain more. When he doesn’t, you set your fork down and cross your arms on the table. “I would have appreciated someone saying something.”

Joel grunts, not fully convinced as he takes the last bite of his French toast. “No, you wouldn’t have darlin’. I’m just your neighbor, and me pulling you aside to say that Jason wasn’t the one would have been a quick way to get my nose broken.” He laughs, looking up at you. 

You’re quiet, letting his laugh die out before mumbling. “You’re not…just my neighbor Joel.” His eyes widen briefly, your food forgotten as you stare at him. Debating on how to tell him you relied on him more than anyone, how he was a sanctuary in all your issues at home even though Joel knew very few details, you sigh out, “You’ve helped me in more ways than one and…you live next door but you’re more like–”

“Don’t say a brother,” Joel mumbles, raising his eyebrows at you jokingly. Deep in the back of his mind, he’s hoping that he hasn’t come across that way.  

“I wasn’t! You’re not.” You pause, laughing full-bellied. The idea is so ridiculous that you blurt out, “I wouldn’t have a crush on someone that I see like a brother–”

It feels like the world stops turning when you realize what has just left your mouth, looking up to Joel’s coughing, coffee sputtering out back into his cup. Your eyes widen in panic, watching him set his cup back down and red rush back to the tips of his ears. You would almost think he looks excited beyond the surprise, but you can’t dwell on it. 

It’s only a split second before you make the decision to book it out of the diner. You trip over your feet, pushing into the glass door and into the rain as you vaguely hear Joel calling your name. You don’t bother to turn back, regretting even saying anything at all. You should have just let Joel say he was only your neighbor and leave it at that. 

Tears are running down your face again, down the sidewalk and through someone's side yard to the trail that you know is there. You feel stupid and pitiful again, admitting to having a crush on your neighbor who is 9 years older than you while also having him console you over a long-term breakup. 

You quickly make the decision to cut through the hiking trail, back to the gravel lot where Joel had first picked you up, and then back to your house. Maybe you could even make it to your car before Joel realized where you went and you can drive back to campus because this is more embarrassing than coming home and crying about Jason.

Joel doesn’t know what to do watching you almost smack your face against the door handle as you rush out of the diner. He tries to call you back, feeling embarrassed for making you uncomfortable. He didn’t mean to start choking on his coffee when he heard you admit that you had a crush on him. Currently, have a crush on him? He wasn’t sure. Something in his gut wanted to find out desperately. 

He pulled his wallet out roughly to pay the bill, getting out of the booth and opening the door at the same time he sees you cut through someone's yard. “Shit!” He says out loud, striding quickly over to his truck and hopping in the driver’s seat. He had to beat you home, or at least stop you from whatever it was that you were going to do. 

Joel is tapping on his wheel as he drives up the road to the hiking trail when he sees you, drenched and running on the sidewalk heading in the opposite direction. You most certainly see him, eyes widening and freezing in place as if a scared animal and don’t know where to go. Joel pulls over, rolling his window down and leaning closer to the opening. “Why did you run off?” He says sharply, eyebrows furrowed together. 

He doesn’t mean to come off harsh but knows he has when you respond with. “I freaked out. I’m sorry-”

“Would you get in the truck?” He amends, reaching for the handle and opening it towards you as an invitation. He waits for you to make a decision, watching you closely to see if you will bolt again. “I’ll take you wherever you want to go.” He concedes, watching you take a deep breath before begrudgingly sliding into the vehicle and slamming the door shut behind you.  While you try to get ahold of yourself, wiping at your cheeks and flicking your hair behind your shoulder, Joel waits patiently. He can’t help but reach over and place his hand on your leg again, even when you tense up. “It’s alright.” 

You huff again, pulling your hand back into your lap. “I’m sorry.” You say quietly, glancing at his hand on your leg and shut your eyes tightly. “I didn’t mean to make it weird. I just meant that I used to have a crush on you. Like when I was 17, or something.”

Joel holds back his sigh, knowing that any type of response might set you off to run again. He hides the fact that his chest deflates at the idea that it was a teenage crush, rather than a current one. He reels himself in at the thought that he is actually disappointed, beating himself up mentally that he shouldn’t have hoped you still liked him-he’s convinced that he is too old for you. “I didn’t mean to embarrass you.” He mumbles, looking over at you. “You just surprised me. No harm.”

You nod quickly, looking down at your hands and at his on your knee. He gives you another squeeze to bring your attention back up to him. “For what it’s worth,” He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes before saying, “You’re beautiful, and I would be lucky for you to have a crush on me.” 

You stare at him in shock, waiting for him to take it back.

When he doesn’t, you find yourself leaning towards him and pressing your lips to his cheek lightly, testing the waters. You pull back just enough to watch his reaction, before leaning in again and moving your lips to his. 

He’s frozen for only an instant more before his fingers curl into the back of your hair, wet from the rain, and pulling your face towards his. You can’t believe this is happening, wondering if maybe you actually fell and hit your head on your way out of the diner, and this is just some coma-induced dream. 

It feels more real when Joel’s hand trails down from the back of your head to your neck, giving you a light squeeze and then pulling himself away from you. He’s breathing heavily, slowly removing his hands from you before pressing them to the steering wheel and blinking rapidly. 

He knows he shouldn’t have reciprocated. He knows he shouldn’t have said anything. He wonders if he should have just let you run home like you had planned. 

You’re wondering if he’s regretting what just happened between you as he puts the truck in gear and turns it around in the gravel lot just ahead, driving back to your neighborhood. Anxiety roils in your stomach as he pulls up to your house and puts the truck in park, not even looking at you as he waits for you to exit. 

You do just that, wondering how much more you will cry tonight when you slam the door behind you.

The next day, after you walked into your house and were bombarded by questions from your mom and dad, you’re debating even getting up. The bed is too small, but the blankets are warm and your pillow is comfortable, and the idea of having to explain in more detail before your parents go to work gives you the worst feeling. 

You glance out your window where the curtain has shifted, and notice that Joel’s truck is still in the driveway. You wonder vaguely if he has the day off from his job in construction when you hear a knock on your door. 

Your mom only knocks to give you a warning that she is coming in, your door yawning open as you huff out a small “What?”

“Just letting you know I’m heading to work and your dad is soon as well.” She says quietly, tapping her fingers against the door knob. “Do you have plans today?”

You roll your eyes before turning over to face her. “Wallow in self-pity and cry some more.” You say sarcastically, watching her shake her head at you in mild disgust. 

“Do the dishes, won’t you?” She says back, walking into the room to give you a kiss on the head before walking out and leaving the door open. 

You sigh heavily and wait another 30 minutes, listening to your dad groan to himself before leaving and locking the door behind him. You wonder vaguely if you have a spare key still hidden under the back step, and if you’ll be able to leave the house today. Maybe you could actually go on a hike. 

Motivation takes over you as you stand, stretching for a minute before finding clothes you would be comfortable in for the day. A simple walk may be all you need to move past Jason breaking your heart today. You don’t know what will push your shared kiss with Joel out of your brain. 

Joel is drinking the last bits of his coffee when he sees you step out your back door and check under a potted plant, nodding to yourself and walking away without so much as a glance toward his house. He had planned on not reaching out to you-let you figure out what you wanted and then pretend that nothing occurred if that was what you wanted. It was only the next day, after all. 

In a split second after watching you head towards that damn hiking trail, Joel rinses his cup and steps out into the yard. You’re too far away to have noticed he has appeared, but he wonders if he should go after you, or if he should take his truck with him. Does he have an excuse to bring the truck? He glances up at the sky briefly, already knowing that it wasn’t supposed to rain again for another couple of days. Trailing behind you without saying anything is just creepy, and he doesn’t want to be that person–

His legs carry him at a brisk pace, boots thumping on the ground and his jeans riding lower with every step. When he calls your name he internally cringes at how you lift your shoulders and freeze, turning just your head around to look at him. “Hold on just a second.” He calls, jogging up to where you have paused. 

You give him this look that makes him want to laugh, but he understands. You look frightened of your own embarrassment, trying to mask it with indifference. When he stops next to you and takes a deep breath, he doesn’t really know what his plan is. “You going on a walk?”

You nod, swallowing and shuffling in place for a moment. “Was going to attempt to actually hike instead of just sit there.”

He hums, taking a step in the direction you were going. “I’m off today, mind if I join you?”

He knows you’re pretending to not care just as much as he is, but you smile at him and agree, walking alongside him up to the head of the trail.

You’re about two minutes into this hike, and both you and Joel are out of breath. You haven’t spoken more than when he first caught up with you, and you don’t think you want him to. Pausing to catch your breath doesn’t seem like an option if you really don’t want to talk, so you continue on the path, going up higher on this hill.

Glancing over at Joel makes your face turn red, realizing he is in his boots and jeans that he keeps tugging up, and a dark blue shirt that will likely be covered in sweat if you continue at this pace. He could turn back if he didn’t want to do this walk with you, but you know that he didn’t come to actually walk. He wants to say something, and if you just don’t let him get the chance–

“Can you just, hold on for a second.” Joel puffs out, stopping and placing his hands on his hips. He’s trying to catch his breath, holding his mouth slightly open and furrowing his brow at you. “When the hell did you start walking so fast?”

You can’t help the giggle that bubbles out of you at the ridiculous question. You are walking fast, but the point was to not talk. You aren’t going to admit that to him. “Just moving with a purpose.”

Joel sighs, shifting his weight to his other foot. “Can we talk?”

You immediately start shaking your head, taking another step forward. “No, Joel I don’t want–”

His hand wraps around your wrist gently, pulling you towards him to get you to stop in place. Your heart picks up the pace, closing your eyes to try and stay calm. “Look at me, please.”

When you don’t turn he yanks on your arm again, forcing you to spin into him and bump into his chest with a huff. You open your eyes to only look down, noticing the way his chest rises and falls against yours is erratic, almost like he can’t control himself. 

He says your name quietly, forcing your eyes up to his with his hand under your chin. You stare at him, unsure what his motives are, mind going into overdrive. What is the purpose of this? What does he want to talk about? You’re convincing yourself that yesterday was a mistake and that Joel wouldn’t want you the way that you’ve wanted him when he leans forward and presses his lips to yours again. 

Your eyes flutter shut when he pushes forward to you again, pulling back for a moment to inhale heavily and pressing his tongue out to yours. Brushing it against the seam of your lips to ask permission, sliding his hand up from your wrist into the back of your hair. 

You pull away suddenly after getting lost in his touch, eyes widening at him as he slowly lifts his gaze. “You don’t want me.” You breathe out, leaning further away from him. 

He tsks at you, tightening his grip and holding you in place. “I shouldn’t.” He confirms, leaning back forward and attaching his lips to yours again. 

What happens next seems natural. The way that he kisses your neck and pulls away only to find somewhere secluded off the trail, makes your head spin. How this is happening is beyond you, but your body is alight with desire and bubbling with excited anxiety. 

Joel can’t help but want to watch you only; make you feel good after yesterday's turmoil of Jason, of the diner, of kissing in his truck. He wants to convey to you that he wants you, and the only way to do that is to get on his knees for you while you’re pinned against this rock.

His fingers are gentle, cautious, and waiting for you to give the go-ahead before pulling the waistband of your pants down to your ankles and sliding one of your legs out. He’s quick to pull it over his shoulder, hands supporting your hips as he slowly and methodically explores you with his tongue. 

You bite your lip at the sight of his eyes looking back at you, his pink tongue reaching out to your slit and groaning with want at how you taste. “Oh, darlin’, if I had known this is how you taste–” He cuts himself off with another exploration of his tongue. “I would have said something sooner.”

The “something” that he would have said is lost on you, and easy to not dwell on as his tongue dips lower to your opening and barely enters to feel the smooth skin there. You sigh happily, closing your eyes and leaning your head back into the bark with a dull “thunk”. 

Joel feels his head spinning, his internal monologue telling him this is wrong, but unable to stop at the thought of seeing you let go. To see you completely relaxed in front of him is something he didn’t know he craved, but your plush legs surrounding him and your long neck exposed as you look up toward the sky makes his pants tighten with need and the want to see you come undone. 

And soon enough his tongue helps you do exactly that. Your hand pushes through his hair and yanks, feeling overwhelmed at the idea that Joel is the one to do this. “I’m close–I’m gonna–”

Joel doesn’t let up, pushing himself closer to your center and wrapping his lips around your clit. The suction and flick of his tongue is all you need, breath hitching in your throat and closing your eyes at the sensation. You come so heavily that Joel is seriously holding you up, fingers digging into your skin as your legs shake. 

When you come down your breath is coming out ragged, looking down at him to see his chin is covered with your wetness, a small smirk on his lips. He leans his head against your thigh that is still hanging over his shoulder, a sigh fanning over your center. He clears his throat, taking one hand and wiping his chin before patting your leg and helping you set it down. “I would have told you Jason was an ass sooner.” He clarifies, eyes bouncing between your own. 

Your face goes red again, his fingers pulling up the waistband of your pants as he stands up. He leans against you, his hard-on poking against your leg as you reach for it, wanting to reciprocate before he stops you. You look up at him again, furrowing your eyebrows at him in confusion. 

He gives you a small smile, sighing heavily before saying. “Next time, darlin’.”

[kiyomitakada]

[high school au introduction. for the soul]

-

It had been a long time since Soichiro Yagami last drove his son to school. Light took the bus. His mom sometimes fretted about safety, offered to call a taxi instead, but then Light would have to make conversation with the taxi driver and while he did enjoy psychological manipulation it wasn't exactly his ideal mood just after waking up. Besides, it was so boring when he knew he'd never see the other person again. No stakes.

So, the bus. The regular bus, not the school one. If he saw any of his classmates on the way he might break the hammer out of the box and smash the windows.

Light sat in the back row and opened his Windows computer. He had perfected the art of typing quietly.

Last year he might have been putting the finishing touches on his summer reading essay. This year he pulled up 2048 and played until all the blocks swam across his vision in the same impossible color.

-

Misa bounced anxiously on the balls of her feet, peering over the crowd. She and Rem were just to the side of the main entrance. Rem was almost a head taller than her, which allowed her to stand behind Misa and still see perfectly.

"Do you see him yet?"

"No," Rem said. "Misa, we're going to be late."

"Oh who cares, you know the start-of-year assemblies are always the same." Misa flapped a hand at her. "I'm sure he'll be here soon!"

"Did he text you?"

"Good question!" Misa tapped at her phone; it lit. No new messages.

Light hadn't messaged her yesterday, either. Or the day before that. Misa shoved down the building panic in her chest.

"Nothing?"

"Maybe he got hit by a car," she offered. This was a better option than Light just forgetting. If Light had been hit by a car, Misa could take care of him. "Or maybe the bus broke down."

She tapped out r u ok???? and hit send. Then abruptly the wall of messages only on the right side of the screen was too much to look at, so she stuffed her phone back into her pocket.

It pinged a minute later. The time was now 7:57, and the crowd had thinned considerably.

Yes I'm fine. Just a delay on the bus Sorry

Misa pumped her fist. Yes! Light hadn't forgotten her! She typed back immediately:

oh no!!!! :0 how long is it gonna be

I don't know, Misa.

:((((((

"He doesn't know how long it'll be," Misa said, after the sad-face string received no reply. She stretched, then shivered. Maybe a shoulderless dress wasn't the best idea on a cold morning; in her defense, it was August.

"I'm sure he won't mind if we go in first," Rem tried.

"Yes he will! We're a couple, you know. We have to do things together." Misa sighed. Of course Rem wouldn't understand. There wasn't a romantic bone anywhere within that all-black hoodie. Then again, that was why Misa liked her so much — Rem had this weirdly innocent vibe despite generally hanging around the emos, like she still hadn't quite figured out how high school love worked. It was charming. Misa had taken Rem under her wing as soon as Misa transferred to their high school three years ago, and she had never looked back.

"Okay," Rem said, conceding defeat. She tapped a bit at her own phone, then reached up and unzipped her hoodie. She extracted her arms from it carefully before draping it over Misa.

Misa blinked. "Thanks?"

"You were shivering," Rem said, as though this explained everything. Maybe it did. Rem was such a good friend, Misa thought, pulling the hoodie over her arms. Rem would do anything for her.

"Are you gonna be cold?"

"No, I'm wearing long sleeves."

Misa grinned. "You dress like an onion, Rem."

Rem did not dignify this with a comment. She dipped her head back down over Misa's and kept scrolling through her phone, not making eye contact.

If Misa didn't know better, she'd think she was shy.

-

"I swear to God," Gelus muttered, before he cast his phone aside. "Ryuk, sit up."

"I'm saving Rem's seat," Ryuk said, lounging over two metal chairs like that one scene in Titanic.

Gelus groaned. "Rem's not coming. Misa's got her locked outside again."

"More room for me." Ryuk dropped an apple chip into his mouth, unconcerned. "Hey, Jello, you didn't tell me to save a seat for Misa."

"That's because I didn't want her to sit with us!" Gelus hissed.

"Why not? Misa's cool."

Okay, yes, Misa was cool. Gelus could admit that he'd had a crush on her when she'd first transferred in, just like everyone else and their father did, but it had gone away with time after he'd gotten to know her better and also gotten on antidepressants. These days she was just a person. A very overdramatic person, to be sure, but still.

Rem, on the other hand, had fallen progressively more head-over-heels as time went on. Which was fine. But every time he saw Rem do something ridiculously romantic like kiss each of Misa's knuckles as 'rewards' while teaching her math homework, and every time Misa completely ignored this to go after her clearly uninterested boyfriend again, Gelus felt like flushing all his meds down the toilet.

"If Misa sits with us we'll have to sit with Light Yagami."

Ryuk shrugged. "Could be fun. What's he like?"

"I have no idea," Gelus said. "But look at him. Does he look like the fun type to you?"

"Mmm, I don't know," Ryuk mused. "Maybe if I got him stimulants."

"Ladies and gentlemen." Principal Kitamura's voice crackled through the speakers of the auditorium. "Welcome back to a new school year. I couldn't be more glad you're all here…"

Gelus glanced pointedly at the double-space Ryuk was taking up. Ryuk paid no mind and stared up at the ceiling instead, crunching more apple chips.

The teachers didn't notice. They never had.

[co-mixed]

Fantastic Four (& FF) by Jonathan Hickman

Jonathan Hickman’s Fantastic Four equals a ton of expectations. Capital E. After the original one by Lee and Kirby, this one is probably considered to be the most defining for the team. At least that’s what I kept hearing before picking it up. It’s a fan favorite, hence the E.  So it doesn’t need any extra introductions. 

Next — spoilers, questions, enlightening conclusions, and more reasons to despise Reed Richards...

When I couldn’t come up with anything to say about the previous Millar run, I thought that was because the run didn’t affect anything (seriously, you should see my review — it’s pretty much me going on and on about how Reed messed up again). Turns out, I was wrong. Not about Reed, about the run. It was just a prelude to Hickman’s cooking. 

Almost everything makes a comeback: dead Galactus, living Galactus, Nu-Earth, Doom, Val’s brilliant mind, etc. Topped off with Hickman’s love for large-scale events, his style of storytelling (where time is a flat circle), and even text pages. Don’t worry though, they make an appearance but don’t take up half of the book (yet). 

A lot is going on in this series. When I say a lot, I mean almost overwhelmingly. Hickman’s style is throwing bits and pieces at you at random points and making them come together at another point. Now when’s that gonna be — you never know. This makes his runs fun and just a little chaotic, kind of like life. And if you pay attention, the bits come together like a puzzle where everything fits and nothing is left to chance. 

The narrative also happens in two books: at some point he introduces FF as in Future Foundation, thus solving the question that plagues many a writer — what to do with the kids. 

As much as I don’t care for kids' adventures, these worked just fine, so I don’t even feel the need to defend their existence or convince anyone not to skip them. 

Too many Reeds

There is a whole council of Reeds and we learn that despite being so obviously the worst of all humans on Earth, our 616 Reed somehow turns out to be the best Reed out of all Reeds. Imagine how low the bar is…. Oh wait, there’s no need to imagine if you check out the story of Reed-98570 (Fantastic Four #605). And that creep is one of the founders of the council. 

So between the nazi scientist Reed who stole Doom’s brain, other Reeds who turned their back on their families, and Reed Reed who is just garbage, there’s really only one question: why are all Reeds so awful? 

Hickman proposes a possible answer — his father wasn’t around. Kind of sounds like bs. Look at the Marvel Universe: how many heroes still have their parents? And some parents had been awful. Not everyone turned out like this (except maybe Stark…). No, I say, Reed is bad because of Reed. And Val is probably gonna turn out just as bad. 

There is so much to choose from. At this point, the list of his misdeeds (as I just mean Reed 616) exceeds the list of Daredevil’s dead exes.

It doesn’t take Reed 10 pages of the new run to start lying to his wife. 

But that’s not news. What blows my mind, is how obsessively Reed is trying to prove to Wizard that he’s going to raise his clone into someone better. Pffft, Reed. Take care of your own kids – they’re out of hand. One is making deals with your arch-enemy, and the other is doing god knows what in the middle of the night in his own universe. You have your hands full.

And that is not even remotely close to being all that Reed’s been up to. He starts Future Foundation as a way to bring young forward-thinking kid geniuses together and solve everything. Ambitious and fair, fair because he sees how the existing scientific community has stagnated. The old, experienced scientists have no interest in building a future they won’t get to see. But kids, they do. Val is a perfect fit for this foundation (and so is Bentley-the-Wizard’s-clone) and that’s a great excuse to start neglecting Franklin. You know, build a little competition. If Odin’s guide to healthy parenting has taught us anything, it’s that kids should fight for their parents’ love and approval... Fine, I’m exaggerating but just a little. After all, Reed manages to neglect FF too. Whenever he does, he usually dumps it all on Johnny. 

Johnny’s reign

It’s on one of such days that Johnny ends up locked forever in the Negative Zone. He is presumed dead and it’s all very tragic for the next few months. But it does bring Spider-Man out of his neighborhood and into the family drama. He actually fits in quite well, with nothing to prove and his easygoing attitude (but even he wonders if Sue is fine with whatever Reed’s doing at a given moment). Still, it’s not about him, so none of his personal tales make it into the book.  Of course, Johnny soon returns.

Not only he shows up at the best possible moment, he has Annihilus on a leash and complete control of the Zone (which gives us the ‘hold my Annihilus’ panel). I swear, whenever Johnny sends his ships and troops somewhere, you can feel Reed’s green envy. Reed probably thought he deserved it more… (I don’t have any proof but it seems like something Reed would experience.)

Johnny seemingly matures, he’s supposed to be 2 years older now too, but that doesn’t last long and he quickly reverts to his classic irritating self. As if dying and coming back doesn’t mess with one’s mind. 

What’s worse, he gives the Zone free elections, and guess what? They vote for Annihilus. Again. They got rid of him with pain, sweat, and blood, and they voted him back in. Now that’s just unrealistic! Can’t happen. Right?

That’s probably everything of note that happens with Johnny. I have to assume that writers, for the most part, still don’t know what exactly to make of him. But my guess is his image needs a serious makeover. I don’t know where he’s at right now, but I don’t think this party-hard, drink-’till-sunrise, never-be-on-time, have-no-purpose persona should live past 2012. 

Sue’s enchantment under the sea 

How did Johnny even end up on the other side of the gate to the Zone? Well, Ben was human, Reed was busy with Nu World and Galactus, and Sue… oh, Sue was ruling the seas. 

No, unfortunately, she still hasn’t left Reed for Namor or any other fish person. But she did spend a ton of time negotiating a truce between Namor’s kingdom and other fish in the sea. Even punched Namor, which only made him want her more. 

And I know that’s a whole other book but there was a jealous vibe from Emma, who also makes an appearance, and I don’t know what to make of it. From all we know, she can still have him as a backup if she wants to. Maybe she just hates being a second choice and Sue doesn’t exactly have Jean’s habit of dying and vacating the partner. 

Other than that, Sue waters flowers, kicks celestial ass, and wonders if she’s a good parent. She is (her husband isn’t). She has confidence which is very nice to see. But she still doesn’t give Reed the grief he deserves. He keeps lying to Sue and deceiving her, which leads to bigger and bigger problems and she, along with other heroes, ends up having to deal with it. It’s a vicious circle and it’s an exhaustingly old issue even at that point (2011-12, people, the Avengers just came out!) Don’t get me wrong, I would be complaining if their married life was all suns and rainbows, because that’s just boring. But I need to see her confronting Reed. At this point, she just looks the other way and leaves him to his devices. I’m almost not surprised she jumped at the chance to hang out with Namor, even though he once again showed his more obnoxious side. At least he isn’t spending time with a bunch of himselves instead of her. 

I never not feel bad for Sue, mostly because we still don’t really know her. Writers make small improvements and adjustments for her, and they reassure us that her love for Reed is real, but I can’t believe that. She has nothing of her own, nothing that isn’t attached to her husband, kids, the team, or Namor. She makes sandwiches and cuts off the crust. 

The week of Ben

Now back to Johnny’s trip to the Negative Zone, where was Ben? Right beside him. Only Ben was human because the FF kids created a serum that could turn him human for a week every year. That was so shocking to everyone — the kids have figured out something Reed never could. Only that’s not true at all. Throughout the FF's history, Ben’s become human again at least 5 times, maybe more. Several times Reed figured out how to change him for good, some times he gave Ben the option to turn into The Thing at will. It never lasted but not all of that was Reed’s fault.

Regardless, Ben became human for his week, spent it hanging out with Johnny (worst choice ever if you ask me), but he also reunited with Alicia. The part that does bug me is he still thinks she loves him only for his looks. You know, as if his charming and not-at-all-angry personality is not enough. Also, no one is even mentioning Debbie who just a week ago was the love of Ben’s life and nearly became his wife and Sue’s best (only) friend in the process. But no sense in dwelling on the past. 

Of course, after failing to sacrifice himself instead of Johnny, Ben takes a guilt trip. No, he actually leaves the team to go mope around in the Avengers mansion. And feels that it’s really all he does during this run aside from backing up the team and announcing clobbering time. But we do take a little trip to the future with Reed’s father, and we see what the kids’ serum does to Ben – he only ages a week every year so he gets to outlive everyone and that’s when we get a little moment that reminds us that he and Reed are actually best friends. Something that’s been buried under Ben’s loyalty and resentment, plus occasional (permanent) selfishness on Reed’s side. 

Moloids though, they worship Ben. So that’s something.

The kids won’t be all right

We get to see future versions of Franklin and Val. To call these kids shady is an understatement. They are straight-up nasty creeps. And in a very mutant tradition, they come back from the future to mess around with history. Franklin gives himself his powers back, Val constantly states how much she doesn’t like her kid self.

Meanwhile,, their younger selves, accompanied by the FF, constantly get into trouble. We do address kid Franklin’s issues that I felt were dropped by Millar, his budding envy for Val. And when it comes to Val, I don’t think she’s going to change. She is Doom’s child at heart… everything about her is Doom, her arrogance, her sinister ideas, her elaborate plans. She did get one thing from Reed though — lying. Sneaking around and doing shady things – that’s all Reed. It makes me curious, the more I read about her, the more I want to see her turn into a self-righteous villain. She has everything for the part and she’d make a far more exciting villain than even Franklin with all his world-ending abilities. Val is also more suited to rule Latveria than Kristoff. Not trying to give Doom advice on how to run his land but… just something to think about. 

What’s There to Do(om)?

The Reeds have historically been very unkind to the Dooms. And before we get into it, remember that I’m not giving props to a dictator, but let’s agree that turning Dooms into talking plants or brain donors is certainly not the way to achieve your goals of universal peace and prosperity. But the council of Reeds hunts down every Doom in existence, which I don’t know if it does make our 616 Doom special. He keeps jumping higher and higher up in the power ranking, and at this point, it’s hard to imagine he could be defeated. With some help from Val, he even obtains an Infinity Gauntlet (from a different universe) and creates a whole world. That makes him a god and I know this Doomiurge will return in Battleworld. 

To make things worse (for Reed), through the course of the run, Doom is saving Richards and his family left and right. First, he saves Reed’s absent father (by killing his variant), then he sacrifices himself during the fight with the Celestials, and so much more in between. All while being very nice to Val and not breaking his word once. Oh yes, he’s a better parent to Val than Reed is.

This is once again, a story about the family. Reed’s family, because even when they all deal with their own things, they can be sure that somehow Reed is going to screw up everything and bring about the end of the world.

All of it makes me understand one thing. When you’re writing a Fantastic Four run, you gotta be either pro-Reed or pro-Doom. If you’re pro-Reed, you’ll go out of your way to prove that Reed’s doing the right thing. Even when he does the wrong thing for the right reason, which is a - always, b- a clear sign of a villain. 

Pro-Doom writers don’t argue with Doom being evil and ambitious, but they always try to remind us how honorable Doom is and that his heart may be black but there’s a soft blueish spot in it for Valeria. A bit of healthy disdain for Mr. Fantastic usually correlates with at least some Doom apologism. 

[kraro-school-life]

✦ Studyblr Introduction ✦

Hello! If you´re reading this, welcome to my blog! I am pretty new to Tumblr, but I´ve always admired the Studyblrs here, so I thought of making one too. I am really excited to start this, so let´s go!

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About me ✮⋆˙

My (nick)name is Karo (♦️)

pronouns: she/any

I am Polish, but now live in Germany

17 y/o, leo

English is my 3rd language (so it´s possible that I make some mistakes, forgive me pls)

My favourite colour is red!!

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Education ✮⋆˙

Gymnasium

As I´m still in high school I still have all my chosen (mandatory) subjects, but the ones I chose to have advanced are: Math, Physics, Economics and Art

My current average grade is 9,5 (out of 10)

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Hobbies ✮⋆˙

Figure Skating!

I do figure skating and passed the 8. Kürklasse (German system). Currently trying to improve and train for the 7th.

Art!

I love everything related to art. I have to keep a sketchbook for school, but I really enjoy working very long on paintings.

Adventure & Mountains!

Skiing, hiking, climbing, mountain biking, camping, cycling, you name it...

The internet!

memes, youtube, Pinterest, etc. Also kpop; I love kpop in general, but Stray Kids in particular (they´re my ult). I´m a huge STAY, but other groups i like are: Xikers, Nmixx, xdHeroes and Zb1 and many many more tbh

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My Studyblr ✮⋆˙

Why did I make a Studyblr?

Motivation! Tracking and actually posting my progress makes me even more motivated to study. Because pretty pictures make everything better!!

Discipline! Honestly, I spend waaaay too much time on my phone. With this blog I hope to make a routine for myself and minimize my screen time, as I´m going to be posting here instead scrolling (hopefully).

Give back to the community! Studyblr helped me discover countless useful tips and tricks, as well as cool blogs that motivate me! I want to share my experiences in my own little corner of the internet for people to find.

Goals:

find a way to study sustainably, without burning out every other week

get my goal grades on exams and reports

figure out what I want to do in the future (mainly deciding on what I want to study in university)

genuinely enjoy my life as a teenager, and not “sit locked in my basement all day” - as my friend put it after seeing my grades lol

What to expect:

This blog is both a journal and archive for my academic journey, a diary of sorts. There will be everything and anything related to school (mostly tracking my progress), but also just my life. All photos are mine, except said otherwise.

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Navigation ✮⋆˙

original posts ➜ #karoriginal text ➜ #karorambles updates on stuff ➜ #karoupdates reblog ➜ #karoreblog day to day posts ➜ #karodiaries

Studyblrs I really like ✮⋆˙

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[o0o0thorn0o0o]

I be back.

Images by themselves below the cut because I spent way too much time on them + text because I’ve been gone for a while—‘course I got a lotta say.

It’s certainly been a while, eh? I did this last cour, too, and I swear to God if I do this for the next cour… Worst part is, I haven’t even watched it yet this time, rip :,) Will definitely do sometime later today, for sure, for sure.

So, I meant to get this done for IchiHime week (and look at how that turned out, haha), but not only was July a month full of pleasure, but it was also full of pain work. I was bordering a D for Orgo, so I spent a good portion prioritizing that—and it wasn’t for naught! Not only did I pass, but I went from a C- to a B! A freaking B, not even a B-!!! I’m still so shocked… I also ended up with over a 100 for lab, but I honestly kinda expected that. I’m just so glad I graduated without failing Orgo 2. Was infinitely better than Orgo 1, but goodbye, will never see you again. If I ever do, it’ll be too soon… Had hella good professors, though. That, I will say.

I go from ranting about Orgo to raving, even though it’s almost been a month… Oops ^^” The grade just still makes me so giddy, haha. Anyway, been mainly prioritizing drawing this (plus a part two to this, which I do have done as well, but I will be posting that sometime later today), though I did spend a good portion of the first half of this month rebooting my personal writing club. Enough about where I’ve been—let’s talk about the piece, shall we?

So, this was originally just an art idea I knew I wanted to do later, and when I saw what the first prompt was, it automatically came to the forefront of my mind. That, plus with the idea I eventually got for the second prompt, I really just had to. I actually probably could’ve gotten this done in a more reasonable time, but, see, when things are just an idea, I don’t put too, too much thought into them—only enough to consider them neat or substantial or something.

When it actually came to it, I found myself at a dilemma of just how faithful I wanted to stick with Orihime’s confession. Originally, I thought about incorporating the five specific things she mentioned into different past lives, but then I realized the timelines wouldn’t really make sense with what I was going for, especially considering Soul Society and stuff, which I had not thought about. So I kinda had to choose between previous lives or parallel lives. I initially went with the latter, but… idk, last minute, like the week of, I decided after checking the prompt list one more time that, nah, I definitely wanted previous lives. So, uh… yeah… I might still end up making a parallel lives version of this in the future, ‘cause I did like those ideas, too. We’ll see.

Anyway, I did try to make them at least somewhat reminiscent of the five things: Orihime and Hikoboshi are related to the astronaut thing ‘cause of space and stars and stuff. Heian Period IchiHime, well, it’s a bit of stretch, but I couldn’t really fit donuts in here since the timeline between them and the introduction of ice cream and the current timeline would’ve made one/two of these lives tragically short without even factoring in Soul Society—nothing wrong with tragedy, but not for this post, haha. So I went with small Chinese cakes ‘cause they’re a sweet? And they’d definitely be a very rare and special treat, so… idk.

Shinigami IchiHime’s also a bit of a stretch? You’d think I’d have the easiest time with being a teacher sometime in history, but I ended up sticking it here, and I was adamant I wanted to draw them in their academy days. So, you’ve got Orihime teaching Ichigo some kido techniques or something, idk. Maybe there’s also a kido equivalent to the dummy Hollow thing? And Orihime has a similar/equivalent position to Shuuhei for that? Idk, am just spitballing here to justify myself even though I know I don’t have to.

Then finally, we got Edo Period IchiHime, with Ichigo introducing ice cream to Orihime for the first time ever. And then of course, I shouldn’t have to explain the last one, haha.

Oh, God, I have so much to catch up on… which I will do later. And hey, since my scheduled posts are all up, I guess I’ll just use my queue to reblog posts I’ve missed since Ik I definitely will be reblogging a lot—don’t wanna bombard you with a ton of posts, aha. I will be making them daily instead of weekly, though, so that I’m not stashing them for too long. Starting tomorrow.

[halucynator]

Hi Lucy~~~ ✨ Please can I request a Draco Malfoy fic based on Maisie Peters ‘You to you’? x

You to You

I cannot express to you how happy I am that you requested this. I absolutely love Maisie Peters and this makes my day because she is one of my favourite artists (I have a lot lmao) and she is so underrated hope this is what you wanted xx sorry this is so late x I was trying to make it good xx

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x fem!reader

Warnings: angst, cursing (BC it's the lyrics), jealousy.

Summary: Draco did you dirty and you are determined to get back at him. And you're very good at expressing that.

Yes, this text contains of lyrics from other Maisie Peters songs, sue me (cause !! atleast !! then !! we !! could !! talk !!) they are in blue italic x

Three months ago today, he had your heart on a plate. You ate takeout on the floor, you gave the world to him and more.

As you saw Draco enter with his new girlfriend, you felt nothing but rage. You were such a perfect girlfriend and yet he decided to leave forever for something that won't even last.

"It took him a minute. To rip us up in a minute. To say he's done with committing." You said loudly enough for Draco and his new girlfriend to hear.

Draco sighed as he heard those words, knowing for well they were about him.

"Jesus Christ just move on already." Draco mumbled under his breath but you heard him.

"Oh, don't you think I'm trying." You said, offended by the audacity he had to say that.

As the rest of the common room burst into chatter, you sat there, observing Draco: how he talked to her, gave her time like he never did to you.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡*:☆

"I lost my friends, took his side! Had his back cause I thought he had mine. That was then, I was wrong." You said to Pansy as you entered your dorm that you shared with her.

"Hello Pansy! Hello y/n! Nice to see you! Nice to see you too!" Pansy mocked annoyed at the lack of introduction.

"Pansy, you know there's no time for introductions right now." You said glaring at her.

"Ok fine! What did he do now?" Pansy asked.

"What did he do? WHAT DID HE DO? WELL I DON'T KNOW PANSY, HE'S DONE A LOT OF THINGS! FOR STARTERS, HE PLAYED ME! THEN HE BROKE UP WITH ME AND MADE IT SEEM LIKE MY FAULT. THEN HE GOT TOGETHER WITH THE ONE GIRL WHO EVERYONE HATES." You half shouted at Pansy.

"Not many people hate Astoria." Pansy replied.

"That's what you got out of this?" You glared at Pansy, your voice dripping with annoyance and anger all together.

"Ok, what do you want me to do about it?" She asked.

"Well for starters you should- well that and- I have no idea." You said looking for an excuse to involve Pansy but failing miserably.

"Exactly. You're digging in this too much. You two are over. You need to enjoy your life." Pansy said.

"That's the first smart thing I've heard you say Pansy! Thanks!" You replied.

"No problem- wait what?!" Pansy pouted looking offended.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡*:☆

You hoped that he'd find someone that he trusts. And he gives all his darkest secrets up. And then you hoped they break his heart in two.

"Hope she does a you to you to you to you to you." You mumbled under your breath as you saw him enter with Astoria.

"Still on him?" Theo asked seeing you stare at him.

"No way!" You replied.

"What he did was pretty shit. You deserve better." He said smiling at you.

"I shouldn't be surprised, he's not the 'meet the parents' type, he said he needed me, wanted to be with me, just didn't want his friends to see." You said as you glared daggers at him.

"Wow what a liar. What else did he say?" Pansy joined in on your conversation.

"Well, he said I was different. But I wasn't different, I was just a girl he said he loved. Now I wish that I'd listened." You said.

And you lost your friends. Took his side. Had his back cause you thought he had yours. That was then. You were wrong.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡*:☆

"oh great there she is. She's so obsessed with me." Draco said to Astoria as you stared at you.

"I hope that you finds someone that you trust. And you give all your darkest secrets up. And then I hope she breaks your heart in two. Hope she does a you to you, to you, to you, to you. I hope you give her everything you got. And she tells you you're special when you're not. And then I hope she breaks your heart in two. Hope she does a you to you, to you, to you, to you." You murmured glaring at him, indicating just what he had gotten himself into.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡*:☆

"I know I'm being bitter but my letters didn't get through to him. Knocked out both my owls oh look at that I guess it's two for two (sorry I couldn't come up with anything better ☠️)." You stated to Pansy angrily.

"He also might've sort of called you a psycho to all of us." Pansy said nervously.

"Calling me a psycho to our friends and that's not news to me. Wish it was, but honestly that's just so him. He should keep in mind that there's nothing I do better than revenge." You said angrily.

(yes a Taylor swift reference)

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡*:☆

"I heard you've been talking about me behind my back." Draco says. "Care to tell me what you've been saying?"

"It's none of your business." You said death staring him.

"It appears to me that it is very much my business. You're talking about me and for all I know, your pathetic self could be spreading rumours just as pathetic as you." He said surprisingly calmly.

"oh you wanna know? Here. This is what I've been saying." You began.

"Y/n no! You're better than this." Pansy stated. But it was too late. She should've known it was too late.

"I hope you think you've finally found the one. Then she fucks you over just for fun. Cause then maybe you'll realise what you do. Hope she does a you to you." You continued. Draco gave you a look as if daring you to continue.

"So I hope that you find someone that you trust and you give all your darkest secrets up. And then I hope she breaks your heart in two. Hope she does a you to you, to you, to you, to you, to you. Oh I hope she, yeah, I hope, I hope she breaks your heart."

"You don't mean that." He said seemingly unamused.

"Baby, oh you know I hope she does." You said shocked by his audacity.

And you hoped she would.

You hoped she would.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡*:☆

I hope I didn't misinterpret the meaning of your request xx thank you for the idea! I love it! Request again 💖

[whodo-yourvoodoo]

۞ I'm the Boogey Man, Oooga Booga

So, a certain android convinced me to make a Tumblr. God knows why, considering no one from my time even gives it so much as a thought, much less knows how or why it's still around, but... Hey. Anything to get me to socialize, I guess.

Since introductions are obligatory in these parts...

My name is Samara Alba, and for the last four-or-so years, I've been Earth-3185 and New Orlean's one-and-only Spider-Voodoo.

I was captured and used as an attempted sacrifice in one of Octavius Malisse's many rituals when I was trying to find my boyfriend, who at the time had been missing for three months, and the wrong God decided to crash the party. Together, the Voodoo God of trickery and wisdom, Anansi, and I act as one to keep the streets of New Orleans safe.

I've been told in the past that whatever hand fate gives you, you have to play it. But I disagree. If there's something you truly want--that you truly feel should be different, for better or for worse... I'd say that it's our right to fight for that change. And I'm gonna keep fighting that fight, until I die. I probably will.

But until then, I'm living life by my terms.

۞ Basic Info

> NAME: Samara Alba

> BIRTH DATE: April 7th, 2003

> WEIGHT: 135 lbs / 61.24 kg

> HEIGHT: 5 ft 4in / 162.56 cm

> SPECIES: Arachno-Humanoid

> LOCATION: Uhh, depends? Come find me yourself if you're that curious. (Earth-3185; Louisiana, New Orleans)

> MBTI: INFP-T

> VISUAL REFERENCE:

> ADD. DOCUMENTATION 🔗 [DATA UNAVAILABLE AT THIS TIME]

> AUDIO RECORD 🔗

۞ Tags

> Incantations - General IC Posts

> Rituals - IC and in-person interaction posts

> I Found This - Reposted images and text

> { mun's art/writing } - mun's own content

> { ask the muse/mun } - it speaks fo itself

> { OOC } - mun yapping again

> { Updates } - how I tag posts that pertain to blog updates and whatever

۞ About the Mun and Their Rules

Mun/Admin: misnomer/misno/'mis', she/they/them--nonbinary preferred

lives in the EST timezone

{ So we meet again. It's me, from @nan0-sp1der. Same mun and all, so the rules are relatively the same. Of course they'll change with time. Something not clear? Ask! I'll happily elaborate. }

{ Ok now read-- }

18+ content is permitted, but smut is a no-go. Gore and violence are ok (I'll include a CW out of courtesy ofc).

Haven't really (openly) dived into shipping the muse yet, but if you're considering, hit me up with a DM and we'll discuss things further for the sake of cohesion. Please, please ask me first.

My activity is a bit scattered. if im slow on the pick-up, im either: burnt-out, busy, still trying to figure out how to reply, or with my head deep in a project of some sort. it's never going to be personal.

If I ever forget about a thread, hit me up! I have the memory of a goldfish (/j) and tend to forget most things with ease. Just remind me.

Asks directed at mun are ok! just be mindful and specify who the ask is for. :)

It's self-explanatory that if you come to cause (genuine) trouble, you're not going to receive a warm welcome. think before you speak.

If you're ever curious about oc lore or wanna interact to explore it a bit more, I'll happily oblige!

Random starters to my ask box or tagged are ok! Mind the brief period of inactivity as I formulate a reply.

Wanna do an art or writing collab of some sort? Hit me up at @asciiid! Alternatively, DM me here and we'll discuss there.

[yuzurujenn]

[2024.07.03] Figure Skating Magazine 2023-2024 (BBMOOK 1649) - PHOTO STORY

SKATE & JOURNEY

Depicting the "joy" and "pain" of the heart

Feb 19, 2024, Kanagawa - Pia Arena MM Text/Ryosuke Menju

Photographers were saying that "Ashura-chan" was great, but I was immersed in "Chicken, Snake, and Pig". Every expression and every muscle movement could be conveyed to the audience more deeply than during the competition.

For me, this was the first time I have photographed an ice show again after a long time. The last time I saw Yuzuru Hanyu perform was about 9 months ago. I came to the venue and met several figure skating photographers after a long absence. I often met Kogaito when shooting football games, but this was the first time I have seen Yaguchi since last year's FaOI. "Menju-san! I miss you so much!" He couldn't help but gave me a big hug (laughs).

I cleared all my thoughts and went to watch the performance without any prior preparation, but I saw Yuzuru Hanyu's "inner world", and the overall composition was also quite good. Integrating the game world he loves into the whole performance, the word "PLAY" became "PRAY". This was probably one of the points he wanted to express.

The performance lasted two and a half hours and included 12 programs. I was shocked again! God... two and a half hours... this is unthinkable in common sense. But Yuzuru Hanyu managed to do it all by himself. Seeing that scene with my own eyes, I was at a loss for words and could only say "It's really amazing".

I focused on every move of Yuzuru Hanyu and was deeply attracted by him. The flexibility and expressiveness of his body. He was restricted in his movements during competitions, but he was completely freed after becoming a professional skater. The “free Yuzuru Hanyu" is so amazing! Yuzuru Hanyu is constantly improving and getting better and better.

In terms of physique, he has become stronger or more solid, especially his abdominal muscles which are well trained. Speaking of the "atmosphere" at the scene, I think this atmosphere has already been formed in the venue. Fans' expectations for Yuzuru Hanyu remained unabated, whether in competitions or ice performances. This was reflected in the six-minute practice for "The Messenger of Destruction".

There were more young people in the venue, and it seemed that many were from China and South Korea. It goes without saying that everyone came just to see Yuzuru Hanyu. Indeed, this atmosphere must have been comfortable for Hanyu himself. In previous performances, there seemed to be strict requirements for "wearing masks", but this trend has waned now. Although many people still wore masks, many people took off their masks and sat in the audience. Seeing the expressions of the audience, Hanyu must have felt that the emotional transmission was more direct.

After the main performance, Hanyu returned to the backstage. After a while, he came out again for the encore, "Let Me Entertain You" followed by "SEIMEI" and "Introduction and Rondo", which was a time of great happiness for fans.

Hanyu was just like an artist performing a "live performance"! At concerts, singers usually perform songs from their latest albums, and for the encore, they sing popular songs at the moment. "I was like that when this song was popular." Fans must have such memories. On this day in Yokohama, these memories and emotions with these “songs” gushed out like a spring.

Seeing the enthusiastic atmosphere of the audience during the encore, I thought, "Maybe Hanyu can keep skating like this."

But looking at him, I also worry about whether he will continue to communicate with his "heart" to create works in the future? Hanyu is almost 30 years old, and I understand his desire to portray the delicate parts of the human "heart", but it is undoubtedly a "tough" job. Can Hanyu perform with a more relaxed mindset? This thought suddenly occurred to me when I looked at the audience seats where the fans were still lingering around.

2. The Starry Sky of Rifu in March

Mar 8, 2024, Sekisui Heim Super Arena Text/Ryosuke Menju

Although indoors, it feels like being under the "starry sky". In the eyes of Hanyu, he clearly sees one star after another.

The Notte Stellata venue is located in Sendai Rifu Town, Sendai, just like last year. It is a bit far from the center of Sendai, and most of the fans who came to see the ice show took the shuttle bus. I flew from Osaka to Sendai Airport, then took the train and then a taxi to the venue. From the flight to Sendai Airport, you can see the scene of "Oh, those are fans going to notte stellata" everywhere.

Last year's collaboration with gymnast Kohei Uchimura caused a lot of discussion. I thought, "What kind of ice show is notte stellata?" "What kind of program will Hanyu present?" These were unknown before arriving at the ice rink. This year is the second time it has been held, and the audience has a deeper understanding of Hanyu's thoughts. This time, he worked with Ms. Daichi Mao, but the performance of "notte stellata" was the most impressive in my heart. Hanyu's posture was soft and smooth, and every movement made people think of the "starry sky". His eyes were mostly upwards. After becoming a professional, people tend to be attracted by new things, but the "notte stellata" on this day was particularly attractive. In

March 2011, an earthquake occurred, and as a victim, Hanyu experienced many difficult times. Everyone who suffered from the earthquake was full of anxiety about the future life, "What will life become from now on?" This anxiety has never dissipated. Despite this, from the spring of 2011 to today in 2024, the "starry sky" has always protected everyone. Notte stellata first conveyed this emotion, and created an atmosphere of "the performance is about to begin" with "notte stellata" as the opening. As the feeling gradually deepened in the quiet venue, the audience naturally immersed themselves in the performance more easily.

Last year was the first time it was held, and people might have wondered "What kind of performance is this", and it was also the first year of Hanyu's professional career change. Everyone is busy following his footsteps, but he decided to hold notte stellata again because it has a "special meaning" in his heart. Think about it, notte stellata is the only event held two years in a row. As a witness to the earthquake, it is for this reason that Hanyu feels that "there is something he can do" and then takes action to do it. I think this event will continue in the future. Compared to Sendai, it takes more "spirit" to go to Rifu. But holding an event here itself has a profound meaning. On the way back, Rifu in March was shrouded in the night sky, and those who came to the scene will surely deeply understand its meaning.

3. Awakening as a performer

May 24, 2024, Chiba - Makuhari Text/Ryosuke Menju

Everyone present was attracted by "Danny Boy". Hanyu's emotions on the ice were clearly visible. 

In late May, as usual, I took the Shinkansen to Tokyo, then transferred to the Keiyo Line and arrived at Kaihimmakuhari, sighing in my mind, “This year’s summer has begun again.” The shooting location at FaOI this time was particularly good, and the shooting position on the short side in front was unexpectedly vacant. Thanks to this, I was able to take some very stunning photos.

After Hanyu's magnificent opening, he performed the first program at the end of the first half. This was the second time I have seen him perform "Danny Boy", after the last time at Notte Stellata in March. It's a gentle melody and a familiar tune often used in television commercials.

The performance was really great. Hanyu was wearing a white outfit that showed the innocence of a boy, and his expressiveness was really amazing as he paid attention to every detail. Hanyu focused on "artistry" in his performance skills. As there was no longer "win or lose" based on scores, he now puts all his energy and thoughts into "performance". Watching the performance, I also deeply felt the enthusiasm and motivation of Hanyu. Each performance had its own theme, and I felt the "awareness" of the performer. The "emotion" in every of his movement. I was so entranced that I forgot to breathe and felt like I was being "carried away".

Finale was also wonderful. He must have done a lot of muscle training for the "arm" under the sleeveless clothes, and there seemed to be nothing superfluous about his body and movements. At the end, they stood in a line to thank the artists. It was rare to see Hanyu looking very tired. He must have exhausted his last bit of strength, and it was really remarkable that he could persist to that extent.

At this point, the second year of Hanyu's career has completed.

Through all these practices, he probably figured out what he “really wants to do” and what “he should try to do next year.” Although it's just speculation, I think he will really start to think about spending two and a half hours or three hours to perform the performance that Yuzuru Hanyu wants to do - I have this feeling. To be honest, I think the goal that Yuzuru Hanyu is pursuing "may be beyond our understanding." My job title is "sports news photographer," but Hanyu seems to want to go in a different direction. I've started to feel this way recently.

So what does editor Mr. Y think?

"Hanyu's path to growth is full of infinite possibilities. If he decides to try new challenges in his only life, shouldn't we, as people who have been following him, support him?" (Editor Y)

I completely agree with this view. I choose to support Hanyu 100%! But frankly speaking, I feel a little lonely. However, I would like to support him with a hundred times more enthusiasm. This is my sincere words. Maybe in half a year, I will still be sitting by the ice rink like before, thinking about "how to start serializing in the magazine". But no one can predict the future, and that's why life is interesting.

A bright future is definitely waiting for Hanyu, and there are fans who will continue to support him. I hope he can firmly believe in the path he has chosen and move forward.

FS Magazine Press Conference Excerpts

Takagi: Notte Stellata was the first performance of Danny Boy at that time, and Kogaito-san, who watched the show in Miyagi at that time, said, "This show can be ranked in my top three." As a result, the music producer of the TV station directly told Hanyu-san, "Kogaito-san said this show is in his top three (favourite shows)" (laughs).

Kogaito: At that time, there were only me, the producer, and Takagi-san present. I never thought that what we said in private would reach Hanyu's ears (laughs). In addition, I have to correct it. Although I said impulsively "they can be ranked in the top three of my favourites", but when it comes down to it, "One of them is Chopin, and the other one...", I really can't decide. So I want to change it to "they can be ranked in the top two of my favourites."

Yamaguchi: What was Hanyu-san's expression when he heard it?

Kogaito: I didn’t see his expression. To be honest, I felt very embarrassed (laughs). And what if he thought I was arrogant and conceited after hearing what I said? I was very anxious about this for a while.

Yoshida: Hahaha (laughs).

Kogaito: Can I also talk about my own personal memories of the PyeongChang Olympics? That was the day when Hanyu won the gold medal. The stadium was very far away from the medal ceremony square. Normally, it would take about 40 minutes to drive there. But since figure skating ended at noon, there was plenty of time. However, when I got in a taxi to the medal ceremony square, there was a huge traffic jam on the highway...

Yamaguchi: Now that you mention it, I remember that day, the wind was particularly strong. I waited and waited, but you still didn’t get to the medal ceremony square. I have this impression.

Kogaito: Then it was almost time. When I got off the highway, I thought, "I might as well run", and I got out of the taxi and ran directly to the medal ceremony square. “I could run over there, probably in this direction”—that was all I knew. At that time, I could see the “Olympic flame” from a distance. From there, I carried a 20kg camera bag and ran towards the Olympic flame while chanting “Hanyu’s gold medal” “Hanyu’s gold medal” …

Takagi & Yoshida: Hahaha (laughing until tears).

Kogaito: I ran as hard as I could for 30 minutes, and I finally caught up!

Takagi: The “picture” of him on the podium is great.

Yoshida: Ah, it’s the picture of Hanyu-san jumping on the podium.

Source: https://weibo.com/2919885090/OnviUnSb6 / https://weibo.com/2919885090/OnSbppc9w / https://weibo.com/2919885090/OnpAnmlws / https://weibo.com/1746783312/OpuSzlec8

Info: https://www.bbm-japan.com/article/detail/52774?page=1

[1moreff-creator]

Firstly, as always, good luck with the David video Secondly however, I would like to know your thoughts on the hidden text that can be seen when you inspect the about page on the DRDT Tumblr. I saw it on a Youtube community post and I honestly thought it was fake for a while because no one said where it could be seen, and I only now found out that it's in the about page. I have seen literally no one on Tumblr analyze it so I wanted to know your thoughts on it. Thank you !

Hey! Thanks for the usual well wishes! I’ve edited comfortably past the halfway point of the script by now, so hopefully my suffering will end soon! It only took… like an hour and a bit to get to the halfway point! Haha… ha…

Anyways, About page text. Yeah, it’s a weird one, there’s a reason there’s not much discussion around it. It’s hard to point down exactly what it means, but I do have some things to say about it. I was actually already thinking of making a post about it, so this is a good excuse :v

Anyways, a fair bit of my interpretation come from a lot of other posts around Tumblr, but there are a few things I want to bring to the table, especially regarding the mastermind’s feelings towards the killing game and the potential connection between the DRDT mastermind and Mukuro Ikusaba. Sure, that sounds insane enough for my average post.

CW: Murder, mentions of starving

So here’s the About page text for the uninitiated:

“You don’t understand, do you? I used to be like you. I barely remember, but I used to be like you. I cared so much about people, I cried everytime someone was hurt. I suffered for a long time stuck in here caring about people." "I know what you’re going through. You’re going to hold on as long as you have, with hope that you can make it out of here with everyone. Then you’re going to despair. That lasts a while, too." "Then you’ll get bored. Like me." "And you’ll wish you were still suffering. Anything else is better than boredom." "I wish I could feel something, anything else, other than being bored. I’m stuck in here for eternity, and I know everything that could possibly happen. I know how everyone reacts to a murder, what makes people turn to despair, what fills people with hope and make them survive until we all run out of food and starve to death." "I wish I could feel terrified, or afraid, or angry. But I can’t anymore. I don’t feel anything at all except boredom." "Do you understand, Teacher?" "This is why I’m letting you suffer as long as possible. Because it’s better than the alternative." "I’m sorry. I don’t envy you." "You’ll understand eventually.”

As you can see, it’s pretty weird. You got some character monologuing to some “Teacher” about hope and despair and boredom, saying they can predict what everyone’s gonna do and feel and how that makes everything boring.

This definitely makes them sound a lot like Junko, and the connection is certainly clear. They both hate boredom with a burning passion and are able to easily predict people’s actions and feelings. But there’s actually one crucial line we have to keep in mind which separates them:

“I don’t envy you.”

The character speaking doesn’t enjoy despair, they only prefer it over boredom. This separates them from Junko herself, who does explicitly enjoy despair even without factoring in her hatred for boredom. Keep this in mind, I’ll bring it up later.

But what’s most important about this character, is that they’re likely not a DRDT character, but rather the protagonist of “Forever Dead”, the book Veronika talks about in her introduction. Take a look at how she describes it (and sorry the screenshots aren’t perfect, the text flashes too quickly).

Veronika: Oh oh oh! Speaking of horror, let me tell you about the horror bookI'm currently reading! It's called Forever Dead! You see, it's about a boy stuck in a time loop and forced to watch his friends die for eternity. While he is horrified at first, he eventually becomes more concerned over his growing boredom in t[he face of the] terrible tragedies because he sees them over and over again. The book is written like a normal autobiography at first, but as the protagonist descends into insanity over time, the writin[g style] starts to fall apart and take on a more sinister tone. Format twists like that are so fascinating, don't you think? Honestly, I would really love to know just how it feels to be in his shoes and experience something so horrible over and over and over again. And then, my favorite scene in the book, is one time he's impaled by many metal spikes and left to slowly bleed to death while he's left c[ontemplating] his thoughts. He's forced to apologize for everything he did... while... he... um... ohh..."

“Forever Dead” (FD) is a completely fictional book, as in, it doesn’t exist in real life. You can actually tell because it isn’t censored the way the dev usually censors real things, like A****a C*****e’s name [Agatha Christie]. So if it was made up specifically for DRDT, that would imply it holds some significance.

And you can see a lot of the same ideas as in the About page text. A character who ends up becoming bored of their environment, turning to unethical acts to entertain themselves. But what’s really striking is the repeated mention of the “Teacher” in the About page text.

(Is that a Rei Mekaru reference?!)

There… really isn’t a DRDT character who would be called that. I’ve seen it related to Mai before, and while the teacher could be an allegory for Mai, it can’t literally be her. Mai is a student, and not a particularly academically gifted one at that; she’s not anyone’s teacher. The only other person who could apply is the teacher Min is implied to have had at the end of her Bonus Episode, but… like, what would that mean. Why is he important?

No, I think it makes more sense to assume this is related to Forever Dead. That would also explain why the character claims to be “stuck for all eternity” even though they know what to do to make everyone “survive until [they] all run out of food and starve.” And also because of a little theory-bordering-on-headcanon I have.

Don’t you think it’s strange how the character uses the word “Teacher”? People in the US, to my knowledge, don’t speak like that. I believe they use “Mr/Ms/Mx [Name]” or something like that. So, could this be an in-universe translation quirk? For example, if “Forever Dead” is originally Japanese, the character could actually be saying “Sensei”, which I think is more common, and is sometimes directly translated to “Teacher” even though it sounds a bit weird in English. I personally love this idea because it conjures up the frankly amusing idea of the dev making up not a book in English, but a book translated to English from Japanese just for shits and giggles.

Anyways, rambling aside, the point stands. I think this is a (fictional) quote from (the fictional book) “Forever Dead.” So what does it mean for DRDT?

Well, seeing as it’s literally in the About page, it’s likely closely linked to the very nature of the killing game, right? It makes sense to assume we’re meant to relate the mastermind to this quote. The attitude is mastermind-y, the actions are mastermind-y, the context is mastermind-y, we’re calling mastermind.

But wait. Since this Forever Dead protagonist constantly speaks of boredom, doesn’t that instantly relate them to Veronika?

Well, yes.

…

But… it’s Veronika. It would honestly be weirder if something related to the mastermind doesn’t link back to her. She’s the biggest mastermind bait I’ve ever seen, and unless she has an early reveal, I don’t quite see her as the mm (I’ll just start shortening it).

Other theories have also connected it to Whit’s intuition. I find these interesting, and about as plausible as any other good mastermind theory. However, since the “boredom < despair” angle is something which I feel is quite intuitive for the average DR fan who knows anything about Junko and Izuru, I actually want to dive a bit deeper into what the connection between the mm and the Forever Dead protagonist could mean, since that’s an angle I’ve seen explored less often.

For one, there’s the time loop thing. Now, I don’t believe DRDT takes place in an actual time loop, but I think there’s an argument that there is a repetition of events at play. As in, things which happened in the past, and are repeating in the present.

Yes I’m talking about the pre-prologue cutscene.

... Fuck!! Fuck, fuck, fuck, this really hurts... Ouch... I really wasn't expecting her to attack me like that. I made a massive mistake to trust them. I can't rely on anyone. All by myself... I have to end the killing game. And even if I can't do that... I have to kill Teruko Tawaki. No matter what.

I’ve talked about it before, but as a refresher: that fork with blood on it implies whoever is speaking got attacked with the fork, which fits Xander’s eye injury suspiciously closely.

(Believe it or not, the David MV might have an allusion to it as well but I am not getting into that)

So if Xander is the one speaking, if you think about it, it must mean he was involved in a killing game previous to the one we see in DRDT. Which, in fact, Teruko may have some vague memories of.

Teruko: And also, as a way to reference that "past killing game," right?

That could be about the THH killing game, which frankly sorta makes more sense in context, but seeing as Veronika then claims nothin like a killing game had happened before, I find it most likely that got completely erased from history.

So what’s the important thing here? Well, for one, if Xander’s eye injury came from a previous killing game, then we are definitely not talking about an actual time loop, as that would have erased his eye injury. However, it could be talking about a repetition of events. Perhaps there have been multiple killing games before this one, a la V3 but without the “fiction” aspect presumably.

This is nothing new by itself, but it does have an odd implication when related back to the About page text. Think about it, the FD protagonist doesn’t enjoy the time loop. If he could, he would end it. So if he’s meant to reflect the DRDT MM’s attitude, could this mean the mastermind doesn’t actually enjoy the killing games?

It sounds insane, but hear me out. We’ve already established the FD protag doesn’t actually enjoy despair, so if they’re meant to parallel the MM, then that could imply the MM doesn’t enjoy despair either. And if they’re being forced into the MM role repeatedly for one reason or another, the same way the FD protagonist is forced into the time loop, wouldn’t they grow bored of it, despite the despair? It’s the same thing as the FD protagonist:

“…I used to be like you. I cared so much about people, I cried everytime someone was hurt. I suffered for a long time stuck in here caring about people.”

If we apply this with the idea that “time loop” = “repeating killing games”, and that “FD protag” = “Matermind”, then what we have is a reluctant mastermind forced to go through with several killing games for reasons unknown, who only grew slightly fond of despair once they grew bored of everything else.

So, uh, there’s definitely unhinged point #1. However, there is another thing to note, the one I mentioned in the beginning. And since I mentioned it, you probably caught it. The FD protag dies the exact same way Mukuro does, and since the FD protag is connected to the DRDT MM, it’s possible there’s some connection between Mukuro and the DRDT MM. Most likely related to their mastermind-iness.

Of course, what the connection could actually be is very vague, and there’s a ton of options. Still, here’s a few possibilities I find the most interesting:

>The mastermind is a secret extra student, hiding somewhere in the school. So Mai. I don’t quite like this one since it’s sorta silly and I just don’t see Mai as the mastermind, but it is there.

>The mastermind deeply adores a loved one, and may even disguise themselves to look like this loved one. Like Mukuro does with Junko… and like Whit does with his mom. This is to appease the people who love the Whit MM theory, because I know some people are really passionate about it and it’s frankly always fun to see those people talk about it! It is also just objectively funny to always find ways to pin him as the MM imo.

>The mastermind fully disguised themselves as another person. So, Veronika = Mai crack theory. Sure, at this point.

>There are two masterminds, and one of them died early on. Basically thinking of Xander here, given the whole “kill Teruko Tawaki” thing. The second would probably have to be Mai unfortunately, so I don’t quite see it. Though I guess it could also be David, or just anyone else in the killing game for that matter, but you know.

>The mastermind faked their death. You know, we never saw Min’s corpse… So we’re off to delulu land! Min is still alive! Min is still alive! Min-!

Blatant favoritism aside, that’s pretty unlikely. I doubt the mastermind would want to straight up lose an arm in a fake execution. Though I guess if she’s a reluctant MM maybe she doesn’t get a say in the executions, so…

Min is still alive! Mind is still alive!

>There are two masterminds, and one of them is disguising as the other. This fits shockingly close to the J & Ryan double mastermind theory I swear exists somewhere on Tumblr and I’m not going insane I just can’t find the post. Essentially, the idea that Ryan and J swap places constantly, taking turns on who is the more traditional mastermind and who stays in the killing game, explaining that one time Rose seemingly didn’t recognize J in chapter 1. So two siblings, where one of them disguised as the other while the other just presents as themselves? Exactly like Mukuro and Junko.

But I feel the most grounded ideas are usually the likeliest ones, which is why I think this connection to Mukuro may simply be another way of saying the MM was manipulated/coerced into their position, instead of choosing to be the MM on their own.

It’s a less conclusive answer, but it’s less farfetched than the other ones. And it sorta fits… uh….

Well, see, I’m making a post with AUs for all possible MMs… and I kinda accidentally convinced myself Rose might be the mastermind? I might make a more detailed post about it later, but basically this more vague connection to Mukuro fits, so.

Anyways, those are all the possibilities I can think of for unhinged point #2, the connection between the MM and Mukuro. I don’t have much else to say, as I feel this is something that’s gonna make more sense as we move forward in the series.

Hope that was satisfying! Take care!