#But I'm guessing nobody will read it anyway so should be all fine :P

[dufferpuffer]

OKOKOK

I read your post on Remadora yesterday and stumbled on this today on instagram https://www.instagram.com/p/C-S1DTwq6dZ/?igsh=cHRtcTEyMXYxbDht

IT JUST WORKS SO WELL WITH WHAT YOU SAID. I am a sucker for Remadora (and Snupin). What you wrote about them is so true. Please tell me more 🥹

that is such a sweet little comic there's my man, there he is!! He'd need a drink after doing that... I cant stop laughing though the last picture gives this energy

IDK what to say, so I'm gonna Remadora ramble, aight? B^) I actually like how their relationship in the books progressed - but is only glimpsed at. It's nice when romance takes back seat. Their relationship issues felt grounded and adult - when even most adult media has romance feeling immature.

Harry wouldn't have been able to understand what was going on with them anyway. He didn't even suspect it, when all the adults were dealing with it all the time. He was a kid. It's a good reminder of his immaturity that he didn't pick up on it until Tonks was literally grabbing Remus by the robes and shouting her love at him.

I don't wanna too personal on here, I guess... but I like how Remus reacts to Tonks' love. Having lived that - twice - I suspect the author has lived it too. I have two boyfriends, both of them are older than me (9yrs and 17yrs older) and love was scary for them!!! The societal prejudice we have faced adds more pressure on them as the older males... and they aren't even werewolves, or pariahs. Positive representation really does feel nice, yknow?

That makes the tragedy of Remadora hurt so much more. I like that HP isn't a story that pulls its punches. That it's not a narrative about fixing a broken world, just surviving it. But so much about the way HP ended... feels hollow. Like quickly tying up all the threads without much thought to the themes.

I am a firm believer that Tonks should have lived. Remus can die - as much as that hurts my soul - to tie up the 'previous generation'. He shouldn't be the only one to survive, thematically. If anyone that should be Severus. If Teddy was supposed to be a mirror to Harry, but gets to live in a more hopeful future with a huge family... that should have been shown in the Epilogue. But it wasn't. He is brushed over.

Tonks' story would be phenomenal: a young widow who chased a doomed love that changed her, who will make a better world for others like her husband in his memory... A talented mother balancing a tough career and her son. The last Black - who rejects the name. The widow of a werewolf. Teddy, who grows up so much like his mother - with a complex connection to a father who is both a hero and a monster... who ran off and died rather than survive with them. His mother's love protects him, but its his father he years to understand.

I just think??? That's wonderful??? And it's such a fucking waste to kill her off for... what??? Just to make an orphan to ignore???

Tonks herself is fine. I like her. She doesn't interest me heaps, she feels custom-fit to Remus... and I suffer from cishet-woman syndrome of obsessing over men because horny. Oopsy. But LIVING would make her amazing. Remus wouldn't DEFINE her - but it'd show how worthwhile his love was to her life, that she keeps living it as a wolf rather than a rabbit. As it stands... Remus' fear that he is bad, that nobody should know him or love him, came true.

[holytrohmanempire]

per the impending and devastating loss of How to Dance in Ohio, I have some rambly thoughts under the cut

Mel's character hit me harder in the representation than anyone else. I've never been formally diagnosed or anything, but I learned during college that "everyone assumed" I was autistic. There's a scene in the show I won't go into due to potential spoilers where Mel has a difficult time communicating with their boss and I have had that conversation almost verbatim at... every job I've ever had. I'm queer and I don't do tasks that aren't communicated to me and I don't have a lot of familial support (biologically - my chosen family and in laws are wonderful) and I often feel abandoned when I'm... outgrown, for lack of a better term.

anyway, when the soundtrack came out, I was struck with the realization that they get a turn of the same line twice. Early in the show they say:

"Do you know how your habits are formed? Doing the same thing over and over."

This is portrayed by Mel as a good thing. They're praised as having good work ethic, they've figured out how to get by because they form habits. It's a strength for them.

But then later in the show, they say:

"Do you know what insanity is? Doing the same thing over and over."

For me, this speaks to the double edged sword of autism, the counterpoint to the "disability is a superpower!" narrative you sometimes see on places like tumblr. Because doing the same thing over and over (an autistic trait if there ever was one) is their strength and weakness at the same time.

Sometimes the things that make you you are good, sometimes bad, sometimes neutral, and sometimes all three. I can "hello, how are you? Thanks I'm fine!" a thousand times and it will be right every time, and that thousand and first time it will be the wrong thing to say. The other person will go off script and I will have done something wrong that I had no idea was wrong.

This show makes it clear that the phrase "(one) struggles with autism" is a negative misconception, but also shows that, while it sucks when people say that... sometimes we do. Not because stimming or being blunt or getting the script wrong is bad, but because we have to deal with the fallout when other people don't like it. One of my first clear memories is of being 3 or 4 years old and getting put in time out by a teacher for asking "What?" when she called my name. Nobody had ever told me I was supposed to either say yes or just look up - I wanted to know why she had called for me, but I wasn't allowed to ask that. At my last job, my supervisor kept asking me why I had made a mistake and I was baffled, telling her that I didn't do it for any particular reason, I just messed up, that's why it's called a mistake, and didn't find out till after I went home, rebuked, that she asked why because she wanted an apology. I spent my whole life getting in trouble for fidgeting and either daydreaming or being a know it all, depending on the class. People would meet me once and call me aloof or mean or weird.

But autism is also some of the best of me. I can always win trivia games and I'm a font of useless fun facts at parties. I devour books and I finish my work each day in record time. I like being me - even the cringe parts. I like slimes and stim toys and curling up with the same book I've read a thousand times before. I would never trade that away.

I like Mel because you get to see the best and the worst. I like that they're bad with people, but they try so hard, and they're so sincere. I like that they're practical and pragmatic but willing to forgive.

I'm devastated to be losing How to Dance in Ohio on Broadway. I think it should have run for years and years, and I think it's low key homophobic that I don't get to go like, once a month with my lottery-won tickets and see that awesome shiny disco ball set piece (way cooler than the phantom chandelier.)

But I hope what this means is a lower budget future for the show. I guess a pro-shot is probably a pipe dream, but I hope it means off-broadway, a tour, community and high school theater access. I hope the silver lining is people who are not lucky enough to have my circumstances getting to see it and feel that same chest-crushing recognition I did. I hope everyone who needs it gets to see themselves on stage and weep (as I did) through fully most of the songs. I hope it means more autistic actors getting to stim on stage! I hope it means normalizing people like me. I hope it's the first step towards a legacy.

(and I also hope everybody in the cast gets their dream roles forever and ever y'all were so amazing omg)

[tyttetardis]

Oh, I genuinely don’t get why some people are so hung up on the numbers. Refusing to call David’s Doctor the 14th because that’s “taking it away from Ncuti” and depriving him of it. Like it’s some particular badge of honour to be 14 rather than 15 (if anything doesn’t 15 sound more memorable?!). As if they just blindsided him on this decision and as if he only found ouy at the regeneration that he wouldn’t be 14 afterall. 

Nothing’s been taken away from him! He never had the title! It was always gonna be David (I mean unless they go back on it after the show airs, but personally I’d think that would be ridiculous now that they have announced it like this). They would have had that all set up and in the works before Ncuti was even cast. By the sounds of it they had to keep the casting a secret since February...so with only about 3 months until the filming of the specials everything would have all been decided upon before they even knew who the next Doctor would be. I doubt they could have just booked David for like 3 months with only a few months advance knowledge. So I think Ncuti always knew he would be the 15th. I doubt he’s gonna lose any sleep over this. And it’s not like they are referred to be number in the show anyway, and for the purpose of being able to distinguish between the different Doctors it makes sense to do it like this.

As for David being the 14th and actually being numbered unlike his previous regeneration from himself to himself, to me it makes perfect sense really. Last time he was quite literally still himself as it was instantaneous (actually did that even count as a regeneration of Ten? Considering he siphoned off the energy to the hand? And while Tentoo is the Doctor I wouldn't count him in the regular lineup. Just like I wouldn't with the other Doctors that's been thrown in to the show for plot reasons). This time it’s been I don’t even know how long for the Doctor since he was Ten. By making David a new regeneration it allows them to give him all the knowledge and experiences of what’s happened between - so if they throw in throwbacks (as you do in an anniversary episode, of course) for stuff post Ten they can still have him react and engage to it in a way that wouldn’t have been possible with him as Ten. Besides, by doing this they also run no risk of messing with Ten’s actual arch, story and ending - it will stay entirely intact no matter what happens to 14 in the specials.

Sorry, I just have a lot of thoughts and feelings about all this - and (although I’m still worried I won’t like what they actually end up doing) I’m just super excited to have David back and just find it depressing how the fandom must always end up at war with each other. Like it’s always been normal for Doctors to return for anniversary specials. David’s returned twice, and yet people are making it out like he just keeps on returning constantly. He really isn’t. And it’s not his fault if the others don’t want to come back for the specials. David loves this show and it’s been important to him all his life, and he’s never hidden that he will be happy to return for anniversaries if asked. It just so happens that the show will be in gap year between Doctors for the 60th, and so why shouldn’t it make sense to bring make the arguably most popular Doctor? Especially when he’s happy to do so, and lots of people are thrilled about it! Sure it’s fan-service - but what are the anniversary episodes for if not for nostalgia and fan-service? Isn’t that the whole point of them? Celebrating the past of the show? It’s not like it would make sense to insert a brand-new guy as the main Doctor in an anniversary episode! Not much nostalgia about that. Besides, I don’t see how this should be a bad deal for Ncuti. He gets to regenerate into the Doctor in an anniversary episode, one that will presumably have a lot more viewers than the show has had in recent times and if the BBC goes about the 60th like they did with the 50th there’s likely to be a lot more hype about the show all year! And a lot of the people who tune in for David after not having enjoyed the show for ages might just decide to give him a chance even though they had entirely given up on the show until now. How’s that a disservice to him? :S

[marindram]

full transcription of Marin's blog from Omega Mart!

huge thanks to @b0chelly for recording a scroll-through, which i typed this out from. (and warning for Omega Mart lore/story spoilers. second half is in reblog)

Marinknows.best

Location: Seven Monolith Village

Last Login: 12/31/2019

Profile Views: 101,275

About me: I love listening to music and glitter

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June 26, 2018

Happy Birthday to meeeeeeeeee!

So 14 feels way different than 13. For real. I think it's because I was expecting 13 to feel different, but sometimes when you expect something it turns out the opposite ya know?

Plus, 13 is like, "I'm new to being a teenager!!"

14 is more like, "I'm becoming the person I want to be." At least that's how I want it to be. I wanted to start this blog as a record of all that.

I should ask Did you guys feel the same way when you turned 13 and 14?

But probably nobody's gonna read this because I'm just a weirdo in the weird dessert. I mean, I know my best friend Jesse is reading this (hi Jesse). Besides her, crickets.

But yeah, if you are reading this and you don't know me - I live in Seven Monolith Village, a teensy tiny town that you've only heard of if you're into aliens or homesteading. And I'm literally stuck. As in, I'm physically unable to leave. My first memories are of all the adults in my life (Charlie, my great-uncle/father-figure - Rose, my what? Roommate? Mother-figure? Pseudo-aunt? All of the above? and my mom, Cecelia. who doesn't live here) telling me that for some reason, there's something wrong with me that makes it so I can't leave a certain radius of where we live. I got older and thought that they were just exaggerating to keep me safe, but then last year I tried. And it was, let's just say not good.

Anyway. That part of my life sucks, but not everything sucks. This year is all about Marin Dram 2.0. Not new, but definitely improved.

And maybe someday, somehow somebody will read this and care about what I have to say. Somebodies, even. Until then, this is Marin Dram signing off and sending my lame contemplations into the void!

July 1, 2018

Things I Want To Do Before I Turn 20 (and some of these will never happen like are literally unable to happen but JUST LET ME DREAM

1. Kiss someone (who???)

2. Meet HTB (kiss him) (jk he would never) (plus meeting him would be enough)

3. Go to Paris

4. Go to Rome (or somewhere cooler in Italy, look up where is the best pasta???)

5. Go to Greenland (why not???)

6. Go to New York City

7. Go to LA (with a dream and my cardigan lol)

8. Go to the Grand Canyon (this isn't mine, but 9, Jesse is sitting right here and she went to the GC when we were 12 and she's like blah blah blah it's my favorite place in the world and you'll love it. I'm doing this so she'll shut up.

9. Live in a normal house with normal rooms → ideally 12 of them: living room AND TV room, kitchen, dining room, 3 bathrooms, 3 bedrooms, study/library.

-plus an upstairs downstairs

-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I got my own

-plus an upstairs/downstairs

-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I get my own room with an actual door. Very into doors.

10. Go to a mall (Jesse says there's a bunch of bonkers ones in Vegas)

11. Make friends who aren't Jesse (no offense, Jesse)

12. Get Cecelia (my "mom") to teach me about business stuff so I can open my own cool coffeeshop/bookstore someday

13. Learn to drive (ask Charlie to teach me, he's obsessed with his truck) (Jesse says she can teach me because she's Little Miss Mechanic and thinks she knows everything about cars but news flash Jesse: you're you get than me)

14. Figure out my signature style- like I want people to send me pictures of things and be like "this just screamed Marin" and for that to be true

15. Liquid eyeliner??

16. I'm stopping here because I just read over all this and want to die/cry because easily 3/4 of these are literally impossible?

17. Kill me

18. Bye

19. Lololol Charlie just came in and I was complaining about this, not being able to leave and stuff, etc and he said that I should visit new places by... reading books?? And I mean I like to read. But dude. That's the dumbest thing I've ever head.

July 30, 2018

Okay so this is what I want my life to look like:

I want a pink room. Not just pink... P I N K. Cool pink wallpaper (floral? jacquard??), pink carpet, lots of pink flowers everywhere, a four-poster bed with a pink silk canopy, lots of cool pink throw pillows. Like, so pink that

people think I'm being sarcastic! Oh, and BOOKS. Floor-to-ceiling bookcases, and some of the shelves have, like, STUFF on them that isn't books, like gifts people gave me, or things I've collected on my JOURNEYS. You know, normal stuff that people who live on normal places and do normal things have.

If I lived in in this room, it'd be in awhite three-story house at the end of a cul-de-sac (did you know "culs-de-sac" is the plural? Not "cul-de-sacs"? crazy) and I'd wear very classic girly clothes and my hair would always do what I wanted it to. It'd be one of those towns that people call small, but it's actually a city. just one with a kinda small, cozy feeling. Somewhere that gets cold enough to wear cute jackets but not so cold I have to to like, shovel my driveway. Not a non-place with like 100 people where you can't even go outside without going crazy.

August 2nd, 2018

I guess I should explain where I live, for all my avid fans out there! (lol) (hello??)

So like... I don't live on Earth. At least, not the Earth you think of when you think of EARTH. I live in some some weird off-brand version of Earth called the Forked Earth where there are aliens and magic wells of magic energy and everything is MAGIC but like the crappy kind of magic, where the sun never fully rises and some goo called "runoff" has made everything wacky and oh yeah, my mom is responsible for that and everyone here hates her!! LOL

Also, I can't leave! Like, literally can't! Rose says I'm a "special child of Source" and that's why but that LITERALLY explains tells me nothing, in fact it just raises further questions that no one can seem to answer! AHHHHHHHHHH

Anyway, the last time I tried to leave I felt. When I try to leave I feel like I'm being pulled back by something, like you know those old cartoons where someone's on stage doing something dumb and then someone offstage pulls them away with a giant shepard's crook? It felt like that, and when I opened my eyes I was back in 7 Monolith Village. UGH.

I know this sounds crazy!!!!! But believe me when I say that I am the least crazy person here. Also, """here""" is C R A Z Y. Runoff has made everything the bad kind of psychedelic and then people here actually DRINK IT! Not only do I not DRINK THE STUFF THAT HAS MADE THE WORLD INSANE, I also do not talk to aliens (or whatever Nula are) like Rose or believe crazy conspiracy theories like Charlie, so I believe that qualifies me as the most normal person in the Forked Earth, thank you for this honor, I accept this award with humility and grace!

September 4, 2018

I had the weirdest dream last night?? I was swimming in a pool full of cereal, and when I came up for air, my mom was pouring milk on my head like she was rinsing my hair. She had her hand over my face like I was a little kid and she was shielding me from soap getting in my eyes.

Anyway I have no idea what it's supposed to mean. I went to bed hungry and I need to take a shower? Lol

October 16, 2018

I was trying to hide this entry from Jesse, but JESSE IS A NOSY PERSON. She says that blogs are for readers, and if I wanted something to be private then I should "Just write in a fucking notebook and hide it under your bed like a normal person, Marin." I'm allowed to have secrets!! Anyway, I'm making her a freaking playlist, that's why I wouldn't tell her what I was writing about. but EVEN STILL! I'm allowed to have secrets!! But I have this blog because I wanna get my feelings out, I wanna see everything in my head typed out all nice in a way that doesn't make it look insane. You know? I don't know who I'm asking.) Because, it's not like I go to a normal school or have a normal life where I'm surrounded by normal people I can talk to. No one knows about me! I'm trapped in this crazy place and This blog is my only outlet to the world outside. I KNOW that's heavy but it's true! The point is: Jesse's birthday is coming up. The central consistent thing in pretty much my whole life is sharing headphones with her and listening to music. The soundtrack to my entire existence is her. I wish I had money and could buy her the best presents of all time, but I can make her the best playlist of all time. I want it to be so good it feels like magic. I want her to think I'm magic. I had another dream the other night. I don't remember much, just glitter. I must be crafting too much. Or looking at festival makeup tutorials. Or both.

November 12, 2018

WARNING- Weird thoughts ahead, lol.

I can never tell which feelings are normal, and which are me being a giant weirdo. But for as long as I can remember, I've had this feeling like every part of my body that's possible to have a ribbon tied around it, has a ribbon tied around it. It's so weird. I can't see the other end of the ribbons - how far they go. where they're attached, nothing. And sometimes it's fine, because sometimes I can hardly feel them. I can forget about them for days at a time, weeks, months if I'm lucky. But then other times I can feel them like, pulling at me. It's freaking spooky, to have something pulling at you from somewhere you can't see. I can't tell if it's pulling me toward whatever it is? Or if it's trying to warn me? Or if I'm just insane??

Does that make sense? Does anybody else feel that way? (she asks into the void)

So idk I guess this ribbons-feeling is why I'm really careful all the time. Like I'm just a careful person. Charlie tried to give me a hard time about it, and I can't be like "I don't wanna pull back in the ribbons too hard without realizing it and wreck something!" because he'd be like "WTF Marin, do we need to get you help?" But also, more and more, I want to be the opposite of careful. I want to take a pair of comically oversized scissors and cut the ribbons into so many pieces that nobody can even tell what they are any more.

I don't know why I'm such a freak, only that I am. I don't know why I can't leave 7 Monolith, only that I can't. But there must be a reason, even if I can't see it, and I feel like it makes sense that the ribbons-feeling is part of that reason, right?

There's just a lot.

January 15, 2019

Happy new year! Lol I forgot to write on the actual first day of 2019, but OH WELL!

I got this new glitter nail polish, thanks to the monthly makeup subscription box my "mom" sends me as an outlet for her abandonment guilt. It has like, every color glitter imaginable without quite reading as "rainbow" which is fine just not really what I was in the mood for and it's vaguely halographic and shifts into all these different colors depending on the light. I'm obsessed. Anyway.

I was putting on another layer because I chipped it like 20 minutes into wearing it, and all of a sudden I had this feeling like I recognized the glitter? Like I felt this thing way deep in my gut and for a minute I couldn't breathe. It's the closest thing I've felt to how books and movies make Christmas look. Like I was home, with family, cookies and cider and all that stuff. Familiar and safe. I almost didn't recognize that feeling. And it came from the nail polish. How weird is that.

I mean, I don't want to make it sound like I've had this awful Charles Dickens childhood - Rose and Charlie are the best ever and always there for me and I love them a lot. But things never feel like...home. You know?

My mom always says this cryptic stuff about how I'm "special" and I wanna strangle her because I'm not, but you try getting my mom to stop doing anything she wants to do. Rose told me once that one day, I would "lead the charge into a new era of existence and access" because I'm "of the Source" and I was like uhhhh okay?? Charlie mostly treats me pretty normal, except when I ask him questions about our family. my mom or any Dram. He knows that I want to know more about them and he's my only real entrypoint, but apparently he's like the black sheep of that whole family. He and my mom were close way back right before I was born, but now whenever she comes to visit he barely even looks at her.

So that's to say: nobody tells me anything, ever.

January 16, 2019

Okay this is so weird. I wrote that entry yesterday about glitter and then last night I dreamed about glitter. Then I woke up with purple glitter in my bed?? Like not a lot, so at first I thought it was from my nail polish, but it was just a handful of purely purple glitter that looks nothing like my nail polish. SO WEIRD!!!!!!

February 14, 2019

Rose has an old book full of "ye olde" style fairy tales, and I flipped through it for the first time in forever today.

Not so weirdly, I've always been drawn to the story of Rapunzel.

Rapunzel couldn't leave the tower, or else she'd break her neck and die.

Same.

February 19, 2019

I was reading this article the other day in one of the teen magazines my "mom" gets me a subscription to and it was all about body positivity, which is great, but it was basically just like "wear a crop top if you wannna wear a crop top! it doesn't matter what size you are! You go, girl!" And like, sure. Yes. I am all for that. But doesn't it seem like there are some steps missing in there? Like, I can physically put on a crop top and wear it outside. But how do I convince myself that everybody isn't looking at me and making fun of me in their minds? How do I unlearn the last almost-fifteen years? How do I get actually positive about my body, not just put on a crop top and fight the urge to cry all day?

It's the same thing like when my mom sends me brochures from the CEO camp she ten when she was my age (her dad started the camp for her, which is an insane thing just by itself, but she did all the work, which is even more insane) and she's like "Marin, you lack direction for your life" and I'm like, cool mom. Yeah. I can see that. What I can't see is how to get there from here.

March 2, 2019

This is what I want my life to look like, volume 2:

The walls of my room are covered in Polaroids of me and my friends. There are lots of mirrors in all kinds of shapes. hearts and moons and stars. There's a record player and a lot of vintage records by Billie Holiday and Lena Horne and Peggy Lee and Nina Simone. And Christmas lights! Everywhere! Lots of of pink and purple Christmas lights everywhere.

If I lived in this room, I'd have so many friends and be part of so many clubs. My best friend would have a collection of vintage cameras, and every place we go to that has a photo booth, we'd get photos taken. Every time I'd look at myself in one of those mirrors, I'd feel happy at what I see and never weird or sad. (Jesse hates taking pictures, so even when I actually do normal stuff with her there's no evidence. What even is a life supposed to be without evidence? That's not an actual question you need to answer Jesse, it's just a question)

Anyway, if I lived in this kind of room, my mom would probably be like, an art history professor at a liberal arts college. That's how come everything looks so cool, because I would know stuff about art. My mom and I would love to try new recipes together. We get each other new cookbooks for every special occasion, and right now we're working out way through a Moroccan one. Moroccan Mondays.

In actuality, there's a dust storm happening outside and my eyes sting.

March 9, 2019

Here's what I'm obsessed with lately.

Can. You. EVEN???

February 3, 2020

Omg I totally forgot this blog existed!!

I lost the password and instead of just resetting it I got in one of my super stubborn moods (Taurus moon lol) and just kept putting in guesses and jokes on me, it locked me out. Anyway, that's a boring story.

But my friend Ximena is really good at hacking and stuff, so she got me back in. Yeah you read that right - I have friends. Obviously a lot has happened since my last post. Ximena moved out here a couple months ago (X's family used to live here but they moved away a while ago) and she introduced me to Lora who I sorta-not-really already knew, and Jesse and I have been hanging out with them a ton. Jesse kind of more than me. Which is fine!!

Anyway I'm 15 now? If I lived somewhere normal I'd be psyched about almost being 16, because I'd get a car and have a Sweet Sixteen and eat a huge PINK cake, but I don't!

February 16, 2020

I read this fanfic the other night that was written in the second person so everything was like "you." "you're doing this" etc you know?

So... You go to a drive-in movie with Heartthrob Boy, and he spills soda on you by accident. And you take off your shirt ( you have a tank top on, don't worry) to clean it up, bit you're still all sticky and self-conscious about being sticky and HTB like... used his tongue to get it off??? AAHHHHH I'M DISGUSTING

but also I wonder if a boy will ever touch any part of me with his tongue

March 2, 2020

Hi I don't know if you heard but I have friends :)))

March 15, 2020

I think I'm so into painting my nails and doing my hair because those are things that always fit. I don't have to worry about places not carrying about a size 8, or places that carry XLs but when you read the measurements they're actually size 8s too and it's like jesus if that's an XL what am I

My "mom" was confused why I needed new pants because mine still look new, but I showed her the thigh holes and she was like "that's a weird place for a hole, how did that happen" and I realized that when your legs are a certain size, you just don't know about thigh rub and what it does to clothes. Pants could just last for years.

No matter what, I can paint my nails with a different color nail polish on every finger, and I can always do a braid crown. And I know I'm cute as hell, etc, so this is not a Marin Needs to Learn to Love Herself thing. It's just an UGH thing

April 17, 2020

So Rose does all these Source experiments on plants and flowers and stuff. Tbh, it's just one if those things I hardly even register anymore because it's just always there. She's explained to me a million times what Source is/does/means, but the way Rose explains things sometimes is just a LOT to take in and she refers to me as a "child of Source" but I kinda figure that's like "child of God" right? What else would that mean?

But anyway, it's really annoying because dried flowers are a part of my new aesthetic and I pinned a bunch of them up on my wall but I woke up this morning to a freaking jungle of very alive flowers. I freaked out. on Rose, and she Rose said she didn't do it and I was like WELL THEN WHO DID and she said that I did??

Which like. Obviously that doesn't make sense. I asked her what she meant and She just shook her head and said " It's happening. We should have known" which is some horror movie shit that she refused to elaborate on. I love to feel safe and normal!!

Or maybe it's not a horror movie at all. But maybe it's a superhero movie? Maybe there's some kind of origin story I don't know about yet, and all of this will be worth it once I figure out my powers. I wonder what my costume will look like. Lol.

April 23, 2020

Is it possible to die from longing? I know that sounds melodramatic, but I'm also kinda serious?? Because it seems like one of those things that could fester and get infected and kill you. It's like when you fall down and bang up your knee, and you need to put a band-aid on the scrape for a while, but THEN you need to air it out - but how do you know when you're supposed to do each one of those things? And if you do either one too much, your knee gets infected. What if I smother my heart with band-aids for too long and it gets infected? This isn't about anybody. I just keep having these dreams about someone I never expected to have dreams about and they're so intense that they keep leaking into my life and I wonder if I need to do something about them.

May 2, 2020

So Jesse's gotten really into metal music, and I tried to get her to play me something since, AS PREVIOUSLY ESTABLISHED, that's what we've literally ALWAYS DONE with music and each other, and she kinda looked at Ximena out of the corner of her eye and said like "I don't think it's really your thing" And it was the meanest thing anybody's ever said to me.

So later I looked up Zenion, the band she was talking about, and I listened to every single fucking song they've ever recorded turned up as loud as it could go with my own headphones that are better than hers anyway, and I loved it. And I didn't love it just because she said I wouldn't. I loved it because it was loud and weird and wild and when I listened to it it made me feel like it's not crazy when so feel stuff so hard it's like my heart's gonna vibrate out of my body. And I would have told Jesse all this and we could have shared it, but I guess she thinks just because I like HTB and glitter and stuff, I don't have the capacity for anything else.

She clearly doesn't know me at all. So much for any kind of whatever, why would she ever want to kiss someone she clearly sees as like a stupid baby.

May 7, 2020

The dreams are getting weirder and they're happening more. I'm getting scared to go to sleep. Not that the dreams are always scary (they almost never are, or not scary like in a typically scary horror movie way). I mean, I've only ever been me. I don't know what other peoples' dreams are like.

The other night in one I was jumping on a trampoline, which is something I've never done in real life. I told Rose about it when I woke up, and she said "do you even know how to jump on a trampoline?" and I said "Rose, it's not like riding a bike. You don't have to learn. You just jump." and then we got into this whole thing about how some things we just know, and jumping's one of them, and how that's so weird. Sometimes I really like talking to Rose about stuff.

May 19, 2020

So, it's prom season in the real world. If I lived somewhere normal, my prom dress would be pink with lots of tulle and silk flowers at the shoulders, and it would fit perfectly and trying in dresses would be fun and not anxiety-inducing.

But since there are only like 10 teenagers currently in 7MV, were not having a homecoming. Cool.

May 27, 2020

So, mom came to visit this weekend, and I asked her about her prom. She was Typical Cecelia at first, very "Prom is a waste of time and money, Marin. It's a night when lesser people play dress-up to engage with their aspirations of grandeur." And I was like eyeroll forever and just stopped talking. BUT THEN she actually talked to me like a human being. She was like, "I actually didn't go to my prom" and when I asked her why she said that she didn't have a date, and was very self-conscious about it. I almost passed out at her admitting that she's ever been anything less than perfect.

(gonna continue this in reblog)

[cheshiba]

i'm curious about deadmans days in wuarantine and how he got infected? what happened immediatly after, how did others react, how was he feeling the entire time, ect? also i did not expect to get as attached to this inhuman trash-eating dumbass as i am but i guess i should have seen it coming..

OH I’M SO GLAD YOU ASKED! :)

Sit tight this is gonna be a long one

OK, so preliminary info, Gordon works in anomalous materials (AnMat). He’s still a theoretical physicist but is usually called to be more of a general errand boy due to being younger than the the other scientist. He actually gets called in to run errands for people and sectors decently above his clearance. (Which is only tolerated cause he’s actually proven to be good at keeping his mouth shut) It’s during one of these errands, helping out with materials and samples from Xen technically above his clearance that the incident occurs. They’re studying a bizarre sample from Xen, a small crystal similar to the other samples they would test but vastly different in appearance and supposed properties. Instead of the usual yellow it was pitch black with bright veins of glowing blue.

The incident itself was actually laughably small, one of the scientists bumped the table and the sample fell off. Gordon dove to catch it before it shattered on the floor and cut his hands on it. To which it promptly started to disintegrate and Gordon started to change.

Everyone around him was horrified, just standing there as they watched Dr.Freeman’s hands turn that same pitch black, with those bright glowing veins. His eyes changed colours and he started to shake, it was only after a moment of shocked silence that someone jumped into action to bring Gordon down into an even higher clearance area to be contained and hopefully saved from whatever the hell was happening. Some of the other scientists went to inform others of the mishap, their higher ups, and Gordon’s mentor Kleiner.

Kleiner was also horrified of course, ran off to be with Gordon in these initial stages immediately, which was not a fun experience for him. Seeing Gordon like that while other scientists is hazmat suits poked and prodded the poor man was not an experience he’d like to repeat. Kleiner was eventually forced to leave, he didn’t really have clearance to be down there and a decision had been made. Kleiner needed to tell Eli and Barney what happened anyways. (Who were both terrified for their friend and pissed that they wouldn’t be allowed to visit Gordon, nobody was happy about the situation)

And so begins Gordon’s days in quarantine.

Quarantine absolutely sucked. He spent most of his time in a small bare bones room with big windows and little to do. When he wasn’t in that room he was being subjected to invasive and unpleasant tests done by people who looked at him like he was just another experiment instead of another person. And during all of this he’s dealing with the effects of the infection, his body changing and trying to unsuccessfully reject the change, the shaking, the growing pains and tiredness. Hunger and confusion and brand new instincts he doesn’t understand yet.

He was scared, terrified really, and furious. The whole thing was dehumanizing as hell and he was already struggling with his sense of identity and lost humanity. (He would, eventually with Kleiner’s encouragement, lean into the whole inhuman thing later)

The only bright point he had were the security team.

The security guards had a hell of a lot more empathy for Gordon than the scientists. They’d sit by the windows to keep him company and talk, sneak in books for him to read, bring a laptop to watch movies on, occasionally they’d sneak in sodas and snacks for the poor guy. (Which is how he found out he could eat weird shit, he panicked at one of the scientists coming back early and just, ate his soda can.) They’ll even sit by the window and talk or sing so Gordon can sleep easier.

To be fair the scientist knew this was happening but didn’t really care, none of their tests were coming back conclusive at all. They had zero info. The most they could do was test if Gordon was contagious or not (he wasn’t, unless he wanted to be but he wasn’t gonna let them know that)

Eventually, after months of useless test result, Kleiner and Eli badgering them, the security team getting more and more brazen in sneaking him things, Gordon’s own irritability and dwindling cooperation and sanity, they finally decided there was no point in keeping him quarantined anymore. Best let him out now before he decides to break out and do something drastic.

So he’s finally allowed out, under some rules. Black Mesa needs to keep an eye on him, so he’s not really allowed to leave. If he goes into town he must be accompanied by either Kleiner (who was assigned to be his keeper essentially) or a member of security. He also has to move into the same on sight housing as Kleiner, (again keeper) which is fine by him.

The very first thing Gordon did was hug Kleiner. And then Eli, and Barney. 

If you want me to go into details about what the infection is/how it works let me know! This post is already p long so I won’t here

[fly-pow-bye]

DuckTales 2017 – “Friendship Hates Magic!”

Story by: Francisco Angones, Madison Bateman, Colleen Evanson, Christian Magalhaes, Bob Snow, Rachel Vine

Written by: Rachel Vine

Storyboard by: Stephanie Gonzaga, Victoria Harris, Vaughn Tada, Brandon Warren

Directed by: Matthew Humphreys

No ponies here, headless or otherwise.

While we've seen a conclusion of at least one part of the Della plot, one other little thing from the season finale hasn't really been elaborated on outside of the occasional mention of Magica De Spell. Specifically: while we know whatever happened to Della Duck, and have a clue on whatever happened to Donald Duck, we never really found out whatever happened to Lena since she became Webby's shadow. Needless to say, it's a long story.

This is the episode where that plot continues. I will say this: Lena plots don't have good track records with me. I liked Jaw$, and The Shadow War was great, too, which was pretty much a foregone conclusion since it was the season finale. However, there's also Terror of the Terra-Firmians and The Other Bin of Scrooge McDuck, two episodes I almost gave a Disgusted Donald to. Granted, neither are because of Lena in particular, but still. Which column will this episode fall in? We're about to find out.

Our episode begins with Webby going to the library, because she loves the smell of thinking in the morning. Gotta get that reference out of the way. Oh, and Lena is here now, as an invisible, unhearable shadow being. While nobody else can see or hear her, the audience sees her as this black and green version of herself. Lena says that she's fine with her current situation, though it's quite clear from the tone of her voice that it's more in comparison to any alternative.

Webby doesn't want to do that even if she could hear Lena, so she's continuing her impossible mission to find a book at the library that can teach her about the shadow realm. Yami Yugi is nowhere to be seen, but we do get Mrs. Quackfaster. I guess Scrooge isn't paying her enough so she has to double as the amount of libraries she works at to get that sweet retirement at Birdaydos. Er, Bird-baaaaaay-dos. She tells her that she can't offer the particular book she's looking for.

It's because this new character already checked it out. Webby is shocked, because this book is only in Ancient Syriac, but this "odd girl" happens to know a lot of ancient languages. She introduces herself as Violet Sabrewing, and, after bonding over knowing conversational Akkadian, she offers to stay at her place, possibly overnight. In other words, and eventually Webby's: a sleepover.

Webby, of course, accepts, but Lena does not.  It's almost as if she's read Disney Now's description of this episode, which refers to her as this "suspicious new friend". Then again, it may be because of the way Webby's last sleepovers ended. She wouldn't be the only one to remind her of this.

As Mrs. Beakley gives us the excuse for why we're not going to see Scrooge or the boys in this episode, they're busy in the office for Bin-ventory Day, Webby barges in and tells her grandmother she's having a friend come over for a sleepover. Mrs. Beakley is proud that her granddaughter wants to do another sleepover after the last two ended with money sharks and unicorn fights in the other bin. Gotta love those casual previous episode references that could still work as fantastic off-screen adventures to those who don't know.

Lena is excited that Mrs. Beakley could talk her out of this, and tries to jinx Webby again by saying "cancel the sleepover." Needless to say, that jinx doesn't work out like the library one, as Webby has a different idea.

Instead, Webby decides to have the most normal sleepover ever, as she tries to hide everything that is supernatural in the house, and try to just be normal. Mrs. Beakley attempts to say that the best way to make a good impression on her new friend is to be herself

Mrs. Beakley: ...barring from that summer undercover in Paraguay.

Webby brushing aside what is most likely the origin story for one of her parents, hey, we were all thinking it, she tells her Granny that she's not like her, because she needs friends. After Webby walks away, she tells her to name one person she doesn't get along with.

Enter Launchpad McQuack, inept pilot and ruiner of any plan to make this the first DuckTales episode with only female characters. To disprove Webby's accusation, she decides to invite him for a "sup", and spends a little more time than she wants explaining what she meant. Lena episodes sure seem to love the B-plots that, for the most part, never really seem to converge with the A-plot. This will be another one that fits with the "for the most part".

Going back to the other planned meeting, Webby is all done storing magic rocks in the attic, and her new friend has arrived for the normal slumber party for normal people. She tells Duckworth to get the door, and then realizes that ghost butlers don't help out at slumber parties. Surprisingly, that's not one of the Bailey School Kids books.

After slicing Duckworth's ghostly form in half, him not appreciating it in the slightest, she opens the door to Violet and her totally normal pie. As Webby shows her awkwardness with this whole situation, Lena is not amused, saying she isn't buying it. See, I didn't pull that out of nowhere, Lena hates this girl. I mean, maybe it's a bit convenient that this girl happens to have the same shadow realm-related interests as Webby.

Violet is then brought to Webby's room, and Violet looks around to see all the places that clearly used to have mysterious objects in them. She just says it looks clean, but I can imagine she did not miss that.

Meanwhile, Launchpad tries, and struggles, to drink pea soup from a straw. Mrs. Beakley tries her best to deal with this.

One section she was focused on was this section about Tulpas, an actual concept in the world of mysticism. This whole concept sort of reminded her of that one time all the shadows came alive and...

Webby: Who wants Baggle?!

Violet actually does want Baggle, but wants this obvious distraction some other time. Webby responds that it's just her way to get to know each other a bit more, and suggests asking some ice-breakers. Violet's first icebreaker:

Violet: What do you know about Magica De Spell and the Shadow War?

Lena, feeling completely vindicated, tries to tell Webby that she said the "M" word! I wouldn't say she forgot that nobody can hear her; she's like those people who yell at the characters while watching TV. Heh, nerds. Webby has a different "M" word in mind: makeovers! Violet is clearly not buying this at all, but goes along with the makeovers anyway.

Violet ends up leaving her backpack behind, fully opened, and Lena notices something that definitely shouldn't be in there if she was an ordinary girl who just happened to really like shadow people: Magica's amulet! She runs off to try to warn Webby, and...okay, maybe she still thinks she can hear her, even though she never once acknowledged her existence. She does end up at least finding Webby, except she's now a zombie, complete with one of her eyes falling out.

That fake-out turns out to be Violet and Webby's idea for a make-up session. Webby praises her best friend's make-up, saying that she looks just like the demon named Rakshasa. She's definitely a great friend, I don't know a lot of people who would take kindly to being told "you look like a demon!" Webby should know what Rakshasa looks like, because she met him in a previous adventure, and she has proof...that is definitely not in the attic. Oops.

Webby relents and lets her into the attic, as this cover was completely blown. She was obviously interested in these things, so she doesn't mind that Webby happened to have some magic rocks. They never really explain what those magic rocks are, and I'd like to think I am a little beyond the obvious joke there. She also notices some ectoplasmic energies from that friendship bracelet.

The scene switches from their point of view to Lena's in a neat way, where Lena still thinks she can alter anything here. Sadly for her, Lena is also intangible. Thankfully for her, Webby distracts her from that bracelet, and offers that game of Baggle again. Violet agrees on one condition: they need to use Demogorgan runes. I don't want to reveal that I'm just looking up every one of these words on Wikipedia, so I'll be quiet.

Meanwhile, Launchpad tries, and struggles, to color a coloring book, and then eventually tries to get Mrs. Beakley to get into Darkwing Duck. Mrs. Beakley tries her best to deal with this.

...okay, maybe I shouldn't just brush this off for this running gag, since this scene has quite a bit of lore to get into Jim Starling's eventual big role in The Duck Knight Returns...but maybe I'll wait for that one.

Back to this game of runes, it just so happens that book has the right chant to make those dice-like runes glow green. Lena tries what might be her 50th attempt to actually affect anything as a intangible shadow person. She's shocked to find that it actually worked this time!

She then tries to rearrange the runes to spell out a message. Unfortunately, since these people are nerds, they think it's the writing on the runes that have any meaning, and not how this layout is shaped like the words "don't trust her." Not getting anywhere with these mysterious messages about rat messages, Violet tries another shadow spirit summoning trick: humming this melody. It works...but only Lena can see these white spirits ominously creeping out from the dark. She has to think of something.

She tries to manipulate a white sheet in a form of a ghost. This actually works, because of ghost cliches that even Lena is aware of, but it doesn't solve the "they can't hear me" problem. Violet decides to use a weapon against the one evil spirit they can see, and it turns out this weapon happens to be Magica's amulet. One side effect is that this amulet allowed her to actually see and hear Lena for a second, which is enough to clue Webby in on what is really happening. However, that is only the second most of her worries.

The main side effect is that it finally gets Webby to realize that maybe this girl may not be what she seems. Just like Lena wanted her to, she starts to question their future friendship, and asks everything she knows.

It’s here that we finally get her backstory, or at least her claimed backstory. She was just an ordinary Muggle, having no interest in magic or anything else of the sort. Then, everything changed when the Shadow War happened, and. Oh, and she just stumbled across Magica's cane, which turned back into the amulet. That's pretty much it. We don't know if she's completely telling the truth...

...but Webby buys it completely, to the disappointment of Lena, and they start to do a seance. You see these shadow beings that look like the shadow of Magica De Spell. This, of course, gets Lena to attempt to grab them again.

I hate to spoil this, but I will say that this seance does lead to Lena being able to drag Webby and Violet into the shadow realm. No, not that one, thankfully. We get a big reunion, but this hug doesn't get to last long, as Webby and Violet finally get to see those white shadow ghosts.

That was spoiler enough, so I'll run through this: a big chase scene happens here, and it all leads to a good conclusion to this episode. Even the "tulpas" from the earlier scene comes up, as that turns out to be a little bit closer than one might guess from the opening of the scene. Here's a hint: they don't just stay in this Magica-like form.

In a sort of fake-out transition from that mayhem, we see what is the conclusion to the Launchpad trying to get Mrs. Beakley into Darkwing Duck plot. Turns out, they both got really excited over a cliffhanger ending. Unfortunately, in this universe, that was how Darkwing Duck ended, with a Woody's Roundup-esque cliffhanger. I usually don't talk about future episodes, but this will be given more detail in The Duck Knight Returns.

What were those shadow beings? Will Lena ever learn to trust Webby's new friend? Should Lena ever learn to trust Webby's new friend? Most importantly, while we got the reunion, will it last? At least some of those questions will be answered by watching the episode. It was a treat to see one of those answers in the end, something I thought I wouldn't see until the end of this season.

How does it stack up?

This episode didn't give me anything to dislike, and a lot to like. The biggest challenge this episode had was introducing this new character. I'll say this, without spoiling anything: while she doesn't have any Earth-shattering twists like Lena did, yet, she has potential.

I kind of skipped over the Launchpad bits, I can admit they're all pretty funny. Obviously, it wasn't going to be something as big as the A-plot, but just something minor and maybe even a little bit cute.

In the end, it's definitely in the Jaw$ column.

Next, I actually find a way to talk about The Powerpuff Girls...and not those ones!

← Raiders of the Doomsday Vault! 🦆 The Dangerous Chemistry of Gandra Dee! →

[forkanna]

[AO3 LINK] [EF LINK]

NOTES:  We made it to 30 chapters! This fic started as a kind of experiment for Kite and I, to see what we could come up with based on the basic premise, and it turned out pretty well I think. For those of you wondering how much longer this will go, it's only got a few chapters left; we'll be tying up a lot of loose ends soon. Thanks for reading along, we really appreciate every reader and every review so much!

"P-Punzie?" Anna blinked in confusion upon seeing her friend sitting in their cabin. "What are you doing here?"

Rapunzel stood awkwardly, looking much smaller in her oversized pink "God Loves Me" t-shirt and her squirmy expression as her flip-flop-clad feet turned inward. "Waiting for you guys. I thought… I heard your door, and then nobody was here, but it was unlocked, and I…" Her oversized front teeth dug into her bottom lip; she looked like she was going to throw up.

"Are you alright?" Elsa asked.

"FINE! I'm fine, but… well, I just really wanna talk to Anna. Snow's not in my room, or we could… take a walk?"

"We can go to your room, I guess." Anna gave her friend a reassuring grin despite her confusion before turning her attention to Elsa. "I'll be back in a bit, then," she told her sister before nodding towards Rapunzel in an indication that she was ready to go when the brunette was.

For lack of anything better, Elsa said, "Have fun" as they exited. But she looked quite concerned.

Soon enough, Rapunzel was letting Anna into her room and easing the door shut behind them. Then, unexpectedly, she locked it. The sound made a nervous shiver pass through Anna's back. She gave Rapunzel a smile, one that was subdued from nerves.

"What's the lock for?"

"Um… I don't want Snow walking in on this," she whispered quietly. "Um, you can sit with me on the bed, or if that's too weird you can take the desk chair?"

"Why would it be weird to sit with you? We're friends, Punzie." Anna walked over and sat on Rapunzel's bed, eyeing her friend and puzzling over her odd behaviour. She looked so scared… like she was expecting Anna to attack her. It made Anna worry immensely. "Are you sure you're okay?"

Squirming even more, she finally sat down, drawing one leg up as her flip flop fell to the floor, wrapping her arms around her shin. "Not really. I mean, I'm gonna be fine, and I'm not dying or anything, but right now… I'm kind of struggling with something."

Understanding dawned on Anna and she reached out to take one of Rapunzel's hands. If this was going the direction she thought it was, she had to present a calming, accepting front or she might really hurt her. "Oh Punzie," she cooed, "it's okay to be unsure about this. I understand."

"Okay," she breathed heavily, shaking a little and gripping Anna's hands. She didn't look any more certain of herself, or less nauseated, but she at least was very slightly less tense. "I've spent a couple of days trying to figure out how I'm going to do this, and I'm still not sure!"

"Take your time, don't rush," Anna continued to soothe. She gave the brunette's knuckles a couple quick strokes with her thumbs. "It will be a little weird at first, but it's only natural to feel this way."

"Well… yeah." Blinking at Anna a few times, sparing the knuckles and awkward glance, she went on, "I mean, that's what I was thinking, too. But then there's you, and you really…" Shaking her head slightly, her voice broke as she whispered, "You seem so fine with it! And I don't know how you can be! Why doesn't it bother you?"

"Being gay isn't something to be ashamed of, Punzie." Anna smiled at her friend. "I know it's strange and hard to take in now, but trust me, it gets easier. Just have to get used to thinking of things in a new way."

For a moment, Rapunzel's eyebrows furrowed as she stared at Anna, dropping her leg and turning toward her a little more. "What? I mean… I know that. Like, you told me."

Anna's brow furrowed, as well. "If you knew, then why would you ask if it would bother me? Hell, Punzie, I'm the last person you should worry about revealing your newfound sexuality to."

"My newf- wait, wait. Do you think… I'm coming out to you right now? Is that what you think this is about?"

"Well, yeah." Anna gave her a sheepish grin. "I'm… going to take it that this is… not the case?"

With a slow shake of her head, she snorted, "NO! I mean, geez Louise, I really don't think so!" Then she chuckled a little. Her cheeks were still pink, but that could still have been from preexisting anxiety, not from being mistaken for a member of Anna's community.

"Okay, my bad," she giggled. "So you're definitely not coming out to me."

"No, no I'm not, but thanks for your support." She laughed a little more before her expression began to grow more bittersweet. "Oh… maybe this is none of my business. You're such a good friend, and… I dunno, I feel bad for even bringing it up."

Anna gripped her hands again. "What's wrong?" But Rapunzel only looked guiltier and guiltier. She frowned in concern. "Punzie?"

"Snow… has been telling me some things. About you and Elsa. And like, I know how rumours go and all that, but… I can't pretend I didn't hear them, y'know?"

Anna didn't like the sound of that. She bit her lip and regarded her friend. "What did she say exactly?" she asked hesitantly.

"That… she caught you two kissing. Like, maybe she was trying to start something; I know Aurora's not a bad person, but sometimes she can kind of… be un-nice without meaning to."

"Ah." Anna felt her heart stutter in panic, her mind reeling. Rapunzel was the only one of the girls who knew of her real relationship to Elsa, and now… She had to approach this as carefully as she could. "Do you think it's true?"

"It couldn't be! At least… that's what I thought, at first. That she saw it wrong, or something." Swallowing hard, she stared down at her bedspread as she went on, "But then I started really watching how you two are together… and like… I didn't think for sure it was true, ever, I promise. Just… the way you were spooning that time I stopped by…"

"Sisters cuddle all the time," Anna pointed out. She felt bad for the half-truth but she figured it would be better in the end if she could throw off Rapunzel's suspicions.

"Y-yeah. I'm…" The poor girl nodded, looking like she was hating herself for every word. "I'm sorry. I know you're right, that you and Elsa… y-you wouldn't be like that. It's a sin. Even more of a sin than the other sin! But… I don't know, I wanted to ask instead of just… believing her, or not believing her, or…" Another sigh. Anna had to consciously keep herself from gripping the sheets underneath her, noticing Rapunzel's discomfort and not wanting to make her feel worse. "But you really do look at each other in, like, a boyfriend-girlfriend way."

"We're really close, yeah," Anna said, and even she knew how weak that sounded.

Again, Rapunzel looked up at her. This time, she looked a lot more stricken. "If… it is true, though… I'm sorry. I really don't have any right to ask you about any of this. Y-you can go back to your room, or… whatever…" But even as she said it, Anna couldn't help feel that leaving now would just make herself look worse. Instead, she looked down at the hand still caught between hers and started puzzling over how to respond.

"Anna?" When she still didn't answer, Rapunzel leaned closer. "It's… it's true… isn't it?"

Anna's lip trembled. She wanted to deny it and tell Rapunzel that it wasn't, but her heart was at war with her brain, telling her to be honest. That she and Elsa's relationship didn't deserve to be treated like a dirty secret — and that Punzie deserved the truth no matter how painful or risky that was.

The word was out before Anna could stop it. "Yes."

"Oh." Rapunzel looked away. It seemed like she was trying to keep from reacting, even though her face was pale and she was shivering a little. "You… and she? But…" She stopped herself and swallowed. "Well, that's great! I mean… y-you were so worried you wouldn't be able to get along with her anymore, and now… n-now you're really getting along!"

"You don't have to pretend to be okay with this, Rapunzel," Anna said softly, her face burning with a guilt she realistically knew she had no reason to feel. Except that she did; society made sure she did.

"It's not my business! I told you, I… well, I just w-wanted to make sure I wasn't… believing… I wanted to give you a chance to tell me I was wrong, I guess." She sounded close to tears. "B-but don't worry, I, um… the others don't know you're sisters, a-and I'm sure as heck not gonna tell them now."

"I really appreciate that, Punzie." Anna kept her voice as sweet as she could. "Thank you so much for being such a… wonderful friend." She swallowed the hard lump in her throat and fought to keep tears down herself. "D-Do you… want me to leave?"

At first, Rapunzel didn't respond. Then she glanced up at Anna's face and away. "I… I don't know, Anna. This is harder than the other thing. I mean… all I can think about is deformed babies, b-but you two can't have babies, anyway, so it's… I don't really…" She swallowed hard as if she were trying to keep her lunch down.

"I get it." Anna bit her lip, sympathetic to the clear struggle Rapunzel was going through. "What me and Elsa share… it's taboo. To most people, it's immoral and disgusting and we're terrible for doing it… but if I'm honest, Punzie, I don't care what those people think because… what we have is something really special. We love each other so much… and even if it's more than God or whoever says we should, I personally don't see anything wrong with it because I believe there is nothing wrong with true love."

That seemed to throw Rapunzel for even more of a loop. She sputtered for a few seconds, then simply went quiet as she tried to absorb what Anna was telling her.

"Punz?"

"True love? With your sister? But… I…"

Anna gave Rapunzel a tiny smile. "People always say that your heart would never tell you a lie when it comes to love. And my heart definitely knows that I've never loved anyone more than I love Elsa. Blood or no blood."

"Well, yeah, but not love this way. Of course you love her! I just… a-are you going to do…" Her face turned a little pale as she contemplated how to phrase things for Anna, and she wound up giving up with a little groan of uneasiness.

"Don't think about that if it makes you uncomfortable." The redhead sighed heavily. "Just… think about what you and Flynn have and apply it me and Elsa. Voila. Same thing."

Her meek voice asked, "You really feel that strongly? Like, for reals?" When Anna nodded, her eyes went a lot rounder. "Jeepers… but… okay, I need to stop asking the same questions over and over. Sorry. Just… I don't know if I can handle this, b-but I won't tell anyone. So… don't worry about that part."

"We really appreciate it, and… I hope that this doesn't ruin our friendship completely… I- I really like having you as a friend." Anna stood up. "I should go."

Nodding, Rapunzel didn't move or get up. But when Anna reached the door, she said, "Hey… I, um… it's not right, what Aurora and her friends did to you. Or tried to do, or whatever. Just… y-yeah, even if I'm not completely cool with the situation, I think they were jerks."

"Thanks." Anna gave the other girl a weak grin. "Nice to know that not everyone is willing to condone that kind of jerkishness." She shuffled her feet slightly. "Anyway… have a good night, Punzie."

"Goodnight." But she sounded very small, and very defeated as she whispered it.

                                                                         ~ o ~

"Well… how did she take it?"

"About as well as you would expect." Anna paced restlessly and her face was overwhelmed with sadness. The thought of losing someone who had so quickly become such a treasured friend was crushing. "She promised she wouldn't tell on us and even said that what the others did was wrong, but… God, Snowflake, she looked ready to be sick any minute…"

Elsa swallowed hard, looking down at how her hands were fidgeting with each other. "Well… I guess we shouldn't have hoped any differently. We are… defying the laws of nature."

"We aren't defying nature. We're defying societal standards." Anna huffed and ran her hand through her bangs. "M-Maybe she'll come around to it? To this just being how we are together, and it's not hurting anybody?"

"Maybe. After all, I didn't think I would, either, and yet here we are…" After a brief shrug, she flashed a wan smile up at her sister. "And… I guess you're right. Obviously, it can't be completely unnatural if it happened. It's not like either of us woke up one morning and decided we would really spit in God's eye by doing this."

"Exactly." The redhead flopped down onto the bed beside Elsa with a soft grunt and covered her eyes with her arm. "I'm just… sad. I really like Punzie, and knowing she probably hates me for this is…"

Getting up to cross the room, Elsa sat on her bedside and took Anna's hand. A calmer, less overtly romantic gesture. "She'll come around. I don't know her very well, since I don't talk to the other counselors too often, but… she seems like a very decent person, just from those few times the three of us have hung out together. I can't see her being too unreasonable for too long."

There was silence from Anna as she simply gripped the hand holding hers tightly. She took in the comforting gesture, eyes still closed, before she tugged the hand up to press it to her lips. "Thank you," she whispered.

"Anytime. And… even if…" She sighed, as if unsure about continuing. Anna blinked and gave her a comforting smile.

"If?" she prompted.

"Even… if we wind up not being able to stay in this relationship, after all. Because of the… familial part." But she rushed onward, "I made a choice that loving you and doing what's best for you comes first. So if we wind up having to 'break up' to stay sisters and friends, then I will. I hope we don't have to, but I wanted you to know how important that part is to me."

"Okay." Anna nodded and gave Elsa a watery smile. She looked down at their hands and gripped Elsa a little tighter, gently placing their joined hands to her heart. "I can accept that so long as you are still with me as a sister."

"Always." Then she raised the paired hands up to press her lips against them, to show Anna some affection. "But… I have a very strong feeling we won't have to worry."

Anna beamed at that before leaning in to press her lips directly to Elsa's, pouring all the love into it that she could. Humming, Elsa fell into the contact, pushing into her sister's mouth, wrapping her arms around her back. Contented, Anna rested her hands on Elsa's stomach, a sigh of bliss escaping between their lips as she fluttered her eyes closed.

"You're perfect," she murmured.

"No, you," Elsa whispered back, running fingertips through the back of Anna's hair as they laid there.

"Let's not get into this argument," Anna laughed, placing a kiss on her nose. "Otherwise, it will never end."

Grinning, the elder sister kissed the corner of the younger's mouth. "True." Then another, and a longer, sweeter one. Anna enjoyed the domesticity of their actions. The flirting, the kisses, the sweet talks… all of it helped to chase away the darkness that had taken root over the last few days and cemented the truth in Anna's mind. That she and Elsa were doing nothing wrong in their love for one another. That they were each other's True Loves.

That thought sent warmth through Anna's entire being. Her happiness exploded in a burst of heavy tears, which resulted in embracing Elsa and clutching her tightly to her chest while littering her face with kisses.

"Anna?" The kisses seemed to help keep Elsa from being truly concerned. "Aww… you alright down there?"

"I- I…" She couldn't tell Elsa just how happy she made her or how much she loved her, not with her throat so tight. How she wanted to give Elsa the world, the stars, the moon and the sky if it meant seeing her smile just a second longer. Instead, Anna let out a choked sob and pressed their foreheads together. There was so much that Anna wanted to say, yet nothing seemed enough to express her sentiments. She buried her face into her sister's hair and just basked in her scent and the security and warmth that Elsa's mere presence offered her.

And Elsa was there, warm, comforting, petting over her hair as she let Anna cry herself out in her hair. After a minute or so, she whispered, "I love you, Anna. I promise, it's never going to change again; I… won't let myself be deceived anymore about what kind of person you are. My beautiful, perfect sister…"

"I l-love you, too," Anna managed to choke out, clinging like a baby koala at her words.

"Are you sure you're alright?" she whispered against her forehead as she pushed her back to kiss it gently.

"F-fine." She closed her eyes. "I'm just...really happy right now." All Elsa did in response was to hold her closer, caressing over her hair and kissing tenderly. Being there for her.

It took awhile before Anna reluctantly pulled herself away from her older sister. Her tears had long since dried and she had calmed down significantly, but she didn't leave the security of Elsa's embrace until she felt the familiar tickle in her abdomen that indicated that nature called. She pouted a little when she finally stood up. "I'll be right back."

"Okay," Elsa said with a pleasant smile, reaching up to caress Anna's face before it was out of reach. "You'd better be; I miss you when you're gone." Anna blushed and gave her a shy, little grin. She nuzzled into Elsa's hand, placing a sweet kiss on her palm before she straightened up and made her way to the bathroom to relieve herself.

She didn't keep in the soft giggles, feeling only a little embarrassed that she was on the toilet by herself while she did so. However, the happiness she felt refused to be contained. Despite everything, she really felt that things would work out for the two of them. That she and Elsa would live happily together soon enough. As she finished and washed her hands, she had to bite her lip to keep her smile from hurting her cheeks. She emerged feeling so giddy that she was bouncing slightly.

"Hey, Elsa!" she cheered happily. "Did you miss me?"

"No," Elsa said sarcastically with a little laugh. "It's not like I just told you I miss you. Now, come here." Anna grinned, jogging lightly towards the bed before leaping into it, making Elsa jump a little when she landed so that she was facing her sister.

"Hiya!" she teased. It earned her a kiss on the tip of her nose, even though Elsa was rolling her eyes. Anna laughed and kissed her nose back with twinkling eyes. "What's a beauty like you doing in my bed, anyway?"

After a moment of blinking, Elsa snorted and bumped their foreheads together. "I was about to ask you the same thing. Since this is my bed, silly." Anna was struck momentarily baffled before casting what she hoped was a subtle glance down at the bedsheets to confirm. Blue sheets, definitely not green.

However, Anna decided to turn the screw-up to her advantage. With a flirtatious smile and a wink, she purred, "What's the difference?"

Elsa's smile was just as mischievous. "I suppose you're right at this point." Her hand came to rest on Anna's waist as she pulled her in closer. Anna's heart fluttered with nerves. Elsa had been getting bolder and less insecure with their flirting and it did wonders for Anna's libido to see her sister like this. It reminded her slightly of when they were kids, and how despite Elsa's calmer and more mature demeanor, she was just as, if not more, playful and mischievous than Anna when no one was looking. Only now that playfulness was more mature in nature and it made Anna's cheeks hot.

"Something the matter?" Elsa whispered, scooting a little closer still and kissing one of said hot cheeks. Anna gripped at Elsa's shoulders, slipping under the shirt so that she could feel the smooth skin and strong muscle under her hands, stared into those big glacial eyes that peered into her own. She felt naked under her gaze and it sent a glorious rush through the redhead as she started to caress Elsa lightly.

"Nothing at all," she whispered back, leaning in to brush her lips lightly over Elsa's own cheek. "Everything is just perfect."

So Elsa kissed her again, and this time the kiss stretched on for minutes. She was enticing, and kept up the pressure and attention as she began to roll slightly so that she was atop Anna, tongue searching for its mate. Anna shuddered beneath her older sister and eagerly met her tongue, fighting to keep her eyes from closing just so she could admire the serenity on Elsa's face. But when Elsa noticed, she drew back and blinked down at her.

"What is it?" she asked this time instead, her voice a bit sultrier. Anna's mouth went dry as she admired the body hovering over her own. Another soft shudder passed and she blinked slowly.

"W-why do you have to be so sexy without even trying?" she husked back.

That prompted a few blinks from the blonde, but she then smiled wickedly and pressed her lips against Anna's neck, just below her ear. "Because… you bring it out in me. Not like I know what I'm doing."

Anna moaned at the tremendous jolt that fired through her as a result of that kiss, turning a brilliant shade of scarlet at the loudness of her own voice. The sensitivity of the area Elsa currently had her lips to made her quiver with hot desire with every breath the winter blonde took. She gripped Elsa tightly.

"God, Elsa!" she whimpered as a hand began to trail up and down her side, barely even doing anything. "You drive my body crazy and you don't even try!" It kind of scared Anna just how easily Elsa could play her. How easy it was for her to make her emotions and physical being go haywire in both the best and worst ways possible.

And right now, with Elsa so close and her touches so light and teasing… it felt like the fires of hell and the warm bliss of heaven all at once.

"Is your body… really going that crazy?" Elsa asked in a slightly less self-assured voice. "Because if it is, then maybe… maybe I could do something about that."

                                                  To Be Continued…

[danganronpa87]

The Prologue.

"Where am I..?"

I awoke on what seemed to be a bed. The sheets were only draped over me, and the mattress and covers were a milk white in color. I looked around, trying to figure out where I was. This wasn't home... Taking notice of the chipped, white walls, I stepped out of the bed. Glancing back at it.. it was.. a hospital bed?! Had I gotten injured? I could only feel a slight ache in the back of my head.. so why was I in the hospital? I decided to think this over as I looked at the walls again, looking up and seeing a small monitor. Huh..

It didn't look like a TV or anything of the sorts, but it was definitely misplaced in this abandoned-looking hospital room. It felt off somehow. I turned to the door, putting my hand on the silver, metallic handle, and slowly opened it. I was met with a dark, reddish walled hallway, doors with silver plates lining the whole hall. I turned to face my own door, noticing my own nameplate.

Retku Sovyak

Ultimate Violinist

A dark grey case was leaning against the wall, which I immediately recognized as my signature viola. Picking it up and sliding the strap over my head, I looked out down the dark hallway. I could see a dim light at the end, along with more doors with nameplates.

Shinto Kobayashi. Takeshi Kohima. Honoma Ochi. Zekou Nakamura.

I didn't take notice of any of the Ultimates, only the names. I guess other people were here too... for some odd reason, this was a little comforting. I kept reading the names as I walked down the hall, the light getting closer and closer as I made my way through. Suddenly, a voice broke the silence.

"Greetings. I assume you don't know where we are either?"

Turning around, I was met with a young woman, maybe in her highschool years with long, dark brown hair in a loose bun that fell over her shoulder. She wore a golden coat, the edges coming down to her calf-length skirt. A noticeable scar fell over one of her jade green eyes, her softly tanned skin shining in the dim light. "Siandi Fukuhara. Ultimate Traveler." She held out her hand for a handshake, making me jump slightly before I took her hand. Her voice had a strange accent... "Sovyak. Retku Sovyak. I'm the Ultimate Violinist.." Shaking Siandi's hand, I smiled warmly. "And to answer your question, no. I just woke up here and I have no idea of how I got here or why."

Siandi nodded. "The same with me.. by the way. I do like your accent. Russian? Such a beautiful place, Russia.." She smiled, looking down at me. "Your Japanese is a little off. Not in a bad way or anything, it just intrigued me." I nodded, taking the compliment. "Thank you.. I've lived in Russia almost my whole life. I only came here to come to Hope's Peak. But this isn't it.. it reminds me of a hospital."

"You would not be wrong. This is a hospital. It looks abandoned, too. Look at the walls." She put her finger on the wall, gesturing to the chipped paint. "It seems nobody has been here for a long time.." Her focus had seemed to suddenly shift from me. "Anyway... I best get to exploring. I don't want to be here without knowing what's around." Shooting a small smile towards me, Fukuhara turned and disappeared down the hallway.

I sighed quietly to myself, looking at her door. It wasn't any different from the others I'd seen. It displayed her name, and her Ultimate talent... She must've been a Hope's Peak student then. Maybe I could find other people here...?

Suddenly, there was a sharp click, as if an intercom had turned on. I jumped again, and quickly glanced around, trying to find the source of said sound.

"Would everyone please make their way to the day room? Thank you!~"

The intercom clicked off as the singsong voice finished talking. The day room, huh...? Maybe I should listen... after all, it could explain why I was here in the first place.

××××××××××

As I entered the day room, all eyes were turned to me. In front of me stood a group of maybe about 17 others, including Siandi from earlier. "Sovyak-san! You've arrived." She smiled. "You mentioned you were an Ultimate, right? Everyone else here also said they were going to Hope's Peak... they remember walking to class one day, and then... they blacked out and woke up here."

Hearing those words... made my blood turn ice cold. We were kidnapped?? But... why? And why in an abandoned hospital...?

A boy with bright blue hair and taped together glasses approached. "Uhm... sorry if I'm bothering you, but you're the eighteenth student, right?" He pushed his glasses up, looking at me with curiousness. "Siandi said that she'd counted up 18 nameplates in total. So... there are 17 of us here. And now you. What's your name? I'm Kune Hayashi. Ultimate Blogger! You might've heard of me."

This guy... was a little overbearing.

I introduced myself. "I'm sorry... but I don't believe I've heard of you before..." Nervously chuckling, I looked away. As I said this, Kune looked surprised. "What?! You've never heard of me?? I run one of the most watched vlogs in all of Japan! I blog about everything... from cooking to daily life!" He put his hands on his hips, looking up at me proudly. "Isn't that right, sweetheart?"

Another boy walked over to his side. He had glasses as well, his reddish orange hair messy and unkempt. His nose was slightly red and covered in freckles. A camera hung loose from his neck. "Yeah... he's right." He shyly looked away, but smiled as Kune hugged him. "You're the best.. Oh! You! Retku! This is my boyfriend. Oakley Yokota, the one and only Ultimate Photographer!"

Oakley laughed lightly. "Thank you, Kune... but... did you wake up in a strange room too? A hospital room...?" I nodded. I had... Maybe everyone else had as well?

"I'm... going to go back to the others. You coming, Kune..?" He asked. Kune nodded, and off the two went. After they ran off, I looked around for any sort of clue to why we were here. And why eighteen of us? Surely, if we were kidnapped, that amount seems rather high...

Click, click, click.

The sound of soft footsteps echoed through the now empty halls, confused chatter rising up among the group. I stayed silent... but what I saw next was something I never expected to see. A small, monochrome fox... standing on two legs. It almost looked like a plushie of some sort...

"Greetings, everyone. I am your leader, Monoshima."

Everyone began to discuss again, the fox raising his hand to get everyone to calm down.

"I'm sure you are all confused. But don't worry, there is a way for people to escape. All it takes is a little... murder."

Murder?! I glance to Siandi with an unsure look, and she returns the gaze. I hear a soft whimper break the apprehensive silence. When I turn to face the source of the sound, I'm met with another blue-haired boy holding a redhead close to his chest. Aww...

"...Anyway. The game is simple. If you want to escape, you must kill another student, no matter the method. Then, we will participate in a class trial. If the culprit, the 'blackened,' is discovered, then only they will be punished. If you all come to the wrong conclusion, however..."

Monoshima dragged a claw along his neck menacingly, hinting at what would happen. I'm pretty sure we all understood. Turning on his heel, Monoshima left, leaving us in panic and uncertainty.

"S-so... h-he's expecting us to... k-k-kill..?" The redhead from earlier, still being held, spoke out. Tears were streaming down his cheeks. The poor boy looked so terrified.... but to be honest, we all most likely were. "Hey... Zekou... I'll protect you..." The guy holding the crying boy's voice was soft, comforting, pleasing on the ears..

"Neru n-no-! You'll g-get hurt-!" Zekou looked up at him, biting his lip. "...Get hurt?" Siandi decided to butt in, raising an eyebrow skeptically at the two. "I-it's... kinda p-personal..." Zekou looked away, tugging at his grey hoodie sleeves nervously.

"Let's... calm down, alright...?" I tried my hand at easing everyone's nerves. "I'm sure... we'll be fine..."

"Mhm... I'm going to go look around more. Goodbye, everyone." Siandi turned to leave. More people began following her, including Neru, who simply scooped up the smaller boy with ease. After everyone headed out, there were maybe about... five people in the room, including myself. A girl with a long, beautiful dress, a small boy in overalls, a guy hiding in his hoodie, and a tall, somewhat intimidating doctor...?

Suddenly, the girl approached me. "Hello... I think I should introduce myself." She gave me a warm smile. "My name is Shou Mori. Ultimate Ballroom Dancer. And you?" Despite our situation, she remained calm and composed. It was impressive, almost. "I'm Retku Sovyak... the Ultimate Violinist." Shou smiled again. "It's a pleasure to meet you. See you around." With that, she gave a curtsey, and left the room. She seemed nice enough... though, it was difficult to determine who could end up falling victim to the lure of escape the time we've had here.

I decided to head back out into my own room, giving a small wave to the other three before heading back. I was honestly tired... and the weight of this information did not help at all. A killing game, huh...? I've been through a lot... but I never expected to he forced into a killing game.

I set my viola right by the door, and flopped on the bed after kicking off my shoes. My eyes closed as soon as I hit the pillow... And I fell into a restless, dreamless sleep.