#But I still don't know how to get to that fkn solution

[fairycosmos]

I don't think I can live in this family any longer. My older sister is emotionally abusing the hell out of me and I don't know what to do about it. she's wrecked me. My parents do realize but she doesn't change her behaviour and blames me instead. She never apoligizes. she humiliates me in front of others. I'm afraid of her, I hate her, I can't do anything right when I'm around her. I never want to talk to her or see her again. what do I fucking do? does anyone have similar experiences?

god, i’m so fucking sorry you have to deal with that, holy shit. you’re definitely not the only person who has had to live with an abusive figure - a lot of people can relate to that, a lot of people have survived that and you are genuinely not alone. the fact that your parents aren’t stepping up and doing something about it is crazy and completely unacceptable. i think that the fact that you’ve handled this for so long and that you’ve managed to get through it speaks volumes about the strength of your character and the type of person you are, seriously. i’m assuming you’re too young to move out, and if there’s no other family members that you’re able to go and live with, then the only option is to distance yourself from the house and your sister as much as you’re able to. i know it’s not the perfect solution, and i know it’s not ideal, but it’s still not a hopeless situation and you’re still going to get through it, i promise. try to spend the least amount of time around your house and your sister as you can - take long walks, find places that bring you peace (libraries, parks, cafes), stay out late with friends, maybe even join a club or something at school so you can spend more time there. don’t let your sister in your personal bubble anymore. she’s not worth it. i get that it feels like a lot of effort, but you shouldn’t have to remain in an uncomfortable environment for any longer than you’re required to, you know? that’s really what it comes down to. also, try to stop engaging with your sister all together. when you see her or whenever she talks to you, tune her out, look straight through her and show her that you don’t care. at this point, what she thinks doesn’t matter bc it’s all coming from a bitter place of negativity and resentment, so don’t give her actions the power to impact you or get in your head anymore. she doesn’t matter, and eventually she’s not even going to be a part of your life so even if you have to force yourself to, just keep ignoring her. i get that it hurts, and that she’s your sister so you’re naturally going to crave a better relationship w her, but there comes a point where you just have to stop and tell yourself that enough is enough. you don’t need to deal w her bullshit anymore. you don’t need to be scared of her, or annoyed by her, or embarrassed by her - she’s nothing.

look, i don’t know why she’s chosen to treat you like this and i don’t know why she thinks she has the right to, but please know that her actions and words are always a reflection of her, and never of you. it’s not your fault. she sounds like a fkn bad person and how she chooses to act is completely out of your hands, but that doesn’t mean you have to put up with it. exercise the control you do have by doing what’s right for yourself and your own happiness, okay? and keep complaining to your parents about it, keep letting them know that it’s not okay and don’t let her bully you into complete silence. try to convince them to partake in some sort of family therapy, or form of punishment for your sister when she does something shitty. detaching yourself from the situation and from her poisonous attitude doesn’t mean you have to stop telling your parents what’s going on. i know it’s all a lot easier said than done, but until you’re old enough to move out or until the opportunity arises, the best way to handle it is to disconnect from it as much as you physically can, unless your family starts to accept that things need to change. and even when your mind is telling you that you can’t keep going, that you can’t deal w it anymore, take a deep breath and try to realize that you can. every moment that you get through is an achievement, and it brings you one step closer to a better future - one that doesn’t hold your abusive sister or any of that shit. there will come a day when you’re going to be able to live your life freely and on your own terms and you’re going to be so much happier than you can even comprehend right now, so don’t let her take that away from you. even if the current circumstances feel like the most permanent thing in the world, they’re not. what you’ve experienced so far is only a very small percentage of your life, and there’s still so much to come that will make getting through all of this crap feel worth it. i promise. you’re so much stronger than you think you are, dude. i’m going to leave some links that might offer additional guidance and advice bc like i said, a lot of people can relate to what you’re going through and there is a lot of support out there, even if it doesn’t feel that way rn. also, i’m always here if you need someone to talk to - just message me.

http://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/975519/how-to-deal-with-bullies-and-abusive-family-members

https://www.dumblittleman.com/how-to-overcome-emotional-abuse/

https://www.focusonthefamily.com/lifechallenges/abuse-and-addiction/understanding-emotional-abuse/healing-the-wounds-of-emotional-abuse

https://www.mentalhelp.net/advice/abusive-older-sister/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/growing-friendships/201512/sibling-abuse-and-bullying