#British Arachnids

[cyanogen-miasma]

underside of a particularly chonky Cross Orbweaver spider I saw today. I'm not great at spider ID, but this is also called the European Garden Spider, so as you could surmise from the name, I see them quite often

I believe I've taken the beauty of these spiders for granted, since they're so regular to me. I think I should stop envying the tropics for their range of colourful invertebrate characters and appreciate what I have a bit more. Look at that booty!

[thtspt]

[sitting-on-me-bum]

Metallic Jumping Spider in Moss, Jumping spider (Evarcha arcuata), Purbeck, Dorset, England

‘The metallic jumping spider is a heathland specialist, hunting its prey in the heather jungle of its environment. The tiny moss plants tower above the spider in this photo, emphasising the small physical size of the spider, though – like all jumpers, with their big central pair of eyes and innate curiosity – they are big in terms of character. Like a lot of macro work in the field, I was on my belly to get the animal’s perspective, but it was worth it for the eyeball-to-eyeballs view’

Photograph: Will Atkins

British Wildlife Photography Awards

[leithillustration]

🕷️Feeling the need to broadcast that I just had a spider crawl down my face while doom scrolling in bed (me not the spider) and I did not lose my shit but instead said “oh hello” very politely before setting it on the floor.

[periprose]

Arachnid Anxiety

You're Spider-Woman, and you've been tasked with babysitting Mayday. Maybe you have a bit of stress that you need to vent about, and Hobie comes along quite conveniently for that purpose.

Genre: Fluff, reader having anxiety, Hobie giving her advice, very cute, reader is a Jessica Drew variant, perhaps mutual pining if you squint, takes place during the movie but before Miles arrives to the Society, terrible british slang attempts (sorry Hobie :'))

Word Count: 2.4k

Babies are hard to wrangle when they’re crawling up walls.

Of course, Peter B. Parker said that he needs a nap, just this once, and he needs someone to watch over Mayday while he sneaks away into the sleeping pods in the Spider-Society-System. Sometimes he and MJ don’t get sleep for days at a time, so you get it.

But Mayday is so curious, and you find yourself having to pull her prying hands away before she inadvertently tampers with things around Miguel’s labs and causes either a mass outage or a explosion or Miguel’s wrath. You understand why Peter is a little exhausted.

She’s a very cute baby, though, and you can’t help but coo at her as she clambers off the wall into your arms. 

“Who’s a good Spidey? Who’s gonna be the best of us?” You shake her up and down and she giggles, wrapping her arms around you. 

You instinctively flinch, feeling your Spider-Sense go off.

“Large statement to make. But I see where you’re coming from.” Spider-Punk comes up from behind you, and you turn to him. “She’s definitely punk.”

“Hey, don’t go claiming someone else’s kid as one of your own.” You joke, and Hobie scowls as he pulls off his mask.

“Don’t believe in claims. Or labels, for that matter.” He scratches his hair, looking effortless as he ever does, and you roll your eyes. “She is… who she is. Forgive me for using a descriptive word, Spider-Woman.”

“I get it.” You hold Mayday as she squeals at the sight of Hobie, and she motions in an uppy-uppy motion. She wants to be held by him, but he ignores her.

You never quite know how to feel about Hobie Brown. The Amazing Spider-Punk is revolutionary, known for being better than just his words– he holds himself to the very essence of anarchy. He practices what he preaches.

But you can’t quite get a read on the guy. You don’t know if he’s pulling your leg– or taking the piss as he would say– when he gives his bouts of advice while somehow simply being amazing through it all. He somehow knows what to say but he also isn’t the most comforting, and that in itself makes you drawn to him. He just happens to be kind of rough around the edges, and it’s because of that you know he truly means what he says. 

No sugar-coating, ever.

But you hate yourself, because you’ve somehow managed to fall for him. 

It’s not uncommon for Spideys to fall for each other. Peter Parker and Cindy Moon, Miles Morales and Gwen Stacy. But you know this is the one time it just wouldn’t end well for you.

You can already hear Hobie’s comments if he ever found out. He’d probably rebuke you even though you’d never try anything. Tell you he doesn’t feel that way and you’re delusional for potentially thinking that he would ever tie himself down. Spiders are meant to be swinging free and all that.

Even worse, he just happens to be beautiful. You’re positive that if Hobie wasn’t so anti-everything he would have stuck with being a runway model. His face is molded in a distinctive way that has you trying to catch his glance, even if he only looks at you with nonchalance, completely unbothered, not a hint of chemistry in his eyes.

It is with great displeasure that you find yourself wanting his bored attention anyways.

And so you’ve been swallowing your crush for the greater part of a year now. You’re sure it will pass like all things do.

Pavitr, as much as you love him, has told you many times about the “chemistry” between you and Hobie– and you have told him every time to fuck off. Not in an actual harsh way, because again you can’t help but love the guy, but because you don’t need false hope.

You’re just Spider-Woman. Another red-and-yellow suited variant of Jessica Drew, you might as well just be another Peter Parker. You know that’s not how you’re supposed to think of yourself, but it’s just how it is. Canon events brought you here, and according to Miguel, it’s not something you chose– you just happened to be there at the right time and place. You’re no Jess, who comes in on her motorcycle, raging heat and excitement on her toes– you are one of the many, instead of being exceptional like the few.

You’re not like Hobie, who is as far as you know, one of a kind.

“What’s on your mind, Spider-Woman?” Hobie asks as he picks through random tech on the desk in Miguel’s lab, taking what he feels is useful for whatever it is he does with the stuff. He’s never used your name, because he doesn’t know it.

You and a few other Spider-People have chosen to stay anonymous, for different reasons, and only Miguel and Margo know who you really are. Hobie has told you before that that’s pretty cool– he only chose to give up his name because it was easier to get along with people that way. Hobie knows there’s power in people.

“Just babysitting. Obviously.” You motion to Mayday, who takes this moment to thwip out a web and swing away from you– but you’re faster and you grab her back into your arms, and she pouts.

“Nah, nah. I mean that sour expression upon your lovely little visage, imbecile.” He pokes your masked cheek, and you find yourself blushing but pulling away from him. Hobie is like that– overly familiar and no real sense of space because he doesn’t care.

“It’s not lovely.” You retort, fully convinced of it because he has never seen your face, only your incredulous expression through the eyes of your mask. 

You think that Hobie is again being sarcastic about your unknown appearance, and because his back is facing yours as he searches through random shelves now, you don’t catch how his face frowns at your response.

“Disagreements about your anonymous-but-surely beautiful face aside– not that looks matter, mind you– you’re clearly miffed about something.” Hobie turns and crosses his arms, and it’s with a little embarrassment and comfort that you want his advice. Even if it’s kind of to do with him.

“Well, I guess, uh… lately I’ve just been feeling kind of down. Like what’s the point of all this?” You bite your lip, knowing Hobie’s feelings on nihilism. “I don’t mean like nothing in life matters, Hobie. I mean more that I don’t matt– I don’t… anyways, I feel useless. I don’t have anything special about me, I don’t really bring anything to the Spider-Society that wasn’t already brought.”

"Whoa whoa whoa. Nah, lady, you've got your priorities all twisted." Hobie pulls your arms, bringing you kind of closer to him, and rests his hands on your shoulders, making you listen. "This inner hatred stuff– that sick urge to feel shame and then blast it inside of yourself, all that repression, yeah? It's a crock of shit."

"Huh?" You and Mayday both peer up at him. You behind your mask, and she with her crocheted one. 

Hobie picks up Mayday, finally giving into her wishes to be held by him, and she immediately giggles. There’s a subtle smile on his face that warms him to you a little.

"It might feel good in the moment. It might even feel revolutionary." Hobie scowls, and scratches his jaw. "It's worthless. Notice, Spider, I didn't call you worthless. The very action is garbage, a visceral thing that brings no productive value– that's what they want you to feel."

"Ah, because then I'll never fight against the establishment, right, Hobie? I'll be too busy fighting myself." You say mockingly, taking on a fake-pretentious-Cockney accent, mimicking him, but Hobie gives you a chill look and nods.

"Now you're getting it."

"Aw." You slump and slouch and sit on the counter full of gadgets and gizmos next to him. "I know you're right, but… don't you ever get people getting mad at you?"

"You've lost me."

"Like… being so responsible." You roll your eyes as Hobie snickers and whispers the spider-mantra you all know so well. "Or just living by your own ideology so… efficiently. It's almost like a slap in the face to the rest of us Spiders. We don’t know how to cope, and here comes along Spider-Punk with all his personal assurance that even if things aren't alright, he'll make it alright for himself."

"Oi, trust me, it wasn't all that easy." Hobie sniffs and sits down next to you, holding Mayday close and then letting her go as she crawls onto the wall in front of you. "You really think I haven't had a bad day? I haven’t had my moments of self doubt, huh?”

“Uh… well. When you put it like that, it does sound kind of crazy.” You admit, and nudge him with your shoulder. “I didn’t mean any harm, Hobie. I just feel so… inadequate.”

“Just stop.” He crosses his arms and closes his eyes, and you feel that yet again, he’s somewhat unreadable. “Don’t think those things. You’re not inadequate.”

“But I–”

“Stop.” He grasps your hands, and squeezes them tightly in his own, and you wonder if Hobie has ever looked this seriously at you, his eyes soft yet firm with affection.

You’re in trouble, you think. Your heart is pounding and you’re really glad he can’t see your face.

“I don’t think you know how important you are.” He utters so quietly, in that very deep voice that has you leaning in to hear him better. “You’re not nothing, Spider-Woman. You’ve done a lot of good for your Earth-257, I’m sure, and that makes you something special. Like the rest of us– you’re kind of irreplaceable, right?”

“I guess.”

“Not ‘I guess.’” Hobie punches the side of your arm and you pretend to say ow, laughing a little. “If you didn’t exist, we’d all be poorer for it. Peter couldn’t ask you to chill with his baby, and I couldn’t be here talking your ear off.”

“But I’m not– I don’t really compare to her, you know?” You say without thinking, and then immediately squint at your own stupidity. 

“Who’s her?” Hobie is wary of how your expression is shifting. “Stacy?”

“Uh, no.” You inhale, exhale, and then decide it’s time to get it over with. “Jess.”

“Jess? Jessica Drew, huh?” Hobie smirks a little. “You don’t want to be adopted by her, do you?”

“More complicated than Gwen’s weird fantasy.” You shift on your spot on the counter, and pull off your mask after a minute of tribulations. “I’m… also Jessica Drew.”

You feel incredibly shy as Hobie takes in your face, wary of his every move as you feel yourself sweating, and he grasps your face gently, peering into your eyes and taking a look at your features, as if he’s really trying to remember them.  

“Huh.”

“What is it?” You say a little too defensively, and he shrugs. 

“You do have a lovely visage, you silly little sod. Even if it’s completely different from Jess’ face.” He laughs as you shove him away, covering your face in your hands. “No, don’t do that.”

He’s tracing your jaw, and he murmurs. “Maybe you could use a few piercings… a tat or two… ever thought about it?”

“No.” You shut your eyes. “I’m not cool like you.”

“Oh, shut it.” He leans in imperceptibly closer, and you blink, eyes open. Maybe Pavitr had a point that Hobie and you have something, because there’s not really another explanation for that look in his eyes. “You’re plenty cool, Jessica Drew. It was just a shit suggestion of mine.”

You think Hobart “Hobie” Brown is sweeter than you previously thought. You have half a mind to tell him about your feelings.

You and Hobie both look up, Spider-Senses tingling, and sure enough, Mayday is cooing from the ceiling– she leaps into your already waiting arms. She giggles at your expression.

Oh well, you think. There’ll be some other time to work up the courage to tell him.

Hobie half-smirks at her. “Way to interrupt us, Mayday.”

She looks at him all confused, tilting her head in a “huh?” motion, and you feel the same way, not entirely sure what Hobie meant by that and not willing to assume either.

He answers you by pulling your face in a sudden, swift motion, connecting his lips to yours, and in between the two of you, Mayday shrieks and laughs. She crawls off to the side of you, no longer smothered between your torsos.

Hobie is weirdly insistent– you feel like he’s been wanting to do this for a while, maybe longer than the length of your conversation (you don’t know if this is just a funny little fling for him, but you’re fairly sure it isn’t) and he’s a lot taller and lankier than you, so he really has to tower over you to reach your mouth better. He’s grasping your jaw and neck and the back of your head with a lot of intensity– you feel wildly dizzy when he pulls away.

“Uh.” Peter B. Parker is standing in front of you both, mouth wide open, and you look back at Hobie and he grins rather coolly, not really giving a damn. It’s enough to make you snort. “Wait, who are you?”

“Oh. Spider-Woman from Earth 257.” You remember Peter has never seen your face, either. “Jessica Drew?”

“Right, right.” Peter raises his hands in a whoop-de-doo motion, like he should’ve known that. “Nice to know what you look like behind the mask. Not nice to know that you’ve been avoiding your babysitting duties. Why are you two fooling around like prepubescent children? What happened to responsibility?”

“Ahhhhh, please, Peter. Live a little.” Hobie stands up, his full length of height drawing him to about the same height as Peter if not an inch taller. He picks up Mayday and hands her off to him. “Let’s not act as if you and MJ weren’t shacking up in the sleeping pods last week, yeah? Does Miguel need to know about how irresponsible you were?”

You think he’s kidding, but Peter pales and you clap your hands over your mouth, trying not to laugh. Miguel would absolutely throw a fit if he found that out.

“Uh…” Peter swallows. “At least that’s not an interdimensional tragedy-in-the-making like you two.”

“There’s no rules against that, I don’t think.” Hobie shrugs. “And if there are, fuck them. Miguel doesn’t know it all.”

“He really is punk to the very end.” Peter groans and leaves out to the hallway with Mayday. 

Hobie flashes a smile at you as he sits back down, ruffling your hair.

[in1-nutshell]

Established Buddy's Canon names

These are the Buddy's with established 'Canon' names, including their counterparts, with some fun facts.

These will be updated with time.

BW

Spindle

(BW) Blackarachnia's twin sister who is dating Waspinator

Alt mode: Spider

Fun Fact: Other potential names include, Anansi and Recluse

TFP/Rid

Maxima

(TFP) Optimus daughter with the opposite personality

Alt mode: Monster Truck

Fun Fact: When Maxima was turned human, she grew particularly fond of orange sorbets.

Lithia

(TFP) Ratchet's daughter with the opposite personality

Alt Mode: Non-emergency Ambulance

Fun Fact: Lithia has done solo karaoke nights when she has the base to herself.

Ophelia

(TFP) Megatron's daughter with the opposite personality

Alt Mode: Monoformer

Fun Fact: Once Ophelia got together with Steve, she made sure to always have at least one day in the week reserved for date night.

Rapidfire

(TFP) Ultra Magnus daughter with the opposite personality

Alt Mode: Smaller semi truck

Fun Fact: When Rapidfire was little, she would sometimes crawl into Magnus's berth when the bombing campaigns got too loud.

Iron Bolt

(TFP) Bulkhead's daughter with the opposite personality

Alt Mode: Family van (Think G1 Ironhide for context)

Fun Fact: Iron Bolt took up rifle training after a random practice round with Perceptor that soon turned into a regular things between the two.

Star Cluster

(TFP) Starscream's daughter with the opposite personality

Alt Mode: nothing yet...

Fun Fact: To avoid the confusion between her first name and her father's, Star Cluster has her friends call her Cluster.

Steel Mauler

(TFP) Old Predacon Buddy

Alt Mode: Dragon Predacon

Fun Fact: Steel Mauler prefers to stay in his alt mode than bi ped mode most of the time, it better for naps.

Gamma

(TFP) Bumblebee twin

Alt Mode: nothing yet...

Fun Fact: Gamma has a little heated blanket gifted from June and loves touching it during recharge time.

Thunderstreaker

(TFP) Kid Autobot seeker

Alt Mode: Jet

Fun Fact: When the kids have rough days, Thunderstreaker likes to take them flying around while they vent.

Red Cross

(TFP) WW1 medic bot

Alt Mode: WW1 medic vechicle

Fun Fact: Red Cross always has an extensive array of bandages in her subspaces, from plain gauze to colorful band aids for the kids. Always keeping it in stock.

Deadloop

(TFP) WW1 energon scout Con turn Bot

Alt Mode: Red Baron plane

Fun Fact: Deadloop once asked Red Cross to slow dance with him after seeing Mr. Fowler do it with his wife. It was one of the best nights he had during the human war.

Sonar

(TFP) Soundwave's Conjux with the sonic scream

Alt Mode: nothing yet...

Fun Fact: Sonar has a playlist with soft music made by the kids that plays on rough nights.

Weaver

(TFP) Bot Buddy with the personality of SG! Arachnid

Alt mode: Helicopter

Fun Fact: Weaver Likes to test out the durability of her webs by making little crafts or free falling and swinging around.

Boiler

(TFP) Old British Bot Buddy

Alt mode: Old locomotive

Fun Fact: Their guilty pleasure movie is Disney's 'Treasure Planet'.

Beany

(TFP) Predacon sparkling that follows Boiler

Alt Mode: Predacon (dragon)

Fun Fact: The kids love to babysit Beany when Boiler goes away, Beany listens to about 80% of what they tell him, compared to the bots which is 50% of the time.

Copperspring

(TFP) Wheeljack's younger sibling

Alt mode: N/A yet...

Fun Fact: Keeps tiny souvenirs from big missions. Their favorite so far was a funny looking rock they found while searching for Predacon remains. It looked a pigeon, a cute pigeon.

Palladima

(TFP) Breakdown's daughter with the opposite personality

Alt Mode: SWAT car

Fun Fact: Is a notoriously heavy sleeper and will not get up until her frame thinks its time to get up.

Ranidae

(TFP) Arachnid son with the opposite personality

Alt Mode: Frog

Fun Fact: Has tried to bring frogs back to the base, but Arcee and Ratchet keep a close optic and have found most of them, key word MOST.

Stonegrinder

(TFP) Bulkhead's older sibling

Alt mode: Logging truck

Fun Fact: They're guilty pleasure is listening to older songs on the radio whenever the others are not around to listen.

Nightlight

(TFP) Bot Buddy with the Batmobile as an alt mode

Alt mode: Batmobile

Fun Fact: Nightlight knew Ratchet when she had gone to medical school with him before changing career.

Pavo

(TFP/RiD) Ophelia and Steve's minibot son

Alt mode: N/A

Fun Fact: Loves to hang out with his Uncle Bumblebee and has been known to 'pull a Miko' every now and then. Thankfully his sister catches him.

Andromeda

(TFP/RiD) Ophelia and Steve's 'average sized' daughter

Alt Mode: N/A

Fun Fact: She loved getting carried around when she was little. Optimus and Ultra Magnus were her favorite bots to try and climb.

Susan Farmfield

Fun Fact: Not only is she a SCI-FI nerd, but she also likes to see old time 'scary' movies. Mainly to critic and see the special effects that were used back then.

TFA

Silver Aid

(TFA) Elita One's twin sister with the personality of Shattered glass Blackarachnia

Alt Mode: Spider

Fun Fact: Silver Aid had been planning on asking Optimus to be her Amica before the incident. She has thought about asking again once they reunited, but she has her doubts about it now.

Gamma

(TFA) Bumblebee twin

Alt Mode: Nothing yet...

Fun Fact: Gamma and Sari have teamed up against Bumblebee on multiple occasions, sometimes for revenge or just because.

Skyline

(TFA) Starscream's twin brother with Shattered Glass Starscream personality

Alt Mode: Jet

Fun Fact: Skyline has a personal vendetta against the Constructicon's. Will he tell why? No, but its defiantly personal.

Bumper

(TFA) Lugnut's younger brother

Alt Mode: nothing yet...

Fun Fact: Bumper likes feeling tall and likes to perch on Lugnut's shoulder.

Nightlight

(TFA) Batmobile Buddy

Alt Mode: Batmobile

Fun Fact: Nightlight has a fear of moths.

Blue Bay

(TFA) Megladon Buddy

Alt Mode: Robot Megalodon

Fun Fact: Sari once showed them Finding Nemo, they were singing 'Just keep Swimming' for 2 weeks straight.

Willow

(TFA) Fluttershy bot buddy

Alt mode: Golf Cart

Fun Fact: Willow was named after the first thing they saw when they onlined in the park.

Crate

(TFA) Buddy the triple changer

Alt mode: to be announced

Fun Fact: Crate is the name of the bot as a whole, the other faces have their own names.

Sprinter

(TFA) Bot Buddy with a greyhound alt mode

Alt mode: Russian Greyhound

Fun Fact: If they ever happen to come across another greyhound at the park, the two would just stare at each other for hours, but leave as best friends.

Pikestaff

(TFA) Bot Buddy with a cane who is Optimus's Conjunx

Alt mode: Monoformer (due to injury)

Fun Fact: To improvise on speed, Pike has the two grappling hooks in their arms, swings around like Spiderman.

Vespa

(TFA) Wasp twin sister who took his place

Alt Mode: N/A yet...

Fun Fact: Vespa has made several mugs for energon and oil for the team, none dare to throw them away.

Sonia

(TFA) Bot Buddy twins who live on Earth (large Con looking fem)

Alt Mode: N/A

Fun Fact: Sonia has to teach the Bots the proper ways to handle humans and smaller framed bots after witnessing Optimus picking up Sari like she had a disease.

Syrus

(TFA) Bot Buddy twins who live on Earth (small bot looking male)

Alt mode: Small car (think something similar to Bumblebee)

Fun Fact: As carefree Syrus can be, he is just as much as a worry wart Sonia is when it comes to Sari. He just knows how to hide it a bit better

Thunderstreaker

(TFA) Bot Buddy the Autobot Kid Seeker

Alt Mode: Jet

Fun Fact: They have copied every aerial trick of every Decepticon they have come across, unknowingly making the Con's very proud.

Ironhold

(TFA) Megatron's kid (big)

Alt Mode: Cargo helicopter

Fun fact: Ironhold as a sparkling used to be so small, many Con's thought they'd be a minibot... boy were they wrong when they grew up to be taller than Megatron himself.

Ophelia

(TFA) Megatron's daughter with the opposite personality

Alt Mode: N/A

Fun Fact: Once got put inside a trashbot on accident.

Fearless

(TFA) Fearless Human Buddy that Megatron accidentally adopted

Fun Fact: They have made the game Monopoly banned from the base after it almost lead to a 'custody battle' between the Cons.

MTMTE/LL

Juno

(MTMTE) Perceptor's younger sibling

Alt Mode: Telescope

Fun Fact: Juno is a cuddle bug in private and Rodimus loves it.

Moonstreaker

(MTMTE) Rodimus Prime's older sister

Alt Mode: Cybertronain Sport car

Fun Fact: Before the war, Moonstreaker had a pink paintjob that looked a bit like Hot Rod's. She changed it after too many bots started mistaking her for Hot Rod.

Wobbles

(MTMTE) Wobbly bot buddy

Alt mode: Monoformer (former speedster alt mode)

Fun Fact: They had a serial number as a name, Wobbles was a name started by some of their Co-workers and they chose to keep it as their actual name.

Alabaster Lapis

(MTMTE) Fearless Buddy's crush

Alt mode: N/A

Fun Fact: Has teamed up with Thundercracker to make more screenplays. Has tried to get the Scavenger's to join in, but it doesn't end up going according to plan...

Apollonis

(MTMTE) Drift's daughter with the opposite personality

Alt mode: Emergency vehicle

Fun Fact: Original concepts for Apollonis name would have been Apollo, Glider, or Corva

Simpatico

(MTMTE) Perceptor and Brainstorm's adopted youngling

Alt mode: N/A

Fun Fact: Can fall deep asleep on command.

Savant

(MTMTE) Brainstorm's twin sibling

Alt mode: Car

Fun Fact: They have a collection of poems they have read out loud on a data slug Brainstorm keeps in his subspace.

Flare

(MTMTE) Juno and Rodimus sparkling

Alt mode: N/A

Fun Fact: ... nothing yet!

Lithia

(MTMTE) Ratchet's daughter with the opposite personality

Alt Mode: Non Emergency ambulance

Fun Fact: She does get a bit envious how quickly her father can move from certain emotional situations to the next, something she still hasn't mastered fully.

Ironhold

(MTMTE) Megatron's kid (big)

Alt Mode: N/A

Fun fact: They had a small crush on Rumble from sneaking into the crowd to watch his and Frenzy's fights in the arena.

Rapidfire

(MTMTE) Ultra Magnus's daughter with the opposite personality

Alt Mode: N/A

Fun Fact: She considers Verity to be her sister and actively stays in contact with her whenever she can.

Boiler

(MTMTE) Old Bot Buddy the Locomotive

Alt Mode: Cybertronian equivalent of a Locomotive

Fun Fact: Boiler's Amica went to go fight in the Great War... they have yet to hear if they ever survived...

Beany

(MTMTE) Predacon Sparkling (Now teen)

Alt Mode: Predacon

Fun Fact: Beany used to have a crush on Velocity when he was younger, he now sees her as a sister.

Fearless

(MTMTE) Fearless Human Buddy that Megatron accidentally adopted

Fun Fact: Fearless secretly loves when some of the bots read to them. So far, Megatron is in top 5. They will never tell him who outranks him.

Dratchet

(MTMTE) Drift and Ratchet's adopted Human Buddy

Fun Fact: In their room, Dratchet has a couple of 'protection' crystals from Drift by their bed. Drift's spark swelled when he found them in Dratchet's room.

IDW

Aquila

(IDW) Chromia's mentee

Alt mode: N/A

Fun Fact: Some how, she has gained the undying protection of Bruticus and Devistator. Only Prowl knows why.

Tim

(MTMTE) Fort Max's human son who is sick/weak

Fun Fact: Tim loves it when Uncle Prowl comes and visits him on Luna One. Prowl may or may not have a soft spot for the kid too.

TFE

Silver Aid

(TFE) Elita One's twin sister with the personality of Shattered glass Blackarachnia

Alt Mode: Spider

Fun Fact: Silver Aid has random migraines during the day. Especially after any day with Optimus, Megatron or Elita

Echo

(TFE) Bot Buddy who's like Rumble

Alt mode: Mini rover

Fun Fact: They love having karaoke nights with the family.

Takedown

(TFE) Bot Buddy with the same personality of Knockout

Alt mode: Sport's car

Fun Fact: Their guilty pleasure is watching cooking shows/ contest and remodeling restaurants with Alex and Dot... and on the rare chance they have with Agent Schloder.

Ophelia

(TFE) Megatron's daughter with the opposite personality

Alt Mode: N/A

Fun Fact: Ophelia developed a hobby of bird watching, she doesn't know all the bird names, just likes looking at them.

G1

Ironhold

(G1) Bot Buddy who is Megatron's kid who spared Prime

Alt mode: N/A

Fun fact: They like to plan date nights during their free time. They hate spontaneous date nights.

Nova

(G1) Bot Buddy the dinobot with a crush on Bumblebee

Alt mode: Velociraptor

Fun Fact: Her tail like curling around or intertwining with her friends or loved ones. She doesn't realize it happens until someone points it out.

Ophelia

(G1) Megatron's daughter with the opposite personality

Alt mode: Mini blaster

Fun Fact: She can fit right inside Soundwave's chassis with the other minicons, and in an unrelated note she can fit in Blaster's too!

CJ

(G1) Human Buddy from the real world

Fun Fact: She has a tally chart for all the animation errors she finds.

TFONE

Rigel

(TF1) Orion Pax's younger sibling

Alt mode: N/A

Fun Fact: If Riguel had survived to see the war, they would have either become one of Optimus's Commander's or end up being Elita-One's right hand lieutenant.

Nightlight

(TF1) Batmobile Buddy

Alt Mode: Batmobile

Fun Fact: Nightlight likes to use her grappling hooks to get to different places around instead of using any other transportation.

Maxima

(TF1) Optimus daughter with the opposite personality

Alt mode: Cybertronian equivalent of a Monster Truck

Fun Fact: Maxima gets weird feelings whenever she is close to the Matrix, nothing she can fully explain yet...

Ophelia

(TF1) Megatron's daughter with the opposite personality

Alt Mode: Small rover

Fun Fact: Ophelia snuck off with Orion on several Achieve runs to collect any loose change she found on the floor, planning on buying D-16 some Megatronus merch.

Silver Aid

(TF1) Elita One's twin sister with the personality of Shattered glass Blackarachnia

Alt Mode: Spider

Fun Fact: Closed her spark bond with Elita-One the moment she saw her face after her alt mode reveal.

[themadbiologist]

I worked as a florist to pay for my bachelor’s degree (no, it was not an evil flower shop), and I noticed growing interest in the Victorian flower language. I’m under the impression it’s popular with the young people nowadays, especially writers.

I only bring this up because my graduate student (Tash) decided my life needs “excitement”. Anyway, at her behest, I’ve begun sending flowers to people I despise. For people I mildly dislike, I am content to use ancient British flower symbolism.

Lobelia flowers mean malevolence, for example. Orange lilies are hatred. Tansies are a declaration of war. Rhododendrons are a warning. “Black” roses are … well, death, destruction, classic gothic vampirism and the like.

If you really don’t like someone, I recommend sending a large number of insects or arachnids. Don’t gift them toxic plants, it would be very easy for them to avoid getting poisoned and instead poison someone else. If you want to be truly terrible, pick something sneaky and insidious. They’ll notice buzzing wasps, but termites? Who knows.

— Dr. S. Aucupar

[artistmarchalius]

British Police Slang! 🇬🇧

As promised, here is a post all about British police slang! The police are intrinsically tied to Spider-Man’s story, especially for Hobie as an anarchist arachnid, fascist punching, punk rebel fighting against a corrupt government and police force.

So let’s get started!

My main inspiration for compiling this list is because of how often I’ve read the phrase “bottle and stopper” from Hobie in fics. I thought I could help inform writers about the many options that they might not have known about when it comes to British police slang. And since I’ve seen it used so much, I thought this would be a good place to start!

Bottle and stopper - Cockney rhyming slang for copper/a police officer (as mentioned in my Cockney Rhyming Slang post, here). It’s more commonly shortened to “Bottle” or adapted to “Bluebottle” or “Mr Bluebottle” due to the colour of their uniforms. Also, “bluebottle mob” can be used to mean the police force.

To be perfectly honest, I’d never heard an officer referred to as a bottle and stopper before reading Spider-Verse fanfics, though that’s not to say others don’t use it or that it’s not a good or accurate phrase. I’ve just personally heard most of the following terms used more.

Other slang terms for the police:

Sweeney/Sweeney Todd - Cockney rhyming slang for Flying Squad (the police). The Flying Squad is a branch of the Serious and Organised Crime Command within Londons Metropolitan Police Service. They investigate robberies.

E.g. “Here come the Sweeney!”

Bobby - a police officer. Originating from Sir Robert Peel who established the force in 1829.

E.g. “We had bobbies knocking on our door this morning looking for you.”

Peeler - a police officer. Also originating from Sir Robert Peel.

E.g “Watch out for the peelers.”

Copper - a police officer. Originating from the word “cop” which meant “to capture”, so a copper is someone who captures. I know “cop” is used commonly in America too but I still thought it was worth noting the use of “copper” in the UK.

E.g. “Alright, copper?”

The Bill/The Old Bill- the police. This became a nickname for the Met police after the Great War when it was fashionable to wear one’s moustache like the cartoon soldier character Old Bill, by George Bairnsfather.

E.g. “They won’t talk to the Old Bill but they might talk to you.”

Filth - derogatory slang for the police.

E.g. “Watch out, the filth are behind us.”

Dibble - derogatory slang for a police officer, originating from the character Officer Dibble from the cartoon Top Cat.

E.g. “Good afternoon, Dibble!”

Fuzz - the police. I believe it comes from a mispronunciation of “the force”. Most commonly known from the movie Hot Fuzz.

E.g. “Look, there’s the fuzz!”

Plod/PC Plod - a police officer. Originates from Mr Plod, a police character in books by children’s author Enid Blyton.

E.g. “I was enjoying my day, then PC Plod over here had to go and ruin it!”

Pig - derogatory term for a police officer or informer. It’s a bit unclear about the origins of this word being used to mean police, but some people believe it’s an allusion to early detectives sniffing out crime like pigs with truffles. It could also just be something insulting to call them or perhaps relates to another police slang term, “filth”?

E.g. “There’s pigs crawling all over London.”

Slang words relating to the police or to crime:

Booked/nicked - to be arrested/to get in trouble.

E.g. “They got nicked last night.”

Nick - police station or prison. Also means to steal something.

E.g. “Alex nicked a packet of Monster Much and a bottle of vodka, got nicked and now they’ve spent a night in the nick.”

Grass - a police informer/to tell the police/narc. Originates from the rhyming slang “grasshopper” meaning “copper”. The “grass” or “grasser” tells the “copper”.

E.g. “You grassed me up!” Or “He’s a grass!” Or “Don’t be a grass.”

Dob in - to tell someone about something someone else has done wrong.

E.g. “You dobbed me in to the police!”

Porridge - a prison sentence. Originates from the 1950’s when porridge was a large part of a prisoners diet in Britain.

E.g. “Just do your porridge and keep your head down.” Or “She’s serving porridge.”

And there you go, a selection of British police slang! By no means am I saying that these words are only said in the UK, but these are either very common here or have historical origins in the UK. As mentioned in my Cockney post, I’m not an expert on the subject and I can only speak from one perspective of British culture (white British); there are many cultures and social groups here that may have other slang terms that I either have forgotten about or have never heard of. I’m just sharing the knowledge that I have in the hopes that it will helpful, informative, or at the very least entertaining to someone. And hopefully it’ll help give all you Hobie fanfic writers a new choice of slang vocabulary to pick and choose from!

I might make another post about general British slang words. Let me know if that’s something you’d be interested in or if there’s a specific area that you’d like to know about!

[mineralsrocksandfossiltalks]

Fossil Friday: Marella splendens

This weird looking animal is called Marella splendens. It comes from the middle Cambrian Burgess Shale of British Columbia (and to much, much lesser extent, the Chengjiang Biota of China). Discovered by Charles Walcott, he informally called it a lace crab. In fact, this was the very first fossil he collected in 1909 when he found the Burgess Shale deposits. Walcott thought it was some sort of very odd looking trilobite.

In 1971, Harry Whittington decided to thoroughly redescribe it and came to the conclusion it was not a trilobite not a chelicerate (group that includes arachnids and horseshoe crabs) nor a crustacean. He did this on the basis of its legs, gills, and head appendages. While it may not be in any of those groups, it is an arthropod.

Marella is a very small animal ranging from a little over 2mm to nearly 25 mm (less than an inch in length). The four projections on its head make it look a bit like the top of a pitchfork which I imagine made it very hard to predate on.

There were many other interesting features of the head besides the crazy headgear. This animal apparently had no eyes which would explain the need for long antennae broken into as much as 30 segments. That's not even the weirdest part! Marella's stomach was located in the head right behind the mouth! Talk about using your stomach to think.

Marella was an active, nektobenthic swimmer that moved around just above the sea floor. It could rest on the sea floor by standing on its body appendages. It was a deposit feeder, meaning it ingested sediment to consume organic matter. The net of internal projections on the last twelve body segments would have been used to trap food particles located in water currents and to pass them along the underside of the animal. Food particles trapped in the net would be moved towards the mouth using the tips of the anterior legs.

Marella is one of the most common fossils found in the Burgess Shale. Over 25,000 specimens have been recovered and it is the second most common arthropod after trilobites. That's a lot of sea bugs.

[txttletale]

what is it that makes an episode top 10 bad for you? i ask cuz quite a few on your list don't even click my radar, they're just bland rather than infuriating (for me)

rosa -- spectacularly ill-conceived plot that contrives to have the doctor and friends sit on the rosa parks bus (!). hinges the stakes of its plot on a deeply minimizing and racist view of rosa parks and the civil rights movement

arachnids in the uk -- overwhelming reaction was 'why am i watching this'. episode that made me give up on chibnall who. all the characters potter around a hotel for forty five minutes before realizing that the problem goes away on its own and everything we've watched has been a huge waste of time

spyfall part 2 -- inexplicably makes it so that the only historical figure friends the doctor has to mindwipe are women, throwing s9 and s10's much-deserved critique of nuwho's mindwiping habit in the trash. the first master of colour is a nazi. most racist moment in the show's history. huge letdown of any potential spyfall part 1 indicated

the battle of ranskoor av kolos -- boring. bad. there's no battle and ranskoor av kolos doesnt mean anything. characters walk around with paper-thin motivations. central conflict is stupid and is resolved in a stupid way. sub-childlike understanding of its own morality

the timeless children -- i once heard this episode described as 'the master spends 45 minutes forcing the doctor to look at his powerpoint presentation' and yeah

victory of the daleks -- nothing but nauseating british jingoism and churchill worship until the new daleks get revealed with a bunch of fanfare only to spend their debut story standing perfectly still in color coded order. then amy saves the world because she's Woman and knows about Romance

the crimson horror -- doctor-lite episode about my least favourite recurring comic relief characters until the doctor shows up at which point he's a sex pest

the bells of st. john -- what if phones but too much

a good man goes to war -- like a bad version of journeys end where instead of beloved characters teaming up to save the day its a pirate wh oshowed up in one episode, a blue guy who sold river a gun or something once, and three guys we've never seen before, showing up to resolve the unbearalbe amy pregnancy plot with a stupid twist that goes nowhere and means nothing

name of the doctor -- after half an hour of Going to a Place clara steps into a hole. a lame resolution to the lamest arc in the show's history. i dont care abouyt anything that happens. at this point we're so buried in incomprehensible moffat nonsense that every other line in this episode is a reference to some ongoing arc words or another. like shut up about trenzalore i dont caaaare

[lawlietscaramels]

okay okay okay I know you said no stories (understandable the holidays wiped me out too agshwsj) but I just got this random idea in my head and I could wait...!

So you know how voice filters are so normal now? even copying VA's to a seriously convincing level. What if people started using L's usual voice filter? Like nothing malicious, just people posting the craziest shit using THE detective L voice.

voice clips, shit posts, thirst traps, tiktok sounds of his public challenge on kira, people hating and simping on main and L can only helplessly watch. His pride won't allow him to change the filter he uses he made that himself it's his damnit! it'd be useless anyways, they'd just copy that too .

What can he do? are there legal repercussions? can he even copyright that? or is he doomed to be the biggest meme for the next 3 months like all public figures are subject to in life? Does L even notice?

So can I request an L-centric headcanon for this? You don't have to do it right away! Write whenever you feel like it! I just thought it'd be funny. Have a happy holiday!✨

–🍰 anon

That's My Voice! ╾ L

PFFTJSBAHHAHA CAN YOU IMAGINE?! this is the best way to start of 2024 pfft

also I have rested and relaxationed™ so I am doing a hc/story snippet mix!

okay okay yes. let's go.

　★━━─・‥…━━━☆

It's hard to say how quickly L would notice if this happened. Perhaps on the first day; perhaps he'd remain oblivious until it all blew over. the former is more likely than the latter.

but oh gosh once he notices...

Putting the key in the lock and turning it, you expected to find L standing right in the doorframe to greet you, the affectionate weirdo that he is. But he's staring in horror at one of the monitors lighting the room, mouth wide open and a lollipop forgotten in his mouth.

"y/n, they've stolen my voice!"

he probably hasn't encountered this kind of technology outside of like, criminals faking voices to commit crime or whatever so he's completely confused as to how and why ordinary citizens are using the voice filter he spent months of his childhood tinkering with.

they should make their own! can't he use copyright or something?!

"Oh, don't worry so much, L. It's just a trend, it will blow over quickly! There is no harm in them having fun."

He throws his arms in the air and for a moment you're concerned he's going to tip his seat over again. "What do you mean there's no harm?! They are 'simping,'" with the most dramatic air quotes you have ever seenー L must have learnt the term and immediately decided it did not deserve to be a wordー "for a cartoon man named Miguel from Arachnid-Man! In my voice, y/n!"

And you burst out laughing, which doesn't seem to help at all.

L goes silent and furious for a good hour as he desperately searches for a way to stop this from happening. I don't know the copyright laws myself, but I imagine as it isn't L's real voice and he likely wouldn't have seen the need to apply for a patent (or whatever equivalent there is to protect a voice filter), he wouldn't be able to do anything about it.

he would still seriously consider taking these good-for-nothings to court though...

You watch with both a- and bemusement as L taps his bottom lip over and over, fast.

"L," you say, "what are you thinking?"

It's not a good sign when that British accent begins to fall over his words. "I am weighing up how likely it is I would win a court case to sue for millions, strip these imbeciles of the right to technology, and publicly humiliate them. Do you think we could bring back tar-and-feathering...?"

DO NO T LET HIM. hahags it will take a solid hour or more of convincing but L will eventually give up, pouting and dedicatedly following the hashtag #iamLtoo

he might actually learn a lot about popular culture

he might also fall out of his chair in shock and cry

so, you win some, you lose some. maybe it's best to just take away his browsing privileges and remind him of whatever case he's working on. DISTRACT DISTRACT!

you're right, his pride would definitely stop him from trying to stop these "trollers" (he called them trolleys at least three times) via changing his voice filter. He made it himself, he won't give it up because of some teen living in their parents' garage!!! Though he might try to rig a program to detect people using it and delete their accounts or whatever

not sure how to segue into this one but here's another story bit

After finally calming L down and reminding him the tar-and-feather punishment was abolished for a reason, you manage to get into bed for some rest. To your surprise, L joins you, staring expressionlessly at the ceiling. This is what he always does when thinking, so you assume his mind is on the case and he's forgotten about the whole voice fiasco until he starts... cackling.

"L..."

Yep, there's a good chance he'll swing from "this is the most horrible thing that's ever happened to me ever!!??'!;;'!;';!!;"! :(" to quoting the memes.

he might actually really enjoy some of them.

though it's hard to tell if he genuinely thinks some of what these "trolleys" are doing is creative and amusing or if it's just a coping strategy for the next few months.

well, that is until he makes a subtle reference to the most viral of the videos in his next address to the public...

after that I'm afraid the craze sets off once again

L will sit back and watch with a smile

though if one of the uses of his voice filter insults him the whole thing is shut down faster than you can say tar-and-feathers

"You're a strange man, you know that?"

"So is this 'Miguel' character."

　★━━─・‥…━━━☆

𝖎𝖋 𝖞𝖔𝖚 𝖑𝖎𝖐𝖊𝖉 𝖎𝖙 ˏˋ⋆˖⁺˖⁀➷ 𝖕𝖑𝖊𝖆𝖘𝖊 𝖗𝖊𝖇𝖑𝖔𝖌 + 𝖋𝖔𝖑𝖑𝖔𝖜

©lawlietscaramels. Do not repost on other sites, claim as your own work, edit, rewrite or “fix,” feed to AI or otherwise use unethically.

[leikeliscomet]

No, Ncuti Gatwa's Casting Isn't Regressive

Chapter 3 - Dancing Queen/Conclusion

‘I’ve experienced racism my whole life, and while I always believed in myself, always knew [racists] were stupid and uneducated, I guess it did misinform my view of how the world works. It makes you think everyone has that opinion and you’ll constantly have to fight through life – then you learn that you don’t: you can find a tribe, you can find your people.’ - Ncuti Gatwa for Elle

So with the treatment of Who’s Black men and the neglect of Black women in its representations of womanhood, consider the Fifteenth Doctor. A dark-skinned Black queer man, wearing a kilt and a bold smile, spinning to his heart’s content on the dancefloor. This is an image of Blackness, an image of queerness and an image of manhood and masculinity the show has never seen before. Gatwa is fully aware of this and has gone in depth in his interviews. He’s also addressed his Rwandan heritage and his family fleeing genocide against the Tutsi. Gatwa knows the feeling of being an outsider, heavily mirroring the revelation of the Timeless Child. Black Britishness is already a form of representation mainstream British media has only recently acknowledged and in this case, Black Scottishness is taking the forefront. Despite being a British cultural stape, Doctor Who’s been shy about representing Black Britishness specifically. We’ve had three Black companions, but little references to the culture (minus Ryan’s mention of grime music in Arachnids). We know Yaz is Pakistani. But is Ryan African? If yes, is he Nigerian, Ghanaian etc.? Is Ryan West Indian? If so, is he Trini, Bajan etc.? Is he both? What was Martha and Bill’s heritage? Many Black people in the British Isles are 2nd and 3rd gen immigrants, some of us are African, some are West Indian and some of us are both. Black British identity is complex as it is a melting pot of different African and West Indian cultures blended to create something new. Gatwa’s Black Scottishness provides this insight to Fifteen. Gatwa’s Rwandan heritage is included in Fifteen’s sonic too, with Gallifreyan symbols translating the phrase ‘the sharpness of the tongue always defeats the sharpness of the warrior’. Other Black cultural references have appeared for Fifteen too, with Gatwa noting his wardrobe is inspired by Black American HBCU fits. Even though it isn’t yet confirmed (and unlikely for series 14/season 1 seeing as there are no Black writers… yay!), Gatwa has shown interest in a Nigerian historical stating he’d love for the Doctor to meet the Orishas, goddesses of West African folklore. Again, with many different Black cultures not only is this an opportunity for representation but also new stories, new locations and new concepts the show has yet to discover. To fit in so many spaces but none at all is a perfect summary of the Black British experience and other Black experiences in Western countries.

“We choose our families. And the Doctor is a lonely wanderer, looking for their next adventure … I know many a gay man, MANY a gay man, I could describe that way!” - Ncuti Gatwa for the Guardian

Queer Black manhood and masculinity is rich and diverse and with this new era, we could see the tip of its iceberg. There have already been representations of this before in media such as Moonlight and Noah’s Arc so for a mainstream British show like Doctor Who to feature a queer Black man as the lead, we have the opportunity to show something special. With Nine and Jack’s kiss and Fourteen’s cosign of Isaac Newton already showing this potential, we could see a canon longer term mlm pairing involving the Doctor for the first time. And not only that but with a Black doctor for the first time. A queer Black man showing love and being loved is a reminder for queer Black people that universe-defying romance includes us too and that our DoctorRiver or TenRose moments can exist.

There is so much to look forward to in this new era and even more potential for the type of representation it can bring. So with that in mind, I hope the greater fandom at large can see this and that newer fans will get to experience that same joy we did when we first fell in love with this show.

‘This person survived a genocide. This person fits in everywhere and nowhere. I am the Doctor. The Doctor is me. I decided that I had to get this role’ - Ncuti Gatwa for Rolling Stone

<- Chapter 2

[f-o-and-selfship-club]

The Bagges, Courage and Flickz drove off in the dead of night. Flickz is feeling really wiped after from a long vacation the four all had altogether. But for now they are driving somewhere for somewhere to stay for the night.

"Perhaps we can take shelter in this motel here" The feline pointed to a sign that reads KATZ MOTEL! NO VACANCY! Courage shook his head in worry, warning her to not go there. Eustace parks his truck, he and Muriel look at the sign as well. "This looks like a crummy motel." The old man responded. Courage's teeth were chattering nervously. Suddenly a bolt of lightning strikes a BANG! Frightening the poor dog howled in fright as he clings onto Flickz. He even noticed that Flickz covering her ears in fear, which is by her fear of loud noises. "Don't worry Courage, I get this all the time." She said when she lifted him up like a plush toy.

The four arrive at the motel entrance. Courage is still chattering his teeth when he is clinging onto his feline friend. Eustace rings the manager bell.

Then, sinister hip hop music begins playing in the background, as a tall, lanky red cat rises from it's desk and stares at them with his yellow intimidating eyes.

"Welcome to the Katz Motel. I'm Katz." The cat spoke in a smooth, British accent. "Will you please sign in?" He asked, politely. He gave out a menacing stare, which then he snaps his paws, that also causes the music to go off and also he points to where a sign says 'NO DOGS ALLOWED!' "No DOGS allowed!" Katz red the sign, making poor Courage place his paws in head and shook "But... but." He stuttered.

The red feline sees the lilac feline that Courage is clinging onto, he raised an eyebrow that why a feline like Flickz is becoming so kind and friendly to a dog like Courage. Flickz looked at the dog, then the two look at outside of the stormy night, making them feel worried. "Oh, and except for you. Since you are a cat, my dear and they are free to stay." He said to Flickz.

"Oh my" Muriel said with her hand placed in her mouth by the lightning.

Then it cuts to Eustace, Courage and Flickz by a porch of the motel. Eustace grabs a collar and ties around Courage against a pole. Courage's head bowed down, depressed. As Flickz sat beside him, patting his head in comfort.

"KABOOM–" Eustace yelled out, which scared the two. Eustace was laughing out by their frightened states. But that stops him by Muriel wacking him with her purse. "Ow! What did I do?" Eustace said while rubbing his head. When Muriel gives him the key to their motel, he leaves, grumbling "...stupid dog ...stupid cat." "Oh, Courage don't worry. It's only for a short time." Muriel said to the two, she gives them both a kiss on the forehead before walking away

"Goodnight Courage. Goodnight Flickz." She then walks off. Courage then sees Flickz standing up. "Your leaving too?" He asked. "Sorry Courage, but I'll check to make sure your okay." Flickz replied, apologetically as she also gives him a kiss on his little forehead. "Goodnight Courage." And there she walks off "Maybe a goodnight for you and Muriel. In your warm beds."

As Muriel was humming a song in the bathroom. Eustace was in his red and white boxers, scratching his bed "Can't wait to sleep in my own bed. Muriel! Ya hear me?" He said to his wife as he removes a sheet of the bed to sit on. "Eh, what do you know?" As begins to lay himself on there and there he mumbled out "...bed." Until he snored off to sleep.

Flickz was wearing his pastel blue snuddle with white clouds. She is her own bed with the blankets wrapped on her, and she was reading a book about cats, but when she is done right when she yawned, she puts the book on the desk by the side of her bed, and right she shutted her eyes and went to sleep.

Then it cuts to a dark room. Katz opens the door and it reveals 6 of his spiders on a web. "My loves, dinner has arrived." He said to his arachnid fiends, he is also holding a brown box. One of them was drooling out green from their mouth as it gets impatient. "Oh, and by the way, your web is such a mess. Clean it up, will you?" He said in a serious tone, until he shuts the door.

As Eustace is sleeping and snoring. A painting of a man's eyes are removed and replaced by his yellow eyes. The same happened with Muriel as she starts bathing in the bathtub, when the tap slides to show one eye of his staring at her.

With Flickz sleeping in her bed, the red feline slowly opened the door to her room. He walks to the young feline sleeping. He sees her paw out of the covers and her face. As he gets closer to her, he caressed her cheek with the back of his paw then to her paw. He takes it to by the tip of his purple nose, and there he placed a kiss to the back of her paw. And after, he places a box by the end of her bed, and then leaves her to sleep, chuckling sadistically.

There it cuts to Courage outside of the porch, as he is about to sleep. He sees a shadow of the red cat approaching outside of his motel. He puts down a box and opens it. Courage was really afraid of what's in it and by that... a spider crawls out of the box and goes at Courage who lets out a spooked out scream. He tries to set himself free from the leash while the spider is approaching, by pulling it, that didn't work. A blowtorch? Didn't work too. A chanisaw? Didn't work either. A drop of an explosive chemical? Didn't work as well. As the spider is almost about to consume the dog as his new meal, he used his teeth to break the leash and it was success. "Yay!" He responded, he runs away from the spider right until it sees the leash.

When Flickz is sleeping in her bed, the spider was crawling by the covers. Courage came by outside of her motel room, knocking on the door. "Flickz is in trouble!" He goes straight in and sees her holding a cup and a piece of paper underneath, implying that she had already caught the spider. "Guess I should put you where your suppose to go." She said to the spider, as she opens the window, and gently places it outside. "Oh, Courage... what are you doing...? Didn't the motel cat guy say you can't–"

Muriel is in the bathtub, she feels really relaxed. But that was about to unfortunate, as a spider emerges from the tap and falls to the tub. "Finally, I can relax..." Muriel said, peacefully. Just from when the deadly arachnid is getting more closer, she notices it and starts letting out a horrifying scream.

Flickz and Courage hear her screams and they rush by outside of her motel room. "Oh no, Muriel! "She's in trouble!" Courage tries to open the door "Muriel! Muriel! but Flickz gets the door "Lemme handle it." She tries to budge it, but it doesn't open. This confused her "It's not letting us in... but how—"

"COURAGE!? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?" Flickz sees Courage wearing a helmet and is firing a cannon to get inside the room. "I hope this works!" He said to himself as he gets inside it, which that launches himself through the door window and into the room. "Why do you ever think about bringing a god dang cannon in here, Courage...?" Flickz facepalmed herself at his idea and goes in normally by entering through the damaged door.

"Muriel!" Flickz is horrified when she sees Muriel screaming and attacked by a spider. "COURAGE! FLICKZ! Go get help, hurry!" She cried out. Courage and Flickz goes into the bedroom and in there, Eustace is asleep, Courage jumps on the bed. "WAKE UP! WAKE UP!" He tried many ways to snoozing old man, from a set of tubas to exploding a bag of air. "Hey! HEY! WAKE UP!" Flickz tries to yell but that gets her mad, she gets irritated when she walks away from him.

Courage goes over to Muriel, who is still having trouble with the spider. He howls in response to her till she replied "Courage, did you get any help?" "Afraid not, Miss Bagge? He wouldn't get up—" Just then, her ears twitch to the bed flips down, and that Eustace is gone. "Where the hell has he gone off to?" Flickz sees it confused? "Courage, wait up!" She then follows him through the hallways while he is screaming, then they go over to the office room. "Help! Help! Help!" Courage transforms into a snake, then a dragon, then a dinosaur but realises that Flickz is the only one there with him. "Huh, where's everybody else, Courage?" Courage shrugs to that but they see a private room.

Once they open the door, shock has appeal to them. There is a big spider web, Eustace is still snoozing asleep though he is unaware that he is stuck in a web with all the silk wrapping around him. And from above is a spider... now crawling to their next meal... Courage now howls in fear "What do we do? What do we do?" He sees Flickz grabbing a plank from the floor and gives it to Courage. "You know what to do with it. Whack them out!" She gives him a wink, and from that he then kills the spider, it's green ooze splatters out. Courage then grabs Eustace, but before the two leave. Katz appears and blocks their escape by shutting the door. "Leaving so soon?"

Courage howls again, he throws Eustace at the red feline, causing him to moves his legs and unable to get back up. "I wish you hadn't done that..." Courage then runs downstairs screaming while he holds onto Flickz's paw and they stop in front of a door. They go in and it's pitch black darkness. "Oh no, it's dark in here!" "I found the lightswitch!" Flickz turns on the lights and from this room has a collection of about hundreds of horrifying, disgusting spiders. "Oh... god! Who in the world has all of these spiders?!" Flickz was horrified by this, and there Courage starts screaming. Right outside, Katz is about to open the door but Courage pushes it down while he runs off screaming and holding onto Flickz's paw. "I wish you hadn't done that..." Katz was starting to get irritated.

While Courage was screaming and holding onto Flickz, Katz starts walking to the two.

"Oh no!" "A dead end!" The two turn their heads around and from the shadows are yellow eyes emerging out of there. "There's no place to run... and no place to hide!" The red feline said in his calm, British voice.

Shortly during their encounter, Muriel is seen fighting with the spider.

Courage is trembling in fear, when Katz is bouncing a purple ball. "A little sport before dying, dear boy?" "So, a simple game...? Right?" Flickz asked "I say, my dear. Why don't you join us and watch how his end will turn out...?" Katz turn to face the lilac feline. Their match now begins with each hitting the ball to the wall.

With Muriel, she then manages to throw the spider into the toilet and flushes it.

Katz and Courage are still in their match.

Muriel is then drying herself off the towel.

Katz is now drinking a cup of tea peacefully and uses his leg to hit the ball.

"What a fine way to end a vacation" Muriel said sarcastically, while she is getting herself dressed

Courage is struggling to keep himself going, but for Katz as he is reading a book of spiders "How lovely." He moves his sight over to Flickz "But as more lovely is you standing here... wouldn't you say my dear feline~" A little glow of pink blush appears on the lilac cat's face, that she appears to be flattered by him

"Now where's that man gone to?" Muriel looks around for her husband Eustace in their bedroom but there was no sign of him.

Courage is exhausting from this game, but Katz isn, he held his hands onto a tennis racket, he then strikes the ball with it "Courage! The ball! Look out!" Flickz immediately tells him but it strikes him in the head, making him fall to the floor. Katz then walks to him, and makes his own head, snapping it twice. "Now you're going to learn why no one ever checks out of the Katz Motel!" He wraps his paw around Courage's throat and begins to let out a sadistic laugh when he pulls out a spider, preparing to feed him to it.

"Courage!" Flickz sees Courage about to become a spider's meal. She couldn't bear to see it happen, so she runs over to stop Katz killing him. Courage howls in fear, as Katz continues to laugh so sadistically and holding the spider in his other hand. Just then his free hand was slapped, causing the spider to fall and flee. "You leave my friend Courage!"

The psychopathic cat snaps his head back to face Flickz, which startles her. He grabs her paws tightly, that causing her body to move herself backwards towards the wall. As Courage gets up when breathing heavily, his eyes are in high shock to that Katz has now trapped Flickz across the wall. Courage screams in horror "Hold on Flickz! I'll won't let that cat hurt you!" then he rushes off in speed.

"Because of your stupid bravery to save your little friend... I would have almost killed that pest..." Katz's yellow eyes stare into her indigo locks. He moves his head more closer while holding onto her tightly. "You are trying to put us in danger with your own spiders... Katz, and plus, Courage was in danger before your little spider would've ate him alive!"

"Perhaps... I should rather let you go of being my spider's meal and instead... have you join me as my new partner~" Katz extends his hand out for her as a way of offering somebody a deal. "You... You want me to... to JOIN YOU?!"

Katz chuckled to her shocked response of his deal. "Yes, my dear friend~ My deal is that i will place you as my partner of my businesses... But... you must promise, once you accept my little deal... I will never let you speak to that pest, nor his family ever." Katz cupped her face with his paw to keep her looking at his gaze. "N-no... you can't do this!" Flickz tries to interfere but Katz grabs onto her shoulders "Oh, I will my dear~ right after I gave them a chance to live more... Would that be okay with you...? Flickz responds back "I guess..."

"So what do you say? Do you want to accept me or will you let me keep playing with your dear boy more~" Katz tightens his grip on her face. "...Deal!" Flickz was about to take his hand.

"No! Stop!" Courage runs to try to stop her from getting into a deal with that sinister red cat.

Katz let out an another sadistic chuckle, when she reaches for his paw but then a tennis racket he had, whacked onto his head. His body falls to the floor, unconsciously.

Flickz looks up to her savior who happens to be Muriel, with her arms placed on her hips and her face appears to be cross "Muriel?" "C'mon Flickz, Courage! We're leaving. This service here stinks!"

After leaving the motel, Muriel drives her family and Flickz off home, as Eustace is still asleep and all wrapped up in spider webs. "That's a fancy blanket grandpa has on. Maybe we should get you both one."

Flickz looks at the old man wrapped in spider webs "That's nice of you Mrs Muriel but... this is spider silk he is wrapped up in..." while Courage is laid down on Flickz's lap, he let out a scream which made Flickz sigh in dismay.

(dividers owned by @alphakittyyyyy)

[irondad-defensesquad]

Fell on black days

Also on AO3. Wrote this because I'm feeling more depressed than usual.

TRIGGER WARNINGS - suicidal thoughts, near suicide attempt (overdose)

DO NOT SHIP PETER AND TONY. P/ROSHIP DNI.

--

It’s a bad day. A truly bad one. The kind of bad day when Peter’s brain won’t shut up, no matter what he does.

It’s a bad day, even though it isn’t a school day. It’s a bad day, even though Peter isn’t alone in his apartment while Aunt May is out for work all day. It’s a bad day, even though Peter is upstate, waiting for Tony to finish making their breakfast.

Tony is humming what sounds to be an AC/DC song, which would normally make Peter laugh. It doesn’t.

Instead, the teenager stares at his empty plate.

It’s nothing. Nothing, hollow.

Peter is hungry for food, but it’s not only that. He hungers for something else, and he doesn’t know what it is. His brain won’t tell him the answer. Or at least not a single good answer.

The first that comes to him is hit his head against the table. Or the wall. Maybe if he does that, his brain will shut up. But Peter is going to break the table if he tries. And he’s going to scare Tony. He doesn’t want that.

Then, the arachnid’s brown eyes find the knife. Not the butter knife.

It’s near his hand.

Maybe if I stab myself, my head will leave me alone.

Maybe if I bleed, I can focus.

Focus on the red.

Red, red, red.

Suddenly, there is a tower of pancakes replacing Peter’s empty plate. It smells delicious – butter, syrup, sugar…

“One Tower of Pisa pancakes for one hungry spider,” Tony teases, sounding like a British butler.

“Heh. Thanks.”

Peter’s lack of enthusiasm is certainly suspicious, since his mentor stares at him for a couple seconds before joining him for breakfast.

The fifteen-year-old eats in silence. He doesn’t savor the pancakes. He’s just eating out of obligation. He does not talk, either.

“… You alright, kiddo?” Tony asks.

Peter barely looks at him. He only nods in silence.

“Did you sleep well?”

“I guess,” Peter shrugs.

Tony drinks his black, bitter coffee, in contrast to his sweet and soft concern, the tender gaze. However, he doesn’t insist.

The breakfast is dead silent. Peter is usually so excited and talkative when he stays over at the Compound. He has many ideas.

Now he stares at the pancake tower, having some of the worst ideas.

Maybe if I jumped…

No, upstate isn’t tall enough. It needs to be a tower. Like the Avengers Tower.

My head hurts and I have to stop it from hurting longer.

Jump. I have to jump. Jump, jump.

“… What was that?”

Shit, was Peter mumbling?

“Um, nothing! Nothing, Mr. Stark. Sorry I’m acting weird today.”

And he’s still not looking at Tony, not when the latter’s big worried eyes are trying to read the latter.

Peter finishes the meal quickly. Tony offers to wash all the dishes. So, Peter goes to the bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth.

Upon seeing his reflection…

Hit your head against the mirror.

Make it stop.

Make it stop.

Peter growls, struggling not to listen.

It’s so loud.

Then he realizes that something might actually work.

Peter senses that Tony is still in the kitchen, so he makes way to the workshop, and then MedBay. There are tools, first-aid kits…

They can fix him, right?

They can fix his brain, right?

Peter desperately tries to find them.

Thankfully, he does.

The enhanced painkillers Tony made for him.

They kill pain, like the name suggests.

Kill brain

Kill

Kill

The moment Peter opens the plastic, the moment he makes his decision—

“Peter.”

Shit!

The pills are all over the floor.

Now his head screams louder and louder—

“M-Mr. Stark, I can- I can explain”— Peter can’t breathe —“I just need to fix this, I—”

“Peter—”

He sobs. Tony is so scared. He’s so scared.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

Peter is going to kneel down to take all the pills and return them – or not return them and put all of them in his mouth –, but Tony beats him to it, grabbing him by the shoulders.

“Kid. Kid, talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong. Tell me why you need the pills. Are you hurt?” Tony tries to look for injuries in the meantime.

Yes, but it’s not the kind of “hurt” people expect.

“My head,” Peter sobs. “My- My brain won’t shut up, and I want to kill it, Mr. Stark. I want it to stop, I can’t take it anymore!”

“Oh, kiddo…”

“It hurts, Mr. Stark! It hurts! I just- I just want to die so I won’t have to feel it again!” Peter sobs harder. “I’m so tired, Mr. Stark, I’m so…”

“Shh, shh… easy,” Tony pulls him close, wrapping both arms around Peter, who holds onto him for dear life. “I’ve got you, buddy. I’ve got you, okay?”

“I just want it to be quiet, I just want quiet. My head won’t stop screaming at me and I want to kill it. W-What do I do, Mr. Stark?” Peter suddenly sounds much younger, like he’s a little kid who had a nightmare. “I-I’m scared, I’m scared. I want to die, and I’m scared, Mr. Stark.”

“You won’t be alone, Pete, I promise. I’ll do whatever I can to help.”

“Please, make it quiet, Mr. Stark. Please, please!”

Tony squeezes him tighter. “I will. I will, kid.”

Peter buries his face in Tony’s shoulder, crying like he never did before.

He’s had bad days to the point of wanting to die. But never like this. Never to the point of creating a tunnel vision in his head where he finds no way out.

Tony managed to break through the tunnel to save him.

Peter is so glad he did.

--

Right now, they’re not building anything. At least not machines.

Tony has wrapped Peter in a blanket like a burrito, turning the television on for him. Peter is also holding a cup of tea – he doesn’t always drink tea, but it’s nice. He’s watching a dumb sitcom in the meantime.

Tony is with him, refusing to leave his side.

Once Peter finishes the tea, he lies his head on Tony’s lap – which is mostly an instinct, but Tony doesn’t mind. He caresses the boy’s brown curls, and might as well rub his thumb over Peter’s forehead. A way to calm the latter’s tormented head.

Peter relaxes significantly at this touch.

He sighs deeply, drained.

“Better?” Tony wonders.

“Y-Yeah. Yeah…”

He knows that part of his brain is looming somewhere, read to attack again.

“… I hate days like this,” Peter vents. “When my brain won’t shut up and I want to do anything to make it stop.” He pauses. “Like, suddenly I see anything and I think ‘hey I could kill myself with that’. And it’s not an intrusive thought. I genuinely consider it. I feel awful about it… but I hate my brain sometimes, and I hate that I can’t turn it off without doing something stupid.” He sniffs.

Tony doesn’t reply yet, though he’s still caressing Peter’s hair.

“… Our brains can be scary,” the former finally concludes.

Peter sighs, “Yeah.”

“And the hardest part is that they’re essential to us. All those scary thoughts… they’re also part of us,” Tony explains. “I know that doesn’t sound reassuring at all, but… we don’t have to ignore them or turn them off. We can learn the reason why they’re there in the first place. Without giving in to them, if that makes sense. If it’s too hard to do that, then you can reach out for help. You can reach out to me when you feel like this, and we’ll figure it out together, okay?”

He must be speaking from experience, as it sounds very heartfelt.

Peter looks at him, sympathetic. He sits on the couch to then wrap his arms around Tony.

“Okay, Mr. Stark,” he mumbles, tearing up again. “Thank you.”

Tony sighs, relieved. “Of course, kid.” He returns the hug with one arm around Peter, rubbing the latter’s back up and down.

Safe.

You’re safe.

I’m safe.

Safe, safe, safe.

I'm home.

[ssaalexblake]

So, liked you talking about Orphan 55 and finding a new interpretation to it! Are there any other Chibnall-era stories that you feel people really don't get?

On the whole? the whole era seems to sail over peoples heads imo, but that's the salt talking. Okay, it's not Only salt talking, i think S12 particularly is very interconnected in its themes the whole way through and when people miss one thing they tend to not see a bunch of others. But still.

On an episodic level, I think Arachnids in the UK sailed way way way over peoples heads in a massive way, not necessarily in a they didn't get it way, but more of a 'didn't bother to look at it' kind of thing bc there are giant spiders and a tr/ump stand in making a lot of noise, not to mention Najia's 'are you dating' riff distracting a different subset of people. I admit that all of the above was very distracting, especially if you're arachnophobic.

But yeah, a rich guy with no morals is out to make a fast buck. He picks Sheffield of all places to do this, working class, known for it. On the way to making a fast buck he cuts corners and forgive me, i've not watched it in a long time and i may be slightly off on some of the specifics, but the illegal/irresponsible disposal of waste by some rich guy, in a place where working class people live in an effort to make it more ~fancy to attract richer customers (like, i assume he was after that?), causes an environmental disaster to the local ecosystem by producing harmful gasses and litter is everywhere (hence Yaz's dad convinced there's a conspiracy of some kind), this in turn affects local fauna to the point something Weird happens to them (in this case, they get really really big) and the next domino in this long list of cause and effect, is that this effects the people living in said city because the now massive huge spiders are a danger to people and kill them.

Rich people fucking up the lives of the working class by destroying the environment to line their own pockets. Rich people harming wildlife to line their own pockets causing environmental disaster that in turn fucks over the working class.

it's almost like, in real life, the people doing the real harm and damage to the environment are the rich monsters content to do whatever they can for that new yacht no matter the environmental disaster it causes for us average joes.

They uh, were going somewhere with that one! And it's one of the least mentioned ones i think? When people talk about episodes with messages about protecting the environment/the destruction of it, Orphan 55 and Praxeus tend to be the only ones mentioned, but they're not alone. Orphan 55 and Arachnids live specifically at the intersection of capitalism VS environmental protection and how these two things Cannot coexist. Praxeus takes more of a dig at a different area.

I think War of the Sontarans flies frequently over peoples heads for it's themes of contextual morality in war. The show does not tie its opinions on violence up with a neat bow. We have two lead characters in two vastly different times (Dan & 13), one is fighting tooth and nail to stop some general starting a pointless ego driven fight and getting people killed, the general is unequivocally portrayed as awful. Meanwhile, Dan is in present day Liverpool fighting for a cause, trying to stop colonization and being portrayed as entirely in the right for doing so.

It was wrong of that cowardly general to start a bloody, awful, horrifying battle that got other people killed just to satisfy his bloodlust and make himself look big, to place the glory of war and the British empire over a legitimate solution that avoided bloodshed and solved the issue. Meanwhile, in the same breath, the show says It was morally correct of Dan to fight back against a colonizing force in his home city, even when it meant blood.

The context of this genuinely seems to throw people. I've seen complaints that the show can't even make up it's own mind on what it's view of violence is and like... Yeah? You're SO close to getting the point here, guys. Of course you cannot offer a blanket judgement on violence in general! 13 was called a hypocrite for having tears in her eyes when the general killed the retreating sontarans but not caring that Dan and Karvanista used violence to remove them from Liverpool in the future and Entirely missed the nuance of how those situations differ.

I just think it flew over peoples heads that the show was maybe saying gratuitous ego driven violence when peaceful solutions exist is Bad, while at the exact same time also saying that you are morally correct for fighting back against colonizing forces with violence because those peaceful solutions Do Not Exist here.

I mean, it's vastly more complicated than the summary, but yeah. That theme pops up more than once in the era. Trips people a lot, as well.

On a small scene level, i think people misjudged what was going on in It Takes You Away with what the solitract did. I remember people being angry that 13 got a frog and not a person from her past, but Graham and that dude only got their spouses because the solitract was actively trying to trick them into staying with them. The thing about 13 in this scene is that she is the one seducing the solitract, not the other way around (it is Genuinely the most aggressively flirty 13 is her whole run. I don't feel bad using the word seduce in its traditional usage here. She was using every bit of doctor charm that 13 does not normally Want to utilise but proves here can do so if she wants).

Once 13 is alone with the Solitract, the solitract does not Need to trick or manipulate 13 into staying because 13 was the one asking to stay. So when the solitract just appears how it wishes, that makes perfect sense. Also, 13 would have been angry had she had some piece of her past pulled from her brain and shoved in front of her, lbr.

The rest i have are more theme related than episode related specifically? I think? yeah.

[theclockinthesky]

CSNY Throws You A Birthday Party

Tw: Naked Peter Tork, cocaine, death, mpreg, overdose, vietnam war, gluttony, body dysmorphia, crash (1996)

Neil paced the room as Stephen sat there motionless among the deflated balloons, he sucked all the helium out of to see if it would give him the same feeling as coke. It did not by the way so his brain cells were practically dying right there and he could do nothing.

“Bloody hell you motherfuckers who ate the cake?!” annoyingly British Graham Nash screamed as he saw the disheveled male stripper ken cake sitting on the table with an ugly green tablecloth, courtesy of Neil.

“Not me” Neil shivered. He was hyperventilating to the extreme. Balloons were not one of his safe items and seeing Stephen tweaking on the floor of the creepy event space was making him want to jump out a window and leave to go to his least favourite place ever: the grocery store.

“Gort.” Stephen muttered incredibly high pitched, his eyes rolling to the back of his head. He passed out onto the floor.

“Guys I don’t know who did it but man when I catch that motherfucker he will pay. He will have to stay very far away from me or else he’ll get pregnant.” David “Fat” Crosby, covered in cake, walked in the room, and took a seat at one of the tables, a stripper ken doll in his hand. “But boy you guys sure are lucky I have a spare cake in my boat that’s parked outside. It is an ugly Garfield but I like it.”

Stephen, lying on the floor motionless until now was somehow possessed by something and jumped-up screaming, “THEY’RE IN THE TREES EVERYONE GET DOWN.” Having a helium induced vision of his time in Vietnam, even though he never fought.

At this point, Neil was on the verge of collapse and had taken David’s ken doll away from him and was playing with its hair to calm down. The party was set to begin in 10 minutes and all they had was an ugly Garfield cake, the special birthday present, a shit ton of coke, and Neil young in a borderline panic attack.

Stephen on the other hand was having a delightful time. He had begun to climb the walls like an arachnid, his eyes beady and ratlike, kind of like Davy Jones of the Monkees. All the guests were locked in a cage under the floor that Neil and his mind powers controlled, waiting for the guest of honour to arrive.

Graham, heavily pregnant by the way, waddled over to the lights to turn them off cause the guest of honour should be arriving any minute. His twinkish legs trembled as he took each step. His body was not designed for pregnancy. It is such a shame he was pregnant but there was nothing he could do about it now. He was supposed to give birth any day (?).

When the lights went off, Stephens eyes started glowing, possibly a side effect of all the helium he had in his system, or maybe some sort of modification done to him by the US army during his time in Vietnam that did not happen.

“Who wants to freak it Crosby style?!” David exclaimed. “Wait guys who said that????!!!!” He coyly played it off

“ME!” A quiet voice screamed from under the floor. It was probably Peter Tork but we will never know (he topped).

Neil had begun burning a hole into the wall with his laser eyes because he was riddled with stress and crashing out over the balloons still. Graham waddled over to him to move him from the walls but Neil turned his chicken-like head a little too fast and burned the top of Graham’s hair off. “Good heavens my gorgeous locks!” he exclaimed with horror. “Now I’ll never get good hospital pics.” Graham began to think about using Joni as a hair model replacement for his upcoming birth shoot any day now.

David had begun rolling a joint in his chair, still covered in cake. Stephen had now climbed into the ceiling and was crying up there, for an undisclosed reason. Maybe his body dysmorphia had kicked in or something after watching Graham’s twinkish frame walk across the room or seeing David “Fat” Crosby covered in cake.

While they were all doing their own thing. They did not realize that the guest of honour had already walked in and was standing at the door. “Guys what is this” Y/N questioned.

“Oh, it’s a birthday party for Y/N” David Crosby said, without looking up to see that it was indeed Y/N standing there. We’re just waiting for Y/N to show up. David had now begun smoking his monster joint that was infused with the cake he was covered in.

Neil, in the corner of the room entered a vampire like stance. “It is Y/N” He said calmly before his polio leg gave out and he collapsed onto the floor, his mind powers activating the lights and launching the underground cage into the air, bursting through the floor, the people in it screaming for their lives, except Davy Jones who hit his head on the top of the cage, dying instantly.

“Well thanks but genuinely what the fuck happened here.” Y/N examined the room. There was a laser burnt dick shape on the wall, David was covered in so much cake smoking a fat joint, Stephen was sticking his head out from the ceiling, his eyes still glowing, now even brighter than his bald head, Graham was sitting and crying while holding his hair in his hands and there was a mess of people tangled in a ball in a Micky Dolenz sex asylum-esque cage covered in blood from Davy’s fat head.

Peter Tork was the first to get up from the caged people on the floor, which was surprising cause usually he liked to be tangled in a ball of people. But he mostly could smell David’s joint and that’s what was drawing him away. Micky and Mike each grabbed one arm of the dead Davy and dragged him out from the pile and threw him threw the dick outline on the wall, courtesy of Neil.

“Where’s the milk” Mike frantically searched the room for his beloved. There was only one thing in the world he liked more than milk and that was cheating on his wife Phyllis. Upon hearing that, Anthony Perkins also emerged from the human ball and began searching with Mike. They followed a trail, which was actually coke from Stephen’s being up the wall and into the ceiling. They thought it was powdered milk though. There was a scream and Stephen fell through the ceiling. Lying on the ground, now coked out of his mind like usual he could resume functioning like a human being!

David Lynch with the Eraserhead baby also was among the pile of people in the remnants of the cage. “Where’s the nearest bob’s big boy” he questioned before pulling out a cigarette and lighting it. “Who is bob and why is his boy big” Rob Roy Fingerhead questioned like the pretentious ass he is. Stephen pulled a rifle out of his pocket and shot him on the spot. “2 down. Who knows to go. We’re going to win the war” he said in a coke induced frenzy before running circles around the room.

‘Is the option for freaking it Crosby style still up?” Peter questioned with a fake voice, covering his mouth. “Of course it is” Crosby replied in the same manner. They both got up one by one and left and exited the room, Peter claiming “he had to go philosophize” and David claiming his hot girlfriend was calling him and he needed to answer ASAP. As Peter left, he put on one of the 400s wigs, pretending like no one was watching him but literally everyone was watching.

Stephen began crying as Peter walked out of the room. His baldness, ugly teeth, and extreme fatness and/or skinniness must not have been enough for his one true love Peter Halsten Thorkelson.

Neil had now begun playing the harmonica to calm himself down cause all this drama and chaos had begun to make him go insane. His severe overstimulatedness was no match for Y/N’s once in a lifetime 20th birthday extravaganza.

Micky had decided to make himself comfortable and was tearing apart the tables and chairs to make himself a new gyrocopter. But unfortunately, he did not learn his lesson and was once again building the gyrocopter indoors. David Cronenberg had emerged from the mass of people and had gone over to view this, coming up with a brilliant new film idea to match the brilliance of Crash (1996) but this time with gyrocopters. Micky was then offered the lead role.

Y/N still stood there in shock of everything that had happened and backed out of the room as quietly as she could so not to shock Stephen who was still on high alert. The gang did not even realize that she was gone but they did not care because they all began to snort the line of cocaine that was drawn around the room from Stephen’s pacing. Neil had a seizure and Micky performed CPR on him to try and revive him. Graham had started to go into labour, and Peter Tork walked into the room naked. What a surprise.

The End. (I’m so sorry)