#Best thing is that I'm the only person in the damn house that likes shrimp so it's totally gonna last me a while

[bellflower-goat]

i ahve... Made A Desicion

I am very good at making decisions B]

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #108

(also taken january 30th; uploading surveys taken while gone)

How many people have you kissed in a car? I know at least two, but maybe three.

Do you and your best friend have an inside joke? Kinda, yeah. Probably multiple, really.

What was the last thing you ate? For dinner I had this microwavable shrimp with linguini thing. The shrimp was way too fishy, but the noodles were fine.

When was the last time you had a genuine smile? Earlier today, as Mom and I were getting ready to ride out somewhere and Cookie got EXTREMELY excited. She absolutely adores carrides, and if she even THINKS we're going somewhere, she gets hype as hell and jumps in her carrier, then out to run to Mom, then back... It's absolutely adorable.

Who was the last person in your bed besides you? Girt.

Do you miss anyone currently? I actually really miss Girt, but I'm not seeing him 'til this weekend.

What are you listening to right now? I'm watching/listening to WoolieVS play Elden Ring. Been working through it for like, well over a month now, but it's a super long game and it's not always what I have on in the background.

How often do you watch the news? Literally never. The only times I ever have were the times I've been in the psych hospital, because it was allowed to roll in the morning for I think an hour. I promise you there wasn't a damn better thing to do, so usually I'd watch it just to be doing something.

What is the worst lie you’ve ever told? I don't know and would rather not try to think of what it could be.

Do you have a fan in your room? Yeah.

Have you ever egged a house? No, because I'm at least a half-decent fucking human being. My childhood house was egged once, though, around Halloween. To this day I have no idea why the hell anyone did it, we didn't bother a damn soul.

What about TP’d a house? Also no, that's despicable, and I WOULD say childish, but even the young kids I know wouldn't do that bullshit.

Do you like pranking people? I really don't.

Have you ever hatched an egg? In I think kindergarten, yes. We raised a chick in an incubator.

Would you consider yourself more of a cat or dog person? Cat, but I like dogs too.

How tall was the tallest person you’ve dated? Girt is, and he's exactly 6', I think.

Do you have a debit card? I don't own a debit or credit card.

How long have you known the last person to leave you a comment? She's been my acquaintance since high school. I always wanted to get to know her better so kinda recently I sent her a friend request and she's actually been talking to me quite a bit and just being REALLY nice and I honestly hope it grows into a real friendship.

Do you have any big plans this weekend? It's my birthday weekend so yeah. <3 Saturday my family + Girt's immediate family are going out to The Cheesecake Factory to eat, and then Girt's staying the night to be there Sunday/my actual birthday. That day we're gonna get some donuts instead of a cake, I decided I really wanted Krispy Kreme lmao. Tragically Tobey is coming over that day too even though I have no interest in seeing her, but whatever, telling her no would not go well.

What would you do if you found out your ex was pregnant/fathered a child? I couldn't care less if it was Juan or Tyler. Aaron, I'd be happy for him, he'd be an excellent father. I'd be very concerned if Sara was pregnant, regardless of what I feel about her; her body could not handle that, and she knows that too. If I found out Jason had a kid/was having a kid, I can promise you I would either vomit or faint, or both. Both is a very real possibility. I'd absolutely have an emotional breakdown, too, of that I can bet my entire life on. It doesn't matter that I don't want that with him anymore, trauma is trauma.

Who was the last person to smoke a cigarette in front of you? Uhhhh probably Dad?

Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? I'd like to kiss him for the rest of my life, at least that's what I plan.

Who was the last person to hold your hand? Girt.

Would you sing in front of a large crowd? Nope.

Have you ever jumped out of a moving car? Yeesh, no.

What’s a song no one would think you’d like, but you actually love? I mean there's quite a good deal of those, honestly. Trying to pick a REALLY surprising one, uhhhh... OH YEAH that fucking "Shake That" song by Eminem and Nate Dogg, idc I get a kick out of it 😭

Are you talking to anyone? If so, who? Not at this moment.

Have you ever been to Florida? Yeah, that's where my grandmother lived, so we would visit rarely.

Are you broke right now? Technically, yeah. I have $400 personally that was gifted to me that's going towards my tattoo, but my mom, whose house I live in/the person who pays the bills, is back to being broke, I've found out; it's absolutely fucking ludicrous how my mom had to burn her portion of the inheritance ASAP because if she didn't, she would've been forced off disability and then when that money ran out, we'd be entirely fucked.

How did you react when your first pet died? Well, I was a baby when the dog my parents had died, so I obviously didn't understand at all; I don't even remember her. I'm not sure who my first REAL pet was that died... but most likely a cat, and I'm sure I reacted poorly.

Have you ever drawn anime? No, it's not my personal art style.

Do you like bathing/showering? No, because it's a legitimately painful and very exhausting task for me, even with a shower chair.

Have you ever hurt someone for your own entertainment? What the fuck, no.

If you could write a book, what would it be about? It would probably be some spin-off of RP plots/stories I've done. Maybe an AU version of one.

Do you think most people understand you? Absolutely not, not "most."

Do you have any taboo fetishes or preferences? I don't have a fetish, but by "preferences" I feel like you're including kinks here in which case there is something not everyone would be into that I am but I'm not gonna share that.

What is the emotion you seem to feel most strongly? Um... probably sadness. Or self-disgust. Loneliness. Idk.

What are your top three biggest fears? Living alone on the streets, never being truly happy, and Mom dying.

What do you want to be remembered for? As a woman who never gave up and also invited people to be comfortable in themselves, and absolutely as a person who cared very much for others and was always willing to be a shoulder to cry on. I also want people to associate the love of all animals with me.

Have you ever cried yourself to sleep in your adult life? Oh yes. That was a very, very common thing in 2016 especially.

What do you think is the meanest thing you’ve ever said to someone? I'm not going there.

Do you miss any of your exes? There are some traits about Jason I miss that Girt isn't as strong in, but I don't miss Jason as a partner.

How many people have you slept with? I've done sexual things in bed with two people.

What kind of sauce do you eat your chicken nuggets with? Normally ketchup, sometimes honey mustard.

Are you someone’s best friend? Well, Girt calls me his best friend, but I'm his girlfriend so that's kinda to be expected. I'm not anyone else's best friend.

Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? Drive-thru, almost always.

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? My dad, I think. It's possible I've briefly talked to Mom since though, idk.

Have you ever been to a Chinatown in any of the cities you’ve been to? I've never even seen one in person.

How old was the oldest person you’ve dated? Officially a Facebook creeper, I finally looked up Juan to learn how old he is and right now he's 31. So when we dated for less than 24 hours in high school I woulda been 15/almost 16, and he would've been uhhh around 19 or 20... oh my god ew.

Do you know anyone who has their own podcast? Not that I'm aware of.

Where did your last kiss take place? My bed.

Did you often read for fun when you were a kid? Oh yes, I loved reading. I wish I was still AS into it as I once was.

^ What were some of your favorite books? I really liked Junie B. Jones books, The Magic Treehouse, and the Hank the Cowdog series. As a pre-teen or teen I got into Warriors and read that series for many years.

Do you have any dietary restrictions? No.

Which of your good habits has made the biggest positive difference in your life? My resilience and persistence.

Do you watch YouTube videos a lot? Basically constantly; one is at least always on in the background.

Do you have an embarrassing period story? I don't THINK I do.

Would your life be at risk if someone knew everything about you? No; the secrets I keep are entirely harmless but just things I'm embarrassed by so don't share.

Would you ever name a child after yourself? Absolutely not, I honestly really hate when people DO do that because how far up your own ass can you be.

What is the stupidest thing anyone’s ever said to you? Who the hell even knows.

What’s the most amount of weight you’ve gained from a medication? I absolutely refuse to share this because it's absolutely humiliating. I will die before I take Abilify ever, ever again. It brought my metabolism to basically a full halt, and my shitty doctor continued to blame my weight gain on me. Stopped it when I got a new doctor that IMMEDIATELY knew that was the issue, and guess what, I ended up losing like 70-ish pounds.

Do you have a professional camera? Yeah, it's a Canon EOS Rebel T6.

Do you like rose gold? I LOVE rose gold.

Do you kiss a lot of people? Not at all; I only kiss Girt romantically and then I sometimes will kiss my nieces or nephew on the head.

Who was the last person to hear you cry? Girt and Mom.

How old do you want to be when you have kids? As of right now I don't want kids, but if I for whatever reason do change my mind, I'd be very nervous about getting pregnant past 40. Even late 30s would make me worry. I don't think I could go through finally deciding I'm ready for a child, get pregnant, and then lose the baby because I'm not the best age to be having kids.

How do you like your soda? I have a strong preference for it cold, but it's not mandatory at all. Soda is soda to me, as much as I WISH I was pickier.

Do you know anyone that has a gecko as a pet? Mazzy! (: I also very seriously want a fat-tailed gecko one day.

When was the last time you weighed yourself? Maybe a little over a week ago.

Do you know anyone with exaggeratedly big muscles? I don't think so.

What is your favorite endangered animal? That would probably be the P. metallica/Gooty Sapphire Ornamental/peacock tarantula, known for being a beautiful bright blue. Very popular in the hobby, but trafficking them from the wild is still horribly common and is putting them at risk. Ironic because they're well-bred in domesticity, but people still rip them out of the wild... I doubt this will be applicable to anyone, but just saying, research where you get your spiders from, because poaching is depressingly common. Pick people who emphasize domestic breeding.

Does it make you cringe when people pop their knuckles? HOLY FUCK YES, I CANNOT HANDLE IT. Girt can very loudly pop like every joint in his body and he drives me insane with it. Sometimes he forgets to warn me he needs to so I can close my ears and I cannot stop myself from freaking out.

Do you respect authority? If they deserve that position of authority.

Have you ever milked a cow? No.

[iam93percentstardust]

I'm bombarding you with those prompts, so I fully understand if you just ignore all those you don't like, lol. Would WinterIronFalcon be an OT3 you're intrested in writing? Some established WinterFalcon with Tony pining helplessly after them, not believeing he could have a chance? With a dash of angst in it? Thank you ♡

There isn’t much angst in this but there is hopeless pining so yay?

Also on ao3 here

~

“Share Bear, it’s not fair,” Tony whines into the phone.

“What isn’t?” his cousin asks, sounding patient but also kind of amused. He takes the phone away from his ear and squints at it. Is she making fun of him? She probably is, Sharon always makes fun of him. She’s mean like that; he’s pretty sure she gets it from Natasha.

“They’re so fucking gorgeous, I can’t stand it.”

“Oh. Them again. Seriously Tony, didn’t you used to have better taste?”

“Excuse you,” he says, offended. “My taste is perfect.”

“They think arguing is foreplay.”

“It’s bickering! And it’s cute!”

“Gross,” Sharon says cheerfully.

“God hates me,” Tony says dramatically, flinging his hand over his eyes. “That’s why he cursed me to work with two such beautiful humans who are already dating each other.”

“Tony—”

“I know Bucky stays up to date with the fandom,” he continues, going a little quieter. “He’s gotta know that tons of people ship the three of us. But he doesn’t say anything about it. Share Bear, why doesn’t he say anything?”

“Probably because for every person who ships all three of you, there’s twice as many who ship just you and him,” she admits. “I know that if someone were shipping Maria and Nat and ignoring that I even exist, I’d be pretty upset.”

“Yeah,” he says glumly.

“What’re you filming today anyway?” she asks.

“True Crime. We were supposed to be doing an episode of Supernatural at the Odinson Mystery House, you know, over in Norway where the son found out he was adopted and then got super into Norse mythology and supposedly disappeared into a rainbow?”

“Oh yeah, that guy was crazy.”

“Wasn’t,” Tony insist stubbornly. “There are three different eyewitnesses and they all saw the same thing.”

“All three eyewitnesses tested positive for meth.”

“It was trace amounts and ruled irrelevant to the case. Anyway, there’s some sort of blizzard so our flight got canceled. We figured we’d get a jump on this season’s True Crime episodes instead.”

“What are you doing this week?”

He scowls into the phone. “Fandom episode. They voted for Captain America.”

He can practically hear Sharon wince. “I’m sorry. That fucking sucks.”

“Yeah,” he agrees, not least because both of them know exactly what happened to Captain America. He was recovered from the Arctic back in the 50s and went on to live a very happy and fulfilling life with Aunt Peggy. But that’s a very closely guarded state secret; the U.S. government can’t let it get out that Steve Rogers survived nearly a decade in the ice. Technically, Tony and Sharon aren’t even supposed to know but Aunt Peggy had insisted she be allowed to tell them after she took custody of Sharon and Tony moved out of Howard’s and into her home. It’s kind of cool actually, knowing that Uncle Steve is really Captain America. He’s a pretty great guy. It just kind of sucks that he can’t tell anyone about it and now he has to do a whole episode about it when everyone knows he’s a shitty liar.

He’d talked it over with Uncle Steve and Aunt Peggy when the results of the vote had first come in. Aunt Peggy’s advice had been to act more manic than usual, throw even more outlandish theories into the mix, and really make this episode about the banter between him and Bucky. “Direct their attention away from Steve,” she’d said. “They’re already going to be looking at you. Just make sure they’re doing it for the wrong reason.”

He kind of wants to kiss Bucky. That would definitely draw attention away from the episode. But that’s not fair to either Bucky or Sam, who are very happy with their relationship and don’t need a homewrecker like Tony throwing a spanner into the mix.

“Good luck,” Sharon tells him before they hang up. “You’re gonna need it.”

“Wow, thanks,” he mutters but she’s already gone.

~

Marvels Unsolved was never supposed to be this popular. It started off as a novelty webseries about Tony trying to convince Bucky about the existence of the supernatural—he firmly believed that if science could turn Uncle Steve from an actual shrimp to the god of muscles, then magic had to be out there—and then they’d started talking about an unsolved crime from the early 20th century after filming an episode one day, forgetting that the camera was still rolling, and had ended up with enough footage to make a second episode about real crimes. They had stayed pretty unknown throughout that first season but then true crime podcasts had exploded in popularity and Unsolved along with them.

Now they have a fandom and merchandise and actual fanfiction written about them, which is the craziest thing. They both have several often-quoted gifs floating around the Internet and Bucky has somehow become the poster child for being unimpressed by literally everything (he actually makes some of the best faces when something genuinely scary happens but they always end up editing those parts out—he has an image to maintain after all).

They brought Sam on once they started gaining in popularity. Tony, by that point, already had a pretty well-established crush on Bucky. He’d even thought that he had a chance with his co-host, small as it may be, and at first, it hadn’t seemed like Sam was going to change anything. He and Bucky argued all the time so Tony had been absolutely stunned when he’d stumbled upon them making out like it was the end of the world.

They had just finished filming their second season. Sam had suggested going out to a local bar. He’d suggested it for all three of them but Tony had, inexplicably, felt like a third wheel all night as Sam and Bucky bickered. At one point, Sam had disappeared off to the restroom and a couple minutes later, Bucky had followed him. Tony doesn’t know how long he had sat there waiting for them but he’d eventually gone looking for them only to find Sam pressing Bucky up against a wall.

And that had been that.

Three years later, Sam and Bucky are still going strong, Tony is as smitten with Sam as he is with Bucky despite knowing how hopeless both crushes are, and the fandom seems convinced to either write Sam out of Tony and Bucky’s relationship or write Tony into Sam and Bucky’s. He wishes they would stop. He stays pretty up to date with the fandom as well and they have all these meta posts about the way Bucky looks at him or something. It just keeps giving him hope but, well, it’s been three years. If Bucky wanted him, or if Sam did for that matter, they would have done something long ago.

~

“Hey, you doing okay?” Sam asks him as they’re setting up.

“Sure, why wouldn’t I be?” He avoids meeting Sam’s eyes, focusing instead on adding creamer to the coffee. Marvels had presented them with these mugs last year to congratulate them on four years of Unsolved. They’ve got their most iconic quotes printed on them, Bucky’s with “Obviously I killed JFK” and Tony’s with “I’m the dramatic bitch your mom warned you about.” Sam has one too with his one and only line in the entire show printed on it (“Why did I agree to work with you?”) but since he’s always behind the camera, he doesn’t have to use the same mug for each episode.

“You just seem a little off.” The worst part is that Sam genuinely looks concerned. If they didn’t care about him, he thinks his crush might be easier to manage but they do because they’re just nice guys like that. “I know you weren’t too thrilled when we announced this week’s case.”

“Howard worked with him, practically hero-worshipped the damn guy. Of course, I’m not excited.”

Sam winces. They know all about Tony’s shitty relationship with Howard after his dad called Marvels furious that his son was hosting a webseries instead of coming home to grovel at his feet and take over the business. The whole team had been brought in to listen as Fury tried to placate him. By the end, Bucky had been furious on Tony’s behalf and Sam had berated Fury for twenty minutes for making Tony listen to the vitriol his dad had spewed. It had cemented his crush on Sam, then just a passing fancy, into something real and permanent.

“Seriously, Sam, I’m fine. Might be a little off today but I would have said if I didn’t think I could do it.”

Sam doesn’t look convinced but he agrees anyway. Tony sits down next to Bucky and passes him his mug. Bucky shoots him a grin and murmurs, “Thanks, doll.”

Tony doesn’t blush but that’s only because he has five years of practice. Out of the corner of his eye, he spots Sam counting them down and he turns to face the camera, settling his hands in front of him.

“This week on Marvels Unsolved True Crime and in celebration of our 100th episode,” he begins, “we asked you what you’d like us to investigate and you came back—”

“—overwhelmingly,” Bucky interjects.

“Many, many times,” Tony agrees, “with a topic near and dear to my own heart: Captain America.”

“That’s right,” Bucky says, sounding surprised though Bucky had been the first to point out that maybe they shouldn’t do this episode because of Tony’s connections to Project Rebirth. “Your dad helped turn Steve Rogers into Captain America, didn’t he?”

“And he never let me forget it!” Tony says cheerfully.

“One hundred episodes,” Bucky says slowly, enunciating each word. “Can you believe that, doll?”

Sometimes, he wonders why the fans ship them when Sam is right there. Other times, Bucky says things like this and he understands completely.

“Not even a little bit, Bucky Babe.” Okay, so maybe he doesn’t help.

“One hundred. The big one zero zero.”

“We tried to do something extra special and get Sam in front of the camera for you guys—”

“—so you could see what a hunk he is—”

“—but Sam said that he didn’t trust anyone else to film us properly—”

“—which makes sense because Tony? If you put him in the wrong light, he’s practically a gremlin—”

“Hey!”

“I’m just telling the facts.”

“Well, the facts are wrong.”

“They’re facts, sweet thing, they can’t be wrong.”

“Can too. Anyway, since Sam refuses to join us—”

“—and that just breaks my heart because Sam, he’s one of my favorite guys, you know?”

Tony pauses. It’s not like Bucky to say anything nice about Sam. Usually, it’s all good-natured insults and bickering. He must really be fed up with the Starkbucks shippers to say something like this when they’re still this early in the show.

“Only one of?” he asks curiously.

Bucky shoots him one of those filthy grins that their audience loves so much. “Well, it’s hard not to include you on that list,” he drawls.

He’s not going to blush.

He’s not going to blush.

He’s not going to—

Damn it.

Whatever. It’s no big deal, that’s what editing is for. So what if Sam has never edited out one of Tony’s blushes yet? Maybe Tony will get lucky and he will this time.

“You know, I was actually named for Captain America’s sidekick?” Bucky asks, getting them back on track.

“Wow, that is deeply unfortunate,” Tony deadpans.

“Yeah, Dad’s a fanboy. His whole troop was pinned down and rescued by the two of them. He tells the story all the time—kind of like your dad.”

“Except my dad goes straight past into fanboy and directly into obsession territory.”

“…Fair enough.”

“Really? That’s all you’re going to say?”

Bucky shrugs and takes a sip out of his mug. “I’ve been inside your house. I’ve seen the Steve Rogers shrine. I’m not going to argue with you.”

Tony thinks about that for a moment. “It is kind of a shrine, isn’t it? Anyway, we’ve got some great stuff for you today. We’re going to crack open this cold case, show you some never-before-seen footage courtesy of my mom sneaking my dad’s old war tapes out of the mansion, and then we’ll talk a little bit about the theories out there.”

“How many of them are going to be ridiculously outlandish and physically impossible?”

Tony glares at him. “None of them. I have never once presented a ridiculously outlandish and physically impossible theory.”

“Right because alien abduction is a valid—”

“Aliens are real!”

“You said that crabs might have eaten Amelia Earheart!” Bucky shouts over him.

“It’s a valid theory!”

“I take it back, you’re not one of my favorite people anymore.”

“That really hurts me, deep inside,” Tony says sarcastically, trying to cover up that maybe that does send a small pang shooting through his chest. He likes the thought of being one of Bucky’s favorite people. He doesn’t want to lose that.

“How deep?” Bucky asks and winks.

“Very deep. Way, way deep down. Practically in my—”

Bucky’s eyes widen and he nearly chokes on his coffee. “Okay, that’s enough of that. Let’s get into the facts.”

“Hey, that’s my line!”

~

“With a missing plane and pilot and so much redaction in the files, we’re lucky to even have a name, let’s get into the theories.”

“Actually, wait, before we do that,” Bucky says, “I want to ask if you’ve ever noticed that your voice changes when you’re doing the voiceovers.”

“Wait, what?” Tony asks. He glances at him, to one of the cameras, then back to Bucky. “What do you mean?”

“You know, it gets all deeper like you’re trying to voice movie trailers or something.”

“No it doesn’t.”

“Sure it does.”

Tony shakes his head. “There’s no way.”

They both turn toward Sam, who thinks about it and then makes a ‘sort of’ motion with his hand.

“Told you!” Bucky says triumphantly.

“You’re such a child,” Tony sneers.

“Yeah, that’s why you like working with me so much.”

Behind the camera, Sam silently snickers and Tony glares at him before telling the camera, “If you’re watching, let us know in the comments. Is my apparent movie trailer voice okay or does it need to go like Bucky clearly thinks?”

Bucky goes paler. “Hey, wait, I didn’t say it had to go.”

“It was implied when you brought it up,” he argues.

“No!” Bucky insists. “I was just wondering if it was on purpose.”

They both turn toward Sam, who thinks about it and then makes a ‘sort of’ motion with his hand.

“Aha!” Tony says triumphantly.

“Traitor,” Bucky mutters into his coffee.

Sam signs, “I’ll make it up to you when we get home tonight.”

“And that was more than I ever wanted to learn about Sam and Bucky’s love life,” Tony lies through his teeth. “Let’s get into the theories. I only have two for you today, one of which I think Bucky will particularly like.”

“Oh no.”

“Our first theory is that Steve Rogers died in a plane crash on December 16, 1944. Winter months in the Arctic are known to be particularly stormy. There would have been low visibility due to the high latitude and time of year and with the waters and surrounding land being well below freezing, it’s possible that, even if Captain Rogers survived the impact, he would have frozen to death in the stormy seas.”

Bucky thinks about it for a second. “Yeah, that seems plausible.”

“In addition, Howard Stark, a known Captain America aficionado and the father of Marvels Unsolved’s best host—”

“You lie like a rug!” Bucky howls.

Tony snickers and then when Sam signs, “He’s really not,” bursts out into full-out laughter.

Once he’s recovered, he continues, “Howard Stark has spent the first fifty years after the crash of the Valkyrie and the last twenty funding searches in the Arctic in the hopes of recovering Captain Rogers’ body. He has found no evidence that Captain Rogers survived the crash although he did find part of the remains of the Valkyrie and has since stated that, ‘No human could have survived that crash.’”

The expeditions are a scam and have been since Howard first found the Valkyrie crash site and Uncle Steve along with it. He hadn’t been planning on continuing the expeditions—too costly, as he claims—but when Aunt Peggy had told him that Uncle Steve’s survival had to remain a secret, he’d kept them up for pretense’s sake.

Bucky is saying something about how it sucks that the first superhero is gone and when he finishes, Tony grins and says, “Then you’ll like our second theory.”

“Somehow, every time you say that, I end up completely hating it. Wonder why that is.”

“Our second theory is that Steve Rogers survived the crash and is still alive but cryogenically frozen in the ice. There—”

“Bullshit!”

Tony starts laughing but he tries to continue on over Bucky shouting that it’s complete nonsense. It’s hard and he knows that Sam will probably have to do some editing and maybe make Tony do some voiceover work in order to make the theory audible but he thinks he manages to do a pretty good job.

Bucky is pouting by the end of it, arms crossed over his chest. “What fucking bullshit,” he mutters.

“The supersoldier serum—” Tony starts to point out.

“Isn’t a miracle drug.”

“That’s exactly what it is.”

“No, it just made him big and strong. It doesn’t just magically keep people alive when they should have died.”

And then they’re off into familiar territory, arguing about the merits of either theory. Tony’s actually feeling pretty good about himself, convinced that he’s doing a decent job of steering the conversation away of anything classified, right up until Bucky says, about halfway through the episode, “I’m surprised at you, Tony.”

He wrinkles his nose. “Surprised?”

“Usually, you have some absolutely batshit, off-the-walls crazy theory but these have actually been pretty normal for you.” He pauses and then adds for effect, “And you’re usually much better at your research than this.”

“Excuse me?”

“Oh come on, even I know that there’s one more theory.”

He starts tapping at his chest nervously, almost wishing that he had a pair of sunglasses. Aunt Peggy always said that his lies are in his eyes, that they’re too expressive to hide the truth. When he was living with Howard, in the spotlight, he always had a pair of sunglasses to hide his eyes but he hasn’t wanted to use those since he moved out. He wishes he had them now.

“And what’s that?” he asks, feigning a casualness he doesn’t feel.

“That Steve Rogers lived and came out of the ice at some point and has been living out his life in anonymity.”

He barks out a nervous laugh. “I didn’t mention it because even I know that that theory is completely impossible.”

“Hasn’t stopped you before.” Sam nods agreeably. Bucky nods back at him and adds, “Even Sam agrees with me.”

“He’s your boyfriend, he’s practically required to.”

Both Sam and Bucky laugh at that one and yeah, okay, it was a pretty ridiculous statement. Anyone who knows them knows that being boyfriends is less likely to make them agree with each other.

“Look, Steve Rogers didn’t come out of the ice alive. Howard would have known for one thing and if you think, he could keep something like that quiet, then you don’t know him very well.”

“Maybe the government insisted it be a secret,” Bucky suggests, shrugging. “There have been plenty of people who have claimed over the last couple decades to be Captain America.”

Tony scoffs. “Oh come on, by that logic, anyone could be Captain America.”

“Maybe they could be.”

“No,” Tony says flatly. “It’s like that crazy conspiracy theory guy over on Reddit who’s convinced that Bruce Wayne is Batman.”

“Maybe Bruce Wayne is Batman.”

“Ooh do the butts match?” Tony says mockingly. “I mean, really, Bucky Babe, if we’re going off of lookalikes, then my fucking Uncle Steve is secretly really Steve Rogers, which is ridiculous because the guy’s like practically ancient and faints at the sight of blood in PG-13 movies.”

That sets off another round of arguing that lasts the rest of the episode until finally Tony wraps it up with, “Whether Steve Rogers died in 1944 or is still alive today is a mystery that will remain unsolved.”

They both pause for a moment to provide time for Sam to edit in the theme music and closing title. Usually, there would be some lighthearted bantering afterwards, maybe a joke about something they said earlier in the show. This time though, Bucky says thoughtfully, “The thing is, though, I’ve met your Uncle Steve—”

Tony goes cold.

“—and he really does kind of look like—”

Tony panics. That’s the only explanation that he has for declaring, “I’m done waiting,” reaching across the tables and grabbing hold of Bucky’s shirt, and yanking him forward to kiss him.

For a moment, Bucky is too startled to do anything but then he melts into Tony, mouth opening under his, tongue pushing forward to meet his. Bucky’s arms come around him, pulling him up and out of his chair and settling him into his lap. Tony makes a small greedy sound, swallowed by Bucky’s kiss, and then they’re both pulling away. Bucky’s lips are very red; Tony can’t stop staring at them even as he’s filled with dismay.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I shouldn’t have—”

“Why not?” Bucky demands.

“You—Sam—” He glances toward the camera but Sam isn’t standing there anymore. His heart drops into his stomach—has he just ruined Bucky and Sam’s relationship? But then he hears someone drop to their knees behind him and when he turns slightly, Sam’s fingers are on his chin, gently turning his head.

“How long?” Sam asks.

“How long what?”

“How long have we been wasting our time when we could have been kissing you instead?”

Three years, two months, and fifteen days. “Too long.”

Sam kisses him then, mouth gentler than Bucky’s but no less consuming. Bucky is a hard, hot line against his front; Sam is warm against his back and Tony? Tony loses himself in the storm that is the two of them, sparks shooting through him as Bucky’s hands find their way to his hips, as Sam’s tongue slips into his mouth, as Bucky whispers into his ear, “We’re not wasting any more time.”

~

Marvels Unsolved’s 100th episode shoots to their most watched, most liked video in less than a day and when asked, maybe the smallest handful of viewers could have said what it was about.

The day after it posts, only a week after it was filmed, Tony’s phone rings.

“Kill it with fire,” Sam says sleepily.

Tony, however, recognizes Aunt Peggy’s ringtone and he rolls over to grab it before Bucky can throw it at the wall. “Hello?” he asks groggily.

“Congratulations on not blowing Steve’s cover,” she says.

“Oh yeah,” Tony mutters. “Can I go back to bed now?”

“One more thing, duck.”

“What’s that?”

“Congratulations on the new boyfriends.”

[hoseokutie]

Market Boy pt.2

Part 1

Words:

Warnings: Eating squid, Super Fluffy!Jungkook, Kissing 

                           ____________________

Jungkook was currently in his shared apartment with his brother, he was currently getting ready for his date tonight.

"Hey do I look okay? Is it too much or too little?" He asked his older brother.

"I think you're freaking out way too much and definitely need to chill the heck out. You said it yourself that she's not the person to care about appearance so who cares?" he asked ruffling his fluffy hair.

"Yeah I guess you're right. By the way can I borrow some money? I don't get paid until the end of the week. Please I'll cover one of your shifts with no back talk" Jungkook begged him.

"Yeah, but don't spend it like a dumb ass okay? Buy her dinner and dessert and maybe buy her a cute bracelet or something, I don't know what you kids are into." He says handing him $50.

"Hyung this is perfect. Thank you so much for everything. I love you so much." Jungkook gave him a sloppy kiss on the cheek.

"Ew stop, get the hell out of here you weirdo" he said gently slapping the younger boy's face.

"I'll see you when I get back!" Jungkook announced as he left the house and began his walk to the market.

On the other side of town, you were also getting ready for your tonight. You did a double take before leaving your apartment, and making your way to the market. You also decided to walk there since it's not that far.

You stood by your shop as you waited for Jungkook to arrive. In all honesty you forgot what time he said he wanted to meet up, so you decided to stand there and wait for him.

"Hey Y/N! You're here a few minutes early" he commented and you checked the time on your phone.

"I guess I am a little early, huh?" You mentioned as you looked back at him in slight embarrassment.

"Let me guess, you forgot what time we were supposed to meet, so you decided to just wait here?" he asked.

"Maybe I did, maybe I didn't" You said crossing your arms.

"Okay yeah I did, you caught me, I'm guilty" You confessed chuckling a little.

"That's okay, you said it yourself that you weren't the best when it came to timing things." He nudged your shoulder.

You gently hit his arm and held his hand in yours.

"I don't know about you, but I'm pretty hungry and excited for some seafood." You told him as you began to swing your hands back and forth.

"Well then let's go get some food shall we?" He asked enthusiastically.

You let him lead the way to the seafood restaurant located in the back of the market.

"Oh look, it's the love birds of this place. We were wondering when you guys were coming to see us!" Stephen, the owner of the restaurant, exclaimed when he saw you and Jungkook walk inside.

"How did you know we were gonna be here tonight?" You asked walking over to a table and sitting down across from Jungkook.

"Jungkook's mother told me that you guys would pay us a visit, and that I needed to take good care of you and watch out for you" he said and you frowned.

"Does his mom not trust me?" you asked slightly offended.

"No, she trust you. It the little Kookie monster across from you that she doesn't trust." he commented and you laughed loudly and covered your mouth.

"What! I'm innocent and have done nothing wrong in at least a week!" he said crossing his arms.

"You are so cute when you're upset Kookie." You told him to try and tease him.

"Yeah, but you're cute all the time."He raised an eyebrow at you.

"Someone is feeling flirty I see." You raised an eyebrow back at him.

"I can't help it when I have a beautiful woman sitting right in front of me."

This boy is trying to kill me, you thought to yourself.

"What do you cutie pies want to drink?" Miranda, Stephen's wife, asked the two of you.

"I'll have a mango lemonade" You said smiling up at her.

"And I'll have a beer" Jungkook said full of confidence.

"I need to see your ID" she said smirking at him.

"On second thought, I think I will have coca-cola" he said smiling up at her.

"Smart choice" she said walking to the back.

"Trust me, beer isn't that good anyway" You told him looking at the different food items on the menu.

"I forget that you're older than me sometimes. How does it feel to be twenty-two years old?" he asked and you simply shrugged your shoulders.

"I'm older than I was last year, and I'm still the same old girl, so I feel the same. Nothing to be excited about" You told him honestly.

"And what can I get you two to eat?" she asked.

Jungkook perked up at the mention of food.

"Can I get the salmon sashimi and the tempura sushi please with lots of wasabi. Oh! And the white radish please on the side. I like the crunch" He smiled over at you waiting for you to order.

You looked at him in surprise. The only remotely Japanese food you knew about was fried calamari. Grabbing the menu you did your best.

"I uh. Can I get the shrimp o-ni-gi-ri and um the California Roll please" You closed the menu looking away from the both of them knowing you sounded like a complete fool.

Jungkook tilted his head looking at you confused.

Why is she so reclusive all of a sudden? Did I do something? He thought to himself in compete and utter confusion.

"If it helps I thought your pronunciation was kind of cute" he told you and you smiled while still covering your face in embarrassment.

"Oh come on, show me that pretty face that I've been waiting to see. I've wanted to take you on a date for months and now and you're covering your beautiful face. It makes me sad" he leaned over and moved your hands from your face.

"There you are" he mumbled looking at you with a look that you have never seen before.

"You are so beautiful to me." he said sitting back in his chair.

"Oh please, I'm sure the girls back home are a lot cuter than me" You told him as you sipped my lemonade.

"I mean, not to sound like an asshole or anything, but for the time that I was in Korea none of the girls there caught my eye like you did when I first saw you." He confessed and you nearly choked on your ice.

"Jungkook wow I um. I'm flattered. I don't know what to say. I've never had someone say such nice things like that to me before." You simply chuckled and played with your nails.

It's an annoying habit of yours that you have been waiting to die out for a while.

"You don't have to say anything until the end of our date." he said and you raised an eyebrow up at him in confusion.

"What does that mean?" You questioned.

"You shall see cutie pie. Look at that our food is here!" he announced as Stephen and Miranda brought you both some more food and refills for your almost empty glasses.

"This looks absolutely amazing!" You commented a little too loudly.

Luckily for you and Jungkook the restaurant was empty, well except for Jungkook, Stephen, Miranda and, well of course you. Which is oddly strange considering the fact that this place doesn't close until 9:00 and it's only 7:20.

"Do you want to try the tempura sushi?" he asked holding it up to you.

"I don't know, I'm not a big fan of wasabi" You told him and he frowned.

"Please for me? Just a tiny little bite. You won't regret it, I promise!"

Damn this boy really knows how to be convincing.

"Alright fine, just for you Jungkook." You leaned over and bit into the food and was actually surprised at the taste.

"Wow that's really- Jesus Christ that's spicy!" You exclaimed quickly drinking half of your lemonade again.

"I know and that's what makes it great!" he said smiling as he stuffed two pieces into his mouth.

"Jungkook I'm calling the police and telling them you tried to murder me." You jokingly mumbled fanning your mouth reaching for one of your own wasabi free sushi rolls.

"Well I'll just tell them that you attacked me first with your good looks!" he retorted back.

You threw a napkin at him and playfully crossed your arms in defeat. You don't know who this boy learned to flirt from, but damn he's good.

"You can't beat me no matter how hard you try Y/N, I'm always six steps ahead of you"

"I'll say two steps ahead. Six steps is taking it a little too far."

You said as you stole some of his salmon sashimi.

"It's juicy isn't it?" He questioned looking at you with hooded eyes smirking slightly taking another bite of his tempura.

"Jungkook I want to go home." You said jokingly.

"Alright, so then you're paying for the bill?" he asked grabbing his jacket and you swear that it took about seven angels to hold you back.

"No, I'm just kidding. Please don't hit me." he reached over and held your smaller hand and you playfully rolled your eyes.

"Very funny Jeon, very funny. You almost had me there" You said pointing your chopstick at him.

"Hypothetically though, if I did just so happen to lose my brothers money that he gave me, what would you do?" he asked and you got nervous again, once again you pray to Jesus almighty above that this better be another one of his silly tricks.

"Well obviously I would pay for the bill and have you take me on two more dates until I feel better." You answered and he pulled out the money smiling widely.

"Well thank God I didn't lose it" he chuckled and you shook my head.

Suddenly Stephen walked over with a bowl of something.

"Stephen why is something moving in that bowl?" You asked moving to the other side of the table behind Jungkook.

Before Stephen could answer Jungkook rushed over closer to the bowl pulling you along with him.

"Ojing-eo!" I haven't eaten this since my 13th birthday party. My dad had fished it up for me." He smiled fondly at the memory and took his chopsticks taking the squirming tentacles out putting a dollop of wasabi on it before stuffing it in his mouth.

"It still tastes amazing"

You didn't even know what to say or do. Stephen chuckled nervously scratching the back of his neck.

"You two have a good night"

He grabbed the bowl and turned on his heel walking back to the kitchen.

"Did I do something wrong?" Jungkook asked looking at me as he sucked up the rest of the tentacle into his mouth.

"Not necessarily, but I will say I also wasn't expecting to see that." You said trying to hold in your laugh.

"Do you want to try this?" He asked holding the tentacle up to you.

You stared at it as it moved before looking back at him and shaking your head.

"I would like to politely decline your offer if that's okay with you." You said picking up some more of your own food before eating it.

"I'm sorry, that was kind of gross wasn't it?" He blushed in embarrassment and looked down.

"Not gross, because it's a cultural thing, but very different. But if you enjoy it then who am I to judge." You smiled at him and wiped the side of his face with a napkin.

"Yeah, we are definitely going on another date in the future. You are perfect holy crap." He said.

All you could do was chuckle and nod in agreement.

Once the dinner was over, Jungkook paid Stephen, and the two of you left the restaurant.

"What do you want to do now?" He asked, taking your hand into his.

"Well it's not too late to get dessert." You guys stopped in the middle of the market and just held hands.

"I've got the perfect dessert right here in front of me." He said looking down at you.

You both went silent before you both burst into laughter.

"Yeah that was cringy and I apologize." He shook his head and sighed loudly.

"I'm the worst."

You took this as an opportunity to lean in and place your lips onto his waiting for a reaction from him. You relaxed when he wrapped his arms around you and kissed back slowly pulling you closer to him. The owners of the restaurant clapped behind you two and you pulled away from his lips and giggled.

"You got your salty tears in my mouth!" you exclaimed and he smirked at you

"Jungkook if you say anything remotely pervy I will slap you and not look back" you warned him pointing at him.

He just shrugged and leaned in this time taking the initiative to kiss you slowly gliding his tongue across your lower lip.

"Alright Jungkook that's enough! I know who your mother is and she would not be proud of you right now!" Stephen said and Jungkook kissed your lips again before pulling away but still holding you close to his chest.

"I had a lot of fun tonight Jungkook, I really did." you mumbled rubbing his cheek with your thumb.

"Good, because I planned on taking you out again this week, if it's okay with you." he said rubbing your back and you nodded your head.

Suddenly Thinking Out Loud  started playing and you two looked over to see Stephen and Miranda dancing in the middle of their shop. Jungkook stood back and bowed in front of you.

"Can I have this dance with a beautiful lady such as yourself?" He asked you and you curtsied him.

"Yes sir you may" you granted him permission and he walked back over and held your right hand in his and placed his left hand on your lower back.

"Tonight is truly like a fairy tale" you said

"The only thing we're missing is fireworks." he said and you both jumped at the sound of fireworks.

"Well what do you know?" He said and you both looked outside.

"Oh hey guys!" Namjoon, your neighbor, said waving at you guys from the outside of his shop

"Hey Namjoon" you and Jungkook said chuckling as you both looked at each other and finished the night with more dancing and kisses.