#Because why aren't these things getting done? is it maybe that like yall commit 50 HOURS A WEEK TO DERBY
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There was a moment this morning, when in the middle of building up to a one-sided rant against all of us at the breakfast table, but concentrating specifically on David, my sister cut him off when he tried to explain why his tile saw was outside and hadn't been moved in two months, and he tried explaining that it was waterproofed for construction work and she immediately cut that off by saying "OH IM SORRY IM JUST A STUPID GIRL, IM SO STUPID AND DONT KNOW ANYTHING" and dead ass that was not what the dude was saying at all; but, frustratingly, he and none of us ever like, push back on that stuff, and it all goes to placating someone into saying that no she's right everything is what she says it is, because only SHE thinks of this stuff; Only SHE is constantly thinking six steps ahead of all of us, and she is the only one who ever is thinking about taking care of two adults and three minors; Later in the same rant it was keeping all six people in the house alive. This, because there have been chores on the whiteboard for a month that they haven't done, or David hasn't done, or I would have done if I had help but there was nobody available because they're all at derby. And it breeds resentment and contempt. Just constantly simmering there, underneath the, like, tightness in my chest, like fuck you, lady. You are the ONLY one who ever thinks of anything ever, fuck you?
But we, I, just can't say that, we have to say no, you're right, no, you're not being an asshole.
#The like#Feeling that if I was a bird Id fly so far far away is so real#But honestly where to go#Its just like#We all have to sit there looking glumly at our fried rice#one or two of us clearly in fight or flight because SHE needs to be HEARD#And nobody is LISTENING and nobody CARES but she is the ONLY ONE#Im in fight or flight right now twenty minutes later#And thinking would even a walk somewhere help#I cannot live here much longer man I need to find somewhere else this year#Even if it is a god damn refrigerator box under an overpass#Like it escalates right? It just gets worse#Because why aren't these things getting done? is it maybe that like yall commit 50 HOURS A WEEK TO DERBY#Like nobody was home to DO these whiteboard tasks at all yesterday from 8 am to 5 pm?#Ugh#I dunno#I didnt mean to write so much here I just have nowhere else to put this#Amd am trying to will my chest to stop being tight and breathe#Being constantly triggered at 9 in the morning over dumbshit is so so fun#My life#Sorry#Long tags are long#Long post nobody read
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