#Because Clari deserves to know she wasn't hard to love and unwanted because of anything she did and it wasn't her fault.

[tmrrwppl]

"If you ever have a daughter, and mark my words, she will turn out just like you, you will understand."

A curse upon her head from the tender age of 10, trying and failing to seek comfort from her mother because her brother, her protector, had left her to the nightmares by herself.

Her mother smacked her away, unwanted, unloved.

She was hard to love, impossible to love, she needed to learn her place.

~

Clari held her daughter in her arms, bouncing the delightful girl as Cassie cooed and gave her a big gummy smile. The infant easily trusted arms that held her and smiled without hesitation to any positive stimulation. Despite a difficult pregnancy filled with sadness, loss, and fear, Cassie was perfect to Clari. Clari, who had loved the baby from the moment she found out she was pregnant, despite all the obstacles, knew she would never trade this moment for any of them to change. This happy baby with blue eyes like her father and dark curls like her mother had Clari wrapped around her delicate little pinky finger.

She wasn't hard to love at all.

~

When Cassie had toddled into the armchair and bumped her knee, she had let out a surprised yelp, and Clari had rushed to her side, checking the toddler for injuries. "Baby go boom!" She said playfully, turning and giving a light scolding to the mean old chair her daughter had bounced off of, an exaggerated kick at the leg for good measure. "That rude old chair made you go boom on your butt, huh?"

"Boom!" Cassie crowed happily, but took advantage of her mother's proximity to cuddle against her legs. Clari easily scooped her up with a smile and hugged her. Cassie's warm little face pressed into Clari's neck. Affectionate, always happy to give kisses and hugs and show off her crayon scribbles. And Clari indulged her with equal enthusiasm and joy.

When the toddler happily followed her around taking any and all opportunities to get a snuggle in, Clari let her, not minding that the toddler could walk on her own. She was a baby, her baby. And Clari didn't mind ferrying her kiddo anywhere and everywhere since she got those sweet little hugs and kisses as payment. Even in her worst toddler meltdowns during the terrible twos, all she wanted was to be comforted and held. And of course Clari gave it to her. She was just a baby who wanted her mama (even though she was definitely a daddy's girl).

No, she wasn't hard to love at all.

~

The 6 year old was excitedly cheering as Jordan gave her a steady push on the bike, balancing on two wheels when his hands let go, while Clari watched from the curb. It was hard to ignore the desire to wrap her baby girl in a protective shield just in case, but she did. Her baby wanted to ride a big girl bike, and she worked hard to do it. And Clari worked hard to not be overprotective, an instinct she apparently got from Cas, the uncle Cassie would never meet. Because it sure as shit didn't come from her own mother, who once told her to not bleed on the bathroom rug after scraping her knee outside. She didn't even know how to ride a bike.

"Mama look! Look, mama! Big girl wheels!" Cassie called.

"Great job, sweetpea!" she called back, clapping with a large grin, genuinely proud of what her daughter accomplished. From training wheels to no training wheels in a year. Confident, smart, dedicated, kind, loving.

And she had no reason to ask to be loved. Because she was, unconditionally.

She was exactly like Clari, and it wasn't a curse, it was a blessing.

Clari cried into Jordan's chest that night until she was exhausted, and for every amazing milestone after, when Cassie was safely asleep in her bed and couldn't hear.

Clari cried, because she had a daughter who was just like her. And Cassie would grow to be even better than her.

Because she wasn't hard to love at all.

Her mother lied.