#Baja is a good friend

[yesyourstalker]

Ikkan: Are you sure you don't want me to come back home?

Neta: please don't....I'm sorry. Please don't leave your vacation because of me. I'm really sorry I didn't mean to worry you

Ikkan: .mmk

Neta: I'm sorry

Ikkan:don't apologize babe it'll be ok

Neta: *yawn* I know I just...I just needed to vent

Ikkan:I just want you to get some rest. Call me in the morning ok?

Neta: alright. I love you.

Ikkan: I love you too.

Neta: I didn't mean to worry you.. I really don't want you to come back. I don't want your trip to be ruined because of me.

Ikkan: noooo no don't say that babe

Neta: I really feel like I am though. I shouldn't have called you. I just feel like I'm being........ too much because-

Ikkan:because you're not.

Neta:..........

Ikkan: we'll talk about it in the morning

Neta: it'll actually be after 12:00

Ikkan afternoon yeah we're in different time zones I forgot

Neta: it's ok....*sniff*

Ikkan: I love you

Neta: I love you too............*yawn*...

Ikkan...babe get some sleep.

Neta: hmm ...............................hm hey......

Gai:..... I'm sorry.... I just thought you should know I didn't expect you to get this upset

Neta: dad ......*sigh*..... thank you for telling me.....*sigh*....... I just need to process this..... I'll see you.... I will call you when I'm ready to talk.

Gai: alright..... have a good night

Neta: yeah. Have a good night............. fucking hell ........

_______________________________________________

Merv: ikkan help set the table

Ikkan: ok...

Merv: Noji help me bring out the food. We're having tuna steak and scallop octatoes and gravy.

Ikkan: you really went all out Dad

Merv: yeh well we have guests over they should have a nice meal for the first night.

Noji: only the first..hehehe

Merv: dinner is ready!!

Cirrina: I'm coming!

Warabie: smells good

Shimi: hmm.....*eating*....wow it's not that bad... it's

Merv: fresh?... yes we have a farm to table house hold. Almost everything on your plates comes from my farm or from the locals farm or ranch. It's all prepared by hand. We are a homestead family and community we give to our neighbors and they give back to us. The bread that we are serving now came from the bakery, we gave them wheat and they gave us bread in return. Eventually you'll learn the way of the community and learn how to harvest, grow and take care of the livestock.

Cirrina: do we get to see the manatees now?

Ikkan: not yet Cici eat your dinner

Cirrina: damn....

Ikkan:hehehe... Be patient

Cirrina: hehehe.....did you call dad?

Ikkan: yes.... he's... he's doing ok

Cirrina: alright...

Ikkan: he doesn't want you to worry.

Merv: alright everyone time to head in. Tomorrow we start working.... Ikkan, Noji help me with the dishes

Noji: on it. Good night Cirrina I see you tomorrow.

Cirrina: night! Hehe.

_______________________________________________

Mahi:......*sleeping*.........*sleeping*......hm.....*Yawn* morning....uhhh... What time is it?

Mizole: it's 7:45

Mahi: haaaaa...*Stretch*.... I'm going to get some free coffee, see if Toguni is up. You want something?

Mizole: nah.,...

Mahi: do you want anything?

Mizole: nah ......

Mahi: come on...get up

Mizole: mmmmmmm

Mahi: cooommmme oooonnnn... let's go..

Mizole: mmmmm....no....stop...you smell...

Mahi: so do you. it's 95 outside and we're sleeping beside a bunch of strangers....get up let's get some coffee and see the line for the community showers.... come on..... mizole get up...(Kick)

Mizole: UGH... FINE!.. I gotta go to the bathroom anyway. If I see ichiya I'm kicking his ass!! Embarrass me in front of everyone. He can't let shit go

Mahi: *sigh*.

Mizole: what?

Mahi:... nothing.....

Mizole:....babe

Mahi: *huff* it's just you spent most of the day yesterday fighting with your ex. If it wasn't fighting it was constant complaining. I thought this was going to be a fun thing we could do but If you had fun this year we could go every year but... Like a tradition we do every summer

Mizole: hey listen, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be such an asshole and I'm having fun actually......... [kiss] we're going to have fun today. I'm not going to complain. I'm not going to bitch and I'm not going to fight with ichiya. I'm just going to ignore him... Today's going to be about us k ?

Mahi: .....alright...[kiss].... Let me get some coffee....... morning Toguni....you sleep well?

Toguni: *yawn*.... yeah...the bus has pretty good air conditioning.... what you want?

Mahi: I'll just take two iced coffees with milk and two pumps of vanilla....

Toguni: it's going to be a wait we ton of others to fill

Mahi: we can wait

Mizole: I can't. I'm heading to the porta potty... Maybe take a quick shower.....

Mahi: *siff*...ugh.....I'm gonna go change I'll be right back.

_______________________________________________

Merv: warabie. Son get up it's morning time put on your pants and boots and head downstairs for coffee and a corn muffin. Let's go!

Warabie: what?.......... it's only 5 30 in the morning

Merv: and it's a very beautiful morning. Now get up and wake up your father too

Warabie: *huuuuuuu*....The sun's not even up

Ikkan:....*eating*....*sip*....morning

Warabie: you're already up

Ikkan: yeah I came back up here just to get my work boots...*eating*... here you can borrow my old ones. They're a little big....*sip*... Head downstairs for the coffee gets cold

Warabie:.............*sigh*

Ikkan: morning sweetie, have some milk.

Cirrina:...hmmmm...morning........*sip*....hmmmm taste different.

Ikkan: That's because it didn't come from the grocery store...

Noji: yep, it came straight from Patty. No preservatives, no additives, non-homogenized and freshly pasteurized milk.

Ikkan: morning guys... Coffee still hot muffins freshly baked

Shimi:...hmmmm....*sip*........

Warabie: so what do you want us to do today?

Merv: well we have to harvest all of our crops to make room for a new crop.... but let's do our regular chores first. Ikkan load the manatees up and drive them to Mr Graves field to graze, take Cirrina with you.

Ikkan: alright

Merv: I need you to go to let the krill out for and collect their eggs and clean the coop, warabie you can help him

Noji: on it ! Let's go warabie!

Warabie:... Do we at least get gloves?

Merv: Shimi you're going to help me clean the barns and collect manure and replace the feed

Shimi: what!...uhh..let me just call my wife. I uh.... I'm.... worried about her...... I'll be right back..................pick up pick up pick up

Oshi: *sigh* righhhht there......[POP]..*moan*...

Masseuse: you have a lot of tension in your shoulders and upper back ma'am

Oshi: That's what happens when you raise eight kids...... Nine counting my husband....*sigh*....... that's nice ....hm? .......hm.. let it go to voicemail......

Shimi: oshi!

Oshi voice mail: sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Please leave a message at the deep

Shimi: damn it oshi!.............*huff*..........

Merv: here's your boots and gloves.... also I would change into something more..... work orientated... wouldn't want you to rip your pants.

_______________________________________________

Neta: *typing*........*typing*.....

Naomi:um....uhhh.... neta...... The store is closed um... Everything is organized and clean. We just need to put the money away....... We need your help to do it.....

Neta: right...... right I'll be there.......*sigh*......

Antho:.............

Neta:...*counting under breath*. ........*sigh*....

Antho: You're quiet today... usually you're loud and annoying

Neta: just a lot on my mind I guess.......... life is really hitting me hard right now ...*huuuu*

Naomi:........oh.... I'm sorry

Neta: I'll be fine tho.... I don't need you guys to be concerned.......... But I do appreciate it though. Thank Naomi and you too Annnnnthooooo you're sweet!heheheh

Antho: (swat)...stop ..

Naomi: hehehehe

Antho: I'm headed to the food court Naomi you want to get some cold wontons before we leave

Naomi: ok ...bye Neta

Neta: see ya kids............ I could go for some room temperature Pizza............

_______________________________________________

Mahi: alright... coffee time. Tonugi! Where's my coffee?

Tonugi: here's your two coffees and a salmon and eggs breakfast sandwich

Mahi: Sweet! I thought coffee was just free

Tonugi: No coffee is free. You have to pay for the food but you get it free. That guy actually paid for it I think he knows you

Spyke: (waving)

Mahi: * gasp*....you.... you can keep the sandwich I don't want it.....I-I have to go ..

Tonugi: but-

Mahi: I need to leave.....*huff*.... I... I'm going to the porta potties.......ugh..... DON'T tell him where I'm going. Lie or something

Tonugi: yeah... yeah...yeah... No problem

Mahi: thanks....*huff*...

Spyke: wait! Hold up! I just want to!....damn lost them... Did they tell you where they were going?

Tonugi: uhhhhhhh.... No I have no idea. I think they were going back to their... Van... they parked their van in the trailer park spots down over there past the food stalls and the showers they're going to be in slot OV All the way in the back

Spyke: All the way over there? Ehhhh I'll catch up with them later maybe.

Tonugi: alright....*sigh*.. .

Stefan: morning tonugi....*yawn*.....oh! Salmon and eggs.. I'll take that thank you very much...*eating*....hmmm just like mother used to make...

Mizole: The bathrooms were surprisingly clean....hey Mahi..*oof*... What happened to the coffee?

Mahi: I dropped them....

Mizole: oh .. well you can just go back and get -

Mahi: I don't feel like going back there right now. We can do it later

Mizole: hey... are you okay?

Mahi: I'm fine ....... let's just go to the stage I think Trip tank is going playing let's find a good spot.

Mizole: sure. Are you sure you're okay?

Mahi: yeah... I'm fine...

Mizole:[looking around].....…....…………………………………

Spyke:………………………………………………

Mizole: [grimacing]............Come on. Let's go. It's a day just for us. Remember?

_______________________________________________

Cirrina: how many manatees do you have?

Ikkan: we have eight of them. We're about to have 10... Luna and honeydew are going to have their calves soon

Cirrina:awwww they're going to be moms. That's sweet..

Ikkan: you want to feed one?

Cirrina: yes!! Yes..

Ikkan: * whistle whistle*...*kiss kiss* come here Luna!....*whistle*.......ok so just hold the squid plant and let her eat

Cirrina: *gasp* she eating it!!.....ugh.....ewwww!

Ikkan: aww she's giving you kisses..

Cirrina: give me another squidplant............ So what did dad say when you called him?

Ikkan:................ your father is doing just fine. He's just a little stressed out with work and wedding planning.

Cirrina: he sounded upset on the phone.... I couldn't hear what he was saying. Why did you offer to go home early? we just got here.

Ikkan:.........*sigh*...... I'll tell you tonight...... your father doesn't want you to be concerned. He wants you to enjoy this trip okay...

Cirrina: alright........... So how long are they going to be grazing

Ikkan: we usually let them stay here for 8 hours Mr Graves is going to keep an eye on them.. let's head back home and get the tractor ready

Mr Graves: hold up! I got a couple ice chests for you.... Manatee chops, prawn steaks.. krill Patties. we also got a great haul last week so we have some whale fillets freshly cut and some Lobsters dogs for you. As a thanks for the fresh produce

Ikkan: thanks Mr. Graves really appreciate it.

Mr. Graves: hhmm..

Ikkan: let's go home and see how warabie's holding up

Noji: we're almost done!

Warabie: how many eggs do these things lay? We've been doing this for hours

Noji: It's not even 7am yet... Look how many eggs you've collected? That's a lot. You're doing a good job considering this is your first time doing this

Warabie: there we're done! So can we go back to bed?

Noji: now we just need to replace all of the dirty hay and replace it with new hay which should take 45 minutes...

Warabie: UHHHHH

Noji: warabie.... This doesn't seem fun or worth it right now, but you'll soon realize that this work is actually really rewarding

Warabie:....pfft....yeah right

_______________________________________________

Neta: *eating*.....*sigh*..........

[knock knock]

Neta: *eating*...hey baja... What brings you here?

Baja: My apartment's empty

Neta: ha! So is mine

Baja: I saw you at the food court and I was going to say something but you really didn't seem like yourself

Neta: hmmm...*eating*... You want some pizza?

Baja: ok...sooo how's everything going?

Neta: It's fine. My dad came to visit today

Baja: That's nice to have family over

Neta: *eating*........ Yeah......... he's dying heheh

Baja: uh...oh.....neta. ....neta I'm.... I'm really sorry

Neta: yeah cold water disease..... He found it on his arm. He didn't go to the doctor it got worse and started to spread and now it's in his ink sack and they can't do anything sooooo..... Yeah...*sniff*... that's great.......

Baja: do you want to talk about it? I mean I lost my father I don't know if have any good advice but I'm welcome to hear-

Neta: I don't even understand why I'm so upset. It is not like he was there for me or he was a good father or a good person. It's like.....like I shouldn't be this upset. I guess I'm just more angry and frustrated than upset because you could afford treatment now. Why didn't you get treatment like this isn't like my mom. ... She died of the same thing. We couldn't afford to go to the doctor... but now you can!! Why didn't you!!

Baja: well..

Neta: *crying* It's like why the fuck are you even coming to me now? *Sniff*. You had plenty of time to form a relationship with me and try to rekindle something but you didn't. *Crying*...now that you're dying you're going to try to do it? Why!!? So? If it doesn't work out you can just escape responsibility!!?....*crying*... I fucking hate him!!!... I don't want him to die................. not Anymore.....*crying*.....

Baja:...................

Neta: *crying*.......... I'm sorry I shouldn't have dumped that on you.........

Baja: oh it's ok.... I overshare a lot too

Neta:...... Hehehee.....*sigh*....*eating*....ugh........ This pizza is gross

Baja: yeah....hehehe.......... You want me to stay over?

Neta: what?

Baja: My apartment is super quiet like scary quiet. Can I sleep over maybe give you some company

Neta: ............................yeah....*sniff*.......yeah....*sniff*.....fuck it I'm going to order a real pizza..... Get some blankets, pillows............here pick a movie, any movie............. Take my old pajama pants.

Baja: alright a day just for us!

Neta: hell yeah!......... hello.....hi baby!!..... Are you having fun on the farm?..... yeah...... I'm fine sweetie......... yeah....*sigh*.... So how's ikkan and warabie.....HE FELL?!!! Hahahahahaha!!!! I'm sorry, I'm sorry that's not funny, that's not funny. Tell him I said sorry hehehehehehehe hahahaha!...ok...ok....oh alright bye sweetie.. Tell ikkan I said hi.. and I'll call him tonight

Mahi has been secretly filming the shows and sending them to @fish-at-fish-fish-resort and antho

Tonugi, Stefan and Pacifica are the cleanest mother fuckers at that music festival Everyone else is sweaty and stinky @conkreetmonkey

[kirnet]

best part of making new ocs is getting nicknames for them :)

[inbabylontheywept]

bad dating stories time: the shoe incident

so in highschool, my best friend wasnt allowed to go on dates unless there was another couple there to keep an eye on him. part of this was his parents being insane, but also, part of it was him being insane. in a problem with no reasonable parties, there are no reasonable solutions.

at some point in my junior year, my sorta-gf broke up with me, and i just wasnt feeling dating, which was bad for my friend, because he had a good thing going with a girl he met in court.

he kind of hounded me about it. kept pushing me to just put me feet back in the dating pool and i wasnt real thrilled about it, because i knew he was pushing me for his own benefit, not mine, so i kept telling him to fuck off, and after a few weeks of being told that i would date when i was damn well ready, he eventually said: okay. what if i paid for the date AND found you a blind date AND all you had to do was show up?

and i shouldve said no, i know, but i let him wear me down, and i will own my fault in that. a date starting on such a stupid premise could never have gone well.

but he still managed to find a way to make it worse.

i dont know how long he tried to set a blind date up. it couldve been multiple attempts. he couldve stooped to this immediately. but what happened in the end was that he called a girl from the ward he attended - a girl that he knew had a giant, mushy crush on him - and he said: hey! how would you feel about going on a date this weekend?

(you know, implying it was with him, but never actually saying it.)

and she said YES WOW I WOULD LOVE TO and he said great! and then he called me up and said he found me a date.

i did not learn about his crimes until several weeks later. i will die swearing before god almighty that i would never have allowed this travesty to happen if i had known.

that was on a monday. the date of the date rolled around that friday evening, and im sorry to confess, i really phoned the whole thing in. i showed up in my favorite comfy outfit, which was also a fashion crime: basketball shorts and flipflops and a baja hoodie. it was super comfy but it made me look kind of crazy. i picked him up first, and then i picked up his date next, and then we went to pick up my date, and thats where you're gonna get the play by play.

i arrived, walked across the yard, and knocked on the front door. she opened it almost immediately, like shed been waiting right by it, and i could see her expression go from OMG IM SO EXCITED to super disappointed, then disgusted and finally pissed. and because i didn't know about my friends sins, i thought it was from my outfit. which seemed... harsh. like, hey, im allowed to be quirky, fuck you. also its a blind date, i thought the deal was that we were both going to be sad broken sacks of mortality.

anyway, we looked at each other for several seconds before she slammed the door in my face.

i looked back at my friend. he was sweating bullets. i dont know what he expected from this, but there was this big long pause where we both tried to figure out what to do, and then the door opened up, and her dad invited me in, and he said she was gonna need a few minutes to finish getting ready, and that in the meantime we could sit and talk.

we did not talk. we did sit. i sat down on the couch, and he sat down in a chair across the couch, and then instead of talking he cleaned his pistol on the coffee table. i wasnt actually sure if it was a threat, or if it was just a fidget thing for 40+ year old republican men, but when i tried to help he got snappy so i just watched him put a pistol back together.

he was okay at it.

eventually my date came downstairs, still mad as hell for reasons beyond my ken, and i felt pretty guilty for being such a mess because i thought that was why she was so angry. i tried to make up for by walking her to the car and getting the door for her, just generally trying to be extra polite, but before i could make it back to the drivers side, her dad called me back to the door. so i flipped around, went to the door, and immediately regreted my decision.

soon as i was within range, her dad got waaaay too close to me, leaned in, and said "whatever you do to her, i will do to you," and my brain went into overdrive making three consecutive realizations.

realization one was, damn, the pistol thing was a threat. that sucks. what an asshole. realization two was, wait, im autistic and even i know theres a 0% chance me and my date even hold hands, least of all boink. does this guy actually think there's even a 1% chance of anyone in that car getting laid tonight? is he an idiot? and then realization three went through, which was wait, is this guy threatening to fuck me? and unfortunately, with my brain doing so much processing, my mouth was left to run amok, so somewhere between realization 2 and 3, i said:

"i can't get pregnant"

which, i swear, wasn't actually me trying to be a smartass, it was just me pointing out that he couldn't actually follow up on that threat. it just wasn't possible. we do not live in the omegaverse and im not scared of you.

still, it was an insanely catastrophic thing to say, and the moment we both heard it, we bluescreened. that single sentence obliterated both of our momentary streams of consciousness like a saltine in front of a sand blaster. problem was, he'd probably gone his whole life not even realizing someone could say something that stupid, and making that realization was going to cost him a lot of thinking time. me though? i had been saying shit like that for 17 years, i didnt have to rewrite my expectations of human nature, i just had to plan an exit and start striding. so i was already halfway back to the car before i heard "hey. hey come back. Hey. Hey. HEY. HEY WAIT. HEY GET BACK HERE. HEY-"

and then i was in my car, and i drove away.

if this happened today, he'd have called her, and the whole thing wouldve imploded then and there, but back then, there were still a decent number of teenagers without cell phones. especially the teenagers of insane, gun toting parents. so she just said: whoa what was that all about? and i said: dont worry about it, he'll tell you about it when you get home.

and she said: ok and went back to staring daggers at me and my friend.

WHICH SURPRISINGLY isnt even how the story ends.

we went to an improv comedy show, and it was a disaster. it shouldve been like, 7/10 tops, but between my date being mad, and my friend having a good time, and me having the existential terror of knowing that a guy with a pistol was probably waiting outside his house for me to come back, it was easily 11/10. i laughed way too hard at everything. especially the jokes that flopped. id sit there in this mostly silent room and laugh until i dry heaved a little, and my date was absolutely disgusted, and even my friend was a little embarrassed, which would just make me laugh harder. i laughed so hard that night i could barely talk the next day. and then the show ended, and my friend said, you know, that was a good time, but i think we should maybe do something a little chiller? who wants to walk around the park? and his date said yeah, and my date said no, and i finally had mercy on the poor woman so i said, look, im gonna drop you off. and i am so, so sorry about this, but im dropping you off like a block away. super duper sorry.

do talk to your dad about the pistols thing if you dont want this happening more in the future tho.

and she said: okay. so i dropped her off, and she walked a block down, and that was that.

then i drove my friend and his date to a park that was good for wandering. i figured they wanted something more private, so instead of following them around point blank, i chose a park with this 30 foot rope tower, and i climbed to the top and i said: hey i can see you anywhere from up here, you are officially chaperoned from a distance. get panopticoned idiot. except my friend really is an idiot, and he didnt really get the whole 'now i dont have to third wheel so insanely hard with you guys' thing so he climbed up the tower too, and then his date followed behind him, so there are three people basically sitting together on top of a telephone pole.

and then they started making out.

i was close enough to hear it.

i didnt really know what to do so i was just kind of sitting there, dissociating, when some college kids came around and started shaking the tower. my friend's date went aaaaaaaaaa im afraid of heights :( and my friend went oh, dont worry, ill hold you tight ;) and i went hey, im gonna climb down and ask them to stop.

so i did climb down, and i did ask them to stop, and they flipped me off, which i wasnt even mad about. at that point i was i was like yeah, it would be weirder if this wasnt a mess. gods plan has been to fly this day like a 747 into my metaphorical twin towers and brother he is close enough for me to see him grinning through the cockpit window. still, eventually the college students got bored, so they climbed up the tower, which gave my friend and his date a window to climb down, and together we walked back to my car.

now, i cant explain why this is, but sitting back in the drivers seat was my carriage-back-into-a-pumpkin moment. i'd been chill about all the chaos, just rolling with the punches, but sitting down made me realize how much of a shitshow the day had been, and while i couldnt go back and fix all of it, i could go back and fix one thing.

so i told my friend and his date, hey, you two, stay here and don't do anything weird. don't. then i walked back to the rope tower, and i started picking up the shoes the college students had left at the base in order to climb.

about halfway through this, i realized that if i took all their shoes, they might think i was in it for the money, and i actually wanted them to know i was in it specifically to spite them. fuck those guys. so i put all the right shoes back, gave myself a 100 foot headstart, yelled "nice shoes, assholes", did a little jig, and started running.

my advice to everyone is that college students are faster than you think. even with the headstart, and the whole climb down the tower thing, i was still only fivish seconds ahead of them by the time i got to my car. i flung the door open, looked in the backseat, didnt see anyone, flung the stolen shoes in the backseat, heard two "ow"s, took that as proof of presence, jumped in and pealed out of the lot.

my friend and his date popped up a few seconds later. they were, uh, doing something weird in the back seat. my one request - obliterated.

they climbed up to ask where the hell all the shoes had come from, and i was like yeah i stole them from the college students, and they were like oh. cool. hope you had fun. and i was like, i did. i did. but speaking of fun, what were you doing back there?

and for the first time in my buddies life, i think he was actually embarassed.

[ysabelmystic]

Y’all in the American SW and west Mexico better check the national hurricane center and your weather for this weekend and next week.

Hurricane Hilary is about to make landfall and that whole desert area is supposed to get a years worth of rain or more. Death Valley is supposed to get twice the annual rainfall. Severe winds, massive flooding, and landslides are all strong possibilities.

This is gonna get ugly. Please spread the word. This is a majorly anomalous event and people may be unaware of the threat headed their way.

EDIT AUGUST 19th

Hilary will hit the Baja peninsula this evening at a category 2. It will arrive in southern California as a tropical storm on Sunday evening before weakening and moving into Nevada as a tropical depression.

THAT SAID: for the Americans here, even if the storm is “weak”, I want to emphasize that the main danger is rain. We are most concerned about flooding. If you are in an area at risk for flooding, take appropriate precautions as per your city or state officials’ or the noaa’s directions. Even if you end up only being mildly inconvenienced, it is better to be prepared. Go to a friend or relatives house if you live near a body of water or a very low-lying area. Make sure you have water bottles and nonperishable foods. Keep your pets indoors. Don’t wade or drive into puddles.

Anyways, here’s some maps from the NHC

And here’s a link with information in Spanish.

AUGUST 20 FINAL UPDATE

Updated info from the NHC website.

Newsom also issued a state of emergency for parts of Southern California. Widespread flooding is expected.

Good luck y’all

[thepaleelf]

this is me coming out as a baja blast defender

[evanpeterswhoresblog]

Old Friends

Max Cooperman x f!reader

warnings: smut, unprotected p in v, oral female receiving, soft!dom max, sub!reader, underage drinking, underage smoking, getting high before sex, rough sex, uhhh overall very long and very smutty

summary: after being away at college for a year, your best friend Baja convinces you to go to a fourth of July party at your old friend Max’s house, but little do you know how much Max has changed since the last time you saw him…

word count: 4.5k

a/n: i just watched never back down 1 and 2 last night and omg the glow up evan had before filming the second one is not talked about enough. hope you enjoy my lil fourth of july gift <3 enjoy!!

~~~

“Do you think this looks good?” You ask as you walk out of the bathroom.

You’re at your best friend Baja’s house, the two of you are getting ready for a big fourth of July party. So far, you’ve tried on three different bikinis, none of them standing out to you. Sure, they fit you perfectly and show off the body you worked for, but they just weren’t right.

“Y/N, it looks amazing, like all the other ones too. What’s going on?” Baja answers, a frown on her face.

You met Baja when she transferred into your high school sophomore year, and you’ve been inseparable since. You were by her side through everything. The day her parents decided to call it quits, the day her parents got back together, even the day she started dating Ryan. You never liked him, she knew that. He was crazy, he loved to hurt people. So, when Jake Tyler moved to town and started talking to her, you were thrilled.

He was a decent guy, you enjoyed spending time with him. Plus, it was great seeing her happy again after what Ryan put her through. After they started dating Jake introduced you to his best friend Max and he often hung around with the three of you. Max was a sweet boy. He was chubby and adorable with his little camera. Though the two of you never hung out alone, you still considered him one of your closer friends.

The four of you were sad when high school ended. You had gotten into your dream college that happened to be in a nearby state. It was terrible having to say goodbye to your friends, but you all had phones so it wasn’t like contact would be completely lost. You and Baja would call for hours, sometimes falling asleep on the phone together. On holiday breaks when you’d come home you really only saw her and occasionally Jake, but you didn’t mind.

Tonight, however, is the first party you’re going to in your home town since high school. Since it’s your first summer break from college, Baja thinks it will be a good idea. You know she’s right, but you’re very nervous to see all your old classmates.

“What if people think I’ve gone downhill since we graduated?” You question your friend.

Baja laughs. “I can promise you no one will think that. Look at yourself y/n, you’re stunning.”

“I’m just worried it’ll go bad. I haven’t seen these people in over a year,” you reply with a sigh. You sit down next to her on her bed. “How many people do you think will be there?”

“Well like I said it’s at Max’s house, and his house is pretty big so probably a lot of people.”

“God, I haven’t even seen Max since last summer. How’s he doing?” You ask.

“Well, he’s changed a lot,” she answers with a small laugh. “Trust me when you see him, you’re going to be shocked.”

“What do you mean? Did he finally get taller or something?”

“Yeah, you could say that... But anyways, hurry up and finish picking your outfit we have to leave soon,” she replies, shooing you off the bed and towards her closet.

~~~

When the two of you arrive at Max’s house you feel the anxious butterflies eat away in your stomach. There’s already so many cars in the driveway and on the street. You see a few of your former classmates in the front yard, you hide your face. Baja laughs and finally parks the car. You look at her anxiously.

“Maybe this was a bad idea, how about we just go stay at your place instead?” You speak.

She shakes her head. “Nope, we’re already here. Just relax y/n, it’s going to be super fun.”

“You’re just saying that because you want to go fuck your boyfriend,” you reply with a frown.

“Hey, maybe you’ll find a guy and hook up too,” she says, a smirk on her face. “I bet tons of guys are gonna be all over you looking for a piece of that ass.”

You lightly slap her and groan. “Shut up.”

She only laughs and opens her door. “Come on, we’re already late.”

You groan and open yours too, preparing yourself for what’s coming. You follow Baja into the party, smiling at your old classmates. You recognize most of them, but there’s also new people you don’t think even went to school with you. Loud music flows throughout the house, you can practically feel the beat as you walk. Baja was right, in the few minutes you’ve been inside you’ve already noticed multiple guys checking you out. It makes you wish you worse something more than just jean shorts and a coverup over your bathing suit.

The two of you stop in the kitchen and Baja pours you a shot. You take it without saying anything, it’ll help you with your nerves. The familiar warmth fills your stomach and chest, it feels good. You see Jake approching and you smile, it’s been a few months since the last time you talked. He looks the exact same.

“What’s up y/n? How you been?” He asks after greeting Baja with a kiss.

“Pretty good, how about you?” You reply.

“Amazing.”

“That’s cool, Baja said you were thinking about opening up your own gym soon, that’s great,” you mention, looking back at your best friend.

“I see word travels fast between the two of you,” he says, wrapping his arm around Baja’s shoulders. “But yeah, it’s just an idea right now. It was more Max’s idea actually, have you talked to him yet?”

You shake your head and notice the look Baja and Jake give each other. “I told her she’s gonna be surprised when she sees him.”

“Oh yeah, you should actually go find him and say hi,” Jake says with a smirk.

You look between them suspiciously. “Is this your subtle attempt to get me away so you can go fuck?”

“Yes, entirely, so go,” Baja answers with a laugh, pushing you lightly.

“I hate you,” you say as you begin to walk away from them.

“Love you too!” She exclaims, you don’t bother replying.

You wander through the house searching for Max. You forgot how big his house really was. Even the first floor will probably take you twenty minutes to search. A sigh leaves your lips, where would he be? You look through his living room, cringing at the sight of two girls making out on the couch, a swarm of guys watching and recording. He’s not there, thankfully. You go out to the back yard, so many people are in the pool. But that’s when you spot him.

Baja was right, you’re very surprised. He’s not at all like you remember him. The chubby nerd you once knew is gone and has been replaced by... this. He’s definitely grown a few inches, and his baby fat has been replaced by muscle. The boy who used to refuse taking off his shirt even at the beach is now standing tall, abs out for everyone to see. His hair is shorter and slightly curlier. You can see his sharp jawline from where you’re standing, it’s so prominent. You trail your eyes down his body, lingering on his v-line. You never thought in a million years you’d see Max Cooperman with a v-line and happy trail. You also never thought you’d stare at it so intently.

You shake the thoughts away and walk towards him. He’s still the same Max you knew, you can’t be thinking like this. You’re only a few feet away when he notices you, you can see his eyes light up. It makes you smile.

“Am I dreaming or is it really you y/n?” He asks.

“I could say the same thing about you,” you reply with a laugh as you embrace him in a short hug. “What did college do to you?”

“A lot honestly. I started working out a lot more, lost my fat and replaced it with these guns,” he answers, flexing his biceps.

You laugh again. “At least it hasn’t changed your personality, you still staying behind the scenes?”

“Yeah, I’m always going to be the camera man. How about you though? I bet you’re the most talked about girl on your campus,” he says with a smirk. “I mean seriously wow you look great.”

You can’t help the small blush that appears on your cheeks. “I wouldn’t know, I sorta keep to myself. I mean I go to parties sometimes but most of my time is spent keeping up with my classes.”

“I’m glad college hasn’t changed your personality either. Still the quiet girl during the week days and the party animal on weekends?”

“God no. I was way worse back then. I haven’t gotten shit faced since that party at Baja’s a year or two ago,” you answer.

“I remember that, you threw up all over the backseats of my car,” he laughs.

You cover your face in embarrassment. “Don’t remind me.”

“And remember how I had to carry you in? You were telling me how sad you were to still be a virgin, you asked if Jean from my old gym could do you,” he continues, his laughter only getting louder.

“Stop it,” you say. Your face is so hot, you probably look like a tomato.

Max is about to continue, but a girl comes up to him and laches on to his arm. You don’t know why it makes that unsettling feeling start in your stomach again. You aren’t jealous, he’s like your brother for God’s sake. At least, that’s what you keep having to tell yourself. She gives you a side glance, as if she’s trying to make you feel bad for talking to Max. It almost makes you laugh. She looks familiar, but you can’t put a name to her face.

“You said you’d come swim with me,” she says to him. “Come on.”

Max raises his eyebrows at you before looking back at the girl. “Sorry, just catching up with an old friend. You remember y/n right? We used to go to school together.”

She looks at you again and gasps. “Little y/n? I couldn’t even recognize you, you’ve certainly... changed.”

“Thanks,” you reply. You don’t want to stand here any longer. “I’ll let you guys get back to your swimming, it was nice talking to you Max.”

You give them a smile and turn around, you’re going to try to find Baja and Jake again, hopefully they’re done fucking by now. But before you can even take a step Max grabs your wrist, preventing you from leaving. You look back at him over your shoulder, the girl next to him looks pissed, he doesn’t seem to care though because his eyes are locked on you.

“How about after this we go hot box my car? You know, like we used to?’ He suggests.

“I’d love to,” you say. The girl looks furious, it makes you happy. “See you in a bit.”

He grins and let's go of your wrist, finally giving his attention back to the girl on his arm. You walk back towards his house, your hearts racing. Since when did Max Cooperman make your heart race? You look over your shoulder again when you’re at his back doors and much to your surprise he’s already looking at you. You quickly look away, what’s going on?

~~~

Max finds you after about a half hour and the two of you make your way into his garage, weed in hand. Thankfully, no one’s in the garage. Even though it’s not your weed, you’d hate to have to share with a bunch of other people. He unlocks his car and opens the passenger side for you, you chuckle and push him away but get inside anyway. He quickly gets in the driver's side and starts to unpack all his stuff.

You watch as he packs the bowl effortlessly. He used to struggle with it to the point that he’d ask you or Jake to do it for him. Now though, he gets it done within minutes. He offers you the first hit and you gladly accept, taking the bowl and lighter in your hands instantly. You light it and take a big hit, passing the bowl to Max while it’s still lit. Your lungs burn a bit, but you don’t mind. You blow the smoke out in one long breath, filling up the car with the stench of weed.

“That’s some good shit,” you say as Max takes his hit.

He nods and hands the bowl back to you when he’s done. “Stole it from my dad, he’s gets it from some high end dealer.”

“No shit?” You say before taking your second hit.

“Yeah, it’s great.”

You blow out the smoke for a second time and hand the bowl back to him. “I already feel it, God damn.”

“It’s pretty strong, you should wait before taking another hit. Unless it’s a small one. I’d hate for you to throw up in my car again,” he replies. You scoff and push his shoulder, making him break out into laughter. You can’t help but join in.

You feel fantastic. Perfect even. You let your head fall back against the headrest, your whole body feeling lighter. You close your eyes, a big smile on your lips. Max starts to talk again, but you don’t bother listening. You're too caught up in this amazing feeling. He taps your shoulder after a few seconds though and you sigh, tingles shooting throughout your whole body at the simple contact.

“Y/N are you listening?” He asks.

You roll your head to the side so you’re looking at him. “Touch me again, it feels so good.”

“What?”

“My body... it feels like it needs to be touched. Did you give me like Viagra weed?” You question.

“I don’t know does sativa usually make you horny?” He laughs.

You shrug. “Maybe. I haven’t smoked in a minute. Can you put on the radio or something?”

He nods and puts his keys in the ignition, turning them so the radio starts to play. You sit up and start to flick through the channels before settling on a relaxing song. You sigh and lean back, your head facing Max again. You watch as he takes another hit, he looks sexy doing it. You shake your head at the thought, Max is one of your best friends you can’t call him sexy, even if it’s in your own head.

When he’s done, he puts the bowl down and leans back. He turns his head to you and your eyes meet. Your heart rate increases. He has this look in his eyes, one you never thought you’d see from him. His eyes are so dark, so full of lust. You swallow but can’t bear to break the eye contact.

“Who was that girl?” You ask, breaking the silence but not the tension. “She your girlfriend or something?”

“No, I’m surprised you didn’t recognize her. That was Jenifer, you know, the one who used to make fun of me,” he answers.

“So, why was she hanging on to you like that?”

He smirks. “What are you jealous?”

“That doesn’t answer my question,” you reply, deflecting his question.

“And that doesn’t answer mine.”

You look away for a split second and shrug. “Should I be?”

“I’d like you to be. But she’s nothing, just one of the many girls from this town who’ve suddenly become interested in me after I decided to change up my looks,” he answers.

You feel ashamed. Are you one of those girls now? You can admit, if Max still looked how he did before you don’t know if you’d be having these feelings for him. Part of you believes you would though, just because of how flirty he is, he’s been like that since the two of you met all those years ago. You look down at your lap, not knowing what else to do.

“Did I say something wrong?” He asks after a few seconds.

You shake your head. “No, of course not. I just... I don’t want you to think I’m one of those girls too. I mean am I really attracted to you now? Yes. But I’ve always been attracted to your personality too. I’m sorry, you just are so fucking hot now it’s hard but-”

You’re cut off by Max’s lips crashing on to yours. You forget about what you were saying and kiss him back instantly, your hands moving up to grip his soft curls. The kiss is rough and full of pent-up sexual tension. You part your lips and let his tongue roam your mouth, it makes your body ignite. One of his hands moves down your body, eventually resting on your hip. The other one cups your cheek, his thumb caressing your skin gently.

He pulls back after a minute and the two of you stare into each other's eyes once again. Your breathing is heavy, your cheeks are flushed, and your lips are swollen. You haven’t been kissed like that in a long time.

“Sorry, I should’ve asked first, but I just needed to show you that you aren’t anything like those other girls. I’ve always wanted you y/n, I just never thought I had a chance,” he explains softly.

You twirl one of his curls around one of your pointer fingers and chuckle. “Oh Max, if you asked me out I most likely would’ve said yes.”

“I didn’t want to ruin the friendship, but at this point since we don’t even talk that much I don’t care. I want you y/n, so bad. Even if it’s just for tonight, even if we never talk again after, let me have you right now,” he whispers.

“I’m yours for the taking,” you reply and before you have a second to think he crashes his lips to yours again.

The kiss is even rougher this time. His hands roam your body freely, cupping your breasts, your ass, everything. You let him pull you over the center console and into his lap, though the two of you laugh at the slight struggle. It’s a tight squeeze, but it works. You straddle him as the kiss continues, his hips grinding up into yours. You slightly moan at the feeling of his bulge brushing against your clothed clit. Your arms wrap around his neck and you hold him tight, the feeling of your bodies against each other sending tingles throughout your entire body.

You break the kiss after a couple minutes to remove your coverup, your bikini now the only thing covering your breasts. Max smirks and lifts his hands up to the back of your neck, pulling the string that’s holding up your bikini until it comes undone. He does the same with the other string and throws your bikini on to the passenger seat. He doesn’t try to hide his stare; it makes your face heat up again.

Before you can say anything, he leans forward and takes one of your nipples in his mouth. You sigh from the pleasure it gives you. Your body falls back against the steering wheel, luckily not hitting the horn. You feel his tongue swirl around your nipple, it makes you throw your head back. He moves between both of your nipples for a few minutes before moving on to kiss and suck the rest of your breasts.

“Can we move to the back?” He asks suddenly, his lips still on your skin.

“Yeah,” you answer breathlessly before climbing off him and between the two front seats to get to the back.

He’s too big to climb through, so he gets out of the car and goes through one of the back doors instead. He lays you down on the seats and continues his kisses on your breasts. He trails his kisses down your stomach, your navel, until he’s at the point where your skin ends and your jean shorts start. Your eyes meet his and he gives you a smirk that sends warmth to the pit of your stomach. He unbuttons your shorts and you lift your hips to help him pull them down your body, leaving you only in your bikini bottoms.

He presses soft kisses to your inner thighs, making the wet spot in your bottoms even more noticeable. You move up so half your back is pressed against the car door, mostly to give Max more room, but also because you want to watch him. He sucks on the skin of your thighs, leaving behind a few hickeys as proof. His hands wrap around your thighs as well and he pulls them up so that your legs are bent and his head is now stuck between them.

His hands then move to the two strings on your hips that are holding your bathing suit bottoms in place. He pulls them at the same time until they both come undone, then he takes off your body, leaving you completely naked. His eyes are on yours as he moves his head down and finally connects his mouth to your soaking cunt.

You moan, your head hitting the car door as you throw it back. He licks and sucks your clit perfectly; he’s definitely done this before. When he moves his tongue down to your entrance, teasingly moving it in and out, his nose brushes your clit. Your thighs squeeze around his head, you lift your hips for more pressure. It feels so good, too good. Only five minutes go by and you can feel your orgasm approaching, you pull at his hair.

“Max- you should stop before I- before I cum,” you say, your breath ragged.

“Don’t you want to?” He asks after lifting his head.

“I want this to last longer, I don’t want it to be over yet,” you answer.

He smiles. “Who said it would be over after you cum once?”

Before you can reply he moves his head back down and continues his precious licks. You come undone within three minutes. He doesn’t stop, even as you cum. Your orgasm takes over your whole body, it makes you feel euphoric.

When he’s sure you're finished, he wipes his mouth on your thigh and moves back so he’s sitting on one of the seats. He removes his bathing suit before grabbing your ankles and pulling your body so you’re laid down on the seats. He climbs over you and meets your eyes for the hundredth time tonight.

“Are you on the pill?”

“Yeah.”

“Is it okay if I cum in you or do you still want me to pull out?”

Your stomach does a flip at his words. He’s the first guy to ask that after finding out you’re on the pill. You’ve never adored anyone more than him in this moment.

“You can do it inside,” you reply.

Max nods before pressing his lips to yours. You can taste yourself on his lips, it only makes you more turned on. You wrap your arms around his back, holding him close to you as he starts to rub his dick between your soaked folds. You bite down on your lips as his tip rubs against your clit, it feels incredible. But you want him inside you more. He must know this, because he positions himself at your entrance after a few seconds and starts to slowly move inside you.

He starts off with slow thrusts, helping you adjust to his size. Even with his slow pace you can’t help but bite down on his shoulder, the feeling of him inside you making your toes curl. Once you give him the okay, he starts to move faster, and after minutes he’s fucking you hard. You’re a moaning mess, your nails scratching down his back as he pounds into you harshly. Each thrust makes your eyes practically roll back into your skull, they’re so hard, so deep.

The air inside the car is warm, the windows fogged up. You know if anyone were to walk into the garage, they’d see it shaking. You almost scream when he starts to suck your neck, he finds your sweet spot quickly and settles on it. You touch his now sweaty curls and close your eyes, this is the best sex you’ve ever had, you don’t want it to ever end.

“Baby, I want you to ride me till I cum,” he whispers, his hot breath on your ear. “Can you do that?”

“Yes.”

He moves your position so that he’s sitting and you're straddling him, like you did in the front seat. You don’t waste a second to begin moving up, down, back, and forth on his dick, riding him the way you know guys like it. You watch his head fall back on the seat, your name leaving his lips in a voice that almost makes you cum right then and there. His hands grip your ass tight; you love the way it stings.

You kiss his lips, his jaw, his neck, each sound that leaves him a reward. Your second orgasm is approaching, you feel the tightening in your stomach. You hold back though; you want to feel him finish before you. Thankfully, your silent request comes sooner than you thought.

“Just like that, don’t stop, I’m gonna cum,” he mumbles. His eyes are closed and his head is still resting on the seat, you swear he’s the most beautiful boy you’ve ever seen. “I’m so close- so fucking close.”

“Cum in me baby,” you say, and he does.

The feeling of his dick pulsing inside you is the last thing you can take, you let your orgasm take over too, the both of you cumming at the same time. You’re out of breath but you keep riding him until you’re positive he’s completely done. Once he is, you get off him and fall back on to the seat next to him. You’re sweaty and tired. You open the door next to you and breathe in the fresh air, it’s refreshing.

“Now two of your fluids have been on my backseat, that’s cool right?” Max says to break the silence.

You laugh. “Can you shut the fuck up?”

“Can I not be happy that your vomit and your cum has been where we’re sitting?”

“Please stop before more of my vomit is on your seats.”

“We should go swim, the fireworks are gonna start soon,” he mentions. You look at him and see he’s already redressing. He meets your eyes and pauses. “Unless you want to stay here which is fine too.”

“No, no, I want to go I just need a second, that was a workout,” you reply.

He grins and hands you back your clothing items, pressing a soft kiss to your lips. “Whatever you want y/n.”

~~~

The two of you are in the pool when Baja and Jake finally find you.

“So, you guys are acquainted again?” Baja asks as she lowers herself into the pool.

You and Max share a look before you answer her. “Yeah, you can say that.”

[adrienneleclerc]

Sizes

Pairing: Charles Leclerc x Plus-size Hispanic/Latina! Reader

Summary: Charles decides to take his girlfriend shopping and things don’t turn out the way he wants them to

Warning: Spelling and grammatical errors, I guess self hate, weight comments

A/N: this will be a very self-indulgent fanfic because i am on the “bigger” side, I’m a size US 12 through US 18 depending on the store, I’ll always look for the XL tops, but yeah, this is something I struggle with. I hope some of y’all can relate to this!

Y/N L/N was in the plane with Charles, they were flying from New York to Monaco. Y/N was listening to music, looking out the window, Charles noticed that Y/N has been a little quiet, this happens every time they visit Y/N’s parents in New York. Y/N doesn’t even know why she bothers visiting them, all they do is talk about her weight.

Y/N has always been a bigger size, even when she was younger. Growing up, her mom would side eye her whenever she would get a second plate, she always heard “si ya comiste un plato, por qué te vas a servir más?” “If You’re hungry, drink water.” It is even worse when she went shopping with her mother and if Y/N says that she can’t find anything in her size, her mom will say “si ya sabes que no hay nada en tu talla, por qué no bajas de peso?” And of course, the ever so great, “no vas a encontrar novio si sigues así de gorda.” When Y/N was a teenager, her mom had her take diet pills from Mexico to help her lose weight. And sure, Y/N lost weight, but she gained it back and her mom never let her hear the end of it, “if you already lost the weight, why didn’t you try to keep it off? I kept the weight off, I’m eating less, why can’t you?” Her mom would send her photos of when she lost weight and text her “look how beautiful you were, try to lose weight.” As if it was so easy. It was even worse when her dad joined in “don’t worry mija, we’ll find a way for you to lose weight.” If you already had one plate, why do you serve yourself more, if you already know there’s nothing in your size, why don’t you lose weight, you’re not gonna find a boyfriend of you’re fat,

So when she visited her mom the first thing she heard was

“Mija, has subido de peso, verdad?” Y/N’s mom Celia, asked, Y/N rolled her eyes. You gained weight, right?

“Hola mami, yo ha estado muy bien, y tú?” Y/N asked sarcastically. Hi mom, I’ve been good, and you?

“Don’t listen to your mother, como has estado, mija? Cómo está tu novio?” Y/N’s dad, Julio, asked, leading Y/N on the couch, how have you been? How’s your boyfriend?

“Ah si, el novio, sigues con él o ya encontró un modelo?” Celia asked, ah yes, the boyfriend, are you still together or did he find himself a model?

“Sí, Mami, sigo con él, ahorita está en el yankee stadium ese para hacer el celebrity pitch.” Y/N said. Yes mom, I’m still with with, right now he’s at the Yankee stadium to do the celebrity pitch

“Ooh si, como no.” Celia commented. “Pero ya que estás aquí, fui a México con tu papá y mi amiga consiguió las pastillas.” Celia got up to go to the kitchen and brought back 3 bottles of pills. “Hay 60 cada uno, tómatelas, quizás por fin serás digno de ser la novia de un piloto de Fórmula uno.” Y/N just stood there and shoved the pills in her bag. Yeah sure, but now that you’re here I went to Mexico with your dad and my friend got me the pills. There 60 in each bottle, take them, maybe then you’ll finally look like an F1 driver’s girlfriend

“Not that this wasn’t fun, pero ya me voy, papi, te quiero mucho, te veo en navidad, mami…adiós.” Y/N said, leaving her parent’s apartment. But I’m gonna go, dad, I love you, I’ll see you at Christmas, mom…bye

Which brings us back to the plane ride. Charles didn’t like seeing Y/N so upset so he tapped her arm and asked Y/N to take off her headphones and she did.

“Mon coeur, do you want to talk about what happened?” Charles asked

“Not really.” Y/N said.

“When we land in Monaco, do you want to go shopping?” Charles asked and Y/N looked confused. “I have this event with APM Monaco, I was thinking we could get some new clothes, doesn’t that sound like fun?”

“I Don’t know, muñeco…” Y/N said but was interrupted by Charles.

“I Don’t like seeing you upset, Mon ange. I want to do this for you, you could pick whatever dress you want, matching shoes, some jewelry…” Charles said and Y/N interrupted him.

“Muñeco, you Don’t really have to.” Y/N said.

“I want to, I want to spoil you, you deserve it.” Charles said, kissing Y/N. “Now get some sleep. We’ll freshen up when we land and then we’ll go shopping.”

So that’s what Y/N did, she slept until the plane stopped. Once the plane landed, they got out and Charles drove them back to his apartment so they could shower. Once showered, Y/N styled her hair and picked out a casual outfit so they could go shopping.

“You look beautiful, Mon coeur.” Charles said, kissing her.

“Thank you, muñeco.” Y/N said, she got her bag and saw the pills in there. She just shoved them in her suitcase before charles could see the,.

“Come on, let’s go to the metropole shopping center, I’m sure they’ll have something beautiful for you.” Charles said. Y/N nods her head. Charles drove to the mall and they entered a fancy dress store.

“Wow, these dresses are beautiful.” Y/N said.

“Yep, I’m going to pick out some dresses for you to try, okay.” Charles said before kissing her cheek and Y/N started to roam around the store.

She a sales lady side eyeing her. It made Y/N feel self conscious, like many times before, Y/N just looked at the dresses, took a picture, and texted her thinner friends saying ‘you’ll love these dresses’ because she sure as hell knows she won’t fit in them. She turned around and saw Charles holding 3 dresses in her preferred colors and preferred style.

“I think you would look amazing in these. I’ll be right outside the dressing room if you need help, okay.” Charles said. Y/N walked into the dressing room and saw herself in the mirror.

“Here goes nothing.” Y/N said. She’s checked the tag and it said it was a size EU 48, which is her size, so as she tried in the dress, she noticed it was a little tight in the waist area. “Muñeco, Can you help me?” Charles pulled back the curtain and got in, closing the curtain behind him. He tried to zip up,the dress but he couldn’t. Everything Celia told her came flooding in her head, she has gained weight, she shouldn’t have eaten so much growing up, it was her own fault that she was fat, she should have kept the weight off. She was so in her head that she didn’t realize she was crying or that Charles was speaking until charles was right in front of her, wiping her tears with tissues that Y/N carrieesaround in her purse.

“Mon ange, are you okay?” Charles asked softly.

“No, I am not okay. This stupid dress doesn’t fit, probably nothing in this store will fit me because I am so fat, maybe I should take those diet pills my mom gave me, I am so ugly.” Y/N sobbed, taking off the dress haphazardly, not caring if she ripped something or not. She put her jeans and oversized t shirt back on but sat down on the floor to sob into her hands. Charles has tears in his eyes, it hurt to hear her talk about herself this way.

“Mon coeur, what happened with your mother?” Charles asked. Y/N got another reissue for her bag and blew her bise before answering him.

“She said that I have gained weight, asked if we were still together or if you found yourself a model girlfriend, and she gave me diet pills so i can lose weight like I did when I was 16/17.” Y/N said. Charles felt angry, how could a mother say that to her own daughter?

“Mon coeur, I love you, you know that, right? I love you so much and don’t worry about the dress, there are other stores that carry bigger sizes and so,étimos the sizing runs short here.” Charles attempts to make Y/N feel better.

“You don’t get it, Charles. You could find a dress that could perfectly fit me and I’m going to hate myself in it, my mom would point out my flaws when we’re shopping ‘you’re back is too wide for that dress, this dress shows off your belly, if you lost 20 pounds, you could pull off that dress’, even if I really liked something I wore, my mom would ruin it for me. And now I say that about myself, it’s so bad” Y/N cried and Charles hugged her, smoothie her back, letting her cry it all out.

“Mon coeur, you need to stop visiting your mother. I know you love your parents but visiting your mom is not healthy for you. You’re not going to take those diet pills, okay? Those things are dangerous and who knows the side effects it might cause. Now listen to me very carefully, you are beautiful, your size doesn’t matter, not to me, I fell in love with you because you’re funny, you are so sweet to everyone, you love animals, you could be a size 50 or a size 32 and I would still love you because of your personality.” Charles said, cupping Y/N’s face, kissing her nose. “Safe to say we won’t be buying this.”

“Yeah, no.” Y/N said, they got out of the dressing room and put the dress back.

“I suggest getting bigger sizes, try being more inclusive.” Charles said befriended leaving the store with Y/N. “I think you deserve some ice cream, don’t you?”

“I would love some.” Y/N said and Charles had his arm around her shoulders and kissed her temple before heading to an ice cream shop in the mall.

The End

Hope y’all liked it, this was a very personal one shot for me, this was based off true experiences, I really do struggle with this, I cried while writing.

This is me, sorry for the jump scare

[theaologies]

spinning my chair around and sitting in it backwards: GOOOOOD MORNING CLASS

FIRST AND FOREMOST: this is not a panic post. It’s an informational preparedness post. Don’t panic. Just be prepared for this like you’d be prepared for an earthquake but you know it’s coming and it’s wet.

I’m 30, lived in Central Florida for the first 26 years of my life, and have experienced more hurricanes and tropical storms than you can imagine. Never in my life did I think I would have to discuss HURRICANE SAFETY again after moving to LOS ANGELES from FLORIDA and yet HERE WE ARE-

(This information is accurate as of 8/17 at 9am PST)

SO models are still early but it seems like as of last night, Pacific Hurricane Hilary is rapidly intensified AND has shifted its track pretty severely inland. Originally SoCal was predicted to get some bands off the coast but this does NOT seem to be the case anymore

As our good friend Jim Cantore mentioned above, if Hilary DOES make landfall in SoCal, it will be the first tropical storm to do so since 1939. Fucking yikes.

THE GOOD NEWS:

It isn’t looking like Hilary will make landfall anywhere as a strong hurricane. If it makes landfall in central Baja it looks like it’ll be a Cat 2 which isn’t great but still- better than the Cat 5 it’s currently strengthening to.

As for SoCal, we’re not predicted to get anything over a Tropical Storm. And mountains tear up tropical cyclones like crazy. It’ll (probably) be weak and, wind wise, no worse than the Santa Ana’s

THE BAD NEWS:

Our Cone of Uncertainty is currently pretty wide- this fluctuation matters as it determines which side of the storm hits us. Is this significant? Yes. The right side of a Hurricane is considered the “dirty” side- it’s the side that is most likely to produce severe weather, such as severe thunderstorms and tornadoes. It’s still too early to determine what side will affect us the most but it’s something to keep in mind.

Also, I can’t speak for the rest of SoCal, but I would not bet on the LA infrastructure doing well even with a weak tropical storm. Which is why I have brought you here today, to run down the IMPORTANT HURRICANE CHECKLIST

NOTE: I made this several years ago for FLORIDA so not all of it will be accurate to SoCal. Most of us live in apartments and have no say over tree trimmings and the likes. If the storm is feeling like it’s going to get bad, I would recommend moving important things and electronics away from windows and hanging out in areas of the apartment that have the least amount of windows. I don’t think boarding up windows or anything will be necessary but here’s information if you need/want it

ANOTHER NOTE: if you have the means, please check up on your unhoused neighbors and immediate community groups that do so, as well. As always, they will be the ones most affected by severe weather. Tarps, anything that rises up off the ground, waterproof bags, etc would be good to grab for them. I am not an expert here and would recommend following the lead of your community groups that work with your unhoused neighbors to find out what will be needed most.

I don’t at all think we’ll see any shutdowns so if the rain does get bad be prepared for dangerous driving conditions. I know it’s dangerous to drive any time it rains in LA but, you know. The Weather Channel isn’t predicting a TON of rain at the moment (for LA) but, just like our winter/spring this year, be on the look out for flash floods.

And again, this is all JUST IN CASE. It’s better to be prepared than not. SoCal’s infrastructure is not at all prepared to handle a tropical event so who knows! Anything is possible. If I was in Florida I wouldn’t at all be worrying about this but I’m not anymore and our wet winter absolutely fucked our roads in LA so I’d rather everyone be safe than sorry.

I’m sure it’ll all be fine and now you just have more safety information, which is never bad! Because frankly climate change is very real and I would not be surprised to see this happening more and more in the coming years. And it does have me worrying that El Niño this year is going to be worse than we imagined.

[on-the-open-range]

Note: The outfits in the first picture are prototype outfits Panchito find the warners first, a sleazy oil baron is trying to trick the recently-orphaned warners into selling their land (The oil Baron has reason to believe there's a large amount of oil on it.) but Panchito is an outlaw, and successfully scares away the man and his posse. Seeing these children are kind of in over their head which such a large plot of land, he arranges for some friends to show up and teach them how to protect themself and run the farm better. Second, enters José. After being called to the farm, and a couple weeks days travel, he begins to show Yakko how to more effectively sell their goods, and how to properly read contracts to avoid being scammed. (He was chased out of Brazil for scamming people, so he's familiar with the tricks.) Panchito helps Wakko with the animals and showing him how to do some of the less ideal chores relating to them, as well as works as the sort of "muscle" for the farm. Having the face of a wanted criminal does a good enough job at keeping most trouble at bay. Lastly, comes Donald. A retired naval officer (discharged for an injury), he reunites with the other two, and has since taken in his nephews Huey, Dewey, and Louie. The four of then join up with the Warner to help around as well, as there's more than enough for everyone to do. (Each person will get their own ref sheet later)

(aqui abajo el texto en español(like over down here the text in spanish)

Nota: Los conjuntos de la primera imagen son prototipos. Panchito encuentra a los Warner primero, un sórdido barón de petróleo está tratando de engañar a los Warner, recientemente huérfanos, para que vendan sus tierras (el barón de petróleo tiene motivos para creer que hay una gran cantidad de petróleo en ellas), pero Panchito es un forajido y asusta con éxito al hombre y su pandilla.

Al ver que estos niños están un poco perdidos con una granja de tierra tan grande, hace arreglos para que algunos amigos se presenten y les enseñen cómo protegerse y administrar mejor la granja.

Segundo, entra José. Después de ser llamado a la granja y de un par de semanas de viaje, comienza a mostrarle a Yakko cómo vender sus productos de manera más efectiva y cómo leer correctamente los contratos para evitar ser estafado. (Lo expulsaron de Brasil por estafar a la gente, así que está familiarizado con los trucos/)

Panchito ayuda a Wakko con los animales y le muestra cómo hacer algunas de las tareas menos ideales relacionadas con ellos, además de trabajar como una especie de "músculo" para la granja. Tener la cara de un criminal buscado es suficiente para mantener a raya la mayoría de los problemas.

Por último, viene Donald. Un oficial naval retirado (dado de baja por una lesión), se reúne con los otros dos y desde entonces ha llevado a sus sobrinos Huey, Dewey y Louie. Luego, los cuatro se unen a los Warners para ayudar también, ya que hay más que suficiente para que todos hagan.

(Cada persona recibirá su propia hoja de referencia más adelante)

[fairlyang]

Si No Es Contigo 🕷️

imagínese andar con algún amigo del chavo que realmente quieres

w/c: 999

pairing: miguel o’hara x latina!reader

tags: 18+ smut. nomas lo quieres a él, y estás segura que el se siente igual, convenciéndolo, grinding, teasing, exhibitionism, blowjob, fingering, quickie

a/n: for any of the bilingual mig lovers🫶🏼 based off the song but mostly the kali uchis remix bc DAMN it’s good

kinktober masterlist | main masterlist

miguel ya anda con otra pero no te lo crees para nada. para empezar, todavía te compra cosas de escondidas de su supuesto amigo como joyería, ropa, y ni se lo tienes que pedir.

el se pone como el loco y defensivo que no y que ya acabó contigo de verdad pero los dos saben que no quieren a nadie más.

entonces cuando sus dos grupos están en un club y su chava se fue para otro lado y su amigo fue a ayudar a traer unos tragos, claro que lo agarraste de la mano para bailar.

“qué haces?!” exclamó en tu oído mientras guías sus manos arriba y abajo de tu cuerpo.

“no crees que ya es tiempo de ser honestos, amor?” le preguntas en voz baja y el gimió.

“nomas a ti se te ocurre hacer esto aquí.” te reclama y trata te soltarse de tu agarre.

“ay por favor Miguel, tu sabes que con ella no es lo mismo. todos lo sabemos pero te haces el necio.” le reclamas, voltiando tu cabeza para verlo bien.

his cheeks were red and he stopped struggling while you continued dancing on him, “estas loca.”

“que me vas a decir que no te gusta?” you murmur then give him a pout.

the song changed to a faster beat and you moved your hips to the rhythm making sure to grind right against him, just how he liked. he groaned again and you let go of his hands to see if he’d let go.

he didn’t.

instead his hands went up and down, purposely avoiding the places you wanted him to touch.

“bien que sabes que no quiero a nadie más eh?” he mocks in your ear and you nod as his hands went down your stomach.

“los dos lo sabemos muy bien.” you reply as his hands went back up and stayed right below your bra.

“dímelo tú primero.” he mutters and you lean your head back against his chest.

no se tomo nada para convencerte porque ya sabías lo que quieras.

a diferencia de el, no te costó nada admitirlo. fue súper fácil porque solo estabas usando a su amigo como procurador hasta que miguel se ponga las pilas.

desafortunadamente, estabas cansada de esperar.

“si no es contigo, no quiero a nadie más.” you murmur and slow down on your grinding.

his hands went down and gripped your hips, pressing himself harder against you making you moan, “no quiero a nadie más…” he purrs into your ear as you could now feel his hard on against your ass.

“no se para que te haces al rogar.” you groan and he just chuckles.

suddenly he grabs your hand, leading you out of the crowd and avoiding your friends while he made his way to the bathrooms.

he opened the door for you both and you both walk in to the crappy men’s bathroom that already had people making out in stalls, by the sinks, and some smoking by the window. he held onto your hand tightly as he lead you into one of the stalls and closed it behind you before slamming you against it and smashes his lips against yours.

your hands are immediately roaming his body when you felt him put his knee between your thighs. you gasp into the kiss prompting him to stick his tongue into your mouth while his hands started to grope your tits and ass.

he pulled away and went down to kiss your neck while he gave your ass hard smacks. your hands were entangled in his curls, pulling on them as he made sure to leave his marks on you.

to really solidify that you were his.

he pulled away only for you to quickly push him off just so you could get on your knees. you undid his belt, the button then the zipper before pulling his pants down to his thighs, “mmm todo para mi, bebé?” you ask, looking at him through your lashes.

“nomas para ti mamita, tu ya lo sabes. nada me puede separar de ti.” he murmurs while bringing a hand to your head.

his words sent shivers down your entire body and those butterflies were also going crazy, like always.

“rápido okay?” he says making your smirk, “claro.”

your hands slide his boxers down and you quickly spit on it then immediately take him into your mouth, you took as much as you could before pulling back then going back down, taking him all while he moaned above you.

the bathroom was already filled with the sounds of moans from other people and you knew no one was going to specifically pay attention to his.

you did that for a solid minute before he pulled you up to your feet and you looked at him confused until he lifted one of your legs up and started rubbing your clit through your panties, “tan bonita.”

you fight back a moan as he stood behind you, holding you steady as he went faster. after a few more seconds he got impatient and moved your panties to the side.

without any warning, he slid two fingers into you and instantly set a fast pace because you were already drenched. “sabía que nomás me quisiste dar celos.” he mumbles making you roll your eyes.

“tu empezaste…” you mutter and accidentally moan when he goes harder.

“mhm, lo que tú digas angelita.” he teases then pulls his fingers out making you whine.

that quickly changed when he slid inside you and you had no time to adjust as he started pounding into you. his right hand was holding your right leg up while his left was around your waist, holding onto you tightly.

his thrusts were hard and deep, keeping to his word that it’ll be quick. he stretched you out to perfection, like always.

el siempre te cuidaba en todas las maneras que importaban. nunca te deja insatisfecha, ni ahorita por algún milagro que se vino adentro de ti.

[namu-the-orca]

Big Bearded Beasts

In other words: new baleen whale friends! These were for Pappyr, an Icelandic company that sells posters and postcards. They are currently working on a new poster showing Icelandic cetaceans (I've seen the preview, it's super sweet!) with my illustrations on it. Most I had ready to go, but a couple had to be made anew.

Amongst which these three ladies. Blue whales I've illustrated a bunch now, but the ones I've had were too small for this poster. So finally an illustration made at a large size (7000px) befitting the largest animal to ever have lived. Every time I work on them I discover something new to change compared to the last version!

Bowhead whales I feel I still haven't sussed out. There are so few good photos of them that actually show overall body proportions, and their faces seem different every time. They're fascinating animals though and I hope this one does them enough justice. They are probably the longest living mammal, reaching upwards of 200 years of age!!

The Gray whale is by far my favourite of this bunch. Last I illustrated them was over 10 years ago, in 2012. While I was still fond of the old illustration, working on this new one made me realise how much could be improved. They've such beautiful, unique faces, and painting all those spots and scratches that mark their skin (in part natural colouration, but mostly scars from barnacles and other hitchhikers) was a lot of fun. Gray whales too are record holders, making the longest migration of any mammal. Their yearly round trips between the Arctic feeding grounds and calving grounds off Baja California are good for 16,000 - 22,500 kms.

[yesyourstalker]

Neta: *sigh*....... .......

Ikkan: nervous?

Neta:......a little bit yeah.....

Ikkan: *hehehe*...... Don't be nervous, you have nothing to be nervous about I'll be right here.... And after this I'll be here forever

Neta: till death do us part

Ikkan: till death do us part...(Peck).... Fix your tie....and ..... perfect.....now.......let's get married

[wedding music]

officiant: Good evening everyone, friends family we are guided here today to celebrate life's greatest moments and to cherish the words which shall unite Neta Verns

Neta: *smiling*.....*sniff*.......hehe

Officiant: and Ikkan Kane

Ikkan: *smiling*.....*sigh*.....

Officiant: you would like to exchange your vows

Neta: I'd like to go..............*sigh*...... ikkan.... I always look back and remember the first time we first met.

Ikkan: heheh

Neta: you were very standoffish and quiet heh You're also a little bit mean just a little bit

Ikkan: heheh

Neta: If something told me that that really wasn't you. I'm so happy My hunch was right. Ikkan You're kind, You're soft-spoken, you're so patient ....*crying*... I'm sorry........ Getting to see you everyday. Your smile, hearing your laugh and listening to you speak ....*sniff*...about your interest. Your passionate rants about Arpeggio and crescendo I still don't know what that means but I love hearing you say it....

Ikkan: ehhehehehe

Neta: that's the smile I like to see.... I love you Ikkan you're my best friend and I am truly grateful I'm going to live the rest of my life with you I-

[Alright he's been in there long enough. Pull him up]

Neta: what!?......... what!?..... what's happening!!....*cough*.....….*cough*.....what the fuck!!... what's going on?!

Octoling Superior: alright Verns you've been in the pit long enough. Time to get back to training. All chargers are outside doing target practice. Take your weapon and go out with the rest of them.

Neta: what?

Octoling Superior: go outside and do tragic practice. Your punishment is over go

Neta: but-but-but I was getting married! *huff* Where's my husband?! My store?! I had a store and my family.....*huff*..*huff*.... Cirrina......my daughter ......what happened to my crab cakes?!!.*huff*.......

Octoling soldier: *hehe* what's he talking about?

Octoling Superior: I've heard if you stay in the ink pit long enough without interaction the brain starts to hallucinate and starts making things up......to keep it self sane. He'll be fine.

Neta:*huff*huff**huff**sobbing**huff**huff**huff**huffhuffhuffhufff......AAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaah-HA!!.. what?…..huh?..................*huff*.........................*huff*...................*huff*............*huff*.........*huff*.......*huff*........ where is it? Where is it?... here.....*huff*...[squeeze]

Plushie recording: Hi! Demersal the grounding fish! I'm going to ask a few questions ok?... can you name 3 you can see?

Neta:... my dresser......*huff*...my bed....my bass

Recording:.............good job!.....can you tell 3 things you can feel?

Neta:...my bed sheets....my clothes....*huff*....cold floor.....

Recording:..........okay!!....can you tell me where you are?

Neta:......*sigh*....my apartment

Recording:...............good job! Do you know what time it is? The short hand is the hour and the long hand is the minute!

Neta: I know that.... it's...6:47a.m.

Recording:.............. wow! Now can tell me about yourself how old are you!

Neta: ......................35.......

Recording: .........wow! wow!you're so big!

Neta: fuckyou

Recording:what's your name?

Neta: Neta

Recording:.........that's a nice name! We're almost done let's count back to 10 together! Ready?!10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1

Neta 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1......uggghh

Recording: you're doing so well let's take a deep breath ok? Breath in.....

Neta: [inhale]

Recording: now Breath out

Neta: [exhale]

Recording: you are safe.... I'm so proud of you! It's ok to feel overwhelmed sometimes. I know it can be really hard.. just Remember your grounding technique and don't forget to self-sooth!...stay safe hehe bye bye

Neta: you're lucky Behi gifted you to me...if it wasn't for him you would've been sold decades ago.........[chuck] ..............[inhale] [exhale]................ nibbles come here......Did I scare you off the bed?....*kiss*.. . I'm sorry..............hm?...

Mahi:*sleeping*....

Neta: heheh...*huff*...fish still here?.......heh makes sense...

_______________________________________________

Mahi: *yawn*..........ummm....uggg....... Neta you need to get a better couch this one sucks.....oh....

Neta: no.... I don't want you to come home... Not for something as dumb as a nightmare ..hehe....I'm fine.I know..i know I know babe I get that... You shouldn't have to drop everything for me..... I know you don't mind it but I do.... I hate that.... yeah I understand........ yeah........ yeah............................. You're right.......................*sigh*....no......I still don't want you to come home..... Can you at least stay on the phone with me for a while?....... Pancakes... I think I buried some hehehehe.....*sigh*... No.... it looks fine. A little dark in the middle..... It should be fine... You cook better than I do..... What are you doing?..... Why are you milking them by hand I thought you had a machine for that........ Oh she's scared of it? awwww poor manatee......... An hour? it takes an hour to get a full bucket of milk?....... Okay that's fair. They are big...I-(gasp).... Mahi!..[inhale exhale]........ How long have you been sitting there

Mahi: couple minutes..... Can I have a pancake

Neta:. .................... Yeah, I'm fine. No, it's just my employee, yeah fish still here......... I'll call you when I get to work..... I love you too...bye................... How many pancakes do you want?

_______________________________________________

Mahi: *eating*......

Neta:*eating*.......

Mahi: *eating*.... pancakes are good

Neta: *eating* thank you

Mahi: how do to make them shape like little octopuses

Neta:...Cirrina bought cookie cutter sets years ago. sometimes use them for molds for pancakes..... I use it for eggs too...*sniff*...........*sigh*............ I have to get ready for work.....[stretch].......[POP]...mmmmm......fuck not today knee...ssssss

Mahi:...*eating*....you know you really should try investing in a knee brace I think my friend has a couple of them I can see if she can give you one

Neta: that's nice........

Mahi: so I know you have to go to work and everything in a couple minutes. Would it be too much to ask to drive me to campus I got to go to the library and do some studying

Neta: Alright..... We'll leave 15 minutes... Do you have clothes to get dressed in?

Mahi: no

Neta: we can just find something in the drawer.....

Mahi: can I borrow these jeans?

Neta: Yeah sure. I don't think they don't fit you tho

Mahi: they fit me just fine I just need to cut the pants legs

Neta: *sigh*. . You know you might as well just take the rest of my old clothes. I'm never going to fit em again anyway

Mahi: really?

Neta: yeah really I insist I really don't care. You can have them

Mahi: are you sure?....

Neta: you know what I'll just give them to my daughter she doesn't listen to 'Cyrus in the cyclones' but I think she'll like the Cool vintage look of it

Mahi: no gimme! Don't give it to her! She'll just ruin it and turn it into a jagged uneven crop top! _______________________________________________

Ikkan: I finished milking tulip

Koi-koi: That's good hun. We'll have it pasteurized tomorrow. Just keep it in the fridge in the shed

Ikkan: alright

Cirrina: I'm going out..

Koi-koi: and where do you think you're going?

Cirrina: I need to go into the city The ferry leaves in an hour

Koi-koi: I don't think so. You haven't finished your chores you were supposed to refill the Manatee feed today and You're supposed to mix up the compost in the back.

Cirrina: I know I'll get to when I get back

Koi-koi: noooo... You will do it now. Young lady, I'm not like your father or your grandfather when I say do something you do it now. You can take the next ferry

Cirrina: but I-

Koi-koi: no buts young lady

Cirrina: I'm meeting someone

Koi-koi: meeting who Exactly?

Cirrina:.............a friend

Koi-koi: ....a friend? What friend?

Cirrina: (blush)......he's a boy

Koi-koi: a boy?.....

Cirrina: ... yeah....

Koi-koi: where is he taking you?

Cirrina: a museum, around town

Koi-ko:........ A museum?........................................,........ Be home by 9:00......... Here get yourself some food maybe a souvenir.

Cirrina: you're cool grandma....

Koi-koi: uh-huh whatever...... When you get home you'll do the chores that you were supposed to do and..... You wash the dishes

Cirrina: alright

_______________________________________________

Baja: did you see the commercial mom?

Baja's mom: I saw the commercial... I am so proud of you sweetheart You're going to be on TV how exciting

Baja: I know ... I still can't believe it

Baja's mom: this is going to open up so many opportunities. The benefits will be nice. You have a nice paycheck and a lot of money, make sure you save some of it. You're going to make so many new friends!!

Baja: yeah hehe I hope I do...

Baja's mom: I know you have problems making friends.

Baja: mmmmm

Baja's mom: You're a sweet boy you really are

Baja: thank mom

Baja mom: you know this might be the perfect time for you to find someone

Baja: fine who?

Baja's mom: A partner! Ohhhhhh I'm so happy for you honey. You can go on dates. You can meet new people. You'll be married in no time?

Baja: uhhhhh I guess....... I'm going to be really honest Mom. I don't really think I want to do that right now

Baja's mom: Well I don't want to rush you but it's good to start... You know your brother is already married and your sister is on her fifth kid...

Baja: Mom

Hine (Baja's mom): I know. I know I shouldn't compare my kids but let me just finish. Your siblings are no older than you and they've already have their lives set up and I don't want you to fall behind

Baja:Mom, I'm not falling behind. I-I just...ugh....... I'm just....... I'm just not good at dating and seeing people

Hine: What on Earth do you mean baby?! you're not good at dating? Honey, you're the most talkative and social person in the family! How could you think you're not good at dating? You're a real catch

Baja:.........

Hine: What about that fella you told me about? I looked him up, I didn't really like the images I saw .. what about him? I thought you liked him?

Baja: We broke up

Hine: you broke up?....*sigh*...... So you're single?........ So what are you just......... Are you just sleeping around?

Baja: (blush)..NO! I'M NOT

Hine:Sweetie, don't be embarrassed. A lot of young adults have casual sex ...I'm just saying you know eventually you need to settle down and-

Baja:I'm not.. I'm not..... I'm not having sex. I never had it

Hine:....…Well that's ok. Personally I waited to get married to-

Sibling: HA! VIRGIN!

Hine: Maui! What did I tell you about eavesdropping! Go!.............*sigh*....... Sweetheart..... I don't want to put pressure on you sweetie...... I just don't want you to be alone we're not good when we're alone... I want you to have a family

Baja: I'm not alone. I have a family. I have you and my siblings..........and Desmond I guess

Hine: we can't live forever honey you're going to need to find someone eventually.

Baja:................... alright..... I'll try to find someone...

Hine: I know you'll find someone there's someone out there for everyone including you sweetie....

Baja: ........ yeah.....l love you.... bye

Hine: I love you too

Baja:.....................danm

Hitch: we're filming in 15!

_______________________________________________

Bayou: this painting is a. Self-portrait of Joyce Veair she was our firat prime minister

Cirrina: wow... she's gorgeous she painted this herself

Bayou: Yes... She has so many paintings around the world. She even has one in Museum d'Alfonsino

Cirrina: really...... She's very talented.

Bayou: not only that, she was very intelligent and very outspoken....

Cirrina: what's this one

Bayou: this is a sculpture made entirely out of urchin spines it was made by tosh monui. Every month he'd shed his old spines. He would collect them and Stick them in a ball of wax until the ball was completely covered in spineies. After he'd take the rest to make a body, he would call them mace men because they look like maces with a body. He soon started to model them after cave drawings of primitive urchin

Cirrina: that's amazing....oh what's this one. This one is beautiful

Bayou: this one is called 'home'

Cirrina: it's a beautiful landscape....who is by?....... This piece was painted by One of the top students in krillarney School of arts and it's one of the youngest to be presented in This museum she has won several awards and has several nominations. We are privileged to have her in a museum This piece is called home by Bayou Ster..............wow same name as you

Bayou:.........ehehehehehe Cirrina. That's me this is my work.

Cirrina: oh..hehehe I'm stupid........ It's really nice. You're really talented....

Bayou: thank you.... This is one of my favorite paintings I used an old picture of my nan's old home.

Cirrina: I love the texture and the hills and trees. It's even in the river.... Do you have more paintings here?

Bayou: I have this big painting over here. This one took me a whole month to finish this one..... I rode the fairy everyday just to get the perfect reference for crashing waves

Cirrina: wow .. . it's amazing

Bayou: it's almost 6 do you want to get something to eat. We can go to Mrs Cuddles to get some fried cod and hush puppies

Mrs Cuddles: Harold, bring these pines to table 7!...

Bayou: hi Mrs Cuddles!

Mrs Cuddles: Bayou how are you darling, Cirrina! Ohhhh... You two hungry? Let me get you something Harold, drop two more cod in the fryer!!..... You to relax. I'll get you ladies some sodas while you wait

Bayou: thank you!

Cirrina: thanks............................................. So you're probably going to think I'm really dumb but for the past 3 days I thought you were a guy

Bayou:.............hehehehe Did you?.must be the tentacle cut huh?

Cirrina: hehehe... yeah...hehehe... I'm sorry.....

Bayou: If I'm being real here I don't identify with anything in particular...if you see me as a guy I don't mind it

Cirrina: if you don't identify as that I don't want to

Bayou: I see myself as everything and nothing, masculine and feminine and anything in-between. I really don't mind Cirrina

Cirrina: All right if you put it that way hehehe

Mrs Cuddles: here you go! Fresh cod and a large bag of hush puppies for the road!

Cirrina: thanks how much do I owe you?

Mrs Cuddles: nonsense it's on the house. Kiddies eat for free here. Once you reach the age to drink you have to pay

Cirrina: thanks Mrs Cuddles!....

_______________________________________________

Neta: *humming*...(Pat)..*humming*....(Pat)......

Ona:.........

Candi: *snoring*........*snoring*.......

Tv

Baja:What is music at midnight? Well as the names in the title says we're going to be talking about music and it's going to be airing during midnight.

Announcer: music at midnight a new late night talk show! Premieres tonight only on O.E.T!

Neta:.....*sigh*....... ikkan would love this show. .........me and him cuddling watching TV at midnight. Under a blanket surrounded by pillows...................... I miss him....

Ona: [baby noises]

Neta: yeah? You would like the show too Ona?

Bowie: what are you watching?

Neta: Bowie go back to bed. It's past your bedtime, go back upstairs with your mom

Bowie: but she snores too loud!

Neta: Bowie.. .... okay

Bowie: what's in this room?

Neta: noooo that's my daughter's room you can't go in there....let's sit down on the couch..... come on........(click).....why don't we watch 'Ollie? ...you like Ollie

Bowie: alright

Tv

[Music]........Mom!..[music].......Dad!.........[music].......Leo!......[music]...........OLLIE!

Bowie: hehe

Neta: you need to lay down. try to get some sleep before your dad picks you up. You start preschool soon, you need a proper sleep schedule.

Bowie: okay

Ona: [fussy baby noises]

Neta: you need to sleep too young lady ......

Ona [crying]

Neta: someone is hungry..... Come on baby girl. Let's get you something to eat and fresh dia-(gasp).....*sigh*..... I need to put a bell on you

Mahi: I need to finish my homework I won't be annoying I promise.

Neta: where's Baja should he be at home with you?

Mahi: He's at work... They're doing a test stream or something or whatever

Ona: [crying]

Neta:.......*sigh*... Alright ........ I have some left overs in the fridge if you want anything.... Can you watch Bowie? Just make sure he's sleeping or watching TV as long as he's quiet.....

Mahi: ......(typing) alright

Neta: come on Ona....

_______________________________________________

Cirrina: ..... that was pretty good

Bayou: Yes I go there every other Sunday....

Cirrina: I leave on Sunday.... Maybe I can get another one before I leave....... Is that a music store?

Bayou: The old music store? Ye.....you play an instrument?

Cirrina: I play the cello .... It's nothing impressive really..... Second chair trying to get first chair in high school

Bayou: wow I'd like to see you play

Cirrina: no...nooo I-I couldn't .... You were going to take me to the cafe

Bayou: come on... Let's go inside....... We have plenty of time

Cirrina: ehhhhhh ok..... ...

Bayou: excuse me do you have a Cello we can try out?

Employees: sure.....hol up...let meh jest.......unlock.....here ya are..... .

Bayou: here you go Cirrina

Cirrina: [playing Bach: Cello Suite No. 1]

Bayou: [clap]...[clap] ...wow brains and beauty

Cirrina: (blush)..........you don't mean that

Bayou: I do .... You really talented

Cirrina: hehehe.............

Bayou:................

Cirrina: It's getting dark. I need to go home.

Bayou: Yeah why don't I take you to the cafe and get something to go and I can walk you to the ferry....{takes hand}

Cirrina: I'd like that.

_______________________________________________

Candi: mmmmmmm.....*yawn*........*huff*........(Squeak).....hm?

Plushie

Recording: I believe in you and your strength to keep fighting

Candi: Demersal?....... Do they still give these out?.....(Squeeze)

Recording: sometimes bad things happen and they're out of our control. It wasn't your fault

Candi: Cod I hated this thing ........ alright where are my kids? .... I'm well rested and ready to go........hey Neta..(toss)...

Neta:...ow......... hey........(Pat).......(Pat)......(Pat)

Bowie: *sleeping*..........

Candi: thanks for watching the kids. Donn had to go back to work today...*yawn*...... just needed a break..

Neta: no problem

Candi: how's Ona doing?

Ona:*sleeping*.......

Neta: she's fine......

Candi: .. That's good.. .... why do you still have this thing?

Neta: it was a gift... I got it when I was a kid...I just can't give it away

Candi:............

Neta: What! Ok what did you do with yours?

Candi: I ripped out the voice box and gave it to Bowie. He then threw up on it so I threw it away. Kids...

Neta: yeah... I had an old blanket I used to wrap her in. One blowout later and it was in the trash

Candi: hehehehe... Don't you just love being a parent sometimes?

Neta: heheheh.... Don't tell her I told you that she would kill me.. hehehdhe

Mahi:.......guys

Candi: hi mahi..........

Mahi: hey

Candi: ....... Donn's outside I got to get going.... Neta do you mind?

Neta: *scooping up Bowie*....yeeep let's go.....

_______________________________________________

Cirrina: I really enjoyed this.. I had fun.

Bayou: I had fun too Cirrina. I really like you

Cirrina: I like you too ..........................

Bayou:...............

Cirrina:...........

Bayou:..........*leaning in*............[kiss].....

Cirrina: [kiss]........ Hehehe

Bayou: hehehehehe

Cirrina: (blush)..... I- I need to go....uh

Bayou: I'll text you.......[peck]

Cirrina: bye......

_______________________________________________

Neta: alright!! Drive safe!!!!.....*sigh*......... mahi go home.

Mahi: I just got here! And I'm not being annoying. Please can I stay just one more night please

Neta: No, I didn't sleep well last night and I just had to babysit two kids. Let me have my peace. You've been staying here for a week. You practically live here. I need to clean up, I need to do the dishes and vacuum the floor, laundry .. I need to clean out nibbles's box. I need to make this place look like I wasn't wallowing in my own loneliness. All right

Mahi: you can do that when I'm here. It's not going to bother you

Neta: mahi goooooo home.....

Mahi: please can I say one more night please? I won't complain about the couch

Neta: no..... good bye

Mahi: but my apartment is quiet. You complain about wallowing in your loneliness. What about me you don't think I'm wallowing

Neta: get a pet or something ... (SLAM)

Mahi: (bang).....(bang)...... Where do I get a pet

Neta:AAAAAAAAAHHHH........*sigh*.. . . You can stay. This is your last night here. Tomorrow I will take you to the pet store after work pick out whatever you want and leave me alone..

Mahi: thanks Neta!

_______________________________________________

@fish-at-fish-fish-resort mahi go home

[peterporkerfan]

sketchbook [earth 1610!miles morales x latina!reader]

word count: 1.2k

warnings: fluff, light cursing, kissing, relationship insecurities, lots of spanglish

a/n: my first language is spanish, so nothing here is google translated i promise 💀

It was a hot June afternoon, and the air was sizzling all over the city.

You and Miles laid on his bed, side by side, with his arm draped around your shoulder. The AC was on full blast, and Miles’ favorite album sounded all around the room. You were both humming and singing along contently. You looked up at him smiling every once in a while, and he’d look back, smiling even wider.

“Baby, do you hear this? No one does it like Kendrick. His music is on a whole ‘nother level.” He smiled back down at you, looking at you with sheer adoration.“You know, Gwen and I…we’d listen to him all the time when she’d swing by. I love his music.”

“Remember when your favorite rapper was Post Malone?” You joked, and he looked away awkwardly.

“Yeah…we don’t—we don’t talk about that.”

You laughed and you brought your hands to his cheeks, bringing him closer and kissing him deeply. He smiled into the kiss, bringing his hands to your waist and pulling you towards him until you were laying on top of him.

You pull away from the kiss, and look down at Miles while you smile.

“I’ve never met anyone like you, Miles. Eres otra cosa.”

Miles smiled back at you, feeling so lucky to have someone like you in his life. “Just wait until you meet Peter, Hobie, or Gwen…especially Gwen. She’s the coolest person ever. You two would get along really well.” Miles rambled.

“I’m sure we would.” You smiled back at your boyfriend, knowing how much he cared about his friends.

“Miles, mijo! Baja un momentito. I need your help with something!” Mrs. Morales shouted from downstairs.

“Coming, Ma!” Miles shouted back, turning his head in the direction of the opened door.

“A mi tú no me grites!”

Miles sighed, “I’ll be back ya mismo”

“I’ll be right here” You smiled at him. Miles smiled back and walked out, leaving you alone in his room.

When Miles shut the door, you stood up from your position, sitting with your legs crossed on the edge of the twin sized bed. You took in his room, and how much it reminded you of him. His collectible figurines, countless posters of his favorite rappers and albums, and the constant clutter on his floor. You spotted his sketchbook on the ground right in front of you, and felt a sudden urge to pick it up.

Miles was generally open about most things with you, however he kept his drawings to himself. You never questioned it as maybe he just thought they were embarrassing or too personal. You slowly picked up the book and started flipping through its pages. At first you were met with images of his uncle, his suit, and the streets of Brooklyn. You smiled faintly as you flipped through, appreciating how utterly talented your boyfriend was. However, you were suddenly met with countless images of someone whose name you’d never forget: Gwen.

Miles’ face would always light up when he mentioned Gwen. You never thought much of it, however, there were so many drawings of her in his sketchbook, which must’ve taken hours to make, with every little detail about her captured on the paper. You began to feel an unfamiliar pain take over you, and you put the sketchbook down where you got it from. God, she was gorgeous. And cool. Of course Miles liked her…I mean who wouldn’t? The way he described her made her seem so…captivating. Before the thought took over you completely, Miles walked into the room again, holding a large laundry basket and setting it down besides his bed. You tried to change your expression, looking up at your boyfriend like you usually would.

“That’s a lot of clothes to sort through. Que mierda.” Miles sighed.

“You need any help?”

“Yeah, actually. That’d be pretty good.”

“Cual es la palabra mágica?” You teased, batting your eyes at him playfully.

Miles narrowed his eyes at you, acting playfully annoyed. “Please?”

You walked towards him and gave him a kiss on the cheek, and leaned down to sort through the clothes in the basket.

“I think you might’ve outgrown this sweater a while ago.” You held it out so Miles could see. It was an orange cardigan, with patches embroidered into it.

“Haha, very funny, Y/N. That’s Gwen’s. She left it here last time que visitó.”

“Y tú—you wear it?” You asked, feeling the uneasiness you felt before come rushing back.

“Course not. Mami probably threw it in the laundry basket sorting through my room at some point.”

“Oh.”

“It’s nice to have something of her’s though. Just to remember her by.”

Some time went by and you continued to fold clothes while a question bubbled inside you. Finally, after a long silence, you asked.

“Miles, tú—do you still…”

“Do I still what, mi amor?”

“Have feelings for…”

Miles furrowed his brows. “For…Gwen?”

“I mean, you talk about her so much and I didn’t mean to violate your privacy or anything but I may or may not have looked through your sketchbook filled with drawings of her. And don’t get me wrong the drawings are really good pero—”

Miles interrupted your senseless ramble. “Mi amor…”

“Qué?”

“You don’t seriously think that I like her, right?”

“Well, I don’t know. I mean I wouldn’t blame you for it, you know. You did once before, you could again but—“

“Baby…those drawings are old, did you go through the whole thing?”

“No, not really. I guess I thought I’d seen…enough.”

Miles picked up the sketchbook off the ground and flipped through it. He handed it to you and looked at you with adoration as he did so (unbeknownst to you, as you were staring down at your shoes with shame). You flipped the page from a drawing of Gwen and saw it: countless drawings of you. All done when you thought he wasn’t looking. A drawing of you looking at the board in math class, sitting across the room from Miles (only because the teacher thought you two were “too chatty” when you sat together). A drawing of you sitting on your windowsill with headphones on, drowning out the world around you. A drawing of you walking towards Miles, smiling at him. The drawings continued for countless pages, and your eyes began to water as you looked back up at Miles.

“You did all these…de mi?”

“Claro, you’re my girl. Why would I not?” Miles’ brows furrowed as he looked towards you.

“Dios mio, I’m so sorry for thinking you liked her. Soy tan estupida a veces.”

“Nah, don’t be, and you’re not. Yo soy el que es medio pendejo every once in a while. That’s on me.” Miles laughed.

“Y Miles, these drawings are really good. Why hadn’t you shown me?”

“I thought you wouldn’t—ay, no se. I thought you’d think they were stupid or something, I guess.” Miles mumbled, looking down at his shoes.

“Stupid? Miles, these are…you’re crazy talented. Are you kidding me?”

“Thanks…” Miles blushed as he smiled back at you faintly.

“Alright, well… enough of this sappy shit. Where were we?”

“Laundry.” Said Miles.

“Right, laundry.”

“Do we reeeeally want to do the laundry though?” Miles asked, hoping you’d just say no.

“Fuck no.” You laughed.

“Great!” You laughed as Miles webbed you back to were you were before, laying side by side on his bed.

You looked up at him. “Can I choose the music now?”

“Fine, baby. Play whatever you want.”

You unlocked his phone and searched for a Spanish pop song you knew Miles hated.

He narrowed his eyes at you. “Seriously…”

“Miles, si no es así te vas a convertir en un gringo. Con esa B en español, imagínate…”

“Alright, alright…lo que tu digas, mami.” He laughed, kissing the top of your head.

As the song played and you sung along to each word, Miles became sure of one thing:

He’d never let you go.

send me requests for whatever (no smut and only latina or white/race not specified reader please)!! i’ll write mainly for miles morales but i’ll take requests for anyone else spiderverse/spiderman!!

[wordy-little-witch]

Edge of Midnight incorrect quotes

Farryn: What’s it like being so tall?

Jericho: Is it nice?

Marius: Can you reach comfortably for the cupboards?

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Yorgrim: We live in constant fear of the short ones who, in my experience, will climb four chairs, two boxes, a small coffee table, and six oddly placed stools to get what they want.

Briggsy: Boil up some Mountain Dew. It’s gonna be a long night.

Briggsy: *slams books down in front of Lethica*

Lethica: You could of said literally anything else.

Briggsy: Cauldron boil and cauldron bubble, Baja Blast to fuel my trouble.

Lethica: I’m going to just stop challenging you when you say random shit. I won’t win. I realize this now.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Briggsy: You look good in that hoodie.

Jericho: You know where else I'd look good?

Briggsy, zero hesitation: Mari's bed.

Jericho, at the same time: In a hug- wait, what?

Marius:

Briggsy: did I stutter

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Briggsy: I’m really glad “fight me” has replaced “sue me” in the common vernacular because I don’t have money, but I do have fists and I am always angry.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Lethica: What do rainbows mean to you?

Farryn: Gay rights.

Briggsy: There's money.

Marius: The sign of God's promise to never destroy the whole Earth with a flood.

Yorgrim: It is an optical phenomenon that separates sunlight into its continuous spectrum when the sun shines on raindrops.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Farryn: What do I get?

Jericho: A night of fashion, mischief, mayhem, and possible death.

Farryn: Ooh, check, check, and check; not sure about that last one.

Jericho: It won't be you.

Farryn: I'll get my coat.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Jericho: How is spring not everyone’s favorite season? The trees are PINK, guys!

Farryn: Allergies are also a problem, y'know.

Jericho: But pink.

Lethica: And it's hot.

Jericho: PINK!

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Jericho: The only thing I'm guilty of is being adorable... ...and also assault with a deadly weapon.

Virgil: CAW >:}

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Jericho: What do you all intend on majoring in?

Yorgrim: Respecting the dead

Farryn: Minecraft.

Marius: Criminal justice and psychology.

Briggsy: I'm terrified that I’ll lock myself into an interest that I’ll no longer be passionate about in a few years like all the other areas of study I’ve pursued over my life!

Lethica: Minecraft as well.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Farryn: Get in, loser, we’re committing vehicular manslaughter!

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Briggsy: Here comes the lightning!

Briggsy, whispering: You've got to imagine it coming out my fingertips, wherein I am an almighty wizard.

Jericho: Ok, currently imagining that. Hmm, not bad. Not bad at all.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Farryn: I'm going the fight the next person who insults Jericho.

Jericho: I don't rightly think I like myself all that much.

Farryn: Alright, square up.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Yorgrim: Plants are basically the ideal friends. They are quiet, friendly, and easy to please. All they need is a little water and fresh earth, and they are perfectly happy to lie there all day in the sun. And they don’t make increasingly awful life choices, or hide their relationships. They have never, as far as I know, fucked a bee.

The rest of the party:

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Briggsy: Physically, yes, I could fight a bird, but emotionally? Imagine the toll!

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Virgil, the bird in question: >:}

Jericho, trying to flirt with Marius: So, I heard you like bad girls… I time travel in Animal Crossing.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Marius: Valentine’s day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos-

Jericho: I wrote you a poem.

Marius, already crying: You did?

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Yorgrim: You made enough pasta that you could take it to lunch tomorrow. Put it in a container.

Farryn: Shovel the pasta into your face. Do it. Put it in your face. The future is meaningless but the pasta is now.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

*when the party drops food*

Marius: Eh, oh well.

Yorgrim: FIVE-SECOND RULE!

Lethica: FUCK!

Briggsy: *just gets more food*

Jericho: *drops to their knees and mourns the food*

Farryn: *eats the food off the ground*

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Jericho: I am going to need you to swear-

Briggsy: Fuck.

Jericho:

Jericho: ...swear as in promise.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Farryn: Ow!

Jericho: What’s wrong?

Farryn: I have this weird pain right above my eyebrow.

Jericho: It’s called a stress headache. I got my first one when I was four.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Farryn: Is there anyone here who’s actually straight?

Briggsy: *raises hand*

Yorgrim: *puts their hand down*

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Lethica: What scares you guys the most?

Farryn: Werewolves!

Marius: Sharks.

Jericho: The unstoppable marching of time that is slowly guiding us all towards an inevitable death.

Everyone:

Jericho: also locusts - them critters are horrible for crops, lemme tell ya-

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Marius: Can you be serious for five minutes?

Jericho: My record is four, but I think I can do it.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

*The gang responding to being stabbed by a sword*

Briggsy: Rude.

Lethica: That's fair.

Farryn: Not again.

Jericho: Are you gonna want this back or can I keep it?

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Yorgrim: You use humor to deflect your trauma.

Jericho: Awww, thanks-

Yorgrim: That’s not a good thing.

Jericho: All I’m hearing is that you think I’m funny.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Marius: What's wrong with you?

Briggsy: Off the top of my head, I'd say low self-esteem, a lack of paternal affection, and a genetic predisposition for anxiety and depression.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Jericho: If a demon possessed me, I’d just be like, “Okay, take it from here, good luck man.”

Virgil:

The party:

Jericho: see, it's funny, on account of it being real

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Farryn: You're a lying piece of shit!

Marius: Oh yeah? You're the idiot that thinks you can get away with everything you do, WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!

Lethica: I'm leaving and I'm taking Jericho with me!

Yorgrim, gathering cards: Aaaaand that's enough Monopoly for today.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Jericho: Due to some personal reasons, I will be fucking sinking to the bottom of the ocean in a large metal box.

Yorgrim: Did Marius say 'I love you' and you said 'Thanks'?

Jericho: THE REASONS ARE MIGHTY PERSONAL–

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Briggsy: Which country has the most birds?

Briggsy: Portu-geese!

Lethica: That's a language.

Briggsy: Portu-gull?

Lethica: Good recovery.

Farryn: I think you mean good re-dovery.

Jericho: TURKEY. HOW DID WE MISS TURKEY?

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Marius: Look, I know you think my judgement's clouded because I like Jericho a little bit.

Farryn, holding Marius's notepad: You doodled your wedding invitation.

Marius: No, that's our joint tombstone.

Farryn: My mistake.

[beansmakesthings]

You 🫵

Yes you

Give me your Penny Lamb headcanons (rtc)

Well, if you insist! These are just some random kinda general ones. Some will mention some gore and the accident and some will vaguely reference familial abuse, so be warned!

- Penny had a really rough childhood and was taken from her father indefinitely when she was 10. She's been in the system ever since, as families keep deciding they can't handle the combination of PTSD and autism and gave her back.

- The only biological family she really connected with was her grandmother, who was the one who gave Penny her doll

- Penny wants to be a sheep farmer one day like Gran was before she passed.

- Penny's Metis on her bio mom's side. She doesn't really talk about it much because her mother died shortly after she was born and her father kept her away from that side of her family and Penny never really learned much about her culture. She doesn't really know what all it means.

- This one is kind of a general RTC headcanon, but the way the choir survives the Cyclone after the musical is that Karnak quite literally shifted the timeline. They technically inhabit an alternate universe where the only change is they survive. This means everyone has two conflicting memories of how the accident happened and Penny has very vivid nightmares that constantly switch between losing her head and waking up alive aftermath of the crash with her throat sliced and her neck broken.

- Penny had a sort of identity crisis at 3 am due to these dreams and cut and bleached her hair in Jane Doe fashion. She actually found it strangely comforting to sort of pay homage to the person she was when she found her friends and keeps the look. She didn't like being Jane Doe, but she appreciates what Jane did for her.

- Penny always liked scary movies and stuff like that, but after the accident and the whole Jane Doe debacle she becomes very fascinated with anything morbid and death related as a sort of weird coping mechanism.

- Penny also gets very into the goth, emo, and heavy metal scenes after the accident. She cries listening to Nemo by Nightwish (no I will not shut up about that song)

- Speaking of music, Penny is a life long Marianas Trench fan and when Constance finds out they NEVER SHUT UP ABOUT IT

- Penny had a big crush on Ocean for a while before they started dating, but it was always kind of soured by Ocean acting SO homophobic and SO ableist all the time. It was a huge internal conflict for Penny until Ocean finally turned around, apologized to all the people she'd hurt, and genuinely changed for the better. Penny is actually quite proud of Ocean's progress.

- Penny's hyposensitive to touch and loves deep pressure, squishy hugs, cuddles, and textures. She's notorious for touching stuff without permission when she thinks no one's looking just because the texture looks ✨️feely✨️ (same girl same)

- Mischa is her favourite person to go to for sensory hugs cause he's taller than her and kinda chubby and kinda muscular and he can just envelop her entirely and squeeze the life out of her which she loves.

- Penny really likes Moutain Dew. Mountain Dew of any flavour. The only things she drinks are water, Mountain Dew, and the occasion double-double from Tims. Ocean got her that Baja Blast t-shirt from Hot Topic and Penny wears it every day as pajamas.

- Penny's new family (the one she was placed with after the other one didn't look for her or report her missing or anything at all after the accident) are very nice, but she's incredibly wary of them because of her history. She prefers to be out of the house so she doesn't have to interact with people who are supposed to be parental figures to her.

- Penny loves going to Ricky's, laying on his floor, and being smothered by all his cats while he tells her about Star Trek lore.

- Penny and Noel are the same height, so often times he comes over asking to try on her skirts and stuff to see if they'll look good on him. She has lost half her wardrobe to him.

[goldengay49]

Texas: I don’t mind homosexuality, as long as it’s my own homosexuality

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California: I feel like Steve Jobs is judging me from his grave

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Florida: how do you spell difference?

New York: What 👏 a 👏 genius 👏

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Ohio: I'm a skater

Indiana: you smoke weed!?

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Florida: how would they know me 🙄💅

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Florida: let me gaslight an infant; it’s a harmless crime

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South Carolina: I’m an animal in bed

South Carolina: feed me and give me pats

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California: these fries are so fucking good

Utah: HeY! In-N-Out Is A chRIStian company-!!

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Washington and Oregon: *kiss*

Montana: what are you doing

Idaho: we’re playing gay chicken

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*texting*

Florida: *selfie of his forehead*

Florida: Getting ready to go to cort

Gov: you have a beautiful forehead, Florida, but what’s cort?

Louisiana: court*

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Florida: I want to eat the scented candle

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California: *points to sign that says idfb*

California: I DON'T FUCKING BITCH, FLORIDA. I DON'T FUCKING BITCH 🙄

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*texting*

Delaware: PLS

Delaware: SHAKING UR SHOULDERS

Delaware: AGGRESSIVELY

Delaware: TELL ME U GOT THIS

Delaware: PLS

Delaware: BEGGING U

Delaware: ON MY KNEES

Delaware: Fuckkkk

New York: Why does Apple/Samsung not like Delaware😒

Delaware: PLS

Delaware: IM CRYING

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Gov: who’s excited Florida’s not here

Everyone: *raises their hands*

Florida: *walks in* what’s up suckers

California: are you okay, gov? You look sad

Gov: I’ve just hit a new level of depression

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Washington: why isn’t Oregon Kirby? He loves sucking things

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California: tell me who you like, whisper it

Nevada: *whispers*

California: HIM!? WHY HIM!?

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Oregon, stuck in his sweater: help, how do I get out of this!?

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West Virginia: you cannot tell me $2 can’t pay for college

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New York: and then we basically went to y’know what’s it called?

California: bed?

New York: yeah, bed

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Utah: I don’t believe in 69

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Florida: y’know what’s really underrated? Eating dirt

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California: don’t worry, I’ll take her boyfriend so you can have her

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Florida: I'm making robbery aesthetic

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Alaska (on a call with Hawai’i): FLORIDA KEEPS MAKING BIRD SOUNDS DURING MEETINGS

Hawai’i: are they good bird sounds?

Alaska: THE FUCK?

Alaska: THERE ARE NO GOOD BIRD SOUNDS

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Texas: GODLESS HEATHEN!

California: YOU CAN’T CALL ME GODLESS JUST BECAUSE I’M CATHOLIC

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New York: western states don’t exist to me, they’re walking fetuses

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New York: take my hoodie and I take your ability to walk

Florida: oh~

New York: *grabs bat*

Florida: wait-

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Texas: you have no friends!

California: you’ve known Baja for years!

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Kansas: wait… you have farms in California

California: no, the agriculture we produce comes from black magic

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Gov: florida, your mommy said you were cute… she lied

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Nevada: i like your shoes, they're shiny. Taylor swift could steal them and itd be the coolest thing shes ever done

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Gov: california, new york, florida, you’ll be sharing your work in a 3 way

Florida: ooh~

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California: you lose your speaking privileges

Virginia: YOU lose your rights *holds up constitution*

California: *grabs it and starts reading it aloud*

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Oregon: I got stabbed in my past life! No wonder I don’t want to stab people!

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California: Wisdom is a privilege, and we are not privileged people

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Florida, on call: SHOW ME WHAT YOU'RE HUNTING

Alaska: do you have any friends?

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Alaska: am I sexually active—? No, look at me

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California: I have a Tesla for the environment

Texas: you also have a Ferrari

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Florida: *turns on seat heating*

Florida: is my seat hot for some reason

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Florida: no one can catch my cold. It’s special

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Texas: i’m not homophobic! My boyfriends gay

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Arkansas: *singing in the bathroom in the middle of the night*

Tennessee: *opens door* you come and sing with me, boy

Red: happened irl

Blue: stole from the internet

Black: made it up