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magicalrocketships · 5 days ago

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pretty much every day i just think abt small!max saying "daniel, my daniel" when he sees dan. it's with me forever!! ok that's all

Okay, this awakened something in me, and I've missed Go Small! Max. Thank you, anon!

All earlier parts can be found in this masterpost and on AO3 here.

Five times Max calls Daniel ‘my Daniel’ (and one other time)

One.

"No," Max says politely but with zero room for negotiation. "I don't want that."

That is a plate of sandwiches that look decidedly soggy, oil softened vegetables leaking out of a thickly sliced sourdough.

Daniel looks up at the waiter. "Could you do some sliced bread and butter instead?" he asks, moving Max's plate out from in front of him. He finds room for it on the table next to him and opens up the sandwiches, starting to scrape the vegetables out onto the plate. In hindsight, it was a bad order. He'd seen the tomatoes and thought that Max might like them.

The waiter comes back over with two slices of bread and a pat of butter; Daniel makes yet more room on the table to butter the bread and cut it into halves, then deposits it in front of Max. He goes back to scraping the mediterranean vegetables out of the sandwich, dumps the bread on his plate, then starts to pull out the tomatoes so that they're separate from the rest of the vegetables. He offers the plate to Max, who stares at it dubiously.

"You like tomatoes," Daniel says.

"Hmm," Max says.

Daniel doesn't force him. He sets the plate down and shows Max his fork in case he wants to try anything, then eats his own pesto chicken on toasted sourdough.

Max picks at his bread and butter, then after eating a piece, he uses his fork to carefully eat two little roasted tomatoes. He clearly considers this enough vitamins and nutrients for this meal, and goes back to his bread and butter. He does, however, drink his apple juice.

"Is the bread nice?" Daniel asks. His sandwich is decidedly mediocre.

Max considers. "Yes," he says finally. "Thank you, my Daniel."

Something inside of Daniel's chest shifts. He's changed forever.

"Good," he says, his voice catching. "I'm glad."

&&&

Two.

Max hasn't wet the bed in weeks. The nightlights had finally managed to turn frequent into infrequent into barely ever.

Barely ever isn't not ever, though. Daniel's woken up by an insistent little hand on his shoulder. "My Daniel," Max says, sniffling.

Daniel blinks away sleep. "What's up?"

"The bed's wet," Max says.

Daniel sits up. "That's okay, Maxy-Max," he says. "That's okay. Nobody's mad."

Max sucks in a ragged, tearful breath.

Daniel kisses Max's flushed forehead. "Let's go get you cleaned up."

Max tucks his hand into Daniel's, sleepy and tearful, and holds on.

&&&

Three.

"I didn't know where you were," Max says reprovingly, once he's discovered Daniel face down on the sofa, snoring into a Pokemon cushion with the TV on low, and poked him awake. "There's no breakfast bowl."

That is a reprimand. The rule is, no TV before breakfast. TV is allowed with breakfast, but the new rule came into force last week when Max refused to eat anything because he wanted to watch Detective Pikachu through to the end even though his tummy was rumbling. So: no TV before breakfast.

Daniel didn't go to sleep until after four, though, and he's only out here in the living room because he'd finally got bored of watching the time tick by on his sunrise alarm clock and had resigned himself to pulling an all-nighter. He'd come out here to drink coffee and watch whatever he could find on TV in the middle of the night, then had promptly passed out eight minutes into an old episode of Friends.

"You have to turn the TV off," Max repeats.

Daniel obliges. He still feels mostly asleep. He rubs his fists into his eyes.

"Hmm," Max says.

"I didn't sleep very well," Daniel says. He doesn't look at his watch but Max likes to be awake pretty early. As an adult Max likes to sleep late, but kid Max doesn't feel the same way. Consequently, Daniel's life has flipped to an early bird timetable. His body hasn't quite caught up, though, and there have always been nights where he's stared at the ceiling for far too many hours. "Might have to be careful with me today, champ." He does finger guns to try and make it cool, but he's just tired.

Max blinks at him. "Okay, my Daniel." He turns on his heel and disappears out of the living room, before coming back in clutching Pikachu. "You can hug Pikachu," he says. There's a pause. "Can we have breakfast now?"

Daniel laughs. "Sure can," he says, wrapping an arm around Pikachu's round middle. "What are we having today? Would monsieur like a fish? An omelette?" He does his silliest French accent. It's very bad. Max laughs. He always has the exact same breakfast. Max likes cereal. Cereal, and his milk in his own special jug. He won't entertain anything else. "A croissant, Max? A fried egg? Un oeuf?"

"No, no, no," Max says. "Cereal, please."

"Coming right up, monsieur," Daniel says, and as Max pads into the kitchen in his pyjamas, Daniel's heart skips a little soft beat.

&&&

Four.

"Daniel, my Daniel," Max calls, barely even waiting for Daniel to get out of the car. Daniel's been into the village to get fresh bread for lunch, and he's come back with wine for him and his parents, a few bits and pieces his dad had wanted for their dinner that evening, and a new bat and ball game for if Max can be tempted out of the pool for any significant period of time.

Daniel grabs the bags. "Maxy-Max," he calls back, finishing off with his best camel impression just to make him laugh. He wanders around to the back of the house to the pool, where his mum and dad are — predictably — in the water with Max. "Mum, Dad. Everyone present and correct, I see."

"Watch me," Max tells him, clambering out of the pool and getting water everywhere. "Look what I can do now!"

"I'm watching," Daniel says.

He watches Max sit down on the edge of the pool with his feet in the water. He puts his hands above his head, shaped like he's going to dive, and Daniel knows what he's going to see. This is how he got taught to go into the water face first. His parents taught him and now they're teaching Max.

Max tilts forward and forward until he's going into the water in a little seated dive. He emerges from the water, beaming, to Daniel's mum and dad clapping him, and Daniel cheering. Max swims over to the steps, and Daniel's waiting for him at the top of them. He gets a very wet and very excited hug.

"Did you see?" Max asks.

"I saw," Daniel says. He blinks away tears. He doesn't know why he's crying. "I saw, and you were brilliant."

"Good," Max says solidly, and follows Daniel inside, little wet footprints all the way after him.

&&&

Five.

Max is three. He's sleepy and full, a solid little lump in Daniel's lap. He's demanded three stories already before bed tonight, and Daniel's accommodating because in the morning this little version of Max might be gone. Daniel might get his seven year old Max back, or he might wake up to an empty bed and two missing cats, and Max having left to pick his life back up.

Daniel kisses the top of Max's head. "This is the last story," he says, but he'll probably stretch it out until Max falls asleep right where he's sitting. There's no rush, anyway. There's nothing for either of them to do with their days. He turns the pages in their little book about kittens.

"My Daniel," Max says sleepily, a little garbled around his thumb. He sucks his thumb when he's three, and Daniel hasn't any interest in stopping him. He'll let Max have anything he finds comforting. He deserves the little kindnesses.

"My Max," Daniel says softly. Max is falling asleep in his arms, his eyes drooping. It's time to put him to bed. "Time for sleep, my little Max. Time for bed."

Max is asleep by the time Daniel's carried him through into the bedroom. He doesn't stir as Daniel tucks him in, as he makes sure the nightlights are all turned on and that Pikachu's in easy reach.

He stands in the doorway for a long time before he turns away.

&&&

(And Another Time)

Daniel is so, so tired. His body feels heavy. His mum had gone with him to the doctor's yesterday, and they'd stopped at a pharmacy on the way home to pick up his new pills. She'd brought him a glass of water and a plate of crackers to have with the first dose. He'd downed them all obediently.

They're not magic. He's not woken up this morning feeling happy again, or like his chest is more than the black, sucking hole where his heart used to be.

He doesn't open his eyes. A tear escapes without his permission. He hates this. He hates feeling like he does right now, hates the nothingness, the weight of his body against the earth.

"Hey, Daniel, my Daniel." It's Max, sleeping next to him for the fourth night in a row. He's big but he hasn't left. He always leaves but this time he hasn't. He's still here. He strokes Daniel's hair. "It is okay. I am here and your mum's here. We will make it all all right again. I promise, Daniel. You don't need to cry." He strokes his thumb under Daniel's eye, catching Daniel's stray tears. He wipes his thumb on the sheets then curls his hand into Daniel's. He laces their fingers together. "We've got you."

And Daniel, desperate, holds on.

&&&

(thank you to Lin @andwegogreen for reading these as I wrote them tonight 🧡🧡🧡)

#my fic #de-aged maxiel #baby max #fic that i wrote #it's you and me

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magicalrocketships · 3 months ago

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Daniel is not special!!! I am also fucked up over de-aged max 😭😭

And sometimes Daniel is very fucked up. All earlier parts can be found in this masterpost and on AO3 here (I was planning on putting the outstanding ones on AO3 tonight, but I'll do it over the next couple of days instead, including this part).

This sort of follows on from Waking Up and Max is big again.

It's You And Me (I Know It's My Destiny): In which Daniel is sad, and Max and Daniel go on holiday (this part 2.9k)

"I have sand in my shoe," Max says.

"You can't have sand in your shoe," Daniel says, because they have been out of the car approximately 36 seconds and the beach is still the other side of the car park. All Max has stood on is the gravel next to the car. His Pikachu trainers are still tightly laced up.

"I can," Max says. He's not been enthusiastic about this beach trip from the moment Daniel's mum suggested it. He plays with the handle on the car door as if that's miraculously going to unlock it again and let him get back inside.

"You'll like it when we get there," Daniel says, sounding like his mum and her mum and probably every mum in the history of his family.

"Hmmm," Max says. "When are we going home?"

There's a strange little pull in Daniel's chest. Home. Max talks about home like it's a plant with Daniel's flat in Monaco the root and wherever Daniel is right now the leafy green. His favourite thing is when they're all together, but he'll take being with Daniel so long as going home is also on the cards.

"Later on," Daniel says. "We've got some fun to have first. We can go in the sea."

Max looks decidedly dubious. "There might be sharks."

"We won't swim if there's sharks," Daniel says. He rifles through his mental compendium of fun things they can do on the beach today. "There's tomato soup?" he offers. He's got a flask of it in his bag. He's learned. "And you can take pictures with my camera."

Max blinks at him. Unimpressed.

"My mum and dad will be here soon," Daniel says, desperate. "You can tell them all the facts out of your flag book."

"All of them?" Max asks.

"All of them," Daniel agrees. "Come on."

"Hmm," Max says, but he slips his hand into Daniel's.

&&&

Daniel finally acknowledges that he's hungry, so he gets out of bed and goes into the kitchen to find something to eat. It has been a week since his last supermarket delivery, and four days since he woke up to find Max gone, big again, disappeared back to a life which doesn't involve Daniel in any real way. There are apples slowly going soft in the bowl. Max likes apples. He likes them cut into slices with the core cut out. Depending on how crunchy the apple is, sometimes he likes the skin cut off. He doesn't like them when they're soft. Daniel can't be bothered to eat them, so he leaves them in the bowl. The fridge doesn't contain anything useful either, and the bread's gone bad. He stands in front of the kitchen cupboard with the crackers in and eats three of them. He follows it up with a packet of dried vegetable snack food for toddlers, significantly out of date, from when a tiny chunky three year old Max came to stay. He drinks a can of Red Bull looking at the empty cat litter trays. He needs to sweep the few remaining bits of litter up and take the bin out.

He doesn't do it. He finishes his can of Red Bull, goes for a piss, and climbs back into bed again with the covers over his head.

He hasn't showered in four days. He hasn't eaten a proper meal in five. He closes his eyes, buries his face in the pillows, and ignores the buzzing of his phone.

&&&

"I'm not jumping in."

"Okay," Daniel says, zooming in on a picture of the pool. "You don't have to jump."

After their relatively unsuccessful beach day, Daniel drops the idea of renting a beach house for his parents and Max for the remainder of their trip to Monaco, and instead, goes for a gîte up in the hills. It has a pool and a pétanque court and somewhere to play badminton. It has two bedrooms up in the attics, which Daniel plans on claiming for him and Max, and one downstairs with a massive bathroom for his parents. The local village boasts two specialist bakeries. Daniel hopes they're specialised enough to do a boring sliced loaf for Max to have buttered on a daily basis.

"You won't make me jump in?" Max asks, pressing himself to Daniel's side. He's so close that Daniel might require a spatula to get them apart. He's looking at the pictures of the gîte on Daniel's laptop. It's a last minute booking; they leave in the morning.

"Promise," Daniel says. He hasn't actually asked if Max knows how to swim, so his mum and dad have got floats on their shopping list just in case. They've gone out to buy last minute things for their holiday tomorrow..

"There's no sand?" Max asks, leaning over and digging his elbows into Daniel's thigh so he can get a closer look at the pictures.

"Not by the pool," Daniel says.

"I don't like sand," Max says, which is something Daniel knows, after Max had refused to touch it at the beach. "I don't like it in my shoes."

Daniel ruffles his hair. "No beach trips. I know. There is a train, though. We can go for a ride on it if you like."

"At the house?" Max asks dubiously.

"No, we'll have to drive to it. We can take my mum and dad."

"Yes, please," Max says. "Are the Jimmy or Sassy cats coming on holiday with us too?"

"They're going on their own holiday." A fucking expensive one too, at a luxury cat hotel. Cat ownership, even of the temporary variety associated with Go Small guardianship, is tremendously expensive. They've got the 'getting the cats into their multi storey cat carrier' experience to have later on too. They cats have clearly spotted the cat carrier and are sitting on top of the cupboards in Daniel's kitchen in protest. Daniel foresees a number of new scratches later on. A little pre-holiday gift.

"Will they poo in the cat carrier again?" Max maintains this is the funniest thing that has ever happened in his life, even beating the noises the camel made at the zoo, which he asks Daniel to imitate about three times a day.

"Probably," Daniel says grimly.

"Good," Max says. He leans his face against Daniel's shoulder. "Can we take the night lights? In case you are scared, Daniel."

Daniel kisses the top of his head. "Sure," he says. "We can walk around the flat and you can tell me all the important things we should take."

"Good," Max says. He's a solemn little boy sometimes, quiet and thoughtful and terribly protective of Daniel. Daniel is equally protective in return. "Pikachu won't get lost if he comes, will he?"

"No," Daniel says. "He can wear his own seatbelt in the car."

Max nods. "Good," he says. Then, "Let's pack now."

"Sure," Daniel says, who's never packed anything early in his life. "It'll be a fun surprise for my mum and dad if they come home and we're all ready to go."

&&&

The sound of the key in the lock should rouse him out of bed, but it doesn't. He's not expecting anyone, but if they've got a key it can't be all bad. Anyway, he can't be bothered to care.

He stays where he is, in bed, and waits for whoever it is to come and find him. To tell him what they need from him. It won't be a seven year old Max come to visit, so it doesn't matter anyway.

"Daniel?"

It's his mum. She's supposed to be in Australia. She isn't supposed to be here. He would have remembered that.

She pushes open the door to his bedroom. It smells in here. It's been six days since he showered. He's eaten the remains of the stale crackers and there's crumbs on the sheets and on the floor.

"Oh, Daniel," she says.

"Hi, Mum," he says. She looks sad, and worried, but Daniel doesn't feel anything. He's had a hole in his chest for a long time now, and it's grown every time Max got big and left him again, and getting to have a Go Small Max all over again and then losing him like clockwork has just meant the hole has swallowed him up. "Did I know you were coming?"

"You didn't answer your phone," she says, coming over and sitting on the bed. He moves his legs to let her sit down. "We've all been very worried about you."

Daniel hums. "It's okay," he says, although it seems like a long way to come just because she's worried about him. He's fine. "I'm just tired."

"Okay," she says. "Can I get a hug?"

She must have been travelling a long time. Daniel hugs her. He can smell himself, warm and stale and tired. She seems upset. Maybe he should be upset too. He just misses Max. He wants Max back.

She picks Pikachu up from the floor and brushes cracker crumbs off him. She tucks him up in bed next to Daniel. "I'm going to go see what's in your fridge, and then I'll come back and run you a bath, okay? We'll get you fixed up, Daniel, I promise."

Daniel nods. He just wants to sleep. He settles down into his sheets again, pulling Pikachu in close. He smells like Max. One day he won't, and Max won't Go Small again, and Pikachu will be all that's left of the months Max spent with him, small and serious and perfect.

His mum leans over and kisses him on the forehead. "Love you," she says.

Daniel closes his eyes.

&&&

Max stands on the side of the pool. Daniel's in the water, doing a very stupid dance. He's singing along, making up the words as he goes along. Max tells him he's being very silly.

Daniel agrees. They've been here two days so far and they've barely been out of the water. They've splashed and played and made up stupid games and done piggy back rides and played water badminton and piggy in the middle and had races where the point was to come last and Max has been happy the whole time. They've blown up stupid floats and ridden a giant flamingo and floated on a palm tree and paddled a boat. He suspects his parents haven't spent this much time in a pool in their lives.

They've made their excuses now, though, his dad getting the barbecue ready for dinner and his mum reading her book and taking a million pictures and videos of Daniel and Max together.

Daniel's heart sings. Max is having such a good time. He'd spent about 25 minutes in his own bed on the first night, and then gravitated straight into Daniel's, Daniel coming upstairs to bed to find Max sprawled out sideways, flat out, with Pikachu in one hand and his toy otter tucked under his other arm. The nightlights were on in both rooms. Daniel had resigned himself to sleeping in Max's bed until he'd managed about seven minutes sleep and Max was waking him up because Daniel would get scared if he slept by himself. Max had assigned himself Daniel's protector a long time ago and wasn't going anywhere. So, Daniel had the edge of the bed and Max had the remaining diagonal space, and everyone was happy (but mainly Max).

And now Max wants to jump in. He's practiced putting his head below the water, which he didn't like the first time and is now better at. Daniel's told him it doesn't matter if he decides he doesn't want to, but Max is brave and resilient and trying his best. And Daniel's ready to catch him. His mum's got the camera ready, and his dad's cheering Max on.

"Will you catch me?" Max asks.

"I won't let anything happen to you," Daniel says. "I promise."

Max studies his face. "Okay," he says finally. He puffs out his cheeks and jumps.

Afterwards, when Daniel's finished parading a cheering Max up and down the pool, his mum shows them the pictures. Max is beaming. Daniel doesn't think he's ever seen a picture of himself looking happier.

It's scary, if he stops to think about it. But he doesn't, so it's okay.

&&&

Daniel eats a sandwich and then has a bath. He can barely find the energy to wash his hair. When he gets out, the water's gone cold and his mum's put fresh pyjamas on the chair by the bathroom door. She's changed the sheets too, swapped Daniel's gross ones for fresh ones. She's even folded up Max's Pokemon blanket that Daniel's been hugging all week and put it at the end of the bed. The window's open and the curtains are pulled back. Pikachu isn't on his pillow anymore, because Max is sitting on his bed, holding him.

He's not small. He's big. He's just Max, normal sized, world champion Max.

Daniel gets back into bed. He takes Pikachu from Max and tucks him under his chin.

"Daniel," Max says.

"I'm tired," Daniel says. Max doesn't ever stay. He gets big and he leaves. He stops needing Daniel and he leaves.

Max's hand hovers over Daniel's arm. It rests on his elbow. "You didn't say you were not okay, Daniel."

"I'm fine," Daniel says. "Just tired. What are you doing here? You don't stay here when you're big."

Max flinches. Daniel feels it.

"I think I should not have left you," Max says. "But I am here now. Your mum has gone to the shop. You do not have any food."

"I'm not hungry," Daniel says. He doesn't feel anything. He misses Max. Max is here and he still misses Max, his Max, the one who needs him. "I want to sleep."

"Okay, Daniel," Max says. "Then I will stay here with you. So you are not alone."

Daniel nods. He doesn't believe it. Max always leaves. He takes his cats and his things and leaves a big hole behind him, and Daniel's chest swallows it up. He gets emptier. He feels empty now. "You won't stay," he says. "You don't stay."

"I will," Max says. "I will look after you. I am going to help your mum."

Daniel closes his eyes. He's tired. He'll wake up and Max will be gone. It's okay. He's good at losing him now. He'll cope.

He sleeps.

&&&

Max jumps in and he jumps in and he jumps in. He's delighted, excited, happy. He jumps in without Daniel holding out his hands to catch him, and lets Daniel float off to the side and just cheer him on in instead.

Afterwards, still excited, he wears his special robe to sit next to Daniel by the side of the pool and demands Daniel's mum show them both all her pictures. Daniel, in his matching robe, sits through picture after picture of the two of them together, of Max beaming, of Daniel beaming back. Of them beaming at each other.

Max is happy enough only to complain a little bit when Daniel reapplies sun cream to Max's flushed face. When Daniel's mum goes to help with dinner, Max buries himself in Daniel's side.

"I love you," Max whispers, like it's a secret. He tilts his face up and kisses Daniel's cheek.

Daniel wraps an arm around his shoulders. He kisses the top of Max's head. "Love you more," he says.

Max shakes his head. He's steadfast. He loves Daniel the most. He can't conceive otherwise. But it's okay. Daniel knows the truth: there's no one in this world he loves more.

&&&

When Daniel wakes up, he knows Max will be gone. He'll have left again, gone home, gone to find his real life, the one that Daniel isn't a part of. The one where he isn't needed.

Daniel doesn't open his eyes. He can hear his mum in the kitchen. He recognises her tread, the soft sound of the radio. He recognises her.

If he opens his eyes, Max will be gone.

"It is okay, Daniel." It's Max. He's here. He's stroking Daniel's hair. "Your mum is here and I am here. I'm not going anywhere."

Daniel swallows. He opens his eyes. Pikachu is still tucked into bed with him, the sheets pulled up over his shoulders. Max is lying next to him.

"I didn't want you to wake up alone," Max tells him. He's still stroking Daniel's hair. He's not very good at it. He's a little awkward and unsure, but Max doesn't stop something if he doesn't know what he's doing. He just keeps on going.

Daniel trembles.

"It's our turn to look after you," Max says. "We will get you better, Daniel. We'll make everything okay. I promise."

Daniel—who is desperate, exhausted, and scared—clutches at Max's hand.

Max laces his fingers with Daniel's. He leans in to kiss Daniel's forehead, and Daniel—that hollow in his chest suddenly aching, and he's breathless, his hand hot in Max's—abruptly starts to cry.

&&&

"Are you enjoying your holiday, Max?" Daniel's dad asks.

Max looks up from his new book of cat facts. He's been laboriously sounding out names of cat breeds to Daniel for half an hour.

"It's my best holiday ever," Max says in satisfaction.

He tucks his hand into Daniel's, looks up, and beams.

(thanks to Zoe @flawlessassholes for her help with the first 7/8ths of this and to Lin @andwegogreen for her help)

#my fic #de-aged maxiel #baby max #fic that i wrote #it's you and me #ps daniel is sad in this one

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