#BUT. he also nails the wit but also the depression and most importantly he knows how to play a guy that's pathetic and anxious (aka: hamlet

[dykeofmisfortune]

got drunk today and started comparing the bbc version of hamlet with david tennant (jumpscare) and the 1996 hamlet movie, both of which we watched in AP Lit, and began listing off things i liked or disliked about each version in way too intense detail

[icarus-imagines]

Yusuke Kitagawa X Gay!Artist!Shadow!Reader

I have a request a Yusuke X Gay!Artist!Rival!Reader

Pwettty Pwease OwO

Word Count: 2,765

Category: Persona 5

~Choose What Your Heart Decides~

Why is he talking to her?

You couldn't help but let a sour expression invade your face as your (E/c) orbs secretly watched the scene in front of you unfold from your desk by the window, where you had been previously doing your homework until you heard their voices engage together.

It was Yusuke Kitagawa, the handsomely gifted painter you admired so much who was conversing with a friend. But he wasn't the one who had turned your mood foul. It was her. His friend.

Ann Takamaki.

A sweet, kind, and a very compassionate girl who always looked good in everything she wore. A well-known model. She was most beautiful, but undoubtedly not more beautiful than the calm and poetic specimen she was having a conversation with.

Though very attractive to many of your male peers you would never be attracted to her in such a red colored red. You knew if you had been born to love females like God had intended, or so people preached, you knew you would have gotten a troublesome crush on the girl. But that wasn't the case.

You had feelings of red for Yusuke.

Though color red was an odd way to explain it, you felt it most appropriate to explain it in such an elegant way, just like Yusuke was. You and he were one in the same, both paid terms. But unlike him, you were not known to be one. The reason being you had an anonymous name. (A/n). You didn't want people to know you because you were scared. But that was a sad note not wanting to be touched.

Stashing away the easy Calculus homework you had been working on you sighed lowly slinging the bag on, forgetting your sketchbook on the desk. While doing so you fixed your hair a bit from the tiniest OCD, making sure you're shiny locks of (H/c) were perfect and not out of place.

Taking a few steps forward you began to make your way out the door. Even though school ended about 10 minutes ago you stayed to finish the homework like a good student. Yusuke didn't go to this school but often visited after the bell to speak with his friends. Not that you were a stalker, but you had witnessed it multiple times since you sat behind the silent and mysterious boy named Akira Kurusu and his best friend Ryuji Sakamoto. And it was weirder that Akira for some reason had a cat in his desk and bag at all times. Yet nobody noticed. You thought you may have gone crazy contemplating on if it was real or not.

Shaking your head to rid yourself of the thoughts you continued on your way, noticing you had slowed while thinking. You almost stopped in your tracks as Yusuke's silky voice traveled to your ears. But the words he said sounded like long nails on a chalkboard. Horrible and unsettling.

"Takamaki-san, I must remind you that you still have not accepted my request. Surely you will make up your mind and readily agree to become my model for the next masterpiece I plan on creating?"

"Tch," Was all that escaped past your (Plump/Thin/Etc.) lips not waiting for Ann's response to such a generous and thoughtful question. You didn't hear the words exit her mouth as she agreed.

To imagine a beauty of a woman posing in various positions, whether they be innocent or lustful you had no idea, but in front of Yusuke. He would have to gaze at her body for hours, maybe even longer!

Leaving the classroom to calm yourself by walking home, you missed the confused looks of Akira, Ryuji, and Ann. But more importantly, you missed the saddened and very puzzled expression belonging to a certain boy named Yusuke who realized you had forgotten to take your sketchbook. He would have to find you and give it back if he ever had a chance to.

~*~*~*~

Yusuke sighed once again at his teammates as they tried to figure out where to go next. They had been tracking down a tainted aura through the other world known as Mementos wondering what the individual was after.

They noted it that it would actually stay close to them. But disappear as they approached to close. So they decided to use a different tactic. I stead of following the actual Shadow, they would find its so-called nest of sorts. It's home. Usually, they wouldn't work this hard at finding a Shadow, but this one seemed a bit stronger. Some kind of Mini-Boss.

Walking for a few minutes they came upon a house. It was a pulsing red, with red roses scattering the front lawn with its vines scaling all around the house. They even trailed through every open window, including the door that was also open, to the center of the house. It was as if it was tiny. They had been correct. This Shadow was stronger than normal. It seemed to almost be on the verge of creating a castle and them wouldn't let that happen. Not when they were so close.

Careful of the beautiful but dangerously sharp crimson roses that all seemed to ooze out from within their petals mahogany liquid thick like blood, Yusuke gazed at the house with confusion. It was familiar. Like he had seen it before. But that was utterly impossible. But...he had to make sure.

Turning to his comrades, The Phantom Thieves, behind him who were peering at the roses on the ground with a mix of fascination and bewilderment he spoke to them.

"I would like to investigate further inside, alone. If that is alright," he said simply watching as the eyes behind each mask of his friends looked at him with confusion. He just replied, "I'll explain later, if that is alright, leader?"

Akira stood there for a few seconds weighing the pros and cons before giving a small nod of approval.

Yusuke bowed his head the slightest bit thankful. "I'll be quick."

Yusuke turned to the house, knowing that if it was not in Mementos it would have a small garden in the front and very cozy. Pushing the door he entered the home. Instantly the hairs on his body sprung up. It was cold. Something was here.

Taking a few cautious steps he entered a hallway. But stopped seeing paintings of every size imaginable with varying emotions swirling within each canvas. Not only did he perceive this as an artist himself, but it was easy to figure it out because it was literal. Each painting was moving.

The light ones were merrily filled with laughing, dancing, singing, and anything of the like. While the darker, more saddened paintings were filled with crying and depressed scenes depicting fears. Fears manifested from the artist or just plain inspiration was beyond Yusuke.

Shaking his head to rid thoughts of the sad Shadow he looked to the end of the hallway freezing as he saw it. Standing in front of the door at the end of the overly long hallway. It was him. The Shadow.

Yusuke's face behind his fox mask dropped. He knew who was and it tightened his heartstrings.

It was you.

You wore your normal school uniform. You (H/c) hair perfectly styled, just like always Yusuke noted fondly. But you're eyes. Yusuke cringed at the color. Instead of familiar (E/c) he was used to gazing into, even when you didn't look back, was now a dull yellow. Such an ugly color on your visage.

This time though you were staring straight at Yusuke. Unlike other Shadows you were silent. Hands straight at your sides but shaking slightly. You were nervous. Scared maybe. Of me?, Yusuke thought. It seemed like it.

Yusuke turned to pop his head out of the door to look at his teammates. "Nobody is present. Maybe they are around the area and we should split up?" he offered. They looked at him curiously, but since he never lied or tried to ever deter them in any way they agreed. Splitting up and searching. But Yusuke stayed behind, closing the door before walking back to the hallway.

His eyes widened a bit seeing that you had disappeared. But he was quick to see you had disappeared behind the door, evident from it is slightly ajar.

Careful as he walked slowly down the long hallway Yusuke glanced at the many paintings on each side of the hallway. The roses with vines trailed along the walls, even the ceiling, and floor. All growing thicker and wilder as they trailed into the room. And he noticed with surprise there was thorns. The ones closest to him were dull and short, but the closer he got to the room they grew longer and much sharper.

Placing his palm on the door he pushed it open, cringing slightly at the small squeaking of the ominous door. Peering inside he was taken aback by the scene displayed before his eyes.

The roses were even more wild, spiraling to the bed in the back. Thornes creating a small barrier at the base. And there you were. Still nonspeaking and it looked like you had been crying, obvious from the tears slowly running down your porcelain face as you sat silently on the sheets of the bed that were satin and shiny.

Yusuke drew nearer, walking over the vines that looked to be steadily beating like that of an actual heart. Stopping mid-way through watching curiously as you froze in shock. You had thought he had left you alone to wade in your river of sorrows.

Yusuke leisurely walked towards you, careful as not to scare, as he sat down beside you. Resting his hands on the bed, leaning back, he closed his eyes wondering what you would do. It wasn't long before he heard the bed sheets shift slightly and you're smooth voice enter his ears.

"Kitagawa-Ku-"

"Yusuke," he said cutting you off though he knew it to be incredibly rude and ungentlemanly. But he had to get it across you could call him by his first name. He did care about you. Turning to see you had now faced him, sitting on your knees he wanted to chuckle but instead, he revealed his face by taking off his kitsune style mask. "You can call me, Yusuke."

He watched as your an expression that was once depressed brighten instantly. A small smile flickering on it. "Yusuke...why are you here? Is it...Is it because you wish to steal my heart? To change it?"

Yusuke looked at you amused. Did you want him to steal your heart? If so he would do it in a heartbeat, pun not intended. His grey eyes that would, from somebody else's view look dull and not full of life, were gleaming happily.

"Do you wish for me to steal your heart?"

Your face flushed quickly, yellow eyes cast down now embarrassed. "If you want to...I wouldn't be against it."

Yusuke took off his bright blue gloves revealing flawless and unscarred skin. Discarding his gloves on a random part of the bed he brought his right hand up to cup your cheek. Your eyes widened slightly turning to stare at him.

"I am afraid to say I cannot change your heart, you have to do it yourself," he said his thumb caressed your cheek in a soothing manner. "You are the deep inner self of the one I admire."

"You," you started confused. "You admire me?"

Yusuke nodded confirming your statement. "I recognized your art in the hallway. They are the same as the new painting I've seen in the museum."

"You recognized them, even though I'm anonymous? I'm quite honored. Your art is beautiful, on a whole new level. Hopefully, I can become like you one day."

Yusuke hummed, sadness flitting across his face for a second. "Don't worry about becoming like me. Stay who you are and I'm sure you'll be a great artist. The same goes for your heart. Changing it is up to you."

You looked down once more then back up, leaning into his hand. Yusuke felt and saw the vines with roses start to pulse. Maybe it was somehow connected to your heart.

"I'll change I promise. I'll not only change for you, but I'll change for myself."

Yusuke nodded reluctantly removing his hand away from you and covering them both with his gloves. Standing up he turned to you once more, his mask dangling from his fingers.

He looked at you for a few seconds as you took this precious time to admire him. His hair was shiny. A brilliant blue matching his costume. Lithe in form with the beauty of a fox. A calm and collected individual with an intelligence like no other. An aspiring painter with skill just opening. How lucky you were to be able to get close to him.

He leaned down after a few seconds planting a chaste kiss on your forehead that would most definitely bloom into a brilliant flower. Making you think of something. Though it is clearly random.

"I should get a tattoo," you say simply taking him by surprise. But replied with a small smirk, happy at seeing you open up and say more. He could see it in the way your eyes grew brighter, even with the ugly yellow that still resided in them.

"And what will it be off, may I ask?"

"I'm thinking of a rose. Nothing big, just on my wrist or something," you said explaining why it wasn't just a spontaneous thought or decision. "Three roses. Pink, Red, and White. Do you think this is a good choice?"

Yusuke placed his hands on your shoulders putting his forehead on yours. His eyes close to yours gazing into them serenely. You could feel his breath fan your lips making you blush.

"It is up to you to decide what is right or wrong. Be careful what you choose," he said his presence leaving you. He turned walking to the door, but before he closed it, slipping on his mask he turned back to you with a sparkle in his eye.

"Choose what your heart decides, (M/n)."

~The End~

Fun Facts:

-In dreams hallways, whether they be long or short, are interpreted as the dreamer having untapped psychic abilities. In this case, it's the reader's art. They have not yet reached their full potential. Another interpretation is the frustration the dreamer has of being in a repetitive situation. The reader feels they have been this hallway for a long time being that they have always wanted to speak to Yusuke, but have never been able to walk the length of it. Always staying at the beginning. While Yusuke took the steps needing to reach the reader. In reality, not Mementos, the hallway is shorter. Making this dream real in a way-

-Rose tattoos have their own meanings. The obvious meaning of being love and beauty. But the color creates a deeper feel making the meaning of the rose richer and more unique.

The first color mentioned was Pink. Symbolizing healing, first love, and innocence.

Healing: The reader will heal from their past mistakes and jealousy.

First love: The readers first love is Yusuke. And vice versa.

Innocence: The reader is new to love. Young and vibrant.

The second color mentioned was Red. Symbolizing romance or passionate love. But they also represent sacrifice.

Romance/Passionate Love: The love between the reader and Yusuke is more of an innocent love, but it can sometimes be romantic and passionate. An effect from their artistic personalities.

Sacrifice: The reader has sacrificed their old ways to be with Yusuke. When there is the love you need a sacrifice. This proves the love you have for each other is genuine.

The third color mentioned was White. Symbolizing purity, mysticism, and a secret admirer.

Purity: The reader is pure when Yusuke is with him. Become pure.

Mysticism: Taken from how Yusuke talked to the readers inner self in Mementos.

Secret Admirer: The reader and Yusuke were both secrets admirers of each other. Though now it's out in the open~-

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #216

“cocaine in a crucifix, say your prayers, take your licks.”

How much money is in your wallet right now? Not a lot. Maybe like $10. What’s the last thing you purchased from the store? Me myself? No idea. Have you ever seen the movie Mean Girls? If so, did you think it was funny? Yeah, it's a nice movie. What do you usually get on your sub at Subway? Ham, American cheese, bacon, banana peppers, pickles, and Chipotle sauce. I think that's it. Is your bed made right now? Do you usually make your bed, or does someone make it for you? I'm in my bed. I always am. Have you ever had a crush of one of your friends’ brothers/sisters? No. Do you take naps often? I take one most days. Are you an only child? If not, do you get annoyed by your siblings a lot? No, and they don't annoy me, but then again, I live with none of them. What’s your favorite Disney movie? The Lion King. Does it take you a while to fall asleep? Ugh. Too long. Do you watch TV before you go to sleep? No. Do you listen to music every day? It's very rare I don't. If you could have ANYTHING in the world right now, what would it be? To be satisfied with where I am in life. Do you still watch Spongebob Squarepants? No. I don't not enjoy it, you know I just don't watch television. What kind of bottled water do you drink? Mom buys big jugs of some Great Value-esque or whatever brand. Do you collect stuff someone else would consider junk? If so, then what? No. What's the most your electricity bill has ever reached? Idk, I don't pay it. How much was your tax refund this year or did you pay? N/A How are the kids doing? I don't have any. Do you see a bright light at the end of your tunnel? Just being realistic, not deliberately depressing or anything, I don't know. I could have a very dull and unsuccessful life or a thriving and happy one. What's the most you’ve ever lost gambling? Don't gamble. Have you ever waited in line overnight for something? No. How many concerts have you attended? One. Do you think having an expensive phone is a good investment? To a certain high price, no. So long you can call and text easily and reliably, I don't find it necessary to buy a $500 or whatever phone. Any tattoos? How many do you need or want to cover up? I have six. I'm getting my "ohana" one covered at some point, and I'm going to have "perfectly flawed" tatted over as well; I just want to move it elsewhere, considering I want something else where it already is. How many funerals have you attended? One or two. Have you lost anyone your age to death? No one that I was especially close to, thankfully. Have you ever witnessed a birth in person? Not a human one, thank Christ. I've seen cats give birth many times, and maybe other animals, but I'm not sure. What gender do you identify with? Female. What’s your opinion on astrology? It's total, ridiculous bullshit. Are you more of a science or math person? I'm clueless in math, while science makes sense to me and is far more interesting. What religion/spirituality do you identify with, if any? Theism. I think something made the universe, but I don't pretend to know jackshit about him/her/them/it. What is your opinion on peanut butter & banana sandwiches? I like them every now and again. What is your favorite book that was turned into a movie? The Outsiders, probably. Do you like the movie or the book better? This was so long ago that I honestly don't remember either well... so I really dunno. If you identify as a girl, would you ever consider getting a pixie cut? Yeah. If you identify as a boy, would you ever consider growing your hair out? N/A Are you a metalhead? I guess I mostly fit the definition, but I don't like labeling myself as such considering honestly, the metalhead community tends to have such a "that's not heavy enough" attitude and ridicule anything less than their interests and treat those that like softer metal as outcasts and/or posers. Not even trying to stereotype; befriend or observe people in this category and you'll see what I mean. Do you even listen to metal? Hell yes. Do you watch porn? No. If you don’t, do you have a moral reasoning behind that decision? I just find it... very strange. I don't see the appeal of watching. That's just something I want between me and my partner, you know? Like if you watch it, good for you, so long your s/o (if applicable) is aware and fine with it, but it ain't for me. Do you know anybody who is a Wiccan or Pagan? Yesssss, she's cool as fuck. I need to reconnect with her more. Do/did you ever attend church regularly? I did as a kid. Do you have a godmother/godfather/both? I have no clue. Do you listen to Supertramp? I have no clue who that is. Do you watch Supernatural? Not anymore. I think I stopped at the end of Season 6. What’s your favorite character in your favorite TV show? That '70s Show, probably Hyde. I love and relate to Eric, though. Honestly I love every single character; they're very unique to each other and recognizable with strong personalities. Both Fullmetal Alchemist iterations, most likely Edward. Or possibly one of the Sins, but I don't remember them all well... Oh. I know I loved Envy, for one. Are you wearing any rings right now? Yeah, my Supernatural friendship ring w/ Sara. Calling each other "bitch"/"jerk" between Sam and Dean is a thing in the show, so I have one that says "bitch" on the interior, and Sara has "jerk." Bracelets? Yes, also the one Sara gave me. Necklaces? No. Anklets? No. Chokers/collars? No. Do you go to a firework show every 4th of July? No. Are you diabetic? No. I'm forever proud of that considering it runs heavily in my family, yet even at my worst weight, I didn't develop it. But more importantly, a recent blood test I had for my thyroid or something showed I don't have any indicators of even coming close/being at any risk at this point in time. Are you allergic to gluten? No. Are you lactose intolerant? No. What is your favorite fruit? Strawberries, yum. Your favorite vegetable? Broccoli. Do you live with your parents? I live with my mom. Have you written a formal essay lately? Not in years. How much experience do you have written down on your resume, approximately? I don't have a resume currently, but if I did, it'd only have two months as a sales associate as my other two jobs were so short-lived it'd be stupid to add, especially when you consider the obvious fact that would make me look awful. How long have you had the shirt you’re wearing? A year. What happened last time you got drunk? N/A When’s the last time you straightened your hair? I have zero clue. Do you bite your toe nails? Wtf no. Last time you laughed your head off? Idr. Do you find piercings attractive? Yeah. Did you accept or reject your last friend request? I rejected it. Had no clue who it was, even though we had quite a handful of mutuals. How many cigarettes have you smoked today? N/A Do you have a hard time admitting you’re wrong? It depends on what the subject of the matter is. Do you like potato chips? Is there a human that doesn't???? Do you give out second chances way too easily? Yes. Ever stayed up all night on the phone? Not all night, no. There was one night Jason and I were up a long time talking, but it wasn't all night. What are you excited for? SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Have you ever shoplifted? No. If you have shoplifted, are you afraid of getting in trouble? And are you afraid to go back in that store? N/A Have you ever gotten caught shoplifting? If yes, what happened? N/A Have you ever plotted revenge against someone? No. Are you mad at someone right now? Nah. Have you ever egged someone’s house? Fuck no, because I'm not a dick. If not, have you ever WANTED to egg someone’s house? No. Have you ever wanted to kill someone? I was fucking psychotic when I found out Jason was in a new relationship after we broke up. For a long time I wanted her dead. Are you glad you don’t own a gun, because of what you might do with it? Quite honestly, yes. I'm impulsive on bad days, and I don't entirely cross out the possibility of me shooting myself on an awful day. Do you avoid people when they’ve hurt you? Yes. Do you make the most of every opportunity? No. Are you honestly succeeding at life, or failing? Failing miserably at most things. What does your newest journal look like? I don't remember the last time I got a journal. Is there anything you currently want but can’t have? A lot of things. Do you have no one you can trust? No, thankfully. Do you like meatball subs? No, they're so messy. Are you severely sleep deprived? No. What music are you listening to? "LA Devotee" by P!ATD just came on. If you go to school (HS or college), does your school have a rival? N/A What’s your school’s mascot? N/A If you have a sib, do you call him/her “brother” or “sister” sometimes? No. Do you own a Wii? If not, do you want one? Yes. Are there any songs you could just listen to over and over and over? No. I get tired of a song after around 100 repeats. No, I'm not kidding. Before you could loop YT vids (or anyway, before I was aware), I used a website that repeated the video for you and kept track of the repeats. Do you have a favorite basketball team (NBA or college?) No. Have you been baptized in any religious tradition? Yes. If your best male friend got a mohawk, would he look good or ridiculous? Save Him. What did you have for breakfast? A PopTart. What kind of booze did you last take shots of? I've never taken a shot. Have you slept over at a member of the opposite sex’s house in their bed? Yeah, but we were dating. Who last slept in your bed besides you? Sara. If the last person you had sex with asked you to date them, would you? No. What color is your car? (Or the one you drive most often) White. How long have you been single? (Or dating your current interest) Sara and I have been together a year and ten months. Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you that you were sexy? Yeah. Do you own any books written by musicians? Yeah, Ozzy's autobiography. What is your most interesting invention? Probably some RP characters. Have you ever seen someone sleepwalk? Once. Have you ever thought about getting your tongue pierced? It is pierced. When you’re bored in class, what do you usually do? N/A yet. Do you like your phone? NO. Honestly, are things going the way you planned? Bitch hell no. Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts? The woman who adopted Kaiju. I miss him, damn. Have you ever snuggled with someone you weren’t dating? No. Do you know a James? I knew one years ago. If you had to choose to have a different accent than the one you have now, what accent would you choose and why? British. It sounds sophisticated and just generally attractive to me. Have you ever or do you currently live in a Gated Community? I don't and never have. Do you know how to use a DSLR camera? Yeah. Have you ever owned an Axolotl? No, but they cute. What has been the longest amount of time you’ve spent on a plane? I actually don't know. Probably just around two hours. How often do you use Snapchat? I don't have one/never had. Have you ever adopted an animal from an animal shelter? Yes. Where do you usually find surveys from? Tumblr, and if I'm desperate, LiveJournal. Have you ever missed a flight? Yep. The airport biz took WAY longer than any of us expected. What is your favorite film from your childhood? The Lion King. I think it's always been my fave, honestly, I just never really thought about JUST HOW MUCH I love the film and its story since I was a kid. Do you know anyone who is named after a state? Uhhh I know at least one Caroline, and that's close enough? Jason's mom's name is a state, too. What was the reason for your previous doctor’s visit? I was getting a full blood panel done to check my thyroid. Have you ever been to an outdoor cinema? No. Well, my elementary school and church used to do these "movies on the lawn" type things where they used a huge projector to play a movie outside around late evening, but I don't know if that counts. Have you ever had a “bad trip”? If yes, what happened? N/A How often do you use Instagram? I usually check it once a day or two to follow certain celebs' stories 'n shit. Have you ever smoked a cigarette? If so, do you still smoke? No. Adam Sandler or Jim Carrey? Jim. Do you enjoy learning about conspiracy theories? If so, what is your favorite? Y'all know I love me some conspiracies. My favorite - as in most interesting, not that I seriously believe in it - is the one that our current reality is just a simulation from a "future" civilization for study or just play purposes. It's interesting to think about with alarming evidence. Elon Musk 100% believing in it puts more "hey this might actually be worth considering" into it, but I think I lean more towards it being false. It's not something I think about much though as I have THE most Detroit: Become Human mindset about it ever, lmao. It just doesn't matter to me. Wow, what a ramble. Do you find hand tattoos attractive on your preferred sex? I find tattoos (usually) attractive in general, so like- What is your favorite Netflix original series? I have no clue what's Netflix-exclusive. I don't watch it. Have you ever owned a Tamagotchi? Yep, or at least something similar to it. My sister especially loved those little things. Do you have a favorite ���survey blog” on Tumblr? If so, who? Dunno if tagging random people in surveys is annoying, so I'll break the link, but @/thedarkeststarsurveys seems super cool and nice. Would you rather be able to control fire or water? Probably fire for self-defense purposes, and I just like fire. Water seems... overall pretty useless to control, unless you can like, manifest it. Then you could solve a world of problems. Have you ever used your phone in class or at work without anyone knowing? Actually no. Have you ever been to Canada? No. What is your favorite condiment to put on fries? Ketchup. Do any famous people follow you on Twitter or Instagram? Definitely not to my knowledge, but I highly doubt it. Do you usually take the stairs or the elevator? Elevator. Even though I'm scared of them. Stairs and my horrible knees don't mix. What salads do you usually get on your Subway order? None. Have you ever made your own cocktails at home? Not myself. My old friend did. Have you seen all the Star Wars films? I watched the first three disinterestedly with Girt once, and neither of us liked them. I didn't get the appeal at all. Do you own any shirts with funny words or pictures on them? Yeah. Are your eyes the same color they were when you were a baby? They were more blue. Do you take the pickle off your burgers? No. Who do you share your bathroom with? Anyone else in the house. What color is your bed frame? Brown. Have you ever kissed someone you met that day? No. Do you share a bed with anyone? No. Well, excluding Roman and sometimes Teddy. Name all the people you know that you’ve seen today. My mom. When a car cuts you off, is the driver a jerk or is there an explanation? "Most of the time the driver is a jerk." <<< Yep. What are your thoughts on cosmetic surgery? You do you, boo. Has a man/woman ever broke your heart? If so, have you recovered? Yes, and yes as well as a PTSD victim can; your brain is literally changed after trauma, and considering I still have dreams/nightmares about him very regularly and he suddenly crosses my mind literally every single day despite never wanting to think about him, I don't think you could consider me totally recovered. Name a few things that make you really happy. Really happy? Being with Sara, Mark doing so much as blinking, long car rides with my music blaring way too loud, finding a new song and binging it for hours, a mount dropping in WoW goddamn y'all I have over 300, being complimented on my photography (or like... anything), my niece and/or nephew saying they love me or anything along those lines without being prompted (ex. when leaving, that kinda stuff), going to Olive Garden 'cuz breadsticks and spicy shrimp fritas lol, finishing a drawing and actually liking the result, getting Venus out and she acts like a cuddlebug the whole time, uh... other stuff that isn't coming to me. What’s your favorite type of sushi? Never tried it, don't want to. Have you ever read a book about a character in a psych ward? I don't think so. Have you ever been in a mental hospital as a patient? Too many times fuck but those days done fam. Do you take birth control pills? Currently for taming the pain and symptoms of my cycle, but it's hopefully changing to a longer, better solution soon to just totally eliminate it to remove its effects on my mood entirely for mental health tracking purposes. When’s the last time you got a new outfit? I don't buy full outfits. Do you have an imaginary best friend? (i.e., someone you wish was your best friend but currently isn’t) No. Do you like soy sauce? NO. Do you have a good doctor? I haven't had her long, but she's nice and seems knowledgeable. What’s your favorite store to browse around? Whew, Hot Topic my friends. Do you ever meditate on Scripture? No. Do you like poetry? Yeah. What’s the name of the most recent baby a friend had? Dawson. Do you have expensive tastes? Definitely not. What is your dream job? Meerkat biologist or paleontologist. What is your favorite music style currently? I've been digging power metal a lot lately. I like, live off of Powerwolf. I've been wanting to find more symphonic metal I enjoy, too... Are you wearing comfortable clothes right now? Yeah. Is there a bad habit you’re trying to break right now? Yeah, rather just keep it quiet. Is it easy to find a job in your preferred field in your home town? Fuck. No. When is the last time you went to a fun fair? ~August 2015. I remember it because it happened pretty shortly before the breakup. How about an amusement park? I have zero clue. Probably not since I went to Disney World as a child. Ladies: Would you ever consider proposing? If not, why not? If I'm with a woman, yes. I don't really have a proper reason why I wouldn't if I was with a man... I have NO problem with women proposing to men, I just think I'd personally feel weird. Oh, that makes sense; the fact of how I am with men - scared and doubtful - probably says a good deal. I'd want to see "oh wow he actually wants to be with me so much he's asking himself." Gentlemen: How would you feel, if you were proposed to? N/A Have you ever played the original Mass Effect trilogy? No. If so, which Shepard and who do you like romancing the best? N/A Let’s say there’s a person in need. They need money which they can’t make. Would you be more likely to help them out, if a celebrity asked you to? "Tbh right now I’m not really in a position to help anyone out financially. But hypothetically if I had the money to do so, some celebrity’s opinion wouldn’t matter." <<< This. When you go to a restaurant, do you have a go-to dish? Pretty much always. I don't tend to try new foods. Or do you always try out something new? ^ No. Would you rather live next to a kindergarten or an old folks’ home? Holy fuck, the latter. Living next to a school, esp. elementary, might even be a deal-breaker as far as buying a house goes. I'm not dealing with the noise and traffic. What was the last game that you played? I'm "playing" World of Warcraft currently, waiting for a stupid dinosaur to spawn to be denied a mount again. :^) What do you know about Finland? Nothing. Where was the postcard from that traveled the longest way to you? I don't think I've ever gotten a postcard. Have you ever made jewelry? Besides like those bead, "friendship," and plastic bracelets that were popular in the early 2000s, no. Which app do you use the most on your phone? Uhhhh I think Facebook? I don't use apps much. Did you learn to play an instrument as a kid? If so, which one? Recorders in elementary school and then flute in middle school-junior year in high school. What is the best part of your most ordinary day? Mark uploading cries. What’s your dad’s hair color? It's almost entirely gray now, but it's naturally black. Who was the last person you heard sing? Myself, I think. Surprisingly. Do you bite your lips a lot? My bottom one, occasionally. Have you ever dated someone with tattoos? For less than a day. Did you donate to Haiti? No. I've never had a source of stable income. Are your parents rich? BITCH- What’s your mom’s job? She's a pharmacy tech. Have you ever thrown up in public? Yes. In the middle of my 1st grade class lmaaaoooo. Have you ever failed gym in school? No. Are you scared of dogs? Nope. What reality show would you like to be in? None. What TV show makes you laugh? Most consistently, That '70s Show. Doesn't matter that I've seen I think every episode multiple times, I still laugh so easily at it. Family Feud gets me good too, if it's Steve Harvey hosting it. Have you ever heard of Joe Purdy? If so, do you like his music? Never heard of 'im. What is the saddest movie you’ve ever seen? Probably Johnny Got His Gun. Would you ever wear real fur? Fuck no. Who do you envy and why? Successful people. Because I'm the polar opposite. What color is the house you live in? Khaki. Which one of your friends is most likely to be famous one day? Why? Probablyyyy... Shannen. She is phenomenal at photography and already employed in NY with a fashion company for it. I am unbelievably envious of her, too, but also very happy. She deserves it. Do you have a favorite cousin? No. I rarely ever see my cousins, and if I do, it's usually just two. What is the worst present you have ever gotten? I've never gotten a "bad" gift. I appreciate the thought behind anything. Like I've gotten things entirely unrelated to me, but I still appreciate them. Who was it from? N/A Who is your favorite author? Don't have one. Do you shave your arms? No.

[justaramblingromantic]

fail better

Characters/Pairing: Kobayashi Rindou and Tsukasa Eishi/EiRin

Type: Canon-divergent AU, Post-series, Peerless-verse, Freestyle

Word Count: 2277

A/N #01: Ever read something so stupid that at the end of it all, you can almost literally feel the double negative ‘dislike’ interaction sign from The Sims forming right over your head? That was exactly my feeling after I read the nonsense that was chapter 296. Actually, my feeling was so strong it singlehandedly fueled my motivation to write this piece in one sitting, haha. What the effing heck, Tsukuda. 

A/N #02: Title derived by Samuel Beckett’s quote: “Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.”

xXxXxXxXxX

Hours after the conclusion of his round of the tournament, he was back in the still quiet of his hotel room, staring down at the empty text screen of his phone, wondering what to write to properly convey his conflicted feelings at the moment. He found himself stuck for the longest time, because the other person who had all but wrung a promise out of him for consistent updates of his progress would not appreciate it in the least if he was insincere or dishonest with her and, most importantly, himself.

And she would know intrinsically too, much to his chagrin.

He did not have to struggle futilely for the whole night, because as if aware of his mounting difficulties…or perhaps just plain exasperated with his indecisive dithering, the smart device in his hand vibrated impatiently with an incoming call, and the name that popped up on his Caller ID was both a comforting and sobering sight at the same time.

He picked up, of course. After a brief, hesitating pause. Mentally steeling himself, because it was…difficult not to be swept away by that surge of self-critical disappointment all over again.  

“…Hello.”

“Yo.”

In hindsight, he did not know what he was even feeling so anxious about. Just hearing that one word, just hearing that familiar voice filtered through the speaker from the other end, already possessed the miraculous effect of easing the stiff tension that had grown unbidden between his shoulders, bearing down on him like a heavy weight that entire day. He sighed her name.

“Rindou.”

There was some crinkling to be heard in ambient surroundings, as if she was snacking on something while on the phone with him at the same time. That casual familiarity soothed his nerves, because it was just like her to be so relaxed and comfortable around him. Before the conversation could lull and grow tense and awkward, she nonchalantly continued.

“I heard you got your ass handed to you today, Tsukasa~” his impish best friend all but singsonged.

Instead of feeling sorry and regretful over his loss, the woman actually sounded indecently gleeful instead. Even if he wanted to, it was hard to remain down in the doldrums when she was like this. He grew exasperated, remembering that sometimes she was the kind who liked to poke at people’s bruises, just to hear them yell.

“…You don’t beat around the bush, do you?” he deadpanned.

“Why should I?” she retorted between munches. “D’ya know how many texts I got this afternoon alone reporting your defeat to that Saiha dude? I practically received multiple blow-by-blow accounts, and they sent videos too; at least five different viewing angles of you getting your ass handed to you-”

Now, he was just plain mortified, never mind feeling sorry for himself.  

“What. Who texted you?” he demanded to know, flustered that she had to learn about it from other people instead of straight from him. His cheeks warmed in pique. “Why are people texting you anyway to tell you those things.”

“Yeah, I wonder why,” she replied in a tone that implied she didn’t even have to wonder at all. Their closeness wasn’t exactly a big secret to those who knew them in Tootsuki.

“Where are you now, anyway?” she changed the subject blithely. “Moping about in your room?”

“I’m not moping,” he spluttered in denial. Sure, he was feeling a bit morose and out of sorts, but that was because there was nothing to do since he no longer had to prepare for the next stage of the competition! Furthermore and strangely enough, his defeat today had not felt as crushingly overwhelming as that time in the aftermath of the Regiment Shokugeki. And more importantly- “Next time, wait patiently for my texts instead of listening to the gossips of other people.”

“Then text me quicker next time-”

A knock on the door had him distracted, and he got up to answer it, phone still cradled to his ear.

“-I thought you got so depressed you decided to commit seppuku with that long-assed nail file of yours. Hola~!”

He opened the door…and there she was, standing at the entrance, her digitally modulated reply abruptly becoming clear and distinct in real time. She was bright eyed and smirking at him,  just so irrepressibly buoyant it was as if she was a ray of sunshine herself.

Eishi blinked owlishly in surprise. “You are…here.” He quickly snapped out of his brief stupor. “Wait. What are you doing here?”

She brushed past him to get into his room. “Ta-da~ I came to offer my bosom for you to cry on, of course!”

He shut the door and turned to her, a funny look crossing his face, still half in disbelief…because she was supposed to be in Barcelona right now.

She looked like she had just stepped off a flight, and she had come bearing consolation gifts, too. “Look what I bought on the way here!” She swiveled to him and raised the plastic bags that she was holding. “Fried chicken and cheap beer are the best things to fix a broken heart!”

“My heart is not broken,” he retorted, nonplussed by her shining enthusiasm to bring light to his dark and tortured soul. “And will you put those drinks away; we’re still underaged.”

“Boo; you’re so straitlaced! What’s a bit of underaged drinking gonna do? We’d be twenty in a year or so, anyway! Live a little!”

And then she promptly proceeded to make a mess in his otherwise previously tidy accommodation. Her sneakers were kicked haphazardly aside, she dumped her bag unceremoniously on the floor in the middle of the room, and with whirlwind efficacy, she soon had the food and drinks laid out on the dressing table. Popping a crispy piece of chicken, deep fried to golden brown perfection, into her mouth, she pulled out a chilled can of beer from the six pack, bought right off a nearby conbini, cracked it open, brought it right to her lips and drank deep. She exhaled gustily with happiness, eyes squeezed shut with contentment, a look of comical satisfaction flitting across her rosy face.  

“Hell yeah, this is the best~!”

The redhead popped open another can of beer, and she pushed it to him. “Don’t just stand there! Come join me, dummy.”

Eishi was reluctant at first, but as she handed him the choicest bits of chicken on a paper plate and then started to dig into her own share with zeal, he realized belatedly that he was hungry, too. How she miraculously knew that he hadn’t had dinner yet was a mystery; he had been preoccupied and had somehow forgotten all about eating in the process. He took refreshing sips of ice-cold beer in between succulent bites of crisp, precisely battered chicken; she was right, there was a certain epicurean pleasure to be had from this combination. His mind was already automatically deconstructing the dish, gauging the type of ingredients and their exact quantity, speculating on the various steps of preparation, how hot the temperature of the frying oil had to be-

She snorted at his distracted demeanor as they dawdled over the meal. “You’re such a nerd, I swear.”  

He snapped out of his thoughts to stare at her. She snickered.

“Feel better now?”

He continued to stare.

“Wanna walk me through how your bout went?” Her golden eyes gleamed. “Or maybe I should tell you how I think it went as related to me by my secret sources?”

“No, thank you-”

He obligingly spilled, not wanting to hear of the embarrassing accounts as witnessed by whoever had spied on him for her. Besides, she was someone who actually appreciated the finer nuances of his cooking style and methodology, even when others would have been bored to tears by all that incredibly dry, technical talk. She paid rapt attention, her eyes trained unwaveringly on him as he spoke about the dish he came up with, and objectively as well of the one that had eventually defeated him.

Rindou was intrigued.

“Huh. Sounds like you had quite a bit of fun out there.”

International competitions like The Blue were really on another level altogether. She also wondered how they were able to dredge up so much crazy every year just to stuff into one event.  

“I wouldn’t exactly call it ‘fun,’” Eishi muttered under his breath.

There was an annoying soreness just lying under the skin and muscles of his chest, growing more and more aggravating as time passed after that battle with Saiba Asahi, and downright impossible to ignore however he tried. It was a gripping feeling that he had not experienced in quite a long time. It felt like a muted rage, a festering, humiliating wound in his heart that had been dealt by the hand of his opponent.

“He claimed my knife in light of my loss,” he finally admitted his shame.

It was now or never, and he refused to lie. Not to her. Never, to her.

For one moment, the air around her stilled.

And then her eyes glowed bright with fury.

For all that some people always said of his selfishness and arrogance, even he had never stooped so low as to steal the precious knives of another chef, their livelihood, the very source of their pride. Everything that he had, he had painstakingly squeezed out of his own talents, refusing to rely or even lean on the abilities of others, because there was simply no honor or pride to be had for that kind of tainted victory. But such distasteful practice was not entirely unheard of, nor was it illegal or wrong. Life in the kitchen could be cutthroat and fast paced where all sorts of characters lurked; those who could not take the heat simply had no place there, regardless of how good or skilled they were.

Then again, Tsukasa had never been the kind to break easily.

“What an unpleasant punk,” Rindou uttered flatly, stiffly.

He said nothing to that, but somehow, he felt lighter, because here she was, absolutely furious on his behalf.

“Which blade did he take?”

He knew she was going to laugh. “…The one…you nicknamed ‘the long-assed nail file,’” he responded slowly, after a reluctant pause.

He was absolutely right; she snort-giggled into her beer. That heavy tension in the atmosphere promptly dissolved, and miraculously along with it, his paralyzing sense of disgrace. “Pffft. Of all the- That one?? Eh, I s’pose there’s really no accounting for taste, is there?”

Eishi sent her a disgruntled look, visibly put out by her reaction. “Enough, you. I actually liked that blade.”  

She relaxed at his mild censure. He was calmer now, less tense, less brittle. In turn, that pleased her, too. She took another sip of her beer, already on her second can.

“So make an even better one, then. In the first place, you haven’t even fully developed that technique yet with how recently you came up with it,” she pointed out.

He drank to that, too. “I intend to.” There was a firmness in his quiet reply, an unshakable resolve that hardened his usually distant, lavender gaze, as he retreated to a place within himself that would not allow him to give up until he had achieved what he sought to.

She eyed him silently over the rim of her drink. That look of relentless, dogged determination was something that she hadn’t seen on him for a long time.

“…You really are having fun with this,” she observed once more with insistence, her lips twitching up in a delighted smile.

“It’s not fun,” he promptly corrected her. “It’s…frustrating.”

“But at least it’s not boring anymore, right?” She nudged him knowingly. He sighed and looked down at her plainly amused expression. She wasn’t going to give up until he admitted it, was she? He really did not know how she did it; there was not one word of consolation offered over his defeat, but still she made him feel so much better, all the same.

“…No. It’s not boring anymore,” he acknowledged. He was simmering, seething quietly beneath that deceptively calm, tranquil façade of his. “I actually feel…quite displeased,” he admitted, frowning slightly and looking quite out of sorts with himself.

She snorted, once again, at the understatement. He was really terrible at expressing anger. She reached up and petted his head for trying his best, all the same. “There, there. Let it all out. You want Rindou onee-chan to give you a hug too? Not to blow my own trumpet, but my hugs are seriously the best.”

He stared at her shamelessly bragging. Or maybe not, since he knew from experience that her hugs were seriously the best indeed, as advertised.

“Okay,” he agreed readily to her half joking offer. Perhaps it was the beer that relaxed his inhibitions, for he briefly studied her where she was sitting beside him, and then, without hesitation, he reached out, grabbed her around her middle, and half tugged, half lifted her onto his lap. She paused in surprise at his spontaneity, but before anything else could be said, he folded his arms around her and gently nested her against himself. He pressed his face into crimson fragrance of her hair and inhaled, sighing at her warmth and softness.

“…I’m glad you came,” he told her truthfully. It made him feel sleepy too, tension dissipating, and weariness rushing to the forefront in the face of this simple, reassuring contentment that was Rindou.  

Her gaze softened. Her arms curled lazily around him in return, and she snuggled up to her best friend.

“Mm. You worked hard today, Tsukasa. Well done-”

xXxXxXxXxX

[sparda3g]

Attack on Titan Chapter 115 Review

This series keeps on giving. Whether it’s insane action, crazy drama, or emotional backstory, it has plenty to offer. It also contains a great mystery to many elements of its lore. This chapter wasn’t action packed and yet, I was very thrilled by its content. It’s going to be for a while before we see the inevitable end, but the build-up, the suspense, and the twist are enough to keep the audience excited and anticipated. Bottom line, this chapter was outstanding.

Before the chapter takes off to the wonderful journey, we have a short scene with Hange, Floch, and others, where they are very near to the location of the explosion that sent the fans blazing. It’s there to let the fans know that we are in for a rude awakening, one that would spark controversy. We will get to that fairly soon. Fans, myself included, have been aching to know whether Levi and/or Zeke have died or not. We first go over with Zeke and to answer that question, yes, he is dying. He did take on the lightning spear, so Levi wasn’t kidding. With that said it begins a very emotional “sendoff” for Zeke that truly got me sympathetic.

Let me start by saying the presentation is astonishing throughout the scene. Not only the artwork is clean and solid, but the visual and paneling are stellar with deep meaningful display. I grasp the heartfelt and sincerity of Zeke slowly passing out with his last vision of unachieved dream. Even the horses that slowly collapse got me emotional. Zeke’s fading words are depressing to read. Not only he’s dying, but he sounds deeply regrettable. It’s really the moment of farewell.

The flashback ensue and for many, it means his time is here; it’s the end of Zeke. I definitely bought it. That said the flashback does answer many questions, including ones we didn’t know we wanted. It picks up from the last time where Zeke and Tom discussed about eradicating Eldians. I thought the flashback last time was splendid and touching, but this last piece nailed it.

It was this moment where Tom gave him words that would set Zeke’s goal permanently. One info he didn’t share with Marley is about the War Renunciation Vow that can be broken. He confirmed it that the Founding Titan is present there and can work into their plan. Zeke cannot obtain the Founding Titan, but he can support the Founder and convince the holder to their plan. It’s the matter of trust that Tom counted on Zeke to make it happen. If so, then their dream can come true. Sadly, it would be their final moment.

As fans know already, Zeke is the Beast Titan currently, which means Tom must have been consumed. I thought this part is pretty sad. Tom was set to be eaten by Zeke to pass down the Titan. Although he won’t be around to watch Zeke, he will be in the afterlife to support and watch him to make their dream come true. Zeke agreed to carry on, addressing him as someone he wanted to say proudly: dad. That hit me hard. I really love this backstory between the two. I won’t say Zeke is forgiven, but I can really understand and emotionally connect.

Yelena has stated before that she has seen Zeke or Beast Titan as her God, so the following scene is not really new. The only noteworthy of it is how much she has been influenced by him, easily manipulated in a sense. Actually, this would be beneficial to the later scene. The point is she has been converted drastically. I don’t know if Zeke feels guilty or not, but it doesn’t matter much for he has an army to back him up.

One of the answers that I didn’t expect to get but quite welcoming is how Zeke learned about his biological parents through the report on Eren. Reiner and Bertolt reported the details on Eren and how they confirmed he’s undoubtedly the holder of the Founding Titan. He also learned about Grisha and where he was last seen. That’s how Zeke learned about everything, which is simple enough; however, my interest came from his reaction to it.

It was agonizing for him to learn so much about his family’s whereabouts after his departure. He also realized his mother was changed into a Titan and Eren confronted it. We all know how it ended; killed by his half-brother. It pained him to know his douchebag father was alive and made a new family. Could you imagine the pain that spawned from your own father carry on to another? Care or not, that’s heartbreaking. What’s also heartbreaking is he believe Eren shared the same fate as him. No wonder he told him back in the last arc that Grisha isn’t worth believing. That’s strikingly touching.

The last piece of the flashback is the most interesting one of them all. It’s when Eren and Zeke have a conversation back at Marley before the festival. It is very interesting in many ways. To begin with, the true plan is revealed and it’s actually from Zeke himself, hence the first part of the flashback. In other words, euthanize Eldians. This is very strange, but more on that later. Eren had a decision to make and what persuaded him to confront with Zeke was the moment from his father’s memory.

It’s finally explained on what Eren has seen during the ceremony where he holds Historia’s hand. If you recall, he went through many visions of the event where Grisha killed the Royal Family to obtain the Founding Titan. He finally witnessed it and from that moment, he gained a new thought about his next action. He revealed the tragic event to Zeke, essentially caught on the notion of Grisha’s awful act. It has some disturbing images to display with eerie words such as killing those children like a bug. To top it, he even went far as saying as killing them was a necessary for his existence. Translation: killing the Royal Family save everything. That’s messed up.

He did note that Grisha’s action was still a mistake as well as his own existence. It’s like we gone back to Uprising Arc Eren before his rebounding development. Because of the memory, he agreed to Zeke’s plan. This is really strange. Isn’t Eren all about accepting life or being blessed to live? Shouldn’t that be Zeke’s character, hence being the foil character to Eren? Is he serious about it or is it a lie? It is possible to be a lie since lately, it’s suggested that he is the same as always when looking upon life. If so, that is sad that Zeke is only bought in, but what choice does he have? Eren holds the Founding Titan.

The closing scene is pretty sincere. They couldn’t hand shake in agreement, so catching the ball would do. It’s a great symbolic of passing down the torch from what he shared with Tom. Whether Eren is truly hiding his actual intention or not, Zeke felt like he has bonded with a brother he never thought he wanted. Basically, it’s a bond he has grown fond of to cherish. Seriously, it would suck if Eren is lying, which has a strong chance. Zeke has grown greatly to me as a character. Now, he’s going to die; unable to fulfill that wish. It’s really sad.

Then a mysterious girl appears in a vision.

I didn’t understand what was going on. I thought the girl was someone he has long forgotten or cherished or something. It wouldn’t matter much, seeing Zeke has died or very near. His dead expression did sadden me. Then a random Titan appears, from the ground I assume. It opens its guts for some reason and place Zeke’s body inside. That was a strange moment. I really didn’t know what to make of it. It was just strange, but it won’t be the end.

The fall of Survey Corps continue with an interesting insight of the mental game. The opposing force, The Jeagerists, are taking over with more soldiers surrendering or even change side. Yelena is now feeling like the big boss with her overly confidence attitude. All she was missing was to say, “Excellent.” To think, I actually trusted her. Pixis keeps his head up despite the situation, but more importantly, disappointed with some of the soldiers who changed side. Some changed side because they believe in Eren; some changed side because they are enslaved by the poison they drank, Zeke’s spinal fluid to be exact. Shame.

The interesting part is despite Pixis being a hostage, he still outclass Yelena in their mind game. Pixis is mentally strong while taking shot at Yelena, who is mentally weak from insults. On the surface, she supposed to be dominant, but Pixis keeps bringing her down by showing her contradictions and misguided belief. He put her in her place when they talked about saving the world, when in reality, it’s only saving an island. Pixis is still the man; show her the reality.

That said the visual shows her looking pretty rough around the edges after logics were thrown at her. It’s clear Isayama deciphering her as a mental case; one in which needs a reality check. She’s perhaps mentally scarred by following the self-created cult with Zeke or Beast Titan as her God. I don’t know if Pixis will help her change her view or not, but as long as she stands by her belief, she is guaranteed to witness her early tragic fate.

The next scene is…very interesting…in a controversial way. I’ll be completely honest with you. I was spoiled earlier because it was a hot topic around the time. I am of course referring to Levi’s status. Before I share my own two cent, let’s go over the scenario. Hange and others arrive to the scene with a random Titan on the ground and Levi. Now, it’s time for the verdict on Levi’s status. Hange approaches to him and confirms it to everyone: he’s dead. Popularity poll? What’s that?!

The display of Levi’s body is gruesome to say the least. He has shards on his face, a really bad scar, and he lost some of his fingers; fingers to use the blade to hook on or trigger. Hange confirmed his status, but Floch insist to check his pulse. A strange phenomenon occurs from where that random Titan is at, but I’m going to skip that scene for now. Because of that occurrence, Hange takes the chance to take Levi and dive in to the river to make their only escape. That’s the last of them for this chapter. Levi is dead as the spoiler suggested.

I don’t think so.

The setting seems more favor to a lie or maybe even misunderstood. Hange looked at him and that could have been reasonable enough to buy in. What got me thinking twice is Floch. He wants to check the pulse to see if he is dead or not. One guy wanted to shoot Levi in the head, but it’s only Hange that told them he’s dead. Was it to prevent kill confirmed? Also, Hange was pissed when Floch suggested to check, as if to say, “Shit, once he knows, he’s done for.” Lastly, why would Hange take Levi with her if he’s already dead? You can argue that she wants the body for proper burial, but that doesn’t seem likely.

In my opinion, this is a good way to handicap Levi for this scenario. It’s no wonder it was shown how godly he is or was when he took on Zeke. This way, the Survey Corps would have a tougher time to take on Eren and his faction. Not to mention, he’s not only out cold, but he lost his fingers; essential in combat. You could argue that he will die in the next chapter, but the chance is about a half. He’s an Ackerman and he was caught indirectly, which is vastly different from Zeke, who ate the explosion directly and critically.

It’s uncertain at this time, but I do believe Levi will live. Now, how can he recover? I can see Hange and Levi going to Historia’s location and get his treatment somehow. Will that be enough? Probably not, but time will tell. If anything, I love the setup because it had everyone on their edge of the seat. Sure, some may stop reading because of their favorite character has died, if that’s the case. It’s suspenseful and the next chapter could make it or break it.

Now we return to the scene with that random Titan and it’s very interesting. Everyone caught the wind, literally, and they see the man they have been searching for: Zeke. Basically, he is resurrected. I really like the symbolism of his awakening; from heavy rain for his tragic end to the ray of light for his renewal beginning. It’s as if he truly is the God that Yelena has visualized. Hell, he’s naked as well, so it couldn’t be a coincidence on the symbol. It’s very interesting because of how it happened.

According to him, he met up with a little girl, who was in the vision earlier. She saved him by reconstructing his body in the sand. Could this girl be the original Ymir; the one from the legend? What’s enticing is the scenery Zeke was in; the one he called “Paths.” It’s the same vision as what Ymir saw after consuming Marcel. To be honest, I thought she was literally in the sandy place with a beautiful sky, but I thought wrong. It’s a special world that only two (so far) have seen. To them, it’s a bliss. Zeke is moving forward to the plan and without any distraction, he will meet with Eren in no time. Very intriguing…

This begs a lot of new questions that managed to remain under the established lore. Zeke has seen “Paths” like Ymir, but what exactly triggered it? Is it simply just wake up after their “sleep?” Why is it only those two so far? There could be more but on record, it’s them. Is there a change within Zeke, like has he changed his approach or everything remain the same? For that matter, why that little girl saved him? The way how it was illustrated highly suggest that Zeke is truly the key to everything. Amazing, because that’s what Isayama once mentioned about his character. He’s sticking to his word; I like that. So many new questions, but this arc has become very interesting. But why stop there when you can have a great exciting cliffhanger.

We’re back to where Gabi is held prisoner. She is still perplexed about her status and “devils.” I don’t blame her for feeling confused, especially since she wasn’t able to complete her development when Eren interrupted. Speaking of Eren, there he is, being the tyrant he is, but he does offer her a cooperation in order to save Falco. That’s surprisingly nice of him, though the mention of Sasha’s killer does irk me. Does he hold a grudge against her? She is frozen by his presence; he definitely reached boss status. Sucks to be her and the guards are just watching her suffering.

Hey, wait a minute. Is that Pieck in the background? That guard looks like her. That or Isayama is out of female character’s design. Out of nowhere, that said guard straight-up stabs the other guard right in the throat. Holy shit, it is her! Pieck! Damn, what a badass entry. No wonder she has tons of fans; in and out of story. Now this is a conflict that I thought I would never see; Pieck versus Eren. This is going to be damn exciting. Poor guard though. He’s just dying there from the stab to the neck; no one there to save him. Shit happens I suppose.

All in all, this was an outstanding chapter with plenty of unlocked secrets and new ones. It’s told in a very emotional story that could have been a wonderfully tragic sendoff, but there’s another plan in mind that has its own exciting road ahead. The best part is how it was presented. Whether you like the artwork or not, even if it was drawn really well, the visual presentation is fantastic, deciphering the characters’ behavior and emotional turmoil. Also, how it was paneled felt very meaningful. The ending left me excited, though Levi’s situation is alarming. I believe he will pull it off, but we’ll see. Whether you dropped the series or not, the road ahead shows a sign of great promises.

[mushtache-blog1]

Does anyone else realise this? This is a LONG post but it really did blow my mind

It’s true because:

The movie shows parts of Wonka’s childhood, and it shows his dad burning his Halloween candy, but having Halloween candy in the first place implies that he let Wonka go trick-or-treating, purposely dangling childhood's biggest reward in front of his face, only to destroy it right in front of him after he's put in all the work to get it. After he's built up a massive amount of hope and expectation. For a child, it's mental torture. 

When Wonka asks him if he can have one just to try it, his father tells him that he has a chocolate allergy, messing with his head and telling him he will be itchy all over if he eats a single one. On the surface, lying to his child. But from a deeper standpoint, he's saying, "It's your fault that you can't have what other kids have." Then we see a pure example of neglectful and abusive parenting when Willy finally has enough and says he will run away to Switzerland to make chocolate. His father's response? "I won't be here when you come back."

This is only one scene in a long line of neglect and outright emotional abuse. It's likely that this is only the tip of the iceberg with a cold, unfeeling, manipulative monster of a father. It paints a picture of an extremely strict perfectionist who denies his son not just the basics of childhood but even the most remedial emotional connection. This not only motivates Willy Wonka to become the world's best chocolatier, it also turns him into a psychopathic killing machine with an innate distrust of adults and a burning need for revenge.

Years of jealousy and resentment eventually turn him into a child-killing machine who takes revenge on all the kids who have what he didn't. Namely, parents who will accompany them to a chocolate factory and who spoil them with candy. And, more specifically, the ones who don't appreciate it and take it for granted.

Later into the movie, Wonka see’s that he has a grey hair.  Wonka is in a rush to find a replacement because he thinks he's dying. Rapidly. And it has nothing to do with a gray hair ... he has a disease. A very specific one, too.At no point during Burton's film do we see a single fruit or vegetable. As a result of his father's cruelty, Willy Wonka's interest in candy became an obsession: He went from never having candy to the point where he ate it for every meal. Wonka retreated into his factory, his own hermetically sealed world with everything he could possibly need (apart from vitamins or minerals), not knowing the horrible health issues it would create.

His symptoms include skin and nail fungal infections, which he hides with his ubiquitous purple leather gloves. Hives and rashes, which account for the wig. Chronic fatigue, which explains the cane. In both the old and newest Willy Wonka movies, he has Poor memory, lack of focus, and brain fog, but in the old one even Mr. Teavee (a geography teacher, not a doctor) asks him, "Do these flashbacks happen often?" He repeats himself without knowing he is doing it. Irritability, mood swings, anxiety, and depression, which are present throughout the film when he snaps at the children for no reason or starts to reminisce about his past. Strong sugar cravings, which is clearly the case and only compounds his illness, as the fungus feeds on sugar. And, finally, migraines, which he tries to avoid by wearing gigantic, dark shades in bright rooms and when venturing outside.

First, Wonka has no idea what's wrong with him. All he knows is that his health is waning and he is suffering from increasingly scary symptoms. Second, his aversion to anything even remotely related to his dentist father (he is still incapable of saying the word "parent") means that he can't go to see what the problem actually is. He hasn't been to a medical professional in decades (Oompa Loompa psychiatrists don't count) because he fears them. Avoidance is extremely common in abuse victims, and it's understandable that any person in the medical profession would remind him of his father and scare him.

Willy Wonka would want someone intelligent to take over his company, so why not Mike Teavee, the one so clever he cracked the code? Because he's a little devil, that's why. Wonka is not looking for a kid who is smart and savvy and questions authority. Mike Teavee is evil in Wonka's twisted mind and must be punished along with the other kids. Wonka needs an apprentice who is innocent and impressionable, so he has to make sure that Charlie Bucket, the only guiltless child chosen by his system, gets the fifth golden ticket. But how?

Taking into account the fact that Wonka bars are sold worldwide, that far more were being manufactured for the competition than ever before, and that only five of them contained the elusive golden tickets, what are the chances that one of them would turn up in the nearest shop to the factory? And, on the very day that the Wonka bar containing the final golden ticket is going to be sold, Charlie happens to find a $10 note waiting for him in the gutter right outside the shop.

During the visit to the factory, all of Charlie's competitors are eliminated (and permanently mutilated) by seemingly random accidents. But, if we look again at how each child is taken out, we find that each "accident" is anything but.

Augustus Gloop was so greedy he would eat anything sweet, but he could only get his fat body stuck in the tubes that remove chocolate from the chocolate river. The moment he falls in, Wonka is already looking for the giant pipe, which just so happens to be going straight towards him.

Violet Beauregarde, the obsessive chewer of gum, could only have been removed by one: the room that contained his experimental, not-quite-finished, three-course chewing gum. It is Wonka who starts the machine and allows Violet to try it before saying that it's not ready and that 20 Oompa Loompas had already suffered the same fate.

The spoiled Veruca Salt could no doubt have asked for anything in the factory and her daddy could have bought it, but Willy Wonka takes them to the room where sentient, dead-eyed squirrels sort through the nuts. Willy Wonka knows exactly what to say to push her over the edge: "She can't have one." Then he pretends he can't find the key to the gate so that her father can't rescue her in time.

Mike, as his name dictates, is obsessed with television, so when Wonka gives him the choice of any room in the factory, he chooses the TV room, where the Oompa Loompas are messing around with turning chocolate digital. Wonka makes no attempt to stop Mike from diving into the teleporter and is disappointed when he manages to survive the Oompa Loompas trying to kill him there.

Every time a child is eliminated, the Oompa Loompas instantly turn up and burst into eerie choreographed song and dance. In Burton's version, the Oompa Loompas are physically identical and all male. Wonka tries to explain that they come from "Loompaland," but it is obvious they are clones, created to help defend his chocolate kingdom.

But clones or not, that kind of harmony and footwork would require weeks of practice to pull off so perfectly in one take. You could easily write this observation off as just being a standard element of a musical, but the characters themselves actually address it directly. Mr. Salt notices this, saying it looks "all rather rehearsed." Mike Teavee goes even further: "Like they knew it was going to happen." They are directly telling the audience that this was all a setup. No subtlety about it.

In Burton's movie, Wonka's system is intended to destroy the other children, leaving Charlie alone as victor. But for that to happen Charlie has to witness four acts of mutilation. Charlie is exposed to the factory's inner workings to see if he can handle the extreme methods necessary to protect its myriad secrets and patent-pending inventions. At every turn Wonka checks what Charlie thinks of everything he sees. He needs to know for certain that Charlie is like himself, that he loves candy (unlike Mike Teavee) above all other things, and, more importantly, that he is OK with all of the terrifying defenses put in place to protect his secrets.

But why Charlie? What makes him so special? He seems too innocent to be a killer, right? Well, in Wonka's mind, there are a lot of similarities between them both, which would translate to, "This kid has all the building blocks in place to make him just like me." They're from the same town. They were both denied candy as children (Wonka because his dad was a maniacal dentist, Charlie because his family was dirt poor). Their fathers both work in the oral-hygiene business (Wonka's dad is "the most famous dentist in the world," whereas Charlie's dad works in a toothpaste factory). 

[kaylitos694u]

Life and Death - Complex relationship edition

How long has it been since I’ve contemplated the things I would say at your funeral. It’s something I can’t place a time stamp on because it seems like it’s been for most of my life. When am I going to get the call? When will he really do himself in?

In August you were on your death bed again - another overdose. After years of on and off attempts at getting clean (if there were truly attempts at all), it was bound to happen again I used to think.

But part of me never gave up on you. Part of me always wanted to see you get your head out of your ass, for you to stop wallowing in sadness and start finding a reason to fight, to live. Apparently being there for me was not something that was enough for you to stay clean. It’s a selfish thought but one I’ve had an internal struggle about for years. He chose drugs over you, he doesn’t love you, you’re a burden, if you didn’t exist he would be happier. These are things I internalized since childhood, sometimes it still haunts me and the voices in my head constantly tell me it was all because of me. But part of me also knew that you had good intentions. I mean, why would you want your daughter witness that low in your life? It’s to shelter her, to save her from it. But it was a failed attempt because I always knew. The money you “borrowed” from me for pizza and drugs, the times you’d disappear with Julie in her room while I was isolated upstairs. I still saw a lot of shit I shouldn’t have. Being around scumbag crackheads like Jeff was a lot. Seeing the things I saw was a lot. Enduing the way Julie took advantage of me as a kid when it came to free labor. The way she used me as a tool to guilt you into paying her to the fucking penny when you barely got paid to begin with. I remember the times I was scared of you when you drank sometimes. One memory that always haunts me is the way you screamed at me when I said I was scared of you when you were drinking back at Quarry Lane. I can still feel the fear creep up on occassion. It was the first and only time I was ever scared of you and I don’t know why that’s coming to me right now. 

My solace during those times were video games,Something that started with us playing Final Fantasy IX when I was 5. I will never forget how proud I was beating the Black Waltz I in the Ice Cavern and gushing to you about it because I was becoming a big girl. I remember all the times we spent playing the Spyro trilogy Even now when I go back to playing the original games I always think of you, and remember how you taught me to search every nook and cranny for ever gem. Watching you play games was inspiring and it’s become such an important aspect of my life. I even learned to be a completionist from you and it’s one of the only things that makes me happy to this day. Remembering the time we spent together playing games is something I cherish greatly. The times we would sit around and watch TV, or just talk about all the crazy things you did when you were a teenager, all the lessons to learn to help me stay away from that life.

But yet I also remember all the times earlier in my life when you’d promise me you’d come pick me up and I’d sit on the stoop out on Arnold Ave back when we lived in Queens. There were so many days I would pack and dance around my room waiting for you to come, only to come to realize you weren’t actually gonna be there. I remember the times you weren’t around back at Quarry Lane when I was too scared to speak up from the trauma of those earlier experiences to the point where I starved myself because there was minimal to no food and I was too scared to touch or ask for anyone’s food and Julie would order food for her and Courtny but forget my existance since I used to stay upstais. 

But even still, I remember the day you called me at Sunny Hill and explained the behavior, explaining why you were gone for so long. You said you did it for me, for my sake.But I don’t know if you ever truly thought of the consequences of your actions cost me. I have a lot of commitment and abandonment issues because of this kind of stuff. I can never erase the vivid memory of sitting on my stoop for hours waiting for a car to pull up and for you to jump out and hug me.

This relationship has always been so complex, I’ve always had internal battles. But despite everything there’s one thing that I’ve always known - That you love me very much, that despite everything you would always love me. And I would always love you too, no matter how petty some of our arguments would be. 

I remember when I decided I couldn't talk to you for a while because I was filled with anger and resentment for my childhood. But I also remember slowly trying to gather my thoughts and get everything out. This is most likely incoherent but I have to write something. It feels as if I’m running out of time. I wish I was stronger and was able to tackle it then instead of pushing it off like I do with everything else thanks to how awful my mental state has been. I've been depressed and suicidal for years but yet I still keep fighting tooth and nail to stay alive, to strive for the happy, healthy, and stable future I've dreamed of for ages.

Oh how I wish I could go back. To muster the strength to talk to you about all these years where I was hurt but too scared to speak up.

But through it all I have always loved you. And also counted you as my ally when it comes to family. You were a black sheep and so I was labeled one as well. I mean, I grew up differently too so it only makes sense. I often feel like I don’t belong in this family, that I’m just not worthy or good enough. That all my effort is for nothing and I will never be fully accepted by some of our family because of my background and beliefs. But you, even when I felt like I hated or resented you, I always knew you were the one person who would always understand that feeling of not belonging, and have people looking down at you.

If I have any regrets it’s that I couldn't muster the courage to reach out as much as I should have. God how I wish I could rewind the clock and tried to have this conversation before, when we had time. How I wish I could have time to figure out what to say, how to feel, what to do. 

I’m lost. I’m in pain. I often find myself crying and worrying about you often, because despite how fucked up and inconsistent our relationship has been, I always knew that through it all love would hold us together. Sometimes I felt like giving up was my only option but I could never bring myself to do it.

It pains me even more when it comes to Sam and her girls. I haven’t told you about it yet because I’m so conflicted, but hearing the way you’d slip wife into conversations we had about her, the way you wanted to be there and help her kids and shield them from that piece of shit guy. Part of me feels like I’ve been stabbed in the chest. Almost a betrayal, seeing and hearing the way you care about them and want to be there for them when there were years we’d go without speaking because of your habits. Occasionally I feel some resentment about it. But more importantly, as we continued to speak about Sam I could see how happy she made you, how much she made you want to keep fighting, to have a reason to be clean. I never felt like I was good enough for you or anyone to be a reason why you’d try to stop, so it hurts thinking about. But interacting with Sam, and seeing how much she loves and cherishes you...All I wanted was for you to be able to recover so you could finally settle down with a wonderful woman who loves you, and for you to be able to be a positive influence on girls who are in need of a role model. When I prayed for you, I prayed that you’d be able to spend your life with Sam.

When I went to see you in August, at first he seemed like he had nothing to live for. No reason to fight your addiction, to tackle all of the pain and suffering you endured, no reason to truly realize the things you have done in the past and claim some form of responsibility.But I also realized despite it all, I wanted you to be able to see me get married, and graduate, and be able to start a good life for myself where I’m happy and healthy. At the bare minimum I wish you were able to meet my boyfriend Jack. Hes honestly the sweetest guy in the whole world and I want to marry him. I found someone who loves and supports me and I wanted him to get to meet you.

There were so many things I wish you could be there for, There are so many things I could redo, so many moments I’d spoken to your sooner about how complex our relationship is to me.

But I have to get it all off my chest now, I don’t want to live with any regrets and above all I respect our honesty policy we have. I wish you were around more as a kid but I was also looking forward to see our relationship blossom and improve. 

This is an incoherent mess, but I just need you to know how much I love you. I love you so damn much and I’m so sorry I couldn't have been there more through these times..