#BJBJ would've worked just fine with just the family drama and Astrid's first date being evil

[beetle-blogging]

I'm still not done with this theory. I thought about it again in context of the transcripts of the Small Print in the Marriage Agreement bc something about it niggled at me, and I connected some dots. This is gonna be long and partly a rehash of some of my previous posts, sorry.

TL;DR: Betelgeuse might be, or might have been in the past, trying to gain immortality through marrying and then murdering Lydia the same way Delores tried to do to him, except in BJBJ, he was trying to contractually obligate Lydia into the steps of the ritual through the small print of the marriage agreement. One of which, apparently, includes Falling In Love. He's only trying half-heartedly, though. Cause he likes her.

There was literally no reason for Delores to have been in the second Beetlejuice movie except to give Betelgeuse an excuse to narrate his backstory and exposit to the audience about the immortality ritual that Delores tried to pull on him.

Betelgeuse is clearly both intimately familiar with the ritual bc he was a victim of it, as well has theoretical knowledge of it, or else he couldn't have narrated the flashback like that. He, while alive, wouldn't have known about the cult or the requirements and purpose of the ritual, or even that there was one. He had to have looked that up later.

The ritual definitely requires marrying and then murdering your spouse and stealing/binding their soul, and likely also requires the love of the victim (at the time of the wedding? Wedding night? Murder? Cause while Betel doesn't seem to like Delores anymore, he did look smitten in the flashback and called himself "bewitched". Love is at least useful to get them to marry you) - and possibly also for the victim, because Delores was still acting like she had some possessive, fucked-up love for Betelgeuse. That part is actually very weird. Why the hell would she STILL act like she's into him when she murdered him, or at least tried to? I know fanon has it that he's a fantastic lay, but it's been 600 years. While I'm at it, I doubt the consummation was just for fun or done as a last kindness for the condemned, so there's another likely necessary step of the ritual.

And while that backstory and bit of lore was imo very interesting and sad, it didn't actually add anything, did it? We didn't need those particulars, fun as they were to watch, they weren't relevant to this movie. "Betelgeuse's ex wife is pissed and hunting him" would have given us the same movie minus the lore. Or just write her out. We didn't need her stalking the halls, or killing Bob - which was just added to give her more to do - or even showing up at the church, either. She was completely unnecessary after that flashback. Or even at all, if nothing further is ever going to be made of that ritual or cult (and would we want another soul sucker in BJBJBJ?). Ok, she was scary in a hot way, but that's it. Even without her, Astrid could have opened the door to the Sandworm in order to get rid of Betelgeuse in the church, who'd then have rerouted it to only Rory, followed by "We had a deal" etc just fine. The number 1 complaint people have about this movie is that Delores was just there for no reason. Betelgeuse/Delores does follow the theme of Love Betrayed same as Astrid/Jeremy and Lydia/Rory, and that's neat, but that wouldn't have required a background story involving a cult and a ritual that can get one out of the dead thing, for good gain you Immortality, through marriage and murder.

Then there's this:

Delores: Your soul belongs to me, my love, for eternity.

Betelgeuse: You don't want to spend eternity with me.

That sounded like they'd be bound together forever, not like she was going to eat his soul. At least, it sounds like that's Betelgeuse's understanding of what Delores is after. He'd still have been by her side. He just didn't wanna be after she killed him. Ok, so that bit is also there for a reason. Everything else, between flashback and church scene, is filler. Poor Bob.

Now we come to this transcript of the small print of the Marriage Agreement (only the highlighting is mine, transcript by jadeluz-official (who deactivated, and I don't know their current username or I'd link directly), which tbh, I'm not sure if we can count the text as canon bc it's basically imperceptible to the majority of the audience, but if the transcript is accurate then the contract is plain fascinating:

Do you see what I'm getting at? Cause the Immortality Ritual Theory occured to me weeks before I ever saw that transscript, I first mentioned it on my blog here and send herefortheships an ask related to the idea before that... but the part where Love might be an requirement for the ritual just hadn't occured to me then. Then I reread that small print which would compel Lydia to love Betel, my mind flashed back to Betelgeuse saying Delores had bewitched him, and I was like, uhhhh.

In context of my theory, Betelgeuse trying very hard to to woo Lydia (firm, very visible canon) and also having a contract ready that would obligate* her to love him for eternity and to fulfill all his needs (which is technically in the movie, but barely legible), is very sus. We've got love, marriage, sex (needs), and two people bound together for eternity all covered. The only stuff that's missing is the blood-drinking and the animal sacrifice. Which, 1) might have just been for the satanic aestetics, and 2) would still have been very easy to get Lydia to do if that contract had made her fall in love with Betel.

*again, the canonicity of that small print is questionable, but it does recontextualise Betel's wooing A Lot. Or like, make his motivations for it more ambiguous. Why write the Agreement like that? Why write it at all? (Was that in the script? I very badly want to read the script but I can't find it)

None of the above imo invalidates the headcanons/observations I and other people have made about how Betelgeuse did not try all that hard to either enforce that marriage agreement - which HE never even signed.

(he didn't even have Lydia sign it below when it says it will become effective once it's signed below, and yes I am being pedantic about a prop that people likely weren't meant to read anyway, but someone did bother to write it and it is meant to be a contract written by a demon/evil spirit who makes a lot of deals, so the signature being in the wrong place is really funny to me)

An agreement which should not have been voided by the Code 699 violation anyway bc it's an engagement, not a marriage. Nor did he physically/magically force Lydia into marriage in the church despite having ample time, plus there's his suspicious failure to fight back against banishment and instead inflating like a balloon and becoming helpless at the first "Betelgeuse".

Those can't all be out-of-story oversights. Maybe the handbook was meant to say "voids marriage contracts", but even so, the contract makes the code-violation it's own loophole. There's so much wriggle room to get out of the marriage. It's like the scriptwriters made a list of ways Lydia could escape the marriage this time, and then used all of them.

I don't think Betelgeuse really wants to screw over Lydia the same way Delores did him. At least, not anymore. But the pieces are set up in a way to suggest that the thought has occured to him, and that he might keep the ritual in his proverbial backpocket in case "have her fall in love with me and agree to stay with me forever voluntarily" fails.

Or maybe, he believes that the immortality ritual is still his actual plan A - cause this theory does imo fit quite nicely (as a retcon) even into the first movie where he said he wanted out of the creepy dead thing for good, cause he's arrogant enough to believe he could get Lydia to "help" him with that if only she let him out for a bit so he could make her like him (tbf, Toonverse proves him kinda right; he can be lots of fun) - and is now deeply, genuinely confused why he keeps self-sabotaging and giving Lydia outs, cause he himself is not aware just how deeply he's fallen for her after 30 years of watching her and trying and failing to get her attention. Too deeply in love to just give her a love potion (Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian had them, and hey, if Truth Serums exist...), take her to a church, take her to bed under the influence, and then kill her. And too much in love to make her love him through a contractual obligation that she'd be bound to after the wedding.

Betelgeuse pointed Astrid to that loophole in the Handbook by drawing her attention to the book in the church and implying she'd find info about his and Lydia's deal in it. Mention of the deal is not in there, only the loophole to it is. And he knew she saw that page already because he clearly followed her to Jeremy ("She decided to trade lives with the boy"). This self-sabotage could have (further?) backfired on him because the other page she'd flipped to at Jeremy's was the one about Sandworms.

He's a deeply, deeply conflicted man.