#Anyway. I'll probably vent more later. I'm going to go off and do the THC oil + intoxication combo and. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

nehts · 2 years ago

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Feeling a need to. get. absurdly high on my THC oil - but. every time, I end up getting stupidly depressed due to the fact that it makes me feel ... incredibly affectionate and I feel the need to be taken care of, to have someone to be there with me as I’m slightly tired and cuddly - to talk the night away, and to enjoy one another.

And then I spiral due to the isolation. whatever, truly, I suppose - I’m going to do it anyway and then just . “cope” with it

#And. yeah. coping is just . ultimately. getting VERY intoxicated on other shit.#Drinking a shit ton of alcohol. etc. morphine if it gets really bad. etc #I ... truly. cannot survive like this for much longer I don't think #I can't keep living in this current state. I will likely have to accept that the dynamic is forever gone and .#Although he's irreplaceable. I'll have to simply ... stop being stubborn about it and find ... someone. anyone who is.#Even ... 30-60% as good as he was for my needs.#Anyway. I'll probably vent more later. I'm going to go off and do the THC oil + intoxication combo and.#Attempt. attempt to feel better. At least enough to make the weekend decent for Alma.#I need to keep it together for just one more day until she's off for uni again - one more day .#I.#just ... god. I'm not well. I truly have not been okay or anywhere approaching decent for some time now.#Again. enough typing and spiralling. I'll get decently intoxicated and then uh.#TRY to write in my physical worship journal - if I'm too fucked up to write in a decent matter I'll have to. uh. compromise and write here.#I guess .#Anyway .#......................Anyway .

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