#Anytime i mess up I'm holding my breath and waiting for him to scram at me /: i mean he's 30+ now and definitely
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Started to play a game with my brother and at one hand i guess it's fun but also its stressful :')
#miranda talking shit#If you have followed me for spme time you might know i got a... Complicated relationship with basically everyone in my family#Except mom lol. But its my oldest older brother and he was part of bullying me and wrecking my self image as a child#Im still terrified of him like...compared to my second oldest its milder? Bc oldest was only part of it like#30% of the time. However hes the one i was mega scared of making angry. I am of my other older brother too but this one...#I have tje most vivid memories of me as a child accidentally breaking something and him screaming at me for it so...#Playing a video game with him has me anxious. We've done it a few times now and he haveny screamed at me but#Anytime i mess up I'm holding my breath and waiting for him to scram at me /: i mean he's 30+ now and definitely#Much calmer but I'll never get rid of that version of him that screamed at me for messing up as a kid#He's probably the biggest reason im un-healthily scared of anger or any display of it in others. Someone raise their voice in my presence#And im already fighting tears. It doesnt have to be at me even im just likem.... Aaa panic help im in danger#Anyway third session of this and so far so good i just have anxiety and still act so stiff amd weird bc of it#Hes the brother id probably like the most to have an better relationship with... He hurt me too but hes also actually#Tried to invite me to things and be nice to me after /: but yeay i dont think I'll ever get rid of that anxiety#Family
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