#Annnnddd we'll leave it there. I will finish thoughts on that myth and what it represents someday but like. Ironically... for now it's time

[blackvahana]

Was practicing with Lev again in the Astral. I keep making that same damn mistake with summoning things to me where I'm only partly summoning them which.. fantastic for the Rend Tear Sever mind to know I'm essentially extracting blood but shit for everything else.

Anyway. Had him watching me and dissecting what I was doing, we saw that it was mind related in that I was retracting so much of my own self like a dog that only feels safe in a cage. Withholding instinct and ability. Obviously this goddamn medical table I have there is getting a lot of use lmfao, but he sat me down in my mindspace and uh. I've explained it before, but it's hooked up to a sort of bas relief display of a human body and various in-cut holes on various parts that light up to diagnose the areas of problems. This time? Left hip socket.

Left being mental, hip being foundations wise and the connection to stability. The issue wasn't that I was "partially summoning" them as in there was a gap and stuff I just couldnt pull through, but instead I was "partially summoning them" as in filling the rest of their form in with my mind's substance. I was actively taking up space in the totality of the substance, instead of summoning it and letting it be I was effectively mixing it with my own mental substance.

There also was, extending from that, around me a big cushion of mental shit that needed to be taken care of, so we went to work on that.. Effectively back on the medical/operating table he said I need to thread it into something else, Im just hovering a shell of Mind around me that has no purpose and dampens my connection to reality, and uh. That needs to be given a different part of me. He ran through some possibilities, threading it into my tentacles, wings, tail, etc, but eventually we agree to just let it arc to the point it needs to be in. It went straight to the eyes in my skin, making them more real and immediately, weirdly, making the physical plane way more vivid despite is being in the Mental and those eyes being on my Astral body. Anyway. I kinda... didn't fully get on board with it, and so I made the process a little less intense as it first was but he ended up stitching that concept and mental haze into those eyes and uh. Yippie

I definitely am sort of one foot in now wanting to put the other foot in irt grounding the Thousand Eyes. That glimpse of how real they were... yeah woof. Ignoring that the myth is fucked up on the surface level (so. you know. not talking about the allegories of nature and storms breaking through human boundaries and kings weaving their ways into controlling their people's lives and taking what they want from them and so on), that myth of Indra being cursed with a thousand vaginas for violating a woman and eventually having the curse bloom into a thousand eyes is. absolutely. incredibly relevant to this life. specifically the variation of him going to Shiva about it and submitting and listening to him so that he can change in line with how Shiva is... The thousand eyes are just. the theme. And so I'm not going to be able to escape them popping up on my astral body lmfao