#Animatronic's Care Home sounds good but also kinda shit

[monty-glasses-roxy]

Whole sentence here and it's all inside a VR game (unless it's an AR game because obviously those are interchangeable) so he's not even necessarily real, but I nominate Henry the Helper Bot for also being rescued from Tubehell.

Now THIS is what I'm talking about!!!

BEHOLD!!! THE LATEST ROBOT RESCUED FROM TUBEHELL!!!

HELPER BOT HENRY!!! THE TRIANGULAR HELPER BOT THAT HOLDS A BROOM, HAS SPATULA-LIKE APPENDAGES AND MAKES LITTLE BURPING NOISES!!!

They are now safe and will be well loved, as they deserve. Thank you for your service in fishing Henry out of the Tubes! (‘-‘*ゞ

[cleaduvalls]

FNAF MOVIE GOOD!!!! definitely different than i thought it would be, but you can tell that they cared about sticking to the game and making it good for fans vs 'technically' good which was suchhh a good decision like i loved hearing all the little sound effects from the games and seeing some of the same camera angles 🙌 also holy shit the animatronic puppets were INSANE they looked straight from the game which i did not think was possible. 10/10 very fun, kinda silly, extremely enjoyable

REALLLLL omfg literally every 5 minutes i leaned over to the friend i was next to like "THAT WAS IN THE GAMES" it was like a 2 hour easter egg hunt i LOVED it. idc if its an objectively bad movie it was good to ME . ALSO YEAH THE ANIMATRONICS WERE SO FUCKING GOOD THANK U JIM HENSON COMPANY <333333333 im still not over how they did springtrap that shit was fucking BEAUTIFUL. also fort montage my beloved <3 thats pretty much exactly how every "adopted by fnaf" reader insert fic i read in middle school went

im going home this weekend so im gna see it again but at My Theater im so excited :D

[testifytime]

do everything for me, you already know about me BUT: im described as "chaotic faggot" by my friends, i have no filter, I can switch from being outgoing to really nervous in a second, i like drawing, dice, and divinitation. i hoard candles and incense, and i like paintball.

- A Pokemon team/type theme (+ fun facts abt your team!)

Your team is full of Poison types! They’re used the most often for rascly lil fucker trainers, so, it fits :3c

Your signature Pokemon is Toxtricity, though your team also consists of Whirlipede, Haunter, Gloom, Toxicroak, and Crobat!

Fun facts!

Your Toxtricity was sent to you by your juggabro. In his words, it’s a “cool Pokemon to fit your aesthetic but keep you on track”. It can be pretty overprotective, but sometimes it turns a blind eye to the more chaotic things you do. 

Your Whirlipede is just an entire baby. Even though it’s got toxic spikes on its shell that COULD kill you, it’s pretty much a lapbug. You just have to try and remind it to be careful before it goes in for snuggles. 

Your Haunter and Gloom actually kind of hate each other! Having them out at the same time often ends up with you either getting paralysed or put to sleep. They’re super sweet when they’re apart, though, and both LOVE scritches. 

Toxicroak used to be really loveydovey when it was a Croagunk, but now it acts like it’s too cool for school. It’s really not. If you pay more attention to another Pokemon it WILL jab you in the stomach. And then it’ll pretend like it totally wasn’t even because it was jealous. 

Your Crobat is the sweetest of the bunch!! It likes to collect (read: steal) things for you that it thinks you’ll like, and is almost always attached to your back out of its Pokeball. Sometimes without you wanting it to be. It can be a bit of a pain, sometimes. 

- Bloodcaste/lusus/chumhandle as if you were a Homestuck troll (+lore)

You’re a purpleblood with a seaserpent lusus! Your chumhandle is acquiredTalisman. 

You live with your lusus in a hive that boarders where the jungle forest ends and the beach begins. It’s a pretty popular spot for violetbloods, admittedly, but it’s also the only place your giantass Seaserpentdad can actually fit; the mouth of the river is deep and leads directly out into the ocean, where he spends most of his time. The hive itself is pretty cluttered - because man, you suck at keeping shit tidy - and filled to the brim with your dice collections, your religious paraphenalia, and all the random junk you’ve stolen (of which there is a lot). 

You have a few interests, of which the main is your religion. You’re a diviner of sorts, oddly sought out by your fellow purplebloods to tell them what their purpose is in life as stated by the Great Mirthful Messiahs. You’re not entirely sure that they really do speak through you, but your readings are scary-accurate, and not only does it mean that you’ve made more friends, but you’ve made a fuck tonne of money, too. You’re more fond of practicing with your friends, or on your own, sneaking what you can beneath your lusus’ snout; so far, he hasn’t seemed to question the candle collection you have, or the alter with the Faygo bottlecaps, or the cards, or pendulum made from a grubbone you got from one of your customers. Actually, he hasn’t noticed much of anything? You’re hesitant to go TOO far, but you do like pushing at what you can get away with every now and then. 

On top of that, you love to draw - mostly as a form of worship, but also just for fun with your juggabros. You send drawings back and forth, even though you’ve never been able to meet them, and it’s pretty fun! You hope one day that you can get them to your favourite hangout spot to cause a little chaos - which usually means trashing the violetbloods’ rich boy shit and stealing things you know they’re too proud to tattle about. You don’t... always remember doing those things? But you definitely remember the amount of violetbloods that give you nasty glares whenever you walk past. It’s okay, though. You have a rifle and you’re not afraid to use it.

Beyond that, though, you’re... kind of lonely. There’s nobody that you really consider a friend around you, and when your friends do visit you, it’s only every few months. Having all those customers and the nasty violetbloods hanging around is great, sure, but... sometimes you wish you could move your hive closer inland to be near your juggabros. You could, you guess. But then where would your lusus go?

Your lusus is kind of ridiculously huge. You really couldn’t miss him even on the horizon, his giant form standing stark against the two moons. Not that he spends a whole lot of time above the water, though. He pretty much only comes back to get fed and throw a fit if he sees any of your purpleblood customers hanging around. 

- Symbol/guardian/chumhandle as if you were a Homestuck kid (+lore)

Your symbol is a and your guardian is your big bro! Your chumhandle is augmentedTemptation.

You and your older bro kick it in a sweet lil bottom-floor apartment. It’s kinda dingy, kinda shitty, but it’s the best he can afford and you’re not really one to complain when you know how hard he works just to keep the leaky roof over your head. It’s got everything you want out of a home, anyway; separate bedrooms, tiny bathroom, sweet hangout pad that doubles as a kitchen (which you’ve got a curtain draped over so that it looks like they’re two rooms) - it’s pretty neat. It’s also got a fire escape out the back and easy access to the lobby doors that’re easy to pick, so you figure it’s kinda home. 

You absolutely fucking love to play paintball. You’ve got a painball gun that you maybe stole from the store once, and a couple pellets you’ve been buying for cheap online whenever you have the money. You don’t... actually have anyone to play with, but hey, cop cars make a great target. It feeds into your general need for chaos, which isn’t limited to - but has involved - petty theft, breaking into cars, and spray painting defametory phrases against racists and homophobes on billboards. You’ve never actually been caught. Okay, you got caught once, but you’re really good at crying. You’re pretty sure your bro doesn’t know about that.

You like to practice witchy shit in your spare time. You’ve got altars set up for your patrons, and a candle collection that you really don’t know that you’re ever gonna burn through. Plus, incense! Your bro kind of hates the smell, but you just crack open a window and it’s like he doesn’t even know. You’ve also got a pretty fair collection of crystals, but that’s more because people just keep giving them to you? It’s wild what they’ve thought were just normal rocks, and you’re pretty sure some of your collection could sell for a pretty buck, but they make way better offerings. 

Of course, you also love to talk to your friends online. You have a bunch! You’re pretty easy to get on with, you think, so you end up just kinda collecting people into one giant group of friends that never stops growing. You share art, play games, chat, make them worried sick when you do dumb shit - it’s great. 

Sometimes at dusk you like to go up to the roof of the apartment block you and your bro live in and stand right on the edge. It’s so high up you can see around for miles, and everything below you looks like a speck of dust beneath your feet. The stars twinkle above you in the darkening sky, just barely visible, and you think, every now and then, that you are very, very small. 

- A FNAF animatronic design and name

You’re a broken down animatronic, probably one of the earliest of your kind. Maybe even a prototype? Nobody really remembers anymore. You’ve just kind of always been there, at the back of the store, half a body and more coherent than people expect you to be, but never fully quite there. Your head lulls back and forth, your arms moving sluggishly, and in order to get around, you drag yourself across the floor.

You can speak, but not by much. It’s glitchy and switched out more often than not, absolutely terrifying to hear in the dark - but you’re a pretty sweet soul, all things considered. The few who’ve been brave enough to slip back behind the old, abandoned doors, past the cobwebs and through the narrow halls, who haven’t run at the first sight of you, tell tales of a sweet carcass who seemed more scared of being found than anything else. 

There are a couple kids who routinely come back to visit you. They like to give you things they’ve found outside the pizzaria, mostly coins and old dice and things that smell sweet to try and cover up how musty you are. 

You’ve never hurt a soul the entire time you’ve been there, but your reputation has been built on the whispers of kids who’ve seen the rotting maw of your muzzle, the glint of your endoskeleton and the shine of your eyes in the dark. They call you Thing - as if giving you a name will make you come to life. 

The ones that know you better call you Peppi. 

- A BNHA Quirk and hero title

Your Quirk is Corroding Touch. Despite its name, and how terrifying it sounds, your quirk is pretty simple! Anything you touch wastes away, and you can control how far along its own personal timeline it decays through. For instance, you could touch a flower and have it start wilting, and stop there on its timeline - or you could have it waste away to a point that it decays completely and turns to mush. 

The drawback here is that what you’re doing is essentially speeding up a natural process. Things that don’t waste away without outside forces - such as rocks through erosion - won’t be affected by your quirk. Things that live very long lives before decaying - such as turtles - will take up a lot more of your time to speed them through their natural timeline. Finally, you can’t reverse what you’ve done. Once you’ve sped it through its natural timeline, there’s no going back; another quirk will have to undo the effects.

Of course, it also means that if you plant an oak seed, instead of waiting hundreds of years for it to grow into an oak tree, you can just use your quirk to speed up the process. So it’s a good-bad thing!

Your hero title is the Wasteful Hero: Corrosion. You’re a sort of last-resort hero, and you don’t like being in the limelight. Your quirk is dangerous if not handled correctly, so you work on a team with another hero who has a counter-effective quirk to yours (essentially Hyper Growth!). A lot of civillians are scared of you, but that’s okay. You know that what you do is important, and that your ranking doesn’t matter so long as you’re saving lives.

You are a little bitter, though, that your partner is several ranks ahead of you.

[pachathegreat]

Day 2: Ernest Scared Stupid

How’s it going, Vern? I’m back here with another entry in The Shinning. This time we’re looking at a classic KnowhutImean?

Nah, not really, it’s kinda shit honestly. 

So Ernest Scared Stupid is the 5th film starring Jim Varney as Ernest P. Worrell, or simply Ernest. See for the real 90′s kids out there, you maybe familiar with Ernest. In California he regularly frequented our homes through the Cerritos Auto Square commercials along side his other theatrical appearances. He had also starred in a number of commercials around the US, most being about milk. Which oddly enough ties in with a plot point of this very we’re looking at tonight, Vern. Oh, Vern was a guy Ernest would talk to, Vern would be the camera and by proxy us. Here, look at it yourself. 

 So the story of Ernest Scared stupid starts off around the colonial era in America, a little girl is being chased through the woods by a monster. The monster is caught, thrown in the ground with a tree planted on it as a sort of prison. Varney plays a pastor who calls on some higher power (god was really working it back then) to trap the beast down below. Before he finishes however, the monster prophecies it’s return at the hand of one of the town’s folk, and also condemns the pastor’s descendants to get perpetually stupid as each generation goes on. Which leads us to Ernest. Ernest is the only person working for the municipal waste of a very small town. He’s the town’s only garbage man. The town is so small, the Ernest has to report to the sheriff. I think, the mayor came in and said Ernest is the sheriff’s responsibility so that’s what I got out of it. 

Ernest is friend’s with the sheriff’s kid and two other kids. I didn’t catch their names, cause it honestly won’t matter. So the kids want to make a really cool tree house and Ernest picks a tree, however out of all the trees in the whole forest, Ernest picks the one tree the troll is in! Gasp! The horror! The tragedy! 

Honestly, you see it coming a mile away. So Ernest releases the monster and it turns out to be a troll, and it is an ugly little bastard. 

The snot is the worst part honestly. 

So the troll’s goal is to get in that boy’s hole. No it isn’t, but I couldn’t resist. It’s actual goal is to steal the souls of 5 children before Halloween is over so it can grow more trolls and...take over the town? It wants more trolls okay. 

We follow Ernest around the movie as he goes through hi-jinks and adventure. Meanwhile the troll is just snatching the kids up. It literally just snatches a kid off the street at one point. 

So towards the end we find that the creature’s weakness is “mother’s care”, which turns out to be milk. Let that one sink into you head a bit. 

Unfortunately for our hero, the troll manages to get the five souls and unleashes it trolls on the town. By the way, Ernest is the town idiot, he’s not well respected, and is trusted as the kids are. So the whole time Ernest is yelling about trolls (TROLL IN THE DUNGEON! I thought you should know), everyone is just like “Piss off, Ernest, we gotta taxes or some boring shit.” So when the troll reveals itself, everyone is like “HOLY SHIT!” as you would if you saw Danny Devito’s demon spawn. 

The kids who didn’t have their souls stolen away from them take as much milk as they can and go fight off the trolls that have spawned. Nearly all the trolls are defeated except troll #1 who says something along the lines of “Demons I call you” and then it gets uglier. And in the 90′s, ugly=evil so that makes sense.

So the end of the movie, the big climatic exchange between the demon troll and southern simpleton are as follows. The entire town demanding Ernest kill the troll, the troll staring down at Ernest, Ernest putting his arms out, picking up the monster and hugging it and kissing it on its face, which looks like a giant old scrotum draped on rubber. The monster, dies? I think? It’s definitely gone. I just don’t know if it was redeemed or that’s just how it died. Kinda confused honestly. 

This movie is drenched in that 90′s cheesiness. Like not in the cool nostalgic way either. The dialogue for the kids are basically what adults think kids wanted to sound like back then where it was more like the kids from Stranger Things or IT (2017) if anything. 

Though some of the language used in this would’ve been considered more PG-13 now. They don’t cuss or anything, but the rating system was a little more loose at the time. Which I have problems with to a point. 

Stylistically it was more interesting than I would’ve thought. The opening credits have this cool lighting effect which they use sporadically through the film. When it shows up, it makes the movie flow better and the comedy gel well.

Speaking of comedy, Jim Varney was a really funny guy. Everyone else doesn’t really have that many funny lines or actions, but Varney is the reason you watch this if you do at all. He’s very aware of how his face works and he use that to his advantage, he also has good comedic timing. I think he’d been portraying Ernest for about 10 years at this point, so that would make sense. I tried writing this next part to describe a moment that made me laugh, but then I remembered if you explain the joke, it isn’t funny, so here’s a shitty clip of it instead.

Oh, I forgot to mention, Eartha fucking Kitt is in this! Like when she pops out it feels a little like a Madam Zeroni origin story or something. She plays this kinda crazy witch lady in the movie. I loved that she was in this, but my only complaint is that she was in this. She’s also the one who figures how to defeat the troll before Ernest does. 

So the special effects in this are actually pretty good. I mean, the troll looks ugly, but it looks like a troll. Not some little person in a shitty suit and some make up. This a little person in a shitty suit with some nice animatronics on their head. Eventually when the other trolls arrive, the spring from the ground and there’s this cool effect as they emerge that looks like a bubble. The studio who work on the SFX are The Chiodo Brothers who worked on Killer Klowns from OUter Space and Critters. Good stuff, and another decent highlight in a somewhat meh film.

So wrapping this up, the movie is the last to be released theatrically, and all other Ernest... movies were released to home video afterwards. Reading up, it was said to have scared a lot of kids, and I remember being scared watching this as a kid. But re-watching this as an adult, it just seems really cheesy. Maybe the media is right and we’ve been desensitized to these sorta things, or maybe we’re just kids and we let our imagination get the better of us when we’re that age. One scene that I thought would’ve scared me as a kid is the one where the trolls gets a kid that Ernest’s friend is with. It just stares the kid in the eyes as it absorbs the other kids soul. It’s not brutal, but it’s a definite ‘what the fuck’ moment. 

This one isn’t that great. Just go to YouTube if you want to watch Ernest bits from this movie and save yourself the trouble

Tomorrow is GRINCH NIGHT!