#Andrew: “You're too tight. I gotta be slow.”

[jtl-fics]

Man there is nothing worse than just wanting to read a fic that doesn't exist but also not having the will to write it.

I just want to read an Andrew who has a hard time keeping his hands off of Neil and always wanting to be like massaging him. Not even like in a spicy way just like he has Neil sit between his legs during movie night so that he can give Neil scalp massages and Neil has yet to make it through a movie when Andrew's hands are on him like this. Andrew sees Neil's shoulders all tense after he gets in his head about something and Andrew coming over and his fingers are digging into knots and rubbing Neil's neck. Neil ran a bit too far during his run and Andrew's got Neil's gross ass foot in his lap and looking at a reflexology notebook. Neil having a nightmare and Andrew's just rubbing his back.

I just desire Andrew being given blanket permission to touch Neil and using that permission to bring comfort.

[fitmydaydream]

Apologies - Part 3

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3

Prompt: Shawn becomes miserable after Y/N left for a so called break. But how long will the break last? Will Shawn be able to win her back?

Word Count: Almost 4k

A/N: Well who knew I would be writing a part 3 to this but here we are. I cannot thank you guys enough for showing so much love to me. I'll forever be grateful. I love y'all babies 🌸💕 Also this part is gonna be a bit longer so hold on tight!

One week. It has been one whole week since Shawn has last seen you walk through the door. One week of utter heartbreak. One week of loneliness and sheer regret. Shawn has been through it all.

The morning after you left, Shawn woke upto a cold hard floor realising he had cried himself to sleep on the floor only. Flashbacks of the last night hit him and there he was back again, grieving over your absence.

He called you several times but you didn't pick up even once. All his calls went straight to your voicemail and all the messages remained ignored. Every moment was stabbing him in the heart, blaming himself for all the mess. Oh god if only he would've acted a bit responsible.

The deadline was approaching near but he didn't care about it now. Whenever he would try and sit down to think about a song, his thoughts would get distracted and he would always end up thinking about the words you said.

You broke me in the blink of an eye Shawn.

A tear would slip down his cheek and he would wipe it off. He wasn't able to focus anymore. He was ignoring all the calls he was getting from his management team and has not been to the studio since the last week giving an excuse that he was working at home.

Brian and Andrew sensed something was up and decided to visit him due to his lack of presence in studio and the halted progress in work. Analysing the mess he has created out of himself and his surroundings, they decided to bring up the question.

"What do you think you're doing with yourself?" Andrew asked.

Shawn looked terrible. Red eyes, purple under eyes bags, messed up house and his lack of presence of mind were all evident of the fact of the immense effect it had on Shawn when you left him that day. He was not eating properly and probably was not in his best state at all.

"What? I'm working on stuff." Shawn said bluntly.

"Oh is it? Let me take a look at your work then. May I know where is it?" Andrew asked clearly pissed off.

"Jesus! Do you need a fucking proof of everything? I said I'm working on it!" Shawn argued.

"I know you're lying to my face Shawn. Otherwise why would you stop coming to the studio all of a sudden. Why would you even ignore our calls? Hell you even fought with Y/N. What's the problem man?" Andrew asked bluntly.

"That is the bloody problem Andrew! That is the bloody problem! She left. Y/N left!!!!!!" Shawn yelled.

"W-What?" Andrew was confused.

"Yes she fucking left Andrew after all that I said to her. I broke her terribly. I hurt her like an enemy and now she left and I don't even know if she's coming back or not!" Shawn broke.

Andrew was shocked. He stepped forward to put a hand in consolation over Shawn's shoulder.

"I get-" Andrew said but was interrupted.

"No you don't get it okay! It has all happened because of you people!!!!" Shawn shouted.

"You all are crazy. You all want me to follow my passion but at the same time want it done so quickly like I'm working on a damn written assignment or something. It's music for fuck's sake. It takes time you know? It requires thinking and a lot of emotions attached to it. It can't just come up with a song like that. I'm not even happy with my work anymore because you guys always want the work on your table so on time like some fucking dinner oh my god. And because of this, I've not been able to even talk properly with Y/N since the past several months as you guys always want me to be in the studio. I left her when she needed me the most. I ignored her. I didn't say anything because I thought this all was happening for good but no it wasn't and here I'm in the midst of a hell hole. I watched her walk past that door after begging her to stay and I don't even know if she'll ever be back? How am I supposed to focus Andrew? Tell me? Does this make you happy? Are you happy that I lost her?" Shawn was on the verge of tears with his voice cracking.

"So you're now saying that this is all because of us don't you? What fucking lame ass excuse are you giving us for a breakup which you were responsible for Shawn?!" Andrew said angrily.

Brian told Andrew to shut up just for once because this wasn't the right time to argue with Shawn.

"Yes I only mean what you're hearing? You're sick. Your whole management is sick. Thinks people are fucking robots or something. You and you management can go and fuck yourself!" Shawn retaliated.

Andrew was done with him. Brian dragged Andrew outside before this could get anymore ugly.

"What are you doing dude?" Brian whisper yelled.

"Wh-what I am doing? Didn't you see him being such an immature and irresponsible guy. It's like I don't know him and how the fuck did he dare to put this all on us. I'm-"

Brian interrupted " I know buddy. He's not in a right state. You know how much he was attached to Y/N. He loved her to death and with her leaving him now, he has totally lost it. He needs consolation and help Andrew and not people reminding him it's his mistake because he surely does know it. You and me we both know that he's not totally wrong about what he said about the management. It's partially our fault too you know? He worked more than he needed. You know what I mean right?" Brian asked Andrew and he kinda nodded slightly but not too much.

"I'll talk to him. I'll also try to talk to Y/N and see if this gets any better. But for now, give him a little more time for he is going through a lot right now. He's in pain and needs help okay. You can go now and I'll try to talk to him about this. Just be cool huh?"

Andrew nodded and went for his car. Brian sighed in relief and went inside. He saw Shawn sitting on the couch with his head in his hands.

He walked up to him and placed a hand on his knee asking "Hey buddy! How you doin'?"

"What are you here for now?" Shawn mumbled against his hands.

"What? I'm here to check up on my buddy. Gotta see is he's doing okay?"

"Well then you're gonna be really disappointed because I'm a screwed up mess right now. I don't know what to do. Y/N isn't picking up any of my calls neither is she replying to my texts. I think she hates me now and probably won't ever be back and all this wouldn't have happened if I wouldn't have been a dick to her. So there's that and I'm doing just fine I guess?" Shawn rambled.

"Woah! Woah dude slow down. So you're telling me you just called and texted her and never actually tried to go after her or chase her? What difference is that gonna make Shawn? What are you thinking?" Brian said surprisingly.

"What do you mean by that?" Shawn asked looking up, confused by what Brian was implying.

"You gotta reach out for her Shawn duh?" Brian raised an eyebrow hoping Shawn would get the indication.

"I'm not really getting you Brian. Stop beating around the bush and get to the point!"

"God! Are you really that dumb or do you pretend to be one. Well seems like you are actually dumb because what I'm trying to say is you got to reach out for her in real. All these texts and calls about how much you miss her and love her will not make any progress buddy. If you really love her so much then you gotta tell her about it. You've to find a way to meet her. I don't know how but figure it out before it gets too late and she changes her mind to not come back to you. Time is precious and you've already lost a week. Go after her. Chase her. Are you getting what I'm saying Shawn? No one considers a mere call or a text expressing your love or regret as a solid way to apologise you know." Brian asked.

"Oh shit! What was I thinking?" Shawn sat there wide eyed.

"Exactly. My point. But it's never too late. You've still got time. Think about a plan and chase her. As much as I know Y/N, Shawn she really loves you. And if you assure her that you're never gonna mess things up like this again and show how much love you hold for her, I'm sure she's gonna consider you another time."

"Yes I think you're so damn right. I should go but she's living with Noah and as much as I know Noah she won't let me meet her after seeing what I did to Y/N. She's never gonna let me meet her." Shawn ran his hands through his hair in frustration and groaned.

"Dude did you lose your brain somewhere or threw it into trash can someday because you're fucking stupid. Who told you to go and ring the bell and be a gentleman? Figure out her room and climb through a ladder like a romeo and get inside your Juliet's room and do your thing bitch!" Brian exclaimed.

Shawn stared at Brian for a minute as if he was a superhuman. He mentally face palmed himself for being so dumb and wasting so much time texting and calling her. Suddenly, he hugged Brian tightly.

"You're a saviour Brian! Thank you so much! God knows how much time I would've really wasted if you wouldn't have been on time here." Shawn said a bit happily as he got some hope that maybe he was not that late that he has imagined himself to be.

"You're welcome pussy." Brian said smiling. "Now go and do it! Good luck mate! I'm sure she's gonna be back and everything is gonna be alright! Just don't bring your defeated ass back home. Bring home victory!"

xx

It was raining and you were driving your way back to Noah's home after a tiring day at work. Yes, work. You decided to go back to work since sitting idle was eating you up and bringing back bad thoughts and memories which were never really helping you.

It has been one week since you walked out of that door and last seen Shawn's face. You wouldn't deny that you missed him. You missed him like crazy. And you were still in love with him.

You wondered how he must be doing. Would he be fine? Would he be sad? Would he be over you? Would he be expecting you to be back? Endless thoughts circled your minds daily and it was hurting you.

You also debated with yourself at times whether you did the right thing or not and that was the most scary part. You tried talking to Noah about this and it kind of helped.

"Y/N honey" she' sighed. "It was a decision you thought about right? It wasn't taken in the heat of the moment. You were hurt too much. Anyone who would've been in your place would've considered it to be an appropriate thing you know? I know what you're thinking but you needed some personal space to figure things out and that wouldn't have been possible if you would've still been there right? So stop beating yourself up" Noah said calmly.

You wouldn't deny that it helped talking to Noah about this but not that much that you expected. It was still bothering you.

You pulled your car in Noah's driveway and turned off the ignition. You signed and rang the bell. The door opened and you were greeted by Noah talking on her phone to someone. She smiled at you and you smiled back at her. She continued talking on her phone in a low voice but it was still audible to you.

"No I can't you know about Y/N right. She's sick and she has been living with me since a week so I gotta take care of her. I'll come in the next one for s-" Noah whispered.

You snatched the phone from her and answered "Actually Y/N is well and I would absolutely love to come around tonight. I'll be there at 8. Bye."

"What the hell was that Y/N? Why would you do that? You know I don't wanna leave you-"

"I know Noah and that's why I'd to do that. You've already done so much for me and I'm so utterly thankful of you that you stood by my side all the time and took care of me like a baby. But I'm fine Noah. I just want you to go out and have some fun and not avoid this just because of me. That'll make me feel even worse you know." you said while making a puppy face which you knew Noah couldn't resist.

Noah gave you a genuine smile and hugged you. You hugged her back.

"You bitch! You've to make that face don't you" Noah said and you chuckled.

"Yes and now go, get ready. Dress up sexy and get some ass." you said with a wink and Noah fake gasped.

After about an hour you saw Noah get ready to leave.

"I'll be back early. You'll be alright?" Noah asked you in a concerned way.

"No way! You'll not be back before 12 I'm ordering you girl. You better not be back home before that otherwise I won't let you in" you said in a made up manly tone.

"Okay mom!" Noah said and hugged you goodbye.

"Just drive safe and have fun!" you shouted behind her and she nodded while driving away. You sighed somewhat in relief and happiness. But now you were all alone. It was raining outside making it a gloomy evening.

It was already half past 8 so you decided to have a light dinner and retire yourself to bed by 9 after a good bath.

You couldn't help the thoughts about Shawn in your shower. How beautiful he looked when his lips curved into a smile, how the crinkles by his eyes appeared when he laughed flashing his perfect teeth, the way his perfect lips felt upon yours and how he was the ultimate source of happiness.

You shook your head to clear your thoughts. You turned off the shower and got out of it. Then you changed into your pjs and a loose t-shirt and snuggled yourself into the bed with the curtains wide open. You stared at your phone screen displaying hundreds of voicemails and messages that were not still opened by you and your hands itched to do that.

You watched the rain pour down and the thunder striking which always scared you. This reminded you of how Shawn would cuddle you in his arms whenever the lightning struck. A tear slipped from your eyes.

This was too hard. You wanted to go back to Shawn. You began to contemplate your decision whether you were right to leave him or not.

Shawn loved you. He moved away from his family and friends to live with you just because he loved you. And you knew how suoer stressed he gets when it comes to music. You thought whether you did the right thing to leave him when he needed you the most. He said you gave him motivation and what did you do? You left him? Yes he was wrong to say such things to you and heck even he did a mistake to ignore you but were you intending on taking a revenge from him instead of that? You loved him right?

Your thoughts were interrupted by a heavy pounding on your window. You were startled by the sound. You raised your head to get a better view and saw some wet curls slowly emerging up. You froze in your position. It was the person you were just thinking about. It was Shawn. He was trying to get inside. This is was all too much to process.

He was dripping wet. You realised you were staring for too long when he got restless and the pounding got faster signalling you to let him asap.

You ran towards your window and opened it. You helped Shawn get inside and he got you wet also. You quickly closed the window and went to grab a towel for Shawn to dry himself out. You handed him the towel while you caught him staring at you. You stared back at him.

This was such an intimate moment. You both were not saying anything. Just looking at each other, taking all in. It was like one of the many times when you both saw each other for first time. This was beautiful. He was beautiful.

"Come back Y/N" Shawn blurted out.

"Wha-"

"You heard it right baby. Come back. Just come back to me. It's too hard without you Y/N. Life's hard without you." Shawn said. He stepped forward and held your arms gently.

"I mean it. I love you Y/N. I love you with all my heart. I can scream it to the whole world and not feel even a tad bit of ashamed by it. I'm so disappointed in myself so much that I can't even tell you. In those past days, I just wanna tell you that it took everything in me not to run back to you every minute. I hated myself for doing this to you. There was not a moment when I didn't think about you. I wished I could just take all that back and tell you that you were not even near to what I said to you that day baby." Shawn's voice croaked.

"Shaw-" he put a finger on your lips.

"Shh! No let me speak today baby."

You were starting to tear up. He moved his hands to your cheeks and cupped them.

"Look into my eyes Y/N. Don't they scream about the love I have for you. Y/N you've saved me everytime I was about to fall. You are the power I have that keeps me on my toes. That keeps me motivated. You're my strength baby and not my weakness. You've that magic that helps me keep my shit together and not make me feel otherwise. You've been there for me when I used to feel so hopeless and useless. I don't wanna miss you like this Y/N. I want you like you used to be with me. I want you back. You keep me sane and at the same time you drive me insane. I love this contrast in my emotions when I'm with you. I'm at my best when I'm with you." Shawn was now crying. Light sobs were escaping your lips.

"What we have Y/N is so beautiful and magical. If I'd known what you were feeling like, I swear my love that I would've never left you like that everyday and would never have played so nonchalant. Distance, timings, breakdown, fightings and silence, we've been through it all. I don't wanna lose you baby. I've my whole life planned with you before my eyes. I always see you walking down the aisle and holding your face gently and kissing you in front of our families. I already see you as the mother of my children baby. I wouldn't trade this for the world. This is so precious Y/N. Just come back to me. I'm apologize with all my entire heart for all the nights I left you alone when I should've held you in my arms and have told you that it's gonna be fine. I should have been there for you when you woke up in the morning to kiss your lips. I regret not doing all those things in those past months which I intend to do now. Don't let this go Y/N my love. Don't let our forever get ripped into shreds babe. Just come back. Just come back baby." Shawn whimpered.

The look in his eyes said it all. The pain in those eyes were evident of the immense fear he was experiencing of losing you. It spoke to your heart directly. Someone once said that fall in love with the eyes because they never change. You saw it today. His eyes still held the same amount of love and tenderness as they'd when he first declared that he loved you. You were looking into eyes while you brought his face closer to you with your hands. Shawn placed his forehead on yours and you both were crying. It was getting too emotional. Shawn wiped a tear that was streaming down your cheek with his thumb and touched his nose with yours.

"I'm sorry" you whispered through sobs."Don't be. It's me who's at fault." he whispered back.

"No baby. I realised I left you when you needed me the most. You begged me to say but I couldn't hear you over my ego. I'm so sorry baby." You whispered against his lips.

"No baby. That was not your ego. That was your dignity and I'm so proud of you that you stood for yourself and kicked some sense into me." he cried softly against skin.

"I love you Shawn. I love you so much. We are not meant to fight like this. I miss us. I miss how we used to be. This love is good and you're the best thing that has ever been mine."

"I love you more baby. So fucking more. You're my life, my forever and my everything. I promise I'm gonna make this all better. The stakes will always be high but I'm ready to fight the world when you're right beside me holding my hand. I'm not gonna treat you like I did. You're my princess baby. No one can take what is ours and I'm fearless now."

You cried against his lips even harder. You took this moment to crash your lips against his. Shawn's hands held you closer to him by your waist as much as possible while your hands went from his chest to behind his neck where you interlocked them. The kiss was passionate, desperate and so loving. You bit at his lower lip. Shawn leaned into you more to make the kiss more intense. His hands roamed all over your body like a nomad wandering for his home. Your heart was healing with every second of this kiss. You realised this was all you'll ever want. His tongue delved into your and explored it with so much intimacy. You tugged at his curl which made him moan into your mouth. Suddenly lightening struck and you pulled out of the kiss, scared. Shawn looked at you and sensed that you were afraid so he wrapped you in his arms and kissed your head. You got engulfed in his scent and realised no place could be safer that his arms.

"I'm cold Shawn" you mumbled against his chest. " Well then I know just the right way to make you feel warm" Shawn said and you felt him smile against your forehead moving his lips straight down to your neck and kissing your skin over there. It was finally time to say goodbye to all the hardships and anguish and the perfect moment to celebrate the victory of love.

xx

I hope you guys liked how I ended it?! Feedback is cool! Also, if you've any ideas for any future imagines feel free to share with me ♥️ MASTERLIST