#And she's rereading love poems to her girlfriend after she went away

[emile-hides]

Funguary is upon us and I am EXTREMELY hyped!!

I plan on doing more character design sheets than actual full works for the rest of the mushrooms, because I could not get myself to finish this one... and it’s the first one!

[darklingichor]

The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton *Major Spoilers*

I did not plan to revisit this one because I still have it mostly memorized from when I read it over and over as a teenager.

I loved this book so much, even though my life was worlds away from Ponyboy's, I related to him.

This is probably the most influential book I've ever read. I found out it was written when S.E. Hinton was a teen and I thought "Maybe I can do it too."

I soon found that I was far too sensitive to let people read what I wrote, I couldn't get around the idea of pouring part of myself into something and having someone tell me it sucks.

Now, I realize that's pretty rich considering this blog, but I couldn't do it as a kid and even now it feels a little like saying "please judge my spleen for your liking. If it is found lacking, by all means throw it in the shredder. Fear not, I will feel every cut."

This is why very few people have ever read my fiction.

That's also why, with a couple of exceptions I try to be very respectful of every book I read.

Anyway, what made me return to The Outsiders was that I discovered that there was a 50th anniversary edition. This hardcover has extras, my finger was hitting buy before I even registered it.

So, reread it for the first time in a long time.

I sank into the sweet nostalgia of the story. Reading this book is like sliding on a well worn pair of jeans. This book introduced me to Robert Frost.

I taught myself to type using the poem "Nothing Gold Can Stay" because I had it memorized and would never get tired of it.

I still love the friendships and family bonds presented in the story. I still got a knot in my throat when Johnny died and Dally lost everything. I cried when Ponyboy found Johnny's letter. By God, but I still love this book.

I did notice that some things hit differently now than they did even when I read it once in my 20's.

The first thing I noticed is akin to when you watch The Little Mermaid as an adult and Arial says that she's sixteen and not a kid

and you laugh out loud because, girl, you are a zygote, shush!

When Cherry says to Ponyboy, she could fall in love with Dallas Winston so she hopes she never sees him m again. When I was a kid reading this,familar with The Breakfast Club, Grease, etc, this seemed like a natural statement.

Now? My first thought was "Oh honey, you're more screwed up than I remembered." Because from their first interaction, Cherry would fall in love with a catcalling construction worker.

Ponyboy says that Dallas said something "Really filthy".  In the movie, he asks Cherry howhe was suppose to know if her hair was really red, like her eyebrows were. A roundabout way of asking if the carpet matches the drapes. Bad enough and in the context of the 1960's that might have been dirty enough to be censored from the orginal manuscript, but I always imagined it was worse than that.

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, after all, Dally wasn't so much a step up or down from Bob, as a step to the side.

Honestly when I was fourteen and reading this for the first time, I didn't think much of Cherry, I thought she was fake, and very stupid. She was older than me, but I knew it was massively fucked up not to admit she dated a bad guy.

  I see her as sad now, and she's a much darker character She's painted as someone with integrity, someone with principles.

She wouldn't take a Coke from Dally.

She tells Bob that it's her or the booze.

Won't take a pop from a hood, threatens to break it off with her boyfriend if he continues to drink. Okay, understandable.

Realize he beat the tar out of, and pschologically scarred a kid for kicks?

He was sweet sometimes.

What?

He was something special.

She says to the kid he and his friends attempted to murder. 

"He wasn't just any boy."

Right you are, Cherry. Incidentally, did you have any pets disappear while you dated him?

She's a mixed up girl.

I had many a head cannon for the characters in this book when I first read it.

I thought Ponyboy would grow up to be a writer, Darryl would open his own roofing business, Soda and Steve would work for him while fixing cars on the side. Two-Bit would work with them when he felt like it, or he would end up hitching to California to be a stand-up comic.

I thought Cherry would end up married to someone who worked for her father, who I imagined was a lawyer.

After this read through? I adjusted that future.

We met Randy again in That was Then, This Is Now. He's a hippie, which makes perfect sense. I see Cherry running off to Haight Ashbury. I don't get farther than losing sight of her red hair on a crowded, sunny sidewalk, but I get the same spooky vibe I always got after reading Rumble Fish.

Something else that hit differently, the relationships between the boys.

It hit differently for me because I know now why I love it so much.

I remember being  in a major reading slump before I picked up this book. See, I couldn't get into the books that were marketed to me. I wasn't in to RL Stine, except for the history of Fear Street books. I couldn't get into Christopher Pike at all.

I was reading mysteries and westerns, but I really wanted something that had people my age in it that wasn't a romance or sick lit. I'd read enough of those, and I thought that if I read one more book where boy meets girl then one of them croaks I would scream.

So I went to my mom's bookshelf, and found her copy.

I really loved that the real connections that are focused on, are between friends and family. These connections were not treated as being less than a romantic relationship. In fact, just the opposite, the gang see each other as their cement relationships. Soda and his girlfriend Sandy break up, he's hurt and it adds to an already rough time, but it is not a focus.

I suppose it could be argued that the reason for the lack of focus on romance has to do with the fact that Pony states that he's not thinking of it yet. But seeing how all of the gang look out for each other from Darryl keeping the Curtis's door unlocked in case one of the boys needed a place to crash, to everyone looking out for Johnny, to Johnny staying with Pony when he was upset after his fight with Darry, and looking out for him when they were in hiding, to Dallas helping them find a place to go after Bob was killed, to Pony sticking by Johnny after the killing, to Two-Bit sticking up for Johnny when his mother came to the hospital  and how broken up he was when Ponyboy got sick, and finally how one of Johnny's last acts was to write Ponyboy a letter that he hoped would help both Pony and Dallas.

These are not friendships that end when everyone starts dating.

This seems like a "duh" statement, but you have to think, so many things show friendships as training wheels. Something you use until you reach the next level and find a romantic partner. And, maybe this was just my small town, but that was very much the way things went around me, it was expected.

It was great to read a book about kids around my age who didn't see friendships as inferior to romantic relationships.

Now, knowing that I'm Aro Ace, I think I liked it because it spoke to what I thought was important without making it seem like something I needed to grow out of.

The extras were cool, letters between the author and the editors when the book was in the works, letters from the actors who played Pony, Johnny, Soda, Dallas, and Randy.

It was interesting to read the actors' feelings about characters they played so early in their careers. I was half hoping Matt Dillon would apologize for choking on, and embodying that gigantic piece of ham during the death scene, but one can't get everything in life.

I could read the other SE Hinton books, and talk about the connections between them, but I will likely skip That was Then, This is Now and Rumble Fish.

See, I didn't like That Was Then This Is Now very much when I first read it. A big reason? I didn't like Bryon. There was just something about the character that rubbed me the wrong way.

He's... I don't know... he's like Two-Bit without the charm. Plus, Ponyboy is featured, but Bryon hates him. It seems out of jelousy because of all the stuff that had happened in The Outsiders. And he hates him even more *because* he's quiet about it. I get distancing the last book from the next and that was an effective way of doing it, but when I was younger it just made me not like the character all the more.

I've read it a few times since I was younger, wondering if it would improve as I aged. It didn't.

Bryon is still mostly unlikeable. Plus, I grew up in the Frying an Egg, Diving into an Empty Swimming Pool, DARE, era of drug awareness. The whole book felt like a PG-13 version of The Buttercream Gang. Now that I have sufficiently aged myself...

Rumble Fish, I loved, but like I said, it's an unsettling story and one that left me oddly unsatisfied.

I really enjoyed the next two, Tex and Taming the Star Runner so I may revisit those.

[taz-writes]

10 Questions Tag Game

@micastarsandmirrors tagged me on my main blog for this, but I’m posting it here because it seemed more appropriate. :>

1. Which author(s) inspires you the most?

Oof, hard question! Recently I’ve been really inspired by Terry Pratchett’s Discworld series--I love how he deconstructs fantasy as a genre. Guards! Guards! is one of the best books I’ve read in a very long time. 

2. Someone from a different world asks you, “Show me the song of your people” which earth song would you play for them?

Madeon’s Pop Culture. It’s such a genius reimagining of SO many other songs, and it encapsulates modern pop musical culture in a way that’s really fantastic. I love it. It’s not actually my favorite song, but as an example to an alien of what Earth music is, it’s a pretty good case study. 

3. How did you get the idea for your current WIP?

Feilan is drawn from the mythology of a recess game I used to play with my friends in elementary school. My friends and I would team up and LARP as our super cool powerful fairy avatars and fight the annoying boys from the classroom next door evil! As we grew up, the lore of Fairyland grew darker and more complicated, and I borrowed bits and pieces of dozens of other stories to glue them to my self insert and my friends’. We grew out of the game, but the paracosm we’d created stuck with me. Around sixth grade, I started putting those old recess games into writing! 

4. Which of your characters is a lover not a fighter and which is a fighter not a lover?

Honestly, most of my characters are both! Feilan is an action story and the majority of the cast is prepared to throw down at any time. I think Lavender is the lover-not-a-fighter. She’s a healer, after all, and she prefers to avoid conflict. The fighter is definitely Amalie. 

5. Do you listen to music while you write? If so, what do you listen to?

Sometimes! It depends on my mood, and what kind of scene I’m trying to write. Usually, I prefer instrumental music. I have a class at school where the homework is just listening to a few hours of classical music, so I’ll do that a lot while I write. Otherwise... video game music is the way to go. Undertale has a freaking amazing soundtrack. Also, I’m still quite fond of the Homestuck music albums.... They have a lot of great songs for setting a mood. 

6. What’s the best way to piss off your main OC?

Tell her she’s not good enough to be worthy of something. Bonus points if you imply her opinions don’t matter, or bring up her birth status. That’ll get her riled up in half a second flat. 

7. What inspired you to write your current WIP(S)?

Oh boy here we go, here’s the novel. Feilan’s backstory is long and very emotional.

When I was growing up, I could never find stories to read that actually gave me what I wanted. I was raised on that early-2000s strand of Girl Power(tm) that was really obsessed with characters who are girls fighting the patriarchy and everyone cares that they’re girls because there’s clearly nothing more important about their characters........ Either that or they were just straight up annoying. I adored Winx Club but every time the girls went shopping another piece of me died. I had a well-established Not Like Other Girls complex but at the same time reading characters who thought like that was really annoying? There were a lot of things I hated in the stories I read growing up: inescapable love interests, tiny sparkly boring fairies, the anti-sue genre of Plain Modest Protagonists who aren’t allowed to be powerful or even aware that they could be, female characters who can’t do anything without reminding us that they’re girls and girls can’t normally do this but I can and look how special that is!!, the inevitable Girl Media Shopping Montage... et cetera. 

I didn’t want that. I wanted Lord of the Rings, but with girls, and maybe a cute boy!Galadriel. I wanted a story where girls being heroes wasn’t a big deal, or even worth questioning. I couldn’t find those things, so I decided I’d make my own, drawn out of my shameless childhood power fantasies. Feilan is an aggressive defiance of pretty much all the tropes in the last paragraph. I’ve stuck to it so doggedly because even now, I still have trouble finding stories with the kinds of characters I want to read about. I’ve always been super invested in stories about characters who are Like Me, who are girls with feminine and masculine interests, who have ADHD but are still smart anyways, who are short and built strong instead of slender. I used to refuse to watch cartoons unless there was at least one blonde girl that I could latch onto who wasn’t a stereotype Popular Girl. More recently, I want to see characters who are bi like me, where nobody makes a big deal out of it. I don’t even like romance stories, I don’t understand why it has to matter if X likes girls and boys! Just let her do that and get her girlfriend and get back to saving the world! And I fucking hate stories that pretend to be progressive by driving in over and over again how X character is a girl, X character is so gay--the ultimate result is just reminding me that I’m weird somehow. By... being a person, I guess. I hate those narratives so much but especially in mainstream YA, they’re practically inevitable? 

So I wanted to write Feilan so I could have the story I wanted to read but never found, about characters who are like me and dealing with my problems and my strengths and my fears. And I’ve kept writing it because I still want that, and I want Feilan to be that story for other people too, because I don’t think I’m alone here. It’s also a major outlet for my emotions. 

This is a long answer, but I think it’s pretty clear why. :)

8. What is the last book/series you finished reading?

The last book I read was an English translation of Ghost Opera by Mercedes Roffe, which I read for a class I’m taking right now in the art of translation. It’s very far away from my usual fantasy genre, but I really enjoyed it! If you like neat artsy poetry, give it a look sometime, especially if you speak Spanish and can experience it in the original language. 

9. What finally made you say, “Wow! I really like writing, I’m gonna keep doing this”?

When I was in fourth grade I won a local writing contest with a cute little poem about nature, and I got to go to a book fair event and read it out loud in a fancy auditorium, and I was SO UNBELIEVABLY STOKED. My mom was really proud of me, too. A couple people complimented the poem to me afterwards and it made my year. I decided that I wanted to win again the next year, and started taking poetry more seriously. 

10. What’s your favorite thing about writing?

Rereading my work. It’s so incredible to me sometimes, because I can and will cry over events in my own story, and I get so happy reading over the triumphs of my own OCs that I wrote out with my own hands and there’s something so beautiful and powerful about seeing these ideas that I created in my brain grow wings and fly. I cried a lot, when I printed out the first draft of Feilan’s book 1 and held it in my hands. That’s mine! I did that! I did all of that, and now I can hold it and see it and show people! 

I’m now tagging @pumapauus @greenhousewriting @jaidynwrites @hklunethewriter and anyone else who’s interested to answer these 10 questions, then write your own and pass it on! Feel free to ignore if you don’t have the time :) Anyone else who sees this and is interested, you’re welcome to answer too and say I tagged you!

1. What does your workspace look like? Do you have a designated ‘writing area’? 

2. Do you prefer to write solo heroes or ensemble casts? 

3. Which of your characters reminds you the most of yourself?

4. What’s one trait your main OC has that you wish you had, too?

5. Have you changed or removed any major elements of your current WIP since its original draft/concept? What was the biggest change, and why did you make it? 

6. If you had to give your main WIP a theme song, what would it be?

7. What’s your favorite non-writing-related hobby?

8. What are some of your favorite books? 

9. What’s your favorite trope to read and/or write? What’s your least favorite? 

10. What do you love most about your own work and why? 

[nurse-franklin]

Roommates

Happy CTM day! so yesterday I saw a bunch of posts about Patsy & Delia and it put me in a writing mood. I’m not quite sure how this story turned out, but I hope you like it! Please let me know if you do :) 

It had been months since Patsy left for Hong Kong, and Delia still felt that a piece of her was missing. It was an indescribable pain that she carried with her day after day, and she wasn’t sure how much more heart could take. She felt more alone than ever, falling asleep each night crying softly to Spanish love poems that somehow managed to sum up the feelings she couldn’t explain. Her arms longed to be around her favorite red head, and she hated having the bed to herself.

Delia and Patsy had gotten into a routine of sending regular letters to one another. Delia waited impatiently for each letter to arrive, checking the mail every day and praying there would be something for her. She cherished every letter that Patsy sent her, placing them each under her bed so that it would feel as though Patsy was there with her. She read and reread each one hundreds of times, committing them each to memory. She would trace the words on the page with her finger, going over each loop and dot of her beloved’s writing. These letters were the one thing she had to keep her on an even keel in Patsy’s absence. Over the past weeks, the letters had stopped coming. With each passing week without the arrival of a letter, Delia became distraught. She was flooded with overwhelming emotions. Sadness, confusion, and worry swirled around in her thoughts.

She confided to Phyllis one night that the letters had stopped coming, after she had consumed one too many cocktails. Over the course of these long, lonely months, Phyllis had proved to a rock in Delia’s life. She was beyond grateful for the bold and headstrong woman, who implicitly offered her support of the young nurse's relationship the day Patsy had left. She had never questioned how Phyllis knew of her and Patsy’s forbidden relationship, nor did they talk about it, but it was comforting to Delia to have a friend who could help her carry this secret.  Tears poured out of her eyes, and the lump in her throat made it hard for her to speak. Phyllis took the young girl’s hand and patted it softly, unsure of how to comfort her. She reminded Delia that Patsy was taking care of her sick father, and that she may be too busy to write. Instead of feeling better about the situation, Delia went to bed that night heartbroken that she could not be in Hong Kong to support Patsy, and her heart filled with worry.

Delia had worked a long and particularly stressful shift at the maternity home, and she had been counting down the hours until she could return home. Sister Douglas had been breathing down her neck, and she could feel that the experienced nurse always had eye on her to make sure she was not making mistakes. Her legs could barely even pump the pedals of the bike, and her mind was so clouded with exhaustion that she had no idea how she even got herself home. She dragged her legs up the stone steps of Nonnatus, barely mustering the energy to push the heavy door open. She stood in the entryway, trying to will herself to move. Her body was screaming for sleep, but she couldn’t remember the last time she had properly hydrated. She dragged herself down the hall, surprised to hear footsteps in the kitchen. No one else should be awake at this hour. She slowly approached the end of the hallway, her fight-or-flight responses taking the place of her exhaustion. Immediately, her mind became flooded with worry, trying to come up with a plan of action in case it was a burglar. Delia could feel her heart pounding in her ears, and her breathing increased as fear took over. She apprehensively crossed the dining room, stopping dead in her tracks when she reached the kitchen. All her fear and worry was immediately drained as she took in the sight of a red-haired woman standing at the stove with her back to Delia. Delia’s heart fluttered as watched as the woman fill tea cups with steaming water, humming to herself quietly. At first Delia thought she was dreaming. She couldn’t believe what her eyes were seeing, and she felt frozen in place.

“Pats?” Her quiet voice cracked as she struggled to speak. Patsy whirled around, nearly knocking the cups off the counter.

“Deels!” Patsy smiled widely, letting out a sigh of relief. She was unprepared for the emotions she would feel when she saw her girlfriend for first time in months. Delia stared at her girlfriend in complete shock, tears streaming down her face.

“Only Sister Julienne knew I was coming home. I wanted to surprise everyone, especially you.” Patsy smiled cunningly to herself, satisfied with her successful plan.

Delia suddenly felt her body able to move, and she leapt into her girlfriend’s arms. Patsy took Delia’s face in her hands, fiercely kissing her. At the moment their lips touched, Delia felt a shock wave course through her body. She had been dreaming about this kiss for months on end, unsure if it would ever happen. Delia walked Patsy to the edge of the counter, and wrapped her arms around the redhead’s waist. Patsy unpinned Delia’s hair, tangling her fingers in the gorgeous brown locks as it fell to her shoulders. The two women stood in the kitchen for what felt like forever, unable to break their passionate kiss, trying to make up for lost time. In the heat of the moment, neither Patsy nor Delia cared that a nun or midwife could walk in and catch them. Patsy finally broke the kiss, quickly grabbing Delia’s hand and leading her up the stairs to her girlfriend’s bedroom, locking the door behind them.  

Everything felt right again. The two women laid in bed together quietly, catching their breath after being intimate. Patsy laid with her head on Delia’s chest, feeling her heartbeat, while Delia traced patterns on her girlfriend’s bare back.

“I was worried sick when you stopped writing.” Delia whispered, breaking the silence. Patsy propped herself up with one arm so that she could talk to Delia face to face.

“I’m sorry, love. It was impossible to write while travelling, and I really wanted this to be a surprise.” She looked apologetically at her girlfriend, suddenly feeling guilty for causing so much panic. Delia smiled and cupped Patsy’s face her hands. She leaned forward and placed a delicate kiss on her lips.

“It’s okay. I’m so happy to have you here now. For a while I wasn’t sure if I would ever see you again. It’s been so hard, Pats… without you here. I’ve never felt more alone. I couldn’t stand to sleep in this bed without you.” Her eyes filled with tears as she recalled all of her unbearably lonely nights. Patsy wiped away the tears with her hands.

“Well you won’t have to sleep alone anymore, because we’re roommates now.” Patsy said it casually, and Delia looked at her confused.

“Roommates?” Delia repeated, a slow smile spreading across her face as Patsy nodded her head.

“Well my bed is taken by the new midwife, and Barbara will live with Tom once they’re married, so that leaves an extra bed in Phyllis’s room. It was decided that I would bunk with her, until she requested to have her own room. Ya know, when you first said in your letters that Phyllis knew about us, I was worried. But I think I’m okay with it now.” Patsy said with a playful smile. She reached forward and grabbed a strand of Delia’s messy hair, twirling it in her fingers. Delia giggled at the thought of them finally having a room together, but then she suddenly remembered Patsy’s father. If Patsy was back for good, that must have meant that her father had died. Her heart sank, thinking about Patsy having to grieve alone in Hong Kong.

“Pats…” Delia desperately wanted to talk to her girlfriend about what she was feeling, determined to not let Patsy bottle this up. Patsy looked up, flashing a brilliant smile, her beautiful blue eyes full of desire and lust. She had a sudden change of heart, deciding not to ruin this perfect night.

“Promise to never leave me again.” Patsy leaned forward and placed a kiss on Delia’s lips. “I promise, I will never, ever leave you.”

[hawkingbishop]

It took me over two hours and constantly drifting off while writing and having to reread the same section a hundred times before I understood it, but I finally copied over the snippet of my TULOMB rewrite into a Word document! Five and a half pages, single spaced.

PS. I’m changing a lot in this draft. For one, you see she’s Persephone now instead of Rebecca. It just didn’t seem right to have the same name. So, she’s Persephone Alexandra Rhodes. She’s a light skinned black girl. She has a darker skinned younger brother.

Marilynn is essentially the same as before, though she’s now a trans girl.

________________________

    Persephone found herself staring at Marilynn as she went up to grab their coffee order. She was wearing her curly ginger hair down, with a light blue cardigan covering a pink-blue-and-white striped shirt, a flowy light blue skirt with a white belt, pink tights, and black combat boots.

    Persephone was wearing a simple outfit of a jean jacket covered in band pins/patches, over a red flannel, black leggings, and an identical pair of black combat boots.

    She had a smile on as she watched her best friend-slash-crush. Persephone’s bright red lips nearly took up her entire tawny face. She brushed her wavy, russet hair out of her eyes. Her smile soon turned to a small frown, as she knew she could never act on her feelings, or else she might lose her friendship. Plus, it’s not like anything would happen anyway, since Marilynn’s straight…

    As Persephone was in her little reverie, Marilynn picked up the order of Lattes and turned toward their table. She saw Persephone’s gloomy face, and her own mouth twitched into a half frown.

    “Hey chica, what’cha thinkin’ about?” Marilynn asked while sitting down across from Persephone.

    That brought Persephone back to Earth. She slid her drink to herself and said, “…stuff.” And then she drank a long pull while looking away.

    “Stuff? Ooh, I like stuff!” exclaimed Marilynn. She then took a sip of her drink while waiting for Persephone to respond. Persephone was trying to think of something clever to say, but instead, answered with “oh, normal stuff that normal people think of, you know…”

    “Ooh, I see. But, since when have you been normal?” Marilynn joked, holding back giggles.

    Persephone laughed at that, then answered “oh, I’m so not. I’m just trying to see if I could pretend to be for a moment. Y’know, thinking about boys, and how I need to lose weight and look good for them.”

    Marilynn chuckled at that. “Oh, yeah, totally normal stuff. How was it?” She took another sip of her drink.

    Persephone toyed with her cup, sliding it back and forth between her hands. She smirked and then forced herself to frown, making a big exaggerated show of it. She said, “it was awful. I couldn’t do it for more than a second before I realized that ‘yep, I’m totally gay through and through, no doubts about it!’”

    Marilynn was in the process of drinking when she laughed uncontrollably, spitting her drink all over her cup and table.

    Persephone laughed harder at that and then got up to get napkins. She returned to the table to see Marilynn trying to wipe her mouth clean with just her dry hand. She gladly took some napkins and began cleaning herself off.

    Persephone helped, wiping down the table. As she crumpled the napkins and pushed them to the edge of their table, Persephone asked, “so, you excited for your very first college course? You look great, by the way. You’re gonna turn so many heads today!” She winked.

    Marilynn looked down at the table and a small smile crossed her lips. She responded, “thanks. I went through, like, 3 outfits before I settled on this one.” She held up a piece of the cardigan. After she released it and flattened it back down, she said, “and yeah. I actually am excited!”

She then reached into her bag and brought out a Mead Notebook. “I have all these new school supplies and I want to use them. My first class is Creative Writing, and I can’t wait to get going… I wanna work on my stories and poems and write new ones.”

    Her smile was so big; it took over her whole fair-skinned face. Her hazel eyes were bright and crinkled at the outer edges. Persephone loved how excited and enthusiastic she was when she talked about her writing. It was infectious. Persephone returned the great smile, her own light brown eyes bright and crinkled to match Marilynn’s.

    “Good,” she said, “your writing is amazing as it is, but I bet this class will help you write tons more stuff.” She was sitting on edge of her chair, hands on the table, palms down, fingers spread out. Then she pointed to Marilynn with her right hand. “Your professor is gonna love your work… and you.”

    Persephone didn’t think it possible, but Marilynn’s smile got even bigger. Marilynn said softly, “thanks, Seph, that really means a lot.” She reached over and touched Persephone’s left hand. She kept it there for a minute before she brought it back to her cup.

    During the hand-touching, Persephone’s smile faded into a smaller, sad one, eventually threatening to turn into a frown. It was hard for her—the contact, the closeness. She knew it was a friendly touch, but she wished it was much more than that. She wished Marilynn had felt like her. But, it’s a lost cause; Marilynn’s not into girls.

Plus, she reminded herself, I don’t want to jeopardize our friendship by bringing up my feelings.

Even if Marilynn felt the same way, Persephone was afraid of the relationship not working out, it might ruin their friendship. They had been best friends practically their whole lives.

Their parents were friends, so they always played together when their parents hung out. They were inseparable. They took baths together, played Barbies and action figures, played Legos. They loved each other.

When they started getting older, around 9 or 10, that’s when things changed… Not so much they’re friendship, but their lives; especially Marilynn’s. That’s when she came out to her parents as trans. She always felt like she was a girl, and was now anxious/afraid of puberty. She DIDN’T want to go through male puberty.

And luckily her parents listened to her and wanted her to be happy. It definitely wasn’t easy for them to take at first, but they tried to not let it show. They were always supportive, and after much thought and talking with Marilynn and therapists, they realized they had to let her transition. She had always been kind of feminine, playing with Barbies and dolls, always playing as a girl…

So, much to Marilynn’s delight and relief, she was able to start puberty blockers and living as her true self, a trans girl named Marilynn.

And all along this time, Persephone was right beside Marilynn. She knew her friend was a girl. She was super supportive and always there for her. If anything, Marilynn’s transition strengthened their friendship. Now Marilynn could be included in all the “girl” things with Persephone. Like playing on the girls’ side in “Boys vs. Girls” games at school, shopping for clothes, doing each others’ hair, having slumber parties with other girls. And everyone in their families was really supportive through the entire process.

Also around this time, Persephone decided to come out, as well. Not as trans, but as gay. Persephone always imagined herself with a wife, never a husband. She had crushes on her favorite actresses and musicians. She knew she was a lesbian, and just like Marilynn’s parents, hers went out of the way to educate themselves and be supportive.

The girls went to a Youth LGBTQ Support Group twice a month and were active in their school’s GSA and other LGBTQ activities. They both grew up being completely out and proud. Sure, they had their bullies and disapproving teachers, or other adults in their lives that disapproved, but the girls and their parents confronted each disrespect and tried to quell it.

Growing up together, going to the same classes, working closely side-by-side in the GSA, Persephone eventually realized she had developed feelings for Marilynn as more than just best friends. She wanted to be girlfriends, and not in the way most straight girls use that term.

Persephone wanted to hold Marilynn’s hand, she wanted to hug her and smell her hair; she wanted to grow old with her. But Marilynn had never spoken up about her own sexuality in regards to girls. She talked about boys and Persephone listened and gave her some advice. Persephone talked about crushing on girls and Marilynn would give her advice, but never let on that she was into girls, herself. She was barely into boys, Persephone noticed. Sometimes she thought her talks on boys were forced heteronormativity. But she never brought up her desires, hopes, or thoughts. She waited for Marilynn to come to her. But she never did…

So, Persephone threw herself more into the friendship. And if that’s all they could ever be, that was okay with her. For the most part. Though when times like these happened, i.e. the hand-touching, it was difficult to remember that she’s fine with just being friends. But, as quickly as her frown appeared, it was replaced with a smile again.

“So, what about you? Are you ready for college?” Marilynn asked.

Persephone answered, “Yeah, I guess. I just hope I like my classes. Hopefully they’re not all boring. Remember Ms. Philipps’ AP Calculus class? Sooo boring. I’m glad I like math and read the book ahead of time, or else I would’ve failed for always falling asleep in class.” She chuckled. Marilynn joined her.

“Oh man, totally. Such a snooze fest. And yeah, I’m glad you read ahead too, so you could tutor me.” Marilynn laughed again.

Persephone turned serious for a minute.

“You think there’s gonna be many out lesbians at college? I know college is supposed to be more open and free and it’s where girls supposedly experiment… But I don’t know what happens at a Community College, it’s probably completely different than on-campus life…” Persephone wondered aloud.

Marilynn shrugged. “I don’t know. We should check out the LGBTQ Club in person and see what’s what. I’m psyched to go and meet new peeps in the community.”

Persephone agreed, “Definitely. After our classes today we should head over and talk to the club, let ‘em know we’re here, we’re queer, and ready to get into gear.”

Marilynn smirked at that and said, “You’re so lame,” and then threw one of the napkins at Persephone.

She caught it and threw it back, saying, “that’s why you love me.”

“No,” Marilynn contested while smoothing out the napkin on the table, “I love you because no one else will.”

“Ouch,” Persephone exclaimed while holding her hand to her chest, “Go straight for the heart why don’t’cha?”

“So,” Marilynn started.

She began ripping up her napkin.

“So?…” Persephone asked after about 30 seconds of silence.

“So, I’m kinda scared to start school. To be in this new place where practically nobody knows me. Should I go stealth? Should I be out and proud? I know we’ll be a part of the LGBTQ Club, but everyone won’t know that. They won’t know me. Should I be upfront about it to people, or stay quiet?”

The napkin was now in about 30 different pieces and she was still ripping.

Persephone donned her frown again and said, “well you know I can’t answer that for you, but I will say—just be you and everybody will love you. So what if you’re trans? If they can’t deal, then they’re not worth your time. So, yeah, maybe just go stealth, but if anyone asks, or you want to tell them, do it. Otherwise just live your normal life.” She shrugged at Marilynn before taking another drink of her Caramel Brulée Latte.

Marilynn crumpled the napkin pieces back together and set the mound aside with the rest. “I guess that makes sense. If they know, they know. If they don’t, oh well.”

“Yeah. Just be you and all the suitors will be fawning over you,” Persephone suggested.

Marilynn gave Persephone a skeptical look, “suitors?” she asked, “Really? What are we, in the fifties or something?”

Persephone blew the napkins over to Marilynn and responded, ”Oh shut up, you.”

“Seph…” Marilynn tried to talk.

“Yeah, Mars?” Persephone asked.

“I’m just worried they’ll all judge me and hate me and think I’m an ‘abomination’.”

Persephone reached her hand out and grabbed Marilynn’s and held it with both hands. “Mars Bar,” she smirked. “you are an amazing woman. Smart kid, beautiful, giving, and did I mention beautiful? Everyone will love you, whether they know you’re trans or not.”

Marilynn put her other hand on top of Persephone’s. She couldn’t make eye contact as she spoke, “Thanks Seph. And ditto. You’re the best friend a girl can have.

Persephone winced internally, but replied, “Damn Skippy. I’m awesome. And, hey, so are you. Never forget that. No matter what anybody says. You. Are. Awesome.” She punctuated the last statement by lifting their hands up and then dropping them back to the table in between each word.

Marilynn’s glowing smile emerged again and she said, “Thanks Seph. Really. I love you…”

She stroked Persephone’s hand as she said that.

“And I love you, Mars. Forever and always,” Persephone responded while internally headdesking.

Marilynn looked into Persephone’s eyes, almost peering into her soul. ”Forever and Always.”