#And oh yeah I can't replace it with weed because weed has the opposite effect on me where if I smoke with anyone I'm not Extremely | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mellotronmkll · 4 months

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Sorry talking about alcohol abuse in this post but I know im far from the first person to experience this but it sucks how all the periods of my life when im doing the best socially are when my drinking is completely out of control and then when I do stop drinking my social life falters because I completely rely on alcohol to socialize and I'm comically completely inept at it when I'm sober and it seems like it shouldn't be that big of a deal but it is. Like it feels like my options are just say fuck it and let myself be dependent on alcohol and have friends or not be an alcoholic and have no friends and be scared of leaving my house. Whatever lol

#I had a breakdown at 3 am last night and decided I need to quit again and then someone I want to be closer friends with invited me #To an event 100% centered around drinking where the expectation is that everyone brings a bottle #And like I need/want to say yes because I want to spend time with him and his friends but I'm like. Fuckkkkkking hell #And then I hVe a friends bday party where I really want to make a good impression and be sociable because there will be people there #Who I really want to befriend but there's no way I'll be able to do that if I'm staying sober so I'm just like #It's just so frustrating like and if I had better self control #It would be fine because I would only drink at things like this but I do not have that self control once I do that I just start drinking #Every single night for weeks LOL and I've tried to keep it reasonable or just cut down so many times #Like I think stopping is the only option but. How am I even supposed to do that while at the same time #Being at a point in my life where I'm trying REALLY hard to push myself out of my comfort zone #Like I'm just supposed to do that with sparkling water in my hand. Okay #And oh yeah I can't replace it with weed because weed has the opposite effect on me where if I smoke with anyone I'm not Extremely #Extremely comfortable around I go completely silent because I get so anxious it makes all my social difficulties 10x worse #Like I have tried to just have a thc seltzer at the bar when everyone else is drinking vodka sodas and it does Not work for me I start pani #Even when I smoke with people I am comfortable with I panic lately #SO I DONT KNOW!

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