#And don't get me started on Melissa wait-listing Jacob for the family dinner and how he probably processed that

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Abbott Season 4 Episodes 7 & 8 Analysis Because I'm Losing It

These past two episodes were masterpieces, and I could talk about them all day, because I was deeply affected by them, but I'll pick one thing:

I love how these past two episodes skewered toxic amatonormativity and promoted the benefits of non-traditional, non-restrictive families and holidays.

Like, yes, there's a hilarious sitcom premise, but Barb making a mission of inclusion by reworking their holiday pageant to be a winter pageant so her student who is Muslim won't be excluded or Janine and Gregory making space for Ava with them, while the show allows Ava to deliberately choose who is family to her. Jacob and his brother becoming family again outside their parents. Melissa choosing not to invite the firefighter to dinner because she is valuable as an individual, unattached woman whether her family sees it or not.

But what I think really drove this home for me was the scene in the kitchen and the parallel set up between Jacob and Melissa. They are two roommates from different generations who have both failed to fulfill the heteronormative, amatonormative ideals their families wanted from them: Jacob--presumably--due to his queerness and Melissa through her divorce. (Though this reading is also very friendly to queer!Melissa interpretations, too.)

The moment this struck me the most is Melissa in that kitchen upset and stressed and occasionally teary while holding it together (because that's who she is and that's how she does this) trying to convince Jacob that they need to keep the uncle dying a secret because she's been working so hard to pull off this dinner for weeks and she needs to impress her family who do nothing but insult and diminish her and her individual value.

Like, keeping up appearances is genuinely more important in that moment than the death of a family member. Even if he is a bigoted prick, Melissa knows they'll be mad she "ruined their holiday" more than the familial death itself, suggesting that the very idea of the family is a sham. A performance.

And Jacob remains obstinate because this is a really Big Deal and stressful and he always dislikes the holidays anyway so he can't understand why they won't just call 911 and get the big deal over with, because that guy is dead on his bed. But then Melissa says, "They're going to blame me" and Jacob is aghast, "What, how?" because of course that's incomprehensible, why would Melissa ever think someone would do something that mean and illogical? Especially to a great person like her? And she answers, "You've seen my family. They'll find a way." And then we hear the insults and petty you're not good enough commentary from the other room. And slowly it sinks in.

Because Caleb, Jacob's younger brother, who last episode revealed he completely understood how toxic their family was for Jacob and how proud he is that he made it out-- this goofy, himbo-esque tiktok personal trainer just stares at his brother, until finally Jacob gets it and looks over. Because they've lived this. And, of course, Jacob couldn't see it in the same way, because to some extent, Jacob's desperation to be liked and accepted has always suggested that he maybe still believes that he deserved to be the least favorite. (He couldn't even imagine his brother looking up to him, or having anything nice to say about him , or wanting to see him just because he values him. His "I lift people's spirits!" is a performance we've seen him carry out for four seasons. (Worthy of note is that Caleb's job is also a performance. He's a personal trainer, but not one with any actual training. He couldn't find a pulse. He just acts as a trainer on tiktok.)

Now, of course, the plot has to roll on, so Jacob continues to secretly object, but he takes part in Melissa's performance, now, despite his objections, because while he doesn't agree with the charade, he gets why she's doing it. (And maybe, in some way, seeing how a great and likable person like Melissa can be targeted and bullied by her family, is some proof that he might not actually be a bad and unlikable person after all. Maybe he's not the problem.)

And then when Barbara shows up to that kitchen and the first words out of her mouth are "How can I help?" Like I'm sobbing!! Her IMMEDIATE concern is Melissa. First and genuinely, and that's even before she hears her uncle "died" and then Barb is instantly ready to support her with whatever she needs and her first instinct is to hug her and when Melissa says she needs something else (the bread) she goes and does what Melissa says she needs because THAT IS FAMILY!! aahhh.

Anyway: while there's defeat in Melissa's face when her firefighter shows up and her family behaves exactly as expected (Ooooh, you're good because a man has made you good. It all makes sense.) It's tempered by Barb and her husband coming up and reassuring and complimenting her, acting CLEARLY as better family to her than blood or her current fling.

I don't know if I have a conclusion to this. I just want to shout out that the show also says that you don't NEED to go full speed into found family, either, to combat the loneliness caused by the nuclear family model. Sometimes you can also go on the party bus or to the strip club and that's valid, too, haha.