#Am actually doing the crying thing I've been so anxious about this whole thing I just want an answer

[damiemontclair]

Teying to complete a dumb online id process in case the landlord gets back to me and asks for one but the stupid fucking thing needs a video selfie thing and keeps going "no glares or extreme lighting" and I'm sitting here like. I've tried 5 different locations and lightings, I took off my glasses, you're going to have to be more fucking specific, but then it hits a limit before I can get it right and I have to start the whole thing again after deleting my browser history and I want to throw my phone at the fucking wall and cry

[christhopersturniolo]

୨ pregnancy test ୧ matt

summary: y/n finds out she’s pregnant for the second time.

notes: english is not my first language, so i’m sorry for any mistake! 1.2k words.

warnings: fluff, cussing, sad, panic attack.

୨୧

Me and Matt have been dating for the past 5 years, we live together and we also have a 2 years old little kid, called Evie. Well, being honest, Evie wasn’t really expected, but she was never a problem. We do love having Evie at home, even It being a little bit exhausting.

Lately my stomach has not been the best. I've been feeling nauseous all the time. I throw up almost every night, and on top of it, my period is late.

Am I pregnant?

I didn’t told any of this to Matt, and honestly, I really don’t know how he would react. I mean, we never talked about a second child, he never talked about another child, he probably doesn’t even want another child. Fuck really I gotta stop overthinking.

Now, In bed, Matt just fell asleep. And I’m struggling to. I just can’t fall asleep thinking that I can possibly be pregnant.

I get up quietly, trying not to wake up Matt. I go over to the bathroom and I close the door behind me. I look at myself in the mirror. I look tired. I take a deep breath. With shaky hands, I reach out for the pregnancy test that I bought yesterday. I do the test. I wait and wait. I bit my nails stressful. I start getting anxious.

As soon as I check the test, positive. Holy fuck. There’s no way this is actually happening.

My vision blurs, the whole room feels like It’s spinning. I sit on the floor, trying to stay calm. Each breath comes in short, ragged gasps as I fight against the suffocating weight of my anxiety. Tears stream down my cheeks uncontrollably as my heart races. I need Matt. I need to be in his arms. But what will he say?

Im sobbing completely, I can’t see a shit, my panic attack is just getting worst.

I start hearing steps in the hallway. I know it’s Matt, I hide the test behind me. He opens the door. “Babe why are you not in bed-“ Matt's sleepy and concerned voice trails off as he notices me crying on the floor, he automatically sits down next to me and pulls me into a hug, his arms wrapping around me with a comforting strength that I desperately need in that moment.

I bury my face against his chest, my tears soaking into the fabric of his shirt as he holds me close. I cling to him desperately, my body shaking with sobs as he holds me tight.

"Shh.. It's okay.. I'm right here for you.. Focus on me babe..” I keep sobbing and crying aggressively, non stop.

Matt cups my cheeks with his hands, lifting my head from his chest. “I need you to take a deep breath in..” He demonstrates how to do It. “Now, let it out..”

After a few moments of breathing, he asks. “Can you please tell me what’s going on love?”

With tears still streaming down my cheeks, I swallow hard, and I finally start talking. “I.. Took a pregnancy test..” With trembling hands, I reach for the pregnancy test hidden behind me, my heart pounding in my chest as I hold it out for him to see.

Matt's eyes widen. Then, without a word, Matt gently takes the test from my trembling hands, his gaze fixed on the plastic stick.

I start feeling desperate, loosing my breath again. “I think I’m pregnant, I’m sorry..”

Matt's expression softens as he looks at me. "Don’t cry.. it’s okay.. It’s not a bad thing.." He murmurs, pulling me into his embrace once more.

"It is a bad thing, Matt" I finally manage to choke out. "I know you don't want this kid."

Matt's arms tighten around me, his embrace a comforting me. "Hey.. hey.." He murmurs softly, his fingers gently tracing circles on my back. "I never said that..” He pauses “I know.. Hmm.. I know It wasn’t the plan, but I do want this kid, okay?” He says looking into my eyes.

"It's not that simple, Matt.." I whisper, my voice barely audible above the pounding of my heart. "I can't just pretend that everything is okay when it's clearly not.” I sob, loudly.

He looks at me sadly, not knowing exactly what to answer. “Why don’t we go back to our room and talk better there? Huh?” He says in a comforting tone.

I nod, sniffing. He helps me getting back up and we make our way to the bed. We lay down, I cuddle with Matt, my head on his chest, like a pillow. I cry. He strokes my hair, trying to comfort me. “Are you mad at me?” I lift my head, facing him.

His hand strokes my hair softly as he looks into my eyes. "Hey, listen to me" he murmurs, his voice gentle. "I could never be mad at you, okay?” He pulls me closer. “I could never be mad at you for something like this, don’t overthink It..” He kisses my forehead.

I let out a shaky breath. "I’m scared.." I admit, my voice barely above a whisper. "What about Evie, Matt?”

He spreads kisses on my face, and wipes my tears away with his thumb. “Evie will love to have a sister, I promise you.”

“I’m not ready Matt.. What if she feels left out, or if we can't give her enough attention with another baby?” I sniff, sadly. “I’m not even a good mom.." Words catching in my throat.

He pulls away slightly, his brows furrowing with a mix of confusion and frustration. "What do you mean you are not a good mom?" He asks, like I’m lying to his face. "Where is this coming from?"

I stay silent, feeling the weight of his words sinking in. Matt's tone is firm, his frustration evident as he waits for my response.

“Look at me. I don’t wanna hear those words coming out of your mouth ever again.”

"You're an amazing mom. Evie adores you, and so do I. You do the best you can, and that's all that matters. I don’t wanna hear that stupid shit again, do you understand that?”

I struggle to accept his words, the weight of my insecurities. "I'm sorry Matt.." I whisper, tears streaming down my cheeks once again. "I'm trying, I really am, I swear... But sometimes, it just feels like I'm not enough.." I completely break down again, crying even more than before.

As I break down in tears once more, Matt pulls me even closer, his arms a comforting shield around me. “Shh..“

“I love you so much, I don’t want you to leave me..” I say sobbing, hugging him the tighter and tighter.

“I love you too.. I’m not leaving you, I’m not going anywhere.” I cling into his body, leaving stains of my tears on his shirt.

"I'm just so scared" I admit, my voice trembling with vulnerability.

“You are safe with me, I’m not leaving you ever.” He keeps looking into my eyes while I avoid eye contact.

I shake my head as a no, getting more overwhelmed about all of this. “I don’t know If I can do this.”

“Everything will be just fine, I promise you.”

After some good twenty minutes, still with his arms around me, I start relaxing again. Tears continue to fall, but they're softer now. He continues to shower me with affection, leaving my face with gentle kisses and soft caresses, his fingers on my hair, I feel the tension slowly melting away, until we both fall asleep.

୨୧

i was so confused about what to do at the end, i hate this sm but i don’t have anything to post 😭😭

[lucy90712]

I’ll be there for you- Pablo Gavi

A/n: this is a long one- 4.1k

Warnings: pregnancy; mentions of birth 

I don't quite know how it happened as it all happened so quickly but my life just fell apart right in front of my eyes. Today has been such a rollercoaster of emotions I've gone from anxious to crying to angry then back to crying and now I just feel absolutely nothing. I've heard of people saying that you can just feel numb but I've never experienced it until today and what they say couldn't be more true I just feel nothing it's like I don't have the energy to feel anymore. 

For the last week or so I haven't been feeling great and I could just tell something wasn't right but my fears were confirmed when my period was a few days late. I really didn't want to take a test as then it would become real but I knew I had to so this morning I went and got one without telling anyone. Of course when I had the courage to take the test it showed two clear lines meaning I really am pregnant. There was nothing I could do to stop the tears flowing down my face as there was so many thoughts flooding through my mind like what will my boyfriend think, how will this affect my studying and how am I going to cope with a baby. Growing up an only child means I've not had much experience with babies and I don't know much past the basics about pregnancy which makes all of this a whole lot scarier. 

For the next few hours I was so in my own world that I didn't even realise the time until my boyfriend came home and I knew I had to tell him straight away just to get that out of my head. We have been together for a few years and have talked about having kids in the future but not yet so I know he won't be overly happy but hopefully he will see that something out there believes this is the right time for us. I wanted a minute to think of the right thing to say to him but he noticed that there was something up straight away. I tried to brush it off for a second but he was persistent in trying to get the truth out of me. 

"I'm pregnant" I eventually said 

"What?" He questioned 

"I'm pregnant" I repeated

"Oh" he said bluntly 

"I don't think I can do this I'm not ready for a family and I feel like I haven't been as into this relationship recently anyway" he said 

"Wait so you're leaving me?" I asked 

"Yeah I'm sorry I just can't do it I don't care what you do but I don't want to be part of all this like at all" he said before just walking out 

With that everything got a whole lot worse. As if things weren't challenging enough I now have to do it all alone. In that moment I began cursing my decision to move to Barcelona away from my family and friends to follow my boyfriend and start school as now I have no support system and I definitely don't have the money to move back home. Most of my friends out here are from my boyfriends friend group as he introduced me to them when I moved here so even those people probably won't be here for me. Even thinking about having to do this all alone had me balling as not only is this a tough situation I also have a lot of hormones raging through my body making me even more emotional than usual. 

As I was nearly drowning in my own tears my phone began to ring so I grabbed it hoping it would be my now ex boyfriend telling me he regrets his decision and actually wants to stay together. That wasn't the case though it was actually my one friend who isn't associated with my ex, Gavi. He doesn't usually phone me at all let alone at this time so I felt like I had to answer just in case he needed something or something was wrong as despite my disastrous situation other people's lives still go on. I tried to sound like I hadn't been crying and asked him if everything was alright but he noticed something was wrong straight away and told me he was coming over before hanging up. 

It wasn't long before Pablo arrived and came straight into my apartment calling for me but I couldn't bring myself to get up from my position on the floor by the sofa. Once Pablo saw me he practically ran over and sat down next to me putting his arm around me to try and provide some comfort. For some reason having him by my side made me even more emotional and the tears began to flow again. Pablo then held me closer allowing me to cry into his chest which was just what I needed, he was there for me, he wasn't saying much he just provided some comfort which is all I want. He rubbed my back gently until I managed to gain control of my emotions enough to finally look at Pablo whose eyes were full of worry. 

"Whenever you're ready please tell me what's going on" Pablo said 

"It's a lot" I said 

"That doesn't matter clearly you need to get whatever this is off your chest and I'm here to listen" he said 

"I'm pregnant and y/bf/n left me saying he wants nothing to do with the baby" I finally admitted 

"Wow what an asshole" Pablo whispered under his breath 

"Are you ok how are you feeling?" He asked 

"Right now I just feel numb I don't know what to do it's all just a lot to think about" I ranted 

"Its ok I'm here for you why don't we just talk everything through" he said 

After that I took a deep breath and Pablo who is usually always messing around and having fun was actually serious for once and ready to help me. He allowed me to say everything that was on my mind and bit by bit we began to figure things out. Pablo promised me that he would do everything he could to help me and even insisted that I move in with him as this apartment isn't mine. I didn't want to have to move in with Pablo but he keep insisting that I need support and to have someone around and eventually I gave in and agreed with him. 

~~~~~~~~~~

A few months later 

It's been a long hard few months. For pretty much my entire first trimester I spent the majority of my time laying on the sofa feeling exhausted and incredibly sick. However now that I'm approaching the halfway mark I have finally started to feel better and have been able to do a bit more. Pablo has been a godsend during all of this he's taken me to all of my appointments and done everything he possibly can to make me feel even a little bit better. On my really bad days he will spend as long as necessary sat holding my hair and rubbing my back as I throw up and when I'm tired during the day he will let me rest my head on his shoulder so I can nap. As much as those things have been nice the thing I appreciate the most is how he's been there for me mentally. When I moved in with Pablo I completely cut off my ex and anyone to do with him which was hard as it left me feeling pretty lonely but Pablo has been my rock as he's been able to help me see the positives of the situation and the right way to move forward.

Today is my 20 week scan where I should be able to find out the gender of the baby. Pablo begged me to make the scan for after his training as really wanted to be there. He's been to as many scans and appointments as he possible can but he missed the last few due to being away but he really wanted to find out the gender with me. Of course I had to oblige and make the appointment at a later time so Pablo is coming back straight after training to pick me up. Having Pablo at appointments has been nice as it makes everything slightly less daunting plus while I'm stressing he's able to actually listen to what the doctors and nurses are saying. The only downside is that all of the staff think Pablo is my boyfriend and the father of the baby and neither of us are brave enough to correct them as we don't want to have to explain the situation plus I would rather not have the judgment. 

There are worse things than having people believe that Pablo's my boyfriend but it has certainly messed with my head. Since everything happened I've started to see Pablo in a new light and my feelings have drifted to beyond just friends. It's all very complicated as I can't tell whether my hormones have anything to do with my feelings plus I can't risk telling Pablo how I feel in case he doesn't feel the same and kicks me out as then I'd be truly alone. Day by day it's getting harder to keep my feelings to myself especially on days like today where Pablo is so excited to go with me to the appointment even though the baby isn't his. Pablo has treated me and the baby as though we are his the entire time which makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I so badly wish that that was true but he's not mine no matter how much I think about it nothing will happen as Pablo doesn't need anything else on his plate right now. 

Just as I was starting to spiral into my little dreamworld Pablo came home and helped me up as I'm starting to struggle a bit so we could head to the doctors together. Recently my bump has really started to grow making it a lot more obvious that I'm pregnant which has made me a bit insecure as I always think people are judging me when I'm in the streets. As we got in the car like always the baby started kicking like crazy so before we left I grabbed Pablo's hand and placed it on my stomach so he could feel the kicks as he mentioned how weird it must feel the other day so I wanted him to experience it. 

"Wow that's so cool can you feel that all the time?" He asked 

"Not all the time but it's been getting stronger recently and baby's always really active in the car and when I want to sleep" I said 

"Aww so you like to keep your mama up at night already do you little one" he said to my stomach and I think I nearly exploded from the cuteness 

"Oh yeah getting me ready for the months of no sleep soon" I laughed 

Pablo laughed too as he started to drive towards the hospital but he kept his hand on my bump rubbing it gently which made the baby go crazy and had me feeling all sorts of things. I could tell that my cheeks were bright red and my heart was beating at a million miles an hour just because he had his hand on me. Having his hand on me made the car ride feel a million times longer but eventually we arrived at the hospital and I could begin to calm myself down so that the nurses didn't think I was dying or something. 

The wait for my appointment wasn't too long so before I knew it I had the freezing cold gel on my stomach and the nurse was checking the babies development to make sure they are growing as they should be. Once the nurse had done all of the important checks she asked if I wanted to know the gender to which I obviously said yes. As I responded Pablo grabbed my hand which made me look over to see that he had the biggest smile on his face as he was so excited to find out what I was having. Looking at him only made me smile as his smile was that infectious and it made all the nerves I was feeling about being able to be a good mother disappear in an instant. Right after that the nurse happily told us that I was having a girl and we were both super happy but confused as we were sure it was a boy but clearly we were both wrong. 

"Thats so exciting a little mini you" Pablo said once the nurse left 

"I know I'm surprised I was sure it was a boy" I said 

"Me too but you know now we have to go and buy loads of cute clothes and decorations for the nursery" Pablo said 

"I'd love to but I don't have the money to buy loads of things" I admitted 

"Don't you worry about that I'm happy to pay for everything and before you say anything I want to do this" he said as we were now getting back in the car 

"I can't let you do that Pablo as much as I appreciate it you shouldn't spend your money on a baby that's not yours" I said 

"But I want to plus I can't help but feel an attachment to the baby even if she's not genetically mine I already can't wait to meet her when she's born" Pablo admitted 

"Thats so cute your going to make me cry" I choked out

"Please don't cry I love you and your little baby" Pablo was quick to say

"Wait I don't mean I love you oh who am I kidding I definitely love you and I get that nows probably not the best time to admit that but it's time I told you how I really feel" he said 

"I love you too Pablo but if we are going to try this we need to take it slow" I said 

"We can do whatever you want I just want to give this a go" he said 

~~~~~~~~~~

Another few months later 

The second half of my pregnancy has been so much better than my first Pablo and I started dating taking things slowly of course but I've never been happier in my entire life than I have been the last few months. Pablo has been so good to me I thought he was super sweet before but now he is an angel he literally waits on me hand and foot and does anything he can for me to make my life easier. Everyday when he comes home he takes over and does the chores even though I tell him I'm fine to do it and then every night he gives me a massage as I'm at the stage of pregnancy where everything hurts. He has also single-handedly put together the nursery, we picked out the colour and furniture together and then Pablo put it all together and even decorated the room which turned out perfectly. I honestly couldn't have asked for a better boyfriend than Pablo I thought things would be difficult at some points as I still have a very obvious tie to my ex even if we don't speak but that hasn't bothered him at all and at this point he might as well be my daughters father. 

Yesterday was my due date so I have officially reached the point of pregnancy where I could go into labour any minute. Luckily Pablo has a few days off so I'm kind of hoping that I go into labour soon so that he can be with me because I really don't want to give birth alone. This morning my back has been hurting more than usual which I have been told is signs of early labour but that could last a hours or even days before turning into active labour. I want to be done with being pregnant so badly that since we woke up I've been getting Pablo to help me do things that induce labour. I have gone up and down the stairs about a million times and we went on a walk so that I could walk with one foot in the road and one on the pavement as that supposedly helps too. 

Someone recommended eating spicy foods so I sent Pablo out to get anything spicy for me to eat but once he'd left the back pain I had started turning into more like cramps all over which was a bit more painful. When I have pain I have been bouncing on a yoga ball so I got up from the sofa and all of a sudden felt liquid rush down my legs which I knew straight away was my waters breaking. Until that moment I'd been feeling quite calm about giving birth but now that it's actually happening I'm starting to freak out as so far it hurts more than I thought it would and my waters have only just broken. Once I calmed down a bit I grabbed my phone and called Pablo straight away as right now I just want him home so we are ready to go when things get more intense plus I need some support. 

"Hey love is everything ok I'm just getting to the store" Pablo answered completely clueless 

"Forget that I need you home like right now my waters have just broken" I said 

"What?" He questioned 

"I'm going into labour you idiot please just come home" I yelled 

"Oh god I'm on my way I'll be as quick as I can" he said 

"Thank you and I'm sorry for yelling I'm just a overwhelmed" I apologised feeling bad 

"It's ok love I'll be there soon to help" Pablo said before hanging up 

It felt like forever before Pablo was home but in reality it was only about 15 minutes until he burst through the door and ran over to be by my side. Just as he got to me I had another contraction so I instinctively grabbed Pablo's hand and squeezed it to help with the pain. As the pain began to fade away I loosened my grip until I was letting go of Pablo's hand who was looking at me with fear in his eyes clearly worrying about me. He helped me sit down as I'd been standing up walking around and got me some water because he didn't know what else to do. I was trying to keep myself calm as I know that's the best thing to do but seeing how worried Pablo was was making me feel bad. 

"What do you need me to do amor?" he asked 

"Everything is already in the car right" I said 

"Yes everything is in the car and the car seat is installed too" he said 

"Ok then I just need you to be here and time my contractions as when they reach five minutes apart we need to go to the hospital" I explained 

"I can do that but please tell me if there's anything else you want" he said 

My contractions stayed quite far apart for a long time but eventually things started to progress and my contractions became more painful and were getting closer together. By the time they were consistently 5 minutes apart it had been nearly 9 hours and it was pitch black outside. Usually at this time Pablo and I would be sleeping but instead we are both wide awake and he's helping me to the car so we can go to the hospital. It really started to feel real once we got in the car as the next time we're home there will be a baby with us in the backseat. There was no time for me to panic though as a contraction hit just as I was beginning to spiral which took my mind off everything but the pain I was feeling. I needed to hold Pablo's hand as for some reason being able to squeeze it makes me feel better and of course he obliged but he looked a bit nervous about having to drive one handed. He drove with a mixture of extreme care and speed as he wanted to be careful and I wanted him to get to the hospital before I have the baby in the car. 

Once we arrived at the hospital everything happened so quickly we were given a room and then what felt like millions of people came in and out to check on me. I was hooked up to all sorts of monitors one to measure baby's heartbeat and another to show when I was having contractions which felt like a cruel joke as now not only could I feel them I got to see a visual representation too. Pablo was trying to be as helpful as possible but there wasn't much he could do other than let me squeeze his hand and rant at him about how much pain I was in. He was such a sweetheart no matter how much I was yelling as he was putting a cold flannel on my forehead and giving me ice chips which were weirdly nice to eat all while giving me encouraging words. 

We were there for another few hours before I was fully dilated and ready to begin pushing. By this point I'd been in labour for over 12 hours and was completely exhausted so when I was told to push I wasn't sure I could manage it with the very little amount of energy I had left. Luckily I had a minute while the nurses were getting themselves ready so I looked up at Pablo hoping to gain some motivation and I was met with his beautiful smile which really did give me a boost. 

"Come on amor I know you can do it, you're so strong, it will all be worth it when she's here in just a few minutes" Pablo encouraged as I was pushing 

"It hurts so much and I'm so tired I don't think I can do it anymore" I panted trying to catch my breath 

"I know carino it will all be over soon but you have to keep going for a bit longer I know you can do it" he said 

"Thats it you're doing so well" Pablo continued 

A few seconds later cries began to fill the room which was the best thing I've ever heard as it meant my baby was here and ok. The nurses then placed her on my chest and I got to see her beautiful face for the first time which was a truly magical moment and something I'll never forget. Tears begin falling down my face as I was so overwhelmed with happiness but they were quickly wiped away by Pablo who when I looked at him also had tears in his eyes which only made me more emotional. It truly felt like this was our little family however unorthodox this was our family and blood relation is never going to make a difference in that. Pablo was allowed to cut the umbilical cord and then the baby was taken from me so she could be weighed and have all the other tests they need to do done. 

"I'm so proud of you you did amazing" Pablo said softly 

"Thank you but I couldn't have done it without you" I said 

"Don't say that I did nothing I just stood here, literally" he laughed 

"Well that's exactly what I needed" I said 

"Pablo I know this might seem a lot and you can definitely take some time to think about it but how would you feel about me putting you on the birth certificate and giving her your last name because she's more yous than that dickhead who provided his dna" I said 

"I don't even need to think about that I would love her to be mine" he smiled 

Suddenly I felt so at ease knowing that I had Pablo to support me and that he was happy to raise my little girl as if she were his own as that had been on my mind for the last 9 months. Pablo truly meant it when that night he told me he'd be here for me and despite everything I couldn't be happier with how it all turned out. 

[smuttyfang]

Akira, Curiosity

"The s/o has a very religious family, so after finding out Akira is a devilman the reader gets really scared and cautious but at the same time really curious and wants to know more about his devilman form and how the whole devilman thing works - v - You don't have to though, and thank you! ^^"

Words: 787

The sunset was always so beautiful reflecting off the water. The boardwalk was your favorite place to go after church. You found the water more relaxing than church somehow, and it made you feel conflicted. Wasn't the church supposed to be the most calming thing in your life? As you questioned yourself and your beliefs, you came closer to the boardwalk. As you approached, you noticed someone else sitting by the water. He looked familiar.. Looking on for a minute, you realized it was Akira. You went to school with him. Everyone had noticed the sudden change in his appearance, it was all anyone talked about, especially all the girls. There was a rumor that he had made a 'deal with the devil' of a sort and that was the origin of why he seemed so different. Despite being a little bit afraid, you felt your curiosity getting the better of you. Walking down toward the end of the boardwalk where he was sitting, he heard you from behind him and turned his head around to look at you.

"Oh, hey.." He said, giving you a slight smile. "We go to school together, right? I've seen you around before." He scooted over, patting the wood beside of him. How was he this nice if he had supposedly been making deals with devils? It didn't make any sense to you. You walked close to him, sitting down. You took off your shoes, letting your feet down into the cool water and sighing.

"Nice to actually meet you." You said. "I was.. curious about you." He put his arm on his knee, still looking out toward the water.

"Curious? About what?" He half laughed at you, like he couldn't believe you would be interested in anything about him.

"You." You stated, plainly. "I've heard a lot about you." You let your feet move back and forth in the cool water, enjoying the sensation.

"Like what? That I'm dealing with the devil?" He grinned.

"Well, yeah. That." He seemed far too nice to have anything to do with a devil. Even so, the way he grinned made you feel a little bit anxious. You tried your best to ignore it.

"You just came from the church up there, didn't you? Aren't you afraid of me?" You shrugged your shoulders at him, doing your best to hide it.

"No, not really. You seem nice. I don't see how you could have anything to do with the devil." You played with the hem of your dress with your fingers, looking down at your lap.

"You're brave for a church girl. I do have something to do with the devil. Maybe you should be afraid of me." He let his head fall, and it looked as if he was going to cry. His eyes filled with tears, but they didn't fall. Something was really off about him. You placed your hand gently on his arm, doing your best to comfort him.

"You are a kind person, I can sense it. I know you are. Despite anything else." You said, trying to let him know that he's not alone if he feels that he is fighting a losing battle with some inner demons. He looked at you, giving you a genuine smile through his tear filled eyes.

"You're real nice. Thanks." He wiped the tears from his eyes. "Sorry, we barely know each other. I shouldn't be saying this stuff to you." He stood up, as if he was getting ready to leave.

"I wanna know more about this whole 'devil' thing you believe you have going on." You looked to the sunset, seeing the sky turn a light purple color as the sun was fading below the skyline. "I wanna help, if I can. Religion or not. Something tells me you're deeply troubled." He didn't speak for a minute, and you gave him the time to gather his thoughts and think about what he wanted to say next.

"I am.. but I don't think there's anything you can do to help." He shrugged his shoulders.

"Will talking help at all? I'll be here to listen, if you need it, Akira. Sometimes that's all someone needs." He smiled, putting his hands in his pockets.

"Sure.. I'll come back tomorrow?" He said, you nodding your head in response to let him know that you would come back as well. "Okay.. but you should probably start heading home. It gets dangerous around here at night."

"How do you know that?" You questioned, pulling your feet out of the water and air drying them by swinging them around a little bit. You stood up, putting your shoes back on.

"The devil isn't just in hell, you know."

[cringelordofchaos]

top 3 of your biggest kins and why!!

Yayayay someone sent me an ask !!!

Sorry for my lack of response! Will get to it now!

Also I assume you mean fictionkin - sorry if you didn't!

Luz Noceda

Dvdhnfjdjd WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN? I've been so fucking obsessed w her and could relate to her WAYY too much since I started watching. Just... Ugh. So much of it. Being "the weird kid", inconsistent and lackluster grades / performance, being overly obsessed with a specific franchise (though mine come and go and return every few weeks lol), having a mom who really cares about you and wants the best for you and has had similar experiences growing up and being isolated or cast out but accidentally made you feel like you had to conform because that's what she kinda had to do??? idk but still encourages her child's true self and feels super guilty Abt it all yada yada. having little to no friends (I have one! (Speaking of offline) before visiting the demon realm. Fanfic writer (I never have the patience or motivation to finish anything I start though), being impulsive, not knowing whay you wanna be, being into witchcraft, feeling like you're somewhere where you don't belong (the human realm) and would gladly escape into a whole different realm, Bisexual (I'm questioning this though), gender nonconforming, being told that you just have to "apply yourself", insecure, similar clothing style, considers herself a "dummy", poor attention span for things she's uninterested, indecisive, etc etc, THIS SCENE THIS SCENE THIS SCENE

(ps the way camilla hovered her hand above the screen / luz when she saw how sad she was 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺)

It's just. Everything.. I remember the first time I watched it I was like "Luz is so me in almost every single way. Except she makes a ton of eye contact, I don't rly do that" lmao... I would rewatch s1 and S2 on loop every day for the whole summer, I am NOT exaggerating. I rly love TOH I'm so.glad I got the opportunity to watch it and it means sm to me and I keep rewatching the scene from thanks to them and auhggjt.

"all I ever wanted... Was to be understood!" HEJDJFJDIDJRUJDJEKF DJJFFJNFB FIKF

AARON MITCHELL

oh my GOD when I saw this movie for a few days I'd cry sm just bc of how much I related.to him. He chews his shirt. I used to do the same when I was twelve and a bunch of my shirts had holes and still have holes but I stopped and now I just grid my teeth instead lmfao and they hurt ouch. a piece of gum is a lifesaver for.me. He's OBSESSED with dinosaurs - for me it's not dinosaurs specifically but like I've said earlier I tend to get OBSESSED with things way too much to the point everyone knows me for that thing. He's implied to have ZERO FRIENDS before meeting Abby who shares his obsession w dinosaurs (just like me and my one n only friend fr) (why do I keep getting attached to characters who previously had zero friends wtf.) LOVES to talk Abt his interest. Obsessive. Shy. Awful social skills. Takes things too literally sometimes. Calls his dad father sometimes cuz why not ("Thank you, father." after he gave him his phone back "just as promised" (except he broke it in pieces but he.kept his promise so aaron doesn't care lmao.) carries a notebook and pencil w him randomly?. his older sibling and parent argue abt the siblings college choices and you're just forced to watch and the tension is rising and you're feeling anxious and Uhm yeah. SOMETIMES KINDA ROBOTIC IN HIS SPEECH? I've noticed? Blunt. Has a TON of things related to his obsession. (For me I have primarily a tonshit of sonic themed things.) dislikes being alone. Dislikes admitting his feelings. Nerd. Uses obsession as a way to understand, contextualize and communicate with the world and his surroundings. Also chews his fingers. Always wearing sweatpants. Fidgety. Ect etc. Just lile arhghfhfng. HIM.

Things I don't relate to - wearing shoes in bed. What the actual fuck Aaron. Also he wears socks. I don't do that unless I'm nailed down to the floor until I succumb to their nonsensical rules. Ok they KINDA make sense but I don't like them. I don't care that my shoes or feet will smell afterwards get those fucking socks away from me.

. anyway sorry. There's probably more but yeah I forgot. I actually got the urge to cry when just thinking about him a couple of times. Like wowza dawg he's just like me fr and I mean it. I can really really relate to him and I act a lot like him and I acted even more like him when I was about his age and was obsessed with exclusively sonic for like a year straight. lol

Enderman

Ok this one's a short one but yeah I can relate to them. They're just minding their own business, in their own piece, picking random things off the ground (or ground itself..), DESPISE eye contact and will get really violent if you make eye contact with them (I am not exaggerating I actually get really angry and uncomfortable with uninitiated eye contact from ppl I'm not comfy with like don't look at me stop looking at me stop looking at me.) makes random sounds sometimes, such as screeches and hisses. Unlike them I DO like water and I LOVE rain HOWEVER I DO NOT LIKE touching smaller amounts of water on surfaces where I don't expect water to be and get really grossed out and uncomfortable from it. Unless they're with their own kin they're just kinda going around, alone, minding their peace unless provoked. Like most mobs - both hostile and peaceful - acknowledge your existence, hostile ones attack you, peaceful ones like horses and sheep and pigs and wolves and cats and whatnot may look at you if you look at it and pay attention to you and some can be befriended, enderman is neither like them, they're minding their own business, they don't initiate contact like, ever, and only engage w the player when having to defend themselves... when feeling threatened EVEN if the player didn't mean to scare them, like idk I'm.noy.really used to strangers having good intentions with me so I get defensive easily .... that is irl, on the internet I definitely don't get ever scared from social interactions ahaha 😎 yeah.

So yeah the only thing I KINDA can't relate to is not liking water - I only dislike water in a very specific context so yeah. And I do make eye contact w family members usually like I've mentioned earlier - I don't know, do endermen make eye contact with each other? I'm not sure, I don't remember. There might be more to them that I relate to but I can't recall anything at the moment

Everything I've mentioned about these characters in This post - I can relate to. These are just my feelings put imperfectly into words.... but I feel a lot about them and have felt a lot about them for quite some time.

Ducbfjrj there's also a list of characters I relate to (link in intro post) but these were the ones I related to the most

[where-are-the-spooky-gays-2]

Dukexiety friends to lovers... But make it long distance!

They met on a chatroom when they were fourteen (stay safe out there kids) and Remus liked Virgil's profile theme so he DMed him. Remus is very persistent in becoming friends so they become closer and closer throughout the years.

Remus sees Virgil's descendent into his final form (emo) and Virgil sees Remus switch between phases and aesthetics in an instant (bros too fluid to stick with one 100%, send tweet).

They're on call late into the night; Remus is an insomniac and Virgil's just a night owl so they're up until the early hours of the morning playing video games and watching YouTube or shows together. Their parents have to come in a few times over the years asking them to quiet down because everyone else is trying to sleep. (Their parents have never seen them laugh so hard until they were on call together.)

They text when Virgil gets panic attacks. Remus doesn't just pick up and respond when Virgil is having one, he responds IMMEDIATELY. He calls and, while it's not the same and not a one-off fix, it helps.

Virgil complains about bullies, Remus threatens to kill them. Threatens to cyber bully them actually 100% /gen about it too. Virgil says thanks but no thanks. Remus complains about his bullies but more so in the cocky "they just don't get how cool I am" way. Virgil finds it funny. He agrees.

They tease each other about where they're from, be it different states in the US or different countries in the world. "You call it what???" "Hell no, you're wrong! It's called this!" type of stuff.

They fall asleep on call together. Virgil has been jittery since a panic attack hours ago and Remus is more than happy to sit on the phone with him to "watch the room" and make sure he's safe to go to bed.

They get each other gifts. Just stick in each other's addresses instead of theirs for the gift.

Also copious amounts of door dash for each other. That way they can eat together, even when it's late or whatever time it is for them.

Finally, when they're eighteen and when they have enough money, they make the connection.

Remus is coming to visit Virgil (they decided it because Virgil was anxious about actually going on a plane, meanwhile Remus wanted to watch Final Destination). And Virgil is waiting for him, in the one outfit he knows Remus thinks is a good look.

Virgil almost falls over when Remus finally gets him in a hug. And they both maybe cry a little bit. Virgil's makeup is ruined; Remus would say the same except he likes how it looks.

Virgil's family is VERY excited to meet Virgil's best friend in person and Virgil himself is shocked by Remus' politeness. He smiles, doesn't cuss, says yes ma'am/sir no ma'am/sir — really buttering up the parents. And of course Remus is staying with them. Of course.

Platonic (.... ehhhhh) cuddles. They play games together in person. Late nights up together in person.

It's one of those late nights that it happens. They're both really tired and maybe a little drunk or high and one thing leads to another and they kiss. And at first it's shocking but it doesn't register as scary (at least not to Virgil) and then they kiss. a lot. Nothing further. But just a lot of "oh my god I can't believe I get to do this I've wanted to do this for ages."

The next morning is a little awkward but the cuddles are far far more intense. They cuddle and they kiss and talk and oh shit they've had crushes on each other for how long??? And they're only just now talking about it?

The goodbyes again when Remus has to go home? They're hard. Really hard. They hold each other like they'll never see each other again. They obviously will and they'll be on the phone the whole time but it's hard.

Good thing they're seeing each other again in two months :)

— 👑

S O B B I N G that's S O fucking cute P L E A S E!!! It's really sweet to see that they basically grew up together online and how close and caring they are for one another <3 (Ree can and will either slice a bitch through a screen or get Vee's bullies banned on all platforms if needed XD) Also I'm cackling at the fact that they're so oblivious to their crush on the other as if the intense cuddling and kissing weren't the main signs XD But of course the spooky beloveds can happily reunite two months later and do it all over again <3

[faegoddessog]

 Seventy Two Hours of Bliss Ch. 40/41

Chapter 40: Mangoes and English Oak

Chapter Warnings: Explicitly mature content, 18+ only, cunnilingus, fingering, sexual mangoes reference, Sex while eating, Unprotected PiV (play safe ya'll) female dominated PiV, Pinky and the Brain reference (lol)

Series Masterlist 

Series Summary:

You are neighbors with Austin Butler on the Gold Coast of Australia just prior to shooting Elvis. You become just friends because he is taken. However, after he is single again, you both find out just how attracted you are to one another and things get unrelentingly hot.

SERIES WARNING: Explicitly mature content, 18+ only,  here there be lemons.

Authors Notes: I started writing this while remodeling my kitchen, so that informed the slightly quirky narrative. It starts slow, but once it heats up, it is on fire. I have tried to pull facts from RL as much as I could, but obviously there are some assumptions and flat out dreamy wishes  involved here. 

Chapter 40: Mangoes and English Oak

Whatever it was that had been built between you seemed to evaporate with the mad fucking, the crying, the confessions and promises. Suddenly it’s like no time passed at all.

You two rummage in the kitchen, half clothed,  pulling out what few things were there, clearly you need to hit the market.  You nibble on toast with jam and tea with canned pears while leaning on the counter. 

You talk about your travels here and how nervous you were feeling to see him again. He talks about how he was anxious to see you too. You both smile at how you felt the same way. It feels comfortable again, finally.

You hop up to sit on the counter kicking your shoes off, closer to his height now.  You tell him you have 8-10 weeks, before going to begin the project for Tom and Rita. 

“When you go, maybe we can visit on weekends?” he suggests. 

“Oooo I like that, or meet in the middle, I do want to spend some time in France and Italy while I’m here,” you say. 

“Oh I would love that! We could fuel the French rumors more!” he laughs.

“Oh my god,” you laugh. “We could really keep them guessing!  Do we need to address that whole situation soon?"

He shrugs, "It's not really anyone else's business. Let them figure it out for themselves, it'll keep them busy."

You nod. 

"Oh! By the way, Marissa called me last week. She wanted me to thank you for setting her up with Kate. She says it’s been a dream come true.  I think she may actually be really good at it,” you smile at him. 

He moves his body between your legs, sliding his hands to your waist. Your breath catches just a bit. 

“It was my pleasure," he says, then hears what he said and who he said it to. He cracks a smile.

You can’t help but crack up, forehead to his chest, suddenly reminded of your inside joke about Chick-fil-A. He laughs too, putting his hand on the back of your head. "Do you suddenly feel like a sexy shower?" 

"Pavlov says yes... but the shower here looks tiny," you retort looking up from his chest. 

"We could always wait for a rain storm, I've always wanted to fuck in the rain..." he looks outside.

"Mmm, yes please, let's mastermind that" you say, rubbing up his chest to his neck and pulling him down for a slow kiss. 

After a long minute. He breaks the kiss, rubbing your thighs. 

“Do you know what your schedule will be like?” you ask, trying to handle the mundane in amongst the magical.  

“We just finished our mini boot camp yesterday, so we have a couple days off. I am told we should be working only during the week, so weekends should be ours. We’ll see how true that’ll be.” 

“It is ok if I stay here, right?” you realize that you hadn’t asked him at all, you just assumed. 

“Oh my god Kitten, yes please. I don’t think I could stand it if you didn’t. I need you all to myself for a while,” he wraps his arms around you rocking slightly side to side.

It’s amazing to be in his arms again, almost surreal. 

“I’m all yours sweetheart, morning, noon and night,” you look up at him.

He smiles down at you. A wave of awe strikes you. This amazing man loves you. Your mind is pulled to the little black box. You dutifully shove it away, ‘everything in perfect timing’, you tell yourself. 

“How long do you think Tom and Rita’s will take?” he asks, thinking about more time apart. 

“Oh, geeze,” you reply, thoughts pulled back to the now, “I can't even guess until I see it. Honestly it will depend on how fast materials get there and since it’s on an island, that will be an interesting twist!” 

“Then you’ll be done, huh, with your 7 continents,” Austin remarks, “then what?” 

“I don’t know,” you shrug, ”I suppose we will see what life lays at our feet.” 

“Our feet?” he says with a smile, “I like the sound of that.” 

“Of course baby,” you say snuggling up to him, “this, this right here is my dream now.” 

“Oh Kitten,” he lets out a huge breath, his arms tightening around you.

He leans forward to kiss your sweet mouth. The light kiss expands into parted lips, while tips of tongues solicit for entrance. Every other thought melts away as his kiss deepens. 

Kissing him feels like the oxygen you can’t live without. It’s like you’d been slowly suffocating for months without realizing it and now you can finally breathe deep.

He pulls back from you, looking into your eyes. 

“Is it alright if I take you to the bedroom?” he asks in a slightly cautious, but sultry voice, “I think I’m ready to take my time sweetheart.”

You bite your lip and nod. A smile spreads across his lips, like he was worried you’d say no. Silly boy, like you could say 'no' to him. 

He leans down and kisses your mouth. His hands glide down your back, snapping open the clasp on your red bra, almost as an afterthought.  He pushes his hands between your ass and the cold tiles of the counter. He bends his knees and your legs wrap around his waist, your skirt bunched up around your hips. He pulls you onto him. Your arms wrap around his neck and shoulders, helping to hold yourself on his lean body.  He has gotten stronger, you have too. 

He carries you, kissing you gently, to the bedroom. 

He lays you down on the side of the bed, your bra sliding off. His still undone jeans, underwear and shoes come off and he stands naked in front of you. 

It feels like the beginning again, even though he fucked you silly an hour ago. That was different, full needy desperation and all the difficult emotions that had built up between you. But this:  this is tender wanting, laced with love and all the feels. 

Your knees fall slightly together as you bite your lip. Your eyes are slowly taking in his Adonis-like form from head to toe and back again. Just the sight of him standing above you makes a little moan escape from your lips. Fuck he is magnificent.

He leans down to the bed, one finger tracing up your leg, the hem of your skirt still up near your hips. Its drape drags lightly along your bare and sensitive pussy lips as he slowly pulls the fabric across and out of the way. The barest of shudders slides down your spine. 

Then his knees are on the floor and his fingers are barely stroking your lips. He gently pulls your labia apart, stretching the skin around your clit just enough to make your inner lips contract.  You inhale an audible gasp. Pushing them back together, his fingers squeeze gently on the outside, near the root of your clit, massaging back and forth. Wetness seeps from between your lips. 

You blow out a little moan, fuck he remembers.  He pulls you apart again, blowing on your clit. The cold air makes you whimper. 

The tip of his tongue runs up and down the smoothness of your labia, teasing at what is to come. 

He is definitely taking his time, lips nibbling and tongue licking slowly, but not touching your clit. Not yet. 

Your breath quickens.

“Lord, I missed this,” he says, almost as a prayer. 

Then his fingers pull you wider, open and exposed. The tip of his tongue touches your clit. You gasp as a zing jolts you. He blows on it, then touches it again. Pause. And again.  

He is watching your reaction. His blue eyes peering over your mons with his tongue out long. Fuck, he is gorgeous. 

This please. Yes, this please, forever. 

Gradually his touches become tip-of-the-tongue undulations up and over your nub. Deeper, rolling his tongue farther down, down, down and into your entrance. 

Your breath is shallow and fast, little moans escaping with each new sensation. Then his tongue ripples up against your inner lips. His mouth closes around your clit with pulsing suction. 

“Oh my fucking god,” falls from your lips as you curl towards him, hands in his blonde hair, “did you get better at this?” 

His eyes open to yours and you feel the vibrations of chuckle against your labia. 

“Mangoes,” is all he says with a cock of his eyebrow and a lick of his lip. Then he dives back to the veneration of your cunt. 

Thank fuckin’ mangoes! Is there a god of mangoes? Because you need to deliver upon them all your offerings and praise! All hail mangoes, and Austin's tongue!

He pulls your clit into his mouth, tongue lightly flicking back and forth, then suction again. His fingers slide so slowly inside you. He is moaning into your pussy.  Your body is curled tight, flexing against his face. Then his fingers curl against your front wall and like a spring you uncoil, deep moans rumbling from your chest. The back of your hands beating the mattress. 

Beautiful, sweet release.  

He laps at your slit, drinking in all the juices that leak out as you shake on the bed.  Then his comforting weight is on your heaving chest. You stare almost dumbfounded into his eyes. He pets your hair, moving it out of your face. 

“Ready for more, my pet?” he asks. 

You can only nod still panting from your orgasm.

His lip curls up in a tiny smile, his little dimple appearing over the left corner. His hips rock, his cock rooting gently around your snatch, begging to be let in.  You lift ever so slightly, giving him room. Then he is barely in you, just an inch or so.

He freezes. Your hips strain up to his, getting him in you a scant inch further. He lifts back, teasing you. Your hips roll and you wrap your arms around him in an attempt to pull him to you. He refuses to let you.

“Oh my,” his voice deep and penetrating, “what a needy girl you are.” 

“Uh huh” you nod. 

“Do you need me in you?” he says, “is that what you want?.” 

"Want, need,” you moan, “please, please yes.” 

Slowly, he pushes himself into you. Every inch in and every inch out has your eyes fluttering and your body shaking. Then he stops, holding  himself up on his elbows and toes, letting you rut up to him.  Writhing against him, your body begs for more. You do your best to fuck yourself on his cock, but it’s not hitting right. 

“Let me…,” you say, pushing him off and rolling him over. You stand between his legs which are bent off the bed, feet on the floor. You plant your right foot on the bed next to his hip, your knee bent almost to your shoulder.

Rising up on the toes of your left foot, you grab the base of his cock and sink down onto him with a groan.  He can’t really thrust here more than flex his glutes. He smiles as you take charge. 

You place your hands on his hip bones, hunching over him like a big cat getting ready to pounce.  Your hips start rolling forward, tilting along his length, then pushing down and back in a slow steady rhythm. Each stroke rubs him along your g-spot. 

Oh my god it feels so good to ride him like this, to work yourself back and forth on him, angling right where you want him to hit. 

His thumb slides to your clit, giving you something more to rub against, something more to moan about.  Your hips move a little faster, your orgasm building deep inside  He is watching you grind yourself on his cock and hand. 

“Fuck yeah, that’s it,” he spurs you on, "god you are so hot.” 

His other hand rises to rub his fingers across your nipples. 

“Ohmigod, yes, play with them,” you start to flood his dick as the sensations from your nipple shoot right to your pussy.  You are so close to unraveling on him. 

“Oh lord, you are so wet, you are dripping down my balls,” he moans.

He pinches your nipple and for a split second it’s too hard.

“Not too…”  you begin saying, then it unexpectedly pushes you that last tiny bit, “haaaaaa yes, fuck yes, fuck yes.” 

You are exploding onto him, the contractions of your core riding him hard. You curl up over him, shaking with how good he is in you, riding the wave of your orgasm. You shake down to a stop, catching your breath. 

“Oh gods, Kitten! Don’t stop, please don’t stop,” he begs. His fingers dig into your hips now, intent on pushing you back and forth on his cock. Fuck. You can’t leave him hanging.

“You like this,” you breath out, moving on him, “me mounting you this way, riding you? Yeah?” 

“Yes, I do,” he moans, eyes closed, head tilted back. You had forgotten how sexy his neck was.  You realize how dominating this position feels for you, you are in control, you have the power. 

“You like it when I claim you?” your words coming out of their own accord in lieu of the moans of pleasure you feel bubbling up. 

His head raises, lust shrouded eyes meeting yours. He nods, biting his lip. Fuck, if that’s what he wants… a slow smile sneaks across your face. You grind down on him.  Shit it’s good, almost too good.

His eyes flutter closed.

“No, no, look at me Austin,” you tell him, pulling his chin. His eyes open, lost in sensation.

“You are mine. Your mouth is mine, your fingers are mine, your cock is mine, your cum is mine. I want all of you.” You put your hands on his chest, pushing him down, nails heedlessly digging into his skin, snapping your hips back and forth over him, overstimulating yourself in the best way. 

“Oh fuck!” his pupils are blown, his heart is racing in his chest, he is close to spilling into you, “I’m yours baby, yours! All fucking youuuuur,” he groans out as his eyes roll back in his head. He is so hot when he cums, it sets you off again. 

“Oh god Austin, yes, yes YES! ” your clit grinding on to the tight muscles of his lower abdomen as your internal muscles clamp down onto him. He groans, pleasure surging through you and through him.  Your bodies are buzzing, vibrating together in shared bliss. 

After you catch your breath, you climb off him and sit, leaning against the headboard. You spy the picture of you in your black dress in a frame on the bedside table. It makes your heart melt. 

Austin curls up, head in your lap and his arms around your waist. You watch him breath for several minutes, his eyes closed and a relaxed smile touching his lips. He could be sleeping. Your fingers lightly connect  the freckles on his left cheek in a curve then down his neck and arm. 

“God I love you, Austin,” you whisper. 

His smile broadens, not asleep. He turns his head to look up at you, his baby blues shining.

“I have never loved anyone like I love you, Kitten,” he says softly, finger tracing your jawline. 

You stare at one another, lost in the quiet of the moment, lost in each other.  You slide down next to him after several heartbeats,  wanting to feel all of your body on all of his. 

“This feels so good, so right,” you remark, snuggling close against him. 

“Oh Kitten,” his palm is tapping his chest, “I didn't realize how much missing you weighed on me, how much it hurt.  I’ve been living like that so long, the weight of it became normal.” 

You nod, totally understanding what he means. 

“I haven’t felt this good in months,” he says, ”and it just dawned on me that I don't hurt anymore.” 

“Oh my love…” you move his hand and plant kisses on his heart, “never again.” 

You spend the next several hours in the ebb and flow of one anothers embrace. You doze, you talk, you kiss, you slowly make love, you shower, you eat naked in the kitchen, you talk, your passion flares in a fiery kiss, you fuck hard, you eat again. In the wee hours of the night, you are both finally spent and curled up together. Just before you fall asleep, you press his hand between your thighs, cupping your mons. His fingertips lightly press against your labia. It’s oddly comforting. You smile and drift into a deep relaxed sleep. 

………

You wake up the next day before he does. You sneak out and go buy groceries at the Sainsbury’s down the street.  When you come back in, the house is still silent. You peek in and he is still dead asleep. Apparently, waking up early in distress was an Elvis shoot thing. 

You had decided to make french toast when you were at the store. You even bought cream to whip, which you end up doing by hand because there was no mixer. 

“Awoken by the whisk, I guess it’s better than the whip,” his deep voice resonates from behind you. 

“Hey! Good Morning,” you turn around, whisk and bowl in hand. He is leaning against the door with only pajama bottoms on. He looks divine. 

“Hungry?” you ask, rising on your tiptoes to kiss him. 

“For you? Always.” his hands come to your waist and pulls you into a passionate good morning kiss. 

“I’m sorry if I woke you up,” you say when your lips part. 

“No, it was good,”  his hands remain around your waist as you turn back to the counter to set down the bowl. “I was waking up already. When I realized you weren’t in bed, I almost had a panic attack thinking it was all a dream. Then I heard your racket in here.” 

“My racket is almost done and is going to be delicious,” you smile, dipping your finger in the white creamy fluff and  offering it to him over your shoulder, he slowly licks it off your finger.  A little involuntary moan whispers from your lips.

“Mmm, that is good Kitten,” he says. 

“Is it?” you dip your finger in again. Turning around, you  wipe it on his chest, just over his nipple. 

You lean forward, tongue out, flicking his nipple lightly as you lick up the slowly dripping vanilla flavored sweet cream. Then you cover his nipple with your mouth, gently sucking and biting. 

When you pull away, he is watching you from lowered lashes. 

“Mmm, is that how it is this morning?” he asks. 

“With you? Always,” you nod, looking up at him, “take your pants off and go sit,” you nod your head towards the table. 

A look of bewilderment flashes on his face, then he nods, untying the drawstring. Pulling his pants off right there, you see he is half hard. 

“Go, I’ll be there in a minute,” you turn your back to him, un-doing the top several buttons on your blouse and kicking off your shoes.

“Yes ma’am,” he does as he is told, watching you. 

You cut up some french toast into bite sized pieces, syrup, butter and whipped cream on them. You grate a little nutmeg and cinnamon on top. You grab one fork and bring a generous cup of tea. You walk over and set them on the table.

“Thank you,” says Austin, reaching for the fork. 

You bat his hand away. “No, wait,” holding up a finger. 

His look of confusion is priceless.  

You pull his chair perpendicular to the table, so he is facing sideways.  Stepping back, you slowly unbutton your jeans and make a show of taking them  and your underwear off. You slide your hands into your blouse removing your bra in the mysterious way all women know and all men wonder about. You lean over him, giving him a generous view of your dangling breasts.  You see he has gotten harder with your little strip tease.

Perfect.

His hands go instinctively to your hips as you lean further to kiss him deeply, passionately. Your hands slide around his neck and your legs open to straddle his lap, trapping his now hard cock against his belly.   You pull away from his lips, kissing along his jawline and down his neck. His hand slides into your hair to the back of your head, pressing you to continue. His other is wrapped around the curve of your ass, pulling you closer to him. 

“Are you hungry Austin?”  you ask quietly, deviously. Your fingers slip the last button of your blouse  out of its hole, exposing your front to him.

“Um… yes,”  almost more question than statement. He is totally unsure of what is happening here, “but…and.. ” 

His words hang in the air as you grab the cup of tea and pass it to your non-dominant hand. You pick up the fork, stabbing a piece of french toast. You offer it to him, letting him take the bite off the fork as you sip the tea.  As he is chewing you rise up and sink your pussy over his cock. His eyes close for a second as he stops chewing to inhale through his nose. 

You nonchalantly take another sip. 

He swallows with a shaky breath.

You slide up and down slowly continuing to offer bites to him. His breath comes little moans as he keeps taking food off the fork.  

You put the tea down. 

Neither of you say anything, eating and fucking is all your brains can process at the moment. 

Words would ruin it. 

It’s unexpectedly erotic.  

Thinking would break the spell.  

He takes the fork from you, turning the tables. He offers, you chew.  He flexes and pushes into you. Your eyes go wide, then your tongue rolls the flavors in your mouth, then you swallow as he pulls back. 

Your breath comes out wobbly before he offers you a second bite. Again and again this slow fucking and feeding continues. 

By the time the plate is empty, syrup, butter and whipped cream has dripped unheeded onto your tits due to his having to use his non-dominant hand.   One drop is trailing dangerously close to your vulva.  Remembering that you don’t like sugar there, Austin places the mostly empty plate on the chair next to him as you finish off the tea. As one motion he grips your ass, fixing you to him, and stands up, laying you back on the table, stopping the runaway drips of liquid sugar in their tracks.  His cock pulls back as he slowly lowers his face to your vulva. He catches the drop and backtracks its pathway with a lapping tongue. 

The empty tea cup slips from your fingers unnoticed.  

He finds each drop of syrup, each plop of whipped cream and luxuriates in slowly licking each, nibbling his own path between each one. By the time he is done, your heaving chest tells him you want more. 

He pulls back, double checking his work. He looks curiously at your breasts, realizing that they had been unsullied by thick, sweet fluid. Then he swirls  his finger in the plate of cream and syrup, bringing up a creamy mix reminiscent of sweet cum.  The idea of it being cum makes you want to tip the whole plate onto your chest. 

You watch as he lets it drop onto a nipple, then offers it to your mouth. Greedily you suck on his finger, eyes closed. The taste makes you want to break your rules and coat yourself in it. When you open your eyes, he is watching you suck his finger, lips slightly pursed and blowing out a breath. You are guessing he’d like it all over his cock too.

He pulls his finger out and wraps his talented tongue around your nipple, holding your breast in his hand. He sucks it into his mouth, brushing the nipple with his tongue, holding it in a gentle bite with his teeth.  

You moan, your clit throbbing all of a sudden. He pops it out of his mouth and works his way to your neck. With hands kneading and rubbing your breasts, he sinks his teeth into the meat of your neck.  Goosebumps spring up along your arm and down your side. He pulls back, running a finger along the tiny pebbles, evidence of your arousal.

Then he is staring at your eyes, soft and full of desire at the same time.  He leans down slowly and gently rubs his lips to yours, side to side. Not hesitant, but sultry.  You coax him closer with your tongue darting out to touch his soft, full bottom lip. He slowly  gives in to your lingual seduction, diving to deepen the kiss. Lips open, mouths press,  tongues explore. 

It’s hard to tell who is tempting who. 

Before you know it, one hand is gripping the table edge next to your head, the other having trailed down your side, over your hip and under your ass. He lifts you just slightly, enough to give himself a straight route to your core. His mouth never leaves yours as he slowly presses into you.  

A long whining moan resonates in your sinuses as he buries himself deep in your wet and wanting pussy. He takes his time to pull out, focusing more on devouring your mouth with his. 

Then he thrusts in hard, using the table as leverage. 

You gasp through your nose, vocal cords vibrating on the exhale, whimpering against his tongue. 

Pulling out, his hand adjusts on your ass,  almost massaging the flesh of your glutes. Then another hard thrust and his fingertips dig in. 

God it feels so good, he is hitting you in all the right places inside.  

He continues his pattern of kissing you while pulling out, and digging in his fingers while thrusting hard.  

In this moment, he is beautifully masterful in his authority, his immense self control. His energy is all male, but not noxiously so. By taking his time, going slow,  every thrust is slowly luring you, pushing you, enticing you to orgasm.  Soon your hips are tilting up to meet his thrusts. His mouth leaves yours as he starts to moan in his own pleasure. He seems almost lost in place and time

He has you balancing on the head of a pin, for long minutes as he builds slowly.

Your breath is panting, despite the slow pace. Your hips are vibrating against him, wanting more, needing more. Just a little and you will fall apart. 

He leans back, his other hand sliding under your ass. He stops for a moment, watching you squirm under him, a little decadent smile on his face. Your eyes are begging him, your hands are opening and closing, shaking, fingertips rooting at your teeth,  not sure what to do with themselves. 

With both hands digging into the muscles of your butt, he unleashes on you. Giving you everything you wanted and more.  

Your hands fly to the edge of the table, holding on for dear life. The way his hands are digging, massaging  into your ass feels exquisite, adding that much more to your orgasm. His cock is giving no quarter as it pummels into you. 

The imagined weight of your eyes rolling back tilts your chin up, your throat vibrating with deep guttural groans. Sharp undulating waves roll up your spine, arching your back further and further up with each pass. Your whole body shakes with force of his hips. You ride the high as he rides you, deep and fast. 

His scream comes from his gut; loud, resonant, primal. His hands squeeze deeper, pulling you onto him as he thrusts become hard and jerky, eyes closed and teeth bared.  His breath holds as pushes deep with little thrusts, giving all of himself to you.  

“Oh gaw,” bursts from him as the vacuum is released from his lungs. He stumbles a little against the table, lightheaded.  

You pull him down to you, his torso laying on yours, his hands  still trapped under your ass. Your chests heaving together, heavy breaths blow across your breasts.  

Eventually he pulls his hands out from under you, standing upright. He helps you off the table, now messy with more than just syrup.  

“Wow, sturdy table” he says, pulling you into his arms. 

“Probably English Oak” you say without missing a beat.

You both giggle,  still euphoric. 

“Well, that’s one way to have breakfast,”  he says.

“Right! It was freakin’ sexy though, more so than I thought it would be,” you admit.

“Yeah, I would’ve never thought to do that… but it worked. I don’t think anyone but you could pull that off though, further evidence that you are a sex magician, wait no, Enchantress”  He smiles, remembering that night on the top floor of the Emporium.

“Fuck yeah!” you respond with a giggle, leaning in to gather a kiss from him. 

“I’m actually still hungry,” you say, “shall we clean up the table and just like… eat?” 

“Yes please! Can I have my own fork this time?” he asks with sly smile. 

......

After second breakfast, Austin cleans the kitchen up while you go and actually unpack your bags.   You are humming happily to yourself, hanging things up in the wardrobe, tucking things away. There is an antique vanity on the wall opposite the bed complete with a trifold mirror. 

You figure you might as well use it for what it’s for and put your hair brush, makeup and brushes there along with what was left of the little bottle of essential oil Austin sent you. You also decide to be cheeky and artfully arrange  your collections of vibrators and butt plugs there too, giving the blue sapphire one center stage. The whole thing makes you giggle out loud. 

“What’s so funny,” Austin comes in, drying his hands on a kitchen towel he has slung over his shoulder. He’s, again only in his pajama bottoms. 

“Tah Dah!” you say arms stretched out to your sex toy display.  

“Oh geeze Kitten,” he chuckles blushing a little, “what if someone comes over?” 

“Well, if they are invited to the bedroom, then they should know what they’ve agreed to,” you give him a sly smile.

He nods, deciding not to argue with your logic. “Well, in that case,” he walks over to a drawer in the dresser and pulls out his two hanks of black rope, the lube and his own set of butt plugs you bought for him.  He hangs the rope from the corner of the mirror and puts the lube and plugs in amongst the arrangement. “There, no holds barred now!” 

He grabs you in a huge hug, kissing your forehead. 

“What are we going to do today Brain” you say in your best Pinky voice. 

“The same thing we do every day Pinky,” he answers as Brain, without missing a beat, “try to take over the world!” He dramatically clenches his fist. 

You both giggle, sharing the weird childhood memory.  

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” you say, sexily, leaning up to press your lips to his. 

“I think so” his voice husky, his lips rubbing against yours, “but burlap chafes me so.”

You completely lose it, like in the absurd way that makes other people look at you like a loon. You are laughing so hard tears run down your face, you can’t breathe and you fall onto the bed. 

Your ridiculous laughter makes him laugh too. Soon your bellies are sore and you are in a heap together on the bed, catching your breath. 

His arms surround you. It’s the most comfortable you’ve felt in months. 

“I do want to play with you later today, if that’s ok,” he asks. 

“Yes please, anytime is a good time for playtime. What do you have in mind?” you ask, cuddling up to him. 

“I have some ideas taking shape, but I think you’ll have to just wait and see,” he says… kissing your nose. 

“Oooo, antici……” you leave the word hanging.

[isaac-clarke]

So my mentorship ended around 2 months ago at the start of September and I never quite got around to talking about it lol. Mostly because stuff kept happening. Work bullshit but also health stuff cropped up. So ironically enough, since then, I haven't actually drawn anything (besides a couple small 5 minute doodles here and there). And tbh? I'm okay with that.

One of the reasons I went for my mentorship with Chira was to not just work on my technical skills, but my own relationship with my art which I knew wasn't in a good spot and hadn't been at all for several year. I developed anxiety from certain personal stuff that happened way back in 2012 and it slowly poisoned a lot of stuff over the years. Including my attitude towards my art.

To put it shortly, I deal with avoidance quite a bit when it comes to anxiety and stuff that makes me anxious. And art is one of those. It used to be really bad in like 2017 when I didn't even know I had it, I could barely draw circles, much less doodles, and I would have to claw my way back up to something relatively comfortable. I also tended to stay in my safe zone because of this. Because of my anxiety, but also chronic allergies, and RSI, decent drawing sessions where inconsistent and scattered despite my effort. And when I would be able to draw-- I'd always stick with something safe, what I know I'm good at. I'd never go out of my comfort zone despite knowing full well I needed to in order to improve. So for anxiety wise, I would get anxious too if I went too long without drawing because I was scared I'd revert back to the hard avoidance and needing to claw my way back up again. Which HAS happened multiple times. Chira helped me realize it's a consequence of my anxiety and, yes, it WILL happen again. But to not worry, because every single time I've bounced back. And I'll bounce back again. Coming to terms with that helped a lot.

To top that off I always felt just.... like I'll never be good enough because I've KNOWN since I graduated art school that my fundamentals were very lacking in several areas. The only one it wasn't was anything to do with colors, color theory, values..etc. But everything else? Lol. I knew in 2015 when I was graduating that I wasn't anywhere near professional, that there was still so many gaps in my fundamentals I genuinely didn't understand and that made me feel awful. I thought I was a shitty artist, and I never really knew where to even focus to improve on them. Ergo: avoidance, staying in the safe spots.

So for 6 months this is what Chira helped me with: with my fundamentals but also pealing back my thoughts and attitude. Why did I think a certain way? Approach things a certain way? Avoid things? Why did I think I was a mediocre artist when graduating? Was it not my school failing to properly educate me? (Which I realized was the case, 10 classes per week for 3 years did not do me favors beyond feeling I need to rush and partially apply fundamentals without truly learning nor understanding them). Chira also helped me realize I had a fixed mindset and had a lot of unhealthy habits regarding my art. I really learned how to self reflect too, especially if my anxiety related feelings started to really creep in. (Like getting frustrated, knowing I'm weak at a certain thing and it's just not clicking withing the first few tries..etc)

My fundamentals vastly improved too-- my homework for the whole six months was basically doing gesture figures and over time applying more and more things. Proper perspective, construction, clothing/wrinkles..etc. And from month 1 to month 6 I've seen such an improvement.

Tbh I used to feel so ashamed, knowing I graduated from art school with my fundamentals lacking so hard. And my anxiety hindered me for YEARS about improving it. I'm sure if I didn't have it I'd be far beyond where I am now, but I have it. And there's no use crying over spilt milk.

I'm so grateful for Chira's help and I definitely recommend their mentorship program if you also have struggles with your art.

Here's homework from Month 1 week 1, then Month 6 week 2

Also for anyone's curiosity, some draw over's from Chira from that homework review:

[beesfairlyland]

hi bee, i'm sorry for the vent, but i just really need to get this out. i've been into concepts since like... 2016 i think? first loattraction, then loassumption, and now non dualism. i used all of these to "get something" yes, even nd. sure, when i learned about nd i let go of desiring, but in the end i still do "want" to have "my" desired life as a human/"ego". i've been doing everything i read for nd, letting go of all labels, thoughts, etc. and it's been going well, but recently i've started worrying again. everything i did when i was still into both loa's changed absolutely nothing/didn't work for me (i've never "manifested" anything in these almost 8 years), so i'm worried about being stuck as a this human that i do not want to be at all forever. i'm worried about not stripping labels and letting go "good enough" and i'm worried that everyone on here is just feeding me lies about this freedom and liberation. do you have any advice for this? i'm just so desperate to stop identifying with the ego (and an ego i don't like being at that)

Heya hun!💗

It's okayy don't be sorry....i understand sometimes it get's soo frustrating that we need to take it out. I feel you I've been here too before.

Take a deep breathe and calm down. Ik it sucks being stuck in a loop of trying and trying again, in a loop of desiring. But baby you have to understand that Non dualism is not a method, ik you know this too. And uk it's okay if you wanna have your desires (more of beautiful experiences) , may be it's just you are not ready yet to KNOW yourSELF and that's totally fine. There's nothing to hurry about, nowhere to reach. Have some rest. Don't beat yourself up. Okay?

First things first i want you to KNOW that the experiences that you wanna have are nothing special. They are YOU. And Everything that this ego can think of it is already here. It's your choice what you wanna experience.

Rn you are aware of desiring things, from lack. Im not asking you to do nothing, ik it's just gonna make you anxious. Just bare with me hear me out (it's gonna go out of nd perspective). I want you to drop the idea of getting something. If you want to, first feel every shitty emotion you want to. Cry it out. Let it all out. If you wanna cry for whole day, go ahead. But after that, you won't go back to being aware of those feelings. Ofc you'll have thoughts but just don't entertain them. Not yours so they can get lost. Don't give feeling to that thought. And no you don't have to act like you have what you wanna experience, you have to KNOW that this dream gonna change for good. And that's inevitable. I want you to tap into your non dual state aka void state. But this time you are not putting it on a pedestal. I suggest you to read my post and Know what *void* actually is:

And if you don't wanna meditate....you can try lucid dreaming. And it can be beneficial to make you understand that you are not this mind-body. I lucid dream and it's soo fun. Go ahead and give it a try. Just KNOW that you can do it.

Remember it's all gonna be alright. It's destined. you came across all this knowledge for a reason.

Ik i am a non dualism blogger soo i should just stick to that. But ik where you coming from and me giving you more pointers, asking you to go within won't do any good to you. And im here to help you guys. Giving you some motivation about not giving up wouldn't do any good to you atleast in this situation.

Hope i could help you a lil bit! If you wanna ask something else feel free to send in an ask!

-love, bee🐝💗

[the-blue-fairie]

hey, no worries at all about venting in the tags of... your reblog of my reblog of your post, lol!! as i mentioned, i was trying to find a completely different old post by someone else, and then ended up seeing your post in my search and i just feel that it's a great explanation of some of the issues that i have with the ending. i can totally understand why people who like the idea behind the ending and what the writers were trying to say with it want to defend it, to an extent, but i agree with you that they just didn't successfully say that. which only makes me more frustrated with the ending than i imagine i would've been otherwise. and i'm sorry people have been trying to group you in with frozen 2 haters when you didn't want to be seen that way! and to me, the posts of yours that i've read about the movie (including the one i reblogged that prompted this ask) never came off that way either. you always seemed like someone who had your issues with it and criticisms of it, but could also still see positives in it and things to celebrate about it.

Thank you for sending me this message. I apologize for not replying for a day; life got a bit busy.

Looking back on my old discussions of F2, I feel I was hamstrung by not wanting to make my friends angry. I have friends who are fans of F2 and, while I wrote those posts, I was cripplingly scared that they would stop being friends with me, or unfollow me, or dismiss my critiques as mere negativity. In fact, my fears were justified. Some of these people DID unfollow me and DID tell me I was being overwhelmingly negative. This broke my heart - especially because I spilled so much ink trying to balance every negative I discussed with a positive and celebrating the good elements, but it felt like it didn't matter. It didn't matter how anxious I was to be understood, it didn't matter that I was writing in good faith. And that hurt.

I also feel that I was intimidated by the extreme sides of the fandom. If, for example, I wrote a post criticizing Elsa's arc, anti-Elsa people could jump on it and say, "See, this is why Elsa is a bad sister."

So that's why, in my vent, I said I was too kind to the film. I was so constricted by being terrified of other people's reactions - terrified of having an unpopular opinion. So I qualified all my statements with, "Of course, I don't mean to be overly negative" instead of just focusing on my points.

I just want to shake people sometimes when they tell me the point of the film and say, "They followed through on their intent with very poor execution. They DIDN'T DO the things you are saying they did. They tried, but there are scores of reasons why they did not succeed - reasons that go beyond my personal preference, that have to do with characterization, pacing, story structure, etc."

It hurts because... I feel like, in the past, I tried to force myself to like the film more than I do. I've wanted to like it for years, but the last time I put it on I broke down crying and not in a good way and I just... I wish it worked. I wish that all the various thematic threads coalesced into an emotionally satisfying whole. And I know that, because of my emotional response, people might just dismiss all my discussion - no matter how nuanced I am, no matter how fair towards the film I am in my analysis, as, "Well, you're biased from the start."

No. I've spent years trying to see all sides, empathizing with a variety of people in the fandom, sometimes even at my own expense. I do value the parts of F2 that work and acknowledge the beauty of various elements including Anna and Elsa bonding with the Northuldra, the anticolonialist themes, The Next Right Thing, and more.

But at the same time, I argue that my case against other aspects of the film is robust, cohesive, and correct.

And to the friends that can see I am writing not to be a hater, but in good faith with actual analysis and discussion in mind - you mean the world to me. Thank you.

Sorry, this became kind of a vent in itself.

[a-room-of-my-own]

During the Arab Spring I was sitting with my family and we had a friend from New Guinea over. He was a black man, Muslim, and I had known him my entire life. He was one of the nicest, most laid back people I've ever been around, polite, good with children. We were watching the news as they covered the unfolding events. We would usually have non-alcoholic drinks whenever he was over because of his religious beliefs, so we were all chitchating and having a drink. And out of the blue, he says, pointing at the tv.

"This will all end up being a big pile of nothing. Africans don't understand democracy".

And I remember thinking that was such a scandalous thing to say, such a racist thing to say, especially coming out of a black Muslim man who was from an African country. And now after a decade, and event after event, I'm starting to understand what he was trying to say, and I wonder what he has experienced in his life for him to say that.

People will claim this as racism, but I don't think these people are more prone to certain behaviours because of their skin color.

I do think that cultural attitudes, especially pertaining as to how violence is an acceptable way to solve conflict, coupled with the eternal victim narrative, gives leeway to this destruction. I used to be very anxious to the rise of far right parties in Europe and now I feel nothing. It is so predictable why it's happening. It's so predictable that when people wake up day after day, going to work their jobs that don't pay that well so they can pay bills, and they see the same types of people burning shit down and destroying their transportation, their businesses, their community services, their homes etc, they will get fed up. And then the commies will cry racism thinking it will solve the issue, and for a time people will be taken aback and prostrate themselves to social justice mafia. And then a time will come when they're so tired of being called racist and islamophpbes for noticing who's always destroying things, and for talking about it, and they will say. Yes. Fine. I guess I am racist then. Because you won't allow me the speak on the obvious. And the animosity will grow, and people will come increasingly fed up with the ones ignoring the core issue and thus the people who do speak about it, who do call a spade a spade, and who belong to once fringe groups and who are obvious authoritarians will be voted into power. Not because they are competent leaders or have solutions, but because they can at least point out the obvious.

And everytime a Boris Johnson, a Trump, a Meloni, an Orban happens, people will say "how can this be? Must be those racist islamophobes who hate minorities" and they will learn absolutely nothing. And the eternal self-victimizing narrative will deepen.

It's all so obnoxiously predictable.

It’s extremely predictable in the sense that at least in my country, it’s been 20 years that some issues are left to the extreme right to talk about, and it can be things as obvious as everyone has the right to be safe in the public space or religions should be a private matter basically things everybody agree on. The only reason for that is that the left is completely taken by a perverted definition of anti-racism that is basically cultural relativism. When you abandon common sense to the extreme right the problem is it makes their actually extremist solutions suddenly worth discussing which they aren’t.

Then for the people coming from Africa in the Middle East, I think there is a naivety that tends to believe that someone who comes from a very authoritarian country / culture can convert to liberal democracy pretty much overnight. You have a many people coming to Europe and other western countries, who are perfectly capable of wanting to be free individually, and not to suffer from political brutality or corruption, but it doesn’t mean that they agree with the whole package. It’s especially visible as far as women’s rights are concerned ; you can have men who absolutely want to be free but who still want their women to be oppressed and controlled like they are at home.

The influence of religion is also something we could discuss. What we are going through now has happened to North Africa starting in the late 1970s. Intellectuals there have been warning us for years about the terrible influence of Saudi / Gulf extremism that led in their countries to political unrest, riots and even civil war. The Arab Spring is a recent phenomena but yes, in the West everybody thought it would bring modern democracies, but we were only listening to urban, college educated people. The majority wanted more religion, more conservatism, and the diaspora always vote for the extreme right - we saw that in Turkey just recently.

Of course the influence of the west is something that should never be forgotten. At a time our leaders could have supported democrats in the Arab world and in Africa, but between decolonization and the Cold War, they preferred supporting Islamists and tyrants rather than risking seeing countries rich in natural ressources align with the USSR. We’ve been paying for that ever since.

[chelseasdagger]

i'm not sure if you're a taylor swift fan or not but i was just scrolling my dash and someone asked the question of whether 'tolerate it' by her was matt or frank-coded. and i was thinking about it and it's giving... like if frank from your teacher series and reader had some angst, like they had some relationship problems like, 'i wait by the door like i'm just a kid' / 'you're so much older and wiser' / 'if it's all in my head tell me now, tell me i've got it wrong somehow' (bc reader seems to be like anxious (so me)). it all screams them if their relationship went wrong, ALSO 'i made you my temple, my mural, my sky' reader i feel like ADORES frank an insane amount and if that relationship ended badly?? god she would be SO HURT

anyway, i just had the thought in my head and needed to share <3 (sorry)

i just so happen to be a taylor swift fan and i need you to know that you NEVER have to apologize for coming to talk to me through here and ESPECIALLY never when it’s about my fics, i adore any and all feedback/ideas when it comes to my stories!!

i’ll also have you know that tolerate it is one of my FAVORITE songs she’s written but i can’t listen to it often because i cry every time. as someone who over analyzes and has so much emotion and knows deep down that i’ll never receive the same amount of love as i give out that song HITS so hard and i’m a big ball of mess when that song comes on but i never have the strength to stop it!!

but ruby i’m actually sitting here about to cry cause i cannot believe you took something so beautiful and related it to my silly little story 🥺 i adore that song and i feel like that would fit them SO well should something bad happen between them. those lyrics you pointed out in particular are a really good highlight to reader’s anxiety when it comes to the whole thing, something i wanted to still keep a thread of throughout the series because she’s supposed to be like me and be crazy anxious. i’m glad she’s relatable, but i also hate that you know the feeling

reader definitely has feelings for frank and this next chapter i’m only going to turn the dial up some more. i kinda expected her to fall hard and fast (like me) and then have her try to struggle with calming herself down, and beginning all the questions of if frank cares about her that way or not. i’ve wanted to do some angst in this story, cause i adore the feeling my heart gets when i read really great angst fics, but i just am such a crybaby i don’t wanna have my characters sad CKSKDKSK i hope i can sprinkle in some low-stakes angst that a few friends had recommended i try out to cause tension but not do too much harm

but oh my gosh, you have no idea how high of a compliment this is to me. i adore that song, i adore taylor’s writing and i want to be able to tell stories and phrase things like she does when i grow older :’) thank you SO so much for sharing, this has been the highlight of my week. i love you 🩵

[tellywoodtrash]

Hi TT, how are you? I need advice. I joined a dating app recently, and I talked to a few guys. One of them was a really acephobic guy who made me feel really invalidated for being a demisexual person who needs a lot of time to feel comfortable with a person before wanting intimacy with them (He called me confused, it hurt me so much to the point where it made me cry). But, I started talking to another guy on the app, and he's actually been really sweet and friendly with me so far. We're planning to go on a date at some point, but I'm nervous about it. I'm nervous, because I don't want to experience that hurt and invalidation again, but also because I've never dated anybody ever and I'm scared about getting so involved in the whole dating thing that I start losing sight of who I am and what I want. The thought is making me really anxious. What should I do?

Hey friendddd 🤗🤗🤗,

I think you should always ALWAYS follow your gut feel. If something makes you uncomfortable, then firmly state that you do NOT vibe with whatever is going on and cut it off. You have limited reserves of time and energy and it is not meant to be wasted on people who do not make you feel good. That said, give everything a SINGLE fair chance. Go on the date, see how it goes, how the vibes are. Don't close yourself off to new experiences just because of previous hurt. At this point, you are not too committed, you're still getting to know them as a person, so take it slow and day by day, clearly communicate your needs and boundaries and see how they take it. If they respect them, then proceed at your comfort; if they don't seem to care, then that's your clear answer to cut them out. Tell them that it's not working out, wish them well, and move on. Preserve your mental peace above all!

I hope it all works out for you, lovely! 💖💖💖

[originalitysquared]

Told my sister I could never be 100% honest with a therapist, cause if I did I would be institutionalized.

And she asked me what the point was and like, lol I don't have to tell a therapist how bad I wanna be dead for them to give me advice.

She sat there saying if a therapist ever made me feel judged in some kind of way I should fire them but like, bro I do not have a rational view of the world and think everyone hates me and feels disappointed by me. My therapist can say "Well..." and I already thought I failed the interaction. I would be so stressed going into therapy because I would worry about what to say at all. I would cry a lot and apologize. I lied to my therapist and said I wasn't smoking weed before our sessions, but I would. I would get so anxious and scared of not being a good patient? Or like? Not doing good in therapy?

Now I'm also supposed to tell them I've been suicidal since I can remember? That when I get stressed I think about killing myself a lot but I know I won't actually do it cause I pinkie promised myself that I wouldn't when I was 16?? Because I had to go to a classmates funeral after he commited suicide and his dad was openly sobbing at the funeral and all I could think was that my mom would do the same and I could never let that happen because then my mom would take all the credit for having a poor sad daughter and none of the blame for never helping me just like my classmate's dad did. Like. I'm just supposed to tell people that?? I feel annoying. I feel lame. I feel not really all that mentally ill suddenly. I have much better things to do.

Do I feel safe? Duh. I only know shitty situations, I only know instability and poverty. This is the best position I have ever been in and it just continues to be getting better as I work on myself. Like I don't need a therapist to tell me everything is gonna be ok. I am stronger than that.

Thing is. I'm scared I'm gonna make it to the end. Live my whole life in this fear and with this giant hole in my chest. Longing for something that mommy never gave me. Like I already know all the problems, I already know what the issue is. I need someone to talk to who isn't gonna put me in the loony bin if I mention some of the things that go on in my head!! And what if it's all "eat well" and "exercise" I HAVE BEEN!! AND I DO FEEL BETTER!!! BUT THAT DOESN'T FIX MY CHILDHOOD!!!!

How long until it stops hurting your feelings that your mom didn't love you? [Therapist voice]: well Cats, you see, it's all a matter of perspective. No one can tell you when that will be.

I need to figure out what I want. I'm tired of all of this.

[solardragun]

v7/v8 made me dislike ruby a lot but v9 made me really side with her. i've been in her shoes, with having to put on a strong happy face for everyone because their problems always seem to be bigger than mine.

but to see yang walk ahead of blake to shield her from ruby really broke me. like?? do you not know your own sister?? do you genuinely think she'd harm her own teammate??

blake doesn’t need protection, and it’s weird how yang tries to shield her like ruby is about to hurt her. i get bumbleby's whole thing is "we're protecting each other"

but that doesn't mean go and protect blake (who has shown she can hold her own in a verbal argument anyway) against your own sister, yang!

sorry for the rant, i just am in shock that this was written and executed this way with no one thinking of how ruby would feel from this. ruby was somehow more effected by jaune's rant (which, while valid, doesn't change the fact that jaune basically held a whole town hostage for 10-20 years) than by yang shielding blake.

i also grew to dislike ruby in v7 and 8 because of her hypocrisy (that got half addressed before dropped) and her attempt to talk down all the adults and take over before making situations way way worse. however i do agree that i also began to sympathize with her in volume 9, and it felt like her actions were finally being addressed while also showing that maybe she isn't suited to be the leader like she and everyone else thought.

the whole yang vs ruby thing angered me. i'm sorry, but YANG? the actual hothead who trashes clubs, assaults grown adults, destroys government property, charges into battle headfirst. that yang? meanwhile ruby is the kindest, sweetest person, who despite being socially anxious, tried her best to make friends and impress others. the kind, quirky girl who loves cool weapons and adores the adults in her life and wants desperately to be like the heroes in fairy tales?

yes, as I addressed, she started fumbling as the weight of the world finally started to get to them, she charged through situations half-baked, thinking she knew what was best because it's what everyone expects of her. but at her heart she's still a kind, simple soul who is meant to see the light in every situation, and yet the moment she started losing sight of that, wondering if she truly made mistakes, the friends that propped her up as the best leader and someone they looked up to, they let her fall.

yang, who grew up with her sister, who knows her inside and out. yang, who went into this FOR ruby, insisted she only took part to make sure her little sister was safe. that same yang turning against that said sister she fought so hard to find is astounding to me. her sister is falling apart at the seams, having panic attacks and an identity crisis and struggling with guilt and shame and the horrifying thought that she made the world worse and helped salem grow closer to victory. and yang instead steps up to defend blake.

ruby has never been a threat, not like this. ruby screaming and crying and having a reasonable and justified meltdown after everything she's been through should not be met with yang putting herself between her sister and girlfriend, nor should it have been brushed aside.

it bothers me because the show and fans insist adamantly that yang is the greatest big sister, but then say that yang doesn't have to always be there for ruby and that she's allowed to make time for blake. nobody said that yang wasn't allowed to spend time with blake, the issue was this. the issue was that yang sensed her own sister as a dangerous threat and stepped between her and blake as if ruby is the one with anger issues who flies off the handle and attacks anyone and anything with said anger. it's ridiculous.

yang sat there while her sister fell apart and did and said nothing beyond limp "are you okay?" the person who actually tried to be there for ruby was weiss, despite the flawed writing of her character. i'll give her credit there. but imagine your team partner trying to comfort you over your own sister who is too busy making googly eyes at her girlfriend or defending said girlfriend against you.

i didn't watch the last two episodes so i'm not gonna touch on that, but yang throughout this volume showed where exactly her priorities lie.

[astralikacastle]

I needed somewhere to compile these thoughts.

I am stating now that this isn't about any person individually, but rather about my 30+ years on this earth.

It is easier, even moreso online but still in person, to deal with someone you Don't Get Along With and Don't Like, than someone who you actually Do Like yet Have Trouble With. In part because it's usually really easy to recognize a more general "Oh I Don't Like You" than to recognize and address both why someone might, e.g. make you feel a bit drained after interacting with them. There's more nuance to it, and that's not always easy. And moreso, it's easy to erode your own boundaries in the attempt to please others, to not rock the boat. I do this a lot.

An element that makes it more difficult online to feel like you could address these things is that the way things are named shapes how we think about them, and there is in fact a strong delineation between "someone who I find amicable and have a relatively positive relationship with" and "someone who I am willing to let do certain things in computer programs e.g. private messaging", but both of those are defined by the word 'friend'.

I get anxiety about being messaged or messaging in PMs sometimes, thanks to some bad history with being made to be the shoulder to cry on by some... I don't know if I'd call them abusive people, but at points in their lives where the action itself may have been abusive. And who triggers that anxiety isn't super clear in my brain. That doesn't mean I don't like these people, but that if I want to keep having a friendly relationship with them, I may need to "unfriend" them so as not to generate an association between them and anxious feelings.

The lose-lose situation is, if I just quietly do that, it has the high likelihood of hurting that person's feelings because, well. Thanks to the way contacts have been turned into 'friends', I just Stopped Being Friends With Them. If I try to address them with these concerns, it's a whole thing, and also massively drives up my anxiety, and possibly turbo-charges the negative associations.

Of course, the "middle ground" where I just hide from someone is the worst of both worlds, but I've never claimed to be a healthy individual.

This is why I've more recently tried to be more restrictive about who I accept contact "friend" requests from, because if I can catch myself and take the time to process, it's easier to address those thoughts earlier than later. This is not a practice I've always been great at.

It's also a loss that e.g. Discord doesn't have Automatic Reply messages the way older clients like Aol Instant Messenger or Microsoft Messenger had, where if someone messaged you they'd get a pre-written response. You might still Be Able To Respond after that, but they'd get the one pre-written.

I wish that was still a thing. It was originally just like sort of... A way to simulate status messages, I guess? Back when there wasn't the infrastructure to just look at it in the UI. But I'd still like to separately have an auto-respond, so I can be like "Hey, if you're seeing this, and I don't follow up with a written response, just know that I'm trying to set my own boundaries better, and that means I'm limiting my PMs. If you suddenly can't message me, this is nothing against you, I just need to set my boundaries." Or something like that. I don't know what would make it work best.

... Something about CPTSD or something, I don't know, maybe the 'best solution' is to completely rewire my brain so all of this isn't even a problem.