#Also sorry if it's weird that i keep referring to the date as ''the 14th'' that's what I'm used to calling it in spanish

[wachi-delectrico]

Hm, conflicted on valentine's day this year.

I've never been very lovey-dovey and my ex wasn't either, so when we used to be together we didn't do much for feb 14th besides hanging out. Last year especially was a bit weird for me since at that point I was really coming to term with wanting to end the relationship.

This year, though, would be my first year going through the 14th while single. Since I've never put much thought on the date and therefore have never had any "traditions" around it, I'm not worried about not getting to do specific 14th things. And obviously I also know it's not the be-all-end-all of love/companionship/relationships and that doing or not doing something during the date doesn't mean anything about the quality of anything...

I guess I'm just worried about feeling lonely and othered, in a way? Most of my closest friends are in relationships or have their own little things going on, so they'll probably be busy with those and excited to do things with their people (and that's fine!), not to mention obviously all the memes and videos and things that are gonna be going around that day. Even if I've never been invested in it, I'm a little sad that it's a thing I used to be able to get involved with but can't anymore.

I'm also not sure if I'd want my friends to acknowledge this and try to "compensate" for me, I think that has the potential to make me feel even more "other" and also just make me feel guilty about them using their time on me instead of their partners. But I also feel like some kind of support would be nice.

I dunno man, I know I'm really overthinking it but I've just been feeling more and more anxious as the 14th approaches. It makes me feel really dumb to worry about something so small, but it's a switch in my expectations and I don't know how to handle it!! Aaa!!!

[golbrocklovely]

My curiosity is getting the best of me so i wonder, just based on interviews and videos Colby has done where he talks about this ex. Do you think his ex girlfriend whom he was in love with and claimed to be clingy with was the same one he cheated on because it seems like different people to me. In one video he said he felt the relationship ended because he was clingy and couldn't see himself not being around her without his day getting ruined. And he said he was so miserable when it ended he wouldnt leave his room. Basically this relationship consumed him. But the girl he spoke of in Sams vid he said he cheated because you could feel the relationship had run its course and they hadnt really been talking...In this last vid he said he's been heart broken twice so could be different people.

Just a thought and a whole lot of curiosity.

oh my god, sorry this is so long but i have a lot to say (and a little bit of proof maybe????)

it's so weird you bring this up, anon, bc i was literally gonna make a post of tweets colby has made over the years that are about love and whatnot, so i've been in the mood to talk about his love life for a while.

at first, i was more incline to think that the girl he cheated on and the girl he broke up with in 2016 were not the same, bc how can you say you're heartbroken from a relationship that you cheated on, you know?? but now, i do think it's the same girl.

let me explain.

looking at his tweets from 2016, you can tell he is in love bc a lot of them are really sweet and lovey-dovey. the tweets start around feb. and even a little bit before in jan., one of them reading “I like your face, that's why I stare” on feb 22. i think somewhere between feb-apr, he meets this girl and they start dating. he starts tweeting things like “I'll be here for you as long as you're always here for me” on march 22, and “All I see is you”, so you can tell he's already headed straight towards Love-ville, you know lol

what i think happened is that he and this girl were in love with each other, but he loved her a lot more than she loved him. he even claimed that he fell really fast in his previous relationship (which i think is this one). so i think what happened is, he fell for her really quickly, and even though she loved him, it wasn't the same or as much as he loved her. and as he had stated in the 'truth or drink' vid he did with sam, things were going downhill for about two/three months before they broke up. in june he's tweeting things like “I need you, don't let me down” on the 6th, and even “Flaky people ..” on june 27, which could be referring to his gf at the time. that same day even he tweeted “Oh my love, can't you see that you're always on my mind ?”, so i think to some extent it was this back and forth of 'i love you, but you keep pulling away from me and i'm tired/hurt from it'.

i think to some degree, he fell too fast and she was uncomfortable with it. so this is when she was starting to take a step back, maybe asking for space a bit, which is what he meant by when their plans would get cancelled, he would be upset. in july he's tweeting 'You don't understand how much you really mean to me' on the 14th and 'I won't let go' on the 30th. i think he could tell they were drifting apart, but he wasn't ready for it to happen.

by august, and no offense to colby if he ever see this, but he sounded kinda desperate but also really upset. i mean i would too if the person i was in love with was pulling away and i wasn't ready for them to leave (bc who the fuck is ever really ready, you know?). he tweeted “It's all because I care too much” on aug. 3, and “Your forever is all that I need” on aug. 13. he was also talking about needing a mental vacation a bunch, and even saying “Get rid of the people in your life who don't treat you right” by aug. 21. what i think is before he went to new york, his gf and him had a bit of a fall out of some sort, where maybe they said they should go on a break, step away from each other bc things weren't working out.

then, by aug 28, he tweets “Well hey NYC, you're looking beautiful tonight”. the next day he tweeted “"I'm no palm reader, but I doubt that's the sign I was looking for"” so i think somewhere within the those days, he might have cheated. also, no joke, on aug. 31, he tweeted “Protect your heart”, so by then, i think he had made his mind up about the relationship. he also had said in the 'truth or drink' vid, that even tho they were already kinda separated since they weren't really talking or seeing each other anymore, it was still cheating bc they were still technically 'dating' and hadn't broken up.

sept. 1, he tweeted "There's no turning back now". sept. 2, he then said "You know where your heart belongs as soon as you step back and just think. Have time to yourself" and "This trip has taught me so much.", so by this point i think they broke up. a couple days later on the 5th he tweeted "I need a girlfriend who's willing to be my best friend. Someone who cares for me just as much as I care for them. Someone who would go on insane adventures with me, and would wanna see the world. Both committed to each other. 100%. Someone who shows that they TRULY care", and then on the 8th "I can be hard to deal with sometimes. I get into bad moods that seem to change me as a person. I'm working on it. Only getting better", and then finally on the 9th "Someone come keep me company".

so to sum it up quickly, they got together early 2016, he fell really fast while she wasn’t falling as fast, she started pulling away and he got hurt by it, they had a fall out/pause in the relationship, he cheated on a trip, came back, and then they broke up.

hopefully this all makes sense. also, looking at his other tweets after this, you can tell the lovey-dovey feelings he once had weren't really there anymore, and he was a lot more closed off then normal. it took until 2018 for him to start opening a bit up again, but even then nothing fully stuck. personally, i think the other heartache is from before LA, like back when he was in hs, but it could have been something a bit more recent. maybe not someone he technically would have called a gf, but maybe someone he was hoping to be with but things fell thru? not sure entirely.

i also think he got his heartbroken first not by a girlfriend, but by a friend of his before he met sam. there a video where it is briefly mentioned and i honestly think that's why he has some trust issues, or at least that's where it started from. but if you want me to talk about that, just ask since this is already way too long lol

[annaaugustphoto]

Chapter 2: Tuesday, May 14th, 7pm... 9pm.

[MAY14 – 7PM]

(Alex Basketball Court In Apartment)

“I still can’t believe you setup a freakin’ basketball court in your apartment.”

Micah took another terrible shot and hit nothing but… rim.

“Yea dude, I know. Sick right?”

Micah’s friend took a shot… nothing but… net.

Quick backstory, Micah’s friend’s name is Alex. He sometimes went by A.J. Although, he also had been known to respond to Mr. Jones, depending on who was calling him. Mr. Jones was a nickname he gave to himself from his favorite song of all time “Mr. Jones” by a band named The Counting Crows, you’ve probably heard of them—Alex mostly just liked the song “Mr. Jones” because his middle name was Jones, but additionally, the music was catchy, and it made for a good karaoke song choice, Alex isn’t exactly the kind of guy who’s big on deep meanings in things, if you know what I mean—His full proper name is Alex Jones Footman. Micah and Alex go way back. The two of them met at a summer sports camp in Maine when they were kids. Alex was absolutely amazing at sports—and Micah was absolutely terrible. For some unknown reason Alex always made it a point to pick Micah for his teammate, turning what could have been a truly terrible summer camp experience into a not so bad one. Micah felt forever in debt to him for that.

Micah walked up to the net and looked behind the backboard. He pushed his face flush against the wall and spoke in a muffled voice back to his friend standing behind him, he talked as if he were trying to reach a distant stranded small animal stuck between the walls, or, like when you’re halfway behind a couch trying to plug a charger into an electrical outlet that you can just barely reach. “Dude, how on earth did you mount this? Did you just screw the backboard right into the wall?”

“Yea dude. Just went to the hardware store and picked up a few supplies. I printed out some make your own instructions from online. It was cake bro.” He took a few more shots in a row from various angles making every single one before tossing the ball to Micah.

“You are such an idiot. You know you’re not getting your security deposit back, right?” Micah took another terrible shot and missed entirely.

“Totally worth it.”

The two shot hoops for a while and in-between watched a basketball game. Every now and then they would share a few snippets of conversation.

Alex threw the ball into the air above his head and caught it again from his sitting position on the couch. He got up bounced the ball once then took a shot. Nothing but net, yet again. He picked up the ball and turned to face Micah.

“Catch!”

He tossed the ball in Micah’s direction. Mr. not paying attention caught the basketball with the side of his face. Micah let out a loud yelp. Alex nearly fell over laughing, “Oh shit! Bro are you ok?”

“Yeah I’m fine. “ Micah mumbled while rubbing the side of his head and keeping his eyes staring down towards his lap. “What the heck was that for?”

“I’m so sorry dude! I thought you would see me throw the ball! What are you doing anyways? Checking your phone. You’re always on your phone.”

“Yeah.” Micah said in a distracted distant voice. “Us IT nerds like our phones.”

“Let me guess, you’re either reading work emails, or you’re on that stupid dating site again.”

“It’s one of those things.” Micah stayed in his same distracted tone.

“Dude, you need to go out with me one time. I’ll be your wingman. I’ll help you score big time!”

“Sure, okay. Sounds good.” He continued to scroll and type on the phone, distracted.

Alex sighed and plopped back down onto the couch, ”So what happened with that girl you were talking to on that dating site?”

“Which one?”

“The last one? I don’t know, the red head?”

“She disabled her account today.” Micah put his phone back into his pocket. “I’m kind of annoyed. She sent me a message just last night about how she was supposed to volunteer in the city this weekend. Then I logged in today at work to message her back and her profile was in disabled state. It’s so annoying.”

“Maybe she found someone else dude. You gotta pounce on that as soon as you can bro. You gotta just get in there and get on that. Don’t wait too long.”

“Okay, I mean fine maybe she did find someone else. But I’m saying it’s rude.. We’d been talking for a few weeks—“

“WEEKS!?!?! Whoa, whoa, whoa bro! What did I just tell you? Pounce.”

Alex made a cat like motion with his hands.

“Well, I didn’t want to scare her away by seeming too forward. It’s… You don’t want to come off as creepy or weird or desperate—So I’ve read. Anyway, it doesn’t matter now. I can’t ask for her number, she’s long gone. It just seems rude though. I spent all that time and effort putting thought into typing those messages. And then she just disables her account without an explanation! It’s just… rude.”

“I guess. That’s your view of things. Maybe she doesn’t see it that way.”

Micah fell silent. He didn’t care to continue this conversation. It was pointless. What was the point? Once someone was gone from your life, they were gone. That was it. That was that.

They returned their attention to the game.

Alex and Micah slouched side by side on the small green couch in front of the large screen flat panel TV perched precariously on a very small Ikea coffee table with one busted and then patched up leg. The coffee table was placed so that the wall supported half the weight of it—you know, so that it wouldn’t fall over.

Alex and Micah were both fairly tall guys. Alex, an even six feet and Micah was just shy at five foot eleven inches. Though they were almost the same height, their bodies were vastly different. Micah was a lanky tall. He had the artsy look. That’s what most people told him at least. He wasn’t sure how a T-shirt and jeans look qualified as “artsy” but he always seemed to take the compliment. Better than “IT nerd”. His friend Alex was a slick and suave muscular build that made him appear as though he worked out constantly, which he did, which is why he had that look. Suddenly the game cut to a commercial.

“Commercial break, name and, go!”

“Now?”

“Now isn’t a name.”

“I’m not in the mood.”

“This is exactly why we need to play!” Alex chided.

“Fineeee”

“Fine isn’t a name either.”

Micah punched Alex in the shoulder.

“Ouch dude. What the heck? You know I’m just messing with you. I figured you needed some cheering up since you got digitally dumped today and all.”

The Fake Name Game, or Fake Name Go, or sometimes name and go, or just Go as they more commonly referred to it, was a game that Micah learned at summer camp with Alex. Him and Alex used to play it while shooting basketball during free time almost every day and almost every summer they were at camp together. The game basically entails the following: One person starts by asking the other to fabricate some sort of name that is not their own. Using a friend or family member name is also not generally allowed.

It’s up to the person who initiated the fake name request to grill the other person until they finally crack and the lie is exposed.

Sometimes the fake name game is short lived. Other times, it can go on for quite some time. This particular game lasted exactly the same amount of time that the commercial break did, what are the odds?

“So what happened with you and Jen?”

“Which one?” Alex asked getting up off the couch and picking up the basketball to shoot some more. He took a shot just as one of the players on the TV took a shot.

“Seriously? I don’t know dude, the one you were with last time we talked.”

“We broke up, kinda. We’re still talking every so often”

“And by talking you mean…”

“Yep. She can talk ALL night. If you know what I mean. She’s got a way with words. But the sound of her voice is the most annoying thing I’ve ever heard. How about you bro? Besides bad luck on the dating sites. You getting your…”

“—I’ve… I’ve got nothing.” Micah stared out the open window at the glowing Pour House sign down the street.

Micah got up from couch and picked up a spare basketball. Alex had half a dozen sitting in various spots around his apartment; think hidden Easter eggs when you were a little kid. Oversized Easter eggs that look like basket balls, because they are basket balls. Micah took a shot and missed entirely.

“Micah, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you should just give up.”

“Give up? Really?”

“Yeah you haven’t made a basket yet bro.”

“Oh. You mean basketball. I’ll consider your suggestion.“ He tossed the ball to Alex. “See I have one theory that most of the girls that sign up for dating sites are just window-shopping. They don’t actually want to take anything home. They just want to try it on… see how it fits.”

“And that’s a problem why?” Alex took a shot and hit nothing but net. “My guess is this… they recently broke up with a guy… they bad mouth him to all their friends. But she secretly still wants him. The friends—buying all the bad mouthing—suggest signing up for a dating site to ‘get over’ him. I’m sure tons of girls have that scenario.”

“And how would you know that?”

“That’s what my last ex-girlfriend did after I broke up with her. Who knows, you probably even chatted with her on that site. It’s funny how small the world can be.” Alex took another shot and finally missed.

[MAY 14 – 9PM]

(Anna Edits and Daydreams)

Anna took another bite of the pizza that she had stopped and picked up after her phone call with her mom. It was cold by now. She’d been working for 3 hours straight. She placed the pizza slice back on the plate next to her computer monitor and peered into the glowing rectangle in front of her. The computer screen, a virtual photograph, displayed the latest lucky couple to claim each other forever and ever. Another happily ever after.

“So pretty,” She whispered half to herself and half to her cat sitting on her lap.

Another beautiful and happy bride, that wasn’t her, taunted her from the computer screen. A mix of emotions flowed through her. She felt jealous, very jealous. Then she felt angry. The anger melted into sadness and finally a longing. There’s got to be someone out there for her she thought. She bit her bottom lip and drifted off into daydream.

She began to imagine herself in place of the bride in front of her on the screen. The photo was—for all intents and purposes—perfect: newly wed bride and husband out on the dance floor. The DJ announcing “Can we get the newly weds out on the dance floor? Just the newly weds… everyone else please take a seat. This dance is for the lucky Mr. and Mrs. only”.

The lucky Mr. and Misses danced away. The idea of true love consumed her. In her mind she swayed in his arms. The song was slow. The dance was everything, perfect. Everything was perfect.

Anna let her heart overtake her mind. She felt a wave of intense emotion sweep over her, a yearning for a love story, her love story. The daydream became so vivid and so real. It was as if she could actually picture herself dancing before of all the wide-eyed onlooker-wedding guests glued to their seats. Not a single guest’s attention strayed. No uneaten remaining piece of cake was stabbed at with a fork and consumed instead of watching the newlywed’s dance. No candid photograph was taken with the disposable tabletop cameras. All eyes were on the couple silhouetted by the lights on the dance floor.

The music filled her mind and her heart. The music played on and she danced away.

The screensaver kicked in and brought her back to reality. Her playlist on the computer music player application continued on. Well, daydream over I guess. She looked down at her cat and noticed he was staring back at her as if to say “What about me? I love you!”

She sighed and closed the open picture.

“Someday” she whispered to herself.

Simon changed his look to ‘Fine, I see how it is’.

Simon is Anna’s cat. Entirely grey without a single hair of fur anything but gray. It was fitting. He was wise beyond his cat years. Like a wise old man in cat form. With gray hair covering his entire body. That meant he was extra wise? He always knew the right thing to say back to his owner, even in his own little cat body language.

He was probably just saying: feed me, or perhaps pet me; but his owner, Anna, interpreted it as I understand exactly how you feel and I’m completely empathetic to your cause. At that point he would put a paw on her hand and look her in the eyes to convey the meaning “stay strong.” At least, that’s the way she saw it. He was really just putting his paw on her hand to say “please pet me?” Either way it was a win-win! Anna always felt better and Simon got his way. I mean, what do actual intentions really matter if the outcome is good? Right? Right.

Anna looked down at Simon and then leaned over to hug him in close. He acted like he wasn’t into it, but he totally was. He let out a small meow to signify she should follow up with a little scratching behind the left ear. Anna complied. As she sat with a purring cat on her lap she thought about love or the lack thereof and if she would ever find someone.

Okay, so, quick backstory, Anna was pretty in her teens. I mean, she drove all the boys wild in school. They would stare at her in math class and drool. But she just wasn’t interested in any of them. They were all a bunch of buffoons—Especially at that age. She was interested in… a refined man—A man with grace and chivalry—A man that would take her hand and hold the door for her; and mostly wouldn’t drool. Really, they would drool, this is not an exaggeration of the truth, this really happened on more than one occasion in both middle and high school. Of course, when she arrived at college she put herself entirely into her studies. She just didn’t have time for boys. Sure she had a few come and go but they were just slightly older versions of the same boys from high school. Well, that’s not entirely true.

She had a very big crush on this one. He turned out to be gay. And then she had a relationship with another one that was only a relationship when his friends weren’t around. And, finally, there was… Sigh… Oh what does it matter, it’s over and done with.

After college with the stress of trying to find a job and dealing with life in general she lost her hourglass figure that all the guys seemed to care about. I mean, she wasn’t exactly skinny before but she was fairly fit. It’s not that she didn’t workout. She works out, she gets up every morning and goes on a run—Okay, fine, nearly every morning, look, what are you the running police? Anyway, her body just decided that it wanted to do something other than what she had imagined in her mind. It’s not that she’s out of shape at all. She’s perfectly in shape. She’s just not the shape that any of the guys she seems to meet seem to want. Again, Anna gets up “every” morning, in fact, to go on a run. She doesn’t always go on the run, but she gets up every morning, so that counts. Sometimes she goes on another one at night even! Or, a first run if the first run didn’t happen. Although, if she has a lot of work sometimes, she skips the second run. Like tonight, she skipped the second one as well, and got pizza instead. But most nights and mornings… okay, most nights, she goes on a run. Look, she goes on runs, she’s doing a couch to 5K… It’s called a couch to 5K for a reason, because you’re supposed to include the couch part, that’s where you start. So, she’s starting with the couch part, okay, running police… back off, the 5K part will happen eventually. And, so, sure she orders a pizza or eats a bowl of ice cream every now and then but who doesn’t? Okay running police? And you know what, she even goes to the local YMCA to use the pool once a week, or, every other week. What are you the swimming police too? No, you’re not because there are no swimming police, there’s lifeguards and they tell you not to run. See, running police, this is why she wasn’t running, she was just trying to listen to the lifeguard. Sometimes there’s too many people telling you conflicting things, run, don’t run. I mean which is it!? Anyway…

She was pretty. No, she still IS pretty. And she’ll find someone. She’ll find her gentleman. She’ll find a guy that will treat her with respect and not demand she eat a stick of celery for all three meals.

[thedegenerateasexual]

just for funsies i checked the air dates of the seminal episodes 3.19 Letharia Vulpina and 3.22 De-Void and they are february 17 2014 and march 10 2014

with that knowledge in hand here are some fun facts, come down nostalgia lane w/ me:

i started shipping this stupid thing on march 10th 2014 and i can feel nice and superior about being here ALMOST from the get-go

prior to 3.19 only SIXTEEN ENTIRE FICS for that pairing had been published

when i got on AO3 immediately after the ep aired to look for derek/chris there were 23 fics published

there are now 158, but most of them have kn*tting or other ships/tropes i don't like, so i'm STILL #suffering

i've now read the first Ever derek/chris fic and it's not actually too bad! tho i prefer them set after allison dies just to spare her the trauma

less than one short month later i got distracted by some whackjob named barnes and his pretty blonde wife which is probably why it took me this long to get around to writing this shit

speaking of that shit i wrote, i sighed longingly about wanting to catch up on some Bad TV back on may 1st, and had the entirety of the show on my HD by may 3rd

on may 10th i confessed to reading some Bad TV Fic (i'll be honest, i tried some st*rek furst because they write a good derek, but...i can’t deal he’s a MINOR so eventually i went back to looking for fic of my Real Preference. sadly there was very little)

i half-heartedly began an outline file of the fic i sorta-kinda thought about writing on may 30th, but it was just a list of bullet points about my particular interpretations of their characters, no real plot other than "catch kate together"

on june 12th, while making a sandwich, i was ruminating on chris argent and trying to decide if i could make him more interesting to me since currently his main role was just being kind of horrified at his sister and a good character that does not make, when Suddenly i had an idea about a story he tells in season 1

i immediately flew to my computer, messaged @marcusanthotius, and said something like "emily can i tell you about this idea i just had it might be a little bit of a text wall sorry" and she was like "sure" and then i told her and over the course of the conversation she went from "damn that sounds neat" to "I'M SO MAD I DON'T EVEN GO HERE BUT I REALLY WANT TO READ THIS NOW"

i know it was on june 12th while making a sandwich because i saved the conversation for future reference so i wouldn't lose the idea and i said "suddenly while making a sandwich my brain threw me this idea" and she said "it's always mid sandwich or laundry isn't it" which is a very correct observation

(completely forgot until i reread it that one of my points of beef with chris's first version of the story came from someone nitpicking wildlife facts on tvtropes, which i had been reading the previous night - not only do bats that bite not live anywhere near but that's not actually how rabid dogs act; the story was probably done that way to make an obvious comparison to werewolves, factual shit be damned. considering how the show always points out otherwise when the wildlife is acting weird, like when wolves or bioluminescent fireflies show up where they aren't supposed to)

(spoilers: it worked & he’s pretty interesting to me now)

anyway she was like "not to be a bad influence but you should write this" so i made my story doc on june 12th also, but it stayed empty for five days because i was busy perfecting my outline and pacing and shit

on june 18th, 3 years, 3 months, and 9 days after 3.22 De-Void aired, i started writing thing. talk about playing the long game

i poked and prodded at it off and on until june 21, which was my birthday, and got distracted by other things (presents!) and kind of half-gave-up on it because Sex Scenes Are Hard To Write, Okay

on july 9th the 6B trailer dropped. the very last thing i said before i watched it was "yeah i heard a rumor derek's coming back but i'm not holding my breath lol" which frankly is fucking iconic

im gonna take a small moment to send silent appreciation for those 5 seconds of derek hale footage in which i was truly, unironically, living my BEST possible life

NEEDLESS TO SAY i was pretty fucking excited bc my wordcount for that day was 1800

(started this blog on july 14th which just goes to show you im incapable of writing something without also blogging about it, posted this gem one week later on the 21st which goes to show i’m bad at having a secret ship, though i guess keeping it a secret for 3+ years isn’t too bad)

& the rest is history i wrote over 1k for nearly every single day between then & aug8, which is when i finished my rough draft, posted that shit 24h later

which means from conception to posting it took 71 days but from the time i wrote the first word to the time i wrote the last one, 51 days, just under 2 months, and if we don't count the piddling done prior to the 6B trailer it's more like 31 days

anyway those were the best 31 days i've had all year, wouldn't trade 'em for anything

[soundsgoodfeelsgood]

Thursday 14th may, day 66

NOTE: i actually wrote this as a presentation letter to a guy on Slowly, but i really liked how it turned out so i thought “hm, might as well post this”. Here you go.

So here are 10 maybe-not-that-interesting facts about me. 

1. My name in italian literally means "clear" and yet i have the same expression capability of a 5-year-old. It takes me forever to express myself in my native langue and I find it easier to speak in english, which can be quite a challenge when talking to my friends as you can imagine. Actually nobody calls me by my name, people usually refer to me by my surname, even my closest friends. (that's Cili if you where wondering, like red hot chili pepper) 

2. In just a month i'll be graduating from high school and in september i'm going to start med school. I don't actually know why i'll be attending it since the very last thing i want to be when i grow up is a doctor. I have really, really low empathy so i don't think i could ever pull that off. Whant i want to be when i grow up is a resercher in neurosciences. There is nothing more fascinating then the human brain. I find utterly...disarming how everything we are, everything we do, all of our thought and movements are decided by how some tiny-iny particles of living matter interact with each other. The human body is the most beautiful of mysteries and everything it does is the result of a tiny miracle. I worship science. I love to find all the science that surrounds me and learn about it. And while i'm quite a thinker the subject i hate the most is philosophy. The only two authors i ever sincerely liked are Plato and Popper. The rest is garbage. 

3. I have quite a memory. I perfectly remember stuff that has happened to me over 10 years ago. Like that one time when i was 8 and i was angry at my friend Dave so i started to throw comic books at him. Or how i used to go around my grandma's garden with my cousins dressed up in Sandocan costumes looking for pinecones that we would later smash in order to eat the pine nuts inside them. And how could I not mention when at 10 my friends and I organised a whole funeral for a ladybug that had drowned in their pool? we made this little raft out of a plastic plate, put the ladybug on it with some flowers and plants and then had a full celtic-like ceremony (we even wrote a eulogy). But the thing i remember the easiest are songs. I know hundres of thousands of song lyrics by heart. My playlist has over 600 songs and i can recognise any of them within 5 seconds (no kidding). Also i have the weirdest music taste. I like Queen as much as One Direction as much as early-2000s pop rock as much as indie as much as musicals. I believe music to be the expression of one's soul. Like, there are some songs that literally speak to the deepest part of me and if i didn't know any better i'd think they were written especially for me. 

4. I'm an INTJ like Christopher Nolan, Elon Musk and Moriarty from Sherlock Holmes. I'm also a Ravenclaw even though Pottermore keeps putting me in Hufflepuff.  As for the zodiac (in which i don't believe in but still read) i'm technically a scorpio but because i was born on the first day of scorpio at five past midnight, my zodiac-obsessed friend keeps telling me i'm a cusp which is something i had no idea existed until she pointed that out. As they say, you never stop learning. 

5. I can solve rubik's cube in under a minute. My friend from robotics clubs tought me. Also, i'm in my schools robotics club. Last year we built a piano-playing robot and we're currently second in italy and forth in europe in our category.  This year we were planning on going to the international competitions but then coronavirus happened so...yeah. Still, robotics is one of the best thing that has ever happened to me. Not for the club itself but for the people I met and for all the beautiful experiences and for that one time in october when we sneaked wine into our hotel room and the next morning i was so hungover i slept the whole day while tecnically competing. 

6. I have a thing for alpacas. I don't know why, i think they're cute. I have a mug with an alpaca on it where i store my markers (i also have a thing for markers). One of my dreams is to see them in Machu Pichu (the alpacas, not the markers). I loooooooove travelling. It's the one thing i could never get tired of. I have an endless list of places i want to visit. My goal is to visit every continent before i turn 30 (the earlier, the better). So far i've been to North America (the USA, twice), Africa (Morocco and Egypt) and i've visited most european capital cities (London, Paris, Berlin, Madrid, Luxemburg, Bruxelles, and many other). As of right now there's Singapore on top of my list, immediatly followed by Peru. Travellig is such a unique experience. Every where you go there's always something new to learn and to discover. Different culture, different food, different languages. I adore languages of all kind. I'm fluent in italian (duh) and english (even tho i make tons of mistakes - i'm sorry), advanced in french and currently learning spanish. 

7. I'm writing a book. Let me rephrase that - I'm writing a trilogy. It's actually a little more complicated than that to be honest. When i started high school i started writing this fairly awful teen-fiction-like novel and than i though to myself: why not make another book where i write the same exact story but from a different point of view and with a totally different style with no reason whatsoever? Five years later, i'm still not even halfway done with a first draft of any of the three books. I mostly use them as a creative outlet, something i do when i'm bored, just for the fun of it. But as stupid as they can be, they're still my creatures and i love them. Even though i'm sort of embarassed of them - no one i know has ever read them. I once tried to show the first few chapters to a group of friends and they still make fun of me for it (but they do it in that friend way that doesn't really offend, you know what i mean?). I just love words so much. I even have a list of favourite words written in my journal. Some exemples are "scrosciare", which is the italian word for the noise of heavy rain falling, and words that are what they mean, like obsolete and cacophonic.

8. if i were to write this last year, i'd tell you i don't believe in friendship. Now, my mind hasn't change that much, i still believe to have no friends in the way i consider a friend is supposed to be. And i know i talked about my friends quite s few times throughout this letter but i usually use this word in absence of something that better explains what i really feel. I'll try to make this as clear as i can. I struggle to make a connection with people. i always feel like people click with each other in misterious ways i have yet to understand. Most of those i identify as my friends are just the people i hang out with. There is no...spiritual connection? It's a little complicated to explain. As if at the beginning of times we were handed some instruction booklets on "human interaction and realtionships" and i lost mine, while everyone else carfully guarded theirs. The word that best describes what i think of most people is afecionado. I don't know where i read it but it pretty much explains it all - someone i feel affection for, but nothing else. I do have a best friend tho. I mean, best friend is quite a big word. I have a human being i feel more connected with in comparison to others. I’ve known him since forever and i hate him. I dont hate hate him as in i want him dead. I love him as a friend, he's a great friend. but i hate him as a human being. He's so goddam perfect it bothers me so much. Have you ever met someone that is just so annoingly good at any thing? well that's him. 

9. I have never fallen in love. Not once. The last time i had a crush i was 11. This is what happens when you are an hopeless romantic who grew up reading love stories and at the same time a creepingly logical human. You have incredibly high expectations. And the only time i kissed someone it was more of a lips-touching-for-a-second kind of experience and we were both very much drunk (it was actually the first out of the three times in my life i ever got drunk, the third being the wine experience in october) When i first met said best friend everyone we knew shipped up ("shipped" as in the fandom term meaning two people should date) and there was a moment this summer when i thought i was developping feelings for him but it was just a second. And i may or may not have dreamed of dating this french guy i saw twice at a drama festival. 

10. I love quotes. I think it's part of the memorising thing - learning quotes by heart. Songs, books, speeches, vines, stand up comedians. I also have a very weird sense of humor, basically anything makes my laugh like bad puns and dank memes. Anyway, i have this thing on my door where i write all the quotes i like. Mostly they're from songs, but i also have two from Dante's Divine Comedy. In italy we study it our third year of high school and my teacher is so obsessed with it that she made us learn over 200 verses by heart.