#Also pirate with a scarf totally has a crush on the pirate captain. do not argue with me. I'm right.

[captain-crowfish]

Ok I have to shit this out of my brain before I forget

Laika's Missing Link and Aardman's The Pirates (exclamation mark) band of misfits/an adventure with scientists would make for a pretty banger crossover. Please ask me to elaborate, because I will. I will get so lost in thought on entertaining the idea so please, please egg me on. If you've seen the latter movie just please, please think about it. See my vision. Join me. Then again.

[messedupessy]

KAW KAW CROW IS FINALLY HERE (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ❤

Gods this has taken such a long flipping time to finish, I don’t even remember when I started on this but it’s prolly been like  year or something, give or take fifty feet, as he won like a poll I made over on twitter on whose ref I would draw like ages ago, but he is finally done and I am very happy with how he turned out! While the like basic appearance have stayed pretty much the same as it was from the start, so did I have to remake how he looked awhile back because it was just such a mess and he looks so flipping better now!

Anyway so this is Crow, my Seafell Papyrus, who I am going to give some personality info about real soon, I just want to gush a bit more about his design as I am very happy with it xD because before he had like the red scarf thing and a belt on the outside of the jacket, and just so many other things that just didn’t make sense or look good and I am all what were I thinking back then, but that’s like the fun thing to like sit down and redo it, to update it and see how much better I gotten at designing these characters, and just fuck I am so stupidly happy with how he looks, as he is just so stupidly handsome haha! xD

Also the no bullet hole i the skull comment on the ref, it’s because all of my other pirate boys got holes in their skulls, but Crow does not as he died before any so called bullets was needed, so his skull is whole. 

But, time for some proper info and personality thingies down below, also some suggestive things just so ya know but nothing overly detailed, and as a bonus furthest down I put the old design of his outfit for ya all to see, so enjoy!

Crow is only 23, making him the second youngest out of all my skeleton boys.

He is also the second skeleton who is completely gay, who is only interested in one gender, as usually I make them skeletons bi/pan, but with Crow here it just felt right to make him homosexual only, and also gay pirates was very much a very big thing so pfft. So alas you simping peeps out there who aien’t male, he a man only guy.

He is a former pirate, after dying to only then wake up as a cursed skeleton, he finally had the chance to start anew and live his life how he always have wanted away from piracy, although he is a pirate hunter, bit of a vigilante, now instead so still is doing things related to piracy. But he never wanted to be a pirate, but thanks to been the literal son of a very powerful and feared pirate captain, he didn’t have much choice, as there was no way a proper navy or any other law following group would want to take him in.

His crew is a mix of human and monsters, most which are former pirates which he has taken under his wing. One of them are Seafell Undyne aka Fin, who gave him that lovely scar over his face before he succeeded in besting her and get her to join his crew, she is now his right hand woman and second in command.

He is extremely hard working, a bit of a workaholic like all my UF papyruses is, one way or the other, he works hard to keep his crew safe, to hunt down pirates who truly deserves to be hunted down, but he is way better at not working himself to the bone like Edge do, but there are times when he ends up working himself way too hard and into exhaustion. 

His goal is to find his father who is the reason to him and his brother dying and getting cursed, to destroy the artifact that is the cause and probably end killing his father as well. He is a bit revenge seeking when it comes to his father but not so much that he would put his crew in unnecessary risk, the safety of his crew is very important to him.

Very calm and collected, in control, great tactician, shit at naming things, loves to read and to play chess. Greatly cares about the people who works for him and have their safety and well being as the most important thing, a very just man who even though he had a pirate upbringing and been living as such for most of his life, so will he always go out of his way to make sure no innocent people ends up hurt and so on.

But he will break laws time to time if it is needed, not something he likes but sometimes some laws and rules needs to be broken so to do the right thing.

A very busy and driven man, but who will still always make sure that his crew is well taken care of and got all that they need, who often puts others before himself but not so much that he ends up suffering.  

He is polite, a gentleman, he will always give people a second chance because everyone can change if they are given the chance and got the will to do so.  

A bit of a accidental flirt at times, he is a bit dense when it comes to romance and to his own feelings towards someone he is actually crushing on. Mistake what he feels as friendship for awhile before he is able to figure it out, and if he ends up crushing on someone in his crew he will do his best to keep these feelings for himself, as he will fear that since he is the captain that would put the person in a very awkward position since he is their superior, and he just do not want to pressure someone to accept his feelings just because he is their boss. 

He later loses his leg as he saves one of his crew members, from getting crushes by a heavy object falling down, which would had killed his crewmate but which only cost him his leg. As Crow is willing to get hurt, to disregard his own health, to save one of his crew members, since a leg is less important than a life.

He’s a romantic, he loves been taken care of, to have his control taken away and get ordered around by the man he loves. He is a total sub at heart, something he tries to keep hidden as he worries he will lose the respect of his crew if it comes out that their captain likes to be ordered around and not in charge in the bedroom/in a relationship, in truth his crew already know but it’s not their business and they still respect him so much, but he don’t know that they do. 

He have had partners in the past before dying and becoming a skeleton, so he aien’t no virgin. 

And that’s all I’mma share about him for now, need to write info and so on down a bit better so some of the things above might end up changing a bit, might end up editing the text above, but for now it will do yes.

And as a bonus here have the old design of his outfit since there is such a difference to his new one but yet still allot of it is the same haha

[morbidcorvids]

Eri going out for trick or treating with Hizashi and then a villain attack happens. Hizashi could only do was keep Eri safe since he didn't have his speaker. Then gets nabbed by the villain who has a spider quirk and tangles him up in his web while Eri is safe somewhere.

Prompt #1! I had so much fun writing this! Hope you liked it! This would also be publised on AO3.

Quick note: I am still taking prompts!

Title: Halloween Fright

It was probably the 20th picture he had taken that night, but he couldn’t help it - Eri just looked so darn cute in that cat costume. It was mostly a black onesie with paws, and of course the headband with cat ears, but Eri loved it the minute she wore it. Of course, Shouta was the one to suggest the costume when they went out looking for costumes a week ago. 

Even when he tried to hide it, Hizashi noticed how downhearted Shouta was when he learned he had to patrol during Halloween night. 

Shouta promised he would join them later in the evening, but Hizashi knew how unpredictable the night could be, especially on a night like this. 

For now it was only Hizashi in his custom made pirate costume and Eri as a black cat. They calmly passed by a busy street filled with an array of stores, where candy was being given. It was the first time Eri was officially celebrating Halloween, and learning that you could get candy for free opened a new dimension for her.  

As they kept walking, Hizashi didn’t expect to find Shouta’s mentee, Shinsou, among the crowd. Hizashi approached him, greeting him in his usual Present Mic style, and Shinsou explained to him how he usually volunteered in the near orphanage during Halloween. Given how late it was, Hizashi suggested he joined them, since being alone at night can be dangerous. He knew the boy was more than capable of taking care of himself, but he couldn’t help his hero heart to keep him close. 

Everything was peaceful and calm, and that in itself should have been the first sign that something was bound to happen. 

The trio stopped by Shouta’s favorite cat café,  where they were given out free candies and showing the cats in adorable outfits. Hizashi hadn't even stepped foot inside the café, when suddenly one of the parked cars flipped over and crashed into another car. 

Hizashi immediately covered Eri, making sure the little girl was protected not only from the crash, but also the chaos of people running and screaming that surrounded them. Hizashi hated the scene - parents running and carrying their kids to safety. Who could be so heartless to attack in a place filled with families? 

A dark figure loomed around the street - almost as if it was searching for prey. Hizashi couldn’t see clearly, but it looked like the person in question could change his arms and legs into long stick ones. They were a total of eight of them, and while they looked thin, its sharp blades at the end crushed the concrete as it walked. Hizashi’s head was spiraling as he thought of what the criminal might be resembling, but he knew it was mostly denial that he couldn’t outright say it.

They were like daddy long legs. They were like spiders. 

Hizashi gulped. This was not the right time to be an arachnophobe. 

He cursed himself for leaving his headphones and directional speakers, questioning what kind of hero would leave so unprepared like him. There was no time for these thoughts, though, because his number one priority was keeping Eri safe. 

He noticed through his peripheral vision Shinsou wrapping his binding cloth, and his heart instinctively sank. He knew how capable Shinsou was as a future hero, but being the only pro-hero in the place, he felt the need to protect him as well. 

“Shinsou!” Hizashi yelled, startling the purple-haired boy. Shinsou looked back at him, clutching his binding scarf tightly. 

“I need you to take Eri somewhere safe, and when you can, call for help!” 

Hizashi gently pushed Eri towards Shinsou, with the teen opening his arms to embrace her. Her eyes were wide in fear, but after living with her dad Aizawa for so long, she’s learned to calm down and think of her safety first. She just wished Aizawa was here with her at the moment. She grasped onto Shinsou’s shirt, hiding her face. If Present Mic trusted the boy, then she would also trust him. 

“But teacher, you don’t have your hero gear!” Shinsou shouted as Hizashi ran away from them. Hizashi turned around to look back at Shinsou, keeping a wide smile. Don’t scare them any further with your own pathetic fears, Hizashi. 

“I’ll be okay, little listener. Just go get help, okay?” Hizashi stated, placing a thumbs up. He wanted to assure the teen that everything was under control.

The only problem was that it wasn’t. 

As soon as he finished his uttering his sentence, he felt something grabbing his ankles and yanking him away from the kids. He heard Shinsou yell his name, but he was soon covered in sticky silk that left no part of his body uncovered except for his nose. He tried to free himself from the webbing, but it felt like the more he resisted the stronger it got. His fingers were probably bruised over the pressure of the silk, but that didn’t stop him from stretching them as much as he could. He figured that freedom was hopeless, and just hoped Shinsou and Eri got away, but those fears were soon overshadowed by new ones. 

The fear for his life. 

And the terrible, irrational fear he has for spiders. 

He heard the muffle crawling of the criminal approaching him, and he began frantically moving around - trying anything to set himself free. He didn’t know the villain’s intentions, but capturing Hizashi like if he was prey could only mean bad news. He was the desperate insect that knew his inevitable fate was coming. 

He could use his voice, but that might bring the consequence of destroying everything around him, and he didn’t know how many people were still inside buildings or in close proximity. He also wasn’t sure if Shinsou and Eri were nearby, and hurting them was the least thing he wanted to do. The blood-curdling sound of those spider legs grew closer, Hizashi’s breathing became erratic and all he could was gasp for air. 

The crawling suddenly stopped, instead filled by a screeching scraping sound that made Hizashi’s body shudder. He heard something being thrown into nearby cars, sizzling sounds, and shouts all blended into a terrifying mix. He felt someone above him maneuvering over the sticky webs, and then heard something faint that sounded like-

Cutting! Someone was cutting the web! Hizashi has never felt more relieved over a sound than now.  

“Stay calm and still!” Hizashi heard a muffled voice order - and for someone as restless as he was, Hizashi stayed perfectly still. He had no idea who talked to him, only that voice sounded like a female. 

“Are you ready, Eraser?” The voice asked, sounding clearer than last time. Wait, Eraserhead was here-

Hizashi couldn’t even process his thoughts before a final snap released him from his binds. He freaked out when he didn’t feel the ground, and before he could grab onto the spider’s silk - gravity pulled down his body. . 

Instead of meeting the concrete floor, he felt the force of arms sustaining him. He opened his eyes carefully, meeting a pair of familiar ones. He gaped at Shouta for who knows how long, but that didn’t matter to him. 

Shouta was carrying him - bridal style. 

If he wasn’t frightened to death, he probably would have blushed...to death. 

“That was an ugly quirk,” Shouta commented, with his usual deadpanned tone. Though, for someone who’s known him for many years as Hizashi, he knew Shouta was joking to comfort him. Shouta was probably one of the few people that knew of his phobia for spiders.  

Hizashi smiled softly, punching Shouta lightly on his shoulders. 

“I’m glad my favorite hero got to save me,” Hizashi responded, “and on Halloween night!” 

Shouta rolled his eyes. “Let’s go, Eri needs to finish trick-or-treating.” 

Shouta helped Hizashi back on the ground, and went to pick up the pirate hat that Hizashi dropped when he was grabbed by the villain. He placed it on his head, and glanced back at Hizashi, with the hint of a smile on his face. 

“Follow me.”

Hizashi chuckled, and performed a dramatic salute. 

“Ay, ay, Captain!”

Fin.

[mysticaltigersorceress]

Two! (dumbasses) for the Price of One!

Hello friends! I did an exchange with @issatheartist, and this is what has come of it! I really enjoyed writing about Mirahaki and the Heart Pirates and hope y'all enjoy it too! So with out further ado, meet Issa’s oc, Haki-chan :D

_________________  Length: 1.5k  Summary: Mirahaki and Ikkaku are shopping; Penguin, Shachi, and Bepo    stop by, and Ikkaku and Shachi are ready to tear their hair out at their two friends pointless pining.  Warnings: None ao3: here lol

A small bell rang overhead as Shachi entered the clothing shop, Penguin and Bepo trailing close behind. He had seen Ikkaku drag Mirahaki inside earlier, raving about something she’d seen in the window. However, neither of their two crew mates could be seen from a quick glance around, so the pirates pressed onward into the store, vaguely browsing as they went to keep the sharp-eyed shop-keep from (immediately) throwing them out. 

“Ikkaku! Mirahaki! You two in here still?” Shachi yelled, earning a glare from the shop-keep. It wasn't like they had a sign saying you can’t be loud inside.

“Over here!” A familiar voice called and he spotted Ikkaku at the back of the shop. She waved a yellow jacket at them as they joined her. “Look what I found! Do you like it?” She held it up to herself so they could picture how it would look on her.

“Naw, it’s too bright.” Bepo deadpanned. Penguin snorted as Ikkaku gave Bepo the evil eye.

“Says the one wearing bright orange.” She scoffed, eying the Mink’s boiler suit. 

Bepo’s head cocked slightly to the side in a way that was far too cute for such a deadly pirate. “What’s wrong with orange?”

Ikkaku sighed and shook her head. “Nothing, nothing at all.” Bepo missed the hint of sarcasm in her statement and poked through the rack behind her, quietly wondering aloud if they had anything in his size.

“Hey, where’s Haki-chan, I thought she was with you?” Penguin asked, but it was fairly obvious their friend wasn’t in sight.

“Ah, she’s in the dressing room.” Ikkaku gestured to the closed door behind her. 

Bepo turned and held up a white, child-sized t-shirt with a frog on it. “Think this will fit me?”

“OF COURSE IT WON’T!” Ikkaku and Shachi blurted out, and Bepo’s head drooped forward glumly.

Penguin shook his head. “Well, once you two are finished, we need you back... back at… tang at the–” Penguin's eyes widened and his jaw slightly dropped, the smallest sound like he was choking as he tried to remember what he was saying.

Mirahaki twirled a little as she emerged from the dressing room, apparently not noticing how Penguin was tripping over his own tongue at her appearance. The wide neckline of the fitted blouse showed off her compass rose tattoo just beneath her right clavicle nicely, and a simple pair of fitted shorts with stockings and her iconic boots completed the simple yet striking look. 

“Well, what do you think?” Mirahaki asked through the mirror, frowning and adjusting the outfit as she decided how she felt about the clothes.

Shachi rolled his eyes and elbowed Penguin in the ribs hard enough that he started coughing. Peng was surprisingly similar to the Polar Tang; if it stopped working, just give it a well placed smack, see if that fixes the problem. The elbowing seemed to do the trick.

“You look great, Haki-chan,” Penguin said.

 “Thanks!” Mirahaki smiled at Penguin through the mirror. “I really like how this top fits me. Also, nice pick on the shorts Ikkaku-chan!” The curly brunette nodded smugly and gave her a thumbs up.

“The stockings are also a nice touch,” Shachi added, elbowing Penguin again, this time much more subtly and wiggled his eyebrows at his friend. Penguin’s cheeks grew red and he dragged Shachi away quickly, mumbling some excuse about looking for a scarf.

Ikkaku smirked at Penguins reaction, and tugged Mirahaki to the rack. 

“So, I think Penguin likes your outfit.”

Mirahaki snorted. “If he said he didn’t like it I’d punch him. Besides, he ran a way pretty fast.”

Ikkaku tsked and shook her head. “On the contrary, I don’t think he could keep his eyes off of you.” She tilted her head to the side and raised an eyebrow, smiling mischievously and hoping Mirahaki would get what she was hinting at.

Mirahaki simply rolled her eyes and softly shook her head, frowning. “All the guys are like that. Penguin-kun doesn’t see me like that.”

“He totally does! You think he gets tongue tangled like that for just anyone?”

“He couldn’t say the word water yesterday.”

Ikkaku huffed. “And yet, here he is, blushing like an idiot, trying to hide in the scarves.”

Mirahaki sighed. Ikkaku had been trying for quite some time now to get her to pursue something with Penguin, but what good was it? They’d known each other for a long time. She might’ve only started liking him in the last year or so, and she might not have been super obvious about it, but if he were interested, he would’ve done something by now, right?

“Whatever,” She ended up sighing. “I’m not getting my hopes up. It’s fine! I’ll just keep admiring from a distance.”

“But, imagine if you were admiring from up close.” Ikkaku grinned wickedly up at her, and laughed when her cheeks got a dusting of blush on them.

“Shut up!” She muttered, averting her eyes. Mirahaki couldn’t help her eyes from wandering over to the red pom-pom that rested atop Penguins hat. He and Shachi were whispering furiously at each other, and she wondered what they were talking about.

As she stared, she missed Ikkaku clenching her fist and taking a deep breath. Sometimes, she wondered if it’d be worth helping get these two idiots together.

~~

“Come on, man! Just go ask Mirahaki on a date! Easy peasy!”

“Not easy peasy!” Penguin hissed, “If I ask her out and she doesn’t want to be asked out, there’s a ninety percent chance she’ll skin me alive!”

“Nah, she’d probably just… well…” Shachi frowned. “NO! No one is getting skinned! She’s probably just waiting for you to ask her! Or, drop a hint! Something! ANYTHING!” Shachi was practically begging Penguin at this point. It was bad enough that Penguin had been quietly crushing on her for like, two years now. But now that he and Ikkaku had confirmed that now Mirahaki was interested in Penguin, the mutual, dumbass pining from both sides was going to be the death of them!

Penguin tugged on the brim of his hat to hide his eyes. “If she was really interested, she probably would ask me out herself. But last I checked, she was more interested in the Cap.” 

“Or maybe someone is being such an idiot about it they aren’t even noticing that they are clearly being pined over.” Shachi looked pointedly at him, only to get smacked in the chest.

“Don’t call Haki-chan an idiot! I’m the one pining like a lovesick idiot!”

It took everything in Shachi not to face palm at his friend's idiotic misinterpretation.

“It’s fine, Shach. We’re crew mates. It’s probably for the best we don’t date. There’ll be no- well, less drama that way.” Penguin sighed and glumly poked through the clothing rack. After a beat, he pulled a strapless, feathered dress from the clothing rack. “If only.”

“If only what?” Penguin nearly jumped at Mirahaki’s voice behind him. He whipped around, she was poking at a display full of sunglasses behind him. He looked at the dress in his hands and back at her.

“I know dresses aren’t your thing, hard to fight in and all, but maybe you could just try this on? I… think you’d look super cute in it.” Penguin tried for a weak smile.

Mirahaki eyed the dress and frowned. “I don’t think it’s my size, Penguin-kun. I wouldn’t want to break it.” He couldn’t really argue with that logic. She was over two meters tall, and it’d suck to pay for something you couldn’t wear. Not that they necessarily had to pay for it, being pirates and all.

“That looks like it’s Captain’s size.” Bepo reappeared.

“WHY WOULD CAPTAIN WEAR SOMETHING LIKE THIS?” Penguin and Shachi yelled at Bepo, who dropped his head dejectedly and apologized.

Mirahaki stopped looking through the sunglasses and smile slowly took over her face. She took the dress from Penguin and looked it over. 

“How much do you wanna bet I can get Law to wear this?”

“Laundry duty.”

“500 beri.”

“Bathroom duty.”

“A jar of fish.”

“Extended for every hour I get him to wear it?” She grinned devilishly at her friends.

“Up to four hours!” Ikkaku consented.

Mirahaki ran out with the dress in hand, the shopkeeper's shrieking about payment falling on deaf ears. Ikkaku tossed some money for the clothes on the counter and ran after Mirahaki, Bepo close on their tail. 

“Come on, Peng!” Shachi walked after them, not checking to see if his friend was following.

Penguin started to follow, but stopped and turned back to the sunglasses display. Mirahaki had been poking at a certain pair; circular, with dark, reflective lenses. Did she like them? They seemed to be her style. On impulse, he pocketed them when the shop-keep wasn’t looking and walked after his crew mates. Perhaps he’d give them to her later; hopefully, she’d like them.

[hiddlesfashion]

#TodayInHiddleHistory

January 30, 2014: the March issue of Elle UK was released featuring Tom Hiddleston A God Among Men. 

A video posted by The Fashion of Tom Hiddleston (@hiddlesfashion) on Jan 30, 2017 at 5:50am PST

full interview below 

Tom Hiddleston: A god among men?

Hollywood A-lister, ELLE writer, YouTube sensation – Tom Hiddleston’s cult status is evident on every platform. And, as ELLE’s Annabel Brog discovers, he’s not afraid of revealing, well, everything.​

When ELLE’s Editor-in-Chief Lorraine Candy was at Wimbledon last year, she rather naively tweeted afterwards: ‘I sat next to actor Tom Hiddleston and his girlfriend Jane. He’s a very funny man.’ She has never – bear in mind this is a mother of four who edits a fashion magazine, which puts her high on a certain demographic hit-list – been trolled like it. The responses veered between righteous fury that she had outed Hiddleston as being ‘With Girlfriend’, and rather bloodthirsty expressions of envy that she had, you know, talked to him.

Tom Hiddleston inspires fervour in his fans. He’s an extraordinary actor who has won universal acclaim – his roles include feckless Prince Hal in the BBC’s The Hollow Crown; sweet, doomed Captain Nicholls in Spielberg’s War Horse; and currently the blood-drenched warrior Coriolanus at the Donmar Ware- house – but it’s his performance as pallid, sociopathic god of mischief Loki in the Thor and Avengers Assemble films that catapulted him into the stratosphere. To put it in context: Hiddleston recently donated a pair of signed Converse to the Small Steps charity auction, alongside the likes of Mick Jagger and Kate Moss. His shoes sold for £4,500 (more than anyone else’s). He is very appreciative of the interest, while simultaneously being uncomfortable with the idea of fame. ‘Do I like it? It’s sort of inconsequential in a way, a weird corollary to everything else I’ve done. I cannot tell you how surprising it is. It’s like, really? REALLY? I honestly try not to think about it too much.’

We are nestled under a heater in the beer garden of a north-west London pub on a chilly December evening. Hiddleston is drinking whiskey, which is part of my cunning strategy to break him down – he has always given me the impression of being very prepared in interviews – but it doesn’t work. After five shots, he remains entirely in control.

Nonetheless, he is rather adorable: ferociously bright (he went to Eton, then Cambridge, where he got a double first), earnest ('I know. I’m sorry. I can’t help it’), obliging, and old-fashioned. Partly that’s his classical- ly handsome face, partly it’s his impeccable manners, and partly it’s the way he constructs his sentences.

Describing his favourite book, William Boyd’s Any Human Heart, for instance, he says, 'Like all life, it contains multitudes’; or, on opening up to new people, 'I fear I am initially quite private.’ When he is sure of his subject – talking about work, family, culture – he is eloquent and assertive. When he is less certain – typically on the subject of himself – his voice rises slightly in inadvertent questions: 'I’m solitary [but] I don’t think that’s a good thing, I think I’m better in company?’ Or: 'I know that there’s this thinking capacity, which is possibly not a good thing?’

Tom William Hiddleston is 33 (on 9 February, to be precise), a middle child with one sister 15 months older, and another five years younger. His childhood sounds like a simple, pleasurable place. 'I have memories of climbing trees and watching The Snowman, with David Bowie introducing it in his snowman scarf.’ He starts to laugh. 'When I actually learned who David Bowie was, I was like, “That’s the man from The Snowman”. And people were: “Never say that again. That’s Ziggy Stardust. Shut up!”’

His parents are incredibly proud of him: 'It’s taken us a while to get there. It’s one of those conversations I don’t have with them, but I just know that they are [proud]. If we [he and his mother] start talking about it, we will both collapse in a heap of tears. It’s moving to make your mother proud.’

Growing up surrounded by women has had a glorious effect on his view of them. 'I believe in the strength and intelligence and sensitivity of women. My mother, my sisters [they] are strong. My mum is a strong woman and I love her for it.’ He is also – praise the Lord for men like Hiddleston – very romantic. When asked about love and relationships, he simply says, 'Honesty is a gift – to be honest about who you are and how you feel – because it encourages intimacy, and intimacy is really where’s it at. To be known and know someone is an amazing feeling, and you don’t get there if you’re pretending to be anyone else.’

Hiddleston voices Captain Hook in Disney’s Tinker Bell And The Pirate Fairy (out this month), and has a high-impact cameo in Muppets Most Wanted. But his next lead in a film is in an homage to both strong women and love. Only Lovers Left Alive is an enchanting, funny, somnolent Jim Jarmusch project in which he plays Adam, a 500-year-old vampire rock star with suicidal leanings. 'Adam is a delicate soul,’ says Tom. Adam is, indeed, delicate, but he is also (and this is where Tom’s gift for comedy comes into play) sweet and entirely useless, a reclusive musician suffering the despair of being eternal. Think undead My Chemical Romance fan. He stars opposite Tilda Swinton, who he says is just like her giddy, optimistic character, Eve. 'She’s the most beautiful woman in the world, and it’s seemingly effortless. She’s very, very warm. Tilda and I would be laughing sometimes and Jim would come in and say [he adopts a lazy Ohio drawl]: “Taaammmm, you smile a lot, man. And Adam doesn’t smile so much.”’ He also loved the purity of the love story. 'Adam is so deeply flawed, and depressive, and melancholic. But Eve just loves it, loves his commitment to it. We were trying to make a film about acceptance. And true love is an acceptance of someone else for who they are.’

So Hiddleston is clever, eloquent, charming, sensitive and earnest. But then there’s that other side, the spontaneous and silly side, best seen on YouTube, where he has become an inadvertent sensation due to the fact that 'I don’t know what my boundaries are, I just say yes to things’.

That’s how he ended up throwing some serious shapes on Alan Carr: Chatty Man, which, for the record, was 1) not planned: 'I promise I had no idea I was going to do that’; and 2) the genuine Hiddleston disco experience: 'If you asked me to dance now, it would be the same moves. That’s my dance.’ He can also be seen sing- ing Michael Jackson’s Man In The Mirror on Korean TV, because the talk show host asked him which part of his body he had most confidence in and he said his voice. (And, yes, he was tempted to say something smutty: 'I’m English, so I’m dirty.’) His own favourite clip features him teaching the Cookie Monster a lesson in delayed gratification. ('Are you saying if me wait, me going to get cookie?’) 'I’m proud that I’ve met him.

He’s the Cookie Monster, a cultural icon. My mum loves it and my niece loves it. She’s two years old and she thinks there’s nothing illogical about Uncle Tom speak- ing to the Cookie Monster.’

So when we meet for the second time, after he comes off stage at the Donmar, I am tempted to see if the no-boundaries thing is for real. There is beer involved (the man can drink) and a line of questioning veering from the absurd to the inappropriate. Put it this way, he’s a very good sport…

Annabel Brog: Will you throw me your best insults? 

Tom Hiddleston: [Laughs] Why are we doing the insult game?

AB: Just go with it, I can take it.

TH: Um. 'You utter, utter [with increasing emphasis], utter c**k’ is good.

AB: I just wondered if foul language, delivered beauti- fully, sounds less foul. Which, in fact, it does.

TH: When I get angry with myself, when I forget lines, I’ll be like, 'You absolute f **king f **k c**k b***ocks p**s f **k. You, you… f **ker’.

AB: You say that to yourself ?

TH: Yes.

AB: How do you feel afterwards?

TH: I feel better! The word f **k is enormously satisfying. 

AB: OK, I am going to describe teenage Tom to you and you are going to tell me how accurate I am.

TH: [Grins] OK.

AB: I’ve realised this may be quite insulting. Please remember it’s only a game.

TH: That’s totally fine. It may well be more favourable than the truth.

AB: Teenage Tom wasn’t uncomfortable with girls, but he didn’t get to touch one for quite some time. First kiss, 16.

TH: NO! [Emphatic] First kiss 10! Yes, 10 years old, tongues and everything. [Laughs] She was a huge crush, we were in the same class, a lot of note swap- ping, and eventually it all went down in a cricket pavilion on an autumn night. It was very thrilling.

AB: I got it so wrong.

TH: I was sometimes quite alarmed by friends of mine at school who didn’t have sisters, the way they treated girls, the way they spoke about them… I was like, 'Guys, they’re not aliens, they’re human beings.’

AB: You hear stories about Eton schoolboys, and the fan girls who line the cricket pitches when they play… TH: I don’t relate to that at all. I didn’t have a serious relationship until I was about 19. I fell head over heels in love and I was with her for two years, and it was an amazing relationship. So I don’t know who those girls are, who line the cricket pitches.

AB: How would you describe yourself as a boyfriend?

TH: Very honest, I hope. God, I don’t know. I hope I’m fun, I hope I’m a good time. Sponta- neous, surprising, affectionate? I hope, kind. Dancing… a lot of dancing. I insist upon dancing. Anywhere. Anytime. The more dancing, the better.

AB: [Referring to an incident last year when Tom, on a press call with Swinton for Only Lovers Left Alive, was photographed in a revealingly tight trousers] Cannes. Trousergate. Discuss.

TH: Trousergate?

AB: Please tell me you know what I am referring to.

TH: What are you… I genuinely don’t know what you’re talking about. Cannes?

AB: Oh God, really? Oh no. OK, OK, shall we move on? 

TH: [Squeaky] What’s trousergate? [Clears throat] Trousergate…

AB: Maybe I should just get it up on the iPhone and show it to you.

TH: OK, get it up on the phone.

[AB types 'Tom Hiddleston Cannes’ into Google Images and hands him the phone]

TH: [Slowly] Ohhhhhh heavens…

AB: It has a Tumblr account and everything.

TH: Oh God. [Laughing but horrified] How monumentally shaming! What does one say to something like that? What do I say? Do I need to explain it? I don’t think I can.

AB: Would you like to move on from this subject? 

TH: Maybe. Yes…

AB: OK.

TH: [Determined] Look, I had a very interesting experience going to Cannes. An airplane in Heathrow caught fire and they shut down the whole airport. There were no tickets on Eurostar. All the flights from Gatwick were booked. So I got in a taxi and drove to Dover. I got on the ferry at 2am, with people on the booze cruise, and students going on hockey tours, got to Calais at 5am, another taxi to Paris airport, flew to Nice, landed about 11.30am, went through customs, got in another cab and drove to straight to THAT photo call, where THAT picture was taken, having changed in the car on the way there. So I think I look all right, for someone who’s been up all night.

AB: You look great. [Long pause] It’s just a shame no one’s looking at your face.

TH: [Laughs] They’re looking at Tilda! That’s what they’re looking at.

You can’t really profile Tom Hiddleston without going there on his looks. He is, in the flesh, a deter- mined and imposing physical presence. If you have seen his Coriolanus – raging with pride and betrayal – you will know this, and on the ELLE shoot it is evident most when we film him running. Hiddleston has a fine-looking run. He may look like a matinee idol; he may speak like a 19th century poet; but watch him run and you are suddenly very aware that he is 21st century man. It would be nice, I suggest, to see him in a role that’s unquestioningly modern. 'I would really like to,’ he says. 'I’m knocking at the door, honestly.’

As expected, he is game for anything on our shoot. He hurls plastic chairs across the warehouse, he sprints down Scrubs Lane, and he scares the crap out of the whole team by leaping over the railing of a 10-foot stair- case, which would have ended his Coriolanus run rather spectacularly if it went wrong. At the end of the day, Hiddleston is hard to pin down. He tells me a story,about a spontaneous, solo trip he took to Hawaii after he flew to LA to audition for a part he didn’t get.

'I went canoeing with whales, ran around the island, climbed the volcanoes. There's this beach where all the surfers go to challenge themselves, the waves are like 30 feet high, and I was introduced to this lifeguard by some landscape gardeners I met. We were watching these kite surfers and I was in awe, frankly, of their courage and I said, "Why would you do that? It's so dangerous." And he looked at me with this amazing, generous smile and said [adopts a US accent]: "They're just trying to answer the same question we're all trying to answer, man." And I said: "What question is that?" And he said: "Is it enough?"'

So there you have it. Tom Hiddleston: big talent, big laugh, big thinker, non-planner, great dancer. In his own beautifully phrased words, he is 'just as complex and contradictory as everyone on this planet'. Or, in our rather more base words, pretty damn hot.