#Also perfectly on point Sahuna

[wilddragonflying]

Supplemental Rules of the Tempest

Credit to @momomomma2​ for helping with the first ~20

1.  All crewmembers working in the engine room are required to wear clothing over at least 50% of their bodies.

THAT MEANS NO NAKED ENGINEERING IN THE ENGINE ROOM GIL

Do you know how hot a drive core gets? Leave me alone, Cora. Knock first.

2.  Rule 1 has been amended to all crewmembers in the engine room regardless of work or leisure. The engine does not react well to bodily fluids, as Kallo would like to remind everyone.

YEAH GIL GO FUCK YOUR BOYTOY SOMEWHERE ELSE 

 Would you rather we use your quarters Sara? 

 Do that and I'll punt you both out the airlock while in FTL

3.  No placing the pyjak specifically so he will mess with people's belongings.

4.  Don't touch the space hamster. It bites and so do both Ryders.

5.  Touch my rofjinn again and I will be replacing all of your food rations with Angaran nutrional paste, Peebee

6. And you, Liam.

7.  All crew have been given a copy of Tempest dress code. It isn't a suggestion.

8.  Dr. T'Perro would like to remind all crewmembers that they are all in possession of perfectly-functioning omnitools, therefore all other Milky Way 'scientific tests' are unneeded and take up valuable medical resources to heal the consequences thereof.

9.  Stop daring Drack and Suvi to lick things.  Drack has had enough body parts replaced already and we would like to keep Suvi in her original body parts for as long as possible.

10.  No weapons on the kitchen counters even if you clean up afterwards. Do you have any idea how many contagions are in the blood of the various people and creatures you have killed with those?

11.  No weapons anywhere but the munitions cache. WHY did you have a rifle in the shower, Jaal?!

12. No kink-shaming of your fellow crewmembers.

13.  All crew members wanting to 'clean their rifle better' are requested to invite either of the Ryders to join them.

14: If taking the Ryders up on their offer, make sure you use protection. We all know how... adventurous they are.

15. Stop giggling, Gil.

16.  Use of SAM is barred from poker nights. Let me win the honest way, damn it!

17.  Do not step into the escape pod if Peebee insists that she cannot come out and is stuck. If genuinely stuck, it is her own fault and SAM can get her out.

ONE TIME SARA, ONE. TIME.

The harness couldn’t get over my fuckin’ head, Peebee. What if I’d lost another body part?

Oh come on, it’s not like you would’ve noticed.

18. ‘Fuck the kett’ is only to be used to describe one’s hatred of the kett. 

19. The Pathfinder would like to remind their crew of Rule 12.

20. All Tempest crew members just lost the Game.

21. FUCK YOU SCOTT

22. The song ‘Never Gonna Give You Up’ is banned from the Tempest library. Anyone caught attempting to put it back will be made to clean the plumbing. All of it.

23. Claiming SAM did it, even if technically true, still counts.

24. Only Tempest crewmembers are allowed on the Tempest. This ship isn’t that big, and no one wants to hear you going at it with your most recent bed partner.

Also it’s rude to lock most of the crew from their bunks.

25. Crewmembers are politely reminded to clean up any and all messes they make.

26. ALL.

27. Seriously why the hell would you even do that there.

28. Crewmembers are banned from asking Dr. T’Perro if she has a medical kink; violate this rule at your own risk. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, Peebee.

29. High School Musical and the sequels have been removed from the vid library as well.

30. After the recent gift of noise-cancelling headphones, Rule 29 has been rescinded.

31. Memes regarding Directors Tann and Addison are banned from the Tempest.

32. Rule 31 has been amended: Memes regarding Directors Tann and Addison are banned from leaving the Tempest in any way that can be traced back to her crew.

33. Any and all attempts to capture any creature without proper planning and equipment are hereby expressly forbidden by order of Dr. T’Perro.

34. “But science!” is not a good excuse, Suvi & Peebee.

35. Neither is “for the vine.” Vine hasn’t even existed for centuries, deities.

36. NO you are not allowed to use SAM to resurrect Vine, do you WANT to be responsible for dozens of deaths and hundreds of injuries????

37. You cannot pull rank to get first shower, Sara, damn it! THERE’S A LIST.

FUCK YOUR LIST I WAS COVERED. IN. WRAITH. GUTS. If you’d gotten in my way I would have strangled you with them and that’s not a report I wanted to file.

As much as I hate to agree with the Pathfinder in this matter, she does have a point. Besides, I’d have to do an autopsy on you according to regulations, and Turian autopsies are such a pain.

Thanks for the sympathy, Doc.

38. ‘Cultural curiosity’ only goes so far. Attempting to break into my room to ‘see how Angara sleep’ is extremely unappreciated.

If you really want to see, send an email to me or Scott. We’ve both got pictures.

Delete them. Immediately.

He cuddles his rofjinn - Scott

I’m telling Mother to cut you off from her pie.

NO

39. All Tempest crewmembers have a standing invitation to Sahuna Ama Darav’s house on Havarl for a piece of pie and family company.

Thanks, Mrs. Darav. Nice to be around a family again.

Family is important, Mr. Gil, especially a supportive one. You’re welcome anytime.

40. Members of the crew are discouraged from using their status to wrangle free drinks from bars. It especially won’t work on Kadara.

Unless you’re one of the Ryders; Reyes gives us free drinks.

Damn it, Scott, don’t tell people that! You know I like the expensive shit and we don’t get paid.

41. Jokes about the twins’ sometimes-intersecting sex lives are ill-advised; if you must make them, be prepared to receive jokes about your sex life in return.

42. Same goes for prank wars.

Scott and I once had one going on all school year with a couple of classmates. We won.

43. SARA’S PREVIOUS COMMENT IS NOT A CHALLENGE

Too late - Gil, Peebee, Drack, Vetra

44. Jaal and Drack are reminded to please remember that there are crewmembers from all species aboard the Tempest, and they all have varying opinions and cultural expectations regarding nudity.

For example, the humans don’t mind if the krogan wants to clean his armor without changing into civilian clothes ;)

Maybe the male humans don’t - Suvi

Yeah, you’d rather see the turian do that, wouldn’t you Suv? - Sara

Rather see you, darling - Suvi

KEEP THE FLIRTING OUT OF THE COMMENTS - Kallo

45. “Because I said so, that’s why” is not a valid argument.

46. Neither is “Because I killed the Archon and saved all your asses.”

Mostly because it’s not true; who was the one with SAM in their head at the time?

Fuck off I had him for most of that whole shitshow.

I’d like to remind you both that neither of you actually killed the Archon; technically, Meridian did. - Kallo

Semantics.

47. “Fuck you” and any variation thereof is also not a valid argument. 

Pro tip: It is an excellent way to start one.

Or a brawl.

48. Drack and Peebee are no longer allowed to share alcohol with the other members of the crew.

Seriously what the fuck did you guys put in that last batch

49. Monopoly is banned from game night. The Tempest gets enough external damage it doesn’t need damaged from the inside either.

50. WE ARE NOT PLAYING CARDS AGAINST HUMANITY EITHER

We all know I’d win, anyway - SAM