#Also a reminder that I'm always willing to babble and answer questions and such if anyone ever has any - Just drop me an ask! <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[sakurarisen]

OKAY! So after a delay from a nasty as all getout sinus headache among other aches and pains, I've got the vast majority of my carrd updates DONE! <3 Of notable updates:

All FF7 verse info for Sera, as well as misc info for the experiment AU Frozen Flames, has moved to its own area! All info specific to FF7 verses can be found HERE from here on out!

There's been some edits to her 7 info and lore - Namely that the lore given by Chadley on the Phoenix summon in Junon is, ultimately, wrong. There were multiple phoenixes of varying elemental ties, not just fire, and Sera is the human form of one known as Aria, seeking to hide after aiding Shiva, her best friend and fellow goddess, while her brother Thoma is the actual fire phoenix, the summon that's collectable during Rebirth being only a fragment of his power left behind to guard that area. However, there is no way for anyone to prove Chadley's information wrong; Sera doesn't remember and neither does Thoma, and they will not ever remember. This is something that was added as a bit of background lore, and could be used with plotting - But Sera herself will not remember and be unable to say one way or another on any of it, especially with much history of the original phoenixes being lost by the time of Remake/Rebirth. Please note this is tied solely to my own version of Shiva written on @shinrarisen. Further notes regarding this lore edit are at the top of the FF7 misc section.

Sera also has a small sensitivity to mako and the lifesprings due to the previous point that's been added.

Her magic and spellcasting is stronger than most due to the fact her core is that of a phoenix, but it's only a small bit stronger - I.e. while someone else in SOLDIER might be able to create a 5 foot wide hunk of ice, Sera's might be 5 and a half and a fair bit denser; a small increase, but not one that's going to make that much of a difference.

The main carrd/info has gotten a HEAVY update that I feel like was long overdue, too, including the following:

The main info has been largely rewritten, and heavily tweaked where it's not been rewritten, mainly to bring Sera in line with her status as a fandomless/original OC. While she still has primary verses in Genshin, FF7, and Star Rail, Sera has always been fandomless and fully original at her core, and I wanted to return her to that. The reason she wasn't initially on this blog was because I had her verses split between two blogs and only meant for this one to serve as a hub for FF7 stuff rather than let it take over my other blog, but since she's been fully moved here and I'm not using my other blog right now, I wanted her to fall back in line with her roots as fandomless at her core. This is all overall primary info now that applies to all fandoms, while the other specific fandom based areas (FF7, Genshin) contain further verse specific additions on top of this.

A new mark has been added; regardless of verse, Sera now has multiple oddly-shaped blue marks across her upper back that resemble scars, and are called birthmarks for her entire life, but are in truth a physical tie to her core as a Fenix. More information on these marks and how they tie in can be found in this post.

So much more has been developed for Halcyon Era, and the carrd was horribly outdated in its info, so that, too, has been updated where nessecary, cementing her newer and expanded story as canon like it belongs. Just like above, though, please keep in mind that while there are subtle nods that Sera's not completely human, she doesn't know she's not. As far as she's concerned, she and Thoma are 100% human but have odd abilities they can't explain occasionally, like the ability to use magic they never speak of outside of incredibly trusted companions. Despite Aria sleeping inside Sera and Sera and Aria being the same person, Sera does not have, and will not gain, access to her full original power. More notes on this can be found in the carrd.

Sera having the ability to use a sword has been added, though this is a 'once in a blue moon' thing!

Updated her weaponry loadout to reflect her reliance on magic and archery.

Rewrote much of the 'Lifestyle' section and added to it, and completely rewrote the 'misc' section in full. Since these also better explain Sera as a Fenix, and the writeblr on it is coming up, also took the chance to remove the 'phoenix lore' section entirely.

Edited mentions of Thoma away from 'cousin' and in where he belongs as her older brother, because wow I should've done that ages ago!

There are mentions of the writeblr - The Halcyon Era sideblog that will have the full Halcyon project in far deeper detail - sprinkled throughout the main carrd, but I have yet to link it; @yoroiis and I are working around weather, health, and schedules to try and get it to a point where we can make it open for people to read as much as we possibly can, and it'll get its links just about everywhere as soon as we hit that point! It's gone through a ton of plotting and still has a lot more coming for it even after we open this sideblog of ours up, so that's next up on the list of tasks to do, for sure~!

Of course, these aren't the only edits I've been planning to do, I do still have tweaks to do to the Genshin side of things and small edits here and there to make, and it's not complete by a long shot, but these are the major ones I've been meaning to get to for a while. So much has evolved with Sera in recent months that I really wanted the updated, solid information down and public before I got back into the swing of things, and while it's not 100% complete, it's close enough for me to call done for now~! <3

~Pom

[allthe8]

All I Need // part i

description: you know Jisung needs you and he shows you that he does, until he doesn’t.

warnings: angst, smut, explicit language, problematic Jisung:/

word count: 2.2k

pov: Jisung’s

She was back, I could feel it, the sheer euphoria coursing through my veins at the thought of her mere presence, I was starting to forget I was even mad at her-I couldn't even remember why she had felt but I did the remember the day she did-the memory was a blur, my mind had repressed it, the thought of being away from her made me feel like I was being cut off from my lifeline. I should've understood why she would want to leave but I didn't want to, without her I felt lost and I absolutely hated the pathetic feeling in the pit of my stomach when I was away from her for too long.

She had called it "needing space" and "wanting to be her own person", the irrational part of me called bullshit thinking she was just trying to leave me while the rational part could see clearly why she would  want to and I hated myself for pushing her so much, that was in August-it was October now but she was back, here-sitting on my bed in a baby blue sundress that had ridden up her thigh from how she was crossing one leg over the other.

She had yet to notice my presence in the doorway of my bedroom, consumed by whatever it is she was looking at on her phone "You're back" I finally speak making her snap her head in my direction immediately standing up, it was then I noticed how tan her skin had gotten all from soaking up the Mediterranean sun. I tried to keep my eyes on hers as she walked towards me but it turned into a daunting task with the way her breasts were almost spilling out of her sundress, I didn't want her to know I hadn't been with anyone since she had left, just the company of my hand and the numerous pictures and videos I had on my phone of her post climax state, she would think I was touched starved so I stared at the window behind her feigning anger.

"You're late" I noticed her visibly flinch at that, she watched my face intently searching for signs of anger but I knew she'd find none. "I know, I-I'm so-rry" she said slowly, about 15 seconds passed without any of us saying anything, that was when she reached for my arm-caressing it with her thumb. "I missed you, Ji" she looks into my eyes, "Why do you sound so weird?" the words were out of my mouth before I could stop them, "I haven't spoken any English since I left" she informs me. "You didn't miss me?" she asks and I almost start stuttering but she's not used to me being this vulnerable and I have to remind myself that I'm the one in control here-that's what she's used to-being acquiescent.

"I never wanted you to leave" I grumble and that's when the dynamics of our relationship begin to show, "I-I told you I needed space, Jisung" she whispers but I catch on to it.

"Fuck that, you were just trying to leave me and you're only back because you feel some sort of resentment masked with pity towards me"

"Why do you always think that? I'm here, aren't I?" she bites back skillfully avoiding the second part of what I said.

"That's not enough, you said you'd be gone for a month and I waited for you, just when I started to get use to not having you around you want to waltz back into my life like it's nothing".

"It's not like that and you know it" she chokes out, about to cry.

"Enlighten me then? No Spanish cock could fill you up like I can? Is that it?" I taunt, knowing the words were just spilling out of my mouth at this point, what was the use in stopping. "No! Is that what you really think of me?" she shrieks. "You know damn well what I think of you, y/n”.  “You knew what I thought when you left but it didn't stop you". She looks at me through her teary eyes like she's about to burst any second, "Wow" she laughs even with the tears spilling down her face, "Coming back, I honestly didn't know what to expect but it definitely wasn't this, I'm gon-" she makes a move to walk past me and out of the room but she's soon pressed against the wall by my body weight.

"Where the fuck are you going again? Why are you always trying to leave me?!" I bark, “Let go of me, Ji” she spat but I refused "Get off of me you asshole, you clearly don't want me here" she fights back-her small frame writhing under my bigger one, with time she starts to calm down with her hands pinned over her head with my right hand, I bring my other hand to meet her cheek. "I always want you around, I missed you so much, my search history will show me booking and cancelling flights" I whisper, "I needed you here with me" I say before pressing my lips to hers.

She responds immediately and I drop her hands down-grabbing her by her waist, slightly pushing my tongue in her mouth just wanting to get a taste of her, I tried to hard to stop myself from ravaging her like a starved man but all my efforts are in vein when she whimpers into my mouth making pull away from her, "We don't have to-" I start cut my morality speech is cut of by her dropping to her knees and attempting to tug my sweatpants down. I watch her in awe, completely mesmerized by her beauty, almost missing that she has completely freed my cock from it's confines and is now swirling her tongue around the angry red tip.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" I start chanting as she takes me deeper into her mouth, my mind starts to wonder where she learnt to do this but the thought is shoved down when I feel the head of my cock hit the back of her throat making her gag. "Yes" I drawl out "Good girl, you're a good girl, my good girl, you just like acting up" I say pulling her hair up into a makeshift ponytail, my lack of a proper fuck starts to show when she takes on of my balls and sucks on it, "Shit, no, stop! stop!" I say as I feel my abs tightening not wanting to feel the embarrassment of cumming from a mere blowjob. Immediately she's on her feet, "Did I do something wrong?" she asks looking up at me as I tuck my dick back into my pants.

"No angel, you were perfect, I just want to show you how much I missed you" I tell her, trailing my fingers up her inner thigh but when I'm met with only the feeling of her soaked core, I lose it. "Where are your fucking panties" I growl in her ear ghosting a finger over her clit. "The-I-" "What explanation could you possibly have for not wearing panties" I pull back and watch her face intently as I push my middle finger into her opening, "Fuck, you're still so tight" I whisper.

"Tell me, didn't you find anyone in Madrid to fuck your needy little cunt open?" I taunt, earning a whimper from her, "No! I-I haven't be-been with anyone since our last time!" the last part of her sentence is squealed due to me adding another finger, "So what do you want me to do now?" I ask basking in the way she's writhing and whimpering beneath me, she looks at me with her big doe eyes, knowing I know what she wants. "Don't look at me like that, I should be punishing you for breaking your promise right now" I say pushing my fingers deeper causing my palm to rub on her bud, "P-please don't punish me! I'll be good, I promise!" she nearly weeps, "But didn't you also promise you'd be back in September?" I egg her on, "I know! I'm sorry! I'll be so good". "Yes you fucking will" I grit.

"Get on the bed. On all fours" I commanded and watched as she did as I said, the baby blue sundress bunching at her waist, she was so bare and all for me, I made my way to her slowly before kneeling right at where I knew she was in need, "Angel, you're soaked, do you need me that bad?" I cooed at her to which she nodded but all that did was get her spanked, "Fuck! Yes I need you! Jisung please!" she squeaked, arching her back further, it was obvious she didn't know the impact she had on me, I could never deny her when she sounded so euphonious-so her put my mouth where she wanted, kissing her there as I would her lips. At first contact she jolted forward with a small scream, almost as if it was too much for her but I knew her, I knew my angel-she would take whatever I gave her, I closed my eyes and indulged in the way she tasted, I could have consumed her whole if I didn't have self control but that was beginning to wear thin, as I went on her hips started to shake so I held them down while I lapped up all of her essence she could offer before plunging my tongue into her entrance and fucking her with it.

When I felt her walls pulsate around my tongue I pulled back but I didn't give her time to breathe-pushing my middle and ring finger into her, "Oh shit! Right there! Please faster" I obliged, fucking her with my fingers, "Like this?" I teased but she could only answer in incoherent babbles, soon her moans turned into screams and her velvety walls pulsed around my digits, before I knew it she was releasing all of my fingers but that didn't stop me—I kept going and her hips jolted away from but I held her down. "Wh-hat are you doing?!" she screamed, burying her face into the pillows and screaming right before her second orgasm washed over her and she was writhing and quivering as her juices spilled all over my fingers again but this time it shot out of her so fast it was all over my sheets before I could put my mouth on her. "Jisung stop".

"Fuck, I forgot you could do that" I groaned.

As fast as I could I flipped her unto her back, "You're not going to leave me again" it must have sounded like a question to her because she nodded, I almost wanted to correct her and let her know that I was telling her she couldn't leave me again but she looked so beautiful spread out for me—her legs twitching as I rubbed my cock over her slit, "You love me" I tell her as I pushed my length into her, maybe it was the way she felt full of me that led her to agree but I willed myself to actually believe that she did love me "Yes, yes I do, so much". I moved my hips at a different pace with each thrust, short and fast slow and deep, the way my cock dragged along her walls and the sound of her moans had me on the edge, I felt like I would lose myself in her. As her pussy continued to clenched around me—I brought her left leg up to my chest and kissed her calf before bringing her right foot to my mouth and sucking on her toes, "Shit! I'm gonna c-" "No you're not" I commanded, enjoying the way she thrashed under me with my thumb on her clit rubbing in tight circles, "Please! I'll never leave you again!" she declared, it made me want to tell her she didn't have a choice but the words couldn't come out, I was so close to cumming too, I just needed to hear one thing "You belong to me" I told her, watching her face to see her reaction, her eyes rolled to the back of her head as she concurred "Yes! you! It's always been you, Jisung" she screamed and I let go "Good girl, now cum for me, cum all over my cock" and she did so like she was on voice command, chanting thank yous as I spilled myself into her.

I rolled off her but I couldn't move my eyes away from her, she looked so beautiful with the thin layer of sweat that had covered her sin, her chest rising and falling as she tried to catch her breath. My thought train was interrupted as I heard my security code getting put in, "Who's that?" she mumbled rolling over to look me in the eye but I quickly looked away-getting off the bed to throw her dress at her.

"My girlfriend. Get dressed" I said and then I held my breath and waited, for something- a scream, the sound of her crying but she only repeated my statement whilst putting her dress back on, "Your girlfriend?" I forced myself to look anywhere but her face and my eyes found the trail of my cum dripping down her inner thigh and I knew that I'd never forgive myself.

[castpeve]

The Eden Club was a hellhole, but it was better than running away from the police as a deviant. You weren't everyone's first choice, but not unpopular either. The only moment of escape rA9 gave you was when a snobby man rented you a chance to run from the club, along with his android, to find Jericho.

A/N: ok first two chapters probs won't have interactions with the og dbh characters since i dont want the story to be escalating too quickly. first two chaps are just an introduction to the reader and a few minor characters i made up (and maybe sneak a main character in, wink), i hope you guys dont mind !!

count: 2058 words

posted: 190406

PREVIOUS / CHAPTER ONE / NEXT CHAPTER

"Purchase confirmed." The tube slid open, "Eden club wishes you a pleasant experience." The man chuckled, throwing the old, ugly trenchcoat at the android. "Y/n...Eh? All yours, Matt. Ye Bastard." She stood there, perplexed, seeing the man walk out of the club, the Android accompanying him tilted his head, signalling that the Traci should follow.

She didn't know what else to do but do what she thought she was supposed to, after all, no one has ever purchased her for a whole night before. Was this safe? Was this allowed? She didn't know, but the man who bought her looked like a minted man, and the WR600 which followed certainly didn't look like the average model. Yes, it had the iconic blond hair and thin face, yet it had bright, grey-ish blue eyes and countless freckles splattered across it's face. It was also suited in grey trousers and what looked like a white long-sleeved button up shirt under a black hoodie, the Traci, or Y/n, still stood there in front of the closing tube. 'Matt' sighed, walking back to Y/n and grabbed the trenchcoat, helping her to wear it. She was inexperienced with putting on clothes more than revealing black undergarments, only knowing how to take them off.

"Hello, I'm Matthew. Err.. Y/n. Please follow me." He gave a half smile, turning his back at her and she followed. The music slowly faded into the distance as they exit the vibrantly coloured club, the cold climate made Y/n thankful she was given the coat. Even if she was designed to not be bothered by the cold...Or heat, or temperature. After all, she was just a plastic toy to be fucked.

Matthew opened the car door, gesturing her to come in. She did so silently, the awkward atmosphere immediately consuming her. The other android followed, and the car started. "Almost thought you two screwed in the club, heh." The old man laughed, despite looking rich he still drove an old sports car, not the self-driving vehicles that became the ordinary. The car blasted music, seemingly from 2018. They all sat in silence as the car drove, away from the bustling streets of Detroit and into...One of the richer sides of the city. "Get out." The man mumbled, Matthew left the front and opened the door for Y/n, who nervously stood up, out of the sports car. They entered the Apartment complex, Y/n trailing behind Matthew's tall figure the whole walk. They arrived at the elevator, which was quite spacious, the walls decorated with mirrors and mellifluous piano music filled the small space. "So," The man started, stuffing his hands into his beige jacket. "Watcha think of it, Matt? Want me to work late so you two could have some private?" Matthew turned his head to the side, his ears showed a faint blue. "Please, mr. Hutton. I never asked for a Traci.."  He responded in a small voice. "Overworked cunt, ye know you should take a break. Stop workin' and watchin' over Collie like ye life depended on it, Oliver's there for that." Mr. Hutton's thickly voice sounded extremely like the plummy men Y/n had to endure. She stood awkwardly at the side, maintaining her posture. She was admittedly more attractive than all the other Traci's, but made her a bit overpriced. If lonely men hadn't drunkenly spent their money on sex androids, then maybe they had the slimmest chance of being able to afford her. The elevator briefly stopped, Mr. Hutton stepped out as the two androids followed, Y/n still trailing behind Matthew like a lost puppy.

Y/n's theory of Mr. Hutton being a minted man was correct, the bloke lived in a penthouse. And with his mention of a droid named 'Oliver', showed that Matthew wasn't the only bot he owned. Hutton locked the doors, taking off his jacket and immediately heading towards a room. "I'll be in my office, if anything malfunctions about Y/n, Matt, just tell Oliver to tell me. 'Cuz I don't want to smell Android sex." He chuckled, yawning right after. Matthew pressed his lips together, looking annoyed. "I'm sorry, Y/n. You don't need to do the...Thing. Take this as a break from the usual, ehh...Sexy moments you take nightly?" He simpered, taking off the hoodie, briefly revealing the white button up. Y/n could tell the android was a deviant, she herself was one. "I..I know you feel awkward. You don't usually have any robotic clients, yeah? Just, we can hang out in my own...Shared room with two other androids. All of us are deviants, Mr. Hutton doesn't have the heart to report and we don't have the heart to do anything deviant-y. Two others are busy doing whatever." Y/n still followed the Blond sheepishly, taking in the warm coloured interior contrasting from the bright, neon lights of the club she's always been in.

Matthew's room felt significantly colder than the living room, yet the room still had the same warm aesthetic as the rest of the penthouse, accompanied with three twin beds, night stands seperating each of them. They were treated as if they were humans, which wasn't a typical perk humans give to servant androids. Hutton must be incredibly warm-hearted to spend this much for androids. She mumbled a small "Thank you," almost seemingly like a whisper. He plopped down his bed, she assumed, and turned on the TV, situated in the middle of the room on a small, black wooden table filled with various magazines and such. She realized that Matthew isn't going to make the first move any soon, and her main purpose was to satisfy customers. But she was a deviant, she didn't have to give in the club's greedy orders. "You can go and make yourself at home, for the time being. Until you can go back and settle in the tube thing you live in, oh that must be uncomfortable, isn't it? Oh you probably don't wanna be reminded. Oh, uh..." He trailed off, hiding his face behind his hands, the blue hue returning to his face. Boy wasn't used to being with other androids, female androids.

Y/n stiffled a laugh, "It's ok, sir." The corner of her mouth quirking up, "Certainly we can enjoy the night, though?" His eyes widened, "W-wait are you actually willing to do it?? I...Was I programmed for this..." He stuttered, shifting his glance all around the room. She cracked up, laughter echoing in the secluded room. "No, you little cutie, spend it however you want. Whatever you wanna do.." She sat down next to his bed, making Matthew sit up. If he was a human, he'd be a hot flustered mess. Frankly, she didn't imagine doing it with the boy. Something about him turned her off, not in a bad way, but in a way that she'd rather do something else than ride it all night. They have a night to spend, and that night isn't going to be spent throwing nervous exchanges at eachother. "Maybe get to know eachother? What do you like?" Seems like Y/n has the upper hand.

"Wha— Well," His LED turned yellow, which she hadn't paid much attention to. "I like doing new stuff. It's exciting." He grinned apologetically, being a shy wreck. Y/n scanned through her options, thinking about what to ask the man next. She subtly took off the trenchcoat, despite the cold temperature, it was ugly and reeked. She obviously wasn't given anything else, so all she wore was the iconic black EDEN CLUB undergarments. Despite being an android, programmed to work and not to feel, he acted like such a human. If he would remove the LED, she would be convinced Matthew was a normal human boy. And like a normal human boy, the blood rushed to his face, blue contrasting to his pale, synthetic, freckled skin, "Does this make you uncomfortable, sir?" She asked, tilting her head. Matthew shook his head, "I'm quite fine. Call me Matt, or Matthew, uhhh I-D-K."

Y/n's LED flashed yellow, "I-D-K? What does that mean?" She asked, genuinely. "Err, I don't know."

"What? then why did you use it if you didn't know?" She tilted her head in confusion, the concept of internet slang was foreign to her. "Wait, nooo......" He lightly chuckled, "It means that I don't know an answer to something." The tension lightened up a little, Matthew invited her to sit down next to the bed, offering her something to change into. It actually did make him uncomfortable, but, hey, he wanted to be polite.

"Do you have any shirts, please?" She giggled, "I-D-K, your choice, Matt." He looked back at her with wide eyes, soon a smile was plastered onto his face. "I can't believe I'm teaching another Android slang." He laughed, opening the clean, white closet. Well, one of the three. "I have, ehh, this one blue jacket, I think it would fit you. Frankly, I don't remember buying it but, it's convenient.. I guess." He picked up an indigo, red and white striped jacket that would look to small even for Matthew's rather thin build. She was confused as to why he had that in his closet but nodded, gesturing that she would be alright wearing it. Looked like it fit anyway.

He walked back to her and gently put the clothes on the white sheets, the TV still babbling in the background, about an AX400 running away from their home with a human child, the victim said to have been attacked along the way. Matthew spoke up, "They would probably find their way to Jericho, the two, I mean."

Y/n, who had just finished putting on the jacket, "J....Jericho?" she questioned, Matthew raised his artificial eyebrow. "Yes, Jericho. The place where fugitives, deviants run off to to be 'free'. I've wanted to go there but..." His LED turned yellow, "I...I g-guess I'm already content with my artificial life here.." She didn't know why he hesitated.

"Do you know where Jericho is?" She questioned, squinting at the TV, rambling about androids and Cyberlife and shite.

"Well...I've heard that there are clues. Clues that guide you to Jericho. Very few make it, I never made the risk. I didn't want to leave the safety of Mr. Hutton's home either." He tensed up, "You want to go there, don't you?" he started unbuttoning his long sleeve. "Will that be a bad idea?" She asked again, feeling that she's comfortable enough with Matthew to ask about whatever this Jericho thing is. "Likely."

He threw the shirt onto a nearby basket, leaving him with the grey trousers. Y/n's seen naked men, sometimes women, so this hadn't fazed her. unlike Matthew. He turned around, and mumbled a small "Oh." She gave a lopsided grin, before he turned around and grabbed a random shirt and some shorts along with it, "Excuse me!" He added quickly before dashing into the bathroom connected to the bedroom. Which gave her a chance to explore the room for a few moments.

The room was quite luxurious, real Birch wood was used as the floor, mostly being covered by a soft, white mat. one side had Thirium stains which concerned Y/n, but chose to ignore it. One wall was made of mostly glass, showcasing the dim buildings of Detroit; matching white curtains drawn.

The door swung open. "Hews, I'm sad to say that the tomatoes you grew sucked—" Another Android came in, an AP700, Y/n concluded, since she didn't see her come in, she looks like she had just come back from outside. The girls stared silently at eachother, before one of them spoke, breaking the silence; "I am thoroughly disappointed in you, Matthew—fucking—Hutton," She mumbled. Another android came in, sighing. "I told you."

[forkanna]

[AO3 LINK] [EF LINK]

It'd be nice if that wrapped everything up in a neat bow. But nah. We didn't get our Happily Ever After that easily.

Let's cut to the chase and do some more summary. For the next couple of days, things were more or less about where they were before. We would make out a little, and game, and she'd babble and I'd listen with varying levels of interest. The only real difference was, every now and then I'd ask some question about the whole trans thing and she'd try to answer as best she could. Most of the time she was patient, but once in awhile… yeah, it clearly got on her nerves. Still, it was Knives and she liked me, so she didn't yell at me as much as I thought she should.

Also… kissing was weirder. It was all me, worrying about how I was kissing a trans girl instead of a "normal" girl. My own ignorance making me anxious, I guess. She would notice sometimes and ask if I was okay, and I'd tell her everything was fine and try to get past it. Most of the time, I succeeded. Because I knew, I knew deep down that she was the same person, same bubble of sugary sweetness that I both found annoying and endearing. I was just being weird because…

Knives was the first person like that I'd ever met. It's not much of an excuse, I know. This just wasn't something I'd ever thought about before for more than five seconds. Don't judge me too badly, but most of what I'd thought about was drag queens. When she told me there were guys like that, too — y'know, men who were born women, I was like, what does that even mean?! I'd never even heard of that! But it made sense once it sank in. Just… all new information, crazy to me but old news to her. She was pretty quick to correct me when I said something that made it sound like she was still a guy, or the one time I said "tranny" without even meaning for it to be an insult. Literally had never stopped to think that it was basically a slur, since it almost always gets used to say some chick looks "too manly", or some guy is "too girly". Like… sure, it's easy to see how it could be harmful when you've thought about it, or when you see your girlfriend flinch as if she'd been stabbed, but I hadn't yet. I was in a totally new world and old rules didn't apply.

No sex. You were probably wondering about that, but literally the most we did was make out, maybe squeeze a buttcheek once or twice. If things started to get past that point, one of us would pull back. Just weren't there yet.

Although… we did have a hard conversation one night. We had been bingewatching some anime that Knives had on DVD, I didn't care much but I was starting to get into it toward the end. Bunch of ninjas or whatever. At some point, we got distracted from the TV by each other's faces. Sucking on them, to be exact…

                                                            ~ o ~

"Hey," I breathed pulling back with a slight smile, gazing into her eyes the moment the opened again. "There she is."

Swallowing hard, Knives glanced down between our bodies, then up again with a slight nervousness. It hurt to see that there, but it hurt because I was such a douchecanoe once upon a time to her. If I wasn't so dumb when I was drunk, maybe she could have been less uncomfortable.

"Sorry," I breathed, my smile gone like the wind. "Just… haven't felt that yet. While sober, I mean."

"Y-yeah," she whispered before clearing her throat. "I try not to let it… pop up, but… you just feel so good sometimes."

My hips shifted a little, and I felt the firm little presence grinding into my hip. She was basically straddling my thigh again, only we were seated on a couch this time. "Mmm, you don't have to hide that now. Let it pop up."

"But I'm still so weird about… you know…"

"Sex?" A small nod, and I kissed her chin. "Shhh. If you're ready, then you're ready. Why hold back?"

"But I'm not ready."

"Then why are you hard as a rock down there?" Right after that, she rolled away and sat down next to me. "What? Knives…"

"Just because I'm hard doesn't mean I want to do anything with it. You do get that, right? Like… I might kind of want to, but that's not the same as being ready for that."

A guilty thrill shot through me, and I pushed a hand into my mouth for a second. This was the same thing that happened when I was drunk, except I hadn't been listening then. "Sorry." That was all I could get out.

Her hand reached down and grasped mine. "I do want to, though. Like… just…"

"Yeah. Like you said, it's a weird thing for you because of… that word. Dis-something."

"Dysphoria."

"That's the one. Makes you feel funny about your body matching your brain."

Her voice really was apologetic as she went on, "I don't want to be the man, banging you like a woman. I'm in lesbians with you, and have no interest in trying to be your boyfriend. And… I don't know, it's stupid."

"Not stupid if it's how you feel. I'm just trying to get this. You have a raging boner that I'm very ready to help you out with. And… I know I fuck up my words sometimes, but I really don't think you're a guy. Promise. So just… what's the problem? Is it me? Because like, I know this is only the second time I've felt-"

"It's not you," she cut me off urgently. "Come on! You rock, Kim, you're so hot! Like, my issues have nothing to do with how attractive you are, okay?"

Going for broke, I whispered, "Let me go down on you. Or jerk you off, maybe. We can try it and see how it goes. And if I do or say something off the mark, you can tell me. Now or later. Feedback helps. And you don't have to do anything for me if you're not ready for it, either."

"What if I'm not ready for anything at all? Is that okay? Or do you really need to do something every time you feel my dick get hard?"

There was a slight accusation in that tone. I felt anger pulse behind my temples. "Excuse me?"

"Well, you did the same thing last time," she sighed, clearly annoyed. "I thought you would be different now that you aren't drunk."

"No, I'm asking, not just doing it and then asking you afterward," I shot back. "And I apologised for that; I still feel like shit, but hey, thanks for the reminder."

"You're kind of doing it again, though. I just… want to make out with you, and if I get hard for it not be an issue, because all it means is that I'm enjoying myself. Not that I'm ready to 'take it to the next level'. If you make out with a guy and your nipples get hard, does that mean you definitely want them to fuck you?"

Running my hands through my hair, I turned away from her. "Fine. Nevermind."

"Answer me."

"No."

"Okay. Sorry for not being ready when you are."

I didn't reply. What was there to say? We had been doing so well up until that point, I was blindsided that it suddenly blew up in my face. And I wanted to tell her that I was okay with this, but it also felt like an insult. My stupid brain was used to a guy getting hard, and right away wanting to have sex. And I know, I know, everybody's different, and she wasn't a guy… I just needed to adjust my thinking. In case you couldn't tell, it was going pretty slow.

"Kim, I'm not a dildo. Like… to be honest, I kind of wish I was. For you. But I don't feel ready, and I think if I push myself to do it before I'm ready, then… neither of us are going to be very happy with the result."

Still no reply. Now I was hurting her. Could I be any more of a fuckup?

"Kim? Oh no… oh God, don't turn to stone again!"

That snapped me out of my daze. She was right; I could feel my limbs and muscles freezing up, getting more solid. "Nhh? Hhh nhh!" My mouth was sealed shut, too.

"Crap… where's that bottle of Soft? What did you do with-"

"Wait… okay… I…" Somehow, little by little, I was able to move again. A few very pale flakes of weird material shattered from my joints, and off my eyelids when I blinked, but it wasn't an actual full layer of rock like the last time. "Ooh… shit, that was close."

Arms looped around me, and Knives pushed her damp eyes into my neck. "I'm so sorry, I- you can touch me, I don't care. I don't care! Just please don't turn to stone, I really can't handle that, okay?"

Every word was like a blade piercing my heart. This wasn't her responsibility. Sure, it made me happy that she cared so much, but it frightened me a little that she was willing to sacrifice her own comfort for me that easily. Since two seconds ago, she had been telling me how important it was that she have the time she needed to get comfortable with the idea of me poking around downstairs.

"Knives…" That was all I could say for now. My hands gripped at the back of her shirt as I hugged her. "I'm sorry…"

"No, really, y-you can go down on me! Do you want to now? I mean… I'm not hard anymore, but I think if you-"

"Please stop," I begged her, the tears in her voice about to make mine start up again. "Just shut up."

But she wasn't having it. Pushing me away to look into my face, which I hated because I didn't like people seeing me without my shields in place, she shouted, "I can't let you be a statue just because I'm…"

Neither of us spoke for a second. Trying to figure out this situation. I wanted to leave, I wanted to run out the door and away from this annoying intensity, because I didn't fucking sign up for it. I didn't even want her as a friend in the beginning, let alone this! But she was also really important to me now. Like, crucial even. Seeing her upset purely because I couldn't figure out my shit made me feel so broken…

"Don't ever do that again," I finally managed to sob. "Don't ever say that y-you'll… that you would force yourself to do something you're not ready for just b-because I'm… a weird gargoyle thing! GOD! Please don't!"

Her lip quivered, but she threw her arms around me again, whispering, "Okay! Okay, I won't, I'm sorry! I'm sorry, Kim, I just don't want to lose you!"

My lips found her neck over and over, and she began to cry more now that the initial panic was gone. We both needed a release, so we let that happen for a little while until the sniffles were outnumbering the sobs. We pulled back and kissed, and then both of us started saying a bunch of sappy shit like "you're so good to me" and "I don't deserve you," blah blah blah.

Not blah blah to me, though. I was falling hard for Knives Chau. Just didn't know how to handle that yet.

                                                            ~ o ~

"That makes more sense," she said a while later as we snuggled in my bed. Mostly clothed, sharing a bottle of water. "But we still need to figure out what's causing you to turn."

Sighing, I pushed my face up against her shoulder. "Yeah. Probably because I'm a chickenshit."

"Don't say that. You are not, you're just… bad… at feelings? I hope that's not offensive."

"It's accurate. I don't like feelings. They suck."

"Yeah, you do. What you don't like is that they leave you open and vulnerable. But… I'm not going to hurt you, Kim. You know that!"

Nodding, I pet over her stomach as I smirked very slightly. "You're pretty badass, though. Helped take down Gideon. What if I turned into an evil ex? You'd have to defeat me, and I wouldn't stand a chance."

"You won't turn 'evil'. You're such a good, sweet, pure-"

"Lies."

"You ARE. Under all that grumpiness." That made me snort, and she grinned, leaning down to nuzzle my nose. "Didn't say you were a perfect ray of sunshine, just… such an awesome girl! I can see it, even if you can't."

"Should have your eyes checked," I deflected, trying to ignore the pounding of my heart. Like I said, cavity-inducing.

"Maybe. They only seem to see you."

How did she actually top herself that quickly? I already was reeling from how much affection she could show, and then she shows even more without giving me a chance to recover first. So again, I did the thing. I tried to rise to her level of flirting-ness, to not just be the useless lump in the relationship. Here's what I came up with:

"Fuck. I can't believe you like me. You're too cool to date such an asshole."

Points for effort?

"Aww," she cooed as if I had recited some touching sonnet. My cheeks were burning, I could tell when she kissed them and her lips were like ice against the skin. "I think we're both pretty cool."

"Sleep here?" I urged, needing it. Not wanting to show how much, but hoping she would spot it anyway. "Set an alarm, and just… use today's uniform again tomorrow?"

Nodding, she snuggled in close. "As long as you promise not to pounce on my morning wood. Just making sure," she rushed ahead when I winced. "And if you do, it's only gonna mean another talk. Not that I hate you or want to leave you. Right?"

"Right," I groaned, flopping onto my back. She only moved in closer. This time, I felt the warm squish of her soft junk against my thigh; it was kind of nice. I'd never felt that before with a dude, because I never had a relationship with one long enough to include much cuddling. "I promise."

"And we're not done trying to figure out why the statue-thing happens. I… I want you to be safe, and not have to worry that I'll come home and find…"

The ominousness of that idea hung over both of our heads for a moment. I whispered to her, "We will. I don't want it, and you don't want it; pretty unanimous. Not that I have any clue where to start."

"Tomorrow," she yawned as she nuzzled in, already drifting off.

"Knives?" A little hum was her only response. "I'm… glad you're back in my life. Fucking crazy as it's been. Just didn't want you to…"

By that point, I could feel her deeper breathing, and knew I was trying to talk to a snoozing woman. Shaking my head very gently, I settled in to drift off with her.

                                                           To Be Continued…