#Also OP cool it with the mummies curse jokes

[bijoumikhawal]

@marzipanandminutiae

(Disclaimer: I am Egyptian)

Okay, I know you're being well intentioned with the last bit, but I'm a little sick of people going "the Egyptian government allowed it so it's okay" about bullshit like this

Other Egyptians may disagree with me about this specific case or getting frustrated by that phrase but like. The Egyptian government is corrupt. We all know it's corrupt, even if some Egyptians wont admit it. Egyptian archeologists, due to our country's history in relation to Europe and Black Africa, also make really bad and galling decisions sometimes (usually by being racist). On one hand, I don't want westerners to give their takes haphazardly. On the other, it's EXHAUSTING to see people look at shit like this (or the possession of an ENTIRE temple by an American museum thanks to ethnic cleansing) and shrug because they don't understand our modern politics. It comes off like yall don't care that much, honestly.

Egyptians are not some weird pure fairies where every decision we make about our artifacts is good! If nothing else being allowed to rent the pyramids would have been a DISGUSTING and profane act of depraved capitalism. I (and many other Egyptians) HATE Sisi because his balls are tied to western capitalism and his attempts to promote tourism are destroying Egyptian culture and history while enacting horrible infrastructure decisions. He has, for example, desecrated dozens of medieval era tombs by destroying them. But there's almost no outcry for them from westerners because they're NOT Pharaonic. Sisi and the west only give a damn about Pharaonic history and money! He only cares about upkeep so far as it ensures he can keep using them for tourism. And because he's a dictator of course he'd have a say in something like that. And this is WHILE most Egyptians are impoverished, while basic necessities get more expensive, and while he keeps building dumb shit and living in a presidential palace. While he won't open the Rafah border! While he won't crackers down on the price gouging of refugees and just let people come in! All of this greed is connected.

And I also see this sentiment used to defend Egyptians being like. Explicitly VERY racist by people who don't understand that's what's going on. They don't understand the relationship Arab and Arabized Egyptians have to Copts and Nubians, to Sudan, and how all if this gets tangled up with Pharaonic history and artifacts. We are a complicated nation! More complicated than "well I guess it's fine because they're Egyptians"!

I hope this guy fucking dies because

A) he's Mr Beast

B) he has WAY too much money if he's renting out the PYRAMIDS OF GIZA????

C) renting out actual historical landmarks that have already been desecrated and destroyed over thousands of years for a goddamn youtube video is actually disgusting.

idk if you think that they're "just the pyramids", they're the ONLY remaining wonder of the ancient world!!! Not to mention!! they're TOMBS!! sure, the people who were inside are long gone, but like?? idk, maybe i'm oversely sensitive, but being a white dude and desecrating an ancient burial site (for profit) and thus disregarding thousands upon thousands of years of history and culture is probably Up There with the scummy stuff this jackass has done

[jbhoneydew]

My first attempt at writing something M*A*S*H related, or writing anything in years. Please message me if you have any suggestions! I might post this to AO3 later.

The 4077th is faced with another cold, winter night and BJ isn’t handling the cold-snap too well. Hawkeye is there to help him out. (2.2K words)

(References to Baby Its Cold Outside (7x10) & Mail Call (2x23) )

__________________________________________________________

“Attention all personnel! Bundle up and grab some coffee in the mess while it lasts. It’s going to be a cold one tonight, folks!”

The bitter wind whipped in the air that would send a strong shiver down one’s spine. It seemed like yesterday the camp was soaking in the rays of the warm summer sun, but those days were long gone.

Time flies when you waste your days doing meatball surgery on wounded men and boys from the front lines - hoping they’ll live to see another day.

It was now the middle of November and the 4077th mobile hospital in Uijeongbu, South Korea was faced with a premature winter storm. The forecast called for flurries, strong winds, and below freezing temperatures that were not welcomed by the unit.

It was the second winter blast of the week and supplies were now low in stock. Extra blankets were non-existent in the supply room. They were either wrapped around patients in post-op or wrapped around the personnel like mummies. Firewood was also scarce due to the last storm. This left the unit scrambling to find supplies they would need to keep themselves warm. 

The unlucky personnel would have to find other means of warmth.

____________________________________________________________

Hawkeye sprinted across the compound towards the Swamp. He just finished his evening post-op shift and Charles had finally arrived to relieve him after being 20 minutes late. Hawk was bundled up from head to toe with his arms wrapped tightly around himself to preserve body head as he ran, a few curse words escaping his lips. The cold air was biting at his exposed face and all he wanted to do was curl up next to the furnace and sleep. 

He finally made it to the Swamp and swung the door open, practically throwing himself inside. 

“Hawk, the door!” His bunk-mate BJ greeted him from his own cot, trying to shield himself away from the bitter cold wind Hawkeye let in by burrowing deeper into his blanket.

“I got it, Beej. Cool it.” he muttered as he slammed the door shut. 

“Mother Nature beat me to it.” muttered BJ as he adjusted the army-issued toque on his head. His teeth chattering in the process. The winter storm was making him miserable. He wasn’t used to the sub-zero temperatures in Korea. It was a new concept.

Before being drafted, he spent his entire life living in California and rarely had to worry about being cold. Living in Korea for the past year  reminded him that not everywhere was sunny and warm like California. He knew it would be cold - but the draft board didn’t tell him it would be this cold.

Hawk wrapped the blanket on his cot around himself and crouched down in the middle of the tent where the gas stove usually was. He raised his hands out in front of it, expecting it to warm his cold and tired body.

He raised an eyebrow when he realized no heat emitted from the unit. He then realized the gas stove was missing. 

“Don’t tell me i’m going crazy. Could’ve sworn we had a gas stove in here. ” Hawk said in confusion. 

“We did, until about 10 minutes ago. Radar took it. He said post-op needs all the gas stoves they can find to keep the patients warm.” explained BJ as he shivered in his bunk. “The last time he did it, I hid his glasses in the meat-loaf. I think i’ll hide them in the latrine this time.” 

“This is just perfect.” Hawk said sarcastically. He stood up and paced around the tent in an attempt to keep himself warm without the gas stove.

“I’m already frozen from my head down to my toes and our good friend, Chuckles, is now sitting in post-op probably bathing in the warmth of OUR gas stove. Now we’re stuck here to freeze our butts off in this flimsy tent!” Hawkeye ranted. “He could’ve at least left his ugly polar suit or gloves to keep us warm! That little-” 

Hawk stopped himself when his eyes landed on BJ for a second time, noticing something different.

“Wait a minute….Is that my sweater?” 

“Mhm.” BJ mumbled as he lifted the collar of the sweater up to keep his neck warm.

The navy blue wool sweater his dad sent him last year was currently wrapped around BJ’s semi-slim frame, the collar of the fabric peeking out from under his olive green coat.

“First you steal my socks, and now my sweater. What’s next? My pants?”

“I was cold and I found it under your cot. You can have it back if you want if you want.” BJ replied as he began to undo the top buttons of the sweater.

“No, no.” Hawk replied as he placed a hand on BJ’s shoulder. “Keep it. I’m just kidding.”

“You sure?” BJ paused. 

“Yeah...it’s just, I can’t believe you’re actually wearing my clothes. Not just my socks this time.” 

“Good. Because it’s very warm. Tell your dad I said thanks.”

“Your regards will be in my next letter to Crabapple Cove. Dad will appreciate it.”

“You know..I wish Peg thought of sending me a sweater. Instead she sent more rum cookies instead of something warm to wear. This is Korea we’re talking about. It’s freezing.” BJ half-joked.

“Keep it, Beej. I mean it. Besides, you look really good in my sweater.” 

BJ raised an eyebrow at him. “How can you tell?” 

“Just trust me. You look good.” he winked. 

Hawk laid down on his cot, pulling the thin army-issued blanket over his body to block out the frigid air with little success. He was cold, tired, and all he wanted to do was sleep. 

Hawk turned onto his side towards BJ. He was now sitting up in his bunk, his legs pulled towards his chest with his blanket wrapped around himself. He felt sympathetic for his younger bunk mate. He knew BJ wasn’t experienced in handling cold snaps unlike himself; who grew up in Maine and experienced cold snaps like this every winter.

He watched BJ pick up his most recent letter from Peg that sat on his footlocker and read it for what seemed like the fifth time this week. 

“Can’t get enough of that letter, huh?” Hawk asked, letting out a yawn. 

“Huh? Oh yeah. Keeps my mind off the cold.” BJ replied as he shivered again. 

“What’s new in Mill Valley?”

“She says that they had six warm days in a row. In fact, it was so nice she and my parents took Erin to San Francisco for the day. It says that Erin’s favorite part of the trip was seeing the Golden Gate Bridge. It says ‘I wish you were here to see it, BJ. Her eyes lit up like she was handed the moon. It was the cutest thing i’ve seen.’ Damn. I should’ve been there to see it too. I miss the warmth of San Francisco but instead I'm here about to catch hypothermia.”

“You will be there, Beej. We’ll get out of this dump. It won’t last forever.”

“The peace talks say otherwise.”

“Listen to me.” Hawk said as he raised his head from his pillow. “I will personally march myself up to MacArthur’s doorstep to personally stop this war if I have too. Just for you. You’ll make it out of here in one piece and you’ll see your wife and kid again. You’ll be back in sunny California in no time, and then you can come visit me in Crabapple Cove anytime you wish.”

“Who says i’ll visit?” he teased. 

“Says me. It’s only been a year but we’ve been through hell and back together. This isn’t a bond that can be thrown away once this war is over and we all go home. Trapper left without saying goodbye before you showed up and I haven’t heard a word from him since. I’m not letting you do the same. Besides, how am I supposed to live without Peg’s baking? It’s to die for.” he explained. He knew he was rambling on to BJ but he didn’t care - he needed a distraction from the cold.

“It’s a deal, Hawk.” BJ smiled, placing the letter back on his footlocker. He was lucky to have met Hawkeye, even in one of the worst circumstances possible. It was the only luck he seemed to have since he was drafted.

BJ laid down on his cot again and curled up onto his side.“I have post-op in the morning, see ya then, if we survive the night.” he said as he closed his eyes.

“Night BJ, don’t let the frost-bite get ya.”

BJ grinned. “Yes mom. Goodnight, Hawk.”

____________________________________________________________________________

A particularly strong gust of wind blew against the tent, waking Hawkeye in the process. It felt like the temperature dropped another ten degrees in the matter of hours. He was about to tug his blanket over his head when he heard someone’s teeth chattering. Hawk lifted his head up and noticed BJ visibly shiver in his cot. 

“Beej? You alright?” he half-whispered to him, wondering if he was awake or not.

He didn’t get a response for a few moments until BJ popped his head out from under his blanket. 

“Yeah. Just cold. Go back to sleep.” he mumbled as his teeth chattered more.

Hawk shook his head. Sleep was now a lost cause for Hawk at this point. The cold temperature and howling wind now made it nearly impossible.

Hawk was concerned for his friend who was shivering on the other side of the tent. He knew that he was having a tough time dealing with the frigid cold. It would’ve been a lot easier if the gas stove was here, but they sacrificed it for the patients.

Suddenly, he had an idea to help both of them. 

Hawk wrapped his blanket around himself and made his way over to BJ’s cot.

“Move over, Beej.” Hawk mumbled to the younger man, who moved over as much as he could without a complaint.

Hawk settled himself half on top of BJ and wrapped his arms around the younger man, their legs becoming entangled in one another. He then threw his blanket over top both of them.

“What’re you doin’?” BJ mumbled half-asleep, his teeth chattering once again.

“You’re shivering, so I’m keeping you warm. Damn it, BJ. You’re like an icicle.”

“Mmm. And you’re like a personal body heater”

“Glad I can be useful,” he smiled. “Come here.”

Hawk pulled BJ even closer to him, if it was even possible, and rubbed his arm gently in an attempt to warm him up.

They laid in silence for a while. They eventually rolled onto their sides and had their arms wrapped tightly around each other. BJ rested his forehead against Hawkeye’s shoulder, who had his chin rested on top of BJ’s head. They both fit perfectly in eachothers arms. Hawk smiled when he noticed BJ’s shivering had died down.

“Hawk?”

“Mhm?”

“Thanks for this. Feeling warmer already.”

“No problem, Beej. I’m here for you. No matter what. We’ll get through this.” 

They both fell asleep moments later, the storm already long forgotten as they curled up in eachothers arms.

—————————————————-------------------------------------------------

“Captain Pierce! Captain Hunnicutt! You in there?”

The swamp door creaked open, allowing the morning sunlight to illuminate the tent, and Radar timidly stepped inside the tent.

“Oh good. There you are, sirs.”

He found Hawkeye and BJ cuddled up together on one cot in the back right corner of the tent. BJ was snoring softly, dead to the world. His arms were wrapped tightly around Hawkeye like an octopus and his cheek was resting against his shoulder.

“Radar? What is it?” Hawkeye suddenly asked, startling the young corporel. 

“I’m sorry sirs but Winchester told me to tell you that he wants Captain Hunnicutt in post-op right away. He’s supposed to cover for him and he’s already 10 minutes late.”

“Hmm. Five more minutes.” 

“But sir-“

“I said five more minutes, Radar. I’ll make it an order if I have too.” 

Radar stared at them with his mouth opened slightly and huffed.

“Oh boy. You’re gonna owe Winchester for this. He’s already on my back as it is and I'm not the one who's late!” 

“Go, Radar. We’ll be there soon. I’ll leave last month’s volleyball nudes under your door for you if you tell Winchester to wait a few more minutes.” Hawk smiled.

“Yes sir!” and Radar was gone seconds later.

Hawk then turned his attention back to BJ. He didn’t have the heart to wake him up. He looked so peaceful curled up in his arms and honestly - it felt nice. 

Sure, Hawk spent the night with many of the nurses on the compound and girls back in his hometown but BJ was different. There was something about another man laying against him, seeking comfort that Hawk was more than willing to provide. He realized that he liked taking care of BJ. 

Hawk ran a hand through BJ’s hair and sighed happily. He could get used to this. For the first time in his life, he wished for more wintery cold nights like this.