#Actually a positive or not negative dot post lmao

[huenot]

.

[kafus]

why dot & episode 41 of pokemon horizons means so much to me as a recovering social recluse

when i got into pokemon horizons i had no idea whatsoever that my favorite character would end up being dot, one of the best handled social recluse characters i've ever seen in a piece of media. pokemon places such a large focus on adventure and travel, meeting new people and pokemon, so really the idea of a respectfully handled social recluse character just didn't seem to fit in with the concept. but now that the environment travels with the characters in the form of an airship, dot was able to be created and my god i love her. as someone who's been a recluse most of my life, even as a child, (i would qualify as a hikikomori and/or NEET at different stages of my life!) who is slowly crawling out of that pit, dot means the world to me.

there's a lot of good episodes that have some level of focus on dot but episode 41 in particular really blew me away and for the sake of my autistic ass desperately wanting to tell people about it i'm going to explain that here in trademark rambling fashion. obviously spoilers ahead - though not just for episode 41, i'm also going to be talking about earlier episodes a little bit. you've been warned!! if you don't want spoilers don't read below the cut ty!!

so episode 41. we meet dot's mother as the viewer who is there to pick up dot from her "trial period" on the brave asagi, learn about how dot ended up on the airship in the first place, and then at the end dot gets to have a showdown against her mother's lycanroc essentially to prove that she wants to, and can, stay permanently on the rising volteccers crew instead of going home. this is a huge turning point in dot's development as a character - at first she was a complete unknown only audible through her bedroom door, irritable to anyone who tried to speak to her, then over the course of the show she's managed to make friends with liko and roy, become a pokemon trainer, enjoy food with other people for seemingly the first time, and even caught tinkatink on her own accord pretty recently. and now this episode allows her to say in her own words that she isn't just on the ship experimentally, or because of murdock, or any other reason - she is choosing to be there and is enjoying learning more about other people and experiencing the outside world. again, this is a huge leap for someone who refused to show her face to the main characters for the first half of the show!

this on its own is already a pretty admirable character arc, one i can relate to, but i am really impressed by & feel seen by the way the writing handles her and that's really apparent in this episode. first i'm going to focus on how the writing and characters in the show respect dot's feelings despite her introversion and reclusion here.

dot's mom (blanca) is introduced to us as incredibly overbearing, to the point of freaking out and sending a bunch of angry stickers when murdock and dot don't immediately respond to her messages. dot's first response to seeing her mom is frustration instead of any level of positive response or excitement, which implies they don't have the best history, even before she actually starts talking about her past. i'm not trying to make this a post about dot's family psychology, maybe another time, but similarly to liko her situation is a bit fucked lmao (though for opposite reasons!)

the thing is - the adults around her are ALSO uncomfortable, in particular murdock, blanca's brother, which conveys a lot about the situation. she's not just some stubborn kid, there's legitimacy to her feelings, because if there wasn't the mature figures in this situation probably wouldn't also be reacting negatively, especially not murdock, dot's other relative here. from incredibly personal experience, it is so easy to wave off the feelings of a child, especially one as "difficult" and reclusive as dot, as just being some sort of phase, but already the writers are directly contrasting murdock, an adult dot is comfortable with who treats her with patience and respect, with blanca, who she evidently is not comfortable with - and they're respecting her feelings by making the adults in the show respect her feelings, too. and they're about to do a whole lot more of contrasting her mother with Everyone and Everything Else!

dot is continued to be understood and respected by the people who know her best in the case of liko and roy choosing to approach her to talk first. dot has run off to her room, where she usually is to get away from people, a very clear sign that she's struggling. liko and roy recognize this and cut blanca off from making the situation worse. which, of course they would, they're her friends and they genuinely care about her and understand how she behaves! they even know how to get her to come out her room without banging on her door and continuously yelling or something like that - direct contrast to them struggling with this much earlier in the show, by the way.

dot is happy to see them and much more willing to talk pretty much immediately, because guess what, they're people who respect her space and her feelings!!!

and once again, when blanca tries to force dot to speak before she's ready to (i mean come on you literally jumped her with this massive thing out of nowhere), liko jumps in and cuts blanca off to defend her and once again respect her feelings in a way that blanca definitely is not.

and finally, when they end up having a pokemon battle with each other...

blanca says this, yet another invalidation of dot's feelings and the way she responds to situations. this line actually made me viscerally uncomfortable, i remember the bitterness and upset i felt when i was a young person and my feelings, especially my frustrations with my parents and the way they handled my introversion, were invalidated on account of my age. "oh, it's just a phase" or "it's just because you're a kid" - just so incredibly frustrating.

and you know what that's followed up with?

dot speaking her fucking mind and kicking her mom's ass baby!!!! get her ass!!! let's GOOO. this part of the episode is so fucking rewarding. it's so good to see this character who has grown so much finally stand up for herself. she still needed a little bit of a push but that's OKAY!! the important part is that she's doing it and the narrative recognizes that! having friends and loved ones to help you out is actually a very essential part of happiness and survival!

and before i delve too far into my personal feelings, i also want to talk about a second thing here; i just find dot's characterization really relatable, like i swear to god there's someone on the writing team who must have been a 12 year old autistic NEET or something. it's literally too fucking on point, it's uncanny, i swear there's times in horizons where dot is just a carbon copy of me when i was a preteen. i mean come on:

dot flopping face down into bed after being overwhelmed in an awkward social situation and being confronted with a situation she's been trying to ignore thus far... the amount of times i have done this in my life, holy shit.

the candidness in which dot speaks about being so interested in the outside world, but being unable to have those experiences for herself as simply a voyeur. the shot of her room being such a disaster because she rarely leaves it and stuff piles up in there, including food junk,

the way she spends all this time alone cultivating skills she's passionate about and then shrugs them off as "just something she likes" when an adult compliments her on her abilities, the contrast between her confidence in what she loves but her complete social awkwardness in talking to anyone about it,

her defining herself on the internet by being a homebody, hell even her cute little freakout about the streamer she likes noticing something she said,

waking up late and missing the activities of other people because her sleep schedule basically doesn't exist while she's at home,

even just her general body language of closing in on herself and holding onto something when she's nervous, hell even her clothing choices which are so obviously meant to be as comfortable as possible for her and easy to take on and off - i could go on forever even just with this episode alone but i think you get the point. i feel so seen by how dot is just in general and it's obvious from both the plot/writing and the way dot is portrayed and animated that the people making this show understand people like me, even the type of person i was as a child, too.

all of this means so much to me because like i said in the intro to this post, i was and still very much am a social recluse. i'm a homebody. even now i still rarely leave my room, i don't eat with family often, i struggle to do things in the "real world". growing up, repeated intrusions into my feelings and my life did not help me, they only made me whiplash further into feeling distant and not listened to by the people around me. they made me want to interact with real life less. finally, as an adult, when people started to give me a bit more space, when the ways i communicate began to be respected a little more, that is when i started making genuinely close and good friendships, that is when i began to venture outside of my room and partake in small joys with people, as a direct result of being given the space and time to do so, to have my own autonomy, to make my own decisions, to be myself. i think it's incredibly easy to see someone curling in onto themself and assume they need a fuckton of intrusive pushing, and sometimes they do need a little push, like how dot's quaxly pushes her to move forward in the moment sometimes, or how liko continuously tried to befriend her, but the important part is that by treading too far over her boundaries it is no longer a productive or respectful way of helping her - it's a balance, and a balance horizons always seems to get right, episode 41 included.

it really means so much to me to see dot's journey into coming out of her shell treated with so much respect by the writing and other characters. so often recluse characters are the butt of the joke, are pushed out of their comfort zones unrealistically fast, or never actually receive the support and growth they need - but horizons strikes the balance of being candid about the type of character dot is and giving respect and space to her feelings so she can grow at her own pace, but still giving her support and little pushes when she needs them, and showing that it's possible to grow and enjoy the real world, even as a recluse. it's refreshing, especially with a character who is a child, and a girl, too! i can count the amount of times i have found a young girl character i relate to at all on one hand, and dot is the best one i've ever seen, personally! horizons has been really inspiring to me to continue to cultivate my connections with others and continue to drag myself out of my shell at my own pace with people who love me, during a really chaotic and transitional part of my life and i really love it for that. i'm glad this episode exists for an infinite multitude of reasons but i really just wanted to talk about this specific aspect for a bit and how it relates back to me as a recovering recluse.

thanks for reading if you got this far jesus christ i talk a lot LOOOL. and i might talk more about my feelings on this episode or dot in general later. i have so much to say about likodot and also about the family dynamics in this show i'm practically eating thru drywall thinking about it rn

[ohbo-ohno]

this is probably such a strange ask to receive and for that i’m sorry but bo, i really just want to say thank you. i have had a cnc/noncon/dubcon kink for a very long time, but for so long it was a massive festering source of shame and guilt for me. i felt like there was something wrong with me, especially because even though i felt that way i didn’t want to stop reading or fantasizing about it. i followed your blog probably around a year to a year and a half ago, and since then you’ve played a huge part in helping me reconstruct the way i think about it. in your casual posting and your writing and the things about it that you’ve reblogged i’ve come to realize there isn’t anything wrong with me and that not only is this kink common, it’s not shameful and it’s not wrong to have it— fantasy is just that. fantasy. and it’s okay.

this probably doesn’t mean much coming from an anon from tumblr dot com but in a way, your writing and the way you approach cnc outside of writing has truly healed a part of me that i thought would continue to fester for my entire life. it’s not a horrible, shameful thing for me anymore, and i don’t feel like i’m secretly and evil or terrible person. like honestly, your help in un-learning to feel that way about myself in just one area of my life has helped me improve my feelings about myself overall, and maybe this is a bit parasocial but in part i feel like i owe that to you. learning to accept myself wholly is a process that is going to take my whole life, i’m sure, but thanks to you i’m just that little bit closer. thank you.

a study in 2009 found that 62% of women have had a rape fantasy, a 2018 study found that two-thirds of women in the study had rape fantasies and half the men surveyed reported having rape fantasies. while twitter and tumblr might try to convince you otherwise, rape fantasies/noncon is nooooot abnormal lmao. it might be uncomfortable to realize you like fantasies like that at first, but you are farrrr from the only person to feel these things and get off on certain scenarios

i actually felt crazy guilty when i first started engaging with noncon erotica or dark romance too. i'd read something and really enjoy it but force myself to give it a negative review because it felt wrong to give a positive review of a book that depicted smth so terrible. i think i changed when i read clown in a cornfield and gave it a high rating lmao - i don't feel guilty giving a good review to a book about highschoolers getting murdered by clowns, why should i feel guilty about giving a good review to a book about a woman getting kidnapped and stockholm syndrome-d? that's silly.

anyways, im so so glad my blog helped you get more comfortable!!!!!! not a single person i know irl knows about this blog (i hope) so for me there's no point in not reblogging the stuff i want to. i like to think the audience i've cultivated here isn't gonna stone me for the exact posts/kinks they followed me for in the first place lmao

anyways, im so glad my blog has helped you out!!! that's actually really really nice to hear, and makes me feel better about the kind of stuff i reblog/post sometimes haha. wishing you all the best babe!!!!

[purpurussy]

literally haven't eaten anything all day (it's gone 7pm) or been outside in several days or slept more than 4 hours/night in the last week so im probably just being insane for no reason atm but

i feel like I'm at a weird sort of crossroads with this blog?

when i made this account i saw it as kind of an experiment in vulnerability and positivity. i said i'm gonna try my best to post what's in my heart and not care whether it does numbers or not. if people like it they like it, if not that's okay because i like it and i'm having fun. and i'm gonna practise some kind of general radical positivity/acceptance towards others too. like i promised myself i would not allow this to be anything other than a positive experience, a nice opportunity to express myself in a way that's disconnected from how people see me irl and maybe connect with likeminded people along the way

and once i started writing fic i literally couldn't stop, like the idea of being able to share my writing and have other people enjoy it too is so exciting and motivating to me. there is so much happening in my google docs atm and it feels so good to be writing again after years of feeling too depressed to create anything

however unfortunately i am the grumpiest most insecure person on earth and i have never let go of anything in my life. i've already been unable to stop myself from wading into discourse™ and the general social media fomo/insecurity is starting to get to me. like when did i go from just gleefully shouting into the void, to constantly checking my activity, trying to figure out the best times to post, literally crying when my stuff doesn't do as well as i wanted it to??? taking note of which posts flopped and which ones did well, so i can post more of the popular content instead of just posting what i want. none of this is even real, yet it's been bothering me in a very real way. most of which is just my brain turning it into a negative experience for fully self-imposed reasons

i do think social media is poison in general. and i know it does not work at all for someone who is very prone to having a complete menty b at the first sign of any kind of rejection. and i know a big part of the problem is that i'm attaching too much value to this blog and how people respond to my posts (I have been connecting with my friends irl more lately, but social media is literally designed to prey on the part of your brain that perceives social rejection as a threat to your existence so unfortunately it feels like this matters to me a lot more than it should. also my irls do not want to hear about dan and phil lmao)

idk if i should just accept that this is not good for me and delete, or if it's possible to once again achieve the carefree fun i was having at first. maybe if i can work on my irl issues i'll start to feel a bit better and then it won't bother me as much?

i'm also sort of wondering how much i should reveal about myself? like i want to feel completely free to post as much cringe/insanity/weird smut as I want. and if i was posting in a way that would be easily traceable back to my actual identity then i'd definitely be a lot more careful with what i say. but on the other hand i wanna get to know people better! it would be fun to hop into a discord and actually have a conversation with people rather than just rambling in the tags on their posts. so i'm not really sure what to do with that either. it's kinda fun to truly exist as a completely formless entity in a way, like im literally just tumblr dot com slash purpurussy and there's something freeing about that, even if it does make me feel like i'm missing out on a chance to connect with people properly sometimes

also that idea scares me! everyone on here is genuinely so cool and wonderful and it gives me such a huge dopamime hit when someone i admire likes my stuff. so it's just scary to interact with people more because it feels like oh no they're gonna realize im actually a cantankerous little troll that lives under a bridge and is a nightmare to talk to lmfao

this makes no sense and i'll probably delete it in a bit i just had to get it off my chest

[vsa-pieldepapel]

Your Kris grill post is very based. In honor of autism awareness day, do you have autistic headcanons for them and/or for any other Deltarune characters you hc as autistic? Like, the characters’ special interests, stims, etc? Go wild.

Only kris, really - ralseis social awkwardness gives me autist energy that can be funny to jest about but I pin it more on him being alone for most of his life. I like to think susie may have undiagnosed adhd, inspired by my husband who got his diagnosis this year (birds of a feather kek) and thats why her academic performance is so shit. I remember I made a very stupid drawing that does not reflect my actual takes on the characters about it as a joke lmfao

Okay disclaimer I grew up being an autist on a 3rd world country and many of the attitudes muricans on tumblr dot com have about it are alienating as fuck. I think the site romanticises and makes being an autist funny (not new, Ive been on tumbly since 2013 and saw it even pre dashcon), especially the teens and Its not. Especially when youre a girl and a tomboy like I am and you could cover it up just well enough No one can figure how fucked up you are, but not well enough to ever be respected by teachers or peers as an equal kek. I don’t like to share my history with it but it is for the most part very negative and self acceptance a struggle So im sorry, Ralsei^2 this answer may not be happy or generally positive- I’m in therapy to assess these things about myself but they are open wounds as of now

So. Kris

I’ve said in some kriselle post I see kris as xx chromosome/afab/whatever the socially accepted term is (I cant keep up with these language changes and policies because oh shit, imma fucking autist, that on top of that doesn’t even live near the same cultural context as the USA lmao) that is, in part, because of that too. My takes on it are rather simple

-kris is seen as the town weirdo because of their unusual behaviour and demeanour associated with being on the spectrum

-the little quirks like the spinning/jiggle jiggle/ball of junk/overt gestures when ACTing/putting stuff on the ground and patting it when you drop it/ etc are overcompensation for this aka kris is a bit of a social clown to compensate for their social deficits (real)

-toriel is kind of a tiger mom but kris can cover up their weirdness well enough they’re seen as “quirky” instead of anyone ever thinking to look into it (projecting there hard lmao) which is also why alphys tries to emphasise they’re “normal”

-the reason kris rarely talks or is said to be quiet (in canon, I make them talk lmao) is because they go mute under certain circumstances and generally suck at verbal communication

-has a fixation with knives and, on a wider spectrum, with smithing/metalwork

-likes bath bombs because of the smell and warm water

-noelle confides her own quirks with them because she just sees them as “quirky” but that gives her the confidence to

-susie and kris become such good friends in one day because autism/adhd solidarity that I have experienced myself irl (kinda crack headcanon here)

That’s it really. This ask was so hard to answer and I feel very cringey and afraid posting it but oh well autism awareness day etc etc if it gets too bad ill just delete the post

[creampievampire]

Could you go into the difference between the subtext and queerbaiting in it, I'm still kind of -well it's obviously gay but nothing was really ever said or shown that says that expect for people talking about it- Like are the characters and their relationship just queer-coded (positivly ofc lol) but the baitiness comes from them sort of confirming it off the show?

of course! im assuming by ‘it’ you mean merlin, but rather than explaining the reasons why i think bbc merlin is a matter of subtext (or queer coding) and not queerbaiting, i think it would be easier and more productive to explain the difference between the two in general. they are very similar - which is why i think a lot of people are unable to tell the difference between them - but they have important differences

just a warning, this is going to be a LONG post lmao ive bolded exactly what each term means below, after which i go into more detail on the whole issue. this is something im passionate about so,,, ♥

queerbaiting specifically refers to a marketing technique in which creators hint at but dont actually depict a queer character or relationship. They do this in order to attract a queer audience with the suggestion of a character or relationship they can relate to, while also avoiding alienating their queerphobic audiences

queer coding is the subtextual coding of a character as queer through the use of things like metaphor, allegory, hinting, recognisable traits/stereotypes/experiences, etc. This is done to build believable characters and create more complex plot lines, and it is also regularly used by people who want to tell queer stories but are unable to do so explicitly. it CAN be used negatively to enforce damaging stereotypes, but that is just a small part of its usage

both of these things utilise subtext in order to work. subtext is not only a crucial part of the creation of any piece of media, but is impossible to avoid.

an example of the most basic types of subtext is when a character tells someone that everything is going to be okay, but you can tell they dont believe it. or when youre watching a story unfold and you suddenly connect the dots and realise whats going to happen before its explicitly stated - you used subtext and the hidden meanings and hints to figure it out!

the people involved w a piece of media create their story with a specific purpose or meaning in mind, and they construct the subtext of the story to reflect that purpose/meaning. HOWEVER, the viewers dont always see things the same!

your experiences and personality shape the way you view and interpret every piece of media you consume. if you hate cops youll see the insidious undertones in cop shows - if you grew up with an abusive parent youll see the biting implications in a characters dialogue that others find innocent - if youre queer you will search for and fine queer characters everywhere, regardless of the creators intentions

now, both queerbaiting and queer coding use subtext to function, right? so how do you know which is being used and whether or not its a bad thing? its all about intention

to give a specific explanation of the difference im going to use two examples that are (arguably) very similar in the way their queer characters became canon

example 1: adventure time featured the characters marceline and princess bubblegum, who have been forever depicted as a couple in fan content. their interactions in the show were read into and latched onto bc we saw ourselves in them and we saw it as positive queer rep. but their relationship was never explicitly discussed during the course of the show and was only confirmed at the end of the final episode.

that makes 10 seasons in which their relationship existed only in subtext, and when it did finally exist in canon it was only for a few minutes, if that.

example 2: supernatural featured the characters dean and castiel (lol) who have been depicted as a queer couple pretty much since the first episode cas appeared in. i personally hung on their every interaction, analysed every glance between them, bc i interpreted deans character as a parallel to my own childhood trauma.

cas joined the show in season 4, so that makes 11 seasons in which him being gay existed only in subtext, and when it was confirmed he was immediately cut out of the show. the exact nature of dean and castiels relationship still remains in subtext.

so why is it that adventure time is widely considered perfectly fine but supernatural is dunked on as being the poster boy for queerbaiting?

its bc adventure time involved queer creators and was an earnest representation of queer characters, but they were boxed in by their publisher, Cartoon Network and thus the only way for the relationship to exist in the show was through subtext.

supernatural, however, consistently neglected their queer character and employed transparent tropes and stereotypes - bringing him in just sparingly enough to keep queer audiences interested while never being gay enough to alienate their macho manly man queerphobe audiences. they would have dean and cas stare into each other eyes for a full 30 seconds and then almost immediately follow it up with an episode about dean banging a disposable female character.

so imho adventure time falls under queer subtext, and supernatural falls under queerbaiting

when it comes to a show like bbc merlin i see a lot of debate about whether or not its queer coding or queerbaiting, and my intention is not to convince you of either. merlin was very much a product of its time, and i have argued the same about seasons 4-6 of supernatural as well, before the queerbaiting escalated and became exhausting to me

the purpose of this post is to start giving you the information you need to analyse any piece of media and come to your OWN opinion as to whether or not its queerbaiting or whatever else

people will ALWAYS have differing opinions about this shit yall. i have debated so many times w so many people about where the line is and whats okay and what should be ‘cancelled’ and if consuming something deemed problematic makes you a bad person or not

and my conclusion?

if youre capable of acknowledging the flaws and issues w a piece of media without trying to defend it as a shining beacon of purity simply bc you like it, then you do you. enjoy whatever you want to enjoy - if i think its reprehensible i simply will never interact with you lol

at some point everyone has to stop regurgitating these generic woke speak cancel culture speeches and buzzwords and formulate their own opinions

my advice to anyone reading this is to learn how to do close reading (ill provide a link to a wonderful short guide on it in a reblog bc tumblr hates links) and start really considering where you draw the lines with all types of content. decide for yourself whether merlin or supernatural or adventure time crosses the line into content you cant stomach, but respect other people whose interpretations differ from yours

i know a HUGE amount of people think supernaturals confession scene was homophobic and toxic - a slap in the face - but when i watched it i saw myself reflected in dean. a repressed bisexual whose emotions had been stunted by lifelong trauma, who wasnt ready to face his feelings for cas but quickly realising that his chronic avoidance and fear was about to tear them apart possibly forever. to me it was tragic and beautiful, and i loved it

i also think merlin is a tragic and beautiful love story, and to me its a pivotal piece of queer media that changed the way i viewed love and made me believe that it was a possibility for me bc i related so deeply to arthur

i hope that you can draw a satisfying answer from this, anon, and i apologise for this post being a full essay lol but i believe it needed to be said  - i dont think there is a right or wrong answer here

[literaphobe]

the whole shebang of gifs, if you don't mind :)

would like to start of by saying. that i am by no means an expert. and that easily someone could come on this post and tell me i am doing something wrong/stupid/pointless. but y’all wanted this. so let’s go. here’s how i gif (using she-ra as an example, so u can say this is a bit of a tutorial on how to gif an animated show? lmao)

first off ur gonna need adobe photoshop. if u don’t have it and don’t plan on getting a version of it then idk how to help u. u will have to find some other tutorial. anyway let’s start w the basics. to make a gif, you either need pictures or a video. we are doing a video —> gif tutorial here. so for me, i use quicktime player to take a screen recording. i tend to edit the clip to get almost exactly only the part i need on imovie so i don’t have to further crop the video clip on photoshop. once you’ve got ur video, go to photoshop, click file —> import —> video frames to layers. then click the video u want to gif, then open. something will pop up. click the box that says limit to every 2 frames, then select OK. ur gif frames will be created. then u gotta do 3 things:

group your frames. do this by selecting all frames (command + option + a) and grouping them (command + g) u should get a folder that says group 1

crop and resize your gif. now this depends on what kind of gif you want to make. you should adjust your crop ratios. click on the crop tool, a ratio thing will pop up with two numbers. number on the left is your length, number on the right is your breadth. for big gifs, i do 540 x 268. for square gifs, 268 x 268. for rectangular gifs that are meant to be two by two (lets say ur making 8 gifs w like text of a scene or whatever) i do 266 x 177. so once u have set ur ratios and adjusted the crop thing to select whichever part of the image u want in the gif, click enter. ur gif will get cropped. THEN, u need to actually adjust the size of ur gif. click on image —> image size. a thing will open up. enter the length number and the width number should be adjusted accordingly

change the gif speed. click on the triple line thing on the top right hand corner of your timeline. you should click on select all frames. when you’ve done that all the frames will be highlighted. click on one of the little numbers. see the 0.02 thing? yea. make sure not to accidentally deselect ur frames. when u click, you’ll get a pop up with some speeds. click on ‘others’. currently, the speed of ur gif will be 0.02. for me, that’s too fast. i almost always do 0.06. u don’t want ur gif to move too fast tbh. i think it makes it look weird and unnatural. we wanna either match the speed of what its like in the show or go a TAD bit slower. so like. if u wanna follow me just set it to 0.06 <3

anyway. that’s the basic stuff. after all that, your gif should look like this:

u can stop here if you want, but if u wanna make it like. different. u can continue on. 

now it’s time to color!

for me i do mostly 3 things. curves, levels, selective color. u can find these by clicking layer —> new adjustment layer —> the thing u want

let’s start with curves. disclaimer: i’m doing it wrong <3 i mean it’s not WRONG but i could probably be using this function a lot better than i have. when u click on curves, it comes out as a straight line. there will be a dot in the centre. what i do is i move the centre dot slightly to the top left hand corner. so it looks like this for this gif i made:

isn’t that so fucking stupid. i let a BIT of light into the picture. like that’s it lmao. i won’t even show u the difference between the initial gif and this. it’s too stupid

levels. ok this one has a bit more function. u have a number on the left that says 0 and a number on the right that says 250. by reducing the number on the right, the gif gets brighter. by increasing the number on the left..... i won’t say the gif gets darker but the dark parts of the picture will. get darker? more pronounced? it’s all about finding a good balance. here’s what I did for this gif:

now we move onto selective color. this is a… whole thing. sigh. ok. so in selective coloring, you have 9 ‘colors’ or sections. they are red, yellow, green, cyan, blue, magenta, white, neutrals, and black. depending on what colors there are in the picture, we will. mess w it accordingly. and in each ‘color’, there are four…. scales. ranging from -100% to 100%. and they are cyan, magenta, yellow, and black. i suggest u play around with these to see what they do on ur own. this is what i did for the reds in this gif:

what i do is i try to make the reds stand out. in this gif there’s only those 2 stripes but usually in adora gifs she’s wearing that fucking red jacket <3 and since she’s gonna do that we might as well make that red pop! make it sexy! so as u can see i made the cyans negative, while magenta and yellow are in the positives. i’m taking away the blues in the red essentially. and making the red have a more… yellowish hue? because the bluish hues for red are. ugly. in my opinion. all these things depend on the gif btw. seriously this is just an example. i might do something completely different for another gif. 

for yellows this is what i did:

as u can see i… made the yellows negative for the color yellow. i made the cyans negative too to like. take away the blue? but i made the yellows negative because i don’t want the yellows to be…. too yellow. i know this doesn’t make much sense. but when i make the yellows positive for the red section, the yellows in the yellow parts of the gif might get Too Much. so i gotta undo the Damage caused in the red section. i could do like a video tutorial to make this more clear but since this is not a video tutorial u will just have to take my word for it. basically when u color what ur trying to do is copy the colors in the source material but also… make it different. it makes no sense I know <3

anyway! adora’s wearing white in this gif. so i changed the whites too. it looks like this:

i essentially tried to make the whites…. Whiter? lmaooooo

and now i will show u my shameful cyan and blue sections. here is the cyan section. i don’t have to show u the blue section because i did the exact same thing:

yes i went 100% on the cyan and -100% on the yellow okay. what about it. what. fucking shut up. i also did something similar in the magenta section. wanted to make the purples blue... i guess

also as u can see from above the original color of the background is purple. i’m that fucking extra so for this gif i did an ‘extra step’. i added a hues and saturation layer. and I basically adjusted the hues so the purples became blue

see? also yeah the hue and saturation section is also separated into different colors. i adjusted only the blue section this time. after ur done, ur gif should look... hopefully nice <3 but i always sharpen my gifs. so i will show u how to do that, also

going back to the triple line button in ur timeline, click select all frames —> convert to video timeline. then go to the top of the page where there’s this thing called filter. click filter —> convert for smart filters. click it again. filter —> sharpen —> smart sharpen. this will pop up:

follow these settings. then click ok. u are done. u can save ur gif now. but if u are paranoid like me, u will click on the spacebar and play ur sharpened gif to make sure it looks ok. the first time u play it it will be very slow. wait. then click ur spacebar again n it will load faster aka the speed it is supposed to be. and there u have it. to save ur gif go to file —> export —> save for web. u will see how big ur gif is. hopefully its not too big. if ur gif has more than 100 frames that would not be great. if it has something like 200 frames or something that’s way too big probably <3 i try not to have more than 100 frames for this reason. gotta be safe <3 ur gif will look something like this if u do what i did:

idk how well i explained this. probably not super well. oh well. hit me up if u need a video tutorial

[symptoms-syndrome]

hey, i hope this is not too syscourse-y to ask (if it is feel free to ignore), but how do you not let syscourse get to you? i have most things related to it blacklisted but every once in a while i will come across posts where ppl talk about "being plural", being "a system" etc. in That Way and i ignore it every time but i have a hard time regrouping afterwards and keeping straight what is what even though i know what they discuss is different from what i have.

This probably won't be syscourse specific, since I sorta disengaged from online discoursing before I was diagnosed, but hopefully this will still be helpful.

I block tags, blogs, etc liberally

I feel like people act like it's some huge thing for you to block a blog when like...most of the time they don't even know you've blocked them. If I see something I don't like, I block the blog. I don't want someone I've seen have stupid takes in the past to add one to my posts, so I block in advance. Hell, you don't have to "be in the community" for anything if you don't want to. I've done whole social media purges where I unfollowed dozens of blogs of smth I was into because it was bringing me more stress than it was worth, and I just talked about that stuff with my small group of friends. Just because you don't engage with X on social media doesn't make you any less of a "real" X or whatever.

Consider why you're engaging in discourse

"Engaging," in this context, means anything from scrolling tags you know you'll find things that upset you, visiting blogs you know have takes you don't like, picking fights with people online, posting things you know will cause controversy just because you want someone to argue with you, etc. Is it because you're bored? Is it because you have aggression you want to get out? Is it because you don't feel secure in your opinion until you debate it with someone? Is it because you want to show that you have The Right Opinion? What need isn't being met that you're trying to fill by arguing with people online? There are other ways to fill that need.

Remember you don't have to get everyone to agree with you

Let me frame this with a little humblebrag: public speaking is something I am very good at. I have been paid to facilitate conversation around stuff like racism, mental health, etc. And this is to say, according to third parties, I am good enough at "discourse LARPing" that people are willing to pay me money for it. And yet, even when I use my most even tone and most eloquent arguments and provide direct sources etc etc etc, there are still people who will vehemently "no u." Online even more so, because since there isn't a face and a name along with a blog (usually,) people get more combative and more argumentative. At some point, you just have to give up and hope that some day later on, they'll reflect on what you said and possibly change their minds on their own. But they might not. But that's okay.

Know when it's appropriate to discourse

One of the worst experiences on Tumblr dot bad have been when you're venting about something, and someone you don't even know comes in with an "um, actually-", especially when it's something you already know. Sometimes ppl just gotta vent, and you have to respect that and let them.

Get a hobby

No seriously. I know it's a common like. Insult or whatever, but seriously. Find something else you're passionate about. Not to sound old beyond my age, but being on the internet too much is bad for you. Find something else to do so that Tumblr (or wherever else you're seeing these things u don't agree with) doesn't take up so much of your time.

Volunteer IRL for something you're passionate about

I used to be involved in soooo much discourse online, and then I started volunteering, then working, in IRL social justice spaces. Not only did this show me what parts of discourse were 100% online issues and thus...not really relevant at all IRL (and IMO not worth getting worked up about) but it also cemented in me the opinions that I REALLY care about, and strengthened them.

This last point I think is most important. Online discourse doesn't. Really ultimately change much. It's wayyy more stress than it's worth. When's the last time you felt accomplished or happy doing online discourse? For me, I don't think I ever did. I did it to get mad. But when you've actually organized that protest or finished that speaking engagement or whatever? You feel accomplished and happy, and like you've changed something. You get more positive feedback than negative, usually.

A lot of nonprofits you can just sign up to volunteer for, and a lot even give you training. Or just go to a protest and socialize and you'll find someone who has connections to something. I got my position at a nonprofit because I got confused about what time to arrive to their community center and just. Sat in on a meeting and then they asked if I was coming back next week. A lot of nonprofits are super open to new members, and are MUCH more forgiving than online discoursers. If you make a mistake you get gentle correction or helpful education instead of shaming. You don't even have to do it regularly if you don't like. Just stay away from the big corporate-y ones like Peace Corps or Americorps and stuff.

This is super messy I wrote it at work between breaks LMAO I'll probably revisit later, but LMK if this is helpful or u have any other questions or smth

[deadpooly]

Iron Man Bingo 2019

Lmao im literally just only now posting these because im really bad at posting stuff.

Word count: 3250 words

During a mission debrief Tony finds out Peter was hit some truth serum and it comes to light in a rather embarrassing way. Then they find out that the only way they can get rid of the curse is to expose you deepest honest secret to someone out loud. Tony is there to support Peter, and Peter doesn't exactly know his deepest secret. When Peter finds it, it turns out it's not even true.

It started in a mission debrief. After they fought some green magical being and had him meet his fate a bit early, thanks to Thor. The team was fine, only minor injuries, a few bruises and cuts but nothing much. Tony sat beside Peter, or Spider-Man at the table and the kid had his legs resting on the top of the table. Everyone else sat around the table listening to whatever Fury had to say.

He was talking about anything that may have happened that can give S.H.I.E.L.D. more information on what exactly attacked and clean up precautions. The usual stuff these boring debriefs are filled with. Tony just kept glancing around the room every once and a while but he paid attention for the most part, only to set a good example for the kid. Peter looked relaxed and was nodding his head every few minutes and he looked like he was listening. His hands were behind his head and his feet on the table which put him in a comfortable position. They have been sitting around for a long time now and Tony has just been waiting for this to end.

“Stark,” Fury addressed him. “Did you come in contact with anything odd that can give us information on the situation?” he asked and his hands were on his hips and his one eye settled on Tony in a very unsettling way.

“Well I did talk to Clint over the comms a bit, he’s odd.” he replied and when Fury rolled his eyes and gave him an unimpressed look, he still heard laughs from a few of the team members. He sighed and answered again. “Nope nothing out of the ordinary. Maybe the kid saw something though.” then all eyes turned to Spider-Man who was motionless still in his laid back position. “Spidey? You alive there?” Tony waved his hand in front of Spider-Man’s eyes to see if he was awake. When there was no answer he could hear Clint and Sam snicker from the other end of the table and he poked Spidey’s leg and he jumped up onto the ceiling.

“What the f-” the kid yelled as he jumped up. Then his lenses squinted and he realised the situation and stood up from the ceiling. “Oh, haha meeting. Right. I was n-” Peter started to say until his throat started to close up on him and other words were forced out of his mouth. “I was totally sleeping.”

“Yep, just figured that out kid.” Tony laughed at Peter who must be blushing hard under the mask. “Now get off the ceiling you're gonna get footprints up there.”

“Wait, I didn't mean to say that.” Peter said as he jumped down.

“Then why did you say it. Better question, why are you sleeping during a very important debriefing?” Fury questioned the boy, he still looked annoyed as always and it made Peter uncomfortable.

“Because it was boring. I closed my eyes so I didn't have to look at you. Because whenever I look at you I start to think of pirates and when I think of pirates I start to think of Spongebob and Spongebob is funny so while my eyes were closed, I fell asleep.” Peter rambled out and Tony just damn near about burst out laughing but he didn't want the Fury glare on him. Clint, Sam, and Bucky though couldn't contain themselves and started laughing their asses off at the back of the room. “Oh shit, sorry Mr. Fury. I definitely did not mean to say that.” Tony could feel Peter’s blush from under the mask and it was hilarious. 

“Anything else you have to say to me before I close this meeting because we obviously can't keep focused?” Fury looked at Spider-Man and narrowed his eye.

“Do you do your eyebrows just for the satisfaction of doing your hair?” and at that comment the whole room started laughing, well except for Steve because he wants to stay on Fury’s good side.

Fury also decided he was just done and left the room saying something to Steve as he was leaving but Tony didn't care enough to eavesdrop. He did care however, as to why Peter would say such odd things to Fury in an Avengers meeting.

“Oh my god, Mr. Stark I did not mean to say any of that.” Spider-Man said with his hands covering his mouth.

“I was wondering, why would you say that to patchy?” Tony asked a grin still plastered on his face.

“I didn't mean to I swear! I tried to lie for every question but my throat would close and I would say something I didn't mean to.” Peter rushed out, he obviously sounded worried and this made Tony pay more attention to the situation.

“Why is it happening?” Tony asked concerned, and by now the laughter was gone and the other avengers seemed to be trying to listen on their quiet conversation.

“I don't know! It's a truth curse of some kind.” Peter whined. “I'm pretty sure im cursed.” everyone's eyes were on him now and he could hear Clints snickers from across the table. 

“Maybe it’s magic, did anything happen to you during the fight?” Steve spoke up even though he or the others weren't even apart of the conversation but the suggestion helped. “Could we get Doctor Strange to help?”

“No thanks, Mr. Stark doesn't like him.” Peter said, his head still on the desk. “Also, I was hit with a green translucent beam that was heading toward citizens and got a few cuts and bruises but that's it Mr America sir.”

“It must have been the beam, maybe we can get a hold of Dr. Strange for more information.” Steve said. “The creature we fought was using a type of magic according to Thor.”

“Well, sorry kid but I guess we gotta wait.” Tony said before everyone started filing out of the room.

“I guess I'll go home until he can come then.” Spider-Man said before he opened the window and jumped out to swing home.

OoOoOoOoO

“Hey Pete, I thought you went home.” Tony told Peter as he saw the boy walk into his lab.

“Technically Spider-Man went home, so I can be here.” he replied and he pulled up a wheely chair and sat down across from Tony on the other side of his desk.

“We called the wizard while you were out. Unfortunately he will be making a stop here in about maybe an hour.” Tony said while messing around with holograms.

“As much as being cursed to tell the truth is really cool, I would like to be able to lie every once and awhile.” Peter had a bouncy ball and was throwing it against the wall and catching it when it bounced back.

“Oh really? And what is it you would like to lie about?” Tony questioned with a curious smirk on his face when he looked at Peter.

“The fact that I skip out on medical check ups and don't tell you my full injuries.” Peter’s mouth said without missing a beat. “Mother fudgsicles.” Peter’s ball bounced passed him when he didn't catch it.

“Maybe this truth curse is helpful hm?”

“Whatever, im going to make myself a sandwich.” Peter grumbled as he walked over to his lonely bouncy ball, picked it up and left the room while dribbling it on the floor.

“We are very much going to touch on this subject soon Pete.” Tony called out to him as the boy left the room swiftly.

OoOoOoOoO

“Oh hey Pete!” Clint greeted Peter when he saw Stark’s intern enter the kitchen. “Didja see the fight on tv?”

“Yeah, looked pretty intense! Mr. Stark told me Spider-Man got an honesty curse on him.” was what Peter wanted to say but different words found their way out.

“I was there actually so I didn't need to watch it on tv.” shit.

“Huh, really? Well, I gotta go to the main room. Gandalf is paying a visit and the Avengers gotta be present.” the archer said as he walked out of the room while grabbing an apple from a fruit basket on the counter.

“Kay, bye Bird number one.” the boy answered while pulling out the bread, breathing a sigh of relief that there aren't any more questions.

OoOoOoOoO

This time Peter was sitting on the couch in the main room. Clint wasn't here so he is obviously late. So Peter put on the tv and a few iCarly reruns were on so that’s the channel he chose. Currently everything seemed peaceful, he had his sandwich, nobody was there to ask him questions, and he is 96% sure he finished any school assignments that were due.

Tony was awesome as always and the avengers haven't connected the dots between him being and intern and Spider-Man yet, not that it really mattered. He was pretty sure he could trust the avengers with his secret identity since they all know each other well and hopefully won't be in any fights any time soon where they would out him. At this point it's just a fun game.

He also hope this truth serum thing won't have any negative effect on him or it wears off soon because this would be a pain in the ass to deal with at school. Also, according to the clock it has been close to an hour so he should be expecting the crowd to show soon, so Peter jumped off the couch and ran to his room to put on his Spider-Man suit. 

OoOoOoOoO

It was a rather short hour wait until Dr. Strange ‘teleported’ into the middle of the avengers living space. Everyone was alerted and were sitting around on the couches in seconds waiting to see what the problem was. Peter though wasn't really impressed because now his reruns of iCarly were being interrupted. But Mr. Stark, the show isn't even on Netflix anymore. Tony remembered hearing the boy complain one day, but he still seemed happy to see the wizard though. So that’s good, kind of.

“What is the issue now, Stark.” Strange asked Tony. Strange was just standing there doing nothing waiting for Tony to answer.

“Well long story short the kid got stuck with a truth curse.” he explained as simply as he could.

“Is that it?” he asked and when all he got as an answer was Tony saying ‘yup.’ Stephen rolled his eyes and just raised his hands and moved them in a pattern that made it look like he was doing some kind of spell. “That doesn't seem like anything serious so I should be able to figure out the issue soon. Do you know what happened that may have caused this?” he asked Tony.

“Pfft, I don't know. I think it was the wizard monster we fought. Spidey got hit with some translucent beam thing. Is it permanent?” Tony asked. His arms were crossed over his chest and he was obviously trying to annoy Strange. “Because that would suck. This is why I hate magic.”

“Are you incapable of shutting your mouth for one second while I try to do a reverse spell?” he questioned, his tone was exasperated and tired.

“Alright then, just fix the kid.” Dr. Strange’s hands were being waved in circles and motions that Tony couldn't follow and there was a yellow glow to his hands but that didn't matter. The other avengers were surprisingly silent as they watched from the couch, but every once and a while Clint would whisper something to Nat and make her smile, Thor looked like he’d rather be elsewhere and Steve actually looked concerned for Peter. Then Stephen dropped his hands and sighed.

“Well, what's the verdict Doctor?” Steve asked from the couch.

“Its an enchanted serum, there was a type of liquid in the beam that obviously touched Spider-Man’s skin,” he then turned to Peter (who was in his spidey suit) to address the kid. “It could have been condensation but it still affected you. It compels you to speak the truth when faced with an honest question.” he explained.

“Yeah, tell us something we don't know.” Tony scoffed. “Does it wear off?”

“Yes.” there were sighs of relief coming from Tony, Steve and even Thor but Clint whined jokingly towards Spider-Man. “But, it only wears off when you confess your deepest secret that is true to the person or persons it regards. If they are dead, then you have to ride out the spell.”

“What?” Tony’s hands dropped to his sides and he started walking towards the sorcerer. “You mean he has to tell someone his deepest secret? What kind of pointless spell is this?” he threw his hands up waiting for a response. “This is an invasion of his privacy!” Tony complained on Peter’s behalf. Peter however seemed to be unbothered on the couch. 

“From what I can tell, its meant to tear loved ones apart, or destroy empires from something harmless, yet very dangerous at the same time. It’s a very easy trick that can work if you are not careful.” Stephen said before he backed away to an open space by the window. “I assume this is the end of our meeting, any concerns can go through to Wong.” then he raised his hands and used the sling ring to open a doorway to the Sanctum.

“Thank you Doctor, we appreciate the help.” Steve said earnestly from the couch, and Stephen gave him a nod before walking through and closing the portal behind him.

“Wow that was really quick, do you think he had a date he needed to get to?” Peter asked once he left.

“You seem really bothered that you have to confess your deepest secret to someone.” Sam said, he seemed amused. He was probably hoping to find something out about the boy he could use against him.

“Eh, I have a lot of secrets and some of them don't matter. Examples would be: My identity, the full fight with the vulture, dying etcetera.” Peter waved his hand around while he talked in a nonchalonce way as if it didn't really matter. “It all just depends on who im telling it to.”

“So we get to find out about your identity?” Clint asked with a lot of hope lacing his voice.

“I think I would rather leave that for you to find out.”

“What’s your real name?” Bucky asked he seemed bored because he was playing around on a phone and Steve elbowed his side and that made him let out an ‘oof’.

“Do not answer that!” Tony instantly yelled walking over to Spider-Man who was sitting on the couch still and he tapped him on the shoulder in the motion to follow him.

“Wait Mr. Stark, we should do a Q and A!” Spider-Man excitedly announced as he was walking out behind Tony.

“We are absolutely not doing that.”

OoOoOoOoO

“Alright kid, this needs to come off or unfortunate things will happen, so who are you going to tell.” Tony asked Peter, who pulled his mask off once they got down to his lab.

“I actually don't know.”

“Do you even know your darkest secret?” Tony asked raising an eyebrow.

“I can guess?” Peter shrugged sheepishly. “I mean, the majority of them are kept from yo-” Peter was about to ramble before he cut himself off. “Frickin truth serum.” he mumbled under his breath with a wince.

“Wow, okay take a guess then.” Tony leaned back in his seat and placed his hands folded in his lap. “I will not interrupt no matter how stupid or insane they are.”

“Okay. Oof I guess.” Peter started. “I broke one of your Iron Man suits and fixed it before you got back, I think it was the Mark 13, the silver one? I also spilled coffee on some of your paperwork before but I got help from Friday to replace it.”

“Wow okay, then tell me exactly what happened that gives you nightmares after the vulture incident.” Tony said waiting for a reply on whether it would be honest or not.

“First of all, how do you even know that? Second he dropped a building on me before we crashed the plane.” Peter winced. “Well I guess I didn't find my deepest secret yet.”

Tony stared at Peter with his eyebrows raised to his hairline and he was honestly surprised and kind of mad at how he only now found out.

“As much as I very much want to talk about maybe a few thousand things that you have done we need to get this done so continue.” Tony said after a while of just processing what Peter said. “Is there anything that you would not ever tell anyone else?” and after he said that Peter’s face fell and his eyes narrowed down to the floor.

“I- um.” Peter started and he coughed a bit from feeling his throat close up.

“Is this about superhero-ing? School? Maybe you could narrow it down for me.” Tony asked and he leaned forward and his voice was soft because he could tell that Peter was going to have a hard time about this. Peter shook his head at Tony’s suggestions and opened his mouth to try again.

“It’s um, about Uncle Ben actually.” his voice started to shake.

“Oh.” was all Tony said. He knew exactly who Ben was and his significance in Peter’s life. He also knew that this was definitely going to be really hard for Peter to say so he got out of his chair and made his way over to Peter and he bend down on his knees so he could be eye level with the boy. “Hey, you can tell me right? The rules say that right?” and Peter nodded and it looked like he was going to choke and his eyes were definitely watering.

“I- it was my fault.” and oh, Tony wasn't expecting that. “He died because of me Mr. Stark.”

“Peter, it wasn't your fault. I can tell you that right now.”

“But he was there and I led him out, I didn't do anything and he did but I couldt stop him and-” Peter’s voice broke and a tear streamed down his face. He could feel his throat clear up and he could breathe but this topic always made him feel like he was suffocating.

“Hey, Parker it wasn't you, I can't tell you that right now. Did you want him to die?” Tony asked and Peter shook his head. “Well then I can damn well assure you that you never would have killed him, and it wasn't your fault. He made that choice to do the right thing, and doing the right thing always comes with consequences.” Tony brought Peter into a hug and ran his fingers through his curls and he felt a single tear soak into his thin shirt. When he pulled back Peter seemed better than before, well as better as he could be after talking about a heavy topic.

“Hey.” he started softly. “Do you wanna go get some coffee flavored ice cream?” he asked. And Peter just nodded his head with a smile on his face and a small ‘yeah’.

Tony laughed and stood up.

“That’s a lie Peter. You hate coffee flavored ice cream.” Tony smiled down at the boy who gave a small smile.

“Well thank you for the offer I guess.” Peter told Tony as he stood up out of his chair and walked up to the billionaire to give him another shorter hug. “And for helping me too.”

“Hey Pete, it turns out that the truth serum made you confess a secret that wasn't even true.” Tony smiled and he ruffled Peter’s hair.

“Ironic isn't it?” the boy replied. “But can we actually go and get ice cream? Without Clint though?”

“Of course kiddo.”

[ohlukcs]

( alex wolff, male ) did you hear how LUKAS TOZER is applying to columbia university as a FILM & MEDIA STUDIES major ?! the 19 year old is living in the WALLACH HALL. i heard that they got in because they are + PASSIONATE and +THOUGHTFUL, but honestly i think HE can be -ASSUMING and -CYNICAL. they’re a real MAVERICK. oh well, only time will tell if the SOPHOMORE will make it til the end.

about the mun !!

hi hello my name is sam (she/her), im 22, and im a big fat mess at all times :) um but a lil more about me is that i’m australian and a recently graduated film student lmao. i’ve been rping for like ten years now i think idk but i am a NERVOUS BITCH !!!!!!! and it sometimes takes me forever to reply to things (ic and ooc) bc of that so pls be patient with me lmao. anyway, happy 2 be here !! if u like this post i’m gonna assume u wanna plot with me and my idiot and hit u up !!! lets mcfreakin lose it !!!!

about lukas !!

full name: lukas joshua tozer

nickname(s): luk-ass idk whatever u can come up with lmao

age: nineteen

gender: cis male

pronouns: he/him

hometown: jackson, new jersey

date of birth: nov 4th

occupation: student ( film and media studies, sophomore ), cook/server at a nearby 24hr pizza joint

relationship status: single

drink / smoke / drugs: yes / yes / yes

faceclaim: alex wolff

positive traits: passionate, thoughtful, creative, ambitious, untethered, humorous

negative traits: assuming, cynical, insensitive, rebellious, resentful, irresponsible

if he was in a hogwarts house: slytherin

now some more dot points that are just me talking about lukas !!

was born in fort lauderdale florida but there is a vERY low chance he will ever admit that, he’ll just say he’s from new jersey. as far as he’s concerned, he’s always been from new jersey even if his family did move there after he turned twelve

speaking of things lukas probably wont ever tell u but i’m including them anyway: his family is kind of messy. not majorly but like a little bit more than average. he had two brothers, now he only has one. i’m not gonna include a whole lot of nitty gritty here i’ll save it for when i write the real bio and can actually do it justice but its the reason they moved from florida and it has had a pretty major effect on lukas over time obviously

he’s the baby of the family and he’s pretty much always been treated like one. it has left him pretty immature and irresponsible. still learning that his actions have consequences and that he cant just be a total dick all the time. he’s improved in those areas a fair bit since he started at columbia a year ago but he still has a long way to go

he didn’t ever really expect to go to columbia, he’s from a middle class family and his dad didn’t even go to college. he applied for columbia just as a might as well give it a go thing. like maybe it will happen. they had a film course and although the course itself isn’t really great, the connections to the industry available at columbia were valuable enough for him to try. he was wait listed up until basically the last minute, preparing to go to a college in boston instead but when he was accepted he knew he had to go. for himself, for his family, and for his lost brother.

obviously irresponsible attitude has led to some Bad Decision Making including but not limited to partying and drugs. he doesn’t prioritise that lifestyle over his school work (bc he knows how lucky he is to be at columbia at all) but he is a big believer that you need to experience things to be a great artist and he plans on being the greatest artist so bad decision town here we come !!!!

he has a pet goldfish named michael bublé pls dont nark

for more info on him click here to check his about page, no bio there yet but hopefully soon

wanted connections babey !!

course friends/rivals/anything: i am writing these before acceptances happen so i have no good god damn idea if any other characters are film majors but hit me the hell up if they are bc i would love to plot some stuff out

old roommate(s) : lukas was probably an entertaining roommate but probably verged on annoying pretty easily. he’s messy, gross, probably didn’t respect the do ur fucking dishes rule in first year ( probs still doesnt tbh ). but he also has a password to every streaming account plus a phat hard drive full of movies and shows that he is absolutely willing to share with u so just depends what ur into i guess. maybe this connection led to friendship or maybe they hate each other now. im down for either/both 

dealer: hi welcome back to bad decision town. lukas isn’t into any hard stuff but is a big weed smoker (to my understanding medicinal cannabis is allowed but lukas def doesn’t have a prescription), then after that it’s kind of just experimenting. will chat more details if u wanna take this connection

booze leachers: so yes lukas is 19 but he has four, thats right, four fake ids. he is not willing to give u his contact for fake ids but he is willing to buy u booze if u pay him. dont hate the player hate the game

gang gang: pretty much just a close group of friends. i imagine all pretty relaxed, all pretty chill. idk what to say here except i want people to care about him and let him put on dumb movies and watch them with him and probably have dumb matching stick and poke tattoos and hog a communal tv to play mario kart but lets talk about it

fast food workers deserve respect too: as mentioned, lukas works at a 24hr pizza joint near campus which means he’s seen some shit. one of the things he’s seen multiple times is drunk student trashing the place. whether it be vomit, forgetting how to hold a cup, or bet try at a food fight lukas has seen it and he’s cleaned it up too. this connection could be that maybe he helped someone out and cleaned them up and got them back to campus when their friends ditched and now they look out for lukas too and its a positive connection. or maybe lukas hates their guts and spits on their food whenever they show up ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ who’s to say

hot girl bummer by blackbear: now listen here’s an angsty connection i want, and i def want to plot it out way more with whoever takes it on but basic outline of what i have in mind: they’ve kind of sort of been dating for a while but they’re just falling out of whatever they had to begin with. they were never official, they probs def fucked around with other people while they were ““““together”””””, lots of oh sorry ur taking it so seriously i thought we were just chilling bullshit. all of this girls friends probs hate lukas and he definitely hates them back. were probably once really good friends and had a really good time together but they’ve lost it. will they find it again or will it fizzle out? lets find out together xoxo

new girl(s) : i hate the connection title too but i couldnt think of anything better. we’re in bad decision town and now we’re going to thot street babey. since things have been falling apart with hot girl bummer and even before that lukas a little bit of a thottie. this doesnt mean he’s good at it, please also feel free for a part of this to be that they rejected lukas and he got butt hurt about it idk lukas being attracted to them is basically this whole idea and i would wanna plot the rest of it more depending on specific characters wooo

lukas is a bad influence: if u have gotten this far u may have noticed that lukas is not a very good influence at all. this is someone probs his age or younger that wants to loosen up and have a good time and lukas completely encourages that. bonus points if this connection is a combo with the above connection bc lukas is a gross boi and would be like wow listening to my bad ideas thats so sexy and cool of u ya know. but also doesnt have to be that ! could just be lukas thinks its funny and thinks that someone listening to him is just like good content that could get him on barstool

lukas is badly influenced: this is basic as hell but someone that tells him to leave his impluse control at the door and encourages him to be trash. probs older than him and i def see this as more of a masc connection than a fem but like all my plot ideas: lets talk about it. this one probs v much depends on ur character so gonna leave this one nice and short

lukas is good-ly (??????) influenced: also basic as hell and p much just the opposite of above. someone who is a good influence on lukas. encourages creativity and ambition instead of straight up recklessness. again, i see it as an older character but no gender seen here. a lot of this would be based around ur character so lets chat

michael bublé’s co parents: lukas has a goldfish named michael bublé (or just michael), i picture him having got it while high as heck during the day and just being like This Is A Good Idea. maybe ur character was with him and they were co parents from the start or maybbe they came into the picture later ??? i’m honestly down for whichever just give michael the love he deserves pls

and probably just about anything else these are just some ideas, i totally wanna plot further and brainstorm so please still hmu if none of these fit ur character we’ll plot something up !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[pop-punklouis]

you trashed LYR and alex gaskarth i didn't know you still considered yourself a fan of all time low lmao

i’m…… what

this is the exact reason why i’m on here significantly less right now. it’s messages like these that just make me sit and stare at a wall wondering how some of you can have such a low reading-comprehension.

1) I really don’t care for LYR as a whole. *shrug* sorry about it. I just don’t. Everyone who follows me knows my full opinion which *isn’t* straight up hate for it and has praises as well as critiques. there are 4-5 songs that i really enjoy, and if I loathed the band and this album sooo much I wouldn’t have spent 30 minutes writing a reply to an anon about my ranking of each song on LYR and why ((which was more positive/neutral than it was completely negative)).

2) Alex Gaskarth means the world to me lmao i’m planning on getting two tattoos in the man’s handwriting and one of them is something he drew for me back in 2014, so please miss me with that part of your message. I could write a full essay on the many reasons why I respect, admire, and appreciate him but I don’t feel like I have to justify myself or explain how much a dude means to me when you’re basing this opinion off me not liking LYR, knowing Alex has a better lyrical intelligence, and not thinking Alex’s replies to fans on twitter that one day after the m&g debacle was a smart move on his part. If that’s hating someone, then I’m sorry for how you exist outside of tumblr dot com.

3) i’m on mobile so I can’t link you to the post I made about blindly supporting musicians and how being a fan is more than a group-think mentality and criticizing/discussing certain music or actions made by said musicians should be ENCOURAGED not shunned……. but anyway as a FAN of a BAND i can form my own opinions on my own blog about the content coming from them and that doesnt weigh at all on my love for them or their music unless *I* say otherwise.

You’re not going to come into my inbox and throw around accusations about a band I’ve been following for almost 10 years, and try to imply that if I don’t praise every song they release and kiss the floor they stand on anytime they walk by that I’m not an actual fan. I can tell your age from this message, and I would advise you to log off and realize that just because you like something doesn’t mean someone else does and you can both CO-EXIST in that plane without being radical on either end. crazy, i know.

All Time Low is my favorite band. Through thick and thin. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere, and to end this on a famous quote from our Forefathers:

Take a breath, and let the rest come easy.

[adoringjensen]

How do you feel about people reblogging your pro-Dean posts to say his current family is shit and nobody deserves him? I think that's unfair. What makes SPN so enjoyable to watch is how human the characters are and Sam and Cas do their best to help him? Why can't everyone see that?

Hey there, anon!

I agree, I do think that’s unfair. However, I realize everyone has their own biases and it’s hard to see things objectively from all points of view. That’s not to say I don’t think things definitely get out of hand sometimes, though. What I don’t like is when someone takes a positive post and adds comments to make it negative. Like,,,, if ur gonna do that just make ur own post. It’s so unnecessary to take over a post like that. When someone makes a positive post about a character,,,, I can 99.999% guarantee they’re not looking for any Discourse™ okay, they just wanna share their love and feel validated by others that feel the same. That kind of thing does happen quite a lot tho, unfortunately. 

Like something that really bothers tHE FUCK outta me is when someone comments on a gifset or something of mine and adds “why didn’t you include [insert character/scene/whatever here]?” or “since you decided to include [scene/character/etc], that means you must think [whatever tf they assume my opinions are].” Just crap like that. fIRST OF ALL. You do realize tumblr limits to 10 photos per post, right?? So I’m limited to what I can include and a lot of factors come into play when I’m choosing the right scenes to gif. I mean, I could put more than one gif into one file to post more at a time, but that requires more effort and time than I’m willing to give tbh. and sECOND OF ALL. Binch, make ur own damn post. Don’t come squandering all over my shit with ur bullshit. At the very least, just put ur dumb commentary in the tags like the rest of us. No need to contradict the op like that. Especially on a gifset, much less a text post. Bc someone actually made that. They took the time to do all that and it just alskdgh bothers the fuck out of me when someone will take something of mine like that and feel like they have to tell me what’s right and wrong about it. Just. Get out. 

Okay I got a little off track there lmao. But I think that if a post is originally just meant to be a positive Dean post, then it’s not really fair to take it over and add a bunch of negativity about other characters around him. I will admit that I can be pretty salty over Dean tho lol. I’m like,,, super protective of him and definitely think he deserves better than what he has. So now and then, I’ll indulge in the Salty for Dean™ side of tumblr dot com when I’m feeling Bitter. But I’ve never been a fan of shitting on other characters for the sake of another. And that’s just bc I don’t particularly like or handle negativity like that very well. Some ppl thrive off of that, and hey that’s totally cool for them. Blowing off some steam like that can make you feel better, but definitely stick to your own posts or commenting in the tags. I don’t think adding negative shit to positive posts is ever an okay thing to do. And I can bet the op probably doesn’t appreciate it, either.

And I do think spn is really enjoyable to watch and is still very popular bc of all the flaws and humanity you see in the characters, yeah. They’re always making a huge mess of things in order to do what they believe is right/most important in the moment. Constantly making these huge sacrifices to save each other and all that. They’re always doing what they think is best, and yeah it’s not always the right decision in the end, but hell. If they can’t fuck up and make mistakes, then what are we doing? What the heck are we learning? Like,,, idk. Do I think the writing can be off and things could’ve been done better, sure. Do I have my problems with the show, god yes. But in the end, it’s still my favorite show and I complain about it bc I love it so much. I feel like after having been in the fandom for so long, you kinda earn the right to be a Grumpy Elder™ about everything lmao. 

It’s infuriating sometimes when others don’t see things the way you do, especially when it seems so fucking obvious to you, right? But. That’s life, my friend. Gotta pick your battles and do what’s best for you. Anyway, I hope this whole thing didn’t get too off track or anything, but I definitely see what you’re saying and I agree. I wish everyone could see that too, but we can only be responsible for ourselves (as difficult that is to remember sometimes) ♥︎

[pxtras-blog]

Oh well, in that case, we're definitely going to make a whole lot more versions of your OH SO LOVELY pictures just for you, to show them around and spread our unconditional love, lmao. And don't worry. Since we're you're 'biggest fan', we're definitely going to make sure we're not missing a thing on this blog. Everything's copied (theme code, posts, info etc etc.), saved, sreencapped and so on and forth. And we'll always keep tab on you, send you lovely messages and just hold the spirit up. ;)

actually i was on skype when you sent messages about “plagiarism” so :-/ theres definitely people who know. you try to say thats what im doing but youre literally stealing all the coding and graphics on my blog just to make some point that you arent even getting anywhere with. petra is a fictional character. shes fake. and youre going around to petra blogs just harassing them over a fictional character like :-/ in mine and everyone elses book thats pretty pathetic tbh. youre convinced youre oh-so clever because you point out really stupid stuff to make fun of. its kind of really sad i almost feel bad for you??:-/

also your “plagiarism” comment is literally based off my theme background thats…. not even uncommon. everyone uses feathers for survey corps members because of the wings of freedom. the colors dont even matter my theme isnt permanent and i can change it to look however i want. but of course :-/ i OBVIOUSLY cant play petra who is a one-dimensional fictional character in a manga made by some other guy who isnt you. you spend all your time policing me but you never stop to think that you cant even dictate how people portray her. the only person who would know exactly how she is, is isayama because he created her. also, i dont understand why you think your theme has to be super intricate to be quality. it doesnt take much to make it look nice and aesthetically pleasing.

youre also taking my pictures and poorly editing them. your attempt to bother me is laughable because uhhhh attention is great???? theres also the fact that youll send repetitive messages but ah :-/ apparently me really liking a certain au ( like everyone else does lmao???? ) is bad and wanting to roleplay is constantly is bad. listen honey, i dont know what you know about the zombie sub genre, but i know that the boundaries for it are constantly being pushed and theres a million different ways it can be made interesting.

and why would i listen to you on my writing?? ive gotten plenty of compliments on my portrayal and actual constructive criticism that is helping me shape and mold this blog. you can do absolutely anything with petra. also, a lot of what i do with her is based on psychology and how the human mind will work in certain situations with im pretty well versed in. yet, somehow thats bad and i dont know how to make a one-dimensional character feel more human, right?? no, you have a neutral portrayal of her. you want her to be boring with no actual flaws. petra is a kind and caring woman, but shes also a human being susceptible to fear and hesitation. we never got to explore her flaws. we never got to know what she couldve really blossomed into because she died. thats the thing. her only purpose in the series was to develop levi and eren’s characters. she and the squad were only there for that. thats what makes it very obvious that we were never going to see more to her. it was predetermined that she wasnt going to get any further development.

you cant even tell me the compliments i got were fake either. like, you can try but theres evidence supporting against it because i never didnt anything to warrent it im pretty sure. but people have gone out of their way to kindly tell me that they liked how i wrote this and how i write petra. thats what keeps me going. thats why im still on this blog because people appreciate how i run things on here. you arent going go push me off this blog. ive been harassed a few times before and even by people i knew. people who were once my friends but i dropped because they were a terrible person. you dont even know who i am. you dont talk to me and you dont write with me. but you probably follow me lets me real. you also were most likely more than one person which makes it even more pathetic that you guys bother to go around and harass petras off their own blogs.

look, honey, its the internet. its tumblr dot com. youre taking all this way too seriously. youve apparently been around for years which is….really sad, but alright. anyways, my point is that youre taking this way too seriously. you cant even say you arent because youre making multiple blogs and editing my pictures and stealing my graphics just to try and bother me because you dont like how i portray her. why does it even matter to you?? why would any of it matter?? she was never properly developed and shes seriously bland in actual canon. thats because her only purpose was to bring forth further development in levi and eren. its pretty obvious thats what it was.

listen my wonderful and amazingly dedicated fan, youre harassing someone who has already been through harassment and who has seen a lot of shit on tumblr. i already know this is just the internet. why do you think i wasnt even actually taking you seriously?? because youre behind a computer screen staying anonymous and youre attempting to harass some girl off her blog because you dont like how she portrays a really underdeveloped character. a character that people can write how they want because it makes it much more interesting. all the points youve made are so invalid and its because youre desperate to find something thats actually terrible. not everyones gonna like how i write petra and ive accepted that but the positive feed back is all i need to keep going and to remember that theres people on here who care about me and my petra. you dont have to like it. i dont care if you dont like it. shes a fictional character. shes not at all real.

hell, there are people on here to tweak their characters because their canon counterparts arent very likable. they saw the potential a character could have and want to bring that forth in their portrayal, their interpretation. thats really fuckin’ cool because thats bold and thats something barely ever done. i admire them for doing something like that.

youre a lovely fan. youre beautiful and youre determined. you have pushed through all these petra blogs, but youre wasting your time babe. its tumblr. its the internet. petra was pretty bland in canon because her purpose wasnt to be developed and i can admit that. theres little things in the manga that we saw that could help us see who she really was, but we wont ever get the big picture. shes not your character sweetie. you didnt create her. isayama did and hes the only one who can truly tell us how she is. its clear you probably dont know a lot about psychology, but a lot of her flaws that i set for her are based on the negative and positive symptoms. ( in case you didnt know, negative and positive mean something kinda different in psychology lmao ) im not a psychology major, but i am pretty good portrayals of mental illness especially ones that i do have.

basically, i run my blog. you dont. youre irrelevant. im the one getting the interactions. you can say what you want about it, but i know its a lie and youre just being petty. :-/ its better to just give up because theres nothing to even accomplish here.

im going back to ignoring you though ;-) because im respectful and dont wanna flood everyones feed with your garbage.

i love you my biggest fanxoxo

[pashi]

like thigh highs. I used to love wearing thigh highs, like i wore those in the WINTER TIME I loved them so much. I have a small bin full of thigh highs and I probably own at least 20 pairs of them, they made me feel so cute and I would look at myself and be like “gotdang..,.. she is cute!!!!”

but now I can’t even bring myself to put on a freaking skirt outside of work, never mind thigh highs. like a couple weeks ago I was going to dance practice so wore this cute overall dress that I have with my one of my all-time fave pair of thigh highs (they’re just simple black ones but they’re really long and stay up well and the top doesn’t compress your thigh that much) and I just…. I couldn’t…… I had to bring a change of clothes because I felt so…. girly?? it was just a really uncomfortable experience overall

I can remember last year when I could still wear this stuff and be happy about it but now I just….. can’t do it.. as I’m writing this I look up to my left and I see those cute dresses my mum got for me while she was in london and I can remember wearing them all summer and loving them so much…. I haven’t touched most of my hanging clothes outside of my dress shirts because I can’t bring myself to wear them

why did this suddenly happen now in my life, I literally lived for 19 years without any of this affecting me at all, if anything I embraced being cute and girly for years and years, I loved wearing those lolita-esque dresses my grandma would get me when I was a kid, I loved getting cute new clothes whenever I walked into a japanese department store, I loved playing dress up with those exquisite dresses that my mum always made for me and my dolls, I absolutely adored lolita fashion and really wanted to get into it but just didn’t have the money, I tried every day to come up with cute outfits and impress my friends who would always mindblown by how adorable I was, I would spend hours looking in the mirror experimenting with my facial expressions and making cute faces, all the years of my life I tried so hard to make people love me and shower me with affection so I could be happy and I couldn’t stand it when they didn’t, what have I been trying to do for all these years?

is it because my parents told me that they didn’t have many wishes for what kind of child they wanted, but they always knew they wanted a girl?

but I don’t ever remember being uncomfortable with any associations with female gender. but now it makes me want to cry and disappear forever.

i don’t get it. it’s not everything too, like by this logic I should hate my job but I don’t????? when I look in the mirror with all my makeup I DO sometimes think “who is this” but that’s…… probably for unrelated reasons like wearing a wig lmao.

I mean, I always hated my body but I thought that was this whole “beauty standards” thing, but I also thought that was weird because my body looks pretty ok???? actually I spent way too much time looking in mirrors, at myself and my body, and sometimes I would be pretty happy with the way I looked??? like I was pretty confident that as a girl people found me cute and desirable and all that stuff, but I never felt…. happy? with it? idk

I think I’m realizing that there was a huge disconnect between how I was presenting myself and my ideal appearance…. and other things? I always liked looking at skinny guys with super flat chests or broad shoulders but I was never attracted to them or anything, I heard basses and I was like “god i wish that were me”….. and all this stuff’s gotten me thinking like maybe the reason why I like those otokoya//ku (slashing so poor fans don’t need to see my suffering lmao) so much is because they’re all afab but they can present masculinely so well. I was so mind blown when people told me “yeah they’re women but they basically spend a good chunk of their life being and studying men” and even after they graduate and they present a bit masculinely everyone’s like “oh but she was an otok///oyaku haha it makes sense, she was basically a man for 15 years”

maybe it’s a bit weird because they’re not actually trans or anything, but maybe that was my first kind of positive contact with anything remotely resembling a trans person? and I think it shaped the way I think of trans people for a while, actually, because the other contact I’d had was p negative, like japanese celebrities or “chick with a dick”, y'know, that kind of stuff

I am AWARE that this has some negative connotations like “SHE’s a WOMAN but she’s hotter than REAL MEN!!!!1!!” implying that trans guys aren’t actually men…. but it was the only thing I had because literally no one talked about trans guys okay, everyone only talks about drag queens or “”“women with dicks”“”. later on of course my understanding of trans people has widened and I know they’re (we’re???) just people trying to live their life etc etc all that stuff

I guess right now there’s the problem that I don’t really….. identify with a small amount of the struggles that I see trans people dealing with, (the biggest one being “I always knew something was wrong”) and I keep thinking about “what if I do irreversible things to myself and then it turns out I was wrong???” but at the same time, there are a lot of things that I do experience??? and I really hate my chest and my voice and how I look so gotdanm girly and i’m so short and my hands and feet are so small and cute and my legs look feminine and my waist is so tiny and my hips are huge and my shoulders aren’t broad at all and things constantly slip off of them

so what does this all mean?????

why am I posting this on tumblr dot com???????

maybe I just want people I know on here but haven’t told about this to Know and talk to me

maybe I want attention or validation or something maybe

maybe I want to actually understand myself and my thoughts

ugh either way I’m tired of this all and I miss some people I want to feel good again