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dr-futbol-blog · 3 months ago

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Duet, Pt 6

Next, we find McKay and Cadman in Heightmeyer's office which should be familiar to him, as we saw in The Gift (S01E18) that he was in therapy (or, in his words, they were "seeing each other"). This just reminds us of the fact that McKay is known to lie about his interest in women, as it's very apparent that no seeing each other of any kind beyond a professional setting has taken place between these two. Reintroducing Heightmeyer in the same episode as Katie Brown is not coincidental.

While Heightmeyer may have been able to help McKay with his nightmares (or what ever else he might have been seeing her for), he seems skeptical that she can help him with this:

McKay: How do you feel you're qualified to help us with this problem, huh? Heightmeyer: I'm not. Who could be? This was not covered in medical school. But I have spent quite some time as a couples therapist. Cadman: We're not a couple! McKay: In any sense of the definition, not a couple. Cadman: No!

Not being a couple of any kind is something McKay and Cadman can both emphatically agree on. And note that McKay's disdain for Cadman and the idea of her as a romantic partner is equal to her disdain for him. Now, for Cadman the issue seems to be that McKay is not at all her type. Not only would she never date someone like him, she can barely understand why anyone would. And for McKay, it's the same toward her only it's impersonal, because he does not see her as an individual person. She represents a category he finds disinteresting. Cadman is objectively an attractive young woman and as a blonde, she should be right up McKay's alley if we take him at face value. More so even than Katie Brown. And yet he does not behave like he's attracted to either of them, seeming rather to want to be as far away as possible from both women.

But the fact that they bring up couples' therapy as something Heightmeyer excels at, something that's in her wheelhouse, is interesting, as it's very much something that Sheppard and McKay could have used a while ago. Many if not all of the issues they are currently facing could have been solved with couples' therapy. And while Cadman and McKay may not fit any definition of a couple, Sheppard and McKay on the other hand fit multiple definitions of the word. Being that Heightmeyer is s a Psychologist, an expert of how humans work, she attempts to approach McKay with a definition that he might recognize:

Heightmeyer: In physics, a 'couple' is defined as a pair of forces equal in magnitude acting in opposite directions. So you don't feel that applies here? McKay: Yeah, that's very clever, but we're not equal forces. Cadman: Watch it! McKay: And what I mean by that is she's just a voice in my head. I have control of the body. Cadman: I've seen your body, McKay. You can keep it!

Let's put a pin on the way they define "a couple" in this episode, and the fact that Heightmeyer uses a definition derived from Physics (or Mechanics) in particular, as this is relevant for later. A couple are equal in magnitude but acting in opposite directions. It's not difficult to guess which two characters are the only ones that actually fulfill this criterion not only in this episode, but on the series as a whole. It very much does apply to McKay but it is not Cadman that is his coupling.

Cadman makes yet another disparaging remark about McKay's body here and if her field conversation was inappropriate, this is starting to border on abuse. Yes, McKay did call her a girlie earlier, but the things she says are both hurtful and very personal.

What's interesting about this is that Heightmeyer seems to believe McKay at face value on the fact that he actually has another consciousness in his brain. She never even entertained the possibility that there might be something else wrong with him, that he's experiencing some form of psychosis or dissociation, the latter of which she very probably knows he suffers from. She's received no outside confirmation that McKay is telling her the truth about this and yet from the very beginning she approaches their predicament as though it was very real. And as such, she is trying to reach Cadman to hear her side of the story:

Heightmeyer: How do you know that? She's been able to access the part of your brain that creates speech and controls hearing. Why not movement? McKay: Well if she could have, she would have by now. Heightmeyer: Maybe you need to release control. McKay: Why would I do that?

Again, interesting. McKay's response just confirms Heightmeyer's assessment of the situation as correct, McKay does have issues with relinquishing control. And not just here; this need to control his surroundings and especially the people around him likely springs from his unstable childhood environment, where the inconsistency and conditionality of parental affection caused him to develop strategies that might mitigate the hurt and confusion resulting from this. Like if he did his homework, if he did his chores correctly, if he did all the right things in the right order, he wouldn't be yelled at. If he excelled at something, he might even receive praise. This kind of damage suffered early on translates into obsessive-compulsive behaviours in adulthood, and while McKay may not have full blown OCD, he does display similar tendencies, he does attempt to exert control wherever he is able. A lot of what Heightmeyer is saying here to McKay and Cadman could easily be applied to McKay and Sheppard, substituting 'body' for 'team':

Heightmeyer: Because, like it or not, you're sharing that body. The roles could have easily been reversed, Rodney. You could be trapped inside her body. And wouldn't you like a chance to, say, talk to others without having to go through her? Cadman: Yeah! McKay: Maybe. Cadman: Maybe?! McKay: OK, yes, I would want that. Heightmeyer: So let her. Close your eyes... take deep breaths and stop trying to control everything for a second.

The decision Sheppard made in transporting the nuke into the hive personally left McKay helpless and drifting, as did his failure to fix the ancient satellite and save Peter Grodin, and if he had no control over these things happening, what did he even have? With regards to Sheppard, he similarly needs to release control, he needs to trust Sheppard enough to let go, and this is a lesson he is going to learn soon enough (it only takes blowing up a solar system for him to get there, but all the same).

McKay does consent to trying this out and Cadman is able to take possession of his body. While it has to feel all kinds of weird to begin with, having a woman in control of his body seems to freak McKay out. Not that it's another person, not that it's a soldier, not that it's Cadman personally but that it is, in fact, a woman. I don't know how anyone can watch this episode and come out thinking McKay likes women.

But what's interesting here, especially with regards to the question of whether Heightmeyer knows McKay's secret or not, is that the way she appeals to him here, the way she gets him to relent is by reminding him that he might want to talk with someone without having to go through her if the situation was reversed. She's reminding him that there are things he does not want Cadman to know about him. Also, the way he rolled his eyes and said "In any sense of the definition, not a couple" to her at the start had this "You know I'm gay so why would you even suggest that?" undertone. He does not find any part of what they are doing here helpful.

McKay: OK, that's enough of that. Cadman: Oh, come on! Heightmeyer: Doctor McKay, we were just starting to make progress. McKay: Well, progress won't be necessary if we can get her out of here. Now, I have calmed down, so has she. Let me get back to work.

Notice how just as soon as McKay regains control of his body after having had a woman possess it, he turns his body away from Heightmeyer, crosses his legs and even places his hand over his crotch to shield himself, to protect himself from both women in the room. He forms like a full body barrier because he was made to feel so uncomfortable. The fact that he feels the need to shield (double shield!) his crotch especially tells us that this has everything to do with gender.

McKay also cannot seem to get out of her office fast enough. For sure, he's eager to get back to work because he uses work to avoid having to face unwelcome thoughts and feelings but here, again, it's much more that he just needs to get away than that he needs to get back to the lab. Being dominated by a woman, having his body taken over by a woman, is just not among experiences that he ever signed up for.

But what is interesting, now that we see a woman possess McKay's body, is that we are able to appreciate the difference between a homosexual man and a woman. McKay is not a macho man by any means, but he is still a man. While not exceptionally masculine, he is not precisely effeminate either. Some people probably view these scenes in which the actor is portraying a woman inside a man's body as him "acting gay," where that's not the case at all. From his vocal fry here up until his kiss with Beckett at the end of the episode, none of this is meant to show us how McKay would act if he was gay. All of that is an actual woman--and what's more, a woman whose sexuality seems to be much more fluid than his. McKay is not acting gay here because that is not him, whereas everything he does is gay because he is gay even when he is trying to pretend that he is not. And this gives us an interesting opportunity to observe this.

At the same time, Sheppard is continuing his mission to bag him a tall, dark and hunksome new team member, and to this end he is trying to masculine bond with him over weapons. Taking Ronon to the armoury also establishes rapport and displays trust. Letting the stranger play around with their weapons is meant to show Ronon that Sheppard harbous no suspicion or distrust toward him, that he is willing to give him a clean slate. This is at least partially a performance because, again, Sheppard is doing the hard sell. He can't afford to mince around with getting Ronon to join them because he does not want to take McKay out into the field again without this man.

If the wrestling was homoerotic, so are the phallic guns with which they play, boys with their toys. Ronon is proving himself to be a super soldier and while Sheppard is beginning to realize that he's going to have trouble controlling him, he is more convinced than ever that he needs Ronon. What's amusing about this scene is that it reiterates Sheppard's love of and preference for big guns, if you catch the drift.

Meanwhile, having returned to the lab, we find McKay working together with Zelenka, heads bent together over a laptop. Given that the audience of Beckett, Weir and Sheppard are gone, things seem to have calmed down considerably since their previous encounter.

As we are asked to pay attention to gender with this episode, McKay uses a curious turn of phrase as he orders a test to commence:

McKay: Alright! Let's give this bad boy a try. Start her up, but slowly ease her into it.

He calls the wraith memory device both a bad boy and her. What's interesting is that his line follows directly from Sheppard's scene with Ronon in the armoury. Ronon could certainly be described as a bad boy, and Sheppard was giving that bad boy a try by watching him do both hand-to-hand combat and how he is with weapons. Bad boy had a try-out. And while Sheppard, too, seemed to be easing Ronon into it, Ronon himself was ready go on in full steam. What Zelenka says regarding the wraith dart is also interesting with regards to Ronon: "The power requirements are delicate. We should have run more simulations before we--" Sheppard is clearly currently running simulations on Ronon, testing out the power output of the man. Ronon is lethal, so a delicate balance between using him to take out enemies but sparing their own people must be maintained.

McKay is the head scientist and leader of the lab, and we see him try to exert control of his environment here just as Heightmeyer pointed out that he tends to do. And even when this ends up in a spectacular failure, he attempts to shift the blame on others. And it is because Zelenka does actually care about McKay that he then drives him out of the lab for a second time, which seems to take not a small amount of courage. Zelenka is a brave man, not unlike McKay, which is likely why they get along so well despite the constant... friendly collegial debates. At the very least McKay respects him, which is why Zelenka is able to penetrate the fog of his ego here:

Zelenka: You shouldn't be here. McKay: I'm sorry? Zelenka: We are telling you these calculations are wrong. Having two consciousnesses inside of a single brain must be very taxing. McKay: Listen... Zelenka: You're making mistakes. Now leave it to me, before you do more harm than good.

McKay thinks that his mind, his intelligence, is the only thing he has going for him. He thinks that the only reason why people put up with him is because he can do things for them, because he can consistently perform miracles. Because he can do things that no one else can do. He believes that he is unlovable as he is (and Cadman's jabs at his body are not helping with feeling this way), and that it is only through his work that he has worth, it is only because of his output that people need him around. This isn't true, and it certainly is not true of Sheppard who has tried to show him in dozens of different ways that this is very much not the case with him. He was willing to ride a nuclear bomb to show McKay that it's not all on him, and all because he cares about the man. But it is how he views himself. And this, having his mind taken away from him, being unable to do things that should be elementary to him, makes McKay feel like he has no worth at all. McKay is not giving up control, it is being taken from him by force and he feels helpless to stop it.

If his mind is going, he has truly lost everything.

Continued in Pt. 7

#sga #stargate atlantis #john sheppard #sga meta #sheppard is bi #rodney mckay #rodney is gay #ep. duet

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graysonfirewolf85-blog · 6 years ago

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Suicide and Witchcraft

The one question everyone has asked without exception, that they ache to have answered more than any other, is simply: why? Why did their friend, child, parent, spouse, or sibling take their own life? Even when a note explaining the reasons is found, lingering questions usually remain: yes, they felt enough despair to want to die, but why did they feel that? A person's suicide often takes the people it leaves behind by surprise (only accentuating survivor's guilt for failing to see it coming).

People who've survived suicide attempts have reported wanting not so much to die as to stop living, a strange dichotomy but a valid one nevertheless. If some in-between state existed, some other alternative to death, I suspect many suicidal people would take it.

In general, people try to kill themselves for six reasons:

1) They're depressed. This is without question the most common reason people commit suicide. Severe depression is always accompanied by a pervasive sense of suffering as well as the belief that escape from it is hopeless. The pain of existence often becomes too much for severely depressed people to bear. The state of depression warps their thinking, allowing ideas like "Everyone would all be better off without me" to make rational sense. They shouldn't be blamed for falling prey to such distorted thoughts any more than a heart patient should be blamed for experiencing chest pain: it's simply the nature of their disease. Because depression, as we all know, is almost always treatable, we should all seek to recognize its presence in our close friends and loved ones. Often people suffer with it silently, planning suicide without anyone ever knowing. Despite making both parties uncomfortable, inquiring directly about suicidal thoughts in my experience almost always yields an honest response. If you suspect someone might be depressed, don't allow your tendency to deny the possibility of suicidal ideation prevent you from asking about it.

2) They're psychotic. Malevolent inner voices often command self-destruction for unintelligible reasons. Psychosis is much harder to mask than depression, and is arguably even more tragic. The worldwide incidence of schizophrenia is 1% and often strikes otherwise healthy, high-performing individuals, whose lives, though manageable with medication, never fulfill their original promise. Schizophrenics are just as likely to talk freely about the voices commanding them to kill themselves as not, and also, in my experience, give honest answers about thoughts of suicide when asked directly. Psychosis, too, is treatable, and usually must be treated for a schizophrenic to be able to function at all. Untreated or poorly treated psychosis almost always requires hospital admission to a locked ward until the voices lose their commanding power.

3) They're impulsive. Often related to drugs and alcohol, some people become maudlin and impulsively attempt to end their own lives. Once sobered and calmed, these people usually feel emphatically ashamed. The remorse is often genuine, but whether or not they'll ever attempt suicide again is unpredictable. They may try it again the very next time they become drunk or high, or never again in their lifetime. Hospital admission is therefore not usually indicated. Substance abuse and the underlying reasons for it are generally a greater concern in these people and should be addressed as aggressively as possible.

4) They're crying out for help, and don't know how else to get it. These people don't usually want to die but do want to alert those around them that something is seriously wrong. They often don't believe they will die, frequently choosing methods they don't think can kill them in order to strike out at someone who's hurt them, but they are sometimes tragically misinformed. The prototypical example of this is a young teenage girl suffering genuine angst because of a relationship, either with a friend, boyfriend, or parent, who swallows a bottle of Tylenol, not realizing that in high enough doses Tylenol causes irreversible liver damage. I've watched more than one teenager die a horrible death in an ICU days after such an ingestion when remorse has already cured them of their desire to die and their true goal of alerting those close to them of their distress has been achieved.

5) They have a philosophical desire to die. The decision to commit suicide for some is based on a reasoned decision, often motivated by the presence of a painful terminal illness from which little to no hope of reprieve exists. These people aren't depressed, psychotic, maudlin, or crying out for help. They're trying to take control of their destiny and alleviate their own suffering, which usually can only be done in death. They often look at their choice to commit suicide as a way to shorten a dying that will happen regardless. In my personal view, if such people are evaluated by a qualified professional who can reliably exclude the other possibilities for why suicide is desired, these people should be allowed to die at their own hands.

6) They've made a mistake. This is a recent, tragic phenomenon in which typically young people flirt with oxygen deprivation for the high it brings and simply go too far. The only defense against this, it seems to me, is education.

The wounds suicide leaves in the lives of those left behind by it are often deep and long lasting. The apparent senselessness of suicide often fuels the most significant pain. Thinking we all deal better with tragedy when we understand its underpinnings, I've offered the preceding paragraphs in hopes that anyone reading this who's been left behind by a suicide might be able to more easily find a way to move on, to relinquish their guilt and anger, and find closure. Despite the abrupt way you may have been left, guilt and anger don't have to be the only two emotions you're doomed to feel about the one who left you

Powerless

So you feel powerless? You feel like you don't know what to do and think you're a failure as a witch. How do we use magick which requires our full sensibilities, willpower, emotional functions such as love, passion, and desire if they are dulled by medication? That is a good question. Is crossed my mind quite a bit. Our Magick is definitely affected.

"Witchcraft is the craft of the wise. Wise people don’t become wise simply because they have acquired some knowledge. They become wise because their knowledge is enhanced through experience. Strong Healers were often inspired through needing healing in the first place. Through our own healing, we can be inspired to heal and without the experience of being a patient we can not fully understand how to healing process can work."

The Pretty Pill

"Drugs often interfere with real magick. The nature of how anti-depressants work is in how they “dull the senses”. It changes the chemical balance in the brain to enhance the mood which often takes away emotional aspects of what we draw from when creating and manifesting from desire. But… So does depression… There are many physical causes of depression that can be managed through other forms of treatments and yes, many of them are holistic. If someone is suicidal or dealing with depression, should they NOT take their anti-depressants? I am not saying that at all. For many, anti-depressants are necessary at least for a while. I am saying there may be another solution to look into as part of the long-term treatment plan."

have too agree with the above from Summer in her article in Witch Digest. Drugs for depression are designed to dull the senses. It's also a teeter-totter in the sense that some cases require the use of anti-depressants. YET, again, not all drugs are designed to dull the senses and sometimes the drugs don't even work

6 Ways to Improve

Balance and Grounding

The mind, body, and spirit work together. When one part is out of balance, it can throw the other parts of us out of whack. That is the theory of finding balance. The art of trying to keep all three aspects in balance at the same time. I believe it takes a lifetime to master and I don’t believe it is actually 100% mastered even by the masters. That is how grounding helps us regain our balance.

Diet

Sometimes the food we eat doesn’t work well with our bodies and throws off the balance of our overall well-being. Finding a diet that works for us through a process of elimination and cleansing to help us feel our best can have positive effects but it may not be the end all solution. That also may include a dietary supplement. Care must be taken when changing one’s diet or adding a supplement. A good example is St. John’s Wort because it is known for being a mood enhancer. The biggest problem with St. John’s Wort is for those with Bipolar it can make things worse and increase the cycling effects of the disease. Not to mention how it works is by changing the levels of serotonin, a chemical in the brain, and so does anti-depressants and the combinations can be dangerous and even life-threatening.

Exercise

Adding exercise to one’s lifestyle can have many health benefits. Exercise is known to increase endorphins that can have a mood enhancing effect. But, we have to be careful not injure ourselves and care must be taken. Exercises that get our bodies in motion are great. I enjoy a dance night where I get up and dance in my living room and have a blast being silly or going for a scenic walk around my neighborhood when safety permits or even walking in the local mall. Chi gong, Tai Chi and even Yoga is said to have positive effects on mood and energy.

Holistic energy healing

Holistic healing techniques such as Reiki for some can make a huge difference as part of the whole healing and recovery process.

Meditation

This can help us regulate our balance and grounding through trying various techniques. These techniques can be found through counseling, learning through teachers or masters and even through internet searches.

Counseling

Most of all, counseling if done with the correct mindset can also add to recovery in the healing process. I have seen people go through years of psychotherapy and never recover and I have seen someone go through just a few sessions or a few years of therapy and do more healing than ever expected. Finding the right type and quality of counselor is necessary. Remembering that a counselor can only guide you on your healing path and the healing process is up to you is a key factor in benefiting from counseling.

Permanently Medicated

If one is permanently medicated or even temporarily, How can a Witch work magick while medicated? Well, there is a way. You have to work around the constraints and only you, the magickal practitioner can discover what that is for yourself. Knowing how your illness works on your overall health, which contains all three of the mind, body, and spirit and how the treatments affect your overall health is a good place to start.

Trial and error is often the only way to figure out which options work best for you.

Conclusion

Healing one aspect of our whole being requires the complimentary healing of each of our three parts; Mind, body, and spirit. At least that is what I believe. For some, medication can actually enhance their well-being and therefore increases their magickal abilities.

[Source 1|https://witchdigest.com/25707/can-depression-affect-my-magick/]

[Source 2|https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/depression/index.shtml]

[Source 3|https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/happiness-in-world/201004/the-six-reasons-people-attempt-suicide%3famp]

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