#AND THE ACTUAL FUNNY PART IS I CAN STILL ELABORATE MORE ON THIS LMAO

[a-star-that-burns-brightly]

I'm not gonna lie, it doesn't really make a lot of sense to me when people say that Eden being the culprit doesn't make sense from a narrative/story perspective, or that they "don't see her killing someone" I mean to-each-their-own obviously, but like, at the same time...the entire theme of this chapter is that not everything is as it seems. Your preconceived notions of the people around you based on the parts of themself they present to you are bound to be contradicted by an action they take, or a side of themselves that's kept hidden away. This theme was set up in the first episode of Chapter 2 with J's secret, which I elaborate more on in this post, where she is revealed to have a completely different identity that nobody in the cast was aware of, and that identity of hers is met with spectacle and admiration when J's life is really nothing to admire. Another thing that sets up this narrative is also just the secrets motive in general. From a meta standpoint, I think the secrets motive is meant to challenge us the audience and the preconceived notions we have about these characters, what we believe they are capable of doing to others, to themselves, and in general who they are as people. I remember back when the episodes were still being released seeing paragraphs of defenses in comment sections in regards to David, how he wasn't a manipulator because of this that and the third, how he was only trying to help and that he couldn't had been malicious in his intention. And I can attest to that, because I was one of those people lmao. And as we know now, David did end up being the one with the manipulator secret and showing a much more ugly side of himself that many didn't take kindly to, because it contradicted what we knew about who he was, or more accurately, what we wanted to believe he was. And I use David as an example here, because this pattern can be seen with multiple characters throughout the chapter. Arei, who up until this point had been portrayed as nothing more than a mean, merciless bully, had her past and true-feelings spilled out on full display, leading to her allowing herself the chance to become a better person. This is almost the exact opposite of what happened to Nico, who was portrayed as a timid, defenseless individual constantly catching the brunt of Ace's assault, only to show that they are a much more nefarious person than you would first assume, more than willing to tie a wire around Ace's neck if pushed to their boiling point. And the funny thing about these two examples is that even after these sides of their characters were revealed to us, people still allowed their established notions of the characters to overrule it. People theorized that Arei was lying, or just putting on another manipulative show again. People theorized that actually Nico was just trying to take the wire off of Ace's neck, that Ace actually killed himself and was just pinning it on Nico, or that Hu was somehow responsible and that she was manipulating Nico into doing it, or was just straight-up the one who tried to kill Ace. And there's nothing wrong with any of these theories in the moment, even though I'd say with present information that all of them have been de-confirmed. The reason I'm mentioning them is that it goes to show that if you have a certain view of a character that you have become attached to, and something comes along and contradicts that view, your brain searches for ways to justify the previous view you had. Even in the case of Arei and Nico where, to be fair, the previous perspective wasn't entirely wrong, people still feel strange when they see something that contradicts it.

All of this brings us to David, who as I mentioned previously, was continuously defended in the weeks before CH2-11 dropped because people didn't want to believe he was as manipulative as a lot of the fandom made him out to be. And then CH2-11 actually dropped, and possibly the most unsavory side of David was revealed to us in full display. And despite the fact that the legitimacy of how much of David's true colors is being shown is still a big question mark to this day, and the fact that this side of himself gets approximately seventeen minutes of screen-time, a lot of people were incredibly quick, and I mean quick, to immediately dismiss it as bad writing. Instead of actually thinking for a moment about why this writing decision would be made, they wrote off David as a one-dimensional bad guy to the point of even calling him a cartoon villain. It's hard to believe now considering how much effort the community has put into the past year to dissect every aspect of this blueberry-haired motherfucker, but there were people who were genuinely pissed when CH2-11 dropped. "Hey, this is all well and good but uh...I thought this post was about Eden? Why are you bringing up all these other characters?" Well I'm glad you asked, voice that I made up in my head to transition cleanly to my next point. The thing that all three of these characters, Arei Nico and David have in common, is that they all serve to challenge what we know about these characters and introduce a side of them that goes against our current knowledge, and it's up to us as an audience to either accept this as part of who they are as a person, or deny it in favor of the narrative we've grown comfortable with. And I really do think that is an intentional part of the story being told within Chapter 2, especially when characters like Hu also exemplify these tendencies in how she defends David and tries to see the good within him, deflecting away from the uncomfortable truth that he is not all he presents himself to be. All that glitters is not gold, not everyone is as they appear to be. Which brings us, finally, to Eden Tobisa. And how a lot of the arguments against the theory that she is the one who killed Arei greatly confuse me, and why I think a lot of it falls along this line of thinking.

I see quite a few people implying that the idea of Eden being the CH2 culprit is inherently, as a concept, bad writing, how it doesn't fit with her character, and other things along those lines. It's actually very similar arguments that I saw used to deny the idea that David was manipulative. But I do not see this to be the case. In fact, I think out of everyone currently alive in the cast, Eden being the culprit is what would fit the best with the narrative and story that has been established. This chapter, as I've mentioned previously, has challenged our perspectives of these characters and what we know about them, emphasizing that what we see of them might not be the full-picture of who they are as people. So quite frankly, why wouldn't the culprit be the most positive, seemingly hopeful girl in the entire killing game cracking under it's pressure and resorting to murder? An aspect of Eden's character that I think goes overlooked quite often is that, though she is not by any means naive and her optimism is genuine, her positivity can definitely seep into toxic positivity on more than one occasion. Specifically when applying it towards herself.

(x) Teruko: You seem quite chipper this morning, even though you were distraught last night. Eden: ...Yeah, I know. I'm really sorry about yesterday. Eden: I was in a new, scary situation, and I let myself get too upset. But that was a mistake, I'm not going to let myself be weak like that anymore. Eden: I'll do my best to encourage everyone from now on!

(x) Levi: I suppose I could say the same for you, can't I? Today you're just as cheerful as you've ever been. Eden: I'm glad you think so. I'm wearing my brave face, see? Eden: Everyone is probably going to be sad for a while. For their sake, and for mine, I'll put on a happy smile!

(x) Eden: [Sniff] Whit: There, there. Pat pat. Do you want to sit down somewhere else? Eden: ....... Eden: I'm fine! I just... needed a second to deal with it. Eden: I'm super ready to investigate! I'll do whatever I can to help find Arei's killer.

I want you to pay attention to the third scene I linked especially, because I think it re-contextualizes the other two scenes mentioned. I hope this does not need to be spoonfed, but just to be clear: I am not at all saying that Eden's positivity is fake or fabricated, I think her optimism is a very real aspect of her. That being said, despite her believing that the best way to make it through this killing game is to express grief and rely on others and how she does acknowledge the severity of the situation on multiple occasions, she has never really allowed herself to grieve her current situation. She refers to her very reasonable response to the death game as a weakness, and she outright admits to Levi that she is putting on a brave face for herself and the others. And in the third clip, it's not even being hidden from the audience anymore, especially with how the line is voiced. It's like Eden's VA was specifically instructed to sound as if she were forcing a smile. What this all means, to me anyway, is that there is a lot of stress, fear, and sadness bubbling under Eden's skin that she's purposefully keeping hidden, for herself but especially for the others. That doesn't mean she is good at it, mind you, as Eden at the end of the day is still someone who's feelings are practically sewn into her sleeve, but she is trying. And it's clear it is having an impact on her. Couple that with the fact that Eden very clearly wants to escape really fucking badly, if her constant attempts to find a solution to end the killing game are anything to go by. Especially in Chapter 2. (credit to @/venus-is-thinking for pointing this out in their post)

(x) Eden: So uh... I've been spending a lot of time investigating around, looking for a potential exit

(x) Veronika: You know, Eden once thought of an interesting plan to end the killing game. Based on everything we know, it could theoretically work.

(x) Hu: Eden and I have a continuous alibi from 7 PM to 10 PM. It has become a bit of a tradition for the two of us to clean up after dinner together Hu: And after we were done, we talked for quite some time, brainstorming ways to deal with the motive.

Eden has been more obsessed than anyone else over the prospect of ending, dealing with, or escaping the death game. (just as a side note cause it goes outside the scope of this post, this is also why it doesn't make sense when I see people say that Eden doesn't have a motive to kill, because...she does? Fuck if anything she is probably the person who currently wants to escape this death game the most. I understand if that doesn't sound like a satisfying motive to you, but she does have a motive.) Also couple all of this with the constant arguing of the rest of the cast, and her literally witnessing Nico try to kill Ace in front of her eyes, all the while she is trying to put on a positive smile for everyone else and herself. I really do not see why it is so unbelievable that she would break and try to commit murder. And really, I do think it's primarily because of how the fandom as a whole views Eden, which is why I spent a large majority of this post talking about the themes of Chapter 2 and how they interact with how the audience sees the characters. Another theme that has been explored in this chapter is the idea of a Good Person. Specifically, what makes someone a good person, and the desire to become one. And how is this theme introduced into the chapter?

(x) Levi: Perhaps I messed up yesterday. But I want to move on. I want to keep trying to be a 'good person,' like you, Eden.

Through the existence of Eden. With every other character in the DRDT cast, there is at least one attribute about them or action they take, that would reasonably warrant them being disliked, or seen as not the best person. Even other characters serve a similar role in the narrative, like Whit and Hu, have things about them that could result in this opinion. Like Whit's insensitivity and uncaring behavior towards the dead, and Hu using other people to make herself feel useful. But Eden is viewed, both within the story and outside it, as an undeniable good person. There's a reason why you basically never see a genuine Eden hater in a wild because...well, what is there to dislike her for? She's kind, she's caring, she's helpful, and she tries her best for everyone around her. In the midst of a story where the characters are constantly being pushed to the brink and fucking up, Eden has done literally nothing wrong. She has been a victim of circumstance or other people victimizing her. And the one time she is antagonized in the story it's by a character who, up until a few minutes after, we have basically only seen as a mean bully. Eden has done nothing wrong. Eden is the picture-perfect presentation of a good person. But I think by the end of Chapter, as a climax to both of the themes that permeate it's narrative

That will no longer be the truth.

[mydarlingbat]

BATMAN #1 1940 REVIEW.

Alright i want to elaborate on Batman #1 1940. This issue is great. I enjoy the first part of the comic. It was really, really good. Batman heard the Joker was murdering people and the Joker even announces he's going to murder certain people, but Batman informs to Dick Grayson that the time isn't ripe? Like what are you even talking about? And then he waits even longer, however he decides to show up when brute Nelson decides to set the Joker up and kill him, and then all of a sudden Batman's ready to come into action. He saves the Joker from getting shot, and then the Joker knocks him off the bridge into the water. He makes it out alive, and proceeds to say 'I finally found a foe who gives a good fight' in so many words. Are you kidding me??? I mean Batman was obsessed with the Joker from the beginning, and the Joker kidnaps robin. He ties him to a chair, in addition to that Batman shows up to knock the Joker out, and then he fights with him some more. The Joker keep shouting for Batman to die, and then the Joker slips off the building not too long after. guess what? Batman saves him again. Let's not forget he says 'you're to valuable to lose 'I mean what? You just met him Bruce. The rating is 7 out of 10

Now the other short story in Batman #1 is about professor strange. The beginning is pretty funny. The part when Hugo strange says to get the warden body so he can use it as a shield. I was laughing so hard, but I'm not going to go into too much detail about this part, but Hugo strange create monsters to terrorize the city obviously. The monsters throws cars around the city. They tried to harm innocent civilians. Batman then decides it's time to stop Hugo strange, although he doesn't see the two giant hands ready to catch him. Lmao. I still don't understand how he couldn't see them, so now he's trapped. Hugo strange explains how he created the serum, and how human glands growth or something help with that. He then injects it in Batman's arm. Batman throws Hugo strange off a building. Batman causes the Giants to kill each other, and then he makes a cure in one minute. Like really though??? Then Batman kill the last two Giants. Yep! you heard that right. He hung one, and knock the other off the building. Lol The rating is a 5 out of 10

The other short story of this issue Is about Robin handling a case alone without Batman. lemme tell you it's pretty boring. Catwoman is thief who stole the necklace and other shiny things she adores.. She eventually flirts with Batman. Then she asks him to be her partner. Look it's soooooooo boring. I actually think Catwoman being reveal actually makes it interesting. This rating is a 3 out of 10

The other short story of Batman #1 is about the Joker again. The Joker escapes prison with the two hidden fake teeth in his mouth. He unscrews them from out of his mouth. I'm as confused as you are about this... Plus it has a chemical in them too, which can cause an explosion. Oh my god that's so stupid though, but anyways the Joker escapes prison by blowing it up, and he start murdering people once again. Now theses cops in this issue are so dumb. I mean the Joker get through everytime, and they convince the people who the Joker threatens to murder, that they'll be okay. No one's getting through here. Like why are you lying? Batman arrives to stop the Joker, but the Joker wounds up dying at the end. I do love how Batman said he'd love to stick his hands around the Joker's lily neck. The rating of this short story is 6 out of 10

[seaofreverie]

Sparkstember Day 19: Lil' Beethoven (Ride 'Em Cowboy)

First of all, let this very important fact be known: the love I have for all three albums in the Lil' Beethoven trilogy cannot be overstated. I think I can safely call them my favourite pieces of art ever made. You know, when you look forward to something and it not only lives up to all your expectations but it's also just SO SO much more? Something about this neoclassical / dada / deconstruction of pop music / whatever-you-should-even-call-it approach is absolutely PERFECTLY suited for my tastes, and I didn't even know I was looking for something EXACTLY like this until I found it.

I think the circumstances of my first hearing of this album are pretty funny and something I got pretty lucky with actually (I often think about this with Sparks in general, as much as I wish I've known about them sooner I also do feel like they appeared in my life when I needed that the most. But anyway.) I was very eagerly looking forward to hearing it and finally seeing for myself what the genius of this album is all about. But I insisted that I can only do it through a physical format because yesss, let's make it even more *special*! The moment I've been waiting for! So yeah let's gooo, I need to wait until my CD arrives in the mail (that was one of the longest weeks of my life). And then I started to wonder, well, maybe I actually won't like it that much. To hype myself up to this extent and then be severly dissapointed - would have sucked!

Well, I was NOT dissapointed. Instead I was perplexed, confused, but also very intrigued and quite, ok not just quite, *completely* amazed already. That was the initial reaction and I think it's a rare but very beautiful moment when this happens - no need to *fully* grasp it right away, but enough to be all like "oh that was SOMETHING. I need more." As I said after that first listen (and I actually have my whole LIVE reaction to hearing LB written down lmao, that's how much of a big deal this was for me), I felt like it actually has to grow on me a bit still, gradually but surely with each next listen, rather than the 1st listen being THE prime listening experience. And that was very true! But it wasn't even gradual, it was very fast, seriously. And something very important that stood out to me right away too were the melodies - something about them, and that continues into HYL and ECOTD too. It's this classic feeling of: this always existed, or at least it feels like I've known it for years already. And as I listen more and become more familiar with them the magic still grows.

It's of course no coincidence to me that an album that relies so much on extreme levels of repetition is so addicting, even hypnotising. And once upon a time I thought that I couldn't like something that's too repetitive and therefore could be considered monotonous or "predictable". But nothing is predictable about LB actually. (Besides... ok, I'll get to that one bit later). But yeah, it's good for the brain. And it's been said before by others but this music definitely has this certain neurodivergent appeal thanks to all this, and, well, I love that aspect of it so much and I definitely relate to it on some level that goes even deeper than just song topics and instrumentation choices. It's in the structure and the fundaments of it all too.

I legally can't finish this without a dedicated paragraph to the 2004 Live In Stockholm performance because HOLY SHIT. Feeling so lucky again that all three of these albums got this treatment and we have recordings of these half-concert-half-performance-art pieces that we can now marvel at. I will say that like, a pretty big part of the sum of the appeal that LB has as an album is stored in this show and its visual and narrative elaboration on its themes. And also it's just so fun to watch! Sometimes I thought about how this might be an even better introduction to LB / this era of Sparks / Sparks in general than the actual album but well, never had a chance to test that and you know. Maybe shouldn't recommend Sparks with one of the most leftfield things there is to be found from them. Either way, very good, very important, felt like experiencing the power of LB for the first time all over again.

So now, please hear my exact reasonings for why I so deeply love (almost) every single one of these songs......

The Rhythm Thief

NO song made such a big impression on me the first time I heard it as this. I might have gotten more used to it after all this time but man, The Rhythm Thief, you will always be the realest one to me. This is what made me look forward to the whole album so much and convinced me that it would be like nothing else I've heard before. And that turned out to be so very beautifully true!

How Do I Get To Carnegie Hall?

I could listen to this one a hundred times in a row over and over and not get sick of it one bit. That's it, idk what else to add, beautiful and ethereal in every way

What Are All These Bands So Angry About?

Mostly I just want to direct everyone's attention to the bridge section, at the 2:26-2:52 time mark, which as far as I can say is the most heavenly piece of music ever made. Feeling like that Winnie The Pooh soul leaving his body gif each time I hear this

I Married Myself

Aromantic anthem, to me. Not that much to say actually but it's just, a very sweet and pretty song even when it might be taken as just this sort of ironic piece, I think it's this situation where a song can be taken more or less literally and it doesn't lose anything, rather the sincerity takes on a new sort of meaning? Because yes, maybe this hyperbolic situation (marrying yourself) COULD be the solution to the heartbreak of failed relationships. Ever thought about that??? Ok, stopping right here and leaving my I Married Myself analysis for another day

Ride 'Em Cowboy

My mind is blank on this one suddenly. But it's so good believe me. I love it a lot. It just has this LB spirit that makes it very addicting to listen to

My Baby's Taking Me Home

This was sort of the first Sparks song I've ever heard, or maybe that I quote-unquote purposefully listened to, and I think that's pretty important considering that it was the moment that ultimately lead to... all this. This song has always been incredibly beautiful and powerful to me, but lately it just makes me emotional to an extent that makes it hard to listen to most of the time. I WOULD sell all my material possessions for even one chance to experience this song live by the way

Your Call Is Very Important To Us. Please Hold

Earns soooo much as a live version, but even without that I think it's genius in the same way as The Rhythm Thief, and maybe the most disquieting piece here overall... If we ignore the next one maybe

Ugly Guys With Beautiful Girls

Sitting there hearing the intro of this song all like "huh, this is so chill and calm... too calm..." and then being hit with, well, everything that's going on in this song afterwards was truly THE MOMENT back in the day (and re: the predictability thing. idk though, it's not like, really an issue). Later on I decided that this sort of narrative nature of the song makes it have less replayability value than the rest (???) but I abandoned that opinion soon enough, thank god. I love it how long it took me to realize that this song and the ending of MBTMH are the only times when drums appear on this entire album (I mean no, I'm not very proud of that fact actually, as the self-proclaimed biggest LB fan in my area. And The Rhythm Thief literally saying "say goodbye to the beat"... come on man). So yes, sometimes less is more! I adore this song now it's such a treat I would gladly terrorize my neighbours with it

Suburban Homeboy

Ok, I'm sorry Suburban Homeboy fans but this is the only song here that I'm not a HUGE fan of. I still think it's brilliant and an incredibly fitting ending for the whole thing - the mood whiplash is amazing as this is the only "vaguely happy sounding" song on here, per my words from months back. And what's better than yelling WE ARE THE SUBURBAN HOMEBOYS! (I'm actually awaiting today's Sparks karaoke rating reveal very impatiently lol the reveal happened before I posted this and I'm very happy about it)

One more actually, a quick word on Wunderbar because it gave us two things that we might have not been able to do without: 1) this whole album actually (the fact that LB exists because of Wunderbar giving the Maels the idea to continue meddling with this style. Up there as one of my fav pieces of Sparks trivia) 2) anddddd the 21×21 performance of it of course

[atoriv-art]

asks :)

guess who let them pile up for months (meeeeeeee)

tysm!!! i share a similar view wrt his hair :) i think it's a very fun way to interpret it given he's one of (/the?) only characters to ever go through a change like that! especially given his snake transformations i think it's completely plausible that he found himself mirroring the guy too much and wanted to distance himself from that lol

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thank youuuu it's one of my favorite things to draw honestly :) especially with the uchihas where their eyes are such an integral part of their character design hehe

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:D the positive reception to them honestly makes me really happy given they're a relatively obscure pairing hahahaha thank you!

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thank you so muuuch 🥺 my biggest goal with my art is capturing like, emotional snapshots of the little guys i like and i'm glad it comes through!! :]

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it's a fair question! i might elaborate more someday but atm the basic premise is that it's likely it'd be like a pragmatic deal between them? sasuke needs a source of strength and obito is both very powerful and a sharingan user, and obito has reason to look out for sasuke because of itachi hovering over his shoulder + if he trains sasuke correctly he can have a powerful ally on his side... which is i think?? the reason why obito let sasuke hang out with him for so long in canon but it went nowhere looooool

i find orochimaru's integration and then sudden exit from the plot to be a little bit messy so i like to think of ways of streamlining the process and just having sasuke be with the "main" naruto antagonists from an earlier date :0c with the rest of the kids still being with him as i am very fond of both karin and suigetsu ahahaha

i also find the idea of sasuke being in closer proximity to itachi during the timeskip (while still distant ofc) to be fun, like him being akatsuki-adjacent while itachi is also there brings fun scenarios to think about! + the fact itachi really doesn't like obito, so there's an added layer of 👀 as he hates that obito is the one training him but he can't really do anything abt it without showing his hand lol

and, the rest of the akatsuki interacting with a bunch of kids on a "friendly" level is a funny concept lmao

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grouping these together since i assume it was the same person ^^

kks headcanons: hmm i'm actually not sure! i think a lot about kakashi but im blanking on specific headcanons i have :P

top 5s: without much thought to ordering them i'd sayyy

characters: obito, kakashi, itachi, sasuke, and gaara or neji depending on my mood

pairings: sasuneji, sasugaa, kakaobi, itadei and kisaobi or sasusui

what got you into naruto: mostly being really curious about kakashi 😅 he seemed like the type of character i really would like so we watched a few episodes "for fun" just to meet him and then. you know.

thoughts on kakagai: i love kakagai i think it's super cute :)

do you like sasuke x naruto: people keep asking me this KSDJSKJD i'm ambivalent about the pairing, i can see why people like it but it's not for me

would you ever draw naruto (the character): possibly! just no real guarantee since i tend to focus on a small group of characters is all

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🥺 thank you so much!!! sorry about the 25 minutes hahahaha

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thank you so much!! if it helps any i struggle a lot with traditional art hahaha :P

i haven't ever drawn the rest of team 7 atm, no! if i ever do i'll definitely post it as it seems a lot of people are curious about them hahahah

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😭 tysm!!!!

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:D! i'm a firm believer that sasuke is one of the most sun-adjacent characters i've ever seen but alas he is cursed to be misunderstood because he's an emo boy 😔

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:] i'm glad!!! he's very fun to draw hehehe

[driedupeyeballs]

OH MY GOD???? I already love them sm

I literally edited a new profile for them for this cuz the old one was outdated BUT YEAH IDK IF THIS WAS AN INVITE TO INFODUMP ABT MY JAMIAZU FANKID BUT IM USING IT AS ONE

Btw I can only wish to achieve your level of snake knowledge I thought my reptile hyperfixation went deep but yours is deeper I wanna know your ways

But that isn’t relavent YEAH HERES MY JAMIAZU FANKID HI TUMBLR *lets them out like you would a spider under a cup*

So I have a shit ton of Twst fankids btw! They kinda swim around in my brain but only a few ppl I know have gotten the info dumps lmao

Skye was the first one I made I think (actually it might’ve been Rico (florid) but eh oh well who’s counting)

But yes this is Skye Ashengrotto!

They’re my older Jamiazu kid, I do have two. The younger one is my octo boy Akram :) he’s funny I wanna pinch his cheeks but he’s not the point here

So Skye! It feels weird publically infodumping abt my OCs like wtf am I even supposed to put here

They’re a half mer, which do work a lil different than normal mers in my lore. Half mers can transform without a potion but it’s still a long and generally painful process, esp going from mer to human. I kind of switch between calling them a snake mer and a naga but there’s lore there- Nagas exist in my lore outside of sea snake mers, there are also fully terrestrial Nagas. So the terrestrial nagas wouldn’t be considered snake mers but the sea snake nagas would be a type of mer while also still being a naga ITS CONFUSING DONT ASK (actually do. Ask everything so I can roll more of my fankids out like marbles)

Skye was created by a spell, I haven’t quite worked the details out 😔 but Jamil is part gorgon in my lore which is why they have the hair snakes which isn’t a typical naga trait. And to elaborate on the hair snakes: they are alive, the one w the bigger stripes is Flora and the smaller stripes is Jett. Skye can communicate w them telepathically and their eyes glow which is kinda neat. They’re kind of Skye’s version of floatsam and jetsam (unless u count Rico (florid) and Lilac (treyjade) which is like their ver of the twins- IDK ITS COMPLICATED)

idk what else to put here so LETS THROW SOME FHARACTER DYNAMICS YEAH and also mentioning some of my other fankids! They all have profiles (except my Malleus kid I’m sorry Aihan I can’t think of a design for you) but I’m probably gonna save those for another post-

So jamiazu in my lore live in the Shaftlands in a beachfront place and also live pretty close to Treyjade, however Florid live in the Queendom. The octatrio and their spouses is a close group so they’re essentially a big family. My treyjade kids are Maren (older) and Lilac, then my Florid kids are Rico (older) and the twins Mary and Eliza.

Skye saw Lilac more as a kid cuz they lived so close together but also saw Rico a lot when flrd would visit or they’d go to visit them. Rico is an agent of chaos and Lilac is Skye’s 2nd in command so their dynamic on a surface level is pretty similar to the octatrio, but there’s still a lot of differences once u get into the meat of it. Tho Lilac and Rico are Skye’s best friends and basically like siblings to them.

Outside of jamiazu Skye is particularly close with Jade, they share a love of tea :) he’s their cool but also slightly unsettling uncle

THEN THERES SHENZI- Shenzi is my younger kaliruggie kid and I am not gonna get into her here bcuz she rlly needs her own post w all her trauma but good lord these two do not like each other. Shenzi’s really nice but she’s not quite as nice as Kalim so after about 5 months of trying and failing to befriend Skye in their freshman year she just gave up and now their relationship is nothing but hostile (which was not helped when Shenzi and lilac started dating)

Speaking of that tho- so my idikei kids :) Ember (named after the pokemon attack) is the older one and he’s basically that “Jock idia can’t hurt you he’s not real Jock idia:” thing as a person he has the Fire hair n shit but he plays basketball and is heavily extroverted but no one gives a shit abt Ember this is NOT ABT HIM this is abt his sister! Her name is Zelda because you know Idia would name his daughter Zelda- she got all of Idia’s social anxiety lmao. She’s extremely shy and there’s a total of like 4 people in the school she can actually talk to without melting into a small stain on the floor. She’s an Skye are both in board games club and sometime in early freshman year she falls on her ass and knocks over a bunch of stuff which Skye happens to witness and cue the most awkward interaction known to man bcuz Skye can’t talk to pretty girls and Zelda can’t talk to ANYONE but they end up walking to the mirror hall together afterwards which becomes a routine. Except they’re both awkward as fuck take like almost two fucking years to get together bcuz neither of them are gonna do anything abt it BUT THEYRE VERY CUTE!! I love them

Also my ashengrotto siblings are very wholesome I need to write some stuff w them- Akram is a little shit and he loves pissing Skye off but at the end of the day he admires them and Skye loves their brother a lot :)

Anyway good lord I’ve yapped too much okay OH YEAH Skye has a Russian blue cat named Mariana who they just fucking found on the side of the road and thought it was a mouse so for like 2 years Azul thought Skye was gonna eat the cat

OK HERES RHE ACTUAL PROFILE these aren’t as chaotic as the other ones all the other ones are more meme than profile ALSO RHEIR UNIQUE MAGIC DOESNR HAVE A NAME AT THE MOMENT IF ANHONE HAS AN IDEA FOR ONE PLS SHARE I HABE NO THOUGHTS

(If you recognize my art style from instagram no you don’t also THEY DO HABE EYES I JUST DONT DRAW THEM CUZ MY STYLES WEIRD)

But yeah I love them I hope they explode (affectionate)

[cloudbellsv3]

some of your posts actually got me thinking about these questions! i'm very curious how people feel about this sort of stuff, since my own fandom opinions are relatively mild and it got me wondering how other people's experiences compare...

so how about #'s 2 (for stony), #9 and #27 (other than frostshield??😉)

Thank you for the ask (and for creating the game)! Lol, I'm glad me and my inability to keep an opinion to myself was a part of the inspo <3 And sorry for the long wait!!!

2) What's your biggest stony pet peeve?

BIGGEST? Oh man, I'm not sure...Teenification of Tony Stark. He's written so...infantile and emotionally weak (I love vulnerability, but my word choice of him being written as weak is my gripe) in many Stony fics. It genuinely gets on my last nerve. He's damn near 40 in AV1. And he only gets older. And sure, maybe there's some arrested development there, but he isn't a damn child. He knows this. And actually conducts himself well enough in canon (in a way that matches his issues) but it's the fanon portrayal I don't like.

WAIT...I think I have something that's popular for the ship itself. Not very fan of the lengths that misunderstandings go for Steve and Tony...Like, I understand they aren't great at communication, but sometimes it gets to the point where I'm like, "It's passed dense and shot straight into pure asshole territory". I know a lot of people write like this because of CACW, but hot take, I don't think CW was so much of a communication or misunderstandings problem. I'll elaborate on this in a separate post, maybe. But the way misunderstandings are drawn out with seemingly no reason gets on my nerves, but it really depends. I can love misunderstandings, but it can't be something that's contrived for drama's sake.

Oh! Another one is in AUs where Steve was still Captain America, and Tony is still Iron Man, and Howard was still lovesick after Steve died and Tony knew all about Steve as a child....and then the AU has Steve undercover or something and Tony doesn't recognize Steve's face. LOL. This sounds specific, but this exact set up has happened enough to where it bothers me. Like, it's kind of funny though, how annoyed I get over it lmao.

9) What's something that bugs you in fanfiction that you encounter often but isn't necessarily a dealbreaker for you as a reader?

I have a lot of not-dealbreakers. Primarily because if I were to strictly stick to my vision of every possible portrayal, I'd have like 3 fics to read. I'm picky in theory, not so much in practice because I'm also extremely greedy. I'll give one each for Stucky and Stony.

Stucky: That Steve crashed the Valkyrie because he was so sad about Bucky dying. I talk a little about how much I generally dislike this trope here. I think it's a huge disservice to this character, I will never take it seriously, and I will never write it. But, it's not a dealbreaker as long as it's not repeatedly more than....let's say 3 times in a fic. Looking back, I already gave this answer, so an additional one - Bucky being community dick and then getting upset that Steve doesn't realize that Bucky wants him and the tone of the fic also supporting that Bucky has a right to be mad lol. It's a weirdly common narrative point in a lot of fics and I just don't care for it. It's actually one of the reasons I tend to stay away from pre-CATFA fics. This trope also happens in Stony too, now that I'm thinking about it. What's up with that?

Stony: I (unsurprisingly) have a few to choose from, but I'll say - when it's written like Steve was horrifically out of line or the aggressor in AV1. It's super common (from throwaway lines to paragraphs about how Steve was an asshole) and there is a fine line that this has to walk for me not to dip. Usually, it's a couple of line about it, which I can ignore.

27) What's something that you think [insert fandom/pairing] doesn't have nearly enough of that you're starving for?

I have an embarrassing amount of rare pairs that I ship and I've been itching for a chance to let them out (/ = romantic or sexual, & = platonic).

Steve & Wanda. Oh my goodness, I am absolutely starving for more fics that show their growing bond from AOU to CACW. I would eat it up. Even in AUs, honestly. I said in another ask that I dislike kidfics, but guess what I'm outlining right now involving kid!Wanda...I just think there is something to explore there with Steve's care towards Wanda in canon. I feel like he understands her, to an extent, and anything he doesn't understand, he tries to sympathize with. He reaches out to her and that's so, so important to me. Because I adore Wanda. So much.

Rumlow/Steve. I want to clarify, not so much as a romance pairing (though I have read a couple like that), but more so as a one-sided creepfest on Rumlow's end. Something about him feeling an erotized violence/hatred towards Steve is so delicious to me. In my mind, it's not even love/hate - it's obsession. Maybe even coupled with a childhood admiration morphing into a disturbed/twisted fixation on Steve. I think this Rumlow likes to see Steve hurt. I also think he hates to be kept away from him. He's not deluded enough to think that Steve loves him back, he in fact, probably loves how much Steve hates him after the Hydra reveal. Yum.

Carol & Steve. Nothing much to say here, but I'm sure it's not too surprising. Captain Marvel is my 2nd most-watched MCU movie after CATFA. And I think their stories and journeys and experiences are so, so amazingly similar that I cannot resist the temptation of wanting them to be in every scene together. The squeal I let out when she first met Steve probably broke a few records.

Can I get a little more obscure? I have Steve-ships with characters who aren't in the MCU. Here's a speedrun, no elaboration:

Din Djarin (The Mandalorian)/Steve Rogers

Kushina (Naruto) & Steve Rogers

Sesshomaru (Inuyasha) /Steve Rogers

Ginko (Mushishi) & Steve Rogers

Epsilon (Pluto) & Steve Rogers

Kurenai/Steve/Asuma (Naruto).

Izaya Orihara (Durarara) & Steve....or Izaya/Steve...Izaya would hate him so much haha.

[stupendousfoxthing]

To your last anon, I always thought that hybe would have loved to monetize on tk's huge clout together if that didn't posit a risk( they are a corporation it's all about clout and money) i know people think differently as in them being shown together wouldn't have been risky but if they were the official company ship the ppl who like them as a couple would have been the triple than they are now, that means more people paying attention to them in that context, more ppl who wants to find something more, just like jikookers do, the difference? Jikookers won't find anything ever bc there's nothing to find, they are friends and bandmates, so them being the official company ship is as safe as it can be, tk's case is not the same.

Now it's funny bc the moment the tae//nnie bs started I told my friend that we probably could except a bit more of tk content coming from the company and I wasn't disappointed lmao, this is my view: thanks to that rouse Tae is seen by the world as a straight man who was/is (many locals dont even know about the break up news)in a relationship with a female idol and that also takes off legitimacy from the ppl who noticed stuff about him and his bandmate, it's just shippers delusions, even many ppl who suspected tk left the wagon after that.

So yeah I think hybe can afford to slightly show them more and monetize (and that also includes aiming to not lose much of the many different demographics that "consume" the BTS members during their absence and shippers are part of the this) that compared to before and still in a very controlled way, there is a bit of a risk mitigation with this companies' pushed rumor which is of course still not enough and hence the still controlled bc the risk is still present and as you said we have to take into account tk themselves, their priority is protecting what's important to them too, if you see the most content from the company we have seen of them together lately is just them being close (which they always were);and supporting each other, nothing super big or elaborated, not them putting on a show or being put on a show or anything, the only reason is noteworthy and has jikookers crying is bc years ago even that was something that wasn't shown (eg burn the stage etc).

I have a lot more opinions on the company's way of moving but I'm keeping it short 🫶

There are so many interesting layers to the way the company deals with Taekook, and to how the fandom perceives and feels about them. Where a lot of Taekookers think they've been too extreme in underselling or undermining their bond in official content, I don't think it's been quite as bad as most do. They still get featured quite a bit, I mean BV and In the Soop have shown us some classic Taekook moments. And they did start out capitalizing on that, the Bon Voyage cuddle was teased in promo images and then eventually included in bonus content. That moment making it into official content still blows my mind. I think it's a pretty intimate moment, I've gone over the clip so many times and believe there are kisses exchanged. It's wild. But 2016 is where the most noticeable shift happened. At the same time, I have also felt they do a little too much at times with the editing and it results in some weirdness, and that because heteronormativity covers for _a lot_ they could probably get away with showing more. That bias is so strong and engrained in everyone. But you make a great point about there being an added inherent risk for something that would need to be hidden, even if it's something most people would brush off. Like I've said before, I'm not a fan of the company for many reasons but if what they're doing is what they actually think is the best way of protecting them it's easily understandable. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts, sorry it took so long for me to get to answering this.

[sugarschnaps]

Leland HCs, because he died in Chapter Four

My heart has been broken by fanfiction countless times with Leland dying omg. (You know who you are) Anyways so I decided to write some Leland Golden boy McKinney HCs!!! They're mostly for my comfort and my inexplicable thoughts. Went from Leland hater to Leland brainrot real fast. Thank you, fanfiction authors! You're a gift to the planet <3 Not used to writing for characters that aren't my ocs, and these are purely my own comfort hcs, so hopefully you guys don't mind my little contribution to the fandom. I might post other hcs if people want? idk Side note: These are also kind of somewhere between "soft boyfriend" and "part time group dad" energy, interpret these how you want. :D

-

He's not big on slushies originally. Probably not a big fan of cold things generally with a few exceptions of course, but he can't resist seeing you so excited to try the new flavour and wanting to drag him along. (At the time, probably blue raspberry. It came out in '74!) And of course, he'll go with you. You manage to persuade him to try it. He winds up enjoying them quite a lot. Blue raspberry is his favourite from then on, though you can never quite tell if it's the flavour that he likes or the fact that you introduced it to him.

He doesn't like hot custard. Can't explain that one, it's just a thought, honestly. But he'd rather die than eat hot custard, he just doesn't like it lmao

He absolutely has a thing for you wearing his shirts or if he has a jacket on, his jacket at the time. Especially when it's colder out, and he knows he can help you warm up. He protects his friends from literal cannibals in game, so why not from the elements too? And to build on this, I also HC he doesn't really like leather jackets because of his arms. They're always tight for his shoulders. But he still wears them sometimes for style points, you know what I'm saying? (When I say "a thing" here it means his heart is swelling and he can't stop smiling. Proud dad, maybe happy boyfriend, I dunno I'm just here for happy and alive boy Leland)

He gives the best hugs out of the whole group, for sure. He's always warm to the touch, even in winter, it's like he's literally got a built in heater or something. Plus, look at him. He is literally built for hugs. Wrestle hugs? Are those a thing? They are now I said so He'd definitely have anyone he cuddles with feel safe when he holds them. (He also prefers to be hugged around the waist than higher up his body.)

If you ever go out to watch a movie with him, you're absolutely leaving there laughing. Leland is a master of comedic timing and stupid comments. He'll find a way to spin any movie to be a comedy. Horror, Romance, anything. He'll make a terrible joke, and it'll be funny. Maybe less because of the actual comedic value, more in how he delivers his jokes, or how he ends up laughing halfway through them and ends up laughing also. His laugh is infectious.

Leland gives me dad joke energy. I will not elaborate.

He is literally just such a ray of sunshine. He's a bit dim-witted at times (it's ok bb me too <3) but he makes up for it in how pure he generally is. He's a good shoulder to cry on, especially while hugging him (literally speaking as well as emotional things- sorry, I'll shut up about his arms now). He might not be 100% certain how to comfort you most of the time, but he's trying his best.

One thing I can conform for an absolute certain is that he has the most banging record collection anybody has ever known. Man has brilliant taste in music. Queen, ABBA, that whole vibe is his favourite to listen to. He has a collection of vinyls he tells nobody about. You're probably the first to know, likely from him knowing the words to things like Killer Queen especially.

His favourite song, however, is definitely Hooked on a Feeling. It's just... I can't explain it. He'd dad dance to this, for sure. He's just a little silly goofy boy <3333

If you're the type of person that sees fluffy and/or soft hair and immediately wants to braid a bit of it, he will gladly let you do so. He'll probably have to lean down for it to be more comfortable for you. He doesn't care if you're a bit messy or not used to braiding hair properly, he'll happily keep it in for a day at least. He has the SOFTEST hair anybody has ever known, he's just a very fluffy boy and I love him.

In the winter, if you forget to bring gloves or whatnot, he'll hold your hands to warm them up. Referring back to the little portable heater energy thingy we've got going for him. Also, doesn't matter who you are his hands are always bigger than yours even if it's very slightly.

He gives me golden retriever energy he's so baby That's it that's the post, love y'all, thank you for coming to my Ted Talk <3

[futurequibblerjournalist]

Idk if youd be super into it but Id really like to hear about why you don't like wilhelm. :0 idkidk your thoughts on every1 are just so interesting to me n I like the thought you put in them idk

I can't get over how I'm like "I don't like this guy I made up evil thoughts about him in my head and not the fun kind" and now all my anons are like "wanna tell us about him???" vjnfjbngjb

I'll go into depth a little more because your asks is very nice but idk if I'll ever reveal the depths of why I hate this shitty little lad

So! Idk if I've just been on some weird sides of fandom but I generally see him portrayed as like,, some pseudo twink whose only purpose is comedic banter on the sidelines of other ships or being Edmund "daddy dom" Avery Junior's bitch (in case you can't tell from how I phrased that I don't like that portrayal of Avery either vjfnbjgnb) and I don't like that!! I also just,, do not fuck with the whole "oh no he wasn't a death eater because he wanted to he was forced into it he's actually innocent!!" and I've seen some of that with Wilhelm too.

I think this dude is just,, a genuinely shitty person. Getting the basics out of the way homeboy is a blood supremacist and a death eater. Not a great start when it comes to being a good person. I've already delved briefly into his relationship with Aurora here but I'll elaborate. I think he's an entitled shitbag (this entitlement is also what makes me think homeboy does not know that no means no and you can kinda let that brainwave take you wherever you want but really I will not elaborate more on this part (he's also got a particular taste in women that I've alluded to in my moodboards but once again I'm not gonna bring it up any more than that)). He thinks he's smarter than everyone else, that he can manipulate everyone into thinking he's someone better than who he really is (and he can) and the fact that he's aware enough of this to keep doing it so successfully is just,, he knows he's not a good person and still, he pretends to be one to get what he wants. Classic wolf in sheep's clothing!!! He's maintained a friendship for years simply because he thinks it's funny to laugh behind Aurora's back like what kind of person does that??

I can also provide a bit of context for my portrayal of Wilhelm I guess lol. I'm not the one who came up with the name Wilhelm for him obviously but since we canonically only know his last name someone had to. Wilhelm is of Germanic origin and thus I've decided that he's Austrian lol. Wilkes shares his last name with the main antagonist from I think it's Stephen King's Misery?? Don't quote me on that lmao. Anyway, the character's main trait in that book is that they're like,, relentlessly cruel so in my portrayal of Wilkes I definitely took inspiration from his namesake. He originally attended Durmstrang where he was close with Rowle and Dolohov (especially the latter) though he was expelled in his third year and due to connections he was able to attend Hogwarts instead where he was sorted into Slytherin. He spent his time at Durmstrang tormenting not only but probably, in particular, Igor Karkarov (who I think had an exchange year to Hogwarts in his seventh year where Wilhelm continued to bully him while playing completely innocent to anyone else)

I think Wilhelm is a fairly tall, muscular young man, with such a pale complexion and blonde hair that he looks like he never sees sunlight. He's got multi-coloured eyes, one light brown and the other blue, very fluffy hair (sheep's clothing) and a charming smile with prominent fangs (wolf) and exposed gums. He looks far too cunty for a man who's as homophobic as he is

I'm glad you enjoy my character rambles jvnfjbngjb I'd be more than happy to ramble about someone else lol

[lloydfrontera]

i can also see suho writing at least a few "what if the count and his wife never died and Javier kept his family" aus. Just for self-indulgent reasons lmao. Maybe even some "Lloyd still dies but everyone else lives" or "what if Javier's birth family (basically ocs) never died and he got to still go on adventures" lol.

oh. oh that's. that's kinda sad :(

but like if we ignore the massive self-projection and wish fulfillment going on, i think that would actually be a pretty popular genre of fic in the hypothetical "the knight of blood and iron" fandom (i'm just gonna write tkbi now btw i'm tired ajkshdk). like we know in the webcomic that when the author killed off sillurian people were really incensed because it seemed like javier was really Going Through It at that point. and we all know nothing makes fandom more motivated than feeling like their favorite characters are being mistreated aksjhdjksa

and while it's also said that part of the appeal of tkbi is that javier is a very sad and lonely protagonist i have to imagine there's at least a good part of the fandom who wishes to see him get some comfort to offset all the hurt he goes through. so i think there's probably a healthy and thriving fix-it and hurt/comfort community that dedicates itself to write some nice fluffy fics (while also inflicting all new kinds of pain upon him but shhhh it's all good it's normal nothing to see here-)

maybe suho would gravitate more towards the fix-it fics end of the spectrum, instead of the hurt/comfort ones. he'd write these very elaborate aus that explore "what if"s and "for a want of a nail" plots that vary in their degrees of fluffiness but that are almost always about avoiding the early tragedies in javier's life. (eg 'what if javier met count cremo when he was younger', 'what if javier had an imaginary elf friend as a child except it isn't imaginary', 'what if it had been the baroness that rescued javier as a child', 'what if lloyd hadn't been an useless drunk', etc etc)

his habitual readers are always amazed by how detailed his aus can get and how much world building he does and explores, they especially like the ripple effect all of his fics have, how the smallest actions can have many consequences down the line, even if they do think he focuses too much on the beginning of the book when he could explore the latter chapters more. he never does romance and always writes family and friendly relationships and only includes the romantic leads as friends too. but overall his fics are pretty popular within that side of the fandom.

some people do think he has a bit of dislike towards lloyd frontera's character, which showed especially in his 'lloyd frontera dies in the beginning of the book and everything is better because of it' fic but he's otherwise pretty good at hiding it so it's not too much of a flaw. plus, lloyd is a bit of human trash overall :/

his 'the baron and baroness never died and thank's to javier's heroics they were saved from debt' fic is his most popular work but the 'javier's bio family never died' one is a close second. his 'the family still lost the estate but no one died and they all went on adventures' isn't quite as popular but it has a steady following.

there's one that almost doesn't get attention but that everyone that does read it agrees is probably his best one and it's a one shot, 15k, character study, memories, flashbacks, major injuries, implied major character death, open/ambiguous ending, bittersweet ending fic, with a summary that just says "javier is tired. he wants to go home. he can hear them. everyone is waiting for him" and leaves everyone who reads it both in tears and also half wondering if they should ask the author if they need them to pay for a couple therapy sessions (please he needs them so badly)

dang it i got carried away again jkashdksa but yeah! i do love the idea of fanfic writer kim suho i think it's very funny. and also him being a fix it fic writer means he already got a little bit of practice before being isekai'd lmaooo

[long-suffering-little-spoon]

Kathy & Stella Solve a Murder! 02/08/2023

I was fortunate enough to see Kathy & Stella Solve a Murder! at the Underbelly as part of Edinburgh Fringe. I love love love this show; it was charming and hilarious and engaging it and had some really creative and clever technical aspects that I think are worth noting!!

The Underbelly is a theatre underneath a big upside-down inflatable purple cow and somehow we got lost looking for it lmfao. The theatre itself is very cool. It's pretty compact and the stage is just the floor with tiered seating surrounding it; it's very immersive!!

I really don't want to spoil this show because it's actually amazing. Go see it if you can!! After Fringe it'll be in (I think) Manchester and Bristol and I can't recommend it enough. But the basic plot is two girls from Hull have a true crime podcast and then their favourite true crime author gets murdered. Mystery solving ensues!!

CHARACTERS: The titular characters have a great dynamic. Kathy and Stella have some really cute and fun songs and exchanges and the actors bounce off each other really well. Their arcs and conflict weren't anything groundbreaking but I'm a sucker for that cliché (I don't want to spoil it tho). Also they had a very elaborate handshake: instantly a win for me, it's one of my favourite tropes. The other actors also did great!!

COMEDY: This show is fking hilarious. There are many funny one-liners but there are two running gags I remember the most. I don't want to spoil either of them, but one revolves around one actor playing about four different characters across the show - it had me in tears by the end.

COSTUME DESIGN: I loved the costumes! Kathy and Stella's outfits both differed quite a bit from the ones in the posters but were both still cute. The secondary cast all had different coloured jumpsuits which they kept on throughout the whole show and then changed their accessories to indicate different characters. There were some particularly speedy quick changes which I thought were pretty impressive.

LIGHTING AND SET DESIGN: The lighting up on the back wall was various neon lights designed to look like the red strings of a corkboard!! Their default colour was red but they changed depending on the scene. Also there are various scenes and songs in which characters have phones and laptops and these props have LED lights in them that changed colour, so often the lighting was done by the actors themselves!! I thought it was very creative. The set design was also clever. The two pianos were hidden behind/built into the desks that Kathy and Stella had and I just thought it was neat.

MUSIC AND BAND: The songs were all very catchy and had some witty and funny lyrics. I liked how jazzy the pianos were :). There were two keyboards, a guitar and a drumkit and all the musicians did excellent. Also at one point Stella accidentally knocked over the guitarist's music stand during the opening number and had to stealthily fix it lmao.

STORY: It had plenty of twists and turns and I was on the edge of my seat. My sister didn't actually even see the final twist coming lol. It was an engaging mystery with some fun subplots and dramas sprinkled throughout.

Also all the choreography was fun but in particular I'd like to appreciate the wheely chair choreography. I love all choreo that incorporates wheely chairs I feel all musicals should do this more.

The merch was an absolute bargain. The shirt and the tote bag are really high quality but combined were less expensive than one program at Newsies.

Bronte Barbe was so so lovely and she said she thought my Katherine art was adorable. I hope she likes it. Meeting her was really special and I wish I told her how much of an inspiration she's been to me. I actually bumped into her and a few other cast members before the show started but they seemed in a rush so I didn't say anything lol. One of them gave me a big smile tho!!

I'd give Kathy & Stella Solve a Murder! a 9/10. It was INCREDIBLE and I could not stop smiling the entire duration of the show. I really hope it can get a wider tour or a transfer somewhere or something cos I'd love to see it again!!

I'm going back up to Edinburgh Fringe in a week or two to see my brother perform as part of Free Fringe (and I might get to see a non-binary ex-nun stand-up comedian), will give you more updates and reviews then!!

[m1ckeyb3rry]

Uncle snuffy and cousin Lorenzo >>>> but YAY glad you’re enjoying writing we all know that means you’re cooking o7 Very curious to see your take on kiyora I bet it’ll mirror the next epinagi ch (which is kinda soon I think??)

No same I think it was just out in there for comedic effect…? Not to actually be taken like he was groping them because I mean he specializes in muscle growth and body strengthening…..like he kinda needs to know like the composition of their bodies and their builds so he can create a plan catered to their development…?? Like yeah if anything Reo and chigiri just looked shocked LMAO I sometimes find his personality a little overbearing (him holding a grudge against Isagi is funny but also ridiculous at the same time) but I’ve never taken that first moment of him assessing the boys in a creepy way….

Ok no because wait a Reo Isagi team up?? I even seen some of their little duo interactions but imagine them duoing in soccer plays lowk they would probably do so well?? I also kinda loved their little interactions give us more?? Where Reo isn’t hating Isagi ofc but NAGI HIORI TEAM UP I’m adding this to the manifestation list….i know their stage actors for the recent stage play posted pictures together in character of them gaming together LMAO I would love to see them as a duo both in a soccer setting and in gaming someday…would go hard fr…NAGI AND KAISER OR NOA LMAOO I think this all just proves that pairing nagi and Reo with other people really helps bring out some of their personalities and sides of them we don’t see when they’re together…

OOOO yes I think that’s a good estimate…not super star 20+ but definitely a few…I agree I can’t see him getting absolutely 0 LOL

Waittt I lowk did not think of all of these parallels between Rin and Nagi?? Shit your so right LMAO I esp love the lazy vs hardworking genius difference and their differing soccer motives…Nagi losing motivation after he beats Isagi but we see rin working his ass off to crush sae….Im laughing Rin aggressively roasting players and Nagi passive aggressively roasting players…I wanna see those interactions with Nagi and hiori and others if Rin ever de-emos LMAOO that lowk reminds me of Hiori being the only one to help him up after Shidou busted up his nose I always laugh because wdym Reo and Bachira are standing right next to him just watching

OOOOOOOH IM EXCITED also based off the info I gathered kiyora doesn’t seem as aggressive in some interactions as I’d originally thought! He definitely still is feisty but when he’s talking about his interests I guess or isn’t provoked it’s kinda cute LMAO either way Kiyora tidbits even if it doesn’t do much for the fic (I’m sure you’re probably spot on anyways LOL) It’s kinda sorta long so I’ll leave a separate ask for it (my formatting skills are also kinda shit so if something doesn’t make sense lmk)

ALL GOOD go touch that grass!! LMAO dw about needing to respond all that fast as long as you aren’t dying that’s all that matters o7 On busy days I’ll usually only check tumblr after I’m settled anyways too so I might also be slow sometimes

PAUSE NAGI KIJA??? Wait a minute….ive def seen that art but didn’t connect the dots you’re so right??? With all the yotd we’ve been talking about lately maybe we’ll manifest a reboot into existence

- Karasu anon

AHHHH i hope it’s good!! i’ll elaborate more on your ask w the kiyora notes but i think for the most part i got him pretty well?? he’s a little more aggressive/violent in my version but it’s also an au where it makes sense for him to be like that + the reader doesn’t rlly know him that well so i think (hope?? 😟) it’s okay 😰

HAHA no you’re so real he’s honestly very ridiculous to me but he also kinda serves cunt i just feel like he would be so funny to talk to plus i kinda love him and yukimiya as a duo…handsome tall muscular soccer player model adopting handsome tall muscular soccer player model is so 🤩 also the parallel of chris being obsessed w physical perfection vs yukimiya’s struggles w his body (specifically his eyes) like wow…idk crazy potential there for a really cool fic maybe that’ll be part of yuki’s chapter in the oaeu?? since i don’t really have any other ideas for him yet 🤔 we will see i suppose 😭 and agreed it just felt silly goofy random to me i didn’t even realize other people took it seriously 😰

NO BECAUSE AN ISAGI REO TEAM UP WOULD BE CRAZY GOOD isagi’s adaptability + reo’s ability to copy literally anyone would mesh soooo well together because no matter the situation reo can come up with some ability to get out of it and then isagi can adapt to whatever reo throws at him so it forces both of them to think on their feet (reo also has meta vision and he’s physically peak so he can def keep up w isagi unlike kurona in bm vs ubers) and react to what’s going on as it happens…plus i think reo being forced to get along w isagi on field would be mega development for him (they were so cute in the shibuya chapter when reo asks him and bachira if they want to do karaoke they def have bestie potential) honestly the more i think abt it the more i’m like MISSED OPPORTUNITY 😩 plus it would make nagi and isagi’s rivalry more unpredictable because now nagi has to figure out how to match the reosagi combo (and maybe that’s what awakens hiori?? like damn if THIS loser can put in effort then maybe i should too) and like a hiori nagi combo would also be sooo fun 😭 THE THOUGHT KAISER AND NAGI IS GENUINELY CRACKING ME UP kaiser’s like “you’re a baby chick 😒” thinking he rlly cooked w that one and nagi is just like “L + ratio + ugly ass haircut + blue washes you out + your mom” (the last one hits kaiser hard even though nagi doesn’t even mean it like that fr) meanwhile nagi w noel noa is just like “ok coach what do we do isagi is beating us” and noel noa is like “bruh idk figure it out” and then nagi just pulls off one of his insane unrealistic goals which draws a little 🙂 out of noel noa LMAOAOAO and you cannot tell me that chris prince wouldn’t LOVE isagi if he was his coach…like this kid is so dedicated to breaking down his body and becoming the best version of himself to play soccer that’s exactly chris’s brand!!

LMAOO reo sensed rin’s insanity very early on he was staying five feet away i have to respect it…no because rin and nagi give such mean girl energy like they would be that duo that constantly side eyes each other when other people are talking tbh 😭 hiori’s the only nice one between the three of them but then he goes all super sadist and somehow ends up worse?? because w rin and nagi at least you’re expecting it so it’s not that deep but when sweetheart hiori starts spitting insults at you it’s like damn what did i do 😰

HAHA my tumblr schedule is so awk and also if i’m trying to finish a fic i hold off on asks so i don’t get distracted hehe (i was working on the kiyora req hence the long wait time) but hoping to post that soon and then i’ll be back to my speedy self i think!!

NO BECAUSE IT’S UNCANNY HELLO??? i was like WTF…but in a good way 😜 like close enough welcome back kija whitedragon 🤩 no because karasu as hak nagi as kija reo as jaeha bachira as zeno hiori as shinah…walk w me here…LMAOAOAOA omg if there’s a yotd reboot that’s all i’ll post abt for literal weeks like i’ll actually pass away

[rosyspectraldoll]

Hi, I know nobody is watching or really caring, but I had to put this somewhere and I don't have the energy to be a chuunibyou about it right now... so yeah.

My name is Rose Euphemia P[redacted]. Or rather, my true name, since I never got the chance to be able to legally change it to this... I do wish I could though. Yes, my middle name is a Code Geass reference, and it's very, very, very important to me. My deadname, although legal, is irrelevant. And it's just a chuuni naming convention thing, because I am and was always a cis woman.

I'm not planning to be around much longer. But the chuuni-posts that I write do have some spiritual truth to them. What parts, I don't care to elaborate because I find them too personal to me to divulge... but I miss the past life I had within the stars of Cassiopeia. A lot. Whether you think I'm delusional before, during, or after my attempt to flatline myself on the worm moon is also irrelevant, I'll be doing it anyways. I just wanted to be able to live with my soulmate. He means everything to me, he's my only happiness. I worked my hardest to be able to bridge this long distance gap between us that we both are in so much pain about and have been in pain about for four years now, roughly... but the harder I tried and the more I struggled and persevered and fought my hardest, the more I realized that I did everything right and would have always still failed with all the cards stacked against me and my success to make any sort of secure living like they are in North America and have been for decades... even with me and my soulmate sharing half the bills each.

It would have been this way for anyone, but I also just couldn't handle the burnout that comes with being ASD diagnosed in this allistic hell-world and trying to find a job at all, then keep it when any entry level job was always going to chew me up and spit me out in a very unforgiving fashion.

I have dreams of owning my own business, but unfortunately, I'm a weeb whose dreams, ever since I was a child after having watched my gateway anime, Tengen Toppa Gurren Laggan, was to have an animation studio of my very own. Animation is startlingly expensive of a profession on the industry level, so starting an animation studio in this state of affairs in the world would be suicide without licensing connections or an established industry connection... You know, all those anime industry connections that exist locally in North America lmao. It's funny... My actual older brother introduced me to Gurren Lagann as a younger kid. A probably way too young for Gurren Lagann third grader introduced to Gurren Lagann and anime as a whole by my literal Big Bro. He's also kind of Kamina-esque irl, good with ideas, bad with commitment, but is a hype-man and wild older brother if nothing else. I should have been an amazing success story of beating all odds irl anime style in the name of my passion, and damn did I try. I researched everything I could about the industry, practiced animation, watched so much of my favorite shonen stuff because it was just my favorite type of anime, always was, learned how to direct something from a creative director's standpoint, and I did actually make connections in like, Sakuga Foundry on discord and on Twitter (@RosePalaceTTKE) if you really want to count my earnest efforts and persistence but barely even meager returns as anything worth noting. At least the guys in Sakuga Foundry would recognize my "GOOD MORNING MINNA-SAN!!!!!" greeting habit from a mile away, so I know somebody besides my love would mourn me. At least I was noticed, even while I failed.

I was born in the wrong time to pursue my dreams. I accept that now. But I also know that I can do one last ditch effort: rely on the fact that I very much know that I am not my body, just a soul in a body, and that I have the right to discard this mortal body whenever I wish. I'll be able to hold my soulmate for the rest of his mortal days as a ghost, and distance won't be a problem anymore since I won't be temporally locked anymore. I won't suffer failed dreams after I gave it my all and got nothing in return, not even any closer to co-owning that same anime studio with my soulmate and the love of my life. I call him Bby-kun as a nickname irl because I feel safe to be my cringe self around him. His arms are the safest place in the world, they're home to me. And a life without him at my side every morning... I can't see why that's worth living through.

I'm sorry I couldn't be your Simon, big bro. But if we're going with Gainax lineage references... I guess I'm about to be like David Martinez. That's something. I mean hey, extra points for failing to finally be able to save any money to pay for half bills with my soulmate and having "I Really Want To Stay At Your House" hit... WAY too deep for me. Especially since I could tell you so, SO much about the Gainax lineage, from the pre-history as Daicon Film to Gainax from their Wings of Honneamise era to their grand finale with Gurren Lagann all the way up to Studio Trigger, aka Neo Gainax... I looked up to that story of six nobody nerds making anime in their garage with the wrong tools for painting cels in the 80's eventually becoming titans of anime history, and I had the persistence to see it through if only the world were just a little bit kinder on me to provide me with a decent world where I had a chance of success if I just persisted on with my hard work like I was doing... if only, I guess. I'm picking the Worm Moon to do it because the Gurren Lagann movies are finally getting an English Dub after all this time and I wouldn't be caught dead without seeing that. After that, February has my Bby-kun's birthday in it and I want him to be as happy as possible, even from a distance. After that it's March, and picking a full moon to end things on is only poetic, I feel. I mean, you have that "Full Moon = Metaphor for Suicide" Gainax thing going back all the way to Neon Genesis ShitVangelion to current day with Cyberpunk:Edgerunners... At least I didn't pussy out of life before giving it everything I had. Well, whatever now. I'm glad I wrote this somewhere.

Most of my entries will be Chuunibyo until that final day, I might as well go out with style while looking cool and edgy about it, I guess.

To the dreams of those who have fallen and the hopes of those who will follow,

-R.E.P.

[woodchipp]

Hello! Nice to see you finally join the conversation!

silent hill is very literal and omori is very symbolic. Those are just the facts.

That sure is one hell of an opener to a post like this.

It is true that SH2's symbolism may be more overt than people once believed. However, if it really was as "very literal" as you think it is, it wouldn't have spawned an entire two decades' worth of examination and analysis. Fans still have discussions about what stuff like "There was a HOLE here. It's gone now." or Angela's flaming staircase or the Prisoners in Toluca Prison are supposed to represent.

All of the things I listed are examples of a work leaving some bits and pieces of symbolism that aren't needed to understand the main story up to interpretation while the symbolic foreshadowing that is needed to understand the main story remains clear enough for the audience to catch onto. This is good writing.

Symbolic doesn't mean "opaque to the point of incomprehensibility", which is what Black Space essentially is.

Speaking of Black Space!

Blackspace didn't have foreshadowing

This is not what I said. I said that Sunny and Mari's argument wasn't properly elaborated on. I said that we weren't shown how hard violin practice was for Sunny. I said that we weren't shown how harsh Mari could get with him while they were practicing. I said that we weren't actually shown Sunny growing tired until he reached the peak of his frustration. I said that Black Space could've been used to show all of that. I've lost count of how many times I had to repeat all of this only for you to consistently misinterpret me each and every time.

Basil's Something is designed to look like mari's body on the floor.

Source that isn't an art post on Reddit?

Again, this is just fanon, and an apparently common interperetation at that. The game never remotely hints at what Basil's Something is meant to represent, which is kinda funny considering that Sunny's Something is the focal point of the game's entire plot twist lmao

- At night we can SEE what looks like a body/mass of black hair in front of the stairs for a second before it fades

For a second.

foreshadowing so peak and symbolic it can only be spotted for 0.005 seconds if you say "Bloody Mary" 666 times in front of a mirror

the way sunny represses an entire room of his house (the one his violin is stored in) to the point where he can't see the door most of the time. It appears briefly at night occasionally. If you interact with the blank wall it says "There is Nothing Here."

I have acknowledged the storage room as an actual hint towards the argument. I said that hint still wasn't enough.

Did you even read the post?

The way he visibly backs away when everyone else is talking about/accepting mari's death in front of the treehouse (again, an obvious sign of anxiety/guilt no one else in the scene is expressing)

That could just be written off as him still not being able to accept her suicide, having spent 4 years walled off in his own house and all.

It (+ sunny's dad leaving after the incident) implies that his parents knew what really happened.

As with the previous point, Sunny's father leaving could be written off as a natural (if very harsh) reaction to losing a daughter to suicide.

The parents would've played a bigger part in the story if they actually knew the truth.

You don't seem willing to consider other perspectives

If I wasn't willing to consider your perspective, I wouldn't have started this discussion in the first place.

My closing statement is that I hope you grow past this and also maybe catch up on some media literacy.

Just a quick question - have you ever happened to notice how people who insult others for their supposed lack of media literacy often lack it themselves? Y'know, just food for thought.

Fortunately, that's where the posts come in.

"In a story where we view everything from Sunny's perspective, someone who's been repressing everything about this incident so deeply"

You know what other work of fiction does this exact "protagonist with repressed memories has to face the truth of having killed their loved one" plot but does it way better? Silent Hill 2.

SH2's plot twist is that its main protagonist, James Sunderland, killed his wife Mary three years before the game's events and repressed the memory of the murder, convincing himself that Mary actually died of a terminal illness she was suffering from at the time he killed her. The terminal illness is a heavy factor in the murder - because it disfigured Mary and made her confront her own mortality at the age of 25, she repeatedly lashed out at James, who tried to take care of her despite his own despair. Eventually, watching his wife wither away and being powerless to do anything about it, Mary's mood-swings, resentment of the burden she put on him and a desire to relieve her of the misery she was in drove James to smother her with a pillow.

The reason I'm bringing it up is because SH2 actually foreshadows its twist - three out of the four characters James meets throughout the game vaguely reference that James' relationship with Mary wasn't as good as James implies it was, the fourth character (whom you fight as a boss and who killed a dog at some point before coming to Silent Hill) alludes to the fact that James must be a murderer too if he is in the town in the first place, Pyramid Head's design being based on a painting of an executioner and him pursuing James over the course of the game implies James is a criminal who wants to be punished, one of the locations James has to go through is literally a prison, etc. The "Hallway" conversation I've linked in the paragraph above is used by the game to show how James and Mary's relationship worsened after she contracted her illness; as I said, the dialogue clearly implies Mary had such mood-swings pretty frequently.

OMORI doesn't have much foreshadowing for the real cause of Mari's death, nor does it have anything similar to the "Hallway" conversation to show how harsh she got with Sunny. A good chunk of the hints the game provides (Omori's Furious emotion showing a single eye similar to Mari's hanged body, Something in the Water's little hanged bodies, Something's general design) would lead the player to believe Mari did kill herself before the story swerves around in its last hour and reveals that Sunny committed manslaughter. The only hints I could call hints are the prevalence of staircases in cutscenes before Sunny fights his fears and maybe the storage room, but even then my point stands - it's just not enough.

(oh, I also remembered the "You did it" poster in Orange Oasis. Which is an optional location, thus making crucial foreshadowing very easily missed. lol and lmao)

That brings me to your next point.

"I don't really see where a direct explanation of the build-up to the fight beyond that would fit."

Black Space.

Since it (ostensibly) represents Sunny's unpredictable subconscious, you could just make it the framing device for Sunny's backstory akin to Bojack Horseman's Time's Arrow, an episode where a character's backstory memories (traumatic and otherwise) are filtered through her emotional perception of the events at the time they happened and her unstable mental state in the present day.

A very good example of how Time's Arrow manages to convey trauma without sacrificing story is its signature scene - a formative memory from the character's childhood, in which she sees her father callously dispose of her beloved toy by burning it in the fireplace while telling her to keep her emotions in check and not to cry lest she ends up like her mother, who was lobotomized some time ago and consequently became a shadow of her former self. Since everything the audience sees in this episode is filtered through the character's emotions, her father's callousness is represented by the aforementioned fireplace behind him becoming a wall of hellfire, while her mother's status as a shadow of her former self is represented by her being a literal shadow with the lobotomy scar highlighted.

That brings me to your next point.

"A lot of the build-up due to that is expressed metaphorically through Headspace and Black Space."

Where? Literally where?

What, am I supposed to see the room with the "Peter Griffin chokes on a rice cake"-like BGM as a representation of the Deep emotional pain Sunny experienced as a result of Mari's scolding? lmao

That brings me to your next point.

Again, I was talking about the game not showing us the deterioration of Sunny and Mari's relationship over the course of their practicing. You seem to have missed that point completely, but just to make something clear

The parallel you're talking about doesn't even work. Mari was dead the moment she hit the bottom of the staircase. Basil was still alive and in active danger of dying, which means that he was able to be rescued.

Mari wasn't.

"Lots of people see spaceboy as a parallel to hero but no one thinks if sweetheart (and her chase of perfectionism all throughout the game) is a parallel for mari."

Actually, a lot of people do. It's the only theory about her I've seen floating around when people discuss the meaning she supposedly has, and I've been lurking around in this fandom for quite a while now.

By the way,

>>"People aren't just filling it in themselves like fanfiction" >>proceeds to use fanon interpretations as an argument

If that style of writing isn't something you like, that's ok! Completely understandable, not everyone wants to pick through the details for things like that

Implying that the work you're defending is just Too Genius™ for your interlocutor to understand isn't a great way to endear them to your argument.

But I wouldn't necessarily call it bad writing. You're allowed to not like something without it being inherently bad or poorly made.

The inverse is also true - you're allowed to like something without it being good! What constitutes a "good" work of fiction is subjective, after all. I have my own fair share of works I'm really fond of despite how shitty they are lol

Just don't get all defensive and insist that the work you like is too Subtle and Intricate to understand when someone points out the very glaring and numerous flaws.

(also bro really said "agree to disagree" and then wrote me a giant reply justifying their opinion lmao)

@welcome-to-grayspace

[watchmegetobsessed]

Tastes Like Strawberries - Harry Styles

a/n: oh this one is a long boi and might not be the end??? i’ve been working on this fic for days and i have an idea for a possible second part, but i wrote this one so it has a fulfilling ending so it can stand as a oneshot as well! i barely just started working on the sequel, we’ll se how it’ll turn out, maybe it goes to shit lmao but whatever, it’s still a nice and whole story without a second part! this is my V-day gift to you all, have this nice professor!harry fic as if it was a box of chocolate! 🍓 🍫 🍬

special thanks to @pastequeharry​ who put up with my constant rambling and whining while i was writing this, you are a hero, his is dedicated to you!!

pairing: professor!Harry x Reader

warning: sexual content, abusing relationship, it’s got smut, angst, lot’s of banter and all that jazz!

word count: 21.4k

masterlist

There’s just a handful of things to know about Professor Harry Styles and that’s because of one of those very few known facts, the first one being that he is a highly private person. He rarely talks about himself or any aspects of his life, he always makes sure to keep it as professional as possible whenever he is teaching.

Second, he is easily the smartest professor to ever walk on campus, but he doesn’t like to brag about it. You never catch him showing off how much he knows, how big of a genius he is, you’ll just start to realize from the way he teaches and approaches certain topics, how he interacts with others and tries to pass his knowledge down to his students. He is brilliant and he should have all the credits for it, yet he still chooses to keep it to himself.

Third, and it’s the most well-known fact because to see this you just need to have a pair of eyes, he is undeniably the most handsome man to ever teach or if you’re being more precise, walk the hallways of the university. No football crazy, alcoholic fratboy or dreamy looking indie guy from the library can live up to what Professor Harry Styles is. With a face clearly carved by the angels, a nicely built but not too muscular frame, and occasionally displayed tattooed arm that makes you wonder what other artworks his stylish outfits are hiding, there’s no man like him and every female on campus agrees with that.

His lectures and courses are jampacked with sighing and heart-eyed college girls, daydreaming about the man who is solemnly just trying to teach the things he is so passionate about. But it’s not just the students, Professor Styles has managed to charm the female professors of all faculties, you can see them wander by his office way too often, they take any opportunity to talk to the man and try to seduce him. It’s unknown if he is oblivious to the effect he has on women or he chooses to ignore every and any attempts, but this is what leads us to the fourth fact.

Despite all the effort and energy that’s been put into his case by every single woman on campus to break the walls the professor has built around himself, he never let any of his students or colleagues to even think they could be romantically linked for real. Professor Styles keeps his distance and turns down any offer that could be mistaken to anything that doesn’t fit in the professional boundaries.

Anytime a student puts on the slightest flirtatious act towards the professor, he either rejects it straight away or ignores it completely and blatantly, making it his clear answer that he is not interested and then he goes back to teaching. You’ve seen it yourself, having him as one of your professors first year of uni, you fell for him just like every other girl in the lecture hall, dreaming about him in ways you probably shouldn’t think of a teacher while he was just casually talking about his grading system and how he is going to build up the lectures throughout the semester. Some brave girls who you assume were highly celebrated by boys in high school took the courage to openly flirt with him, but he didn’t even flinch before shutting all attempts down, not even a blush appeared on his perfectly cut cheekbones.

You thought of ways you’d try to seduce him yourself, but you never actually tried. You never had the balls to actually give it a go and then suffer from the worst embarrassment of your life when he rejects you. So you kept it all to yourself, only entertaining yourself with your elaborate plans about the seduction of your professor.

Second year passed without any classes with Professor Styles, you had only occasionally seen him come and go, rushing down the hallways holding his notebooks to his chest, a steaming cup of coffee in his other hand as he was heading to his lecture hall that you just knew was filled with girls. You always took a moment to yourself to admire his outfit. He has a tendency to pair odd items and make them look like the most put together fit ever that only he can pull off. However, you and your girlfriends always loved to tease him between each other for his grandpa-like sweaters and vests he seemed to love dearly.

“He confuses me, because I want him to fuck me on his desk but also, I feel like he is about to ask me what periodt means because he is too old to understand slang these days,” your friend, Nat said once when your little group was lounging under the huge oak tree between classes and the professor rushed past you, disappearing in the building without paying any of you a look. He wore a pair of beige slacks and a striped sweater, a wrinkly grey shirt peeking from under it at the bottom. The colors and the style overall once again gave you that old people feeling, but then you looked at his handsome face and couldn’t care any less about whatever he was wearing.

The most intimate way you ever saw him was a few days after your twenty-first birthday the summer before your last year of uni started. You just got back from your hometown, the first person to arrive back to your shared flat with Nat and Eden, so you had a few days on your own. You decided to redecorate your room so you took a trip to IKEA, taking your time looking through the set up rooms, just wandering around as you try to figure out what you really want to buy. Walking through the living room section you spotted the professor and first, you didn’t even recognize him.

He was wearing a pair of bright yellow shorts and a short sleeved shirt with floral prints on it, a pair of white framed sunglass on top of his head, keeping his unruly strands out of his face as he was eyeing a couch, seemingly deep in his thoughts. You stopped in your tracks, seeing him in such a casual and everyday setting. For some reason, he seemed like a completely different person.

A woman was there with him and as you walked closer you could hear a fraction of their discussion.

“I don’t know, Gems. Do I need a couch this big?”

“Looks comfy and I like the color. It would also fit in the space just right, I think you should get the bigger one if you have the space for it,” the woman put her two cents in and you wondered who she could be. Girlfriend? Just a casual friend? Maybe fiancé? She did have a ring that could easily go as an engagement ring so you couldn’t tell for sure.

As you were about to walk past you suddenly took the courage to say hi.

“Hello, Professor Styles!” you greeted him with a warm smile and his eyes flickered over to you from the couch in question. One thing you always admired about him is that he never forgot the faces of his students and as he looked at you, you knew he recognized you even if he didn’t know your name specifically.

“Oh, hello,” he nodded in your way.

“I like the couch,” you commented before slowly moving on. “Have a nice rest of your summer!”

“You too, Y/N,” he called after you and it took you by surprise that he remembered your name. Your lecture he taught had almost over a hundred students in it and you weren’t the most active one to stand out that easily, yet he still remembered you more than you were expecting.

That small encounter kept you thinking about him for way longer than you probably should have, especially because you knew you’d have a lecture with him again in the upcoming semester. Your daydreams about him made their way back into your mind as you spent the last days of your summer mostly with your friends. It got you thinking that if you managed to get him to remember your name, maybe you would give one of your plans a go and shoot your shot. He wouldn’t be teaching you in your last semester so you wouldn’t have to face him after he rejects you.

And this is how you came up with your little scheme.

On your last Sunday evening before school starts, you, Nat and Eden sit in the floor of your living room, drinking some white wine as a way of saying goodbye to the carefree summer moments and getting back to the working days of being a senior at uni. Professor Styles came up completely randomly and you let it slip that you’ve just seen him recently at IKEA with a woman and it all led to you admitting that you’ll finally shoot your shot at the professor. Nat and Eden both did the same already, however their attempts were completely ignored and they always bugged you to give it a try yourself, being the only one in your group who hasn’t tried to seduce the professor yet.

“I’ll tell you, but you can’t tell me it’s stupid because I actually think it’ll be funny and a little bit genius,” you tell them before you start sharing the details on your plan.

“Just spill the beans already!” Eden pokes you before she reaches for the bottle and refills her glass.

“Okay, so you both know I took this psychology class last semester for extra credits, right?” The nod and you continue. “The teacher told us about this thing called classical conditioning or they call it pavlovian response too. The guy, Pavlov, did an experiment where he paired the feeding of dogs with a bell ring and after a certain amount of time the dogs started salivating at just the sound of the bell, because they remembered that it’s connected to food. The teacher said this is literally one of the easiest tricks to pull on people.”

“Oh, isn’t this one of the things Jim did on Dwight in The Office?” Nat asks furrowing her eyebrows.

“It is!” you nod, glad that they are understanding the base of your plan. “So, I’ve heard that Professor Styles loves strawberry flavored candies. I thought that I would bring some every day when I see him and offer him some. Slowly, he’ll pair the candy with the thought of me and he’ll get excited when he sees me because he’ll think I have candy for him and it will hopefully work the other way around and he’ll think of me when he is eating strawberry flavored candy that’s not from me.”

Your friends blink at you for a moment, processing what you just shared with them before Eden takes a huge sip of her drink.

“This is the most ridiculous but also the most genius thing I’ve ever heard,” she nods holding her glass up towards you.

“I can’t believe you will pull a psychological experiment on Professor Styles,” Nat shakes her head with a soft chuckle.

“It’s not a blunt way to get closer to him and if he accuses me of trying to flirt I can just say that I’ve been only sharing candy with him, I literally did nothing,” you point out, pretty proud of your solution to your deep fear of having to take his rejection publicly.

“If you get a Noble for this shit, make sure to thank us in your speech,” Eden laughs and you promise to do so when the big moment comes.

Monday morning you make a quick trip to Target and buy a big bag of strawberry flavored candies, probably enough to last for the whole semester, and then you make your way to campus. Following your first lecture you meet up with Eden who also signed up for Professor Styles’ lecture this semester, so the two of you make your way towards the lecture hall together.

“I really can’t believe you are doing this,” she chuckles when you get the candy ready as you near the room. The professor is always the first one in the lecture hall so you know you’ll find him there already.

“You can’t tell me it’s not a funny plan,” you smirk at her. And just as you walk in, you immediately spot the professor sitting at the desk at the front, going over the syllabus before the start. “Save a seat for me,” you tell Eden who just laughs and makes her way up the stairs along the desks.

Grabbing the pack of sweets from your bag you walk up to the professor, feeling confident with your plan. He lifts his head up when he notices your arrival and your eyes meet with his green ones.

“Hello, professor. Would you like some candy?” you simply ask with an innocent smile.

Professor Styles stares at you for a moment before his eyes move down to the candy in your hand, the opening of the bag facing him in a welcoming manner.

“I, uhh… what flavor?” he curiously asks and you can barely push down your smirk.

“Strawberry.”

“Oh. I’ll… take one, thank you,” he nods, hand reaching into the bag as he grabs just one single candy, unwrapping the package before he pops it into his mouth. “Thank you,” he nods again with a delightful smile.

“Of course. Did you buy the couch?” you ask, taking slow steps away from the desk as he keeps his eyes on you.

“I… did not. Bought another one,” he admits shortly and you know you’ve reached the limit. If you ask more, he’ll get suspicious, so you just nod smiling before walking up to the spot Eden has reserved for you. When you sit down, you catch the professor paying you one last glance before he returns to what he was previously doing.

“You are a genius, because now we can watch him suck on a fucking candy for the next few minutes,” Eden mumbles quietly, making you laugh.

“I knew this would be a good plan,” you sigh, satisfied with the work you’ve done. Now it’s just a matter of time.

Every Monday and Wednesday, you arrive with the same bag of candy to the lecture hall, walk up to Professor Styles and offer him one. And he always takes one. The first few times he seems hesitant when he spots you approaching him, but he slowly grows used to your tiny act of kindness that occurs every time you see him. On week three you expand the plan. You usually have lunch with Nat on Thursdays since you both have a break between one and two pm. The two of you try to take advantage of the warm early autumn days and sit under the pergola that’s near the building where Professor Styles’ office is as well. It’s mere coincidence, you only like that place because it’s close to the lecture hall you have to go to after lunch, but you notice that the professor emerges from Building C around one thirty, walking back to his office probably after one of his classes. The sidewalk runs directly next to the pergola so it gives you a chance to bring the candy out one more time every week. You nicely greet him when he is nearing the two of you and then hold out the bag, asking if he wants some. He always takes one and thanks you with a sweet smile that leaves you a tad bit blushed.

“I can’t fucking believe your plan is working,” Nat chuckles in disbelief on one occasion when the professor just disappeared in the building, probably happily unwrapping his candy of the day.

“It’s funny, innit?” you grin at her proudly.

Frankly, this is just a fun experiment for you. You don’t actually think that the professor will think of you differently even the slightest. You might be able to plant the thought of you in his head, but that doesn’t instantly mean that he’ll start fancying you and actually do something about it. It would be ridiculously naïve to think it’s going to be you who breaks through the wall that hundreds of women had already tried to knock down.

Week six is what brings the breakthrough. After long consideration and discussion with Nat and Eden, you decide to test if the experiment has been successful. You offer one last candy on Monday, but Wednesday brings the change. You go to lecture without candy. Well, you have it on you, but you decide not to ask him if he wants some.

Walking into the lecture hall, as always, he is already sitting at his desk, flipping through the pages of a book when you walk up to him with the intention of asking him a question on the paper that’s due next week.

“Professor Styles?” you softly speak up, catching his attention. “Can I have a question about the paper?”

“Of course,” he nods and you can’t tell just yet if he was expecting the candy or not.

“I was wondering if I can use a diagram to visualize my results at the end. I have a brilliant idea to summarize the data with one.”

“Sure, just make sure to give credit wherever it’s due, if you are using someone else’s work for the diagram.”

“Definitely,” you smile at him and wait a moment. That’s where you see the anticipation in his eyes.

His gaze flickers down to your hands and then to your bag where you always carry the candy and when his eyes meet yours again, you see him swallow hard.

He was expecting the candy. Not only expecting, but he started salivating when he saw you, thinking that he would get the candy from you as always.

“Is… that all?” he asks, the slightest hint of hope appearing in his tone, probably waiting for you to pull the bag of candy out of your bag and offer him one. But it’s not happening today.

“Yes, thank you very much,” you nod smiling widely before you turn around and walk away, a shocked and triumphant look appearing on your face once he can’t see it anymore and when Eden sees you, she gasps.

“He fucking expected the candy, didn’t he?!” she whispers at you in shock and you nod frantically, still not believing your plan worked.

“You should have seen the anticipation in his eyes, he really thought I was gonna offer him some!”

“Oh my God, this is hilarious!” Eden laughs covering her mouth as the lecture hall starts to fill up slowly.

Turning forward, you see that the professor is sitting behind his desk, the book that had his attention before your arrival is long forgotten in front of him, now he is staring ahead of him with slightly furrowed eyebrows, deep in his thoughts.

Is he thinking about you? Or why he was expecting candy from you?

You see him reach for his water bottle and he takes two big gulps probably to wash away his need for the candy before he narrows his eyes and at last they find you in the auditorium. You tilt your head to the side innocently smiling, as if you know absolutely nothing about anything. You keep eye-contact, forcing you not to be the one who breaks it and he is intimidating. You feel like he can read your mind as he stares at you and when he finally turns his gaze back at the book, you exhale sharply.

The lecture goes down just as usual and when the professor dismisses the class you decide to put the cherry to the top. Walking down between the desks you grab a candy from your bag and while the professor is talking to a girl who also had a question about the paper, you place the candy to his desk next to his book. He doesn’t see you walk out and you don’t see him when he finds it, but something is telling you he figured you out. No way a man as smart as him doesn’t realize what game you’ve been playing with him.

Sitting under the pergola on Thursday you are deep in discussion with Nat, helping her with a task sheet she has to turn in after lunch but she completely forgot about it. As the two of you are trying to do the seemingly endless sheet, you don’t even notice the professor walking from Building C, as always, but he spots you.

“No, I don’t think that’s even a thing, you can’t write that,” you tell Nat, but she shakes her head.

“I don’t care if it’s a thing, I just want to fill in the whole thing so the teacher doesn’t think I finished it in twenty minutes before class,” she mumbles, scribbling down her answer as you just chuckle at her.

Suddenly, you see a pair of dusty Vans appear in your sight and as your eyes move up, you are facing none other than Professor Styles, standing right in front of you, holding out his hand with his hand turned upwards, a cheeky smile tugging on his lips. His appearance takes you by surprise and for a moment you just dumbly stare down at his palm, then up at his eyes.

“Very smart. Pulling a pavlovian on me with my favorite candy,” he speaks up, dropping his hand as he cocks his head to the side. Nat looks up from her sheet with wide eyes as you stare at the professor with blushing cheeks.

“I have no idea what you are talking about, professor,” you tell him with a knowing smirk.

“Of course. You know, it took me a moment to realize yesterday, but I wanted to let you know that… I think it was clever.”

“If I knew anything about what you’re talking about… I would say thank you. But I stand up for my innocence.”

“Surely,” he chuckles softy. “Have a great rest of your week,” he then nods before turning around to walk away, but you quickly reach into your bag and grab a candy.

“Professor Styles!” you call out and he turns back just in time to catch the candy you throw in his way. He glances at it in his palm before his eyes snap up to you again, smirking at you shortly before he disappears in the building.

“Okay, call me stupid, but I could feel the sexual tension between the two of you,” Nat says as soon as the professor is out of sight.

“Don’t be silly, it was just… a joke and he liked it.”

“He called you clever, Y/N!”

“No, he called my trick clever.”

“But you came up with it so you’re clever too. Say whatever you want, but I actually think you have a shot at him.”

“I definitely don’t,” you laugh shaking your head and you genuinely believe it. Nat scoffs before she gets back to her sheet, but not without having one last thought about the situation.

“We’ll be laughing at how you brainwashed him into liking you when you’ll be dating for years, living together and all that shit.”

You’ve made some very questionable choices in your dating life prior. Like when you dated a boy in high school and let him take your virginity at the back of his mom’s minivan just to break up with your right after that, or when you briefly dated the guy you met at the mall, but it later turned out he was gay and he used you as his cover up in front of his family. But the worst decision of all was dating an egoistic forty years old loser who just freshly got divorced and went after you at some tacky bar you were at with your friends.

The time you spent dating Victor is way less than the time he has been bothering you, trying to make you go back to him when you’ve actually told him you don’t want anything to do with him anymore. You broke up with him just before you went home for the summer and he didn’t take it well, even drove up to your hometown and showed up at your parents’ house drunk, begging for you to take him back. He never stood a chance, not after that one time he slapped you across the face during a fight the two of you had. You tolerate a lot of things but not violence and you don’t believe him when he says it was just a onetime thing. There’s no guarantee he won’t hit you ever again and you are definitely not waiting around to see if he told you the truth.

On this particular late October evening you are searching through your whole room looking for a book you know you have, but can’t seem to find anywhere. It’s your holy bible about research methodology and you need it for your thesis work, but it seems like the small apartment has completely swallowed it.

“Didn’t you leave it at Victor’s? You were working on that long essay when you were dating him, saw you use the book all the time,” Eden tells you when you ask her if she’s seen it anywhere and then it clicks.

She is right, now you remember leaving the book at his once and you completely forgot to pick it up after things got nasty between the two of you.

“Damn it,” you growl in annoyance.

Not feeling like calling him, you send him a quick text, hoping he still has it and hasn’t burned it after one of your fights.

Y/N: Hey, I think I left my research methodology book at yours. You still have it?

Victor: I do.

Y/N: Cool, can I drop by to pick it up?

Victor: I’m leaving for work, you can come to the bar if you want it.

You sigh in defeat. Victor is a bartender at a place that’s all the way across town, takes almost an entire hour to get there, but you are left with no other choice.

Y/N: Okay, I’ll see you there.

The raining has finally stopped this morning so you feel better leaving the house than you would have if it was still pouring. You take the bus and travel across town, feeling anxious to see Victor again. Last time you met him he cursed you out and threw his phone at you, barely missing your head. You promised yourself you wouldn’t go near him again after that, but it seems like you can never get completely rid of him.

Students rarely come to this part of the town, it’s way too far from campus and has nothing to offer that can’t be found closer to the dormitories or the school’s buildings. It’s not entirely your scene either, the bars around here are liked by older generations, not by people your age, this is another reason why you don’t like coming around here.

The bar where Victor works is a place where they have different local bands perform every Friday and Saturday. It’s not a tacky nook with creepy dudes, they actually have prices on the higher end, not something you can necessarily afford with your part time job’s paycheck from the small accounting office near your apartment where you work as an assistant on your free afternoons.

Walking into the place you immediately spot Victor behind the bar and you take a deep breath before you walk up to him.

“Hey,” you call out for him, taking one of the stools along the bar.

“Hey. Long time no see.”

“Happens when you break up with someone,” you respond with a little spice and he frowns at your words. “Can you give me the book?”

“I’ll have a break in ten, can you wait for that or you have something extra urgent shit to do, as always?” You can tell he is still bitter from how things ended between the two of you, but you’ve learned not to care about it. His way of dealing with the breakup is not your responsibility, no matter how hard he is trying to prove it wrong.

You roll your eyes but nod, knowing well there’s no use to fight him. Ten minutes is not the end of the world. Busying yourself on your phone, you try to stay unnoticed and luckily, Victor can’t keep chatting with you, because customers keep coming up to him and ordering drinks. When he finally has his break he tells you to follow him to the back.

“So how have you been?” he asks as you walk down the hallway that leads to the small break room, there’s an office at the end and some kind of changing room you guess for the bands, along with a storage.

“Fine.”

“You really gonna be a bitter bitch and not talk to me?” he asks you, giving you a disgusted look, but you know it’s just the anger talking from him.

“Victor, I didn’t come here to talk, I just need my book!”

“That doesn’t mean you can’t answer my question.”

“I answered it! I’ve been fine, now give me the damn book!” you growl, losing your patience with him, but he is seemingly in the same shoes.

“When will you stop being a bitch and just drop this ridiculous act, Y/N? I’ve been after you for months yet you keep ignoring me!”

“Did it ever occur to you that I’m ignoring you because I don’t want anything to do with you? Victor, it’s been months, just… move the fuck on! Go cry to your ex-wife or something, I don’t care!”

You didn’t mean to snap, but he always brings the worst out of you. From the corner of your eyes you can see movement at the other end of the hallway where the changing room is, but you don’t get to pay much attention to it, because the next moment Victor grabs you by your arm and yanks you towards him.

“Don’t fucking talk to me like that! You ungrateful slut, I swear…”

There’s little you can do, he is twice as big as you are, his grip on your arm so strong there’s no doubt it will leave a mark. Your heart is racing as you try to pull yourself out of his hold, but he doesn’t even bat an eye at your attempt.

However, before he could drag you into the empty breakroom to do god knows what, he is stopped by a voice.

“Hey! Let her go!”

If you weren’t shocked enough at his violent reaction, now you are definitely think you’re going nuts, because it’s none other than Professor Styles who is now nearing you with a hard expression on his face, two other guys following right behind him and though none of them are bigger than Victor, he knows he can’t just start a fight with three men.

Your chest is heaving when the professor finally reaches you and Victor’s hold lets go of you, making you fall back a little.

“You perform here twice and think you’re some kind of rockstar?” Victor spats at the professor, but you’re a little lost in what’s really going on. Professor Styles gently grabs your wrist and pulls you behind him, eyes never leaving Victor’s burning gaze.

“You alright?” one of the other two men asks and you nod, not finding your voice to actually speak.

“Get the hell out of my sight before I call the police on you,” the professor answers in a calm yet threatening voice

Victor takes a second to himself, thinking about the choices he has before he turns around and disappears in the breakroom, slamming the door behind him, leaving you in complete shock about what just happened.

Professor Styles then turns around, his eyes soften at seeing how shaken you are and quite frankly, you feel like you are in a bad and quite weird dream.

“Are you okay? Did he hurt you?” he asks, clearly worried about you and you just shake your head no.

“I-I’m fine, I think,” you mumble out of breath.

“Come on, let’s get out of here,” the guy who asked if you’re alright suggests and you nod in agreement, following them kind of blindly, the three of them keeping you in their little circle as you walk out to the bar and they don’t stop until you are out of the place in the cold night air. You slowly come back to reality and process that Professor Styles just saved you out of fucking nowhere from your abusive asshole ex. That’s what you call a plot twist.

You finally take a moment to look at the other two guys, they both look the same age as the professor, or maybe a little older, both of them are rocking some facial hair, the one that asked you seems a little more open while the other one quite reserved but friendly looking.

“What… What were you doing back there?” you ask, turning to face the professor. He clearly seems upset, but you’re not sure if it’s entirely because of what happened with Victor back then or because you are standing outside some random bar on a Saturday night, definitely crossing his personal boundaries he keeps so high at school.

“We played here tonight, was just about to leave when I saw you.”

“You have a band?” you ask, shocked at the detail.

“A pretty good one,” the talkative guy chuckles. “I’m Adam, nice to meet you. This is Mitch.”

You shake hands with them introducing yourself as well.

“Y/N is… my student,” the professor adds as if he is clearing the air for his bandmates, a kind of warning for them.

From the direction of the parking lot two women emerge, laughing on something as they walk up to the four of you, both of them eyeing you curiously.

“Hey boys, who is this pretty girl?”

“Sarah, Charlotte, this is Y/N, she is my student. Y/N, these are my other band mates, Sarah and Charlotte,” the professor introduces you as you shake hands with them quickly.

“I-I’m sorry I interrupted your time with your friends, professor,” you shyly apologize, feeling like a complete intruder all of a sudden with all his bandmates around you.

“Interrupt? Sweetheart, that dude was about to do some unforgivable things to you, don’t apologize for needing help,” Adam snorts. “You’re lucky we were there.”

“What? What happened?” Sarah asks in confusion.

“Just… my asshole ex got a little too violent when I didn’t want to chit-chat with him,” you admit with a defeated sigh.

“Oh shit, but are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” you smile faintly, though you still can feel his grip on your upper arm. “I, um… I better get going, I guess. Thank you for… the saving,” you say, a little lost about what should be said in this situation.

“You’re leaving? We were just about to go to a much better place, why don’t you come with us, forget about your ex a little?” Charlotte offers and you catch the professor’s panicked look for a split second.

“I, um… I don’t think I should, but thank you.”

“Why shouldn’t you?” Sarah questions.

“Because I know how Professor Styles hates to mingle with students outside of lectures and I don’t want to cross any lines,” you truthfully admit. The professor furrows his eyebrows.

“I don’t hate mingling with students,” he states.

“Well, you are surely not the most reachable professor on campus,” you chuckle lightly. “But it’s fine, I understand it. So I’ll just head home.”

“Come on, Harry. Let her tag along for just one drink!” Sarah begs and seemingly everyone would be happy to have you join for a little. The professor’s eyes meet yours, as if he is contemplating whether he should say yes or let you go home. When he finally speaks up you’re more surprised than when you realized it was him saving you from Victor.

“I guess you could use a drink after what happened in there,” he says, the tiniest smirk showing on his lips as your eyes shoot up.

“You sure?”

“Yeah, come on,” he nods and your little group heads down the street.

Turns out the place they were heading to was just two corners down, so they left all their stuff at the minivan at the parking lot for the time being. You slide into an empty booth, Adam and Mitch go to get the first round, so it’s just the three of you girls and the professor.

“So you’re in one of Harry’s lectures?” Charlotte asks with a warm smile.

“Yeah, for the second time, actually. Had him in first year, now it’s my fifth semester and I had no doubt I have to take his class if I have the chance.” You pay a glance at him, but he is staring at his hands on his lap, you can’t tell if it’s because he is uncomfortable with you there or if it’s something else.

“It’s so funny, because we’ve heard that he is known to be a good teacher but we never actually heard it from one of his students,” Sarah chuckles. “What’s he like?”

“Sarah, you enjoy talking about me when I’m very much present?” he scoffs, giving her a look, but she just shrugs innocently.

“Come on, I bet even you’re curious about what your students think of you. Now is your time to find it out!”

“I think Professor Styles knows very well that he is one of the best, if not the actual best,” you truthfully say and see him raise his eyebrows a little.

“What makes him so good?” Charlotte questions.

You glance at him again, as a way of asking for permission if you can answer. You definitely don’t want to make him even more uncomfortable by talking about him when he is right next to you. He looks into your eyes, and his expression tells you that he wants to hear your answer as well, but he quickly adds:

“You don’t have to answer, Y/N.”

“It’s not a secret,” you admit it with a smile. “Professor Styles’ lectures always leave you with a question to think about until next week, he is great at getting into your head without you even noticing. He explains the most complicated things in so simple ways, it should be taught,” you say with a soft chuckle. “I think his enormous knowledge about many different fields in science and just life in general is amusing, anyone can learn something from him, it’s guaranteed.”

“Wow, where is this academic genius side of yours when you’re around us, or we only get to see the dad joke version of you?” Sarah teases him and you can’t push down a laugh, imagining him cracking dad jokes feels so alien but still kind of fitting for him.

“That’s what you get when you’re a nosy little thing,” he retorts with a small smirk. He then turns to you, and as Sarah and Charlotte are laughing on something, he lowly tells you: “You can call me Harry outside of school. Feels weird that you call me professor when my friends are around.”

“You sure?”

He nods and you spot a small smile on his lips. He must be getting used to the feel of you being there, but you still don’t want to push his limits too much.

“Can I ask you something?” he questions, leaning back in his seat.

“Of course.”

“If your ex is this aggressive, why were you there with him?”

His question is surprising, you didn’t think he would ask you something personal, but you guess it’s a valid question after he just saved you from Victor.

“I wanted to get a book back that I left at his place. Didn’t even get to the point where he could have given it back,” you mumble under your breath.

“What book?”

“Just this… research methodology book, wanted it back for my thesis work, but I guess I’ll have to buy a new one,” you huff bitterly.

“Is it the one written by William Scott?”

“Y-Yeah, it is. You know it?” you ask, but then realize it’s a bit of a dumb question. He probably knows every academically important book you will ever come across.

“I actually have it myself,” he nods. Just then, Mitch and Adam return with the drinks and you thank them for the beer, already reaching for your money to pay, but Adam shakes his head.

“It’s on me, don’t worry.”

You watch as Mitch sits beside Sarah, curling an arm around her shoulders and though you couldn’t have guessed that they are a couple, seeing them like this it actually makes sense, they look cute together.

You take a sip from your beer, trying to join the conversation Sarah and Charlotte are having, when your attention is pulled back by Harry.

“I can… lend you the book, if you want.”

“Oh, you don’t have to. I’ll just get a new one.”

“No, really. I think I even have two copies, I can give one to you.”

“I couldn’t ask you that, prof—I mean Harry.”

“You’re not asking,” he smiles at you softly. “I probably won’t need both, so why not put the extra into use?”

“Okay, but I’ll pay for it,” you insist, but Harry shakes his head.

“No need, one of them was a gift so I didn’t pay for it either.”

“Well… if you’re sure about it, I would love to have that extra copy, thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“So Y/N, what do you study exactly?” Adam questions, pulling you out of your little discussion with Harry.

“I’m majoring in anthropology, but I’ve been taking some psychology classes on the side just because I’m interested in the topics.”

“And what is Harry teaching you?”

“Had him for intro Sociology lecture first year, now I’m in his Methodology of Cultural Anthropology class.”

“All these subjects with their GY endings, I don’t know how you two put up with science on this level,” Sarah huffs in amusement.

“The names sometimes sound fancier than the subject itself,” you tell her smiling.

“But I bet you need to be quite smart to study these stuff on this level you are at.”

“Oh, it’s just a bachelorette degree, I wouldn’t say I’m that smart,” you chuckle shyly.

“She is totally toning it down,” Harry speaks up, catching everyone’s attention. “I know students tend to take my into Sociology class for just some extra credits so I always give them two options for the semester. They can either write a two pages long review of any article related to the topics talked about at lecture and get their strong C with the bare minimum, or actually participate and do a research of their own and turn in an at least seven pages long essay about their chosen topic. Y/N turned in an eleven pages long paper on the history of death sentences in the U.S. in the last fifty years and how society is thinking about it nowadays. It was easily one of the best works I’ve ever read and it was just an intro class.”

“You remember my essay?” you ask in complete shock.

“Of course. As I said, one of the bests I’ve read,” he nods confidently.

“So you’re like… on Harry’s smart level, actually?” Sarah asks, tilting her head to the side and you can feel yourself blushing.

You’ve always been said to be the smart kid at school, but you never thought it to be true yourself. In your book, you were just doing your absolute best, soaking in whatever knowledge was thrown in your way. You never actually understood how someone could just not study for an exam or not do an assignment, because you always felt like it was your duty to do the best you can. You thought yourself to be more of a hard-working student rather than a smart one.

“She is definitely a bright one,” Harry agrees, his eyes meeting yours as a small smile appears on his lips and you think that this is the biggest compliment you’ve ever gotten. “She actually tricked me with a psychological experiment and I didn’t even realize it,” he laughs and you can’t hold your smirk back.

“What? What did you do?” Charlotte asks, dying to know how you played Harry.

“Have you heard of the Pavlovian response?” you ask looking around and you can tell it rings a bell for all of them.

“The one with the dogs and the bell?” Mitch asks and you nod.

“Wait you did that on Harry?” Adam laughs with wide eyes and you just nod with a sly smile.

“I just offered him strawberry flavored candies every time I saw him. Took me six weeks to build up the response but he actually started expecting it whenever he saw me,” you tell them chuckling to yourself.

“And I only realized it when she stopped with the candy and I felt this massive feeling that something was missing,” Harry adds shaking his head with a soft laugh.

“Okay, that’s hilarious,” Sarah snorts clapping her hands together. “Y/N, I adore you, you’re brilliant!”

“It was just… an experiment,” you shrug shyly.

The night carries much faster than you realize. One drink turns into three and before you could realize, it’s already past midnight. Eden texts you, asking where you are since you said you’d just get the book and go home right away, but it’s been hours.

Y/N: Don’t freak out, but I’m at a bar with Prof. Styles and his friends. I’ll tell you everything tomorrow!

Eden: HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME NOT TO FREAK OUT AFTER READING THIS???!?!

Y/N: Lol, chill. Nothing extra is happening.

Eden: It’s already extra that you’re out with him.

Realizing how late it is, you decide you better get going, since it’s a long way back home. When you tell the little group that you’re about to head out, they all agree that it’s time to part ways and leave, so you all slowly make your way back to the parking lot.

“Do you know where the bus stop is back?” you ask, narrowing your eyes, trying to spot where you should be heading.

“You want to go home by bus at this time?” Harry asks.

“Well, I surely won’t pay for a ride, I live almost an hour away from here.”

“An hour?” he frowns. “I’ll take you home, come on,” he tells you, heading towards the minivan.

“What? No need. The bus is fine,” you protest, but he shakes his head.

“You are not taking the bus at this hour, not under my watch,” he simply states and you raise your eyebrows at him.

“Didn’t realize I was under your watch,” you tease him and it seems like your comment caught him off-guard. “Don’t piss your pants, I was just joking,” you tell him, and thought for a second you feel like you are being way too comfortable around him, his smile quickly smashes your doubts.

Sarah, Mitch and Charlotte all take an Uber since they live near each other and Adam is picked up by his wife, so when everyone is off to their own way, you and Harry get in the van and head to your place.

“How long have you had the band?” you ask, in need to break the silence that’s been weighing down on the two of you. “If you don’t mind me asking,” you add quickly when you see him.

“About four years. Used to have another one, but we parted ways.”

“And what do you do in the band?”

“I, uhh… Well I mostly sing but I also play the guitar.”

“You know, I’m not that surprised you can sing,” you chuckle to yourself sinking further down in your seat.

“How come?”

“You have a voice that’s great to listen to at lectures, makes sense that you can sing as well.”

You take a moment to look at his hand that’s gripping the steering wheel, he is the kind that drives with one hand on the wheel, the other one on the shifting gear. He makes it look so easy as he steers the wheel whenever he is turning a corner while his other one easily moves around the shifting gear, his tattoos are peeking from under his rolled up shirt sleeve. He catches you staring and you feel a blush burning on your cheeks as you turn your head to the other side. Maybe you shouldn’t have drunk that third beer…

“Am I really seen that rigid by the students?” he speaks up after a while and you turn back to face him.

“What do you mean?”

“You said I’m known about not mingling with students.”

“Well, you don’t mingle, do you? But it doesn’t mean you come off as rigid. More like… closed-off. Private.”

“I know I should be a little friendlier, but I just…”

“You don’t have to explain yourself, I think everyone gets it why you’re like that.”

“Do they?” he arches an eyebrow.

“Well, you’re obviously a ladies’ favorite, but it doesn’t sit well with you being a person of some sort of power. It’s clear that you don’t want anyone to get the wrong picture about you. I’ve seen how bluntly girls are flirting with you, some of them are quite scandalous if you ask me,” you huff to yourself. “I totally get it that you don’t want even just a rumor to spread about you.”

“Didn’t think I was that obvious,” he admits, running his tongue over his lips.

“Don’t worry about it, you’re still a highly fancied professor, in all means,” you tell him with a warm smile.

“Does this mean you also fancy me?” he suddenly questions and your lips part at his words. He quickly realizes how ambiguous he just sounded. “I mean, am I one of your favorites? Where do I stand in your chart of professors?”

You can’t tell for sure because of the lack of lighting, but you could have sworn there’s a light blush on his cheeks as he corrects himself. Because of this, you don’t know for sure if he really meant it academically. Either way, the answer is the same.

“You’re my favorite,” you confidently state and your eyes meet for a moment before he turns back to face the road.

The rest of the ride is pretty quiet, you keep giving him directions to your place until you finally arrive a little before one am.

“Well, thank you for the ride,” you smile at him, grabbing the door handle.

“See you on Monday,” he nods shortly and watches as you get out of the can.

“Yeah, see you, professor,” you smirk before shutting the door and walking up the stairs and disappearing in your building.

“Was that Professor Styles in the fucking minivan?!” Nat throws the question at you the moment you open the front door.

“Jesus, why are you still up?” you sigh, shutting the door and shimmying yourself out of your coat.

“Because we were waiting for you!” Eden rolls her eyes. “So, care to tell us what the fuck just happened?” The three of you get comfortable on the couch and you give them a quick rundown of your evening from meeting Victor through being saved by Harry right to him offering to drive you home and they listen to you with wide eyes in complete shock that you just spent your entire evening with the most handsome professor on campus who also happens to be the most private as well.

“If I didn’t see him sitting in that van with my own eyes I would straight up think you’re lying, but I saw his tattooed hand over the windshield,” Nat gasps, processing the story.

“I know, I still feel like it didn’t happen, but it did.”

“And what is he like around his friends? What are his friends like?” Eden questions, hugging her knees to her chest.

“He is pretty much just like in lecture, just jokes a little more and he has a looser vocab. His friends are hilarious, I really got along with Sarah.”

“I know you still think it won’t happen, but I actually think you have a shot at him, Y/N,” Eden points it out and you just chuckle.

“Why, because he saved me from my douche ex?”

“No, because he let you stay for the night with him and his friends. This is literally the first ever time a student hung out with him.”

“It’s not that big of a deal, Harry is a reserved and private person—“

“Harry?!” they gasp at the same time.

“You are now just casually calling him Harry?” Nat asks with ogling eyes.

“Well, yes, he asked me to, because it felt weird that I was calling him Professor Styles with his friends around.”

“Okay, I’m giving it… let’s say, he seems to be moving pretty slow, but y’all will be fucking in about six months,” Nat bluntly tells you and it makes you laugh.

“Oh, sure, whatever. I’m gonna shower and head to bed, you two don’t get too crazy with your fairytales,” you wave at them before disappearing in the bathroom.

The rest of the weekend goes by uneventfully, outside of the pathetic attempt from Victor to get you to talk to him, but you’ve had enough of him for a life so you finally block his number and hope you won’t ever see him again.

Both you and Eden oversleep on Monday morning, skipping your early morning lecture and already being late for Harry’s class as well, so you barely make it to Harry’s class in time, just sprinting up the rows, flopping down to your usual seats when Harry starts the lecture. It all goes as usual as if nothing really happened during the weekend, Harry doesn’t seem to be bothered by it at all. Glancing over at his desk you spot the book he promised you and you can’t hold your smile back. Still grinning, your eyes accidentally meet with his gaze and he stops for a heartbeat as if he is questioning why you are so smiley, but you just shake your head and he carries on before anyone could suspect a thing.

“I gotta run, my favorite TA is having his office hours now and I have a few questions for him. See you at home?” Eden asks once the lecture is over and you are getting ready to leave.

“Sure, have a good day!” you call after her and she sings a ‘you too!’ before running out of the room.

You pack up and head down between the rows, Harry spotting you right away and you go up to him without him even asking you to.

“Hey, sorry we were a little late to class this morning,” you tell him and he just shakes his head kindly.

“No worries. How… is your arm?” He furrows his eyebrows, his gaze wandering down to your forearm where Victor grabbed you on Saturday.

“Oh, it’s fine. I just have a little bruise,” you shrug, because it really isn’t that big deal, but you can tell Harry is still outraged by what happened.

“M’sorry about that.”

“It’s fine. Would be worse if you weren’t there,” you smile at him kindly and he nods to himself before turning to his desk.

“I, uhh, I brought the book we talked about,” he shyly says grabbing it from the desk. As people are exiting the room you can feel the glares on yourself, most of them are probably trying to figure out why Harry is talking to you for so long, but you don’t pay much attention to them as you take the book he hands you.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to pay for it?”

“No need, keep it, it’s yours,” he shakes his head with a small smile.

“Thank you then.” You slide the book into your bag before looking back up at him. “Well, I’ll see you on Wednesday, professor,” you smile warmly before heading out.

“See you!” he calls after you before you close the door behind you.

The week carries on as usual, you are working on papers that needs to be turned in before the fall break so you spend some extra time at the library, using every bit of free time you have so you finish everything on time.

Things go back to kind of normal with Harry, he greets you in the mornings when you walk into the lecture hall and other than the warm smile he occasionally gives you, nothing has changed.

Friday however brings a surprise, but not from Harry. You’re sitting at work in the afternoon, typing away on your computer, filling in some sheets when you get a notification on your phone from Instagram.

Sarah Jones is now following you!

You tap on her profile but see that it’s private so without a second thought you request following. Luckily, she approves you only a few seconds later and you gain access to her posts, quite a few of them featuring Harry on them.

Photos of birthdays, weekend getaways, band practices and performances, Harry makes a lot of appearances on her feed and you find yourself scrolling all the way down until you reach the first few posts from 2016. Just as you are about to leave her profile you get a message from her.

Sarah: Hey Y/N! Charlotte and I’ve been talking about you recently, loved having you with us last Saturday! Want to grab a drink with the two of us this weekend?

Y/N: Would love to, but I’m not sure Harry would like the idea…

Sarah: He won’t be there and besides, who is he to tell you who you can and can’t hang out with?

She is right. You enjoyed spending time with them as well and Harry has little to no word in if you want to meet up with his friends or not. This invitation has no connection to him being your professor.

Y/N: Alright, I’m down!

 This is how your friendship with Sarah and Charlotte starts. You meet up with them on Saturday and have an amazing time, they are definitely fun people to spend time with and though at first you feel hesitant to get closer to them, you soon forget about your doubts and just enjoy your time with them.

Your little girls night goes so well that they invite you out for dinner on Wednesday with Mitch joining the little trio. You learn that he is a quiet but hilarious guy, he and Sarah make a great couple, you think.

“We have a gig this Saturday at Green Light, want to come?” Charlotte asks at the end of the dinner.

“Okay, I really don’t think Harry would be a fan of that idea,” you point out, feeling like it’s surely over the lines. He still doesn’t know about you meeting some of his friends without him and you’re not sure how he would react if he did.

“Harry can fuck off, not everything is about him. We are inviting you as our friends, he just happens to be in the band as well,” Sarah rolls her eyes, clearly not as bothered by the situation as you are.

“I just don’t want to make him uncomfortable.”

“He is a big boy, he’ll get himself over it, don’t worry. So, are you coming?”

“I guess, alright,” you nod with a soft chuckle.

 Next week you contemplate telling Harry that Sarah invited you out for their gig, but at last you decide against it, something is telling you he would try to talk you down and now you’re pretty hyped to see them perform. So you keep quiet and just brace yourself for the worst when Saturday comes.

You don’t overdress for the occasion, decide to wear some light washed mom jeans and a simple sweater tucked into it, a casual look for a night out.

Even when you’re on your way to the place you are having second guesses whether it’s a good idea or not, but you tell yourself it’s not that big of a deal and if Harry flips, you’ll just tell him you came for Sarah and Charlotte.

As you get off the bus and walk towards the place, you immediately spot the little group of three next to Harry’s minivan, Sarah waving in your way as you become visible in the streetlights.

“There she is!” she beams happily and you just chuckle at her.

Harry is standing with his back facing your way but seeing Sarah’s reaction he turns around and you swear for a moment you think he is about to faint when he spots you.

“Hey everyone,” you smile as Sarah pulls you into a hug and Charlotte does the same.

“Hey, if it isn’t our little trouble seeker!” Adam teases you and you just roll your eyes at him before shyly glancing at Harry who is standing on your left, awfully quiet and deep in his thoughts since your arrival. He feels your eyes on him and his gaze meets yours and just by one look you can tell he is pissed.

Just as you thought.

The group chats a little longer outside before Adam suggests they head inside and get ready for their start and you are just about to follow them, but Harry keeps you back.

“Y/N, can we have a word?”

Staying back you nod, hiding your hands in your coat’s pockets as you look at him, lips curled into your mouth.

“What are you doing here?” he questions, eyebrows knitted together and he looks so damn intimidating, the neon lights from the front of the building tinting part of his face green, but you think red would suit him better with this look.

“I… came to see the band playing, what do you mean?”

“Is this your sneaky way of trying to come after me? Because I thought we had a very clear discussion about my thoughts regarding situations like this and you seemed to understand it.”

He comes off way angrier than you think he should be. Yes, it might be uncomfortable for him to see you here, but the tone he just hit is way too harsh for your liking and professor or not, you are not letting anyone talk to you like that when it’s completely not relevant.

“Okay, calm down. First of all, I was invited here.”

“By who?” he spats.

“Sarah and Charlotte, we met last weekend and had dinner this week as well. Had a great time and they asked me to come tonight as well, so get off of your high horse, I’m not here for you.” You can see the change on his face as the information sinks in and he realizes he accused you wrongly, but you’re not quite done with him. “But if I was here to see you, why does that bother you so much? You can’t avoid meeting students every minute when you’re off-campus. If I came here because of you, it shouldn’t affect you this much if you weren’t worried about something else than me just being here,” you point out and he furrows his eyebrows at you. “If I didn’t know better I would think you’re afraid to be around me because you actually like me, huh!” you tell him with an innocent yet suggesting look. His eyes widen and the confidence in himself quickly vanishes from him, replaced by anxiety and nervous looks as he realizes the meaning behind your words.

“I-I, that’s not—I’m not—“

“Take a breath before you pass out, Harry,” you sigh, dropping the hard act. “I didn’t come here for you and if you want to know I actually thought a lot about canceling because of you. But I genuinely like spending time with Sarah and Charlotte so I’m here as their friend.”

Harry stares back at you, completely defeated, regret filling his green eyes. You feel a little guilty for snapping so hard at him, after all you do understand his point of view, but you genuinely don’t think it’s as big of a deal as he makes it to be.

“I-I’m…”

“It’s fine, okay? Let’s just… move past it, alright?” you suggest and he nods as the two of you head inside, joining the rest of the group.

You stay behind while they are waiting for their time to perform, keeping some distance from Harry so he can’t accuse you again, but you occasionally look his way, catching him already looking at you, but you just can’t tell what could be possibly going on in his head. When it’s time for them to go on stage, you go out to the actual bar area and sit by the counter, not too much at the front but close enough to see everything that happens on the stage.

When they start playing you can’t take your eyes off Harry. His energy behind the microphone just knocks you off the stool and you watch him completely mesmerized as if he has put a spell on you. It feels like he turns into an entirely different person on stage, nothing like the man you see at lectures every Monday and Wednesday. He sings perfectly on key, putting some extra charm into the songs with his little additional tunes whenever he is not singing a line.

But what makes it absolutely impossible to look away from him is because he keeps staring at you, eyes locking with yours for way too long every time he catches your gaze. You try to ignore it, but it’s quite hard when his eyes are basically burning into you, it leaves you breathless.

Once the concert is over you order yourself two tequila shots quickly, because something is telling you that you’ll need the boosting if you want to face Harry after his little performance.

But for your surprise, when you join the band again and get near him, nothing really happens. It seems like Harry has come to peace with your presence in his little group of friends and he actually treats you like you’re part of the circle.

The six of you occupy a table at the back of the bar to spend there the rest of the evening and it’s all good, it seems. A harmless night out with a bunch of friends, nothing extra. Harry actually strikes up conversations with you involved and you feel like you’ve overcome a banter finally.

“Do you need a ride home?” Harry asks at the end of the night when everyone is about to head home.

“Only if it’s fine by you.”

“Wouldn’t offer it if it wasn’t,” he smiles shortly before the two of you say goodbye to the rest of the group and head to his van that was previously loaded with their stuff.

The ride back to your place is now much shorter, it takes less than ten minutes to arrive and you are just about to say goodbye when he speaks up.

“I want to apologize for the way I reacted to your arrival earlier tonight. It was… unnecessary.”

“It’s fine, I’m sorry for what I said after that too.”

“You shouldn’t be,” he shakes his head, staring down at his hands in his lap.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that you shouldn’t be sorry for saying something that’s true.”

It feels like all air is knocked out of you as his words process and you stare at him with parted lips and raised eyebrows. When he finally looks up at you, he looks so lost and tortured, you feel the urge to hug him, but you stay still as he continues talking.

“I got mad because I do like you and seeing you outside of school is very… confusing for me. And this is why I’m gonna be very straightforward with you now. I can tell Sarah and Charlotte like you a lot and they are stubborn, they won’t see the situation from my point of view and I’m no one to tell you if you can hang out with us or not. But what I can most certainly tell you is that nothing will happen between us. I’m very serious about this, Y/N. You are very much welcomed to spend more time with us, but I want you to know that it won’t go further than this.”

For a couple of moments you’re only able to stare back at him, blinking completely frozen at his sudden confession. You could tell tonight has been a turning point of some kind, but you were not expecting this speech from him at all and now you are at a complete loss of words. It takes some time before you actually find your voice.

“Okay,” is all you can breathe out, nothing more, but it’s pretty much all you have to tell him. You won’t go against his will and force him to do something he doesn’t want. He deserves the respect.

He nods shortly, seemingly still very torn about the situation and you figure it’s better if you just leave now.

“Thank you for the ride,” you quietly tell him opening the door. “Good night.”

“Good night, Y/N,” you hear him before you shut the door and walk into your building, feeling like you’ve been just hit by a pile of bricks.

Unlike the last time when Harry brought you home, Nat and Eden are not waiting for you in the living room. Nat is probably already asleep and Eden went out for a date earlier and she hasn’t been back. You don’t bother to turn the lights on as you walk inside, just kick your boots off and hang your coat before collapsing onto the couch, just staring into the darkness, Harry’s words repeating in your head again and again.

“… I do like you and seeing you outside of school is very confusing for me.”

“… nothing will happen between us. I’m very serious about this, Y/N.”

“… but I want you to know that it won’t go further than this.”

Harry, your professor, The Harry Styles admitted that he likes you but also told you pretty forward that nothing is ever going to happen between the two of you. It still feels like a fever dream and you’re not sure how you are feeling about it just yet. Hanging out with him was already quite overwhelming, but you were not expecting this confession from him at all.

What are you supposed to do with this information? If he is so set on not taking any further steps, why did he even share it with you? He could have just easily keep his thoughts and feelings to himself and get away with it without you ever figuring it out. It doesn’t make sense.

For the first time in your life, something Harry Styles said doesn’t make sense. That’s new.

Following Harry’s confession you truly have no idea what to do, so you just go with the flow. He seemingly stays the same when it comes to you, friendly, but still keeping his distance. Nothing changes in the lecture hall, he just occasionally asks if you’re alright and you are guessing he only wants to know if you are having any trouble with Victor, but you haven’t even heard from him since you’ve blocked his number and you hope it’s going to stay like that.

You meet up with him and the band a few times outside of school and it’s not necessarily awkward, but you can tell he is keeping his distance from you, he never sits next to you or has one-on-one conversations with you, only if it’s necessary. The only time he dares to be alone with you is when he sometimes offers you to drive you home. You usually say no at first, but he insists, so you end up sitting in silence in the car until you arrive home, say goodbye and end of story.

No one in school even suspects that you’ve made your way into Harry’s group of friends, only Nat and Eden knows about it but they swore to keep it a secret, but you didn’t tell them about Harry’s confession. Whatever it is that’s happening between you and Harry, you would never put him into a situation he is trying to avoid so badly. You sit in his classes like everyone else, but while all the other girls are drooling over him, trying to get just slightly closer to him in any way possible, you sit in silence and think about the precious times when you get to see him outside of school.

Even with him being so distant towards you, you can’t help but slowly start falling for him. He doesn’t have to talk to you or be direct to you, it’s enough that you see him as himself, you see him with his friends, how he acts whenever he is not teaching, standing on the podium. And he is an amazing person, there’s no doubt about that.

The semester is gradually moving forward, once you get back from fall break, you basically move into the library, studying for your exams and finishing up all your papers. December arrives pretty fast and before you realize, the whole town is decorated with lights and Christmas trees everywhere, the shops are trying to lure customers in with all the sales and the Christmas shopping officially starts.

One weekend, when there’s only two weeks left of school before everyone heads home for the holidays, you and Nat go for a shopping trip, trying to buy every gift in time so you don’t have to worry about that at least last minute.

Wandering around the mall you naturally take a trip to the bookstore, always ready to buy something new to read. Nat dives into the cooking books wanting to get one for her mother while you’re just aimlessly looking through the shelves. As your eyes are running through the titles in the psychology department, you stop at one particular book, pulling it off the shelf as you can’t help but smile to yourself.

The secrets of Classical Conditioning.

You flip through the pages and though it doesn’t seem to be a groundbreaking work, it’s just explaining Pavlov’s experiment and further uses of it, you still decide to buy it.

That evening you sit at your desk, the book open in front of you, a pen next to it as you try to think of something to write into it. At first you just wanted to give it to Harry as it is, but you figured it would be a nice gesture to write a few words into it he could always read when he opens the book. After some consideration, you finally grab the pen and start writing.

-

Dear Harry,

I will always think of you whenever I hear of Mr. Ivan Petrovics Pavlov or Classical Conditioning. Thank you for another amazing semester and I’m happy I got to see you without standing on a podium. You are an amazing man, never change.

Happy holidays,

Y/N

-

Last week of school, you go to the Wednesday lecture, the last one of the semester with the book sitting in your bag. All through the 90 minutes class as Harry is having an open discussion about the lecture with the students, you keep debating whether you should give him the book or not. When the lecture is over and Harry wishes everyone happy holidays, you grab it from your bag and holding it to your chest you wait until there’s only a few people in the room. Eden has already left to hand in a paper so you walk down the rows on your own, eyes on the man behind his desk who is now packing up his papers and notes, getting ready to leave.

“Harry?” you faintly speak his name, grabbing his attention as he looks up at you from behind the desk. You glance down at the book in your hands and before you could change your mind, you place it down in front of him. “This is… for you.”

His gaze wanders down to the book, then back at you as he stares at you in awe, obviously surprised by the gesture.

“What’s this for?”

“Christmas gift?” you answer unsurely with a nervous chuckle. “I just saw it at the store and… thought of you.”

“Y/N, I can’t—“

“Yes you can and you will,” you roll your eyes at him, tired of hearing all these negations from him. He can’t, he won’t, he shouldn’t… for once, he definitely will if it’s on you. “Take it as my payment for the book you gave me.”

His eyes soften at you before he looks down at the book again, reading the title before he chuckles to himself.

“Thank you, Y/N,” he then finally says, accepting that you won’t let him return the gift under any circumstances.

“Have a nice Christmas, Harry,” you smile at him shyly, hands holding onto the strap of your bag as you start walking away.

“You too,” he faintly says and turning around you start walking, but then he stops you. “Y/N, wait!”

You stop in your track and face him curiously. He seems hesitant, stepping away from the desk, walking closer to you but still keeping some distance between the two of you.

“Do you… have plans for New Year’s Eve?”

“I, uhh—No, not yet.”

“If you happen to be back in town by then… Sarah is having this little get together. I have a feeling she already invited you, but if you said no because of me, I want you to know that it’s fine by me. Would be nice if you could come.”

He is right, Sarah did invite you over, but you kindly declined thinking Harry wouldn’t appreciate if you spent it with them. You wanted to give him a breather, have a night with his friends without having to avoid you all the time, but it seems like the situation has changed for him.

“You don’t have to invite me just because I gave you a gift, Harry.”

“It’s not about that,” he shakes his head softly. “I can tell you are getting along well with Sarah and all the others. I want you to know that I would never stand in the way and you are very much welcomed at any and all events.”

He seems and sounds genuine, you don’t see any sign of him just saying it because Sarah asked him to or something. No, this definitely came from him.

“Okay, I’ll… think about it,” you tell him with a warm smile. “See you around,” you wave at him before walking out of the room.

You don’t get to see his reaction to the words you wrote into the book and for a while, you’re not even sure he saw it. Maybe he took it home and put it on his shelf without even having a look into it, but two days later, when you’re already packing, getting ready to go home for Christmas, you get a notification that at first confuses you.

Breakfast is now following you!

You open Instagram with furrowed eyebrows as you go to the profile that just followed you. It’s a small account and private, of course and you almost close it thinking it’s just someone random when you see that it’s followed by both Sarah and Charlotte.

Could this be Harry’s profile?

The username is colazione8, it doesn’t give away much but now that you are thinking about it, it’s perfect if he wanted to stay unnoticed by his students that surely can use Instagram way better than him.

You tap on the follow request button and anxiously wait for an approval, hoping that the person behind the account is still online. You wait and wait, slowly losing hope but then the notification finally arrives. Your request has been approved.

You tap on the profile vigorously and three pictures appear in front of you. One is a picture of some random building, the first ever posted is a plate of nicely served breakfast of some sort and then there’s one that features the person you were desperately hoping to see.

It’s a picture of Harry sitting at a big dining table, a glass of wine in front of him as he is squinting his eyes towards the camera. You zoom into the picture just to make sure it’s him, but his features are clearer than daylight, it really is Harry that just followed you.

You’re still stalking his very private and not too eventful profile when you get a message from him, making your heart skip a beat.

Harry: Hey! Just wanted to thank you again for the gift, it’s really thoughtful. Read what you wrote in it… thank you, Y/N.

Y/N: I meant every word. Thank you for everything you did this semester!

It takes a few minutes for a response to arrive from him.

Harry: Are you already on your way home?

Y/N: Not yet, leaving tomorrow morning.

Harry: If I drop by your place in 20, can you come down for a sec?

Y/N: Sure!

Though your response seemed totally cool, you started panicking right away. What does this mean? Why is he coming here? Are you in trouble? You couldn’t be, you didn’t do anything wrong.

You quickly change out of your worn-out sweats and stained shirt, putting on a pair of jeans and a black hoodie, not wanting to see him looking like a total wreck. You sit on your bed, anxiously checking your phone every ten seconds to see if he has messaged you and those twenty minutes never seem to pass.

Then your phone finally chimes again.

Harry: I’m here.

Y/N: Be there in a sec.

You jump into a pair of trainers and grabbing your keys from the little sidetable you have in the hallway you storm out of the apartment, running down the stairs. As you walk out you stop in your track for a second, for some reason you were expecting the minivan, but this time, it’s a black Range Rover that’s parked in front of your building and Harry emerges from it the moment you step outside.

“Hey!” he smiles at you, shutting the door before he jogs around and you notice the little gift bag in his hands.

“Harry, is this what I think it is? Because you shouldn’t have, really,” you tell him right away as he stands in front of you, glancing down at the little bag in his hands.

“What? So you are allowed to give me a gift, but I’m not allowed to do the same?” he asks with a cheeky smile.

“But you already gave me one!”

“That wasn’t a real gift, so no,” he shakes his head, too stubborn to let it go. So instead, he nervously glances down at the little bag before handing it to you. “Here. Happy Christmas. But you can only open it when I’m gone, alright?”

“Why?”

“Just… please,” he breathes out and you not, keeping your curious hands to yourself.

“Alright. Well, thank you, Harry.”

“Sure. Um, have a great winter break and… I’ll see you around,” he smiles, walking around the car back to the side of the driving seat.

“You too, Harry. See you!”

You see him drive away as you walk back into the building, basically running up the stairs to your apartment, dying to see what’s in the little bag. Once you are locked in the safe haven of your room, you throw yourself to the bed and reach into the bag, finding a small box. One that’s usually used for jewelry. You pull it out with shaky fingers and take a deep breath before opening it.

Inside sits the cutest little silver ring you’ve literally ever seen. It’s thin and very detailed, tiny little strawberries lining next to each other and that’s the whole ring. Just the little strawberries, but it’s still the cutest you’ve ever seen. You put it on and it fits perfectly on your ring finger, holding up your hand you take a good look at how it sits on your finger. You’re in love with it.

Rolling to your back on the bed you stare up at the ceiling with a heavy heart aching for a man you know will never be yours, but you just can’t help it. The heart wants what it wants, right?

Reaching for your phone you type him a quick message

Y/N: Harry, thank you so much! It’s beautiful! But you shouldn’t have bought me anything!

Harry: I’m glad you like it :)

Y/N: I love it.

He doesn’t respond, just likes your message.

Christmas is always the same, especially because your family just never had those juicy dramas that could ruin any family events. Holidays have always been quiet and loving, pretty predictable. It’s good to be home again and spend quality time with your loved one, though your mind keeps wandering to a particular someone.

Sarah mentioned that Harry has traveled home to his mom and sister and from time to time you catch yourself thinking about what he could be possibly doing at the moment.

The only interaction between the two of you is when you post a photo with your sister and brother at Christmas dinner and he likes the photo, but nothing more. He doesn’t post or add to his story so you are left with your own elaborate fantasies of what he could possiblybe doing at home.

Sarah convinces you to spend the New Year’s Eve at hers and you are accepting the invitation a lot easier now that Harry has told you he is fine with you joining.

Just one day before the 31st you get back to your apartment and spend the second to last night of the year spiraling about the whole situation with Harry. Where are you two standing as of right now? Was his gift a gesture with a deeper meaning behind it?

You can’t step over the fact that you are not his student anymore. He has officially graded you and you’ve received your credits for his class, the ties are off, but he situation might still be risky and you doubt Harry is willing to change his mind about what he told you earlier. He made it clear that nothing will ever happen between the two of you, however you can’t help but feel a little hopeful that the new semester might bring a change into that.

After two hours spent in front of your closet and at least three mental breakdowns you finally decide to wear a black turtleneck dress which is just the perfect mixture of modest and sexy at the same time. You feel anxious to see Harry again, not sure how to act around him following your little gift exchange. There’s a chance he’ll just shut himself off once again and avoid you all night, you can’t tell.

Sarah’s place is already buzzing by the time you arrive, several guests are lounging in the living room and kitchen, some soft music is playing and it appears that everyone is enjoying the evening so far, judging from the laughter you hear from time to time.

“I’m so glad you came!” Sarah envelopes in a tight hug when you arrive.

“Thank you for inviting me. Here, brought some snacks,” you hand her the grocery bag you picked up on your way, not wanting to arrive empty-handed.

“Oh, you are an angel, some on in, make yourself home, take whatever you want to eat or drink!” she gestures around before bringing the bag into the kitchen.

The cozy home is already filled with a lot of people you don’t know, but you also spot Charlotte and Mitch right away so you take the safe spot in their little circle. You try your best to stay present in the conversation but you keep glancing around, looking for one particular person.

And then you finally see him. Harry emerges from the little hallway that leads to the bedroom and bathroom with Adam, seemingly deep in conversation as he nurses a beer in his hand. His checkered slacks and vintage printed t-shirt makes him appear so casual, if you didn’t know him you wouldn’t even guess that he is actually a professor.

Harry laughs at something Adam just told him and his eyes glide around the room until they find you standing near the kitchen. He stops in his track, gaze running down your figure before it returns to your eyes and he seems to be in awe, like he doesn’t entirely believe it’s you he is seeing even though he knew you’d be coming. There’s nothing you want more than to run across the room and throw yourself into his arms. You spent way too much time thinking about him during Christmas and seeing him in the flesh now is a mixture of feelings you can’t really describe just now.

Neither of you leaves the conversation you are in the middle, but you keep glancing towards each other. You’re nervously moving the strawberry ring around your finger, feeling his burning gaze on your figure all the time. You haven’t taken it down since he has given it to you, it partially made it harder for you to stop thinking about him, because the jewelry was quite a loud reminder every time you glanced down at your hands.

Two drinks later your sister calls you, as always she wants to say happy new year before the lines get hectic at midnight, so you move out to the small balcony facing the street as you talk to your sister. The spicy night air feels amazing on your heated up skin, the turtleneck dress was a good choice, but it’s definitely getting hotter with each drink, especially with Harry’s lingering eyes as well. When you end the call you decide to stay outside a little longer, take a few moments to yourself.

You jump a little when you hear the sliding door open and you’re surprised to see Harry walk out.

“Hey, thought you might need this,” he smiles softly, holding a blanket in his hands.

“Oh, thank you,” you mumble and let him wrap it around your shoulders. It provides just enough heat that your lips are not shaking anymore from the cold.

“What are you doing out here alone? Not enjoying the evening?”

“I am, I was just on the phone with my sister.”

“She’s older than you, right?” he asks and you tilt your head a little looking at him.

“How do you know that?”

“I, uhh… You have a lot of pictures with her on your Instagram,” he admits with a nervous chuckle.

“Have you been stalking my profile?” you tease him, but he clearly takes it way more serious than you intended it to be.

“No, I swear it’s not like that, I just—“ he stammers but you cut him off placing a hand on his arms that are crossed over his chest.

“Harry, I was just teasing you. It’s fine,” you assure him, giving him a gentle squeeze before you are about to pull your hand back, but his hold stops you. He takes your hand in his, gently bringing it closer to his face as he examines the ring sitting on your finger.

“You’re wearing it,” he breathes out, a small cloud emitting from his pink lips as his thumb softly runs over the ring.

“Of course. I told you I love it.”

You can’t ignore the shiver that runs down your spine at the feeling of his warm palm against yours, his thumb delicately running over not just the ring, but down your finger as well before he lets go of your hand. You already miss his touch.

“So, how was Christmas?” he asks clearing his throat.

“Good, nothing extra. What about yours?”

“Same, went home to the family.”

“Do you often visit them?”

“Not as often as I would want to, but I’m trying to go every couple of months.” Harry turns towards the street, eyes running along the not too busy road that stretches past Sarah’s building. His hand comes up to the railing, fingers slightly drumming on it. “How come you didn’t bring anyone tonight?”

“Well, my roommates are still home and I also didn’t think you’d like the idea to have another student of yours around.”

“Right, yeah,” he nods, but you can tell something else is still on his mind. “So… no boyfriend to bring?”

You give him a puzzled look. Is this his way of asking if you are seeing anyone at the moment? Because if it is, it’s kind of ridiculous.

“No, not really. I guess you can say I’m not looking for one actively.”

“How come?” he asks with raised eyebrows, his body turning towards you as he leans against the railing. You give him a ‘really?’ look. You think about getting a little sassy and teasing with him, but then decide to just be straightforward instead.

“Because I’m kind of into my Methodology of Cultural Anthropology professor.”

Harry’s lips part as his eyes pierce into yours and for a moment you really think that he is about to flip, tell me how dare you say such thing to him and curse you out, but a second passes and his gaze softens as he lets out a shaky breath.

“Y/N…”

“What? I just answered your question,” you innocently shrug, looking away from him. Despite this long and weird game the two of have been playing these past months, this is the first time you openly admitted that you have a thing for him.

“You know how complicated it is and I told you that nothing can happen.” He shakes his head in defeat, a hint of disappointment in his tone, but it just grinds your gears.

“What, so you can ask about my dating life but I can’t say that I’m into you? How is that fair?”

“That’s not the same.”

“Well I think it is. Both are highly inappropriate to bring up in our situation, don’t you think? Yet you’re trying to put all the blame on me.”

“Alright, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked. Let’s just… forget about it. I really don’t want to fight with you.”

“Because you’re afraid I might actually win?” you sassily reply, crossing your arms on your chest.

“I’m just trying to do the right thing, okay? Would you… let me?”

“If you haven’t realized it yet, I’m trying really hard to stay in my lane, but you’re not making it any easier.”

“I’m trying too, okay?” he growls, clearly losing his calmness at this point. “I’m really fucking trying, Y/N, but it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do!”

“You’re the one making it hard!”

“It’s not my fucking fault I can’t stop thinking about you!”

“Well it’s not my fault either!” you snap at him, both of you raising your voice, the rest of the party oblivious about the screaming match the two of you are having on the balcony. “If you’re so set on not letting anything happen, why do you come to me and act the opposite?”

“The opposite?!”

“Yes! It’s not quite appropriate to gift your student with a ring or ask them about their dating life. Or is it all new information to you?”

“You started with the gifting!”

“So what? You could have just left it there, but you didn’t. It’s not that it didn’t make me happy, but don’t try to put all the blame on me for saying something when you’re already crossing the lines.”

Harry stares at you with a hard look and you’d pay great amounts to actually read his thoughts at this moment. His jaw clenches as he exhales sharply, eyes turning away from you, as if he couldn’t even bear to look at you.

“Make up your fucking mind,” you growl under your breath as you push your way past him and walk inside before he could get a word out.

For a well-respected, educated and smart man, Harry can act pretty fucking stupid, you think. He is not being fair and you will not apologize for anything you’ve said. If he doesn’t want anything to do with you, he needs to stay in his lane and not dance on the line, poking the sleeping lion. He doesn’t get to fuck around and then put all the blame on you, that’s just not how it works and he needs to learn that.

In the last hour that’s left until midnight you mingle with the guests and try to keep your thoughts of Harry at bay, though it’s quite the challenge since he lingers around you, keeping his eyes on you all the time, as if he is trying to piss you off or something, but you’re determined to be a mature adult and keep your composure.

You’re getting tired of this game and you’re not sure anymore if you are willing to wait around until Harry makes his mind up. Not when he doesn’t keep his own rules at least.

“Come on,” you mumble to yourself as you’re trying to open up a new bottle of wine, but the screw just wouldn’t move, no matter what you do. A hand reaches forward and wraps around the neck of the bottle, interrupting your pathetic misery.

“Let me help you.”

You let Harry take the bottle, biting into your bottom lip as you turn around and watch him easily open the bottle you’ve been fighting with the past ten minutes, he grabs your empty glass from the counter and fills it.

“Thank you,” you mumble when he hands it back and you take a sip right away. He places the bottle to the counter, fingers strumming on the surface before he takes a deep breath and speaks up.

“Y/N, I’m sorry.”

“For what exactly?”

“For the way I acted. You were totally right, I called you out for things that I did myself too, that was unfair of me.” He clears his throat, leaning against the counter with his back side as he crosses his arms on his chest. It brings out how toned his arms really are and you give yourself half a second to drool over that before you take another sip from your drink, forcing yourself to keep your thoughts under control.

“Thanks for acknowledging it,” you mumble, not sure what to say exactly. The two of you stand like that in silence, eyes roaming the guests, something clearly weighing down on both of you, but it’s hard to name and address it.

You can tell he is overthinking, the gears are almost visible, turning in that smart head of his, but you don’t want him to go into depths he shouldn’t. He really is making a bigger deal out of the situation that it already is, but it’s going to wreck him.

“Okay, I want to know, what was the worst way someone tried to flirt with you?”

Harry turns to you with a puzzled look, but you just sip on your wine, waiting for his answer.

“Um, I don’t… really keep track of it.”

“Oh come on,” you give him a look. “I know you have a story. I wanna hear it!”

Your eyes meet and he is searching in yours, trying to figure out what’s the sudden change in your mood when an hour ago you were ready to throw him off the balcony. Truth is you are just frustrated, because the situation feels so impossible. You never had to deal with such an amazing man, knowing he is into you as well, but you just can’t have him. The struggle is hard for the both of you but you can’t blame him entirely. Hating on him because he is not willing to take a risk that could easily ruin his entire life but at least his academic career is just not fair and you won’t put him through that.

Harry sees where you’re coming from and he shoots you a thankful smile before it turns into a smirk as he looks down at his hands.

“Professor Davids from the department of linguistics asked me to be her date for her ex-husband’s wedding.”

“What?” you gasp with wide eyes. “For real?”

“Yeah,” he chuckles. “She started swinging by my office all the time, trying to chat me up and then one day she asked if I wanted to go with her, that we would be staying at this nice hotel and all… she really thought it was a good idea.”

“That’s very awkward,” you laugh, entertained by the thought that Professor Davids would go so low when it came to dating. “I assume, you declined the invitation.”

“Faster than ever,” he chuckles making you laugh even louder. “Okay, your turn.”

“What?”

“I told you an awkward story, now it’s your turn.”

“Um, the worst was probably a promposal I got.”

“A promposal?” he asks with a puzzled look, his forehead creasing as he pulls his eyebrows together.

“Yeah, when they ask you out to go to prom.” “Oh, yeah. Didn’t know it had a specific name.”

“Because you are way too British,” you tease him and he just gives you a narrow-eyed look, but you can see the smirk hiding on his lips. “Well, anyway, I was dating a guy senior year, but this other one was convinced he could win me over and take me to prom. He brought a fucking mariachi band to school and gave me a serenade in the middle of the hallway while my boyfriend was standing next to me. He asked me to prom so confidently at the end of the song, like he actually had a shot but it was so painfully awkward,” you laugh at the memory shaking your head and Harry joins, finding it quite entertaining.

“He really did that to himself.”

“He did, I felt bad a little, but what was I supposed to do?”

You slip into telling more and more awkward stories, staying in the kitchen you create a little bubble, the rest of the guests don’t seem to exist as you enjoy yourself with Harry. This is the most carefree and loosest you’ve ever seen him around you and you quite like this version of him. So easy to talk to and even funnier than his usual self.

A little before midnight Sarah runs around with champagne, filling everyone’s glass, getting ready for the countdown. You and Harry join Charlotte, Adam and his wife in the corner of the living room as everyone is slowly getting excited for the last moments of the year.

Looking around you see a lot of couples, holding hands, hugging, clearly planning to snog the moment the clock hits midnight and when you glance at Harry on your right you’re convinced he is thinking about the same thing.

You’re not naïve, you don’t think he is going to kiss you, but you still allow yourself to play with the thought just a little. He is standing so close to you, just the tiniest move and you’d be touching him, skin to skin again, feel him under your—

The thought is abruptly interrupted when you feel his warm palm wrap around your hand, your whole body freezing and for a split second you think it’s just an accident, that his touch will disappear before you could even blink, but it stays there. Harry maneuvers his fingers until they are laced together with yours and he keeps a firm hold of your hand, hanging between the two of you, staying hidden because you’re standing close to each other. Your breath catches in your throat and you’re afraid if you dare to move he’ll let go of your hand.

Another version of yourself would laugh hysterically at how worked up you are right now just because he is holding your hand, but the you that’s actually in the moment is about to burst just by this small touch. You have absolutely no idea what it means or why he chose to do it, but you don’t really care about it. You just want to absorb all the heat you feel coming from him where his palm meets yours, fingers braided together tightly, as if he is trying to keep you next to him, like he thinks you are about to disappear and it’s way of anchoring you to him, but truth is you don’t want to go anywhere.

“One minute, everyone!” Sarah sings in excitement as she turns on the TV and puts a huge clock on the screen that’s counting the seconds as well. You shyly glance to the side, finding Harry standing motionless next to you and when he notices you looking, his eyes meet yours. He looks terrified, like a lost little boy and you can’t tell if he is afraid of your reaction or because of what his actions might bring on him. But you want him to know that you are completely okay with where it’s heading.

“Ten! Nine! Eight!” The countdown begins and you inch closer to Harry so you’re pressed against his side, his body heat radiating into your skin even through the layers of clothes you two are wearing.

Harry leans down the moment you lift your head, his face is so close, it wouldn’t take much for you to finally kiss him, do the one thing you haven’t stopped thinking about for months.

“Y/N…” he breathes out and it’s a tortured plea, he is begging you to stop him from doing something he might regret, but you are dying for him to finally sin. You want him to give it up already, you have absolutely no desire to be the burden that keeps him in his lane. You need him to cross the line and stay there.

“I’m not stopping you, Harry,” you tell him quietly, the urge to close the distance between the two of you is burning inside you.

“Seven! Six! Five!” the countdown continues, but it all tones out, you can only see, hear and feel Harry.

“We can’t,” he whines, closing his eyes as he exhales shakily.

“We can, we just shouldn’t,” you correct him, his eyes snap open and meet yours again. You can tell he is so close to finally giving in and let his feelings and desires take control and you will not try to stop him.

His face inches the tiniest bit closer and his forehead is almost touching yours now, you can see every curly eyelash that frames his gorgeous green eyes that are now filled with fear and nerves.

“Four! Three! Two! One! Happy New Year!” Everyone screams together as the clock finally hits midnight while you just stare at Harry holding your breath, praying that he is finally ballsy enough to take this step.

“Harry, please,” you beg, not too proud of it, but you just can’t take it any longer. His hand is gripping yours tightly as he closes his eyes again and for a second you think that it’s gonna happen. He is going to give up the act and finally kiss you.

But right when the moment is burning the most… he pulls back and your heart sinks.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, his hand lets go of yours and it feels like your arm is ripped off, tears are welling in your eyes.

“Yeah, me too,” you mumble under your breath, chugging down the champagne before making your way through the living room, determined to leave as soon as possible.

“Y/N, wait, where are you going?” you hear him calling after you, but you don’t stop. You get rid of the empty champagne glass and grab your coat from the rack, storming out of the apartment as if you had somewhere to be.

Tears are streaming down your cheeks as you run down the stairs, almost tripping over your own feet. You hear the other pair of feet running behind you and Harry calling after you, but it’s not stopping you.

You push the front door of the building open, but it’s heavy, so it slows you down just enough that Harry can grab your wrist when you are about to start running down the street.

“Y/N, don’t go, let me explain!”

“No!” you snap at him. “I don’t fucking want to hear your explanation! I’m done, Harry! I’m fucking done! I was trying to be patient and respectful, I didn’t want to make it worse for you and let you do your thing, but you kept dancing back and forth and I can’t keep doing this, so I guess I’m sorry too.”

You’re choking on your own words that echo from the walls, the street is almost entirely empty, the world is still celebrating the new year while you’re at your breaking point. Harry stands in front of you, defeated and panic all over his face as he listens to you.

“I will not sit around and let you play your little games any longer, because you can’t make up your mind whether you want me or not.”

“Y/N I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life!” he snaps, throwing his hands into the air. “That’s the problem! This shouldn’t be happening, but I can’t fucking stop thinking about you, I can’t stop wanting you!”

“Then do something about it!” you beg through your tears.

“I can’t!”

“Yes you can!” you scream at him. “You can but you probably just don’t want me enough to actually do it! And it’s fine, but—“

You don’t get to finish your rant because Harry firmly grabs your arm, yanks you towards him and with one swift movement, his lips are crashing against yours.

It all happens so fast but your body reacts before your mind could process what’s really happening, fists bunching a handful of his sweater as you pull him against you, his hands flying up to your face, cupping them confidently as he kisses you hard and demandingly.

It’s like a fucking dam that’s been broken, everything you both kept bottled up and under control just breaks loose and it’s a kind of a wild fight for trying to devour each other now that all lines has been crossed an blurred into nothingness.

He is the dominant one, but you do some pushing and pulling on your own as well. You’re forced to take a few steps backwards, back arching at how forcefully he is pushing forward, lips smacking against each other over and over again, his tongue meeting yours, swirling and dancing around with yours, a shameless moan escaping your mouth.

His hands roam down your sides and you jumps when they reach the back of your thighs, legs wrapping around his waist. He keeps you up easily, fingers digging into your flesh where your butt meets your thighs and this angle allows you to be completely pressed up against him and feel every single inch of his body that burns for you.

It’s beyond anything you’ve ever imagined, you’re not sure it’s because of the build-up that led to this point or simply the chemistry you two got, but it blows your mind, making you question how you could go this long without ever kissing him.

“Harry, I want you,” you moan when his lips move down to your jawline, kissing and biting on the soft skin, tasting you wherever he can reach.

“I want you too, Y/N,” he breathes out resting his forehead against yours before kissing you again.

“Take me home then.”

“Are you sure?” he pants as you run your fingers through his hair and tug on his gently, earning a whimper from his perfectly pink and swollen lips. You love this satisfied dew on his face, especially because you know it’s because of you.

“Never been more sure about anything in my life.”

You unwrap your legs from around his waist and return to the ground, but not without him leaning down to kiss you once more before he grabs your hand and starts pulling you down the street. You spot his Rover right away and start sprinting, Harry following you right behind with a carefree laugh.

Settled in your seats he starts driving, but you can’t keep yourself away from him. His hand that’s not on the steering wheel is gripping your thigh as you lean over the console and start kissing his cheek, jawline and the corner of his mouth as one of your hands runs down his chest until it reaches his pants.

“Love, if you move further down we’re gonna crash,” he warns you with a shaky breath. “I drank a little too and I’m already fucking gone from kissing you, if you touch me I’m gonna lose it.”

You giggle, pressing one last kiss to his lips before sitting back in your seat. You need every bit of your patience and self-control to stay modest on the way back to his place. Hands gripping his you bring it up to your lips, kissing his knuckles gently as he speeds down the empty streets. It’s still barely over midnight, everyone is still celebrating, oblivious to how important this moment is to the two of you.

You really thought this would be the end. When he pulled away at midnight all hope was lost for you and it broke your heart to know that he will never choose you over his better judgment.

It’s your first time at Harry’s but you don’t really care to look around as the two of you make your way inside the townhouse, lips already melted together as you stumble through the dark hallway, not wanting to let go of each other. You successfully make it into his bedroom and Harry turns on the bedside lamp while you’re already eagerly getting rid of your coat and shoes. He does the same, clothes start to litter the hardwood flooring hastily, but neither of you is thinking about them. Harry scoops you into his arms once again, kissing your lips passionately as he bunches your dress up at your hips until he can finally grip the end of it and pull it over your head.

“Oh shit!” you giggle, the turtleneck getting stuck on your head for a moment before you’re free from it.

“That big head of yours,” he chuckles kissing your forehead.

“Shut up,” you smack his chest gently, pushing him down to the bed so you can straddle him, knees on his sides as you sit on his lap, lips meeting again.

He throws his hands up when you start pulling his t-shirt up and once the fabric is off of his body, his arms wrap around you, pulling you close to his chest. Your skin meets his and it feels heavenly, only little clothing separating the two of you at this point.

Harry scoots backwards and then throws you to the mattress, getting on top of you without your lips ever parting. His hips are pushed against yours and you can feel everything through the thin material of his slacks. Without even knowing you grind your hips, your core meeting his erection in the movement and he moans uncontrollably at the sensation.

“Fuck, Y/N,” he breathes against your lips and you can’t push your smirk down at his reaction.

“Yeah, fuck me, Harry,” you tease him before your lips get occupied once again.

His hands work fast. He unclasps your bra without you even noticing, the straps falling from your shoulders before he gets rid of it, throwing it across the room as if it did something against him. When his hungry eyes fall down on your naked chest you see the same kind of torture in his eyes that was there when he was fighting with himself before.

“Harry, stop thinking,” you tell him, fingers massaging his scalp as you lace them through his hair. “It’s fine, we’re fine.”

“Are you sure you want to do this?” he questions again and you pull him down for a reassuring kiss.

“One hundred percent. I want this. I want you.”

“Oh God, I want you so bad,” he whines again, lips kissing down your jawline, neck and collarbone before they attack your breasts.

He cups them, licks and bites them, making you a whimpering mess underneath him every time his tongue meets your hot skin. This man will be the death of you. As he moves down your body, his fingers hook into the waistband of your panties and he glances up at your for reassurance once again, you nod eagerly, lifting your hips so he can easily glide the fabric down and off of your body. Harry sits up, eyes burning down on your naked body lying in front of him as he undoes his own pants, pushing them down his long legs until they join the rest on the floor. You push yourself up when his hands move to his boxers, you want to be the one to take them off. He gladly backs his hands off when you reach out and start tugging them down. He kneels on the bed as you pull the fabric down and his erection finally becomes free, making you ache for him immediately. Once the boxers are out of the way completely you want to reach out to touch him, but he stops you, hands wrapping around your wrist before they could reach him.

Your eyes snap up to meet his darkened gaze, questioning why he stopped you.

“Y/N, I… If we do this, there’s no going back,” he breathes out with a pained look. You push yourself up to your knees so you meet his height, hands cupping his cheeks as you pull him into a sweet kiss that he hesitantly but returns.

“I know what you think about us, Harry, but I assure you, that I’m completely fine with it. But if you don’t want it to happen, we can just… lie here. I’m fine with that too. Kissing you was already such a gift for me,” you smile at him, gently pecking his lips.

“I just don’t want you to wake up and regret it. I’m not pushing you, right?”

“If anyone, it’s me pushing you,” you chuckle softly, a small smile tugging on his lips as well. “You didn’t push anything on me, alright? We are both adults and it’s completely fine. We’ll figure out the rest, I just want to focus on you now. Can I do that?”

Harry nods, still looking a little unsure, but you can tell he is starting to settle in his mindset. It’s not just him that worries about the other regretting something. You know how torn up he is about anything that’s about you and though you want him more than anything, you still don’t want to push him into doing something he is not entirely comfortable with.

“Do you want this?” you softly ask, pressing a chaste kiss to the corner of his mouth.

“I do. I’m just—“

“Then it’s all good, Harry. We both want it, nothing else matters for now,” you tell him, wanting nothing else than to finally see him enjoy himself entirely. “Lay down for me,” you tell him, feeling like you taking the lead is a good idea now.

He does as you asked him to, lying down on the mattress, head sinking into his pillow as he blinks up at you, watching you swing a leg over him before settling to sit on his thighs.

“Can I touch you?” you ask, wanting to make sure he feels completely comfortable with you. Pleasing him is your number one priority right now. He nods, lips parting as he watches your hand reach out and wrap around the base of his erected length. He whimpers under your touch, his eyes fall closed when you gently pump him a few times, his cock fits so well in your palms, like pieces of a puzzle.

Leaning down you kiss his fern tattoos on each sides of his hips before placing one to his leaking tip, sliding your hands to the base before you slowly and gradually take him into your mouth.

You’re not planning to make him cum with your mouth, but you’ve been dying to taste him and it’s just as good as you imagined. The way his body reacts to your touch, the noises that leave his kissable lips, this man is completely out of this world and you want to explore every inch of his body.

You bob your head a couple of times, just enough to wet his length and work him up for what’s coming next. When you let him go of your mouth and you move a little up on his body so that his cock can be lined up with your hole, you look at him to see if he is still down to continue. One hand holding his cock, the other one flat on his naked chest, you ask him a question with your eyes that he answers with his hands squeezing your hips.

“I have the implant. Do you want to put on a condom?” you ask him at last.

“I trust you,” he breathes out. “Do you want me to put one on?”

“I want to feel you,” you tell him shaking your head.

“Okay,” he nods so it’s settled.

Leaning down you peck his lips one last time before you push the head inside and then slowly ease yourself down on his throbbing length.

“Oh fuck!”

“Harry, oh my God!” you both moan at the sensation of him finally entering you. You’ve had your fair share of sexual intercourses throughout your life, but none of them felt this good. None of them pleasured you this good so fast and easily, just the feel of him being inside you is making you lose your mind.  

You start off slow, wanting to feel him just right, get used to his size, but as soon as you feel more comfortable, you pick up a faster pace. His fingers are digging into your flesh at your hips as he holds onto you for dear life, panting and moaning at your motions. He glides in and out of you perfectly, setting your senses on fire practically.

“Harry, you feel so good,” you gasp, getting lost in the feeling. Sex has always been a good experience for you, but with Harry it’s a whole different story. As if he just opened a completely new world you never even knew about before.

“Yeah? You’re gonna cum for me?”

“Yes! Oh fuck!”

Harry pushes himself up, an arm coming around your back as he easily flips the two of you over, your back gently hitting the soft mattress. He holds himself up above you, lips crashing with yours as he starts to do the work this time, thrusting in and out of you, his hips smacking against yours forcefully as you both nearing the end.

“You’re making me lose my fucking mind, Y/N,” he cries out, head falling to the crook of your neck and you wrap your arms around him as a shield, holding him tight against you.

It doesn’t take long after that. He is hitting just the right spots, making you moan his name over and over again as your orgasm slowly devours you and washes over your whole body while he is still relentlessly moving.

“Harry! Oh… Fuck!” you gasp, legs and hands shaking and you clench your muscles around him, throwing him over the edge with you. He falls out of his rhythm, his cock twitching inside you as he moans against the hot skin of your neck, coming undone in your arms.

Nothing has ever felt this intense and mind-blowing and you’re now sure you’re addicted to him, there’s no turning back, not that you want that.

He collapses on top of you, still inside you, his body weighing down on you heavily, but it feels just fine. You run your arms up and down his sides, kissing the side of his head as you are both trying to catch your breath. It takes a few minutes for him to come back to reality with you, he lifts his head and moves to the side so he is not crushing you anymore, but an arm remains thrown over your abdomen. His vibrant green eyes are shining like never before when they meet your tired gaze and cupping his face in your palm you pull him in for a slow kiss where you finally have the time to actually taste him without the rushing of your own needs and urges.

“How are you feeling?” you softly asking, knowing well how major this was for him. You wouldn’t want him to spiral and start to self-destruct because of what just happened.

“I’m feeling fine,” he murmurs lowly, his fingers dancing on your naked side. “Just still a little torn if I did the right thing.”

“You worry too much. We did nothing wrong.”

“Not sure everyone would agree with that.”

“Fuck everyone else,” you chuckle and a smile tugs on his lips as well. “I will not feel bad for having the best sex of my life with a hot as fuck man I’m really into,” you bluntly tell him, earning a smug grin.

“Best sex of your life, huh?”

“Not even ashamed to admit,” you nod into the pillow. “How… was it for you?” you shyly ask, afraid his answer might disappoint you. But Harry pulls you closer until you’re pressed up against his chest, his lips capture yours, kissing you fiercely, making your heart skip a few beats for sure.

“Fucking amazing, baby. Probably the best I ever had too,” he admits, lips brushing against yours as he speaks. A satisfied sigh leaves your lips as you nuzzle against his chest once he has rolled to his back.

Silence comes over the two of you, you’re listening to his steady heartbeat, mindlessly drawing patterns over his chest. Lifting your head your eyes meet his and you can tell he has been thinking hard about what this all means for the future now.

“I’m in,” you simply tell him.

“Huh?”

“If you are thinking that I might not want to do this with you, that I just wanted a good fuck, that’s not what I think of this. If you want to give us a chance, I’m totally in.”

“You think we can make it work?” he quietly asks, his voice barely more than just a whisper.

“Of course,” you smile at him warmly. “You don’t?”

“I do, I’m just… there are so many things that can go wrong.”

“Then… we’ll make them right.”

Harry breathes out through his nose, clearly having a hard time to take it as easy as you do and you wish you could magically make all his doubts go away.

Sitting up you put your hands on each of his sides, looking down at him determined to bring out his confidence in the two of you.

“We just have to be patient and careful until I finish. Then we are basically free. That’s just one more semester. It could be way worse, we can make it work for a couple of months before we can finally do whatever we want. That doesn’t sound that bad, does it?” Harry shakes his head, reaching up he tugs your hair behind your ear before running his fingers down the side of your face.

“So we are really doing this?” he breathes out, a small smile on his sweet, pink lips.

“Well, I’m surely not giving up on this, we came a long way to be here,” you chuckle. “Question is, are you gonna give up on us? On… me?”

“Hell no,” he chuckles softly as he shakes his head. You smile down at him and leaning down you peck his lips tenderly.

“Then… we really are doing this.”

SEQUEL: 🌊 AN OCEAN AWAY 🌊

-

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed it!

[dr-drea]

lmao rwrb is actually the best queer book i've read. and it's not for the smut, smut does nothing for me since i'm ace. and you saying it's made for straight women?? girl, where? the author is queer, most readers are queer. you are entitled to any opinion on the subject you want, but keep your wank out of the tag maybe? since it's for people who actually enjoy the media you're shitting on?

I was contemplating for a while if I should respond to this/the notes on my post, if I should edit my post or delete it. I decided on keeping it, because people said some pretty important things in the reblogs (if you haven't read those, here you go).

When I wrote my post, I was pissed. I got the book recommended many times before, often with the words 'groundbreaking', or, like you said, 'the best queer book I've ever read'. I think with these descriptions in mind, I built up too high expectations. And I still think the book has flaws (such as the lack of development of side characters). I could see that a queer book was not judged with the same criteria a mlw book would be. I can understand this for queer persons because we are desparately craving representation. But many of the voices hyping the book up so much came from straight people.

Which is when I discovered the mlm fetishization part of the fandom. And I was pissed and angry and grossed out. I probably connected two things which should not have been connected, but my anger-fueled thought was basically: "Straight people are hyping up this book so much, because they like to fetishize mlm media."

That point did not only not at all come across in my post (because I chose the wrong words), I also did not think about how I would adress the entirely wrong audience for this (as there are many queer people on tumblr). Anyways, if you're still in the mood to read it, here's my revised, cooled down and more elaborated version of everything.

"Red White and Royal Blue" does not feel like a queer story written for queer people.

RWRB is a queer story by a queer author for queer people. I got the impression it was not, because on other parts of the internet the fandom is mainly run by the 'fetishizing' part. But, using a quote from the reblogs: "Just because straights decided to fetishize a queer book doesn't mean it is written for them."

"The two boys [...] are very straight-coded"

Okay, so for this I might have used a word which isn't even existing, my apologies for that, I'm not a native english speaker. What I meant (I'm sorry I still could not find the exact term for this) is that the two are very straght-passing (i.e. displaying straight behaviors). This is not a problem of the book specifically, but of queer representation in general (more 'feminine' queer men often get ridiculized/are 'funny side kicks' rather than multi-faceted main characters). I think this is an actual problem, but this was not really the place to adress it.

"I barely could see any queer struggles despite the public coming out"

My original thought was that the book told a 'watered down' version of the queer experience to make it more appealing for heterosexual readers. What I didn't consider is that queer people might have different expectations for what they want from queer fiction, such as a world with less homophobia (instead of seeing relatable struggles).

I'll use another quote from the notes for this one: "Can we have happy gay stories? We literally need it. It's fiction for a reason. We're trying to escape reality."

"I believe y'all wouldn't have enjoyed the book as much if it wasn't for the smut."

With 'y'all' I meant the fetishizing part of the fandom, which I probably should have been clearer about. The same as said above applies here, different people have different expectations for queer media. I still think some of the sex scenes were uneccesary for the plot development, but this is just my personal taste.

"I just wish people would stop treating it as the queer love story of the decade, because it is not."

I still stand behind that one. There are better queer books out there. And that is totally fine, especially since this was Casey's first book. I actually think "I kissed Shara Wheeler" (another book of Casey) is better (which is normal, authors progress with every book they publish).

I sadly think Iksw will not have the same popularity as rwrb because mlm stories still get way more attention than any other queer identity is (which I could write at length about, but I will spare you this essay). Just because this is a personal issue for me: please read more queer books. And read more diverse queer books, maybe about ace, trans and nb characters. They deserve to get attention as well.

Closing remarks:

I'm not really a fan of of bringing queer persons down, especially not when they are providing creative content. So in case I haven't made it clear, I never meant to shit on Casey McQuiston. Their books are really good, and an important contribution to the world of queer media.

I also never meant to make any person feel uncomfortable who enjoyed the book and personally related to Henry or Alex. If that was the case for any of you, I apologize.

(last but not least, if you're still around: sorry anon for using your ask for this. I didn't want to make another post with a reply, but I also didn't want to leave your criticism unanswered)