#AND MOCKING THEIR COPING MECHANISM????

[heavy-buddy]

the way the osc treats dead dove writers is disgusting

[yugiohz]

i think chainsaw man should’ve been published in a different magazine, I don’t think most shonen jump readers can handle csm

[proship-anti-discussion]

Not All Coping Mechanisms Are Healthy

and that‘s okay.

I‘m serious. Developing an alcohol addiction is a negative coping mechanism. Believing you are a fictional character, creature, or other real person (copelinking, a otherkin term) is a negative coping mechanism when it’s gone too far. Physically hurting yourself is a negative coping mechanism. By no means are we wanting them to hurt themselves to feel better. We don’t want to see them hurt.

Insulting, shaming, mocking and overly criticizing people however does more harm to those people than good.

It can be triggering to be around that person who drinks a lot. It can be triggering to see people writing stories about suicide. It can be triggering to see people drawing characters suffering from eating disorders.

And that is okay, too. It doesn’t bring you comfort, no one should shame, insult, mock, or criticize you either for something only hurting you more.

You cannot judge coping mechanisms by how they help you or not. Some coping mechanisms, like self harm, are later controlled by therapists. With self harm, a lot of therapists recommend snapping a rubber band against the skin when the person sufferers from thoughts of self harm. It is still a negative coping mechanism, but there is a reason that people cope the way that they do. Stop placing judgement when you don’t know those people.

[linagram]

[ 𝚑𝚒𝚖𝚞𝚛𝚊 𝚛𝚎𝚒𝚗𝚊'𝚜 𝚝𝟸 𝚟𝚘𝚒𝚌𝚎 𝚍𝚛𝚊𝚖𝚊 ] 𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚗𝚎𝚛 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚜𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚘𝚛

and with this, we're finally done with all the second trial's mvs and vds! woooo! this trial surely was. something.

after reina's vd, there's gonna be two post-t2 vds (similar to this trial having two pre-t2 vds), the first one will be jackalope explaining some stuff (and miki finally getting to meet him) and the third guard's full name reveal and the second one will be about everyone's second trial verdicts.

Warnings for Reina's VD: None

Warnings for Reina's MV: None

(sounds of footsteps)

Miki: "It's Himura-san's turn already.."

Miki: "This trial has been so stressful and we also have to judge everyone later.."

Miki: "Wait-"

(footsteps stop)

Miki: ".. Will Eiji-san even be able to judge someone this time?"

Miki: ".. I don't think he will. No, actually, it would be better for his health if he didn't participate in the trial this time."

Miki: "But if he can't vote, then-"

Miki: ...

Miki: .. Hehe..

Miki: W-wait, why am I-

Miki: Why am I.. laughing?

Miki: I should feel sorry for him. I should hope that he gets better.

Miki: .. What has this place done to me?

Miki: Wait, is that-

(sounds of other person's footsteps)

Miki: Huh?..

Miki: W-who's there?!

Miki: "Is it one of the prisoners?.."

???: Calm down, calm down!

???: Here, do you recognize me now?

Miki: .. Are you..

Miki: Hiyuu-san?

Hiyuu: Yeah, that's me.

Hiyuu: Sorry for scaring you like that, haha.

Hiyuu: Well, at least now we finally get to meet each other in person!

Hiyuu: Ah, right, I should probably take this off..

Miki: What-

(sounds of Hiyuu taking his mask off)

Hiyuu: Here we go.

Hiyuu: Wow, breathing sure feels easier now.

Miki: ...

Hiyuu: Hm? Is there something wrong with my face?

Hiyuu: Hold on, let me-

Hiyuu: .. Ahaha, I still have some ice cream left on my face..

Hiyuu: I should wipe it off..

Hiyuu: Wait, do I even have anything to wipe it off with-

(sounds of Hiyuu talking to himself in the background)

Miki: "CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE-"

Hiyuu: Is everything okay, Miki-san?

Miki: I'M FINE!

Miki: .. Oh my god, sorry, that was so loud, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry-

Hiyuu: Don't worry, I just wanted to make sure you're alright, haha.

Hiyuu: I want to help you with interrogating the tenth prisoner, is that okay with you?

Miki: Y-yes, sure! Interrogations can be.. very tiring..

Miki: Ah, but only if you're okay with that-

Miki: H-huh?

(a sound of Hiyuu putting his hand on Miki's head)

Hiyuu: I left my room exactly because I wanted to help you. So of course I'm okay with that.

Miki: O-oh..

Miki: Wait, didn't you say that you can't leave your room?

Hiyuu: Ah, about that..

Hiyuu: That rabbit thing told me I can't leave my room, so I assumed that the door was locked, but when I tried to open it, I didn't have any trouble with it.

Hiyuu: So, uh, I guess he was just messing with me, haha..

Hiyuu: Or maybe I was supposed to interpret his words differently..

Miki: .. Rabbit thing?

Hiyuu: Y-you didn't meet him yet?..

Miki: N-no??

Hiyuu: .. Now I feel awkward.

Hiyuu: Okay, let's go interrogate the tenth prisoner now, haha!~..

Miki: "Oh no, is he going to turn out to be a weird guy too.."

Miki: "But he's still cute.."

Miki: .. You remind me of someone, to be honest.

Hiyuu: Hm? What did you say?

Miki: N-nothing!

Miki: "I'm probably just ovethinking it.. It must be a coincidence.."

Miki: "But they look and act so.. similar.."

Miki: Wait, Hiyuu-san, do you even know how to interrogate prisoners?

Hiyuu: I have watched recordings of your interrogations, so yeah, I know some stuff.

Miki: W-we were being recorded?..

Hiyuu: Of course you were.

Hiyuu: Now, are you ready for the final interrogation? We're already here.

Miki: ...

Miki: *nods*

Hiyuu: Great. Excited to work with you, partner~

(the door opens)

Reina: Ah, there you are-

Reina: Wait, what?

Miki: U-um, Himura-san, Eiji-san had to be replaced, I mean, not exactly replaced, but-

Hiyuu: Hello there. You're Reina-san, right?

Reina: .. (to Miki) I'm assuming you know what's going on here.

Miki: .. I know that better than anyone.

Reina: So, it's my turn now, huh?

Reina: Let's go then, yay..

Miki: *sits down* You don't really sound that enthusiastic, you know?

Reina: Really? Sorry. I got tired of waiting for you, haha..

Miki: .. What happened to you, Himura-san?

Reina: You have to be more specific here, Guard 002-san.

Miki: .. You used to call me "Miki-chan" before.

Reina: Well, I thought we were friends, Guard 002-san. I thought we were gonna get along.

Reina: But I was wrong.  

Hiyuu: .. Did something happen between you two?

Miki: I-I don't think so?

Miki: Himura-san, did I do something wrong? If so, please tell me-

Reina: Oh, I'm gonna tell you.

Reina: Innocent verdict, baby! Woooo!

Reina: *laughs*

Reina: *takes a breath*

Reina: What the hell, Miki-chan. What, do you want me to sing a whole villain song for you or something-

Reina: Oh, wait, you have my video for that.

Reina: Then why was I still forgiven, huh?

Miki: Because..

Miki: Um..

Hiyuu: Because the guards had their own reasons for that. And who exactly are you to question their judgement?

Miki: H-huh?

Reina: Wow, you're a smart guy, aren't you?

Reina: Well, I'm going to start sounding real smart right now too.

Reina: ...

Reina: (her voice sounds more emotionless now) Guard 002-san, what did I tell you last time?

Miki: Y-you mean the serial killer part?

Reina: Exactly. The "serial killer part".

Reina: Now, what are you supposed to do with serial killers?

Miki: .. P-punish-

Reina: That's right. Punish them.

Reina: But I still wasn't punished.

Reina: Would you say that it was a good decision? A wise one? A morally correct one?

Reina: And I have a lot of questions about the guilty prisoners too.

(sounds of Reina standing up and walking around)

Reina: Shun, who is now this close to just breaking Kei and turning him into a mindless puppet.. was voted innocent.

Reina: Akio, who always said that his crime wasn't his fault, obviously trying to shift the blame, but who still mostly was just a nerdy 16 year old obsessed with attention, was voted guilty and now he looks like he can die at any second.

Miki: W-we had our-

Reina: Eiko, who feels no remorse for her crime at all and can easily tell anyone all the details if they just ask, was voted innocent.

Miki: But we-

Reina: And just a reminder, you don't know ANYTHING about Kei's murder, but you still voted him guilty-

Miki: WE HAD OUR REASONS, NOW SIT DOWN!

Reina: ...

Reina: *sits down*

Hiyuu: I don't think you understand how this whole system works, Reina-san.

Reina: Well, do you understand it then?

Hiyuu: Kind of.

Hiyuu: I was told that we are allowed to judge prisoners based on.. literally anything.

Hiyuu: So if you thought that our decisions have to be nothing but morally correct.. Sorry to disappoint you.

Reina: .. "Literally anything"?

Hiyuu: Yeah. It's possible that someone was forgiven just because one or both guards find them cute or attractive.

Reina: ...

Reina: Haha..

Reina: .. I don't have any energy left for all of this.

Reina: ...

Miki: .. A-are you okay, Himura-san-

Reina: So, I don't sound that enthusiastic anymore, Guard 002-san?

Reina: Well, as you can see, I'm not exactly satisfied with my verdict.

Reina: And I'm gonna be honest, I'm getting tired of the whole "most dangerous prisoner" act myself and I can see that it's not convincing enough.

Reina: So yeah, the show's over.

Hiyuu: Reina-san, do you want to be punished that badly?

Reina: Oh, I wanted it more than anything.

Reina: If I could, I would've just asked you to execute me even before the second trial starts.

Reina: But now..

Reina: It's a bit more complicated than that.

Reina: *laughs* But wow, I can't believe this. We're really letting someone like you judge us.

Reina: What, are you gonna vote me guilty now? Are you gonna vote me guilty because I'm not a "I'm the cutest serial killer ever!" type of girl anymore?

Reina: And I really thought you're going to still like me even after I show you my real self! You're breaking my heart, Miki-chan.

Hiyuu: When you say "It's more complicated than that".. 

Hiyuu: What do you mean by that?

Reina: Oh, right. What I mean by that is..

Reina: I can't let you two..

Reina: Or three?

Reina: Anyway, I can't let you all judge me and the other prisoners.

Reina: I already know what I deserve and what my verdict should be like. Who are you to tell me what to do and who I am?

Miki: W-well, um, we're the guards-

Hiyuu: Hold on, Miki-san.

Hiyuu: Okay, but what will you even do to stop us?

Reina: You know what's really bothering me about this whole situation?

Reina: .. You all aren't even trying to figure out what's going on.

Reina: How can you accept your new reality so easily?

Reina: Or is it because you hated your old reality so much that you were okay with anything?

Miki: ...

Miki: .. A-and what if we did?

Miki: I had my worries about this place. Of course I was afraid at first.

Miki: But now.. It feels like home.

Hiyuu: I don't really hate this place either.

Reina: .. I feel sorry for both of you.

Reina: But fine, whatever, I'm not going to share anything with you then.

Miki: What do you mean by "anything"?

Reina: ..  I have some theories about this place.

Reina: And, um..

Reina: How it works.

Miki: !

Reina: But I doubt that you two are interested, so-

Hiyuu: No, no, I'm curious. Come on, share with us.

Miki: But we don't have much time-

Reina: Well, let's see..

Miki: "Wait, didn't she just say she's not gonna tell us anything?"

Reina: .. So, we have.. what, three guards now? 

Reina: (to Hiyuu) Hey, can you tell me where have you been all this time? Why didn't we get to meet you sooner?

Hiyuu: .. I was asleep.

Reina: And when did you wake up?

Hiyuu: I think it was shortly after the first trial's verdicts were announced? But why?

Reina: .. Three guilty prisoners.

Miki: Huh?

Reina: There was only three guilty prisoners. Guard 001-san was the one who wanted to vote everyone guilty. 

Reina: (to Hiyuu) And you woke up after Guard 001-san had lost that round.

Reina: .. They're just going to keep switching you all until they get bored.

Miki: Who? Who are you talking about??

Reina: No idea.

Reina: I don't even know how many guards they actually have.

Reina: .. I don't even know how many prisoners we actually have.

Miki: .. W-what does that mean, Himura-san?

Reina: Oh, I don't know. 

Reina: Maybe something like..

Reina: .. One of us isn't actually a prisoner?

Miki: Wh-

Reina: Anyway, the clock is ticking, right?

Reina: So, wanna talk about my crime?

Hiyuu: That was a sudden change of topic..

Miki: But Himura-san-

Hiyuu: Miki-san, please, let's talk about Reina-san's crime now.

Hiyuu: .. If we don't, I'm afraid I will end up wasting all my energy soon and I don't want that. I want to be useful to you.

Miki: .. Himura-san, do you have anything to say about your murder?

Reina: I guess I do.

Reina: But I wanna ask, what did you learn about it from my video?

Miki: .. I guess you really were a criminal in a way, but..

Miki: .. We never saw you actually kill anyone.

Reina: .. Haha.

Hiyuu: What's so funny, Reina-san?

Reina: So you haven't seen that part either.. Interesting.

Reina: Hey, but you saw, like, my victim or something?

Miki: .. I guess we did.

Miki: But we didn't see all the details, so we don't know what your victim actually looked like.

Reina: I see..

Reina: He was completely covered in blood, of course, you wouldn't be able to see it, haha..

Miki: .. You were laughing in your video too, Himura-san.

Reina: Really?

Miki: And crying. Both at the same time.

Reina: ...

Reina: Well, how else was I supposed to react after I saw my little brother's corpse?

Reina: H-he came there because of me too, haha.. He always was such an idiot..

Miki: !

Miki: LITTLE BROTHER?!

(bell rings, machinery sounds)

Miki: Himura-san, I'm begging you, please, tell us more!

Hiyuu: Miki-san, time's up. Let's calm down and extract the video-

Miki: BE A GOOD PARTNER, HIYUU-SAN, AND SHUT UP FOR A SECOND!

Miki: .. Your victim was your little brother, Himura-san?

Reina: Haha, what, now you're going to vote me guilty this time?

Reina: You don't want to save me anymore?

Miki: ... 

Miki: *starts crying*

Hiyuu: Miki-san, please, can you take a deep breath for me? Here, again, let's calm down..

Hiyuu: You're shaking.. Let's talk about it later, when we're done with this.

Hiyuu: I already have all the information we need. It was me who interrogated everyone yesterday, remember?

Hiyuu: Also, we're going to watch the video together, so we'll see everything that we have to know-

Miki: .. Himura-san, what are you doing?

Miki: HIMURA-SAN?!

(sounds of Reina throwing something and that thing falling on the floor)

Reina: Ugh, didn't work..

Reina: Should've seen this coming.

Hiyuu: .. Reina-san, did you just try to break the video extracting machine?

Reina: Yeah, kinda. More like wanted to see if that thing can even be broken.

Miki: .. You tried to break it with your shoe.

Reina: Yeah. I'm an idiot, just like my brother, haha.

Miki: ...

(sounds of Miki's slow footsteps)

Hiyuu: Miki-san, are you sure you can do this? If you need any help-

Miki: I can. Thank you.

Reina: Well, what's it gonna be this time, everyone's savior?

Miki: .. Prisoner 010, Reina, please, sing your sins.

42% ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓░░░░░░░░░░░░ 100%

[MV Description]

The video starts with little Reina (most likely ten years old), sitting in her room and talking to her toys. Everything is black and white and it looks like an old silent movie. We can't hear Reina's voice, we can only hear the music and how it's slowly becoming more and more repetitive. Reina looks happy at first, but then she starts getting tired and when the music becomes almost unbearable to listen to, she throws all the toys off her bed.

It turns out that it really was a scene from a movie and now someone is interviewing little Reina and she's still smiling and overall looks like a very happy child. 

"Look at me, the little star of the show

Aren't you proud of me? Look at me! I'm such a good girl!

Except I don't feel anything at all

I'm not even proud of myself"

The scene changes and now she's older, she's still being interviewed, but now she looks and acts more like a "problem child": she doesn't want to be there and she makes sure everyone knows it and her parents find her embarrassing.

"Oh no, it looks like your little star has gone wild

She's rude, she's violent, she's going crazy

Except she doesn't feel anything at all

She's not even proud of herself"

Now we can see Reina and her parents going to see her new movie together and when it starts, it has even darker colors than the first one. 

"I keep achieving goals, I keep making accomplishments

But this story isn't going anywhere

Will my character ever change for the better?

No motivation, no backstory, no reason for me to grow"

Reina just sits there with her parents and watches her character kill so many people on screen without showing any signs of regret, but even though Reina looks bored at first, when you look closer, you can see that she's actually.. uncomfortable with that kind of role. 

"Is this who I am? Is this who I'm supposed to be?

The villain of this story was me all along

At least that's what I thought

But it looks like you see me in a different way"

Her parents eventually leave without even watching the full movie, meanwhile Reina stays and sees her character finding a dead body that we can't see clearly, but this is the first time when her character actually looks scared. Reina stands up from her chair, looks like she doesn't remember making that face in that scene. Actually, she's not sure if this movie even had a scene like that, she doesn't remember filming it. 

Reina continues watching the movie and she can see how her character keeps getting more and more emotional and how she yells at one of her "partners in crime" and throws her weapon on the ground. Reina turns around to see all people in the cinema enjoying the movie a lot more now. It looks like they really like the development this character is getting.

"Ah, so that's how it is

Am I a hero in your eyes now?

Have you forgiven me already?

You don't even know anything about me, how can you say those words so easily?"

Reina decides to leave, but before she does that, her character looks right at her and nods. Reina nods back with anger and hatred in her eyes and right when she leaves and closes the door behind her, everything starts to burn. 

The whole cinema is on fire now. Her character sees everyone running and screaming and smiles while trying to hide the dead body from earlier, meanwhile Reina sits on a nearby bench and watches the cinema burn to the ground. 

"So, who will tell this story: me or you?

Will you rewrite everything, will you decide how it ends?

I'm not against that, I just want you to know

You won't be able to forgive me until I forgive myself"

She looks relieved and she sighs while looking at the night sky.

[riverswater]

My family makes me so upset I always feel like crying for everything because I express how I feel (they did/said something that made me upset/icky/mocked) and they'll tease me more without understanding that I'm genuinely upset about the situation. And doesn't matter how much and how seriously I express how I feel/how they made me feel, they'll continue like it's a joke. And if they understand I'm being serious about it, that they've hurt my feelings or similar, they tell me I'm being immature and whiny and that I always feel the need to make a tragedy out of everything when it's nor necessary. I feel like crying while writing this.

[kokaibop]

not to be an exol gatekeeping a damn egg tray but the reason it worked with the exos bald heads was bc antis* have been using eggs / eggso (derogatory) for ages so it made sense, with other people it just doesn't hit 🤷🏻‍♀️

[joonie-beanie]

Hat Guy's ASMR Commissions: S Tier | [Scaramouche/Wanderer x Reader]

Summary: Subject: Your Commission For [Guided Masturbation Audio - 30 minute session] In which your asshole best friends order a commission from your favorite ASMR artist, and it's a lot more NSFW than you were expecting. "From this moment on, you’re going to follow my directions. I’d say “if you fail to, you’ll be punished” but we both know you’re probably just another people pleaser who will do whatever I say, as long as you know it will make me happy. But fair warning–I won’t be happy until you’re so fucked out you can’t speak a coherent word.” Content: Smut, Guided Masturbation, Toy Use, Name Calling, Degradation/Humiliation, fem!reader Word Count: 6.5k Note: this is kind of an untraditional smut, so just keep that in mind lol

“Sweetheart…you really need to find some way to relax.”

“I agree. If you don’t release your tension, it’ll do a number on your health.”

You really appreciate Lisa and Yae being so concerned for you, but…

“I know. It’s just…not that easy for me.”

By now, in theory, you should have figured out some better coping mechanisms and ways to destress, but alas.

Taking a book from the return bin, Lisa scans it, and then places it onto the go-back cart.

“Well, have you tried getting off?”

Her suggestion makes you jerk, your head swiveling as you glance around the library to see if anyone nearby has overheard. At your side, Yae giggles.

“Calm down…finals have just ended. No one is in the library anymore—they’re out partying.”

You sigh. 

You suppose she’s right. The only reason you three are here is because Lisa is working the closing shift, and because Yae had insisted that you come along to the library with her to keep Lisa company.

“Traditional porn, a good adult novel, ASMR—all would be good options,” Lisa continues.

“I’m not really into porn right now, and I don’t think I have the bandwidth to focus on a book,” you say, resting your cheek in your palm. “As for ASMR…I’m not a big fan. I’ve really only discovered one creator that I like…”

“Oh?” 

Now that piques their interest. 

“What’s their name?”

“He goes by “Hat Guy” on twitter,” you tell them. “He mostly just…posts audio responses to dumb takes, or makes ASMR mocking other ASMR trends, but his voice is nice, and he has a small fan base…despite him kind of being a little shit.”

“How cute,” Lisa laughs while Yae pulls out her phone.

“Well, then…since it sounds like he doesn’t have any relaxing content, maybe you should just go home and take a nice bath. Did you ever use that bath bomb I got you for your birthday?”

“No,” you mumble sheepishly. At your side, Yae taps your knee.

“Lisa is right. Go home and have a bath. I’ll keep her company until she’s done.”

You raise your eyebrows in surprise.

“Are you sure…? I just got here like half an hour ago and now you want me to go home?”

“I just think some “you” time would be good,” she tells you with a smile. You pout your lips, but ultimately decide that…maybe she’s right.

“Fine, I’ll head home and rest, then.”

“Good girl,” Yae responds, patting your ass when you bend over to grab your backpack. You narrow your eyes at her, but aren’t truly mad.

“Be careful on your walk home~,” Lisa says as you start towards the exit. You wave at them both over your shoulder, and then leave the building.

A few seconds after your departure, Lisa turns to Yae.

“Alright, what did you find that you didn’t want Y/N to know about?”

Yae grins, loving that Lisa has already caught on.

“Look—”

She gets up from her seat and leans over to show Lisa her phone screen.

“I found Hat Guy’s twitter and saw that he’s accepting commissions, and look at one of the options~”

She points to something, and Lisa’s eyes hurriedly scan the text in front of her. 

When she has finished reading, she grins.

“Oh, my…well, that’s certainly tempting.”

“I was thinking maybe we can give it to Y/N as a… “you survived finals! Use this to relax” type present. Since she’s always doing thoughtful things for us when we’re swamped.”

Lisa smiles, putting a thoughtful finger to her lips.

“I agree. She’s brought us so many cups of tea over the last few months. It’s the least we can do.”

“Good,” Yae says with a nod, immediately clicking on the commission link.

“She deserves a little…fun.”

Between the end of the previous semester, and the start of the new one, your University has generously given you a long weekend. 

4 days, to be exact. 

Most of this long weekend you spend doing the chores you’ve put off, and working a few shifts at your job. 

It’s only by some grace that you end up with Sunday off. One final day to try and relax before classes begin tomorrow…

You do your best to make the most of it—mindlessly scrolling tiktok, folding some clothes, debating if you should order food out, and ultimately deciding against it, since you just went grocery shopping…

All in all, it’s a pretty mundane day.

…at least, until the icon for your email app appears at the top of your phone screen, and you swipe down the notification to see the title:

Subject: Your Commission For [Guided Masturbation Audio - 30 minute session]

Immediately, you freeze.

Surely, this is a spam email that’s somehow made it through the cracks. Because you definitely haven’t ordered such a thing.

Yet, despite your doubts at the validity of the email, you still click on it—wanting to read the contents before banishing it to your spam folder.

Dear Recipient,

Attached to this email is an mp3 file available for you to download. This file was requested and paid for by “Fox and Witch”, and is being sent to you directly at their request.

Please do not distribute this anywhere else on social media, as this is my copyrighted content.

If there is any issue with the quality of the file, please let me know.

Have fun.

-Hat Guy

Note:

Toys Needed = Dildo, Clitoral Vibrator or Wand

…you must have knocked your head on something earlier and are currently hallucinating.

Because there is NO WAY there’s an email from HAT GUY in your inbox. And that said email is for…for…

Well, you remember seeing a link on his profile about commissions, but you’d never clicked on it to see more than that. There’s no chance he’s out here telling people how to get off, though, right…?

With a warm face, you scan the email again. And then a third time.

You can only assume “Fox and Witch” are Yae and Lisa. And you did just tell them that you like Hat Guy’s content…

You bite your lip, staring at the mp3 file. 

There’s just no way…

Hesitantly, you click on it.

“Hmph. You must be really desperate if your friends were willing to pay for a half hour of my time. Most people are satisfied with 10-15 minutes, but no…they knew you’d need longer than that.”

Oh…fuck. 

Something in your tummy flips.

That’s him, alright.

You’ve never heard him talk like that before, but it’s definitely him…you could never mistake that haughty, belittling tone.

Your tongue darts out to wet your lips, your gaze once again finding the title of the email.

Guided Masturbation.

If you’re not wrong, that means if you hit play, and keep listening, it’ll probably be a lot of Hat Guy telling you what to do…how to touch yourself.

Just thinking about such a thing makes more blood rush to your head—embarrassment blooming in your chest.

Sure, the idea of him bossing you around isn’t exactly unappealing. You’re sure he’d be…less than nice, and maybe even a little sadistic, and perhaps call you a few rude names, but—

You groan and place your phone face down on the table beside you.

“Nope, I can’t—I—”

Standing up from your couch, you trudge into your kitchen.

It’s dinner time—you need to make dinner.

You try to keep your thoughts from straying to your temporarily abandoned phone, and the email that’s sitting in your inbox—but it’s literally impossible.

Still, you manage to cook yourself a meal, and even partake in a little alcoholic drink. (Just because you’re treating yourself, and definitely not because you want to ease your nerves a bit.)

Once you’ve finished eating, you clean all your dishes, and then return to the couch. Your gaze strays to your phone, but you don’t pick it up—instead deciding to grab the TV remote.

You make it approximately 25 minutes into a movie before you can’t take it anymore.

Hitting the pause button, you throw the remote on the couch beside you and then snatch up your phone—alighting from the couch.

You grab your headphones on the way to your bedroom, and pop them into your ears only after you’ve gathered your dildo and vibrator.

Maybe this audio won’t be as hot as you’re assuming, and you’ll end up not wanting to touch yourself, but…better to have everything prepared just in case, right?

Taking a deep breath, you hit play.

The track restarts from the beginning. 

“Hmph. You must be really desperate if your friends were willing to pay for a half hour of my time. Most people are satisfied with 10-15 minutes, but no…they knew you’d need longer than that.”

“I also hear you’re quite the little masochist—but I could have assumed that, considering it’s me that you’re soaking your panties over. Just another slut who wants to be bullied, huh.”

You huff at his words, glaring at your phone screen. 

Did Lisa and Yae tell him your kinks or something?? Those bitches.

“Well, you’re in luck, because from this moment on, you’re going to follow my directions. I’d say “if you fail to, you’ll be punished” but we both know you’re probably just another people pleaser who will do whatever I say, as long as you know it will make me happy.”

Dammit, why is he right—

“But fair warning—I won’t be happy until you’re so fucked out you can’t speak a coherent word.”

With a shaking finger, you pause the audio.

You hate to admit it, but his words—the way he’s speaking to you—is already making you wet. 

You really, truly want him to bully you, and use you like a little toy.

So, guess that means you’re doing this.

Throwing any caution and shame to the wind, you hit the play button again. 

“Now…where to begin? I always like to start with an inspection. Take off your clothes, but leave your panties on. I’m not going to bid your needy pussy any attention just yet.”

You obediently do as he says, stripping yourself of your clothing until you’re left only in your panties.

“It’s unfortunate I’m not there to survey those titties in person, so you’ll just have to feel them up for me. Go ahead and grope yourself. Take a minute and massage your chest…I want to see if you’ll get wet from that alone. Although, you’re probably wet already just from my voice, aren’t you, slut?”

You click your tongue at that last part, (hating that he’s right), but nonetheless bring your hands to your chest. 

You cup your titties, and begin squeezing them—feeling the soft flesh beneath your fingers. 

“Good, keep going—squeeze a little harder now. Ah…I bet your nipples want to be touched, huh? Start teasing them, then—just enough to get them hard. I’ll give you 10 seconds—that should be enough.”

For some reason, the challenge of accomplishing a task within a certain time limit makes your pussy throb, and very quickly, you move your pointer fingers over your nipples—rubbing them lightly, and coaxing them to a peak. 

You’re ashamed to admit it, but they manage to get hard in the 10 second pause he gives you…

“Wow, look at that…what greedy titties you have—responding as I say, eager to be played with. Pinch your nipples and roll them between your fingers. Find the motion that feels best, and do it over and over again, until I tell you to stop.”

Resting your breasts in your palms, you pinch your nipples between your fingers—rolling and tugging them. 

Your eyes flutter shut as you touch yourself, each purposeful little tweak of your nipples causing your spine to twitch, and your pussy to clench.

It’s been too long since you’ve touched yourself like this…

By the time Hat Guy’s voice fills your ears once more, your nipples have started to get sore.

“Okay, stop there. I bet your cunt has started quivering, but I hope you know it’ll still be a while before I give you the chance to cum…unless, you somehow managed to orgasm from playing with just your titties? If that’s the case, congratulations! You’re the most needy and pathetic whore I’ve played with. So pathetic that I’ll give you a pass, and won’t even punish you for cumming without permission.”

The thought of being able to cum from nipple play alone makes you feel even more aroused, much to your chagrin—

“Now, let’s inspect that dirty pussy of yours. Spread your legs, and pull your panties down to your knees. I want you to stare at the crotch of your panties and feel ashamed at the wet spot I know is there.”

Taking a deep breath, you hook your fingers around your panties and tug them down your thighs.

As you spread your feet apart, you end up staring at the crotch of your panties—your lips pressing together when you notice there is, indeed, a very noticeable wet spot.

“Next, bend over. As low as you can go, with your legs still apart. I want to see everything.”

Locking your fingers together, you hesitate for a brief second before you bend over—feeling a strain in your leg muscles as you hit the point where you can’t bend anymore.

In this position, you know that you’re on full display.

“Look at you, presenting yourself to me…you really don’t have any shame, do you? If I were there, I’d be grabbing you and forcing you open wider, but since I’m not, you can do it for me! Grab your ass cheeks with both hands, and spread.”

Breathing a little shakily, you do your best to reach behind you and spread yourself. You feel your asshole clench as you do so, and the involuntary action maddens you, considering Hat Guy’s next words are—

“Such a tight little hole…I bet it’s twitching.” 

“Is it nervous, or hoping for an intrusion? Either way, anal is not the objective of today’s session, so let’s move back to your pussy. Go ahead and spread your folds with your hand. You have permission to bend over with your chest to your bed, if you feel your blood rushing to your head from bending down so low. And if you're not by your bed…where the fuck are you listening to this audio? In your car, or a bathroom stall? Pervert.”

That little quip at the end makes you smile, even as you stand up and move yourself to your bed.

You find it a little endearing how he’s bossing you around, but still managing to be somewhat considerate. You suppose maybe there is more to him than just being a brat on the internet.

Anyway—

Reaching one hand back between your legs, you slide your fingers between the folds of your pussy and spread them—opening yourself up as if he were there to inspect you.

“Now, rub your fingers at your entrance—feel how slick you’ve gotten…honestly, you should feel ashamed. Getting so wet for a no-face internet stranger.”

Sure, your panties were a little wet, but that doesn’t mean—

You move your fingers to your entrance—freezing at the amount of sticky arousal you feel. 

You...honestly can’t remember the last time you’ve gotten this wet.

“Smear the slick around your pussy, and make sure to get your clit. That’s where we’re headed next.”

You do as he says, perhaps a smidge overly excited that you now seem to be entering the main course.

As your fingers ghost over your clit, your pussy shudders.

“Bet you just clenched in excitement, huh?”

How does he fucking know—?!

“I'll be nice and will let you use two fingers. Press the pads of your fingers to your clit, and start making circular motions. Slow. 1…2…3…just like that.”

Breathing deep, you begin rubbing your clit with your fingers—repeating his count in your head, and following his pace. 

With each pass of your fingers, your walls squeeze tighter.

“You probably want to rush, or grind your hips on your fingers…but you shouldn't be acting so desperate just yet, so be a good girl and keep going.”

Huffing, you obey his command,

He goes silent for a few beats, really giving you a minute to continue hopelessly teasing yourself. 

By the time he next speaks, a needy exhale is leaving your lips—heady arousal truly being to pool in your lower tummy.

“Now you can go faster. Rub your clit to the beat of your heart. I assume it's racing, so you should be moving your hand a bit faster than before.”

You haven’t really noticed before now, but your heart is certainly beating much faster than normal…

The steady, yet swift thump of your heart is felt throughout your body the more you focus on it, and you quickly adjust your pace. 

A breathy little sigh leaves your lips—your brows pinching together.

You want to cum. 

“I wonder if you're close already, just from your fingers on your clit…haha. If you are, remember—you don't get to cum until I say so. So if you're close to cumming, edge yourself. Get right to the edge of your orgasm, and then stop. I'll give you 10 seconds after that to collect yourself, but then you have to keep going.”

Oh, fuck…

You suppose you should have realized that edging might be part of the equation, especially during a 30 minute session.

And, unfortunately, the thought of edging yourself for him makes you even hornier—pushing you closer to your first climax—or, well, edge.

“I bet you're probably thinking that 10 seconds isn't very long…that when you start again, you'll still be right at the brink of your orgasm, and will have to keep edging over, and over…hah, well…that's your own fault for being so hopeless.”

“Now, I'll let you set the pace. Find the rhythm and motion against your clit that makes you feel the best…you're going to keep that up for 1 minute—and remember, no cumming.”

Dammit—

By now, your lips are fully parted—quick little breaths fanning in front of your face and warming the sheets of your mattress.

You don’t want to edge, you want to cum, but he won’t let you—

“Also, why don't you go ahead and count aloud? I assume you're in private, so it shouldn't be an issue to let out your voice. And if you're not, well…I guess people will get to hear what a debauched whore you are.”

If this were 10 minutes ago, you’d surely blush and hesitate to follow his command.

But now…now you’re a little closer to being the debauched whore he’s calling you.

“I'll count with you so you don't rush it. 60…59…58…57—”

With headphones in, you hear your own voice in your head—mingling with his. 

His, unwavering, with a hint of mockery. Yours…quiet, and struggling to stay on beat.

You clit throbs beneath your fingers, and there’s a familiar flutter of your walls, despite your pussy currently being empty. 

You’re getting close. 

“I can only imagine how sinful you look right now…oh, right. Where was I? Hmm…let's just pick up from 30.”

Motherfucker—

You let your face drop into your sheets, your thighs tightening and knees shaking.

Fuck, you wanna cum. You know you can’t—know it’s not allowed yet, but—!

“5…4…3…2…1. Stop moving your hand.”

Perfect timing. Right at the edge of an orgasm—you pull your hand away.

You take a second to try and catch your breath while ignoring the unfulfilled ache between your legs.

“Your pussy must be throbbing, huh? Lucky for you, as your benevolent master, I’ll let you stuff it full. Grab your dildo and get on your bed on your knees.”

“Also, I assume you're soaked by now, but if not, and you need additional lubrication, use lube.”

You glance behind you at your dresser, where your bottle of lube sits, but ultimately don’t grab it. 

By now, you’re sure you can do without.

Grabbing your dildo, you climb onto your bed, and obediently get on your knees.

“Now, sit up and position the dildo beneath you. Rub the head between your folds, and then settle it at your entrance.”

You do as he says—a shiver of excitement raking up your spine as the tip of your dildo unexpectedly flicks against your clit while you get it into position.

“I'm going to give you 3 seconds to take it fully inside of you…What? I did say we'll be stuffing you full, and with how needy you clearly are, I figured I'm doing you a favor by letting you take it all in!”

Oh. That’s—

“So, I'll count to three. Oh, and if your dildo is too big, and you're scared to sink down onto it all at once, well…that's your own fault for biting off more than you can chew. But, I'm sure that greedy pussy will take anything it can get.”

It will.

“Ready?”

You take a trembling breath.

“3, 2, 1—!”

In one swift motion, you spread your thighs and sink down onto the dildo.

When the head bumps against the deepest part of you, you can’t help but gasp—the sound positively lewd.

“Ahhh…fuck. You made a cute sound, didn't you? How precious…now you're stuffed to the brim with dick, as you should be.”

Yes, this is exactly how you’re meant to feel…just a little slut who will do anything to cum for him.

Yet, despite his harsh instructions, he seems to pause for a second, giving you a chance to acclimate to the intrusion.

How cute.

“Why don't we start slow…I want you to lift your hips until just the tip of the dildo is inside of you, and then grind back down on it. Up…and down…up—”

To aid in the motion, you place your hands flat on the mattress in front of you, and then begin moving your hips.

Up…and down…

Your walls clench around the dildo, practically begging for more, but the man currently using you as his personal toy clearly isn’t inclined to give you such a thing.

At least, not immediately.

If you had to guess, he makes you continue at this slow, teasing pace for at least 2 minutes—your muscles beginning to strain as you resist going any faster.

Then, his voice fills your ears once again. You nearly sigh with relief.

“I hope your thighs aren't burning yet, because now we're going to pick up the pace. Imagine the gallop of a horse's hooves. I want you to grind on each downbeat. No need to make big motions—just grind on your dildo how you'd grind your pussy on my cock if I was there.”

If he were here, you’d wanna grind on his dick until he’s moaning louder than you are—

“Fuck…”

Fingers curling into the sheets, you find your new rhythm—the sound of your wet pussy beginning to fill the quiet room outside your headphones.

Sweat starts to bead on your brow—the arousal inside of you searing hotter, and your muscles getting tighter.

“I wonder if you can cum from internal stimulation alone…try to find your g-spot if you haven't already. I want you to bully it with your dildo.”

You can practically hear the grin in his words. 

Repositioning yourself, you find the angle that better allows you to rub that sensitive little spot inside you.

Almost immediately, a whine rips from your throat.

“Now…I'm going to issue you a challenge. I'll count down from 60 seconds again. During that 60 seconds, you're free to cum. So try your best, okay, slut?”

Please, you want to cum, but you don’t know if 60 seconds will be enough—

“60…59…58…”

Dammit—

With his challenge invigorating you, you continue messily grinding your hips.

Each pass of your dildo against your g-spot causes your pussy to shiver, and your thighs to shake—your orgasm creeping closer.

“33…32…31…”

A desperate sound slips past your lips, your eyebrows knitting together.

You want to cum.

You want to cum.

You want to cum, but—

You drop down onto your dildo roughly, almost in a pouting manner.

You need more time.

As soon as your climax finally begins to build—your walls clenching down on your dildo—Hat Guy reaches the end of his countdown.

“3…2…1…so…did you cum? Either way, I'm sure your legs are shaking. I wouldn't doubt that your sheets are getting soiled by your arousal, either.”

“Well, whether you came or not, don't worry—there's still more opportunities to orgasm yet to come! That being said, set your dildo to the side, and grab your vibrator instead.”

Exhaling, you manage to lift up your hips, and your dildo slips out of you. 

It flops onto your sheets, glistening with your arousal.

Your pussy mourns the loss.

Setting your dildo to the side, you grab your vibrator instead.

“You can go ahead and lay on your back. I'll give your knees a break…isn't that nice of me? You should say “thank you”.”

You clench your jaw as you roll onto your back, your eyes squinting at the ceiling.

There’s no way he’s serious, right? Counting is one thing, but thanking someone who isn’t here?

“Huh? Did you think that was just a suggestion? Go on.”

You wet your lips with your tongue.

“...thank you.”

There’s a brief second of silence, and then—

“...pfft, hahaha! If you actually did just say it aloud, you're more of an obedient people pleaser than I thought. What a precious little cock-sleeve.”

You want to punch him—

“Anyway, I haven't let you cum from your clit yet. I bet by now it's engorged and begging for attention…go ahead and put your vibrator on your clit. Turn it on low.”

The fact that even just touching your clit causes you to jolt proves that his words are correct.

Hitting the power button, you turn your vibrator on a low setting, and almost instantly—the orgasm that had started to fade away flares back to life.

“Good…I'll let you keep it there for a little while. Actually…I'm gonna go get some water. God knows how upset you'd be if my voice suddenly gave out and I couldn't give you permission to cum—”

You hear the sound of a chair being alighted from, and footsteps padding away from the mic.

“This little motherfucker—,” you pant, your chest heaving. 

You gently rub your vibrator around your clit—hoping that doing so will help you delay the orgasm that’s building—but it’s impossible to avoid.

After another minute, you can’t put it off any longer.

Your body tenses, your pussy tightening, and—

You tear the vibrator away from your clit.

If he were here, you think you’d honestly start to beg him for mercy. Of course, you’re sure he’d say that’s practically your first true edge, and you’re just being a little baby, but still.

You start the countdown from 10 in your head, and once it’s done, put your vibrator back on your clit.

Your entire body jolts as the pleasure that had been denied snaps back to attention.

You’re gonna have to edge again—

“How are you holding out? Did you edge at all—just from the vibrator being on low? At the very least, I bet you're squirming and panting.”

“Now, listen closely. I'm going to make you an offer.”

If his offer involves you cumming, you’ll do whatever it takes.

“I'm going to let you cum with the vibrator still on low—assuming you can. This time I'll be generous and will give you 90 seconds, even. But here's the catch. At the end of this session, you will be cumming. So if your begging cunt blots out any logic in your brain, and you decide to cum now, and then feel it's “too much” later, well. That'll be your own fault. Even if you're overstimulated, you'll be cumming again, so choose wisely.”

“Either way, you need to keep the vibrator on your clit for another 90 seconds. You just need to decide if you're cumming or edging. Get ready. To spice it up, this time I'm not counting aloud—I'll just tell you when to stop. So if you're planning on cumming, try not to waste any time. Because if I say stop and you're right there, I doubt you’ll be very happy. Now, begin.”

Risking an overstimulated orgasm after this is a dangerous game, but—

You press the vibrator harder against your clit. 

You need to cum—you don’t care about anything else right now.

Your free hand grabs at your breast—your toes curling, and your heart racing.

Your back arches off the bed, a symphony of miniscule whines and gasps falling from your lips.

Then, the tension inside of you reaches its limit, and snaps.

Your voice catches in your throat—your body spasming as waves of pleasure rock you.

You keep the vibrator on your clit to draw them out as long as you can, but after a few long beats, Hat Guy’s voice fills your ears once again. 

“Stop—that's time. So…did you cum? I wish I could see the state of you…I bet you're starting to look all fucked out. We're already at the 20 minute mark, after all.”

You can’t believe it’s already been 20 minutes. Yet, at the same time, can’t believe you’re not already closer to the end.

“Now, I did say you'd be cumming again, so why don't you go ahead and put your vibe on high? Let's try and force it out of you.”

It’s fine…it’s totally fine. 

Turning your vibrator on high will be totally fine.

You move the toy back to your clit and push the button until the vibrations are much more intense than before.

Almost immediately, heat rushes through your body—stemming from the still recovering nerve ending on your clit.

You’re over-sensitive. Fuck.

And yet…your pussy still flutters—your muscles tensing once again as another orgasm begins to build.

“Ahh, I bet you're squirming like a pathetic little worm. Is it too much? Do you want to beg me to let you stop?”

“Your toes are curling, aren't they? I wish I could hear you and see you panting like a bitch in heat. Should I throw you a bone? Would that satisfy that sad cunt of yours?”

You are writhing, and panting, and every other filthy thing he’s pegged you as. But—you don’t want to stop. You’re too far in now—your whole body shaking, and your breaths coming quick as the vibrator on your clit overwhelms you.

It’s overwhelming, but you can’t stop chasing that high. You—

“Actually…that's not a bad idea. Stop—now.”

Despite not wanting to, you immediately yank the toy away.

You hear yourself whining, unable to help it.

“Hopefully you didn't cum in the last 30 seconds. If so…whoops~”

You wish you could kick him.

“This final orgasm is going to be our grand finale, so we should really let the sparks fly. And maybe your juices, depending on how hard you cum.”

“Grab your dildo—shove it in.”

You scramble to grab it—your arm darting to the side to recover the dildo you’d discarded a short while ago. 

As soon as you have it, you spread your legs and press the head at your entrance—stuffing it in without any preamble.

A pleasant sigh leaves you as that full feeling returns.

“You're going to fuck yourself with it—however fast or slow, I don't care. And at the same time, turn your vibrator back on high.”

You can tell where this is going, and you honestly think it may kill you, but you follow his instructions nonetheless.

Turning the vibrator on high, you place it back on your clit and then begin fucking yourself with the dildo. 

Almost immediately, involuntary sounds slip out of you—your body writhing against the sheets.

The overwhelming strength of your vibrator on your clit now partnered with the messy rubbing of your dildo between your walls…you’re truly becoming the mess he promised to make you.

“Oh, and just so things don't end too soon, you need to hold out for at least one minute. I'll let you know once you have permission to cum.”

You hardly think it’s fair that he’s saying this now, considering you’ve already started fucking yourself, but even so, you want to listen—want to be a good girl who does what he says, and only cums when permitted.

Holding out for a whole minute when your cunt is already starting to spasm—your clit feeling like it’s on fire—is certainly going to be a challenge, though.

“You know…I bet if this were a live call, I'd be able to hear how wet your pussy is. You're probably gripping onto that dildo so tightly…as if it's a real cock that you're begging to properly breed you.”

If he were here you wonder how he’d fuck you. Certainly hard enough that you’d be able to hear the slap of his balls against your pussy—

“You must be panting, huh? So ready to cum…I wonder if you’d be obedient enough to cum when I say. Why don’t we try? We’re getting close to a minute, after all.”

Oh, fuck. 

You’ve never cum on command before, but you want to for him.

“C’mon, princess, I know you can do it…keep going…get yourself right there—”

Your chest shudders, and tears blot your eyes.

You’re trying. Everything feels so hot. 

The arousal in your tummy swells—tightening up, and searing your insides.

“Cum.”

A sob rips from your chest, and you grind your dildo against your g-spot one final time, before your body obeys, and releases.

With the vibrator on high, this orgasm is much more intense than the last. 

Your breath catches, your spine curving, and your hand releases the dildo in favor of grabbing onto your sheets for dear life.

Despite the clamping of your pussy around the silicone cock, it still manages to slip out of you after a few seconds—flopping onto your mattress, and poking wetly against your ass.

When the pleasure on your clit starts to turn to pain—you finally tear the vibrator away. You turn it off, and weakly discard it onto the bed beside you.

Despite no longer having any toys in or on you, your cunt and clit continue to twitch with aftershocks.

You take a deep breath. 

Hat Guy is still talking in your ears, but your brain is too scrambled to process what he’s saying. So, you just continue to lay there until his words sound more like words again.

“Alright, you must have cum by now. Take a minute to breathe. And when you’re done catching your breath, make sure you get up and go pee, and then get some water. Because I’m not about to be liable for any after-effects of this session.”

Despite being exhausted, you can’t help but quietly laugh.

“Good job making it through. I’m sure we’ll meet again soon…mostly because I’m sure you’ll be opening this file again to get off to, haha.”

“Later~”

The audio ends.

You lay there, staring at the ceiling.

Then, you roll onto your side, slowly get up, and head for the bathroom.

Can’t let Hat Guy be liable for you, after all.

The following morning, you wake up with sore muscles, and a determination to go and beat up Yae Miko and Lisa Minci about their “gift”.

Yeah, maybe you are a little less tense than before, and the stress that had been clinging to you after the end of the previous semester is now gone, but still. They deserve a good scolding.

First, however, you have to go to your 9AM lecture. After that, you’ll have time to run to the library.

Despite the soreness in your thighs, you manage to trek across campus and make it to your class with time to spare. You chose a seat somewhere in the middle, and then set your bag down in the chair beside you.

With nothing to work on yet, considering today’s the first day, you entertain yourself with social media apps on your phone as the lecture hall slowly continues filling up.

When there’s only a minute left before the class is set to start, there’s a tap on your shoulder.

Startled, realizing they’ve probably been trying to get your attention, you immediately take out one of your headphones. Before you can even turn to face them and apologize, they’re talking.

Except…the voice of the person beside you is…eerily familiar. Scratchy, attractive, and perhaps a little annoyed—

“Do you mind moving your bag? There aren’t very many seats left.”

Without saying a word, too stunned to speak, you reach over and move your bag to the floor at your feet. The man grunts, and takes a seat beside you.

As he pulls out his laptop, you finally build up the courage to look at him. 

Dark hair and eyes to match…slim fingers, but veiny hands…a black shirt and oversized jacket—

“Do you need something?”

Oh, fuck—you’ve been openly staring.

Your eyes meet his for the first time, and you open your mouth, but no words come out. The beat of your heart starts to get faster.

He cocks an unimpressed eyebrow at you.

“What? Cat got your tongue?”

This is just too much—there’s no fucking way this is happening—

Unfortunately, before you can finally pull it together and try to redeem yourself, your professor takes the podium at the head of the room.

“Class! Welcome! While it might be a little unconventional to start the semester out on this note, I just want you all to know in advance: this class will heavily rely on cooperation with others. There will be many team projects. In fact—the person you’re sharing a table with will be your project partner for the whole semester!”

…what.

Beside you, the man sighs—clearly unhappy to hear about there being group projects, or you being his partner, or both.

“Great, looks like we’re stuck together.”

“Yep…,” you mumble in response, the first word you’ve managed to speak since his arrival.

He obviously notices, because his lips pull into a teasing little grin, his eyes remaining trained on your still-speaking professor as he whisper—

“Oh, would you look at that? She speaks.”

Your pussy clenches.

Mhmm, yep! 

You’re gonna go jump off a bridge.

[the-bi-fangirl-biatch]

Ohhhh the irony of how Sylvie mocked how Mobius uses pie to lighten the stressed mood and accused him of not caring about the branches....vs Loki using pie to calm him down and make him feel better about his outburst because Loki understands him and his coping mechanisms

[xjustlikeyou]

Ugh. I hoped they'd cut that part in the show.

Friendly reminder - you do not have to be fully healed from your trauma to be loved. Just be willing to work on it and take responsibility for managing your healing.

[irisintheafterglow]

just too soft for all of it

↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺ now playing: taylor swift - "sweet nothing"

summary: you only call bakugo when you need his body. what happens when you need him for a different reason? (prohero!bakugo x reader)

wc: 1.1k

cw/tags: fwb to lovers, no explicit smut (just implications and allusions but mdni just in case), descriptions of anxiety and a panic attack, angst/comfort with happy ending, swearing, pet names (sweetheart, baby, babe), broken glass, stubborn reader and even more stubborn katsuki

note: is this my coping mechanism for all the 'casual' inspired fics i've seen lately? possibly. will i continue to keep reading said 'casual' inspired fics? definitely. haven't written kats in a hot minute, hope you like it :)

likes, reblogs, and replies are appreciated!

"I need you." 

"I'm busy. This new report shit is going to be the death of me, I swear–"

"I need you right now. Please." Your voice shakes and he mistakes it for horny desperation.

"Aww, you need me that bad? Need me to come and make you feel good, is that it?" He smirks patronizingly and you hear it through the phone, despite your vision going in and out of clarity.

"Katsuki," you breathe, and his hand goes deathly still over his paper. You never said his name like that; you always addressed him outside of the covers as 'Bakugo' or 'shithead' or 'asshole.' He hears you swallow, his senses finally returning and realizing just how exhausted you sound. "I can’t breathe–I think I'm...I think I'm having a panic attack and-and I can't calm down and it's–it's too much and–"

"Breathe, sweetheart," he says before you can continue, his hand flinging open his front door and blasting himself into the darkness. "Just hold on, I'm on my way." 

By the time he’s let himself into your apartment, it’s nearly midnight. He considers toeing off his shoes at the door but quickly decides against it when he spots the broken glass scattered across your dining room floor. You’re hugging your knees close to your chest, so backed up against the floor cabinets that he almost missed you when he looked for you in the kitchen. The glass crunches beneath his shoes as he crouches down to look at you, relief flooding him as he realizes the glass didn’t injure you. 

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, trembling even as he peels your arms away from your sides. “It just–I was making late dinner and one of my glasses broke and everything just came crumbling down…” He’d never seen you like this; you were always the collected one, the one who was always teasing him for being stressed when, in reality, you were just better about hiding all the weight on your shoulders. Your breath comes in short inhales and pained exhales and it’s like Katsuki’s body instinctually knows what to do. Taking your hands in his, he presses them against his chest at the exact spot where you can feel his heartbeat. It’s steady as a steam engine, thumping below your fingertips. In through the nose. Without breaking eye contact, he exhales a deep breath, nodding encouragingly when you copy him. Out through the mouth. 

“That’s it, baby. Just like that,” he murmurs, breathing deeply again and again and again until your body ceases its fight or flight response. “You’re doing great, sweetheart. Just keep breathing.” 

“Katsuki…” 

“We’ll talk after, I promise,” he gently reassures you, softer than you’d ever heard him speak. “For now, I need to make sure you’re okay.” In through the nose, out through the mouth. Even when he knows the situation is de-escalated, he doesn’t dare move his hands, nor stop modeling deep breathing. He waits for you to say that you’re done, to yank your hands away and mock him for being so caring and thoughtful, attributes that didn’t come with your strictly physical relationship. You don’t; you stay there on the floor with him until the tension in your body completely releases, leaving you slumped against your cabinets. You move to position your knees under you, but his hands catch your wrists a split second before your palms hit the floor. You glance at him with a confused expression. “The glass, babe. Lemme put you on the couch and I’ll clean it up.”

“You don’t need to do that. I can clean it when I’m–” You’re cut off by the sensation of being lifted off the ground, his arms effortlessly bringing you against his chest and laying you on your living room couch. “Wait, I can just clean once you leave."

“Stop,” he grumbles with a burst of intensity that takes you aback. “I’m gonna take care of you, so sit and wait until I’m done. Got it?” You blink at him but he doesn’t relent, and you’re forced to nod and wait as he meticulously sweeps and vacuums every single particle of glass until sleep is nudging at your eyelids. He’s just stuck your vacuum back in the closet as you muster up the energy to stand, stumbling in the direction of your room. “Fucking hell, you don’t know when to quit,” he mutters, sweeping your legs out from under you again and carrying you the rest of the way to your bed. 

“Who knew you could be so doting?” 

“You’re mocking me when I’m literally carting you around your own place. Unbelievable,” he scoffs, carefully settling you on the covers and taking a seat at the edge. 

“I’m not being sarcastic,” you reply, your eyelids sleepily opening and closing. “I really am surprised that you’re taking care of me like this.” 

“Of course I’m taking care of you, dumbass,” he grunts. “I know we said no attachment, but you’re more than a body to me.” His voice quiets but you hear it anyway, smiling against the pillow. 

“When were you gonna tell me that, idiot?”

“Not sure. Was waiting for the perfect moment.” He shrugs, reaching over to run his hand up and down the side of your thigh. 

“And you think this is it?” 

“It’s definitely not, but it felt like the right thing to say.” You hum in contentment and he slyly rubs his hand backward just to see what happens. 

“Easy there, cowboy,” you chuckle, looking up at him over your shoulder. “Even when I’m broken, you can’t resist grabbing my ass.” 

“You’re not broken. Don’t say that about yourself. And even if you were,” he scolds, though you know there’s no venom behind it. “Guess who’s gonna be the one to put you back together?” You hum again and he can feel your consciousness slipping. “You gonna let me stay the night, sweetheart?” 

“Is the sky blue, dumbass?”

“Just checking,” he grins, positioning himself beside you and flipping you over to face him. You groan in protest but still mold yourself into Katsuki’s chest, his arm securing you against his body. “G’night.”

“Night, Katsuki. Don’t let your alarm wake me up early or I’ll kick you in the dick,” you warn, your body further relaxing in his warm safety. 

“After everything I’ve done for you tonight? So ungrateful.” You snort, drifting off with a smile on your face that makes his heart stutter. He double checks that all his alarms are off and, for good measure, turns off his phone entirely. No one’s reaching him tonight, not when you’re his first priority. When he’s sure you’re out, he whispers the real reason why, even when it wasn’t a booty call, he rushed to you in the middle of the night. 

“Mmm,” you hum and he freezes, having no idea whether you were responding or just making that noise in your sleep. “I love you too, Katsuki.” 

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[fumifooms]

I don’t like minimizing the importance and gravity of Laios and Toshiro’s fight into just being a childish squabble, even if to a degree it is framed that way, because to both of them it has a lot of personal significance and emotional weight and runs very deep to their characters… The fight isn’t nothing it’s a LOT, they made up but it’s not something easy to express and to get over for either of them which makes it all the more meaningful! I’m on both sides but there very much are sides, there’s no "they’re both having a ball, Toshiro and Laios hand in hand yay" side to the fight, that comes after

The fight with Toshiro WAS very scary to Laios, almost existentially so, but it’s moreso the "I thought I’d made a friend!!" bit and my god. My god actually

Like it’s not "just" about oh his friend liking him less than he thought, THAT IS SO MUCH. It’s a bond he thought he had being a lie it’s all the time and moments spent together either being a lie from his perspective or marred now looking back. It’s not only being upset at Toshiro for lying but upset at himself that he’s so easy to fool, it’s being upset that there’s something so wrong with you that you can’t even tell if your "close buddy" even actually likes you or not, it’s like. Holding my head. He can’t trust his own vision of events that happened do you see. There’s always this film of distrust that it could be a lie that should be there when he interacts with people there’s always this sense of cloak and dagger to expect backstabs out of nowhere because you CAN’T see it coming you CAN’T you CAN’T there’s something about you which makes it impossible so you CAN’T-

He’s so scared of not being able to read people. He knows it’s a weak spot he has, he’s always known. All of these bits are centered around social expectations and betrayals, the assumption that he doesn’t belong either in society or with other humans.

And Laios’ level of awareness is actually sort of complex to analyze, but it’s there, there’s how out of him and Falin he was the one sensitive to the ~aura of hatred~ he felt from the townspeople, there’s of course his nightmares whispering to him about the mocking looks, and how yeah actually he realizes that his gold stripper coworker was taking advantage of him. There’s of course the Winged Lion speech about his trauma and how he fundamentally mistrusts/dislikes humans to some deep seated degree, this distrust that he still keeps under control always. There’s how pre-canon he often wanted to suggest eating monsters but never worked up the courage to bring it up with the others. There’s how he gets across as stoic when he isn’t being enthusiastic…… We don’t know how aware and wary he is exactly in the moment but we do know he has some anxiety around social stuff, and looking back he does notice and aughh augh, the sense you have to hide yourself to not get hurt and be on your guard and shit and.

When you don’t know what to look out for and when to look out for it, the general ‘common sense’ of not always trusting people or noticing when someone’s messing with you becomes hypervigilance in social settings

"Man they really know what you hate huh". Being socially unaware literally plagues him, he knows, he knows it so well.

It’s so quick that it’s almost hard to digest how literal and blatant Laios summoning his monster to crush all the people who’ve hurt him is. His literal go-to coping mechanism for comfort in his literal monster-induced emotionally intense nightmares, saving him by taking away the upsetting element (the humans)

"Monsters are his coping fantasy, where they can whisk him away from humanity, all the hurt it’s caused him and its arbitrary rules" with the subtlety of a brick. Monsters are his comfort safe zone "because they kill humans" yes but no it’s because he pits them as the guardians against humans who to him are in the role of the agressors. To him they represent freedom from the shackles of what it means to be part of humanity, a fundamentally social species

[headspace-hotel]

Chemically sterilized...or mechanically sterilized?

It is clear that applying chemicals to your yard and landscape, be it fertilizers, weed killers, or pesticides, has devastating effects to the community of life that is present in every place.

But is the terrifying decline in insects explainable by chemicals alone?

When i am in mowed environments, even those that I know have no lawn chemicals, they are almost entirely empty of life. There are a few bees and other insects on the dandelions, but not many, and the only birds I see are American robins, Grackles, and European starlings.

Even without any weed killers at all, regular mowing of a lawn type area eliminates all but a few specially adapted weeds.

The plants of a lawn where I live include: Mouse ear chickweed, Birds-eye Speedwell, Common blue violet, Dandelion, Wild Garlic, Creeping charlie, White Clover, Black Medick, Broad-leaved plantain, Mock Strawberry, Crabgrass, Small-flowered Buttercup, Ribwort Plantain, Daisy Fleabane, a few common sedges, Red Deadnettle...That sounds like a lot of plants, but the problem is, almost all of them are non-native species (Only Violets, Daisy Fleabane, and the sedges are native!) and it's. The Same. Species. Everywhere. In. Every. Place.

How come...? Because mowed turf is a really specific environment that is really specifically beneficial to a number of almost entirely European plants, and presents stressors that most plants (including almost all native north american plants) simply can't cope with.

The plants mentioned above are just the flowering weeds. The grasses themselves, the dominant component of the lawn, are essentially 100% invasive in North America, many of them virulently and destructively invasive.

Can you believe that Kentucky bluegrass isn't even native to Kentucky? Nope, it's European! The rich pasture of the Bluegrass region of Kentucky was predominantly a mix of clover, other legumes, and bamboo. The clovers—Kentucky clover, Running buffalo clover, and buffalo clover—are highly endangered now (hell, kentucky clover wasn't even DISCOVERED until 2013) and the bamboo—Giant rivercane, Arundinaria gigantea—has declined in its extent by 98%. Do European white and red clovers fulfill the niches that native clovers once did? Dunno, probably not entirely.

One of the biggest troubles with "going native" is that North America legitimately does not have native grass species that really fill the niche of lawn. Most small, underfoot grassy plants are sedges and they are made for shady environments, and they form tufts and fancy sprays, not creeping turf. Then there's prairie grasses which are 10 feet tall.

What this means, though, is that lawns don't even remotely resemble environments that our insects and birds evolved for. Forget invasive species, lawns are an invasive BIOME.

It's a terrible thing, then, that this is just what we do to whatever random land we don't cover in concrete: back yards, road margins, land outside of churches and businesses, spaces at the edges of fields, verges at bypasses and gas stations...

Mowing, in the north american biomes, selects for invasive species and promotes them while eliminating native species. There's no nice way to put it. The species that thrive under this treatment are invasive.

And unfortunately mowing is basically the only well-known and popular tool even for managing meadow and prairie type "natural" environments. If you want to prevent it from succeeding to forest, just mow it every couple of years.

This has awful results, because invasive species like Festuca arundinacea (a plant invented by actual Satan) love it and are promoted, and the native species are harmed.

Festuca arundinacea, aka Tall Fescue, btw is the main grass that you'll find in cheap seed mixes in Kentucky, but it's a horrific invasive species that chokes everything and keeps killing my native meadow plants. It has leaves like razor blades (it's cut me so deeply that it scarred) and has an endosymbiont in it that makes horses that eat it miscarry their foals.

And this stuff is ALL OVER the "prairie" areas where I work, like it's the most dominant plant by far, because it thrives on being mowed while the poor milkweeds, Rattlesnake Master and big bluestems slowly decline and suffer.

It's wild how hard it is to explain that mowing is a very specific type of stressor that many plants will respond very very negatively to. North American plants did not evolve under pressures that involved being squished, crushed, snipped to 8 inches tall uniformly and covered in a suffocating blanket of shredded plant matter. That is actually extremely bad for many of the prairie plants that are vital keystone species. Furthermore it does not control invasive species but rather promotes them.

Native insects need native plant cover. Many of them co-evolved intimately with particular host plants. Many others evolved to eat those guys. And Lord don't get me started on leaf removal, AKA the greatest folly of all humankind.

So wherever there is a mowed environment, regardless of the use of chemicals or not, the bugs don't have the structural or physical habitat characteristics they evolved for and they don't have the plant species they evolved to be dependent on.

Now let's think about three-dimensional space.

This post was inspired when I saw several red winged blackbirds in the unmowed part of a field perching on old stems of Ironweed and goldenrod. The red-winged blackbirds congregated in the unmowed part of the field, but the mowed part was empty. The space in a habitat is not just the area of the land viewed from above as though on a map. Imagine a forest, think of all the squirrels and birds nesting and sitting on branches and mosses and lichens covering the trunks and logs. The trees extend the habitat space into 3 dimensions.

Any type of plant cover is the same. A meadow where the plants grow to 3 feet tall, compared with a lawn of 6 inches tall, not only increases the quality of the habitat, it really multiplies the total available space in the habitat, because there is such a great area of stems and leaves for bugs and birds to be on. A little dandelion might form a cute little corner store for bugs, A six foot tall goldenrod? That's a bug skyscraper! It fits way more bugs.

It's not just the plants themselves, it's the fallen leaves that get trapped underneath them—tall meadow plants seem to gather and hoard fallen leaves underneath. More tall plants is also more total biomass, which is the foundation of the whole food chain!

Now consider light and shade. Even a meadow of 3ft tall plants actually shades the ground. Mosses grow enthusiastically even forming thick mats where none at all could grow in the mowed portions. And consider also amphibians. They are very sensitive to UV light, so even a frog that lives in what you see as a more "open" environment, can be protected by some tall flowers and rushes but unable to survive in mowed back yard

[talas-first-lady]

I love mocking Lena Luthor as much as the next person but here’s my personal headcanon: she’s face-blind.

Her brain just doesn’t process faces. And like people who actually have this in real life, she’s developed coping mechanisms to cover that up. She gets by almost entirely on context clues: voice, hair, body language, clothing style, etc. Plus, seeing as she’s Lena, she has an assistant who can tell her exactly who is about to walk into her office. And I’d bet that she’s developed some sort of gadget to help her if she ever gets stuck.

This is the main reason she’s originally anti-image inducers: because they fuck her whole system up. Aliens in general make everything much harder.

Except Supergirl, literally the easiest alien to recognize, because she always wears the same outfit and pretty much the same hairstyle. She’s got a very particular stance and specific vocal patterns.

And if whatever facial recognition tech she uses tries to tell her that Supergirl looks like Kara, she knows there’s a certain margin of error. And obviously that’s an error. Because Kara’s voice, gait, and mannerisms are nothing like Supergirl’s. She’s awkward and expressive and excitable. She has an extremely specific style. She has glasses. She’s just as unique as Supergirl is, but they’re nothing alike.

[milksuu]

❝ 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 ❞ ─── ☾⏺☽

pairing: yandere!aphelios x solari!priestess!reader (LoL)

warning: non/con, fem!reader, possessive/obsessive behavior, mentions of blood/violence, religious/fanatical behavior, unhealthy coping mechanisms, minor drug use, implied kidnapping, implied forced relationship, semi-public sex, unbalanced power dynamic, runeterra au

notes: sorry besties, he's a 10 but he's bat shit insane. (so an 11) also any mention of 'her' is the moon goddess, not alune. (we're leaving that sweet summer child out of this.) and for those who aren't aware, phel can speak when not under the influence of noctum, but unable to communicate with alune, which is uh...great in this case. (also not me wanting to write a second part like how why help?)

You never thought you’d stare into the pale visage of the Lunari man the village whispered about.

The one with a vacant face but deadly occupation. Your naïve belief in your own safe keeping was nothing more than an illusion. The sun always faded below the misted cliffs, only for the moon to take its place above the mountain’s highest peak. An endless cycle of hierarchical dominance that rinsed itself in blood and repeated in constant turmoil. Tonight would be no different.

“Don’t come any closer.”

A failed attempt to embolden your voice beyond a meek plea. You stiffened at the thunderous closing of the temple door. A clambering echo vibrated through the marble floor and pillars, past the rows of worship, up to where you stood at the crest of the ceremonial altar. The remaining resonance rattled and sang up your spine, shaking the candle light pinched between your fingertips. 

The figure sauntered forward, stepping into the drapes of moonshine filtering from the glass atrium above. Before you stood a deadly beauty; a handsome face rapt with enticing secrets. With a painted crescent that mocked your own solar marking of gold. His lips were a perfect horizontal line, and it was difficult to imagine the ability they possessed beyond lethal silence. His hallowed expression screamed danger—but there was no running away—not when the black abyss of his eyes invited you to stay.

 Not as a guest, but as his permanent resident.

“I’m warning you. Take one more step, and I’ll scream. The guards will come and they won’t hesitate to kill you—”

Your voice went taut inside your throat. Your breath sewn shut against your lungs. The weapon he carried listless at his side drenched itself in various hues of red. Fresh enough to steam in wisps around the sharpest point of the blade.

He stalked forward. The clack of his predetermined steps quickening the pace of your heart. When he stood at arms length, you felt the coldest touch of night. The veins layered beneath your skin pounded, flooding every inch of you with mortal dread. It was sickening to think the flush of your flesh would only make the spill of it all the better. The ‘Weapon of The Faithful’—titled by his own blasphemous people—spoke true. His name…you wished you could cleanse it from existence.

“Aphelios.” You damned the name like a plague upon all of Mount Targon. “Murderer. Blight. Heretic!” 

You jabbed and swung your candlelight in a pitiful attempt to create distance. His free hand quipped against it, sending it clambering to the ground, banishing the flame to the surrounding night. Creating a hazier veil of darkness where there was only one true light—his moon.

Out of sheer disdain, you attempted to slap his face in recoil. His unarmed hand caught you by the wrist, remaining still as you struggled to free yourself from his trained grasp. With force, he pried your hand open, palm exposed. He brought the skin of it to his stiff lips. Unmoving, he lingered there. His lashes fluttered closed; taking a moment of peace, a moment of prayer. 

A moment for sanctum. 

His eyes then winged opened, boring into you, through you. Body, bone and soul. And all you could do was tremble within them. Sinking without escape into those black depths of…nothing. 

In one swift motion, he brought the blade upwards, slicing through the thin linen of your garments. In a precise vertical line, your gown split into two equal halves. The insignificant barrier between you and him slipped to the ground, splaying like rags at your feet. Your head pounded for you to scream, but your own voice felt lost to you. Knowing it was all meaningless. 

No one would hear you. 

No one would save you.

Weakened by the surmounting despair of it all, if he hadn’t already had a hold on you, your legs would have given to the earth.

“No—“ you choked out, eyes brimming with tears. It must’ve looked pathetic; the way you placed your only free arm across your exposed breasts. As if any decorum of modesty would spare you. “Please—just kill me. Do nothing else but that. I beg of you.”

Your final sob for mercy reached ears that may as well have been carved of stone. He stalked closer, forcing your lower back to meet the mantled altar behind you. He’d sheathed his weapon, and took both of your hands within one tight grasp, in case you had half a mind to oppose him. You dipped your chin, heaving through a prayer with mournful hics and sniffled utterances. His advancing weight forced your trembling legs to part, and slotting himself between, created a space where your faith could never exist. 

You didn’t want to look at him, or rather, you couldn’t. Tears scorched your vision and seared down the round of your cheeks. You flinched when he took your chin, raising your blurry gaze to meet his. In those darkest of pools, something gave. An insignificant speck of light gleaming into a faint existence. His lips moved, but there was no sound. Instead, you traced the words from the bow of his mouth.

‘Forgive me.’

Your heart clenched. Diluted blood spiked with fear drowned your consciousness. It left no room for thoughts to linger; whether or not you imagined even an ounce of sympathy reflected in those sedated eyes. Whether or not you imagined he said anything at all. 

The entire world scattered away when he brought your face closer, and kissed away the tears staining the corners of your eyes. You fought to pull away, but he held firm, both your chin and hands locked in the cage of his fingers. From your cheeks, he skimmed his ghostly lips to your mouth. He muffled your protestive moans by filling up your mouth with all of his tongue. 

He gave you the salt taste of your own tears. That, and the taste of something else. A saccharine flavor with notes of floral and bitter earth. 

A reaction flourished; a slight tingle of your lips at first. It made his tongue feel hotter against yours, as parts of your upper mouth went numb. A stream of lukewarm paralysis seeped past your soft palate, filling every nook and cranny of your mindscape. Yet, the secondary symptoms didn’t stop there. An opposite wave traversed down your throat to your stomach, spilling fire throughout every layer of nerves. You clenched your lashes tight, shuddering a gasp into his open mouth.

When the pain settled into a dull simmer, you wondered briefly, had he felt it too? Had he consumed such a substance by choice? If that was a taste, what pain did he endure if he drank it like an offering of wine?

You didn’t want to imagine the terrible effects it might’ve had on his person. Not if it gave you even a single drop of sympathy. It was revolting enough his saliva was poisoning your pure sense of self. The fog of it sullying your inhibitions, stripping away your layers of moral preservation. To the absolute vitriolic parts of yourself, it made you consider…

What would it be like to be touched?

It was too sick and cruel of a thing to do to you. Since birth, you’d devoted your body and soul to your divine Goddess; The Golden Sister. You wanted to be disgusted by allowing the gift of yourself to become tainted by some awful man. No—he was worse than that. Or any word you could craft and cut the corners of your mouth with. He was, by biblical history, a Lunari man born from the cataclysmic eclipse of two moons. A day that marked the day of reckoning of the Solari faith and your people.

Your clouded senses and busied mouth made you unaware that his hand left your face to trail the mounds and curves of your body. A light touch drifting to your inner thighs. You jolted when a finger graced the sensitive hood of your exposed clit. Your thighs squirmed at his side as you attempted to jerk your knees. It did nothing and stirred nothing from him. Except bolster his conviction, tempting a finger lower, teasing your folds already glistening.

Although light-headed, you ripped your mouth away and nipped at his lip. It sprang forth droplets of blood, enough to taste his iron on your tongue. A trivial satisfaction. 

“May you burn at dawn,” you condemned and spat at his lips.

Unflinching, he withdrew his hand and brushed over the blood mark you left. Sweeping it across his bottom lip, along with your saliva, he rolled the consistency between his fingers in private contemplation. Before he looked you dead in the eyes and stuck his fingers inside his mouth. Sucking and licking till his fingers dripped. Watching sent a lightning strike coiling down your spine.

He loomed his weight forward until your back met the altar mantle. With your palms pinned above your head, and legs coaxed wider. His coated hand repositioned down to your entrance, and you writhed with any strength your body could lend. His hold wrapped around your wrists squeezed, gentle in its reprimand. He leaned down to brush his face at the side of your cheek.

“Please…for your own sake.” 

Your eyes widened at his frayed whispers stringing together. Breathing life into what seemed like an empty shell of a person. The frigid space between his mouth and your ear kindling with the slightest bit of warmth. It was what you feared the most. Forced to accept he was every bit human, with a horrid courtesy to use polite words and a pleasant, sickening tone. More insult to your injury. You wished he hadn’t spoken at all. Letting you believe in your mind that he was more aberration or phantom. Or anything else that carried not a single hint of a beating heart.

“I don’t want to hurt you…not anyone, really.” Again, comforting yet noxious. And it made whatever was inside you throb so terribly. As if he could sense it, he reached for it. His salivated finger split through your folds, sliding into the heat of your cunt. It elicited a drawn out whimper as you felt the sensual brush of it against a bed of tingling nerves. Gradually revealing a hidden desire you hadn’t wanted to gratify him with.

“But you…and your people…need to accept what can’t be denied any longer.” He punctuated his words with each thrust of his finger as it curved into that crescent shape you despised so much. Yet, you couldn’t deny the way it made your most feminine parts unravel at the seams. ”No matter how high your sun rises, my heavenly moon will always eclipse it. And fill the sun with Her beauty for all to see.“

A hitched whine fluttered past your lips as he easily slipped a second finger. While the heel of his palm pressed in circles, spreading your arousal and stimulating your plumping clit. Your cunt unashamedly sucked on his long fingers, encouraging him to mold and form you into what he needed you to be—a conduit for the undying affections of his faith.

“You might not see it, but the divine path has been shown to me. The one that’s led me to you. You can feel it at least, can’t you?” He flexed his digits and plunged a third finger. Deeper than the last, fuller than before. Your hips rolled forward on their own accord, craving every bit of attention from his touch.

With deliverance, you answered the question with a wail and arch of your back. Your whole body washed its nerves in a blinding heat. His fingers curled and flexed at your hungry walls clenching around him. It pushed a gush of sticky fluid from your twitching hole into his circling palm. Coming down from the spasms, you sobbed at the humiliating response of your body. 

“So you do feel it.” There was a hidden sentiment of relief in his otherwise placid delivery. As if he’d purged the last blot of doubt that restrained him. You swallowed a mouthful of whines as his probing fingers continued undulating inside you. “Your body…it’s begging to devour me in all its warmth. And mine, yearning to take all your bright stars and bathe you by moon glow alone. Wanting us—and only us—to become one.” 

Without warning, he emptied you of his fingers, a filthy squelch following with it. You sucked in a gasp at the crippling cold he left you with. But he wouldn’t abandon you for long. Shifting in the dark haze above you, he unsheathed his length from his garments and pressed himself against your sopping cunt. He dragged his fullness against your swollen and slicked folds. He wasn’t even inside you, yet you felt an agonizing cramp fisting in your stomach. 

“By Her orders, by Her design…” he spoke through tight whispers, strained by his own anticipation. Pressing his full weight down, he hovered mere inches above you, panting bouts of aroused breaths against your lips. “Let us Converge.”

You squirmed and bucked underneath him. “Nn…not with you…anyone but—!”

You broke off into a high-pitched cry as he stretched you open, filling you up till he bottomed out, and pressed up to the hilt of his hips. He silenced both of your newly coupled hymns with his mouth, and each lap of his tongue matched the tempo of his generous thrusts. The sharp, intrusive pinch died as quickly as it came—the insignificant remnants of toxin dulling bits and pieces of certain pain receptive nerves. A gift, perhaps, in this instance. He had also prepped you well enough to accept all of his adoration, as intended. Another gift, as someone of his ‘giving’ nature may phrase it.

Pulling away slowly, the tip of his head rubbed graciously against every ridge of your swelling walls, before languidly pushing back, going past where you seemed to end. Beyond your farthest points you hadn’t thought existed. Pressing and rubbing all your soft spots and cervix with careful deliberation.

Then again, and again, and again.

“Can you feel it…my devotion…” he groaned into your open-mouthed kisses, continuing to work himself inside you. You weren’t even sure if he was speaking to you, or through you to his false Goddess. 

His free hand found the round flesh of your breast, rolling your budded nipple delicately between the pad of his thumb and index. The other hand, squeezing at your captured wrists, but never tight enough to bruise. He had you lulling in a spellbinding rhythm underneath him, your hands fastened above your head, and hair spilling over the opposite side of the altar. When his mouth left your full lips, he possessed the nape of your neck, sucking the delicate skin above your life line. Your mewls, laced with the chasteless sounds of his base squelching at your entrance, leapt your pulse to an unreturnable pace.

“So warm,” he moaned low, staving off a growing need to revel in his own whines of ecstasy. “This pure sunlight of yours…I’m blessed to be the one who takes it. And you should be too. What an honor it is to be of service to my moon.”

You wanted to hate everything about it. The way he kissed you, the way he moved inside you—but you couldn’t. Every stiff and engorged part of him pressed almost lovingly against your most vulnerable parts; but that wasn’t the proper word for it. His affectionate caresses were zealous in origin. Not even for you. And boderlined a hedonistic doctrine you couldn’t describe. It would’ve been better if he were a man of barbaric qualities; rough and brutal. Not purposeful and diligent and—dared you admit it—tender. If he were the former, then your disgust could be justified, and your body would refuse him in its own rightful way. But it defied you, the lecherous thing. Insisting you melted beneath him and reduce to nothing but a drenched mess. Completely at the mercy of this Lunari man’s act of worship.

“Are you finally realizing it now? How generous my Goddess is compared to yours.” He abandoned the curve of your throat. Within the flush of his face, his eyes were suppled in absolute vindication at your shameless image. “How willing you are to accept me—to accept Her.”   

“N-No…I’m…not…I won’t,” you pried your tongue for words.

He drawled out a quivering whine from your mouth. His body picking up to an impassioned pace, rutting into your sweltering heat. Tethering on his own abandoned pleasure. Your legs pushed themselves wider, opening yourself up more for him, drawing him deeper to pound against the tender knot growing in your belly. 

Choked moans tightened in his throat. Your radiance gripped him with conviction, burning him so divinely from tip to base. Dragging him closer to your complete consummation. His fingers caught the contour of your face, tilting your head back. Your already swimming eyes rolled to follow, and watered at the sight of your Solari Goddess. Carved out from the temple wall, her sacred marbled gaze met your disgraceful expressions. 

“That’s…hn…alright. You can lie to me. I’ll—we’ll always forgive you. But can you say the same for your deity? As she watches her little sunlight being pleasured by the moon’s devoted weapon. I—ha…doubt it very much.” An airy laugh cut through his thick moans intertwined with yours. He continued, inhaling and exhaling his words, raspy and down right broken. “It’s—almost our time…as reverence…your insides…with all of my…”

You couldn’t refuse the vile implication of his words. Not when his thickened, throbbing cock lapped achingly against your muddled core. Your blood boiled, draining out from your collapsing bodily veins to well up inside your stomach. Applying a pressure that made you want to burst into unmendable fractals of yourself. And you did—that tight knot broke in an instant, dilating your insides in a blaze of heat. Flooding you so wholly, you almost forgot to breathe through your delirious sobs of release. 

When the smooth ridges of your walls clamped down, you heard it first as a moan of afflicted surrender on his part. Then, the cock buried inside you pulsed. A stream of white-hot fluid poured into you, shooting well past your cervix, bathing your womb with his warmth. But he didn’t stop there, continuing to indulge. He pumped and pushed the concoction of unified fluids till it poured past his base, and dripped in milky heaps from your hole. His pelvic and abdominal muscles shuddered as his hips rolled slowly but needingly, nursing himself through his over-stimulating climax.

From your tearful, half-lidded gaze, you witnessed a wet glisten in his own eyes. Whether induced by overwhelming pleasure or pained remorse, you would never know. You didn’t want to know.

It didn't matter.

They evaporated the moment he blinked again.

When the heaves and pants subsided, only the echoes of your whimpers remained. Unfastening his grasp from your wrists, his icy hands cupped your sulking face, idly running his thumbs across your soaked cheeks.

“I understand your pain. Believe me, I do. But no amount of tears will keep the celestial cycle from shifting in the moon’s favor. Like any phase, there will be a moment when you won’t hate me as you do now. You might even come to...love me.”

The way he paused made it seem he had no sense for the word. Or what the difference was between what was love and obsession. The look he possessed didn’t instill solace, either; his eyes mere slits of black against his porcelain face. Promising the moment you dared turn away from him, the back of your neck would bleed.

”I swear to you. From this night on, you’ll burn brightest by my reflection. And only my reflection. So long as there's breath and blood in this body, I’ll protect your sunlight from ever fading in the hands of anyone less deserving than mine. By cosmic fate, you’re my entire purpose, my entire existence...” he bent and kissed the solar marking painted on your forehead. “My orbit.” 

[proship-anti-discussion]

Mocking and insulting people for triggers and coping mechanisms is a no debate for me. Stop doing it.

What are your opinions about censoring words? Gooner, kiddie corn, etc.

Also, if you could preface it with pro/anti/neu if it’s not clear by your account? (Meaning your wonderful urls.)

[topguncortez]

I Knew You Were Trouble || Whumptober Day 4 - J. Seresin & Shy!Wifey

Whumptober Masterlist || Whumptober Taglist Form

synopsis: things hadn't been great between the two of them for some time, but she never knew there was another woman involved

@ailesswhumptober prompt: betrayal

word count: 2.2k

warnings: infidelity, cheating, mentions of a miscarriage, unhleatiy coping mechanisms, grief, heartbreak

“I didn’t know he had a wife.” 

From the moment that Y/N had met Jake, she had heard the whispers. The rumor mill was anything but quiet when it came to Jake Seresin. He was the hotshot aviator with a pretty smile and a reputation for leaving a trail of broken hearts wherever he went.

Y/N had taken a gamble when it came to Jake. She knew that Jake could basically have any woman or man that he looked at. No matter how many times Jake had said it, it took Y/N a long time to really believe that she was it for him. That she could be enough and more for him. 

Y/N lost count of how many Navy balls she had gone to in the past seven years of being by Jake’s side. She could remember the very first one he had ever taken her to, the one where he had met her dad for the very first time. Jake had been so scared to meet the infamous James ‘Hercules’ Parker, but it was also the night that Jake realized he couldn’t live without Y/N. Now, seven years and three kids later, the Seresins walked into the banquet hall hand in hand. 

But what was supposed to be a fun first night out since the birth of their third child, Eli, quickly turned sour when Y/N overheard what she was assuming was supposed to be a private conversation. 

“Did you know Commander Seresin is married?” A woman asked her friend, her voice barely above a whisper but echoing in what they assumed was a vacant restroom. Y/N froze as she had just walked into the restroom and heard her husband’s last name. She pressed her back against the wall, craning her head to hear the conversation.

“Uh yeah,” Another female scoffed, “He’s only like obsessed with his wife. . . why?” 

The first female, a blonde ensign who had just started her career as a TopGun cadet, froze. Her eyes turned red as she stared at her friend in the mirror. A look of horror and guilt was written on her face. 

“I didn’t know he had a wife.” 

The second female gasped, her eyes wide as she looked at her friend through the mirror, “How could you not know!?"

"I didn't know."

It was as if the air had been sucked right out of the room as the blonde started crying over her admission. Y/N felt bile rising in her throat as tears threatened to spill from her eyes. She placed a hand on her racing heart, walking backward until her back hit the restroom door. Spots clouded her vision as she turned and fumbled to get the door open, trying to escape as quickly as she could. 

“I didn’t know he had a wife.” 

The words felt like daggers to her chest, as her head started to swim. She wasn’t sure where she was going, or where her body was leading her. All she knew was that she needed air. She needed to get away from the crowd, from the stares. She felt as though all eyes were on her as she cut through the crowded ballroom towards the exit on the other side.

Did other people know? Of course, they had to know. Everyone knew everything when it came to Jake “Hangman” Seresin. Was that why a whole table of young lieutenants were staring at her? Mocking her? Laughing at her? 

Those five words replayed over and over in her head, as her brain conjured up the worst images it could imagine. Her loving husband, and that gorgeous blonde woman with perfect tits and a perfect body. Y/N couldn’t but wonder; did he hold her the same way he holds her? Did he say the same things as her? Did he touch her the same way? Her throat felt like it was about to close as she nearly reached the exit. She pressed her hand against the door, feeling the rush of fresh air enter. 

“Oh! There she is!”

Y/N felt a hand wrap around her arm, stopping her in her trance. The hand pulled her back, making the door shut and closing off her chance at escaping. Y/N looked away from the door to see her husband’s dazzling smile.

A smile that usually made her feel warm and safe, now made her feel nothing but red-hot anger, “Gentlemen, this is my beautiful wife, Y/N.” 

Jake wrapped his arm around his wife’s waist, holding her close to him. Normally, the gesture made her feel calm. Although she had gained a lot of confidence in the past half-decade, she still had some insecurities. It made her nervous to meet new people, especially people who had the power to make or break her husband’s career. But standing next to him, after hearing the confession in the restroom, all Y/N wanted to do was cry. She wanted to push his arm off of her and run out the door. But she knew better than to do that. She had watched her mother for years play the doting wife to the Naval Admiral, and she had followed right in her footsteps. 

Y/N rolled her shoulders back, taking a sip of air to push the nausea down, and put a bright smile on her face. She held her hand out and greeted the Admirals in front of her. She nodded her head and listened to them sing the praises of her husband. Jake does his usual bit where he tells them to stop flattering him, that they are making him blush, which gets a loud roar of laughter.

Y/N looked at her husband, who had his Old Hollywood movie star smile on his face. He was clad in his white full-dress uniform. Gold medals shined to perfection. The ribbon rack is put neatly and carefully together. Not a single piece of blonde hair was out of place. It made Y/N feel sick. 

“Well, we’ll let you two enjoy the rest of your night,” One of the admirals said, giving you a wink, “Don’t get too crazy. . . We just got this one back from paternity leave.” 

“Don’t have to worry about that happening again,” Y/N said quickly. Jake furrowed his brows and looked at her. She’s never said something like that before. Y/N gulped, glancing quickly down at her shoes before back up at the admiral, “It was nice meeting you.” 

“You too,” The admiral nodded and walked away with the rest of them.

Jake was silent for a moment before he turned to face his wife, a concerned look on his face, “Are you alright-” 

“She didn’t know you had a wife,” Y/N said, looking Jake right in the eye. Jake felt his heart pounding in his chest as he looked back at his wife. Y/N hated fighting, she had confrontations. Whenever they argued, it usually led to her breaking down in tears. But, there was not a single tear in her eye as she stared Jake down. 

Jake opened and shut his jaw a couple of times. His head was swimming for the right words to say to her, but he was coming up with nothing. Instead, he placed his hand on the small of her back and led her towards the doors. Y/N silently agreed and followed him. Jake gathered Y/N’s coat and the keys to their car. The tension was thick between them as she slid the coat on her arms and followed Jake to the car. 

The ride home was silent as their minds were running a mile a minute. Y/N’s eyes were trained on the world outside while Jake was white-knuckling the steering wheel. He was thinking how the hell she found out and Y/N was thinking how the hell this happened. 

Sure, things hadn’t been perfect between them. Losing a baby affects even the strongest of couples. But they were Jake and Y/N. They got through things like this and came out stronger on the other end. They didn’t let little things like rumors and gossip ruin what they had. 

But this was different. This wasn’t just rumors or gossip. 

Y/N couldn’t help but let her mind wonder again. She closed her eyes tightly trying to will the images of her husband and another woman away from her brain but it was no use. She wondered if he thought about her. If he had thought of his vows. If he had taken his ring off. What had he said to that blonde to get her into bed? Jake was a charming man, Y/N could remember the first time they met and how giddy she had felt. She wondered if that woman felt the same thing. 

“Stop the car,” Stop the car,” Y/N mumbled, holding her first to her mouth. The thoughts plaguing her mind made her feel sick to her stomach, “Pull over,” She sucked in a breath of air, trying to keep herself from gagging. 

Jake looked over at her, “What?” 

“Pull the damn car over!” 

Jake complied, pulling off to the side of the road. Y/N hardly waited a beat once the car was in park, to throw the door open and get it out. She stumbled a couple of steps towards the back of the car, before bracing her hand on the side and vomiting up her dinner. Jake cursed as he put the hazards on and got out of the car. He quickly made his way to her, reaching to pull her hair back. 

“Don’t touch me!” Y/N snapped, pushing his hand away from her. She took a couple of paces away, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. Tears were now streaming down her face as she stood on the shoulder of the road, “Why?” She turned to face Jake, “Why did you do it?” 

“Sweetheart, please, let’s get back in the car and we can discuss at-” 

“No!” Y/N yelled, “You don’t get to do this. You don’t get to try and coerce me into dropping this and moving on. . . You cheated on me?” 

Jake moved forward, but Y/N took the same distance back, “It meant nothing-” 

Y/N laughed and shook her head, “That’s supposed to make me feel better? You having a meaningless hookup with some ensign is supposed to just magically make things alright? Cause it doesn’t, Jake. It doesn’t!” 

“It was an accident! I didn’t mean for it-” 

Y/N scoffed and rolled her eyes, “Your dick doesn’t just slip into someone on-” 

“We lost a baby!” Jake yelled. Y/N snapped her head towards him, a bewildered expression on his face. Jake hardly ever mentioned the miscarriage that they had suffered before conceiving Eli. He had gotten a bit teary-eyed about it, but other than that, he had been the rock that the family needed during that time. 

“What does that have to do-” 

“You acted like it was no big deal. Y-You just brushed it off after a couple of weeks and wanted to start trying again. And then you got pregnant and it was like that baby never mattered. You didn’t seem to care when the rose bush in the backyard died. You just… you basically forgot.” 

“I forgot?” Y/N whispered, “I? Me? The one who lost the baby. The one whose only job was to house and protect and grow the baby, forgot that I lost them?” 

“I just-“

“That moment haunts me all the time,” Y/N clenched her jaw, “I hear that silence all the time and it’s so fucking loud.” 

“Well,” Jake shifted on his feet, “Ya know what. . . I felt like you were using me! All you wanted to do was get pregnant right after we lost the baby! There was no love, there was no relationship.” 

Y/N scoffed, “And that's your reasoning for cheating on me,” You shook your head, "You weren't the only one feeling the lack of love. You hardly touched me unless I was begging you to. You were pushing me away."

“I needed you and you weren’t-” 

“And you don’t think that I needed you?” Y/N’s voice broke, “I was holding myself together with tape and glue while taking care of our children and mourning the loss of a baby I will never get to know, and grow another one. I was terrified! I was scared to move! To breathe! Every single appointment I was scared to go to! And you were too busy burying your cock into a twenty-something-year-old to notice!” 

“You didn’t tell me!” Jake yelled back. 

“I shouldn’t have to. I am your wife! And you are my husband. You should be loyal to me and only me. You should have confided in me about your feelings, but instead, you confided your dick into someone else.” 

“It wasn’t even sex,” Jake mumbled. 

Y/N burst out laughing. She ran her hands through her hair and tugged at the roots, “That’s supposed to make me feel better?” 

Jake just shrugged. 

Y/N shook her head, and looked down at her feet, “I-I can’t do this tonight.” She brushed past Jake, getting into the car and settling back in her seat. 

Jake let out a sigh, tilting his head back and looking up at the sky. He prayed for anything to come down and take him out, just so he didn’t have to look into the eyes of the woman he loved. The woman who he broke.

whumptober taglist: @els-marvelvsp @sarahsmi13s @topgun-imagines @xoxabs88xox @cassiemitchell @seitmai @a-reader-and-a-writer @bradleybeachbabe @kmc1989 @senawashere @beautifulandvoid @oldermenaremyreligion @ohtobeleah