#AND IT'S THE SAME GODDAMN FUCKING BOSS AS IN SONIC 2

[spinningbuster98]

Here we finally are people!

Dante's portion of the game!

...and here start the issues...

Jeez where do I even begin with this...?

Ok so this is gonna be a long one, strap in.

So let's start with Dante himself!

From a pure gameplay standpoint Dante is....actually fantastic!

In fact DMC4 Dante, for the longest time, had sorta garnered a reputation as the most complex action game character ever due to the complexity and depth of his move pool, hell some experts still believe this to be the case and that he still beats DMC5 Dante!

So most of the gameplay features from DMC3 return here but with a couple of important additions!

The most important is the ability to switch to any of his styles on the fly without the need to go to a Divinity Statue. Words cannon describe just how massive this is for combos and variety, especially in the hands of experts.

Dante has 3 melee weapons and 3 guns

We have Rebellion, returning from DMC3 with much of the same moveset but with a couple of tweaks that make it even deadlier

We have Gilgamesh, this game's version of the gauntlets and boots. These are...ok, they're pretty much a mash up of the Ifrit and Beowulf gauntlets from DMC1 and 3 respectively

Then there's Lucifer which....yeah I'll talk about that one later

As for guns we have the usual: Ebony & Ivory alongside the Coyote-A shotgun but now we also have Pandora: a demonic briefcase capable of transforming into other weapons depending on your inputs, like a missile launcher, a laser gun or an airborne machine gun

Pandora's main gimmick is that for every successful hit with it you build up its disaster meter: when you use Pandora's moves in Gunslinger style that meter dictates how much damage they'll do, and these include turning into a flying missile station, an oversized bayblade boomerang and a screen nuke with a long windup animation

So as you can see Dante's arsenal is certainly more...minimal when compared to his DMC3 loadout, but it's still good stuff overall, with a couple of neat new features that plenty of die hard fans adore to this day!

.........

..............

......................

So when does the other shoe drop?

So......remember when I said that this game was very rushed?

Yeah about that......

Dante....doesn't have levels of his own....

or bosses (except one)

In fact the game itself...doesn't really have a second half per se....

Dante's levels are literally Nero's levels....in reverse and with annoying gimmicks tacked on in a flimsy effort to differentiate them

And these gimmicks are not only often really fucking annoying but they also contribute to one of the biggest issues with this game's second half

Remember when I said that this game was interested in wanting to be more beginner friendly? What with Nero's simpler style and starting with a literal tutorial?

Do you remember?

Because the game sure doesn't

The game throws you Dante, a remarkably more complex character gameplay wise, and tells you to git gud fucking immediately with his play style because he has the hardest levels in the whole goddamn game with annoying asf gimmicks to boot!

When you switch over to him the game even transfers all of the Proud Souls (this game's currency for moves) that you invested in Nero's moves to Dante so that you can already buy lots of moves right off the bat: the game WANTS you to already buy a good portion of Dante's moveset before you even start playing as him because it knows you'll have to give your A game immediately which only gives you MORE stuff to confuse you with.

And then there's the levels themselves!

You know how Sonic Advance 3 is sometimes criticised for how its level design doesn't really lend itself very well to teaching the ropes to the player? Especially with stuff like Route 99?

Well DMC4's Dante portion puts the entirety of Advance 3 to shame.

Dante's first level starts with two (2) rooms with regular enemies to get accustomed to his playstyle...

...and then immediately starts a goddamn countdown of 10 minutes or else it's game over!! And it starts throwing you tough enemies (granted I'm on DMD but even on normal it's not too different)

It's the FIRST level for Dante!

Then the second one has you going through a teleporter labyrinth which will have you focus way more on navigation and getting lost rather than on trying to grow accustomed to Dante's combat!

And it only gets worse from here!

And the worst part?

You can clearly tell that this game was NOT designed for Dante

This is Nero's game

What I mean by this is that every enemy and boss was pretty obviously designed to be taken down with his moveset

I've commented some times that Nero is pretty OP because almost everything can be taken out with liberal use of his charge shot and buster grab

Dante however has the opposite problem: because he doesn't have those moves he has a fuckton more of an awkward time dealing with even basic enemies than Nero does because it's clear that they were designed with the latter's moveset in mind!

For example: look at those ice lizards: Nero can just use his fully charged shot to destroy a good chunk of their ice armor. Dante doesn't have such an easy option and has to essentially chip away at their armor the old fashioned way

Or look at those knights with shields: Nero's gun can pierce shields when charged up and once you get behind them you can immediately and easily deal heavy damage by grabbing them

Dante's guns don't pierce shields, and his most damaging moves have long wind up animations that require you to use them when you know you won't be interrupted, which is how it worked in DMC3 but....

And look at that first boss! (Which was Nero's third boss but you fight her first as Dante due to how the game is set up which only further highlight just how the game wants to do everything in its power to prevent you from learning Dante), with Nero I had next to no trouble because I could mostly keep my distance, charging my shots as I dodged her long range attacks and then grabbing her when she got stunned. No can do with Dante!

It feels like what takes Nero just 1 simple step it takes Dante 4 or 5, it feels like you have to work around enemy design that was not meant for this character and you have to put in the extra effort which is not only bullshit in and of itself but also so fucking backwards!

Dante is supposed to be the stronger character between him and Nero! It's stated multiple times in this very game! The cutscenes all portray him as being way more competent and OP than Nero and yet he's the one who feels super clunky to use and master!

And look: I know that if you get good enough with him you can steamroll the game. There are plenty of experts out there who can do crazy things with Dante in this game: as I said before lots of top players adore him

And that's not even getting into all the exploits, like Distortion or momentum and other crazy stuff that players have had plenty of time to figure out in over 10 years

But here's the thing: I'm no expert, so maybe I'm just plain wrong about this, but I believe that there's a difference between mastering a game because it's hard and mastering a game because you need to work around its faulty design

I've rarely had this issue in DMC3. Sure there are a couple of enemies and bosses there that feel ill designed but for thye most part the challenges you face feel designed for Dante and his moveset. The game is hard as balls but feels fair in that regard

Here however you can easily tell that this game was designed for Nero and his gameplay style, with Dante being thrown in there comparatively at the last second without the time to properly balance things around him....or you know give him levels and bosses of his own

His Lucifer weapon is, in a way, emblematic: it generates energy thorns that stick to enemies but deal very little damage. However you can then detonate them: the more you stick in an enemy the more damage they'll do upon detonation. Moreover you can set them in the air as traps of sorts and even move them around the arena with specific commands.

99% of players never bother with this weapon because you basically need to have throughly mastered them to get any kind of use out of them.

There's this weird chasm of opinion about DMC4 between Mega Experts and more normal players

The Super Experts love the complexity and all the fun little exploits and are not bothered by the issues of enemy and boss design with Dante because they've gotten good enough at the game to trivialise them

While most other players tend to view DMC4 as an excellent combat system stuck inside a badly designed game

Now I have my share of fun with Nero's portion of the game. Not as much as DMC3, but pretty fun nonethell. But this is the point where the game starts dropping the ball big time for me.

And honestly? Wanting to master a game should come from a place of not only interest but also fun: I want to master a game BECAUSE I already have fun with it at a basic level

But needing to master a game JUST to have fun?

I can take a game being hard and requiring me to git gug: I love DMC3 and I've completed that game on DMD

But as I've already said: it's not that DMC4's Dante portion is hard, it's just plainly not designed for him

[sage-nebula]

I would like to thank Arceus and also ninja Mew, because I have FINALLY BEATEN FUCKING OIL OCEAN ZONE IN SONIC MANIA, GOD FUCKING DAMN IT

[woodys]

I feel like it’s important right now that i’m typing. I’m not sure where this post is going to go and what i’m going to say, how disturbing it might get but for the first time in the longest while I have this need to park myself and type. This godforsaken site is called a blogging site so I guess, just this once, I’m going to sit here and for the first time in all my years of being on it—use it as one. Is this a post i’m proud of? No, I already know it’s not. But at the same time I think the only person i’m writing it for is for myself. My future self. For her to come back and read. To see how lucky and how strong she is, maybe serve as a reminder of how far she’s come whenever she remembers i’ve left this here for her to read. Because it’s something that happened and something I don’t think i’m afraid of anymore. Something I should be open about and something I shouldn’t repress. Because if I hadn’t been open about it at some point, I wouldn’t be here to type it for anyone to read.

December 17 was the day I was supposed to die. Monday December 17, 2018. That’s what I wanted my obituaries to say. That’s what I wanted my gravestone to say. It was the day I hyperfixated on for about three weeks and to me it was perfect in every way. When it came it was a beautiful day, the weather just ideal. Much like it had been three months back on the date, also Monday, September 17th, when my mom started the eternal rest that came sooner than she deserved. Our dates would be just alike. Just like when we matched the same outfits when I was smaller. It was something that would connect us again in a infinite day. That was supposed to be my day to go. 

I did research on what I wanted more than I wish I ever had. I had my options, all of them as painless as possible. I was counting down and for awhile just to reflect I started to keep track of one thing a day i’d miss or that I was grateful for. By the last week that fell to the wayside because it was like I had nothing left. Everything seemed against me. I felt like I was fighting this big bad world alone having to front a smile and be the person I used to be. I’ve been so tired. I’ve got no energy. By Wednesday I think I had thrown in the towel. I went to the nail shop the next day and it almost felt as if I was prepping myself for everyone else. At least my nails would look great (mom was about to get hers done) and my hair is styled in the way people normally saw me (mom’s wasn’t. she had plans to take her braids down just the next week). Sunday rolls around with what felt like the fatal blow, final straw, I was just ready to clock out at midnight on Monday Eastern time. It was midnight somewhere I thought. 

When i’ve seen people go through things like this, at least online, it looks....it looks entirely like a joke. And I do, think that there are people out there that throw these thoughts and feelings around online just to get the attention, just to snatch a moment of pity and kindness out of people. That’s why I was set on keeping the act until the day of. Being the sunny, cheery, positive disposed person everyone I interact know me as. I came into this year with a high head. I was hopeful. I was ready to do big things. But as the year went on the bad piled on and on. But I still fought! That was my thing. My shoulders were heavy but i’d keep fighting on. At any point of the year I could turn all of it around and own it. 8 is my favorite number after all. 2018 was supposed to be a good one. 

But then I went to sleep one night....and woke up to a world without my mom...my last surviving parent. The woman who raised me on her own, who was worried about me constantly, who gave the best hugs, and got on my nerves but it had always been the two of us. I still can’t believe i’m moving and living in a world that she’s no longer in. You just don’t come out of that like a champ. You can’t walk away from something like that as a champ. I tried to fight like I know she would’ve liked me to. Be myself. Try to do the things I normally did. I tried to honor her in all the ways I could but as each 17th hit I just got weaker and weaker. And i’m still so frail. The next month i’ll be in a new year without her. I didn’t want to go into the new one without her. I still don’t. 

And while I sat in my kitchen, minutes after midnight, crying so hard I don’t even think my eyes felt opened, with my phone in hand I just felt it all. I always read that people who get this point feel nothing at all...well I felt everything all at once. And I know that’s mostly because that’s who I am as a person. I care so much, I love so much. I love more than I need to. I love those who don’t deserve it. I love and care about people who do me wrong in and out and I want nothing more than to see them well and happy regardless. I just wanted to stop feeling. I’m so tired of feeling. Especially feeling everything. Feeling that I have to smile, that I have to answer that i’m okay and pretend to be okay when I haven’t been. I remember thinking ‘I feel too much to be loved so little’ over, over, and over again. Mom’s so lucky she doesn’t have to feel anymore. Feel or be tired or worry about anyone. I wanted that. For someone like me, it seemed only ideal.

Though, I know in the littlest speck deep down, I didn’t want to go. When I went to the movies that Sunday I cried at nearly every preview, thinking about about all the movies that I wouldn’t see. All the songs I wouldn’t hear and fall in love with and all the games i’d never get to play. I looked at the two pieces of my artwork on the wall and thought about how I wouldn’t create anymore. Not that I have in about a year or so, because its been a deeper battle to find that love again but...I’d never see myself improve how I wanted. I felt all of this too while I cried in the kitchen that night. While a good friend of mine talked to me about all the things i’d miss out on I felt all of it. Was I really satisfied with just having lived to see the trailer to Toy Story 4? You laugh, but that’s just how much that series means to me. And now that i’m in better mind, a semi-better heart, I can answer that no. No I would’ve missed out entirely.

It’s really a miracle I got through the 17th. It’s a miracle because I felt I was ready to say goodbye. I thought I was doing everyone I knew a favor to just disappear with no warning, no trace. I didn’t feel important. I still don’t feel important to any cause. I saw first hand how people rallied to love at my mom’s funeral and it’s so sad. How the living never know how much they’re loved until they’re laying in their casket. I wish mom knew how many people overflowed that hall for her funeral. Friends old and new and all the good things they said. I wish she could’ve known it all when she was alive. But that day, the people who knew my plan, reached out to me. People I cared about young and old stood with me through that day, buzzing my phone throughout. One friend sent me pictures of bunnies. Another of her cat. Another one just made me smile by just reminding me that she was thinking of me while my best friend just checked in. I got to show my friends Toy Story shorts they hadn’t seen. And I laughed at Toy Story 2 right into midnight of the 18th. I broke down afterward though. It felt like I had shoved aside a huge hurdle. All of it wasn’t the attention I asked for. It’s not the attention I wanted, even. It’s not attention that i’m proud to be getting. But all of it was acts of love. How could I just deny the effort of so many people that are fighting hard to keep me alive, reminding me that i’ve never been alone when I was ready to give up. Reminding me of the good things life has to offer. Be it their pets, your favorite scene, the things that make you laugh. Relationships i’ve created all on my own that i’d leave behind forever.

So i’m sitting here a day past my death date now reflecting on what i’ve been going through. If I had died that day I wouldn’t have seen my best friend laughing at some ridiculous internet catfish story that he got himself caught up in. I wouldn’t have enjoyed pancakes. I wouldn’t have heard about my best friend enjoying her goodies in the package I’d sent in the mail. I would’ve missed out on the good new soundtracks I own. I would’ve missed singing along to some old favorite songs from one of my favorite movies. 

Am I okay? No. I’m not. I’m furthest from okay right now and that’s okay. It’s okay to answer that i’m not fine instead of saying I am. It’s okay not to be happy all the time. No one expects that from me so I shouldn’t expect it from myself anymore. But I will be okay soon. I want to be. I’m not my grief and i’m a warrior. I can’t forget the people who love me and the promises i’ve made. All the movies i’ve got to see from Toothless to how badly Sonic does next November. One day I hope the 17 just becomes a sad number, and not a date I think of dying. Most importantly, I hope one day I tell my mom about everything I did after she fell asleep. The last day we were together she asked me what my goals were. I haven’t even started working toward them yet. I can’t disappoint her by having nothing to tell her when she gets to ask me again. 

Time and patience are said to heal all wounds, so I hope that it fix up this scar of mine. I still never imagined i’d be here. I never imagined i’d stare at death so close to the face and I guess that’s why i’m putting it all pen to paper. Well, figuratively. If someone I know closer to me found this and read it who knows what would happen. 

There’s no way in my lifetime i’ll be able to thank the people who stopped me even if they know they did or not. Everyday now is a day I could’ve missed out on and what I almost missed seeing. I beat the boss fight of the 17th. Now it’s just going at that final boss on the 31st. From here on out I want to do all that I can to just make it there and see the end of this (excuse my language) goddamned hell of a fucking year. Even if I can’t give my 100% i’ll try at 50. If I can’t do 50, i’ll try 25. I just can’t give up. 

And while i’m still not proud that I got this close, i’m proud that i’m still standing. I’m proud to wake up and just try even if the odds are against me. I’m proud to still be able to respond to my friends and tell them I love them day in and day out. I’m so proud of me for making it through even when I felt like I couldn’t.

I’m so proud to still be alive. 

[guitarsandviolins]

Guitars and Violins Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Long Way to the Top if you wanna Tour (Disclaimer!)

The plane landed in Seattle. Korra woke up to Asami sleeping peacefully on her chest. “Sami wake up,” she said, “We’re here.” Asami woke up. “How long have I been out?” asked Asami. “Not long,” said Korra. “C’mon lovebirds!” said Opal, “We got a tour to go on!” The 3 of them got out of the car and went to the airport. Bolin saw a poster that said Tone Benders. “There it is!” he said. Zoe was waving at them. “Hey guys, welcome to Seattle!” said Zoe. “Its an honor to meet you,” said Tahno, “We’ve seen your performances and they’re frickin awesome.” “Thanks,” said Zoe. Opal was staring at her chest. “Fuck those are huge,” she said. Zoe chuckled. “Please pardon our friend,” said Asami. “Let us help you with your bags,” said Zoe. They packed everything into a van. “This is really exciting for us, we really wanted to tour with you guys,” said Zoe, “However our brother wasn’t so sure about it though.” “How come?” asked Korra. “We’ll tell you later,” said Zoe. A few minutes later they were at a hotel. Korra jumped on the bed and laid down. “Makes yourselves at home,” said Zoe, “We’ll leave in a few hours.” “Thanks,” said Bolin. Korra pulled out her pedalboard and placed a new one on. “Is that what I think it is?” asked Tahno. “You know it,” said Korra, “The Boss SD-1 Super Overdrive! Only $50.” “Someone’s been doing their research,” said Asami, “Hey where’s Opal?” Opal was having a girl chat with Zoe while having a drink. “So you’re the one always filming videos of the band,” said Zoe. “You bet,” said Opal, “So what’s with the schoolgirl attire.” “We got it from watching AC/DC,” said Zoe, “Its been our staple outfit since the first concert we did.” “I see,” said Opal. She was staring at Zoe’s chest. “You’ve been staring at our chest for some time now,” said Zoe. “Oh, I’m sorry,” said Opal looking up. “Its ok,” said Zoe, “People stare at it a lot so its no biggie. So are you….” “Goodness no, I’m a straight girl dating the drummer of the band,” said Opal, “I just have a fetish for boobs.” “Totally understandable,” said Zoe. “This is gonna sound completely weird but can I touch your chest?” asked Opal. “Sure,” said Zoe. She removed the vest and tie so Opal could get a better feel for them. Opal gave them a feel. “Christ they’re soft,” said Opal. “We know,” said Zoe looking at her watch, “We should go pick up the others.” They went to the hotel and Zoe opened the door. “Ready to head out?” asked Opal. “You bet,” said Mako. They were at a restaurant with the lead guitarist of the band, Marcus Halloway. “So it looks like we’re gonna be going with 2 separate vans,” said Marcus. Bolin seem intimidated. “He’s basically the leader as he gets the gigs and writes most of their songs,” said Tahno. “I haven’t seen you play before, and if not for my sister being obnoxious about it, I wouldn’t be touring with a band I’ve never heard of,” said Marcus. “Come on Marcus!” said Zoe. “Oh, I made some changes to the schedule,” said Marcus handing them a new schedule. Mako saw a familiar place. “Whoa!” he said, “The Axis Nightclub?!” Marcus glared at them. “A lot of cool bands made their name here,” said Tahno, “Like Smashing Pumpkins, and Sonic Youth.” “Billy Corgan is my idol,” said Korra, “His guitar tone is what I’ve been trying to get for years but I don’t know how he does it!” “We should get moving,” said Marcus. They went to their first spot. It was a small pub. “Well, this is our first stop in America,” said Korra, “Kinda small but I think I’ll manage.” “Well the shitty thing is we don’t get to have a rehearsal or anything,” said Mako, “Not to mention the guys are pretty picky about how long we can take to set up our shit.” “I’ll say,” said Tahno, “Not even a goddamn soundcheck.” Opal had the camera ready. “Good luck you guys,” said Zoe. Korra set up her amp and everything. “They seem nervous,” said Marcus. “C’mon give them a break,” said Zoe, “They just got off the plane and they’re probably tired from jet lag and all that jazz.” “No excuses,” said Marcus, “Opening acts are the most important part of any concert.” “Ugh,” said Zoe. It came time for the performance. “Alright guys let’s do it,” said Korra. Bolin counted down. They started performing Debaser by The Pixies. For a minute everything seemed good. But things started to fall apart. Korra seemed too stiff, and Tahno’s voice wasn’t projecting. The audience was giving them a harsh reception. Marcus was not at all impressed. “See, they suck,” he said. “No, the equipment is just shitty,” said Zoe. “Well in that case I can’t blame them entirely,” said Marcus. Their secondary guitarist, Blake, the bassist, Ike, and the drummer, Shelly were watching them. “If they were just given a sound check and everything this shit wouldn’t be happening,” said Blake. After they finished only a few peope clapped. “Alright let’s get out there,” said Marcus, “Time for the real deal to rock this house.” He set up his guitar while the other bandmates. “Well that sucked,” said Korra. “Its only our first show,” said Asami, “We’re just getting started.” The drummer counted down and they started playing. Korra and the band were watching and were amazed at how well they sounded. “Her drumming is way beyond me,” said Bolin. “Same with the bass player,” said Mako, “And he’s got a 5-string bass guitar.” Korra looked at Marcus’ guitar. It was an Gibson Firebird with a Floyd rose. “Fuck,” she said. Heavy by Collective Soul Zoe: Complicate this world you wrapped for me
I'm acquainted with your suffering

And all your weight
It falls on me
It brings me down
And all your weight
It falls on me
It falls on me

Hold me up to all whom you've deceived
Promises you break you still believe And all your weight
It falls on me
It brings me down
And all your weight
It falls on me
It falls on me And all your weight
It falls on me
It brings me down
And all your weight
It falls on me
It falls on me It then came time for Marcus’ guitar solo. Korra was mesmerized by the guitar tone he had. “No wonder they’re such veterans,” said Mako. “How the hell does he sound that good with a guitar?” asked Korra, “Its like he’s been playing for over 10 years!” “Well they have been around since the late 90s,” said Tahno. Zoe: And all your weight
It falls on me
It brings me down
And all your weight
It falls on me
It falls on me

They finished and got a larger audience than The Tone Benders. At another gig Korra and her band were playing. The people there weren’t even paying attention or getting into the groove. One person threw a bottle at Asami. Korra was infuriated. “HEY!” she shouted. She was about to punch him but Mako and Tahno held her back. Korra and the gang were in a hotel. “Man these pubs aren’t giving us any respect,” said Korra. “Are we just not meant to play in America?” asked Asami. Mako was watching performances of Z-Gravity performing and was paying mostly attention to Zoe. Korra, Tahno, and Bolin were staring at him. “What?” he asked. “Someone’s got the hots for their frontman,” said Bolin. “What are you talking about?” asked Mako. Zoe opened the door. “We just came to tell you that the concert tonight was cancelled,” said Zoe. “What?” asked Korra, “How come.” “The place got double booked,” said Zoe, “So it looks like we got this day off.” “Nice,” said Mako. “So Bolin,” said Opal, “I’ve seen this nice place that I think you might like.” She dragged him out with a smile on her face. “Why don’t we go out for a while,” said Korra taking Asami. Zoe sat next to Mako. “So its just the two of us,” she said. “Yea I guess so,” said Mako. “Hey you wanna come with us to this club tonight?” asked Zoe “Sure,” said Mako, “I’m down.”

[thesinglesjukebox]

PUSHA T - IF YOU KNOW YOU KNOW [7.25] We know...

Thomas Inskeep: Daytona is one of the year's tightest albums: Kanye producing like it's 2005 again -- hard beats and tough samples -- and Pusha T not wasting a single word. He's always been a great rapper but rarely has he been this concise in his coke raps par excellence -- and opening track "If You Know You Know" sets that mood perfectly. (And how about that Air sample?!) As an old school hip-hop head, this hits every goddamn one of my pleasure centers. [10]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: There's a precision here, especially in the first verse's endless variations on "boy," that would read as too sterile in the hands of nearly any other rapper. But Pusha T has always turned technical perfection into something more than the words he sneers out: a protective armor of cool reserve. It's that reserve that explains his longevity, especially compared to the other rappers of his generation that are still hanging around -- Nas and Jay-Z, even when accompanied by younger collaborators sound tired, and even Pharrell has been growing increasingly threadbare in his old age. Unlike the rest, it's clear that Pusha T is rapping only for himself, and not for any mass appeal. He uses the language of fraternity, of splitting the real and the fake, throughout "If You Know You Know," and he's matched by the sonics that Kanye West, in rare form compared to the rest of his late period output, lends him. It's a gauntlet of buzzsaw guitars and ringing percussion that Pusha walks through unscathed -- leisurely even. He doesn't need to be rushed: his career and "If You Know You Know" itself show the fruits of his patience. [9]

Andy Hutchins: Two-plus decades on -- the leak-only Exclusive Audio Footage was recorded in the late '90s, and the brothers Thornton were Clipse years before that, even -- rap's smirking underdog snow-thrower can still make selling drugs sound like the most fun thing in the world. Pusha is not as nimble with flow now as he was in his heyday, and he's liable to grin when once he would sneer, but age has taught him: Every bar matters. And he has a festive Kanye flip of a song from a band that once worked with the guy who would go on to write the Miami Vice theme to do that over here, so making an inscrutable De La Soul reference and shouting out Rich Boy in the same verse makes for delicious incongrousness. "I been hidin' right where you can see me," Pusha says -- and, testament to his rare talent, he sounds as good as ever on his umpteenth d-boy soliloquy. [8]

Jonathan Bradley: Drake's ill-fated "Duppy Freestyle" diss drew Pusha T as an aging competitor whose marginality has been made crueler in following a decline from a mere second-tier height. As he has grown older, Push hasn't disavowed this unsympathetic representation of his career. With Malice, his brother and Clipse counterpart, he recreated street life as a dualistic site of alternate fatalism and biblical denouement; alone he has calcified into a worn veteran who has endured everything and grown more savage from the experience. The album was going to be called King Push and was named ultimately after a luxury brand of wristwatch, but Push has only ever really had the ear of the throne: Kanye, or as the lyric here clarifies: "the skybox next to RiRi's." Push has never thought he was Big Meech; he was hustling when that boss was partying. The verses of "If You Know You Know" are a marvel: dense punchlines that, if they don't slice as sharply as they once did, still hit from the weight of experience behind them. "Ran off on that plug too like Trugoy" isn't just a cute line; it roots Push in hip-hop history by drawing unexpected connections and contrasting that legacy with the jejune indulgence (a "new toy") that opens the track. (Ensuing allusions to Pink Floyd, rude boys, Hit Boy, and Rich Boy's "Throw Some Ds" continue the rhyme scheme and solidify the timeline.) But much like the Daytona album it opens, "If You Know You Know" is merely good, rather than the stunner it is designed to be. Kanye's chops on the beat are inventive, but they don't swing; and the stasis drags down Push, whose age has weakened his precision even while it has strengthened his mind. Something that hasn't changed: his inability to write a hook. The repeated title breaks the momentum of the verses without hanging them on anything catchy to compensate. [7]

Alfred Soto: "Pusha is never less than proficient in a flash sort of way, like a student doing a team project who reminds you that he did the research and editing," I wrote in May, and the swagger of "If You Know" impresses as much as it depresses. What he knows he will never stop explaining. [7]

Ryo Miyauchi: Pusha's trying to convince you that he's last of a dying breed who remembers some classic era of drug culture. But his effort doesn't sound too compelling when it sounds pretty much like what he's been doing since My Name is My Name: the austere, Kanye-produced noir sound remains the same, but also his zigzagging cadence is unchanged. It's one thing to cry about negligence of a past generation, but if he's hollering from the same place while his peers have moved on to different avenues, maybe it's not the youth who needs to open their eyes. [5]

Maxwell Cavaseno: If we look back on the overall history of Southern rappers or, even more specifically, Southern Rappers with a Heavy Emphasis on Cocaine Pushing, the Clipse were the De La Soul of their field. Mathematic, calculated, off-beat, and singular -- and ultimately, a perfectly suitable cult act who got too insular past their initial breakout, and then looked downright embarrassing when they did try and go commercial. This said, I don't remember living in a world where hip-hop heads would aggressively stare you down and talk about how Trugoy the Dove is a career ending monster on the low the way people have insistently flexed over as middling an album as Daytona. The production? Dull, aimless plodding. Pusha himself? Still just an inane punchline artist; only now demonstrating more and more that without Pharrell indicating he and his brother should obediently follow the Puffy and Mase routine, he's useless and unimaginative. "If You Know You Know" is tin-foil brittle, absurdly hollow, insistent on a magnanimousness that Pusha with his lazy flows and ever deteriorating bars shouldn't even entertain pretending to have. [2]

Julian Axelrod: "If You Know You Know" is pure, uncut Push, a king at the height of his power reveling in his inscrutability. Every line sounds like it's been written specifically for ten dudes from his block in Virginia -- you think he gives a fuck if you understand his references to tennis balls and Big Meech tiger parties? So when the song imprints onto your brain and electrifies every cell in your body on first (and thousandth) listen, it almost seems like it's against Push's wishes. The beat is a live wire wonder, with a ticking time bomb intro that explodes into a fireworks display from hell. But Pusha more than holds his own on a beat that would eat other rappers alive, stringing together gorgeous ten-word tableaux at an unparalleled rate. In the weeks since its release, I've essentially memorized the entire song through sheer repetition and I'm still finding new pockets of genius. If this ain't perfect rap music, I don't know what is. [10]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox ]

[nyalisa-landale]

in which i accidentally 2000 words about goddamn phantasy star

i ended up pulling up the phantasy star page on wikipedia to win a discussion with my brother wrt video game prices, and ended up finding out that

1) you can unlock it on the ps3 sega’s ultimate genesis collection (super easily, too) and

2) apparently it’s actually considered an Important Game and shit, ranking at 26 on a “top 200 videogames of all time” list as recently as 2006 - and i’m talking specifically phantasy star 1 the master system game, not the series as a whole. like, being one of the first, if not the first, rpgs to not be a dungeons and dragons clone and/or take place in a generic fantasy setting; “event scenes” which are basically the precursor to cutscenes; actual characters with, like, names and backstories and motivation and shit; and, also, one of the first games with a female protagonist. metroid did it first, technically, having come out two years earlier, but while everyone knows samus is a girl now, back in 1986 you only found out if you beat the game fast enough and got to see her out of her suit (in a bikini, because 8-bit graphics); in phantasy star you knew right up front and center that you were playing as alis, younger sister of nero, whose tragic death the game literally opens with. also pseudo-3d dungeons, animated monster battles, and three fucking planets you could travel between. 

(there’s a read-more after this; apparently i have a lot of feelings about phantasy star. rip anyone on mobile... including myself.)

don’t even get me started on phantasy star 2. you know what came out (in america) two months before final fantasy? this fucking shit. you know what pulled an aeris nine years before final fantasy 7 ever existed? this fucking shit. final fantasy was busy pulling a fifty shades on dungeons and dragons while phantasy star 2 was throwing characterisation and introspection and self-discovery and fantastic fucking worldbuilding and reversing the usual “humans vs aliens” plot (spoiler: we’re the invaders here) and just generally being amazing, well before final fantasy would start even thinking about it. did the sega genesis have a killer app? yes, and it wasn’t fucking sonic the hedgehog.

it’s not even fair to compare phantasy star 2 to final fantasy, what with them being from two different console generations and phantasy star 2 also being the largest game ever released at the time on any console (six megabits!), although for american audiences that’s the comparison they’d be making, since final fantasy came out so goddamn late here. ps1 vs ff1 is a fairer comparison, except that it isn’t, because everything i just said about ps2 vs ff1 still applies. (also - in japan, at least - ps1 came out literally two days after ff1.) 

the worst goddamn thing i can say about this series is that it is, afaik, super obscure now. if you look up phantasy star stuff now, most of what you’ll find is probably going to be phantasy star online-related (let me get to that in a bit). much like everything else about sega, phantasy star was too goddamn ahead of its time and ambitious. EXAMPLE: fucking phantasy star 3, widely regarded as the worst game in the series - so much so that when sega was attempting an updated ps2 rerelease it was a phantasy star trilogy consisting of 1, 2, and 4 - had multiple generations, branching storylines, and four different endings. IN 1990. it was a gaiden (side story) game before the actual phantasy star: gaiden came out, let alone fire emblem: gaiden (although not, i don’t think, before the phantasy star 2 gaiden games, of which there were several; i could be wrong on that but it’s within the same series so it doesn’t really matter). i was going to call zelda 2 a gaiden game as well - fe2 apparently got compared to it a lot, both of them being the second game in a series and both of them taking a decidedly different approach to gameplay than the first had - but zelda 2 is actually literally a direct sequel, so it’s not gaiden in the slightest.

ANYWAY, ps3 appears at first entirely unrelated to anything in the previous two phantasy stars - dark force, the series Big Bad, gets referenced near the beginning but i don’t know if they actually call him by name until much later - and appears to be a fairly basic fantasy romp, except then you get a fucking robot party member (followed shortly thereafter by a second) and the “passages” to different “worlds” are inexplicably mechanical-looking, and then in the second generation you GO TO THE FUCKING MOON (which moon depends on which 2nd gen character you’re playing) and find out that actually, your home with its tiny “worlds” and weird fucking “passages”? IS A GODDAMN SPACESHIP. 

you know what other game starts out super fantasy but, in the end, you go to the goddamn moon? final fantasy 4. a year later. my knowledge of super famicom games doesn’t extend that much farther than final fantasy and fire emblem with a side order of zelda, so i might be entirely off the mark on this one, but as far as i know the next game of that era to do a multiple generation thing was fe4, genealogy of the holy war, in 1996. six fucking years later.

unfortunately phantasy star 3 spent a bit too much effort being super innovative, because it literally is objectively the worst of the quadrilogy, but it is by no means a bad game? phantasy star 2 set a high fucking bar and phantasy star 4 picked up where ps2 left off (only not really, because it’s 1000 years later); 3, with its barely-there tie to phantasy star 2 (in an entirely optional town, at that) and weird-ass mechanics that only it has, gets forgotten pretty easily in the middle of that. you know. like a fucking gaiden game.

and speaking of phantasy star 4, it expands even more on the “event scenes” of previous games, as well as the script, and guess what? it did combination attacks two years before chrono trigger did. (or a few months, for us americans. still.) this is the phantasy star i have the least experience with, so i can’t comment as much on it, but i do know that it is a long fucking game, and not because it’s grindy as hell. because plot. STORY! (also apparently, in the us at least, it retailed for ~$100. yikes.)

also, i lied, because ps4 is not the phantasy star i have the least experience with; that would be everything that came after.* i, personally, love the quadrilogy to pieces and pretend that nothing else came after it, ever (which is really easy to do, because none of it is fucking related to the quadrilogy except for set dressing), but I CAN’T NOT MENTION PHANTASY STAR ONLINE, not if i’m talking about sega being tragically too ahead of its fucking time. it was literally the second online console game - i think the first mmo - and the first online console game - chu-chu rocket! - was made literally so that sega could figure out how the fuck to make pso work. chu-chu rocket! came out for the dreamcast in 1999; phantasy star online followed in 2000. ps2 online multiplayer wasn’t a thing until the year after that; followed another year later by the xbox. (final fantasy xi also came out in 2002.) attempts at online console capabilities were made as early as - i want to say as early as the snes and the genesis, with stuff like downloadable games, and a whole host of companies attempted to produce consoles with online capabilities, to compete with the pc market, but nothing actually took off until the dreamcast.

( * actually it’s gaiden and adventure, the two game gear titles. i have literally never touched anything related to them at all, ever, and i actually forgot they existed until i started looking shit up for this post. i do at least own a copy of phantasy star universe; i missed the bandwagon on pso, though as i understand it, if i were to emulate it, i could still play online with other people.)

hey, guess what phantasy star online was a direct inspiration for? the .hack series. SURPRISE, MOTHERFUCKERS.

unfortunately sega seems pretty content to forget that this franchise even exists; the most recent release was the japan-only phantasy star portable 2 infinity in 2011 (phantasy star portable 2, regular version, hit english-speaking audiences in 2010), but is part of the phantasy star universe line, a... spin-off, i guess? of phantasy star online, but for ps2 and 360, well after sega dropped out of the console race for good. the original quadrilogy? well, 2-4 get included on basically every genesis collection sega shits out for any console whatsoever, but ps1, having been for master system, usually gets left out - sonic’s ultimate genesis collection, mentioned way back at the top, is the outlier here, but even then you have to unlock it. (by... beating the first boss of sonic 2 with two active controllers - that is, with a second player joined but not actually in two-player mode. so two controllers. it’s not hard to unlock; you can do it in like five minutes. you still have to do it, though.) there were attempts to remaster them - i mentioned the updated ps2 rereleases, and ps1 and ps2 were actually released in japan; ps4′s never happened, though¸ and so neither of the first two were ever localised, though there are translation patches. (as i understand it, ps2′s is still kind of a work in progress.) apparently these new versions ended up scrapped in favor of a ps2 port of phantasy star collection for the saturn, both of which were released in japan only. the saturn version (1998) had all four games (and a few unrelated ones); the ps2 version (2008), phantasy star complete collection was... uh, exactly what the name implies: all four main games, all of the ps2 gaiden games (text adventures, apparently, previously exclusive to the sega meganet network service and also japan-only), and both game gear entries (gaiden and adventure); it also added the ability to make the games even harder, if you wanted to, as well as several different graphical filters you could use or not use as you preferred. this compilation was apparently also released over psn for ps3 in 2012. have i said “japan-only” enough times yet? it was japan-only.

there was also a phantasy star collection for the gba, in 2001/2; this consisted of the first three games - but not the fourth, as it wouldn’t fit on the cartridge - and no extras or improvements other than what was required to make them run on the gba. this version is notable for being the only goddamn one released outside japan. i have two cartridge copies and it is consistently the first game i play on any given gba emulator.

...and that’s how i ended up spending two goddamn hours writing way the fuck more about the phantasy star series, and specifically the original quadrilogy that is older the fuck than i am, than i ever actually intended to. idk, maybe there’s a huge active cult following for these somewhere on the internet that i haven’t found yet - yes, i’m aware of most of the fansites, they’re old as fuck and afaik mostly inactive, so they don’t count - but it sure as hell feels to me like everybody’s sleeping on these. what do people remember from the genesis? sonic and fucking ecco the dolphin. sega could totally pull a square enix and ff7-remake the shit out of these (except for real), but they could barely do it for the playstation 2; they’re sure as hell not going to do it for the playstation 4. so instead, all i can do is dream of what we could have had. (and, uh. play phantasy star generations 1 with the translation patch, the closest there is to “what we could have had”.)

i guess when sega saddled ps4 with the subtitle “the end of the millennium” they fucking meant it. 

[solivar]

Time

The piece I wrote for Blackwatch Classified, @blackwatchzine.

In which Gabriel Reyes is stuck firmly in the “bargaining” stage and if I’d known about Moira O’Deorain she’d totally have been here – and very clever with the Irish Gaelic there, Blizzard.

Extracting intelligence assets was never a thing that could be described as fun – mostly because, by the time extraction became a necessity, the surrounding situation had devolved to such an extent that managing it was as much a matter of luck as planning. And, as a general rule, Gabriel Reyes despised relying on luck.

The present extraction operation was even less enjoyable than usual, primarily because they weren’t removing their asset alone. No, they were pulling their agent and her husband and her two children, one of whom was a surly teenager. Which was why Shimada was handling the actual on-the-ground removal process: the whole cyborg ninja thing was, in the estimation of the Agent-In-Command, just awesome enough to help pre-empt any difficulties. Gabe had to admit that the AIC appeared to have a point and things had gone smoothly for Shimada, his two fire teams worth of backup, and the asset-and-family. They were making brisk progress through the smuggler tunnels used to bring contraband into the city. It made being relegated to observer status at the extraction point just slightly more tolerable.

“Approaching the inner perimeter barriers.” Shimada’s voice in his ear, using subvocal communication protocol to avoid pickup by any parabolic listening devices.

“I gotcha,” the AIC drawled from a few feet away. “Deploying countermeasures in 3…2…1…” The holoscreens displaying the output of the perimeter security monitors split, feeding the false information that opened the way for the extraction team. “You got ten minutes.”

A low chuckle. “I will only need…” What he needed slid away in a sleet storm of audio distortion, loud enough that Gabe hissed and pulled the communicator out of his ear.

Jesse, in the command pod, did not react at all. Tiny explosions of darkness went off in front of his eyes, the sonic distortion increased in pitch and volume, and it felt as though someone had picked up the extraction vehicle and tilted it sharply on its side. Or, at least, it looked that way from his perspective on the floor. The last thing he saw, before the little explosions of darkness turned into an unrelieved field of the same, was Jesse turning in the command chair and the look on his face.

“So what you’re saying,” Gabriel said, twenty hours later, from a bed in Watchpoint Geneva’s medical center, “is that I, who haven’t had a goddamned sniffle in twenty years, had a seizure.”

“I could show you the biotelemetry if you insist but, yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying.” Dr. Monika Lucchesi, the head of Neurology, said. “To be specific a generalized tonic seizure with a notable sensory component. Has this ever happened before?”

Gabriel gave her the look he usually reserved for people who ought to know better asking unutterably stupid questions. “No.”

“Any family history of epilepsy?”

“No.”

“Any recent blows to the head?”

“Other than the one I just enjoyed when I hit the floor? No.”

The good doctor checked off items on her workpad. “There are a number of possible neurological causes but in order to determine specifics I recommend a full diagnostic health survey.” She smiled beatifically. “Also, there’s someone here to see you. I’ll let you two talk while I get things in motion.”

“I didn’t agree to that!” He snapped at her retreating back as she opened the door and slipped smoothly to one side to allow his visitor entry.

“All things bein’ equal, boss, I’m not sure that she cares.” Jesse smiled crookedly from the door. “Can’t say I blame her.”

“Lord save me from the both of you, then.” Gabriel rolled his eyes heavenward. “Report.”

“Exfiltration and extraction of all assets and asset-adjacent individuals was completed within the specified optimal timeframe. Liftoff occurred at 03:35 hours local time and transit was completed within six hours. The asset and asset-adjacent individuals have since been handed off to Out-processing for assignment to their new identities.” The corner of Jesse’s mouth twitched and he handed over the workpad containing all the relevant reports. “Commander Gabriel Reyes was remanded to the care of Medical upon touchdown and continues his tradition of being a total pain in the ass to all healthcare providers.”

“Wiseass.” Gabriel growled, but on cursory examination all the paperwork seemed to be in order, and just looking at it was making him more tired than he should be. “How’s Genji?”

“Doin’ okay. He didn’t have to stab anybody and I think he actually got along with the teenager, so that was a plus.” Jesse settled into the chair at his bedside. “You?”

“For the record, this was not actually part of the plan.” Gabriel hid the tablet under the sheets. “If I were going to throw something unexpected at you for your first AIC of asset exfiltration, stupid neurological tricks wouldn’t even be on the list of possible options.”

“And that ain’t an answer.” Jesse planted his chin on a fist and eyed him narrowly.

“Headachy. Tired.” Both were true, and he let his head fall back into the pillows. “Stuck here for the foreseeable future unless I pull rank and discharge myself.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t do that.” Jesse rose. “You look like crap, I don’t mind sayin’ that you scared the crap outta me, and you probably oughta get some rest. More than you’ve been gettin’, at least.”

“I’ll take that under advisement.” But Jesse admitting to fear out loud gave him pause, and so he stayed in Medical for the duration of the health survey. And for a few days more when Lucchesi insisted on looping in Ziegler, and Ziegler insisted on running her own battery of diagnostics.

“A brain tumor? Are you fucking kidding me?”

As it turned out, she was not.

The Department of Defense did, eventually, send Dr. Lucchesi his personal medical documentation from the archives of the Soldier Enhancement Program, all but three paragraphs of it redacted. He could have told her the odds of getting any useful information out of them were slim to none but he hadn’t wanted to rob her of hope.

He quietly removed himself from field work. Pragmatically, the odds of being able to continue while receiving treatment were nonexistent. The location made it conventionally inoperable, and the extent of the secondary metastases through his nervous system left chemo as the applicable therapy. The same enhanced healing processes that had masked the symptoms long enough for it to turn into a Stage IV malignancy might not allow even that, given the speed with which is body metabolized every other drug in the world. Not for the first time, he wondered if the SEP had included a use by date on everyone that had endured it, given the extent to which its biological improvements were now helping to kill him.

Preventing Jesse from finding out was a weapons-grade pain in the ass. He had noticed the change in the active field roster – impossible not to – but initially held discretion as the better part of valor. Three months on, that was no longer true. Gabriel could and did fend off his delicate little nibbles around the edges but keeping him out of the Medical intranet had required Athena’s personal intervention to thwart him and his ICE-cutting methods. It made developing plans for the inevitable power devolution within the ranks of Blackwatch a thousand times harder. Under ideal circumstances, he would have spent another year or two easing Jesse into the idea that command responsibility was something he could handle and then another five solidifying that realization into the bedrock of his psyche and then he would have handed off the role, secure in the knowledge that his hand-chosen, hand-trained successor was ready.

Time was no longer a luxury he could afford. It wasn’t only his body failing at the worst conceivable moment. It was the entire world and the organization he’d devoted his life to building coming apart at the seams, more or less simultaneously. At that moment, sitting in his office, waiting for the newest report from medical to arrive, a handful of news streams open in one screen, the latest bullshit from New York on another, and his own structured plan for Blackwatch to outlive him on yet a third, he was forced to wonder if survival was even an option.

His system’s incoming message tone sounded. He was not particularly surprised by its content: no noticeable change in the size of the primary or secondary cancerous lesions. His body was eating the goddamned chemo before it could do its job. Nanobiotic medicine had a second-line treatment but it was highly experimental, not yet approved for human clinical trials, and possibly contraindicated thanks to his altered biology.

Ziegler thought it was worth a shot, if an experimental protocol could be approved. If he approved and was willing to take the risk.

A little more time was all he needed.

[poppopopopopi]

Settos Top 10 GOTY 2017

Hey guys it’s your mostly inactive friend Setto here. It’s that time again and I’m here to swarm you with my terrible taste in videogames for 2017. SO STRAP YOURSELF IN FOR A LIST THAT’S PROBABLY BETTER THAN WATCHING JUSTICE LEAGUE.

10: Cuphead

A game years in the making, Cuphead brings a fluid and visual masterpiece onto the scene. A fast paced action game based around Boss fights and platforming stages, Cuphead is challenging in all the right ways. The hand drawn art style is a marvel to look at and it plays like a dream. I saw this game all those E3′s ago and never in my life would I imagine it would turn out as such an incredible feat of game design and animation. If you like your games about Cartoon cup men fighting Satan then BOY is this for you!.

9: Sonic Mania

Hey are you tired of SEGA’s fruitless attempts at making Sonic games?. I mean Colors and Generations were good but STILL. Handing a project to Christian Whitehead is the best decision SEGA has ever made. The game is filled with nostalgia from all walks of Sonics life. It has brilliant gameplay that almost perfects the classic Sonic formula and will have anyone smiling all the way through. The physics, the music, the BLAST PROCESSING. This game is the biggest love letter to Sonic that’s ever been produced and I urge you to pick it up even if you have never played a Sonic game before. 

8: Digimon World: Next Order

Did you guys ever play Digimon World 1 on the PS1 and think “Boy I wish they made a sequel to that game that improved on every aspect but kept the Digimon raising in real time”?. WELL GOOD NEWS, This game delivers on that front. It mixes in loads of new mechanics with the town building from the original. There’s a big world to explore with loads of side quests, loads of in depth mechanics for digivolving and LOADS of Digimon to collect. It has plenty of content to keep you playing even after you beat the game and is honestly some of the most fun I’ve had this year. If you want an engaging experience filled with plenty of cool as fuck monsters then get this game. 

7: Nier: Automata

Nier and Drakengard are one of my favorite series ever made. I love Yoko Taros insanity and design that he works into the franchise, I love the deep and complex stories with great characters, deep background lore and plenty of comedic moments. Nier Automata is no different except now platinum are behind the combat which has improved MASSIVELY since the original Nier.

I can’t really go into depth on the game and besides everything that needs to be said has been said already. I’m just gonna say that the game is an incredibly well written and engaging marvel. If you like emotionally devastating storylines that will make you think about what it means to be human then you need to pick up Nier: Asstomata.

6: A Hat In Time

An ADORABLE platformer with perfect controls, great settings, cute as hell characters and loads of the things that have made classic Gamecube platformers a staple in history. This game is just pure joy to play and is the second best Hat based platformer of the year. I’m not gonna go into detail because I don’t want to spoil how great every single stage of this game is since each one changes up the formula to the point where it’s like playing a whole new story. If you like collectathons and great writing then you deserve to treat yourself with this creation of absolute happiness.

5: Yakuza 0

I’ve written about how good Yakuza is like a million times. Yakuza 0 is probably the best entry in the franchise alongside Yakuza 5. While Kiwami also came out this year, it was 0 that came out on top for me. It’s got so much side content that kept me coming back for weeks.

With entire side missions dedicated to real estate and being a hostess manager, the game drags you back in to its great mechanics, satisfying combat and gripping storyline. Seeing the backstory of Majima is heartbreaking and Kazuma getting tangled in this new web of insanity is just as engaging as always. 

Yakuza 0 is probably one of the best games I’ve ever played and stands as a beacon of “THIS IS HOW YOU WRITE A STORY, I’M LOOKING AT YOU HORIZON ZERO DAWN”.

4: Gravity Rush 2

The other cutest game of the year goes to Gravity Rush 2. One of the most creative and enjoyable franchises I’ve ever played. 

As Kat you shift gravity around yourself to explore an incredible world made up of floating islands. You fight off horrible and mysterious creatures called the Nevi all while doing dumb things for townspeople who can’t do shit themselves clearly. These things include marketing ice cream, delivering fast food, stopping the inevitable destruction of your entire planet...wait what?. 

There’s loads of costumes to get for Kat, loads of furniture for your tiny sewer house and plenty of fun gravity shifting to do.

There’s also some horrible abominations of mankind to fight against with an oppressive government.

Sony have basically sent this series to die and are shutting off the servers a year after launch, thanks sony. Guess it wasn’t as good as your terrible looking reboot of God of War.

3: Persona 5

A fucking visual masterpiece and a lesson in how to design something so good looking that it makes me look at myself in the mirror and consider why humans are capable of making such beauty. 

Persona 5 is an engaging and incredible RPG that has great characters, great combat, Amazing music and the style of The Fonz if he ascended to godhood.

Everyone has already said how amazing this game is and it’s a fucking SMT game that’s up for the actual GOTY awards nomination.

What else is there to say?. other than Kawakami is best girl.

2. Super Mario Odyssey

I don’t want to spoil a single thing in this game for anybody. I don’t want to show a single screenshot, talk about a single world or even mention any music.

The game is one of the best games I have ever had the pure joy of even touching. I haven’t been this happy playing a videogame in almost all of my life. This game oozes charm and deserves every single bit of attention it is given. 

There is nothing that can top this masterpiece of mechanically perfect happiness.....OR IS THERE?.

1: The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild

Look I know people have issues with this game, I know people have loads of weird nitpicks and bad opinions. That’s fine. But you don’t get what this game means to me.

After Wind Waker I haven’t purely enjoyed a Zelda game on the same level.

This game defied all expectations I had of it and not only set a standard for Zelda games but set a standard for all open world games.

Every single thing in this game made me realise why I hadn’t been enjoying any open world games in almost a decade. It takes all conventional ideas and turns them into something magical. I never wanted to stop exploring this world.

Every corner has something new, everywhere you go you will see something else you want to go to and I guarantee you something will be there.

Being able to climb any surface takes away all busy work of navigating around small cliff faces just to get somewhere, being able to glide takes away all busywork of having to work your way down. There is so much freedom of choice in this game that you can just go straight to the final boss if you want.

Never have I played something so non linear, so open and so purely incredible.

You can tell they put effort and love into the world they built, you can tell every single inch of this game was thought out to insane lengths. 

Horizon Zero Dawn came out the same week as this game and that game is the most by the numbers, basic ass open world games I’ve ever played. I have no goddamn idea why it’s so popular when it’s honestly a fucking wreck compared to this masterpiece. 

You can go anywhere without being restricted, you can do anything in any order, you can see something in the distance and just climb the fuck out of it. 

I love this game so much, it’s one of the best experiences I’ve ever had with games and something I will never forget.

That about does it for this year, I hope you guys tune in next year!.

[nautilusopus]

1, 10, 46

1. How did you get into FFVII?

As much as I bitch about how the original game was the best and everything afterwards was terrible, I’m actually comparatively a latecomer. Funny story – I was just gonna shit all over this game and call it a day, initially.

‘Twas the far off year of 2008-ish. The emo subculture was alive and well, nobody would shut the fuck up about Haruhi Suzumiya and how it was the Greatest Anime Ever, Legendary Frog’s career had just started to peeter out, and Let’s Plays were only just starting to become A Thing. Since the market wasn’t oversaturated to the point of self-parody at times, it was anyone’s game back then. You had your Chuggaaconroy, your Slowbeef and Beetus, your Pokecapn, your Red Chocobo/Orbital Grouse, but little else. I’d just gotten done watching the Brand Spanking New Sonic 06 LP and I figured, “hey, anyone can do this! I’ll just find a famously bad game and tear it a new asshole on the internet and get and become internet famous”. 

Back then it was also in vogue to talk about how terrible and overrated VII was and how it was actually an awful game, and I was right at the goddamn forefront of that particular bandwagon. If you’re ever going through some long-forgotten internet forum crypt and find some Guest taunting people about how Final Fantasy VII is a Bad Game for emo fags and Cloud is gay and cuts himself and Sephiroth isn’t as cool as Kefka? There’s a good chance it was me (I had played neither VII nor VI at the time, it’s worth noting. I just knew that was the thing you were supposed to say.) The number one rebuttal at that point to most of the shit we’d say was “dude did you even play the games?” and the answer was no, but of course, you didn’t need to, right? You could ascertain everything you needed to know about it via Internet Vogue Opinion Osmosis. So that was obviously all there was to know about the game at all, end of story. 

Also I saw a bit of Dirge. Did nothing to help my opinion of the franchise at all.

So, I had my Definitely Shitty Game, I picked up a used copy for fifteen bucks (a real bargain, even back then), and I sat down to complain loudly about everything that could possibly be complained about and prove all those haterzz wrong. I did pretty well for the first three hours – The Graphics are Bad™, Cloud is a Douchebag and I Hate Him™ (that’s another thing, I fucking despised Cloud at first), Aeris is a Mary Sue™, Tifa is Boring™, Sephiroth is Gay and Fucks His Mother™, Who Is This Black Man Why Did Nobody Tell Me About Him™, et cetera. Wall Market earned a few brownie points with me just out of shock value alone, since before that point my main exposure to T and M rated content had been Metal Gear Solid and the tone that adult content is handled with in each of them is quite different. 

Then I hit the Shinra Tower segment and found the President dead at his desk and went through the chase scene afterwards. Been a diehard fan ever since. Never looked back. 

It’s difficult to describe the exact moment where I realised “hooooly shit I was wrong about everything this game is fucking amazing”, but I think a lot of it can be summed up with the idea that it took every preconceived notion that I had developed about what the game absolutely must be like and smashed them to pieces. The characters were expertly written, the story was complex and surreal and bittersweet and funny without ever feeling like they needed to sacrifice levity for drama or vice versa. You have to realise, if you were generally familiar with traditional RPGs like I was back then and then went into VII expecting the same traditional RPG setup, this game would have blown your goddamn mind. A lot of what’s taken for granted about how story-heavy games are written nowadays stemmed from VII, and in complaining about it being overhyped, one does have to realise it was hyped as much as it was initially for a really good reason. I knew about Aeris by then, everyone did. What I didn’t know about was the sheer magnitude of everything else in the story that nobody ever fucking talked about because how could you possibly, and people are still debating about it all to this day. You can’t gush about the brilliance of the plot twist on disc 2 and the subtleties it reveals about Cloud’s character the same way you can about “Oh man did you see when Aeris dies that was so sad guys”, or the questions the game poses about what makes you you in terms of validation and guilt and identity, and the mature insightful take it had on mental illness that is rarely matched even to this day, and the innovative way where they decided that death wasn’t heroic or glamorous or beautiful or tragic but instead just sucks and hurts a whole fucking lot and comes to everyone in the end the way you can about “WHOA THAT SUMMON CUTSCENE WAS FOUR MINUTES LONG AND THAT DRAGON BLEW UP A CONTINENT”. 

(And then I played Dirge and Crisis Core and saw the movies and was crushed because it went and proved thirteen year-old me right about all the stupid bullshit I said because it was the opposite of everything I ever loved about the original. God damn you, Nojima, you hack.)

VII is a good fucking game and it has the box quote it does for a damn good reason. Go play it. 

Since then I’ve always tried to avoid buying into internet hype about when a game is supposedly bad, because I almost made the same mistake all over again with Undertale. It says a lot about VII that I actively tried to hate it as much as I possibly could whether it was necessary or not and still wound up absolutely loving it. You never know, is all I’m saying. Make your own decisions. 

10. A NOTP?

ACGZsvs Statutory Rape Gangbang

1.Cloud is 14-16, that’s gross. Like, with Zack, it’s alright I guess, but everything else is gross. 

2. All of these people are his fucking bosses and outrank him ten times over. In a military setting. That’s extra gross. And fraternisation. (Also are you telling me Shinra doesn’t publicly execute any sort of insubordiation via firing squad on live television, especially with their top weapons?)

3. It’s illustrative of basically everything I hate about the fandom and the Compilation and the way Crisis Core went out of its way to write everyone that isn’t a the young white male marketable/shippable character out of everything even remotely resembling relevance, and how the fandom is not only absolutely fine with this, but completely on board with it all because it means they get more prettyboys to ship. Aeris is Zack’s accessory. Tifa isn’t even fucking in it. Barret? Who the fuck is Barret? Oh he’s not willowy enough and black so who cares. Nobody cares what happens to the story or the characters (or even Cloud’s arc, good god) as long a they have more material for their doujins. I hate it more than I can possibly find the words to express.

46. Favorite song in the OST?

Ah geez, this is actually a really tough one for me. I guess there’s four that really stand out for me.

I really like Cait Sith’s theme, which is actually my ringtone and has been for years because I really like jazz or anything remotely resembling jazz.

Pretty good one. Works nicely with the electric keyboard midi. 

Jenova Absolute, the one I linked to earlier, is another favourite, and also my favourite boss theme, even moreso than J-E-N-O-V-A. I actually went and learned how to play it on the piano and everything, and a full arrangement of that with multiple piano tracks was gonna be my “200 follower” present to you all except then I got mic problems and then I got really lazy and then I forgot about it, so the ETA on that is “eventually probably”. 

You Can Hear The Cry Of The Planet is a really good one. Very pretty, kinda spooky, vaguely alien, and sort of ominous considering what’s coming, which also plays in my favourite (also really pretty, kinda spooky, vaguely alien, and sort of ominous considering what’s coming) location in the game. It’s a shame this is the only place it plays in one location in the game. Sometimes I drive all the way back here just to listen to this one track. 

The last one is another exclusive track that’s very pretty and vaguely alien (well it plays in that marshy area on disc 3 but that doesn’t count) and plays during my favourite scene in the game.

Even hearing this sets off the same step-on-my-goddamn-heart response it did all those years ago. It’s sad. Not even like “sad”, sad like you’d usually think when you hear “sad”, it’s just… sad. That’s it. That’s all he had and that’s gone and that’s it, and he just kinda unhinges because it’s all he can do. I consider this one Cloud’s theme as much as his actual theme is his theme.

Fuck I wanna play this game again now.

[solivar]

Time

The piece I wrote for Blackwatch Confidential.

In which Gabriel Reyes is stuck firmly in the “bargaining” stage and if I’d known about Moira O’Deorain she’d totally have been here -- and very clever with the Irish Gaelic there, Blizzard.

Extracting intelligence assets was never a thing that could be described as fun -- mostly because, by the time extraction became a necessity, the surrounding situation had devolved to such an extent that managing it was as much a matter of luck as planning. And, as a general rule, Gabriel Reyes despised relying on luck.

The present extraction operation was even less enjoyable than usual, primarily because they weren’t removing their asset alone. No, they were pulling their agent and her husband and her two children, one of whom was a surly teenager. Which was why Shimada was handling the actual on-the-ground removal process: the whole cyborg ninja thing was, in the estimation of the Agent-In-Command, just awesome enough to help pre-empt any difficulties. Gabe had to admit that the AIC appeared to have a point and things had gone smoothly for Shimada, his two fire teams worth of backup, and the asset-and-family. They were making brisk progress through the smuggler tunnels used to bring contraband into the city. It made being relegated to observer status at the extraction point just slightly more tolerable.

 “Approaching the inner perimeter barriers.” Shimada’s voice in his ear, using subvocal communication protocol to avoid pickup by any parabolic listening devices.

 “I gotcha,” the AIC drawled from a few feet away. “Deploying countermeasures in 3...2...1…” The holoscreens displaying the output of the perimeter security monitors split, feeding the false information that opened the way for the extraction team. “You got ten minutes.”

A low chuckle. “I will only need…” What he needed slid away in a sleet storm of audio distortion, loud enough that Gabe hissed and pulled the communicator out of his ear.

Jesse, in the command pod, did not react at all. Tiny explosions of darkness went off in front of his eyes, the sonic distortion increased in pitch and volume, and it felt as though someone had picked up the extraction vehicle and tilted it sharply on its side. Or, at least, it looked that way from his perspective on the floor. The last thing he saw, before the little explosions of darkness turned into an unrelieved field of the same, was Jesse turning in the command chair and the look on his face.

 “So what you’re saying,” Gabriel said, twenty hours later, from a bed in Watchpoint Geneva’s medical center, “is that I, who haven’t had a goddamned sniffle in twenty years, had a seizure.”

“I could show you the biotelemetry if you insist but, yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying.” Dr. Monika Lucchesi, the head of Neurology, said. “To be specific a generalized tonic seizure with a notable sensory component. Has this ever happened before?”

Gabriel gave her the look he usually reserved for people who ought to know better asking unutterably stupid questions. “No.”

 “Any family history of epilepsy?”

 “No.”

 “Any recent blows to the head?”

 “Other than the one I just enjoyed when I hit the floor? No.”

 The good doctor checked off items on her workpad. “There are a number of possible neurological causes but in order to determine specifics I recommend a full diagnostic health survey.” She smiled beatifically. “Also, there’s someone here to see you. I’ll let you two talk while I get things in motion.”

 “I didn’t agree to that!” He snapped at her retreating back as she opened the door and slipped smoothly to one side to allow his visitor entry.

 “All things bein’ equal, boss, I’m not sure that she cares.” Jesse smiled crookedly from the door. “Can’t say I blame her.”

 “Lord save me from the both of you, then.” Gabriel rolled his eyes heavenward. “Report.”

 “Exfiltration and extraction of all assets and asset-adjacent individuals was completed within the specified optimal timeframe. Liftoff occurred at 03:35 hours local time and transit was completed within six hours. The asset and asset-adjacent individuals have since been handed off to Out-processing for assignment to their new identities.” The corner of Jesse’s mouth twitched and he handed over the workpad containing all the relevant reports. “Commander Gabriel Reyes was remanded to the care of Medical upon touchdown and continues his tradition of being a total pain in the ass to all healthcare providers.”

 “Wiseass.” Gabriel growled, but on cursory examination all the paperwork seemed to be in order, and just looking at it was making him more tired than he should be. “How’s Genji?”

 “Doin’ okay. He didn’t have to stab anybody and I think he actually got along with the teenager, so that was a plus.” Jesse settled into the chair at his bedside. “You?”

 “For the record, this was not actually part of the plan.” Gabriel hid the tablet under the sheets. “If I were going to throw something unexpected at you for your first AIC of asset exfiltration, stupid neurological tricks wouldn’t even be on the list of possible options.”

 “And that ain’t an answer.” Jesse planted his chin on a fist and eyed him narrowly.

 “Headachy. Tired.” Both were true, and he let his head fall back into the pillows. “Stuck here for the foreseeable future unless I pull rank and discharge myself.”

 “Maybe you shouldn’t do that.” Jesse rose. “You look like crap, I don’t mind sayin’ that you scared the crap outta me, and you probably oughta get some rest. More than you’ve been gettin’, at least.”

 “I’ll take that under advisement.” But Jesse admitting to fear out loud gave him pause, and so he stayed in Medical for the duration of the health survey. And for a few days more when Lucchesi insisted on looping in Ziegler, and Ziegler insisted on running her own battery of diagnostics.

 “A brain tumor? Are you fucking kidding me?”

 As it turned out, she was not.

The Department of Defense did, eventually, send Dr. Lucchesi his personal medical documentation from the archives of the Soldier Enhancement Program, all but three paragraphs of it redacted. He could have told her the odds of getting any useful information out of them were slim to none but he hadn’t wanted to rob her of hope.

He quietly removed himself from field work. Pragmatically, the odds of being able to continue while receiving treatment were nonexistent. The location made it conventionally inoperable, and the extent of the secondary metastases through his nervous system left chemo as the applicable therapy. The same enhanced healing processes that had masked the symptoms long enough for it to turn into a Stage IV malignancy might not allow even that, given the speed with which is body metabolized every other drug in the world. Not for the first time, he wondered if the SEP had included a use by date on everyone that had endured it, given the extent to which its biological improvements were now helping to kill him.

Preventing Jesse from finding out was a weapons-grade pain in the ass. He had noticed the change in the active field roster -- impossible not to -- but initially held discretion as the better part of valor. Three months on, that was no longer true. Gabriel could and did fend off his delicate little nibbles around the edges but keeping him out of the Medical intranet had required Athena’s personal intervention to thwart him and his ICE-cutting methods. It made developing plans for the inevitable power devolution within the ranks of Blackwatch a thousand times harder. Under ideal circumstances, he would have spent another year or two easing Jesse into the idea that command responsibility was something he could handle and then another five solidifying that realization into the bedrock of his psyche and then he would have handed off the role, secure in the knowledge that his hand-chosen, hand-trained successor was ready.

Time was no longer a luxury he could afford. It wasn’t only his body failing at the worst conceivable moment. It was the entire world and the organization he’d devoted his life to building coming apart at the seams, more or less simultaneously. At that moment, sitting in his office, waiting for the newest report from medical to arrive, a handful of news streams open in one screen, the latest bullshit from New York on another, and his own structured plan for Blackwatch to outlive him on yet a third, he was forced to wonder if survival was even an option.

His system’s incoming message tone sounded. He was not particularly surprised by its content: no noticeable change in the size of the primary or secondary cancerous lesions. His body was eating the goddamned chemo before it could do its job. Nanobiotic medicine had a second-line treatment but it was highly experimental, not yet approved for human clinical trials, and possibly contraindicated thanks to his altered biology.

Ziegler thought it was worth a shot, if an experimental protocol could be approved. If he approved and was willing to take the risk.

A little more time was all he needed.