#ALSO no I didn't answer every objection to the idea of orientation changing

[aprillikesthings]

Maybe I was always going to end up a lesbian

Thinking about how, in the mid/late 90's, all the lesbians I saw in media were portrayed as either masculine in a way I found unappealing at the time (but was it because I wasn't into that, or was it because I was told they were ugly?), or hyper-feminine in a "femme fatale" kind of way men were into (that was the tease of it, see; that men could look but not touch, and that made it hotter....for men), and I definitely wasn't either of those things

And thinking about how, in the 00's, bisexual women in the media I consumed were nerdy and sort of slutty, like a Manic Pixie Dream Girl who is easy and shameless about it; and that was definitely a thing I could be. I probably would've been both nerdy and slutty anyway to be honest, but it sometimes felt weird to be an obvious stereotype. Like yeah on the one hand people met me and knew What Kind of Person I Was, but also I wasn't a trope, I was a person. Also, nobody was surprised when I mostly fucked men (because aren't bisexual girls really mostly straight anyway?)

And I was really open about and proud of being bisexual, and I wanted people to know

And I wish I'd spent more time in queer spaces. Because I knew I "passed" for straight, and I didn't know how to change that without feeling like a fraud, because I fucked men. And there was that feedback loop of: women don't flirt with me/flirt back -> I mostly date/fuck men -> I don't feel "gay enough" to go to spaces that are mostly queer women -> women don't flirt with me/flirt back

And I did sleep with/date a few women in my 20's, all of whom were also bisexual (or at least, identified that way at the time). And it was a relief to find out I really did like fucking women.

And even now I think: was I attracted to men, or did I just like the attention and feeling wanted--but I really was attracted to men at the time, it's a convenient lie to say I wasn't, to retroactively pretend I was just gay the whole time.

But I remember the men I looked at and immediately wanted to fuck. I remember the incredibly dumb shit I did in order to fuck men because I wanted them. I fucked men who I had zero plans to date. I fucked men I'd met that day. In parks. In a parking garage. In a tent at a crowded event.

But also: I didn't realize to what degree I was attracted to women until I got on tumblr, and saw nudes and sexy pics taken and posted by women of all shapes and sizes, ones who just felt sexy that day and wanted to share, and realized the stereotypically "hot" woman, as defined by many men, is just rarely my "type"

But also: every man I crushed on/fucked/dated had some feature or another that could be considered feminine, and I knew and openly acknowledged that at the time

But also: I hated it when men hit on me, and only fucked/dated men I hit on first

But also: near the end of my 20's I began a series of long-term relationships with men, and was never single for more than a couple of months

But also: nearly every time I moved in with a man I suddenly lost interest in fucking them.

But also: I knew even then that I should've broken up with all those men sooner than I did.

And I remember, around the time I broke up with my last boyfriend, asking myself: have I lost interest in all men or just him?

And I remember, hanging out at a party with a male friend, one I'd crushed on for years, one I'd drunkenly made out with at a party more than once--and realizing I now had zero interest in repeating that, even though nothing about him had changed and I still liked him as a person

And I remember losing interest in reading m/m fanfiction and feeling weirdly adrift after reading/enjoying so much of it

And I remember only beginning to write fanfiction when I got into a fandom that was mostly f/f, and the second thing I ever wrote was explicit, and most of my fic since then has been explicit, and it's all been f/f

And I remember meeting a male coworker who was a type I'd absolutely been attracted to in the past and absolutely would've hit on in my 20's, and not feeling that pull--just the ghost of that feeling, but also it didn't feel like something was missing, just different

And I remember reading, seven years ago now, if you don't want to date/fuck men you can call yourself a lesbian, you can always change labels again if that changes, and it was like a weight had been lifted from me, like someone had given me permission

And I remember comparing it to looking in the mirror and noticing one day that your nose is different. And you didn't realize it was changing, but it did, and now it's different. And you're staring at your own reflection thinking: when did that start happening? How did I not notice? Or was it always like this and I just hadn't looked properly?

And every time I've told this story online, someone has accused me of being a self-hating bisexual or just being biphobic. As if I don't bump into years and years of old posts in my facebook memories reminding people I was bisexual for pride or national coming out day, as if I didn't have the bisexual pride flag on my laptop and pins on my backpack, as if I didn't spend a year of my life confused and discomfited and worried I was betraying other bisexuals by changing my label, as if I'm not still loudly and vocally defensive of bisexual people.

Their real fear is that I might start wanting to fuck men again any minute and contaminate the word "lesbian," that my former desire for men pollutes my desire for women.

Their real fear is that they, too; might change.

Their real fear is that they will be the one looking in the mirror and not recognizing their own face.

[cjjingram]

I netflixed the shit out of arrow season 1-4. I really don't see how laurel and oliver were ever friends. I can see tommy and Oliver being life long friends but I don't see how laurel fit in their dynamic. I could just imagine Tommy covering for Oliver whenever he cheated. It's hard to believe laurel was anything more than just a hanger on. I didn't understand the three musketeers vibe the writers were trying to peddle with 4:19, when they were being nostalgic. What's ur take on that dynamic?

Okay, if you’re familiar with my writing you know I psychoanalyze the crap out of my characters. I was just talking with some friends of mine tonight about my ‘writing style’ and how I  get inside the heads of the characters and base their reactions to any given situation based on their actions in canon.

Like my husband always says, ‘A person can say anything but their actions don’t lie.’

In order to understand how these three characters connect you have to examine who each of the characters are starting with Tommy since he’s the bridge between the two.

Tommy has two major issues: An inferiority complex and abandonment issues. He lost his mother, his father abandoned him for two years, and then came home completely changed and treated him like a waste of space by constantly criticizing him and telling him he wished he wasn’t his son. This is canon.

Tommy latched onto Oliver and the Queen family because they were his only support system. He gratefully accepted the role of second banana to Oliver because A) he never felt good enough to ask for more and B) Oliver was his only constant and the first person to tell him that he’d always be there for him and mean it. It’s why he ran all the way to Hong Kong based on an unsent email and never lost hope he was alive. It’s also why when Oliver came back he immediately offered to back away from his relationship with Laurel (such as it was) because, in his mind, she was Ollie’s girl and he was the interloper.

Unfortunately for poor Tommy, that was true. 

Remember that in canon Tommy said he and Laurel were only booty buddies before Ollie’s resurrection. They’d only hooked up three times before then, quote: ‘Her place, my place, my place again.’

Tommy pursued Laurel because she was the last tie he had to Oliver but he knew what he felt for her wasn’t what she felt for him. He also knew that the reason Laurel hooked up with him in the first place was because he reminded her of Ollie and that she would always go back to Ollie no matter what. He even said to Oliver that even if Laurel found out he was the Hood, despite the fact that he had killed people, she’d immediately choose him every time.

Again, he was right; Laurel, all throughout her relationship with Tommy, would run to Oliver or the Hood every chance she got. The fact that she refused to have a relationship with Tommy until AFTER Oliver returned is telling as well. Laurel only got serious with Tommy to show Oliver she was over him then she stayed with him in order to make Oliver jealous. Tommy knew that but he stayed because he was convinced that eventually Laurel would see how much he loved her and how hard he was working to gain her trust and respect. That’s what really soured his relationship with Oliver, the fact that no matter how hard he tried, he would always be everyone’s second choice.

Still, Tommy’s greatest strength has always been that he’s a good friend and highly loyal. No matter how badly both Oliver and Laurel betrayed him–and they constantly betrayed him long before the sex up against the wall thing by carrying on an emotional affair behind his back–he stood by them. He protected Oliver and helped him even when he disapproved of what he was doing and he rushed onto a burning building to save Laurel even though she made it very clear through her words and actions that she never really loved him.

She confirms that in episode 1 of season 2 when she refers to him as her ‘friend’ then makes excuses about the fact that she didn’t cheat on him, not really, even though it kind of felt like she did, then reassures herself of that by saying that Tommy ‘would’ve wanted us to be together’ even though that’s the furthest thing from the truth. 

Oliver’s biggest problem is that he’s emotionally immature and lacks the chip in his brain that recognizes that actions have consequences. Even now he sees himself as the center of the universe and everyone around him are there merely to serve a purpose within his narrative. 

I get that it’s his show but, if this were real life, then that would be a pretty shitty thing to do.

Everyone uses Oliver’s 5 years away as an excuse for his actions but he had 22 years of life BEFORE the island and now 5 years after and a lot has changed but a lot hasn’t changed as well.

Oliver was always his mama’s ‘beautiful boy’ and he said to his mother in canon that her parenting style has always to let her children do anything they want and then to step in to sweep the consequences of their actions under the rug. Moira protects her children but she likes keeping them dependent on her as well. She offered them no structure, no discipline, and she withheld affection as a punishment before swooping in to save the day and basking in her ‘heroic motherhood’. In a way Moira has this sort of Munchhausen’s by proxy where she ensures her children have no sense of consequences so she can always remain the center of their universe.

It’s why we see a grown ass 20 year old Oliver curled up in his mommy’s lap and whimpering to her about knocking some girl up. Subconsciously Oliver  knew she’d make it go away, that’s why when Samantha told him she paid her off, Oliver began to object then immediately let it go with a guilty look on his face. After all, he practically told his mother to do it so how could he be angry with her for it?

Because of this, Oliver was raised with this idea that he should hand over his autonomy to his mother and let her fix everything and that nothing has consequences for him.

Notice that he treated Laurel the same way he treated his mother right down to the way he would curl up in her lap like a little boy.

Everyone saw this gif and cooed, I didn’t because I saw it for what it was:

 Ollie and mommy

Oliver knows he screwed up, he knows he’s about to get into trouble, so he cuddles like a little boy looking for comfort. This would be endearing except for the fact that we see him do this same thing with Laurel right after he finds out he got Samantha pregnant and knows he has to tell her soon and then he does it again when he confesses to Moira.

Basically Oliver is stunted emotionally. He knows he loves Tommy but he has no problem with telling his best friend to get the girl then sleeping with her because he wants the girl for himself. He doesn’t even stop to consider the consequences of his actions, he doesn’t care that he hurt Tommy until after the fact. 

As for Laurel, she’s a classic type A personality with a superiority complex. 

I want to emphasize that, as much as we may dislike her, Laurel is not the bad guy. Another friend of mine shared her headcanon about Laurel one day. She asked, ‘How did a girl from a working class family grow up with the sons of billionaires?’ The answer is that her mom was a teacher and, chances are, she taught at the school Oliver and Tommy went to. Lots of private schools allow the children of the teaching staff attend for free or at a discount so Laurel was probably enrolled at the same private academy. That said, she was still the teacher’s kid and she’s going to school with people who spend more on shoes than what both her parents earn in a year combined. Not only that but she has a little sister who is an admitted fuck up and two parents who are always working or going to school at night so she’s given the responsibility of taking care of her sister. Whenever Sara screws up, she catches the blame because she’s ‘the responsible one’.

Laurel busts her ass to be accepted by the kids she goes to school with; most teenage girls would. She gets straight A’s, she’s active in all the clubs, and she’s popular, but she can never be good enough. What’s worse is that Sara seems to have everything handed to her. Sara gets great grades without trying, she screws up and her parents bail her out or yell at Laurel for not watching her better, and she makes friends easily because she has this kind of laid back personality people respond to. Sara is fearless and people love her for that while Laurel resents the hell out of her for it. When she finds out that Sara is planning on hooking up with Oliver at a party, that’s the final straw for her.

Oliver is the most popular guy at school and her sister is going to wind up dating him on top of everything else so she tells on her, gets her grounded, then marches into that party with the intentions of snagging Oliver for herself.

Again this is at least partially canon.

Sara tells Oliver that Laurel hooked up with him that night because she knew they were planning on meeting up. She wanted to ‘steal’ Oliver from Sara because she resented Sara and felt like she deserved him, like he was a trophy. She justified her actions by saying that Sara was too young for Oliver or that she had a crush on him first but, really, Laurel never wanted Oliver so much as she wanted credit for getting Oliver. 

Throughout their relationship, Laurel constantly pushed Oliver into doing what she wanted. She had a plan and she expected Oliver to eventually fall in line. She couldn’t deviate from her plan which is why, no matter how many times Oliver cheated on her, she always took him back. 

Despite the fact that her father called her a gold digger, that’s not what Laurel is; she’s more like a social climber. Laurel is a goal oriented person; she knows what she wants and she won’t stop until she gets it. She also has that same blindness to consequences and collateral damage Oliver has and cannot accept failure. When she fails or is wrong she lashes out and deflects blame onto others or rewrites history in her mind. 

She stole Oliver from Sara but she rewrites history to say that Sara was a boyfriend stealer first even though she’s the one who spread that rumor around the school in the first place (again, that’s canon).

She says Oliver is the love of her life even though she caught him with more than a dozen of her ‘friends’ even before finding out about Sara and Samantha. (canon)

She runs into CNRI for files even though she’s warned not to go inside the building leading to Tommy’s death but she blames the Hood for not getting there in time to save him. She completely disavows any responsibility in the events leading up to his death. (canon)

She also disavows any serious relationship existed between them by rewriting history and painting them as ‘friends’, not ‘lovers’, and tells Oliver that Tommy would want them to be together. She even stages a romantic scene mere days after his funeral where she’s all smiles while looking over his pictures then launches into a discussion about moving in together and getting married as if the last six years never happened. (canon times infinity)

How these three people connect is simple:

Oliver is with Laurel because she offers him structure and she reminds him of his mother. Tommy fits in because he just wants a family and he wants to have a place where he is loved by the people he loves. Laurel wants to save the world and be the hero. She wants everyone to look at her and admire her and she knows she can do so many good things if she’s Mrs. Oliver Queen. She convinces herself that she loves Oliver because she has to love Oliver otherwise it would make her look like a bad person and Laurel is a very good person. Laurel is a hero in her own mind and anything else is unacceptable.

To put it simply, these are three very damaged people locked in a toxic relationship where they enable each other and feed on one another’s worst traits. If anyone comes out smelling like a rose it’s Tommy but he isn’t perfect either. He doesn’t understand that the reason Laurel can never love him isn’t because she loves Oliver more, but because he allows her to treat him like a tool and doesn’t have enough self-respect to demand more. 

Now, what should’ve happened was Tommy should’ve gotten therapy and met Felicity and never hooked up with Laurel in the first place that way when Oliver returned he’d be married to her and she would’ve turned him into a grown up.

Laurel should’ve dumped Oliver the first time he cheated on her and demanded the respect she was due. At the very least she should’ve taken that job in San Francisco and gotten the hell away from Starling. Maybe she would’ve met someone like Ray Palmer, someone who was successful and a bit oblivious who she could shape into the person she needed him to be but who could also stand up to her when necessary.

Oliver should’ve grown the fuck up a long time ago. When he knocked Samantha up, his mother should’ve gone to Robert, they should’ve sat Oliver and Samantha down, and Oliver should’ve been made to take responsibility then and there. If Oliver had been allowed to become a father then he would’ve buckled down and his entire life would’ve changed. I doubt he and Samantha would’ve been a couple but they would be co-parents. Oliver would begin working at QC part time and gone to school at Starling U. He would’ve matured and become more independent because he wouldn’t have had a choice. If Laurel was smart, that would’ve been the final straw and she would’ve left him to pursue her own life because sisters are doing it for themselves.

There wouldn’t have been an island either because Oliver wouldn’t want to be away from his kid for three months. It takes a minimum of a month to sail to China so they would’ve flown instead. He would’ve gone to the meeting then come straight home. 

The whole thing is a tragedy when you think about it. None of these characters are completely blameless and no one is the bad guy. The only bad guy, IMHO, is the writers who decided to tell us what a strong, smart, and noble character Laurel was without allowing us to see that.  She came off much worse than they intended her to because, in the end, these were male writers who thought a strong female was the same as a bitch. They thought that ambition was the same as being a social climber, and they failed to realize that no strong woman would put up with all the shit Laurel put up with.

The way most women viewed it was that he cheated and she took him back once. That’s fine, that’s understandable. He cheats again and she drops his ass because fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice, shame on you. The fact that Laurel took him back after he cheated on her more than a dozen times then slept with him after he ran off with her sister?

Yeah, no. That’s the point where the vast majority of your female audience turns on her and asks why the fuck she’s with this guy if she isn’t after the name and the money?

I honestly doubt that Oliver would’ve ever married her if the island ever happened. He never wanted that, he was just too chicken to say it. After Tommy died, the minute she started in on that crap again and began waxing poetic about becoming Mr and Mrs Queen and saving the people of Starling City together he tuned out and split for Lian Yu because he would rather go back to hell then live in that particular section of heaven.

Hope that answers your question. :)