#ADRIEN HATING SWEETS IS THE FUNNIEST POSSIBLE TRAIT TO GIVE HIM I'M SORRY BUT I'M RIGHT. THE TRAGICOMEDY OF IT IS BEAUTIFUL.

[wisteriasymphony]

Adrien Agreste had never been given any formal lessons on bovine anatomy as part of his homeschooling, meaning anything he concluded about cows and their bodies would simply be up to him guessing. But as his teeth sunk into the thick buttercream of the cupcake, he vividly imagined for a second that the milk ducts in a cow's udders might occasionally deal with blockages, slowly filling with all manner of milk and pus and creamy, thick fluid and creating large painful lumps deep inside tissue. And should they be surgically removed, he surmised, Adrien could imagine these hypothetical mounds of milky buildup being rather thick, rather dense, and rather buttery, perhaps even heavy enough to suffocate him.

Adrien had to bite back a wave of bile from surging up his throat as the buttercream invaded his tongue, heavy and sweet and spreading like a viral film throughout his mouth.

He was sure the buttercream was, by all technical accounts, some of the best in the city. He was sure anything made by the Dupain-Chengs was probably flawlessly delicious to the average person.

"How is it?" Marinette asked, her fingers laced together as she awaited his answer with wide, bright blue eyes.

Adrien moved the muscles in his face into the closest thing to a smile that he could possibly manage. "It's great," he reassured her, his voice coming out slightly whiny as tears pricked his eyes. "...Thank you so much."

Adrien swallowed deeply, his shoulders moving up as he felt that creamy, buttery synthesis slide down his throat like the slimy path of a snail. Oh, the wonders of sugary pastries.