#A CHILD STRAIT UP DIES. And there's like- emotional trauma???

[lilybug-02]

I made more creatures. I forgot how fun character shapes are. I hope they blow up Alan's PC together <3

stfu I am having a wonderful epiphany about how shaped stick figures are. I gave them faces. and made one buff

[pridepages]

All Grown Up: The Sun and the Star

I just finished The Sun and the Star by Rick Riordan and Mark Oshiro. I have thoughts...

Here there be spoilers!

I wonder if Rick Riordan had any idea that when he wrote The Lightning Thief, he was starting a writing journey with readers who would grow up with his work...

As a writer, I’d have to guess: probably not. It’s not really the sort of thing you can genuinely plan for, predict, or fathom. Sometimes, you cast your bottle into the sea and...

Well, catch lightning!

That said, it’s interesting as a now-adult reader to continue following the Riordanverse and see how the books are ‘growing up’ right alongside us.

The Sun and the Star is a standalone novel featuring one of the most surprisingly beloved characters: Nico di Angelo, the son of Hades. Nico made history as a frequently recurring supporting character of a best-selling children’s book series to come out as openly gay in The House of Hades and to get a boyfriend, son of Apollo Will Solace, in The Blood of Olympus.

While this latest installment can stand on its own, The Sun and the Star is a rich experience for both fans and newcomers alike. I’ll be the first to admit that the tone is different than other books in the franchise. This one is less focused on the adventure. Don’t get me wrong, there’s plenty of action! But the beating heart of this book is the emotional journey of the characters: two young men who are learning how to love each other.

What so many fantasy books miss out on is how a relationship evolves. So much weight tends to get placed on that initial journey of falling in love and getting together. Once they do, our couple rides off into the sunset and happily ever after.

Anyone who’s ever actually been in a relationship can tell you this much: getting together is just the beginning.

Almost everyone in the world experiences some kind of trauma. But some of us carry more than most. As a child who grew up in a homophobic society, lost his entire biological family, and was ripped out of his proper time, Nico has just about every kind! But as Will Solace well knows, that doesn’t make him any less deserving of love.

Still...Nico is a product of his experiences. As many characters throughout the book point out, darkness is part of who he is. This frustrates Will. “I want what’s best for him,” he confides to Persephone. “He seems to disappear into his darkness, like he’s hiding in a place where he doesn’t want my light.” To which Persephone offers this simple solution: “Then why not offer him your darkness?”

Not every part of us that might be deemed “bad” or “shameful” is something that requires fixing. Navigating a relationship requires mapping the straits, learning to differentiate between the parts of ourselves and our partner(s) that are hurting...and the parts that just are.

Will’s journey is particularly inspiring because it’s one we don’t often see: the nuance of learning how to love someone else. “Maybe I need to do a better job of figuring out how to take care of you,” he admits, “rather than assuming you’re just like everyone else. Because you’re not like anyone I’ve ever met.”

We are not simple creatures. We deserve space to grow into who we are. And we deserve people who are willing to take the time to see all of us and love us without seeing the integral parts as something in need of fixing.

Adjustment is part of any relationship. But learning how to see others as they need to be seen...

How to love them as they need to be loved...

Well, that’s the real sign that we’re growing up.

[gra-sonas]

In the next episode of The CW series Roswell, New Mexico, entitled “Good Mother,” Isobel (Lily Cowles) is determined to regain control of her life, which leads her to make a risky choice that has potentially very dangerous consequences. With Liz (Jeanine Mason) still hard at work at trying to bring Max (Nathan Parsons) back, Isobel finds herself isolated and unable to turn to anyone to help her through what she’s experiencing, which causes her to further spiral.

During this 1-on-1 phone interview with Collider, actress Lily Cowles talked about the downward spiral that Isobel is currently on, how hard it can be to pick up the pieces after your entire world has been shattered, the relationship dynamic between Isobel and her mother (Claudia Black), how scary and thrilling it’s been to tackle her story arc this season, how Episode 206 could break the internet, and what it’s meant to the cast of this re-imagining to have some of the original cast involved with and supporting the show.

Collider: Clearly, a lot of things are happening this season, and Isobel is just not having a good time of it, right now. How chaotic are things for her to deal with, and does she have a handle on anything, at this moment?

LILY COWLES: Great question. I was really hoping, as an actor, that we would start this season six months in, with Isobel having a little bit of time to process, she’s been seeing a therapist, and she’s a little calmer. But of course, that’s not gonna happen, when you have to let the viewers see her in the trenches. Unfortunately, the beginning of Season 2 is about as bad as it could get for Isobel. She’s lost her brother, her twin, her best friend, the most important person in the world to her. And then, she’s lost her husband, who not only died, but died having turned out to be a psychopathic alien serial killer, who used her body to commit murders and manipulated her. So, she already has a lot to deal with. The world that she knows has already been completely destroyed.

She’s always lived in a pretty restricted gilded cage that she’s built for herself, where everything seems like it’s really fine and everything’s really good, but she’s been very co-dependent on these two men, in her life. Suddenly, her entire world is shattered, so that is already really terrifying, and enough to make anyone lose their mind. On top of that, she realizes that she’s with child, and that she’s carrying a baby, which is something that, three months before this, she might’ve been really happy about. But then, she finds out that she’s carrying the child of this man, who was completely abusive and deceptive, and who totally took her body and took away her own autonomy from her. This is not the way that she wants to find herself pregnant. To be honest, Isobel probably does wanna have a family. I think what she wants most in this world is stability and family and community, and people around her who love her and who make her feel safe. But suddenly, everything has been turned on its head.

She doesn’t have her brother, and her husband was a deceitful liar. And not only that, but now she’s holding his baby. I think this baby represents, for her, the continuation of the legacy of a traumatic abusive relationship and something that has completely ruined her life. She doesn’t think she can move forward with that. I think she feels that she needs to first find herself and rebuild herself, before she can think about taking on raising another life. So, Isobel is in really dire straits, at the beginning of this season, and she finds herself in a particularly bad situation because she really has no one to turn to.

Max is gone. I don’t think she feels that she can talk to Michael about it because he was an unwanted child in the foster care system and he doesn’t feel like someone that she can talk about this with. Beyond that, there’s no medical resources available to her. And of course, Isobel is an alien, so she’s biologically different than a human. She can’t exactly go to a doctor for help through this. She functions as an allegory for people who also find themselves in a situation where they can’t get access to medical care that would help them have autonomy over their own bodies. She’s facing something really bad right now, where she feels very much backed up against a wall and doesn’t have many options. I don’t think that she feels that she can have this child, but what are her alternatives. She has nowhere to turn, which is what leads her to start taking some really drastic measures.

We’ve seen Isobel spending some more time with her mother, to varying degrees of success. How would you describe their relationship, and what do you enjoy about exploring that dynamic?

COWLES: It’s great. We didn’t really get to see Isobel with her mother, at all, before. Isobel has learned a lot from her mother, who is a woman that has, on the front, a very polished exterior, where everything looks good and she’s very much playing by society’s rules. This is who Isobel learned how to behave from. So, we get to see who Isobel has modeled herself after, which is a woman who’s highly attuned to social cues and expectations. There’s no small part of her that really resents her mother for that. She doesn’t feel like it’s necessarily safe to be very vulnerable with her mother. And of course, Isobel is also hiding a giant secret from her mother, which is that she’s not a human being. There’s that complicated factor, as well. She’s hiding something very big from her mother, but clearly, she doesn’t feel comfortable telling her mother that. We can all relate to that relationship with your parent where you’re like, “God, I love them, but they drive me crazy. All of the little things they say, they just know how to trigger me.” She still wants to be close to her mother. She’s in need. She’s a woman who’s completely lost at sea, and she’s reaching out for people. Her mother wants to take her to this warrior class and, at first, she’s a little cruel to her and like, “I just wanna be alone.” But she sees that it hurts her mom and is like, “I don’t mean to make you feel bad, mom. Okay, let’s do it. It’ll be good.” But, it’s wonderful. Working with Claudia [Black] is incredible. She’s so funny and so open. We were really having a good time riffing and doing some fun things, in Episode 2. Ultimately, Isobel doesn’t feel that maybe she can turn to her mother in a time like this, which also probably many young women can relate to, who find themselves in a situation like this. You would hope that your parent would be there for you, and yet so many young women can’t turn to their parents, for whatever reason, and have to deal with it on their own.

When I spoke to your showrunner, Carina MacKenzie, and I asked her what she was most proud of with Season 2, she told me that it’s the fact that she was able to really push the stories in bolder directions and shake things up, and have it be a little darker this season. Clearly, all of that applies to Isobel. So, without spoilers, what has that been like for you, as an actor to get to really dig into and explore?

COWLES: It’s scary, and it’s thrilling. I remember when Carina reached out to me, proposing the storyline for Isobel, my initial reaction was just like, “Oh, my god.” I remember feeling light-headed, where I was just like, “We’re gonna have to put Isobel through so much pain, and as an actor, I have to go there with her.” That’s not a pleasant place to go, and yet, as an artist, you hope that you get to represent all aspects of the human character and experience, and at least half of those are not pleasant. So, I felt an enormous responsibility to do justice for this character because I know that she is an emblem for so many women and humans and men, too, in general, who have had to go through enormous amounts of trauma and come out the other side. Trauma and really terrible things can lead us to places that we never thought we could get. We can find inner strength that will surprise us, and that we never would have had to call on, if we hadn’t been pushed. So, there is real value in taking a character to a dark place and exploring these really dark parts of the human condition because that’s also where so much of the beauty of courage and strength and vulnerability comes from. It’s not hard to be strong and courageous when everything is going your way. It really is in those moments of extremis and dire need that people have to step up and they’re called to show their strength. That’s such a beautiful part of life, so it’s wonderful that Carina is challenging us and pushing us to go there. I was really honored to be able to represent this story, although it was also something that I took very seriously because it’s a very sensitive and weighty issue.

Do you have a personal favorite episode that’s coming up?

COWLES: I loved the first three. I loved them so much. Eva [McKenna] is such an incredible writer, and she wrote the second episode. Deirdre [Mangan] and Carina wrote the third episode, which I think is stunningly beautiful. But I will say that our dear writers, Rick [Montano] and Vinny [Ingrao] knocked Episode 206 out of the park. It’s funny and wonderful, and a reprieve from all of the really high intensity, emotional drama. It’s exciting and it’s got action, and it’s got really juicy things. I think it’s going to break the internet. Episode 206 – tune in!

Things have been a little bit different this season. Last season, you had this little alien trio of Max, Isobel and Michael, and it’s different now, with Max mostly dead. What’s that like for you, as actors? Does it feel like a very different experience without that?

COWLES: Yeah, definitely. All of the actors on our show are so fun to work with, in their own ways, so it’s cool when you get to switch it up. I love working with Amber [Midthunder]. I love working with Heather [Hemmens] and Jeanine [Mason]. I love the little Scooby gang that we’ve got going on, with [Michael] Trevino and Tyler Blackburn and Michael Vlamis and Jeanine and I, all working together to like solve the mysteries of the universe. But I definitely sent a message, at one point, to Michael Vlamis and was like, “I miss you! I miss working with you!” I love working with both Nathan [Parsons] and Vlamis. They’re so different as actors, and they’re both so good and wonderful. Vlamis and I get together and we just riff and have so much fun. I hope, in some world, there’s a blooper reel that comes out with all of our riffing ‘cause we’ll just go off. Eventually, the director will be like, “Okay, enough! Just say the lines.” We rev each other up and get going, and it’s so much fun. When I don’t get to work with my bros, I’m like, “Dudes, I miss you!” But it’s also so wonderful to be able to work with other actors and get to know them. There were characters that Isobel didn’t interact with as much in the first season, that suddenly she’s getting to be bumped up against in the second, and it’s really fun to see how the different characters relate to each other and work around each other.

It’s also very cool that this re-imagining of this has been able to include some of the original cast, with Shiri Appleby directing and Jason Behr now guest starring on Season 2. What’s it meant to the cast to see how the original cast is supporting the series, and what’s it been like to have them around, on set?

COWLES: We’re so lucky to have Shiri and Jason supporting us and wanting to be part of our show. When you make an adaptation of an original, of course, you want to do justice and you wanna feel that the people who made the original are supportive of what you’re doing. It means the world to us that they’re both so excited to be a part of it and to work on it. It boosts our morale so much to see them and to feel like we’re a part of this larger legacy of a story that’s being told across generations. They’re so professional and so funny, and they bring their ow flavor of the original, that was so specific and good, with that tone that they had. They bring that into our show, and it’s so wonderful to be able to infuse what we’re making with that OG flavor. It feels really good. They’re both the most gracious, warm, friendly and hysterical people. I have a huge crush on both of them. If I got to out with one, it would be very difficult for me to choose. And that’s saying a lot because Jason Behr is everything that I thought was good and true, as a 12-year-old. But Shiri, man, is something else.

~ CoIIider

[judesowndaughter]

#JustMarshSistersThings

Some assorted headcanons about Lynn and Emily under the cut because I need a place to put this stuff just so things aren’t so incredibly vague about them. Consider this a quick little reference guide to these two. 

Ages and Birthdays: - Kate’s birthday is the same as in canon: September 12th, 1995. - Emily’s birthday is February 14th, 1999. - Lynn’s birthday is July 22nd, 2003. - The ages for the Marsh sisters during the events of L.IS are as follows: Kate is 18, Emily is 14, and Lynn is 10. Barring some exceptions, most verses will have all three girls as 18, 14, and 10, respectively. - After the Storm verse jumps around in terms of the timeline, but generally I prefer to set it around 2017-ish, where Kate is 22 and Lynn is 14. - Kate’s U.ntil Dawn verse has her at 19 years old, with Emily at 15 and Lynn at 11.  Appearance: - As of the events of L.IS, Emily is the tallest of her siblings at 5′5″. Lynn is only a little shorter than Kate, measuring 5′1″. - All of the girls have long, undyed hair, although this isn’t necessarily by choice; Helen believes short/dyed hair on women looks “ugly” and “lesbian”, and therefore forces her daughters to have hair past their shoulders at the minimum. When Helen dies or is kicked out of the family, Lynn and Emily both cut their hair short. Lynn to a (dyed) bubblegum pink mop that falls just below her jawline, and Emily to...a pixie undercut. - Kate cuts her hair to shoulder-length shortly before leaving her hometown or after she quits drinking. - Of the Marsh sisters, Emily takes after Helen the most. Mother and child share ash blonde hair, a long, oval-shaped face, and a thin, straight nose. Much like Richard, Emily’s eyes are a light hazel, and are frequently mistaken for green. Due to spending so much time outside, Emily has sun spots dotted along the bridge of her nose and cheeks. She habitually smiles with her mouth closed since getting braces at the age of 13. A light scar runs across her right eyebrow (a mark she gained from a soccer-related injury).  - Lynn inherited Helen’s big blue eyes and her maternal grandmother’s heart-shaped face and lopsided grin. Her light blond hair darkens to golden brown in adolescence. Like her oldest sister, Lynn gets freckles easily, and her arms are dotted with little reminders of playing outside in the sun. Lynn’s dimples, nose, and chin bear more than a passing similiarity to Kate’s features. Interests and Hobbies:  - A classical music enthusiast, Emily is a member of the church choir, and a clarinetist in her school’s orchestra (second chair, much to her chagrin). She is a voracious reader and frequents the town library whenever she can which is very convenient when she wants to get out of the house. - Emily’s favorite novels are T.homas Hardy’s J.ude the Obscure, S.hirley Jackson’s H.angsaman, and G.illian Flynn’s G.one Girl. Books centering around domestic strife, the turmoil of womanhood, and the hypocrisy of the church or whitebread c.onservative A.mericana are things she takes comfort in. The aforementioned themes make her feel less alone in her own tumultuous home life. - Lynn is, of course, a horror movie enthusiast. While her access to sci-fi horror and psychological thrillers is carefully monitored by Kate (no blood-spattered gorefests for the ten year old) she’s well-versed in H.itchcock’s filmography, the first two films in the A.lien franchise, kitschy 50s B-movie horror, and early horror films like The C.abinet of Dr. C.aligari. At the age of 10, her favorite horror films are N.ight of the L.iving Dead and The T.hing from Another World. - Beyond horror movies, Lynn also loves astronomy, poring over star charts and online citizen science projects. - While Lynn’s sisters are classical music nerds, she herself finds classical boring, preferring her “nostalgia music” (AKA fa.ll out boy, p!atd, the k.illers, m.argot & the nuclear so and so’s, and mark li.nkous). - Of the three sisters, Emily is the most athletic; an avid soccer player, she is her team’s go-to central midfielder.  - While Lynn is active, she’s not much of a team player, and vehemently opposes joining a sports team. Skateboarding is her passion, and if she can’t do that? Catch her wandering into places where she really shouldn’t be.  Dreams:  - From the time she was in third grade, Lynn wanted to be an astronomer. Whether that pans out for her depends less on her drive and more on her family’s financial situation. She’s especially fascinated by stars and how their gravitational pull affects the orbit of surrounding stars and planets. - Emily aspires to be a juvenile defense attorney, specifically for marginalized children. While Emily is privileged by virtue of being white, cis, and wealthy, she is still at the mercy of her abusive mother and understands that many children have it worse than she. She’s adamant that kids in dire straits be given a fighting chance at freedom when confronted by a biased and punitive court system. Identity and Religion: - Emily identifies as cis female and straight. She was the first person that Kate ever came out to, and she accepted her sister completely (although with some curiosity about “what” being a lesbian entails, i.e.; “so you’re not attracted to boys? like at all?”) After some fumbling, Emily grows into allyship and becomes supportive of Kate, encouraging her older sister to imagine a life outside of the closet.  - Lynn identifies as cis female and bi, developing crushes on both boys and girls around middle school. Thanks to Kate’s coming out and (assuming she is alive) Emily’s supportive attitude, Lynn has little trouble accepting herself.  - Religion is a point where each sister diverges wildly from the other. Emily is an a.theist, and as staunch in her belief as Kate is in her faith in c.hristianity. In contrast, Lynn grapples with her faith for most of her adolescence, having believed as a child that an omniscient evil was real and that there was no all-powerful good to counter it. She bounces between agnosticism and theistic s.atanism (with lucifer as the “big good” to god’s “big evil”).  - Kate still loves and supports her siblings no matter what/who they choose to worship (or don’t). Physical Health: - Lynn and Kate were both born prematurely, Kate at 30 weeks and Lynn at 35 weeks. While Lynn suffered no adverse effects in the long-term, Kate later developed asthma. - Kate is the only one of her sisters to have an allergy (to peanuts) and a.sthma (childhood-onset, and currently in remission). - Emily is near-sighted and requires glasses to see at a distance. At the start of L.IS, she is currently making the case for her father to get her Ortho-k lenses to correct her (moderate) nearsightedness. Any post-L.IS verses set after a certain amount of time will see a glasses-free Emily (she still has to wear her corrective lenses at night, though). - Kate and Emily are both right-handed, whereas Lynn is left-handed. - Only Emily has had any kind of major surgery: an appendectomy in the sixth grade.  Mental Health:  - Lynn has ADHD (inattentive-type) and dyslexia. While Lynn is diagnosed with dyslexia in primary school, it takes several years for her to recieve a diagnosis of ADHD (at the age of 14). - Due to witnessing (and experiencing) physical, emotional, and verbal abuse from her mother, all of the girls develop PTSD. However, Emily differs from her sisters in that she suffers from chronic migraines, some of which are so debilitating that she has to lie down. - Emily also suffers from claustrophobia, a fear stemming from Kate hiding her sister in enclosed spaces when their mother grew physically abusive. She goes out of her way to avoid small spaces, up to and including taking several flights of stairs instead of an elevator. - All of the sisters suffer from depression, although Emily and Lynn both struggle with irritability. - Kate’s s.uicide attempt and (depending on the verse) the trauma of Emily’s death OR the severe beating that Kate sustains leads Lynn to develop a fear of abandonment. Lynn is thus hypersensitive to any perceived threat to herself or to her loved ones, and lashes out at the threat as a defense mechanism.

[theswordstories]

How I Found My Voice by - Rick Strait

On July 18, 1993, I attempted suicide. I was at the point where the emotional pain was just too much for me. I had struggled with depression as far back as I could remember. As a child at the time, I didn’t know it was called depression - I was just sad. I wondered why I was on this planet.

In 1993, I was a Marine stationed in North Carolina and received a phone call that changed my life forever. My brother -- who was my closest friend growing up -- died in a car accident on March 21, 1993. This grief and trauma on top of my underlying depression put me on a downward spiral. I tried to be the brave son for my parents; I tried to act like everything was okay. But inside my mind, I went from wishing I wasn’t here to deciding I needed to die.

This is why I get so angry when someone says dying by suicide is selfish because I can promise you, when I was in my darkest moments, I wasn’t being selfish. I thought I was doing what would be best for my family; I thought I was doing something that would benefit my family. And for several months it was my everyday battle to stay alive because even though a huge part of me wanted to die, a huge part of me didn’t. But I felt like a burden to everyone.    

I sought help twice, directly telling a total of three people. Unfortunately, none of the three people I reached out to really knew what to do or to say.  

I ultimately picked July 18, 1993 to be the day to end my mental pain --  my 20th birthday. Please note, it wasn’t really about me dying, it was about stopping that pain. I was getting so tired of trying to fight to find reasons to stay.

From 1993 to 2014, I kept this attempt a secret. I didn’t want anyone to know. In those years, I told two people — both of whom didn’t know how to respond: a psychiatrist and a friend of mine who was a counselor.

During those years of me keeping my suicide attempt and depression a secret, I felt a lot of shame and guilt. I continued to have regular thoughts about dying. I had promised myself not to kill myself again, but I was sad and often felt alone.

In July 2014, I finally shared my struggle with a friend and, for the first time, I felt a little bit of a relief. Heather didn’t judge. She said she was sorry I experienced that and told me she was there if I ever needed to talk — that she never wanted me to feel alone again.

That fall in 2014, I was asked to speak at the Out of the Darkness Walk in Cape Girardeau, MO about what was being done with suicide prevention. I felt like a fraud. Up until this point in my career, I had worked with people who were suicidal or had attempted suicide. I had organized four community suicide prevention conferences and told everyone not to be ashamed -- these thoughts and attempts don’t define you -- but the only person I ever told about my own attempt was Heather. So, I decided to share my real story at this walk in Cape Girardeau in front of around 300-400 strangers to which I felt so connected. I told my parents and my children the night before the walk so they didn’t have to hear about it from someone else.

This was such an amazing turning point in my life. I went from hiding and being ashamed and worried about how this would affect my career, to feeling alive. I found my voice.  Now, I share my story openly when appropriate. I consider myself very lucky. For one, I survived my attempt, and in that attempt and in my healing, I found my passion; I found my purpose.  

Today, I believe a big part of my purpose in life is to provide training. We need to educate and train everyone, making this world safer and preventing suicide.

In my professional capacity, I get to be involved with doing a lot of training and education on mental health and, specifically, suicide prevention and awareness.  

I also use my voice to talk to family and friends about suicide and suicide prevention.  

I hope that by sharing my voice, I can help others find theirs.

Bio: Rick Strait is a suicide attempt survivor and currently works at a community mental health agency as the Integrated Treatment for Co-occurring Disorders (ITCD) program manager. He is the team leader for its zero suicide initiative. Rick is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Certified Substance Abuse Counselor. Rick is a board member with the Eastern Chapter of Missouri American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP).  He has helped organize eight suicide awareness conferences in Missouri. Rick is a co-author of The i’Mpossible Project Reengaging with Life, Creating a New You, where he shares how his history of depression and suicide attempt has motivated him to educate others so that everyone is able to help someone who may be struggling. Rick is also involved with advocacy at the state and national level as a field ambassador with the AFSP.  Rick is a co-founder of the blog www.listeningsaveslives.com and is involved with www.nowmattersnow.com.