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when did you know you loved me? pt.4/4 ♡
it was rare bunny!reader and rafe got a day off like this. one where the kook princess’s boyfriend wasn’t running off on business, dragging her along or leaving her to run her own personal errands — like getting her nails done or shopping. today, the two of them relaxed on rafe’s boat in the hazy june sunshine. bunny stares off over the water, pondering..
you’re snapped from your thoughts when rafe arrives at your side, giving your ass a little swat and grab the way he always did as you looked over the ledge across the water.
“you good, kid?” he enquires casually as his hand slides up your back to grasp your shoulder, hooking his sunglasses back into his shirt.
“mhm, just thinking.” you muse, leaning into his side a little. you always went a bit brainless around rafe — it was second nature. he did the thinking, it was his job as a provider — well, that’s what he’d tell you anyway, and he’d drilled it into your head enough times for you to remember it.
“m’yeah? thinking about what?” he converses. he’d always get worried when you looked a little too pensive. rafe was an overthinker like that, the nagging voice in the back of his head telling him not to let you think too hard, because you’d uncover all his flaws and leave him. though you knew that could never be the case, rafe had some unpacked abandonment issues that often sat at the surface.
“us.” you hum simply, and his hand slides off your shoulder.
“well what — what are… why?” he struggles his word his concern, a frown forming between his brows.
“jus’ that i love you a lot, and i was thinking about how much i love you.” you shrug, not taking in the edge in his concerned tone. he relaxes a little, nodding though you weren’t looking his way as he draws in a long breath.
“right, yeah… yeah.” he plays it cool, scratching at his cheek before stepping away in the direction of the mini bar, deciding he needed a drink to take the edge off. “well, daddy loves you too, yeah?”
the casual assurance in his tone makes you bite your lip, gaze snapping over to him as he wanders away — and you speak once more, only wanting to prolong the time spent by his side.
“when did you know that you loved me rafey?” it’s a demure request, spoken hopefully through pouty lips and batting lash extensions. he spins around, blinking at you a few times before shrugging his shoulder.
“look, uh — i don’t know. i just did, alright?” he turns his mouth down like he hadn’t given it any thought and your face falls. you forget rafe wasn’t like you. he was a man of logic. fact over feelings (thats what he’d tell people, anyway.) he didn’t have time to ponder such things.
“oh.” you whisper, nodding your head. it wasn’t a big deal. you just wished he would gush over you the way you did him sometimes. he licks his lips, hesitance in his body language when he turns away once more this time, wishing he never saw that disappointment on your face at the way he brushed you off. he was still trying to get used to the whole being open with your feelings thing. his father hadn’t exactly lead by great example.
he cracks open a beer, and five minutes later he’s lounging on the white couch out on the deck, an arm strewn along the back of the seat and the other holding the bottle, reaching out towards you to gesture you over to him.
“come sit with me, dunno why you’re so far away.” he welcomes you, and you quietly pad over in your pink bikini, never once shying away from the unabashed way he watches your body move towards him. “mm. looking good.” he comments quietly before you’re climbing onto the couch and snuggling up to his side. there was no ‘thanks daddy’ or glossy kisses being pressed into him like usual, you were pensive, distant, thoughtful. he knew he’d brushed you off and you were trying so hard to seem like it hadn’t phased you, bless your little bunny heart. after a sigh, the kook begins to speak.
“it was after the whole thing with me getting arrested. you know the… the thing with the sheriff.” he relays, staring ahead over at the water even when you turned your head to gaze at him, blinking slowly in relaxed confusion as to what he was talking about.
“i…i wanted people to respect me, you know? like- like i had proven that i was willing to do anything to protect the people i care about. anything. enough to get me sent to fuckin’ jail, right?” he rambles, before shaking his head with his tongue in his cheek, thinking. you stay quiet, curious as to where this was going. you wanted to give him space to open up.
“but like…ahh, i don’t know. when i got out, people…people didn’t wanna hang with me anymore. i used to be that guy, right like — like everyone wanted to talk to the rafe cameron but after i got bailed out i… people were scared of me. thought i was some… violent, unhinged creature like… like i was some killer.” he squints, shaking his head in disagreement.
a few moments pass as he gathers his thoughts, before he speaks once more, this time glancing at you.
“so a little while after that i was down at the club, you know just… just tryna socialise again, blow off some steam. shit, i even told everyone that beers were on me, you know? free for everyone at the club. went back to go get my golf club, came back n’everyone had left. clearly they still saw me as some kinda monster.”
whilst you was unclear on why he was telling the story, you remembered clearly this time how hard it was for rafe to drag himself back up. he wouldn’t talk about how hard things were, and sure — eventually things had blown over and he was the life of every party once more, but you remembered the shift in atmosphere clearly. it was strange.
“uh…” he clears his throat. “so yeah i uh, i come back and you’re there, right? you’re just sat there by your self at the table… and shit you… you just looked so happy to see me,” he chuckles, shaking his head fondly at the memory. “like, i had left for two damn minutes and you were still happy to see me. you didn’t even — even care that everyone else had left… and that’s real ride or die shit, okay like — someone… someone who’s not gonna just up and leave you when shit gets tough like sarah did with my dad. nah, nah you stuck around. s’when i knew i wanted to put a fuckin’ rock on that little finger.” he takes your hand suddenly, holding it between the two of you like he’s envisioning the ring on your second to last finger, taking a moment to indulge in the fantasy.
you’re grinning ear to ear, understanding the significance of the story now as you flutter your eyelashes.
“rafey…” you coo softly and he shrugs, his wall fighting to come back up.
“yeah, well. you wanted your story, there’s your story.” he brushes it off casually, but even his lips curl up a little into a fulfilled smirk, catching your gaze with an unspoken awe.
“guess what, i loved you the second i saw you so i win.” you giggle and he rolls his eyes, pulling you into his chest.
“yeah? shit i didn’t know it was a competition.” he banters lightheartedly over your giggles, his cold heart thawing at the sound.
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when did you know you loved me? pt.1 /4 ♡
for puppy!reader, being john booker routledge’s girlfriend meant asking random questions at random times. would you still love me if i was a worm? what would you do if someone tried to kidnap me? who would win in a fight between you and a shark?
what you loved about john b, was that he always had an answer. that was this thing — always having a solution, a plan A, plan B, it was all he knew, so he never had trouble thinking of ways to answer your innocent, inquisitive queries.
it was on a stroll through the neighbourhood, hand in hand when the question occurred to you. this was the first time you’d ever loved someone — so you wasn’t sure how it was supposed to work. sure, you’d said ‘i love you’ to eachother, many times — but you wasn’t sure if you could pinpoint the moment it happened. the moment you realised.
“i thought of a question to ask.” you swing his hand in your own as you walk carefully alongside him, careful not to trip on any loose tiles in the sidewalk like you’d done five minutes prior. you seem to have snapped him out of some thoughts, possibly a conundrum he was facing with the pogues or about some maps, but he seems happy to escape his thoughts — head snapping towards you with a small smile.
“yeah? shoot, pup.”
“when did you know you loved me?” you’re a little quieter today, perhaps timid to ask such a vulnerable question. as you ask he feels your eyes flicker up from your shoes to his hand, up his arm and then to his face. it wasn’t like you to be shy, not with him — which only filled his heart with more of that warm admiration.
“ohoho— that is a good question. one i actually, have an answer to.” he smirks, and you can’t help but grin, already feeling at ease. there was always a story with john b, it was never a simple answer.
“yeah?” you sound hopeful, staring up at his profile as you walk now, trusting him to guide you away from anything that could cause you to trip once more.
“uh-huh. i even remember what you were wearing that day.” he hums, enjoying the element of you having to draw it out of him, although he would have definitely have just told you anyway without any convincing.
“tell me!” you gasp with an elated giggle and he chuckles in response.
“okay, okay— but look, don’t expect anything crazy. it was uh… kind of a regular old moment? you know? like… you’re gonna be confused.” he nods as he gathers his thoughts. you come to a brick wall, one with chipped white paint, and pink flowers sprouting from the overgrown grass around it. you take the moment to let go of his hand and leap, clambering up to sit on top of the wall. instead of telling you to be careful like he usually might, he joins you — sitting side by side on the wall.
“okay.” you ready yourself.
“we’d maybe known eachother for…” he blows a puff of air from his cheeks as he thinks. “six weeks? you’d started coming to the chateau pretty regularly, kind of just showing up without an invite which i didn’t mind ‘cus you know, i was falling for you pretty fast.”
you smile, remembering what it was first like when you were getting to know john b.
“so… you’d fallen out of that tree. you remember? the one out the front, just… dropped right down from the branch. what you were doing up there, i don’t know, i mean i told you not to climb it, but there you were, climbing it anyway… and…” he rambles comically, gesturing you falling from the tree eliciting a small laugh from you, he trails off, thinking back on the moment with a softness to him. “you were wearing this cute little blue shirt and a skirt, and when i was patching you up i remember thinking how blue is like… definitely your colour.” he nods, and you find yourself mirroring his nod, so entranced in the way he speaks.
“anyway, uh — i was patching up your knee, and despite everything you still had your headphones over your ears. i gestured for you to take them off so, you know — i could ask if you’re okay, and uh…” he chuckles, shaking his head. “you said no. because your favourite song was still playing and you wanted to let it finish. yoooou and that damn walkman.” he shakes his head again in faux disappointment as you grin proudly, beginning to remember the day he spoke of.
only then he breaks out of his storytelling trance, turning his head to look at you from where he was staring ahead. “aaaand… yeah. love kinda just… happened? i know for a fact i knew in that moment that i was in love with you.” he finishes, his voice low and warm as he looks at you like you hung the moon and stars. john b was never one to shy away from affection— he was a loverboy at heart and this only proved it. you bite your lip, feeling your nose get a little runny like you wanted to cry. noticing this, john b smirks, tilting his head a little.
“what, too sappy? didnt wanna make you cry…” he jokes, reaching over to cup your cheek, swiping his thumb over it like he was wiping the tears that hadn’t fallen.
“it would be a happy kind of cry… because you make me happy.” you’re lost for words, but you swallow down the lump and smile anyway, kicking your legs on the wall with glee.
“well that’s good. i definitely like making you happy.”
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when did you know you loved me? pt.2/4 ♡
kitty!reader knew she was being a menace when she posed the question. infact, she’d been bothering him with pointless shit all afternoon. she wanted attention, above anything else — and would climb all over him and attack the second she didn’t receive it. jj sat in his home, trying to unwind as he plays on the playstation — and lo and behold, kitty sits half on his lap, poking him whilst he tries his best to focus on the game.
“you hate me. i’ve decided.” the ridiculous statement comes out muffled through laying across jj’s lap with his forearm between your teeth as your boyfriend simply tries to win the battle onscreen. he blinks, lips parted in concentration as he thumbs at the joysticks— acknowledging what you’d said and choosing not to pander.
“yeah? you really think i just let chicks i hate climb all over me like this? you must think i’mma slut or somethin’.” he hums, a little less energetic than his usual chaotic self, but that was due to the intense week the two of you had.
he was used to you, and your often attention seeking ways when you were bored, understimulated, horny or neglected. he liked that about you, that although sometimes it’s hard to tell people what you really want — you’d never shy away from showing him.
“mhm. your other girlfriends.” you grump, and immediately have to hide your victorious smile when you hear the game pause instantly. you knew how to get his attention.
you wriggle into a sitting up position until you’re straddling his thigh, face to face with the boy.
“oh you are walkin’ on some mighty thin ice. y’wanna make those kinda accusations when you are in perfect tickling distance and i happen to know all of your worst tickle spots? mm—mm, bold move.” you sense the jokiness in his tone and know you’re off the hook when you feel his threatening fingers lightly jabbing at your waist, ready to tussle with you.
you flinch, grabbing his hands and shuffle closer on his lap— launching for what you really want.
“pay attention to me jj.” you whine, and even you knew you were being annoying. despite this, there’s a patience to him, one he only shows you. where demands from anyone else might cause jj to rage, he has endless reassurance for you.
“im payin’ attention to you right now, mama.” he reminds kindly and you soften a little, the gentle tone he only used on you tugging at your heart strings. swept up in a wave of affection, you throw your arms around his neck once more, sinking your teeth into his neck.
“um, ow?”
“aww, you do love me!” you coo, and to this the boy raises an eyebrow. placing two hands on your shoulders, he peels you off him so that you sit face to face, his eyes dancing between your own in concern.
“woahwoahwoah—wait a second. were you actually questioning whether or not i loved you? ‘cus you know i’d rather stick a bomb up my ass and light it than be with anyone else, right? tell me you know that.”
“i knooow, jj.” you roll your eyes, thinking for a moment before peering up at him through smudged black liner. “when did you know?”
the blonde blinks, a little dumb.
“when did i know… what exactly?”
“when you loved me. i wanna know everything. the exact moment you knew.”
he reclines in the seat now, yanking his black backwards cap off in thought to rake a hand through matted hair, sighing in thought as he thinks back to the start of your relationship. with the action, his matching black t-shirt rides up just a tad, and you take the opportunity to drag your clawed hand up along the sensitive skin beneath his belly button. he flinches, muttering an “easy.” before settling on a memory.
“a’ight so… it’s pretty random. n’don’t judge me but i think we’d only known eachother for like, pro’lly two weeks.”
you launch forward excitedly, getting in his face with a big and excited grin.
“tell me now.”
“alright alright, back up a little kittycat, damn.” he commands casually, readjusting you on his lap for his own comfort before delving into the memory. “‘kay so it was the first time you’d tagged along with me n’the pogues. i was kinda nervous, not gunna lie ‘cus like — i thought they were gonna say somethin’ to put you off or whatever… but anyway, the cops rolled up on us, as they always do, never mindin’ their own damn business…” he rambles and you shuffle excitedly on his lap.
“i remember that day.”
“right, so you’ll remember i had that glock — the one i definitely shouldn’t have had, n’it was all tucked into my waistband… and like, i was already in trouble with the cops, so i could not get caught with that thing on me right? i didn’t wanna get arrested infront of you.”
you follow along with your own memory, however your recount of this day was hazed by how aroused you were by the sight of him with the gun tucked so casually into his pants, walking around with an attitude, willing to whip it out at any moment to protect you. you recall riding jj into the bed that same evening because of it.
“mhm…” you encourage him along.
“so we had like — five seconds to spare, and you just turned to me, grabbed the gun, n’shoved it into that ugly ass purse i used to rag on you about.” he grins at the thought and you lean back, caught on the small offensive detail.
“ugly purse? what ugly purse? the fuck?” you crinkle your eyebrows and he waves a hand.
“oh like, the one that looks like a pair of titties?”
“my corset purse? i love that purse! jj!” you frown and he rolls his eyes, placing two hands on your cheeks to focus you.
“whatever okay, i love you and your titty bag. the fact is… you hid my gun for me, and i remember lookin’ at you and thinking ‘damn… this girl ain’t scared of nothing.’” the lighthearted tone of his storytelling moulded into something more sincere, something so rare from JJ — a satisfied smirk etched into his features.
a slow smile spreads across your own as you bat your spiky black lashes at the blonde. “and that’s when you knew?”
he leans in, eyes now on your lips. “oh that’s when i knew alright, baby.” he retaliates, before pulling you in for the kiss.
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when did you know you loved me? pt.3/4 ♡
deer!reader had never been more comfortable with anyone in her life. she enjoyed that she got to be herself around him — a little weird, sometimes quiet, simply enjoying eachothers company until she could think of something to say.
“it feels oddly good. like the contrast of the cold shells on my hot back? it’s therapeutic.” pope observes as you sit cross legged on the beach beside him, placing the collection of shells you’d gathered along his bare back, enjoying the peace it brought you.
“okay new business venture, i offer my services of shell-therapy where i place shells on peoples backs along the beach and they pay me lots of money.” you smile, watching your boyfriend shake his head from where his temple rests on his stacked hands.
“oh hell no, this is a special service for me only. far too intimate. also as much as i enjoy this, i wouldn’t pay for it. bad business move.” pope banters in response and you laugh openly. he always entertained your silliness, or your goofy ideas that logistically made his head hurt just a little. to this, you felt a wave of affection.
“i love you.” you grin, shaking your head. it’s the thousandth time you’ve said it, but the abruptness of it compared to the conversation makes pope lift his head, craning it around to look at you with a confused yet adoring smile.
“oh— well, i love you. a lot.” he reciprocates and you lean forward, kissing his sweaty temple.
“can i ask you something a little weird? there’s a segment missing in my ‘us’ section of my journal and i wanna fill it out.”
“ask away.” he croons as he settles back down in the position he lay in before.
“when did you know you loved me? was there a moment? or was it a slow gradual thing that just crept up on you?”
there’s a silence for a moment as pope considers, before he slowly rolls over — tipping all the shells off his back back onto the sand and laying on his back once more, breathing out a slow breath of consideration. the sad “hey” that you were about to mewl at him destroying your artwork on his back died on your tongue, more interested in what he had to say.
“you know… there’s part of me that wants to say the first moment i saw you i was in love with you. i mean, shit — it absolutely felt that way.” he splutters with a quiet laugh.
“really?” you return his tone, chuckling as you gather your shells once more, not wishing to lose them.
“i mean yeah. when i saw you struggling to walk all those dogs along the beach after the storm i remember thinking ‘okay, that is definitely the most beautiful girl i’ve ever seen’” he relays, soft smile remaining as he closes his eyes once more, enjoying the warmth of the sun on his face.
“aw…” you hum, pulling your knees to your chest and continuing to listen.
“and then of course i saw you again working at the library, and i knew i definitely had to have you, even though i kinda felt like a creep thinking that… because you barely knew me.” he cringes and you giggle, starting to place shells on his toned stomach instead.
“but i dunno… i think… i think i knew for sure that i loved you, like hard core— capital L loved you… was the first time you came to meet my folks. you came to dinner and you wore that pretty dress with the flowers on it? the one i love? and i could see the way my pops just thought you were everything, and my mom clearly adored you… and i realised i didn’t just love you… i wanted a life with you. like, the whole shebang… marriage, babies one day… all of it. you’re like… my forever. ugh, that was total cringe. but it’s true.”
he peeks an eye open, to see if you’d totally caught the ick for his sappy story, but was happy to see you grinning ear to ear. you launch forward, pressing a kiss to his mouth. it’s a little sandy and salty, but it’s pope — so you don’t care.
“i want you forever and ever.”
“yeah? good. i want that too.”
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